Single Motherhood

But OK, yeah, what do you I wanna do? My pregnancy is only gonna last a couple of months and after that, God knows what I'm gonna be pregnant again. And it's a blessing. Like my body is creating my own people. I am creating my own little warriors. I am creating my own you know what I'm saying, my own entourage. So I am very excited, but at the same time, as excited as I am, I won't say

that I'm excited, but you know I am. I am currently a single mother, and I guess that I am a single mother by choice, not and I want to clarify that too, because a lot of people, you know, they'll be talking shit, oh oh, they got her pregnant, they dumped her here and want her It's that's not

even close to what it is. I just chose that for my baby's sake and for myself in order to have a happy home and a peaceful home where there weren't any you know, arguments and fighting, and I just didn't want to create that, um you know, that trauma. I thought that it was best for me to be a single mother. It's not that the father doesn't want to be involved. The father wants to be a thousand percent involved. I just don't think that is the best

move for my children's health, their mental state. Yeah, well, a lot of parents know where I'm coming from, a lot of kids know where I'm coming from. Because maybe you were raised by a single mother. Maybe you were raised in a home where there was domestic abuse. Maybe you were raising a home where there was a lot of fighting and arguing. Maybe you were raising a home where your parents stayed together just for the children, and you were like, I would have rather y'all, you know,

split up, and we would have been much happier. Maybe, you know, I don't know what type of household you were raised in, But today I want to talk about single mothers because I was raised by a single mother, and now more than ever, I understand the struggles and I am so grateful and I honor my mother more than ever for understanding now as an adult, all the sacrifices and other hard things that, um, that our parents have to go through in orders to raise us and

give us, you know, the best future in life that they can provide for us. I was raised as a single daughter, but there's a lot of mothers out there that raised more than one child, and it's a lot. But someone who was part of of of my life growing up and she's still part of my life. But oh, I you know, I kind of saw her as a mother figure growing up as well, because my mom was always working. It's my godmother. My godmother is such an

amazing woman. She is an entrepreneur, she's a businesswoman. She also was a single mother, not uh not in the beginning of the of her of her having her baby, you know, because the father left eventually. But I almost feel like sometimes just because the father is present doesn't mean that they are necessarily present all the way. So, um, my godmother. She is also an amazing publicist. Um, she's she works here in Miami with a lot of celebrities,

with a lot of artists. I never understood how she was able to be such an amazing mom, take her daughter to dance classes, take her daughter to events, activities. She was like the cool mom and at the same time to be a businesswoman and handed her business. And that's why today I want to bring in my godmother, media and a gul She is here with us. Hi, Mariam, Hello, how are you? I'm doing good? Thank you for those lovely words. Of course, of course you know that now

that I'm going through this transition. Um, you know, I feel like I don't want to say that I was judgmental towards my mom or maybe judgmental towards you, because I know that, you know, a lot of kids can sometimes hold those grudges that our parents didn't stay with our fathers, that our parents, you know, we feel like they didn't make the should have sacrificed more for us so that we could have had our moms and dad together. But I want to know, how did you do it

as a single mother. How was it for you to take that decision of I am going to now take this responsibility for myself a pent and I will be the mother and father for my children. It's hard, you know, being um Lapino. Our our culture is very much uh like older generation. They were very submissive and they have these marriages that lasted forever. I think from my generation going you know lower um we our visions have changed

the way we think. I feel that if I can go back and do a lot of things, I would do it different. I stayed in my marriage longer than I wanted because every time I spoke about divorce, even though he knew and he didn't want it, my parents influenced more of making me stay together. Meanwhile, my parents were divorced, but they were very proactive in my life.

So yes, it's hard. And then when I finally made that decision, I saw the effect that I had on my daughter, your god sister, and I wish I would have done things different to it, from scratch to it, from inception, Like what give guide me through this process?

Because I found out I was pregnant and I was separated in the house, and the agreement was that I gave him thirty days, so he was like two weeks in and I have there's a I don't even know what the precise name is, but there's a condition where women can be pregnant and they don't even it doesn't come up on their blood work or their year. And until later on, I had that. So I was like four months breaten it when I found out and didn't have a symptom at all. But as soon as I knew,

I had every symptom imaginable. Okay, so I was separated. I kept it quiet. I told my grandmother, not even my mother. My grandmother supported my idea. And by the way, your family, your family is Cuban. Just just verybody to know. My family's Cuban and it's very strict and and very strict upbringing. But my grandmother was very proactive or very open about abortions because when she was in Cuba the financial situation, she went through abortions. So she told me.

I was like, I think I wanted abortion, But it wasn't that I wanted abortion because I didn't want my child. I just knew I didn't want to be with him because I knew that it was a toxic relationship relationship, and I was thinking about the mental state of myself and my child, and I was like, I don't want to bring my child up in that in that environment. So I applaud Drew for making that choice. It's hard, it's not easy, but you have to stand on your ground.

You are mommy and daddy as it is, even though that your mother has always been there for you. It's like the roles have reversed, like now you're in charge. But do you feel this certain well, I mean you can know it, but you think that that's almost like creating, like a you know, repeating the cycle. No, your situation was different than my situation. Meaning when your parents split, I lived it. Remember your first five years we're all mine.

You were literally my firstborn child. Okay, Um, when your parents split, um it wasn't surprising, but I didn't see it coming when how everything played out. But your mother in that relationship was always the strong one, the go

get her, the she was the hustler. She and and and and you know, not not taking anything from you that, but you know your dad's Yeah, his demeanor is different, his personalities very That's why that's why I almost feel like I don't want to judge the women that surround me, because sometimes unconsciously, these can be patterns that we follow when we see the people like, you know, the strong

women around us. Unconsciously, I wonder, am I somewhat repeating the cycle the pattern of you know, now becoming a single mother, because it's not like I can't not not be with the father of my child. But then now here goes other questions like how do you even decide to co parent? How? How did you make that decision easily? Easily? You have to set what okay, you know this person, you know, you're the father of your children, and how do you want to refer to You know what's good

and what isn't? You know what's healthy and what what isn't. Your your situation is totally different because you have to be like, I'm about to have not one too based on what you've gone through? Do I want this, Like just for the for the sake of saying I'm with the father of my children, do I want that in you know, that hostility, that environment. Do you ever regret not um not necessarily forcing, but having him be more

involved in your child's life? Like for example, for two seconds, I to wonder, you know, am I making the wrong decisions? Should I? You know? Even though that I know this person, and I know the pros and cons. Should I allow this person to be involved in this child's life or should I do it for my child's mental health and safety and everything else to protect them? And and be like, this is not the best environment for you, How is it for you? You You know what's good you You're you're

developing what all mothers developed, that six intuition. You know what you've lived and do you want that? So at the to the day, you're gonna show them a positive upbringing. You're gonna be positive. They're gonna see someone who is there for them, someone who who you have your nuclear family. It's your mom, it's you and and whether you know to whatever extent even your father is part of your life. Now okay, um, well we know you know what any

let me let me let me give compaeti credit. Thank god he doesn't know English because your well that's different because my father is here, because you don't really get too much of an option. But at the same I know he's not hands on, but I'm just in the sense that maybe this is also a way for him to make up, because that's what I hear grandparents do. They make up for what they didn't do with their children. So yes, he was not there for you, but he could be there for those girls and make up and

be a different person then he was with you. We could pray. Even if it's back and forth. We know, we know him. Let me just give him sec He's special. Um with your godfather, you you lived it. Yeah, you lived it. Your god sister lived it. There's no you know that he was a tiring yeah, but whatever. But then when I see But then, when I saw you growing up, I saw such a strong woman who was independent, who was always working on the go, who was the best mother I can think of. You gave your daughter

the best of everything. I would see. You would prevent yourself from getting things for yourself to provide for her. So then I wonder, how does she make time for her, the woman, her, the person, Miriam, the woman. Because you're so busy being a mom and a father at the same time, how do you make time for you and not lose yourself in the process. You know what? At times I felt that that I didn't give myself the TLC that I deserved, so my might disconnect from everything.

Was going to get my hands, my feet, my hair, my massage. I had my my member ship at the at the spot I mean, I'm sorry, at the bilit More Spa. And I used to go there to disconnect and do myself. Mind you, at times, your god sister was there with me, so it wasn't I couldn't even enjoy the time because I was always very vigilant of her being a minor. However, if I could do certain things differently, what what I have done, I would have stuck to my guns and I would have separated from

him while I was pregnant. I was about to ask you that when you are a single mother, when you are because right now we're talking about single mothers. Eventually, I would love to talk to a single father because I think that there's a lot of men out there. There are great fathers, There's there's a lot of men out there that decide to make that their responsibility, whether it's because the mother is unable to well for whatever extray reason, they decide to you know, I'm gonna I'm

gonna be that father figure, mother figure. And for the most part, we see more single mothers and fathers. Right, But how how was it for you? Like, what was your circle your support system? Because I know that not all single mothers have a support system. A lot of them immigrate, you know, to this country by themselves and have to figure it out on their own. At least you had your mother who was your support system. Yes, my support system was my mother, My main My main

support system was my mom and my sister. But my mother was everything. Is everything, like, come on, you know your godsister calls my mom mom. I feel like my girls are going to be the same, the same with with my mom. I think so too. I think that now that you're having my babies, I will be able to enjoy them like I. I know that I used to take you guys when I had you wherever it needed to be, but I don't think I fully was able. I had so much going on up here that you

weren't present right like I was. I know that I was there and I took you, But at the same time, you know very well, you guys used to be jumping around doing whatever, and I used to be trying to multitask and be on a business call at the same time because I was trying to build for me. Let me ask you this to how do you feel that the fact that the father wasn't as involved in your daughter's life. Um, how do you think that affected her?

Because I know that there's a for example, I know that my father not being in my life affected me a lot. I didn't even realize it twill years later. I didn't want to admit to it. Um. We always find excuses, We find other reasons instead of hitting the core. You date these type of people because you were missing

and you're lacking on this. You accept certain behaviors from certain men because you want It took me many years to understand that not having the presence of a male figure, of a father figure in my life affected the way that I date, the way that I see men, the things that I accept, the things that I you know, all types of things. How do you think that that affected your daughter? And does it affect or not? It's it affects and it's different. I'm gonna tell you why.

Because even though he was, like I said, present, when we used to have to travel for dance and stuff, and then maybe once in a blue moon passed through the dance studio, because her life was like yours in uh, go to school and go to dance studio. You were going to school, go to dance studio, and go to Univision because the girl up on you. Let's be realistic, but you know it was. But she was a daddy's girl.

He was very much about her and obsessed. The day that I said I can't do this anymore, he completely cut her off, and she was thirteen going on fourteen. That affected her more. This is why I say I regret letting my parents manipulate me and all. You know, you know, she has to grow up with your with

her father. I mean to a point that my parents lied to my daughter and said they were married, and she figured it out in fourth grade because they're very Catholic, but no one I was like when she found out. I was like, that's not y'all. But it affected her because she grew up with him on like literally on top of her, like oh, you know, they used to do things together in other ways, he was just tag along or whatever you wanna call it. But she was

a daddy's girl. So when we I said I didn't want to be with him anymore, and I said, listen, we could be friends. I'm very my mentality is very American when it comes to that. He said, no, if you are not in my life. We cannot be friends, Okay, but I would have never thought in a million years he would have cut off his daughter. And I'm not

talking about gradual. He went like this, cluem, clue, you don't want to be with me, I don't want to be with And that's a lot of fathers that end up doing that that they end up taking and never just fathers. But let's get into the women too. UM. I recently just saw a video clip of a woman abusing her child, recording it uh to show you know, show it and send it to her ex partner because she was like, if you're not gonna be with me, then screw this kid. And she was just beating on

the child. Um. I feel like there's a lot of women and a lot of men that take out their their frustrations out on their children because they want to get back at, you know, the other person, without understanding and knowing how that can truly affect that kid's life. Um. And then that's where I come in. I don't know if I'm doing this right. I don't know if I'm doing this wrong. Am I taking my personal awakened? No?

Because I know the way that I feel and I know the way that I think, and I've seen what I've seen, and i know what I know, and I'm gonna leave it at that. But UM, for other girls that are out here listening, for other women that are out here listening, UM, sometimes we really have to have taken consideration, especially now, once you hit a certain age,

dating has has definitely had to be different. You have to know the type of people that one thing is to have fun and another one is that fun can turn into a whole life partnership with a child in the in the in the middle that can get affect it by your decisions, whether you're a pro life or

whether you're a pro choice. That's why you have to make sure that you know what type of people you're getting yourself involved with for situations like this, Like I said, I know that my father not being in my life truly affected me. That's why I feel that now it's an adult, I would love to take therapy. I always tell people that I think that there's no age specific age for therapy. I think that we all should take therapy. We all have traumas and things that we have to

heal from. UM. And now I'm just trying to figure out. You know, now as a single mother, how do I make time for myself? How do I not lose? I'm out of fabulous, you know, now becoming a mom of two crying at the same time, how do I still be? You know, I'm a businesswoman and I'm you know, focused in my business. Um, how do I make time for everything? Because I'm afraid that working so much, I wouldn't be the best mother that I can be. You're working machine.

You know. We've had this conversation nation before you. But you're also a libra because you need to find balance once. Let me tell you you're developing a sixth cent. You know what you want and don't want when you start dating. I'm gonna tell you as someone who dated after yes, oh my god, how do you date after you have a game? You've heard the story countless times. Your your god sisters, what I left her dad when officially two thousand and seven one, she was like fourteen, your god sister,

by choice? This is me by choice has never seen me with another man. But every guy that I date, I always think whether it's gonna last to day or last and a couple of years. I always say is this someone that I would want around my daughter, especially when she was growing up, because I would be like, are you gonna look at her with eyes? Oh my god? Hey,

not just for the girls, for the boys. That being for the boys too, But when you have girls, it's more delicate because if they're voluptuous like we are, you know that you don't know if the guy you're dating is looking at her with eyes of a father or eyes of a man. And that's something that we always have to be careful with you. You're gonna develop that sixth sense of can can I even have you even as a friend sitting in my living room around my daughters? No?

Because you want to give them better. So never don't regret what you do. You you live, you learn, and you move forward. You're not the first woman in this predicament, and you're not gonna be the last. You just have to learn from your mistakes and be like, I know for sure this is not what I want in my life or around my children, and make sure you don't repeat that pattern in a future partner. And then here

goes something else. Another mistake I see the parents do a lot of times, is they start to talk um when they're single parents or single mothers, whatever, they end up telling their kids all the things that happened during the relationship, why their father is trash, why you know

they're not involved in their life. And I feel like, yes, it was good that my mom told me that my father was trashed, But she also gave me the opportunity to see it with my eyes, Like she would let me call him and be like, look and see if he's gonna call you back. Never called me back, Or he would make promises and break them, like oh, I'm gonna give your hundred daughters so you can buy school supplies and I'm still waiting for the hundred daughters for

the school supplies. Or I'm gonna go see you, or I'm gonna go do this, and he never did it. So she kind of allowed me to see it with my own eyes that he wasn't um the father that he should be as a parent. Should you tell your children when they ask, because all children's ask when fathers they come when they see their friends with their fathers and they don't see that they have their father's support. Should you tell them certain things? How much should you

say and what shouldn't you say? It's all with time. It's all with time, and you're gonna know how to exactly what to tell them as they get older, like when they're in their teenage, when they can really understand that there's gonna come a time when you need to sit down like them and be like, this was my life, this is what transpired. And whenever you girls are ready, if you ever want to know who that person, who that person is, they'll tell you yes we do, or

no we don't, because you're going to create their world. Again. I applaud you so much. I know what's a hard situation because we all have that illusion of I even went through it and I was married. I we want to have that. We see other people. Yeah, I did not have that then I was married. Well, I was wanted. I wanted the fairy tale, the wedding. The picnics doesn't exist, you know, pignics on Sundays and the barbecues with the

lemonade and all those things. And I'm gonna be honest, and you know I left this situation and not because I was out of love. Um, you know, we didn't decide to break up because we stop, you know, liking or loving each other or being in love with each other, or whatever the case may be. It was just my decision to back away because I wanted to make the right decision for my children. But um, and I was just I just wanted to clarify that because I've seen

so many comments on social media. People can say whatever they want, and I'm just, you know, letting the people talk. Now that I have an opportunity to talk for two seconds, and I won't give too much details because out of respect, everybody keeps asking me what about that? What I just felt like my life is so public and everything about me is so open. The one thing that I can keep to myself for a little bit is the privacy

of my relationship and my personal life. And I want to out of experience out of my last two seasons in love and hip hop um, I learned that people can be so judgmental and and those relationships that are public like that get a lot of pressure. It's more pressure on us when we have the whole world having an opinion about what you should do to what you

shouldn't do. So I decided, you know what, for the father of my child, I am going to keep my you know, my my opinions, my my life, whatever happened between us to ourselves, this is something. This is personal, and I'll keep it at that, and I won't say more than I should. All I'm saying is, at this moment in my life, at this moment in life, I just want to be the best mother that I can be for my children. And you know, I'm trying to do the right the right thing. But it's different for

every parent. That's why to me, it was so important to have this conversation because there's a lot of there's a lot of young girls, there's a lot of young women out here that are going through the same situation that I am, that don't know what to do, that don't want to end up feeling guilty, that don't want to jeopardize your kids. Later on that you start to question yourself, am I doing the right thing by doing

the wrong thing? Or my kid's gonna hate me, or my kid's gonna ask me on this type of question that I'm not gonna know what to do. Should I let the father be involve, Should I not let the father be involved? When do I leave? When do I say? There's so many questions. You just never know what is the right answer and want to do it. I'm gonna tell you one thing and and and give advice to the girls out there listening right now to then maybe

going through the same situation. I'm gonna in your situation. But I think any girl should put this in um broad. You were a product of none of having parents eparate. Do you even remember when when your dad was around when you were released? Because he left when you were like, no, you don't remember, right almost two or two you were like, yeah, okay, so you don't really have a memory of him as a child. Besides the fact that your mom worked to the bone, because you see she's burned all over to

the bone. Do you resent her or do you love and appreciate her? No, I love and appreciate her. Does she always give you a good example? Of course? Most definitely I admire she did her job. Yeah, look at you while you turned down, she dedicated. I used to fight with her because I used to be like the avern univision too late and I wanted to take you out,

and I used to fight with her. But she had an idea this could be an outlet because she didn't have the time to run around to take you to this dance class or this and it had to be according So that was the longest where you can go from dance to the studio. Okay, you don't have any regrets of your mother and how you turned out. You're respectable, you're educated, you're a goal getter. You inherit it her trade,

marks her marks her, her personality. And you even even developed something even bigger because you're the way you think and you and you evolved and you move is different. Of course times have changed, so all I could tell you is go with your six intuition. I promise you, Mama me knowing the back end of the story, I am so proud of you, and I love you, and

I love the girls. I love the girls, like genuinely do you know that they're not even here and everybody's going crazy, we're all excited, but genuinely, I am proud of the woman you have become. You've been through hell and back in this business and everybody's always gonna point and judge you. But this is what you have to say. I am a public figure. Everybody has the right to their opinion. But at the end of the day, if you don't move and hustle and work. Nobody's gonna pay.

That's true. That's true. Okay, so nobody's opinion can can really um bother you or or cloud you up. I mean, you know what all we have to do with baby Daddy is be like thank you ah. And you know what, with that message, with that message, I want to leave it at that. And and I love I love what you just said, and I want to leave it with that message. Who cares for all the single mothers out there, for all the single fathers out there? Who cares what

anybody else has to say? Who cares? You know, if people are gonna have opinions about the way that you're raising your children and what you've done and what you haven't done, who care? Airs you will live for you. You will be the best parent that you can be, make the best decisions, the best choices that you can do. There's no guide book on how to live your life.

We're all here trying to figure it out. We learned day by day with our experiences, with with all the things that have happened good and bed in our lives. We decide what choices to make um how to make the best out of all situations. And at the end of the day, who cares what the world has to say. No one's gonna pay your bills, no one's gonna maintain your kids, no one's gonna be there to support you on lessons of people that truly surround you, truly have

loved for you. And that's why today's conversation was so important to me about single mothers, single parents, and like I said before, I would love to talk to eventually to a single father because I know that men's experience is a little bit different from women's experience because for the most part, there's so many single mothers. Miriam, thank you so much for joining me today. I am so grateful to have you on exactly a mada on this conversation.

You are such an inspiration to me too many women out here. You are inspiring without and knowing your daughter is a successful woman thanks to you and your heart efforts. And that's why I want you guys to as always remember to rate us, share this podcast with everyone that

you know, give us those five stars. To make sure that if you know a single mother, if you know a girl, they may be pregnant, this going through it, or whatever the case may be, make sure to share this podcast with her or with him, because this is definitely one of these heart to heart conversations that I

wanted you guys to hear exactly from me. This has been a production of I Heart Radio is michaela podcast network, and for more podcast from my heart, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. You already know it's your girl a Mada Laga. I love you guys so much, and remember who cares what the world has to say. You live your life the best way that you can. See you next Thursday