Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, guys, it's your girl, am mad at la Nega as usual, yell starving. You already know the routine you're listening to exactly a mode of production of my heart. Thank you so much for tuning in as you dual every Thursday. You guys know that I'm here. I have been teasing everyone on my social media platform at exactly a mata, just giving you guys a little heads up of what the topics will be. So, something that was very controversial was something that I posted on Instagram.
And if you follow me at l N you'll get it. You'll get to see me post every so often things that I find controversial and interesting. But before I get to that, subscribe. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and share this podcast with all your friends and family. Leave a comment, good or bad, new Porta. I'll be right there to read it. And if I have to curse your ass out, I'll do that too. And if I have to show you some love, I'll do that too. So thank you
so much for hearing me talk shit every Thursday. That's why today I wanted to talk about something, a song and a zone. I felt it in my heart. I felt it in my spirit. I was on the Instagram or whatever whatever, and don't say I saw this girl that posted something. I was like, oh my god, let me repost and put on my page. And it was this pregnant girl, or rather better, this pregnant woman on her knee proposing to a man. And don't say it
was a part of me. Obviously, now that you know I'm pregnant, I was like, oh my god, I don't know if I would ever even without me being pregnant. But okay, I don't know if I would ever be in a situation where I'm like, oh my god, you're the love of my life with a lot of what whatever. I'm just gonna, you know, get my fat ass on this knee, and first of all, I have to go to the store. You're gone, and I'm gonna spend my money. I'm gonna spend my money on you whatever, if you're
a good man and you deserve it. I don't have I'm not stingy. I'll spend the money, but I'm gonna get on one knee and I'm gonna be like the lot of my life whatever whatever. Since you haven't asked me to marry you then let me ask you, okay, like better. At the same time, then the other feminist side of me is like, that's fucking right, bitch, take control of the situation. And that's your man and you want to secure that. And he hasn't told you how
he felt about you. Marry his assmy that and I said, we're making it happen. I don't want to hear it. That's say your minds, you belong to me. Your mother gave birth to you so that I could have you. But at the same time, it's like, well they really don't.
They don't. But if he hasn't proposed to you, me, huh, it's either because he's not ready because he's financially maybe not ready, or stable because he's still working around with his side bitch and he's trying to figure it out, is the truth, because he's not secure about how he feels about you. He may like you, but he may not feel that you're wifing material because you may be the one that you're lingering around in the meantime, you know, you cook in the meantime he figures out the one
that he really wants. All this other stuff because when a man really wants you. This is how I think. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think nobody's wanted me that bad yet because I'm still single. But anyway, this is the story. He would have been put a ring on it. Like Beyonce said, anyways, I felt this post to my heart. I don't know if there's any other women out there that can relate to me, you know,
because I have mixed emotions. I don't know if I should be like, go you go girl, Look at you taking control of the situation and marrying that man. You know, pregnant and you're on your knee, or without even being pregnant, you know, you went out there and your this is your man. Or should I be like, bit if you don't get your ass up from this damn floor right now? Okay? They and everything? No, no, no, no, no, so forth that that's the way to day. I had to bring
in my producer, my friend me buy me. I'm eago me gonna buy my everything, Alex to help me out with this topic because I don't know how I feel about it today. Your Alice, how you doing? I'm doing excellent. I can't wait to get to the litty gritty. I want to get down on my knees and and hope that this is the best episode. No pun intended, because
you know the women getting under the episode. No. And besides, shouldn't you be having these conversations beforehand, like we know how to insinuate, like you know, baby, you know I'd really like to get married, you know, formalize this, blah blah blah whatever. Hint hint that means, dude, she's ready for it, proposed better if he doesn't do it, then, Alex, how would you feel of a girl gets down on her knee. Well, I'll tell you what um just really quickly.
We're also going to introduce Arlene. She's another ware being here with Yes, yes, Arlene's she is hiding ladies and gentlemen, but she is here with us. In her beautiful HD voice. I'm here because I'm listening. I'm I'm absorbing this topic because I'm a little nervous to get involved with this conversation. I just think it's good because now we have two
female perspectives and then there's me. Uh and and you know what if if if a girl were to get down on one knee and proposed to me Honestly, I would kind of feel like like not less of a man, like I don't know. To me, that would just mean like, damn, you love me that much? Maybe maybe maybe because it could go two ways, right, maybe she's ready right now and I am too, but I'm kind of taking a
little bit longer. Right. But if she were to express her love to me at first amount of like that, that shows me, Oh my god, I'm her, I'm her day one. She wants me here, you know what I'm saying. But that's just my mentality because there's other dudes that will just be like, oh god, I'm not ready for those or like like, well, well if you go through the whole process of going to the Walmart and buying a ring, but you better only get that ring from the damn Walmart because if you go to the game
bougies store to get a ring, I'm a beach asked better. Okay, fine, you go get the ring, put it on lay away, and then you finally get to ring, you give it to your man. You do this whole production, and if you're gonna do it, please do this privately. Don't do this publicly because be like no, or I'm not ready yet, or if he pulls you up from the floor without even saying no, if he just yanks your arm like bitch, get up? But does that? Doesn't that go to way
to uh? And this is a question for both of you, right, So, like I get down and proposed to either or lean or you a matter and you guys can easily pretty much do the same thing. Guys will do it in a public setting in the middle of f COD in disney Land, So you don't say no, you know, like, what do you do? I think the craziest part about this post is that she's pregnant, and based on the image there at the beach, she's gone above and beyond
for this guy. I mean, I hope that she yes, she was planning it, but that she kind of hinted that this was going to go down so that the guy wasn't completely taken aback. But I think that's the most important aspect. That she's pregnant. So for me, I want to know where is this guy at mentally? Is he not ready to be with her or is he not ready to step up for the family because the baby is here? No, the most important part, that's the
most important part is that he's trashed. You know why, because if I see my baby mother, my girlfriend of my friends, the woman that i'm with, the woman that I busted in here and now she's over here pregnant on her knee, I would automatically say, yes, what do you know how heavy the stomach is to do all that sacrifice to even get on a knee and you're just gonna stand there that get smiling, that you're holding
her hand. See that. You know he waited both of them, the pictures and everything so he could feel like oh, and then the stories later. I remember that time your mother took me to the beach and she was pregnant. She got on her knees and she asked, she asked me to marry her. I don't know that is a beautiful story written in a Disney one day. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna tell you right now, so get ready for that. And now, would you if
you is it? Is it a play on on on stuff that has happened in in in our personal lives that makes us feel this way. There's the saying, you know a lot of times, with all due respect, I'm not saying that this is a case on the girl and the picture that I posted on the Instagram. No, but a lot of times women feel going, Okay, I'm going to secure this man and I'm gonna get pregnant. If I get pregnant, he's not gonna leave me, or he's gonna be stuck with And then when you see
that that doesn't work out, she's like, I'm desperate. Let me, let me get on one knee and ask him to marry me whatever, and they'll say you're trying to I feel, first of all men and women, we have natural instincts for us as women were natural nurturers. We want to have a household, we nest, we we expect, you know, we we want all those beautiful things. Men man, I feel that they want the same things later on in
life when they mature, when they have more experience. But for the most part, they're not necessarily nurtures like women were. Just build naturally. This different. That's why we balance each other out. We both can't be the same. So you can't force things. You know, you can't force a man to love you. You can't force a man to want to marry you. You can't force he may say yes, porpena because he feels bad. He may say yes out of pressure, he may say yes out of many things,
But how will you everybody know? Is this honestly what he really wanted to do, he really wanted to commit to me? Or did I force him into committing with me because I'm pregnant on one knee putting him a ring Like, I think it's a lot of pressure. I think it's something that should happen between both of you guys,
you know, whenever you're ready. And I also think that as a woman, I feel a little bit more um sensitive to this topic because one, I'm pregnant, so I can understand the situation, and and to because of society, because I'm sure that in other cultures things is different, but because of society, society has taught us, even from a little girl watching Disney movies, that you know, Prince Charming, if they'll although they have to ask you, you're the lady,
this is not That's why I have mixed emotions because there's a part of me that feels like maybe it's okay, Maybe there really isn't anything wrong, Like if I'm ready and I feel it in my heart to want to ask you to marry me. What's the problem? But society puts so much pressure and you feel like, damn, I I shouldn't ask. Well, this is not the right thing to you. Again, maybe that's what it is. What do you think, Earlie? I agree, I'm I'm all about breaking
gender norms. I the issue for me isn't that the woman is asking or the man is asking. What what I'm all about it? I if I was in a if I was in her situation, I really wanted to lock this guy down. I don't think I would mind asking him to marry me. But I agree with you that society right now, I mean, as far as the patriarchy, we are still upholding that the dynamics between men and women are still very much at play, and so for me,
and this is how I live my life personally. I always have that in my mind, the different dynamics between a man and a woman, and how no matter what the situation is, we're always going to be seen differently. I hope to break those barriers down the road if I ever have children one day. But the reality is still the reality. Society is still very much the way it is, and the and we uphold the patriarchy, whether we like it or not. Yeah, for sure, I totally
agree with you. Um and not only that, but and then here's something else is different if if you really want to break it down and grow into a lot of details, I think culture is also an issue, like not an issue, but it is a factor culturally. I'm not sure where the girl from the picture was. To me, she looked African American, like an African American couple. But it could have been a Jamaican couple. It could have been Uh, it could have been anybody. They could have
been Dominican. I don't know, because I based off the picture. I can't tell. Patom tom bian Is also looked at me im. They'll say asking for you know, to a guy who has an actor, So you know, culturally, I feel like them being the American community is a little bit more open minded when it comes to those things. The Latino community perhaps isn't as open minded into asking men for marriage like women asking men for marriage. I don't know, I don't know what. Here's here's a hot
take for you baby. Here, here's a hot take for your for your crowd here that listens to exactly amount. Aren't we the prize as well as as men. Can't we be the prize? Or no? I mean is that if you are good man, Yes, you will be a prize if you are a good Yeah, those are rare. Yeah, you are a prize to your mother because she gave birth to you. No, no, no, no, no no no no no no. It is true. Men, there's some men that
mean prize. I must admit I am and ring no everything, because you see them sacrifice for their for their home. You see them put in the work for you. I know a lot of men that have even um taking the father role of those children that their fathers decided to abandon. Like I am, I gonna get him on knee, but you want to marry me? Okay, let's go. You know, I get it. Bet, It's okay. The man is the prize. Ladies, ladies, let me know how you feel abou this. Do you
think that men are also the price? That men also deserved to be given a ring? I'd be like you should have put a ring on it. Tell me how you feel about it, because go to exactly a Mata
on Instagram and on Twitter. I want to read your comments. Um, I don't know, you know what's funny that sparked a lot of memes online where it showed pregnant women, um, you know, chopping wood outside while their man where it was inside like relaxing like they did the genderal difference, right, So instead of the women being pregnant inside hanging out or doing like certain things that you know women do when they're pregnant taking care of themselves, it was the
man doing it inside the house and the woman coming home from work with a pregnant belly chopping wood outside with a pregnant belly, doing all kinds of crazy stuff outdoorsy stuff as if they were the men. It's pretty funny. I think they that that. People kind of spun it and play with it, but um to kind of like move the conversation along. Now you mentioned being pregnant, uh, and and you know and having no ring on your finger and whatnot. What's your personal like take? Now you're
about to have these two beautiful angels and you you're single. Yeah, one's going to mingle. Yeah, what's your what's your take for yourself going through this entire pregnancy? You've done this
on your own? If you're okay talking about this, like I don't know I'm talking about it is what it is men that I won't give too many details, right because I always promised myself that I would never talk in any other different matter about the father of my child or the situation or whatever, because like sometimes you'll be talking ship like this, some of them, I would never and then next thing, you know, you guys are holding hands and walking on the beach and falling in love.
Like I don't think that that's what's gonna happen, but I'm just saying. And I never want my kids to be like you know, um, thanks to the Internet, things they've recorded and you'll always be able to hear it and then or see it, um. And I wouldn't want my kids to be like, oh, you were there talking about you know, my father and like that. No better. What I will say is it has been. It has been very hard for me. I I I felt, mean, there's no guide book, like I always say on how
to live your life, right, there's no guide book. You figure ship out as you live. I felt like I funked up. I messed up. I messed up because I waited for so long, because I wanted my fairy tale, my fairy tale, was to get married first, do everything by the book, by a home, then the children and the baby carriage. It doesn't mean but um, it didn't happen like that. And I also understand that sometimes things don't have to happen in that order. I'm still young.
Things don't have to happen in the in that order. I I love him for giving me my blessings, for giving me my children. Um, and then that's it, decent, tomink. You know, God gives you what he knows that you can handle, even if you feel that you can't. You know, God gave me not one but two because he felt that I can handle it, and I am doing my best to figure it out. Did I wish I had a ring right now? Yes? Did I wish? And it's not even about the ring. The ring is just the
moral of the story. Did I wish that I had a husband, a fiancee, a father figure at this moment came, you know, rub my, Tommy, and go through this process and be right next to me while I'm pushing my babies out. Yes, would it happen in that way? Probably not, or at this point not. But that's okay, you know, that's okay. And I finally came to accept and understand that. It took me a long time. It took me depression. I've gone through depression so much that I even started
taking therapy. You know, things that I don't make public because people are ready to judge you. I had. My depression got so bad, even with hormones and everything, I ended up having to take therapy because the depression was killing me of knowing that I have to do this by myself, like I didn't do my babies by myself. But um, God said, mean it's perfect. Maybe later on in life things will change, but in the meantime, it's hard. So I can understand how this girl, you know, decided
to propose to this man. Maybe she's trying to secure that father figure, she's trying to secure that husband, that support. Because we're talking a lot of ship, but we're not in her shoes. We don't know exactly how she felt, what she was going through, what he's done for her um or what the case may be. So yeah, you're you're you're completely correct, And um, I know, Arlene. We had a we reached out on social media correct and we had a bunch of our amazing listeners throw some
questions our away. Right. They were very active on social media with this post, and they had a lot to say. Uh. Mr Sells eight one seven said, if a man is that caught up in himself, he's says he's suspicious. Well, like you mentioned a matter, we don't know this guy's situation. For all we know, this is someone who is a great person in this woman's life, and that's why she's going above and beyond for him. But as you mentioned, typically generalizing, that's not the case. So we really hope
that that guy is legit modeling at all. Tender said, I can't. I'm traditional on this one. We definitely talked about that. Shout out to all the traditional girls. You know, if you're into the tradition, me too, Shout out to them. And by the way, let's let's change this top. Well, let's just change the perspective for two seconds. What about if he had asked her in the past and she said no, Yeah, that's a big that's you never know.
Maybe maybe he asked and she wasn't ready, or she said no and now she felt like, damn, this is the right time to do it. There's many ways, there's many sides to the stories. We don't know what happened. He sure looks surprised in the photo. He was like, oh my goodness. Okay, honey cat J said, hell Na, if you want to do that, cool, but I ain't into it. The real soaking upset, d upset. All you need is loyalty. The rest is bullshit. The ring, the marriage,
the gifts, all overrated, the field. I feel like that's kind of like a little bit of your answer, Like I know you want the love and the fairy tale because you you have spoken about it, but you're also hard body, Like, hey, listen, you show me that you're here from me and do the right thing and you know things will come right, because I think I felt that from you in the past. Yeah, I'll rock with you. You know, I'll roll with me. I too in my life.
I want the ring because I want the pictures. I want the dress, I want the cake, I want them ma, I want the party with the friends. Yeah, okay, that's it. But there's something about that paper. When you sign that paper, I don't know what happens, but I know a lot of people have been together for a very long time, eighteen years together. Fat though. Oh that's gonny to go get married divorced in a year. I don't know why that happens. So realistically, do you have to get married
legally in order to have a successful relationship? No, do you have to. The ring just makes you feel, come, okay, we're serious about each other. This is legit. We're really trying to like, you're for me and I'm for you, and we're rocking. And also for every other bitch out there that's gonna see you at the gym, it's gonna see you around at the supermarket. Look at that ring. You see that ring, that means he's taken. Don't talk
to my man. That's what that means to us. And and also for women, for women, I also think there's also between women and women cattiness. If you see this ring, you know, wom my man like, my man gat me this ring. If your ring looks you know, if you're rings just to look a little crunchy and crusty on the sides and stuff like that. We know your man ain't gotta like that, but he tried. So the point is the ring is just like that statement, gonna get that stamp. Yeah, the loyalty just be a good man.
Be a good wife. I mean, be a good woman to your man. The ring is just the thing, But is it like a thousand percent guaranteed that you're gonna have a sucipeful relationship because you have a ring you got married? Not necessarily. The interesting thing, Amnna, is that during the pandemic, single motherhood has actually been surging. More people want to explore um being a mother or being a parent. I mean there's people that are adopting as well. Why do you think that that those numbers went up
during the pandemic? Is it because people were like, I'm not messing around times wasting? I'm like, why do you think people have been trying to do this single motherhood thing? Because the people are dying? You don't know what's happening. Are you not watching a new we're funding apart? But I would have thought the opposite. I would have thought the options because we're having that, people would be more scared. No, we're having the pandemic babies. Haven't you seen them? Yo?
You give birth to them and then like in a week they start talking and everything. They're like They're like, I don't know, the pandemic babies are different. These days. Um, they're smart, they're smart. They're walking there like wobbling already, like in two days. I'm like, either me or what's what's going on with the children. What I will say is I think that the pandemic really showed Doues that you're here today and you could be gone, you could
be gone tomorrow. A lot of times we keep waiting for the opportunity, waiting for the day, waiting for this moment. You create the moment. The moment is whenever you decide that the moment is there. There's no perfect time to have children, there's no perfect time to get married, there's no perfect time to get your degree, there's no there's no perfect time. Because you're here today, and it doesn't mean it doesn't mean that you're just gonna die because
of COVID or because the pandemic or what's happening. You can go outside right now, you know, get my listeners. A car comes boom. Yeah, it's a wrap. Everything that you have planned for next week is done, is over. So I feel that a lot of people decided, you know what, whether I get married or I don't get married with I have a man, I don't have a man, or whatever the case may be. If I want to be a mother, if I want to experience that feeling,
I'm just gonna do it. Whether it is that I have to adopt or just get banged by someone and just have a baby on my own, have your baby on your own. You can still be an amazing mother as a single mother, you could be an amazing father. Shout out to all the other single fathers out there putting in that work, because we never really talked about you guys. We never really talked about you guys. And
you guys deserve props too. If you're out there being a single father and putting in that work, you deserve it as well. But that's what I think, Alice, what do you think? Yeah? I I behind you on on on that on that end there when especially with the whether you're a single parent uh male or female uh And and the pandemic has has also brought a lot of more people together as well, with you know, seeing loved ones pass away, friends pass away, and having that
much more time at home. I know, for me it was a godsend to be able to spend more time with my little one and just being able to see her grow. I know, there was a lot of bad things happening throughout that one year, But for me, I said, you know what, I like, you said, I became the hunter gatherer protector and this is what I want to do. I want to see my little one you or grow
and and just and just whatever you have. But you know what, I wanted to ask you something now that you almost at the tail end of your pregnancy, you're gonna have, Yeah, you're gonna have these these two kids running around the house, pulling microphones, kicking computers and all that good stuff, because you know, give us some tips for for for any single um female that's out there who's about to um you know, give birth or have a kid already, might have an infant, even a male
who might be alone with their infant. Can you, you know, let's give them some tips. What do you what do you think is building a support system? One of them like, because they do say it takes a village to raise a child, right, building a support system is very important. My support system is my mother. Thank god I have my mother, and I won't lie. During this process, I realized that I had UM, I have really good friends. And sometimes because they said the friends that are always
around you. They don't be the ones if are the ones that you never call, the ones that are random as hell, that actually showed up to be like, if you need me, I'm here, that have shown me more support than those friends that I've gone to the club with, hung out with a come to my house and eat my refrigerator up. It's not it's not those, it's the other ones that understood or connected with the fact that during this process. So definitely having a support system is important.
Your support system doesn't have to be big. You don't have to have the ka oh, the whole village. Oh a man. If you have one or two people that really rock at you solid, that's all that you need. And um and yeah, I think it's important, especially in my in my case, if you're having more than one, if you're having two or three kids, four kids all at once, girl, you need that supporting system. And all
that was important. That mental health. I'm not gonna get into details, but guys, it is so important your mental health. You know, if you need to take some time away from everything, do it. Your audio is going through so many different things you need time to process. Your body is changing, your boobs, are hurting. My ass is getting bigger. I'm checking for stretch marks every day. You know, I'm feeling depressed and then I'm happy, and then I'm sad, and then I'm cold, then I'm hot. I don't know
what's going on. You need time for yourself. Um and being with friends makes you feel good good and being alone makes you feel good good. And if you feel that you need help, don't feel embarrassed. If you feel like I need to see a therapist, I need to talk to a professional. I needn't talk to somebody that can help me understand my body, my situation, and my feelings.
Don't be afraid of doing that. I'm foco. What about considering a birthing partner if you don't have, if you're not in a relationship, who's going to be in the room with you to hold your hand and say exactly a birthning partner? In my perfect world? Originally I really wished that I could have had my mom to my right side and you know, my man to the left side, And that was my dream. I visualized looking there right into the left and the two people that I love
the most would be there to support me. However, I'm just gonna look to the right. I want to look to the right. I'm gonna have my mother right there. They gave birth to me, and she's gonna watch me give birth to her grandchildren, and we're gonna rock solid. And then again COVID. COVID came. So now the in
the hospital they only let you have one person. And you're lucky now because before, in the middle of the middle of pandemic, these women had to give birth soda by themselves, seeing nobody in there, no father, no mother. You have to see them from the window. But I swear that you can at least have one person now because me, I would have had a whole camera crew everything I want. I want to record the whole experience, the whole moment where the camera's lighting fat. Oh, it's
not gonna happen that way. I and then to kind of like wrap it up before we get out of here. UM. I believe that part of the support system is also connecting with other single parents right who who do have um the kidids. And I don't know if I believe you're you're gonna have your mom helping you with the kids they're at home, but also you're gonna be taking
your kids out. You're gonna go to parks, you're gonna go and walk, You're gonna do certain things, right, So those things you'll see other parents, And I think it's a good good thing for parents to kind of, like as a parent myself, to kind of like interact with others, and you know, for you to also get some type of feedback, you know, maybe help, you know, because there's
also nosy people out there. We know this, but you know, to kind of like collaborate with other people, you know, like we need that, you know, we're human, we need that one on one connection with others. So, you know, I believe that connecting with other single parents might help as well. I think that that's definitely important to connect with other single parents. But at the same time, also
understand that everybody's experienced and everybody's journey is different. Just because something worked for one parent doesn't mean it's gonna work for you. And just because you see one parent, you know, thriving at being a single mother and all she's looking on happy. You know, she gave birth and like a week later she has six hacks and her body is perfect. No, no, no, none of that pressure be there to support each other, but don't be there
unconsciously to compete. I think that that's important. I'm being that's perfect. So that's great advice. Yeah, I love it. Oh my god, this episode has been so good. I'm so grateful for this conversation. They'll be writing on my Instagram, UM, and they be giving their opinions because sometimes out of those things we come up with really good topics that can actually be very helpful, educational, and impactful for my listeners.
And that's what I really care about at the end of the day, to continue to figure outways to inspire, motivate you guys. UM. And if there's any questions, if there's any suggestions, if there's any advice that you would like to give me give us, feel free to go to exactly a Mada on Instagram and on Twitter. We're
always there to check it out. I want to thank alex ARLENEA for always supporting my show, for being here, for being part of the show behind the scenes, in front of the scene, even if Arlen is not ready to show her family's face at this moment, I thank you so much. And for all those single mothers out there, UM, if you're pregnant without a rain. Girl, you got this. If you're a single mother, I am so proud of you. If you're a single father, my most highest respect to you.
You're doing an amazing job. Um we need more people like you. Without being said, thank you everyone for joining and remember to follow. Like I said before, exactly a Mata on Instagram and Twitter. Also go check out Michael Cuda podcast on Instagram and you can also watch the podcast on my YouTube channel at Adela a l N or just right on the search bar exactly a Mata You can watch all the episodes and all which is really good. This has been a production of I Heearts
Michael Tuda podcast Network. For more podcast from my Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite. It's a girl a Madela Negra and this was exactly a made Yeah h