Navigating the Dating World as a Single Mother

the YouTube. I honestly can do these shows with the same energy and the same vibe if I don't have my team with me. And that's why today I want Arlene and Alex to join me. Today. I want to talk about something that hits home for me, and it's you know, now that I'm a single mom, you know, single mom life finding love again, going out on dates and who to date and where to go to find that perfect match. And you know, like I've had so many of my own personal experiences when it comes to dating, Okay,

I definitely don't know how to pick them. I am the worst one when it comes to picking men. I don't do well. I will say this much. I give them all credit because I've been happy, bet or at the end. Okay, I'm not really good at it. I've seen these people that they find someone and they stick to them for like, oh we've been together like twenty years. I'm like corn, you bet, I haven't been able to figure I haven't ever been I haven't been able to

figure it out. So today I just wanted to, you know, talk about that, because you know, it's a little bit hard dating as a single mother and just dating, you know, before things have changed. Now I got to think about you know, my kids, are my kids gonna like them? You know? Are you a pervert? Because I got two little girls? Are you a pervert? What's that biggest difference Amada from like when you were looking for someone before

you had kids. Now. I mean, I'm sure you were trying to find a stable relationship back then, but is it more important? Yeah, you know you're dating when you're in your twenties and your mom fun. No, no, no, I've never been that girl. I've never been the games is having fun. Everybody comes stretch me out. No, I'm not that girl. I want to have a stable relationship. So I've always been like a stable relationship type of girl. But things are definitely different because now it's like I

don't have time to waste. I can read the bullshit from the beginning, all the red flags I used to ignore before, I'm not ignoring them now. I see them. I hear them. I see what you're doing. You're trash. I'm out. Before I was like what I see though, I can't help him. I feel you used to feel that. Yeah, he's just going through a moment. You know, things are bad. His eggs girlfriend, let's to traumatize, you know. I was

very come okay for giving out. No, see what we're trying to do, babylone, I don't want to do it. Get on my face, you know. So now it's like, if it's not something serious or commitment, I don't want to do it. If I don't see the fact that you have potential to be a stepfather to my daughters, I don't want to do it. If you're not a hard working, ambitious person, I don't want to do it. If you don't want to have a family, because that's

another thing, something that's very important. Sometimes there's a lot of men that are honest and straightforward and tell you to your face. Meta mommy, I like you, but I don't want to have kids, Ela Muhanna. We're always pushing. I can change him, oh Amy. If he doesn't want to do he doesn't want to do it, you know.

So it's important because later on, when you see that he doesn't treat your kids or your future children the way that you want it, you have to be like, well, he didn't want to do it in the first place. You were the one who had this ideology of what you wanted. And you have to accept people for who they are as they are, and when they show you who they are, you have to believe them like they say. So, just my standards have completely changed. What has been the

thing for you in these last couple months? Have you been seeing anyone talking twenty one? How hard has that been? Are you up front? And obviously you're you're a person that's in the public eye, so people know you have daughters. But if a lot of guys believe it or not, we're not on Instagram, We're not on you know, out there, you know, looking for stuff. And there's a guy of guys. There is a lot of guys who are only on Instagram to chill whatever. You know, you have the f

boys who are on Instagram. Red fag. I have Instagram, but I use it to basically talk about the things I do in the business, in the industry. I'm not in there like looking at us, you know what, I'll no, no, don't fuck it. As soon as you find a guy and he's like, You're like, oh, babe, so what's your Instagram? Oh I don't have Instagram. He's like, he's got an undercover Instagram. He has an under pitch. That's because he has his whole girlfriend, he has his whole fucking three

four kids on the side. Don't believe it. You know, I'm so focused in my work, you know I don't. I don't use social media. Yeah, I indeed, red flag bow wow, Alex. He has to have a Snapchat, a bootleg Snapchat. He has to have a Facebook, he has to have Yeah, no, I have. We all all guys have social media, but it's how we use it, right, that that really separates us. Correct. So you're right, we all have social media, but it's how you You only

use your Instagram for business. You've seen me, you follow me, You saw I posted a picture of this. I'm doing a convention. That's another red flag that's another red flag. Girls. If you follow a guy that you're dating, you like, and you look at the people that he follows, and then he only follows decame man and businesses, it's a trap. There's a trap. He's lying. Oh my god, he's probably dming them and he's not following them. So that you don't fuel suspicions. I know that game. Don't do this.

There are social media school for men who are trying to like put up a front. Don't follow people like this. Alex, Yes, there's no way, Alex. You've heard it here. First the very first thirst trap Instagram I've ever followed, it was I want to put that out there publicly everyone. Are you using Are you using social media to find dates and to find potential candidate? I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. My mom said that I shouldn't be like that. You assume me home and get me no

pull up. And but after my last relationship, I have been traumatized. I haven't gone out on any dates. Um, there was someone that was pursuing me and I and I gave him like the time of day for like I don't know, maybe for like four days and the moment. First of all, I didn't even like him like that. I just didn't. I was just trying to give myself some time, because you know, it feels nice to be liked for someone to just be like, oh, lean, a good morning text, he goes. But then I was just

like A, I don't want to do it. No, I don't want to do it. I just then milo of actually liking someone and getting screwed over again. I just want to focus on my kids, my business, my career. Um, I have my kids and I haven't had any you know, I haven't had no sex. I haven't had no sex since my ex and the last time we did it, my girls were like three months or something like that. And yeah, like you know, it's it's done. I Um, I'm not ready. It's difficult. I'm not reading. I think

it's I think it's important. I think it's important when you finish a relationship to take time for yourself. That's been one of my biggest mistakes. I've ended up one relationship and I jump off. I've just jumped into another relationship and I'm like, oh, that's gonna make me feel better, and it doesn't. You need some time to heal, to know your worth, to know your standards, to know exactly what it is that you want. But I can as your way. So I'm just taking that time for myself now.

And I would imagine that now that that you're the different priorities. You got your kids and now you know, it used to be you were single and you could make time to go out and to stay up all night and to stay over and not do you know, well not really because my mom my mom gets you know, takes care of my girl girls. And my mom is like trying to find a person. So she's like she always encourages me. Bet Look, I don't know. I just have really high standards now, you know, um one of

my biggest mistakes. And ladies, I know you're out there, I know you can relate. A lot of us are fixers. I'm a fixer. Well I used to be a fixer. I no longer. I'm a fixer. Fixer means you'll find broken men and you are trying to fix them, like, oh, you know, he's a cheater, he's a this, he's a drug addict. He's like, hey, whatever it is. He just came out of jail. And you're like, Oh, I love you, You're the one for me. I can fix you, let me clean you up, let me change your wardrobe. It's

like a project, you know, let me find you. You ain't got no job and you haven't worked in the past five years, but I don't worry. I'm gonna maintain you. To you, I can get you a job, and it's like, no, mommy, listen, you have to find people that are up to your standards, get monival in order for things to work, either your level or better. But you can be out here looking for people that don't know what they wanted. That's just straight to disaster. So I'm just choosing and picking a

little bit more wisely this time around. By picking a little wisely and looking into the future of what you want to set yourself success in a relationship as as a mom newly single mom in the after you had your little fling with your ex when they were you know, younger, the babies were three months old, Like you mentioned before, has there been anybody like any steps that you've made to find um a specific partner or to even talk to someone, and how do you go about it? Then?

Because you, like I was mentioning before, is that you're in the public guy, so people know you have kids. Let's say, are you still putting it out there? Like, hey, listen, I don't mind talking to you, but I do have a priority. I have these two daughters, da da What do you how do you go about that? See, I am a mother first and then I am a woman.

So my kids are a priority. If you don't like it, if you don't like it, if we're on a date and you know I have to go see my kids, if we're here today and I have to take a flight to see my kids, blah blah. Listen. Uh, you know, if you like me, you should understand and you should be actually grateful to see that I'm such a good mother. Because if I'm a good mother, you'll know that I would be a good wife, I'll be a good daughter, I'll be a good friend, I'll be many good things. Um,

you know that's just the worst to me. So yeah, I always put it up front. Listen, Um, I have kids. They're my priority. I am in love with my kids. I am in and it's not just my kid, it's my mother. My mother is my first child, that's my oldest daughter. And then I got two newborns, So if you could stick with it, I'm down. It's buy one, get three free and not not really because they come out really expensive, so it's it's a combo deal. And

I do. I will say this much. I haven't been on a date since I end up my last relationship. I have been on certain dating apps like Rya and um I do. I have found that I'd like to, you know, to just send messages back and forth, like I like to feel that I'm liked. It doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything. I don't even know where you live. I don't know who you are. Battle it's just like, oh my god, oh my god, really think you are doesn't hurt you? You know, a little barty better? Yeah,

that's it. The moment's like, oh yeah, I would, let's meet up so I can stick it to you. I'm app I don't want to do it. What's the clientele like on Rya? What's the I'm on mita high classic bog we ware to say app. I think the the Rya you have to get approved is not that get like that. You have to get approved, the background checking,

the line, and it's mainly for people in the entertainment industry. UM, whether it is that you're an athlete, you're an artist, your producer, your engineer, you're UM, whatever it may be. There's a lot of entrepreneurs on this app as well, and like because you can also go to their Instagram right there and verify if you're full of crap or this is really what you do. UM, I've met great people through there and just through just to talking better.

Is it even good for networking? So it's been actually good? Do you do you feel like like this and you've you've done the I don't need to be on a dating site or dating app to find a date. Do you feel like it's a lot easier for you as a single mom to meet people. Is it safer for you to meet people through these apps or whatever, or or do you feel like you still need that connection where if you go out you might bump into someone

or flirt with someone. Yeah, the app, the app, the app, you just with people in face to face in general, and you prefer to meet them afterwards after you've done your inspections. If I see you in person and there's a vibe and there's a clique, I'm in I love it. Cool. But if I can meet you online, I'd rather it. I'm gonna tell you why. It gives me an opportunity to not waste my time in person. I can talk to you through messages to see if I like you,

your vibe, if we have an understanding too. I also get the opportunity of doing my research on your social media, for example, do you have a baby mom? Do you have a girlfriend, dadda? Who are you texting? Who are you liking? Are you commenting? Who's this like? It gives me a chance to figure out what's going on and

if you have approved. If I've approved and you pass all these standards, this is like, what is a fear factor if you If you pass all of this and those say I'll go on a date with Wow, you do get a but let me tample unless I'm hungry. If I'm hungry, I'm like, oh my god, yes, let's go out. I'm gonna eat. I'm a drink. I'm not gonna call you again. Besides that, it's like, should you know how I know how you have your lady segment? You know what, while I'm here, I'm gonna have gentlemen segment.

Listening to this, These are the red flags. If you're listens, Yeah, she's gonna take it. She's gonna she wants to go to a really expensive bougie restaurant that she's never been to. Okay, she's gonna go. She's gonna eat, she's gonna have appetizers, drinks, and then she's gonna be out. Wow, it's over. No, I'm not listen. You had my company. We got to talk. You got to me. Listen. Men make more money than women. They should be taking us out, and I just ladies,

not how you balance it out. For the most part, when they see you, they go over there with a mission and their goal. Their goal is to pursue you and persuade you so they can figure out a way how to stick it to you. So you're just paying the game. Mamma learned to play the game. Take pictures and videos of everything, but don't take pictures of him. I posted a liber best. Is this the new advice? Is this the advice for new mothers out there who are seeking to date ladies and gentlemen? You herd to

hear live on Amada. First, she's giving you the rundown on how to do it. Here's the here's the template on the game plan. Listen, Amata's dating rya category style. I don't think most of us are dating RYA's style, that's true, but you know what I listen. A lot of them may be talking shit right now, but you know where I'm coming from. You know what I mean. And I'm sure there's more than one girl out there that's gone on a date with a guy just to

eat and drink and never hog them again. The same thing. Guys are the same thing. They take you out, they feed you, they give you drinks, they try to smash. If they get to smash, they never call you again. Listen, listen. I learned a little too late, but it was never too late because I'm still alive. I don't know. It's a doggy dog world, I guess right. Dating in the modern world. I'm laughing and I'm talking shit, but it honestly is very trash and it's very sad, because do

you think I really want to do that now? I would love to go out on a date and actually meet someone meaningful and create something from that. But as many games as men play these days, because they have they have way too many options, way too much out it's like they got they have a catalog women on Instagram. That's what social media has become, as a catalog. You pick them, you slat up in their DM, they talk to you, exchange numbers, and next thing you know, even

and they're on the other side of the world. They're taking flights or you're buying flights. It's you know, what love used to be has changed. Relationships have changed the fact of being with someone and putting up with their ship and sticking it through and I'm gonna ride with you and even though I'm pissed off at you and i don't want to talk to you, go to the

next room, but we're not leaving each other. Week said we're gonna do this, and this is what we're doing, and all those things have changed, and it's very hard, especially with this new generation. So well, the new generation

just makes it very difficult. I'm gonna Last year, there was a poll that was taken that there's more single men now than ever before because women have higher standards because now they don't have to support of it, like they don't have to get married to, you know, have a best financially stable, they don't need a man to take care of them, and now they have more standards. What do you think about that? I think I agree to a certain example of the book all the way.

You know why, because a lot of men are single because they have way too many options, Like you know what I'm saying. Yes, a lot of women have high standards, But why would I be in if I was a man with a whole piece right, and I'm sure I would have a nice wokando, if I was a man with a whole dingling, why would I be in a relationship with a girl? These girls these days, you're giving the wife thees, You're giving the wife the quality of girl at home. I need money like you do everything

a wife would do. Why would I be in a relationship with you when I could be with you you you you you, And even before the in the dating in the dating aspect dating era, girls are still doing the same thing a girlfriend would do. And girlfriends are doing the things that a wife would do, So why would they feel the need to commit to you? Why? So That's why I'm like, Yeah, if I was a guy, would probably be the same do the same thing. I would just be single and day A hope. Bunch of

women I have I have. I don't necessarily have to have a commitment with you. I'm not obligated to do certain things for you because you're not my wife or you're not my girlfriend. And then that's it. And then women want to feel like they got options. They want to mess with this guy, messed with the other guy, messed with the other guy from here, dinner from here, and everybody's just playing games. And I feel that people realize that they have messed up and life has changed.

The older you get, the older you get, the more you realize, I've wasted these good years of my life playing around, and now I don't have my solid significant other. You know, when you're young, do they get a moon though? You just want to have fun. But a time passes by. God, you're sick, or something is really happening, something is really

going down. You're going through the press, should or whatever, and you realize that you don't really have anybody to hold you down that's really gonna be there with you to the good and the bad. That's when you realize that you messed up. And I don't also want to give that. I want to say this for the girls that are listening, for the guys as well. None of us are born bad. It's always this one person that makes you bad. I know a lot of good men out there. There's been great men. Marry me him up

one HOI Sacto messes them up. Yeah, now you traumatize them and now they get in bang goad with everybody else. The same thing goes for women. There's a lot of great women out there. Lament that you destroy her confidence, you cheat, you lie, you this, you that now she wants and now she's turned into a different type of woman. And now she's you know, encouraging other women to do

the same. And now oh, it's a domino effect of you know, they say, they say that the person you're dating ends up suffering from the person you dated before, like the trauma that they gave you. You end up, you know, passing it on to the person you're dating, or you're taking it out on them. I've heard that expression. I have a question for you, um in In. In your line of work, you meet a lot of people.

You're always out and about right, so you know you're able to give As a new mom, you're able to give some advice to whomever it may be listening to this is also a new mother. Do you feel it's okay, um for moms to also just new moms take care of themselves to kind of keep Hey, yes, I have kids. This person that I'm going to meet up with doesn't need to know, you know, crap and look like they just want to have fun but they don't want to

look for nothing serious. So do you feel yourself that it's okay for women to also play the game like that as a single mother to just keep it low? Those are because she's doing She's the best mother ever. She takes care of them, but she's still going out, you know, so side piece seeing. But yeah, judgment free zone. This is me being exactly I'm out on this is

exactly my opinion. But everybody has the rights to live their life because I don't pay your bills and I'm definitely not gonna go to your house to screw you. So listen, Yes, you have the right to live your best life if you want to be on the low because you and you're being a good mother by you know, keeping one thing away from the other. Your babies don't have to know you're a guy that you're having fun with. Does don't have to know, and you go out there,

you have fun and live your best life. You have the rights too. Personally, I don't move like that one. Because I'm a public figure. I have to be careful. I have to take care of myself too, because I'm a mother three, because anything that I do, I could be I could just finished, take a little nap and next thing, I know, my picture, my naked picture is on Twitter. You don't know. So you have to be very very cautious of everything that you do. You know that,

um I was. I won't mention too many details, but I have been with people or someone that I literally you know me trusting you m At one point, they text me a picture of me naked sleeping in the bed and they're like, oh, that's you last night, And I'm like, yeah, I know it was me last night, But why would you take a picture of that, Like why would you say, oh, I have a whole bunch of those. So you are with someone thinking that's a major violation. You're comfortable going to sleep, and it's like,

I trust you. We just finished being you know, intimate, and next thing I know, you have a whole collage of naked pictures of me. While I've been sleeping, So you have to be careful, you know, you have to be careful the way that you move. And if that was just me sleeping, god knows, if we were doing it and you record and I didn't even know, you know, you just you have to be very, very careful and very selective these days. It just is what it is, you know. Um So yeah, personally, I have a vibrator

and I'm happy with my vibrator. I actually bought me another woman with it. It works, it's rechargeable. Look, I don't even have to buy the batteries no more. I take it in my purse. I take it in my purse. If I'm driving nine andy five and I feel horny, this is a handle myself. You keep it pushing elfe is good. I don't have to worry about cheating. I don't get pregnant, no STDs, and I my spot one two three. That is great advice for new mothers as well,

because we've been playing both sides of defense here. We've been playing with the let's keep it a secret, right, let's let's do whatever you want. You also have the I'm gonna be up front and still do my thing and still, you know, like yourself, who's who was a public figure. But yes, you're a hundred percent correct. There shouldn't be any shame in that, whether you're a male or female. If you're going to be doing, you know, taking care of yourself, that's self care. Nobody should be

telling you. I agree, Mina. There's a lot of st and it is what it is. So you have to be careful being protected, hailing, protect the hangling because you're gonna want to be fine and set out here in the streets. You can't live your life this way, so by a little machine one hundred dollars, the good ones, it don't work, one hundred dollars. The good ones, you handle it and you keep it pushing and you're focusing

until you find the right one. I don't know if we talked about this last season, but when I was dating back in the day, I would always ask a new guy that I was about to be intimate with to go get an STD test and to send me the results. And I remember sha that with my friends and they were like, what the hell is wrong with you? And I thought I thought nobody was doing money. Yeah, I've done it. I did it with my ex. I did it with my with my EXX. We actually went

together with my ex. We did it. We did it on meen and you know, like I might lie. You know, my ex was never fun of using you know, condoms or anything like that. Um And the first time around it did happen, you know, and I did panic. I panicked immediately, not just because of that, but also be because I know that I'm a very fertile person and I need to be concerned. So the moment I was like,

oh my gosh, let's go figure out what's happening. But yeah, I think getting tests it should be the same way that they had the the COVID test test, that you could just have it at test. I think the people you should just be able to go to the walk into whatever you buy, a little thing you swab or whatever, p on it, look at it and if we just sit there and watch, that's it. You're clear. You're clear. Come on, let's go. Here we go. Lady. That's entrepreneur.

You need an investor. You should. Yeah, you should have it at home a CD test because they do sell them. I'm sure they do. Where you where you should be able We could look that up where we where you should be able as as a partnership. You want to be safe. They want to be safe. You're a new mother, you definitely want to be safe. No matter what is. What is everyone's today's take home? What are they taking

home today? You know, if I have to give a takeaway, I would say for all the single mothers out there, you have the rights to relive your life, to have fun, to be young, to explore, to do all the things that you want. Obviously, be careful. There's a lot of crazy men out here. There's a lot of crazy people out there, and if you just come out of being in a relationship, obviously you're a single mother, be very careful who you choose to be your significant other moving forward,

think about your kids first. There's a lot of crazy people out here that they may seem cool as hell, but we see them. We see a lot of these stepfathers or these girlfriend boyfriends that you leave your kids with, and they may do malicious things to your child. I recently saw a guy that poured boiling water on a little girl's mouth and all types of stuff. People don't have the same patience that you do for your children, So you have to be a mother first and then

you are a woman. I know there's a little bit hard to adapt and to process for a lot of women, but life has changed for you because now your priorities are your children. So I don't say is have fun, live your best life, but remember to be a mother first and then a woman. Choose wisely. That is great to hear, and as a male, that is what you

want to hear from it. If you're into wanting to date a single mom, if you love kids, because there are guys out there that really want to be with someone like you, that is what you want to hear. That is perfect. I can't even put it better myself. Today's episode has been lit. I absolutely really enjoyed it. I can't wait to see what you guys think about today's episode. Please let me know at exactly abata on Instagram, Facebook,

Twitter and all that good stuff. Do you agree that you have to be a mother first and then a woman. You have to choose your battles. Have you had any weird experience? Have you ever gone on a weird date as a mother? What has happened to you? I want to read it. I want to see it and shout out to all the beautiful single mothers, hard working mothers out there. To all those guys out there they're dating a single mother, thank you for being a support system.

Thank you for being so amazing. Thank you for standing up for that man that left and you're taking that role in that place. Thank you guys so much for being part of exactly amata. And like I said before, don't forget to find us at all our social media platform at exactly amata. This has been a production of Ihearts Michael Tuda podcast network. I love you guys, See you next time.