Lessons Learned From Our Exes

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Also leave comments. Leave comments. I always love to sit there and just read everything that you guys have to say, whether it's good or bad. Um or if you want something specific like I'm not I'm going through a situation, or I want to hear about this ballet, write it in there. We're gonna check it out and we're gonna make it happen. So today's episode it's about lessons that can be learned from your ex or rather better the lessons that I learned from my ex um and to

talk about it. Look, I don't have to feel excited, depressed or confused battle. I need to balance who my energy is, my producer, my friend, colleague, Alex, Alex, are you in here. I'm so glad I'm here because the beginning of that sounded like, Hey, am I bringing her down? Am I depressing a model? Right now? She's She's like, I need him to bring me back. Yeah, I need you to bring the balance to this because whenever you hear the word X, you are ready, like you're honestly

always ready to be on the defense mode. And it depends how soon it was, depends who it was, depends how you guys broke up, it depends how many things. But I mean, hey, I'm still friends with a lot of xsmut. Really, we have some really great friends. We'll talk about that towards the later part of the episode. But I'm you know, yeah, I don't have one X that I'm not Have you ever gone back to an X? But you guys broke up and then he went back to them? No, No, every single time we got together,

we ended things, but we still remained really good friends. No, no, no, I want excess to disappear, Like why are you still briefing? Why are you still here? Like we just what's employee? You're you know saying you already done enough? Damnage? Is time we used to go? But um, anyway, I mean go out of my life. You know, if you're still here in the world damaging other women, that's on you. Bet. I just want you to disappear in my life and

never see you again. And if so, I want to see you doing terrible so I can look at you be like you see what I'm saying karmas a bit. Anyway, let's get to you know what. Yeah, I wanted to know a matter when when did you really start dating? When did you jump into the dating scene? How old were you when you knew you were on your very first I think I don't know, because like just like lunch, lunch count as a date. Yeah, that's a date if you're sitting there talking and yeah, but I'm plenty lunch

high school, like you know, you're in high school. Whatever you like? Look, you know what, yeah, because that is your that is your world that was where you were in so as a teenager, and that's what we're gonna talk about right now. As a teenager, do you remember your very first dates, last relationship and break up in that world that you lived on. I remember, I remember,

Oh my god, this is so terrible. I remember having like high school dates, but it was more like, listen, our fourth period, we're gonna sit together in the same table, okay, and then we would have that half an hour of eating together whatever, and then we went our separate ways. We never did anything, but to me at that moment, that was like a big thing. You know, we're sitting together in the lunch table or whatever. Um. And then you know, later on in life, you know, I did

date my teacher, but that's another conversation. Um. But yeah, like in the dating dating scene, I think I kind of I started later on, say at the end of high school or something like that. So more towards your the ending of your tea yeah, the ending of my teens, the ending of my team of my teens. Because everything else, I think it was just kind of cute. I wouldn't consider it like dating dating. I just thought it was cute.

Battle Um. Yeah, because you also could break up in high school, you know, if you grab a pen from someone who you know you're the person you're dating, thought you you were flirting with because you grabbed their pen. Breakups in high school hurt, you know. I remember breaking up with my girlfriend at the time and we were dating, we were high school sweethearts, and everyone came out of the woodwork people. I never even talked to jock's cheerleader. Everything.

We're like, we're so sorry to hear, you know, but I'm like, what, yeah, I know again, when you first start finding out what love is and we started liking someone, the beginning of those breakups is really like the most hurtful ones ever. So I totally get I mean, I get it, um, but I'll say this much. I'll say that looking back, like if I really had to go out the studio, looking back into my dating life, I've made the worst choices ever, and I haven't gotten any better.

Some people just aren't good at making uh, you know, choices when it comes to their significant other. And I also always think that that also comes with childhood traumas you end up just picking the wrong person just because you want affection or because you want to be loved and you can see all the red flags, and then you'll still stick around because you're just looking to feel that,

you know, that empty spot. So so even so so moving away from from your teenage years because it sounds like you were just kind of like, okay, cool, yeah, And then I also, girls, there's nothing really there wasn't there wasn't really nothing there to learn except your your You were experimenting and seeing what you wanted. So let me ask you something. You said that throughout the years you've made mistakes and you kind of fall back on that, on that blade again, over and over and over again.

So this has been happening since you you were in your twenties up to now. What what are some of the things that you think you've you you know that you've learned, but you continue to just put them aside and and make the mistakes. Like when you look at the guy, you can already smell it. You can smell

when they're all players. You can smell just a walking redah when they're red flags, when they're too months into themselves, when they are talking to too many women, when they break their neck to look at the girl that's walking by, or whatever. There's many red flags that you see, and then you try to convince yourself became. You know, I'm just gonna let him be himself. I don't want to

put too many pressure, you know, too much pressure. You know, Um, if he's dating me is because he really likes me. He doesn't have to be with me, so I guess, and you just put up. You create these like excuses yourselves to forgive bad behavior. That's that I find. I find that that's something that a lot of people do. They find an excuse and just exactly the way you said it to remove that bad behavior and think that's

something might you blame yourself. You blame yourself like anytime something goes wrong, and it's something that women do for the most part. Like it's funny because when when a man breaks up with a girl, you know, or let's say reverse, when a girl breaks up with a guy, you automatically say, oh, she's crazy or there's something wrong with her or that it's always the opposite person that you blame women for the most part, if a man breaks up with us, where like, what did I do wrong?

There must be something wrong with me. I must have pushed him away, so it's like it's kind of hard, it's kind of hard to see where it's coming. Is that Is that something that you've learned from your relationships where a guy has gone out and done that and said, oh my god, I'm crazy. Like, yeah, they're trying to make you feel like, oh, okay, you've got problems. You've got problems, or you've got self susteem problems, or you've

got insecurities because you just peep the red flag. And I also believe that women, for the most part, we give a lot of warnings. We give a lot of warnings before we give up on something. Like when a woman is over something, that means that she's already tried, she's already spoken this, that she's you know, she gave out her warnings. A lot of guys don't actually pay attention to them or don't think that that day is ever going to come. They kind of get comfortable. So, yeah,

I've seen my warnings. So can you can pretty much say that you know for you as you for yourself here, do you see the person first and not your expectations or do you reverse that? Do you have expectations of that person and then start to see things developed with that person um in front. Unfortunately, I feel that sometimes I do have expectations for them because I like build the bears, I like build a guy. I want to I want to train you like a puppy. I can

fix you, like there's you have so much potential. I can fix this. And that's the biggest mistake as women as men is being in relationships with people that we feel that we can fix them. You know, you have to accept people for who they are as they are, and that's just what it is. They're not going to change. They can evolve from being who they are, but they're not going to change. And that has been my biggest mistake.

I've always dated men that I feel that I can change, um, that I can make better, and it hasn't worked out. So have you not trusted your intuition and all these and all of these mishaps or I've trusted its trusted I just disregarded it because deep down and said, you know when a guy is no good or you know when you shouldn't date this person, like this person seems like trouble. Like whenever they say, oh I'm single, you

know you're like you're single? Like you mean today, like for now, Like you're really saying, I don't know, you could be dating them and you could see suspicious movements, the calls that I gotta go outside to pick up this phone call, or the you know, I don't know. Um, you're always and these are all and these are all things you've learned throughout the years from your excess in your life. Yeah, basically because the only way you can

learn these things is through your own personal experience. Like no matter how much people tell you, and how many would you say in a number of off the top of your head, excess wise boys and girls, because you've explained on the show before the dated or seen women, Um,

where do you see number one? How many of these excess you think you you can count that have taught you a lesson or you've learned something from some of them that will make you better all of them almos happening they made from one I learned, don't be so financially open when as a woman, when you're so financially open to me, if there's nothing wrong, if I make I says, I'll be like, oh my god, bab I'm

so excited. I just got this opportunity and made fifty grand, this other person might not look especially if they don't make as much money as you do. UM. That's another one that I learned. They look at you with like, oh, you got money, so now you're no longer you know, paying for dinners or putting up money because you feel like, well,

you got it. Don't be financially open too. Definitely learned that don't ever date anybody and I and I used to like it because anytime I see those movies where I see people that you know, no, no, we worked together and we built this empire. I always wanted to build an empire with somebody. But then I realized times have changed and things have changed, and everybody's the same. When you date someone that has less than you do, especially being a woman, there's always a sense of competition,

whether they tell you or not. Deep down inside, there's always a sense of like, you know, Cia Stanto, I gotta do tanto and she's driving a Maserati. I gotta drive a Bentley and she there's always that sense of competition. Definitely learned that. UM, I learned do you do you count that as a a problem? A break in communication within the relationship where you maybe UM, are expressing too

much or too little? How do you see that? And when you in the communication of a know that they that you should be completely open with your partner Today's today, after my experiences in life today, I would say you shouldn't. I feel that no matter what, you should still preserve some things for yourself, you know, and always be clear in the fact that you're two separate individuals. You know, you have you, I have me. We have us, but you have you can't lose yourself in the midst of that.

And that also includes financially. We can have an account together, and we both have to have our individual things. So you can't express everything that you have, everything that you own. I don't. I just don't think that it's healthy. And it should be, but I don't think that it's healthy. So let me ask you somewhere where did it go

wrong for you? How come you have not been able to pick up these patterns or have you and you just ignore them, the patterns of these certain lessons that I don't realize that I am following a pattern til after I'm in it, you know, after I'm in it, when I realized, damn, I did it again. You know, I did the build the bear to fix, you know, make a guy, you know, um, the with the oh he has potential, he's so great. And now I'm and

now I feel like my mom was right. My mom always says together because you already have your stuff together, or at least for the most part, you're more put together than a lot of women out there. So you know, you have to find somebody that's gonna lift you up. And I'm always trying to lift other people up, you know, So no, I'm not doing that anymore. Sorry. And what about if you were to talk to someone um or have you been in a situation where the person is

trying to fix themselves? Is that a red flag for you or is it something that you could think you could take on and be helpful with. No, Bobby, when you finished working on yourself hot at me the end when you feel that you get your life together, and so it talk to me because I did that for a very long time. And what ends up happening, Ladies,

tell me if I'm right or wrong. For the most part, girls like me that are fixers that you want to fix men and you want to build them, you wind up building them for the next bitch, you end up building them for the next woman because after you get them, when the confidence is low, you let them know how amazing they are. You clean them off. You you clement, You fix them up the quest soon as they know them. Like, yeah, the same thing happens with guys that get girls that

are get on FATA. Right. You got money, you get her boobs done, you get her three sixty life or her bibyl hair done, expensive bags that they don't. You started taking her to expensive dinners that she's never been to, you know, surrounding her around different environments of people. You know what your trash. I can do this without you

and don't say they forget where they started. So that's that's kind of hard, right, Like sometimes you're trying to when you're trying to gauge someone and and learning about them, you really don't know upfront because a lot of people won't be up front if they're fixing themselves, right, and that you know, I would think that from your past excess, did you have one or two or three maybe that you knew we're going through something like that, or or

were you always the one to want to build the guy? No, I and in some occasions I didn't know. You know, you started seeing it later on because a lot of people. And that's another thing. Um, guys, ladies, jen's um stop doing that, Like if you don't got it, just don't have it. Stop trying to pretend. In the beginning, you know, you show you show like that character, like the good side of you, you know the game, I'm so perfect, and they get don't fart, you know what I'm so

I don't do nothing. No from the beginning, show me all your flaws, me that I wake up late, I'm dirty, I never pick up it, I don't do this, you know, I don't know. Show me everything. Then you decide, you know what, I think I can deal with this, I can fix this, or I want to you know that's cool. But in the beginning, I've had guys that have shown me the moods and the stars gase perfect though, and later on with time you start to realize, wait, all

of this was a facade. So that's that's terrible, that's crazy, That's that's insane. I would say, sometimes you gotta love yourself, um a little bit more than to settle with something uh detrimental that could bring mental breakdown. For yourself and in more anguish towards the relationships and learn stop settling. Don't settle. I was a settler. I'm not doing it anymore. Sometimes did you stay with them because you were comfortable? That happens a lot too. It's like marriages a lot

of times. To stick with somebody not because you are in love anymore, it's just because I'm comfortable. I already know you. I don't want to start all over again. You know you've already seen me naked, you already know everything about me. Is like, all right, I'm just gonna stick around and be here. And then you realize you left the best years of your life being with somebody just because you didn't want to put the effort of

starting all over again. So don't settle. If you know that you're with somebody that you should be doing better, or this person doesn't deserve you, or you're with someone because you don't want to be by yourself, which is something that happens a lot. You don't want to be lonely and all, been there, done that, don't do it. Not doing it anymore? NOTO. What's what's one of the

biggest lessons you've learned? For one particular excite. Is there someone in your in your life that stands out the most that you're like, damn, Like you always kind of think about it. You know, everyone has that, Everyone has that one person they're like, damn you know, um, maybe too, But for yourself, do you is anyone on the back of your mind that you knew that that lesson that

you learned from that person? You cannot commit again. You don't have to name them, but the situation um lesson learn Whenever they say they're gonna pull out, don't listen to them. It's a lot. You gotta put it out yourself. You gotta put it out yourself or wrap it up. Don't trust that. Ladies don't trust it. Wow, and and and and I'm assuming I'm not gonna assume that is a that is a lesson learned from your from your from your younger years, from when you were first learning

about And that's crazy. Just the tip or don't believe none of that. Don't believe out of it. You can get in trouble. Um. I was saying, that goes both ways. Guys out there listening to this podcast, if a girl tells you just do it, it's fine, you be careful. UM. I will also say, hey, I'll be joking around, but it's real for a lot of people. UM. I would also say, when you start dating someone, if you really like them, make sure that they're single. If they tell

you that they're single. I don't think that these days you can no longer just believe the fact that they said that they're single. I need proof and evidence. I need to investigate the situation. You know, um if you say that you're Because that's another thing. When guys want to get it, they'll be like, oh, you know, I'm married, but we're separated. You know, we have for having problems right now, things aren't working. You know, I'm getting a divorce or I'm already a divorce in the process of

she doesn't want me. Okay, I need facts and evidence, please Texas bitch right now and say something sweet to her to see how she's gonna answer you back. And she says, Bobby this and that you're lying, and she's like, what the fund do you want? It sounds like my girl? All right, So that's it. But what if you have someone, what if you have an exit? Actually literally like still you know, not in the sense of love love, but loves you to death. You know you've had that. Really,

I don't know. I don't know. I need to have some type of proof that you're actually single, because these days everybody says that they're single and they're really not. They just want to have face time and walk around your face time and walk around your house. Open all the drawers. Can you please open your medicine cabinet? Let me see open is an extra toothbrush. As a matter of fact, ladies, here's another one. When you go to the shower, do you have some bed bath and beyond

jelly fruity shit? No, that's no, that's the sign you're not using this part of metro? What's wrong with stuff? Something is off? Do you have some like you know, girly pink shaver or something? I need to know or I really put my feelings into it because you can't trust these days, and that's the thing people be having these double lives. I just feel like, be honest. Look, if you're just so you can say so you can say lesson learned. Maybe is that well, yeah, that's happen,

that's will definitely happened to me. But I just feel like, be honest. Like, because I might still want to funk with you if you're honest, if you're like, Look, I'm married, all right, I got my wife, I have ten kids, I got a nine of five. This is what it is. Do you still like me? Okay, at least you gave me. At least you gave me an opportunity. Hey, listen, I'm being honest with you right now. Okay, my life is and shambles, all this going on, but exactly, but you

know what, you find me attractive? I find you attractive. We have good chemistry. Do you still want to mess with me? At least you gave me the opportunity. But don't lie to me. Don't make me like you. Don't make me fall into this crap. To the leader on realized that all of it was a lie. I think that's disrespectful and I think that that is a great topic for a future episode that we can we can definitely talk about, about, you know, the double lives and

how people you know live them. I mean, there's people out there who are married, have kids and are living a completely separate life outside and just men. Women do it too, women too, Yeah, and the opposite partner in the situation has no idea, especially long distance relationships. I'm just saying. I'm not saying, but I'm just saying, so, yeah, you gotta be careful social media. Man, you just like one picture and next thing, you know, you've been dating

for three years online said, but that's another thing. You know. Social media is another way of also having a double life. You know, there's guys that wake up every morning to text a little Instagram girlfriend that you've never met. But you cater and give attention to this person more than you do to the person that sitting next to you every day. There's laying next to you every day. So yeah, these things are important. Learned from our excess today, ladies

and gentlemen, we have learned a lot. We've known. You've gotten very very personal today, which is great for our listeners to this. And I'm not saying that all of these situations our minds. I'm just saying, over right, right, So you you've you've shared enough with us from your personal life that we can relate to what has happened. You know, what has happened to you? Oh man, This episode will last another three days, but at leave is one thing that you learned from your ex Um, I've

learned that. I've I've definitely learned that sometimes you have to trust another I've had a lot of issues with trust in the past, and it was all in my head. It was all in my head, and I've put the blame on on on other people thinking and making things up that weren't real. So, you know, I went through a bad marriage. I got divorced shortly after I was dating around and and it kind of played with my mind that this person really like me or were they

talking to blah blah blah. So I played the trick in my own head and I lost a lot of relationships because of it. Yeah. Trust is a big that's true. I've done the same thing you have that you you come up with things in your mind because you just don't trust the other person. It's hard to trust because for you to be like that, that means if somebody had to funk you up, like somebody messed up with your trust and now you don't trust. It's like a cycle. Yeah.

So the one thing I've learned from my exis is that I should listen and communicate, you know, which is now sitting here in my thirties. I can tell you that I am a complete different person from the person

that I was in my twenties. And I've learned to listen, trust and just be open, you know, and just not sit here and be close minded to what the world has to for because you know that can that can hurt everyone in the end if you're just like, you know, what's something I also learned I must admit, like on a more positive side, Um, sometimes you have to let go of things. Let go of things. Um, you can't fight. You have to learn how to choose and pick your battles.

You can't fight and argue for every single petty little things like sometimes you know, all that argument, all that fighting, all that sometimes you be nagging and being petty and just looking that that can really mess up a relationship. Do I think the relationships wants to one? A little argument? Okay, cool, little looking for something that's super unhealthy. Sometimes you have to know when to back up and be like, you

know what, and I'm not gonna do it today. I'm just gonna and you know, we're we're you know, Latinos are very firing, you know Hispanish Latinos are very fire. So we're known to sometimes spark up a little argument over spilled you know. So that's you know, we gotta look into ourselves and change that sometimes, but we're still who we still are who we are. We gotta be

proud of it. The last thing I'm gonna leave you here with is before we get out of here, is you know, um, we're not responsible for anyone else's happiness about our own correct? Correct? Yeah, most definitely. I mean I do think that in order to make somebody else happy, you have to be happy yourself, um, which is a very hard thing to do, because we try to find our happiness within somebody else, and that goes both ways.

You know, stop looking for this happy you, stop looking for your spouse to fulfill or your significant other to fulfill that emptiness that you have inside. That's something you've

got to figure out on your own. Uh. That's another reason, another way for you to end up a good relationship for somebody that actually really loves you and really cares about you and really wants to be with you, because you put them all the responsibility of your happiness on them, they gotta be They gotta worry about being happy themselves too. So I think that's something that we definitely have to

work on UM. And I feel that realistically, this conversation can go on and on because I feel there's so many lessons learned, good and bad. For the more is probably know I was hitting you out with the bad. There's some good things. I've also learned from my excess that I'm grateful for them. I'm grateful for every single man I've ever loved, even if they haven't loved me back the way that I loved them, or every girl whatever. Um, I'm grateful because I learned, I'm matured and maybe the

woman that I am today. UM, I will never regret loving someone because I gave the best out of me. Now, if they did wrong by me, that's on them, But I gave the best out of me, and I think that that should be the same way for everybody. If you ever feel that somebody has done you wrong, don't feel bad that they did you. You know, feel bad find that that they did you wrong. But if you did good by them, that's okay. Let Papado take care of them, let them, you know, let God handle that

you did the right thing. So with that being said, there's so many lessons learned from my exes there's so many more things I'm sure I will learn right now, you know, I just I just recently learned a lot of hangs from my ex. Uh. But oh boy, never blame someone else for the road you're on. But I am grateful for every single experience, good or bad. I am grateful for every lesson because just because I said lesson, it don't mean that it's bad. I'm grateful for everything.

You know, if you hadn't gone through all the things you've gone through in life, you wouldn't be who you are. You wouldn't be where you are today, So you gotta look at it that way. Alex, this has been so good. I must admit this has been so good. It's been interesting and made me um laugh and made me think. Uh. It made me actually want to keep asking myself some of these questions because a lot of times these type of conversations are very self healing to hear yourself out

loud express certain things. So thank you so much, no problem, That's what I'm here for, you know, come up with ideas together and we serenade our audience. Yeah, and if you guys can relate to today's topic, I definitely want to learn um and know on exactly I'm on Instagram and on Twitter. What lessons have you learned from your ex?

What did your ex taught you that you'll always carry that with you or that you feel like, damn it, you know, if it wasn't because of this experience that I had, I have never done this, or whatever the case may be, I definitely want to know, So go leave some comments there and you can also leave some comments at the YouTube channel. Go on the search bar and write exactly a Mata and you can see all

the behind the scenes of this actual podcast. But with that being said, thank you everyone for joining me and remember to follow exactly a Mata and Microua podcast on Instagram. You can also watch the podcast and the YouTube channel. This has been a production of I Heart micro Tua podcast network, and for more podcasts from my Heart, visit That I Heard Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast show. Thank you so much, Alex.

I shall see you soon. Everybody, Gang Gang Gang, See you next Thursday. Exactly in my Life. H