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today's topic is stop winning Simo. Today's topic it hits home combre because I am personally going through this experience grandparents overstepping parents with their own traditional ways of raising children.
Does that make sense? Were you raised by your wiliita or your wiliito or did you ever.
Have unai I'm a teaching there was always in you know, in your in your house or they always had an opinion about how you were being raised or what your mom should do or shouldn't do, or maybe are you a mother or a father that is raising your children, and your mother or father is always all up in the mix, all up in your business on how you
should raise your kids. Bueno. Today, we're exactly talking about a lot of the common things that happen in those challenging situations with your grandparents, well with their grandparents meaning your parents, and their own personal traditions of how you should raise your kids. And in many occasions you don't want to disrespect them because obviously, you know, they raised you, and I'm sure they did a good job raising you.
But these days you may have your.
Own ways, your own perspective, your own different opinions on how children should be raised and the things that you shouldn't shouldn't do. Some parents, you know, we obviously appreciate their wisdom and the support of the grandparents. You know, grandparents come in with a lot of good gonsejos tips.
They have a lot of.
Great advice on the things that you should do for your kids. You're not the bilau and the chicken soup, you know, and that's the samyla and all the you know,
all the traditional things of our culture. However, just because you raised me, it doesn't necessarily mean, I may want to raise my children the same way, and I know it can be very frustrating, and you can feel annoyed, and you can, in many occasions even feel offended that they're, you know, interfering, and not only that interfering, but again
on top of that, they be criticizing you. They be criticizing the way that you raise your kids, that you don't know what you're doing that and there are days they used to do it like this, that you're not a good parent, you're not a good mother, you're not a good father, because they would have never done that, they would have never tolerated.
This or that.
It's it's a lot of pressure because you don't want them to feel rejected your parents, you know, the grandparents.
You don't want them to feel rejected.
You don't want them to feel ignored, and nonetheless, you don't want them to feel disrespected.
Does that make sense when me and Mama lolo?
But I mean, and you guys already know that, But just because you raised me some type of way doesn't mean I want to raise my kids that same way. However, I've been very open minded because I believe that my mom is also a very open minded person. She is older, but she lets herself be guided by this generation as well, understanding the times have changed and there's many things that you know that she tells me that I take advice and I try it because why not, especially being a
first time parent. In many occasions, you don't you know, you don't necessarily know what you're doing. And I've had my mom be like, you know, if the if the babies are what and now, then put them butter in their feet. I'm like, what, yeah, yeah, yeah, that always worked for that always worked for you. And that's the traditional thing when they're acting, you know they're when they're
acting in Kietas, you just put butter on their feet. Uh, okay, all the babies having bad drinks, put a glass of water under the bed, sure, all the baby And it's like, okay, listen, I may not want to do that, you know what I mean. I understand that those are the traditions, but I may not want to do that, But at the same time, I feel like I don't want to miss out on those special traditional moments.
Then that goes from one generation to the next, because I'm.
Sure that my grandmother did that to her and now she's passing it on to me, and I may not believe in it, but it's still a traditional thing that maybe if you don't just look at it from the perspective of okay, this may not actually work. It may have come from a place of ignorance back in the days.
Maybe it does work in save you know, but maybe it's a traditional thing that it really makes her feel important, that it really makes her feel like she's really doing something for me and my kids, that she she is bringing her culture into our households and she's teaching them something I don't know. I try to be open minded and be like, okay, d let's do it, you know. But then at the same time, sometimes it's like, you know what, I may not want to do those things,
and how do you tell them? You know, you're kind of disrespecting me as a mother and the things that I want to do with my kids by you somewhat forcing your parenting as a grandmother to my kids.
Am I wrong for that?
And then on top of that, the most common areas of disagreement when it comes to our grandparents trying to somewhat parent our children is the discipline, right, the way that they want to discipline. Our kids may not be the same way that me. We may want to. Like I said before, I remember my mom, you know, was really rough and tough with me growing up, but now she wants to be all soft and tender and gentle with my girls.
And I'm like, no, you were really tough on me.
I want to be tough with my girls because back in the days, life was hard and now it's harder, not because of financial part, but because of the way that society has changed. So therefore, having two little girls, I have to teach them how to be a tough cooking. I want them to be young, I want them to be fine, and I want them to live their childhood. But at the same time, they have to understand, like, yo,
you're not always going to get your ways. No, it's not like yet it ay, thank God, just give it to her.
She wants to cook.
You just know, you know what, sometimes you can get what you want. So the disciplinary area is one of the big things food, you know. I have always been a big believer into like I want my girls to have vegetables. I want my girls to, you know, eat a certain type of way. In my perfect world, my girls will be eating fruits and vegetables and no meat.
You know, I'm not a vegetarian.
I am far from being vegan, but I really didn't want my girls, you know, the beginning of their life, to to be eating any type of meat, not even chicken or anything. And that was just my way of thought, me understanding that, you know, all the hormones that chicken has and all the you know, the unhealthy stuff that may come with with you know, eating those things at such an early age, knowing that their bodies is not
prepared for it. I didn't want them doing that, but my mom felt, oh, no, they need to eat it because of the protein. Because of this, you can get proteins from beans, you can get prote for many other things. And they're so small. I want them to learn to enjoy fruits and vegetables because they're gonna naturally gravitate to it. They're gonna naturally gravitate to French fries and pizza and hot dogs and all those things. All kids love chicken
nuggets and all those things. But the hard part is teaching them how to eat the broccoli and the spinach and all the healthy things. And my mom has her vision. You know the baby should be eating lotre gobe because we're Dominican Blad and Osalami.
Yes, I don't want to disrespect her.
I don't want her feel bad, but those are part of the things that I'm like, maybe now you're overstepping your boundaries because I have my vision of what I want my kids to eat.
You know, the screen time.
I don't want them to watch as much TV, and I know it can be stressful to hear them screaming and crying all day and it's so much easier to just put Miss Rachel or Cocomela or whatever it may be, and then they're just gonna be quiet. Yeah, But at the same time, I don't want my kids to become like, you know, just like TV zombies, where they're stuck watching TV all day or on an iPad or on a phone and if you don't give it to them, they go crazy.
And she's like, I know, so nan Yah, it doesn't matter their kids.
And I'm like, I don't mind letting them watch it, but there should be a limit of what is too much. If it's one o'clock in the morning and you're still watching TV, am I wrong for feeling bad and saying this is too much, No, but they want to watch it. So since when are you supposed to let kids do whatever they want? Am I missing something?
Manners? I would say no.
My mom does a great job, you know, helping me, and my father is well teaching them manners, you know, the thank you, the glasses and all those things.
So I don't have issues with that.
Personally.
I'm sure that there's you know, people out.
There that your parents are out here watching your kids be mad, disrespectful, be mad, rude, and just because they don't want the kids to feel bad, they don't say anything as grandparents if you want to overstep your boundaries, if you're overstepping your boundaries for the best of them as far as their behavior, please don't let your grandkids be disrespectful and wild and rude out here in these streets, like we see these kids in the supermarket throwing them
tantrums in the floors and you know, taking food and opening bags and just being rude and disrespectful everywhere they go. If you're going to overstep your boundaries to stop that, please be my guest. But then at the same time, every parent has their own ways of how they want to raise your kids, because I also know parents where they're like, just let them be free, let them express themselves.
You know, if she did a tantrum and she threw all the groceries on the floor, she's just expressing her anger. Let me tell you something. We don't believe in that.
I don't.
I don't believe in that. I believe in. I believe in the time out.
I believe in taking things away.
I believe in. But I believe in that laser eye. You know, that look that your parents used to give you, like if you dare to move that. I believe in all of that, but in that just like, let.
Them be free, let them express them And.
For those parents that I like that. And I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm mocking you. Maybe your parents might be overstepping their boundaries to you because they might be trying to get them checked safety. You know, the first safety purposes.
I know that.
You know, some parents believe in I'm not letting my kids out the house, I'm not letting my kids go to the playground. I'm not letting my kids do this. I don't want my kids to do that. And if that is something that you want to be respected in your household.
I get it.
Put that assle In many occasions they don't respect that, you know, and I get that. And between that and media, I not at least tell out a geese.
Now there's a long list.
Of all the things that a lot of grandparents do, overstepping boundaries, you know what I mean? The time to go to sleep, the places that they should go, so the clothes that they should wear. In many occasions, I want to put my daughter something and here goes my mom with the mean so I don't like that.
I don't want them wearing that, ma'am. Ma'am, have you forgotten that you've already raised me and I am grown. If I want to put my daughter a pink dress and you don't want pink because you want yellow, when do they realize that now you're overstepping a little bit your boundary. I want you to love them, and I want you to feel appreciated, and I want you tolo. But can I have this moment as a mother? Can I have this moment where I want to see my kids?
And even as a father, I'm sure that you know there's some grandfathers out there that when the father says my kid is playing football and you want your grandkids playing soccer.
That may be an issue too.
Ask parents, Ask grandparents, do you know when you're overstepping your boundaries? If you didn't know, please listen to this podcast and share it and send it to them so that they hear it from me and they don't thinks you you might.
Be overstepping your boundaries.
Here was the smallest little thing that my mother and I we didn't have an issue.
Tell me if if you've ever gone through something like this. We didn't have an issue, but.
We did discuss it, and even discussing it made me feel weird.
Why should we be having this discussion here?
It goes, so, my girls hear me calling my mom mommy all the time, right, kids don't know any better. So they started calling my mom mommy, and I'm like, no, that's your abuela, I am your mommy, I am your mother, it's me, you know.
And then she was like, Hannah, just let her.
It's okay.
You know, they can call you mom, and they can call me mommy or something like this.
Wait wait, wait, wait, I know that in the Latino community and in our culture, we've had many you know, you know it happens where you call your abuela me, ma, mama or whatever it may be, and then you call your mom mom or mother or whatever it is, or you call them by their names and you kind of somewhat share the same title. I don't know if you knew how much that bothered me for a second.
Now, I was told, you know what your mother is.
Raising part of the raising your girls, and if it makes you feel good, and it's what you know, don't take your personal or you're always going to be their mother, d da da. But then I had a conversation with her when I was like, do you remember how special it felt for you when I called you mom or mam for the first time and the excitement that you had. This is my turn now, you know, as a woman,
Now is my opportunity to experience just the name. As a parent, you become so excited when your kid says Papa or dad dad for the first time.
That is like your title, that is your name.
You know what I'm saying, And I'm not saying it's not okay for them to call their grandparents that, but can they call you ala auelo, you know, grandmama, whatever it is.
But can I have that? Am I wrong for that? I don't know.
I felt really bad for two seconds when I told her because I saw her face change, and I was like, it's not that I'm jealous, but okay, I'm jealous, you know, I feel a little some type of way. There have been found surveys that say that when parents that have asked their grandparents right the child's grandparents to be more consistent with parenting choices, seventeen percent have said that the grandparents refuse their request, meaning like, if they have asked
their parents, y'all don't do this. Seventeen percent of them have been like, Nah, we're gonna stick to what I said, and this is what it is?
Is that terrible? I also want to know something.
Give me your opinion, But if your parents are also helping raise your children, should they have the rights to, you know, give their perspective, their point and their opinion and their you know, ways of how to raise their kids or just because they are helping assisting doesn't mean that they have the rights to make those decisions. A lot of grandparents just want to stick to the way that they believe and they're not willing to be flexible.
Some of the reasons for these conflicts are generational differences, cultural differences, personal preferences, and we have to be understanding and flexible of if someone gave birth to someone and they want to raise them a certain type of way, if even religiously.
Let's talk about that.
And I do my best to not get myself involved in religion, but it is very important when it comes to the Latino household. Your parents may have been Catholic, You may want to be Christian. You may want to take your child to a different church. As a matter of fact, your family may have been super religious and you, as a parent may not be may not want to take your child to your church every Sunday, may not want to do those things.
Even it's so crazy.
Even the religious part of raising your kids and your grand and the grandparents and your parents being involved, that can be an issue.
Generational differences.
Times have changed, miha, We no longer do this, We now do it this way. You know that can be an issue, and not only an issue amongst you guys you knows as your your parents or whatever your closest family members, but it can be an issue that spreads throughout the family. Like now you have your mother calling your aunt, and now your aunt is telling the cousins, and now everybody is looking at you crazy for having your own opinion on how you want to raise your kids. Yo,
isn't that crazy? I never knew or expected those things. Like then they also want to know King and mamatich the grandmothers are the grandfathers?
Are there any grandfathers out there? Kauzumb being medio.
They always really have an opinion, maybe on the father or like, you don't know what you're doing.
You're not raising your son right, You're not raising your daughter right. That's not how you do it. Da da da da da.
You know, I know a lot of parents that want to do in this generation gentle parenting, gentle parenting.
Know, Miamu, you don't.
Do it this way. Let's sit down and have a conversation. Tell me how you feel when we have a lot of grandparents that back in the days be like, hey, look a that's the fact.
Don't changkolate asso.
What she's missing is for you to get that chang glad and throw it from one side to the other and be he right in the head or you know what I mean, what you're missing is to take her to Puerto Rico, take her to dr take her to wherever you know the the naga, and then you bring them back to the States. Everybody has their own ways of how you're supposed to raise your kid. But have you ever been in that situation or you've heard it or you've seen it where you're like, Okay, I don't
want to raise my kid that way. I don't know. Grandparents may have different views on topics like discipline, education, nutrition, the sleeping habits based on their own upbringing experiences and values. And I respect that, you know, because we also have to respect our elders. We have to respect those who raised us. We have to respect those that came before us. And just because we have technology and just because we feel that we know better, doesn't mean that all their
life experience has to go down the drain. Because they do. They may know what they're talking about. You know, it did work back then, why would it not work now? But I also feel that a lot of grandparents have to be a little bit more flexible and understand the times have changed that you you know, just because you raised me doesn't mean that I am going to mimic
the way that you raised me with my children. There's many things that a lot of grandparents feel that you did right that may have not been right.
You have to be able to admit when you were wrong.
And just because you're older and because you deserve respect because of your age and what you may have done for us as your children, doesn't mean that we as your children shouldn't be also respected and respect. You know, our values, our morals, our principles, and our vision and perspective of life.
Am I wrong? Let me know and exactly I'm out on YouTube?
I also am even seeing little sensitive you know, and it's not that little, but looking sensitive topics like this. We have in this generation that we have children that are choosing their sexuality, that are choosing and when I say children, I mean even if you're a teenager, right, they are choosing their sexual preference or how they want to dress, or how they want to feel, or the
color of their hair. Now we have, you know, even boys that feel comfortable painting their nails and it doesn't mean it they maybe it's just a way of expressing your arts or how or your emotions or whatever it may be, even from the music that they listen to all these other things. We're so caught up in this conversation talking about how, you know, the grandparents make a us feel as parents, that we haven't stopped to think about how it affects the children's.
Views on us. Let's talk about that.
You know, how do you think your kids look at you when they see that your mother, your father, you're a parents. Now you know you are the parent of this child, But they see that your mother or your father are bossing you around like you're a little kid. That when you say something, your word, your opinion is not respected in that household. How is that child supposed to respect you? How is that kid supposed to view
you when you say something in your household? That is what is going to be done, period point blank.
But here comes.
Ali and says, I know that is do whatever you want, you know, do whatever you want, don't worry, don't listen to them. In what light does that put you? And I'm saying this for the grandparents that are listening, and I'm saying this for the mother and the father that are going through it or that have gone through it.
And I'm also saying this for.
The kid who knows where I'm coming from because you see your mother or your father fighting with your grandparents all the time about them. Guys, if you're going to have a you know, a discussion, can you please do that not in front of the kids. What you don't want is your grandchild to see you disrespecting their parents, because it's disrespectful when they have said something and they have stepped their authority and here comes you feeling like you gotta do what I say because I am your mother.
No no, no, no no. In that moment and in that place, you need to understand and know your role.
You know, you still play the mother or father, you know role, but now as a grandparent, you have moved on to a different stage, a different category.
You know what I'm saying.
You have to respect that space in that household. If you want to have this conversation privately over the phone, if you want to pull them outside to the back mea miha, even seen my mom do it. I mean, I think that you're being too tough on the kids, or when you spank them, you spank them too hard, or I think that you should do this, or da da da da da da. You'll do that privately. You
never want to have those conversations in front of the kids. Hey, listen, those things It may seem insignificant, but those things even affect at the long run, the relationship that they have with even their spouse later on in life, because they'll be like, well, I never you know what I'm saying. Nobody respecting my parents, So why I got to respect you?
Like all those things that you may feel that it's insignificant, does affect the way that your kids are being raised anyways, think about it and if you feel some type of way and you haven't taken action, how did I woke and have that conversation today with your mother your father and be like, oh, hey man, you gotta respect me when I say something to my kids.
This is what it is.
You can't come over here, you know what I'm saying, breaking my authority. That's not how this works over here. So what can parents and grandparents do to avoid or resolve these conflicts?
You got any tips, any advice?
Let me know. Well, I honestly think that communication is so key, you know, communicating having a clear understanding, because it's not just communicating, it's trying to understand the other person's perspective and point of view of you being respectful. You know what I'm saying, Let's be respectful of their point. It's not just about okay, I want to talk on this. No, no, no, listen to why they're saying what they're saying, because they might actually have a point.
You get what I'm saying.
So let's figure out ways to have private conversations to understand. Why is it that you feel that overstepping my boundaries is okay? What is it that you're trying to teach me as a parent? Am I doing something wrong? Why do you think I'm doing something wrong? How can I learn from your past experiences?
You know? Why are you?
All? The why? Questions are important because at the end of the day, you don't want to have bad vibes in your family. Nonetheless with your parents, you know, because whatever it is, I'm sure they're not trying to have ill tensions behind it, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Parents and grandparents should talk very often, especially if they
are involved in the role of raising your children. If you're dropping off your kids to the grandma's house, to the wallit those houses or whatever, and then they have a way of raising them at.
You can't feel some type of way because you are allowing them to.
A certain extent to participate in the way that they're being raised. So those conversations of roles, of boundaries and expectations should be had at some point, if not consistently. So that's a great way of avoiding, you know, judgment, accusations and all types of you know, just saying I feel this type of way.
I need you to help me.
Because even that word is important. I need you to help me understand. I need you to help me do better. I need you to and just also saying even before you start with the way that you feel, I appreciate what you're doing.
I appreciate your intentions.
I you know, before you hit them BOMBASO go to the positive. I appreciate the fact that you're trying to do this. However, it makes me feel this way and I need you to please or I need you to please help me do this for X and Y reasons.
Does that make sense.
It's just it's just the way you present your feelings. It's important because you don't want to make them feel bad because, like I said, I'm sure they don't mean it with bad intentions. Compromising is important, you know what I mean, Like, you know what, maybe I should be a little bit flexible. Maybe I'm being too stiff, Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe over you know, analyze yourself a little bit too when you feel that they're overstepping the boundaries. Why are they doing it? Is it maybe
that you're not doing something right realistically? As much as you think that you're a perfect parent, maybe you really are. You know, you could do better, and that's okay to admit, Like, you know what, I probably should do better. I probably
am not necessarily, you know, necessarily handling the situation. The best way parents and grandparents should try to find a middle ground and work, you know, work together as a team because you guys are a family at the end of the day, and the most important thing is you should respect each other's authority.
Respect is key.
Never feel now that because you are a parent, that you are gonna that it's okay to just disrespect now your parents. Is is never that deep right? You never want to do that because then later on you'll end up regretting it. And in many occasions you'll see your parents being like I told, I told you singa early look what happened. I told you to handle it this week, and look what happened now, and most likely you already know they'll end up being right. So let's not get
to the space of being disrespectful. Also, I think it's important to.
At the end of the day, focus on the children.
Focus on the kids.
No matter what it is that you guys are trying to accomplish, you're trying to accomplish it for the best well being of that child.
Of those children, whatever it is that they're teaching them, not teaching them, or maybe they're doing it out of love and it comes off the wrong way or whatever, remember that you're doing this because you're trying to be as loving, as providing, as caring for that child. Don't let your ego, your pride, your vision of life interfere the goal and the purpose, which is to raise those kids in a space of love, appreciation, and care and respect.
Let's find a solution to the problem. Anyways, I thought that this conversation was important and it was an important conversation to have. And like I said, if you have any family members, if you're going through it, if you know anyone who's going through it, please feel free to share this podcast with them because it's important for us to have these conversations. We can't just avoid.
Them because then later on and turns into worse things.
Let's talk about it. We're a family. If you're a family, you should be able to have an open conversation feeling like you're being judged. That's not what this is about at the end of the day. It's about coming together for the well being of the family. Anyways, thank you
so much again for listening to Exactly Amada. Thank you for being part of this podcast because I do it with so much love and appreciation, and I talk about all my personal life experiences with you because I'm sure that there's somebody out there that that this episode can connect with.
There's somebody out there that has gone through it or that is going through it.
And if that's your case, thank you for being part of this amazing podcast because I do this for you every single time. Make sure to find me on YouTube and catch my show by searching for Michael through that podcast on YouTube and clicking on Exactly Amata Binge watch Binge, listen and check out all my episodes because I'm sure you will learn something from it every time. I do these episodes, I release when we have guests, I learn,
I share, and this is really what it's about. At the end of the day, you guys are my exactly Amada family, and guys, you already know this is a protection of Iheartsmichael through that podcast work. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite show.
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