Growing Up Without My Dad

I am proud of you guys for supporting me, for supporting this concept of being uncensored, unfiltered, just the real deal, no taboos. We talk about everything over here. We talk about immigration, and then right after that we could talk about only fans, and then right after that we could talk about racism, and we could talk about any single mothers. We talk about everything over here, and that's why I love this show. For that being said, today we're talking

about a very personal topic. They have a hell because I'm a little bit too excited chili link, So I let me bring it down, all right, won't won't? Okay, So today's topic, it's a very personal topic to me, and I know that a lot of women and a lot of men, and a lot of kids, and a lot of mothers and some dads, we'll be able to relate. Um, because it's been something that has affected my life, you know, ever since I was a little girl. Um, long story short, But before I get into it, I have to bring

in my producer. You already know that he's lit. He helps me get this show together and he always has the best advice, the best stories. So I want to bring in Alex to jump in with me on today's conversation. Alee, what's up? I'm here with you Today is gonna be a some bring moment, right Like we're gonna be talking about something deep, but we were still gonna have the amount of fund that we we have with almost every topic. Somehow, I think I think you'll you'll twist it around to

be something positive in a way. I pray because right now I'm feeling real raggedy with what I'm about to say. Well, today's topic is it's about growing up without your dad, without growing up you know, growing up without your father, without a father figure in your life, and how that you know, eventually affects many of us it affects you know, kids, um, it affects the family, It affects your mental health, It

affects the way that you date people. It affects the way that you view the opposite sex, It affects the way that you see sex. It affects the way that you um are you know, in society. It affects many things in life when you don't have both parents, you know, especially when you don't have the father figure, because that's one of the things that unfortunately is the most common. We always, for the most part, see single mothers. And

I'm not saying my single fathers. Shoutouts. Shout out to all the single fathers, and they said, you know what, jo, I am gonna be responsible for this kid, and this is mine. This came out of my sack, and this is my responsibility. Shoutouts to you. You know, some people

do it because they're good parents. Some men do it because, you know, unfortunately, maybe the mother passed away, or the mother maybe going through a situation that she's you know, mentally unstable to take care of the child or whatever. But I appreciate all those single fathers out there, all those real fathers spoke. I'm being let's not trash them.

I mama. We always talk very highly of those great mothers, but let's also show some love to those great fathers that are out there, that are responsible, that do the homework with their kids, that take them to the hospital, that are you know, a real father figure. Shout outs to you, but to all y'all raggedy ass trash as non caring asked father's, Today's show is for you. Um. Yeah, So alex me that in your case, I have had

the opportunity, um, not necessarily bonding with you personally. You know, I've seen you with your with your daughters, with your kids, the way that you are. You know, you're an amazing father for what I've been able to see. Did you grow up with your father? You know, that's a good question because I too, that's something that we share amount of I don't. I don't really have a relationship with my real dad. UM, same thing. He was born and

he kind of just like took off. And you know, one of the things that I want to bring up to you is the fact that you know, UM, sometimes you have some type of bond in the beginning and then they disappear. In other cases, they're not even part of the pictures. That even is that worse when you have a bott and then they disappear or is it better when they're never in the picture? Man? You know, I think that even just a this relationship could mean something for for you as a as a child, right,

because you could. It'll still hurt to try to like why did he leave? Right? Because abandonment issues right right? So yeah, so that's one of the things that I think about, Like, I didn't grow up with my dad. Now, my mom still made me like visit him in Puerto Rico when I was there, kind of like get to know him. And uh, even til today, I've probably hung out with him and I can count it less than than three times in my life. And it's crazy, right. So I hung out with him when I was down

there for vacation as a kid. That was it. I have pictures with him, maybe one or two pictures, which is something I want to bring up to you. Do you have any type of relationship with your dad? Do you have any memories, any pictures anything from your that your mom could even bring up. I don't have any clear memories of my father and I when I was small. I do have pictures of him, So I know that he was there at some point. I believe he left when I was like two, Um, but after that he

came back once I became famous. Um. Yeah, well we're gonna get to that. We're gonna get to that. We're gonna build up to that, because that's something that happens to a lot of people in your position that have, um, a celebrity, you know. But so what you mean to tell me, He's like, you do have some type of resemblance of who he was, right perhaps how did your mom and dad meet? Like how does that whole story come together? And and and the second part to that

question is was he there during her pregnancy? So my mom's story, you know, of life, it is very tragic. I won't get into too many details, but what I will say is that I I wasn't conceived in love, right, Um. And this is something very personal that I haven't made public like that. But I feel that now that I'm going to be a mother, now that I am in a place of maturity, I can be open and and you know, my life is an open book. Um, but I wasn't conceived in a in a space of love,

you know. It was very it was in an abusive space. My mom wanted to My mom actually had even paid already for the abortion and everything at the clinic. It was thanks to some the stingles. How do you see that in English hope to hope of witness. People came knocked on the door, you know how they do on Sundays or whatever, and and you know, they were preaching to her, and long story short, they ended up convincing her that you know, she had to have me, and

they prevented her from going to get the abortion. And here I am, so you know, I know that it was very hard for her. Um. They met, you know in the Dominican actually they met in the Dominican Republic. Ended up moving to Panama, lived in Panama for ten years. And um, that was in the process when my mom you know, ended up crossing the Mexican border to get to the United States. Is you know, just finding the

American dream. That's why I say that sometimes we could be soldiergimental about someone but not really know what they've been through. Where the stories, you know, with the story maybe, um, and that's why she's so protective of me, and she's like very like you know, and I get it. Not to mention I'm the only child. Also, not to sidebar, but anyone couldn't listen to the story of your mom crossing everything that she went through in that in our past episodes that we did with your mom. So make

sure you guys go check out the archive. Culture true for sure, but I'm just giving this back story so that you understand that for her, her experience with my father wasn't the most positive, right, it wasn't the most positive. And however, she didn't necessarily talk bad about him to me till till later on, you know, when I grew up a little bit more. It was more of like, you see, has he called you, has he looked for you?

Has he did it? She kind of put it on me to see with my own eyes the way that he was acting, because she always felt like, just because we're not together or because he was trashed to me, doesn't mean he needs to be trashed to you, doesn't mean that it's an excuse for him not to try to reach out for you or look for you. Not to mention that. Unfortunately, but unfortunately I look just like him, so you know, and I'm not gonna lie it's been

very traumatizing. I feel like I need therapy. I am a grown as woman, and at this point in my life, because my father wasn't in my life, I feel that I need therapy. I need it. I need it because I have abandonment issues. Oh my god, I can't believe that I'm saying this a lout because I'm supposed to be a bad bite. But always a truth, you know, the baddest of them all know how to do what you're doing right now, by the way, you know it's

the truth. I don't want to I don't want to sit here lie and they can preach something to not my truth. I have abandonment issues because my father wasn't there. I always felt like, why didn't he want me? Like what was wrong with me? Because he had two other daughters, and you know, that's the love of his life, his two older daughters, but me, he never I felt like

he never wanted me, he never looked for me. However, when he left my mother, he went to Puerto Rico and ray and got a you know, a new wife or whatever, and he raised three kids that weren't his for her and took them and put them through college. And he never cared for me, so I always felt like, am I not good enough? Why doesn't he want me? Did I do something wrong? It was my fault I

have I hadn't have a lot of those things. Still, sometimes in my mind, I always want to be accepted and that acceptance, trying to look for that acceptance, acceptance for my from my father. Later on through the years, I understood how it affected my personal relationship with men because I will always I always kind of look for the men that don't want me, and I feel like I have to prove myself to them so they accept me.

And that made me understand these are childhood traumas that you're carrying, And as as an adult, I'm like, you don't want me? Why you have to like me? You have to like want me, want me? And it's like, what the hell is wrong with you? I have a whole room full of men that I like, you know, Baliando said for me, and I'm like, no, I want the one that doesn't want me. And those are all traumas. Um we we and I say we for women that may you know, connect with my story or may understand

where I'm coming from. We end up in abusive relationships, and abusive doesn't always have to be physical. Abusive can be you know, mental, you know the disrespect, the the mental men manip all those things. Um And that's why I'm such a big advocate of like who cares if you are grown, who cares you need therapy And it's okay to go look for a professional person that can help true you're those spots in your mind and solve

the problem. Let's not keep covering the issues with more issues, because now when you have kids and you have family, you're gonna pass that shipped onto your kids. You're gonna pass on those traumas, those bad habits onto your kids. They say that when you're pregnant, if you're going through it with you know, with your spouse or significant or or whatever, for some reason, they end up looking just like them. So to me, it's like, I really want to just think happy thoughts and just love you so

you look like me. But you know, it is what it is. Shout out, shout out to all those great stepfathers, and yes, stepfathers, I'm still gonna call you a father because it is not easy to come and step in to a situation where another man has decided not to really play his role and be responsible for something that he did, someone that he created. Um, it takes a lot of It takes a lot of balls, It takes a lot of guts, It takes a lot of courage,

It takes a lot of strength. It takes a lot of everything in you to raise a child that didn't necessarily come out of your body. Foh, loved them like if they were to be yours. I know so many great stepfathers that UM, their kids end up saying like, you're not my stepfather, You're a father, Like you're everything that I know. Like in my eyes, I can see my father, my real father, and I'm like, who the hell are you? Or like, hey, what's up? Cool? Whatever?

This is my dad. You know. I think there's also a difference between being a dad and being a father. Um. And and also you know, and those and those firm donors sometimes that'm being in life. We need those firm donors. Thank you and thank you for coming. Because I believe it or not, there's a lot of women mean that after they have their children, after they are pregnant, their whole life transforms. It may look negative at a certain point in life. But are you mature, You become stronger,

you become more disciplined, you become more goal oriented. You know that now someone depends off you. You know what you're doing. So sometimes Mohanda, even if you're sad, depressed and you're like, oh, screw him, he's trash, I get it, but knows what he's doing. And sometimes you just needed that sperm donor right there, because that's what we gotta call him. He's just a sperm donor, and that's it,

you know. I don't know. I don't know, because the sentimental sentimental, a woman will always be connected to their child because they came out of your body, like there they went. Uncle. Not every not every woman is meant to be a mother. I know some women that are trash fash moms, Like just because you have a vagina doesn't mean ga it was you know, they were meant to have kids because you're trash. I'll give you. I'll

definitely say that. And there's some women, Okay, you can tell she was born to be nurturing, she was born to be a mother. This is her thing, that's it. But I don't understand how some men could just be like, look at this small, little, tiny little human being. They came out of your balls and her vagina and be like, this baby looks like me. It's gonna talk, it's gonna breathe and everything, and I'm just gonna leave it, like what, don me take care? Let me know, you know, I'll

see you later in life. And then you go to some another woman and then do it again and then goes and then do it again and then doll, what do you think this is? Pull out? Game is weak? Y'all need to get it together. If you don't want to be a father, if you don't want that responsibility, wrap that dick up, wrap that ship up, bongas con done, night gone. Don get a garbage back, stretch it out like back in the days to wrap it up. No I don't, don't get something else should jerk it off? Nine?

Oh yeah. If you're not ready to be a father, then be more conscious when you're having sexual activities and not just that. Don't do it just because your horny. You know, also thinking, and that's another thing when when you're older you start maturing and understanding. But you can just mash every girl that it's fine that you see because what about it she ends up pregnant. Let's just

say that scenario, the condom broke, something happened. Now you're stuck with this person for the rest of your life. I know that you were hot in the moment. I know that you're you don't know how that one little because you might not be that great of a fun Let's just say you were there smashing for the next two or three or four minutes, and that little nut

can change the whole your whole path. It changes her life, It changes your family's life, your goals, your responsibility, your job, with the things that you're planning on doing, that child's life,

the traumas you'll create, the it's a whole line. It's a domino effect, and it's and it's and it's Another thing is um it should be the responsibility of both parties to understand that something could happen and both have to take precautions, right, Like you can't just go into it right And a lot of people you know, like like I know that sometimes and a lot of the time it is the guy like, hey, I'm okay, my

poll out game is excellent. Right at the same time, at the same time, like, dude, you gotta like, you know, understand that your partner UM has to understand that they two should take some type of of UH caution in what's happening. But you make some really great points. And let me tell you something, guys. One of my favorite things here is when you get Amata going and Amata turns into ranting Amata and she starts with that, let me tell you what the snap? You know something's about

to go down about what I'm saying? What about like pails for men? You know how they have birth control for women? They do from what I hear, they have

some type of like they're working on it still. I mean we're in almost two and you're thinking that they would have this UM planned out for us guys, But no, like I think the safest method for a guy and UM again, we're kind of like educating everyone here who wants to not be a dad right away or whatever the case, maybe already has kids of a sectomy UH is the supposedly the safest well and it's reversible, right, so a guy can go get the procedure which is

like an hour and you're done. You never have to go under anesthesia. They just numb you, snip, you close you back up with glue and you're and you're out of there. Yeah, So that's how easy it is for a guy. And then you can go back and undo it. But girls, your parents have the rights also, you know, with your quote unquote consent. But you know how that works.

They take you to on a clinic t you know, the tea or whatever a whatever birth control system and then they, you know, make sure that you're not going to be pregnant. Why don't they do that with men if it's something that is the norm, right, because it's not normal. But if it was the norm and it's something that you can do and you would be willing

to do, then why not. But I think the number one thing that you can do for both male and female, whether you're gay, straight, or whatever, is teach um safe sexual practices, right uh, you know, basically wrapping it up like you said. And we we go through this in school, like we know, like we we learned this, not really because I never learned how to put a condom on. Really, that's crazy. In my school, they taught us like they were very specific. In seventh grade, I remember this like, hey,

these are condoms. This is how you properly put on. They showed us about the condoms, but mean was about it. You learned it from the pornals. You see the thing and you're like, okay, so I have think the thing and put it. But I don't know if it's side. Any signs matter. We don't just stick the thing. I also think it's important if you're gonna wrap it up. Here's another suggestions of mine. When you put on your colmdom still pull out, still pull out, listen to me,

welcome to him, that his church. If you're gonna go over there or stick it to me, ah, and you're ready for it, You're you're gonna bust it, pull it out, even if you have a condom, because who think I see a little tiny split opens, She's opened like a tunnel. You're gonna find out in a month, so let's be careful. Okay. Awesome. Um. It also affects women's body. And this is another conversation we've spoken about, you know, pro choice, you know, pro life.

We've spoken about this, and I feel this is like an endless ever acting going on topic fatto, everlasting topic fatto. It's another thing. She doesn't have the same choices. Perhaps then maybe men do so a lot of times it's like, oh, well you got pregnant, yeah, and now she stuck. You know, it sounds terrible, But if she didn't want to after a certain amount of weeks, yeah, I didn't even know that I was pregnant. I was like two months and some change, and I still you could barely still tell

my stomach. So for a lot of women, and a lot of young women, they don't even find out so later on and now it has become their responsibility because you don't want to be responsible for it. Now she has to change her whole life. And and not only because what's coming after, but the changes your body does, and not only the part of being pregnant giving birth. Do you know the risk that women go through giving birth?

A lot of them die? And and I feel like guys think that this is a joke because it doesn't happen to your ass, It doesn't happen to your balls, nothing happens to you. You're fine, grande. So I feel like we have to be more responsible overall as adults, as set true beings, as sexual partners. Once we get into the space of we're having sex, understanding of the possibilities of this woman getting pregnant is a reality, and understanding that getting pregnant doesn't always mean here's five dollars,

go get an abortion. You can end up having this person as your the parent of your child. See, just because she looks pretty doesn't mean that this is the type of person you want. So with a mom of your kids, she could have the best thought. However, this is what I'm saying, What are your morals, your parents, your principle, the familia. Are you a crackhead? What do you do? Do you mess around in the streets? What

are you? Why aren't we having these conversations? Why is everything just so sexualized like this is not a real possibility. So then we continue to create this domino effect where we continue to have children that are not in a full, happy, you know home, unless you're fortunately enough to find an amazing stepfather to step in, which is not always the case.

You end up with a woman with three or four kids, five kids, so that having to work a thousand jobs, having to get assistance from the government, having to ask your parents, your girl, assist everybody to assist. Why is this happening? We all know how to prevent it, So it escalates amout of it escalates and and you know, and again this this could all lead to the to what when we first started, right, the the mental health of someone who didn't grew up with her with her dad,

whether they're female or male. Right, all of this, all of this kind of just always comes back in full circle, right and to kind of like button things down here because we've we've kind of like given everyone, um a little bit from every corner of the space, right from being a single moms or you know, not growing up without a dad and and everything in between. I want to ask you about it's kind of button everything up, is what do you hope for your kids? And would

you you open to accepting a stepdad to take that role? Right? Like, if you were to meet someone after you have your kids that falls in love with you and and loves your kids and you can see they're genuine right there, not there to play around, Are you open to that? Are you open to changing the kids lives and you know and give them what you and not in any bad way what you kind of missed out on, you know, like I don't want you to know. I'm not gonna lie.

There is a part of me as a woman as this is my first pregnancy, my first kids, my first everything. It's like when I had my gender reveal. I cried so much when I found out when my babies were and to know that I was standing there by myself and I didn't do my babies by myself. It was very hurtful. UM, And I know that I was talking

about it when UM. Yet I'm like, you know, I know I'm going to go through that same experience, in that same pain and that same hurt when I see myself in that bed giving birth to not one, but two children by myself and not have that significant other or that support or that vision of what I had, Like I'm going to finally have my family. My mom wasn't able to give me a family. I am going

to be able to fix this. And then I sometimes I feel like a failure because I feel like I waited so long and I just repeated the same cycle. I'm not gonna give my child that family that I wanted, and it hurts me because I feel guilty. I feel like it's my fault. I fucked up. I didn't do it right. I what did I do wrong? And I questioned myself many times this is the hardest thing I've

ever had to do. I'm trying to figure out what is the best decision because I'm trying to think as mature as possible without thinking about my own personal pain and how I feel, because my own person pain would be like it's done. But then I'm like, that's yourself, that's your self defense, that's your mechanism to how to cope with things amout You're using You're using that specifically to to not feel the way you were feeling with

your mom. And that's why I'm like, this is so hard and I feel like I need therapy, I need help, and I am at least I am being vocal about it, and I'm like saying that a lot of people don't say anything and they end up doing very bad decisions. So I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I don't know how I'm going to manage it. I wish that I could fix it. That's my biggest thing, Like, I don't know how to I wish that I could fix this. However, you can't be with someone to get

for the kids. That's even worse. That's worse for the kids as worse. Whatever you have to do was best for the children and remove yourself as an adult from your personal feelings. Right, So, if God were to bless me Um with me being able to fix this situation

I'm in. If I can't fix it, I would be more than happy, and I would be more with open arms to receive a great, responsible, nurturing and caring men that would be willing to love me as I am and also accept my daughters because now they are part of me. So if I, if I, you know, find that person I'm in being, I would love that most definitely. So that that that's great. That's Um. You you're I think, I think you're on the way there. You're you're open

to it. So your your way of fixing things are going to be what you feel more comfortable with, not what everyone else would want you to have or even unfortunately what your vision was. You can kind of stew it and still have modified you can still have that end. I believe that. Listen, you're you're a great person. You're gonna find that do you know what I'm saying? That's gonna make you happy, Who's gonna take care of you and your daughters and you know, perhaps start a family

of his own with you on top of your twins. Yeah, you know, there's not a room over here. I come from a family where they have sixteen kids one woman. One though, I can still make it happen better they so yea for real. My grandmother has sixteen, my uncle has twelve. Yeah, normally one of the dominicans all the time. So yeah, I'm very fertile. And on top of that, you already know me. I I come from having triplets.

I just lost one, but I got two left, so you never know with me, you might get two one better. What that thing said, Um, you know, I really wanted to do this episode to connect with whatever whoever you know is going through it right now. If you are someone that can relate to my story, someone that can relate to having somewhat traumas because your your father wasn't around in your life, If you are that stepfather that are,

you know, you're stepping into the picture. YO. Shout out to you man like you deserve the highest blessings and the most You know, people really need to appreciate an uplift you more for what you're doing, because a lot of men wouldn't do that, especially these days. If you're a single mother out there, Mama, You're not by yourself.

It happens to the best of us. It doesn't matter how much money you have, doesn't matter how big your asses, doesn't matter how pretty you are or how intellectual you are. It happens to the best of us. You're not by yourself, and you got this. You can make it happen. Going fail safe, go. You need to have a lot of faith, a lot of prayer, and you you can make this happen. For the families of those that are supporting those single mothers, YO,

shout out to you too. If you're that grandmother, if you're that that sister, if you are that cousin, if you are that uncle, if you are whoever in that family they are supporting a single mother, shout out to YouTube. You deserve to be praised too, because this is a team effort. This is a team work and we're grateful for you too. So you're not by yourself. Don't lose hope.

And by the way, definitely let me know, um if you've had any of these things, if you are, if you're going through it, if you went through it, how you gonna handle it? Go check us out. On all our social media platforms, on Twitter and on Instagram at exactly a matter. Also go check us out on the YouTube channel at a Madra la Negra a l N or just right in the search bar exactly a Mata or mad Negra. You will find us in a heartbeat. Um, this has been an amazing show. I am so grateful

Alex for having you in today. You always make me feel comfortable, always give the best advice, and thank you so much for joining us today. That's what I want to be here for you well know you already know. Remember to rate us and share this podcast with everyone that you know, and of course raid us. Give us us five stars and share with everybody that you know, Subrima Tubrimo, your cousin, anybody that you know that it's going through or there really needs to hear this episode.

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