And I am bad.
Welcome, Welcome, guys, it is your girl, Amada la Nigra and you are listening to Exactly Amada, a production of iHeart. Thank you so much for tuning in, And as usual, I'm going to repeat it in every show because I want to make sure you guys don't forget to give us those live stars because I deserve it. I've been giving you the best of me, so don't forget as well.
To subscribe to the podcast, and if you want to hear it or watch it rather better, you can also check me out on the YouTube channel exactly a'm Ada or just what I'm not gonna and check out my music videos and everything that I've done. You know that in my show, I like to be exactly myself, unfiltered, uncensored. I like to touch all different type of topics from immigration to love, to bondage to anything you can think about.
And as much as I'm always encouraging women to love themselves to be I don't know, powerful, strong, independent, we never really talk about man as much.
I was thinking about it.
I'm like, you know, we don't really have we have like big campaigns and all these things about women embracing their bodies, their curves, their stretch marks, the selling like say, the texture of.
Their hair throws awna.
But do we ever really see a lot of men encouraging other men to embrace and accept their bodies and the way that they're naturally built and all these other things. I thought that it would be interesting to have someone today that kind of spoke for men in that aspect. But regardless, if we're gonna have such an interesting topic, you know that I have to have my boy producer friend and everything else.
Alex, Alex, are.
You in here always and forever? I live in your podcast studio? You come here?
Yeah?
Yeah, in my podcast Little House above Cloud.
You live in here.
And I'm so grateful because you're like that other part of my brain that whenever I can't connect it together, you're right there to remind me.
How have you been, by the way.
Doing great? I I'm really happy that you're gonna be touching upon this whole uh men side of of like like the world right, remanaging the body positivity in a way that I guess no one has touched yet before.
Yeah, I feel like, Alex, do you think that men getting enough credit or getting or get as much love as women do when it comes to their bodies or their images, their image or whatever. Do you think that men also get the same amount of love and attention or do you think that men over just don't care as much as women.
I think that there's there's been a change where men are starting to care a little bit more and it's gonna it's gonna be a good topic today. I think that our guest is gonna have a lot to say about this, and without further ado, let's, uh, let's talk a little bit about him to help us talk about the challenges and overcoming these uh, these stereotypes. We want
to bring in Kelvin Davis. He is the creator of the Blogoriously Dapper, a blog he created to help men around the world look and feel better and to embrace who they are. He has written a book as well, called Notoriously Dapper, How to be a Modern Gentleman with Manners, Style with men, Yeah, style and which is another thing that we need right, style and body confidence. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, help me here to welcome in Kelvin to the show. How's it going Kelvin?
Yeah, Hello, holl y'all.
We are lovely, We are great. I am so happy to have you here on my podcast. But most importantly for those that don't have the possibility right now obviously of seeing him.
You guys need to see this background. It is great tropical. The hat that the top that is very tropical. Gandha.
I love it very much, Thank you, thank you. Yeah, you know.
What, I want to get right to it because, like I was saying before, I feel that women we care more.
I don't know if it's because we're more hormonal, more emotional, or.
Because we have more pressure from society overall to look a certain type of way.
So you know, there's more.
Obviously, the beauty industry right really makes sure to hate those buttons for women, and they have monetized, they've made this whole you know, empire, monetizing off women's insecurities.
But I don't see the same amount of energy for men.
So one, it would be what inspired you to be an advocate for body positivity for men?
So I started my blog based off a bad shopping experience that I had right when I graduated from college. I was becoming an art teacher and I wanted to go get some newer clothing, and I was told by a sales associate when I asked for a larger size that I was too fat to shop there. And it was my first time as a guy ever being publicly
body shaved by a female, of course. And then, like you know, as guys, like you know, we'll like mess around, joke around with each other and tease, but when you know someone of the opposite sex tells you that you're too fat to shopped there publicly, it's very embarrassing. Right, So I had this feeling of being very insecure and questioning things about how my body looked, and I just
really couldn't over overcome it mentally. So I decided that I wanted I always wanted to start an actual blog, and I was like, I wanted I wanted to also like start a fashion blog, but I wanted to have an underlying meaning, right, I just did, like I just didn't want to post pictures without any context, without any
like you know, without any juice behind it. So the juice and the motor bee behind it was about body positivity or then because I started starting my blog in twenty twelve, way before, like body positivity was like a
mainstream thing right. So it was just really about making men feel confident and giving men a space to understand that, hey, you may feel not confident about your body, but hey that's okay, and b you can look at my blog and we can work together and overcome this to become more confident and teach other men how to be more confident.
What's the difference the different feeling between getting uh, these comments from a woman and getting it from your homeboys. Can you tell me the difference? Because as women, for sure, anything can trigger us. If a girl tells you, oh, bitch, you look fat, it's like but if a man, if a man tells you a man that you're into tells you, oh, you know, they don't be telling you you're bat bad.
They'd be like, oh, I think we should work out together. Oh you know you're looking a little. That makes it even worse. So it's like anything can trigger us, and our trigger goes into bolima, you know, anorextria.
It can go into like going old with the fillers and surgeries and waste trainers and you know, diet pills, and it's like a whole domino effects that happens for women. What's the difference with men, how do you accept these these You know, I guess criticism differently from your homeboy from a woman.
So, like you said, with women, you know, it leads like eating disorders and all those different kind of things, right, I feel like with men it leads them to a trail of toxic masculinity. It leads them to a trail of when they feel bad about themselves, then they inflict that same harm onto other people. You know, what I'm saying is kind of like the old saying of hurt people, hurt people. So it's like whenever a man hurts, you know, it's very rare that a man will, you know, develop
those same things that a female will. He will, in turn inflict emotional pain on somebody else without even acknowledging the fact that the reason why he's doing that is because he's hurt, because he's insecure, because he's all these different things. And once you become securing yourself, you know, you not only become a better person, but you come a better brother, a better father, a better human, better everything, and you're less likely to inflict that emotional pain on somebody else.
But I also as good as that point is, because that is good I also want to acknowledge that there there there are men out there that because of certain insecurities being told maybe by their family, because that's another thing we'll hit that in a second, but of course their family. There also is an eating disorder that can happen. This for men too, because we usually don't talk about men's eating disorder.
We just talk about women.
There's men out there that also feel insecure and whether it is that you decid to overeat or not eat at all. Yeah, there is a group of men out there that we also have to, like, okay, give them support and also pay attention to those details. Because you can have a friend that all of a sudden was like, you know, a little chunky, a little overwear, a little boky, and all of a sudden you see them super skinny
and you don't even know what happened. And that is not only a trauma that happens from feeling insecure because of comments, but it's a mental disorder as well. It's like a like I always say, it's a domino effect. So it is important that we also are careful with our words when it comes to men because we are I feel that the world has automatically made us feel that men are supposed to be strong. You're not supposed
to cry, You're not supposed to have feelings. So if we're telling you that you're fat, that you're ugly, that you're whatever, or just.
Rejection, we expect men to deal with rejection better than women. So it's just like suck it up. You know, was wrong? Da da da, And it's not like.
That everybody has emotions and things that they're dealing with. How do you feel that once you started this blog of yours, they just see a lot of men actually coming and being like, yo, I get where you're coming from. I understand, I feel this certain type of way, thank you for doing this. Like how has the reaction been?
Yeah, So like when I first started, you know, obviously I had those bumps and cruises of the first couple of years where a lot of men were just telling me to man up and go to the gym and take the kind of diing pills. And there was a thing called hydroxy cut at the time that was like very popular, and I had these guys that were like, take hydroxy cut, it does this, it does that, right, So I even, you know, to piggyback off you set about eating disorders. Even in college, I had a roommate
that was very small. He's probably like five six and he maybe weighed no more than one hundred and thirty pounds, and I was a bigger guy, so I was eating less to try to lose weight because I was like kind of big, and he was eating so much that he would like throw up. He was like overeating to try to get bigger and try to gain more mass. And you know, I like take it from both sides.
And when I would have been you know, tell me that I need to take hydroxy cut all these things, you know, it would bother me to a certain stick, because I feel like women understand and they're more empathetic when it comes to the struggles of body image. But then I had some men who were very open about him, like, dude, thank you so much for talking about this. I felt this for years, and I've never had anybody to explain it to and talk to. So when I first started,
I really had honestly like fifty fifty. It was like half and half. But now that I've become so successful in a way that I get so much love and it's rare. It's almost on a rare occasion that I have a man come to me with like some bullshit, right, Like, they usually come to me and they're very positive and they're very enlightened. They're like, you know, thank you so much because somebody had to do it, right. So yeah, so I get like a lot of love now. But in the past, it wasn't like.
That, okay, So so like, oh and going back into that, because that's really important when I always talk about it, let's talk about the family aspect of body positivity for men as well.
So growing up, right, I.
Remember my you know, my mom went through domestic abuse at the household, being an immigrant, not having papers, you know, and people would take advantage of the fact that if you do anything, I'm calling immigration that. So there was a lot of things she had to put up with out of fear, and I recall her going through this abusive relationship and me being scared. As a child. My automatic thing was getting food stick you know, just taking the food, going into my room, locking myself in there
and just eating and eating. Being being full would make me kind of feel happy or just chill because I enjoyed it so much. I would put my stress, my attention into the food and watch TV so I couldn't. I would just block out of the sound of the screens or the arguments or the whatever in the eyes
in the outside world. My mother didn't really understand how her personal issues as an adult affected me as a child, which caused me to eat, which later on she would be like that, you're so fat, or you know, no man like, you're never going to find a boyfriend who's going to want a fat girlfriend, And there were certain comments that she would do that that was her way of telling me to stop eating, but it made it worse, you know, it was even more traumatic to call a
child or you don't look good, or who's gonna love you if you're fat?
Or who's gonna So I.
Don't know about you, but growing up, did you ever feel any pressure from your family to lose weight? Where did you grow up being skinnier or thinner and then later on your body just you.
Bought what happened. You know.
I was very fortunate to come from a household that was very loving, okay, and very accepting, and you know that pushed me to be the best version of who I was. And I can honestly say, in my childhood, I never felt that pressure from my family. I felt the pressure more of like from my friends in the outside world, and my house was more of like my
safe haven for me. Like I had a mother that was very body positive, I had a dad that was, you know, very much like you know, it's okay for you to cry, It's okay for you to have emotions, it's okay for you to have these things. You know, tell us how you feel this and that, and you know, having that upbringing and you know, having parents that you know instilled that positivity in me really helped me and
my adult age to overcome certain things. When I went to college or when I had to overcome certain circumstances, you know, I wasn't so beat down. I was able to pick myself back up because my parents always instilled in me, Yo, this is who you are and this is who you're not. My and my dad is a big adman of like, you know who you are, but also know who you're not. Okay, because you can't do everything right right. And he will always tell me you
can do anything, Kelvin, but you can't do everything. Everything is not nicked for you right, so, and I would always take that mentality with me whenever I did anything right, because if something's not built for me, I shouldn't force it.
You know what, There's something else that I think is important. You know, I went from family. Now let's go from family to society. How do you feel that society puts a certain pressure on men to look a certain type of way? Because I also saw that recently, like these light bos and the abstity and all these other things are happening. You have like you can get biceps and this, and then you can get you know, the cosmetic surgery world has actually really increased for men.
Before this, it's the thing for women. You know, you're being yells, you're this.
But then now there's a whole new era of men who feel more comfortable getting surgery, not necessarily because they feel that they need it. Is also a lot of pressure from society. What are your thoughts on that.
I think it's tragic because I mean, I've read this article from GQ. From GQ a couple of weeks ago, and it was about a new surgery that's on the rise, about men getting their femurs broken to be six to eight inches taller. Yeah, and that really, like that just
set on well with me. The fact that you know that society put so much pressure on men to a be tall, dark and handsome, to be you know, have asss, to have these biceps, to have all these different things that men will go to an extreme part of you know, putting their body through a traumatic experience that they may not survive, just to come out on the other side trying to please the societal standard of beauty, whereas we need to look at the societal center of male beauty
needs to be changed, you know what I mean, Like we look at people and there's no say to them. But like Michael B. Jordan and like Riot Gosling and all these guys that have all these abs. They're on the cover of Men's Fitness and Men's Health, and you know they're like how to gain twenty pounds in three
months and all this stuff. Right, It's like, you know, men need to be confident in who they are and appreciate what their body can do for them and not what the body looks like, because your body does so much more for you than what it looks like. Your body gets you up, your body warns you when there's whenever there's trouble your body, you know, die.
It's the only body that you have and that you'll have for the rest of your life. And if you don't take care of it, you know what I mean, you'll end up regretting it.
And they agree one thousand percent.
I feel that we don't talk about it enough, but men do have a lot of pressure to look a certain type of way.
It's all about perspective and how you see it.
Now when we talk about the physical aspect, let's.
Break good jam breaking. It's not just going to get up here in the face. Okay, we get it.
Some people gonna get your faces a little bit, you know, special to look at. But there's somebody out there who's gonna love that face of yours.
You know what I'm saying.
There's some people out here who may not have hair, you know what. There's women out that they love ball guys. I love ball guys. I'm into it. It doesn't matter with you have hair, because I know a lot of men that are insecure about not having hair and something you thought that mean that they even have. They even have frontals for the men now you can just glue it on them. Yeah, they got raids, They got all types of stuff for you.
They get the little powder thing. You put the power here and then you're good to go.
There's many things you can do, so don't feel insecure about ane of that. It doesn't even matter. Health is also an important aspect of it. It's not just the physical part of like I want to look good, Let's talk about health being because it's like, you know, I get the.
Pressure from society, family, This dad is.
You know, people can tell you whatever, but sometimes somebody got to tell you, and they got to tell you, not just for the physical part, but because you're not healthy.
This is not leading to a good direction.
If you are a certain amount of weight, and we know that this certain amount of weight can affect diabetes, cholesterol, heartbroad pressure, all types of things, somebody got to tell you. And if you're so sensitive, and I think it's also about the way that it's being said. But if you're so sensitive that no one can tell you that you need help or that you need to stop, at the long run, you're going to realize it on your own
when it's too late. And I'm saying it because my mom diabetic, she has cholesterol, high blood pressure, diroids all types of.
Things, and she hates for me to be like, don't eat this, this is bad for you. Da da? When is it okay?
Before I keep going on my other point, when is it okay to tell someone you know you need to, you know, maybe find a different way of dealing with your depression or dealing with whatever so that you don't affect it as long?
How can you.
Say this in a way that nobody feels you know, what's the word? I'm like, offended person.
I feel like if you're close with the person anytime, it's a good time to try to save that, right. How do you see so how do you say, okay, that's a good point. So I have type two diabet beaties. I got diagnosed in twenty twenty one, right, and I was around two sixty at the time, and I had to make a choice to either keep living this lifestyle that I was living or make a change and try to reverse this. Right, So I changed the way that
I ate. I went to a diabetes education class. I was very proactive about it, right, and I lost like over forty pounds just from changing small things in my diet. Tonight, drinking so much Jews drinking water instead instead of eating this, I would eat that right. So for me, I've been able to self, you know, take care of myself with type two diabetes without any MEDICAI case, which a lot of people can't say because they're you know, still you know,
in that lifestyle. But the easiest way I would say to tell somebody is, you know, to make it about you being worried about them, instead of making it about like, you know you're unhealthy this and not like I'm really worried about you. I want you to live forever. I want like I like, I want these memories. I want to go to the beach with you next year. I want to do this and do that, And I'm afraid that these things may not be possible if you keep
living this life. It's the same thing. It's like if you have a friend that is like a gangbanger and you know he's out here living this crazy life and could could get get shot any day, you would have that same conversation with them, like, yo, slow the fuck down, like you need to stop this kind of life so we can prosper together.
And then also for those that if you ever get that message from someone who cares about you.
Please don't get offended.
Please don't go zero to a thousand, because sometimes you could be saying it with all the love and then the person gets all offended. If someone is telling you with love, please understand where they're coming from and because it's the best for you. And honestly, I understand that it's a mental thing because sometimes you don't see yourself
in the mirror the way the others see you. And that's an issue, you know what I mean, Because my mom used to say, like, but you have a mirror, you could see yourself.
You're fat. You nobody gotta tell you.
But sometimes in your mind, like there was a point, there was a moment in my life where I got really really skinny and I could not take that bigger image of myself out of my mind. I would see all the imperfections in me, like, oh, this is fat, this is fat, and everybody's like, yo, you are not fat, you are like extra skinny. I don't know what you see and I just couldn't see it. So sometimes we have to understand that this is also a mental thing.
You know, we don't want to put that amount of pressure and let's even take it further when we talk about body positivity, we have to understand that this starts at a very early age. We have kids in elementary school who've committed suicide because they've been bullied by other kids. They call them fat, or they call them this, or they call them ugly, or they call them tak or they call them short, or they call them So this goes from any age range. And I also am saying
this for anybody who's a parent. If you're a parent, if you are a brother or sister or whatever, and you see that you have a nephew or whatever that may be a little bit on the chunkier side, or their you know, their body's a little bit fuller. It is important that we speak positive words of encouragement into these kids because it's already a lot of pressure for adults. Imagine for the younger ones that don't know how to
deal with the pressure of society. So I'm just trying to make sure that this conversation goes all across the board, that this starts from any age to even the oldest adults can't at some you know, at some point, sometimes take the pressure.
We spoke about height, we spoke about weight, We're adults.
We're grown people, and I think that is important that we talk about it because someone out here is listening to this podcast right now who feels insecure as how no one they have nowhere to listen to someone that's going to be like, yo, that doesn't even matter. There's more important things out there, and the way that you are is just good enough. Now, I want to ask you this, what can we do as individuals right to help to help promote body positivity and the acceptance in the community overall?
Like, what can we do to support to.
Help I think the media and society has a duty could do a better job of stop, you know, idealizing
a certain type of body as beauty. Right, if we could get to a point where literally everybody is beautiful in the media and in society, there wouldn't be a point for people to compare their bodies to this person, to that person, or to be like, oh, I wish I had this and I wish I had that, because there's people that have curly hair, which they had straight hair, people that had straight hair, which they had curly hair, And it's like, y'all both beautiful just the way you are, right,
And if you want to you know, you can straighten your hair, you can curl your actual hair. But it's like, you know, when we when society and the media stops putting so much emphasis on this is what beauty is and this is what beauty isn't we can get to a point where everybody will just be like, oh, I am beautiful the.
Way that I am.
It's hard because the media makes so much of a profit off of you know, magazines and these you know, dieties and all these different things, and all these fats and all these you know, different things. Like there's so much money to be made from people being insecure, right, even like with like the women's shapewear. Even they have now shirts that men can wear that shape the men underneath their shirts. They have like little shapewear for like men,
little shirts. So there's so much money to be made off of insecurities that I don't think the media will ever stop. But society we can do it. In society. We can look at people and say, hey, it don't matter, it's short, big, whatever, it's all. And I feel like people put such a negative connotation on the word fat, and I feel like there was a negative connotation on
the word fat. But now that I've you know, been able to experience this body positivity thing for so long, there's so many women that are fat that want to be called fat. They're like, don't call me thick, like, don't call me this like I am fat?
Like I think, for example, Lizzo in this new generation really gave power to the girls that are a little bit thicker, that a little bit more around the fuller. She definitely made them feel positive. And I think that we need more encouragement. We need more of that.
Honestly, Listen, if we were to if we were.
To break down all the things that are supposed to be done correctly by society, we would be.
Here all day long.
Do I personally change that things are going to change from one day to the other. Know, is there anything that we can do, little by little individually.
To support to change, to help.
Yes, And and if anything else, say this, Embrace who you are, man, Love who you are. You only have one body and you will live for the rest of your life. And this one body, the one body that God, that God gave you. There are so many people out here in this world that wish that they had your body, whether it was fat, whether it was white, whether.
It was black, tall.
Sure this that there's somebody out there that wish that they could have your body. There's people out here who don't have any legs, who don't have any arms, and they still try to make the best out of their life while they.
Still have their own bodies.
So whatever body it is that you are in, love it, Embrace it, Be grateful that you have it, Treat it with love, appreciate it.
Do not allow society, anybody that you don't even know who.
They are, pressure you and to making you feel that your body is not good enough, that your body is not beauty beautiful, you know, Please do not allow that to happen. We need more people like Kelvin that is out here encouraging people to love who they are, whether you're facts by society or not. Yo, and not for nothing. Love who you are. Love it, embrace it. And this goes for men and women and also women. Stop shaming and blaming men for the body that they're naturally in.
Don't do that if you don't like it, or you want them to change because you're worried or concerned about their health. There's ways that you can do it and say it and do it together, because I'm sure your body may not be the best and you're out here expecting him to do all these extra things. And the same thing goes for men. If you love your partner, if you love your sister, brother, whoever it is, help them figure out words of encouragement to help them become
the best version of them. And with that being said, Kevin, thank you so much for joining me today. Where can we follow you? Where can we support what you're doing? What can we do to be part of this movement?
Of course? So my Instagram is at Colvin Davis all one word. My blog is no touristidapper dot com and you can also find me on Facebook at no TOURISTI Dapper. And you can purchase my book everywhere books are sold. No TOARSTI Dapper.
Okay, I know that's right, get them coins. Thank you all for joining Exactly Amada. Thank you for being part of this journey, this experience with me.
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