Amara's Checklist in the Pursuit of Love

That's right, that's right.

Welcome to this show, my show.

I am your girl, Amada la Nigra, and you're listening to exactly Amada, a production of iHeart. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'm working on my girls, you know, Lasworldtwins dot Com, their clothing line.

I am working on new TV shows.

I am working on my children's book and my girls children's book.

I am doing so many things right now that like, I am very excited to see where my life goes.

And I'm also I recently just auditioned for a movie, Fingers Crossed. If that hits two this year is gonna be real juicy.

But with that being said, I still don't have a man.

I haven't been able to like really find someone like I think dating it's fine. You know, you meet different people, you go out, you know, Tonight's dinners, you hang out, you have someone you know while.

You're getting to know each other, text you.

The okay morning and they send you the emojis and they sayd you, and I love that journey. I'm not obviously ready because I've already spoken about on the show to physically give myself like that to anyone yet and for those that are new listening, you know, I haven't had sex in a year now, you know, basically since I had my girls, and I'm okay with that.

It doesn't bother me.

I feel like a lot of people are like, oh my god, you need to like and I'm like, no, I'm okay. I made myself so busy working. I've been so caught up raising my daughters. I've been so caught up doing so many things that I've been fine in this space.

But I'm not gonna lie.

I do miss getting cuddled. I do miss the partnership. I miss all the build up, you know, before the sex, because either the sex can make the relationship or it can tear it apart, like things sometimes can be so great before it happens and after it happens trash, or it actually makes you guys, you know, tighter. But it's been really hard for me to find someone, and I don't know. I feel like if I talk to Alex,

And I'm over here reading on social media as we're.

Talking, how people don't believe I always talk about it, how people don't believe you know that I had become celibate. I think that that's okay, and especially now as I am, you know, pressing reset on my dating life and I'm in the process of actually trying to find someone that can be a good partner, a good role model for my children. All these are the things that is really important to me. But as a single mom right now,

Alee, we're gonna have to make this. You know, it's been a while since we've we've spoken close to this subject. You know, we've danced around it. You've given us your thoughts on finding someone, some things that you like. But there's something that I understand here is that you're having a difficult time.

No finding the right one.

So I'm going to make this into a dating show style episode today.

It's really hard. I've gone on a few dates and here's my thing, So I have to be honest. One thing is what people see on reality TV, right, mm hmm.

One thing is what people see on you know, this show that I'm in.

And you've gone viral for.

Which I've gone viral for, and you know I can't say that one hundred percent is true, Right, there's a mix because no matter what it is, you know I do a TV show that it's an entertainment show, right, So you have to give enough content for people to be satisfied. And sometimes you may zoom in and expand things more than what they really are. But when it comes to my personal life, I've never been a fan.

To exposing too many things.

I made the mistake of exposing my last two, like serious relationships, and I realized that I shouldn't have because if I hadn't, maybe those would have worked.

Because I learned that if you really really love.

Someone and you really are trying to protect someone and the person you love, you don't expose them, and you don't expose all the details of your personal life because it makes people feel as if they can give opinions and accuse and point and do all these other things that you may not realize, but it does.

Put pressure in your relationship.

So with that being said, dating has become very difficult for me now. And I am shy. You know, I am a little shy. I have a really big personality. But when it comes to dating or meeting people, if you don't approach me, I don't really know how Really, Yeah.

Are you one of those I feel yes, I am a lady.

I know like I would be the one to stay in the corner and give you like the clinklink clink clinkling. If you don't get it, I will walk all the way around the club by the bathroom, would come back around wink wink, and if you don't get it, okay, I'm gonna sit my hands down.

That's it.

Because I feel like if a man really wants you, he will approach you, he'll comfort you. If you're the one chasing, you already know is a rap because when a man wants something, a man's natural nature is to be a hunter. He likes to hunt, he likes to feel that he you know, I want this, this is my prize. If you're the one chasing, mama, you already know Okay, that's gonna go down the hill.

That's not gonna work.

So wow, in a million years, I would have thought that you would have been like, you know what, there's my prey. I want him. I'm well, you're gonna.

Go like that like on riah, I'm like that on like dating apps, right because I think that's what we both have to do. But in person, if you're not giving me that type of energy, I will only approach you or maybe be almost simbodia if I feel that there's something there, but if not. I was raised very traditional, and I even though that I'm from this era and I'm very much more open minded, I still keep a little bit of what my mom, you know, taught me.

Then I fund it up.

But they're they are lessons learn.

They have been lessons.

But with that being said, now dating has changed for me because it's like I am a mother. I am a mother, and before before it was just about me. Now as first them than me. You know, I need to update someone or find someone that can be a good role model for my daughters. Do you like children? Do you have children? Do you understand that my children are my priority? Unfortunately, as much as I may like you,

Let's do it.

And I am very respectful as well. You have children and we're dating and you have to go pick up your son for your daughter from school, or you got to go to a recitalor you. I respect that, you know. I think that it's very important to understand those boundaries. Here's another one. My mother. My mother has been my writer dies since the day she gave birth to me. And I know that it's hard for a lot of men to be stuck on La suegra Buy one, get three free. You have my mom and my daughters, and

But that's that, and it's just so much more than there's my career.

You know, I am a.

Successful independent woman. I don't want to be independent anymore.

Come take care of me. I want to go back to the old ways where I going to stay home and raise with children. That's me even though I'm still a boss. Like I'm a boss and I could be at home and still.

Make that money.

Right, I'm very homebodied, So being home, you know, with my daughters and doing you know, activit with my girls while my husband is working and making sure everything's nice, and you know, doing the vacations.

On the comfort of life.

I am down for that part of it.

You know. At this point in my life, I would love to not maybe one hundred percent, but I would love to be able to enjoy that. I have that as an option.

But I am a hard working mom.

You know. I have a lot of responsibilities besides my daughters and my mom and my father and this person in my employees, from all my last World Twins Empire.

All my airbnbs and real estate investments.

I have all those things. I have many people that depend on me, like if I don't work, they can't feed their families, right, So it's a lot of pressure. I consistently push myself to work one hundred percent, which sometimes also puts pressure in my relationship because.

You want to go on a day, you want to hang out, you want to do this.

I'm tired at the cansa, Like, there's a lot of things I need to get together in order to feel like I could date again.

And that's where this episode will come in for your mom. Today, we're gonna consider We're gonna have the top ten things to consider in finding that right partner for you. I will be the dating host, you know, like those game shows. Yeah, the host comes out and you're looking for for the right person. And we have written down a couple of things here that we think are very important.

And here's another thing.

Because I'm also reading here while we're talking, people are like, you know, well then don't did and this and that? But and I and here comes the sex part again. Everybody's over there asking. But I'm like, how important is sex when you're dating someone?

And here's why I believe that.

Back in the days, I loved when men had to you know, they would wish and dream of the day that they got to pop kiss you in front of the door before leaving you at your house. You know, I love the handwritten letters and I know it's kind of Warny. I love the little notes, just remember a little notice sticking to my car, dumb stuff, you know. I love all those things. The build up is the

Just I like the chase. I like all that.

I just feel like these days and I respect all the people that just go ahead and they're free and they and they accept their sexuality and they do them and that's fine.

I'm not judging you.

I'm just talking about my personal experience.

The chase is gone, chase me going. That part is gone.

And that was the good part that like tarn I can't wait to see her tomorrow, like damn it, you know, or send me a sexy picture, just a little cute build up to it. Now it's more like boom, I smashed. By the way, what's your name? No, I want to build it, especially now where I am in my life. I can't just be fucking around and giving my ass to everyone like it's just for you know.

No, not to mention that. By the way, if you want to date me.

First thing you have to do is send this NDA. I don't play no games like that. Every man that dates me, after you know the father of my children, you have to sign an NDA.

I do not trust nobody no more.

You know, I don't trust that you can take pictures, videos, lead conversations nothing. I will sue you for every penny you have because you've got to hit them where it hurts, and it's in their pockets. So, oh, do I have problems or what?

No, you are fine. No, you've already you've already taken a lot of it out.

Let's go one by one for those that didn't get it.

So, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna elaborate a little bit of this. You already did. Someone who is accepting and supported over with children. That's something that's the number one thing you have on your list, and you already spoke about it, so that's very very important. I see that you also want someone who is responsible and reliable, which is something you already talked about, because you yourself have a lot of responsible and people.

Really, somebody who's responsible and reliable and be responsible also means paying these bills.

Don't pay me, come can't you pay my bills? Can't you pay them a telephone bill? No, then you're out here.

I'm not expecting you to maintain you one hundred percent, but that's part of the responsibility. You can't think that you're gonna come here and eat my cookie up and stretch me out and then you're going to go somewhere. No, no, no no no. If you're if you want to be with me, you have to understand I also have responsibilities, and now I'm going to take away from my responsibilities and time to cater to you, right and to give you my toat and my time and my nursery and my wisdom. Suh.

We have to compromise.

Next, someone who has similar values and priorities as you, Boom. I mean that one is a must because you are involved in a lot of businesses. You have a very entrepreneur mindset, so you would definitely want someone who has thus high priorities.

As you want to come high priorities, similar values. I agree one hundred percent. A man who has a bad relationship with his mother, red black, red flag. When a man doesn't care about his mother, when he is like, oh screw her, this and that or I don't care to pay attention. She gave birth to him, she raised him, she fed him every single day of his life. She taught him how to walk, she cleaned his diapers, she put on his uniform to go. She did. She gave so much of her life to this person, and he

So you can be lazy.

I like a man that I can admire, like when I'm tired, I see begas his ass.

I can't let him down.

I can't be a bad like I got to be an example, a mirror of my husband or of the person that I'm dating. I have a very strong personality and a very strong character. I don't want to lead my man. I can for certain situations, but in order for a man to be able to be a good leader,

I want to need you. I want to so being able to be especially.

Women women, we can be very hormonal right in many occasions, and we need somebody that can stabilize us. Right, we're all over the place. Oh he bring it down, bring it together. So, yes, you definitely want to be able to have a man that can emotionally be you know, stable and be there for you.

Sure.

And I don't agree or disagree with the hormonal COmON because I don't want anyone coming after me. The next one that I have is well, this is a big one for you because you've also spoken about it. Someone who has a good relationship with their own family, like you just mentioned the mom deal, that's big because the way that they treat those that they're supposed to love tell us a lot about how they're going to treat you.

Yeah for sure, Yeah, yeah, you have to have good family values and I never really cared about that, so my last real relationship. And if they don't have a good relationship with their family, not just their mother, you can't expect to create this beautiful, you know, home, this beautiful family with them because they don't understand the meaning of it. And at the same time, they have to want it. And I'm going to say this, I was raised by a single mother. I never knew what it

Who wants a family, who wants to build together. Not every man wants that.

And by the way, women, when a man tells you what he wants, can you pay attention and listen, stop trying to.

They get in there. That's what he's saying.

He said what he said, and he meant it. If he said I just want to have a good time, I'm just vibing. I'm just chilling. I'm just figuring it out, you know, I'm just going with the flow. He said what he said because a man knows how to be intentional. If he says, I am looking to settle down, I am looking for a relationship, I am looking for a wife, I'm looking to get married, I'm looking whatever it is. When he says what it is, pay attention, listen.

The next one, here's someone who is open to communication and compromise. Another big one, like all these are hitting exactly what you want. I love it you are and what you want communication and compromise. What do you think about that?

Communication is key?

You know what, before I blame myself, I don't think that I was very good at communicating because I am a liber and part of being a Libra or just my personality over all, I'm very pleasing. I like to please. I want you to be happy with me. I think that also comes from daddy issues. I want to be accepted, so I am always looking to do things that can

Who also can do the same nicely.

I think that it's all about the delivery, no matter what you have to say, don't disrespect me or talk to me funny in front of the people. Wait till we get in the car, wait till we get to the house, and you can be like Mina, I don't like when you do this, da da da, or can you.

Do it this way? I think it's all about the delivery, Alex, how do you do it? Don't you think that's a way? Like maybe I don't. How do you tell your significant other?

I think it's just a simple you know. And sometimes guys think that maybe they're not heard or maybe they're asking too much. But if I think exactly what you said, I believe communicating what you want without making it seem like you know, you're whining or blaming whining. Yeah, yeah,

No, no, no, no, no. Ladies don't do it so you do as you please.

For my girlfriends, I'm gonna be like, listen, at this point in your life, it depends where you're at. If you are you know, you're young, and you feel like you're still on experiment and explore and do those things.

That's fine once you pass your thirties.

Once you get to the thirties, the thirty fives, the forty forty five, and you don't get time to be playing around. You need to know exactly what you want, how you want it, and this is what it is. Yeah, So financially, if you're not there, I don't think you should be dating.

That's me.

I think that you need to be focusing all your energy and becoming the best version of you, focusing on you because you know that if you date someone, especially a woman, a heypmence or depends. You know, men, I think that they know how far they can go. Right if you know that, you like, you see a woman that's walking Lubaton Gucci.

This is that product, all type the crazy.

So she's eating all bougie on her social media and lobster every day. Please know that she may be cool enough to go have McDonald's with you one day, but you know the standard. Do you believe in that that financially men and women need to know what type of people to date or No.

I've never really looked at it that way. I mean I don't. I've always been either the person who has made a lot more and I've been in situations where I definitely have not, and I still bring something to the But I think.

That social media also messes that up.

And that's why I'm saying it because I see a lot of women that are like, whether it's sure or not, you sell this lifestyle that you live right and you want today men that can give you this lifestyle, And you see these men working their ass off to provide things that they know they can't afford, to try to have a woman that they know they can't afford. Sometimes you could just have your you know, average girl that's a really good woman, and financially, you.

Guys make sense together.

But today someone that she's fine as hell with a birken bag traveling on a private jet. You know, you know your budget does not hate that, So why are you even entertaining it?

Does that make sense?

Oh?

Yeah, I've seen yes, But I've seen the guys I've seen the guys spend their last time on women that do not deserve it because they're only there to take from you, right, And you know that she don't love it, You know that there's no future there, but you're so caught up wanting to this fantasy.

Wake up, right, And then I'm saying it for me because I've been I've liked men, and I've been with men that financially didn't have it like that, and I just like who they were, whether because I was physically attracted or the way that they treated me. But at the long run, it never works out. And it's sorry to say that, but that's the world that we live

Know, yeah, crushing you, shifting all that.

Good shifting is shifting.

Yep.

Yeah, we're almost done here. The next one that I have here is someone who is willing to take things slow and get to know you and your children. Right, that's I'm assuming that's extremely important to you, because you know what I'm jumping in here just for no apparent reason, try to use you. You This is we're talking about stable relationship here people you know the right partner, and I believe that that's something extremely important for you that you have mentioned in the past.

Yeah, for sure, I definitely moving forward in my life. And I've been very honest, I've been very vocal, I've been very blunt. I think that the biggest blessing in my life was the father of my children. And I'm going to say it because one he gave me my daughters, but he also taught me so many lessons in so little time, and I became a different person after him.

I learned many things.

I suffered a lot, but those tears became wisdom and I am grateful for them because moving forward, I know now not to move so fast. You know, you can't let small little things it blind you from reality.

Take your time. What's the rush?

And I know that there is some rush because time, relationship, you're getting older. I get those things. But if you want to build a mansion, you need a solid foundation, right, really strong foundation, and you build that with time, getting to know each other.

I want to see you at your worst moment.

How do you act when you're angry? How do you act when you're broke? How do you act when you're happy. I want to see if you were to have a lot of money, you're going to gamble. I want to see all the aspects of you before I can say you and I are a thing.

You and I are getting to know each other.

We're gonna date for a really long time, so I feel like, okay, I feel strongly enough to say that you and I are partners in life. But in the meantime, let's just.

Date and hopefully once you get to that safe point that you think it's the right time to introduce them to your children, that they are also take it slow there, because you know it's something that you have to gradually, you know, bring bring into not only their life. You got to, you know, make sure that they're ready for that too. Once that time you feel inside that time is.

My girls are little right now, and you know, I feel like they don't know no different, they don't know no better. But eventually, I'm not dating or bringing anybody into my house like that either, And I'm very respectful of that because my mother was very very respectful me ever seeing her with different men or moving that way.

So I won't do that with my daughters. However, I do want.

To do the right thing, which is to take my time find the right partner before I decide to present them. I don't want them to I don't want them to go your way, you know, start liking this person and the next thing you know, they're gone, and then someone new, and then they're gone. I don't want to mess up my girls, and I don't want them to see me in a different light.

So I will be respect that.

Yeah, and this one ties in with the last one. Someone who is willing to be obviously flexible and accommodating with your schedule, not only as a single parent, but as an entrepreneur and someone who who has businesses. We've spoken and touched upon this, but this is very important because they need to have patience. They have to know that you can't always pick up the phone, you can't

I agree, one hundred percent exactly.

I just think definding someone that's understanding and all the things that I am requiring or I am not just requesting it, these are my requirements at this moment in my life. I whoever my future husband or partner is, I want them to know that I too would be willing to be flexible and understanding with all the things that I am requiring.

It's not just me, me me, me, me me me.

I am willing to do these things for you because I am looking for a reflection of me. So I am willing to understand. We have to compromise, and I understand where you're coming from. And I think that being understanding in the era and the times that we live in is very important in order for a successful relationship. So yeah, you know, I think that all these things come with maturity.

All these things come with time.

And it took me a long time and certain experiences to have the mentality that I have now and to be able to be like I get it now.

I understand now what it.

Is to have a real responsible relationship, a meaningful relationship.

And I pray that he comes and do.

Time, no pressure, and that ties into our very last one here is exactly Well, you just mentioned someone who is willing to grow learn together with you in your relationship with you. Just literally laid out so eloquently for everyone too.

Yeah, in due time, you know. I am not putting any pressure right now. I do have lonely moments, and I'm not a lonely person. I have lonely moments where I could be in bed and be like, oh, I wish I had somebody here to cuddle me and watch Netflix and just be here with me. But it hasn't happened yet, right And I don't want to rush into anything and then be like, damn, I should I stay by myself if I was going to do with this crap? You know, Godsham is perfect. It all happens in due time.

Difficult to find the right person.

I know that these days, men and women feel that they have so many options that no one wants to settle. Everybody wants to be free, you know, and just do the three months, tryout, next, three months, try out next. I am afraid of STDs. I am afraid of having more children with the wrong person. I just want to do things right this time around, and I will take my time. This is what you can take home with you.

Just let it flow, but let it flow with direction.

Know exactly what you want, how you want it, what you're looking for. You can't expect to have the right relationship if you don't have a list of the things that you require in order for someone else to enter your life, and vice versa. So I wish you single ladies out there the best. I hope that you guys find that you know that perfect partner as well. If you have it, girl, just keep working on yourself till

Friends, or you're on dating apps, or whatever the case may be.

Be open, be open to receiving whatever God in the universe has for you. But that being said, Alex, thank you so much for putting this together, because you really hit every single point of every single thing that I am looking for in my life right now.

I'm so grateful for you. Thank you, Alex.

You're welcome. It's like I know you, you know me, you do.

Know me, and I really really enjoyed and loved this episode because it really hit home. I know that there's gonna be so many people out there listening that can relate. They're looking for the same things. You're not the only one, you know. It's a working process. We're all trying to figure it out out here. It's tough out here in these streets. But hopingly, Baba the Olds, you know, God has something waiting for us real soon we'll find that