ā Ā¶ Welcome to Year Three
Welcome to Evoke Greatness . We are officially entering year three of this podcast and I am filled with so much gratitude for each and every one of you who've joined me on this incredible journey of growth and self-discovery . I'm Sunny , your host and fellow traveler on this path of personal evolution .
This podcast is a sanctuary for the curious , the ambitious and the introspective . It's for those of you who , like me , are captivated by the champion mindset and driven by an insatiable hunger for growth and knowledge .
Whether you're just beginning your journey or you're well along your path , you're going to find stories here that resonate with your experiences and aspirations . Over the last two years , we've shared countless stories of triumph and challenge , of resilience and transformation . We've laughed , we've reflected and we've grown together .
And as we've evolved , so too has this podcast . Remember , no matter what chapter you're on in your own story , you belong here . This community we've built together is a place of support , inspiration and shared growth . Where intention goes , energy flows , and the energy you bring to this space elevates us all .
So , whether you're listening while commuting , working out or enjoying your morning coffee , perhaps from one of those motivational mugs I'm so fond of , know that you're a part of something special . Thank you for being here . Thank you for your curiosity , your openness and your commitment to personal growth .
As we embark on year three , I invite you to lean in , to listen deeply and to let these stories resonate with your soul . I believe that a rising tide raises all ships , and I invite you along in this journey to evoke
ā Ā¶ Are You the Bottleneck?
greatness . Are you the bottleneck in your own business and you don't even realize it ? This episode is going to challenge everything you think you know about leadership , control and building a team that thrives . If you're tired of feeling stuck , overwhelmed or like you're the only one holding it together , this is your invitation to step back .
Let go and lead with courage and clarity . In this episode , my guest , ashley Cox , brings the truth about why doing it all is actually a trap , why ego gets leaders stuck and the surprising secret to unlocking growth . Hint , it's not about working harder .
So tune in to find out how to break the old cycle , delegate with confidence and create the culture you've always wanted for your business and for yourself
ā Ā¶ Meet Ashley Cox
. Welcome back to another episode of About Greatness , where we uncover the wisdom and stories of remarkable individuals making a genuine impact in the world . Today , we have someone extraordinary joining us , a leader who's cracking the code on one of entrepreneurship's biggest challenges .
Ashley Cox , a leadership mentor who's dedicated her life to transforming ambitious business owners from overwhelmed operators into empowered leaders . Ashley doesn't just teach leadership , she embodies it Through her signature empowered leader experience .
She's helped countless women business owners break free from exhausting cycles of 80-hour work weeks while leading teams of five or more employees . She's the mentor who helps you stop being the bottleneck in your own business and start being the visionary leader you were meant to be .
What sets Ashley apart is her deep understanding that great leadership isn't about adopting someone else's playbook . It's about aligning with your own values , leveraging your natural strengths and building a culture where your team doesn't just work for you , they thrive with you .
She's helped leaders transform from worker beasts stuck in the weeds to confident decision makers who inspire extraordinary results . Today , we're going to deep dive into what it really takes to lead with courage , clarity and purpose .
Ashley , welcome to the show . Hey , sunny , thank you so much for having me here .
What an honor it is to be on Evoke Greatness today , well so , glad to have you Looking forward to diving in and pulling your experiences out . You know really what threads your story , your journey . I know that you describe yourself as a former worker bee who hit a breaking point and would love for you to take us to that moment .
You know what did rock bottom look like for you as a leader , and was there that wake up call , that light bulb that came on that really started to shift your journey ?
ā Ā¶ The Breaking Point
I love this question . Thank you for asking this . I think this is such an important part of any of our journeys . You know , when we hit that point where we're like this isn't working anymore and I need to do something different .
And for me , that was when I was working in the grocery store and I had started as an hourly employee when I was 19 and had worked in all the departments produce and deli and meat department and the front end and everywhere in preparation to be able to step into a management role once I graduated from school .
Well , we went through this amazing program that taught us all about how the store operated and all the things that it took for a grocery store to be successful and to be profitable , and the one thing that was missing was helping you make that transition from being an individual contributor in a role where you were responsible for tasks to being in a position where
you were leading other people to get things done . And so I brought that hard work , ethic personality with me from my role as an hourly employee into my role as a manager .
And so I would be back there slinging 80-pound boxes of watermelon and cleaning out drains in the deli and slinging carts in off of the lot , because I thought that that's what it meant to be a good leader . I thought that showing up and doing the work alongside the people was exactly the way that I needed to be effective in my role .
But really , what I've found to come , what I come to find out , was that I was more of a hindrance , that I was in people's ways sometimes was more of a hindrance . That I was in people's ways sometimes , that I was making people feel confused because I was stepping in to do the job instead of allowing them or teaching them to do the job .
And so for me , that was a really big kind of pivot when one day , an employee said to me Ashley , I've got this . And I sat back and I was like , what do I do ? Though ? You know , it was very much that moment , like , if my identity isn't , I jump in , I help out , I take control . Who am I and how do I show up as a good leader ?
And so it was a journey from there to really discover what it means to show up with communication , with clarity , with confidence in your people , and that's what I really focus on helping my clients with today , who have a very similar story of being stuck in the weeds , thinking they have to do it all , thinking that their value comes from their doing and not
from their leading .
What I hear is like there's this point of self-awareness we don't always have early on . How much of there's this point of self-awareness we don't always have early on .
How much of that was this sense of self-awareness , self-identity , to say , okay , I'm going to recognize some of these things that I'm doing , maybe it's different than what I initially thought it was going to be .
And then , through that self-awareness , I think that allows us to start to lean in to how it actually may be different and how that's not a bad thing .
Of course , absolutely . Self-awareness is such a critical component . There are very rare instances where I will use a definitive always never X , y , z right .
And this is one situation where I'm consistently saying all leaders need to have a degree of self-awareness , because we can't improve if we don't allow ourselves to see where we're being a hindrance , where we're being a help , where we could step in more , we could step back more .
And for me , it was about allowing myself to hear the feedback that my team was saying like hey , we've got this . Like could you just get out of the way ? Essentially , I'm like oh , oh , you don't need me in the way that I think you need me .
And we have to have that level of self-awareness and openness to being able to hear what our people are saying and what they're sharing with us and also being able to say , oh , am I the problem ? Is it me ? And being okay with that .
You know there's a big degree that comes with self-awareness in the part of our ego , and our ego has to take a back seat if we're going to be an effective leader .
And that was part of it , that I really had just prided myself on being such a great employee and that role had changed drastically , and so , with that , my level of self-awareness had to change as well , in the things that I was thinking and doing and experiencing , but also in the ways that I was asking for feedback from my team .
I love that you called out the ego piece , because I think that's so important and oftentimes overlooked .
We want to improve and when we have to come to the reality around our self-awareness that what we're doing may not be working for a multitude of reasons , sometimes it's that protective element of us who say no , I'm probably the right person to do this , or I'm probably the best person to do this , because it's the gnashing of teeth with our ego that I think
oftentimes we want to avoid . So I love that you called that out , because until we get real around that and we're willing to be better as a result of letting that ego get bruised sometimes , I think that allows us to get better and stronger .
Oh , absolutely . You know , it's really about being vulnerable too .
Being a leader is one of the most vulnerable experiences you will have as a human , I think , probably second to being a parent I'm not a parent , but this is what I hear from my parent friends , because it rips you open in ways that you didn't know existed and it really is one of the most profound professional growth experiences that you will ever see .
You'll identify gaps in your skill set , in your ability to communicate , in the way that you show up in this world , but I think when we can really look at what are our values as a leader who do I want to be , who do I want to become , and how does that align with the things that I'm doing most of us will be able to reconcile that and say , oh ,
that's where ego takes a backseat , that's where feedback is necessary for me to grow and to thrive and to really be the leader I want to be for my team and that I know I can be .
You talk about the myth that empathetic , nurturing leaders need to adopt a harsh , aggressive , masculine style to be taken seriously . Yeah , you know , I sit back and I think about that and I think about how that influenced me when I was very early in leadership and I thought dominance was like the key element to being a leader .
What do you think is the most damaging leadership advice you've seen women try to follow , and how do you work to help them unlearn those pieces that maybe they thought at one point in time were the right pieces of guidance or
ā Ā¶ Self-Awareness in Leadership
advice to live by ?
Yeah , I think any advice that women receive that is in opposition to their humanity , that's the worst advice and I was the one that received that .
I was told when I was a young leader and I was leading , you know , a team of 350 at 22 years old , co-leading and that's a lot of people and that's a very young age without a fully developed frontal lobe , and you know there was a lot of hard learning curves there and a lot of face slapping moments where I even cringe today thinking back wow , that could
have gone better . But what was so damaging to me at that age was being told you're too compassionate , people are going to take advantage of you , they're going to run you over , nobody's going to take you seriously .
And add to that the fact that I was 22 , I was a female and I'm only 5'2" , so I was not an imposing person in any stretch of the imagination . But I took that to say oh , I'm wrong in the way that I'm leading , the way that I'm interacting , the way that I'm being with my people . I must need to be tough and , like you , I must be dominant .
I must show up and rule with an iron fist and I'm the boss . What I say goes , don't ask questions , and that is not a good way to lead , and I think that it felt like internal conflict .
Right , it felt like I'm showing up in this way , but that feels very contrary to my values , to my humanity , to how I want to interact with people in this world , whether it's in a professional environment , a volunteer situation , with family , friends , etc .
And so I think if you're ever getting feedback from someone that says , well , you're not being tough enough or you're not being fill in the blank , and that feels misaligned with your values , that's the worst feedback you can get , because you can be a soft , caring , empathetic , nurturing leader and build accountable teams , build profitable teams , build inspired teams
that are motivated and that go above and beyond .
It doesn't have to be one or the other , it gets to be both and I think there's so much to be able to pull out of that and the lessons that come out of that that shift and shape you right , because I think the earlier view of what you thought it was going to be like , plus lived experience , is really what helps us mature as leaders and what helps us
shed some of those original thoughts that we had of what it was going to look like , but it also , as we talked about earlier , it allows us to shed some of that ego piece .
And so it's when we shed off some of those elements , like anything in life , those things kind of die off and it allows space for new things to be born , new ways of being , new ways of thinking to help you lead to the best of your ability ways of thinking to help you lead to the best of your ability .
Yeah for sure , and that's the fun part is , when you start to shed those layers , when you start to shed societal conditioning or expectations , self-imposed expectations , expectations of others around you , whether they're mentors or supervisors , or family or friends or whomever it might be we get to start asking the question what would I do instead ?
What would feel good instead of what I've experienced in the past ? And one of the things I see my clients often do is inadvertently create the same kind of toxic work environment that they came from , because it's the only one that they've known .
It's the only way they've known how to do business , it's the only example of leadership that they've had , and so one of my greatest privileges in this world is to push back on that and to say , but what if it could be different ? What if you did this instead of that ? How would that feel ?
How would that make a difference in your business , in the world , in the people that you get to work with every day , in the jobs that you are creating for the people that are working for you , and it's that impact ripple that we get to have , where we are making the change and not waiting for someone else to make the change .
I think the exploration of what's possible is one of my favorite things to do in all aspects of life . What's possible is one of my favorite things to do in all aspects of life , but it allows you to open your mind up to if this were different , how could this be different , the effort in and the impact out .
And I think that gives people the permission to be able to start evaluating the situation , to say what if this were ? Know , what if this were different ? I often think back to the leadership lessons I've gotten over the years around .
Sometimes we're in an experience We've seen kind of one way of being , one way of leading folks who have been in one organization or under one leader for a long period of time and it's like , okay , what if there is another way to go about this and get a different or better outcome ?
And so , as I've garnered these examples and lessons over life , it's really been about here's examples of ways that I would love to lead Like . Here are pieces of leadership that I've seen over the years , but I think the more important
ā Ā¶ Letting Go of Control
lessons that I've gotten is what ? What do I want to make sure that I never do , because those are just as important is what kind of leader do I want to be ? What kind of leader do I want to make sure I'm ? I'm not .
And so , when we can like decipher out those lessons , I think it's really important for you to then create , like your own space , your own way of leading , because I think it's very individual and it's based off of our value system . Right , that's the core of what it is , what those things that are fundamentally important to us .
If we can construct that into our leadership , that's where so much of the vulnerability piece comes into play , but coupled beautifully and in a dance with authenticity 100% .
I really think this hits the nail on the head . A lot of times when I'm doing a values exercise with my clients and they're struggling and they're like , I don't know , I love all the values , I want to be all the things , and I'm like , okay , well , let's start with who you don't want to be . What are the non-negotiables ? What are the things that you ?
Absolutely ? It makes your skin crawl , or you remember that manager that made you feel small or inconsequential or diminished or you know any other toxic feeling . What do we not want to be ?
And let's find the opposite of that , because sometimes it is hard to say gosh , like and let's find the opposite of that , because sometimes it is hard to say gosh , like of all stuck or remain trapped in the bottleneck or , as the bottleneck I should say , in their own businesses Is there . You know , as you've worked with people .
Is there a specific moment where you have actually seen that shift happen , and what does that look like ?
Yeah , it's .
For me and my clients , one of the most significant realizations is when they understand how holding on so tightly is creating the breakdown whether that's the bottleneck because they have to give approval on every single task that happens , or that their inability to communicate their vision clearly with their team creates barriers and roadblocks , because now their team
doesn't quite understand what they're supposed to be doing and hoarding that information and being the gatekeeper of that information then creates the bottleneck or the roadblock . And so I love it when we're talking through a situation and a client will say I'm trying to think of this .
There's one specific example we were talking through a situation and a client will say I'm trying to think of this .
There's one specific example we were talking through a situation that this client was like well , and my team just like it's like they're just not listening to me and I feel like I'm talking until I'm blue in the face and they're just not getting things done and so I have to do all of it . And I was like wow , that sounds really tough .
Help me understand what you've done to communicate your expectations to them . Let's walk through that step by step by step , so as she's walking through and I'm asking some more probing questions to understand better . It literally just walks her right into . Oh my god , I didn't share this . I was like , okay . So here it is .
And I think that sometimes we build these businesses with our blood , sweat and tears , with our heart and soul , with every fiber of our being .
It is our creation from nothing to what it is today and it's hard to let go , it's hard to trust other people to help you with that precious thing that you've created , and I understand that deeply and you are going to die if you do not get help .
And so sometimes it's just having that space to sit back and to have someone who's outside of your world , outside of the weeds , to ask some thoughtful questions , to help you see what you already know is going on in your business . But sometimes we have to call it what it is and name it so that we can say , okay , what's the better way forward ?
Because clearly it's not this .
Yeah , and it's . You really do have to pull back the layers of what you're . It's almost like you know what . What we permit , we promote , right , and it's what are we doing that we're permitting , that is promoting this negative outcome ? Yeah , and that , again , hard to do . We've got to look ourselves in the mirror .
Yeah , it's , it's in service of becoming better and thereby you have better outcomes ?
Yeah , absolutely . And the thing is , your team is going to be a mirror of you and your leadership . So if your team is not doing what you need for them to do , want for them to do , desire for them to do , that's going to be a good data point for us to look at and say okay , if this is happening , what are we doing or not doing ?
That's creating that and sometimes that's hard to hear , and we can do it with laughter and jokes and make it feel not as hard and not as scary .
And I think that's part of it too is because the leadership journey can be so vulnerable and it can leave you feeling so raw and it can make you check your ego at the door and all of these really difficult things . And on the other side of that is greatness right . The other side of that is not just you being able to not work 14 days a week .
Have more time with your family and your friends , engage in hobbies that you've set aside for too many years , lay under a tree and read a book . I don't know how many times I've asked women what would you do if you had an extra hour this week
ā Ā¶ Recognizing When You're the Problem
? And they were like , oh , lay under a tree and read a book and I'm like , okay , well , let's make that happen this week . But those things are possible .
But also what's possible for your team being in a job where they are doing meaningful work that matters , being respected , valued , seen , appreciated Things that so many of us haven't experienced in a job before , here and there and thought , wow , what if my whole business could feel like that for every team member .
And then I think about when those people go home at night , how much more engaged they are with their families , how much more loving , how much more patient , how much more caring , how much more fulfilled are they outside of work ? Because their needs are being met at work , and it just gives me goosebumps every time I talk about it .
I'm like it's just at work and it just gives me goosebumps every time I talk about it . I'm like it's just .
We have this precious opportunity to create such impact beyond just myself , my business , the four walls that we work within , but out to our teams and their families and their communities and the world around us Reminds me of the quote , and I will preface this with I am a self-confessed control enthusiast , and I saw this quote and it really hit me .
And it says you can have control or you can have growth , but you can't have both . And I thought , oh , and I am so much about growth . It's a value , a true fundamental value for me is to continue growing in all ways that I see the world , that I show up in the world , how I understand the world , and control is something I enjoy having .
And so how can I frame that in a way where , where control is not that dominating element in my life , rather , I'm living by the value of growth , and sometimes that is relinquishing control , but it's really through growth , of learning to allow others to help you .
I think oftentimes , if we can boldly profess what our vision is , that's how we get people bought in right , that's how we get people to come alongside us . This thing doesn't even exist yet and yet we can communicate it in a way where you're inviting others to come along and breathe life into an idea .
That's you know , that's an amazing thing , and when we can do that , we have to let go of some of that control and we have to say would you join me ? I invite you along in this journey , and then guess what ? I grow . And they grow Well if we grow together , and so that's like best case scenario , exactly .
It really is . It's when we don't allow our team to grow , we hinder them , and so that's another way to look at it , where it usually hits you right in the values .
I don't want to hinder people , I want to help them , I want to support them , I want for them to find fulfillment and growth and opportunity , and the way that we do that is to get out of the way . A couple of weeks ago , well , I've got to learn how to do this before I can hire someone , because I need to know exactly how this works .
And it just kept going on and on and I was like why , just why ? I'm just like , help me understand why . Why do you feel that way ? Well , because how do I know what I'm managing ? And she just was really wrapped up in the idea of having to have intimate knowledge about a technology she had zero experience with and no need to actually know how it worked .
You know , it was kind of asking the clockmaker what time is it ? And then the clockmaker tells you how to build the entire clock and you're like there's a little much there . So we talked through that and she finally come to the realization . Okay , as long as I can be confident in the person that I'm hiring .
I can let this go because it's not a make or break part of my business . It's something I'm adding , it's a value add and it's not going to be something that if we fail with , it's going to break the whole business .
And so I always tell people you do not have to give the keys away to the business in order to delegate and to get help , and you don't have to give all of your secrets away and you don't have to just delegate everything and spin around like a sound of music in the field .
You don't have to be that willy-nilly with it , that free , but you've got to start somewhere , and a great place to start is a place that doesn't feel as pivotal , as important to your business .
Now you might not want to give away the sales part of your business yet because you might be the only one who can really talk about that at the level that you have . But one day you can transfer that knowledge to someone else and you can help them grow into that role . But I'm not saying you have to give that away today .
It's really finding opportunities for yourself to stretch into letting go , versus just letting go and watching all the cards fall around you , because if you delegate everything on day one , I promise you it will be a hot mess . So we can practice . We practice letting go , and that's what it is .
I love this quote and this definition of growth is a value for you and so you can frame things around . Okay , does holding on to this allow me to grow , allow my business to grow , allow my team to grow , or does it hinder those things ?
And when we confront ourselves with those kinds of questions that are value-based , we find that alignment and we find our path forward .
You mentioned that only 20% of someone's team causes about 80% of the problems and often the leader is part of that 20% . That's a really hard truth to come to , again for all the reasons we've been talking about so far .
How do you help a leader recognize when they're actually the problem and we talked a bit about that but like what can that reaction be and how do you help them kind of navigate and unpack what that looks like ?
Well , there's a reason my clients often say our sessions feel like therapy , not because I'm a therapist , but because we're unpacking really big , heavy , hard emotions a lot of the time , and sometimes a session might just mean getting it all out , venting , being upset , questioning everything and then allowing yourself to kind of process it , and so then the next week
might be like okay , I see where I'm the problem and this is really hard for me to accept . Yes , and we can move past that . I think one of the key moments is really not being afraid to say that you are part of the problem , because once you recognize that , you get to be part of the solution .
But it comes back to self-awareness , like we talked about earlier . If we're not aware that we're part of the problem , we can never be part of the solution , cannot ? Those two things don't work , and so once we are allowing ourselves to say , okay , is it possible ?
You don't have to come right out of the gate and say , yep , I'm the problem , I know I'm the problem . Is it possible ? I could be hindering my team or my business growth in this way and you can sit with it and you don't have to solve it today . That's what a lot of .
I think that's what a lot of business owners really struggle with is because we're so go , go go . We're so driven , we're so you know , let's get this next thing and knock that thing off the to-do list and meet this goal and hit that deadline .
We don't allow ourselves enough space to sit with some of the heavier things and that can create compounding problems down the road , and so you have to , as a leader , carve out time to be reflective , to understand your contributions or lack of contributions to the business and how that's creating impact in the business positive or negative and be able to process that
so that you can say , okay , I've come to terms with the fact that I'm 20% of the problem . I might be closer to 80% of the problem myself , and here's what I commit to being able to change or do or ask my team for support in order to get out of that rut .
ā Ā¶ Part One Conclusion
Okay , this is where we hit the pause button . I hope you enjoyed part one of Stop Micromanaging . Start Leading the guide to building a team you trust with my guest , ashley Cox . Make sure to come back next week and check out part two , where we break down the triangle of trust framework .
Tackle the real reason leaders micromanage , and reveal how to have those tough but necessary conversations without losing your compassion or your edge . You're going to learn how to stop sabotaging your own team's growth , the difference between control and true leadership , and why compassion and assertiveness make you unstoppable .
If you're tired of feeling like the only one holding it all together , this is your invitation to get out of the weeds , build real trust and finally lead with confidence . Thank you so much for listening and for being here on this journey with me . I hope you'll stick around .
If you liked this episode , it would mean the world for me if you would rate and review the podcast or share it with someone you know . Many need to hear this message . I love to hear from you all and want you to know that you can leave me a voicemail directly .
If you go to my website , evokegreatnesscom , and go to the Contact Me tab , you'll just hit the big old orange button and record your message . I love the feedback and comments that I've been getting , so please keep them coming . I'll leave you with the wise words of author Robin Sharma Greatness comes by doing a few small and smart things each and every day .
It comes from taking little steps consistently . It comes from making a few small chips against everything in your professional and personal life that is ordinary , so that a day eventually arrives when all that's left is the extraordinary .