¶ Strange Happenings in Tritown
Uh , hey , uh , Mike . Um , hey , did you uh ? What's up , Dale ? Well , I uh . So I had this egg salad sandwich in the mini fridge . It was in a Tupperware and it had my name on it .
That's , that's Riveting Dale . Thanks for the update .
No , no no , no , no , no , it's gone , and I was just curious if you knew what happened to it .
Uh , no , I don't . I have not seen an egg salad sandwich that I can recall .
Okay , I mean , if you did have some , it's totally okay . I just kinda would want you to ask about it first .
Dale , I don't eat anything that doesn't have meat in it .
You know that Right but I mean it clearly had my name on it .
Oh , we got a red light . Dale places people . Good morning , Tritown . I'm Michael Tor and I'm Dale Dallas , and this is Everything Matters . It's a chilly harvest day in Pine Bridge , Moonhaven and Threadington and the ghouls , ghosts and goblins are stirring in anticipation of all hallows . So , Wayne , Halloween . How's your altar coming , Dale ? It's going great .
I've got a whole fistful of human teeth .
It is time for the Tritown Bulletin Board , brought to you by Cox Energy .
Tritown is looking for a new city warlock . Are you up for the job , malachi ? Shadowcaster was once known as the warlock of Tritown , but the position has become vacant .
Shadowcaster was receiving an annual salary of 50k per year to provide black magic and other services for the city Until earlier this year , when it was discovered Shadowcaster had been engaging in practices found unbecoming of the city of Tritown . Following the discovery of Grossmiss conduct , the authorities have decided to terminate the contract with Shadowcaster .
The city is currently seeking a new warlock to take up the position . The decision was made with a heavy heart , as Shadowcaster was believed to have performed remarkably well until the discovery of his crimes . Shadowcaster says , even though he was removed from the position , he will not stop . It makes no difference . I will continue my rituals in private .
He said they will have to literally kill me to stop me .
Well , dale , perhaps it's your chance to moonlight as Tritown's city warlock . No , you've had your eye on that for a while . Oh , I'm hardly qualified , mike . Public service announcement . Do not open any unaddressed letters you might find in your mailbox , slit under your door or taped to your bathroom mirror .
Residents report occurrences of strange envelopes appearing in residents' homes , letters that have no address or return information . Written on the envelopes are questions such as are you alone , are you hiding or are you cold ? We ask all residents to ensure they do not open these and report them to the Tritown neighborhood watch immediately .
Tritown Mailroom announces immediate job openings in spam filtration .
Mike , I got one of those letters the other day and it said shivered up my spine Did you see the fireball last night ? Experts are offering a reward of $20,000 for the location of the meteorite that flew over Tritown . When the highly sought-after space rock was shot out of the sky , it shattered into tiny pieces .
These shards were then spread all over the region by strong winds that reached up to 100 miles per hour . Scientists are interested in finding the impact site , but also in purchasing these fragments . If you or a loved one is fortunate enough to find a piece , contact us here , and everything matters to claim your reward .
You might wonder what to look for when hunting for meteorites . Experts suggest chemical composition testing is the most effective way to determine what you've got , but here are some clues that can point you in the right direction . Meteorites and their shards tend to be heavy and magnetic , with shallow pits on their surfaces , but not holes .
They are densely packed inside . They can be oddly shaped and usually are smooth and not have a scratchy exterior .
Wow , $20,000 . What is a dollar Dale ? I think there's some kind of currency bank Interesting . The arachnid Cold War rages on in Tritown but in a reversal of previous policy , the Tritown Neighborhood Watch withdraws its request that residents go out of their way to knock down spider webs built across public walkways .
Apparently , this demonstration of superiority is triggering a process of natural selection , causing spiders to evolve to become more intelligent , reclusive and crafty . Stay safe , tritown .
Yeah , I can believe that , Mike . I used to get a lot of wall spiders and then I killed them all . Now I just keep getting all these floor spiders what has three arts , eight arms and is used to make vodka . If you guessed octopus , you are correct . Octopuses are an invasive species that have plagued Tritown's marine life for ages .
However , a local distillery finally has a solution . We can all enjoy Octopus vodka . Octopuses think they are so great and in high time they learned who the apex predator is around here , says Inkwell Distillery's president and founder , otto Inkwell . The octopuses in Tritown are highly successful as an invasive species .
A single octopus can consume around 40 shrimp per day . Considering the significant population of octopuses in the waters of your Tritown , it's obvious that we're going to run out of shrimp . According to Otto , vodka is just the hook to get people informed . The real purpose of creative projects like this is to raise awareness about a problem .
The more people learn about it , the higher the chances of coming up with innovative solutions . By spreading the word , we may inspire someone to think of an idea that no one has ever considered before . What do you think ? Would you try octopus ?
vodka , mike , I'll try anything once . It's too bad to hear about the shrimp . I really enjoy my shrimp moose .
Yeah , I really love those shrimp cord dogs .
Shrimp everything , dale . Tritown's sex education coordinator , richard Hung , would like to remind everyone to make sure you bring protection on any first dates . Unfortunately , tritown has seen a string of incidents that could have been easily avoided with some preparation and peace of mind . Be responsible .
If you're not 100% sure who or what you're dating , at least bring a knife . It might just save your life . I keep that strap on me , mike . This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy . You love Cox , we love Cox , everyone loves Cox . So why can't we have more Good news ?
Tritown With Powered your Homes and now we're going to power your body Introducing Cox Energy Drinks . You'll be able to do anything after you've guzzled some Cox . Supply is limited , so rush to your local convenience store and demand that they get out their Cox Energy Drinks .
On this week's edition of Everything Matters , we dive deep in the mysterious money hole on a segment of the Sacred Hidden Pass in Tritown , but first taking safety seriously with Dr Daniel Leeds .
This is Dr Daniel Leeds and another segment of Taking Safety Seriously . Today I will be reviewing Safety Article 00314 , the Endless Trail . This is a statement from Park Ranger Jeb Marshall , shared , of course , with his permission .
The Endless Trail is a reported occurrence in the southern Pine Bridge Forest , in the trails along the Lethy River and spillways that stretch to the Pine Bridge Dam , and yet another reminder that the safest choice is always going to be stay inside , stay safe and stay sane , but at the very least , don't be out after dark .
With no further ado , this is Park Ranger Jeb Marshall .
Well , I'll tell you all about the first time I found myself on the endless trail . Doc , I think that's the place to start .
That's perfectly acceptable , chip . Why don't you guide this session and tell your story , and I'll just facilitate .
Well , the first time I got myself lost which doesn't happen often , mind you was when I was after old Mrs Wigginbottom's cat . You see , Mrs Wigginbottom was all riled up and in a panic . It was getting real late and Snookum Wookums had ran off into the treeline . We all know not to be out after dark and I don't know something about the poor old widows .
Pleas for help just got past my better sense , so I ran off into the forest . I've always told folk that the forest has its own way of speaking , A might different from the preservation park or the mace of trails .
You really got to listen in these pine barrens , Listen to the whispering between the leaves , the creeks of the old pines , Follow what critters are coming and which are going . But the first night I found myself there the woods were silent , as if I'd wandered into some sort of abyss .
I had gone into the forest armed with my keen senses and yet I didn't hear anything at all , let alone a cat . Where are the critters ? The rustling of the leaves ? You ever heard ? Complete silence , Doc .
Describe it to me .
Well , that's just it , I can't . I mean , if you listen real good , you hear something , even if it's just the wind or the ambience of the regular world . It's honestly a little unsettling , which made my heartbeat quicker , which , quite honestly , was getting louder and faster the more I took notice of it About , when I realized how well deafening the silence was .
The dark fell . You think with all my experience I'd have learned to always carry a backup torch , but there I was , surrounded by an infinite sea of trees . No moon , no stars , Just well the dark . A sheet of dark what's so thick you could cut it with a knife .
I could only see maybe a few feet in front of me , enough to stay on the trail and watch the trees around me . It's odd . I've been in these woods countless times , but that night was different . The path that was once familiar seemed to vanish . The landmarks I've come to trust were nowhere in sight . I realized I was taking quite a few left turns .
I wouldn't say I had the trail memorized , but I knew it well enough to not recognize that . I marked the tree after my six or seven left , just for my sanity . But that certainly didn't help , as four left turns later I did not see that tree . Was I spiraling outward Himward ? I had the thought why not turn back ?
But for some reason the idea of going in a verse had felt… just felt wrong Scared me . I have since tried , and I can tell you , my will to do so wanes by the second . I get dizzy . The trees start to bend and spin and there's… well , something back there .
What's that mean , Jeff ? What do you mean ? Something's back there .
I don't know , it's hard to describe . There's just something back there wandering that trail and it wouldn't be good if we crossed paths . The first time I was on those trails , time stretched well beyond when the sun should have come back up , but it didn't . It's the same old darkness .
After a long time of wandering and by long I mean long the sounds rushed back , the wind hit me and sure enough I snapped out of whatever trance or fog I was in . I got just down the way with snookum-wookums , halfway up a pine , and the sun was just setting .
Losing my sense of time on top of everything else was unsettling , but I survived in traversed force .
So that was the first time you experienced this phenomenon , correct , Jeff ?
Yeah , that's right , Doc .
And how many times have you been on this endless trail since ?
Well , I'd say at least a dozen , a very in lengths .
And you mentioned , it's changed .
A bit . Yeah , the silence and the darker are always the same . It's always those God-forsaken left turns . But a couple of landmarks have developed and that's kinda why I felt the need to see you , doc . Not something I do lightly , seeking help .
I understand , so tell me about the sights .
Well , the first stop is hard to describe . The trail is all left , but to the right I see a light , a way's off over some hills , a cabin , as the trees thud and the path cuts towards the cabin . I see lights in the windows , sometimes a shadow .
And what's in the cabin , jeff , I can't bring myself to get that far , doc .
The cabin is an exact replica of my childhood home and there's a silhouette in the window that would've been mine , looking off into the woods where I grew up . I remember as a child seeing a man in the woods looking at my home . He was watching me , scared me at first , but eventually it felt as if we became acquainted Real bad diets .
And seeing him in the woods looking on , watching over , making sure everything was alright , I feel a duty to stop it and watch for a while , give that shadow the same piece of mind that man in the woods gave me . I'm sure that sounds a little silly .
Of course not .
Well , the second side is a clearing with a twisted blackjack oak in the center . First time I saw that side it was just a tree . Second time it had a coil of rope Progressing all the way until I had to walk by hanging man Last four or five times at least . I can't look right at the man .
Obviously my imagination goes wild and I wonder what kind of twisted or a boar's trail I've found myself on . I fear it's me , but I have no evidence and I could just look . But it's almost like I'd rather not know .
Visions like that can mean many things , Jeb , and don't worry , they're not uncommon .
Visions , huh , so I'm just dreaming it .
Well , that's the simplest explanation which , off times , I've found is the correct explanation .
Well , here's the finale to my tale , doc , and the reason I'm here to visit now after all these years . It was not . There was a beat-up old green pickup lodged in a tree off the driveway , beer cans and moonshine bottles on the ground leading up to the cabin , a scene I remember quite vividly as a youngin .
I don't really feel like getting into the details of the night .
I understand Whatever you're comfortable with Chep .
Well , as a child , the last time I saw that cabin that has returned to me in these visions , a man broke in , scared off my father with a machete , took me into the woods . Now , this was quite a while ago , mind you . I was never quite sure how it went down . Memory is the strangest thing , especially old memories filled with emotion .
But that man led me through the woods and said to go on ahead when town was inside . That's how I came to reside here in Tritown . I don't remember why it didn't come with me or what it looked like . Now I didn't have my machete on me the night when I saw that green pickup .
I wished I did , and I think I'm going to start carrying that particular instrument with me more often in case the endless trail rears its ugly head again .
That was the statement of Park Ranger Jeb Marshall regarding safety article 00314 , the Endless Trail . He is not the first or only individual to have reported this occurrence around the Pine Bridge Dam , but thankfully he was willing to share his experience so that we can help keep Tritown safe .
¶ Unraveling the Mystery of Tritown's Moneyhole
What's the lesson here ? Don't be out after dark Tritown , and if you must be , don't wander . If you still find yourself on an endless trail , keep your head down . Watch your feet . Do not look to the left or right . Just keep walking . Do not try to turn back . You'll come out eventually . Just don't look at the lights . This has been Taking Safety Seriously .
I'm Dr Daniel Leeds . Thank you to Everything Matters for having me .
Greetings , dear listeners . I'm Dale Dallas and I'm embarking on a mission to unravel the sacred , hidden past of Tritown . Our city holds a secret past shrouded in darkness . The legend has it that the three neighboring municipalities that formed Tritown hide an intricate web of historical mysteries .
Among these hushed legends are whispers of a hidden treasure concealed within the depths of Tritown's oldest swamplands , where the murky waters hold secrets to a mysterious fortune that is a vain in treasure seekers . For as long as anyone can recall , the Tritown moneyhole is no ordinary place . Its enigmatic aura has intrigued people for years .
Stories of hauntings and strange lights have only added to its mystique . Despite the widespread belief that no treasure will ever be found , the mystery surrounding this place only adds to its allure . The renowned cartographer Enoch Quibbler called it the Quibble Bog on his early maps .
However , the term the moneyhole has been used in land transfer deeds since the town's founding . Mr Ports credited the discovery of Tritown's moneyhole as having occurred when a group of elderly men wandering around the swamp stumbled upon a large circle of standing stones .
This group uncovered the hole and , as they continued to dig , came across logs , cobblestone and even monolithic platforms . Unknownly , they had just launched what would become Tritown's longest and most expensive treasure hunt . These men eventually purchased the surrounding land .
One of them , liam Fitzgerald , came to own a total of nine lots , making him for a time Tritown's biggest landowner . For as long as people have known of its existence , there have been accusations that the gentleman who discovered the moneyhole did in fact find some kind of treasure there which could explain their sudden prosperity .
Even in the face of such accusations , the hunt has never stopped and over the years , treasure hunters have improved their tools , upgrading from simple shovels and picks to more advanced equipment such as steam pumps , drill bits , bulldozers , open pit mining and state-of-the-art technology .
Despite the constant challenges posed by flooding and cave-ins , these hunters remain undeterred in their quest for treasure . The persistent flooding and strange bits of wood and clay are strong indications that the area is concealing an intricate and elaborate system of secret tunnels , multi-layer platforms and even caverns infested with goblins .
Treasure hunters are convinced that there is no doubt about the existence of this complex network . Whoever created the moneyhole was truly remarkable . They took off the daunting task of digging a hole hundreds of feet deep in the flint-like clay of Tritown and succeeded .
Even more impressive is the intricate system of drains they designed and constructed , connecting the muddy hole to lava tubes in a way that has outmatched countless treasure hunters . It's clear that this vault was built to withstand even the most determined attempts at intrusion .
William Prescott and Charles Manning are the latest to have bought the land , and their relentless search has led to some truly remarkable discoveries . These include man-made structures that predate the founding of Tritown , evidence of ancient scrolls and tomes , a huge glowing emerald and a very disturbing marble sculpture .
That wraps up our segment about the Tritown Muddy Hole , a unique mystery that continues to confound would-be treasure hunters to this day . Stay tuned for more intriguing stories from our town's enigmatic past . If you'd like to learn more about the Tritown Muddy Hole , I suggest checking out these books from your local library .
Only I know the truth about the Muddy Hole by Maeve O'Sullivan the Muddy Hole of Tritown the story of the world's largest treasure hunt , my Connor Murphy . And the Tritown Muddy Hole Mystery Solved by Malcolm Evergreen and Lindsay Nightshade . This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters . Remember , it's all real , it all matters and it never ends .
Now word from Intern Todd .
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