¶ Introduction
Yeah , I'll know about that one . I don't know . Mike's always been pretty great to me . No , no , no , no , no , that's just crazy . Mike's my friend .
Good morning Dale . How are you doing today ?
Oh , perfectly , all right , we're fine . We're all fine here . Thank you very much . How are you doing ?
Great , dale . It's a fine-looking compact . You got there . Thanks , mike . I always keep it on me . Dale , I'm glad you're back at it . I was getting a little worried about the mirror avoidance and it's good to see you back to normal Red light . We're up , dale . Good morning , tritown . I'm Michael Tore and I'm Dale Dallas . This is Everything Matters .
Good morning Tritown . Congratulations to Pine Bridge , moonhaven and Threadington for yet another successful post-Blackout census .
That's right . The numbers are in and we achieved a record 87% awakening and attendance .
That is incredible Dale , Great numbers . I also see in this report that there are approximately 337 new reported residents of Tritown , and a whopping 201 of them have already been registered and approved as new citizens .
We are making history , mike . Also , we're very pleased to let the fine listeners of Everything Matters know that the Tritown City Council has honored the show with a special recognition .
The Tritown City Council is proud to present Everything Matters with this outstanding citizen contribution recognition for their work on Blackout and post-Blackout safety awareness and advice .
Wow that is a real honor . Thank you , Tritown .
Thank you , tritown . Indeed ,
¶ Tri Town Bulliten Board
with that , it's time for the Tritown Bulletin Board , brought to you by Cox Energy A local pine bridge man was recently given 30 years to life after a horrific and premeditated offense .
The man , who bore a striking resemblance to his victim , was found guilty of murdering their friend with a lunchbox . Prosecution alleges that Dimitri Popov had killed their friend in an attempt to assume their life . Also , they wouldn't have to return to Thredington , where it was already discovered they had murdered another similar-looking friend .
I am not a murderer , he declared . I am Dimitri Popov , the only Dimitri Popov .
Residents resembling Dimitri Popov should be on high alert . Let's get that picture out to the Citizens' Dale . I'll get right on that bike . Scientists have made an incredible breakthrough in the behavioral health phenomenon of imposter syndrome .
If you haven't heard of it , imposter syndrome can manifest as feelings of self-doubt downplaying your intellect or ability or even questioning your right to be around talented people , people at all . Luckily , rigorous studies have found good news . You can rest easy , knowing scientists have now proven you have to actually be good at something to feel imposter syndrome .
So next time you're feeling self-doubt , just ask yourself this specially formulated and scientifically proven question Am I good enough to have imposter syndrome ? Imposter syndrome ?
huh , I've never heard of that one . If you don't be , let you know . I hate groundhogs , said Councilman Montgomery in a post-Blackout press conference . Stopping the encroaching groundhog population is something Councilman Montgomery is very passionate about , and this week City Council has announced their new groundhog stomping chief , phyllis Cotter .
Cotter was previously a math tutor , but their new mission is to divide the number of groundhogs in Tritown as public parks close . Just before the last Blackout , most groundhogs had no choice but to alter their habits and relocate . They have now moved into many Tritown homes and once they are in they are hard to get out .
The stoppers have shown some early success , mostly due to their engaging message to the community , but in the end , cotter says the key to stopping those groundhogs is simple Everyone start stomping those groundhogs . The groundhogs could not be reached for comments .
Are your devices listening to you ? The Tritown Neighborhood Watch has issued a special notice that citizens be aware of a high likelihood that , yes , your devices are listening to you . Devices in your home may have the ability to recognize , record and respond to voice input .
Generally , there is a spoken command that wakes up a device in order for you to input a voice command , but there have been several reported cases of devices always being on and always listening and even recording the everyday conversations of our citizens , which raises the obvious question what kind of example are you setting ?
Please be cognizant of the type of language you're using around your smart devices . Say please and thank you , be kind and be courteous If you haven't urged to use foul , rude or inappropriate language . Remember someone's listening and they matter .
I always say please and thank you to my toaster . Thank you for the toast . Unfortunately , it's not big news when trash is dumped in the streets of Tritown , but a recent case has the residents lost in the sauce , as a large pile of pizza was found just over the fence line soaking up the rays at the Mood Haven public pool .
City workers say there was pizza for everyone , from pepperoni to supreme and everything in between . Photos from the cities and prop two pizza parties sparked all sorts of reactions from the citizens , ranging from questions from who would do such a thing to why wasn't I personally invited ? If you're hungry for some leftover pizza , do your part to help out Tritown .
This is your official invitation to the party citizens . The police department is investigating and searching for the people responsible for this illegal dumping . Any groundhogs who help with the cleanup will be spared from the stopping initiative .
That's a good news for those groundhogs it's official Favorite television program alone is returning . Season 984 will be returning once again to the neighboring ruins of City . Ten contestants armed only with the most basic survival gear go out and self-document the ultimate test of willpower by surviving alone for up to a hundred days .
The last surviving contestant will receive a year supply of Marie Stu's canned meat , a year supply of I can't believe it's not water and , for the first time ever , a brand new home of tomorrow upgrade to their domicile .
Well , you wouldn't catch me dead out .
This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy . The Cox Photo Contest rages on . Go to Coxcom for tips and tricks on lighting angles and even scene setting to take more flattering pictures of your Cox . Keep the photos coming . Tritown Today on Everything Matters a gift to you , dear listener , a special segment of mental health matters .
This is a guided post-blackout meditation by guru Eileen Warnos . The census has been known to cause our residents feelings of loneliness , depression and existential dread . We here at Everything Matters are here for you . We're on your side and we want you to feel important to your community .
¶ Guided Meditation
Close your eyes , listen to the sounds . Everything , everything you say , everything you think , everything you've ever done , everything it all matters . Everyone you've ever met matters . Everything you said to them and everything you've done to them , everything matters . Everyone is thinking about every interaction you've ever had with them . Everything you feel matters .
Everything others feel matters . Everything you do matters . Don't move a muscle , just listen , don't even breathe . This is the last moment of freedom you will ever have . Now that you know the truth , the next thing you do will always be the next thing you did . What if you do the wrong thing ? It's important . The next thing you do matters . It all matters .
So don't do anything for another moment . Just listen to the sounds , feel the weight of the universe . Let me breathe for you for another moment . Think now to something you did as a child . Maybe you were embarrassed , maybe someone told you you didn't matter . But you do matter . Everything matters .
Maybe you were told that people would go on with their day without a second thought . That thing you did , it mattered . And everyone is still thinking about it . No one has forgotten you , even the people you only saw once . They remember you and you are important to them . That thing you did changed the lives of everyone around you .
A butterfly can affect its environment for a millennia with the beat of its wings , and you are , oh so much more than a butterfly . Whatever you do next is going to ripple through eternity . I hope you still aren't breathing , and I hope you still haven't moved . Everything you don't do matters too .
The empty spaces you have left on the timeline are what formed the valleys and the mountains of your actions , and now that you know this , you must breathe , you must move . Whatever you do next is important . Everything matters . It's all real and it never ends .
That was Eileen Mordoz , with one of her patented guided meditations . I feel 100% more relaxed now , and I hope you do too . Listeners , remember folks , mental health really does matter . After the mysterious disappearance of my wife , I was in a real dark place .
I mean , it's not easy when someone you love disappears to the middle of the night , leaving no trace of evidence and without any explanation . When the police showed up and started asking all those questions , I really didn't know what to tell them , and when they took me downtown and started interrogating me , I thought I might actually lose my mind .
Eventually they had to let me go due to a total lack of any kind of substantial evidence . But when I returned to my empty home , things just felt even worse . Without Eileen's guided meditations to bring me back from the brink , I probably would have drank myself to death .
Anyways , next we have Out and About Tritone , where this week I take a visit to Pat's Auditorium . Let's listen in .
¶ Out and About Tritown
Welcome to another segment of Out and About Tritown . I'm Dale Dallas here today at Pat's Auditorium . Pat's has been a beloved part of the Tritown community for longer than most of us can even remember . You may recognize it as a location for our yearly Garbage Truck Appreciation Day . Now let's head inside and see what they've got in the store for us .
Todd , would you grab the door for me ?
Oh gee , Dale , yeah , sure , let me get that .
And here we are with odor . Pat Pat , why don't you tell us a bit about yourself in the store here ?
Hello , I'm Pat of Pat's Ponditorium . We've got everything you may be possibly potentially want need .
Now , Pat's has been a staple in our community for some time now . How did you get the store started , Pat ?
Well , actually , dale , it's a funny story . It was actually the site of a long forgotten cult of . It came to me after a summoning ritual gone catastrophically wrong and I thought well , what would be more fitting than a pawn shop in the place where people pawn their souls in exchange for eldritch rights ?
Wow , that's some interesting history there .
Yeah , on the third Tuesday of every second moon , you can still hear the chanting . We always do a buy one , get half sale that day to commemorate .
You mean , buy one , get one half off .
I don't understand the words you just said to me .
Okay then . Well , what sort of items do you have here , pat ?
Oh well , we've got some lovely variety of things , Of course , in this open , this center front case . We've got a classy variety of rings . I don't know where they come from , but they're very classy . Wear them on all fingers .
I'll bring it in next time .
Hey Ma , where should I put this new gas mask ? We already have so many out on display .
Oh , my pride and joy . Come over here , meet Dale . Now this is my son , tony .
Oh , hello there , Tony . Pat , I'm so sorry , I wasn't aware you had any children .
Oh well , technically I didn't , tony . It was born to me 23 years two months and four days ago . No one ever came back for him , though , which suits me just fine , because you know , he's just like the son I never had .
Ma stop it , You're embarrassing me .
All right , all right , just go and add the mask to the display . It's got a very unique splatter pattern on it .
Now , you see , that's interesting . I didn't realize you could pawn people . I wonder about our intern Todd here . Wait , what ? What do you think , pat , could you trade for our intern ? Looks like you've got some really interesting recording equipment we could use .
All right , let me take a look here and I'll lift the arms and do a little twirl . All right , well , for an intern of his anxiety level , the best I could do is this rolled up cardboard . Oh gee , really .
That's all .
Now don't go knocking the cardboard . If you shout into this end here , you kind of sound louder .
Now that could be helpful for our field recordings .
You can't be serious . Dale , Dale .
Well , what a trip that was Unfortunately legal , made it very clear that I wasn't allowed to pawn Todd , but it's just as well . I did eventually go back to pawn off some old wedding rings I had lying around . Pat's Ponditorium is located in downtown Pine Bridge at the intersection of Resurrection and Faust . Stop it and say I had a patent toadie for me .
Tell Dale sent you .
¶ Outro Matters
That's a wrap . Thank you , listeners , for tuning in . This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters and we'll see you next week . Remember , it's all real , it all matters and it never ends . Now a word from intern Todd .
Thanks for listening to Everything Matters . This is intern Todd . Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Network . If you're listening from the 21st century , you could really help us grow by leaving us a review on Spotify and Apple podcasts . The algorithm god hungers greatly and saving him can be a full-time job , so leave us a review on Spotify and Apple .
If you leave a review as a resident of Tritown , without breaking the fourth wall , Dale and Mike might read your review on the show . Just make sure you don't , you know , give anything away that you're from the 21st century or that could really , you know , break Mike and Dale's minds . Yeah , links are at EverythingMattersPodcom .
If you're listening from the 22nd and 24th century , you can review us on Musknet in exchange for one kudo . 25th to 29th century please get off the internet immediately . Using the internet poses a public safety hazard . All other centuries . Call 1-800-MATTERS if it is safe to do so . Again , that's EverythingMattersPodcom .