¶ Introduction
Psst , uh , uh , hey , mike , I think it's alive . Oh wow , yeah , yeah , we're alive . I told you it would work . There it is . It's the red light . We're broadcasting . Mike , Come on , get over to your chair , Get on your microphone .
Good morning , tritown . I'm Micheal Taur
I'm Dale Dallas and this is Everything Matters .
Greetings to Moonhaven , Pineb ridge and Threadington . Everyone in the Tri Town area Glad to be back after the blackout . If you can hear us , lines are open and we are taking callers . I hope everyone had a wonderful blackout . I think , to start the show , we have some announcements,
We do indeed , I think they're pretty old .
How long has it been Dale ? I don't actually know .
Yeah , I don't know either , Mike , but we're back .
Well , let's be safe and deliver the announcements from the Tritown Bulletin Board .
That's good Mike .
¶ Tri Town Bulliten Board
This is the Tri Town Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy .
A notice from the Tritown United Neighborhood Watch . We're taking another step towards fortifying our town's safety . We are upgrading our surveillance systems to ensure an even safer Tritown . The enhanced resolution , EMF capabilities , dots projection , IR and UV capabilities as well .
That's some great news , Dale . Maybe we can find out who's been swiping your morning paper , Dale .
I certainly hope so .
Bitter sweet news for the fans of Tritown's Is it Cake Festival . The Threadington resident Sarah Nelson was not cake . That's right , sarah Nelson was not cake .
Well , it looks like I owe you 20 bucks , Mike .
You sure do , Dale .
Pinebridge resident Cobb Gray has won the Tritown lottery for the 11th straight time this week . In an insane streak of luck , cobb swear he has not entered into a greed pact with the 17 faceless of Avaliere .
Oh , that's a relief .
A relief indeed , Mike .
A community public service . Announcement from the janitorial staff at Threadington . Blood bags are recyclable . Please do not discard blood bags in the trash chutes . Regardless of level of use , please use your designated recycling crate .
Recycling's very good for the community , Mike .
It's very good for the community indeed .
A new survey suggests grocery carts may have entered into a pact of nonviolent protest against the residents of Tritown .
Heres hoping negotiations are smooth . Congratulations to the graduating class from the Chimney Kids Playhouse . From the Tritown City Council , special thanks to everyone who donated toys and paper products this blackout . Good luck , chimney Kids . Thanks for keeping Tritown warm .
Your sacrifice is not in vain .
This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy . Tell your friends I prefer Cox Energy . Well , dale , the agenda's a little light today .
Well , everybody's probably still waking up . We are broadcasting a little earlier than normal today .
That's true . Let's see what we got here . Oh , we've got some pre-recorded , previously unerred segments . They're probably still good , right Dale ?
I'm sure they're great , Mike , Let her rip .
¶ Taking Safety Seriously: Mirrors
Welcome listeners . This is Taking Safety Seriously with Dr Daniel Leeds . Welcom e back to the show , Dr Leeds . Doctor Leeds: Thank you for having me , Dale . Dale Dallas: So we're coming up on another one of our scheduled blackout periods . Folks are going to be hunkering down getting prepared , Doctor Leeds: that's absolutely right , dale .
So today I thought it would be relevant to pulll safety article triple , zero , two , three or better known as Mirror Safety procedures , since everyone will be stuck in their domiciles . It seems like a very relevant and interesting choice for today .
Indeed it does . Can't wait to hear what you've got for us .
Absolutely so . We've developed a quick test to help you decide , right in the comfort of your own domicile , if mirror safety standards , as referenced in articles triple , zero , two , three are for you . Dale , I'd like to do this with you if you're open to the experience .
Of course I am . Sounds like an interesting time and I want to be sure I'm safe as the rest of the citizens here in the Tritown area . Show them how it's done Okay , so I'm going to play a little jingle here . Interesting song . So what's with the music here ? Doc oh great question .
So this is a specially scientifically formulated song that helps open one's mind to suggestion their subconscious . It's very useful in times like these . It would help you be honest with me and open to the experience Now if you're ready , ready as I'll ever be , dr Leeds , alright beginning the mirror safety quiz , Dale , do you
Well , ever since the early demise of my wife , I've lived alone .
in black and white .
Is there any other way to dream , dr Leeds ? Have you ever seen a shadow ? Well , of course , I've seen a shadow , dr Leeds , who hasn't ?
at exactly 3.33 am .
Yeah , that's usually the time I wake up to start getting ready for the broadcast .
I see I see , do the eyes and photographs ever seem to follow you .
Well , now that you've mentioned it , I suppose they kind of do Uh-huh , that's weird .
Have you ever found an object in your home that you have no memory of acquiring ?
Well , I gotta admit , Dr Leeds , I feel like a lot of the items in my house fit that description .
Okay , and lastly , have you ever not recognized yourself in the mirror ?
I think I recognize the guy in the mirror . He's a pretty handsome guy .
Alright . Well , that's a six . Dale , he's scored a six on the Mirror Safety Quiz Alright six sounds like a pretty good score to me .
Um Well , that's interesting .
It sounds good to you . But not to worry , Dale , I would absolutely suggest some Mirror Safety procedures for you to undertake .
What do you got for me , Dr Leeds ? I'm ready for them .
I don't want you to worry . Mirror Safety is ranked threat level orange . It's usually contained in a single domicile and does not necessarily , or even normally , pose a public safety risk . Only in extreme cases , if poorly timed or placed reflective surfaces such as reflective sunglasses , does Mirror Safety standards ever pose any sort of like real risk .
Most of Tri-Town's residents have nothing at all to be worried about , so I have a few methods to suggest that you can try to safety-proof your home .
Alright , well , I wouldn't be as safe as possible .
Alright . So method one we call this establishing dominance . Now , the way that you do this is you put your domicile into complete darkness , absolutely complete darkness . All cracks need to be sealed , all windows shut , all shades pulled tight . You need to set it up so that you can't even see your hand in front of your face whatsoever .
Now you know your home better than anyone , so you need to hold your breath and make your way into the area where your largest mirror is . This is generally one's bathroom . Now , again , make sure you can't see , make sure that you are not making any noise whatsoever , and then you want to turn on the light very suddenly .
Make sure you have a very intimidating look on your face and be making direct eye contact with yourself . If you've done it right , you will be the first one there and have the upper hand . Hold this stair as long as possible and be very careful not to blink .
That sounds quite intensive .
Well , if that's not your cup of tea . Method two is called avoidance . Now you can cover all the mirrors in your home for at least two weeks . Now be very careful here .
If you start to feel intense urge to perceive yourself or incredibly heavy empathic feelings in regards to the perceptions of those around you , make sure you contact the Tritown neighborhood watch immediately . Method number three can be the most dangerous but the most effective solution for mirror safety precautions . We call this capture and disposal .
Now , if you have a compact or hand mirror that you scavenged recently , this might be the solution for you . What you're going to do is you're going to pretend as if you're going about your day normally . Then , when you are away from any reflective surfaces , you want to hide a compact or a hand mirror somewhere where it cannot be seen on your person .
Then , when you are at the largest mirror in your domicile and you are , say , preparing for the day , trimming your mustache or combing your hair , you are going to turn as if you're leaving the room and then suddenly whip out the compact or whip out the hand mirror and look directly into the reflective surface behind you .
If you've done this right , all you have to do is bag , the hand mirror or close the compact or tape it off or something so that there is no reflective surface showing , and then simply dispose of your blocks , incinerator or trash chute at the next possible convenience .
Well , I always keep a compact on me , Dr Leeds , but I'd hate to get rid of it . I think I'm partial to option number two myself , and if I haven't really needed someone to perceive me , I guess I'd just get a little Mike here and tell me how good a look at I am .
You're always looking great , Dale . Well , thank you so much for having me , Dale . I hope everyone has a wonderful blackout and remember , take safety seriously .
Thanks for joining us , dr Leeds . Until next time .
¶ Tri Town Trails
That was my interview with Dr Leeds from Before the Blackout . How did you score on the Mirror Safety Quiz ? Tritown . Next we have Park Ranger Jeb with some more safety tips .
Like we always say to our lovely Tritown residents , stay inside , stay sane . But those of you needing to complete your required Vitamin D absorption time , we've got Park Ranger Jeb Marshall here for the next segment of Tritown Trails .
Well , thank you , macindale . It's a pleasure to be back on the airwaves after so long . This week's topic safety on the nearby Mesa Trails . Well , it hurts . Let me take you on a journey into the harshest environment in the Tritown area , where the sun blazes with an intensity that could cook a cowboy's soul .
Out there , the wind carries secrets whispered by the tormented tumbleweeds , and time itself seems to crawl on its hands and knees . Don't beware . The only thing faster than a quick draw is the strike from a relentless rattlesnake . Remember listeners ? You got to carry a snake by kit at all times while hiking and know how to use it .
It could be your lifeline if things go south . Never go solo . Having a trail partner means you've got someone to watch your back and you can watch theirs . I know these trails seem like they were made by the devil himself , but you got to stick to them .
Avoid veering off the path into the unknown , because these trails I speak of they ain't your run of the mill path through the wilderness . No , they are twisted , ominous and infested with serpentine nightmares . It's like Mother Nature herself decided to create a maze of malevolence where the serpents roam like dark spirits lurking in the shadowy abyss .
Imagine if you will , being on a trail so teaming with snakes that it feels like you've stumbled into a surreal reptilian carnivore . Each snake , a grotesque caricature of a cowboy wearing a black hat and a grin that would send shivers down your spine .
They lie there in ambush , coiled like the very essence of hatred , waiting for an unwitting soul to take their fateful step into their deadly embrace . This ain't no casual stroll , partner . It's a dance with the macabre , a tangle with terror . Every footfall becomes a high stakes game , a diabolical gamble with a venomous dealer .
You become one with the land , reading its wicked cues , like a gambler reading some sort of cursed deck of cards . The sinister swaying of the grass , the haunting rattle of the rattlesnakes , the demonic flicker of their forked tongues Don't even think about wearing sandals out here . Investing a good pair of sturdy ankle high boots .
They'll protect your feet from venomous fangs and sharp rocks alike . You got to dress sensibly . Cover up , partner . Long pants and long sleeve shirts can be your first line of defense against snake bites in the unforgiving sun . I recommend a wide-brimmed hat to keep you shaded . But in the midst of all this madness , there's a ghastly sort of beauty that emerges .
The sun , casting its hellish glow turns the land into a fevered dreamscape painted in hues of blood and gold . The cacti , standing sentinel , become grotesque guardians of this eerie realm . Even the snakes , in their cruel dance of life and death , are but twisted instruments of nature's gruesome orchestra .
¶ The Marvelous Marie Stew Show
Well , that was a Park Ranger Jeb with some fascinating trail safety tips . Next we have a segment from the wonderful Marie Stew show .
And now , ladies and gentle , folk of Tritown , a special treat for your ears . Live from the Everything Matters studio the marvelous Marie Stew show .
Hello darlings , it's me Marie Stew . Today I'm here with my tried , true , safe and tested advice passed down from the ages . Today we're going to be learning how to combat those stubborn stains that just won't quit . So wonder how many messes we can get into , isn't it ? First off , rust stains . Got any metal remnants tarnishing your lovely fabrics ?
Threadnaught , some elbow grease , a little lemon juice , a little bit of salt , some direct sunlight and voilà , your cloth will be as vibrant as ever .
Now we listeners . I know you can't see this at home , but this sure is some vibrant cloth . Now , marie , last time you were on , you mentioned some substitutions for lemon juice . We know it can be hard to get your hands on a good lemon these days . I believe it was sulfuric acid and water , correct ?
What a good memory , mike , that's right . Well what do we have next ? Well , next up soot . We've all been there , haven't Gathering around a roaring fire , cooking up some Marie stew , can meat and , oops , a gust of that Refreshing breeze , and your clothes are a mess . For this , all you need is some good old saliva .
That's right , a dab of your own spit , a gentle rub and let nature do its drying . No need to waste precious resources . You'll be the bell or bow of the ball .
Oh , marie , always thinking of the parties .
Well , next up for those stubborn grease stains from well , let's say , fixing assembling . Simply take some sand it's in abundance , rub vigorously and watch the grease simply disappear Quicker than a Mesa Trail's rattlesnake strike .
Gone like a turkey into the cornfield . Now , Marie , this looks familiar .
Well , that's right , mike , the most familiar stain of all land , one of the toughest Blood . Now for fresh blood . You'll want to act fast . Cold water , always cold water . Gently blot , never rub . Let's sit , ponder your life choices , rinse , and with some luck it'll be good as new . Dried blood can be a little bit trickier though .
You'll want to remove any solid deposits with a spoon . Dab on a little bleach , add a bit of ammonia , and then some gentle rubbing . Chemicals can be pretty hard to come by , though , so here's a Marie stew secret . Believe it or not , milk will do the trick .
Milk . Wow , now , marie , for those of us who might not be familiar , what exactly is milk ? Oh , I see . Well , marie , thanks for always keeping us fresh . That's all for today's Marvelous Marie Stew Show . Until next time , keep your spirits high and your stains low . This has been Everything Matters .
Uh , hey , hey , Mike , looks like we've got some callers .
What is that ? Is that possible ? That's really fast .
I mean the phone's rigging , mike .
Okay , Hello , Caller , You're on Everything Matters the show where everything is real and it all matters . What new news from Tritown ?
Hello , can I hear you ?
I can hear you , Caller .
Oh God , I haven't heard any voices .
Oh , Sorry about that . Oh , looks like we have some technical difficulties . Just some run-of-the-mill post-blackout cleanup .
Don't worry about that , folks , we'll get that fixed right up .
We will . Indeed , this has been Everything Matters . I'm co-host Mike Taur and I'm Dale Dallas . Remember everything is real and it all matters . Now a word from our intern , Todd .
¶ Intern Todd
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