EMB EP35 | Breaking Up Is Hard To Do with Maggie Scott

Maggie (00:04.536) Thank Shannon (00:06.665) Well, hey, boo boo, welcome back to the podcast. Maggie (00:10.21) Thank you so much. Thank you. Happy to be here. Shannon (00:13.499) So this is one of the little duet episodes that we're gonna do and it's fully organic. We haven't really prepared it and I don't have like this whole trajectory this podcast is gonna go on. We're just gonna have an organic conversation about something that happened in your life a few months ago because as it was happening we both realized we should probably talk about this and maybe this would be helpful. Maggie (00:31.342) Yeah. Maggie (00:38.808) Mm-hmm. Shannon (00:40.693) for not only us, but for people to just kinda listen in on. And we're gonna talk today about breaking up. And in your 22 years, I would say other than when my dad, your grandpa, went to be with Jesus, this is probably the second most traumatic thing that you've ever walked through. Would you say that's true? Maggie (00:50.725) Ugh. Maggie (01:05.806) Mm-hmm. Yes, and I completely recognize the privilege that I have to say I can count on one hand the traumatic times in my life. Like, and a breakup being one of them, that's a gift. But it was, it was hard. Shannon (01:16.629) Yeah. Shannon (01:21.365) Yeah, yeah, so yeah, it was traumatic. So I wanna set a few just like ground rules and then we're actually gonna start a little bit back from the breakup. Ground rules are number one, the person that Maggie was dating knows that we're doing this podcast. Secondly, we will not be using his name and we will not be talking about. Maggie (01:33.686) Mm-hmm. Okay. Shannon (01:48.478) ultra specific things regarding him because this is not actually a podcast about him. It's a podcast about the experience of relationships and the experience of relationships that end. And so we want to be very honoring. And we want to ensure that his dignity is protected because this is not about him or his character or those sorts of things. But We want to start before we get to that relationship. And I just want to say, I don't know that I've ever publicly said this. Maybe I have a couple of times when I've been teaching, but your dad and I made the decision early on that our kids were not going to be allowed to have dating relationships and boyfriend's girlfriends in high school. So definitely not middle school, but also we just decided not high school. And we talked about this because both your dad and I did date in high school. And I had a boyfriend every year of high school. And I had the boyfriend the whole year and thought they were so serious. And it was fun. And it was whatever. But then breaking up with them was brutal. And the more boyfriends I had and the more I broke up, the more it just did not. Maggie (03:03.661) Mm-hmm. Shannon (03:14.389) feel right to my soul. And your dad would say the same thing. And early in our parenting, when you guys were still young, I read a quote, and I'm not going to be able to remember right now in real time who said it, but I will before we air the podcast. The quote was, hearts weren't built to be borrowed. And that's what dating essentially does because if you end up not marrying the person then they've borrowed your heart for a season and there's just a way that your heart was designed and borrowing doesn't tend to be part of it in my opinion and in my experience. So we made the decision that you guys weren't going to date in high school so you and I have not talked about this recently but I'd love for you just to talk about Maggie (03:56.577) Yeah. Yeah. Shannon (04:07.873) what that was like for you, how you felt about it, if you and Jack and Allie even had conversations about it, and what you think about that now as an almost 23-year-old versus a 16-year-old in high school. Maggie (04:24.301) I mean, I don't think it was ever really a huge topic of conversation, because it's not like I had guys lining up at my door just waiting to ask me out. there were moments, I think, in high school where I was like, man, if the opportunity presented itself, what would I even do? How would I go about that? What would happen? And so I had a couple, I don't even know what you would call them. flings, crushes, whatever in high school that lasted longer than a week that I was starting to be like, no, like what do I do about this? But everyone kind of knew Maggie doesn't date, Jack doesn't date, Allie doesn't date. And it was never an issue. Now, looking back, I'm so grateful for that. I'm so grateful for that. Part of me. Shannon (05:05.856) Mm-hmm. Maggie (05:22.295) two months ago in January, wished that I had gone through my first breakup in high school when I was still living under my parents' roof and had my whole family around me, because then this wouldn't have been my first one. But another part of me recognizes like my baby brain and my baby heart, like, I can't even imagine what that experience would have been like. And I know plenty of people do. Plenty of people have relationships in high school that last and... Shannon (05:33.025) I'm Maggie (05:51.106) Fabulous amazing incredible, but I am more grateful now that we didn't do that because I feel like it set me up to go through this a little more emotionally mature and with More context and with more grace surrounding the situation because I just have the ability to have all those thoughts as a 16 year old I did not have that so I don't know that Jack and Ali and I have ever talked about it though because it's just kind of like you don't you don't date in high school and after you leave high school like then I guess it's kind of up to you like but I I remember when this guy like officially asked me to like be his girlfriend I was like do I have to like ask my parents about this first because I was like I've never done this like what's the process here Shannon (06:23.584) Yeah. Shannon (06:28.063) Yeah, totally. Shannon (06:47.157) Well, and it was so fun when you did call and we did have those conversations. It was fun to be talking to our adult daughter about it or, you know, our college student daughter about it. And I am by no means saying that the way we did it is the right way. I don't know that there is a right way, but for us, we just felt convicted that Maggie (06:51.277) Mm-hmm. Shannon (07:10.367) We didn't want the distractions of trying to figure out romance to be one of the things, one of the many things that you were navigating in high school. I do have pretty vivid memories of all three of you coming home and telling us about peers and friends of yours who were having all this drama and I mean just soap opera level dysfunction or drama or Maggie (07:33.206) yeah. Shannon (07:38.07) breakup or and it was affecting their grades and their attendance at school and whether or not they were going to be in plays that the other person was in and it each of you in your own way kind of said well at least i don't have to worry about that and so Maggie (07:53.101) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Shannon (07:55.03) But that does mean that you had your first breakup ever a few months ago. so share a little bit about your relationship, what drew you to him and what made that season significant in your life. Maggie (08:10.637) I mean, I think it's a significant season because it is my first relationship and also my first everything. First time holding hands with a guy, first time kissing a guy, first time calling a guy and being like, this thing is going on. Like, what do I do instead of calling my mom? Like first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, because I never had any sort of... Shannon (08:20.629) Mm-hmm. Shannon (08:32.288) Mm-hmm. Maggie (08:38.989) casual anything because that's just not who I am. Unfortunately, I just cannot do casual. I get too attached. So I feel like it's significant because first boyfriend but also first of everything else. And I think initially what kind of like drew me to him, I guess, was we just felt like best friends. We felt like best friends. Shannon (08:44.289) Hmm? Maggie (09:05.427) We worked together, so I did see him all the time. But then right before we started dating, we both got separate jobs and we wouldn't be working together anymore. So that like wasn't an issue. And we just, we just had so much fun. Like it was just so, we were always trying to make the other laugh harder. So we were trying to like one up each other on jokes and we were hanging out all the time. He fit in with my friend group, like immediately clicked. And he just felt very safe and very comforting initially, which I was always worried that I would feel like I'm comfortable in a relationship or something like that. And I just never had that issue. And I think really after our first like three months of dating was when I was kind of like, okay, this could this could go the distance, I think. And that's when I feel like I really like Shannon (10:01.203) Mm-hmm. Maggie (10:05.505) dove in was after that first three months. And we, you know, just, I mean, we started doing everything together. He was involved in literally every single area of my life. And it was so fun. And it was so sweet. And it was everything I thought I would never find like in a relationship. And I was like, wow, I get to do this once and then be done. And that is not what happened. Which is okay, but... Shannon (10:37.141) Yeah, but I mean, you did think that you were getting married. Maggie (10:42.605) Oh yeah, I mean we looked at rings, we had a date in this year, 2025, by ex date, like we'll be engaged, da da da da da. So I thought, and he was right there with me, that this was gonna be, this is gonna be it, done deal. I mean, he brought up in our first month of dating, he said, so when can I propose? And I said, whoa, pump the brakes, babe. Give me like a year or two and then we can kind of we can kind of reevaluate and see where we're at. Because especially with it being my first relationship, I didn't want to rush through all of the things that I feel like everyone else had already experienced. Like dating. Dating is a very specific like boyfriend, girlfriend, very specific time in your relationship where you're not actually together 24 seven. You do get to still build relationships with other people. You are still your own separate people. And I feel like once you get engaged and specifically once you get married, like you're together. The two of you, nobody ever assumes that you guys are gonna be separate. If you're invited somewhere, they're invited somewhere. If they're invited somewhere, you're invited. So it's a very specific season and I wanted to experience that for sure. Shannon (11:56.053) Right. Maggie (12:07.369) And then to be engaged, wanted that to be a specific season and then of course being married. So I was very excited. I was very like ready for what I thought was coming and it just did not end up going the way that we thought it was gonna go. Shannon (12:27.829) Yeah. When did you start to realize things were not aligning the way that you had hoped? Maggie (12:36.397) there were conversations that were had needs that I realized that I had or very significant wants, that I was expressing that it felt like the response that I was receiving, something clicked in my brain of like, I don't think that that's right. And that's hard to navigate in your first relationship because You're like, maybe I'm just being crazy. Maybe I have a lot of anxiety. And I think that that is a very real thing. Like I think relationship anxiety certainly exists and cannot be trusted at all times. But that initial like, that didn't feel like the response that, it's certainly not the response I would give if that's the same thing. And so that kind of gave me pause. And I was like, okay, okay. we need to dive deeper into this. And then it kind of continued to happen. And I was like, hmm, I don't feel like this is, I don't feel like this is right. So I think probably a couple, like three or so months before we actually ended up breaking up was the first time I was like, oh, this may not, this may not work. But I also believe that people have Shannon (13:45.653) Yeah. Maggie (14:06.829) you know, arguments or whatever in a relationship that you can work through. And so that's kind of where my head was at. I was like, that's fine. We'll work through it. No worries. Everything can be solved. Communication is key. Insert little quote here. Like we got this. But it also felt like that was not reciprocated. And so that's when I was like, okay, okay, this is not going the way I thought. Shannon (14:09.264) sure. Shannon (14:24.468) You Shannon (14:32.181) Yeah, it was starting to be a lot of relational work for you. I remember you would ask questions kind of like barometer check, like, so this is what I said, and this was the response. Am I, and I would try to be very vanilla, but also you should take heed, boo. Yeah, well, and first, Maggie (14:38.305) Mm-hmm. Maggie (14:53.933) Mm-hmm. Shannon (14:59.893) breakups are uniquely painful. The story with this one, which was initially the worst part and ended up being the best part, is that your entire family, me, your dad, your sister and your brother, along with your aunt and your uncle, my brother and sister-in-law, and then... Maggie (15:04.162) Yeah. Shannon (15:24.417) all of our favorite people in the world with only a few exceptions, Casey, Caleb and Alyssa. Like we were all together in Orlando for an event and the morning of the event, he broke up with you. And so I'm producing it, dad's performing, we've got production, my brother's running production like and. Maggie (15:41.845) Yeah, yeah. Shannon (15:48.852) And it was kind of like a wrecking ball into that day. What surprised you the most about walking through that painful time? And I mean gut wrenchingly painful those first couple of weeks. Maggie (16:09.901) I saw something on social media this morning that said, if you offered me a million dollars to relive January and February of 2025, I would say, keep your money. Like I want no part of that. And that could not be more true. I have literally never in my life, in my life, felt the way that I felt that first week post Shannon (16:21.526) Yeah. Maggie (16:39.863) break up never in my life. Not to downplay any of the other horrible things that may have happened in my life or that I may have experienced, but I also feel like most of those were, you know, a death in the family, but also we kind of knew and so it was a matter of time kind of thing. And so there was a lot of preparation that was able to go into it before it actually happened. This was a 30 minute conversation on a Sunday morning. Shannon (16:49.078) Mm-hmm. Shannon (16:57.077) Yes, totally. Maggie (17:08.993) that I was like completely blindsided, had no clue was gonna happen. Which is not his fault. He didn't know what was gonna happen that morning either. It just happened that we had started communication and he was like, I think we should talk. And I was like, okay. Shannon (17:19.137) Mm-hmm. Shannon (17:24.385) Nobody ever likes to hear that phrase. Maggie (17:25.751) So it, it's almost never good, almost never. So the thing that probably surprised me the most was I, my personality, I do not like to sit in negative feelings for a very long time. It just feels, and this is something I'm working on, don't worry, but it does not feel productive to me to just sit in these, awful feelings and just do nothing about them and just sit there like there's nothing worse but that's all i wanted to do i did not want to go anywhere my whole family as mom just said whole family all my favorite people who i never see because they live all over the place i like we had tickets to the parks for an entire day where I was gonna be their little tour guide around, I could not have been dreading it more. Because I was like, all I wanna do is sit at home and cry. What? If Maggie... Shannon (18:35.265) But you also didn't want to just sit at home and cry. Like it was the most, it was the most, you didn't know what you wanted. You didn't know what you didn't want. You only knew what you didn't want when you were doing it, but you didn't want to do anything else. Like it was, it was intense. Maggie (18:39.499) Well, right, right. Maggie (18:49.357) Well, and then to be to be with everyone and to be in that group like one of the people making the decisions of what we were going to go to next because I have the most knowledge because I live here and I do it every day and also sitting on the Skyliner and looking out the window like I was in a sad music video and just like singular tears falling down my face like the most random the most random and that was the day after Shannon (19:11.329) you Maggie (19:19.637) So there was a lot of thoughts, I'm confused, I think this is a mistake, I'm going back and forth, back and forth. Like, it was crazy. Shannon (19:27.275) Yeah, you thought y'all would get back together if you could just have a conversation. Maggie (19:31.446) 100%. I was telling everyone, I said, guys, don't worry. This conversation does not end in a breakup. Normally, like, not that we never had it. But in my head, I was like, I was already feeling something. He was feeling something we just met at the wrong time. We didn't, no worries. But I think one of the most surprising things about it was really that I took time. Shannon (19:53.376) Mm-hmm. Maggie (19:59.264) and that I sat with that because like high school me, I would have been like, I don't want to do that. let's go watch a movie or something. And so to be able to sit there and journal and I am a verbal processor. So I started just recording videos on my phone, 12 minute long videos of me just talking just so I could process things, get it out, but get it out into the world, but not have to tell anyone like, Shannon (20:06.134) Mm-hmm. Shannon (20:28.543) Yeah, so say more about that for those of us who are old like me, it never would have occurred to me to do that. But you were like in lieu of handwriting everything or typing everything, I'm just gonna, yeah, sure. I'm just gonna turn my video camera on and video myself and talk it out out loud. Maggie (20:29.066) Just Maggie (20:43.191) Which I did both. Shannon (20:53.909) but it doesn't get sent to anybody or posted anywhere. It's just basically a video diary. Maggie (20:54.382) 100%. Maggie (20:59.735) Correct, because for me, writing it down, very helpful. Typing it on my phone, I have a running note of like random little thoughts that I was in a meeting. I couldn't necessarily be like, hi guys, welcome back to the vlog. Here was my thought that just popped into my brain about the breakup. You know, so I just like jotted it down in my notes. But for me and for my personality type specifically, if I don't talk about it, Shannon (21:15.647) Hehehehehe Maggie (21:28.041) It doesn't feel like it actually like leaves me. It doesn't feel like it goes anywhere. Some people can write it down and be like, thank goodness it's all on the page. Like I don't have to worry about it until I read it the next time. For me, I was like, right, but it just, my brain could never get quiet until I said everything. So now I have an album full of, I still update it, full of like probably over a hundred videos. Shannon (21:30.953) Interesting. Yeah, that's good. Maggie (21:56.012) Some of them super long, some of them literally 15 seconds. Because I also wanted to be able to go back now, six months from now, a year from now, two years from now, when I have kids and be like, look babe, like I understand, I get it. Shannon (22:03.49) Yeah. Shannon (22:14.251) That's so smart. mean, people have hundreds of journals and it's just that's that's your version of a journal and processing it. It's really interesting that you said a previous version of you would have tried to just not look directly at it and move away from it. But your choice to sit in it. I mean, it's part of what I talked about on the grief podcast. Like that is grief. And if we let grief have its way and we don't Maggie (22:18.545) yeah. Maggie (22:31.789) 100%. Maggie (22:38.765) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Shannon (22:44.161) try to short circuit it too early or shortcut the process, then there is a tool for healing in that. I wonder, would you say that the hardest part of this season for you has been emotionally or spiritually, or is it just the practicality of now there's not another person always in everything? What do you think has? I know they've all been difficult, but what's been kind of the most jarring adjustment? Maggie (23:18.829) How about this? All of them, but at different points. So, emotionally, first. That first week, truly. I did not eat. I did not drink water. I hardly slept. All I did was cry. I sat on that couch right there and just sat there and did nothing. Shannon (23:24.118) Mm. Maggie (23:46.977) but look back at old pictures and... Shannon (23:47.116) I wanna say really clear right here that Maggie was not alone. When her family left that week at Disney, her best friend from high school came in and her best friend from high school and I were texting about whether or not she was eating and drinking. So she was not alone doing all of that. Some of the moms were probably freaking out when you were saying that you just sat. Maggie (23:54.472) no no no. Maggie (24:04.269) Hahaha! No. Maggie (24:13.911) You left your daughter just to sit there? Shannon (24:15.487) You sat and cried and did not eat or drink. She was not alone. She was being force fed. Maggie (24:21.597) But yes, truly. But even to have, if you know me, you're like, you had your best friend from high school sitting on the couch next to you and y'all didn't talk. Right. Like that's crazy for me. That is crazy. So I think I had like moments where it almost felt like I like came to. was, excuse me, I was sitting here. We were watching a movie or something, a TV show, whatever. And I literally had a moment of like, my gosh, the hold that this person and this relationship has on me to be able to fully influence how I'm going about every single day, not even every day, every hour, minute, second is... I gotta do something about this. And that was the first time that I was like... Okay, like, let's, let's get up. Let's go on a walk around the neighborhood. Like, let's do something. Because that is not like, that is not me. I am a very independent person. I like to be in control of myself, not necessarily of others. That's a lot of pressure. So I like to be in control of myself, of my emotions. And that's why normally I would have just run away from that and been like, yeah, I'm not going to talk about that. I'm not gonna deal with that. That's not very fun. I'm out. I don't wanna deal with that. But then a complete 180 shift to be like, damn, in distress. Like, I was like, okay. Eventually, some healing has got to start happening. And so that's... Shannon (26:05.471) Mm-hmm. Shannon (26:12.331) Would it be fair to say that you did not like who you had become? Maggie (26:20.69) absolutely. Absolutely. Anything else, bummer or inconvenient or makes me mad or something like that. The first thing I do is I like fill myself with the people who are gonna... Like speak life and be like, girl, totally understand. Huge bummer. However, let's do X, Y, and Z. Is there anything you can do about it right now? No. Okay. Have you done all you can do? Yes. Okay. Great. Can you change the situation? No. All right. Well then let's go to Target and walk around and do some retail therapy. And I would have been like, yes, love it. Like, let's keep moving. So to just stop and be stagnant, I was like, This is not me. This is not me. And I started almost getting worried because I was like, I need to get this under control. So I feel like emotionally that was a whirlwind because like specifically with grandpa, we knew that was going to happen and we were like prepared for as prepared as you can be because it was so sad. Shannon (27:13.729) Mm-hmm. Shannon (27:28.649) Mm-hmm. Shannon (27:34.547) as Yeah, yeah. Maggie (27:37.858) But I knew it was coming. I knew kind of what to expect. we, as a family, we're walking through it together and everyone's walking through it. So you're not like, I'm just the only one feeling this, you know? So it's a very different situation than to be blindsided and be like, okay, perfect. What do I do about this? So emotionally, very hard. Then the... Shannon (27:56.545) you Maggie (28:04.651) He was so involved in every single aspect, every aspect of my life. Because not only was he my boyfriend, but also we were in the same friend group and his friends became my friends and we lived two buildings away from each other in the same apartment complex. like every single aspect, anything my family was doing when they were here, he was invited, he was coming like, Holidays he was invited he came home one month after we started dating and met everyone and stayed the weekend like he was involved So then to not have him be there anymore But also have him be right over there. I just can't access him anymore. That was wild that was wild I would not recommend that to anyone Shannon (28:50.71) Mm-hmm. Shannon (29:00.203) So how do you reconcile the tension between loving and honoring someone while also recognizing they're not your person? Maggie (29:05.482) Yeah. Maggie (29:15.699) It's really hard because I was so convinced. was truly, I was convinced the whole time that we were going to be fine and we were going to work it out and it was going to be okay. And we were going to be together and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Like we'll get through it. So getting past the like, my gosh, this is a mistake. We're going to get back together was a really difficult step for me because he himself was pretty sure that this was the right decision. And he had been thinking about it. And so he had had time to process through everything and think about all the details. And I just hadn't had that yet. And so I was over here like, then, you know, coming out of the freak out and getting back into like normal life and getting back to what I'm used to, I was like, okay, I Shannon (29:52.308) Mm-hmm. Maggie (30:14.311) spent a year and a half, which I know is not very long, but it was the longest to me. Shannon (30:20.073) No, it's a good amount of time. Maggie (30:22.667) Yeah, yeah, we went through a lot of things together. So I don't consider any of that time a waste. I loved him so much. I didn't have this like, I wasn't out to get him now or anything like that. And I was also hurt because I was blindsided. And I was also like, wait, what do you mean? And so it was really difficult to go through. partially why I started vlogging because I could say, I'm so angry right now, but I didn't have to tell his friends that I was angry. I could just say it. I'm so sad right now. I didn't have to tell anyone I was sad. I could just say it. And getting all of that out into the world, onto my phone and not having to like sit with that and just like ruminate on everything was so helpful. I could say it, I could get it out there, I could look at it two days later and be like, girl, come back. Like it's okay. But I also think that's kind of what we're called to do is like turn the other cheek at a certain point. Like, okay, you know, they're not your person. Now, you know, going into a future relationship, you know, I, my standards are this, my expectations are this, I'm in a relationship for these reasons, blah, blah, blah. And I wouldn't know any of that if I hadn't gone through it. I wouldn't know what my expectations were if I hadn't gone through it. I wouldn't have changed some of my expectations if I hadn't gone through it. And that's why it's not a waste of time and it's not something that I wish never happened because I think it's just preparing me for something better, you know? And I think... Shannon (32:16.597) Yeah. And so how has your faith shaped the way that you have processed the breakup? Maggie (32:22.605) Okay. Maggie (32:26.881) Well, I'll say this. I am a highly emotional person. My emotions are very big and they are large and in charge if I let them be. And so initially I was crazy. Now ex-girlfriend who was like, have to get revenge. Let's key his car. Well, obviously I'm not going to do that. So don't worry. I did not key his car. Shannon (32:50.401) you Maggie (32:56.941) but I think coming back to, okay, let me, let me back up. I go to church. He breaks up with me on Sunday. I, you know, figure it out that whole week. We have a conversation on Friday night, close the book, done deal. Okay. The next Sunday morning I go to church and I can't remember what the name of the sermon was. But I was like, okay, you know, whatever, this has nothing to do with me. Even though the night before, I was like, Lord, could you just show up in this sermon? Just like a little wink, let me know that you're here. Okay, stay with me now. We're sitting through service. And I actually have it in my notes so that I don't mess it up. Hold please, let me just pull this up for us. So we talked about. Characteristics versus character, and we're doing all that, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. Love that, that's all great, whatever. And then he talks about how. Maggie (34:06.175) Revenge is not ours. And I said, what do you mean? Because this is when I was still in my feeling a little crazy moment. And we talked about excellence is our standard, you know, all of those fun things and how we have to rise above retaliation. And I said, that one was for me. Okay, got it. Understood. Very difficult in the moment. very difficult in the moment because you're sitting here as a hurt person being like, well, I have to hurt them back. Well, they have to be hurting the same way I'm Unfortunately, try as we might not ours, not ours to carry. And that was, that was kind of the point for me where I was like, okay, the only way I'm going to get through this is if the Lord and I are lockstep hand in hand, come to find out. Shannon (34:48.725) Yeah, it's good. Shannon (34:59.797) Yes. Maggie (35:03.073) My church had done a whole series on dating and relationships. I was like, of course they have, why not? Watched the whole thing. Couldn't be better. Couldn't recommend it more. Key nights, Q-U-A-Y on YouTube. Yeah, go and look it up. And then I sit down in the young adult service on Thursday night, which I had been to twice before, years prior, because I was always so nervous to go by myself. Ask me what they were talking about. Shannon (35:34.421) What were they talking about at the young adult service, Maggie? Maggie (35:34.711) sex, marriage and dating. Yeah, sex, marriage and dating. Perfect. And I said, the service I was at talking about singleness and how it's a gift. So it's those moments like that that you're like, okay, Lord, all right, I see you. I see you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being here. And my best friend Hannah, who was with me that first week, I didn't even notice until halfway through. She had taken the whiteboard that I have in my apartment and she had written a bunch of verses on it of just like things to remember, things that are true. And one of them said that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. And that was the thing that I just clung to the whole time because it's hard to be feeling so just terrible. And the people around you are like, I'm so sorry. What are we supposed to do? What are you supposed to do? Knowing that the Lord was right there, girl, I got you, no worries. Weeping with me. Shannon (36:33.643) Totally. Maggie (36:43.893) was there in every moment of anger being like, I get it, but you can't, you know? And that really catapulted, I think I talked about a couple episodes ago, like something happened that really catapulted my faith journey. It was this, because how else was I gonna get through it? Besides learning truth, walking in relationship with Jesus, like being in... Shannon (36:56.926) Mm-hmm. Maggie (37:11.403) the community and being in those spaces where people are like-minded and who are speaking truth over you, like, there's just nothing, there's just nothing like it. And had I tried to do this by myself, I do not think I'd be at the place I am now of healing. Shannon (37:27.605) Did you notice that your spiritual life was not what you wanted it to be while you were in the relationship? And it didn't start that way. Maggie (37:37.292) Mm-hmm, yeah. we, no, no. I mean, we started by, the first time he and I hung out one-on-one was at church. gosh, cliche, I know guys. But no, and we had even talked about, the two of us, like, you know, I really wanna start going more, I really wanna make this a priority because we had just, it had just fallen to, you know, Shannon (37:49.729) You Maggie (38:05.665) like the back of the stove that you can't reach and you're like, I need to go get that. I need to just pull the stove out and get it, which you never do. That's kind of where we were at. And I feel like I was in a place where I was like, I want to go. I want you to want to go with me and I don't necessarily want to go alone. So if you're not going to go with me, then I guess I'm not going to go. So now I'm like, well, I'm, I'm free to do whatever I would like. If I want to go to church by myself, bye. Shannon (38:08.321) Yeah. Shannon (38:32.896) Mm-hmm. Maggie (38:34.795) I'm gonna go to church by myself and I'm gonna have a blast and it's gonna be totally fine. So I was definitely aware that I was not in the place I wanted to be but it's hard with another person. Like I just wasn't quite sure how to navigate it. Shannon (38:51.669) Yeah, yeah, that's good. So if if you tomorrow walk into work and a co worker is navigating their very first heartbreak, what do you think the advice that you are giving to them is? Maggie (39:12.467) I pausing and allowing yourself to feel all of those really sucky emotions, because if I had not felt that then, who knows where I'd be at now? Like, I haven't, and this is no gauge or anything like that, this is nothing to base your relationship or your breakup off of, but I haven't cried about the breakup. since February like second or something. Like it was pretty significantly, or it was a short amount of time before I was like, okay, I'm feeling good because I felt it all then. And now I feel like I'm so much lighter and I'm not worried about that constantly. Whereas if you push it off and you're like, no, I'm just not gonna deal with it, then the smallest tiniest little things will set you off the whole time and set you back. Shannon (39:46.987) Mm-hmm. Maggie (40:12.449) further and further and further. The other thing I would say is that not being in communication, if at all possible, not being in communication with them is genuinely going to feel like someone has just passed away right in front of you. Like someone has just died right in front of you and there is nothing you can do about it until you realize that every single time you see them, you feel like you're like 10 steps back. Shannon (40:27.649) Mm-hmm. Maggie (40:41.345) because he and I had probably, gosh, nine conversations after we broke up because we just kept running into each other in the apartment and they'd last for hours, for hours with our two dogs just like running around us. Not helpful. The closure that you want is not gonna be there. I promise. I promise. I tried. It was not there. And... Shannon (40:53.961) Yes, standing in the parking lot. Mm-hmm. Maggie (41:10.733) Every single time I saw him, I either left devastated or so angry I couldn't see straight. So it just wasn't helpful. And I felt like I would get to a place where I was feeling good and then I would run into him and I was like, oh my gosh, now should I have said, hey, how are you? No, probably not. But that's the other thing I would say is like, if it's possible to not be in communication with them, truly this is such a special time in your life to be able to heal your heartbreak. Yes, because that is very important. Like, please do not just ignore these feelings because they're not great. Please go and take the time to heal. But also, you now get to just pour into you. You don't have to worry about another person whose attention you're not giving or who's worried about, well, Maggie's working on herself again, so she can't. Shannon (42:08.576) Mm-hmm. Maggie (42:08.865) You like you get to work on you. You get to do whatever you need to do in order to grow and to be a better person and to be more like Jesus because you don't have any other commitments right now. This is such a gift of time and it does not feel like it, I know, but truly like being able to prepare yourself for the future partner that you're gonna have or for your future family that you're gonna have right now when you have the least amount of responsibilities you could possibly have. That's the gift. That's the beauty of it. And being able to do all of that and to heal the way that I needed to before jumping into something else or anything like that. Like that's, feel like what's gotten me to the place that I'm at now where my days are normal again. Like I get up, I go to work, I come home, I hang out with my dog, I hang out with my friends. I go to sleep, I get up, I go to work. Shannon (42:52.372) Mm-hmm. Maggie (43:08.169) And it's not putting me back at square one like it used to. Shannon (43:13.089) Yeah, that's good. So for all the moms listening, what's your advice as a daughter to moms who have daughters who go through breakups and are broken hearted and as moms were like, where's my magic wand? How do I fix it? For me, I was like, how do I get, you know, my own level of revenge? And then the Lord was like, Shannon, slow your roll, you know, what what do you How can we as moms show up well for our daughters who are heartbroken? Maggie (43:45.528) I think it's so hard to be like, here's a one size fits all answer because really it is a case by case kind of basis. But I know for me, initially, like I am a very happy, very go lucky person who wants to make a funny comment or who wants to make the other people in the room laugh and... everyone was trying to make me laugh and so they were bringing things up that were supposed to be funny but I was like no guys please like you're hurting my feelings please and I think once we got past that part I was able to just kind of be like can you be here with me where I'm at right now can you be mad can you be sad can you be speaking live can you tell me that I'm crazy Shannon (44:20.865) you Maggie (44:41.215) And you were so good at being like, yep, whatever you need girl, I got you. That's truly, like, that's the advice I would give. Whatever you need, I got you. I did not want to hear that there was someone else out there and that there is somebody better for me. I was like, no, there's no one. So maybe that's not super humble in the moment, but we came back around that and I was like, I wasn't ready to hear it then, but it's so true. Shannon (44:45.473) whatever you need. Shannon (44:57.793) the Maggie (45:11.181) There is somebody better out there. Like, there is someone who I'm not gonna have these conversations with and come away feeling like, I don't feel like that's how that was supposed to go. So I think being whoever they need you to be just for that conversation, put your own feelings aside. Put your, I've been there and I know how you feel aside. Being able to be sad with them, being able to be mad with them, being able to be, yeah, go key his car, but please actually don't with them. is like the most helpful or at least was for me. I know I was like, thank goodness someone's on my team. Like that's what I need right now. Shannon (45:47.876) yeah. you had the entire Avengers squad in your corner. If you could give future Maggie a piece of advice in light of this season about love and relationships, what would it be? Maggie (46:07.061) Ooh, that's kind of hard. I don't know. Well, actually, yes, I do know that if you think that you're settling, you are. If you have even one singular thought of, I settling? You are. Because I personally think that the person that I am going to spend the rest of my life with Shannon (46:17.02) Mm, that's good. Maggie (46:34.657) would not ever have me question if I was settling because their actions would align with who I was, who I thought I was in a relationship with. Does that make sense? Like, I think I had moments where I was like, do I have high expectations or am I settling? You can have high expectations all day long, babe. Someone will meet them. But I think I just would not do that again. Shannon (46:44.832) Yeah. Maggie (47:02.859) because you can't date potential, you can only date people. And yes, they may have all this great potential and that is fabulous if they did not change at all. if they did not change at all, if this is the way that you are loved for the rest of your life. And if those questions are putting a pit in your stomach right now, babe, do I have news for you? Because they did to me. So I think that's what I would tell her is, hey, if you think that you're settling, you are. Because you know you and you know the lengths that you would go to for your partner. And if you're ever like, is that too much? Shannon (47:26.305) Mm-hmm. Shannon (47:35.179) Mm, that's good. Maggie (47:44.654) Oh girl, oh girl. Because I'm the kind of person who would like surprise someone on an overseas trip because I think it would be fun. And so like then I get off the plane in Europe and like no one's there to greet me. I'm like what the heck? I would do this for someone else. So find the person who would do that for you, okay? Okay. Shannon (47:52.605) Yeah. Shannon (47:58.689) You Shannon (48:04.652) So the standard is people who will spend thousands of dollars and show up overseas to surprise you. Got it. All right, just making sure, just making sure we know the standard. Okay, so I just wanna say to you as your mom that that was the hardest thing as a parent that I've ever walked through with you for sure. Maggie (48:11.755) Like, come on! Get it together! Girls, keep those standards high. Maggie (48:29.581) And it was the first time that the Franklin, Tennessee, Scotts have ever dealt with a breakup. So like for you, what conversations were you having with dad? What were you guys talking about? Like how were you navigating it? Shannon (48:41.665) Oh, well, we had the added difficulty of I was producing the biggest event of the year. I had multiple shows with hundreds of thousands of dollars of production and people and gear and just Disney and venue. And and so I had to be in producer brain and to immediately, like literally as I'm sitting at front of house calling a show, get that call from you and number one, think you'd been in a car accident. And then once I got through the tears, we broke up. Like the, it fractured me a little as a mom and you know, to your dad later, I just was like, I don't feel like I can be. the right amount of mom, the right amount of event producer, the right amount of mom to my other kids, the right amount of wife. So to have something that, you know, again, everything in perspective, but that quote catastrophic happen in our nucleus at that particular time was really rough to see you so devastated and know you weren't taking care of yourself. Maggie (49:39.639) Now Maggie (49:52.502) Yeah. Shannon (50:00.898) It was hard for us, it was hard for everybody who loves you. However, to watch the way that you have returned so passionately to the level of relationship with Christ that you had previously and when the relationship began, to see you pursue that, to see you be the kind of friend you're being, how healthy you've been. We just spent 10 days trouncing all over Europe and... the conversations that we had and the way you're thinking about it, it's maturity. It's spiritual and emotional maturity. And are you the most mature you'll ever be? No, none of us are. But am I grateful in retrospect that I wasn't having those conversations with a devastated 16 or 17 year old? Yes. And I think that your sister and brother having watched that would say the same thing. Maggie (50:40.744) gosh, I hope not. Maggie (50:52.439) Mm-hmm. Shannon (50:58.109) So I just want to tell you that I'm proud of you. Thank you for sharing this. I know that that's kind of awkward and weird to talk about, but I'm hopeful that it can be something that gives parents of younger kids something to think about as they navigate relationships. and the fact that I really think hearts aren't meant to be borrowed. They're not built for it. So, Maggie (51:01.921) Thank you. Shannon (51:26.389) However, that lands with people is great and fine and everybody has to decide what's best for them. And I have two sets of friends who are married to their high school sweethearts and met in middle school and it is the most precious thing ever. And when we first told you guys this, you were like, what if we were supposed to marry our high school sweetheart? I said, well, they'll still be there. Maggie (51:46.871) Thank goodness I did not marry anyone from high school. Watch this in five years and I've married someone from high school. Shannon (51:54.238) Yeah, that would be funny. Well, okay, so I want to as we end, I want you to answer the question we didn't get to do on the last podcast, which is if you could design your perfect, beautiful day, what would it look like from start to finish? Maggie (52:02.157) Mm-hmm. Maggie (52:11.117) Okay, well, it starts with no alarm going off. Zero alarm. Yet, it's like 6 a.m. so we have the whole day, okay? No alarm, but we're still up early. A slow start, but a purposeful start. I wanna have plans that we are attempting to go to, but not like, everybody out the house. Whoever I can even think of that I would want to be there is there. Shannon (52:20.873) Okay. Shannon (52:32.385) you Shannon (52:40.213) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Maggie (52:41.439) You're there. If you think, I wonder if she'd want you, you are. We're going to an aquarium of some sort. We're going to an aquarium, probably the Georgia Aquarium. We're getting lost there. I'm crying probably because it's so gorgeous and everyone's crying with me. And then, then we're in Epcot and we're at the seas with Nemo and friends. And I'm standing there with my hand on the glass looking at Miss Hallie, the hammerhead shark. And everyone around me is listening to me. tell you all of the facts about Halle. And you guys are interested. Okay? That's the key. That's the key. You've never wanted to learn something more. And then, I don't know how to explain it, but we all fit in a two-door yellow Jeep. Okay? Top down, doors off. Right? Right, right, right, right, right, right. We're driving to the beach. I don't even like the beach that much. But something about driving in a Jeep to the beach, the vibes could not be better. Okay? Music's going. Shannon (53:12.961) So interested, so interested. Shannon (53:25.461) Mm-hmm. Shannon (53:36.629) Mm-hmm. Maggie (53:38.209) We watch the sunset on the beach and then we go to the pier, we get some ice cream. Somebody does that stupid slingshot with me because no one will do it, but I really want to. Someone does that. And then somehow I'm back home in my bed without having to do the drive. Shannon (53:46.433) It's terrifying. Shannon (53:53.973) Yeah, you can time travel in the perfect day for sure. Maggie (53:56.728) Okay, perfect. Then that's it. Like, my birthday's coming up. Does anyone wanna, does anyone wanna plan that or? Shannon (53:59.424) Okay. Yeah, seems seems pretty doable to me. Well. Maggie (54:07.709) And like I said, if you think you might be there, you are. So go ahead and come on. Put that on your calendar. Shannon (54:11.155) Yeah, I love that. I love that my little my little extrovert can't get enough of people. Thank you for including us in your perfect beautiful day. It is it is our joy to be there and be part of it. And thank you for sharing this part of your life. There's a lot of people listening who've watched you grow up and have probably never heard you talk this way about something and Maggie (54:19.905) Well, of course, always. Shannon (54:37.493) I just want to say that I'm really, really proud of you as your mom. And I'm really excited for what God's doing in you and how he's going to use your story for his glory down the road. And you're going to see it. already is. And you're going to see other ways and be on the lookout for ways that now that you've walked through this, you can be an encouragement to other people coming behind you. So love seeing the way that God is making it beautiful, boo. Maggie (54:41.741) Thank you. Maggie (54:59.669) Absolutely. Shannon (55:05.409) And to those of you listening, thanks for joining me and my firstborn in this conversation. I hope it's given you some things to think about. Maybe even going back over some relationships in your own life or if you're currently navigating something with your kiddos. If there's any way that we can be helpful to you, just let us know. We'd love to pray for you or talk to you or hear from you. So reach out. Maggie (55:06.092) Me too. Maggie (55:18.157) You Shannon (55:32.191) In the meantime, be on the lookout all around you for the ways that God is making everything beautiful, including you, and we'll see you next time. Bye. Maggie (55:41.261) Bye.