I can't wait forever, even though you want me to... Hello and welcome to another Everything Action Commentary for September 24, I'm Zach, I'm your co-host, Chris. Yeah, this month we are celebrating the 30th anniversary of an Everything Action Favorites, the Jean-Claude Van Damned Classic Timecop, which came out September 16, 1904.
And yeah, I mean, one of the best Van Damned movies, I would say, for me, probably Top 3. I mean, Bloodsport stuffy up there, Bloodsport number one, but this is probably like two or three. I think Kickboxer is mine. I mean, yeah, I feel like it's like Bloodsport Kickboxer, Tyco, probably like the two, the three, like Top 3 of the games. Yeah. I mean, Hard Target. Hard Target is definitely up there too, yeah.
Yeah, I know, it depends if you're in the mood, because it's like, if you want Van Damned ass kicking as a martial artist, as like, it's meta, where it's like, he is the martial artist of like, he trained to be that, like a boxer. Boxer. Those are like perfect. If you're looking for a movie where like Van Dam is, he's using kind of like random training that is pre-not standard for whatever army or like, um, enforcement agencies part of. Yeah. Yeah, but like, this is that category.
There's Van Damned is the only one who has Van Damned training and he's like, quad. Yeah. But yeah, his, uh, his highest grossing movie all time, uh, as Lee, like, Lee actor, like, it made slightly over $100 million back in 1994. And yeah, we'll get all the, you know, the non-sensical time travel mechanics and, um, you know, K touch yourself in the past and all the other, all the other, uh, great stuff that's in time cup. So, uh, you might find a copy.
It's, I mean, I think it's like, it's on literally like every stream platform you possibly think of. I think it's on like, uh, like, Toobie and Prime Video and Peacock and Fubo and Pluto. So it's not hard to find. Um, so if you find a copy, we are paused at zero right before the, I think it's the Warner Bros logo because it was a Warner Bros movie. So pause at zero and then, uh, I'm going to count double get started here. So five, four, three, two, one, play.
And pre, pre discovery, Warner Bros. And when they're owned by another giant glomerate, I was like, what company was this? Intermedia. It's like the internet. Then another one, Largo Entertainment, we didn't even have a logo. And Jamie, like, like, make sure, make sure all the, like, the town is JVC. And if you saw, like, this is a dark horse comics movie. So this is a comic book movie. I think they just bought the name because I think it's extremely loosely based on the comic.
But in terms of saying the word time cop, it's not like, it was super original. I feel like they just stumbled into like two things. And it just said, like, yeah, before time cop took off, it was like bathroom cop and then like, woods cop and then, I don't know, like, space cop. It would have landed on space cop at some point. Well, the comics had like, there are robots and stuff in it. So there was like robots that went back a time cause like issues.
And like, a lot of the plot was like, he was trying to like stop a guy from like, robbing a mine, that I'm in mind in the 1930s. Interesting concept. I mean, they kind of play homage to them to beginning here where it really is about time manipulation, but it's always by people in the future going back to the past. Yeah. I think I'm reason it's mostly like future people that can just get time travel a lot easier.
Yeah, I think I think there's like, is there opening text or is there just like, um, so they were it's like, we have a time travel, but they made it, it's still illegal. I think they do, they do explain that or they explain it later when Sam Raimi. Yeah. They were he had Robert Tapper, we're just like, producing like everything in the 90s. Yeah, and this is the first Peter Hayem, the Stonk, Lava Dam, collaboration.
We talked about the regular podcast, Hard Target, a month or two ago, which is their second collaboration. Like, enemies closer, like a couple of years ago. Now you know that the game Dark is of days, right? Yes. It's basically time. This is already altering history. Like, if you think about the butterfly effect, like these guys were like delayed like a couple of seconds or whatever, a couple of minutes. Just Loki appears at a time stick. Yup. Man, future guns sound like lasers.
How did that guy get like time travel equipment? You'll see. You know, like the main villain has like weird lot device like convenience weapons. Yeah. Well, the weird thing is that we find out soon that like the time travel thing is you get stuck like a go-kart and like watch until a wall. So it's like people like bad guys all have to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What year is this where he's quoting like over two like facts?
Well, I think it's supposed to be like present day or is it like the future? It has to be in the future. Oh, no, this has to be in the. This is no. Oh, 90. Yeah. I think the main plot takes place in like 904 like present day. Okay. So this is 1994 and then there's another timeline where it's like. It's like dark night 84. Yeah. I got a commies explain about like cause and effect. Yeah. No, I think this is like 1990 to like earlier.
Yeah. Yeah. And then because it's the band amp future where it would be like 2000. It was Ron Silver's ready to think about like real like. But he said. Yeah. I just like things about it. It's just like. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So like don't approve of the committee because what you're trying to do is make the machine that will send the future. Well, no, it's like this. The scientists invented time travel, but then all criminals already have it somehow and they've already got like.
So they're trying to form a guy US government agency that like control it, but it's out of control already because it's too late. Yeah. The effects happen then just stop at the root like he's talking about the consequences. Yeah. So making the agency is what causes the time travel to happen the first place. And it's it's like linear. Like okay, we're going to do a branching like path and do this. It's like it's the same timeline. At least.
Yeah. Well, like, yeah, the guy that I went back and sold the gold and then somehow like, wait, wait, they say like Millie's a terrorist. I got the gold. Yeah, to the Middle East, but the problem is, is that like. Because of the criminals doing that, it creates the agency to create time machines. So like if the criminals never stole the money, they would have it cause the agency to because they wouldn't really know there's like a problem like a ripple. Yeah, see.
Yeah. His name is Ferris Bueller. Yeah, he's the son of the king of Chicago. Hey, it's big 1992 Van Dam. Also, yeah, they're having like the time travel. And he's like the time travel agency is all like just like normal cops because my two second like Bruce McGill is like he was like a captain in like the Washington like municipal police and then Van Dam is a cop. Oh, it is not 24 because there's a new Nissan.
I don't think that car does like you lose the car for anything this movie that's just like a blatant just like random like like like product placement. Future bad guys. Yeah. It's like it's either 80s pumps or like 2000 punk. Yeah. I was in a kid that was like a grown man. Yeah, it's in a mall. Yeah. This is a Halloween movie. Like there's like pumpkins like is this like take place in October. I don't know. Let's just keep fighting context clues. Again, for like I think he's regular like.
They're staffing this like highly experimental type travel. It was just like regular cops. But another thing I want to bring up that like. But like I guess the karate stance is not part of the like the police force in this town. So I like also takes more karate lessons after work. Yeah, I don't think they ever like he's just like no, he just he just knows karate. That's it. Yeah. Man, we're only like 10 minutes in and it's a band-am butt time.
Yep. They should set this to like oh yeah from first-fielder. I feel like we didn't earn this nudity scene right like this just comes out of nowhere. I knew I appreciate it. It's not going to be wrong. But it's a. Because you really know who any of these characters are. Yeah, we know karate dude. Yeah, they were just they were just like flirting in the mall. And then. Well, I know this isn't a fair. Well, they're that's their weird like pretending that like we're pretending it's the fair.
But we're married. Twists are actually married to someone else. Yeah, so he's so he's not a time cop. Yeah, he's just a regular cop. So. Powerful name Max Walker. Yeah. Yeah, there's like like the Super Mario Brothers like like I like what's it like? Yeah, spike. Run silver in the house. He's in their house. He's like a truck in the house. He's in the house. Yeah, he's in the house. How do you get how do you get the house? He was in the front door.
So what is Ron Silver's plan like to some create Max future Max? Well, it must to be like his future self told him that Max was going to like stop him. So that he's trying to kill him before he like could do it. Well, okay, in the in the like first cycle of it. Why does Max? He knows he failed like you know like your. Yeah, Max is like, okay, we did this once. It didn't work. Let's me go back in time and redo this. And you're just making him like seek vengeance because you killed his wife now.
Yeah. And then Ron Silver be some later. He's like, huh, all right. You're still here. So this is I get this is like not part of the it's to set up the background of why Van Dam is like bitter. Yeah, but in time travel sense, this is also really because they replay this spoiler. This is different like the outcomes are different. Yeah. But it needs to happen to these ones to make sense. Because you got to make you got to make me'll it Van Dam. Yeah. You get hard target Van Dam.
That quick cuts like a TV show. Like fade in and all that. Then it goes back to basically like the original. It's a tie cop TV show. Last time on time cop. Who was was that there was it like. Was it Brandon leaves the second one, right? Not Brandon Lee. Jason Scott Lee Jason Scott. Yes, the mission to Germany or whatever. Yeah. Oh, it was T W King was the guy who started TV show. That ran for nine episodes. Oh, shit. There really wasn't up a TV show. Yeah, it was TV show.
I forgot about the TV show. Yeah. Oh, it's 2004. So those pump guys. The henchmen are from 2004 error like pump guys. Yeah, it's not like a mini disc. But even for 2004 technology, this is weird. Like. Wapi. The CD player. Was it is that like a mini disc? Like it's like a Sony like it was like their weird like Walkman. Like. But for the 90s like format. Yeah, that's like 1994 tech. So this guy's already carrying retro tech from. Maybe it's either inн debate or just not.
Yeah. Yeah. raped the girl like most of its kind. But like, through six. Yeah. It wasn't like doing something Lic you you you so get them make it seem like time travel was like just a four you walk through and it's so casual so so They don't know that reference. I was like the other guy. Yeah. So that guy was a boxer. Who is this guy that's just like, okay, I'm a tough guy. Like I'll fight fighting. His fight style is like grabs and both are with like the 20s. They have no
cuts of like karate. Yeah, they don't understand like the fence. They're just yeah, punch or like guard your face. See, is this historically accurate? Like, did you create another one? He created a Kempbo in like the 20s. And damn it. Awesome. Action dives like. What weird future gun is this? You do like cock it like a shotgun. What's like a machine gun? Yeah, with like a scope on it. This face took like whatever should they found like the prop department just like put
all the sod there. See, this is where Vandam finds out about shit. Not 1994 Vandam. Yeah. And funny is like this was called time about bounty hunter or something like that. Yeah, this is what I've been a consequence, right? People see like a like a like a so it's sort of like glowing but like a ripple in the sky. I was the return smoother than like the transmission. Yeah, that's nothing about the time trail makes sense. It's moving. Yeah, you launch yourself in a car but then you just like you
just go back whenever you want to like a nice like puddle thing. Yeah. Jeez. See, see this mess around. How do they know like how do they be able to monitor like the past and like know people like they're trying to do things. I don't see they need to know what is facts but then what they read now has been altered. So yeah, it's like safe point. Did you ever see the show seven days I'm like
you PN back in the day. So that was a show it was like similar very similar to this where there's like special government agency that like time traveled but then the thing was they sent one guy back a week because they're time job. She could go like a week and then he had to call them until like hey, there's like a special like code word they used but he's the only one that knew what was going to happen
and everyone was like, well, we don't know. We like it's a week from the past for us. We don't know what I was talking about. But like the one makes more sense. But the one the one guy knows what's going to happen and they try to stop it every week. So that makes more sense in like a week delay. But the problem is when you alter things like that like it becomes facts. So how do you know what you are changing. It's like they didn't have the
mandelo effect. How do they have that year. Well, good talk for them. Well, these two have obviously some animosity. Yeah. We can meet this place as depressing as possible. Yes. So you can time. So sort of type. Such a watch to it. There's so much background noise. They didn't have a musical score. They just want to like throw 101 like pure fess out of that. Also, when did they get on the no shromo?
Yeah. This is definitely like they found like sets somewhere on the back of the back of the like warbirds like hey, can you see sets from a spaceship? Yeah. So in this timeline, does Walker then jump on his own like the like time machine like right now? So you can see people in the street who are not part of the movie. Like where it's like normal night time these three or whatever they feel this people just be like what the fuck is that?
Yeah. So I'm going to try this kill him again, trick again, a decade later. See the movie should have started like this and then you get the flashback or you get the reveal. You have like the looper does that where it's like you don't always like these events because they are like in blocks. How do you take down he who remains? Also, do they not have like a better photo? Like his eyes like half closed like.
So he can't go back to save his wife because that would change the they know that would change the future or something I guess. So you're like I think the risk is too good. You're like armored your armored car armored windowless car driverless car. I mean, I'm sure I'm sure probably the cheapest car they can find. Why even have headlights if the car you can't see up the car. Like I said, there is a light, just like I said bearing oluyorhead would go Thursday night or do all of that.
So let's start upgrade my YouTube Content What? You know Points are. I'm trying to try this to a sex tape. But bandana doesn't have like the like, cause at least my memory part was like a hologram so you could like step into it and pretend you're like still there, like this is just like a VHS tape, a future VHS tape. He had a scale it from a VHS to like a VHS. The world is interesting to the 2004. So I mean, like weird things happening in political movements and things.
Right, we're not always in the white like, like, nationalists have to play supremacist party. Yeah, supremacist is just like a party. It's sort of like the Simpsons predicting the future. How slow is that taser? Oh, did bandam like drunk cook last night? I'm sure that makes soup. Maybe stop attacking like the knife. Yeah, something different. The bandam just has to like hold it in place, like just a guard, cause the guy doesn't know where else to snap.
That was the first time we saw someone else split kick bandam in the face like that. So that's like stifled filter like taste did where just like getting people such as a fire. It like kills people to the fire you to hold it on them. Yeah I mean that that's the greatest split in Van Dampe history, right?
It's the most like I think I've seen another split he does better But I mean like what like kickboxer has like the yeah the training split for blood sport had that I I I I I We heard the sounds of karate You I I Already got her blade runner outfit on Yeah Yeah, I'm gonna do Um I I I Got his time cop I Got to talk to a real lady to do So they're saying like he like he drew those like the robots like sexy robots It's like a super famous artist
I can't remember who was but like that's like like like famous like comic book artists like Prince. Yeah, I've seen those I'm just not I think like unless he fan made a version of it I Think I'm in the space or time like it is this is like crazy. This is crazy It couldn't get I would say before you do more time force policing get this part done make it not look fucking scary Like scary and random This means this looks like a kekass of using park ride I I I He's so cool.
I receive like tough guy movie things where it's like he's eating a sandwich while something and I'm crazy going on like that. He's so bored by this like insane like situation. There's a method of time travel. Yeah, so you go on a rocket sled into a stargate and then if that fails you go writing to a crash wall that can be like like a test wall. It should have been like a cool like if it misaligns it catches it in a pool or something not a concrete wall.
And then the rocket sled doesn't go with you like you're like you're ejected out the rocket sled somehow and then you just like fall fall fall from the sky of like the past. But then I don't understand like does the rocket sled go back in time? Yeah, it just comes like it comes back the other way so somehow that comes back like. Remember Bobby Morgan that cup is very important in the movie.
Yeah, I think around this time judge dread was coming out probably yeah or came out so almost as like a judge dread five of like their outfit. Yeah, judge right was the year after this. Okay, so then demolish I think demolish man was like the year before this so that it was like yeah definitely it's like. Like weird 90s like like sci fi I'll actually was this. With like all the big actors are like it were like sci fi.
About the everyday anymore in the early night it's about we're going to escalate things take take already a difficult like challenge of leasing. And now throwing the future. Band-Aid has a good does not have a good track record like characters that have birthdays. Hard target. Is this the fact you from Robocop like when they do the drug boss it looks like the same design. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Remember that it's very important.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the senator hung out with band and maybe like yesterday. Yeah. And then he got it his own time machine somewhere to do all this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no my new partner who I don't trust. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Smash all the valuable computer equipment that is going to like make him billions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They should really store some chemicals not all together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dangerous.
Did you see this movie in theaters? No. I saw this in theaters as a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This company's dead. Yeah. They're going to have like an embicin band amp. I know karate. I thought that I was the only one who had karate. I thought that was the only one who had karate. But in the terms of the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not talking future. What's going on? Yeah. He's not a sex pervert in the future.
So he like improved. I don't know if a coma make Ricky not a pervert. Yeah. So he's reenacting the first part of the movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That didn't look like a real police badge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, cool. Maybe I'll alter some of my own past. I never thought of that before. You know, this movie is almost over. It is surprisingly frisk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to be a daddy.
I was going to be a daddy. What timing. I was going to be a daddy. It could be the two weird future punks from like a distant future. Yeah. You. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of like, I mean, there's a lot of like, I mean, there's a lot of like, so I'm confused is those guys came from the hospital did this came here and this happened already. It does it doesn't exist the old like old like 2004 max why why he wasn't there originally. This is max's secret older brother. There's still this from T2.
I'm all a chase. Come with me if you want to live. Come through a back alley exit. This is Terminator mall. The young man. He's a show but like I'm rose like a road box of roses. I'm so happy. It's a show for shot Terminator thing. Is it Van Dam as the cop is the good time traveler and the. Is that was that mall in Los Angeles with the gallery. Right now he's altering his. Like future because then she renew this in that original timeline. I don't know.
That's like the original timeline there was no old max and then they got she got killed and max got almost killed. But then in the original timeline there still was time travelers. Yeah. Well, it's like yeah, because because we're home just like came with the plan to kill max like like 20 minutes ago whatever the movie. He tried to do it again another. That's what they get. He's trying to kill them at least three times.
Yeah. It's like yeah, if you try to try to even like try to figure out the logic of this movie type travel wise it's just like. You break your brain. Well Van Dam is good at this because he lives this this memory over and over again in the last 10 years. Yeah, so like sync the timing know what's going to happen. Is this cheating? You need to have a saxophone sexy with him. That's very important. It's funny, Van Dam know this is like huge your Van Dam. She was gonna say this line already.
Yeah, out. Yeah. They were like they pre-planned it like they like super. So you're gonna come up behind me when I'm waiting the time clock the clock store you say this and I'll say this and then we'll go whipsex. You have to do it like that. Yeah. Then you go through this guy you get scammed for a Polaroid that doesn't look good. I wish she was like back to the future style with the pictures fading. Oh, that would have been cool. That would have been like. Or changes or something.
Yeah. Like he disappears from the photo or something. Yeah, because then it's like, okay, we got stopped that to bring me back to the photo. That's two on the nose for back to the future. Yeah. Just physically. I'm marriages like. Loveless. We're still together in my hearts and home movies. Yeah. That way he's like great. Great. I have to go to work. This is all new memories now. This is like didn't happen to him. Yeah, I wish they would do something like old.
Like 2004. I'm starting having headaches or something. I'm starting. I'm starting to have headaches or something. I'm starting to have headaches or something. Yeah. I'm starting to have headaches or something. Why do they live in like a horror? Like a Victorian mansion or something? Well, it is a Victorian house. But yeah. It's already designed in a spooky ass way. It creaks already. The doors look super ward. I still think I'm trying to claw out of it or into it. Like going on in this house.
Was this like a more closure house? Yeah. A tortuaratic. I'm starting to have headaches or something. Where did Van Damme like 94 go? Oh, he was this one. It's like send your wife that you know is pregnant now. Yeah, which is not like Matt great to walk on. I'm starting to have headaches or something. I'm starting to have headaches or something. It's all part of the plan. Yeah, what luck for that? This is a better than last time.
I guess it's the first time even though we saw them try to do this before. Thank God this house is like poorly made. I think that's the same gun effect from Judge Dredd. They definitely saw time cop and copy the Santa Fe. A big one. railing. Does 94 of a name have the future gun or is he just had like a guy like a guy in a reggaure like a giant flashlight on it. I think it's a future gun dropout the bad guy. Ok dude rock it a jump like before. What? You hate it's longer! he hates long. Ha-ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha Ha-ha-ha-ha! Aaa. No- I get it. Night on Noe, I get joke. Or like a laundry joke. And they just saved the money on the lighting in this movie. They just... I can't tell who's fighting what at some point and who's getting punched. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. It's not like they're trying to hide that there's two vandams, right? Like we know this is a vandam, future vandam. She ran into help at this guy. That's future C4. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. It's just like a double impact. I think it was that me. You I don't know why that was like a pun. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. Slow draw there. I'll put the stones back at the end. I like how naive young. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I thought he ran out of the house in 14 seconds.
I thought he ran out of the house in 14 seconds. There was a built that house just to blow it up or that was like some abandoned house. I mean, it still has good bones. I mean, it's like you're both shot, but you'll be fine. Old van like I basically hit his bull. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. He does not remember. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. What's man of this house? This house is indestructible. I would have liked to see all the memories he missed. There's another max. This max is no son's fucking name. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.
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