You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is recorded on online dating. We've all heard a story, good or bad. It's the way the world now. You log on, upload your best picks, think of a few witty pickup lines, and get swiping. And if you're lucky, you won't be swiping too long because the perfect person is right there at the tap of a button, without even having to leave the couch.
There were gifts that were rocking up like I'd come home to, like long stem red roses, flowers glore. My unit at one time looked like a florist, and there were all these packages and everything showing up, and I'm like, well, he's like really invested, Like you know, this is actually a legitimate relationship.
But how well can you really know someone before you've actually met them? How can you try everything they're telling you where they say they live, or their job is, or their intentions.
I thought it would stop, but then a current affair called me and then I was like, oh my god. And I think that's when it had kind of really slapped me across the face that I was like, fuck, I've been scammed.
I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex Come with me as we dive into a collection of unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the hearts of the very people who lived them. The year was twenty ten when Kylie's story begins. At thirty years old. She had her life together, a great job, great friends. There was just one part she felt was missing.
And I was at a point where all my friends were in relationships, popping out, babies, getting engaged, getting married, and I was the single pringle, and I was starting to think, well, what the hell was wrong with me? Like I had a good job, it was just like there was something missing, and it was just like, well, why have they got it and I don't. And it was at the point then that dating apps were like the new unspoken thing, Like people would never talk about
getting on a dating app to meet someone. So I kind of didn't tell anyone that I'd signed up. And that was back in the day when Oasis was the bumble of its generation, and I was like, oh, well, it can't hurt, you know. I wasn't so much a shy person. It was just too busy to go and try and meet people in the old fashioned way of like the laundro matter on the bus or the train,
or the cliches they give in the movies. So I thought I'd give online dating or try and see what this whole new thing was in terms of dating and meeting people.
So ont oasis she went. She set up a profile, added some photos and throw caution to the wind.
It was kind of like feeling in a job application because it was all the questions I ask you and everything they want to know. It was like, okay, so put it out there and it would have been probably about three weeks and then that's when Liam and I connected. The photos were definitely what sucked me in because he was a good looking dude. It's like think of Channing Tater. The profile was very detail so it described about his job, that he was in the US Army but based in Australia.
He had a daughter, he was a single father, he was looking to meet the love of his life, loved being outdoorsy, so all the things I looked for. Of course good looking as well, had a job. It just screamed out like to me. So I connected and sent a message going hey, how you would love to chat and didn't really think i'd get anything back because I was very skeptical about online dating. And next thing I know, there was a ping back.
They started chatting, and Kylie immediately liked what she saw.
He was on deployment in Afghanistan with the Army, looking to obviously chat to someone in the times where he wasn't doing active duties and like they're downtime basically. So it was more like, I have a lot of friends in the army, so I know how difficult it can be to be away from love one, so I kind of saw it as a way to fill in his time and just be someone that he could talk to
and be out of what he was there for. He would be deployed for around six months to a year, and then back for a couple of months and then sent away again. Man in uniform. Do I need to say anymore? Yeah, So I think that's the lure of what it was. It was like, oh, he's in the army, he's good looking. I'm like, what more could a woman asks for?
But it was more than that. They got chatting a lot in the first few days, and Kylie quickly became pretty smitten.
I was in Sydney and he was in Townsville, which I've lived in as well, so I know the area quite oh, and I thought, well, that's not so bad at least, that's another point that we had in common. And we started talking about why I left and what brought him to Townsville in specific, and you know, out of all regions in Australia, why was it Townsville And
he was just basically that's where the deployment was. We would talk about everything and anything, and we'd be up to all hours and it was like when we were chatting, it just flowed naturally, like there were no awkward moments. We were talking literally every day, so there wasn't a day that we missed, you know, any opportunity that I could, I'd be like sneakingly logging in on my phone to see if he'd left messages or you know, as soon as I get notifications saying that, oh, you've received a
new message, I was like back on there. So it was a kind of lust pool that had me sort of that attracted. It was like, well, hang on, here's someone that's someone invested in me for a change, you know, and they're local, so it was just like, let's explore and it was just again, Yeah, we'd chat about anything and everything. Remember your high school crush and when you first feel like you've met the lover of your life.
It was all giddy. It was all asking each other about each other's lives and getting to know each other. So how you would expect an online relationship to start. There was that anticipation of getting messages back from him, so it was getting really invested in lack. Well, you know, I want to divulge information about my life to him and see if I fit what he's looking for.
And what Kylie hasn't told us at this point is she'd had a pretty rough trot when it came to love, I'd been.
Through a lot. Specifically when I was younger again, I was dating someone in the army that unfortunately was killed in Afghanistan on active duty, and at quite a young age, that kind of really destroyed me, and for a while I just didn't want to date. I was just not interested in it. It took me a while to get back on the dating bandwagon. When I did, the relationship I was in were awful because they were just like filled with cheating or just disrespect or they just wouldn't
last long. So think at that point when I met Liam online, I was at a point where I was like, Okay, well I'm sick of a single pringle and the third whell and you know, it was like, I think I'm now in a point where I want that special piece that was missing, so I had to go looking for it.
That wall was up massively because as soon as he said that he was in the army, I was like, oh no, I'm like, oh, and I just I think not so much reacted negatively, but I had that wall up and he could tell, and he was like, what's your problem with people in the army? I said, well, it's not really a problem with the people. It's a problem with the job and you know, going to fight wars that are not ours to fight. If things progressed,
I just didn't want to go through that again. And he did so much to convince me that his job wasn't that dangerous, like he was doing other things that weren't out on the front line. And I was more like, but you're in the army. I'm like, you're out there basically with a gun being shot at or shooting at other people. I'm like, your life is still at risk, in particular when you're in Afghanistan. When you're somewhere like Solomon Islands, they're generally your peacekeeping missions. So I kind
of knew that being in Afghanistan. It did have that wall of like, is this the last time that I'm ever going to hear from you? What's going to happen? How am I going to get told? Like all those questions did cycle back through my head, and it was just like, because some time had passed since when I was that young and went through that, it was like, well, maybe try and open yourself up to again and don't
be so hard on yourself. If that's going to stop you from finding love, then you're probably going to be alone for the rest of your life. So it was kind of it did take me a lot to really drop that wall and to want to sort of pursue it.
There's no downplaying it. That's a significant trauma. So for Kylie to have dropped her walls for someone else and the Army was big, but their connection was obvious and he made her feel a million bucks.
It's nice eye, it's a nice smile. Just my personality because I am very out there considering all the things I've been through in life, I'm still pretty much a big goofball and just I can articulate myself. Well, it was more just yeah. He was like, you look like you're someone that's very down to earth, very caring, which
I am. Yeah, it was just I think he liked what he saw too, because I did have those walls up and the barriers, and I didn't want to sort of drop them so easily because it was like, I don't want to be heard again. And I did kind of put the whole guy through the ringer in terms of just like being so defensive and protective of myself and him having to reassure me that no, look, you know, I can't wait to meet you. I'm looking forward to
spending time with you. We're going to do all these amazing things, things like going on the Harbor Cruisers road troops. So we spoke about everything that we were going to do. When he came to Sydney, there were gifts that were rocking up like I'd come home to, like long stem red roses, flowers glore. My unit at one time looked like a florist and there were all these packages and everything showing up, and I'm like, well, he's like really invested,
like you know, this is actually a legitimate relationship. And that's when I started telling people I was in a relationship.
But she wasn't silly. You couldn't have an entire relationship online.
It's actually Liam that suggested getting onto Skype. I was like, yes, absolutely, Like I want to hear this guy's voice, because, let's face it, you know, hot guy, hot voice that you can't be a hot guy and an ugly voice. I was just like, being that good looking, he's got to obviously sound hot as well. Again, very shallow, I think. So when he suggested that we get on Skype, I was like, yep, great. So we looked at our time differences and we found a time that would be suitable.
Me being that professional that I was back then, it was like, well, I'll book it in as a meeting request. So I'd blocked out time in my diary that I was busy, and I told my friends that. I was like, oh no, I've got a work meeting because at that point, again none of them knew that I was even online dating. It was just like, oh yeah, I'm seeing someone, but I was very vague on details and I didn't divulge much.
So we came to the skype call and it was like I remember racing home like I was back then again it was public transport, so I was like, hurry up, bus, get me the f home because I've got an important call. And it was just being really giddy, like it was almost like going on your first date again as a teenager, and all those butterflies and the crazy feelings. And I remember logging in and just waiting for him, and then when he popped up and it started ringing, I was like,
oh God, do I answer. I'm like so it took a couple of minutes before I was like, all right, let's answer. And I was on full camera, but then there was a black screen and I was like, okay, I'm like not what I was expecting. And I said to him, oh, is there a problem with your like visual I'm like, I can hear you, and yeah, he did have a hot voice, but it was like I can't see you, and he said, oh no, no, no, I can't turn the camera on because we're not allowed
to do video calls. So I left it for a little bit and then we'd talk and then I'd say, oh, you know, if no one's around, maybe you should just try and turn it on, even for like two seconds, like break the law. It's all a bit of fun and games. I'm like, you don't get caught, it's okay, And so I was trying to convince him, and he was just like, no, no, I can't. I can't. I'll get really big trouble if I'm caught, like they'll put
me in like military prison. And so we moved from being an online chat to more skype chats, and every time the camera wasn't working, me being me, I would keep trying to get him to turn the camera on or maybe use a phone somewhere quietly in like the bunk rooms and stuff, and it just wouldn't happen. So that was kind of the first point where I was like, Okay, why doesn't he want to be on camera with me? Like we've been talking for all this time, Like what's
gone on? Is there something wrong with him? Like has he got something on his face that I'm not going to like? So I went through all these possible different scenarios of why isn't he turning his camera.
On, but they did speak a lot. It's not like he wasn't real. And soon things between them became even more real too.
I think the official of oh will you be my girlfriend thing kind of came in the delivery of like a dozen long stem red roses with like a little card in it that was like, literally just on it, will you be my girlfriend. I was like, was not expecting it at all. Like when I got home, I was like, oh, passal, and I thought it was for one of my housemates. And then I looked and I'm like, oh,
it's mine. I'm like I haven't ordered anything. And then when I opened it, I was like, oh my god, so like crying and all that kind of stuff, because again, at that point, I was very invested in it, and I felt that this was someone I cared for and was I falling for quite possibly, because there were definitely
feelings there. Like I was telling people, oh, you know, not interested in dating, because in my mind I was waiting on someone to come back and to see me, and it was so to me it was definitely a relationship. And even when we're on the phone, he would be like, oh, you're my girl now, like you know you belong with me. Our life together is going to be great. So we did, I guess, reference each other as a couple, and the things that we were going to do not I or you.
It was us and his daughter and all that stuff, so it felt like a legitimate relationship. It got to a point where we were saying I love you, and for me, that was something very hard to do because back with that partner that did unfortunately die in Afghanistan,
that was the last thing we ever said. So for a very long time in my life, I couldn't even say I love you to my own mother because it was just something that it was just too traumatic for me to actually say, because it was like in my mind it was like if I tell this guy I love him, something's going to happen to take it away, and I just didn't want it to end prematurely. I tried to put it off as long as I could, and Liam would then start saying, oh, don't you love me?
You don't say it, and it's kind of like, was I forced into saying it? No, not really, because I got to a point where I'm like, well, actually, no, I think I do love this person. Because I was always thinking about them that were sending gifts. I was like, really felt like a part of his life.
Things were perfect, well almost, and after what seems like an eternity, the inevitable finally happened. Liam was due home from deployment. The timing couldn't have been better.
He was going to be home for my birthday, and I thought, what more could I asks for in terms of a birthday present? It was like I didn't care what I got as long as it was him back. And we spoke about whether he would go back to Townsville and then come straight to Sydney, or would he come straight in to Sydney, or would I fly back
up to Townsville. So we did talk about the dynamics of how it would work, and we agreed that he would go to Townsville to sort out affairs there first and then organize a trip down to Sydney and sent me his flight. Itinery of when he was going to be at the airport, and I was like, great, I'll
come and meet you at the airport. On that particular day, I got up and it was just not that I've ever been married, but it was like giddy, like, oh, you know, I'm going to meet the love of my life today and planning outfits and getting my hair done, makeup done, all of that done, like facials, petticures, manicures like. I went all out because I thought, well, when this guy gets off this plane, I want to like knock
him dead. And then it was a matter of going to the airport, sitting there and watching the plane land and the plane take off.
Yep, you heard that right. Kylie was waiting at the airport. But Liam never got off the plane.
First of all, it was did he get on the plane? Have I missed him? Did something go wrong? And he's not called me. I tried to call him because at that point he had a phone too, and I had the number. The phone was off and I was just like, okay, well, maybe hasn't turned it back on yet. In the terminal, I even went up to the counter and I said, look,
you know, was this person on the plane? And of course they were always like, oh, we can't give out that information, but we can tell you the flight left Townsville and it has arrived. All people that were checked in got off, and I was like, that doesn't really help. So I sat at the airport just I think it was for a good three hours, even after the flight landed, going maybe he's just lost in the terminal or I've missed him, And so I walked around trying to see
if I could find him. I was like sending texts, probably like a maniac. He would have received about a hundred text messages from me going where are you? And I think then I found like a meeting point, and I was like, well, I'll meet here, and so I would say, oh, look, I'm standing at this, I'd take photos. I just started getting really frantic, and I was like, probably a hot mess or like a hot raccoon in an airport, because no doubt Miss Garrel would have been
running down my face. But it was just that's when I started to get like all the other questions of like what's going on? Like have i been made to look like a dickhead because I'm sitting at the airport for so long? Like what's going on? I think I didn't really want to let it go, so I was hopeful that maybe it was like one of those romantic movie cliches, that he was still in the airport and I'd find him when everyone would gone, and I was like, no, I kind of wake up, like he's he's not here.
So on the trip home again, it was trying to analyze what had happened, like why didn't he show up again? Trying to call them messages. It was like literally going mannik as to like what's happened? Like what's going on? Itinery like everything you know, and messages of him saying I'm at the airport, we're boarding the plane, and I was like, I think that fueled the excitement too, but then to have that all crashed down, it was just
like gutted. I think it was pretty much just like someone had ripped in, like reached in and just ripped my heart right out of my chest and it was just like okay, like does he not like me? And he just didn't want to tell me? So is that why he didn't get on the plane? Like it was all just a mess, like I was a mess. It brought back all the past of all the relationships I've been in. It was just like, oh my god, here's another one that just doesn't want to be with me.
Isn't man enough to tell me he doesn't want to be with me? And then there was that exactly that like Okay, I've said I love you to this guy and did that scar him off? And so that was kind of one of the other avenues I went down. He's like, Okay, maybe this is life's way of saying, Nah, you don't deserve this, so I'm taking it off you. So I became really angry at life because it was just like, you know, I tell someone I love them
and then they disappear. I'm like, so it kind of put me back into an angry stage of like, I just I don't want to date anymore. I was angry. It was like, God, help if he messages me or calls me, because I was going to rip him apart.
He did message her though, four days later.
And it was like a really sob story of a message. It was more like, hey, babe, I'm so so sorry. Something came up. I couldn't get there. And I was like, okay, well, what was the something that was so important that you would sacrifice an airfair, which, let's face it, they're not cheap, and he was like, Oh, my daughter's really sick. She's in hospital, she needs all this medication. I didn't know
what to do. I didn't think to call, and I was like, well, shouldn't I have been at least the first phone call to say, hey, you know, something's up with my daughter. I can't make it, I said. I would have been pretty understanding, I said, but to not show up. I'm like, I'll keep it g rated. But did let loose some really some really absolute crazy language, because I was just absolutely pessed off to the max.
It was just like, I don't think you understood. Like I sat at the airport for hours waiting for you, looking like a fucking moron, crying, running around, frantic messaging like a maniac, and you were never on the plane, and you could have saved me that drama by at least calling and saying, hey, something's come up, and I would have understood. Well, I'm like, it's not really good enough. Like I get that you're a father, but you've also
invested all this time into someone. I'm like, you couldn't even give me the respect or the decency of saying, hey, you know, something's come up. I think in his mindset too, Like again he was all, oh, I'm so sorry, Like I should have called. I should have you know, it was all these I should have I should have done this, I should have done that, and he just then kept
sending more gifts. So it was like, well, red roses aren't going to cut it all the time that you fuck up, like you can't fix problems with flowers or gifts and stuff like that. So I was just like to the point of even throwing them out or giving them away to people because it was like I just didn't want them. It was like, it's not the apology I wanted. It's like I wanted a face to face apology, like make it right and do the right thing and
come and see me like you said you would. So it kind of it was our first fight, I guess, but.
She ended up forgiving him. She wouldn't forget, but he was really sorry, and she wasn't selfish. She knew, of course he had to put his child first. So after she calmed down and he apologized about three hundred more times, they agreed she would fly up to him in Townsville.
I looked at making plans into going up to Townsville to see family for Christmas, and I thought I could tie it in with a trip to him, And when I told him, he was over the moon, much like I was when he said that he was going to be coming to Sydney. He was all like, oh, that would be amazing, Like I can't wait to see you. Like we could do some amazing things in Townsville. Well I know Townsville. Well, so yeah, I could show you my old favor spots and all that kind of stuff.
And he was like, yep, no, that's cool. And I said, well we could even consider because the troop in between Townsville and North Queensland, where my family's from, it was only about five hours. So I'm like, we could even do a road trip together, so I can fly into Townsville and then we can go up and see them.
I'm like, because, let's face it, road trips are a great way to spend time with people with bad dad jokes and all that kind of stuff that I pull out, so all the crazy stuff, and he was all for it.
He was like, yep, great. So then we started looking at dates and all that stuff, and I looked at schedule and that I think the first thing I did when I went to work the next day was like put in for annual leave and I said, all right, great, I want I think it was four weeks off, so taking Christmas through to the New year period off to go back home basically, and so then from there we just started talking about all the things that we would
do and the countdown. So it was kind of somewhat he was kind of forgiven for the whole airport thing because I'm like, oh, look, just let it go. Otherwise you're going to be angry for your whole life. You'll probably wreck this. And relationships they all fight, and that was our first fight. So it was like, as a couple, you're gonna have fights, regardless if it's online or in person.
Then the day arrived, he asked.
If I wanted to be picked up from the airport, and I said, no, Look that's okay. I'll get a rental car because if we're going to drive up to Cannes and Mariba and all that kind of area, I'm like, we're going to need a car. So I was like, I'll get a rental car. I'm like, I'll just grab your address and i'll come meet you. I said, this is my flight details. I'm like, by the time I get out of the airport, get the car, get to your plate. So it would have been mid morning that
I would have gotten up there. When I got there, I called and I said, oh, I'm like just off the plane. Now, I'm just going to go pick up the car and I'll be at yours within about twenty twenty five minutes. And he was all excited and everything, and I was like remember sitting in the car, going, oh my god, like, now we're actually going to meet and he can't run because I'm going to be at his house. I'm like, what's the worst thing that can happen.
Maybe he'll open up the door and slam it in my face, or like all of those scenarios were going through my head of like, Okay, now we're going to meet. It's like what will I do when I first see him? Am I going to kiss him? Am I going to hug him? Am I going to slap him? Am I going to punch him for all the bad stuff? Am I going to let it all out? Or is it just going to be crazy town? Slam the door and off we go into the bedroom for a few hours.
So all of that was going through my head while I was driving, and I remember even when I pulled up out the front of the place, I was just like, oh, oh, I get it together. Like I was just giddy. It was like again that feeling of your first ever relationship and you're just like, oh, you know, I'm about to meet this man that I've like given so much of my time too, and like a large piece of me
being my heart. And I remember walking up the footpath and I'm like, oh, is this what it's like when guys are walking up to pick you up for your first date? And I'm like, it's normally the other way around, but I'm not traditional with something. So I remember knocking on the door and again, like my tonsils, I was constantly swallowing, like with nerves, and I'm like, get it to keeviy more on, like you know, you're in your thirties, like you should have this shit all down back.
The moment was here, So knocked on the.
Door and constantly swallowing through nerves, and then the door opened, and I remember all that excitement just turning to shock because it was an old lady standing at the door. So I was just frozen, like I couldn't even move my hands, my feet, couldn't talk. I was just literally gobsmacked. And this lovely little old lady is come. You're a right deer, like are you okay? Like what can I help you with? Like are you here to sell something?
And I was just like at that point, I just started crying, like I broke down on this lady's doorstep and I'm thinking, oh my god, like I look like the biggest fall. And then eventually I got the courriage up and I was like, I'm looking for Liam and she was like who, I said, Liam? I'm like, is that maybe your grandson? Or am I any relation? She's like, oh no, like I don't know. Liam doesn't live here. And I was just like not at all, Like how long have you lived in this house? Like did you
recently move in? Have I got the right address? So I started just going frantic again with all these questions and firing them at this poor little old lady, And it was just like trying to understand in my head when all along, all I'm telling myself is like what the fuck? Every time I'm asking questions, but my brain's
like what the fuck? Jumped in the car and I drove up to see my family and I didn't even mention anything, like I just bottled it up, because again, the point that online dating at that point was something that people didn't really talk about or it was seen as like the weird way of meeting people. It was like, I don't want my family to know that I've been like that. I'm I met this person online and I don't want them to know that I'm going through this
kind of trauma. Like Christmas is meant to be happy. I hadn't been back home for Christmas in quite some time, so it was a while that i'd been home, so it was like, I just want to enjoy it, enjoy the time with family, friends, And I was just like, I'll deal with all the other crap on my own. Like I didn't even tell my best friend and we have known each other since high school, and the people closest to me, I just didn't even tell a soul, Like I lived through the whole thing on my own
and just bottled it up. And anytime people would ask about Liam, I was just like, oh no, he's still overseas. So I was lying to my inner circle because I didn't want to look like the dickhead that I felt like I was. I became very, very angry, like I was no longer the sweet and innocent person or the sweet person that I can be. I just like ripped
all that off, and I was just going mental. I was like constantly calling and the phone wasn't answering, so he wasn't even picking up the phone like had kind of in a sense cut communication with me for a bit, and then I was just like what the hell. So I'd be messaging constantly again, like just really throwing a tirade of abuse at him, and I got to a point that I'm like, you know, I'm not going to
let this interrupt the time with my family. I'll have my time and then I'll deal with that crap when I get back to Sydney.
The whole time Kylie was in Townsville for three weeks, she didn't hear a word from him.
That's all I wanted to know, was like the what why aren't you meeting me? And then, surprisingly enough, I think it was about three and a half weeks and another package arrives and it was a whole big sub story of oh, I'm sorry, and it was like cute little teddy bears and like just trying to buy me back, and it was just like I was just aggressive and it was just like what was the excuse this time? And again it was his daughter and it was like you kind of can't keep using your kid as an excuse.
I'm like, I went to your address and I was like, what the fuck? You gave me some old ladies address and he was like, oh, that's my grandma's house. I'm like, well, your grandma doesn't even remember you, because she was like, no, Liam lives there. And he was like, oh, well she suffers dementia and all that. I said, no, demensia patients that bad. Like he was just trying to backtrack and it was just like Noah, like you're being caught out. I'm like, it's not in nana's house. I'm like, who's
our dress did you give me? And he was like, oh, it was a mate's mom's house. And I said, well, why would you send me to the wrong address. I'm like, do you even live in that part of town? When he was like no, I don't. And I was like okay, I'm like so again, why would you give me a wrong address? And he was I got nervous. I didn't know what you would think of me. I was scared. I was like, well, if you were scared, we could
have met in a public place. I'm like that would have been probably more safer for both of us, Like, there's plenty of places we could have met on the beach, could have met in the mall, could have met at the picture theater, Like, there's so many different places we could have met. That's not good enough. I said, until you tell me the truth. And I said, nothing but
the truth. I'm like, I don't even really want to hear from you because I was just so angry, and he just kept sending gifts and it was like, no, you can't keep buying people with gifts. I'm like, it's okay, great, you've got money, but that's good. I'm like, obviously you need to be spending it elsewhere. Because at that point, I'd had enough, like I wanted out. There were lots of things that were going through my mind. I was like, h is he actually even in Australia was one of
the big ones. I was like, Okay, was he actually even in towns?
Well?
Is he actually even in my country? I think at that point it was like other photos actually him? Or are they someone else? Like what could possibly go wrong for him not to want to meet me? And then I even started to flip it back on myself. I was like, what's wrong with me, Like, why doesn't he want to meet me? Like? Am I not pretty? Am I not? Like? What was it about me that he
maybe didn't like? So I started to really break myself down in trying to think that maybe it was me, rather than looking at it and going, well, he's the one with you issue, Like I put myself out there and I just felt like it wasn't being reciprocated to the level I deserve and expect it.
So she cut him off. She ignored his calls and messages. She knew she deserved better. But then after a few weeks, she started to feel really lonely.
I started to miss him, and I was like, I missed having those initial chats, Like I would go back and read all of our initial messages because I'd screenshot at them and saved them because it was like when I was having a shitty day, I'd read back over them. I'm like, oh, you know, someone thinks the world of me.
So I would go back and I'd be like, well, I want to find that relationship again, And I'm like, I just don't want to go through the hassle of having to troll through profiles and go through the whole hime, my name is this again, and the old first aids and stuff like that. I was just like, well, and I was so invested in him. I'm like I actually missed him. So I reached out and I was like, oh, sorry, I was a bit of a dick, but can you
understand why I was angry? And like instantly I got a message back, and then that's when we started talking again, and I was just like, you know, don't ever do that again. Like I'm a forgiving person. I'm willing to give you another chance, but you just can't be doing that stuff, like you need to be honest with me. I reminded him of the past relationships and how badly I'd been hurt, and I just didn't want to go through that, like I wanted people to be honest with me.
And I said to him at that point, like if you can't be honest moving forward, then let's not move forward. Let's just cut it. And he was like no, no, no, I'm really sincerely sorry. I'll do better. I'll be better, and I was like okay, fine, and so yeah, I was like all right, let's give it another go. And then next thing we know, he's being deployed again. It would have been the January of twenty twelve, and he was going back pretty much at the end of that month,
so we didn't have much time in a sense. So it was just again we went back to the chatting. The gifts kept coming, and it was just like, all right, well it's back on track, Like that kind of giddy feeling was starting to come back, and of course the feeling of concern deployment. It's the words that no one in any sort of military family or connection wants to hear, because you just think the worst and then you try
and find out where they're going. And when I heard it was back to Afghanistan, I was like, oh, here we go, Like that's when that wall came back up again, of like oh my god, Like I'm like, you're going to be on patrol, like watch out for landmines, like keep looking at the ground, don't look up. Like it was just all that trauma coming through and it was like I even resorted to asking him if there was any way he could get out of it, and he was like, no, it's like it's my job back when
we're deployed, we have to go. And I was like, well, surely there's something you can do. Like I used to joke around about breaking his arms so he couldn't go, and he was like, no, when we get the call up, we have to go.
So he did. They'd now been together over a year and still hadn't met, and now they wouldn't be able to for another six months at least. But Kylie was determined this was her guy. She could wait.
And that's kind of where it all went downhill. From there. It was again just all the excuses with not going on camera, and then I started recognizing in the calls the voices were starting to change, and I was like, this does not sound like Liam anymore. It sounds like I've got someone completely different on the other end of
the phone. Then I'd start hearing noises, I'd start hearing people in the background, and I'm like, okay, Like, if you're deployed and you're in the communications tents, I know how noisy they can be, but there's no females in there, like you're in a male unit. And it was just the times that the calls were coming through as well seem to be odd, and even some of the numbers that were coming through. It wasn't always the same number, and I was just like, all right, something is just
going on. I'm like, I don't know what the hell, but it's just all weird. And then it was like other people were getting on Skype and I was just like I called him out, don't know. I was like, hey, what's going on. I'm like, you don't sound the same, and he would just get aggressive. He was like, you know what, I sound like. We've been speaking for so long. Why would you question that I would be anyone? But
I'm not. And any time I bought up any kind of questions of questioning who he was his character, I was just met with aggression. From there, we sort of it would be very rocky, like we would talk and then not talk, and then I was just again because I was so invested and thought that I'd actually given this person my heart, I was like, ah, benefit of the doubt, naive me just kept going and it was like, oh, well, we'll get past it. We got through one deployment, we'll
get through another. But again, there were times that we would talk, then we wouldn't talk, then we would talk and wouldn't Gifts would still arrive, and again, like there were times it would go back to like it was when we first started talking. It was all like the flirty chats, and I was like, okay, well this is the person I've got. And so that went on for another good part of a year because he was constantly deployed, so he'd come back and he'd be back briefly and
then sent back again. So it was about another year that it was pretty much rocky like that. So at that point I was also starting to go, well, is this a relationship I really want to be in. I was like, I've put so much time and effort and to a degree money into it. I was just like, this isn't the kind of relationship that I want. It's not the one I deserve. Like I looked at who I was in the mirror and it was just like,
how are you? Like I thought I had a really good grip on the kind of person I was because I had such a great job, great friends, and it was like, yeah, okay, I was missing a special someone. But I was like, am I defined by having a relationship in my life? And it was just like nah, I'm like, you know, this isn't serving me.
So she ended it. She told him over the phone. She couldn't keep her life on hold like this anymore. But guess what. That very day, he'd been planning to call her with some big news.
When I finished this tour, I'm actually leaving the army for good, Like I get my discharged and then you know, we can do whatever we want. And but I'm going to be relocating to Melbourne. I've got family that in Melbourne that I can go and live with. The medical treatment for his daughter was better in Melbourne. I was like, well, you know, that's not so far. Said's kind of closer than what Townsville is to Sydney. So I said, we
can still make that work. I'm like, my life is Sydney, though, I said, But first things first, you need to be here and we can go from there. I said, like, when you arrive back in Melbourne, let's catch up properly and let's make a real good go of this. I get that it's been rocky, but if it's what you really want, let's make it a good go. And so it was about a couple of months when he finished the deployment and was in Melbourne, and at that point
I was like, dude, for more time off work. So I was like, okay, I'll come down on a holiday because again I haven't seen my family in Melbourne for a while. And so I said, okay, well, these are my flight details. I'm like, you can come and pick me up from the airport. This time. I usually get my family to pick me up, but hey, you know, like, let's have that romantic movie moment where you get off the plane and you see each other and you just
cry and sob and all that stuff. And he was all for already, was like, yep, great idea, send me flight details. So I did and got to Sydney Airport and I messaged him saying yep, I'm here. Flight's delayed, and I was pissed off at that. I was like, oh, damn flight. So we're messaging the whole time and I'm like, yeah, well, you know, the airline's saying that we're going to leave on time now, and I'm like, oh, I'm now having to walk from one end of the airport to the other.
And so I was giving him a running documentary of what was happening, and then eventually got on the plane. I said, okay, I've now go to turn my phone off, like we're about to take off. I said, I'll see you in an hour and a bit, depending on how long it takes to get off the plane. And I remember we land into Melbourne. I've got my seat belt already undone, and it was like messaging, going, yeah, we've just landed. I'm on the tarmac and he was messaging back, yep, great,
I can see the plane. We pull into the gate and like I jumped up out of a seat for the people next to me were like, you might want to steady on, like you've got a while to get off the plane. So I'm like no, I'm like, come on, let's just let's get off, like go, and again, like that whole giddiness came in of like okay, I've got my overhead luggage. I'm about to walk off the plane and meet someone that I've invested so much in for
two years. And I remember coming out and I'm like looking around again and had his photo and I'm like looking and like couldn't see and I'm like, oh, Melbourne Airport's like Sydney Airport, busy all the time, and so many places to look. And I was like, so I messaged and I said, okay, I'll meet you out near the coffee stand and there's one like out of the main entry and he was like, yep, sounds good, and so I went there and again I'm standing thinking where
is he. I'm like, you know, and like I kept messaging, going I can't see you. I'm like, you know, taking photos of my outfit, going this is what I've got on, this is where I'm standing, and he was replying with like, oh, I'm like still stuck in traffic. I'm like, what kind of car are you in? And he was like, oh, why, kid's a Holden Commodore. I was like, okay, I'll meet you in the express car park pickup. So got myself over there and again photo saying here I am. I
remember standing there for what seemed like hours. I'm like, doesn't take this long to get into the airport. You've got photos of what I'm wearing where I'm standing, pretty easy to find me. And that point I started trying to call and then the phone's off, so I kept trying and I'm like, okay, I'm like I don't know if it's my phone. So I grabbed a stranger's phone and I think I threw like five bucks at them and said, oh, I need to make a phone call. So I tried from a different number off.
Her stomach dropped. This couldn't be happening. Surely something had gone wrong between him being so close he could see the planes landing and now.
So I gave it half an hour and tried again. Phone still off. So then I start calling my auntie that lives close and I was like, I'm at the airport. My ride hasn't picked me up. Are you cool to come and get me or is it easy just to catch cab? And she was like, oh a tax issues, Like I'm busy. I'm like okay, no dramas. So I did. So I went to my aunt's house and I was like, O, well, that was one of the other reasons I was going
there for anyway, was to see family. Got to my Aunti's house and then he calls me and he was like where are you And I'm like, I'm at my aunt's house. I'm like, did you not get all my messages? I'm like, did you think I was going to stand around till midnight or until the police come and pick
me up for the loitering at the airport? I'm like no, I went to my aunt's and he was like, oh, because I'm so sorry I got stuck, and I'm like stuck where I'm like, you told me you were in the line for the airport traffic and he was like oh, I kept looping around and I'm like right, and I said, oh, look, I said, it is what it is. I said, look, give me your address and I'll come see you tomorrow. I'll hire a car and I'll come see you. And
so we went down that path. So Liam gives me an address that's not quite on the other side of Melbourne from where my aunt is, but a fair drive and I was like, oh, I didn't care. And I remember that morning getting up and again working out a nice outfit put on and doing my hair, doing my makeup, going, oh, you know, it's today, the day I win the lottery and meet the guy that I've been talking to for so long and invested in, and I'm like, hopefully all
this shit will be behind us. And I remember driving out to the address he'd given me, and let's just say that excitement soon crashed down to earth when I got there and it was a vacant block. I was absolutely devastated and I think a lot worse than what I was when I had the whole experience in Townsville. I was just like what the fuck. I'm like, not again, I'm like, let alone give me someone else's address, but giving me an address that is an empty block, I'm like,
who does that to someone? I'm like, what have I been caught in for the past two years? I was screaming and carrying on and probably looked like an idiot again too so for all the people around, and it was just like, I'm like, how the fuck do I drive back home? And my auntie what's going on? I'm like, well, I can't. So I remember driving home and my aunt was like, how was your time? I'm like, yeah, it
was great. You know. I caught up with friends and just went sightseeing and you know, again more lies to family because it was just again it was embarrassment. Like I was overcome with so much embarrassment and I guess so much shame in myself that it was like, how could I be so stupid a naive? It was just like, how are you going to explain this to people? I sent him one final message and it was basically, go
fuck yourself. I'm done and that was it. Like I deleted him from Skype, I deleted Skype altogether, deleted my account on that oasis.
I was done with it, and that was it. She had him blocked, so she didn't even have any way to hear from him. But he didn't try either. The jig was up. Whatever that jig was, so Kylie just had to move on. It was painful, embarrassing and so confusing, made all the worse by the fact she hadn't shared what was going on with anyone. So she quietly grieved the relationship that was and tried as best she could
to get on with her life. In fact, it wasn't until years later it came up again at all, when she heard of a website called Sauce Bottle.
It's basically a website that journalists or people that are writing stories or needing something from people go on. They list up the job, so it's kind of like air tasker in a sense, but you're a source. Some are paid, some are free. And I remember coming across one that was for catfishing, and I was like, what's this And it was around the same time that MTV brought out
the TV show Catfish, which I absolutely loved. I thought, Oh, this show's awesome, and then when it hit home that that's what had happened to me, I was like, Oh, this is not so cool. I'm like, that's the same shit that happened to me, and I'm like, they've made
a TV show out of this. And then I came across that Bottle call out for people to tell their stories about being catfished, and I remember sitting on it for a while and I was like, because with Souce Bottle, you're given deadlines that if you want to reach out to those people you can, And I really sat on it and I was just like, is this something that I actually want to speak out, put my name and my face to and admit that it had happened to me, because like my friend saw me as someone that was
very strongheaded, very professional, very driven, like had their shit together, and to be putting this out there, it'd be like, well, you know, this was my weakness. And next thing I knew, I'd responded to it like I didn't even think, and I was like, yeah, have I got the story for you?
So she told it. She wrote down and published her whole story of what happened with Liam the way he treated her, the gas slighting, the lies, the ghosting, and that she still had no idea what had actually happened. Ruffy was even who he said he was. It was the first time she'd told anyone what had happened, like.
It was just so many people reach out, going, oh my god, you were so brave, but why didn't you tell us? Because again, no one knew that I'd gone through this, and it was a wave of emotion and it was just like, well, yeah, you know, I should have probably told people, in particular my mum, who was my best friend, and it was just like again I was overcome with guilt and shame. It was just like, well, I didn't want to, I said, because you know, one meeting someone online is not seen as normal, and I
was worried about how people would perceive me. But a lot of it was like, you're so brave, You're so brave, and I thought, oh, great, you know I'd done that. But then I thought it would stop.
But it didn't. The day after her story was published, she got a call from a producer from a national TV news show. She didn't know if she wanted to be on TV, but agreed for the producers to try to get to the bottom of what had happened either way.
But it was at that point that their investigators had taken it up and I'd given all the information that I had, and they'd actually found the people that were pretending to be Liam, and they're like, well, Liam is more Liam's and I'm like, what do you mean? And they're like, it was a group of people. There's multiple people, There's about four or five of them. It's basically a scam ring. I'm like, what's a scam ring? And he was like where it's multiple people that are in on
the thing. And I was like okay, and I'm like, so, like Liam, is he an actual person? He goes he is an actual person, but we've also reached out to him and his photos were used by these people. So he's actually in the military. He has a wife and a daughter. Then they said to me that the Liam that you were speaking to was never in Australia. He's actually in Nigeria. And then I was like, oh my god. And I think that's when it had kind of really slapped me across the face that I was like, Fuck,
I've been scammed. I've not only had money taken off me. I've had my heart ripped out, my trust, like I was blown to pieces. So I then sort of looked back over the two years that it was and I was like, because even a lot of my friends were saying, oh, he's probably not real and all this, and I'm like, shut up, Like he is, Like I've heard him on
the phone. He's sending gifts, Like scams are all normally one way, like you're always giving, not getting, and I was getting things, and that's why I think I never saw it as a scam. But then when I sat back and really dissected it to the point that I was just like red flag number one, red flag number two, and like the voice changing and the camera never being on,
like that was alarm bell number one. Like that's when I should have been, Like I shouldn't have let it go as easy as I did, just the constant excuses. I'm like, should I have been so forgiving? Probably not, Like I should have called out the bullshit when it was going off. Even though I was getting things, like I was getting the flowers and all that stuff, it was still I'd given up money, I'd given up more importantly, my emotions, and it was like, was I desperate? Probably
a little bit. I wouldn't say I was overly desperate, but I think it was not desperate to have a relationship. It was desperate just to have that person that cherished me. And it was more something was missing in my life. And was I a little naive? Absolutely? I think that I'd been through so much already up until that point in life that it was like opening up myself again. Had I really thought about how was I going to
protect myself from going through all this stuff? And I think i'd also not long just come out of being clinically depressed for a good couple of years. So it was like I was finding my feet and this gave me the confidence to be me again. The main question I asked myself was like, what the fuck? Who have I been talking to? Who's been at the end of the computer? Who was the person I've been talking to? Like who have I been pouring my heart out to? It was like just what the hell? Like why me?
Was even another one? Like was I picked out of like millions of other profiles and I'm like, oh, let's destroy this person. It was more just what was wrong with me at that point that he didn't want to meet and it was again I think taking it on that I was a problem and it was not him. It was all me. So finding out Liam was a real person did validate me in some sense that he was also a victim in this because he's had his photos used and his identity, Like I started questioning myself, well,
how would he be feeling with all this? How has that affected his family? Because I'm not one hundred percent sure that if he was ever contacted and told and we've never spoken, I've never had the opportunity to actually speak to the real Liam, but it would be interesting just to know from his point like how having your photos used to suck someone else in would have affected him, but to see that he has a family, it would have been gut wrenching for him.
Kylie is incredibly strong. She's done a lot of work and a lot of healing, and he's in a really good place now of knowing who she is and understanding that what happened to her wasn't her fault and doesn't define her. She even says in some way she's glad it happened because of what it's taught her.
One big thing I've taken out of all of this is that you don't need to have someone to define who you are, Like you can be an absolute individual on your own, and you should be and know who you are. And I guess the other thing too, like is I've learned to listen to gut instinct. Like there were times my gut was going off and I was more listening with my heart than my gut. And now I've learned that if your gut's telling you something something's
not right, it one hundred percent is not right. Like, listen to your gut instinct. Like I know people say it's the old debate of your head over your heart and vice versa, it's actually your gut over everything else. Because that instinct you get when something smells like a rat, it is a rat.
But she'll still never understand why it happened.
Look, I'd love to know it. When we look at catfishing, people generally do it for either emotional power over a person or financial I was no millionaire and I'm still not a millionaire, so they were never going to get large sums of money out of me. But I think it was more just that emotional power to control someone I don't know, like it's just really dog act to do to someone. I jumped back into the dating world again because I was like, I'm not going to let
this define me. But again, it did take a good couple of years to sort of rebuild myself because I was just like, I'm not going through that shit again. And I didn't even get back on online dating for I think it was a good five ten years, like i'd left it for a while, like it's something I've kind of only just dabbled back in in the last couple of years because I threw myself into work, like I've changed jobs and industries, I've studied, I've graduated UNI,
I've had reallylationships. I've grown a lot currently not in one, but that doesn't upset me anymore. It's like, well, you know, I've got a lot going on in life that dating's the least of my worries at the moment. So am I open to it in the future. Absolutely, But at least now I know if I go back onto those online apps, it's a matter of I know what to look out for. I have had those giddy feelings again, and it was good to have them and know that I still had them. Within me because for so long
I had put that wall back up. I've now been able to sort of master that mindset of breaking down things and being careful and really analyzing things before I take that jump. But definitely had those feelings and would love to have them at some point again.
And she wants to keep working to break down the stigma about being scammed and help stop it from happening to them.
Look, the reasons that scammers do these kind of things, there's such a wide range of reasons. I mean, if they're people that know the person that they're going to catfish, it'd be because you don't like a kid at school, or you don't like someone you work with, or you're jealous or whatever. It's still no reason to pretend that you're someone that you're not because, like, let's face it, in a legal world, that's fraud, So why can't you
be charged with fraud like it's committing an offense. But there was a young girl that unfortunately took her life because of catfishing. This poor girl was only sixteen. And the thing that infuriates me is like if I was to drive my car out and accidentally hit someone and they die, I get done for manslaughter, yet that poor girl has taken her life because of someone's actions and
there was kind of no consequences. So trying to advocate to make it law and to make it legal that there are some kind of repercussions for what this can do to people is now something that I'm massively a supporter of. I've been introduced to sites like social Catfish where you can actually drag and drop people's images in and it will tell you if they're on any dating sites and multiple dating sites, or if they're even being
flagged on scam sites. And I mean now that online dating's come back into a full force of its way to meet people with the likes of Bumble and Hinge, it's a good time to remind people that hey, if
you're not certain, dump those photos in. But one thing I have noticed with the new dating apps is they have self verification in there now, So you've now actually got to take a selfie of yourself in the app and it verifies it against your profile images and if it's not you, then I think they block the profile.
So online and dating, it's good to have seen that it's advanced with technology as well and doing its bit to try and stop these things from happening even further, there's been lots of good to come out of it as well as bad. I think that's my life's purpose is to really help people be aware, to be a better version of themselves, and to just support other people out there that have gone through this and to know that while it's not okay to go through it's okay
to actually be upfront and talk about it. Because that's one thing I didn't do is like, as I said, my mum My Network, my close friends knew nothing about it until I had appeared on TV, and it was more the fact that not being afraid to speak up. And I think though it's mainly just to really support other people that are going through it, because I say to people, we go through things in life and we
wonder why me, and I'm like, because I'm strong. I think it's because I was strong enough to deal with it, Whereas if it had been anyone else, they probably wouldn't have been as strong and probably they wouldn't be sitting here sharing their story.
Everyone has an ex is a Minti Media production and proudly part of the mum of MEA network is written and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott. If you have a story you'd like to share, email podcast at momamea dot com dot au. You can support us by following the show in your favorite podcast app and leaving a five star review. We'll see you for the next episode.