No Place Like Home

thing that ignited her interest to me. Then all of a sudden, she's sitting beside me with her hand on my lap, and I'm like, okay, and I must have been platted.

trauma related. So before that I had worked in public relations and i'd also worked as an event manager, but because of trauma from the past that I hadn't done any work on it kind of all imploded around the time I was forty, so I found myself suddenly being thrust out of my career and then into this sort

of journey. So by the time I had met Jay, I think I was about forty seven years old, and by that time I'd moved twenty times, so I'd had been experiencing a lot of homelessness, couch surfing, living in boarding houses, struggling to get diagnoses, and also I had no family as well. I'm a survivor, a survivor of quite a few, I guess, sexual assaults within my family.

So during that period I was very much definitely trying to work out what was wrong with me, trying to get over the fact that I had lost my career and I'd always been really, really independent always. By the time I got to Brisbane, I was exhausted. I still was pretty much homeless in the sense that when I got to Brisbane, I went to a hostel and then after that I was sharing a house with a woman and her two kids. But that was really problematic because

I wasn't really allowed to have friends over. So, I mean, I'm forty seven at this time, but that was just what I was dealing with. So at that time, I was going to meet ups and I was spending a lot of time on my recovery. So by that time, I'd had my diagnosis, which was complex post traumatic stress disorder. So I went to the gym a lot. I had seen people bit more on a very transactional kind of level. I had had one relationship with a woman when I

was thirty three, so I was definitely queer. I've been queer and out since the eighties. I'm more on the pan bisexual spectrum. So my main love interests are women and the lesbian space. So I was tooken up, you know. And I look great during my forties. I mean I looked amazing. I was like long blonde hair. I was a size eight, and that was the one thing I could control because while I was waiting to see a psychologist, I remember thinking, well, how turn it around, I could

afford the gym. I was totally absolutely obsessed with the gym, and it was the one thing that kept me connected with professional people and city life. And I just wasn't really ready to give up that side of myself. And it was good. I was. I loved that period of my life. I love being healthy and fit. I loved everything about that period. But I wasn't dating, and I

hadn't dated anyone since i'd left my first girlfriend. So what I left them when I was thirty six, I'd been a long time, been ten years, and yes I had some transactional affairs with men and women, but nothing you know, serious. So by the time I got to Queensland and I met Jay, I wasn't really thinking about a relationship, but I felt really good. I felt like, Okay, I'm going to accept the fact that I'm on a disability. I'm not going to be ashamed about it. I'm going

to accept that I have complex PDSD. I'm going to accept this radical acceptance. I also looked good and my health was good, So that's how I'm That's where I met them.

And so I had organized the meetup because I actually did want to go. I guess I did want to meet, you know, a woman, and I was beginning to think, yeah, I'm definitely lesbian. Now I'd always I'm denared about. I have been in quiz spaces and this is what's always really frustrating. Like from the eighties, I've been part of the gay community, but because I'm paned, it's always been

a bit weird. What people might not understand is if you're pan or buy there is this thing in the community where you're either a lesbian or you're a gay man. And I've always felt like I shouldn't be here unless I'm with somebody. So at the meetup, I looked amazing, I've still got the this this a little pink thing that I got a second hand shot with heels. I was very f a fembabe. So I had a big, big table and there was three people sat down and because I had booked it, and they said, can we

sit down now? One of them was Jay. Now Jay got a lot of attention from all the women on the table. Very good looking, I guess, a mask presenting lesbian and blonde hair, very short men's clothing, very hot and in that kind of context, yeah, that everyone's going to go wow because masks presenting lesbians, well, for me anyway, very attractive and everyone else thought so as well. She was with her two mates, two gay boys, and they

were very friendly and funny. So it was a really nice group of gay people that decided to sit down with this group of women. They kind of zoned in on me, even though there were other women trying and she was getting annoy with these other women, but she had eyes on me and she said, well what are you and that she just said it like that, and I'll never forget it because I remember going what and I said, well, I'm queer, and then she goes, well,

there's no such thing. You're either a lesbian or you're not. And then I, being me, went well, no, there's queer, and there's like that's not true, and that took her fancy. That was a thing that ignited her interest to.

liked her friends. Her too gay friends were so nice and funny, and I did feel like, oh, this is exciting gay people because I really want to connect with the gay community, right, So then she gave me her number, and then I gave her mind, and then I left, and then I didn't hadn't even walked out, and they texted me, oh, I bet you don't like me, and

I bet you're never going to contact me again. Now my thing was like a bit annoyed, like, of course I'm going to contact you again, But I obviously liked it because I knew they were attractive. I knew that I felt I wanted to be part of the crew. I was more interested in her like the crew, the three of them. I remember that. I remember being excited, Oh, I'm going to be part of the gay community. This

is what I want. And then suddenly we started getting into the flirting and the and it sort of went from there.

to happen. But the thing is with Jay is that they really are someone that they're very not forceful in an aggressive way. They're very charming, but they work very quickly. I have met that kind of person in the gay community, someone that's just talking a lot and moving very quickly. It's all very dramatic. They didn't want the date to end, and me being me, I'm going, oh, I'm tired now, I want to go home. That I know, let's do this and let's do that. I don't know how I felt.

I must have liked them because I obviously kept hanging out. I was very lonely, and also I hadn't been in a car for a long time or driven around. I really liked that. There were things I definitely like, oh, this is nice, levels of comfort that I'd forgotten about. I wasn't really thinking anything. I had no expectations because I had so many weird adventures. My life had been one weird adventure, like I was in such a strange

no person's land for such a long time. Most people have lived like, you know, maybe there's some little disruptions in the life. My life was one big disruption mentally, I'd been struggling with my mental health. So maybe I felt flattered too, because they made me feel quite pretty. And I did feel at that time I was really good looking, Like I really believed it, and I thought, I mean, yeah, it made me feel good about myself physically, and I think that's important, and they definitely made me

feel pretty good. And also, when I think about it, they chose me out of a big group of attractive women, so yeah, they must have been really making me feel good about myself.

It's just me going, oh, wouldn't that be nice? You know, daydreaming, you know, when you're flirting with people and you make up little I wouldn't it be nice to do this and that and something? It's happening and they're making it happen, and it's happening really quickly, and I'm going, oh, wait a minute, I have no money. No I can't, and now I'll pay for everything, and I'm like, oh, I don't feel very comfortable with that. But and then it was like a well, camp so we're going into this

whole negotiation thing, and I'm like, okay, camping's fine. So in the end, we went on a bloody road trip to Cans. We all know that Cans road trip doesn't matter where you're coming from, it's you're in the car for a long time. So we went, and I must admit it was a really good trip. It was around New Year's so it must have been really quick. I met them December the seventeenth, and suddenly New Year's I'm there meeting her mate. So we stayed at a mate's place.

So they were good like that. They made sure that I wasn't put into a financial I could pay a camping site thing and I could contribute because I said to them, look, I'm not a business person. I'm on a very low income and I don't like people paying

for me. But they're like, oh, but that's how we show our love, and I'm like, you're just I just don't feel comfortable, and oh, but you deserve nice things, and I thinking, but I have nice things, Like I go to a knop shop and I buy my you know, I've got my life where exactly it gives me what I need? Anyway, So we go to Cannes. We end up at this New Year's party. I looked amazing. I was all like tanned, a long hair, sexy dress. They're they're being really like arm around me, making sure I'm

not going too far. But this one, very very queer person, very creative person. He's going, you want to get away from them, you don't want to be with them. He followed me all night. He's going that person is a moneyed person and they're going to want to control you. And it's like this angel and they're finally like, you have to leave, you're too beautiful, and he's going to this person will control you. They just want to use you. And they ended up getting to the point where she

got into a huge argument with him. I remember thinking it was very weird. He was gay. He was a gay man, Like it wasn't about that's why my Oh no, it was weird.

was like thinking manipulative or anything like that. I was all very much like just doing what felt right at the moment without actually thinking. I was so used to you hauling my first relationship, we moved really quickly, I'd actually moved into state, and there is that thing, Oh, this is just normal, this is just what we do. I really wasn't questioning any of it. It's just that's what gay would they do. It's meant to be like this.

So the thing is like, you know, tell us a story of the lead up of how you got married, and then the joke is, well, there is no lead up because we met, we dated, we had a really long date. Usually the date might last two days. You know, there's that joke, and then we moved in with each other and we've been married since and that's it. And that's kind of the lesbian bisexual, the queer woman fantasy. It's not like we talk about that because it's always

the lesbian eu hall. That's what we all joke about. And falling in love really quickly, crushing really quickly, the awkwardness of it sometimes it can be a bit high school and the best way possible.

this full on intimacy. And then I think I moved in with her maybe four weeks after I'd met her, and that was the end. She started to change. Suddenly we're caught up with the grief because also she was grieving. She had just broken up with a girlfriend of six years and that was very, very messy. So there was that so that everyone was still talking about that because it was so recent, so the ghost of her ex was there. But hey, that's another lesbian trope. There's always

a third person, there's always an next girlfriend. Yeah, so I kind of wasn't really too shocked because every woman that I've even had a fling with I think. I remember I woke up once and there was a woman sitting at the end of the you know it's always you know whatever, but I remember it being really heavy. When I moved in, she started making comments. You go, Okay, how many men have you start with? And that made me feel so ashamed. She'd be like, oh, how many

men if you slept with? And I'm like, this is making me feel really bad, and she go, I just don't know if I can, you know, compete with all those men, and You've got so much more experience than me. And I went into the shame like I just lost. I think that I lost complete interests in sex.

focused and also buying stuff. The only thing they ever talked about was things they were going to buy. And I must admit, yeah, very boring, no interest at all in politics, interest in anything deep. But her mother was different. Her mother definitely loved talking about the past and it was very traumatic. And I would just get stuck with these conversations with her mother about really really traumatic, distressing

conversations that even Jay didn't know about. Because I'd go back and go, I'm like, God, your mom's just told me all that. All I could see was the little girl in this person. And then that's when I started to see more of that person, that little girl. So suddenly Jay's sick all the time. They were sick all the time with ulcers, and I'm like, yeah, that's because you need to go see a psychologist. But they're like no, no, no, no no. And then I guess that's where I started

become like I helped. I mean, here I am this new person I'm helping at the funeral, being the people pleaser I am. And then we're meeting all her family who don't like me. I think they're quite it's not me, but how they treated me, like the silent treatment her auntie had intellectually disabled son. And I said, oh, I'm Jay's girlfriend, and I got told off like he doesn't have capacity to understand that you're just a friend. And I'm like, oh, wait a minute, what's going on here?

And it was a very straight, very I guess, let's just say country folk. But I was being dumped on and dumped on her mother just and I just was getting quieter and quiet and quieter, and I think the sex was going downhill. Jay was beginning to just close. They were totally ill and stressed and upset, and so there was no romance.

one hundred and forty K in six months. That kind of money. So suddenly I'm working full time and I'm traveling an hour each way, and I'm just going, what happened to you? And I'm getting putting on weight that this is all happening really really quickly, and I'm thinking, oh, I'm trapped. I just basically pat my bag and ran for it and went to a boarding house because I'd said, look, I think i'd rather live on my own. I'd rather live on my own. I said, I'm used to boarding houses.

There's a lot and where I was, So I'm gonna go and do that. And I did, and then they followed, Yeah, she came after me. She didn't want to lose me. So I just said, I can't live with your mum. I want my own place. And they said, okay, why don't we rent a place? And I said, well, it's going to be fifty to fifty and we did. That's what we ended up doing. I didn't really feel like I had a choice because where else was I going to go? And I saw obviously was invested in the

relationship and with her as well. I really adored her. I mean, I adored the little girl. I mean obviously I understood where she came from. Now. She was charming and funny, and she had a dog. We loved animals. The thing that connected us for animals and looking after the animals. I liked her friends, and when we started just sharing, it was fine, and then I felt much more relaxed. So for a period of time while I

was working, everything was fine. We just lived in that little bubble and I kind of did like it because I felt protected and I finally felt like, oh, I've made the queer community. It finally accepted me. I did feel really good being with her. I did adore them very much.

is fifty to fifty. But if they want to go off and do those things, they do it on their own. So during that time, I wanted to go to meetups and I would say, I really want to get a lesbian network. I want to meet more lesbians and like, oh no, if you do that, I'll lose you. And I'm going, uh no, you're not. I'm going to assure you with that. I said, I don't really think I'm into that. I just want friendship, and also I don't cheat, and she go, no, I just you know, I feel uncomfortable.

But then when we would go out, like we'd go to the gay places women constantly. I had one woman and it was Halloween. She only had like all this black lingerie do a sexy dance in front of her. Now she'd be embarrassed. She'd actually say, can you come to the toilet with me? Because I'd have to fend off all these but I'd be laughing because I'm forty eight. I don't think it's really worthy of getting upset about it. But they hated it, so that was a no go.

I wasn't allowed, so I was getting more more isolated. So she went overseas. She comes back, and then all of a sudden, that's when things started to get really scary because she's like, I want to buy another house, and this is before COVID, so twenty nineteen, and suddenly she's in the car and changing a lot. I put on thirty kilos. I'm no longer going to the gym. I'm very unhappy at work. I'm not coping. Works hard. I was getting in trouble because my face doesn't match

my actions. I asked for disability adjustments, and then I got fired from my contract. It was very, very stressful. So then I did get a psychologist and they're like, going, oh, well you know you sure you know I don't see it, and I'm like, well, I know I have to start addressing my mental illness. And I said, look, can we go and see someone so we can talk about my mental health and how we can help manage it. And they're like, I'd book something and they go, oh, that's

a woman. I don't want to see a woman book another one. Oh I don't have time for that. Three times I tried, and I'm the one struggling with no support. I had no friends. My whole life was her and her friends. She's lovable, she's really good at making friends. I'm not.

who I don't have anything in common with. I looked after the house like even though I was working, because I wasn't a business person earning thousands of dollars a week or whatever. I ended up being the housekeeper. And I'm like, I didn't go to union and study women's studies. I'm a queer, so I can be a housewife. And I don't know. They'd winge about how I cooked food. Well, you can cook for yourself. I actually I'm not cooking for you. Like this is a stupid like there was

all this gender stuff. I was wearing clothes that were very what a housewife would wear. She just always wanted to put me in that housewife and I was like, I'm not a housewife. I have a degree. And I said, oh, you do know I have a degree, right, just because I have a disability. It's not just the queer thing that she's bullying. It's my disability. It's my weakness and my vulnerability. Oh well, you're on a disability, so you

have to cook for me. I think around that time she started to go, Okay, I want you to become guaranteur on this house. And then I'm like, well, I don't want to be a guaranteur. You have business loans. She had so many business loans. She had so many businesses, so many businesses, She even said, oh, I'd like you to sign this and be a director, and I'm like, I'm not going to do that. I said, wait a minute, what if you die, I'm going to end up with your debt. And I don't want your debt. You know.

I don't have any money, you know, and I'm struggling myself. But I didn't know what to do. But she's going, Okay, we're going to buy a house. But we didn't sit down, you know how couples will sit down. Ok, hey, do you think it's time we bought a house? What do you think about that? There was no discussion, it was just happening. So she went overseas and then all of a sudden, we're buying this house. And I'm like, wait a minute. And she finally went, Okay, I know you

want to forever home. And I'm like, yeah, of course I do. I've been homeless all my life. When I met her, i'd lived twenty places. When I was with her, I'd already moved I think five times. She goes, Okay, this can be your place. I'll just you know, work here, but you can rent it out. Because it was huge, it had three stories. I had a granny flat downstairs, and then it had the lund room, and then I had two bedrooms upstairs. It was a big townhouse. She said,

I just want you to decorate it. So we got through superannuation. You can get your disability insurance. So I got a payout of like one hundred k. So she was like, okay, well it can be your place. And then she's like, oh, can you pay the rates? Can you pay? I paid the mortgage six months in advance because She's gone, I've done so much for you, and I'm thinking, what have you done. I've always paid fifty to fifty. I paid for the removalsts, I paid for

the cleaner. It was fifty to fifty. I looked through everything. Suddenly I'm paying for her holiday. Suddenly all my money is going on her. So I would follow her around the house and could we please get a lawyer. I really want this in writing. But she said no, no, no, you can trust me. I will never ever do bad by you. I can't believe you don't trust me. I've done so much for you. So I gave up in the end with that, she refused.

but I paid for the laundry. I mean, I was spending money. I didn't like thinking this is going to be my forever house, so all my money and I haven't had this amount of money for a long time, and I'm feeling pretty good. I'll look at me being, you know, a raid owner. I'm not thinking, so everything's just going into this house, and then it gets Then suddenly I think April. She I think it was like

around the beginning of April. She goes, oh, my brother's moving in, And I went, what And I'd never met her brother. They hadn't talked for ten years. I'm like, what who? Because she doesn't talk, she's never talked about him, because she doesn't talk about anything.

getting back on a disability pension. And also, I thought I've just paid all this rent. I thought this was my place, and we would fight. That's what all the fights, and it was getting worse and worse, and I would like, I knew so needy, like so I became I'm really ashamed to say this, but I became that's abuse, you know, I'm telling we're not communicating in any way that I tried. That's not working. We're fighting in the car. This is happening. I knew, and as I moved in, I went, I'm trapped.

I knew, I'm your trapped now.

I started to look more heterosexual. I just looked like a fat, unhappy straight girl. But my psychologist isn't picking it up. That's the weird thing. Like he's not picking it up, I'm going and I'm going, look, I'm just feel really overwhelmed. And now she wants me to move in and she's trying to get my money, and he's not stepping in and going, wait a minute, I'm going

to treis you? He said nothing, absolutely nothing. So January twenty twenty one, were invited to a New Year's party and I wanted to wear brogues and Amend's outfit because I'd been wanting now. Every time I brought up, look, I think I'm queer, I think I'm non binary, she would go, well, what's that? And that's an it. I don't even understand what that means. What's this pronoun thing? So a lot of it was just kind of gradually making me feel really but I thought, no, I want

to go out to this thing. But also with now polish, she liked a certain color and if I change, she'd go, oh, I don't like that. And my hair always had to be long because I'm like, I think I want to cut on my hair off. It was quite long, and see like, no, no, I wouldn't like that. So all these things were happening and I'm going, okay, So I thought, no, I want to wear a men's suit. Now, Jay wears men's suits all the time. We went men shopping all the time. I went men shopping for her all the time.

So I'm like, why can't I? She said, oh no, the dress code is heels and a dress. And I went, well that no, and she said no, no, no, no, no you can't. She's again really really distressed, not angry in it, just distressed, like very on a high pert. No no, no, you can't like that, very You must wear heels. And I said, I want to see the dress code. So it's getting ridiculous. And then I said, no, wait a minute, I'm queer. I'm allowed to wear what

I want. I remember saying that, don okay, But we fought. We nearly didn't go, but we had to go, and I ended up getting all these compliments. I ended up wearing a pretty top top. I ended up mixing it up, but I still wore my pants and my brogues. But I'm like, okay. And then I started to contact an organization called Switchboard, and that's when they were like, oh, that's abuse. But I'm still going, really, this isn't to me. It was like I was the aggressor I'm the one

who's Jay never yelled. They got intense, they got it full on, but they were never aggressive ever.

bad person. I think she's a very broken person. But I just feel like no one's giving me any support. The only support I'm getting of the phone calls I'm making, and I'm going, oh, wait a minute, I think I might be in something I don't understand. I was so overweight and unhappy, I'd lost my looks. I knew that I was losing control and I was actually worried that she would call the police on me because I was screaming.

And so all this time we'd had this non dramatic I had been feeling really proud of myself and managing my mental health. But all of a sudden, I'm not because I felt trapped. I was like, why is this person pressuring me to do things I don't want to do. Why are they not respecting the fact I'm trying to look after my mental health. And it was horrible, and I could see it was stressing the dogs. I'm like,

this is getting bad. That's why I left. This situation is not safe for me, it's not safe for her, it's not safe for the dogs. I need to get the hell out of here. So I packed one bag. This is like a whole, all my beautiful furniture, outdoor furniture, indoor furniture, everything, mugs, the whole, you know, all my clothes, everything, all my bathrooms. I designed everything that I was proud of. And I just got a bag and I went to a boarding house. I just instinctively knew that they were

going to chase me. They'd always every time I try to leave or I wanted to go or I wanted to change something. They just would. I mean, they wore me down and I knew they would chase me so I couldn't get any housing. Now. Remember Queensland went from being a very cheap place to live to a very expensive place to live. And in a way, that worked in my favor because I looked at another stage and I saw, oh, there's lots of units. Look at all these units in the city, and I'd lived in that

state before. I'm like, okay, sure I'll go there. I can afford two. And that means I'm away from them, so I left everything. I was more upset about my dog and her dog, because I mean, they would be my support. I cried and cried. I have had no grief about her, and also her friends because they would just cut me off, and her family I haven't heard. It was like I was invisible. And then all I could think was my fiftieth birthday, and I was fifty

one by then. I'm going, wow, that was the most important birthday because I'd never had birthdays in my past, and I went, oh, wow, those people that are at my birthday they didn't care about me. It was very painful. It was so painful. I was ringing Lifeline a lot, to be honest, and I was just trying to get my I was in the height of a complex post traumatic stress disorder, so that makes us not that safe to be around. I'm not dangerous, but obviously no one

wants to be around someone when you're triggered. I was in a little bachelor unit. I got in the end ten grand back and then I said, okay, what about all the interior design work that I did? And she said, if you keep asking me for that, I'm going to call a center link. I'm going to tell them they we're in a relationship and you're going to lose your disability. She would keep trying to contact me, and she's texting, texting, texting. You'd be there a year and then you'll come back.

I blocked her, and then I unblocked her. When you break up with a lesbian, you've got to do it. About four times. I was scared. I'm going to tell you. I was absolutely I've got I kept all the receipts. When I ran Lifeline DV, I thought about it ending my life. My brother said, look, why are you leaving them. You're fifty one, You've got a disability. You're never going to meet anyone is good. It was hard for me

to let go. It took me a year. Even a year later, I'm going, well, maybe I could move back, Maybe I could. You know, I missed the house, and I guess that's why I moved into state as well. I couldn't deal with the pain being so close but yet so far I thought, I mentally don't think I could do it. I think I might go crazy. I think I might end up doing something weird. I just knew it wasn't safe to be there. I was so mentally ill by that time.

a queer people so lesbian, gay, bisexual, intersex. So anyone under the queer umbrella, sixty six percent has experienced some form of abuse and intimate partner abuse, and most of the people within that are by pan sexual, disabled, trans. Anyone on gender fluid is definitely at higher risk, and not people of color, but obviously I think anyone who's

vulnerable is at a higher risk. And then when you lay that abuse with family abuse, homelessness, mental health, and obviously the gatekeeping and discrimination that happens within the community, it's a lot more complex. It was good leaving her

because then I could get the help I needed. They do say that bisexual women are more at risk of abuse within the queer trans and by women by people buy women in particular with the disability we rank the highest, and also with homelessness, and I think it's because well, obviously we're more likely to get the abuse from the

straight guy. And then you've got thos be a woman who is very confident and I want to be part of that, but they're saying, well, your other and you're also a bit slutty because tell me about your body count. I'll always be heard. Because I thought she was my friend, it hurts more than I thought she was my best friend. It also hurts me because I didn't think lesbians would do that. I didn't think the queer community would ever ever treat me like that. It was shocking and it's

been hard. I just don't date anyone now, and I wouldn't anyway. If I dated someone, I don't want to live with them. I don't need you anyway. I'm now in community housing, so that was the state. It's worked out quite well for me. So when I started making decisions for myself and I just completely block them, I still feel the betrayal. I started the thing called Socially Brave Queer Hubs and it's just a meetup group and I'm doing some sort of partnership to with other meetup

groups like Rainbow Melbourne. Social meetup groups are really good because you can go on your own. You go to the event and then you go home and it's not like dating. It's not a dating. It is friends. But the main aim for the meetups is that people have somewhere to go and to help me get out of the house, and that has been very helpful. It's taken me a while to understand who I am in the queer community, because I'm like, I'm not lesbian. Lesbian hang

out lots of lesbians, but I'm not. There's a bit of a disconnect there. And then I'm like, Okay, I think I might be more on the queer, pan sexual, gender and unconforming. So I know who I am. So now I have an undercut, but I have it all. I can change. I can be butched, I can be fem I've got I can wear fake eyelashes, or I can you know, I can do whatever I want on any given day. And it's been so amazing, like just

to be like, oh here I am. Yes, I never lost the weight, but I thought, okay, well, you know I am in my mid fifties, give yourself a break. Let me explore all the rainbow and bright colors and sparkles and glitters that exists within me. And I wasn't allowed to explore that. I mean, I kind of came gray with her. But since leaving her, I've been able to I have found out so much about the queer community, the new O divergent community. It's not just been queer

and I really there is a lot of intersectionality. And what I didn't realize is there so many of us in the queer community that are autistic or have ADHD. Through the meetups, I've also learned about people I met trans people and learning about their experience actually trans women in housing and their vulnerability, people of color. Everybody has their own thing that I can't speak to, but it's

still as glittering. Yes there's a lot of darkness, but there's also this amazing lightness and you can only do it. It's also connected me more with the services. So DV Foundation Now that service was being created in Brisbane the very month that I was making a run for it. So the CEO, who's incredible guy. He is a game a policeman austraya over the year, but he was in a domestic abuse relationship. So he set up the DV Foundation, which is an awareness building and so there's that now

which wasn't there when what was happening. So things are changing. And then Rainbow Door. So if any of your listen, doesn't matter if you're in the UK, if you're in Antarctica wherever. You can go on the website if you've got Wi Fi, and you can check the information, because

you'll be surprised, I think how different it is. Like it's still the same as how intersexual relationship, but then you've got these weird things like this whole thing about being by and being shamed about that, being isolated from the queer community. That's terrible. Our community. That's how we get support and safety, and that means it's good to see other queer people, I mean. And it's also you don't have to sleep with each other. You can just

sit and have a dream. Just calm down, everybody. And you don't have to move in with each other either. You can just be friends and try that. And I really really, especially for lesbians and young lesbians, slow down. It's okay, you hauling. It's so two thousand and one. As soon as I got into the driving seat of my life. As soon as I left the house and the dog and all my furniture and my design, I

didn't just leave a home. If you're a creative person and you have redesigned a house that you thought you were going to live, and you've put all this energy into the tiles and how it look and you it's like. And also from my point of view, it's first thing I've done in years that I feel proud of, just having to leave that and what I thought was a community as well. But by making that step, and thankfully I could do it because I had my disability the insurance.

Thank god, by making that decision to take control of my life was the best decision. And even though it was really painful and it hasn't been perfect, I've been in and out. I've had to I now see a very good therapist through Open Arms, and she's amazing and she's gay, which is great. So that helps having a lesbian because I understand, you know, like having the other psychologists. So I finally have a psychologist who gets it. So how do I feel. I feel like, yeah, I got

my voice back and I'm proud of myself. I feel good. I feel good. It's an ongoing journey.

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