You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is recorded on we all know what they say. If there are question marks or gut feelings early on need a relationship, it's probably because it's not the right one. Your match should be someone with whom you have no doubts. It should be easy.
We were just such a strong couple. We were very loud, extroverted couple. We had all the same things in common. I did have so many of my friends say to me, this is in game.
But sometimes even the best, strongest and happiest relationships can carry secrets, some small and insignificant in the scheme of things, but others, no matter how hard they've been hidden, once out can destroy everything.
I like sort of walked over to them and I was liked, And she came up and gave me a hugin I was like, what's going on? I like, saw my gray mattress in the back of the car. I went all fat and blimp.
I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ads. Come with me as we dive into a collection of unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the hearts of the very people who lived them. Molly was nineteen when our story begins, living in New Zealand, a year out of school. Where else would you meet a guy but a music festival.
We sort of met on the day on the dance floor, didn't really think much of it. And then I went to some afters following the event and got a random text message on my phone and he had got my number off of a friend and.
He was like, what are you doing? Do you want to hang out?
And I was like, no, I don't really want to hang out with you. I've only just met you. But he was obviously a friend of a friend that he was really nice, and so I was like, okay, fine, and I know you're not supposed to do this, but I was like, you can come around to where I was living. I was living with six girls, so I felt pretty safe and yeah, I was, I think watching Love Island and he just came round and sat on the couch with us girls and then I said to him,
nothing is happening tonight, just so you know. When he was so fine with that. I was nineteen and he was twenty two at the time. I was at university in New Zealand.
And yeah, I had.
Been in a relationship a year previous for a while, since I was quite young. I was in a good place, just really happy, enjoying my life, enjoying the freedom of university and going to lots of parties.
And he was working in the city, so he had.
Gone to the same university as me, but he had actually graduated a couple of years earlier, and he was in his first year of working. When I initially met him at the fistal, I didn't quite realize until he came over just how good looking he was. He was very nice on the eyes, and yeah, we had a lot in common. I am really into surfing and so is he. So we sort of talked about that and started off pretty strong, just on common grounds, and yeah, it was one of those things where it was pretty
hard and fast from the get go. After that first night, he ended up staying over at my place until about three pm the next day. He just didn't leave, and yet we were just like chatting and hanging out and yeah, and from then we stayed in touch, and it was only a couple days later he asked me to meet him for a drink. We had our first date, and it was pretty much all on from there. I think it was it's only maybe five weeks into us dating
that he asked me to be his girlfriend. And in the same day we were drunk at the races and he said I love you as well. So it all, yeah, happened really quick. I was on cloud nine. I was like, this is my perfect guy on paper, just everything. He was really smart, really sporty, he loved the beach, he loved surfing, he was just yeah, he was really quite extroverted like me, and yeah, I was over the moon, really really happy. We both had said to each other,
you know, we've never felt like this before. But yeah, I definitely didn't anticipate on getting into such a serious relationship so quickly after my last one, and I was wanting to just be young and dumb and do my own thing. But yeah, I think once I was in love again, the blinkers were on, and I was just very smitten and hopeful that we would go the distance. We were just such a strong couple. We were very loud, extroverted couple. We had all the same things in common.
So I think, you know, when people saw us together you know, all my friends were just like, you've met this really nice guy who's just so similar, and he's all the things that you've ever looked for.
And a guy this is in game.
So far, so good.
The first year, year and a half of our relationship was amazing. We had so much fun.
The following year after we got together, we were supposed to go to Central America. He was flying over early February twenty twenty and I was going to meet him in March, and then pretty much as soon as he got there, we went into lockdown, so he had to fly back, and obviously my plans got canceled.
So we went into life with his family.
My family were living in another city, and yeah, it was the best time. It was me and him, one of my best friends dates his brother, so it was yeah, all four of us and then the parents.
Was super super fun.
So that was a big chunk of twenty twenty and after COVID we just sort of traveled a lot around New Zealand and just made the most of our backyard things. I guess started to feel a little bit rocky around the beginning of twenty twenty one.
We were living.
Over the summer at his parents' place, and he had sort of become a little bit distant all of a sudden, and I was sort of like, what's going on. He was always all in and just like very affectionate and loving, and he wasn't and he was really over his job. And he just kept saying, it's my mental health. I'm just not in a good place, not feeling great. And obviously I was just like, well, I'll do whatever to
help you. He was acknowledging he was off, but he just kept putting it down to you know, he's just feeling like he's in a rut. He didn't get to go traveling the year before. He wants to move to Australia, and that was always our plan. It was pretty much ever since we met, was to move, but I had to finish university and I kept saying, like, we can go as soon as I finish. I had six more months left. He was just not really being as physical
with me and just not talking as much. Yeah, we used to always have our arms around each other, always be holding your hands, always be really cuddled up close, and it'd sort of be sitting on the other side of the couch just whenever I sort of tried to, you know, be like come on, like cuddle me whatever.
It's sort of be like, you know, you could.
Just feel he just wasn't really, so of course my mind just keep going to well, you'd.
Clearly like it it is me, and he was like, no, no, no, it's not, it's not you.
It's not I love you and I'm you know, I want to be with you forever. A few weeks of that and it just really got to me. And there was one time we were supposed to go away together for the weekend and he was just being really often and I was like, look, I'm going to fly home for the weekend. It's a long weekend. I'm going to go see my family. You should go away with the boys.
That weekend when I went up to visit my family, I didn't even tell any of my friends that I was coming up because I was just like, I was almost embarrassed. You know, I'm coming up because I'm in such a bad headspace because I don't know what's going on with my own partner and with living together, and everybody has this view of us, and things went what it seemed. I'd even spoken to his mum before I had flown up. She drove me to the airport and I was just like crying. I was like, I don't
know what more I can do. It's just getting to the point where he's adam minutes his mental health. But I can't live like this. He's just not himself. And she was really concerned about him too, and she said, this is sometimes what relationships are about. You know, you just got to help each other through. So just keep supporting him, and you know, if it gets too hard, just come talk to me.
And we can sort it out. She was really supportive.
When I came back from my hometown after that weekend, everything was sort of back to normal kind of. I wrote like a huge three page letter of that. You know, I'm here for him whatever he needs. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. He didn't say a whole lot, which I didn't really expect him to, but I just put it on the bit side table and he said, yeah, it's really nice, and he obviously knows all those things, and you know, any going on, you know, you're such a supportive, loyal girlfriend.
Molly felt confident things were getting back on track. They'd taken the little break they needed and both realized what they really needed was each other.
A couple of weeks later, it was my twenty first birthday, so my parents flew us up. I was sort of having a small ish get together, not a big event for my twenty first, but you know, all my girlfriends and my family and stuff, and he came up for that, and it's always nice when he would come visit my hometown and be around my friends. That night, on the night of my twenty first, we all went into the city afterwards, and I already didn't really want to go out.
I was having a lot of fun just at home, like dancing with my aunties and my friends.
But he was like, no, you know, we're in the big city. Let's go out.
And he had had some friends also from his hometown visiting, so we went and meet up with them. It got super late, and I was just like, I'm going to go home, and he was like, I'm going to stay out. And I was already a little bit annoyed about that, because I was like, it's my birthday weekend and my parents are flowing you up, and all you really care about us just like seeing your mates. But I went home and he did come home the next day till about two pm. Eventually I got hold of him and
he was like, I've crashed at this person's house. I'm gonna get I'm going to get an uber home soon. I'm just gonna go catch up with this other mate.
And I was just like, what the hell?
Like he was flying out at like maybe five pm that night. It was also Valentine's Day as well. I was with my parents.
They were livid.
I was on the couch, you know, just in like a fetal position, just so upset, like We've come up in such a nice weekend and now I can barely get hold of him and he's still not home, and you know, I'm embarrassed at.
My parents have had to see that.
So when he finally walked through the door at two pm, we went upstairs to my room and I was just like, I can't do this anymore. I'm done whatever's going on, I can't do it. And he was like, no, no, can't break up. I don't want to break up. I don't I love you, I'm so sorry, and so on so forth. He was adamant, you know, he really really
didn't want to break up. Yeah, So I was like, okay, well, I'll give you one more chance, And of course I flew back to the town we were living, and it was good for the first few days, and then it just sort of went downhill again to the point where I was living back at my new place by then with my friends at UNI, and he just wasn't really making an effort and I just sort of I called his mum one day and I was like, I'm done.
It's been you know, a.
Couple months of this whatever, and yeah, I don't have the capacity to deal with this.
So I tried to get.
Him to come over, but he would not come over it and I was like, can we please meet to discuss, like to talk about this, but he knew I was going to break up with him and he was not going to have that, so he was like, no, not tonight, not tonight. He gave me a call and I just said to him, I was like, you know, we really need to talk, like I'm really unhappy, and he was like, I don't want you to break up with me, and I was like, you know, maybe this is what you need.
I just can't keep doing this anymore. And he was really upset. He cried.
At one point he had to go and get his mum, and he was really, yeah, really really upset.
We ended up breaking up over the phone.
It wasn't what either of them wanted, but Molly was adamant she couldn't keep putting up with this behavior. She was young, Yes she was in love, but it shouldn't look like this.
I really really missed him. I was really sad.
And we kept in touch a little bit, but it was really sad. But yeah, after maybe even only six weeks, he had messaged me to say that he had actually gotten a job in Perth, and that to me actually really indicated like, Okay, he was serious about really not liking his job, about really wanting to do something about it and wanting to you know, spread his wings. And he was like, yeah, I'm leaving in a month. I was like wow, okay, And we agreed to meet and it was supposed to be more like a bit of
a is this going to be a goodbye? But I went over and we pretty much immediately just were we miss each other so much and we want.
To get back together.
And of course he was leaving to Perth in a month, and because I guess that had always been the plan, he sort of Yeah. He just was like, you know, well you can come over, you can come and visit me, and then when you finish university. It was only about four months away, but I was graduating, he said you can move over and join me.
So that was sort of the plan.
And the next month was just like amazing, just trying to make the most of our time together. I was sort of making up a decision. Am I going to trust this person again?
He was adamant.
You know, it was just my mental health. I just you know, I feel so much better now I've quit my job.
I'm leaving.
He's like, I just felt like so stuck, like I needed to get out of here. I was like, I'm so glad that you're out of that now. And I don't know, it just seemed like one of those sort of healthy breakup slash breaks. It worked and he sorted himself out. We got back together.
During their time apart, Molly had decided she was going to move to Australia herself no matter what. So now they were back together and Tom was being the great boyfriend again. It was an easy decision. She'd finished her last few months of UNI, pack up her things and headworst.
About three or four days before my flight, we went into lockdown and my light obviously got canceled because the borders closed immediately.
This was in July that this happened.
End of July, I think, And yeah, I spent until the end of December pretty much stuck in New Zealand because of, yeah, the lockdowns and the restrictions and things.
So every day was hard because I didn't have a job anymore.
And then obviously day to day just worried, you know, when am I going to be able to actually get there, When am I going to be able to see him?
And we'd already been doing long distance since May.
Part of me was like, he's going to be out there having so much fun in this new city, and he's going to meet all these new people, and you know what if he decides he doesn't want me, you know, as part of that new life anymore. But he was just so desperate to have me there, and he let me know that every day without a doubt. He was finding it just as hard, if not harder than I was, being away from me, and he just wanted nothing more than me to just be there and to join him.
We were at facetiming multiple times a day. He'd sort of call me on his way to work, his way after work, we would have date nights over video call and get dressed up. It was actually a really nice time, even though at the time I was desperate to go.
But yeah, one day, when I was in lockdown, I had gotten a message from a friend of mine who I had only met earlier that year, just because she had moved to the place that Tom and I were living, and she was actually my friend's cousin, so she sort of got introduced to the friend group and she's lovely, lovely girl, and she had messaged me saying like, hey, Molly, you're all doing well. Do you mind if I give you a call? I just want to talk about it a few things. My gut sort of told me like, no,
you should go for a drive. And when she called me, she was just like immediately crying and she was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't know whether to tell you this. I've been sitting on it for so long. But me and Tom hooked up earlier in the year when he was down away on that voice weekend. She had no idea who I was at that time. I had no idea who she was, so it had absolutely nothing to
do with her. She was actually living down where they went, and she had just you know, met this guy at a bar they you know, were talking, He walked her home, got her number, They hooked up and continued messaging for a few days, and then after that she obviously tried looking him up on like social media and all of that, and he actually has a very private social media account.
So she was saying like it was so hard to find him and she only had a first name, and she actually just couldn't figure out who this guy was. She sort of gave up, he stopped texting her back when eventually she had figured it out. And the poor thing, when we had become rins around that exact same time, my Instagram had gotten deleted, and so I had no
when she first met me. It wasn't even like she could go on to my Instagram and stalk and see this boyfriend I was talking about that I had just got back.
With and was moving to Perth with.
So she knew about this guy like Tom, but she never put two and two together. And then so when she did, I think I made a post, you know, when we were in lockdown and and she saw that and was like, oh my god, this is the same guy. So yeah, she was just devastated. So I was speech just like I felt so sick, like I had just you know, I was about to go move overseas for this guy. And I was just so blindsided. I was just like wait, what, Like how is this even? How
is this happening? Like this doesn't happen to people like you never think it's going to happen to you. And I said to her, you know, she told me all the details, and she sent me the screenshots of them texting and you know, as him, let me know when you get home safe, and then him the next day asking her to send photos sort of organizing to potentially meet up again. And it was just a full blowing coincidence that she had moved to our town. So straight
away I just called him. I was like calling him and he was at work in Perth, and I just said to him, like, I know everything, She's told me everything. How stupid do you think I am? Like, how do you think that I could not find this out? And I was like, it's not even what you did, it's the fact that you lied about it. And the fact that you knew I would find out eventually, and he was like, I know, I was in denial. I was
just hoping that you wouldn't find out. I was like why, Like how did you not think that I wouldn't find out? And he was like, honestly, every day you messaged me, I just thought, today's the day she's going to find out.
And I was like, what the heck? Why would you want to live like that?
And at that time, I was trying to get an exemption to go in and do hotel quarantine and we were trying to do that, and we had to go through that whole process and go through the whole to facto relationship trying to get me into WA despite the borders closing. And I said to him, I was like, you knew I was going to find out eventually, Like were you just waiting for me to get to WA because you knew once I got there, I couldn't leave.
And he was like, you know, I just hope that when we're in person, you know, I could, you know, explain things better.
I didn't want to lose you.
And then when we got back together, I didn't see the point in telling you I knew you'd never get back with me, and he knew my stance on cheating as well. Like, yeah, so it was a lot of back and forth. You know, he was cooling my parents and then you know, his mum was calling me. Everyone was really worried about him and his mental health while he was over there, and I was just like, oh, God, like you know, of course everything's now just you know,
everyone's worried about him again. And yeah, I basically said to him, I'm not coming to birth cheatings of one thing, you know, like the one thing that I just do not stand for, and the lying on top of that to not even feel guilty enough to try and make it up to me on my twenty first birthday, you know, and that was only a week later.
Yeah, so I was just like.
Nah, I didn't say anything to anyone. I asked the girl not to talk to anyone about it. I didn't tell any of my friends. I had one friend, like our mutual friend with the other girl, that knew, but I didn't tell any of my friends at home. Only my family knew, and his family knew. I was just so humiliated, like so embarrassed. I said, this is so embarrassing.
I was just about to move countries for someone and all along like he's been lying to me the last six months, and yeah, I was just like I was just livid and I just didn't want anyone to know. And I also had my kid also telling me, like the coincidence of this all like how could this be the first time, I don't know, you know, we've been together for over two years at this point, I doubt it. And yeah, I just you know, it explained all the
weird behavior and all of that around the time. But it also was kind of like made me a bit sick. How also normal he.
Could act straight after it.
He was Adam, and he was like, I want to be with you forever. I would never do this to you again. He was willing to do whatever it took to make up for it, and he was putting in the hard yards. He was like, as soon as the border is open, I'm going to be back in New Zealand.
I'm going to move back.
I'm going to work this out. And I just said, all I need is just time. I'm so hurt and confused right now. I just need some space. So luckily I was in lockdown. Can do a lot of reflecting, and I just sort of eventually came to the conclusion that, you know, I was still going to go. This was has been the plan for me to go, and if I'm doing it for myself, like I'm going over for myself, and if he does this to me again, then shame on me sort of thing. And you know, I was
still only twenty one. I really wanted to believe and he was telling me everything, you know, pulling out all the stops. He was just like, he was like, you know, I'm willing to give you as much space as you want. Any day I would ask him, can you just tell me exactly what you were thinking at that time? And his excuse was, I wasn't thinking, but I would never do that. I'm willing to do the work and all that.
So this all sort of happened over the next couple of months, and yeah, come December, things were looking a little bit more positive. I was able to get a flight to Sydney and he was going to leave wa and come and meet me there and then we would just live in the Goal Coast until the border's opened, so for a couple months and he could just work out of the Gold Coast office.
So yeah, that's what we did. But I felt at that point, you know, very very confident and very trusting because he had instilled a lot of trust in me over that time. He was putting in more effort than ever and sending me flowers and all that sort of stuff.
Also, him leaving WA and doing all that and risking all of that was a lot as well, So that sort of really made me think, you know, he's Darius, He's not this.
Type of person. He's not going to do that to me again.
It was a roller coaster, but she loved him and believed him. She was willing to give him another chance.
We finally got to Perth and it was amazing. Moved into our new place with our friends, and yeah, it was just such a fun burst few months we had the best time. We were living by the beach and yeah, living with my now best friend and one of his friends also from New Zealand. Our relationship was stronger than ever, really really nice. We were just, yeah, just so happy.
I think having spent all this time apart and not being able to see each other, we just really cherished all of that time that we had together because you know, we knew what it was like not to be able to see each other, and that was so hard at the time. So it just felt so nice and to be experiencing all these new things together and being able to catch the train into work together. And I got a job at a place literally across the road from him.
We go in together and every weekend we go down south and go surfing, and yeah, it was just lovely. I didn't really think about the cheating much at that point.
I was well over it.
I was just so happy with where we were at at the time. And yeah, he never gave me any reason to believe that he was going to do that to me again, So yeah, I was really happy. Every Friday night we would meet with some of his work colleagues for a drink after work, and so I made a couple of friends there through him. I honestly didn't know like anyone moving a Perth and so that was
really nice. And I meet a girl one of his colleagues, Sophie, who we got along really well, and she had long term partner as well, and she would always be there at afterwork drinks, so I still of just sit and chat with her and some of the other girls.
And yeah, it was really nice to get to know them.
But after a couple of months, things started to slip back into the routine of Tom staying out later and later. They'd go out together, but Molly would always call it first and Tom would stay out. But she knew she was the one in the relationship who'd always call it early, and he just wasn't. It was nothing to worry about.
He was with all of his work friends. They were just at the bars.
They were just leading off steam on a Friday night, and I loved all of them, like they're all our friends, and I would just get tired and go home. It got to about June and we had his work ball, which I was super excited about. Sophie and I I planned our outfits together and I was just really excited to get glammed up.
Hadn't done that in so long because of COVID.
Got my dress and we all had drinks beforehands, like Tom and I and Sophie and her partner and a couple of our other friends that they worked with. And yeah, we had such a good night obviously. Yeah, we all got really really drunk and just had a good night on the dance floor and then afterwards we went into the city and went to a club and yeah, we were just having a really great night and I ended up losing them at one point, and by the time I sort of found them again, my friend had said
Tom was looking for you, but now he's gone. She was like, Tom has gone to walk Sophie home, because Sophie doesn't live so far from the city and her partner had gone home earlier because they had had a bit of an argument, and she had told me in the bathroom he was annoyed that he wanted to go home early and she didn't, so Tom couldn't find me,
and some reason decided he'd walk get her home safely instead. Yeah, so I was like, oh, okay, and I was trying to get in contact with him to see does he want me to wait to get an uber home together, like I'm a.
Bit confused, but I couldn't get in contact with him.
His phone was clearly off, so I was like, oh, whatever, really didn't think too much into it, and we all went home, me and the other housemates, and we fell asleep and in the morning I woke up around nine o'clock and I tried to call and text him and his phone didn't pick up and he hadn't come home all night, So I think because I was so used to him being out late and you know all of that. When I got home, you know, i'd had a fearbit to drink, I just sort of was like, he'll be
home soon enough. He's probably walked to home and they're going to get an uber and he'll be back soon. And so I sort of just fell asleep. And so when I woke up in the morning and he wasn't in bed, I was like, wait what?
And I went outside and.
Thought maybe he's on the couch and he wasn't there, and I tried to call him and he wasn't picking up. For all we know, he could be dead in a gutter, like we don't actually know if he got her home or.
Any of this.
And yeah, I was just like an anxious miss like where is he?
Like what's going on? I don't know?
And so I was then calling her and messaging her to be like, have you seen Tom? Did he leave yours last night? Or did he crash you know, did you crash over? She also I couldn't get hold of her. I definitely had a bit of a gut feeling for sure, because she lived with her parents, not with her long term boyfriend. They had been together for six years or something like that, a long time, and they were also Tom's age, so I just was like, no, she lives
at her parents. She honestly, if I couldn't trust him, I thought I could trust her. I was like, me and her, you know, we're good friends.
Now.
I know she wouldn't do that to her partner, she wouldn't do that to me. But I did always have a little bit of a feeling that maybe she had a bit of a crush on Tom, which, to be honest, he's good looking, he's charismatic. She's probably not the first one to have a little crush. I don't mind that so much. But it was more that I just really trusted her. So for me, I was like, you know, maybe his phone was did it was a convenie vedience thing.
But I was anxious. I was an anxious miss I was thinking, like, has he fallen over and he's been too drunken, He's in a gutter somewhere, like I was thinking, has he tried to get to the train station and fallen asleep at the train station.
Has he ouber to the wrong house, like all those things were going through my kids, just all the scenarios and worst case scenarios.
At about eleven am, I finally heard from him. Wasn't even a cool back. He texted me back saying, sorry, crashed at Sophie's phone died, She's going to drop me home now.
And obviously I was relieved to hear from him finally.
But I was also a bit Okay, why is it eleven o'clock? You know, if you're sleeping over at her place, at her parents house, you know, I would expect him to be on the couch or something and probably wouldn't be sleeping into eleven am on your friend's parents couch.
So I was just a bit bit weirded out. So ended up being another.
Couple of hours till he finally got home in his suit, still from the ball. And when he finally got home, and I've been calling him, like you said you were getting dropped home an hour ago, like where are you now, and he just wouldn't answer again. And when he finally came through the door and he was like, oh, sorry, we just went out for lunch. That was what really just took me back because I was like, wait what He was like, yeah, we were hungry, so we stopped
for lunch on the way back. But I remember thinking, not that anything had happened, but thinking worrying to myself, does he want to spend time with her more than he wants to spend time with me? Like should I be worrying that he's not excited to come home to his partner of four years when he can just hang out with her and go out for lunch with her while I'm at home in albeit And so that was hurtfull. He wasn't apologetic at all. No, he was just blase. He was like like, oh, I need to have a
shower and hungover. And I was more just like, you need to tell me when things like that are happening, Like I can't.
I was so worried.
I was like, if that was me and you couldn't get in hold in touch with me for you know, twelve hours, you'd be calling the police, like you'd be so worried.
You can't just go.
That long without telling me, you know, especially you know when we lived together and you are my one support person here and without you, I don't have any family.
I don't have. I have the people that I lived with, but I hadn't even had the chance to form those really strong friendships yet.
For all of these reasons, Molly didn't harp on her any longer. She let Tom know how it made her feel that day, and they moved on. It was one drunken night of people in their early twenties making poor decisions.
I really don't think I thought too much of it after that. I just sort of push it under the bug, I guess, and sort of continued on. And then there was one time where we went out for after work drinks and I met them. We were supposed to go away that week, Hint and me and his brother. His brother had just moved over from New Zealand and was living with us, and we were supposed to go away.
So me and his brother had like packed up the car, put all the surfboards.
In everything, and then we said to him, we'll pick you up on our way through and we'll drive straight down. And so we get there and he was like, park, you know, just park up and we'll have one drink and then you know, comes so hard to the work friends, and then we'll go from there. And so I was literally in my puffa jacket, like in my full camping. Yeah, and we show up and you know, of course he
looks already half smashed. So I was like, great, okay, and you know, I went and sat next to Sophie and we were chatting and sort of got like an hour we'd passing, got a you know, seven eight pm, and I was like to the boys, okay, like, you guys have both had too much a drink, so I'm going to need to drive now, but like we should go. He's like, no, we should just have a night out instead it and we will drive down really early tomorrow. He even said we can sleep in the car in
the car park and then just drive down. He said we could just send it tonight. And I was like, oh my god. And at that point I was at my WIT's end, and Sophie noticed and she took me to the bathroom. She looked at me and she was like, I don't know how you do it. I was crying, and I was just like, there's no point in me even trying it. It's just like my whole weekends already just ruins, because you know, we're supposed to drive down and have this weaken away camping and now it's all
gone out the window. So yeah, I stayed with them for a little bit, and then I was like, I'm just going to go home. And Tom was just being like super rude this whole night, you know, just like you know, lighting up.
Who cares.
We'll go down tomorrow morning, it will be fine. And I was just like, all right, well, I'm going to go back home. We did end up going away early next morning, and me and him had a really big chat while we were down and down south, and I said to him like, I'm just over this whole situation. I just can't be doing stuff like that. But I have nowhere to go. Even if I wanted to break up with him, I didn't have any family I could just go stay with His brother was now living with us.
You know, I didn't really have friends that had speared rooms in their house. It was just really hard to And then I was also had that pressure of I don't want to go back to New Zealand and be like, hey, guys, like I'm back six months later, and so I was just sort of like getting on with it, and maybe
even only a few weeks later. There's another incident where we meet up on a Thursday night for drinks, it was, but at this time it was just me, Tom, his brother, and our other friend and they were just having a drink after work and I we'd to meet them and you know, super chill. It got to about like nineteen o'clock and I was like, all right, I'm going to go, and he's like, yep, love you. I'm going to the next train home. You know, I'll finish my beer and
me and the boys be home soon. Then at about midnight, I woke up, so I remember going to sleep thinking, but I hope he's home soon, because it's definitely been longer than like an hour at this point. But it's a Thursday night, so I really wasn't expecting him to be home that late. And then I woke up at about midnight to the sound of the boys coming home and they'd gone around.
The side of the house. So I was sort of like woke up and I was waiting.
For Tom to come through the door, and when he didn't, I got up and I went outside into the living room and all who was sitting there was his brother and our other friend, and they sort of looked at me, and I looked at them, and I was like, oh, where's Tom And.
They were like, oh, he left not long after you. Is he not home.
I tried to call Tom, his phone.
Wasn't going through, was completely off. So I was freaking out, like more so than the other night. I was absolutely freaking out.
And I said to them, I was like, I'm gonna like his car's at the train station, like maybe he's fallen asleep at his car or had too much to drink and then decided to take a nap before you know, he could drive, or maybe he's crashed, like I don't know.
And I was freaking out.
And so they were like, well, we can drive you and I was like, no, I'll drive. And so eventually I'd got in the car and started driving to the train station. At this point, it's you know, almost one in the morning, and he finally, guess his phone turned on and he called me and he was like, I'm sorry, I bumped into Pat from work. We're having a couple of beers.
I'm in the city. I'll uber home now.
I went back home and got into bed again, and I couldn't sleep because I was just waiting for him to come home and he just didn't come home again for an hour, and every time I went to go call him to chick rears, it's like his phone was turned off again.
And then eventually again it turned on and he called me and he was like, sorry, sorry, I'm in the uber now I'm coming through and he said this area and I immediately clicked and I was like, well, you wouldn't go through that area if you were coming from the city though, and then he was like, oh, I don't know.
They must have just gone that way and I was like okay, And in my head, I was like, he's not coming from the city.
He's coming from somewhere else. He's coming from like a girl's place. This isn't on.
So when he got home, he walks in and he can't even look at me and hit it straight for the shower and we had an on sweet and I was like, give me your phone and I was like, I want to see your uber. He was like, no, I'm not giving you my phone. And I was like, if you're not lying about where you came from, then you can show me your uber. And I was like, where did you uber from? And he was like, I ubered from the city. I told you, And I was like, no, I don't believe you.
I'm sorry.
Can you just show me if you're really telling the truth? Can show me your uber ride? And I was like, this is is an ending up and he was like fine. He gave me his phone and I looked at it and it was from a random suburb, not the city, and he was like, we ended up going back to Pat's house.
Yeah, I just didn't mention it.
And I was like, Pat is in his mid forties, he's married with three kids. You're not going back to his for kick ons on a Thursday. That just is not happening. And he just like looked at me in the eyes and he was like, I'm not lying to you. And it's funny because he's done this before. And I just remember thinking you were so lying, like it's so obvious, like just such a terrible liar. And he just couldn't even believe his own lies. I don't think at that
point he was like I'm not lying to you. And I was like, yes, you are, Like you are lying to me and there's just no doubt in my mind and he was like I'm not. And then yeah, I went to sleep and I made a decision in that moment, I was like, I don't care what I have to do.
I'm getting out of this situation.
But it wasn't that easy. Well, Molly knew she wanted to get out. She literally didn't have anywhere else to go, and to get further in the way of her finding somewhere else and upending her whole life, she was booked in for a hip reconstruction back in New Zealand. Life and timing right to absolute bitches.
When I came back, I was on crutches, couldn't move, couldn't go to the bathroom or the shower by myself.
So I was in a very very vulnerable position.
I was had to be on crutches for I think three months, three to six months, and about a week after I got home, literally not even a week, I don't think. I think he picked me up from the airport on the Sunday. The following Saturday, it was Sophie's birthday, and so she had invited us to go to out to a bar for her birthday, you know, with her family, her partner and few of her friends.
Both.
You know, you got ready and we went, and you know, it was a really nice night. Tom was actually being really caring, and you know, he's making sure I've got everything I needed. And she kept being like, oh, let my dad get you a drink. Don't pay for your drinks, and da da da, and I remember her saying like, I'm so so mad that you came.
I'm so glad that you're here.
And yeah, I obviously because I was on crutches, I couldn't go out or anything, and they all wanted to go out into town and into the city, and so I was like, oh, I'm just going to go home. And Tom walked me to the uber, you know, said you know, I'm not gonna have a late one, love you, you know, it was all good, and just put me in the Uber and I went home. Of course, that same night I did not hear from him, went home, went to bed, and woke up around like three or
four am. Nothing, couldn't get hold of him. Phone was off again, and I just was like, you are kidding.
I've just had surgery. I can't do anything on my own litt alone.
I've already got enough on my plate and he can't even come home to me, Like this is a millionth time that this has happened, and I'm just so I can't.
Do it anymore.
So he finally comes home at seven am that morning, and he can't tell me where he is. And I have actually messaged Sophia quite a few times at this point, you know, okay, have you seen him?
Yeah? And nothing.
She messaged me back the next morning saying, sorry, we came home at this time, not sure where he is. When he came home, I just got up and I didn't talk to him for the whole day. We went to our brien's birthday and he was trying to help me with my crutches and everything, and I was like, don't help me, and then he didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. He went to bed really early that night because he.
Was hungover and tired.
And the next day it was a Monday, and he got up super early and went to work and.
Didn't say goodbye or anything. I think he knew what I was thinking and what was coming.
His brother had just moved into a place down the road, and I knew they had a sphere room, so it was kind of like my perfect opportunity to be like, you're out, you've got a place to go. I said, okay, when you get home tonight. We should have a talk. And then he says, I'm not actually going to come home. I'm going to stay at his brother's place. And I was like, I really think we need to have a talk, like I really appreciate if you came home, and he was like no, like I'm not I'm not coming home.
And so I called him after he finished work. He was on his way to his brothers and I just said, you know the conversation that we're going to have, like I just need you to come home because.
I cannot do this over the phone again. You cannot.
This is just cruel at this point, Like you know how unhappy I I've been like a shell of myself the last few weeks months. I can't go one more second. Like that was my final straw. He just kept saying that we're not breaking up, we're not breaking up, and I was like, you've left me no choice and I was like, give me one black reason to stay with you and that he just said nothing, And I was like, if you can't come home, then you know that's on you.
But I don't. I'm done. I'm so done.
Now he went silent and I hung up. I was so broken, so sad. This person I loved so much and was supposed to starting our life together over here was supposed to be you know, the beginning of something like a new chapter, and it's just all gone to shit really quickly. Yeah, And I was, yeah, a shell
of myself. And the next night I had some my friends over and he came over to click some stuff and I hadn't seen him in person yet, and I went into our bedroom and he was standing in our wardrobe and he was like, oh, I'm just grabbing some things to stay my brother's for a couple more nights.
And I was like a couple more nights, Like what do you mean?
And he was like, well, I'm just going to stay there for a couple more nights. And I was like I don't think you understand. I've broken up with you, Like this is it? And then he like sat on the beard and he was like, is this what you really want? And I was like yes, like this is obviously the situation. None of this is what I want, but like I can't do it anymore. And then he was like okay.
And you know, all of our stuff at that point, everything's tied up. We've got a car together.
We've got beard, like all of our furniture everything, and you know, his car. He loved his car, and I was like, you have the car. He was like, you have the bed, all the camping stuff, all the other stuff sought out. We'll just divvy it up. And yeah, that was the start of what felt like.
Divorce.
The first few weeks were fine, and then all of a sudden, he messages me out of the blue, have you got a new beard yet?
That's my beard and I need it. And I just.
Kept playing super nice, and because I knew he wanted to reaction, I just kept saying, sure, yep, I'll buy a new beard, no worries, not that you've already taken the car and the bed, and not to mention you know, I moved here for your job and you've literally left me with like nothing.
Two months are probably one of the hardest times of my life.
Like I was a absolute shell, like not being able to walk, still being in pain, but then just being so heartbroken, like I didn't know should I go home, Like all of me was saying go home, go home, but then the other part of me was saying, like I really love my job, you know, I made all these friends here. I also just was so worried about
giving up, and like what that looks like? I felt like such a failure, Like I've moved countries and everything's gone to shit and I've blacked the relationship has failed. And yeah, it was just awful, like really really awful time. I had no proof that he had cheated on me again, but I knew in my cart that he had, but I just had nothing, like I couldn't say you cheated on me, or I couldn't go forward going I don't love this person anymore because they did this to me.
You know. It was just so hard.
So here she was, after everything, all the trust she'd given him and all the chances, it still ended up this way. So as best she could, she tried to heal the hurt and move on with her life. What she needed was a good old fashioned girls trip with no boys and no drama.
I went down South get away. It was like a long weekend. It was just a girl's trip. We were going surfing. And that week he had messaged me. I'd actually told him in Simma, can you stop?
It's time? I can't need it.
A really needs space, And I said let's just cut Combs New Year's rolls around and he had texted me Happy New Year, Molly, do you still have our gray camping mattress? I was already annoyed that he even messaged me to begin with, because he had messaged one of my friends that who we used to live together with and said, do you know if Molly still has this gray mattress? And my friend was like, well, yeah, it's at our place, but I can drop it round.
You don't need to message her for it. But of course he messages.
Me and I said, yeah, I'll leave it outside and he was like cool, sweet, thanks.
So I knew that he was going away that weekend as well.
So fast forward to the weekend away and we get up really early on the Saturday morning to go check the surf and I was literally just looking out to the surf and I see his car in the corner of my eye and I was like, to the girls, oh God, it's Tom. And it was just so busy because we were in a random car park, random surf break.
There's so many other places he could have been. And then I see the side passenger door open and I see Sophie get out and my stomach just dropped, and I was so confused, and I was like, to the girl's wait, why is Sophie here?
I'm so confused. This is a work trip.
And I was really confused because it had only been a week or so before that that Sophie had been in Japan with her partner. So they had been away over like the New Year's period or whatever Christmas, and so that was the last thing I saw sort of on social media of her, and I had missage how to be like, you know, let me know when you're back, you can meet up black ketch up, and you know, she had said to me, you.
Know, she's sorry to hear about Tom and I. So I was really confused because I was like, she was just away with her partner, What on earth is going on.
I like sort of walked over to them and I was like hey, and she sort of came up and gave me a hug, and I was like, what's going on? What are you guys doing down here? And then Tom was like, oh, you just came down for the night, just camping, you know. I like saw like my gray mattress in the back of the car. I was like, are you guys here together, and he just looked at me and I was like, are you guys together now? And he was just like, yeah, we are. And I
was just in shock. I didn't even say anything. I just looked at him and then walked away and went to the girls, and I was like, we've got to go, and I went all faint and limp, and I was just yeah, I was beside myself. I was so so upset and just so confused. My friend drove me back to her and I put flight home for a few days, back to New Zealand. I'm done, like I'm not. I can't do this, Like I'm not strong enough to handle
this on my own. I need to go home and be with my friends and my family, and I don't know if I'll ever come back. It all makes sense now, like it all just completely makes sense. The uber situation makes so much more sense because it was from her area. Like of course, it all made sense. Why he never told me about the first one. I think he just never even really felt proper guilt about it. I think he can just do that and sort of keep moving on.
I messaged him. It was a long message.
It was basically I knew something was up. I knew you were cheating on me, and you deny and I denied, and I never thought it'd be her. You stayed over
at her house when we were together. She was always there, and I thought I had a friendship with this girl, and I trusted you around her, and I trusted her around you, and I just trusted both of you, and this whole time, like it all makes sense that things were going on, And of course I wanted to know, like how long this had been going on for and when.
Did it start? But I also was just like, it doesn't even matter at this point.
I didn't want to have any conversation with him.
I didn't need any closure from.
The situation because I just knew that whatever he told me was just going to make him feel less guilty, and it's also going to make he's going to spin it however he wants to spin it and make it sound better than what it was.
And how do I know that.
Anything he's saying is even the truth anyway, Like, let's be real, he's not going to admit anything now.
I went home and back in New Zealand.
I went home for about like eight weeks or something, and I was, yeah, lack a shallow myself. I was not myself and just very lost and just so her.
I've only ever been.
So supportive and loyal, and I've never ever done anything like that. So I just couldn't comprehend somebody doing that to me and then in the same breath, you know, coming home and saying you know how much they love me and talking about the future and all that stuff, and you know, I'd moved countries for this person, and
they just completely betrayed me. I was thinking about all those times that we spent together on a Friday night after work, every time we hung out outside of that and you know, sat there and talked about our relationships. She saw Tom and I together, and she knew how much I cared for him, And to think that all those times that we were together and chatting, and to know that there was something deeper going on there and that they had something going on and I just wasn't
privy to it. It's actually wild to me that two people could be so nice to you and especially for her, and then also go home with my boyfriend. My whole thought process was, why wouldn't he want to break up? I was the one, you know that was really I wanted to walk away. I was willing. He had such an easy out if they you know, if he loved this girl and wanted to be with her, he had the easiest out, because you know, I tried multiple occasions to break up with him, but he was adamant that
he didn't want to break up. So that's what was confusing me, is why weren't you willing to leave your current partners for each other? And like, why weren't you you know, like were they having these conversations.
I don't know.
I wouldn't be surprised if he'd told her, was telling her now that he was the one that broke up with me for her. I did reach out to Sophie afterwards. I just sent her a message. I honestly wasn't even going to bother calling or anything. I just said to her, like, you know, I honestly just am so shocked and her I thought we were friends and spoke to you about being cheated on. What had it happened in New Zealand?
And to think all those times I'd been so welcoming with you and trusted my boyfriend to stay at your parents' house. I just was like I just can't believe it, and just how could you do.
That to me? Basically?
And then I blocked her after that because I was like, there's nothing like she could say to me either.
After spending a couple of months back at home with her family trying to grapple with all of these questions, Molly realized she didn't want to let this man defind her life and her choices anymore. She loved Australia and was making a life for herself there. She wanted to prove to herself that not everything she did need it to be about him.
I had to sort of continue to see them, like he lives not far from me, and I would purposefully go, you know, to the train station really early, or go to the supermarket at different times that I knew that he wouldn't be there. I remember one time I was at yoga and us you know, my one time of the day where I was just really being able to just you know, relax and try and not think about.
This because it was just consuming me all the time.
And I was coming out of the yoga studio and then of course I'm like waiting for the traffic to go to pull out, and they walk right in front of my car. They're on their way down to the beach. And that was like the first time that I saw them since I'd got back from New Zealand, and I had already not been sleeping or eating or you know.
I was just so.
So sad, Like I'm as sad to think how it was just the most horrible time. This was two years ago, so beginning of twenty twenty three, all of this happened. Yeah, they're still together to this day. You think time will make things easier, and I guess it does, But whenever I see them still, like it's like my whole body just completely gives way and I just feel sick and
I can't eat for the rest of the day. Like I just feel I just still feel that hurt, and I don't feel like I can trust probably the same way. And I did say that to him in my last text they sent to him, was your actions have bigger implications, Like it's not just about the hurt. I now will never be able to perceive relationships the same way. I'll never be able to trust the same way. Like I was such a trustworthy person, never seeking guest anyone because
I just couldn't imagine ever doing that to somebody. So now to like know that someone can be so loving and such a good partner and all these things, and then also in the same breath they can be doing these other things whenever I do bump into them. Not that we would ever say hello or anything like that, but it literally happened last weekend down at the same place.
And yeah, the audacity of it though. For example, this is two years on and I'm down at the same place that I saw them the first time, and everything unfolded and I was literally getting ready for a surf and getting my board off the roof and I was like on top of the roof and I look down and I see Sophie and I my heart just dropped.
I was just like, oh my god, no, I'm be doing this right now.
And then of course she looks up and sees me, and then I see him walk over and put his arm around her there you know, all the fictionate and She's rubbing his.
Back and I was just like, oh God.
And then we all left and went to another beach because I was I can't be here like around them,
and I went to another beach to escape them. And when we got to the other beach was sort of around the bay, and I was just I'd suited up and I was ready to go out for a surf, like finally after a couple breakdowns later, and I was waiting for my sunblock to dry, and I look over and they've just appeared on the beach next to us, and they've obviously paddled around and they've come and they're sitting down, and I was just like, you've got to be kidding me, like and I.
Was just like, oh my god.
And then they had to walk past, and it was just like, yeah, I don't think it'll ever get easier to see them.
But in hindsight, even though she wished so many times it didn't happen, the one thing Molly thinks did actually make it easier was the fact that Tom had cheated and lied about it before.
It would have been a lot harder for me because I would have really felt a lot more pain, like a lot more hurt and a lot more feelings were involved. But I think because of the whole cheating that had happened the first time, I just knew I probably wouldn't have left the relationship when I did, like I would have just stuck it out because I probably wouldn't have clocked on as you know, as I did, but because it had happened a time before, I just knew this
is all of my fears confirmed. That these people just don't change and they'll continue to do that. I would say that it took me at least like a year to feel okay again mentally. And I think the first year, you know, I went traveling and all these things, but I still thought about it a lot, like it was still a still upset me a lot. I was so close to moving home, but at that point I'd sort of made these friendships.
And I guess being single does that.
I feel like this last year, I think I've been like the happiest I've ever felt, just on my own. Just honestly, at the time, you feel like you just cannot leave a situation because you feel like there is just nothing else out there for you and you're going to be so lost without them. But if I can do it in another country away from my family and not many friends here and nowhere to go and no bed to sleep on, people can do it, And like it's so hard, but it's so worth it to get to this.
Point where you're just on your own. I feel like I'm at a point where I'm so happy on my own that I don't need anyone.
But if you know, someone comes along and it feels like the right person, then one hundred percent.
But for now, I'm just I've got.
Some travel plans and I'm really excited to just go and see more of the world on my own, do some solo traveling, and I'm just super excited for all of that.
And who knows who held me along the way, But yeah, for now, I'm very very happy filling up my own cup.
I know that it might have changed the way that I trust now, but I think that that's just because I haven't met the right person yet.
Everyone Has an Ex is a Minti Media production and proudly part of the Mum and mea network. It's written and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott. If you like We've heard, support the podcast by hitting subscribe,
writing a review, and leaving us five stars. You can also follow us on Instagram and Everyone has an X And if you have a story you'd like to share, you can contact us that Everyone has an Ex at Minti media dot com dot you, or submissions at mamamea dot com dot you with the word submission in the subject field.
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