Killer Instinct

he'll take care of your sort of thing. I was still pretty much going out partying and having fun, and he was at some of the parties and hey would be like, he gave me his jumper because I was cold, and hey, he didn't have a jumper for the whole night and it was a cold night, and things like that. He took me out on a date and he brought roses.

Kind of blown away by that. We went to the movies, I think, and he brought like the movie ticket for me without asking, and that had never really happened to me before. So I was like, oh, you know, that's so nice, and yeah, you know, it was just really stayed really sweet. He wasn't the normal type of person that I would date. He seemed a little bit nerdy, and yeah, just seemed sweet. He wasn't in the thick of it, if you know what I mean. At parties

and stuff. He was sort of just in the background the best way I can describe it. But like if he did anything, he was kind of quiet. But if he did anything, it would be like he would jump in and buy someone to drink and they didn't even ask, or you know, if he went to a party, he would just buy a cart and for everyone nobody had asked. He would come pick me up in his car and you know, hey would take me out and he refused

to let me pay for anything. We went to like a market and he saw me looking at something and he just brought it, didn't as just brought it for me. See, Yeah, I was sort of blown away because I'd always gone halves in every other relationship or in some of the relationships, like I was buying stuff for the guy because we were all quite young and so some of the guys was dating were still like doing apprenticeships and stuff. So yeah, I was just sort of I'd never been treated like that before.

so like he would just get along with everyone. Because obviously a lot of my friends were still friends with my ex at the time, and our whole friendship group we're all friends with each other. But yeah, so a lot of I was a bit worried how that would go. But it was fine. Everyone was fine, so, you know, it just seemed easy and that sort of regard. So we lived in Queensland, and we used to go like out full driving a lot and camping and stuff. So

that was really enjoyable. And both his set of friends and my set of friends were into that, so that

was good because we kind of all integrated. And then more friendship sort of sprouted off that I lived out of home and he didn't, and I'd been living on my own for years and Hayde never moved out and he wanted to move out, and so he moved in with me within six months, and my roommate I thought that was quite quick at the time, but then I was like, oh, you know, it's obviously just the right thing, Like it's the right relationship. That's why it's happening so quick,

and that's why it feels right. It wasn't just the two of us, it was a house full of roommates as well, so yeah, but that I remember saying, like, oh, well, you know, I would never have done that normally, but it just feels right. It was fun because it was a big party house. You know, we're in our twenties. We're all drinking all the time and partying and going camping and for driving, and we lived out in the country, so it was just this big group of friends always around.

We were like a couple, but we were in this big friendship group and there was always people around. And we lived with a bunch of people. So we did all these activities and they were fun and we enjoyed it, and we were always out somewhere or doing something, but there was always other people around.

I thought we're going to get in here. You know, you're so young, you don't realize how hard it is to renovate a house, but you know, you think, oh, you're going to jump in there and renovate it and it's going to be great, and you know, just really it was only a small little house. But I remember sitting in there with our friends after we moved in, like eating pizza on the floor. We had no furniture, you know, we had a couple of things. You're thinking

about how big the house was. It's tiny, but you know, I just remember like, oh, wow, this is our sort of feeling. We moved in and straight away I painted the house and we did a little rental of the kitchen and all this sort of stuff. So I was just really really excited, yeah, to make it our own little house and make all our little memories there. And I wanted to like start traditions and stuff. You know,

we brought a house together. We were pretty serious. Probably the next step was getting engaged and having kids and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, just I think what society expects of you is just kind of what we were going along with.

but I was very defensive of him. There was like an incident where I had a friend give me a heads up that he had been sharing naked photos of me that he'd taken without my consent. Yeah, and so when I confronted him, he just sort of like laughed it off and was like, oh, the boys found him on my phone and they just thought you looked really

hot and it wasn't a big deal. So my roommate, seeing how upset I was, had pulled him aside and yeah, just things like that and just kind of acted like it wasn't his fault when I found out I was really upset, like I was really angry. And that was actually probably only six months after we started living together at that point, but he just said, oh, you know, I took them while you were asleep because you look

so hot and you look so beautiful. And I didn't realize that the boys had my phone and they shared them around, and you know, I told them off and I don't know why you're so upset sort of thing, like, you know, I only took them because you looked so good, and just yeah, sort of dismissed and made me feel like I was overreacting. You know. I'd make excuses for him a lot, like, you know, he just doesn't understand.

He's not great with emotions, but he's a really nice guy, because you know, he'd come back and he'd have a bunch of flowers, or he'd write me a note saying that he was sorry. You know, you think, oh, you know, maybe I overreacted, or you know, he was with his mates and he didn't want to look like a woofs in front of his mates. Yeah, so when we moved into our house, that started to get worse. Just a few things that had happened where he'd been really disrespectful.

He was like, well, you don't earn as much money as me, so you need to do all the cooking and cleaning essentially, but I was working full time, and look, he did earn a fair bit more than me at that point. He's probably on double what I was on. So in my mind, I was like, well, that just makes sense because my mum did all the cooking and cleaning.

But then like, I would cook the meal for him and he wouldn't come home, but he wouldn't text me, and I'd be like, hey, dinner's ready, and no response, no respons Hours later, he'd come home and he'd had takeaway from dinner because he'd gone to the pub with his mates or something, and I'd obviously be upset because I'd made him a meal. It's a disrespect thing, isn't it. It's like you don't value me enough to just say, hey, babe, I'm not going to come home straight away. I probably

won't need dinner. That was very common. He allowed one of his mates be really disrespectful to me and to some of my friends. And I can't really say aloud because his mate was doing that. He can't control his friend's behavior, but he could control the way that he reacted to it, and he would just let it happen.

And that upset a lot of my friends, so they pulled back from that part of his friendship group, and it upset me to the point where I was, I don't want to be around this person anymore because you're allowing him to be nasty to me, and he's like, just would make excuses for him. He could have just stood up and said knock it off, and that's all it would have took. So like that led to a

lot of fight. When things were really good, they were really really good and it was great and we got like a dog together and that was great and all this sort of stuff. So I think that's what kept me there, was those glimpses of that behavior, and then you know, you go through like three month four month period when everything was really really good and then it would get bad, but then it would get good again. So I looked at us, Oh, this guy has some issues,

but we'll work through it together. Nobody's perfect, and why would you just quit on someone if they're got these issues. To me, I was like, that's not what a relationship is. You work with each other and you grow together and you support that person.

I'm off to hang out with the boys. And I went and hung out with the girls and they were like, why aren't you with him? And I was like, oh, you know, we've got a birthday party to go to. But yeah, I thought thinking back and my why didn't he just come to the party with me? You know, But that was normal. I think it become so normal for him to do stuff like that that I just thought that that was normal. It was a good wedding. It was massive, hundreds of people because he's from like

a background where family is like a big thing. It was a really great day, had lots of fun. You know, I couldn't stop smiling but even on the wedding day, like there was behavior that people noticed that They were like, we all got pretty drunk, like, you know, towards the end, and then we did our dance late, and because neither of us knows how to dance, so we were like, oh, we'll leave it till last minute, so no one notices because they had something to drink. That was the game plan.

And then we get to it and he's just grabbing my ass really hard, and I was like, oh whatever, you know, a bit cheeky, and I kept telling him, you need to stop. Everyone's watching us, photographer, your video people, you know, and he just kept doing it. But it was like hurting with how hard he was grabbing it. And my friends did notice that and they were like, that was a bit shit for him to do that.

You got all your family and everyone there and he's just grabbing your ass and acting like an idiot, you know, taking it too far. But I mean, other than that, it was great. Yeah, we had a really, really, really fun time.

we just became really close. So she was actually in our wedding party and gave a speech on the night and just you know, thanked me for you know, being such a good friend. And you know, she didn't know anyone when she moved here. She'd told me she'd been having issues with her partner for a good couple of years, two three years, and had been wanting to leave him, and I felt like it was coming to a head,

and she seemed really unhappy. And she lived fair distance from us as well, So I was worried because I felt like she was so isolated and she didn't have anyone. She'd really pulled back from anyone else, and so I had said to Ted, do you mind if she moves in with us? I think her and her partner are going to break up? And he was just indifferent. He was like, yeah, whatever. So she never moved in. She never took us up on that. She was still with

her partner. I'm not the kind of person who get involved. I didn't think it was my place. I just let her know that she had somewhere to go. She needed to go somewhere. She was unhappy at a job as well, and there was a job coming up at Ted's work that I thought she'd be really good for, so I suggested that she apply for it. And I had said to her, you can move in with us if you leave your partner. Yeah. She applied for the job, She got the job, and we started hanging out more and

that was really really fun. And it was a little bit selfish for me, really because I wanted her closer because we were good friends. So it was really fun. We'd hang out, heapes se her all the time, and she was in a better job, she was making more money. That was great, and the marriage at this time we were happy. I'd say we were happy. He wasn't really pulling all the old stuff that he used to do.

Occasionally would, but I mean he'd still I'd clean the whole house and he'd come home and be like, we didn't get to this, you know, he'd find the one thing I didn't get to and yeah, and there've been like instances where he'd got like really drunk and like pushed me. It wasn't like every week, it wasn't even every month, wasn't even every other month. Like it was really sporadic. So I was just like, you know, he just got really drunk and he won't get that drunk

again sort of thing. You know. I thought it was fine. I thought that that was you know, a normal relationship and you don't talk about that stuff. We had talked about kids, and we were just whatever happened happened. And I'd had like a few miscarriages and fertility issues that I ended up in hospital for one of them. So yeah, you know, we just had had that chat that if it didn't happen, he wasn't fussed, and I wasn't fussed. He just seemed indifferent. When I went to the hospital,

I was really upset. I actually got the priest out at the hospital to talk to me because I was so upset and he just seemed indifferent, and even for the follow up appointments after he wouldn't take time for it to take me to them, so I ended up having friends take me to those appointments and family. I just thought at the time that it was difficult for

him and he didn't know how to express it. So I just gave him a pass on that, and in saying that, I just joke about it, Like I used dark humor for everything, so we would just joke about it, you know how a couple of friends reach out and I just said, oh, you know, it's fine, like it is what it is, it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be sort of thing, and just joked about it. So that's sort of how I deal with things.

oh that's Gypsy. They work together, you know. But I was like, why are they going to the pub without me? So I asked him about it. He's like, oh, it was just one beer. By the time he got out there, we would have been one and done fair enough, you know. And I did ask her about it, and she would put it on him. She'd be like, yeah, it was weird because I asked him why did he invite you out? And he'd said, like you were busy or you know. I did ask where you were and he said you

couldn't come, and things like that. I'm getting annoyed at him and her for not including me, but I'm not. My brain didn't go anywhere else. She knew the troubles with a lot of what we've been through, so she knew the stuff that he'd done. I was like, there's no way that she would do that to me. I

was like, he's a bit sleazy. I could see him trying, but not with her, like they've known each other over ten years, Like there's nothing there, you know, like she never ever found him attractive, Like you know, she'd make jokes and stuff to his detriment, you know, while we're all friends, and couldn't understand why I put up with him and things like that. So I just didn't see it as being a possibility.

was like, yep, okay. Because he'd never really come in with me to hospital before anyway, I thought that was normal. So I walked myself into an emergency, but I didn't assist that burst and ended up with internal bleeding.

Got out of hospital and he had like a work function that he wanted to go to, and I wasn't meant to be driving because the drugs I was on, but he was winging because he would have to get an uber and blah blah blah, So I not driving him there, and she was there and she sent me a message and said, are you going to come in for a drink and I said, no, I really don't

feel well. That night, I woke up at like twelve in pain, and I was like, oh, you know he'll be home soon because it's twelve o'clock and they're in the city, so you know he's probably gone out to nightclubs and stuff, and you know they close around two am, so if he's not home by like three am, then I'm worry. Gets to three and he's not answering his phone, he's not answering his text. I messaged her around like six or something, and I was like, what happened? Because

is he with someone? You know, you're my best friend. You have to tell me if something's going on. And she's like, oh, that's so weird. Like no, he went home and I went home and I don't know what's going on. I was like, Okay, something's happening. He's not come home and then he get hold of me until late in the morning and he's like, oh, I just decided to walk home because you know, I wanted to go for a walk. So then he comes in with

like flowers and stuff, and it's like, what's going on on? Nothing, I just you know, I just got really drunk and decided to go for a walks whatever. A week later, he told me that he wasn't sure about our marriage anymore and he didn't know what he wanted. Kind of made it sound like he was having a midlife crisis. So I was like, well, we can go to counseling and we can do this, and do you want to buy a new fool drive? Do you want to go on a trip? Like what do you want to do?

We'll do it. And then Hey just said, oh no, I think I want a divorce. And I was like, I don't understand. Is it the kids thing? And he's like, oh yeah, yeah, it's the kids thing, like you can't have kids. And I was like, well, we haven't even looked at options of trying, like we can try, and he's like, nah, no, you know I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore. I was devastated. I was absolutely devastated, and you know, I just thought like I'm stuffed, Like it's a housing crisis. I was

off sick from work, I wasn't earning any money. I just got out of hospital. The next day. I got all these notifications that any money that he was putting into the bills under my name had been all the direct debits had been stopped like the next day, and I'm like, we haven't even decided what we're doing yet, Like you're saying you're feeling like this and that's fine, and let's talk about it and let's try and work it out, because I don't just want to throw this

away because you're unsure in yourself. Because he wasn't saying like I hate you and I don't want to be with you, and he was saying that he just felt like something was missing and he wasn't sure what it was. So you know, my mind instantly went to the kids thing, because you know, our friends are staying it have families and we're not. And I'd just been in hospital with fertility issues, so maybe that's the issue. So that's sort

of where my brain went. I wanted us to go to counseling, and during this time, like I'm trying to figure it out. I'm trying to figure out what we're

going to do. Because I even said to him, like, because he'd been talking about buying an investment property, I was like, do you want to buy an investment property and do like a trial separation, and then one of us will take that and one of us will keep this doesn't work out, I don't want to just throw in the towel, like I love you, I love our family, I love you. I was very close to his family,

so you know that was devastating to me. So yeah, I was just I don't want to just throw this away if you're just having a midlife crisis, which is kind of what he was saying he was having because he's saying, oh, no, I love you, I just want out, and then it changed to her, I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

social meetup with a bunch of really awesome girls. I was going there, and because we're out in the country, we have like big road trains, and to avoid them, I went the backway which went past one of these pubs, and I saw both their cars at this pub, and so I just took a photo and I messaged her and I said, hey, how are you? You know because she told me she was going to go shopping for something. I said, how the shopping go? Oh? I didn't go. I just went straight home and went to bed. I

was so tired. I was okay, so said to the picture. I said, well, I drove past the pub and you're there with him. Oh, I only went for one. You know. He felt sad and I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to upset you. And I was like, well, I'm the one you know that he's broken up with. I need you. You're my friend. Why he's spending so much time with him? She's like, well, I work with him. And I was like, that's fine. You can work with him, you can be friends, but I need you right now.

So he organized to catch up, and during that time, I'd also organize counseling with him, and I had started to think that maybe something had happened, like a drunken kiss or something, and that Hayard ended it because he felt bad and she didn't want to tell me because she felt bad, And I was like, if that's happened, I want to know, because it's going to affect my friendship with her. At that point, I felt like our

relationship could recover from that. But I also I just wanted to go to counseling because I felt like maybe that would be like a safe space for him to admit that, because it was just important to me that I knew the truth of why my marriage had just suddenly ended. So he went to counseling and her was just nasty and and different. I could see it, like on the counselor's face. He was like, he just said, like,

this is not a relationship that's going to recover. I actually message a few divorced friends who had managed to keep the same friendship group, said how did you do it? You know, I suspect something might be gone going on. I know, actually caught up with one of them for coffee just chatted about it because that to me, it was really important because we had a really close knit friendship group and I was really worried how it was going to affect them because no one knew yet. Yeah,

I was just trying to figure out. We had some dogs, so I was like trying to figure out how we want to share custody of the dogs. Like in my brain, we were going to like do weekend drop offs and stuff, and that's where I was going, like how do we

make this work? But also I was in panic mode because I just spent over ten years with this guy, with him telling me that I was never going to be any good financially, that I had a dead end job, that I was never you know, he'd say those things were like you should have got a better education when you left school, and you should have done this, and you know, you don't earn enough for money, and just

things like that. I mean, when we did look at having kids, he told me I had to give all the money to him and he would give me an allowance because I spent too much money, and that I would just use a kid to stay at home and not work, which is really really like one having a kid I feel like is work. And two, I grew up with a single mom for most of my life, so that just didn't compute with me. It's like, you go to work even if you have kids, like you

just do it. Even when I got back from the hospital, he was like, oh, I know this really affected you, but you wouldn't have been a great mum. I was just in this mode of like, how am I going to survive on my own? And at the same time talking to Gypsy and she's like, well, maybe we can get a rental together, you know, and I was like, yeah, we could do that. That'd be great. You know. I was trying to make the best of it. So I was like, we'll be two single girls out in the town, like,

we'll have a great time. So we went to this counseling thing and I'd organized to catch up with her that day and so we went to a pub and you know, she's like, how did it go? And I said, oh, it's over, Like it's definitely over. And during that counseling session, i'd actually said, are you having an affair with Gypsy? And he'd said, I've had an emotional affair with her, but she doesn't know about it, and I was like, okay, you know, he's obviously into her, and she's got no idea.

So I told her, look, he said he's having an emotional affair with you. And I said to her face, like, if you're together, or you want to be together, we're not going to be friends. Like it's just not going to I'm not going to be able to get over that, So you need to tell me now. But whatever you tell me now, I will believe you and we'll move on.

And she's like, no, I had no idea. And you know, I thought he was like, you know, a bit flirty with me, but I have been flirting back, and I'm so mad at him, and I'm going to have a goal at him. And I was like, you don't have to have a go at him. Just don't encourage him. I said, if you're hanging out with him one on one and he's got the wrong idea, then you're encouraging him. So you just need to have that conversation with him. And she's like, oh, yeah, I will, And I was like,

that's fine, I believe you. Like let's move on, Let's have a great night, because this, you know, this is a really important friendship to me. Anyway, we went out, he had a great night, and I said, come back to mine for some drinks and she's like, oh, I said, he's not going to be there because he had just been since he' that he wanted out. He was just going out for days at a time and not coming back. And I was just like, okay, I guess it's awkward.

So she came over and we were drinking, and normally she would stay at the night if you know, we were on the piss and she's like, oh, I'm going to go now, and I was like, no, you too drunk, Like we were both drunk, and she's like no, no, no, I haven't had that much. It's you that's been drinking. I've been keeping an eye on things because I have to drive. I was like, are you sure you're right. She's like yeah. I was like okay, well text me

when you get home. She left, and I remember feeling really really lonely at that point because I was like, oh, I'm getting divorced. It's just yeah. I just felt really sad, but I went to bed. I had like plans to catch up with friends the next day and they didn't know yet, so I actually told them that day and they were really shocked. But it is what it is, and we're going to try and make the best of it,

and I don't want you to pick side. During the day, I see in news report and it's the description of Gypsy's car, a female her age that has hit and killed a cyclist. So I messaged her. I'm like, are you okay to get home? All right? Because she never messaged, don't get a response, messaged her again, I'm like, hey, like, I'm just like a bit freaked out. I've seen this news report. She had a distinctive car, so it went many a round and you know, you okay, She's like

came back. So then I was like, showed my friends the news report and they're like, that's her car, and I'm like, it is her car, isn't it. So I ended up messaging her mum because I was quite close to her family, and her mom said, yep, she's been on an accident. She's okay, I'll let her know. And then she's messaged me from a different number because the police had taken her phone and said, you know, I was in this awfulax. So I don't want to talk about it, and I was just like, my brain's like,

she's going to jail. I went back through the photos from the night and I was like, we were drunk, Like she should have stayed. I just feel so bad for her. I'm telling her like, you know, you're a good person. I'll be here for you. But in the back of my brain, I'm like, I'm gonna be visiting her in a cell in like a year's time. Her life's over. She's killed someone. It's a rural community, it's tight knit,

people are fighting out, they're recognizing her car. She didn't know what had been on the news, so I mentioned that to her and yeah, it was bad. So then I was like, I need to root my ex because he's obviously into her, but also he's her friend and he needs to know. Haven't seen him for days and ring him and he it'swer the phone and I'm like, where are you because it was weird and echo He's like, Oh, I'm at a hotel. Like why are you at a hotel? He's like, Oh, I had a work function and I

just decided to stay at a hotel easier. I talked to him about it and he's like, oh, you know, we just need a support her as best as we can. And I was like, yep, yep, and I'm asking her, like texting her at the same time. And then later on find out that they were at that hotel together. He he's an idiot and didn't realize that his uber account was connected to my email, so I got the receipt of their meal in my inbox. So I just thought, you know what, I'm just going to message her, said, Hi,

is ted with you? She's like, oh yeah, he just came to check on me and we just ended up, you know, going out. Three days after she killed this cyclist, she was at a pub and I was like, in disbelief. I've had enough. So I messaged her ex partner and I said, are they having an affair? And he's like yes, I can't believe they would do this to us.

everybody knows everyone, and everybody knows everyone's business. But I just didn't want to see it because those are two of the people that I cared about the most, and they've just done this horrific thing. So then I messaged him and I said, I know she's told me, her ex has told me. We need to talk about this. He didn't come home for a couple of days, and I obviously knew at that point that he was with her, because I had started talking to her ex partner and

he's like, she's not here, and I was like cool. So, you know, he came home and I was just like, she was my best friend. How could you do this. It's like, oh, we didn't want to tell you because we didn't want to hurt you, And I'm like, no, you didn't want to tell me because you knew you were doing the wrong thing. Why couldn't you have at least been honest. And I just said to him, she's going to end up ruining your life, like, this girl's

going to jail. At that point, the police had been in contact with me because they knew I was the last person with her, and I just said, here's all the texts that she sent me afterwards. Someone's died. She was drunk. I was drunk. I asked her to stay. Here's the text proving that. Here's the photos that we'd taken that night. And you know, I had actually said to the cop, I think she's having an affair with my husband, and he said, yeah, I did see that.

I'm really sorry about that. So the cops had confirmed it as well. So I told him, like, I've talked to the police. You know, this girl's going to jail. Don't ruin your life over her. And I still cared about him. I didn't. He said, oh, you know, don't tell anyone about this, and I said, I'm not going to lie. You need to be a big boy, you know, and face what you've done. And a couple of friends, I think at that point, had already started to click

on to it. Anyway, it wasn't a good relationship, but it came out of the blue, and so everyone was very shocked and was like, something's happened, something's happened for this to occur. And the way that he was just acting fine about it, Like one of my friends tried to talk to him about it and he told her, oh, you know, I love I love her, but I am million in love with her. But he was just indifferent. And they're like, this guy seems fine. How is he

so fine? And one of my good guy mates who was also used to be his mate, was late, is because he's moved on at he's got another girl. That's why it's fine, and he's already ended it in his head and moved on. He actually asked him about it, and he was like, oh, I didn't sleep with her till after I ended the relationship, you know, And if that's your answer, you know, if that's the best answer you can give, Like, that's not a good answer regardless.

At this point, we're thinking, you know, she might be charged with murdering someone or killing someone or manslaughter or something, and hey, he's worried. You know that people are going to judge him for having an affair. Also during that time, her car was obviously written off. Suddenly a new car turns up in our driveway. Obviously, when I found out, I was like, I don't want her coming around the house. Let's get this sorted as quick as possible. I don't

want to be in here with you. You don't want to be in here with me. Let's just get it sorted. But I did say to him, I'm not I'm not going to lie for you, and he didn't take that well. So, you know, he just started being nasty and I was trying to avoid him and he was trying to avoid me. And we were in separate rooms by that point. We had like a doorbell camera, and I'd seen he was downloading conversations because I was talking to my sister a lot on the phone and I'd been talking to her

as i'd come in the house, and he downloaded. It gave me an alert, and I was like, look, that conversation wasn't it wasn't private, Like I was nothing I hadn't chatted to him about already. But I was like, that's weird. I'd said, look, I'm spoken to a lawyer and this is what I think, And he didn't want me to go see a lawyer. Later found out he already had a lawyer, but he was sending messages trying

to convince me not to go to a lawyer. And then he sent me these messages saying like, oh, you know, I remember you used to be abusive to me. I was like, what do you want about? I was like, you know what, I don't even want to be with you anymore, Like you were accusing me of things that basically you were doing to me. And he didn't know, but I had photos and stuff from years were things that had happened squirreled away. So I was like, what do you want to just ignored it? Just weird things

and just looking back. He was trying to set me up to say something, but I wasn't biting, and he's muttering things under his breath like oh, she's a better route than you, and stuff, just trying to get me to get angry. So again, you know, i'd gone outside at that point. He came outside started cooking his dinner out in the barbecue, so I went back inside. Then he comes back inside and he's just pecking away, just trying to get me to react, and he's like, you're

still walking and I was like, I'm not stalking. He's like, you've got a stalking group talking about the girls social club group. And I was like, if my friends are at a pub and they see you out, that's not stalking. It's a small town. People are going to talk, you know. If you're an idiot to go to all the pub then people are going to see you. But what he was trying to do was trying to get me to buy it and say that yes, I am stalking and stuff.

He was trying to get a reaction. I even send out like a message to a bunch of people like I don't want you to hate him, like he's done what he's done and he's going to have to deal with those consequences. But I don't want you to just hate him because I was I don't know why. I just felt bad, Like you know, I didn't want to

have a whole friendship group torn apart. Anyway. One morning, there's a card in the door from the police asking me to go down to talk to them, and I just figured they wanted a formal statement in relation to it was only a couple of weeks after what had happened, I went to the police station and they throw two restraining orders at me. He and her had gone and got restraining orders against me. I didn't understand how restraining orders work, so I'm like, how has this happened? Like

I haven't done anything. I was really upset, like I was crying hysterically because I was like, my dogs are there, like they're my babies, My horses are there, like all my animals are there and I can't. He's saying, like you can't go there. They are all not even with the police escort. I had my medication from the hospital there, but I wasn't supposed to stop, so I just was homeless. I had my clothes and my wallet and yeah, just instantly like I was like what, like how is this even leakal.

So he'd already like it was all these steps ahead, and I just thought like, oh, that's weird. You know, I wasn't there yet because I was still coming to terms the fact that we were breaking up. I couldn't go, hey, I can't go there. Can you go there? That would be a breach of the order. I couldn't get anyone to do anything on my behalf. I had to get lawyers involved. So I had to pay for lawyers to get involved, because the only other way I would have been able to do that is like go to court

and wait for a court day. So I had to get lawyers involved to get that sorted. I couldn't just send a friend around finally get a court day, you know, this months later to get in there. And you know, the core system's really long drawn out and easily abused. We went in for this thing. I was like, can we just get rid of it? Because all the things that he had said, Like he said I didn't pay any money into the mortgage, which wasn't true. I had

proof that it was. You know. I had text messages asked, hey, what's the mortgage account details? So you know, I had all this stuff, you know, And then he'd said like I was talking him and I was like, well, I have all these people that are going to come forward and say no, we just saw them out. We told her about it and all these things. I found out when he'd picked that fight with me that he'd actually

secretly filmed me, which is illegal. You can't film someone in their home without their consent, but he was obviously just trying to He'd said that that was his evidence. It's bad enough they found out that he's had an affair, but now he's done this, And it was just so cowardly, like, well, you're so worried that it's getting out that you're having an affair that you're going to try to shut me

up with a training order. I couldn't believe that you could just go in, say someone's abusing me and get given an order that makes them homeless with no proof. It's a system that's designed to protect people really quickly, but it opens it up to being used to abuse people. Yeah, and it's apparently. My lawyers were like, oh, yeah, this happens all the time, especially in divorces, because it gives someone the power to all the assets and then find

out that she's moved in. And so he's fighting really hard because we go to this court hearing and you know, I thought we would just be able to present all this evidence and they would get rid of it. Doesn't work that way. We have to ask for a variation and we have to wait for trial for it to go away. So they actually made a variation for me to go there to the house, which he obviously wasn't happy about, and he would just make it so difficult.

And you know, the first time I tried to go there, he was just making all these rules and stuff, and my lawyer's talking to him and he's like, the magistrates ordered this. You're disobeying a court order, you know, because he's saying he wants to be there, and I was like, I don't want to go near him. Like he's trying to engage me in a conflict. I don't want to go there when he's there. So the first time I couldn't go. Then he's like, I want to be able to film her when she goes there, and I want

to have a person there at all times. And he kept nominating like gypsies, family members, and he would make it so difficult for me to go to the house and I still couldn't take like I had nothing. I was staying with friends, but I couldn't stay like I was in a room. I couldn't stay there long term. I felt really awful because I'm putting them in the middle of this, and I don't want them to be

in the middle of this. But he's every time I would pick someone, he'd find a reason that he didn't like them, so then I'd have to pick another person. And it was just horrific, and I'm like, I remember the first time I went to court, my lawyers like don't look at him, and I couldn't help, but like, sneek, you look at because I'm like, how are you doing this to me? Like I care about you and I

was defending you even when you'd had an affair. I'm saying that people don't hate him like you know, he's going to have to deal with what he's done. And you've done this just because you're too cowardly to admit to you having an affair.

of someone that's afraid. You know. During all this, he's sending me emails, Hey, your work stuff's here, When are you going to come get it? One of the pets has died. I'm home all day. Do you want to come and get your stuff that I know you need for work? So he was trying to entice the breach.

He was very big on his like good guy image and that was about to get trashed, but in getting restraining order, he trashed it even more than I ever possibly could have because people were shocked, and I think at first people didn't want to pick sides. But you know, actions speak louder than words, and something I noticed he would always say the right thing, but the actions he did were completely different. So he might say one thing,

but the things he was doing. My friends are seeing me distraught, you know, upset, crying, and he's out making jokes apparently on Facebook about me. How he's free TOI could do what he wants and stuff, and people like your wife's homeless. Had a friend that had like a farm with a shed on it. Must moved into the shed. I didn't have any running water, I didn't have a kitchen.

Like my friends all banded together. They made like a pump system to pump water from a water tank like a couple of ac way to the house and got me some vouchers to get closed furniture. So you know, I'm very very lucky. You know that whole time, I'm getting nasty emails from his lawyer, and you know, I'm trying to get him to disclose, and he's not disclosing.

We're just going back and forth. Like I was terrified because my lawyer is like, he's trying to get you to breach, you know, and the police will arrest you and they'll ask questions later. So you know, I'd go to the shops and I'd take a picture of my car so that if he saw my car shops and parked next to me, he couldn't say that I'd park next to him, and just things like that. I was so paranoid for so long. The trial was set for

six months away, which apparently is a quick turnaround. So with a restraining order, it's an intram order and you can object and if you object, then it goes to a it's called like a final hearing, and it's basically where you would present all your evidence and they would decide whether the order became final or if it was dismissed. So I objected, and in the meantime, we had what are they called a variance or something to the order

because he had misled the court. But in my mind, it's like, why can't I just get rid of it. I've proved that he's led on this and this and this, you know, but a variation. Sorry it's called But so I had to wait and we get days out and he just goes, you know what, I'm going to drop it. And I was so angry. So he dropped it, and I wanted me to sign like an undertaking, which is just a fancy word for a promise that is, I promise I won't go near you, promise you won't go

near me. And I was so upset, and so is my family and stuff. And the lawyers were like, look new, we knew this is this is common. Hayes got nothing, you know, because we'd ask for his evidence and he'd refused to give it to us. And I was so angry. I was like, no, I want to go to trial, like I've got all these people ready to speak, I've got all this evidence, I've got evidence that he's actually abused me. I was like, you know, I want to go in there and prove like you've accused me of

these horrible things. I want to prove it. But my lawyers were like, there's no point you're going to get to court to stand up and say he's happy to drop it, and the magistrate's going to say, why are you wasting my time? It was so frustrating that people can ruin someone else's life and not have to answer for it. Why wasn't He asked, why you withdrawing it?

You've kept it on for this long. And I couldn't just go back to the house because he changed the locks and he'd moved her in, and not that I would want to, but you know what I mean. Like, so she dropped hers like a day later, so they both dropped them before trial. Finally, a couple months later, was able to go get all my stuff, and you know, he's insisting that I'm not allowed to pack it, and I'm not allowed to touch it. He insisted on packing. So I get my stuff. It's always thrown in a heat.

A bunch of stuff's broken, and there's when I get home and I'm unpacking, there's dog shit and a threat in one of the boxes. I went to the police station. I gave them all that evidence, so like, do you want to charge plus the threat dog feces? Like do you want to And I was like no, I just

want him to live alone. It took a bit of convincing for them to get me to get a restraining order because I was like, this was this horrible thing that was done to me, and I don't want to do that to someone else, and I don't want to be that person. But they're like, you're not getting it for the wrong reasons. You're getting it for the right reasons. You know, he was using it as a sword, you're using it as a shield. So I went and got the restraining order, and you know, he got served. So

he agreed to they call like a consent order. It's basically a restraining order. It's just with no admissions. So he agreed to that. And meanwhile, I'm still trying to get the money side, like property side resolved, because I'm living in a shed until I can get this sorted. He's spending money, like there's no tomorrow out of our mortgage. They're going on holidays and stuff, and I'm like, and also, she's killed someone. So in the middle of all of this,

the whole town's pissed off. They're seeing them out, they're angry, they're talking. People coming up to me. I heard what happened to that, so you know, fuck, that's shit, Like it's bringing it up for me. I don't want to be that girl that had this horrible thing happened to them, and also the family of that poor cyclist, like they've lost someone. That's horrific, and this person's being lost in all the town gossip and chatter and stuff. So finally had to get orders to get him to settle and

manage to get that done. In the meantime, my order expires and you know, start getting nasty messages. And during this whole process as well, she goes to court and that was on the news. People are sending me the news, you know, no clip, and I'm like, yeah, I've seen it, like I know, like I feel so awful for the family. I don't want to be involved.

be with, then that's the behavior they're okay with. I don't want to be friends with you, doesn't matter how much I like you, doesn't matter how good our memories are, Like, I just need her to separate myself from that, which is hard because you know, I do have some good memories, but i've you know, cut myself off. I know that she's been abused and called out and not that I, you know, asked people to do that or anything that people were just angry, like, not only did you you

know they all saw her at the wedding. They all knew that we were friends, so they that's made them angry. I had a few people say they didn't particularly like her, but they'd never said anything, because you know, she was my friend. But I don't know if they're just saying that now to try and make me feel better. And I was like, oh, next time, tell me. But I thought she was a good person, and like, I think, honestly, she's just one of those people that can't not be

in a relationship. And I think he probably flirted with her and she flirted back and realized that she could manipulate the situation. I think she probably wanted to keep both of us around. I think depending on the way it went, because why would you keep hanging out with me and talking to me and engaging with me and even saying like, oh, we should get a rental together.

I think if he had said to her, no, I'm not going to leave her, I'm going to stay with her, they would have just both pretended it never happened and would just like kept going. It's been almost three years. Yeah, I got my little dream farm thing going, so it just got some chiks, dogs are happy. I had to do that on my own, had to pay for that on my own because I did try and reach out I don't know why I'm in it because I'm a idiot,

and try and get him to pay for half. But I thought of if you at least have to pay BAF, but he just made it so difficult. I think one of the things I realized as soon as we separated, like I see my friend's little room is like you know, a week after it happened, and I just realized, oh, I don't love him, I don't miss him. The situation's bad,

but being away from him this isn't bad. My friends have said to me like since the separation, like you've got your sparkle back, like this is how you're meant to be, or like not anxious anymore. And I try not to think about them. Obviously, it gets brought up because it's a small town and people are still mad about it. I feel sorry for them, to be honest, I feel sorry for her. She had a good friend and she treated her friend like that, and she's got

no one. She literally has no one. People are upset and angry, and I can't imagine what it would feel like to be in a room full of people that all know what you did, the worst two things that you've done, and hate you for it, and openly some of them openly hate you for it. She has to live with the fact that she killed someone. You know, he's not a catch. You know, I thought he was,

but he's not. He's not a good person. He was really nasty to me at times, and he's probably been really nasty to her now that the you know, the initial love bombing stage is over. You know, I remember seeing the disclosure and going, oh, he took me to that place, and he took me to that place and he did this, He's done the same pattern. It was crazy, you know, so I just feel sorry for she's jumped into this relationship because she can't be on her and

she's she had to be in another relationship. You had to depend on someone else, and she's with this guy. And my Auntie said, you know, the one thing that they have in common is you. I wouldn't want to be them. Some days I get really frustrated, but you know, I just laugh, just try laugh it off at this point because it doesn't really hurt anymore. You know, I just think of it as well, you know, you wanted him, you got him. Enjoy like I'm really happy, Like I'm yeah,

and where I always wanted to be back home. That's really important to me. Still got all my friends around me. They've been amazing. My sister's been absolutely amazing, the most supportive, most amazing person, and it's been there for me every single day. So I don't know how I would have got through it without her. It's actually been really freeing. He had me in this place where I thought like I couldn't do anything and I wasn't good enough to

do anything myself, and I would never make it. And I'm like, well, my dream little house, like this beautiful deck that overlooks the bush that I sit on, you know, and watch the birds and stuff. I've been dating, like casually. I was dating really nice guy for a while, but I just wasn't feeling it, so you know, that ended. But he was really lovely. Yeah, I was just happy being single at the moment. When I meet someone and they're nice and I like them and they're like me,

I'm sure something will happen. But until then, I'm not sitting there going, oh, I'm so lonely. Like I'm happy and fulfilled in myself and and my work and my hobbies. And I look back and I'm so glad that we broke up, and I feel really sorry. Like it feels like looking at a different person. I feel so sorry for the girl that I was, that I was so in love with this guy and just trying to constantly keep him happy and change herself and do all these things,

and I feel so sorry for her. It's like looking at a different person in a different life.

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