You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is recorded on when you know, you know, That's what they say, and that can even be true for some who meet as young as fifteen.
Our love was so gross that it was at the point where when one of us had just left, or we were driving in cars behind each other, following each other somewhere, but we'd call each other because we just always wanted to talk and be around. And yeah, it was just a connection that we were just meant to be. Just it never crossed my mind that I was meant to be with anybody else. I adored him from day one, and he adored me, and yeah, that was in our of ours.
But just because you've known someone for more than a decade, shared a life, a home, even a child, can you ever really know anyone.
I had people around me saying, walk out the door, change the locks, don't let him come home, and I just kept saying to them, you don't understand. This isn't him, this is not him. One minute we're in love. One minute he hates me. One minute I'm devastated. One minute we're Okay, one minute I'm answering the phone. One minute I'm not. It's just hell for everyone involved.
I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs. Come with me as we dive into a collection of unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the hearts of the very people who lived them. This story begins when Amy was a shy, little fifteen year old living in a small country town, one of those small country towns where everyone knows everyone and it's a big source of gossip and excitement when someone new comes into your orbit.
He went to boarding schools. Although we weren't at the same school, we knew of each other small country towns, and we actually played tennis together, and it just kind of happened. One day we were at a leadership conference both schools and he wandered over with his high socks on in his private school boy uniform to this shy country girl and said, I've seen you at tennis. I think that you should come to my school ball with me.
Now I'm like super shy, So I was like, no, I don't even know who you are, absolutely not, and he persisted, he said, no, I think you should come we'll have a great time. And by the time I'd left the leadership conference, I was going to this ball with this random man.
The random man was named Zam.
We were both fifteen, We're the same age, both in year eleven, and both super sporty. He is the most charismatic human being that you will ever meet. He is the life of every party. He just walked over with such swagger and just owned exactly what he was doing. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to
ask me to the ball, got what he wanted. At first I said no, and then, you know, half an hour later, because how can you say no to the man in high socks with this tie on, who's looking at you so happy, and you know, he's got strawberry blonde hair and the best smile you ever see, and just tells you exactly what you wanted to hear. And you know, by the time I'd said yes, a week later,
we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We spent weekends together when he was home from boarding school, and honestly we were inseparable for that entire year, and then the next year with year twelve, and then from then onwards we were the couple that everybody knew was going to get married. We were going to be together forever. We were the high school sweethearts. He was very athletic, I was very athletic. Interests were the same, We did the same thing. He
was a footballer, I was the netbowler. He worked on the wheat bins. I taught swimming. It's all very country slang, but we were the same person and just kind of coexisted alongside each other, and everything was so easy. There was never any arguing, constant communication, everything was happy, and it was just no doubt in my mind that this was who I was going to be with forever. We were both a little bit boring. We both didn't really
drink much. We just preferred, you know, to go to the parties one hundred percent and we would have the best time. But with our alcohol that was just kind
of our thing because we were more into exercise. I guess I just always knew that I was loved by him because we just wanted to spend time together, and you know, our weekends were together, and when we were in the country over summers, it was time spent with both families, and we just were inseparable and that's how you know that you love someone because you want to
spend all your time with them. And our love was so gross that it was at the point where when one of us had just left, or we were driving in cars behind each other, following each other somewhere, but we'd call each other because we just always wanted to talk and be around. And yeah, it was just a connection that we were just meant to be. Just it never crossed my mind that I was meant to be with anybody else so far.
It's all pretty typical for fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen year olds, especially from a country town, and the high school sweetheart cliches continued even after school.
You go one of two ways in the country or either the high school sweethearts that stay together live in the country, get married, have ten babies, or you kind of try and move to Perth together and you either grow alongside each other or you grow apart. We moved to Perth as seventeen year olds, and we immediately actually lived together pretty much. We lived between two houses from the get go, and most people probably think that that's odd,
but country people, that's normal. And it continued to work. He played semi professional football. I'm the biggest cheerleader, and it just like I say, everybody knew that we were just going to stay together. We were the couple that did everything together. Very happy times. We've moved into a rental and we are working towards building our own home. So a seven years in, we're looking to build our
first home together, looking at purchasing land. He is working away on the minds to save money and then playing country football when he's coming home. And country football that he's playing is about three hours away, so it's a you know, six hour round trip that I was doing with him every weekend alongside my career as a teacher. So we've gone through apprenticeships, we've gone through uni degrees. Everything's fine, everything's working really well. Takes a break from
semi professional football to earn more money. We go down to a country club. I go with him every week. I'm still thinking everything's fine, We're living in our rental, and then I get this gut feeling that's something is very wrong. I'm like, there's just something weird. You know. He hasn't said anything, but his behavior has changed. He's all of a sudden on his phone all the time, it's really uncommon for him. We're not communicating as much,
so immediately I've got some red flags. I'm like, something's happening here. He goes away for the weekend and then I probably did what every girl does and I'm like, I'm just going to get onto his snapchat, logged in and found out that he was having an affair with an eighteen year old from the football club, which was actually one of his teammate's girlfriends. I found words of them telling each other they loved each other, naked photos, you know, very much, an emotional connection on the phone.
That's the instant drop of the heart, Like it's what everybody doesn't want to find. You think that you're going to find it, and you want the reassurance that it's not there, so when you find it, you just feel sick. I wanted to vomit. I vividly remember going into the wardrobe, in my walking wardrobe because at the time we were living with my siblings in our Perth house, and I just walked into the wardrobe and just cried and just
couldn't come out. And it took me a while to get up the courage to actually call him and be like this is what I've found and I've said I've found out what's happened. You can tell the other partner or I will, And he spiraled out of control. And then I didn't hear from him for a month. Now remembering by this stage we've been with each other for seven years, never had any hiccups, never had any issues,
and then all of a sudden, he's just disappeared. So he came home, packed a bag, went elsewhere, switched his phone off.
Right, well, that was a short episode.
Then after a month comes back to the house, tells me the biggest mistake of his life, wants to redo, you know, really reeled me and said all of the right things. Naturally we did the redo. It was so confusing, gut wrenching for me. I have lived my whole life with this person. I don't know how to live without him. You know, I thought that we were going to be together forever and move on and have many children and be happy and be the high school sweethearts. I'm a planner.
That was in the plan. The affair with the eighteen year old was not in the plan. So then for a whole month I didn't hear from him, and I spiraled completely out of control. So I was like, what can I change about myself to make him come back and be fine? And then he did eventually come back. We had a very in depth conversation. He apologized, would never happen again. You know I said about my insecurities.
He promised things would be different. We kind of agreed, swept it under the carpet, than built house.
Okay, Okay, so let's check where we are. Amy in Sam are high school sweethearts together for seven years, living in a new city, thick as thieves, until one day Amy finds out Sam's been sleeping with someone else, but she forgives him. He moves back in. Things go back to how they were before, if not better, And now another year into the relationship, they've built a house. Got it great as you were?
Okay, So now we're eight years in with Boortland, built a house, happy days. Everything is coasting, you know, we're in our own space. We've got the dog. So we're now in the brand new house. We've got the dog. And then for my birthday, which is in November, he gives me a holiday to Thailand. Now I walked in after a day at work, happy as Larry said, hello. We were going out for dinner, and he gives me this present, tells me to pack a bag, won't give
me any other details. And then you know, a month later, we're flying to Thailand. We've done a year of growth again. I feel like we're rebuilding. We hop on the plane. He's acting all sheepish, and I'm like, what is wrong with this man? You know, we get all the way there and he rushes downstairs, leaves me in the hotel room. And you know, we do most things together. So he's like, I'm just going to go down and check out the hotel facilities. Oh, I'll come. Like, we can look at
the gym, we can look at the pool. What are we doing? Where are we going? Are we having a cocktail? He's like, no, you just stay there. He's rushed downstairs, come back up. We're going out for dinner, and he's thinking, let's go see the sunset. And I said, it's overcast outside, it's going to rain. There's no sunset tonight. Like, we'll just go out for dinner, get a drink, and then maybe we can walk into town. No, no, I really want to go and see the sunset. There's a nice
bridge out there. We can go together. It'd be romantic, and then we can go to dinner. So this man's insane. There's definitely no sunset tonight. It is almost pitch black outside. I can see the moon anyway. I'm in overalls. He gets dressed nicely and I said to him, where are we going for dinner? Should I put something nicer on? And he goes, no, you look great like you look like you. Let's go. So we're walking down to this broadwalk,
beautiful walk, passing lots of happy couples holding hands. And we got onto the broadwalk. There is no one there, no sunset obviously because it's overcast. One person on the very end of the bridge. That was it. And we walk up towards him, and he said to me, oh, I'm just going to get this man to take a photo of us. And I was like, okay, whatever, and he said, can you just give him the phone? So I turned around and said, excuse me, would you mind
taking a photo of us? And when I turned back around, he was on one knee with a ring out, and I have just lost my mind because I'm like, oh my god, this is all I've ever wanted was to marry this man, and now eight years later, it's finally happening, and we just shared a really beautiful moment where it was just the two of us on the broadbook in Thailand, no one around us, no one knew, and the man who I had given the phone to was actually a
photographer that he hired. So we have beautiful photos from a really special time. I'm crying, he's on one knee and then yeah, we stayed there probably for about an hour, just enjoying a moment just the two of us. We didn't tell any of our family until we got back, so we had, you know, a week in Thailand, just the two of us just to digest what had happened. And yeah, it was beautiful, best memories. Then went back to work and we thought, oh, we better start planning
the wedding. Set a date for two years time, and that would then be our ten year anniversary. We get to the wedding and everyone arrives at the venue that we've booked out, and we have all of our one hundred and thirty closest people staying at the same place for a festival of us. And for me, I am a highly strong think if you ask people to describe me, they would say highly strung, very organized, like quite uptight, and me at the wedding, calmest person in the whole
entire room. It just felt like this is exactly where I meant to be. This is exactly what needs to happen. And things were going wrong. My bridesmaid forgot her dress, the makeup artists messed up three of the girls makeup, and they were having meltdowns, and I was just sitting there so calm. I was like, it's fine, everything's fine. The florists couldn't put the hanging piece in, so we didn't have a hanging piece that we'd paid for. I
was like, it's fine, everything's fine. Doesn't bother me. And everyone was walking around me on the room just thinking, what is going on? She's way too calm. There is something wrong here. We do not know who she is, Like, who is this woman that we've never met? And I had one of my brides maid pull me aside and actually go are you are you okay? Are you feeling okay? It's like, this is exactly where I meant to be.
Ten years I've been with this man and now I finally get to be with him forever, and we're committing to each other. It's the commitment that I was after. And then we went on a honeymoon. Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic, and then we thought, next step, let's try for a baby. You know, we've been together for ten years, still quite young at this stage, but that's the natural progression. We've got the house, got the dog done, the wedding, baby comes next.
So here they are now ten years together, with only one hiccup. That whole time, they're both twenty five, married, living in their dream home and trying for a baby. Amy was in pure bliss.
We tried for about six months, weren't two phays that it wasn't really happening quickly, not that six months isn't quickly. And then Yeah, I can vividly remember said to him, my period is a little bit late. I feel like this might be the time, this might be the one. And did the test my mum and sister and it came back positive. Told him and I just immediately elated, so excited to be having this baby. And then Yeah,
danced out of the room, showed him. I was like, we're going to be parents, you know, celebrated together, told all of our closest people, and then waited the twelve weeks, told people we worked with. He told his footy club. They're cheering, everyone's happy, and we're just kind of coasting in the honeymoon phase until our son was born. Nine months later. I going to labor with James and my husband is at football training and he had given me a number and said, call this number if you go
into labor. So again, calmest person in the room, which is unheard of from me, so it's just a common theme. And I ring the football manager and I said, I'm Sam's wife, don't panic, but if we could just tell him that I'm at the hospital and they're saying that, you know, I'm dilated and wearing a labor and he kind of needs to get here. So they managers going oh my gosh, and runs across two opals to get
to him. And then he meets me at the hospital and it ended up being such a long labor, fourteen hours and then two hours of pushing, and Sam and the midwives were watching the Australian Open, the Women's football and the Big Bash League while I'm excruciating agony trying to get this baby out. And then you know, he was so present in the whole birth. He was helping, he was talking to me like it was hard but
special because we were doing it together. It was just him, myself and one midwife that was it in the room.
They were elated, a perfect baby boy, bringing them even closer together. What could possibly go wrong?
Immediately we were given the harsh reality check that he is a child. It is not easy, and I don't know what we were thinking was coming, but the reality of not sleeping, not being able to go out and exercise, which is, you know, inevitably what we do. I'm not at work, so I'm not getting that social communication. We're very young, so we're the only people that have a child, and we just felt lonely. Like the first few weeks were fine because we had ample visitors. It's really exciting.
Everyone wants to see us. And then as soon as my husband went back to work, I was just so overwhelmed with what parenthood is and one hundred percent I struggled massively. It was very difficult for me. I had a lot of resentment for my husband who got to go to football training, he got to go to work. His life didn't change, whereas my whole life had turned upside down. Now, I don't think that I handed it in a terrible way. Was I a bit snappy with him? Yes?
Is most sleep deprived new mothers snappy? I think so. Did I want to be intimate? Not for a few months. Again, I think this is quite normal. And it got to a stage where, you know, he sat me down and was like, what's happening here? I feel like we're at each other's And that's full credit to him, Like that was really good that he did that. He said, I can see you're struggling. What do we need to do. I said, we need to get this baby to sleep.
Once the baby sleeps, I can run. Everything will be fine. Like then at least I'll get to have my break. Anyway, we did that, got a sleep trainer in, the baby started to sleep. I straight away turned. I was like, this is amazing. My life is now back to normal. I'm loving being mum. I get to be with my son all day. Every day. I get to, you know, look after my husband. When he gets home. He's got food on the table, like food was always on the table,
washing done. I was in full housewife mode and that was my new calling because I couldn't. I was an at work teaching, so I needed to be doing something. Definitely resented for the first six months, but by then yes starting to really enjoy my role. And that's when the tables turned and rather than me struggling, it turned to my husband struggling. I started to see a few
small changes. He was going out after football, not come home, not communicating as often, and I was just like, Okay, this is maybe just how he's kind of working through his parenting journey now.
But Amy wasn't worried. She'd had her getting used to their new norm. Now it was Sam's and they had plans to look forward to. When their son was eighteen months old, they were going on their first family holiday.
So from when James turned one, we just kind of coasted for the next year. We were fine, There was no issues. We were just kind of working around each other and trying to figure out what parenting looked like. And that's when we decided we needed a holiday. So we booked Bali as a family and we jet set it off to Bali as a family of three. The holiday was great. We were only there for five days, but you know, we were out and about, we were at home when the baby was napping, we would get
one on one time together. Yeah, and then we started having conversations about having a second and we knew that it was difficult with the first one, but we were ready. We felt ready to add to our family. We thought that it was a good time to start trying. We were both on board, both happy about it, both excited, and yeah, inevitably started trying. And then when we arrived back in Perth, he wanted to go on a night out with the boys and I was kind of brought
off guard because I thought, we've just got home. We've literally just landed, Like can we not just kind of take the night to settle back in. And from there that moment when we landed back in Perth and he went out, everything unraveled with the flick of a switch. I just thought, this is just whatever, you know here, I am unpacking all of our suitcases and getting the
baby back on Perth time and sorting everything out. And yeah, he went out, and from that moment on, he went out almost every single night for six months straight like that. So he would just you know, get home from work, get dressed, go out, get home from work. Yet Jose go out, not come home from work, come home super late. Now a week in, I was like, this is such absurd behavior. I do not understand what's happening. Where is my husband? Something is really wrong here. So naturally I
get his parents involved straight away, call them. I said, you really need to come over. Sam has just driven home drunk, and he's telling me he's going to get in the car again. And I said, if he doesn't kill himself, he's going to kill someone else. And I said, it's been a week of this behavior. I don't understand what's happening. By this stage, Sam is screaming at me because I have called his parents and got them involved, and he is telling me that now because I've got
his parents involved, I've really done it. I'm going to ruin everything. And then he got his car keys walked out the front door. I've stayed inside with my son because I'm like, I can't do anything. I've tried for a whole week. My in laws followed him outside and then he got in the car and drove off. They were oblivious. They don't know what's happening, you know, they told him not to drive, but they can't control him. He's a grown man. And you know, I said, well,
I'll be talking to him in the morning. We need to work as a team here because I can feel in my gut that something is really off, so we need to work together. So here we are seven days ago in Bali, together for twelve years, high school, sweethearts, meant to be together. Everything running smoothly. We get home, we land to give a switch, different human being. A week later, we're in hell. I went in and I sat on the end of the bed and I just said,
what is going on? And hey gave me nothing. There was nothing, no communication, nothing, And I said, can we just can you at least give me something? And he said, I'm really unhappy. I feel like I've made a mistake in life and I have absolutely crumbled to the ground because again a week ago, everything's fine, We've done everything the right way. Yeah, we had one hiccup when there was an affair, but I thought we will pass that. So instantly I'm super panicked. I'm like, oh my goodness,
what is going on? And he said, I just need some time. I need some time to digest what I'm feeling and I said, well, what does time look like? Are you moving out? Like what's happening? And he said no, I'm not moving out. I've got nowhere else to go. And I said, well, do I need to go somewhere? And he said no, no, you don't need to go anywhere. And I just kind of said, take all the time you need because I am panicked and I'm looking at my husband who's acting completely out of character, and to
be completely honest with you, I'm heartbroken. I don't want to see him in distress, and I'm thinking, Okay, he's going through something. And at that stage, I'm not thinking I'm the issue. I'm not thinking he's regretting myself and my child. I'm thinking there's something seriously going on in his life. So I'm thinking to myself, he's twenty eight. Is this a midlife crisis called a life crisis? Yes?
And obviously I'm thinking I will do whatever I need to make this better, because I will be damned if I'm losing my family like that is not happening. Absolutely not. I am not being a single mother. I'm not having a child in a broken home. That's not happening. Like, I will do whatever I need to to fix my husband. Loved him so much, will love him for my whole entire life.
Amy had no idea what had happened between their holiday and this, but she was determined to help him. It was clear he needed it.
Next couple of months hell for my son and I. We are in absolutely limboland and he is off living the life of an eighteen year old. He is going to work. I'm not sure why or how because he's getting home at five am, waking up half an hour later, and then going to work and remembering I'm a stay at home mum, so our whole entire life revolves around him going to work and me being a stay at home mum. Was a joint decision, you know. I was
happy to go back to work. I am desperate. I am trying to talk to him all the time, which is making him increasingly frustrated. So the more I try and reach out, the angrier he gets. And he would get home and naturally I'm going to ask questions. I'd be like, where are we at, what's happening, What's going on? And that's when the anger started. So I would be asking things like, what's happening, are we together. Are we not together? What's happening? And he would be like, you
need to give me space. He's like, you are so stupid. If you do not give me space, you are the reason I am so angry. No one likes you, your family hates you. You're boring. I'm just having fun. You've taken everything from me, you know, you've stolen my fun years. Things along the lines of that, and the things he say are quite bad, just very calculated. You know. He
would make comments about my weight. I was very thin at the time, probably waited about forty five kilos if very very thin, very unwell, and he would say things like, because I started asking the question, which I think is fair, is there another woman? Is there someone else? Is that me that you're not attracted to? Do I need to change how I look? Do you want me to dye my head? What can I change about me to make
you like me? And he would say things like I'm not into any other woman, Scrawny people are more my type, and yeah, just just awful, you know, horrible things, very malicious and very yeah targeted things that he knew would upset me. For example, I was running a marathon and he told me that I was so weak. He knew I would stop, and that's exactly what I did. I got to thirty eight k's and stopped running, because that's what's in my mind.
He had never spoken like this before, not to anyone, least of all Amy. But things were about to turn even worse.
Then became physical abuse, and it started with he would pick up things and throw them at me or in my direction. He would smash photo frames, he would smash James's toys. He would scream and break things and throw things, and to the stage where the neighbors were definitely hearing what was going on. And it got to a point and it was around my birthday and he hadn't even
acknowledged that my birthday was the next day. And by this stage we'd been in this limbo land for three months, and I had been raising my child alone for three months. And I said to him, if you walk out the door, I'm going to pack my bags and James's bags and we're going to go back to our hometown and stay with my parents. And he said, do it. So that's
what I did. Essentially, we fled early domestic violence. And you know, I got home and this was the first time that I had told my family what was going on. A few people had started to notice things were changing because I went off social media. I was really thin. But now I've gone back to my countrytown with my son in tow and country people will get it. You only go home with your child without your husband if something drastic's happening. So I thought he was having a crisis.
I thought that he was regretting getting married so early, and I thought that he wasn't handling the demands of being a parent, which also I couldn't understand because I was doing everything, and I had done everything from the get go. So then I started to think, is at me? Am I putting too much pressure on him? Am I not intimate enough with him? Am I not giving him enough attention? Am I giving too much attention to the child?
Because we all know that I struggled at the beginning and my priorities in life changed drastically, which they do as a mother. That's normal. What's not normal is to do it all by yourself with no support. And I was not getting any support from him. But I had accepted that, and I had watched relationships around me and seen how other dads were acting, and they weren't out on a golf course, and they weren't out drinking until
five am. They were super invested, they were super helpful, and they just accepted that this was the season they were in. And I would voice this to my husband, who would just tell me that comparison is the thief of joy, which within reason, absolutely, But you know, I'm not asking for too much. I'm asking you to come to swimming lessons on a Sunday morning, but you're too hungover to come and do that. Like I said at the beginning of the story, where super into fitness. He
was a semi professional athlete. Drinking was not something that we did often. He would have the odd night out with friends, and when he was drinking, he would go all out, but it was rare. It was not common. And so hence, when this all unraveled and he started drinking six out of seven days of the week, I've flagged it with his parents immediately because I'm thinking there is something so wrong here. We not be drinkers and
it's not really party season. At September, football season had finished, so he could definitely drink more, but this was still completely out of the blue and something that was really out of his character and something that was really unhealthy. And you know, as an athlete, which he is, his personality is a tight so he can get hooked on it anything. And you know, it was by about three months in that my friend started telling me, I think we really need to sit down and talk to him
about drug use and see if that's involved. I was in complete denial, and I said, there is no way he's using drugs because I am very anti drugs. It's a deal breaker for me. And he knew that our whole relationship and the football scene, whether people admitted or not, is heavy on drugs, and he would always tell me and swear black and blue that he'd never touch them, and I believe him. I took his word as gospel. My youngest sister said to me, Amy, I have seen
him in a bathroom snorting lines before. It's more common than what you think, and you really need to not be naive here. So I have then gone, Okay, maybe he's dabbled in drugs. I need to ask him now. Within this time period, we've gone three months of hell, but within that time there would be some good days where he would be in a good mood and he would actually engage in conversation, and when this would happen, my body would just go, oh, thank god, here is
his back. We can talk. And on one of those good days, I said to him, are you using drugs? And he said no, no, Amy, I've never touched drugs ever before in my life. And I just kind of sat there and I said, well, that's not what i've heard. I've heard that you've definitely doubled. And then that sent him spiraling. He was furious and livid with me, but continued to deny drug use. So then I've fled to my hometown to stay with my parents, and everyone's talking.
The town is talking, and that talk is getting back to Sam. And then I'm copying it on message. Why is everyone asking me what's happening? Why is everyone saying we've split up? You need to come home? Oh, straight away. I'm in the car and I'm driving home. Get home. He walks in the door after work hysterically crying. I've seen my husband cry maybe once in at this stage twelve years, and I just said to him, what is going on? What is happening? And he just kept saying,
I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening. And then, you know, we went to bed that night, and the next day I tried to have another conversation with him. He was giving me minimal information and he went out again. So I did the same thing I did all those years ago, and I logged into his social media. And when I logged into his social media, I found multiple things, the first being drug buying and selling. And in addition to that, I
found multiple messages to multiple women. Nothing that was super untoward except for phone calls that were two hours long with his assistant. And by this stage, I'm thinking, okay, so he's definitely having an affair and he's definitely using drugs. So he's lied to me about two things. And I had sent him a message immediately and said I know about the affair, I know about the drug use, and you need to come home and we need to have
a conversation. And he didn't want to come home, and in fact, he didn't come home until six thirty am. I absolutely was hysterical, And that was the very first time. We're about five months into this shit show by this stage. That was the first time he said to me that he was leaving the marriage, and he said, I'm unhappy. You don't make me happy. Marrying you and having the child was the biggest regret of my life. Just absolute devastation.
I can take myself back to that moment on the floor rocking in a ball, which I had done so many times over that past five months, but this was sheer desperation, and I was just begging him not to do it, begging him because again, five months ago, we're trying for a second baby, and I just don't understand how you can flick a switch that quickly. Do you know?
Of all the things he had said to me over that time period, to which the verbal abuse was extreme, it was terrible, and he was saying awful things, but this was just completely different. The rejection from someone you've spent your whole life with is just something that you can't really handle. And I'm begging him not to do it, and he is just laughing at me. So I'm on the floor begging him and he's just laughing and he's saying things like, you are pathetic, this is why I'm
leaving here. You're begging for me. Look at you begging for me. I just thought, well, I gave you everything you wanted. You wanted space, I gave you space you wanted time. I gave you time. You wanted to talk. I was here to talk. You wanted me out of the house. I left the house. You wanted me back in the house. I came home. So I'm just completely mind blown by this stage. Then he goes out for the day. I'm hysterical. My whole family's over to try
and help me. And then I'm like, you need to get out of the house because he doesn't want any of my family in the house and he has completely isolated me from all of my people. Thank goodness that I call and talk because otherwise I would have had no network. And you know, I'm like, he's left me. That's it, We're done. He's left me and then goes out on a night out, comes home the next day, tells me how much he loves me and are we
trying for a second baby. For the next two weeks, it just went on that cycle of I'm leaving, I'm not leaving, let's have a baby, let's not have a baby, I hate you, I love you, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. When he would come home and was angry, you know, I would have to run and lock my door and hide in the bedroom because we're so unsafe. James has seen so much by this stage, he's heard so much, and you know, it's just a super unhealthy
and unhappy household. He could do no wrong, in my eyes, And that's such an awful place to be in, to be so desperate that someone can be abusing you verbally, physically, emotionally, financially, but they abuse you and they have such control of you that they can do no wrong. And to me, dealing with whatever he was going through and me copying the wrath of that, that was fine. If it meant that our family was going to be together, I would have let him do this for the next ten years.
That's where my mindset was at, and that's what an abusive relationship looks like. I had people around me saying, walk out the door, change the locks, don't let him come home, and I just kept saying to them, you don't understand. This isn't him, this is not him, and they were saying, this is him. He's showing you the real hymn, and no you don't know him, and it would cause so much thanks between me, my friends, and my family because they were just riding the waves with me.
One minute we're in love, one minute he hates me. One minute I'm devastated, one minute we're okay, one minute I'm answering the phone, one minute I'm not. It's just hell for everyone involved.
But then it escalated even more when finances became involved.
Whilst we're at home with my parents, I check our bank account because we had a bill come in and I noticed that there was a large sum of money withdrawn from the bank account, and I tried to ask him about it straight away, because I think as soon as money's involved, especially given I'm a stay at home mum, then this is really starting to escalate to a dangerous place. He told me that it was withdrawn to buy a bike and that it was nothing to worry about. I
just kind of was like, that's fine. I'm glad you've got a bike. If he's going to take up cycling for his own time, that's fine. Then you know. I made it a habit of checking the bank account daily and every second day, three grand here, three grand here, four grand here, and it got to the point where our bank account was almost in negatives, and then he
started withdrawing off our home loan. I would ask him every time he'd make a withdraw, I would ask him what he was withdrawing for, and he would just ignore the question, so I would have no answer, and he would tell me not to worry about the finances. He was the one working, it was his money, and that there was always going to be enough money for us to survive, and the mortgage was always paid, so I
just didn't need to worry about it. By this stage, my parents have dragged me into the local lawyer in town and they're asking for advice. And I am screaming hysterically at my parents because I'm telling them I'm not getting divorced. There's nothing wrong here, there's nothing happening. Complete denial. This poor lawyer is looking at me like this girl,
this silly girl. The lawyer is telling me things like you need to withdraw money, you need to protect yourself, you need to put a two to sign on the home loan, and you know all things that I was then telling my parents that I was doing, but I absolutely was not, because if I'm taking money from the bank account too. That's going to make him even more angry. If I make him even more angry, then he's definitely going to leave me. Then I'm definitely not going to
have my family. So I was just telling everyone what they wanted to hear.
But Amy isn't stupid. She wasn't going to let him get away with treating her this way, so she decided to get to the bottom of it herself.
He was withdrawing all of this money, and I didn't know what he was using the money for. And you know, after a few withdrawals, I kind of started to realize that he was doing it so that there was no paper trail. I couldn't find where he was, couldn't see what he was doing. And so I started to take things into my own hands and thought, well, I'll investigate. If you're not going to tell me what you're doing,
I'll find out what you're doing. And one night I open up Facebook and Instagram is linked, so jackpot, I had both right in front of me, and I felt sick doing it, because no one wants to go through somebody else's things, But I just had no idea what
was happening. And I spent hours going through messages. There was messages to other women, there was messages to drug dealers to buy drugs, there was messages from people to buy drugs off him, and there was a common theme that it was all people he worked with, so no one that we knew from our life. This was his new work life, which I was never a part of. And then I opened up a message, saw the name.
Recognize the name, it's his assistant and there is video calls over messenger two hours long, multiple times a week. I tried ringing him, and I tried ringing him so many times because I'm hysterical. I've just found out everything that I kind of already knew that was happening. And I will never forget this because I was just completely inconsolable. He sent me a message and said I can't do this anymore, enjoy life with our son, and then turned
off his phone. It's like three am in the morning, and I have rung him about two hundred times once he's turned his phone off because I now think that he's going to do something that's going to harm himself. Rang his parents again three o'clock in the morning and said something's really wrong. They've told me that I just need to just kind of sit. I've tried to get someone to the house so that I can drive and find him. I'm hysterical. Then I get a message at
six point thirty what have you done? And he came home and we sat down in the playroom and our son was playing with his toys. There was no yelling for the first time, and I just said, are you having an affair? And he denied it black and blue. No, Nope, not having an affair. She's with someone I work with. They're happy together. I'm definitely not having an affair. She's helping me. She's helping me through what I'm going through. And I said, why don't you talk to me. I
can help you through what you're going through. And he said, I can't talk to you. I don't want to talk to you. It's toxic. We're toxic. Then he got up and he started packing a bag, and I just was hysterical. My heart broke into a moon pieces because I knew that once he walked out that door, that was it. He was never coming back. And that's exactly what he did. Packed his bags, walked outdoor. I called my sisters, my sisters and I extremely close, and they had riven the
waves and they all knew that it was coming. It was me who didn't think that it was coming, and they came over and tried to help. But the only way that I can explain it is that I was watching myself. It was like an out of body experience, like I was outside of my body watching myself in autopilot. My son was looked after, and he was careful, and I always had food on the table for him. He
was in routine. But I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping. I was just crying all day every day, ringing people, crying, and I just thought he was coming home, and I would send him ten thousand messages a day, begging him, you know, to come home and be with his family, and he would just get increasingly angrier and angrier that
I was contacting him. Yeah, so I tried to go no contact, and then that's when I got a message from my friend's mum of him and his new girlfriend on Rottnest Island in Perth, a week after he left the assistant, so they were both home in affair together. I straightway spiraled out of control and I tried ringing my husband multiple times, and he just wasn't answering, and I said, I knew it. I knew that you were
with her. I knew you were with her. I'm going to send this photo to her boyfriend, who they both worked with. They all worked for the same company. And he said, don't you dare send that photo. You look like an idiot. You're ruining my career. You're ruining my reputation if you do that. And I said, he has a right to know. It was almost like a relief
that I finally knew what was happening. I knew that he was using drugs, and that was confirmed because his personality had changed so much, So at least I felt better about the instant snapping personality. And then finally I found out about the affair. So I'm like, okay, well now we know why he's left his family. Because the grass is greenery, he's got a better option. He rings me at lunchtime and says, I'm on my way now. He has never come home before five o'clock ever in
our whole entire marriage, and it's lunchtime. I'm thinking, this is weird. I wasn't really prepared for it, but I'm like whatever, and he comes flying in the door and straight away I'm like, oh dear, this is not good. He is completely heightened and this is a version of him that I have not seen. There was steam coming from his ears. And I'm sitting on the lounge and our son is playing, and he's just screaming at me, Are you happy? Are you happy? I am the talk
of the town at work. Are you happy? And I was like, I'm not happy at all. I'm devastated. I have no idea what's going on. I don't know who you are. And I'm just sitting there crying. And he has just screamed at me for a whole hour, and within in that hour, he's saying things like, how do you expect us to be a family when you do things like this? And then I'd say, oh, okay, so you are coming back. No, I'm not coming back. Look
at you. I want nothing to do with you. All in the one conversation, so erratic, so completely unhinged, all the while our almost two year old is sitting on the floor playing with his toys. And then it just gets to the point we're at the hour mark and it's screaming, I know that the neighbors are all listening. I'm humiliated, and I just said to him, you need to get out. I can't do it anymore. Get out.
And he's saying to me, laughing at me, and he's saying, you can't tell me to get out of my own house. I pay the mortgage. And then he picks up my phone and he's saying, is all the evidence on here? Is this way? You've got everything is this way, You've got screenshots of everything, and he's waving my phone around and in other altercations, he'd already broken two of my phones, and he's taking it over to the sink, trying to run water over it. So this is all happening in
front of the baby. I'm running over. I'm trying to get my phone, and he pushes me out of the way, and you know, forty kilos traumatized, nothing of me flung right back into the wall. And then so I'm like, what can I do here? I'm really scared. He's very manic. I don't know if he's on a come down. I
don't know what's happening survival mode. So I go and open the front door so that the neighbors can hear, and then he goes into the bedroom, you know, throws me onto the bed, and that's when there was a physical altercation. That's when you know, fight or flight kicks in. In my mind, this man is now a monster. I don't know who he is, and I need to get
him out of my space. So I have taken his clothes, remembering that he's all based around reputation, I've grabbed clothes out of the wardrobe and I've just started throwing him out the front because I'm thinking, if he knows that neighbors are seeing this, he will get in the car and driveway. So we probably looked insane, but I was throwing clothes out, he was picking them up, trying to throw them back in, and I was screaming for help
down the street. And you know, then as soon as I started screaming for help, he just got in the car, picked up all his clothes that were on the driveway, put them in the car, and sped off. And within you know, five minutes, I had the whole street in my house, and then within an hour I had twenty family in the house. The neighbors by this stage had caught the police. My parents had come from the country
must his siblings had all come. I was just completely distraught on the floor, and then the police arrived, and you know, they encouraged me to press charges. And again in my mind, this is the love of my life, who could do no wrong. So I'm sitting there, you know, with visible damage, still thinking that he was going to come back, and then had to go to court the next day with my two year old in tow two
get some form of protection on us. And that's when I actually finally realized that it was probably done forever. The judge was very firm that the restraining order would only protect me. The restraining order would not protect our child because they are very firm on both parents having access to the child. So I said, I completely understand what you're saying. I don't think he's safe in his care, but if he contacts me about the child, I will
absolutely reply. So essentially our contact was only to be about the child and about the property, and we went probably a period of six weeks with zero communication. I'm now back at work trying to survive. I'm actually working in the country at my parents' house, but going between both homes trying to maintain the property. It was essential to me that I kept the house. I'm a single mother. I would never own property again. It was essential that I kept a roof over my son's head. And you know,
I'm just getting through the days. I'm only working two days a week because that's all that I can cope with mentally, and everyone is helping me. I haven't heard from him. Then we both get gastro and parenting alone is hard at the best of times, parenting with gastro alone is a completely different ballgame. I was having to leave piles of vomit on the floor and just deal with them at a later date. You know, we were just so sick, and I thought, if ever he's going
to be a human, this is probably the time. So I messaged It was me that broke no contact, and I said, we are so sick, and I knew that he was living a kilometer away with his parents, so we are so unwell. Can you please drop supplies to the house, And he straightway refused because of the vro, which I do understand. I understand. I didn't want to
see him. I just wanted them dropped, but again I thought, okay, no heart there, and then he checked in the next day, how are you, And I said, We're still very unwell. And then because we're in contact and it's pleasant, you know, it's not how our communication normally is, but it was pleasant. I've straight away gone back into the cycle of thinking, Okay, maybe he's finally sorting himself out and he'll come back. That never happened, and six months went by and he
hadn't seen our son in six months. In that time, he had been on an America trip for six weeks with his new family, which was his new girlfriend and her entire family, siblings, parents, everyone. He would pop up and ask to FaceTime and I would facilitate that, and then it got to a point where he wanted to see him. So our lawyers agreed on three hours supervised visits every Saturday. I can count on two hands how
often that happened. They were supervised by his parents, and I was always waiting in ankst to see if he was going to show up or not, and more often than not, it just didn't go ahead. So they probably had maybe eight visits across the whole year, never anything longer than three hours. Now, I am very firm on the fact that I did not keep the child from him. He had access to him every Saturday, and if he wanted extra time, all that he needed to do was
a drug test. Throughout the entire year, I copped it from him big time about keeping the child from him, and his perception on reality is just so warped and abuse is such a funny thing. It never stops. It's ongoing, and unfortunately, because we have a connection for life, I will probably have to deal with this forever, and it's something that I will never heal from, and it's just something that I need to learn to move through a little bit easier. I don't think that I'll ever be healed.
And him screaming at me every time we have to communicate, I don't think he's ever going to end. So I'm just trying to minimize the effect of that on me by distancing myself as much as possible. The week of Christmas, I was completely burnt out and had an epiphany that he needs to be involved for two reasons. I do not want my son to resent me for not having a relationship with his father, and feel it's important that he figures this out for himself within reason as long
as he's safe. So I did reach out to him, and I asked him to be involved and perhaps worked towards every second weekend, and that was not received well. He was very mad at me for expecting him to now be a parent, and they were the words that came out of his mouth. I've got use to living my life without a child. You can't expect me now to be a parent. And I struggled with that because I'm looking at the child who looks like a dead ringer of him and is the most divine human being
in the whole world. Despite all the adversity and the trauma that his witnessed and been through, is still the sweetest boy in the whole entire world. I can't fathom why somebody wouldn't want something to do with him. So essentially we're in limboland again. I don't know if he's going to be involved. We can't have a conversation. Our last conversation was just as toxic as the one when
he left with the restraining order. There is no way to get through to him, and there's no way to explain to him what he has done has hurt people because he doesn't understand that, and he's just running from all of his issues. It was a flick of a switch.
That's why it's so traumatic. There is no way for me to understand what he has done, and I have done intensive therapy to try and understand why he did what he did, and also therapy on me, trying to train my brain to think this was not your fault. He didn't do these things because of you. He's done
these things because he's extremely unhappy within himself. And although I can reason with that now, as soon as we are in contact and he is telling me that I am the most horrible person in the world, and that I'm a terrible mother and that nobody loves me. Immediately, that's what I think, because that's the pool he has on me. So I wish that we could just completely walk away and start again and me never have to
talk to him again. But that's not in the best interests of the child, and that's at the forefront of my mind. So I will always continue to try and have some form of relationship with him for the benefit of our son. It's so hard to think that for the next fifteen sixteen years I have to communicate with somebody who inevitably acts like he hates me. And you know, I don't hate him. I will always love him. I
just don't love this version of him. I love the man that I met in high school and the man that I said yes to and the man that I married in front of all of our closest people. I love him, and I mourn him every single day. It's like he's died, and that is something that I have to really work hard on. And then the PTSD around his instant change and his behaviors is something else that I have to work on. But I have no choice
because I have a child. So whilst there are days where I look at our son and think it would be so much easier if you weren't here, because then I don't have to be here, I do have to be here. There's no other option. They are identical. It's really hard. It's only now because we haven't seen each other in a year. It's only now that I can kind of look at our son and not instantly see
my husband. But they are identical in every way. They look identical, and every single person that I see tells me straight away how much he looks like his dad. And then also on top of that, like when he asked to see photos of Mommy and Daddy. I show him because he needs to know that he was born into love and that he looks like someone, and he
needs to know who Dad is. It was never in my intention to cause such a rift between the two of us that impacted him, But you know, I just put measures in place for his safety, and I stand by that that was the right thing to do. And it's only now that he's a little bit older that I can kind of let our guard down a little bit and hopefully they can have some form of relationship.
But whether that happens or not, Amy has big plans for loving and fulfilling life for herself and for little James.
I just want him to grow to be a emotionally diligent man who treats others with kindness and respect. It's all I want. I know that we don't need much. I know that it might just be him and I for a long while, and so long as he is happy and healthy and is a kind human being, then I've done my job as a mum. I would love to meet the right person for me. Am I looking for it. No, if it finds me great, do I deserve it? Yes? Of course, is it a lot for
someone to take on trauma child. Yes, will someone do it? Who knows. I'm working full time now, so we're just navigating full time daycare, full time work. Work's been good. It's been good to go back to work. I have a purpose other than being a mum. It's an outlet. I love what I do. You know, it took us a while to adjust to daycare, but now we're both happy. And you know, I am a completely person. I am outspoken in a good way. I am outgoing. I do things.
I book the babysitter, I go to girls cocktails. You know, we do things. It's what we needed to do. So that's how you heal. You just keep moving. If I can help one person get out of DV, then I've done my job because I should have left immediately in the first week. And it stems from you know, it's not just oh it's verbal abuse. No, that is abuse. Abuse is abuse, and we don't need to put up with any of that. If someone is treating you poorly,
then you need to call them out on that. And if you are unsafe, you need to get out of there. Abuse isn't just physical, and often it starts with the verbal abuse, and that is a spectrum. Doesn't matter where it begins, it will inevitably end up at the same point. And people still art with verbal abuse and think that they can get away with that. No, that is abuse, that is illegal, it's against the law, and there is things that can be put in place to help you.
I'm obviously not glad that the domestic violence side of things happen. If he had have told me a year ago that I would be a homeowner, that I would be working full time, that I would have been on a few dates, that I would have been on a holiday with my son, that we would laugh as much as we cry, I would have just told you, there's no way. I think that it's been an important learning curve at taking people for what they actually are, and that always seeing the best in people is not always
a good thing. I would not be as strong minded as what I am now. You know if I can tell you how many people have told me it's character building, and I always say the same thing in response, I have enough character. I don't need any more character. But I am glad it's happened because now hopefully I can help people.
Everyone has an X is a Mintimedia Production and proudly part of the Muma Mea Network. It's written and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott. If you like We've heard, support the podcast by hitting subscribe,
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