We couldn't end EHR without answering a few important questions, like: How did idiots like us stumble into podcasting success? What happens now? What happens to the website? And, of course, which Wheel of Time character should have a gun? EHR Substack Transcript
With no more chapters to summarize, it's just us and a Rainforest Cafe-themed novelty light-up cup, trying to decide whether and by what metrics Wheel of Time is a successful series. Transcript
Alright, who put "body swap" on their bingo card? We read the epilogue and talk about who else should have (actually) died, the possible Heroes of the Horn Polycule, Better Amyrlins Than Cadsuane (Literally anyone), Rand Uchiha, and ... God?? Transcript
We've reentered Flop City with ch. 45–49. This rushed sequence manages to both under-explain and over-explain itself, and would it really be a Wheel of Time climax if there wasn't misogyny? At least we have Gaul's SWAT team of wolves and Moridin getting his Darth Maul on. Transcript
Ch. 42–44 are packed with character development ... that has already happened! We talk about All the Dads Dying, Logain Inventing CPS, Horn of Valere Orientation, Asexual Artur Hawkwing, and Thom's, uh, Interesting Word Choice. Transcript
Ch. 38–41 are emotional and climactic but largely flopped for us. Why can't Rand stop ascending to godhood? Why does everyone want Lan to be Aragorn? Why is The Beautiful Shendla here? We have these and other questions. Transcript
R.I.P. to, uh, everyone? Not really, but close. We finish ch. 37 and talk about the Hurinspital, how Wheel of Time is trying to be Game of Thrones, the Barbenheimer sequel, a possible Lews Therin jumpscare, and how at least Demandred Has Hobbies. Transcript
R.I.P. to the best character in the series (Bela the horse). Unfortunately she died in service of the worst subplot in the series. We discuss Choice vs. Fate Philosophy, how Talmanes Is In a Saw Trap, Getting a Death Notice from a Wolf, and Playing Evil Catch with My Evil Son. Transcript
Why are children on this battlefield? Inquiring minds want to know. We talk about Belinda, Brando Sando Power Activate, Berelain's Herspital, Demandred's Balefire Gun, Shendla's Snipe List, Upgrading to a Lesbian Warder, and Artur Hawkwing as a Mean Bisexual. Transcript
Somehow Demandred has time to ... date? We're confused. As we dive deeper into chapter 37, we talk about Chad Galad's Autistic Rizz, Logain Believes in Logain, Canonical "It" Pronouns, Fantasy Slurs, and whether upping the stakes is effective anymore. Transcript
He's also been Taken (TM) by Graendal, so that's bad, but it's nice to know he's hot. Also in this episode: Girl Don't Touch Your Face, Siuan Is Retiring Tomorrow, Uno the Chaperone, X-Men Talents, and Pevara's Stanley Cup. Transcript
We're taking a break from the Last Battle to look back — and forward — using your fine, prime vintage questions in this extra-special, extra-long episode. Also, we decide who we'd f***, marry, and kill between Ishamael, Moghedien, and Asmodean (answers may surprise you). Transcript
We start this episode with a long talk about swinging and end with llama-based horror. The first section of ch. 37 includes Freak TikTok, Classic Man Behaviors, Anxiety Telepathy, and a Boring Hell Dimension. Transcript
We're so close to the Last Battle proper! For ch. 35–36, we discuss Quadrutiary Characters, the Stupidest Faile Decision of All Time, the Second Yeeting of the Horn of Valere, the Last Map, and Unspeakable Broth Facts. Transcript
It's ch. 33–34, and at this point we are begging for Slayer to have an anime makeover and become a compelling villain. We talk about Bullying/Objectifying Men, Ocean's FedEx, the Third Gavroche Episode in a Row, and Double Lobotomies. Transcript
Is this book romantasy all of a sudden? Ch. 31–32 have that Old Man Love Story, Trebuchet v. Trebuchet, Traveling Zoom Calls, Beefing It at the Finish Line, Bryne's Cry for Help, and Galgan's Lingerie. Transcript
Ch. 28–30 are frustrating and repetitive. We talk about Lan's Lobotomy, Edgelord Moridin, Cringe Gateways, Logain's Dramatic Entrances, Mr. Gavroche, and how the Impotence Metaphor Has Gone Too Far. Transcript
Ch. 26–27 have us thinking that maybe some wives would be better off fridged. We also talk about Gawyn's Thousand Typewriters, Egwene with a Steel Chair, Boob Honks, Letting Evil Bashere Cook, and Deus Ex Fallen Raken. Transcript
It's both Lanfear-appearance and Lanfear-interference (same thing). For ch. 24–25, we talk about the Rod Holder, Theoden King Wannabes, the Power of God and Anime, the Moridin Pieta, and we ask: Where's the Jingle-Jangle of It All? Transcript
Ch. 22–23 may make real Wheel of Time scholars out of us. We talk about the Shemandreds, a "Phantom Menace" Version of Demandred, how Lanfear's Job Here Is Done, the Failed Evil Plans Badge, and Moiraine's AK-47. Transcript
He's just a little guy! Anyway, for ch. 20–21, we're Going Off the Map (in a bad way). Also, Demandred Is a Dumpling, Egg's Got That Dog in Her, It's Lobotomy Tent: Part Two, and Androl Fails to Ocean's Eleven Us. Transcript
Okay, his name's Baldhere, but Bald Hair is funnier. For ch. 18–19, we talk about how Everybody Hates Jonny Fairplay, the Definition of Tragedy, Rand's Identity Theft, Agelmar Almost Using the Pope Slur, Gawyn's Incest Panic, and Mat's Princess Diaries Moment. Transcript
For ch. 16–17, we go through some of Wheel of Time's Worst Hits: Grass and Manslaughter (It's Ecofascism!), He's Got That Horse In Him, Dark One Gunk, Min's Two Tasks, and Rand's Orpheus Swag. It's a cringe compilation, y'all. Transcript
Those disability politics just can't be consistent, huh? For ch. 14–15, we talk about Sidekick Gaul, Getting ROOTED, Willpower Saving the Day, A Bit of Actual Romance, and Don't It Always Seem to Go? Transcript
For ch. 11–13, we talk about Mmsexy Tingling, Retconning Mat's Time in Ebou Dar, Mazrim Taim's Supervillain Resume (he got the job!), Lanfear Closure, Padan Fain Un-Closure, the Trolloc Meat Grinder, and the Hater Zone. Transcript
Who's Bulen? Who cares? For ch. 9–10, we talk about Helvetica Lord of the Rings, the Epic Highs and Lows of Warfare, Citing Scripture ("Artemis Fowl"), Captain Planet Narishma, Lan's End, Basement Time with Androl, and French Mime War Profiteering. Transcript
Ch. 7–8 take us into the next stage of this book: prolonged warfare. We talk about Rebel With Claws, UN Meeting Bouncer, a Damocles' Sword but Positive, the Bond of Brotherhood, the Horn of Valere Heist, and our Upcoming Bones Podcast. Transcript
Ch. 5–6 take us to the fantasy U.N. summit, and it could only be more Jordan-ish if there were nude women for no reason. We talk about Official Court Spankings, the Aiel as Cops, Rand's Unrealistic Goals, Egg Throwing Shoes, and the Literal Four Horsemen. Transcript
Chapters 3–4 are here! We talk about Sports Polyamory (the ideal polyamory), "Frankenskank," Characters' Wild Priorities, Rand and Moridin Touching "Balefire," Checking Off Romance Boxes, and Women's Piss Mazes. Transcript
We're off to a pretty slow start with ch. 1–2. We get more of Rand's Weird Era, not to mention his Deadbeat Dad Era (the cat's in the cradle ...), plus the Arousal/Anger Constant, Black Tower Propaganda, Androl Is Bella Swan, and a whole lot of Genre Confusion. Transcript
