¶ Introducing Courtney Ledeard and Kerosene Capital
Today on the Ever Onward podcast , we have Courtney Ledeard , former CEO of Ball Ventures , a longtime friend , and introducing his new company , kerosene Capital . He'll be the owner and CEO of Kerosene Capital . It's going to be great to get caught up with Courtney and talk about what he's been up to in the future , buddy oh , buddy this is great .
Hey , we've been talking about doing this for years years way years and you're good at it .
I'm not great at it .
No , this is great , this is uh , this is awesome . Um , you're over in town because last'm not great at it . No , this is great , this is awesome . You're over in town because last night we had our first kerosene chat .
Yes , that was amazing . It was so fun to have everybody here . Everybody's probably sick of me . I haven't seen anybody for a year , I know and I'm hugging everybody and they're like hey , they're like what's wrong with you , dude ? This guy's so full of love . They're like what's wrong with ?
you . You guys are so full of love , Right ? Well , so a little bit of backstory . So a couple of years ago we decided , after COVID , well , we did the conference in Sun Valley . It was kind of a thank you to our business partners and it was a great event .
And then we rebranded it , which was really fun it's Kerosene two years ago ago and had a great , great event .
I mean that thing was awesome , that was a lot of fun had it down on the Lively Then remember the rainstorm .
Had Vincent Neil Emerson come play Pitcher underneath under everybody outside trying to protect themselves . But they wanted to talk , so much At the perfect time that rainstorm hit . But then obviously last year we took that year off . A lot of change , a lot of change .
And then this year we're going to have kerosene again this fall , which is a two-day kind of leadership kind of conference here in Boise . But we thought why not do these periodic times kerosene chats we're calling them where we can bring someone in and have them . Well , we do so much business and we go so hard .
All the time it's just crank , crank , crank , crank , crank . It is so nice to take a minute and invite those people in that are so important to our business . I know relationships . I mean one thing I've learned from you relationship , relationship , relationship , right . And so last night we had our first one . So we had Scott Gatzmeier from Micron .
I thought he did a phenomenal job .
You know , just hearing him talk about the process and dealing with whether it's the internal workings , where are they going to place it , what's the strategic advantage of the locations ? And , of course , here in Idaho , you know there's a little bit of good , a little bit of bad .
We're the perfect place but , on the other hand , the thing that makes the state great is we're still small , yeah , but perfect location . Hearing about the process that they went through , you know , coordinating with the governor , the governor's office , about , okay , how are we going to do this ?
Because they said something , you know , last night , talking about the construction jobs and 1500 and 1500 . And when Scott said , well , it's just getting ready for the 15,000 people , and that's impressive . And to think I didn't realize that the whole campus was what ? 800 acres , 800 acres . And I'm from Eastern Idaho .
So I know what 800 acres , 800 acres and I'm from eastern Idaho so I know what 800 acres is . What was interesting is he like at the top of his head last night . Most of the things he was saying I had never heard before .
Right , About the process , about the statistics , about the competition with the speed to market because they're up against other countries it was really cool , he did a great . Other countries it was really cool , he did a great job and holt hagan did a great job .
He's . He's such a good guy , so personable and great . You know really getting some of those comments out , making people feel comfortable , and I think the word chat really what ? Yeah is what it was .
It was great I mean just anyway . So you're over here for that . And then I thought you know it's time , yeah
¶ Reflection on Ball Ventures Legacy
, it's time , you're uh . So , uh , um little bit of an intro . Yeah , right , 22 years ceo of ball ventures um 22 years long time and accomplished unbelievable things . Um , well , had a big change , big , had a big change and kind of a year of kind of reset , and I want you to get into that .
And now that ended earlier this month and I thought it was great last night because we haven't been able to talk or do much , but you've been in your mind planning what was next for you , right , and last night it was really fun to have you here and be able to talk about your new company and I thought , hey , this will be fun to be able to talk about
that . Yeah , it's been a while . So , anyway , thanks for coming on , thanks for having me Thanks for being here last night . It was great . It was really fun to have the governor here .
Anyway , it's going to be great to talk today .
Yeah .
Well , I guess first of all , you know , big , big shout out to BV , all the employees , and I'll say a couple of things a little later , that kind of point to that . But you know it was a great run . Frankly , I learned so much . Learned so much from the people , learned so much from alan .
You know he was a big influence in my life and as that thing matures you , you know what was uh me and uh a I used I need to not use the words I normally use , but half-assed bookkeeper and the secretary who thought she had my job because she got Alan's coffee .
Just a bean counter for Tooele Utah .
Just a bean counter , just a bean counter . But really to see that go from a gravel pit to what it's become , and I think that the older you get , the more you reflect and and really , at the end of the day it's was on the backs of those employees . They did it all and you know that's just a big shout out .
They just have a phenomenal , phenomenal staff and have done some phenomenal things and we've done some phenomenal things . But you know the people , the people really , that that's a lifeblood and a core . The people really matter . But you know , kind of Well , can I ?
Anytime there's big changes , it's big changes , right . I mean it's , it's a big change , it's a big change right , 100 to 0 . But I think I want to just piggyback on what you said . It's just immense gratitude , right , totally , and I think that's been the interesting thing is just gratitude , for I mean just years of really great stuff and with BVA , right .
Oh , we really hit the gas .
BVA was so I mean like probably as a time of my life , just one of the most energetic mission-driven .
And I want to hit what you just said because , because I think of , like Tari Malafua I'm going to get a little emotional man I mean I think about that guy and what we did together and the teamwork that we felt , and just I'm so grateful for that experience we had and it was wonderful , Just wonderful . Right , A lot of synergy and still a relationship there .
I mean we still have a lot of assets together and great people . Anyway , a lot of gratitude for a lot of folks that made a difference in my life . Right , and I know for you , you bet .
Well , maybe getting kind of back to that year , I get asked all the time well geez , what's it like ? Or what was it like ?
Well it , is interesting because I'm like I've said this like you have a lot of qualities . I'm gonna so , um , before you get into this , why ? Why it was so interesting is I've never known anyone with as much capacity as you ever , and I've known a lot of people in my life . I'm a good salesman nah , you're more like it's just capacity .
I mean , you would like I had met my match when we started doing business together , cause I'm like this guy never stops and he's he's . So you are an accountant , that's your , your be , a be a good or bad encounter , and mostly bad for me , right .
Cause you're all and you're , you're a , you're an analytical guy , you're a numbers guy , you're a numbers guy , you're a don't believe the emotion , believe the numbers guy , right ?
So I was always impressed with so many things going on that when you interacted with our business line , I needed to know my stuff , because I knew when I sat down with you , it was like , hey , within about five minutes I'm going to get the key questions and if I don't know everything , I'm going to look bad , right .
And then I'd watch you do that with car dealerships . I'd watch you with a hotel . It was like , oh , and I'm like this guy's got more capacity than anyone and you never stopped . So I think , well , yeah , I'm going to tell a story to kind of demonstrate that capacity .
You also are like that in every asset of your life , whether it's riding bikes or going hunting . So the very first time we go hunting in North Dakota together , I'm going to tell the story . I've got a story or two to tell there too . I begged you for years to go first of all , and you would never take me and I felt bad about it .
So finally I get the invite and now I realize why this is a very special thing for you and your brother . You have all these little secret places there . Not just anyone can go , because once you go to the secret place , everyone knows the secret . Now you know the seat . Now it's not a secret , right , right , right .
So we get there and I'm excited , but I don't know what to expect .
So I get there and I'm thinking we're gonna , we're gonna get there in north dakota and we're gonna be able to , like , go to the maverick , right , and I'm gonna get like some sodas and some water , maybe , some beef jerky , maybe , maybe , and I think we're gonna have this fun time that day and we get there .
And you know , we have this rental truck and we throw our gear in , throw our guns in , and boom , our guns
¶ The Reset Year and Monthly Adventures
in , and boom , we're off right . And it's a two-wheel drive white truck and I'm like we could go . And after like an hour of you just locked in I mean , you were locked in we're like go , we got to hurry , it's time to go , I know .
I'm like , hey , I haven't seen a car or a person for like an hour or two and I'm like are we going to stop by like a gas station or something ? No , no , no . And you go in the winter , right . So there's very short days , first of all , in your defense , you only have like a very short window of time . And so no water , no food , no , anything .
Right , we had snow , we can boil it . No , it gets there . I'm going to get there . So we're getting about noon now hunting , and we Like we're getting about noon now hunting and we're having a good time , but I don't have a drop of water , I don't have anything .
And there's this point at which you're like hey , we got to get rid of that field over there . I'm like well , how are you going to get there in this truck . You're like , oh , we'll make it if we go fast enough . If we go fast enough , we can get through that snow drift right .
So you hit it and I'm like we're not getting through that snow drift and remember we high center on the snow , and you're like we're going to have to dig out . Daylight's wasted , let's get out . I'm like , well , do you have a shovel ? And we used your two dog bowls , remember . So all we had was dog bowls .
And we're underneath the truck digging and I'm thirsty . And I'm literally . I like looking up at that perfect blue North Dakota sky , laying on my back in the snow , thinking I might die . I'm breathing heavy , I'm eating snow because I'm so thirsty . Anyway , we got it . It took us a couple hours to get in stock . We've hunted all day .
It was magnificent , by the way , and we don't eat until 5 30 that night . But anyway , I tell that story because this is the courtney lydier pace . It's like relentless . It is like relentless , the most relentless thing you've ever experienced in your life .
So I think , for all of us , knowing you're going to take a year off , we're like , uh , how's this thing gonna work ? And knowing that jenny had to put up with you every day , I'm like okay , all right , this thing's not work . And knowing that Jenny had to put up with you every day , I'm like okay , this thing's not going to work .
I think there was genuine concern for anyone that knew you .
And you know , in all fairness , you might not be the first person who brought that up , but you know that time when we were in North Dakota . I look back and that's , you know .
I would say , when you have , like you said , when you go from 100 to zero , yeah , literally , you have time to really think about things and what matters most and what in your life , what do you treasure most . And , thank goodness , it's not like being up in heaven looking down , right , but it gives you a chance to say , okay , well , what , what ? Maybe ?
Now are some of the regrets I have . And you know , I don't know , honestly , if I change a lot , because I do have that energy . And I look at that time I was so excited , like man , all right , you're in the circle , we're gonna go .
And this is so special to me , I am , we have just , we're gonna do it all , we're gonna do it all in two days and there's thousands of acres and we're going to do every square inch . And you know , I , I , there's so many things in that trip that I look back at like , like the snow drift .
Yeah , you know , and I think this is , you know , if you're a doer , I think it's in all of us . I know it's in you , because I've had this feeling like what in the hell are you thinking ? And just like the snow drift , like , oh , we can make it , let's go , yeah , and let's just push right through it .
And I think that's something that's core of my personality is yeah , I may not make it the first time , I may have to dig out with the dog bowl , but by dang , I'm going to make it through that drift , because I got Tom's , got to have a good time , we were going to go . So , and you know the other thing , I've got a picture .
And when we were there the second time , yeah , we're in South Dakota , my favorite place , yeah , you know we'd had such .
We're not going to tell that story today .
No , it may have invited . No , it may have involved a little yes .
Just tell it .
No , no , no .
Well , it was a totally innocent mistake , just so people don't think there was Right . Like we're in North Dakota , you're like , let's go to South Dakota , it's right across the border .
Like , okay , you're like , well , you got to get online and get your licenses , so you buy your license on your iPhone while you're going across the border Very quickly and you may have put the date in by one day . Wrong , I did .
By one day Right , one day wrong . And you know , I mean I grew up hunting and when that nice officer comes in the field , he was in it to win it , man . He was in it to win it , man , he was in it to win it . And you know he starts telling me about you're hunting after . You know , you're hunting after hours .
And I'm looking at him like what are you thinking ? I can see , I mean , I've hunted my entire life and this , you know , after sunset thing . I remember telling him well , what am I supposed to do ? Be pulling out my phone watching the weather channel ? I mean , it was 15 minutes after , something like that .
it's like I didn't know that this was like this , but the good news it all ended all right .
Yeah it ended up great , a lot of lessons learned , and you know honestly . So back to that day , okay , so the two things . So one is again , I want to make sure you have a good time . And I'm down off in this little draw and I hear this shooting , boom , boom , and I'm like , oh , it's getting into , it's gonna be great , this is gonna be great .
Boom , and I remember like , okay , there's no more shooting . I come back and I look over and you're going back to the truck .
Oh , this was so funny well , hey , hey , in my defense , you hunt so hard and the first four or five fills and you're going . I'm just trying to catch up and I'm literally thinking to myself I don't think I can do this all day . I'm going . We got our dogs right , we're having a great time , but it's beautiful .
So every once in a while I just sit down and go . I'm tired , right , but I didn't see any pheasants . So then we go into this field and I've got a box of shells , a box . I know it's a monster and you're like , just wait , when we get into them , it's going to be incredible .
Well , I run out of shells and there are birds everywhere and I'm just like you're walking the limit limit .
He's like , well , I got one , A box of shells , and you got one hey .
Oh man , it's a different story today . You've been practicing , no , but it was embarrassing because they're hard . Yeah , you're chasing across by the time they get up , oh yeah , yeah . The other thing I remember about that trip is that was your dog's last trip . It's a cool story .
Yeah , I got a picture of you with a frame , trigger , trigger , and you had that dog forever and you're like I got to take him . I think this is going to be it . It's his last big hunt and you know what he got to hunt with my new dog ?
Yeah , and then he made it home . Made it home a few months later , you know , on to bigger and better . That's one of the things I'll always remember . Yeah , you know , I got a picture of him and it's kind of not to wax , you know , too emotional . But if I think about how I want to go out , I want to be Trigger .
Yeah .
Because there's a picture of him . He had just gone . And , if you remember , I brought my new dog . Yeah , because there's a picture of him , he had just gone . And , if you remember , I brought my new dog . Yeah , spot , yep , spot . And you know , trigger's got all this
¶ Four Stages of Transition
experience and Spot's just hey , where am I going to ? go . What am I going to do ? And Trigger's just okay , let the young guy Okay . And he brings his bird back and I've got a picture of him laying on the ground because he's tired and he's kind of looking at me like hey , bud , this is it . This is my last one .
I'm not getting any more of these for you . And it was . You know , I think everything in life , you know whether it's the death of a dog , change . You know there's good and bad and you have that flood of memories and appreciation and that's just . You know . That's just . You know .
That's just another moment that I think kind of is germane to to where I'm , you know , the last year , frankly . So yeah , so go to this , yeah , so just a picture . I've got a picture of you against my jeep , not the muddy picture , but the good picture like it was staged almost , and you know it's just .
When I look at that it's like peace , accomplishment , friendship . It's everything that was important . At that . It's like peace , accomplishment , friendship . It's everything that was important to me . And over the last year I'd stare at that picture and you know my brother , and when you have a year to think , you start thinking about what's important .
And so if you were to people ask me well , what was it like ? What was it like ? And you know I just tell them , hey , what , what was it like ? What was it like ? And you know I just tell them , hey , this is the worst , best experience of my life because you know , was it easy ? No , you go and you say , well , what am I going to do today ?
I gotta go . I , you know I got up at five , 30 and I remember my wife going . You don't have to get up at five , 30 . Like keep going . She goes . Hey , bud . Like bud , you don't have to get up at 530 . Keep going . No , she goes . Hey , bud , like what do you have to like ? What's it ? 545 ? I'm like , ah , you got to get up .
Well , what exactly do you have to do ? And so you know , luckily , at that period of time you know I live in Rexburg , I live up well , used to live up so I did a lot of things you're not supposed to do in a year , like leave a job , sell your house . Thank goodness Jenny didn't divorce me but I started taking my dog .
My brother would always go with his dog , not on hunting season , but you know , running it , keeping it in shape and outside . Not on hunting season , but you know , running it , keeping in shape and outside .
And you know what I was always jealous of , that right Way jealous , and being able to go do that now is something I do to this day , like like you know , if you said , well , how come you got to get back ? Well , I got to go run my dog tomorrow .
You know it's like this special time , but that really gave me a lot of time to kind of reflect and you know , run my dog and up in the fields and see things I've never seen . I had no idea we had that many elk within it's about three miles of my house . I've seen herds of 50 elk .
I'm just sitting here while you're talking . Isn't that like the most peaceful thing ever ? Yeah , like being in a field with your dogs . Yeah , I mean it's simple , but I think the clarity in nature , there's some special bond with the dog . I'm thinking about it .
It's just awesome , isn't it ? And , unlike some places , I've hunted and thought that trespassing was just a guideline , I actually asked for permission , and so you know it was great .
And you know , the other thing that I wanted to make sure that I that I got out there today is , you know , my dad was a huge influence on my , on my life , and so was my mother .
I mean , they had such my mother's still alive , by the way , she's the toughest person you'll ever meet but my dad , you know I would have a big decision or , most of the time , screw up , and he'd say listen , you know , bud , you can't change the past . You live in the present . All you can do is affect the future .
So what you do next matters most , and that is something that rang through my head and rang , you know a lot , just because you know when you're going 100 miles , and you know this , you're going 100 miles an hour .
You have these things that you want to accomplish and , uh , I can't tell you how many times you know whether telling jenny , yeah , well , I'll get that tomorrow . Well , I get that tomorrow . Well , tomorrow never comes , yeah , and so being able to look at what you want to do and go forward . Really .
That saying I probably especially the first few months , it just was in the back of my head all the time and I got so much to talk about . How much time do we have left ? We have plenty .
Okay .
All right . So you know , as I try to take that , figure out what I want to do , one of the goals and something that Jenny talked about was I'm going to do something . I'm going somewhere every month Like I'm going to go , and , as you know and a lot of others know , I've got this motorhome and I come from a family of truckers .
My wife's family is her father built a large trucking enterprise and so they all know how to drive and so I'm in this , you know , 45 foot motorhome and pulling a trailer , a flat deck trailer , with my Jeep on it . Yeah , it's probably not something I've done all the time and so you would think I would ask for advice .
So I do crickets , except for my brother-in-law , beeper . He's like oh , yeah , yeah , you've got to take 25 over here . By the way , I love the fact that your brother-in-law's nickname is Beeper . Oh , it's Beeper . Some people know him as Beeper , but it's Beeper and he's the only guy Like I would be okay , so the Okay .
So the first trip we went from , you know , up in Rexburg , down through Moab , and Beper said no , you got to go . Have you ever been across any reservation ?
And I'm like no , you know , I've flown all over them and he's like , oh yeah , this is just you know , and he's telling me how to go by Shiprock and make sure when I get to Gallup , I take over on . You know what is that ? 70 ? Anyways , what is that ? 70 ? Anyways , take off , no , 40 , something .
You know this highway and and I think this next piece that I'm going to tell you is something that really really highlighted the last 12 months is I can do whatever I want , right , I could , and I'm a really pretty curious person .
And so we go down to Gallup coming , we're going east , we go through Albuquerque to gallop coming , we're going east , we go through albuquerque and one of the very first uh , auto dealerships that we looked at buying with , with mario from teton toyota who mario is , is just an incredible , you know , he's an incredible individual , unbelievable was clovis , new mexico ,
and so I was bound and determined to tell him . I went to clovis again . So I'm driving over to Clovis , going along , and I see the sign Fort Sumner and the light goes off and I'm trying to stop Because you know you don't stop exactly quickly . It's not like hitting , it's not like , you know , in the little Volkswagen hitting the brakes and you stop .
And so , you know , I finally get things stopped . She's like Fort Sumner . Why do we got to go to Fort Sondheim ? I'm like that's where Billy the Kid is buried . He's everybody's hero . And so we get turned around and we go to the Billy the Kid Museum and , needless to say , you might guess we were the only ones there .
But so that was our first trip and I got a really good friend down in Midland and you know , to be able to get up one day and say I don't want to stay to um , you know , down to san marcos , uh , texas , and we went a lot of places and I've been a lot of places for two hours and you know , I don't , you know people like , oh , they got .
I remember going to san marcos the first time with a really good friend of mine , mike starcher . We were looking at a project . He's like , yeah , he's kept talking about this great barbecue . And we go , look at the project . We , you know , okay , great , I gotta go . And he's like , well , we gotta go to the barbecue .
I'm like , what , we're not gonna stop , we gotta go . We got granola bars , let's go . And at least he had granola bars and water and water why was he ? complaining , right , we didn't have water . And you know , he's like like , kind of to this day , when you talk to him , if he knows me , he's like , yeah , that's the dirty rotten , that wouldn't stop .
But but so back to we went somewhere every month and you know whether it was down the coast of Oregon , which has its own set of funny stories , whether it's I mean all over and the thing that I worried . And so , jenny , you know , my best friend , partner in life the most patient , it's a partner in life the most patient . It's a good thing .
She's opposite the most patient person . However , when it's , and she's like , yeah , that'd be so great , man , we can just go somewhere on just wherever you know like , and I'm like , hey , great , because I got a little hippie in me . People don't know that . You know I'm fine just going and exploring . I got a little hippie in me . People don't know that .
You know I'm fine just going and exploring . And so I start . I think Turks and Caicos in May is what really highlights this , because I am bound and determined . I've never been there . You know he's got these beaches . I'm like I'm renting this Airbnb for a month , right , and I think she's excited .
But sometimes I don't listen , well , and so I'm looking , and which one ? For a month ? And what's the amenities ? And you know . So jenny has this thing . She's like I'm up really a month . I'm like , so I'm negotiating , hoping to get to two weeks , and then , but she's got this 10-day thing .
If he's like , well , we're gonna go to hawaii for for three weeks , I don't know three , oh boy , and you know . So she has this 10-day limit . And I'm thinking , what do we like ? Why , why do we ? Well , we got you know , and geez , like , what do we have to do ? We don't have to .
And so I've learned about the 10-day rule and I'm still working on 15 days , but we're getting there . But people ask all the time , you know , with Jenny , like , oh wow , what are you guys going to do ? That's going to be , you know , because , I mean , marriage is tough .
Well , I think you're a lot . So I mean like let's like it's not surprising that everyone was worried about this , Right ? So it's just like you're acting like everyone that knew you was like oh , it's going to be like she deserves a medal , right . So so like this was like a lot for one person .
Well , and from the outside looking in , I I get it , you know , I understand , but what the and this is the other thing about this year has been , what are the blessings and the real ? I was never nervous and , frankly , even if you were
¶ Vision for Kerosene Capital
to ask Jenny in a private moment alone , never to be recorded , she would tell you the same thing .
I mean , at work I was the boss and we worked together for very , you know , 17 years , 20 years , and you know , at work I was the boss and at home she's the boss and unfortunately , unfortunately , the last year she's been mostly the boss , but that was always our balance and frankly , you know , we could go for 10 days . A 10-day thing .
I don't really get it's .
I'm gonna tell you it's not me but well , she's like I think it is cool to watch , like she's awesome and she's your best friend . You bet she's your rock , she's everything to you and it's .
It's a great example of what a marriage can be and should be and and uh , it's been , it's been cool , well , and that bond is unbelievable and only there's a stronger right and you know she's , she was always a rock the hey .
Here's the schedule . This is what you've got to do , this is what we have to do , and it's no different than driving the motor home . We're figuring out where to go . There's this huge rainstorm I don't remember it was out in Oregon and it's coming down and she's over there navigating , like it was just what we do in life .
You know , I'm driving like okay , thinking , and she's keeping me on course and where we got to go .
And so you know , just like that moment that highlights our personalities , our marriage and how we interact , and we literally would go for a couple weeks and not really talk to anybody and I don't think very many people in life can say that about their best friend spouse .
You know , it's just uh , it's just those little things that have come about the last 12 months that I realized , man , I am like the luckiest guy in the world .
Isn't that like , uh , it's been . When you go through something , like looking at it with gratitude and what can I take from this , what can I learn ? You just said how do I reflect , how do I look for the good ? It's like that living arrows out thing , Like how do I not make this about me and how do I make it about what do I learn ?
And how do I make you know what's the future , what's was really ? It's just really awesome .
It , uh , it is . Reflection is very valuable because it gives you that second reset to say , okay , well , what was what did I like , what did I hate ? Cause it gets confusing , you know this , you get so busy and focused and gives you time Like , what did I really enjoy ?
And you know , when I , when I get asked about well , geez , what was the last year really like ? And I I'll respond and say , have you had any ? Have you ever had anybody in your life close to you that's passed away ? Because it's a lot like that .
And I break it down into kind of four stages of , I think , what people go through , even when they have a loved one pass away . You know , the first part was sadness . I mean , I was , there's no doubt about it . I was sad and you say , well , what were you sad about ?
You know , the number one thing that I was really sad about is I had the pleasure of showing up with about 70 people that started out with those two that aren't there anymore . They weren't there long .
And you know 70 people that I genuinely love and you know I would say maybe half of them loved me , but I love them and I love the employees , and you know , that was the hard part , because constantly I'd be walking around and wanting to call or you know , I used to walk around the office .
I'd walk around the office , you know , two or three times a week and I'd go different routes so I could say hi to everybody and when I left , I we have glass like a lot of glass , and which we have a lot of glass because of you , like I'm not the creative guy , but I come over over here and I'm like man , that's pretty cool . We needed to do that .
But I wrote them all a note because I wanted to remember , um , that I cared and you know it . Uh , so that first part , loss and loss of being able to , you know , interact with the partners . But and then there becomes a part of you that's angry and you know what ? Are you angry ?
Well , I'm angry a little bit that I don't get to see him anymore , I don't get to interact with the partners anymore , and you know just um and not you know nothing . It's just a life of something evolving and you're kind of angry . We don't like to . You like to change , I don't like to change , none of us do right , and you're angry like I .
I gotta change and and then I think that really puts you , you know , then this , the next , I think three months , I kind of put it into three months each and the next part is reflection . Yeah , you know , not quite peace yet . That comes next . Reflection , like okay , well , what really ? You know , relationships , well , what really was ?
What are all the positives ? What did you really learn ? What can you take away from this ? You know , frankly , and also you learn most when you do , when you make a mistake . So what were those mistakes ? And then I would say the last part around Christmas was kind of okay , peace . Those people are still my friends .
I still get to see them occasionally and you know they don't get texts from me anymore at two in the morning , but uh , you know , it's just kind of peace . Okay , now I know what I want to do going forward . Uh , I know I don't want to work excuse me , 70 hours a week , that that deals over . Uh , I promised my wife 20 to 30 .
And then I remind her that that's average . So some weeks might be 70 , some weeks might be zero . But you know kind of defining that piece of being able to say , look , I can make my own world , I can do my own thing , and you know , uh , what am I going to prioritize ? What am I going to let go of ?
Isn't it ? I was just sitting here thinking about , in fact , I said this this week to somebody and then I realized life is long until it's not right . I mean , think about all the chances we have in this country and the opportunity we have to kind of reinvent ourself , to kind of learn , grow .
Wisdom comes from bad experiences , bad experiences come from lack of wisdom , all these things , right , you kind of go , okay , but you can reinvent yourself so many times and kind of re-figure out okay , what can I take , what's the good that I can take , what are the lessons learned ?
And then blaze forward to the future , rekindle that fire in your belly and go again right , it's so cool that that's life here and we can do that and you can . You know , and I think early on , I think one of the things I said to you was like hey , you're , you're only in your fifties , man . I mean like you know what I mean .
I remember like you're like but it's true , right , right . And then , but then the second part of it until it's not right until it's not .
And so I was talking to one of my , I was talking to a really good friend this week who just lost his mother and um , and we were having this conversation is like it , it is long until it's not , and we do have limited time , we really do right .
And I think , as you get reflective on life , and then you think about okay , there is only so much of this thing and I think guys like us probably take it for granted . A lot of people do take your health for granted .
You take your time for granted , and it's in when you have big events that allow you to reset , you say , okay , I do have more time , I'm going to make a difference , I'm rekindling my fire , I'm thinking about who I want to .
You know , have relationships with what is important to me , right , right , what is important , what is important to me , and I just love the fact that we can do that . That's one of the best experiences of this little thing we call life that you can reflect , grow , reinvent and move on . And I think that's this last phase for you that you're getting into .
But before you went there I thought that is so cool . It's a great example of of , and you know . The other thing I'll say is like , as we go through things , bitterness , like you know what I mean . It's just it's not once that can get you know , you know out of the equation and you get back to gratitude and moving forward . It's pretty cool .
Well , when you first brought up the the age thing , you know it my father a lot of people know my father died when I was younger . He died about age 59 and I'm rocking and rolling on age 58 . So you know , I got that in the back of my mind and it's always been in my mind , but it's always tomorrow , that's a long way .
Tomorrow , tomorrow , well , it's almost here . And so then you say , well , okay , what is that ? What's that next thing and what does it really look like ? Uh , because I , you know , I , I'm competitive , I'm , you know , there's a piece of my life professionally that I like to be engaged in .
I mean , I think people don't , uh , really want to invite me to events because I'm , like you know , want to talk to everybody and see of my life professionally that I like to be engaged in .
I mean , I think people don't really want to invite me to events because I'm , like you know , want to talk to everybody and see how everybody's doing and got a lot of energy . But I think of my dad and all the things he taught me in early age that he passed away .
And you don't really think , like when I there's thinking and there's feeling , and then there's thinking , feeling yeah , and so when you're you're thinking about OK , then you feel like wonder what ? I know what it felt like for me and I was early 30s .
You know what did it feel like for him and I thought , well , this is my last swing , not only professionally , right , but also what if I died at 59 ? What does that mean ? And that's helped me find a lot of balance .
You know , focus as far as making it meaningful , and meaningful things and you know , in business do things that , uh , that are more focused and matter , and you know , limited and , but I'm excited . You know I've had a lot of , uh , a lot of time , like you said , to think and reflect , and you know I'm really , really excited about the future .
And you sit there and I can't really , you know I wanted to call you and say , hey , this is what , and actually I was worried about offending you , right , because I see I didn't even think .
So last night at the thing . So to be clear , like you like , you like , when is it was a year of like right ? right , I no longer can call it was it was a year of kind of just pausing right , whatever you want to call it . And so when it ended like , and I and you know Shanna would ask me all the time she's like what's Courtney gonna do ?
I'm not sure . And she was like it's been funny because then I and she and I was excited because we kind of knew a year was coming up . Anyway , last night at the thing because your new company you named it Kerosene Capital , kerosene Capital , and you were worried that I would like , because you didn't talk about it and you called me a week ago .
You're like here's what I'm doing . It was cool , it was so fun , and last night , watching you announce your new thing and saying , hey , here's what I'm going to do , here's the new name , the new logo is fantastic .
So Kerosene Capital is your new company .
Let's talk a little bit about well , first of all , before you do that , I do want to say something about you , courtney . Well , first of all , before you do that , I do want to say something about you , courtney .
I've again known a lot of people and for me when someone says Courtney Lyddiard , it's capacity , that's number one , like never seen anyone ever with capacity . And then it's relationships , and a lot of people say that there's a lot of lip service around relationships . There are .
I mean , you walk into any company and you look at their wall and their values and all that . But those values on a wall come from the founder or the leader's heart , right .
If you can get what's in your heart and what motivates you genuinely , authentically as you , and you get them on the wall and you can have that become your culture , then it means something . But if it's just words on a wall , it doesn't mean anything . And you look at almost anyone's values they got relationships right . But with you it's real .
It's not a word on a wall , it's not aspiration , it is how you live every freaking day of your life and it's been since the first time I met you . It's been forever .
So my point is a long rambling statement here , to get to the point , but coming out of this , you have a lifetime of relationships that are deep and meaningful and they are one-on-one and they are people that trust and love you and know who you are , right .
So , coming out of that , it's going to be part of your future , right , right , right , yeah , because it's the base . It's the foundation of who you are is capacity and relationships , right , right . So it's it's cool to watch this new reinvention of hey , here's the last swing at the plate , right , and what it's going to be for you . It's cool , I love it .
Well , it is , it's exciting . And you know , relationships are everything and when you have that pause , you think constantly well , are they going to return my call or are they not ? And I called a joint friend of ours that had retired . That was , you know , ran a very , very large organization .
And I said well , you know how is this going to go , like you know . And he says well , he said you think everybody's your friend and I'm like that was the first moment . I'm like not , they're not my friends . I thought they were all my friends .
And he said you know , like when you reach out to another leader at an organization or whatever , you know , somebody maybe that you don't go to barbecues with , but you think is your friend , he said you know , if you , out of those 10 people , he said two aren't going to call you back , I'm sorry , two aren't going to call you back and the next six they're
going to call you back . It just that hour that you're used to , it might be a week and I'm like , oh , that's going to be tough , how's that going to work ? And he goes , but there's two , there's two that will text you right back . And so , you know , the first time I sent a text to one of those .
You're waiting to see if you were , at what percentage I did ?
I did , and I'm looking at my phone going I sent it Because you don't want , like , you want to know the answer , but know , you know , like , is anything going to respond ?
Or , and I'll tell you my experience , uh , and I'm not saying this in a boastful way , it's just to your point about relationships , I'd send a text and I would say , yes , I had the two , no doubt about it , but the other eight , they're still my friends , that's all , and they're still wanting to engage and interested . And I had , I wanted to .
After you know when , after the 31st , when I thought I'm going to reconnect and of course you know you're not in real estate and not needing financing right and capital , and so I thought , well , I'll call this EVP of real estate for a large bank and see how that , you see , can I get an appointment ? Well , even , that's every back , you know .
And , boy , he texted right back and said , yeah , well , I don't know what you're going to do , I want to hear how you're doing and what's next . And you know how does next surge day ? And I remember telling Jenny like , hey , he's one of the six , he's one of the six , awesome . And you know , because , like you said , relationships are everything .
And maybe back to kerosene a little bit , that event I just really look at that event and that is highlights so many things .
It highlights relationships , and not only with you know , bringing some of those people to little old Idaho , from you know Wisconsin , yeah , to little old Idaho , from you know Wisconsin , yeah , it really is the relationships between you and I , between the employees and cause you don't .
One thing I've learned from you is , you know , definitely you've got the hey , what do you mean ? They say we can't do it , we can do this . You know you've got that more than anybody I've ever met . And but really every between hey , well , what's this going to be like ?
And of course you're like it's going to be here and I'm thinking , well , we have to hear , maybe . And you know you , you pushed . And I look at the people that attended , I look at the people that spoke , the venue , all of it , and you know it was just phenomenal and a lot of energy .
So many people came up and I , I and have a good speaker is one thing , because I've told people a lot when you attend . Oh , speakers were great . And in my mind I was thinking when do I get the heck out of here .
But people were genuine and I thought about the energy coming out of that , from all aspects of business and friendship and just relationships that we're excited to attend , and I thought , man , I , you know , I really liked that name kerosene , and and .
But you know , kerosene is something that you came up with Right and it it was , yeah , it's , it's funny because , uh , where where it's it's original thing is , it was in the ER , because in the ER you know tons of I mean like , like it's just hard .
And so I would always say to my team cause I was talking about this the other day like when you're in the emergency room , I'm really glad that that's . And I always liked sports and played little college basketball and was always part of my life . But then when I went into medicine , I was attracted to emergency medicine because it's very team oriented .
Like you , like you have someone come in off , you know , you go unload them from an ambulance and they're having a cardiac arrest . At the same time , you have someone in the lobby who walks in and passes out having a pulmonary embolism , and you are working a night shift .
You've got you're , you're the doctor and I'll tell you , every other person , every single other person in that entire place has to be on the same page with you , or or or bad things happen , right . So so you're constantly trying to motivate people and I always prided myself and I still run into people .
It makes me feel a little emotional because I saw someone a couple of weeks ago , but , like , I always prided myself in like the phlebotomist , the person that came to our blood , the x-ray technician who comes down to help you , the unit clerk that most doctors didn't know their names , right , that those people all mattered .
So one of my sayings I always had was hey , in order to work these night shifts , you got to have kerosene in your veins . I always had was hey , in order to work these night shifts , you got to have kerosene in your veins . Because it was like you have to , right , it's that fire , because are you part of this team ?
So it's just always stuck with me kerosene in your veins , right , and what did that mean ? It means are we together ? Are we committed ? Do we have a combined vision ? We know where we're heading , do we have clarity on plan of what we're doing ?
And then do we work our tails off together , right , and it's just , it's kind of a great little phrase , but anyway , I'm I'm so happy that this , that that cause . I know you were worried . You're like hey are you okay with this ? And I'm like am I okay ? It's like this honor , right ?
So I think it ties back to our friendship too , yeah , and personality and you know personality and when I look at , so I looked up the definition is dumb , but I looked up the definition of carrot like what's in kerosene , what's ? Because I've always thought like hot fire , yeah , yes , it burns right , yeah , it doesn't burn hot , it's not like you know .
Uh , it's not like nitroglycerin doesn't explode and but it's constant , yeah , and it's fuel and it provides light , right , and it means a lot .
I love the name and you know , then and this is I didn't I'm not the creative guy you are , and so , as jen Jenny and I were looking and we thought colors and this was honestly about in July is thinking , well , what is it ?
I didn't know any of this , until last night , by the way , I know Like last night .
I know , and the first time I I'm like , okay , thel , so you know , thel's the attorney . I'm like , well , I need to like . So there's such a team , you know , I just knew that I had to tell him the name because there's something with the secretary of state .
You got to like reserve the name or something , and so he's like , you know , okay , well , I'm going to file . And I thought , well , that's one way , because I know Tommy likes the name . Somebody's going to say , oh , hey , and there's this legal filing and it's got Phil Casper , and you're going to know , so that doesn't happen .
So , but , but I liked the name and even then I used the orange . This was in July . I've got a sign . It's got a black background , it's got the orange and the closer we got , you know , start thinking . And then after the 31st , you know , when I hit send on the logo , it's got the orange and the black . And I didn't know you would hate it .
I thought there's me elements that you like . You know you're like , hey , oh , oh , I don't know about this .
We gotta so to be clear , to be clear , I have the benefit
¶ Closing Thoughts and Gratitude
of my life of having maddie ray , my son-in-law , who's here today , who is like's not me , he's like the creative genius , but I know what he would have said hey , thanks , matt .
Muchas gracias .
I sent it right to him and I'm like , hey , fix this , but the color , let's go to the color , because for you you had to put orange in there and it meant to you and it was so funny . It wasn't until last night . Oh really Last night , oh really Last night , you pulled me out . And it's the same thing .
When we did our rebrand , I told Matthew I said I want Hunter Orange there . And he's like yeah , and I'm like yeah , I want it to be Hunter Orange , because I think it's pretty cool , dude . Well , it's pretty cool that , without any communication , that was the bond , right , that was the thing is .
The thing is , hey , going forward , that means something to us and it's fun and like we started with kind of this , the hunting , the experience , right stuff , and anyway , well what this is .
When it dawned this is when one piece of it connected was last night when we were here and I look over and I look up close at the period and I , you know , I did not I'm like that's exactly , that's the same color , like kind of exactly the same color .
Yeah , and so the connection , as far as you know what kerosene means , what the orange , there's just a lot of uh , similarities . And know , the reason I keep banging away at June is I didn't cheat Like to me , I just want the best idea . So you know , it wasn't the oh boy , that's a great orange , I'll use that one . It was more thoughtful than that .
And then to see that , that similarity , that synergy , because there's so many things about us that are synergistic .
Talk about , talk about your new company and your vision and and where you see it going and how you're going to take advantage of a life of of relationships in your new venture . You bet .
So I think , the first founding principle , if you will , I want to do things that I love with people that I love , and now I've got the luxury I don't have to like people that I don't really love , you know , cause there's relationships are at different levels , and so I'm going to do what I love and I'm going to do it in the timeframe that I want , and
so , um , you know that , that , in all honesty , that 20 , 30 hours a week is what I'm looking at , and you know , compared to 60 , 70 before , and just be really thoughtful and focused and then do it with people that I love , whether that's , uh , my partners .
I want to be able to call and have that relationship and think about things and be able to glean from their experience .
We can learn something from everyone , whether they're in a completely different industry that's probably who you learn the most from and just involve some independent people to help with some of the decision-making people that are my senior and that I've respected forever and one of them led a very large organization as a lender , and Rob and I .
There were times that he told me no and I didn't like Rob . Well , now I want him to tell me no , because I , like Rob and you know , involve some great people , do great projects . Of course , yes , real estate focused and be able to do it with people that you know , I really care , love and trust .
You know I have the luxury of being able to decide which of those people do I want to move forward with , and you know it's . I can't tell you how exciting it is and energetic to be able to do that .
And you know , because they exist all over , you know , all over the country , and really I , from my perspective , be able to go do business with some of the best of the best is , I think , not only a , yes , strategic advantage but also , you know , from a friendship , emotional , liking , who you're dealing with , that's that I couldn't ask for anything better , you
know , because I still I mean , I sit on the board of Blue Cross . I love that it's . I'm not a doctor , but I've fixed a few things , yeah , but you know , be able to I just anyways be involved in Blue Cross . I can't say enough good about that great company , they do great things . I love being a part of it .
Uh , work a little bit with the , with the state , on the , on the idaho parks , and board , uh , being able to see , believe it or not . So when the governor first asked me , I'm thinking uh , you know , like I gotta tell you , gov , the campgrounds we got a problem with campgrounds , of course you know .
But then realizing who's there , and I remember telling the governor like , hey , we got to run this deal like a business .
And in fact during my little you know , confirmation hearing , I got maybe a little passionate and just said , look , you know , this is a business , the state has a business and Susan , the director of Buxton , does a phenomenal job of trying to .
Hey , we're going to run this , we're going to have metrics , we're going to have what's returned on assets and are we really doing the best job for the state as a steward ? And they're forward thinking , they're looking at joint ventures between different departments at the state , and you know , so that's , that's exciting .
I want to have time to give back to the state , to others and because , let's face it , I love to live here , you love to live here . I do not want to live in South Dakota , I want to be a visitor for , you know , a week or two , a month or a year . But but Kerosene Capital is , it's one of the things with .
You know , I never owned a share of stock of bv , but emotionally I owned it and you know again , just great , great company , uh , great employees . But now I've got a chance to to own , yeah , you know , own a piece of it and own what it means and the brand and how it's perceived in the community .
And and then you know what what I own is me and and I got to say , you know , and Jenny , jenny's had so much to do . Believe me , you think that the latest logo was not the best .
I've got a million of them that she's already thrown up on you know , matthew , matthew , you don't want version one , don't get version one , no , but hey , well , hey , this has been , this has been the best . Yeah , yeah , I can't . It's uh , the amount of energy .
One of the things that I wanted to maybe kind of end in on here is , uh , the energy you bring to life is infectious , whether that's in a two-wheel drive truck , going through a freaking snow drift that we had no business even trying to go through , we made it , and then , like , literally an hour before dawn till an hour after dusk , and then we finally get
back to the hotel to eat our cheese curds , oh yeah , but , like , whether you're hunting or in business , it is , it is the most energizing thing ever . It is , it never stops , it's thoughtful , it's metric based , it's . It's like I just , uh , I love the partner , I love the partnership , I love you , I love you as my friend and as my business partner .
It's been a wonder , wonder . It's been a wonderful ride together . And now , uh , v2 is , is you know , like I again , I just is going to be uh , with gratitude on the past and with absolute fire and excitement for the future .
And here we go I'm ready to go and you know , just bring that energy and you've got energy . And one thing that I've noticed about you over the years is you always , if somebody's got a problem , uh , whatever it is , you kind of you drop everything and I gotta this guy . This guy needs my help , not not relation , not business related .
This guy needs my help and you're always help and you're always willing to help them . And that's , frankly , been a I needed to slow down and you know , because I love to help people but I've never seen anybody with that and there's a lot of takeaways from people that I've met , but that is something that just always stood out .
And at a time in my need you know which we don't have time to go through when you would tell me well , there's a story here , we got to have this test . I'm like I don't want that test and well , I'll tell you later and I'm glad you didn't tell me on the front end , but sorry for another day . But I want to make sure that .
Shout out also to all of the people you know who , to all of the people you know who you are . I just appreciate you to death . I owe so many people , so much gratitude , thank you . Nobody does it in life on their own and it's really the relationships , the people behind you and I've just blessed , and first with Jenny and then with you .
Know there's too many to name , but thank you . Well , it's been great yeah . Thank you for your relationship , friendship and example . Okay , buddy , all right , we'll do it again . Yes , sir , thanks everybody , let's do it .