59: Do This To Create a God-Centered Marriage Community

I think it was actually 10 days. It was like 10 days. I think it was 10 days that we were traveling and we got back Sunday night. Uh, we got back to our house at like one 30 in the morning, which isn't like that. Wild I. But, uh, every single day that we were traveling, we went to bed between 12:00 AM and 2:00 AM and like the earliest was 12:00 AM but most of 'em were like 1:30 AM Yeah. Like the earliest we ever went to bed was midnight. And I mean, we felt it. Yeah. Like we were exhausted.

And I, I feel like I haven't felt that way in this really long time. What do they call that? Like your sleep bank or something? Mm. Do you know that concept? No. I remember learning about it once, but there's like some sort of sleep bank and. We just drained the bank. We drained it. We drained it, and people do talk about how you can't actually make up sleep. Yeah. Have you heard that? Yeah. Like I think, I don't understand that, but yes, I've heard it.

I don't understand it and I don't, I mean, maybe I believe it, but I also do feel like taking a nap helps if you're like behind on sleep. Oh, we just like sleeping in the next day, I feel like. Or sleeping in. Or sleeping in the next few days. Yeah, the next few days. Really helps, but people say you can't make up sleep. And so that like if you lose sleep, like you basically just screwed yourself over and there's nothing else you can do about it.

And so we basically screwed ourselves over for like eight to 10 days. 'cause we went to bed late every single day. Yeah. And it was either because, uh, we had an event or we were chatting with family or, um, I mean, most nights we were working helping your brother or working. Yeah, so my brother, oh he'll love this. This will be a shout out to Redeemed Studios redeemed.

My brother, he's 16 and his two best friends, they just launched a Christian clothing brand, and it's like kind of like sporty streetwear, like, you know what the kids are wearing? It's Gen Z fashion, it's, yeah, it's pretty Gen Z fashion. Well, I mean. It's one hoodie. So right now it's one hoodie, but the vision, the vision is Gen Z, fashion Christian fashion, but vision is Gen Z, Christian Fashion. Right now it's just one hoodie. Street. The street look.

Yeah. Their first drop was just one hoodie and that dropped. When we're recording this today, so when this goes live Yeah. A week or two ago. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, um, so they, yeah. Wanted to, to launch this brand and knowing that Trey and I had experience in launching an online business, sought out help.

And so we've been mentoring them throughout the whole process of creating their brand and get, you know, creating the product, designing the product, and then teaching them about marketing and social. And content creation and launch strategy. And um, so while we were home, while we were back home at my parents' house, we did a whole photo shoot for them and their friends to model the hoodies.

We helped them build a website and, you know, taught them about launch strategy and helped them with their first couple videos. And we didn't realize the whole week would be a working week. We went to bed super late helping them basically get all this stuff ready for their launch. Um, 'cause they're busy too.

I mean, they're in high school, so they go to school for eight hours a day and then they go to practice and then they have extracurriculars and then dinner, and then dinner, and then they're exhausted and then it's like 7:00 PM or 8:00 PM and they're like, okay, what do we do now? And yeah, so we help them out a lot there, which was super fun for us. We love doing that. I mean, we just like.

Rey and I love business and we love that kind of like initial stages of like brand concepts and brand creation. I feel like, at least for me, that's something that I really love. And the hoodie turned out super sick. Yeah. Honestly, the hoodie is like, like I'm gonna buy one really high quality. Yeah. It's super nice. I was, I was very impressed. You, you should like, you earned yours, dude. No, I want to give him the money. Aw. Like we gotta pay for it. You're so cute.

I definitely demanded, my brother gave me one. I was like, I earned it. I mean, yes, we earned it, but I wanna buy it. Yeah, support. Support them. Very, very cool. Had go check 'em out redeemed studios.co. Yeah. And on Instagram, they're redeemed under studios. They're also so darn cute. You guys, they're 16-year-old boys. Like, go watch their, uh, intro videos.

Yeah. And they're, they're, they're like passionate about their faith and I mean, just literally on that level, go support them because what they're doing at 16 is like, honestly so impressive. You know? And like standing out amongst the crowd, like talk about their faith. So send it to your Christian Guy friends, to your, you know, brothers, sons, your younger brothers, your younger Christian men in your life. Um, and yeah, so we did that. Pretty much every night. And anyways.

And then party planning? Yeah. And then party planning. And then the actual party. You, we went to bed at like two in the morning as well. Yeah. Big party. So we are exhausted. And I, you asked me how I'm doing. I'm recovering. I feel like today's the first day since Sunday. Today's a Wednesday and it's the first day since Sunday that I feel alive in my body. All the other days I feel like. What's that saying? Like, lights on no one's home. Yep. That's pretty much how I felt.

Kinda like a walking zombie. Just like my body was sleeping, but my eyes happened to be open. Yeah. Well that's good. How are you? I'm good. I don't think it hit me quite as hard as you. Like I was tired but I wasn't walking zombie. Oh yeah. Uh, but the few mornings in has helped and Yeah. Doing well so, should we talk about marriage? You wanna talk about marriage? I wanna Talk about marriage community.

Um, basically a few weeks ago we were chatting about like, oh, what are the next couple episodes that we wanna record together? Like, what do we wanna talk about? And we kinda just like looked at our life and like, what are we living right now? What are we passionate right now? And our marriage community is something that we're so grateful for. And I think it's a question I get asked. Pretty often on Instagram, people wonder like, how'd you find Catholic married couple friends?

Or like, what's this marriage group you have and how did you get it started? So I thought it'd be a good episode to kind of just chat about our experience as Catholic married Couple, wanting to live a God-centered marriage and how to find community with other married couples that have that same. Vision for their life and that same goal in their marriage. Um, and just how to grow those friendships. Yeah. Because I mean, it's hard. It's hard.

Like you have all your friends from high school or college and you know, depending on when you got into your faith mm-hmm. You might not share those same values, uh, like the faith values or the faith aspect of your life with your friends from high school or college or, you know, maybe you do, but they're not married and so then you're not sharing that, uh. Like experience together. Mm-hmm. As a married couple, living out your faith.

And so, or even like in the working world, like if you work in a secular environment, which I would say most people do. Yeah. Like, you can't even relate on that level to a lot of your coworkers maybe. Right. So yeah, I mean, Maria and I definitely relate, like when we got married it was an interesting experience trying to navigate, like finding community and Christian community and mm-hmm. Uh, building deeper friendships and especially. Like, we know how important that's gonna be in our life.

As you raise your kids, you want to, you know, walk with other couples as they're building their families and raising their kids. And you want, you know, to be aligned with how you live your life. And so, yeah, what we're like, I guess Mari, we got married four years ago. Mm-hmm. And what was like, did we have community when we first got married? What were some of the first steps that we took? Um, how long did it take? Yeah. To find friends that were also married?

Yeah. I think our specific situation right when we got married was a little bit unique because we were both missionaries at the time, and so we almost had like this built in community at the Newman Center, and even a lot of the students who were seniors at the time that got engaged and then got married kind of became our like. Catholic married couple community. Mm-hmm.

But I think we especially felt that like gap or like that longing for community when we left being missionaries and we were like, okay, like we don't just have. The people that are built into our job, you know, to rely on or to like grow in our marriage with, how the heck do we just meet people at the parish? Like how do we meet other young couples at the parish? Um, and I think we felt that a lot too when we moved from Nebraska to Colorado.

Yeah. And it was a totally new place, which I think is the experience for a lot of married couples. Like that stage of life is so transitional. You're moving to new places all the time. And so you kind of feel that like loneliness of just like, mm-hmm. Oh my gosh. We don't, we don't have any friends and we wanna make friends. And then when you're married too, it's kind of that challenge of like, we wanna make friends.

We're like, the wives really get along and then the husbands get along so we can all hang out together. And it's not just like, we know one person likes 'em, but then the other spouse doesn't like the other one. And that's always, you know, kind of an awkward situation. Um. So, you know, if I remember back to like when we moved here a couple years ago, it was like dating, it was like double dating. Yeah. A lot. Yeah, it was. And I think a lot of it was, um, based off of like mutual friends.

Yeah. Right. Yeah, for sure. Like people recommended like, like I feel like maybe we, like maybe we knew one couple or something like that and they invited us. To like their husband's birthday, you know the husband's birthday party. Yeah. And then we like met another couple there, and then they were like, oh, you should talk to this couple. And it was a lot of kind of like mutual friends introducing us to other people and going on a ton of double dates.

Yeah. So we would, yeah, these double dates mostly looked like we would, either me or Mario would get the husband or wife's phone number and just text them and say, Hey, we'd love to hang out and get together. And then either we would host them for dinner or. We would go or they would host us for dinner. So usually mm-hmm. That's, I mean, we didn't go out that often. I mean, we honestly didn't go out that often, but you totally could, totally could to like get drinks or dinner out.

But, but yeah, I mean, our experience was we just went over to people's houses and shared a meal. Um, or inviting him over. Yeah. And so we did that with, I don't know, like four or five couple. Oh, I think more. More maybe. Yeah. Um, and I'll say like, it was exciting when we first moved here, but at the same time it can get a little bit tiring sometimes when you're just like, you don't feel like you have your core people yet.

Like that process of finding your friends can be kind of tiring sometimes of just like, okay, I'm just like talking to a bunch of people and it, it, I felt like it felt kind of like dating a little bit of just like, do we fit, are we gonna vibe? Are we gonna get a second date? You know, it's like when you invite 'em over for dinner and you're like, are they gonna invite us back, you know, next month at their house? Or like, who's hosting next?

And I feel like that's when we kind of like found the groove of like the people that we did grow closer relationships with was that like we really vibed during that first hangout. And then the other person was like, Hey, well I'll you over next time. And then they would make an invite. And once you start, you know, reciprocating those invites, obviously the friendship starts to grow more.

Um. But I think specifically for us, after being missionaries for a while and being in the position of like making the invites and always being the ones hosting and creating the small group environment, we were a little bit like tired of that. Yeah. Not that we, not that we didn't desire that still, but we were like, okay, like we're gonna move to a new place. Like we, we want like people to do that for us for a little bit. Yeah. And I think in a sense like.

You know, people tried like in a sense, like people connected us, like I said, with their mutual friends, right? Totally. Yeah. Made introductions. Made introductions, but I think we were really yearning for that community aspect, not just like a one-on-one friendship and. I don't think that's a unique desire, but I think we had a unique experience in Nebraska when we started off our marriage, totally starting off our marriage with such a strong community of young Catholic couples. Mm-hmm.

And how much that impacted us in our marriage and how that inspired us to live a God-centered marriage, to continue in our own spiritual lives and to like really grow in virtue as husbands and wives, you know, and have that like women's community, men's community, and then together. And so when we moved here, we not just want, we don't, we didn't just want friendships that we wanted people to grow with. We wanted like kind of a greater community to grow with. Mm-hmm.

And after, I think it was like maybe like six to nine months of kind of double dating and, and making some friendships here and there. Yeah. We were kind of like, okay, but we want something more. Yeah. We want a little bit more intentional. Yeah. Like it's, it's nice having going over to a friend's house for dinner, but also if we're only seeing them once every like three months. Yeah. 'cause life is busy then, then it's like, okay, you're not really getting deep.

And I know that part of our experience at the beginning was we would go over to people's houses and I mean, but we, we would only see them, you know, once every couple months. Yeah. Because life was busy and so we weren't really like. Growing in deep, deep friendship. Yeah. And it still felt pretty service level, which is normal. Like it's a new friendship. Yeah. And, but I do remember like us talking like, oh wow.

Like it wasn't super life giving or like natural, like it felt like we were like almost like, I don't know, like forcing it, like forcing a friendship, but like it was just a new friendship and there's nothing wrong with that. Yes. But it's just like, it just takes time to develop takes. Yes. And so, and to feel comfortable in that friendship and like deep in that friendship. Correct. And so it like.

Instead of like going over to a friend's house, he's known forever and you can just like lay on their couch and do nothing and. Or just talk about whatever and you can be silent together. It was just like, it wasn't as natural as that, which is completely normal. And because you need time to get there. Exactly. And you need so many like points of connection to get to that point. Mm-hmm.

And in the adult life, you know, between work and travel and family time and just other things that go on, you don't see each other as frequently. Yeah, totally. And so then like these experiences that we're having, it's like, yeah, it's fun going to, going to dinner, but it was just like. It wasn't as good of a community as we wanted. Mm-hmm. And so, and it felt just like, oh yeah, we're gonna sit here and dinner. We're have a good time. But like. It there. There was a sense of depth.

A sense of depth that was missing. Yeah, totally. And so we kind of like sat down one day and chatted about like, okay, who are our friends? And honestly like I had a list of notes, like a notes on my phone of just like the friends we had made that we had liked and like well then we're trying to remember their names too. You know, and we were just meeting so many people that we wanted to kind of like keep track of like, oh, we met this couple and this couple, and what were their names?

And we were trying to be really intentional about our community and about building community. And this is, I guess also just a tip too, if you want to build community, like. This is a way to be intentional. Like I had a notes on my phone and I listed the couples that we had met, and then we would look at our calendar and be like, okay. This weekend, you know, I think like every week we were like on either on a Friday or a Saturday, like who do you wanna reach out to?

Like is there someone you wanna reach out to, to invite over for dinner, to ask to go out, or something like that. And that would help us build those friendships, especially early on when you first move and you feel really alone and you feel like you don't have anybody. Yeah, and I think to add on to that is it takes actual effort. Mm-hmm. Like finding community doesn't happen by accident for most people. Like, it takes a lot of effort and dedication and intentional effort to make it a lot.

A lot of times you can like see a group of friends or like, you know, see from a distance of community and be like, oh, like. It looks so easy. I wish I had that, but yeah, like it really does take effort. Intentional work. Yeah. And like make having intentionality to Yeah. Write names down on the notes app on your phone. And then I remember you would always like, get on me, be like, oh, who are you texting?

Like, yeah, because, because I feel like guys just don't think about, we don't think about it as much as girls do. Yes. We don't think about it. And, and like, you can't just text a couple, Hey, like, what are you doing tonight? What are you doing tomorrow night? Do you wanna get dinner? Yeah. It's like you text 'em, which I mean like, maybe you can, but I just feel like it's. It's so much less likely that people will be free on the spot 'cause Right, as adults so much is going on.

So Yeah. And so, so like you would be like, okay, re here in Texas we'd hang out and then we would each try to text somebody, but then it'd be like, oh, that dinner that hangout is gonna be two weeks from now because they're busy. Yeah. And so, yeah, it just takes time and effort. Yeah. And so, yeah, I think like six to nine months into us moving to Colorado, we kinda like looked at that list and we were like, okay, like we wanna have more intentional friendships like.

Who, out of this list of people that we've met, do you feel like we have maybe connected with the most? You know, we like both spouses. Mm-hmm. We feel like that friendship is reciprocated where like they've, you know, invited us and we've invited them. Yep. Um, and we picked out like three other couples on that list that we were like, we really love these people. We really feel like our friendship is growing and that we mm-hmm.

Really align on our faith, on our values, on our morals, all that kind of stuff. How we wanna raise a family. All in similar, like ages and stages of life. Oh yeah. All in similar, all in the same stage of life. Um, and we basically decided like, okay, you know what, like. We're gonna be those people again. We're gonna be the missionaries. Like you can't take it out of us.

And it's true, like some people are just like given those gifts, I feel like, to kind of bring people together and to cultivate community. And so we were like, we're gonna start a marriage group and we're gonna propose this to our new friends. And so basically I sent out a text to the girls, to the wives, and I was like, Hey ladies, this was like. Last November, or like, yeah, last November. Well, a year, a year and a half ago. A few months ago. Yeah, a year and a half ago.

Um, and I was like, Hey, you guys, like, it's, you know. Well, I actually texted him in October. Is Murray here in case you haven't saved my phone number? No. They knew who I was at this point, but it was October and you know, girls in October are just obsessed with fall. You're on a fall. On a fall kick. Yeah. And so it was literally the first week of October and I was like, you guys, like, I wanna host a fall dinner party and like do all the fall things.

Like let's get together, invite your husbands, um, wanna host you guys at our house. And I did include like a tidbit 'cause I didn't just wanna like spring it on them at dinner. And I included like a little thing about like, Trey and I have been talking about how we can cultivate more intentional. To share kind of our thoughts on that with you guys. Okay. So you did add a little tidbit? I did. Okay, because I, I don't remember that. I thought we just invited them over No.

For dinner and then hijacked the dinner with like, okay, now you're roped into this community. No, no. I sent them a text saying that, and I included a sentence being like, you know, we wanna create, you know, we've been talking about how to create a more intentional. How to cultivate a more intentional marriage community. Would love to share our thoughts with you guys. Yeah. And I think they were all kind of intrigued. They're like, Ooh, what does that mean?

Um, I guess I'll come into your fall dinner party. And this was four couples total, the three that we invited and us, and I sent that text first speak of October, and the first available date that all four couples could get together was the first week of November. And so that just goes to show like how intentional you have to be, right? Because I was like trying to plan something for like the next few weeks and everybody was like, Nope, it won't work until a month out.

Um, so we met that next month. Trey and I had basically what we pitched was like meeting once a month for dinner and reading a marriage book together, like honestly like a Catholic marriage book together so that we could all. Grow in our marriage and learn how to have a more God-centered marriage and then have a community to discuss it with that we trusted to share our own experience and how we're each growing, or where we're struggling or what we're learning. Mm-hmm.

And just like know that there are people alongside you that care just as much as you do about growing in their marriage and prioritizing their marriage and their faith. And their faith specifically. Yeah. Well, and at dinner we didn't just like. Spring it on him right away. Oh, no. Yeah, we hours, we, we like hung out for two hours and it was like two hours into the dinner that then we like brought it up.

Yeah. It was kind of funny though because we were, you know, wrapping up dinner and I was like kicking trand to the table. Like, okay, say something. This is your moment. And I wanted him to be the one to say, you know, like, let the man lead. And like, I just feel like when the man like. Says something. It's just like the A author, there's authority that comes with it, and I just feel like they'll at least get the other guys a little bit more. Yes. More bought in.

Like there's that level of respect of like, oh, like Trey's inviting us. And so I was like kicking Trey under the table. Like, okay, I like go for it. Like, yeah. And now it's your turn. Yeah. So anyways, like Ma said, we proposed this idea and we just said like, no pressure. You don't have to give us an answer now. Yeah. Like. You guys can talk about it, see if this is something that you guys wanna commit to.

But we do want, uh, there to be a commitment that you actually like, are gonna make the effort to Yeah. Like to show up once this Yeah. Be in this community. Read the book with us and show up once a month. And so, yeah. Um, and then, I don't know, a couple weeks later, like, we followed up with all of 'em and yeah. Two of them said yes and one said no. Yep. And that's fine. Like the other person, like they just realized they, they didn't have the time commitment.

Yeah. They probably couldn't commit to that time. They also lived farther away, so it was gonna be a farther drive and so yeah, it didn't work out and that's fine. Yeah. But we did get two couples and so yeah, there was three couples, including Mario and I, Uhhuh, and for a year we met pretty much every month. Yeah. Um. And we, and Rena had picked out a book in advance Yeah. That we had heard of. That was good. Also, like a very basic level book. Yeah. Um, what was it called?

The Good, the Messy and the Beautiful. Yes. Is that what it's called? Yep. By Ed SRE and Beth Stre. Yep. I have a podcast episode with Beth herself talking about the book, if you wanna hear about it. Yeah. And so, I mean, we just took it slow. I mean, like the primary purpose of this was community. Yeah. And we also like, didn't. Still didn't know them super, super well, and so we just wanted to like continue to build that friendship.

Yeah. And so the format is we would each read like chapter two chapters at a time, two chapter, very long commitment. Short, like very little, like 10 pages or 15 pages. Well, I think it was more than 10 pages, but in 30 days. Yeah. The two chap, they weren't very long chapters and it was like. Low commitment so that we could make sure everybody read right and we had something to discuss and, and then we would all rotate taking turns, who hosted dinner.

We would show up for dinner and just hang out, eat dinner for like an hour and a half. Mm-hmm. And then at the end, usually when we were like done eating dinner, we would start talking about the book. Yeah. And like what stood out to us, what resonated with us, what challenged us. What encouraged us and that led into like a whole nother set of conversations. Yeah. And so, I mean, these dinners are honestly like at least three hours long, like three to four hours I feel like.

I don't know if there has ever been four hours, but dude, I think the first dinner we had three was three. Yeah, probably three and a half hours. Definitely been three hours. Yeah. So, uh, definitely three. It's been super fun, like we've really enjoyed it and yeah, I mean, it took us a year. Maybe a little bit longer. It, no, it was a year. It took us exactly a year to finish the book. It literally, yeah, it took us exactly a year.

'cause I remember it was, it was this past November and we were like, wow. Last chapters of the book. Like it only took us a year to read a whole book, which is fine. Like that's not the point is the point's not to get through a ton of content in a ton of like books. Yeah. And if we're being honest, like. Were we reading marriage books outside of that? No. No. So we read one more then we, although we would love to, we just like weren't really setting aside the time.

So I think this is just, yeah, another way to enrich your marriage. I know so many people ask me for marriage book recommendations and relationship book recommendations, and I think it's so important to pour into your relationship in that way. But let's be real sometimes like. It's hard to set aside the time. So this was also, I mean, a way for us to do that for our marriage. Yeah. It was one more book than we read the past three years of our marriage. Yeah, exactly.

Um, and I. Yeah, I just feel like it made for some really awesome conversations and also just brought us together as friends too, because when you're talking about marriage, like there's just a level of vulnerability that is brought into the conversation. Mm-hmm. And then also when you're bringing faith into it, there's also just like another level of friendship that you're able to get to, knowing that you're all like seeking God in your relationship.

And you know, we start the night with prayer, we end the night with a. Prayer to the Holy family. Um, and so we're asking for the holy family's intercession as we're all trying and striving for God-centered marriage. And let's be honest, like it can be difficult or weird or awkward sometimes to bring up faith conversations into a friendship that's just starting. Mm. And at least for guys it is.

And so this was like an excuse where it's like, okay, now we have to like pivot the conversation from just talking about our lives. Or sports. Sports or the movies or like whatever we did that week, or to be intentional to be like actually intentionally talking about faith.

And so it gave us like an excuse to like force or to incorporate faith conversations into our friendship, which is an awesome yeah, and I think it's just so helpful to have married community, like married, even if it's just one other married couple that is rooted in their faith and is striving for the same things that you as you are and has this, those same values and how they want to like live their marriage and raise a family.

Even if you just have one other couple, like on the journey with you. It is so fruitful, and I know for me, like my best friends that are married and, and Catholic, like, it's been such a blessing to both of our marriages to be able to have that level of trust and openness with each other. When someone is like struggling in marriage in a sense, or has a question of just like, have you, you know, gone through this? Or like, how have you guys dealt with this issue?

Or we, you know, we're facing this. To have that level of trust to be able to share and be like, yeah, like, you know, I'll share from Mike's. Experience and, and be able to like help each other and encourage each other along the way. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so we read that first book and then we're just starting our second book.

Yeah, we took a little break from November, basically for the holidays, basically to now we wanted to meet in February, but then life got busy and then March was kind of insane, so we were able to. This, this month actually we're gonna restart. Yeah. With a new book, our group with a new book. What's the name of that book? Oh, Trey. We are supposed to have two chapters read by next Friday, but I just checked them. They're really short. Um, three to Get Married by Fulton Sheen.

Yes. Which is like a top recommended Catholic marriage. Oh, I remember like when we were engaged, I wanted to read this like six years ago. Yeah. We were looking for books to read and we did read. Some books, but this was always one of the top books. People recommended it was three to get married. Yeah. So I'm excited to read this one because it is a little bit more of like a theological book. I think the first one was a little bit more like practical.

Yeah. And more just like, not surface level, but like entry level. Like this is what marriage is gonna look like. Mm-hmm. And like these are the things you'll encounter and here's how to love each other better. Whereas this one I feel like is gonna bring in the theology of like. How God created marriage to be. Yeah. And like how God plays a role in your marriage. And boy do we need that so much because you're bringing two broken human beings under one roof to become one. Mm-hmm.

And neither of us are perfect and like we have, and neither of us will love each other perfectly as much as we truly love each other and in our hearts truly never wanna hurt each other. And like wanna like take each other to heaven. We just like, can't do that alone. We can't do that alone. So I'm super excited to get into like, kind of the theology of marriage and how God plays a role in it. Yeah. Um, just to, I don't know, you know, run after Holiness together. Yeah. Run after Holiness.

I love it. Honestly, it, I, it's exciting to me. Yeah. And I think education, like the more we learn about our faith. It ignites more passion for it. Yeah. And so like the more we learn about the importance of Christ-centered marriage, Christ-centered marriages, or how Christ instituted the sacrament marriage or the theology behind it, mm-hmm. I think it'll provide a deeper love for marriage as a whole. Yeah. And a greater respect for it.

Um, so yeah, I mean, I'm really excited too so I think now let's talk about, maybe just give some recommendations of books to read. Yeah. And either that people can read, you know, in their, just in their marriage with their spouse, that like these can be the books that you use to start a marriage group. Yes. And yeah, literally invite 1, 2, 3 couples. Yep. And just say, Hey, let's commit to once a month dinners.

We'll take turns posting, we'll start, start out with like a, a, a first intro dinner, you know? Yeah. Where you're just, and I would recommend, and maybe I'm overthinking this, but just like have like a reason, you know, like I picked fall as my reason be like, oh, we wanna have just a spring dinner party, a summer barbecue, a summer barbecue, or like summer patio night. Like, make it like a thing. 'cause people get excited about that. Yeah. Like people want an excuse to like.

Celebrate something and like have a fun dinner party. Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Mayo. That's so perfect. Trey Tequila Night. Yes. Or margaritas is what I meant. Although I hate tequila, so I won't, I won't be hosting that. But anyways, so yeah, here's some book. Pick a theme, invite people over. Oh, and yeah, have the dinner. Yes. And then at the end, have your husband pitch the idea. I really feel strongly about the husband pitching the idea. I agree. I agree. And it's.

It just takes one person or like one couple to initiate it, like you're gonna, everybody's gonna think like, oh, somebody else can do that. That's not me. Like, I can't do that. Like literally all it is is just host one night and propose the idea. 'cause from there on, like we don't do anything. It's just like we just alternate hosting. Yeah. It's not extra work. It just takes one person, like one couple. Mm-hmm. To take the initiative to do this.

Yeah, because it is really not that much work and it just takes. Like, we can all sit around and think, oh, I'm not the person who can lead a group like this, or, and that's not my personality. Or, or have that fear of just like, I wouldn't know how to lead the marriage party. I wouldn't know how to lead it. Or like, I'll wait for somebody else to do it. Like, I don't know, that's not my place.

Like just invite them over for one dinner party, a single to mile party or a summer barbecue or whatever it is. Invite them over for a reason. And then, yeah, like. Just propose the idea because after you propose the idea, then it's not hard. Like we all take turns hosting. So it's not like it's all on you to host every month and prepare content and lead the group, like you're not leading the group. It's just Yeah, no, and no one's preparing discussion questions or anything like that.

I mean, and, and that first book that we mentioned. The good, the messy, and the beautiful actually had discussion questions at the end of each chapter. So if you wanna just start out with that because there's discussion questions written there in there. That's awesome. And that makes it easier for you, but you don't really even have to prep stuff. No. Like the hardest part is taking the initiative. Yeah. To propose the idea.

Yeah. So just take a couple friends, propose the idea, and then you guys are gonna love it and people will be so grateful. I remember like. We even, we were even after being missionaries and having this be our job, basically, we were kind of nervous to ask our friends. Yeah. We were like, what if they're gonna think we're weird or like too much? Or like this is like, or if they don't want this, what if they already have stuff going on?

Yeah. Like they already have friends or community or they're just like, oh, like we don't really want this. I don't know. We were just nervous about it. And then after, even at the dinner, but then afterwards too, like they texted us and expressed their gratitude for us. Being like stepping out, encouraged to propose this. And people were just like, wow. Like, thank you. And they were very honored for the invitation. Mm-hmm. They were like, thank you so much for thinking of us for this group.

Like, we're so excited to be a part of it, and thank you for starting it. And like, people really were appreciative of that. And nobody thought it was weird or awkward or was like, yeah, weird that we wanted to do that. So, all right. So, okay. Yeah, they're all gonna, they already know what party they're gonna host. Yep. So now what is the book that, what is the book they should recommend? Okay. I asked Chachi PT here.

Um, what are some recommendations of books to read for Catholic married couples on marriage? First one, three To get married by Fulton Sheen. Of course. Yes. Glad we're gonna be reading that one. It says, this classic work by Archbishop Sheen explores the spiritual dimensions of marriage, emphasizing the importance of inviting God into the relationship to truly fulfill the couple's love. Love it. Number two, love and Responsibility by Carol Tiwa. Okay. AKA jp, two forewarning there.

Yeah. That's gonna be very heady, very theological. So if the group you're inviting, that's a more advanced book, I'd recommend, like if the group you're bringing together is very theological and you already have those conversations and you are passionate about that stuff, that's great. Yeah. Um, three. The good news about sex and marriage by Christopher West. Christopher West is great, and I feel like that is a very, um, relatable.

Yeah. It's written in a more like colloquial, like relatable way, would you say? Yeah, and I don't, I haven't read this one, but this is also, I think this is actually more geared toward where it's like dating, dating and like why you should save sex for marriage. Huh? I, what is it? Let, yeah. What is the description? Say? Well let this book offers an accessible and comprehensive explanation of the Catholic church's teachings on sexuality, drawing on Saint John Paul ii, theology of the Body.

Yeah, and I mean, honestly, maybe. It would be a little bit more relatable to people who are striving for chastity and wanting to better understand maybe the teachings of theology of the body and why marriage sex is safer marriage. But at the same time, if a married couple doesn't understand or yet know theology of the body Oh yeah. And the true meaning of sex. In marriage. This honestly would be a, an amazing book. It's a great intro book to Theology of the Body. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Which I think every Catholic married couple should know about. Absolutely. And should be learning about. 'cause it, it just completely opens your eyes to the meaning of sex and what it does for you in marriage. Yeah. Um, which is super important. Absolutely. Um, men, women in the mystery of love. Okay. Yeah. This is Edward Re, this is very similar to Christopher West. S good news about sex and marriage. Mm-hmm. We read this one while we were dating.

Yeah. It's, uh, this is a good book for dating and engagement. Yeah. It's broken down. It's Edward series, breaking down John Paul ii. Love and Responsibility and Theology of the Body, like those are the two huge contributions that Pope St. John Paul II provided the church. And these are basically taking that very heady, dense language that a Pope wrote. And breaking it down into how we can understand it and apply it practically in our life today.

Yes. Um, again, very, very good for couples to understand what theology that the body is. Yeah. Uh, but it is more geared towards, I would say, like people who are dating or understanding in chastity, not necessarily somebody who's already married and trying to, um, grow in their marriage. But if you don't, if you're married and you don't know what Chastity is, then yes, definitely read this. Totally.

Um, we also have Holy Sex, A Catholic guy to toe curling, mind Blowing, infallible, loving by Dr. Gregory Pop. C Yeah. This is like, this is like a top recommendation everybody gives. This is like the holy grail of sex books. In the Catholic world, so, so read it. It says, this book offers a candid and faith-based approach to understanding and embracing sexual intimacy within marriage, highlighting its sacred and joy-filled nature. I don't know if you do this in a group, though. I don't know.

Maybe you could. Oh. Yeah, I wouldn't do this in a group. No, I wouldn't. Because you wanna be able to have conversations about it and sometimes there's just things that like, don't need to be shared with other people. So this one I would do within your marriage, yes. But I would really encourage that you do it within your marriage. Definitely read it. Yeah. Um, so good. Another one. This is one that we were gifted. We haven't read it yet. Dis Spiritual discernment in marriage.

Hmm. While this book provides a broader look at married saints, it will address how couples can discern god's together in their married life through stories of saintly couples that's beautiful. Just to be able to married saints and emulate how they lived their marriage. Yeah, that would be a great one. Any other wrecks? Uh, yeah. I think one last one here is also by Dr. Gregory Pop, and I haven't heard of this one for Better Do DOT Forever.

A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage provides practical advice for couples to strengthen their marriage, emphasizing communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution. Wow. Those are all things, every marriage needs communication, intimacy and conflict resolution. Yeah, those are big ones. And then that'd probably be a good one. Sarah Swer just wrote a book, right? Oh, that one's great too. Gift and Grit. Gift and grit. Let me look up what it has to say about that.

Yeah. Out of that list, I would say the ones that we're most familiar with, that we would recommend as our top choices is three, to Get Married by Fulton Sheen. The Good, the Messy, the Beautiful by Edward. Um, and then. Maybe this gift and grit by Sarah Swofford. That last one's sounded really good too, by Dr. Pop Kat or whatever his name was. Yeah. Let's see. Okay. Gift and grit says how it's gift and grit, how heroic virtue can change your life and relationships.

She writes it with her husband, so Sarah and gosh, Dr. Swap, Dr. Schwa. I just know his name is sw, but I forget his first name. I think Andrew. Is it Andrew? I don't know his first name, I dunno. Sarah and SW explore how cultivating virtue can profoundly impact personal relationships, including marriage. She discusses how virtue, such as courage, patience, and perseverance, qualities that resemble grit are essentially for, for nurturing and sustaining healthy relationships.

And how, and how living out your faith and daily interactions offers encouragement for couples to view their relationship knowledge just as a personal commitment, but as a pathway to both personal and spiritual growth. Um. So basically like virtue and spiritual life and how that foundation is going to build a healthy marriage. Yeah. So that would be a great one to like discuss in community. Yeah. Yeah. Another book that Mari and I read shortly after we got married was His Needs. Her Needs.

That was a good one. And I can't remember who it's by. Do you have it? That look? Did you look it up? I just popped. Yeah. Um, his needs, her Needs Building an Affair Proof Marriage by Dr. Willard f Harley, Jr. Okay, Harley Junior. But anyways, it, the whole premise of the book is there's five fundamental needs that a man needs requires in his life. And there's five like fundamental base needs that women require in their life, specifically like husbands and wives too. Husbands and wives.

And so, and that like you need to, as a husband, I need to understand what the five needs are that my wife requires and how I can best fulfill those. And then. Yeah, likewise. The wife needs to understand the five needs of the husband so that, uh, essentially we can build a strong marriage and that then the man or the woman's not going elsewhere to looking for that need. Yeah. Which can lead to affairs. Yeah. I'll read the. The little summary here too.

Yeah. And then I'll say my thoughts about that book. Um, it says his needs, her needs focuses on strengthening marital bonds by identifying and meeting the distinct emotional needs of husbands and wives through open communication, mutual understanding, and intentional effort. Couples can foster a fulfilling and secure relationship, reducing the risk of infidelity while not explicitly religious.

These practical insights complement a Catholic understanding of marriage by encouraging partners to nurture their own union with love and respect. Um, I found this book to be really eye-opening and really practically useful, especially, I think we started reading it while we were engaged actually. Yeah. And I think we finished it on our honeymoon. I remember bringing it to, mm-hmm. We were reading it on the honeymoon. Yeah. To our honeymoon.

Um. And I think as like a new bride, it was very good for me to read. So I highly recommend it for newly married couples. And if you've never read it, I mean read it regardless of where you are in your marriage. Um, because men and women are fundamentally different and. It is beautiful.

I love learning about the differences between men and women because the more we learn about those differences, the better we can love each other and the stronger than our marriage is and the more complimentary we're able to be. And I mean, that's just the fundamental message of theology, the body basically. Um, and so you learn a lot about how to specifically. Like love your husband in those needs that he has. Mm-hmm.

And then as a wife, you have kind of like practical ways that you can grow in and that you can kind of target to build a better relationship with your spouse. The hard part about that book that I found really difficult is that it is all centered around protecting your marriage from an affair. Now what I do appreciate about the offer is that he's very frank and honest. And I feel like sometimes you just need that. You just need someone to straight up tell you how it is.

Yeah. Um, but I think it's also hard, especially as a new wife for me, I mean, I think at any point it was hard, but like, especially as like a new bride, I was like, I would cry all the time reading the book. Yeah. Because it was always like, and if you don't fulfill these needs, then you could have an affair. Yeah. I mean, he was just very frank and blunt because, 'cause he's a marriage therapist and so he shared.

All, he shared these like stories and he changed the names of the people, but he shared these real stories of his clients that were on the brink of divorce that had gone through affairs and how they got there. And he basically shared the statistics of how common affairs actually are. Mm-hmm. And that's just the reality.

Yeah. And we may think that that doesn't happen in, you know, in the Catholic and Christian world because, oh, we're Catholic and Christian, but at the end of the day, we're human beings and. There's sin and there's brokenness and you know, we're, we're still just as susceptible. To Yeah. Affairs and to, and to s sitting and falling in our marriages, um, as anybody else. Yeah. Like your fate's not gonna protect your marriage from an affair. Exactly.

Um, and so that was kind of, I'll just give that caveat as I was like, it was a little bit hard to read at times because they would like, share these stories of like, people who had an affair and were on the brink of divorce and I was about to get married and I was like, Trey, please never leave me. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's hard to be confronted with the stark reality of affairs and divorce.

But like you said, sometimes it's that like bluntness that we need to like recognize the delicate nature of marriage and how it does require work and effort and intentionality and yeah. So I mean, either way, great book. Great book would definitely highly recommend it. Yeah. Yeah, would definitely recommend it. Dip. Yeah, I think that's, honestly, I feel like that's all we have today and I, I hope that was helpful. I definitely feel like this is something I get asked a lot and.

Pray that a lot of you are able to implement this in your communities and that it's fruitful, and if you do it, please message me. I would love to know just how it's going and, um, if you have any questions on yeah, what kind of party or what to do for the party, Dari, she'd love to answer those host questions. I would love to help you figure out what party to host. I'm a hoster so. That's fun. I will live vicariously through all your summer barbecues and spring fling dinners.

Yes. But, and then men just propose the idea and just enjoy the, uh, the ride afterwards. Yeah. Yeah. Community is really important. Yeah. Trey, do you, could you like close us in a prayer and just like pray for these couples that. Are wanting to start community and striving to have a God-centered marriage. Yes. Thank you. Name, the Father and the son. Holy heaven. My father, I just surrender to this podcast episode and this topic of marriage and community.

Uh, we pray for all those who are listening to this. My Father. I just surrender this podcast, episode two and always these people who are listening, I pray that you will bless their lives with community and friendship that they can. Uh, grow in and that they can run to heaven and run to you with and alongside Lord, I pray that you give them the graces and the courage to, uh, invite some couples over to dinner one night, uh, and to be able to just propose this idea of monthly marriage nights.

And I pray that this will bear lots of fruit in their own individual lives, in their marriages, and. Uh, and there can be at home Mother, Mary of interest, all of us to you. Amen. Amen.