35: When Your Prayer's Aren't Getting Answered

And I think that there's a misconception even in the name of this podcast episode, even in the phrase that I just said What to do if your prayer is not getting answered. That's a misconception in itself because the truth is. No prayer goes unanswered. The Lord doesn't ignore us and just chooses to listen to some of our prayers or chooses to respond to some and not respond or not listen to others. So I want you to know, and I just want you to remember that God answers any prayer.

Every single prayer that you bring to him, no matter how big or no matter how small. And this is something my mom taught me when I was little, um, that he answers it in one of three ways, either yes. And he answers it the way that you asked for or yes, but not now. And that basically means like, yes, like that is my will, but right now isn't the right time, you know, wait a little bit or no, I have something better for you.

And in all of these answers, whichever one it is, he is intentional, he is present, and he is working for our good. And I know that sometimes, especially when these prayers involve long periods of waiting for an answer of some sort, um, it can get really hard. And you can enter into some really long periods, um, of waiting and seasons of waiting.

So I just want to unpack how we can really begin to understand, um, in our human is cause the reality is we'll never be able to fully understand the way God works or, you know, why he's working. But in our human is how we can kind of begin to understand how God responds to our prayers and how we can trust him through that process So let's just start out by reflecting on what prayer is right prayer isn't Just a way to tell God what we want or what we need.

It's not just a list of Wishes for a genie to fulfill but it's really a sacred space for building a relationship with him And through prayer, we open our hearts to the Lord and we let him shape us. We let him form our hearts and mold our hearts to be more like his. And the challenge about prayer is that we don't often or ever hear or feel anything good. Physical in return.

Um, you know, we might experience beautiful graces, like feeling a wave of peace, um, or maybe a clarity or just like an overwhelming love for the Lord. These are all beautiful graces that we may receive in prayer. Most of the time we won't feel anything. And most of the time you won't feel an audible confirmation from the Lord. Like, yes, this is my will, or no, this is not my will.

And you won't always like physically feel any sort of comfort, but this is just part of the mystery of prayer and the part of the mystery of our relationship with the Lord and the fact that he is divine and we are human. And it's part of the process of surrendering and trusting and having greater faith in him, regardless of what we actually physically hear.

Or feel like we are getting in return from him because in the end, our relationship with the Lord is not a transactional one, but it's one of love. However, throughout your prayer journey, especially when you feel like a prayer isn't getting answered the way that you wanted it to, or you don't feel any response at all, it's easy to feel like God is not there or easy to feel like he's not listening at all. And I just want you to know that that can't be further from the truth.

The Lord is always listening, always attentive to every prayer, but his answers aren't always immediate. And they aren't always what we expect. In fact, in scripture, we see several examples of the Lord answering prayers in weird ways that we never expected or whoever was praying for ever expected it. Think about Abraham and Sarah who waited decades for a baby, probably thinking that they would never have children and pleading to the Lord that they would be able to have children.

And the Lord, you know, gave Abraham a promise that his descendants would be as many as, you know, the numbers in the sky. And after decades finally gave birth to a son, Isaac. And then from that whole line of descendants eventually came Jesus. That's probably not what they thought they were praying for. Right.

And not what they thought God's plan was going to be, or, you know, Mary and Martha praying to Jesus to heal Lazarus only for him to arrive after he had already died and then rebuking him and be like, Lord, we asked you to come. We asked you to come heal him. Why didn't you answer this prayer? And for him to answer the prayer by raising him from the dead three days later. This just shows us that God's timing and God's ways are often beyond our understanding, but they're never random.

They're intentional. They're part of God's plan for our lives. And especially this week, I've literally said out loud to Trey several times, like, I just don't know what God's plan is. I just don't know what God's plan is. And it's funny because it's like I'm saying it in frustration, kind of expecting The Lord to be like, Oh, my bad. I didn't give you the plan. Like, here you go. My bad. I thought I gave you the plan. Like, no, like we're not supposed to know the plan you guys.

And honestly, I'm starting to firmly believe that. And that's not something I think I would have ever said or wanted to believe years ago, because years ago, my life just kind of always worked out. Anything I prayed for, I pretty much got it answered. And it hasn't been really until the last few years that we've had an unanswered prayer that I've really wrestled with the Lord of like, what does it look like to have an unanswered prayer? What does it mean about God's goodness?

What does it mean about his plan? Right? Cause before it always seemed like God and I had the same plan. We were on the same page and I knew the plan and I was like, yes, Lord, glad we're on the same page. You know, on the same page, like working for the same plan. This is going great. We're on track. And then curve ball. And now it feels like we have different plans and I don't know what the plan is. And like I was saying, I just feel like that's okay. And it might honestly be a good thing.

I actually don't think we're supposed to know the plan because in the end, we're not God and we're not supposed to be God. And. We cannot be more fully his children if we know the plan, because in our humanness, we try and control and we try and lead and we try and take over. And that's not what a child does. If you think about it, a little girl, three year old, five year old, she doesn't know what to do. the life plan is, let alone what the day plan is, let alone what the afternoon plan is.

Like, even though her mom might tell her in the morning, like, here's what we're going to do today. She probably forgets it in 0. 2 seconds. And all she's doing is following her mom throughout the day. All she's doing is, you know, trusting her dad that he's going to provide for her, that he's going to lead her to the next place. He's going to keep her safe, you know, or her mom that, you know, she's going to follow her to the grocery store or to the park that day or to do an activity.

Kids just follow literally blindly because they trust in the person that they're following, not because they trust in the plan. However, God's working in our lives. It's always part of a greater plan. And it's honestly a good thing that we don't know what it is. Let's just keep that in mind as we move forward but as we wait for the plan to unfold, whatever that is in our lives and whatever it is that we're praying for, um, there could be a season of suffering as you wait.

Maybe what you're praying for is something, something deeply important, deeply personal, difficult that you're struggling with. Maybe you're waiting to find your future spouse and you are just longing for your vocation of being married and you just haven't found the person yet and are losing hope on that. And you're just struggling to know, you know, what the Lord's plan is for your vocation.

Maybe you're waiting on growing your family, um, on your first baby or second or third, and you're struggling to know when the Lord, you know, Has the right time in mind for you to have another child, or maybe you're struggling with health issues, um, a chronic illness or a cancer, or, um, just something that is, you know, largely uncomfortable and impedes your everyday life. And you are just waiting for healing.

You're just waiting on the Lord to help you find the healing you need so that you can have a better quality of life. Maybe you're waiting on a friend or a family member to be healed. Maybe you're on a job that is finally fulfilling, um, or can support you. Your family better financially. Um, maybe you're waiting to get out of, you know, debt or financial struggle when you're family. And you're just waiting to find a place of stability and peace.

All of these places carry a lot of weight in our hearts and can bring on a lot of suffering. And sometimes the waiting can seem endless. And even though we're praying fervently and faithfully, yet we're asked to wait, yet the Lord has prescribed a season of waiting, um, probably for her own good, to shape our hearts, to bring us closer to Him. And like I said, I, I don't have the answer. I don't really know why, but something that's brought a lot of comfort lately has been a Saint Faustina.

if you have been following me for a while, I've talked about her often in the past. I absolutely love this Saint and her diary. I learned so much through reading her diary, years ago. And one of the things she says in there is about suffering. Actually, she talks about suffering a lot. one of the things she says is that suffering is a great grace through suffering, the soul becomes like its savior. And in suffering, love becomes crystallized. So the greater, the suffering, the purer, the love.

Basically she talks about how suffering is a, is a great blessing to us because it draws us closer to the Lord in a way that can only purify our love and make it so our relationship with the Lord is purely based off that. Like true love, true, unconditional love for the Lord, not based off of the way he answers our prayers. And I know that when we're in times of waiting or suffering, we can hear a lot of things, um, you know, that try to bring us comfort. Maybe this brought you comfort.

Maybe it didn't, maybe friends try and lend a word of comfort and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. but I know that at least it can give it meaning. Because that's what I have learned in the past few years, is that there's great meaning to suffering and I hope that if these words don't bring you comfort right now, they can just further give you some meaning to hold on to as you wait for your prayer to be answered.

And I think that one of the most important things in these seasons of waiting for a prayer to be answered is to continue to be faithful in prayer, to continue to seek the Lord out on a daily basis and build that relationship, deepen that trust, continue that surrender, and just be a child in the Father's arms. that you can continue to stay close to him in your journey. Because he is where you're going to draw the strength to keep going while you wait.

Now, what if God answers your prayer by saying, yes, but not now? Honestly, I feel like this is one of the harder questions. Uh, prayer answers to get because it's the one that's most in limbo, you know, if the Lord says, yes, here you go. Obviously that's an easy one. That's exciting. If the Lord says, no, it can be really difficult to receive that answer. But if you do get that clear, clear of an answer, I feel like it would be easier to honestly just.

You know, deal with that, accept that and move on. But if the Lord says, yes, but not now, it's like the most confusing, like in the middle gray area of like, okay, so then when, especially in a world of instant gratification, where we are just so used to getting answers quickly to getting a hit of dopamine, when we open up our phone to moving quickly. Throughout our day and being efficient and productive and getting things done.

Waiting can seem so treacherous sometimes because I feel like our patience and our ability to just like be in the present moment without something new coming has really dwindled over the last few years. And many times I feel like the Lord says, yes, but not now, because he's waiting for something that he sees that we don't yet see. And I saw a post on Instagram once that painted this picture for me really clearly.

And again, it uses the analogy of like a child and a mother, because I feel like that is the most clear way for us to understand. the most tangible way for us to understand what our relationship with God is really like as children and him as the father and just kind of like that gap of separation, you know, and kind of that like knowledge gap that there is between us and the Lord, given his divinity and our humanity.

And the post I saw on Instagram was, you know, there's a mom who just made this chicken for her one year old baby. And she is, you know, getting ready to feed it to him. And he is like starting to get super impatient. He's starting to scream and to hit the table and to cry because he's super hungry and he's asking for food and he's trying to make it known. Like I want food, I need food.

And the mom has the chicken, you know, like on the countertop and she's looking at him and she's like, almost honey, like, Yes, I'm making you chicken. I'm getting you the food. I'm just cutting it up cause it's super hot. Like I'm just blowing on it cause it's super hot. She is just preparing the chicken the right way so that she can give it to her baby so he can fully enjoy it and be nourished by it and not hurt himself as soon as he puts it in his mouth because it's piping hot.

And as humans, we see that picture and we completely understand. And if we saw in real life, a mom do this to her baby, we would be looking at the baby, like, Oh, like it's okay, buddy. Like you just can't see yet. You know, you just like, mom's trying to help like chickens coming, you know, but. When it's us and the Lord, and when it's a prayer we're asking for, and we're waiting on, it's so easy for us to just throw that tantrum.

How many times have we thrown from that tantrum of like, God, I'm asking for this prayer. Like, can't you hear me? Like I'm yelling at this point. I'm crying at this point. Like, can't you hear me? And the Lord is saying like, yes, I hear you. And the answer is yes. That's in my plan. Our wills are aligned. That is my will, but.

I'm preparing something or I'm waiting for something out of your own protection for your own good or so that you may more freely and more fully enjoy it in the right time. Cause if I give it to you right now, you won't be ready for it. It might burn you. Does that make sense? I don't know why, but when I heard that reflection, it made.

So much sense to me and it broke it down and just like the easy human way that I needed it to for me to, yeah, just take that to prayer with me and just remind myself of like, okay, if the answer is yes, but not now, the Lord probably see something. I don't. The Lord is probably protecting me something or. Protecting me from something or waiting for it to be the right time where I can receive this gift more fully and more fruitfully. if the Lord says no, I have something better for you.

This answer can be really heartbreaking sometimes and Very, very difficult to accept. Maybe you've experienced praying intensely for something and just felt absolutely shattered when you knew the answer was no, when you just like felt that in your heart, it wasn't going to happen.

Or when you got the, you know, the rejection from the job you applied for, or when a family member died of cancer that you prayed for healing for, or, um, when he maybe wasn't the one that you thought you were going to marry. But just because God is saying no, I want you to remember that it doesn't mean he's withholding good things. And I think it can feel that way.

A lot of the time, I think it can feel that if the Lord is saying no to a prayer, it can feel like he's just saying no. And that's it. But remember that the answer is no, I have something better for you. He's never withholding something good for us. In fact, he has something even better in store. And I'm sure you've seen this, um, image. It's gone viral the last few years. It's like a classic Pinterest image. You could look it up like Jesus holding flowers for a little girl.

And it's this picture of Jesus with this huge bouquet of flowers behind his back. But it's basically this image of a little girl giving Jesus a single flower and he's reaching out to receive it. And he has this huge bouquet that he's holding behind his back, ready to give to her. And the way that I see it, This is, you know, she's coming to him and offering him, you know, what she has, she's offering him a small prayer and the Lord is like, Oh, just you wait.

Like I have this whole bouquet for you. This whole bouquet when all you, you know, we're offering was one little flower. All you asked for was maybe this one little thing. I have this whole bouquet for you. And it's just kind of a symbol of like the Lord always has the greatest gift in store for us. He always has the most good in store for us. And it just takes trusting God's wisdom to recognize that his no sometimes is part of the way he's loving us.

And I think about this in my own life in past relationships, I remember, especially in high school, I feel like in high school, like you just are learning things about love for the first time. And you're like, I think I'm going to marry this guy as soon as you, you know, meet him basically. And then you don't obviously. And you're like, God, why? Like what happened?

Um, But like, if I would have just continued to pine for the one guy I thought I was gonna marry, I would have not ended up marrying Trey. Or I just like, I never had the insight to know that the Lord had the right man in store for me. And so when maybe the answer was no, to a earlier prayer of, is this the person I'm supposed to marry? And maybe it would have caused a lot of like grief or anger or doubt or whatever. if that's what you're going through, you know exactly what I mean.

And maybe it's because the Lord is like, I actually have the best guy ever for you or whatever it is that you're praying for. I actually have the best timing ever for you. And you have no idea. I actually have the best job ever for you or maybe the answer is just no, because the Lord is like, I just have something completely different in store for you.

And the thing that we always have to remember is that whatever God's will is, it's going to bring us more joy than whatever we thought our will was. And that's something that's a really hard pill to swallow and that I constantly have to remind myself, but just know that when you are facing no as an answer to a prayer, it's okay to grieve and it's okay to feel sad. And it's okay to hand those emotions to the Lord and just be like, I have literally no understanding as to why this is not your will.

And I give you my sadness. I give you my anger. I give you, you know, my resentment, whatever it is that you feel because he can handle it. And you can process those feelings with the Lord so as I wrap up here, the biggest thing I want you to walk away with as you walk through this journey of, you know, praying to the Lord for something big and waiting for an answer is to really just embrace true surrender.

And surrender doesn't necessarily mean that you're giving up actually doesn't mean that at all. Surrender doesn't mean that you're like, okay, Lord, I don't desire this anymore. The Lord isn't waiting for you to like, let go of a desire, especially if he's placed a desire on your heart. That's it. Good thing. And it's there for a reason, whatever the answer is. So surrender doesn't mean that you let go of that.

It just means that you let go of control and expectation and that you trust in the Lord and whatever way he is working for that prayer that you're asking for. And by surrendering our will to God's, we allow him to transform us, to sanctify us. Even through these seasons of waiting and hardship, especially through these seasons of waiting. If you're like, I have no idea how to surrender, or yeah, like I try to but it's so hard, I highly encourage you to pray with the Surrender Novena.

It's been an extremely powerful novena in my life. Mostly in just praying. Bringing me peace and increasing my faith in the Lord, which is a gift faith and trust is not something we can just manufacture ourselves. It's truly a gift that we need to ask the Lord for. And so praying the surrender novena, it goes through the words like, oh Jesus, I surrender everything to you. Take care of everything or something like that. I don't have it memorized, but it's basically along those lines.

And you say that 10 times along with a little reflection that they write for each day of the novena. And every time I read it, it is so spot on. It is so spot on to how we feel as humans, like letting go of whatever prayer it is, you know, and offering it to the Lord and just surrendering it completely to the Lord. Um, but in the end, it really just brings. Um, and it brings a whole new wave of peace in whatever it is that you're praying for.

So friends, I hope that today's episode has brought you some comfort, some solidarity. Um, especially if you are in a season of waiting for a prayer to get answered. And I hope that you just have maybe a new perspective on how the Lord is responding to your prayer. Um, and just that you're reminded that he responds to every prayer, that you're never going ignored or abandoned, um, or unheard by the Lord.