31: Non-Negotiables To Look For In a Future Spouse

I brought him on because I thought that for this topic, it would be really helpful to have both a woman's and a man's perspective as we're both looking for a spouse, both men and women. And, um, it's always just great to have kind of like that full Yeah. You always seem to bring me on for the episodes about relationships because people want to know girls.

Okay. And probably the majority of the listeners are women and we all want to know what the guy thinks when it comes to relationships and love and dating. So this gives us really helpful insight. Trying to try to provide some other insight. So we're going to be chatting about, like we said, what should you be looking for? Um, when you are dating somebody, what are kind of those non negotiables that we feel like are important to look for when you are dating?

Looking for a spouse, um, for a future spouse. And I do want to say like all of these were things that we found really important. And I think probably all of them were, are non negotiables. And I think that that might vary a little bit person to person.

So we're not God and we're not the church and like, This isn't like exactly church teaching necessarily of like what you must look for in a future spouse, but I will say I think it's a really solid group of attributes to look for in a man or a woman to marry, and you might have a few others, uh, to add as well under your own non negotiables list, but this is, this is ours.

And I think that these non negotiables, we have seen the wisdom and value in them even more so now three, almost four years of being married that we might not have seen when we were in college and we weren't just dating. Um, so there is some little added insight. To these non negotiables that now we see the value in them even more so than we might have Uh when we were just dating. Yeah so let's just get right into it.

Uh, the top attribute that I think both of us, not, I think I know that both of us were like super adamant about and was a big non negotiable for us is to find someone that was really rooted in their faith. Yeah. To find a man or woman of faith. Yeah. So for me, that was trying to find somebody that loves God primarily, that my faith was a lived.

Relationship with God, like it wasn't just that they were checking the boxes off going to mass on Sunday But that they had a living relationship with God. And so that meant that they were praying often and Uh, the faith was a priority in their life and not just in the backseat. And yeah, I mean, those are just some of the characteristics that I would say would describe somebody that I was looking for. That was a woman of faith.

Yeah. And I think for me, it was really important for me to find a man who was like really practicing their Catholic faith. I was looking for a man who was. A practicing Catholic. Um, I really wanted a man that was going to lead me in my Catholic faith and encourage me and help me grow. And so I wanted someone that already had that as like a priority in their life. And essentially someone who is really actively seeking Christ and wanting to follow Christ.

Um, I, I really wasn't interested in someone who maybe grew up Christian or grew up Catholic and like believed in God, but like hadn't really practiced in a while or it wasn't actually their top priority in their life just because of where I was in my faith and my journey and the type of person that I was looking to be my future husband and future father of my children, hopefully one day. Okay. So. One of the things to look for is, first of all, I mean, are they even going to church?

Is that a priority in their schedule to make time to worship God? Um, do they pray at all? Do they have any sort of prayer life or is there any effort to kind of develop that deep relationship with God that you were talking about? Um, and I think also like, are they seeking for growth in the area of faith? Like, do they have any interest in maybe a small group or a Bible study? Study or do they have community around them of Christians or Catholics that are building them up in the faith? Mm-Hmm.

Yeah. I mean, the faith is a primary and very important part of your life. Like it's going to be an important part of your life for the whole, your whole future. Mm-Hmm. And, and your marriage. And your marriage, and then eventually your family. And so like that is a very important part of your life that like you should share with your spouse and with your family and be united in that. And so. For us, I mean, I think that it's A very like number one non negotiable.

Yeah. The person you're looking for is a man, a woman of faith. Yeah. And I will say too, like the Lord, you know, if you have a deep and personal relationship with God, I mean, obviously start there. Um, in college when I was dating or when I was looking for a man to marry, there was a moment in confession where the priest was, um, kind of just asking me straight up, like you want a good Catholic man to marry. Right. And I was like, Yes, father.

And he said, okay, are you the type of woman that that good Catholic man is going to want to marry? And that was a really good gut check for me to realize in my life, like, where are the areas that I need to grow in? And I'm, I trying to live out and grow in these virtues that I'm looking for in a good Catholic man. And so if you're pursuing your.

relationship with God and you're, um, deepening your prayer life and making time and space for the Lord in your schedule and in your life, then you're going to have more clarity in your discernment process as well. And you're going to attract. Christ centered man, because they're also gonna be looking for a running partner, like a Christ centered woman to run with. Yeah. And so what I was going to say about discernment is that like, you're going to have more clarity in your discernment process.

And so the Lord, I just want to say this as like, as a side note, like the Lord might call you to date someone who is not exactly of your religion. Um, Do I recommend it? No, because I think that it's really vital to a healthy marriage and family. Although I know that there are circumstances where maybe a Christian is called to marry a Catholic and a Catholic is called to marry a Christian.

And it might not be the exact same denomination, but I think that if you are solid in your relationship with God, the Lord's going to make that clear. Um, and there have been beautiful relationships and marriages have have come from people who are pursuing the Lord. Like, Both within the realm of Christianity, but maybe in their individual, um, denominations. And a lot of the times we have seen faith strengthened and even conversions happen, um, into the church through that relationship.

Yeah, totally. Want to move on to number two? Yeah. Number two would be a person that lives virtuously. And so we were talking about this a little bit before, and I think the word virtue is not something that we probably would have. Yeah. I didn't really know what that word meant for a long time. Yeah. So yeah. When I was in college, I would not have been telling my friends, Oh my gosh, I'm looking for a woman that lives virtuously in the vocabulary of a college man.

So even though I might not have called it a woman of virtue, What I was looking for was a woman that was responsible, was genuine, was mature, like somebody who wasn't going out with a bunch of different guys all at once. And like, I'm getting drunk and, uh, and living just a very, you know, I, I wanted a woman that I could trust that would raise my kids. Well, and someone that I respected and admired and. And like, what, like, what virtue is, is it's, it's moderation.

It's not an excess or a defect of deficit of a certain quality. It's, it's right in the middle. It's, it's the perfect moderation of that specific quality. And so, uh, and like, that's what. Virtue isn't that that's what I was looking for because those people are attractive and, and you know that that's somebody that's going to make for a good wife and a good mom in the long run. Yeah. Yeah. And in the long run, I mean, marriage is about getting your spouse to heaven.

So when you're looking for somebody to marry, Are they actively pursuing Christ in their life? Are they actively, like, following Him and what He taught and living a Christ centered life? Are they actively rooting out sin? Um, because these are the type of people that are, like, working towards Heaven and, like, orienting their life towards Heaven.

And if that's their goal, Then it's going to translate into your marriage and how you love each other, how you try to get each other to heaven is going to come from that foundation of living a virtuous life. Like even before you met each other.

And so I think for, for me, like for a guy, like I was looking again, yeah, for somebody who was like mature and responsible and especially somebody who was reliable, um, somebody who was, like I said, like really strong in his faith, really strong in his values, someone that would not like. Be easily shaken because I think like as women, like we look for the man to be this like anchoring, um, person and like place of refuge for us to feel safe, to be able to feel protected, to be provided for.

Um, and so for me, from even an early age, I was like, I want this person to be just like a solid place of refuge in a solid place of like stability, um, that's founded upon the Lord. I think other practical things too within this would be like, does he take care of his health? Does he like have an orderly space?

Um, I think it's really easy for like all guy houses or even just like single bachelor men to kind of like not really care about those things and not really like watch what they're eating or like keep an orderly home. And I think that's part of maturity and, um, um, Yeah, like, they're not a slob. Like, you don't want to date somebody who's a slob. And if they are not a slob, that, I think, shows a sign of self respect, self discipline, maturity, and virtue. Mm hmm. Yeah, self discipline.

Yeah, and then for a woman, you know, somebody who's selfless, who's, like, nurturing, you know, these motherly qualities, uh, someone who's really grounded in just who they are and confident in. Who they are as a woman and then their femininity. Um, those are all, you know, qualities that I was looking for. I think another really important thing, and I mean this, this can go under the umbrella of virtue or, I mean, I have it as.

Um, a whole separate thing that I was looking for, um, in a man is his willingness to serve and sacrifice. And this is just cause like the reality of marriage and family life is that it requires a lot of you. It requires a lot of self gift in sacrifice in selflessness. And If the person that you're looking for, you know, or that you're dating at a young age, um, or even just like before you even enter into more serious parts of the relationship, isn't exemplifying that it's tough.

Cause like, it's only going to get harder and you're only going to be requiring more sacrifice and more selflessness throughout the relationship. And so that was something that was really important for me when I was looking for Amanda, Mary was like, is he? Is he able to suffer? Is he able to sacrifice? Is he willing to kind of like lay down his needs and, um, his desires for me?

Yeah. Like this concept of serving and sacrificing and being selfless, like only the demands of that only grow as your relationship grows. And so, you know, when you're dating. Or when you're single, there's nothing that's or hardly anything that's like, demanded of you. That's requiring you to, uh, put other needs or things above your own needs or requiring you to sacrifice in any way.

And then you start dating somebody, and then, you know, you have to maybe go where they want to go, or, like, do what they want to do. And like, there are little. Asks of sacrifice that are required and even like just sacrifice like time. Oh yeah. Like time, like invest in the relationship and like go on dates or talk on the phone or show that interest totally. And then you get engaged.

And then that there's another level of like requirements of laying down your own life, putting the other needs in front of their own, you know, helping the woman prepare to be a bride or.

Try not to be avoid being a bridezilla like like there are going to be like further stretches of your ability to sacrifice and serve Yeah, and then you get married and then that's a whole nother world of like, yeah engagement dating was like a little taste of it But then all of a sudden you get married and you're thrust into having to sacrifice and serve every single day And then you got family and kids like then it just it just continues to multiply.

Yeah, man's Of like how well you can give up yourself. And so being able to recognize and see. Like that the other is capable of that early on is huge. Yeah, and I think it might sound silly to say that like this is all a sacrifice because usually when you're dating It's like there's all this like honeymoon energy and you're just like absolutely like smitten with each other and it's not necessarily viewed as a sacrifice to Give up time or to do what they want to do.

But the reality is that the more serious your relationship gets, right. As you move into engagement and marriage, hopefully become parents, the more this person and this vocation becomes a priority in your life. And the more it should become a priority in your life. And so the more, that's why I like. That's why you're sacrificing more and more in your life.

Whereas like this more serious relationship gets, or when you move into right, the next phases of becoming fiances and then spouses, the more you are putting this person as the first priority, obviously after the Lord in your life over your friends and your family, which is why like they require more of your time and your energy and a priority in your life. Yeah, totally. And I think like, sacrifice and service is the bread of marriage.

It's like the, that is the daily requirements and like almost like Annie that's required play the game of marriage. It's like, it's just every day you have to wake up and be willing to sacrifice and serve. And I, I know that you say this a lot too, of just like the essence of love is like willing to give to the other and like putting others needs before yours.

And so essentially it's just like learning to love better as you develop this relationship and are looking for someone like, do they have a capacity to love well? Part of that is like, are they willing to like will the good of the other and put their needs before mine? Absolutely. Yeah. So that's huge. Absolutely. That's huge. So I think like practically how you can look at this, you know, in, in the dating years could be like, does he sacrifice time with his friends to spend time with you?

Right? Is he prioritizing dates on your schedule? Or is he just always You know, going and playing video games with his friends at night instead of calling you. Mm-Hmm. or he's sacrificing time with the boys. Mm-Hmm. to spend a Saturday. Mm-Hmm. Or a Sunday not watching football to be with the person he's dating. Mm-Hmm. I think another easy thing too is, um, does he walk you home? Does he drive you home?

Does he like offer to pick you up and drive kind of just those, like, I think very common courtesies that. Yeah. We don't often think of very often. And I think more and more in our culture, dating is getting more and more casual. And I think that those, those classic qualities of a gentleman of like coming to the door to pick you up on your date, instead of like honking on the street, like, Hey, I'm here, you know, or even just texting like here, like, will he come to the door?

Will he walk you home? Um, will he. Like offer to drive will he open doors for you? Like if you have a big suitcase, like will he carry it down to the car for you and offer basically like offer? Like how he can help you and how he can um, just like make your life easier and sweeter in different little ways yeah, I mean, I think you're right. Like, those are maybe like some lost like qualities that men aren't maybe doing as much anymore. But I think it's really important that 1.

We as guys do those things, but then to that, those are just like little ways to identify in a man like that. Oh, that they're capable and willing to put my needs first and to serve me. And for like a woman, I'm thinking, like, how, what are ways that you as women can show these qualities of sacrifice and service?

And I think it's, I mean, At the risk of sounding cliche, it's like making a dinner and a meal for the date night as opposed to like ordering Chick fil A takeout, you know, um, or it's offering to help clean up or organize, you know, your boyfriend's room and like maybe decorate their room if their walls are pretty bare. Like it's. finding ways to like love and serve the man that, you know, maybe that they aren't able or aren't as good at as you would be. And so those are some ideas.

Yeah. I think it's about like really finding that complementarity of men and women, even early on in like, how are the gifts that we're given as women? How does that serve the gifts that you're given as a man? And how, you know, Like, do your strengths as a man compliment us as women and maybe like what we're not as good at? Um, I think too, one other thing that came to mind, which is a little bit more on like the suffering side than the sacrifice is like, can this person suffer?

Well, like, how do they deal with suffering? And I think that that's really important because, you There's going to be hard times in your life. You're going to come to really difficult moments that you have to tackle together in marriage and in family life. And so what does this person do in the face of suffering, um, or conflict? Do you know, do they just get angry and run away or give up or spiral? Or do they lean in? Do they, you know, press on?

Do they show up and try and problem solve or, um, You know, lean into the Lord in their time of suffering or express what they're going through or find help or try and like find the resolution. I think it's really important too to like kind of really watch for like how this person deals with difficulty and suffering from early on. That's huge. I mean, that's going to be a huge part of your marriage, uh, conflict and suffering. And so that's just life.

So I think finding somebody who can handle those and being able to like compliment and support each other during those difficult times is huge. Next. Um, we have somebody that makes you a better version of yourself slash like, Just makes you come alive into more of who you are. And I think that this was something that I didn't necessarily know how to name when I was looking for a future spouse, but it really clicked for me when I met Trey, because I felt like this.

more fuller version of myself came alive when we were dating. And when I, I mean, even before we were dating, when we were like starting to be friends was when I really started to notice like, wow, like I am so free to be myself. I'm so free to, um, like not hold anything back and just kind of like let like the fullest version of me, like come alive. And along with that, um, Maybe it was just how our relationship was going, but I think it has to do a lot with our personalities and our values.

Like we were pushing each other to grow in different areas of our life and essentially become like a better version than we were without each other. Yeah. I mean, I can just say for myself, I felt like once I started dating you, it really like, I came, I came alive and I came out of my shell more. Like I was, Like almost more fun, more goofy, more, more silly, like more happy. But then I was also like experiencing emotion, like more fully like the good and the bad.

And so, uh, I became more passionate. Like, I just felt like I was almost. Um, like these qualities and like personality traits that I had became amplified after dating you. I love that. And I mean, I definitely felt that too. And I think another reason why this is important and I want to make the differentiation, like we're not, I don't necessarily love the saying of like you're better half or like they complete you or whatever. It's just truly like.

Why would you not want to be with someone that pushes you to be better? Like this is the person that you're going to spend your entire Life with your entire marriage with, and you truly like take on each other's qualities and each other's habits and each other's like chasing like passions. And if you don't have someone that's encouraging you to grow, to be a more fuller version of yourself and to seek, um, just growth in different areas of your life, then. You're going to be moving backwards.

I feel like there's not really like a middle ground. There's not really like a staying the same. I feel like if you're not like pursuing growth and pursuing, you know, deeper faith or virtue or betterment of yourself and betterment of like those areas that we all, We all have areas we need work on. Then we're just being complacent and we're just going backwards. And so having somebody that is truly pushing you to be a better version of yourself is going to be really beautiful in the long run.

And really, like I said, like help you become that Saint that's going to get to heaven and help you be a better wife and mother. Yeah. I mean, it's just like what people say over and over again, like you become Like the people who spend most time with, and so your spouse has been with the person you spend most time with. So you want them to help you make you a better person instead of regressing back to somebody you don't want to be.

Um, and then also the, like, there's people that we've known that have dated somebody, and they've almost. Like when they're around this person or when they start dating this person, it almost like the qualities of them, like their personalities were almost like dwarfed or like numbed. Like dimmed? Like dimmed. Yes. That's the word. Like, they became like more of a dimmed person and so they're, they're like personality traits that made them.

So them were like dimmed a little bit and made them like hide, like more hide more into their shell. Kind of like you were saying before. Yeah. And so I think that's just like a very way to like, I don't identify like, is this person bringing me out of myself and like making me more alive or making me feel like more me? Yeah. Or is, you know, like it might become more dimmed and more like of a shell of who I am around this person. Yeah. Totally. Okay. Let's talk about family.

This one is, is very important. And I think that we have realized it's become more and more important as we've grown into our marriage. Oh yeah. This is huge. This was something that I felt like, yeah, I was kind of told, and I kind of knew in the back of my head like, oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you're married into the family and like, it's important to consider who your in laws are going to be. But like when you're just in love with a person, it's easy to like look over the fact of their family.

And just be like, I don't even care. Yeah, exactly. And so I felt like this has been really huge and important and I felt like I didn't recognize the importance of this when I was dating and getting engaged, but now that I'm married, this is one where it's like, okay, wow. This was something like understanding, knowing, and loving the family of the, of the person that you're dating is, should be way more important than I realized in that I gave it.

Yeah. And I think it might vary depending on your family cultures that well as well. But I think for us, like family is really important to us. So we knew that we wanted to be involved in each other's families and, um, prioritize time with each other's families. And so for us, it means. We spend a lot of time with each other's families.

And we hope that one day when we have kids, like our kids will get to really know their extended family members, their grandparents, their aunts and uncles, their cousins.

And so it means that like the people that you're bringing into your life, like your in laws, like are really going to be an integral part of maybe your day to day life if you live near them or, um, you know, big important times of the year, like holidays and Christmases and Thanksgiving and people that are going to be around your children as well and have an influence. In your children.

So I think family is, is really important and I think that it's worth, um, really getting to know the person's family that you're dating once it becomes really serious, getting to know maybe a little bit of like the family history, how they were raised or what kind of values the parents, um, and the family have. Oh, things like that. Yeah. And I mean, no family is ever going to be perfect. Absolutely. And like, we know there's broken families. Yes. Man. But it's.

Just recognizing the importance that family plays and how that's going to affect your life, your marriage, your own family, and your own Children's lives. And so just. Understanding the importance and gravity of the family you're marrying into is the point I think we're trying to make here is just recognize the importance of that. Um, and don't overlook it. Yeah. And, and anything that like comes with a family, like Trey said, like no family's perfect.

There's broken families, there's woundedness in family. There are bad habits or vices that come from families and that are passed down too. And so really just like know that, And discern that when you're making these choices of like, are my going to get more serious with this person?

Is this somebody that I would actually be interested in marrying and, um, essentially like marrying into the family and just knowing like the Lord might be calling you to marry that person, even if they come from a broken family, that doesn't mean that this person is not the person you're supposed to marry or a bad person at all. Like, so, unfortunately, so many people come from broken families.

Um, and so, you know, It's more about like that discernment and knowledge of like, I know what I'm taking on and I accept that. And I know that the Lord is going like to bless that. Yeah, exactly. Okay, next I'm really big about this I feel like it's really important to find a man especially that is Driven and motivated like somebody that is a hard worker and has goals and aspirations in their life.

Like somebody who wants more for their life or maybe it's like super passionate about their career and wanting to develop their skills or like, um, grow in their career. Um, and I think traditionally, I mean, the husband and father is the provider of the family. And if you haven't noticed already, we, we, we. Try and abide by pretty traditional values. And so for me, that was really important, like looking for someone who I could rely on being a provider, um, being a protector for the family.

And I knew that if it was a man who wasn't willing to work hard and wasn't willing to be motivated and driven and. And like reach his goals and aspirations, then he likely wouldn't be somebody that I could depend on to provide for our family. Holy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that's huge. I think too, like, if you know as a woman, like my dream is to be a stay at home mom, well you have to find a man that's going to make that dream a reality.

And so like they have, you have to find a man who is in the line of work and has the drive and has the drive and commitment to be able to make enough money for you to stay at home. Or else. You know, you won't have the means and you'll have to work and like, that's fine. Like, and if someone would like, love their careers and love to work and like, that's great too.

Yeah. But, um, either way, I think like finding a man that is motivated and has drive, it bleeds into all areas of life in your marriage. Aside from just the.

Financial career standpoint, like it also bleeds into just like how much he's going to, you know, be committed and loving of your children and, uh, like fighting for your marriage when you're on the rocks and like, these are hard and there's difficulties and, you know, and like, I don't know, like a man that's attract or a man that has drive and motivation is just more attractive.

Of a person and like, yeah, they're a better person to be around than somebody who is just as like super slothful and lazy. And yeah. And I think it just goes back to that original kind of thing you mentioned at some point at the beginning, like that self discipline. And I was talking about like somebody who takes care of themselves and like works to have a healthy lifestyle that also comes with like motivation and drive.

To make something more of themselves than what is just like the baseline, you know, again, it goes back to like, not finding someone who just wants to be complacent. point that's just want to bring up that's pretty brief. Like, find a woman that wants. To have to be a mom and find a father, find a man that wants to be a father.

Like those are very fundamental things to like, make sure that the person that you're dating is going to become your spouse has the same family plan and ideals that you do. Yeah. I think this is a. Honestly, a huge make or break for a lot of people. And I think this is something that I really want to stress. Like it's an important conversation to have.

I would say like pretty early on, like, don't leave it till you get super serious and are about to get engaged to be like, okay, so like, do you want kids? Because they might not. And I've heard of situations where this has happened, where they get super into their relationship and they're pretty sure they're going to get married. And then the truth comes out and she never wanted kids in the first place. And. You know, maybe the guy thought that she was going to change her mind or vice versa.

She always wanted kids and he really wasn't interested in being a father. And maybe she thought she would convince him down the road or she didn't think that he was that serious about it. And that, that's a huge make or break moment for the relationship. So I think very early on, just kind of like figure that out and make that clear, at least on your end, that like, Your goal is to be a mom or to be a dad and you're interested in children and family life. That's a big part of marriage.

Huge. All right. Next is find someone who has similar aspirations, life goals, just like an aligned vision, vision for your life. Because That's just going to make things so much more fun, so much easier and smoother, like, I feel like the amount of, like, hard discussions and maybe arguments will be lessened. Like, if there's somebody that you find that has that same vision for life. Then it'll just be a smoother ride, honestly.

Yeah. In the end marriage, like you're going to be building your life together. And so you want to be a united front. You want to like view it as like teamwork and like you guys are tackling life together. And like Trey was saying, if you have aligned visions, like you're able to work towards that goal so much faster and so much more effectively.

I think that like, I remember when we were first engaged or when we first got married, I would either maybe hear this on Instagram or some people in person were kind of like, they would have the, the attitude that getting married, especially young, the attitude that getting married young was really going to like set us back in our dreams or in our goals or set us back. maybe like financially or just like, Set us back like success wise in our life.

And we actually, I feel like we've proven that to be false. And we have found that even across the board with like all of our married friends, like when you have two people working towards a goal together, you get there faster and more effectively when you're both a united front than if it was just you on your own. And so, first of all, like let's dispel the myth that like marriage is like this ball and chain that holds you back from life. It's not, I would argue that.

If this is the vocation God's calling you to be in, it's going to propel you forward because it's God's will for you to be in it. And then two, that's why it's so important to find someone that really has that aligned, like values and vision of what they want their life to look like. And this is something you can also build like while you're dating, like maybe you don't meet someone and right off the bat, you're like, Oh my gosh, we have all the same dreams.

But like, as you're building your relationship, You find that alignment and you find those shared goals that you have, um, together as a family. Yeah. I mean, this is your life partner and like, you don't want your spouse to be the one that's preventing your dreams from coming true. Like that's just going to create such problems and friction in the marriage. So. That'll be a much smoother ride. If you guys have life alignment, we'll call it.

Yes. And lastly, our piece of advice is look for somebody that you have fun with. And essentially that becomes your best friend. And this is a claim that I've made on my Instagram before. And I would say most people are in agreement. I have gotten some pushback in the past of people saying like your spouse doesn't have to be your best friend, but I disagree.

I fully believe your spouse should be your best friend and the person that you are dating, you know, and hoping to be your future spouse, like you should really enjoy time with that person and really be building a foundation of a strong friendship in your relationship. And maybe they don't have to be your best friend, but it's way better if they are, they don't have to be, but it's way better. I promise you. Yeah. And I want to clarify that.

We're not saying like, you have to date your best, your current best friend. Like, if you have a guy, best friend or girl, best friend, it doesn't mean we're saying that that's the person you have to marry. But when you find. When you're, when you're dating someone, like definitely value friendship and fun in the relationship, like enjoying the time that you spend with each other.

And like, eventually that combined with like falling in love and them being the person you're supposed to marry, like, you're probably going to get to a point to where you are best friends and hopefully that continues throughout your relationship. Yeah. I mean, it's like what my mom always said when I was growing up. Friends will come and go, but family stays forever. Like, like, like, and your spouse actually will stay forever. Yes. They, they will be your, your best friend. Yeah, absolutely.

So that's, I think that wraps it up are like biggest, biggest attributes you feel like you should be looking for. And that we find to be super important qualities to look for in a future spouse. These were our non negotiables. And like I said, you might have a few more and basically the biggest piece of encouragement that I want to leave you with is stay strong to these non negotiables. Like don't feel like you have to lessen the bar just to make it work. I think a lot of.

People tend to do this. There's, um, I know seasons of waiting can be hard, right? And there might be like some hopelessness sometimes if you're like, I keep meeting people and they're never the one or I'm dating them and it always falls through. And I just like, don't know what I'm doing wrong. Don't lessen the bar and don't Compromise on your non negotiables because the Lord has someone in store for you that matches those. The Lord does not want anything less than what is best for you.

And he knows that. And if you know what your non negotiables are, stay strong to those and you'll find a man or a woman that actually lives up to those. Yeah. And last piece of advice from a male perspective is what we said at the beginning is live the life that's going to attract the man that you want to marry. I'll leave it there. And lastly, I would say like, really pray with your list.

That's something that I did and that I encourage the girls that I walked with to, um, when college and after, as I was walking with people who were in the dating scene, like have a place, maybe it's a journal, maybe The notes on your phone where you actually like pray about the qualities that you want in a future husband or a future wife and write them down and then take those to prayer.

Like pray with that specific list and make those specific desires known to the Lord because he wants to fulfill those. And that's it. I will say from experience, like that is, that was my lived experience. Like I wrote these things down on a notes in my phone and I would pray with those every single night. And it just so happened that when I met Trey, he checked all those boxes. And if you want to know the story of how exactly I find out.

That those boxes were checked, go listen to, I believe, Oh, maybe it's like episode two or three or something like that of our love story, because it's actually, it's pretty cute and it's pretty crazy. It's the best. And feel free to share this with a friend, someone who's on the dating scene, send this over to them and hopefully they'll bless their life. And we'll see you next week.