18: Do's & Don'ts of Hosting | Claire Couche

Art, um, or at least I hope it's not completely lost and I still have hope that we can bring it back, but the more and more I interact with young women, the more I'm kind of surprised at how little people know about how to be a really amazing host and how to welcome people into their home. And I know that you are so good at this. And so that's why I thought let's bring Claire on let's dive in.

Um, but before we really get into the nitty gritty, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, uh, for all the people who might not know who you are.

And our patron is St. Francis DeSales and something special about him is that he, um, loved the laity and he ministered to the laity and he taught during a time that it wasn't really taught that there is a universal call to holiness. And that just struck my heart. He would write letters to the faithful called. and entitled them Philothea. So the one who loves God. So finding Philothea is all about finding the one who loves God in ourselves, our true self, and then in others too.

And so I, um, became an etiquette instructor, a certified etiquette instructor two years ago. And I love tying that into virtue, a life of virtue and holiness. And it's been so fun to, to learn all these tips and tricks, but more so to grow in, in holiness through loving others through the art of etiquette.

And we always like, nobody was like against it, but we always kind of took it as a game, like, Oh, the etiquette instructors here, you know, but as I've gotten older, I actually remember some things and I'm like, thank goodness my coach brought this lady in because there's so much to learn. And I think that, um, there's even just some basic things that we can forget that we can just like, Easily start bringing back into our day to day practices.

So I'm sure we'll touch on a little bit of your tips and tricks and advice throughout the conversation, but just to kick it off, tell us why you love hosting and why do you feel like this is a practice that we should keep alive in our culture?

And it was something she didn't love about herself and wanted to change. She knew it about herself. Um, and then something happened. She bought a home, a new house, and I saw such a transformation in her. It was so noticeable. She was peaceful. She was present. And one day, At her new home, I asked her because it was so noticeable and I was like, is it the new home? Like, what, what is this difference? Um, cause it was a beautiful new house. It was her dream home.

It had acreage and, and a horse farm and beautiful gardens. It was the dream home. And she told me that. Something that really changed everything about hosting for me. And she said that when she was praying to God for this house, cause she wanted it so badly. She heard God speak to her heart and say that if, if you, if I gift you this home, you have to gift it to others.

And. Within that, she went even a step further and she, she was like, okay, God, like, I, I know this is something I struggle with and I give it to you. And beyond that, she said, I want this home to be your medicine cabinet. I want whoever comes in to be ministered by you, the divine physician. And I thought how beautiful and I tangibly saw that change in her and that story is beautiful, but it becomes even more beautiful when we look at the word Host and And what is a host?

A host is someone who receives a guest, and when you look at that root word host, the wor the root word comes from a Latin root word for hospital. So when we host, we truly should be that medicine cabinet that that ministers. divine physician can work through us. And it's beautiful too, because as Catholics, we hear the word host often to Jesus at the Eucharist is the host. And though it has a different Latin root word, there's still a play on those words because the Latin root word is.

Hostia, victim or sacrifice, and no matter what your personality type is extrovert, introvert, no matter what, there is an element of sacrifice when we do host. So it can be, um, You know, it's financial, it's cleaning up with when people come, it's just a reality that there is an element of sacrifice like Christ, but there is that gift of self in receiving to that, that host. So, so hosting, I love hosting because it is that about communion. And gift of self and sacrifice.

And in a world that is hedonistic where we're so self absorbed and it's easier in the short term to sit and scroll and keep people at a distance, the long term effects can be horrific when we keep people at a distance, I was blessed to work with, as an oncology nurse, with people who are dying and one of the, the Biggest regrets they had at the end of their life was not loving people the way they should and not being present to the people that they loved.

And so hosting is a tangible opportunity to spread the gospel.

Truth that I'm passionate about that you can evangelize with your home and hosting is a beautiful way to do this Um, and we won't get into like, you know Homemaking and decorating and how all that can bring about catholic conversation because I feel like we could talk about that for hours but I love hearing your perspective on this and knowing that like More than just me is on this wavelength, right?

There must be so much truth to this and that Jesus is really putting this on homemaker's hearts to welcome people in, to be a reflection of Christ and open the door to conversations about the faith, to spiritual conversations and to help people, you know, feel loved and kind of like see that love of the Lord through you and through the way that you're serving them. So that was really. Really, really beautiful.

And I think like you said, the story of your friend, I know that I know people, I think my mom even sometimes can stress a lot when it comes to hosting and you know, having people at your house. And I think maybe it stems from different places of either perfectionism or it's just a lot of work or, you know, a lot to prepare ahead in advance. But, um, I think the truth is that hosting doesn't have to be a big elaborate thing.

There are times and places where you can host a beautiful, elaborate, you know, summer dinner party. Like you see on Instagram, there's all these trends of like these banquet style tables. And to me, I'm like, yes, let's do this. And I know you're having an Italian style dinner. Summer right now.

And so you're probably having Italian summer dinner parties, but for those that maybe feel a little bit more strike stress or anxious when it comes to having people over, I want to give them some tangible ideas or show different types of ways that you can host that maybe aren't like a grand grand event. So what's, what's your opinion? What are some different types of events or gatherings that you can host that are maybe are a little bit more low key or a little bit less work?

a place for more intimate conversations and growth, but really get to the root of that stress. Is it, is it pride? Is it, you know, I want to look good. I want, I want. my home to, to reflect, you know, beauty, which is good, but it can be to a fault when, when we place the aesthetics over the person in front of us. So get to that, that root of the stress, but keep it simple too.

And remember the end goal, the end goal is Christ and sharing Christ and his message and being present to the person in front of us.

And it's such a good reality check for me as well. And like those times, even though I love hosting in those times where I'm like, ah, like clean the floors, do the dishes, you know, make everything perfect, like wipe the counters, like put away all the clutter, like try to make everything like so perfect. It's a good reminder of like, why are we doing this, you know, and is actually presenting like a picture perfect, uh, image of your home. More welcoming than not.

And so what this guy was saying, he was like, anytime we have someone at our house, I intentionally leave one thing undone. He's like, I won't get to maybe some of the dishes, or maybe I'll leave all the, you know, stuff that's at the foot of the stairs that we haven't brought upstairs. I'll leave it there. Or we'll leave the shoes out instead of putting them in the closet. Because it just, Allows people to remember like, yeah, a family lives here.

Like there's life that happens here and we're not perfect. And our house doesn't actually look like this all the time. And it's okay to like, bring in your messiness and it's okay to like, bring all of the life that you're going to bring into our home. And I had never thought about it that way. And I haven't tried it, but honestly, I feel like that would be a really good challenge for me as well. And it's just a good reminder of what you were saying of like, when you're not perfect.

Where is this desire coming from? Is it coming from a place of pride? And how may that actually be received by the people that you're welcoming?

And then, um, something I have done recently that has been a game changer is to really listen. And take note, especially for people you host often their favorite things. And my husband, Mike does this beautifully. He loves in the details and this is how God loves us too. So uniquely and in the details.

And, um, so if your friend mentions a favorite tea or coffee, The way they love their coffee, um, take note of that and to serve that, serve them that when they're there and that's made hosting so fun and creative. And, um, just another element to keep in mind as a host is, is to really love in those details.

Like here are the few things that I have at my house Do you want me to grab anything else? Or is there anything specific you like in your breakfasts? And I felt so loved and so cared for. And I was like, wow, like you really listened to me as a friend. Like you really know me and you actually like care to go out of your way to.

To share what you have for breakfast and what, you know, like show that you're willing to go get more if you feel like I need it because I need big breakfast in the morning. So yes, totally agree. Um, those little ways that we can show love those little ways that we can be intentional. Intentionality goes such a long way in relationships and in hosting. So, um, that's really beautiful.

Okay, let's move into cooking, because I feel like this is, we've touched on it a little bit, but I feel like this is maybe the bulk of the stress when it comes to hosting, either it's like not knowing what to prepare or just the number of people that you're serving and the number of people that you have to cook for. Um, so can you share some advice for people who feel like cooking maybe is their biggest obstacle to inviting people into their home?

People want to feel included and that's a beautiful way to, to include them, but start small. Again, it can be donuts, coffee, a tea party. Or like a little cook, um, book club. I've seen people bring, you know, their favorite cookbook and a dish from it. So that potluck mentality helps so much too with cooking. Um, but I also want to challenge whoever's listening to, if cooking is a stress pick, find and pick one recipe, especially one that can feed a crowd.

And there's millions on Pinterest and I can include one on. a freebie for you guys, but definitely pick one meal and practice, practice it and freeze it to have it ready. So that takes away the stress. And from that day, if that's your biggest stress, but I just challenge you to practice, get into the kitchen a little bit.

And, um, that's, that's how we all learned to cook was just that practice, but to have even one recipe, even if you make it continuously every time, and you're known for that recipe, do it.

And that's actually not something to be embarrassed about. That's like, that's an honor. You know, you have perfected a certain dish. So that could even be exciting to have kind of like a recipe that you're working towards refining and really making it your own.

It can be such, um, just let, That barrier of stress, life's too short to be making these excuses, not to invite people into our homes, into our spaces, to, to spread Christ and his message of love and your joy. You are such a gift and to, to not invite people into the gift that you are, that that's a loss. That's a loss to our community and our world.

You know, and it was one of our most memorable times hanging out. And I just remember like, we were all just sitting on the couch, knocking on some muffins that I made like two days ago and some tea that I had in the, in the cabinet. And it wasn't an elaborate thing, but there was just a sense of friendship and a sense of like unity of just something that was like spontaneous and casual and just being able to sit on the couch.

And something I've noticed as I've gotten older into adulthood is that those really like, Comfortable friendships are more few and far between. I think as you get older, it's almost like dating. Like you're like trying to impress the person you're trying to like, put out a really good picture of yourself. And it just like causes a little bit of like this, like stiffness, you know, or it's just not as common for, you know, adult friends to just like see you.

Sit on the couch and watch a show because you're not in college anymore. You don't live in a dorm, but we crave that

How can I invite people to like sit on the couch and be comfortable and, you know, have like really cozy, like you said, tea or really cozy biscuits or something that's just like a little bit less elaborate that helps people just relax and feel cozy and just be like, wow, like I love being home. You know what I mean?

And one thing I love doing, especially if there's a crowd coming is having that person who showed up a little early to help greet people at the door while you you do things, but, um, once people arrive. It's up to you. You can ask them to take off their shoes or they can leave them on. And then the next step is, it's a forgotten one, but important, especially if they don't know your home well, is to show them where the restroom is and then offer them a drink.

And then if it is a meal, um, make sure that the center pieces aren't blocking the view and at the table and also no scented candles because that can disrupt the food too. So, um, Yeah, those are some just quick hosting etiquette. And then for guest etiquette, um, always offered to bring a dish or, uh, uh, side or, uh, offer your help to the host in any way and let them know too, especially if they haven't asked if you have any food allergies and hosts are.

should ask if you have any allergies, but aren't required to ask if you have food preferences.

So don't share your food preferences to if you're a guest, just your food allergies, and then show up about five to 10 minutes late, just to give your host some time to prep and do those last finishing touches and then, um, offered to take off your shoes or what you're, you're, you're, Um, host prefers and then just enjoy and take note of social cues, especially if it's time to leave and wrap things up because your host needs to clean and get rest, but take always take note of your host and

offer to help in any way you can.

So there's a reason for all these do's and don'ts.

And I usually have, Even if they do say no, a little travel size toiletries for whatever they need, um, in the bathroom. And then I always have a little sign, a welcome sign by their bed with the wifi password. And just if they need anything. Just to feel welcome in the house. And that's actually, I just made it on Canva, printed it out, put it in a frame. And that's been one of the, I was surprised the most touching thing when people come over. They're like, I love that.

Cause it's some, I think wifi is a barrier, like they want to know the password, but just to have that anticipation of. your guest needs is huge. Um, and then also asking your guests before they arrive to what meals they'll be sharing with you. And if there's anything you can prepare, like your friend did, you know, remember what their favorite foods are, if they have any allergies.

And, um, but it's really about What, asking yourself, what do I love when I go to someone's home or into their space or spend the night somewhere? What are those little things you love? And provide that for your guest.

And even yourself, like when you ask, you're always kind of like, Hey, like. Where's the bathroom? You know, like, can you tell, like, it's like a little bit like awkward to ask because you have to announce like, I'm going to the bathroom. And so that is a really good tip to just show them like, Hey, by the way, like this is where the bathroom is like, Hey, like, you know, have a little card where like, this is where, you know, this is the wifi password.

And something I saw on Instagram recently in a real was like labeling things as well to kind of like anticipate those needs, like in the bathroom, labeling like extra things. Uh, toilet paper, you know, in the cabinet or something, or like having baskets that say like, uh, face towels or, uh, makeup wipes. If you have those little like travel things, um, they don't have to be like displayed out with big signs, but like even in the cabinets, I know, like I've been to people's houses.

It's like, Oh, we're out of soap or out of toilet paper. And you have to like look through the cabinet and be like, where are the things that I need? So even that's, um, A helpful thing as well. Uh, these have been so good, Claire. I feel like I'm ready to welcome people into my home this summer and just have such a good time. Um, is there anything else that you want to share or anything else that you feel like you want to leave our listeners with today?

You know, he has in, in his father's house, there are many rooms and he's going there to prepare what a beautiful invitation and witness for us, an example for us to imitate him and that sacrifice, that love and. So don't make an excuse to invite people into your home and truly see it as an opportunity to love and to share Christ's love for us.