15: What Every Woman Should Know In Her 20's | Sarah Swafford

I think she's going to live up to it. It's going to be amazing. So, uh, but yeah, so we, I live in Atchison. I do a lot of ministry. I've been doing ministry for probably almost. 15, 20 years. I mean, however you want to count it. Um, I absolutely love young adults. They are my, they are my jam, man. They're, they are just the best. And, um, I've been speaking and writing for them and for adults as well, over the last few years. And it gives me life, man. I love it.

It's, it's just a, it's a really cool thing to get to travel around and hang out and just help people put their lives together and, and listen and just be there in any way I can for them. Yes.

This is what you need to know. And this is what we're going to get into. And so I just feel like we do it all with so much love and joy. And yeah, I'm really, really pumped for us to dive into to all that we have for women in their twenties. today. So I'm 26. So I feel like I'm right in the middle now. I love it. I can speak from a place of wisdom of like, you know, to the early twenties ladies. And then you just have the wisdom, you know, to share from your whole life.

So let's, let's just start with the most important thing. Okay. How about our Catholic faith? We know that that's super important to both of us. And I know from experience myself in my early twenties and walking with women in their twenties, when I was a missionary on the college campus, that These years are a pivotal time, especially for our faith. When we're trying to figure out like, how do I take it as my own? How do I really live it out?

And not just like checkbox Catholic, you know, like just like do the things because I was told to do them growing up and like, how do I make it the same? center, center of my life and not just like an extracurricular thing that I like put on my resume. Um, that I went to church camp, thing like that.

And so, I mean, I'm trying to think of times in my life where I was just straight up straight or straight up thriving. It's like, no, I think, I don't know if I have that right. I think it's always going to be a mix, right? Like you're not, yeah. I mean, I don't think any of us have ever in every like area of our life been like, Oh, I'm just absolutely crushing it in every area of my life. Because typically.

It's hard to find balance and it's hard to find, you know, all time for all the different things that are important to you. Uh, one of my favorite things was this, uh, little meme on Pinterest. Pinterest was like, uh, a hundred years ago, you know, 150 years ago, people came across the country on a covered wagon. And my list of things to do has, you know, list things like drink water. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that's, that's true.

Literally where we're at right now, you know, it's like, it's, it's hard, you know, like, and I think young adult women in a very special way, you know, I remind everybody you're playing with a deck of cards that no one in the history of the world has ever played with. No one, no one has ever, no other female has ever entered her twenties or experienced her twenties with the same deck of cards that you are playing with. And so.

Number one, you need to have a ton of grace for yourself and you need to be patient with yourself. And I think number two, you add in just how hard it is to be a faithful Catholic in your, in your twenties. And you have so many things coming at you, um, and in so many opinions and people's opinions about you. And, you know, in our day and age, the, the number one thing that, that you're not allowed to do in your twenties is show weakness.

Or show that you don't, you don't know exactly all the answers or you don't know exactly what you're doing with your life or telling your grandma for the 15th time that you're not seeing anyone and no, please don't set me up with anyone from bingo, you know? So, so I just think that, you know, there's just, there's so much coming at you and our faith is the most important thing to us.

But I think it, I think the young adult women, especially, you know, it's, it's easy to say, Oh, just like pour into your faith life and like, you know, pray and all this stuff. And I, you know, and it's all, that is the answer. But I, I really have a heart for women who have come to me and said, what are they, like, what do you mean pray? Like, I don't pray. I don't have a prayer life. I mean, I go to mass, but you, you seem to be talking about something much deeper.

Can you like, tell me what exactly that looks like? And so for me, I mean, I just, First, I just want every, every female out there to hear me say like, it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to not have it all figured out. I mean that just to really hear me say that the Lord is proud of your efforts. Even if you feel like they're so small or they're so incomplete, um, or they're just not, you know, I'm. I mean, we'll get into this. I'm sure I'm a recovering perfectionist.

Hi. Firstborn only girl in my family. Um, type a type a trauma. I have it all right. Like I have it all. Um, and so I'm sure we'll get into it. But I think that for, for me and my faith life in my twenties, I felt like if it wasn't like absolutely hitting on every cylinder and like, and looked like all the other women that I, you know, was around or looked like, then it was like, It didn't mean anything to the Lord or it didn't, it was just small and therefore it was, wasn't good enough.

And I mean, I even beat myself up over my faith life. I think in my twenties, you know, it just, it was never enough. And I think the Lord, uh, in my, in my forties, I just turned 40. So in my old age here, I just think that the Lord, I love it. 40 has been really fun. You have a lot to look forward to. Yeah. Um, I, I just think the Lord just wants to grab your face and just grab, like grab you and just be like, I see you. I see your efforts. I see, I see what you say to friends.

I see how hard it is for you. I, and I know that this, the isolation and the competition and the insecurity and the anxiety is so real for every human being, but I think that young adult women carry a special cross. And I just think I want the women to hear the Lord say like he sees you in that and he's not measuring you against each other and he's not measuring you against, you know, just don't, it's not a performance based love.

I think that's, that's the number 1 thing that I have learned in my life is our Lord does not love like a human. He's just, that's, I mean, we have to almost like. Father Jacques Philippe, re educate the soul. Like we have to have a re education cause the Lord doesn't love like a human. The way that we feel like sometimes our relationships are conditional or performance based. Like the Lord just loves you in your messiness and he expects you to come to him messy.

And so I think from my heart, that's been a process for me cause I'm like, why would I go to the Lord other than put together and I'm here to serve you and what can I do for you today? You know, but to really go to him, I think I really learned that in my late twenties. Yeah. This is messy lord take it or leave it. This is it's real ugly right now, you know, and and then put me put me back together

But it's hard in your twenties when, you know, you're graduating and some girl got a job before you, or she got engaged and you still haven't dated anybody, or, you know, they were a mom and you thought you'd be a mom by now. We're like, All these different things of like all, like people just hitting milestones. I think comparison can seep in a lot.

And I mean, that can mess with not just like your own personal confidence, but even your faith too, and just be like, Lord, like I thought you had a plan for my life. You know, I thought like, I'm, I'm trying to have faith here, but like, what's your plan?

But the number one, I mean, my husband always says junior high will repeat itself over and over again, if you don't. Nip it in the bud, right? Like, if you, if you don't call out, you know, that, that feeling of, like, I had a good friend one time when we were in college and she just came out to me and she's like, I compete with you in my head.

And I know that it makes me angry at you or it makes me like feel like less than and she just voiced all these things to me and I, that was like the first time in my life I'd ever really trusted a woman to like, wow, I, I feel the same way, but I never would have articulated it to you and I never would have said that out loud. I mean, and we're still really good friends to this day. She was in my wedding, you know?

I mean, so you, you look at those hard conversations, even sometimes with ourselves, you know, you have to sit before the Lord and say, wow, why does. Why do I do that?

You know, um, I think, I think sometimes in, in your twenties, you do have the gift of time in, in some ways for that self reflection and that, I mean, from the mom who has six children, who's 40, please go to adoration while you, while you can, whenever you want to, or you don't need a babysitter or help or anything, just, just go, you know, or, you know, have the Bible study at your house and have the wine night, do all the things cause you'll still be able to do them.

It's just a little bit easier, uh, when you're in your twenties. So take advantage of that time where the Lord has said. Hey, I want you to reflect and I want you to heal and I want you to grow and I want you to be ready for whatever I have for you. Um, notice I didn't say you have to be perfect and totally ready for everything I have for you because you'll never be, um, hashtag striving, right? But like being in a spot where you can say.

Wow. You know what, like that relationship that I had in high school, that, that boyfriend really left me with a lot of insecurities and wounds, and I probably need to walk into that place and kind of figure out why I react or act to certain things before I start launching into another relationship, like what beautiful questions to ask, you know, maybe asking what did my parents do really well? And what do I want to do differently? Based on how I was raised.

Okay. You're getting ready to have kids. Maybe you're waiting, you know, maybe you're praying for God to give you some kids. Like those are some phenomenal date night with your husband questions, you know, just like that time to heal and reflect. Um, and then I just say, please have grace and patience with yourself because I did not, I did not have patience or grace with myself in my twenties. I was actually really hard on myself and I still am to some extent, but if I could go back.

I just wish that I, I could be the hype girl cheerleader that I am for so many women in my life. I wish I would have had that person and I wish I would have been that person for myself.

Cause I think that's been one of the biggest lessons I've learned in my life. You've mentioned it a couple of times. Um, you know, when you're figuring these things out, prayer. What is this deeper prayer experience you're talking about, you know, go to adoration for someone who, you know, who's maybe hearing that from, from mentors in their life or from other people, but still is kind of trying to figure out, like, what kind of prayer are they talking about?

Or where do I start in like a routine? Like, maybe you like say a quick prayer before bed, but like, what kind of prayer would you encourage women to have?

And a lot of people are like, okay, yeah, I go to mass. I go to adoration. I even might pray the divine, you know, divine mercy chaplet, the rosary. I might pray the hours. Like I am just rocking the devotional life, yo, you know what I mean? Like I, and that is like so awesome. And all I have to say to that is. Keep doing that. Right.

Um, but I also think that sometimes, and I've, again, this isn't me, just this is myself and this is mentoring and talking to and loving on young adults for almost 20 years. I, I hear so many of them kind of, I, I can hear it in their voice. It's like, well, I checked all those boxes. I did all those things, and I still don't feel close to God, or I still am struggling with this or that, or that, or that or that. And, and I just look at them and I say, uh, you, you know.

Yes. And you have to keep doing all the things that you know, like the sacraments, you can't get any better than the sacraments. You can't get any better than the mass, like highest form of prayer, go team, go. The Catholic church is where it's at. You know, we could do a whole podcast series on that, but I think what, what needs someone to hear, I think what I needed to hear from someone.

And also I think what people need to hear is, okay, but what does that, when you go to mass, when you go to confession, when you go to adoration, What does your relationship with the living God, the king of the universe? What is your personal relationship with him? Like in that moment? And I, I mean, I always genuflect when I go into churches and I always say, Lord, thank you for making me a masterpiece and a work in progress. I am here again. Right?

Cause like you, you bow before the king of the universe and you're like, Oh my gosh, like heaven on earth. Like, here we go. You know, mass, all these things, but you still come human and you come broken and you come with the same problems you had in the parking lot. Like you're still this person that comes in and just says like, okay, I'm here. And I just, I really think the part that people miss is just that, like Mental prayer where there's no phone. There's no journal. There's no book.

There's no I mean again You can have like all those things to like prep you prompt you but it's where you just kind of like Turn it all off and turn it all down and you sit before the lord I it can be an adoration it can be in mass, but I have found even in my life Sometimes it's sitting on my front porch um You know when I had little little little kids I would just light a candle in front of a crucifix and like like literally sit in my bedroom I mean because it was like I just need to be with

the Lord and I need him to see me and I need to see him and that gaze of love. Right. And my, you know, there's a really cool phrase.

They were like, you know, a saying that says you can't persist in mental prayer and that like relationship with God and that personal relationship and conversation with God and in you know, whether it's like a really tough situation, a hard relationship, you know, like some type of temptation or some behavior that's like wrecking you, you can't sit in those two places. Um, because the silence is too loud. You're either going to stop praying or you're going to stop being in that hard situation.

Like you can't, it just, the silence is too loud. And one of my favorite deadly sins is the deadly sin of sloth, which is everyone thinks it's laziness, but it's really just kind of like that. Yeah. Like, it's too hard, it's too much work, I'm just gonna roll over and die. Like, it's just, it's almost like sorrow at how hard spiritual things are. And I think for young adults, including me, and you, and everyone else, I think the hardest thing to do in life is to quiet the busyness.

Quiet the noise, quiet the expectations, quiet at all. And to sit in silence with our Lord, to sit where I'm not being distracted. I'm not, you know, it's so easy when you feel uncomfortable or the Lord wants to bring something up and you're like, no, I don't want to think about that. You're just like, grab your prayer book, grab your, I mean, it's, it's like, I'm speaking to myself. Like I will want to just like, no, I don't want to go there. No, I don't want to go there.

So when I say mental prayer, I'm, I'm talking five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. You know, I mean, if you have it. to do 30 minutes of mental prayer day. Like maybe you start with like your devotionals and things like that.

But then just to, to really sit with the Lord for 10, 20, 30 minutes, life changing because what happens is, is, you know, you think about going to a mass, you know, and they call it like the wedding feast, the, you know, the consummation, you hear all these like cool theological words, right? If you want to sound really cool in a theological conversation, just throw out the word ontological. Just say ontological and you just sound really smart, right?

Like you have all of these beautiful realities happening. And my husband, who's the theologian always says, you know, like, you know, you're going to consume, you're going to consummate this marriage. You're going to like interact in the most deep, you know, affectionate, like intense way you're going to receive the Lord. And he's like, it would be a really strange marriage if couples never talked to each other. And if couples didn't share intimacy before the act.

Everyone knows what I'm talking about. Like this, I could go into this a lot deeper, but it's like that mental prayer is like that really, honestly, it's that connection base. It's that saying, I'm going to be real with you. It's saying, here are my weaknesses. It's saying like, thank you. It's saying, I have gratitude. I'm so in love with you. Like it's those. Words that can be spoken any time of the day at any point. But, but do you do that even with your significant other undistracted?

How many of us are like, you know, on our phone, like, yeah, babe, what? Yeah, sure. Right. I mean, I have to believe that way, but the greatest gift you can give someone is the gift of your eyeballs and your heart and your like availability. And I think our Lord is saying like, I just want to be with you. I just want to hear about your heart.

Even if you're mad at me, even if you're upset, even if you're another word that I love for young adults, even if you're bitter, even if you're Cause I was bitter with the Lord for most of my twenties. So whatever it is that you're feeling, bring it to me. Like we're going to grow closer in these beautiful sacraments. If I know your heart and you know, my heart, and we've had that intimacy together.

Um, so again, I'm sorry, that was really long winded, but I think that that's the piece that I would really want the girls to have, like, yeah, women to have. Go mental prayer go.

Like you might think that you're by yourself in the quiet, but I, even I rarely am like in a really quiet space, you know, like if I'm home alone, I'm like, okay, I should play something. It's like, yeah. Awkwardly quiet. And so I think that's why it's both like equally as hard, but also equally as powerful.

Like why mental prayer is so powerful because first of all, it's going to be hard to enter in and like clear your mind and like be comfortable with the silence and kind of get past the whole like, okay, Lord, I hope you're listening, you know, I'm, you know, I can't hear anything, but like, I'm here, um, but then really when you, when you lean into it and when you enter it and you allow the Lord to fill that space and to fill that silence. And sometimes it's not words.

Most of the times it's not, it's never really audible. It's just like that place. It's just like filling of like peace or like being known, like in your heart by the Lord.

But you, if you go to that, and I always tell people like, like I challenged him to 30 days of prayer and, and that's a big challenge, but that's what a mentor challenged me in college, he was like 30 days of scripture and it was like scripture, you read it the first five minutes and then it was like mental prayer, like you let that sit and then like whatever comes to the Lord.

For the last like 25 and he promised me he was like, if you do this for 30 days, if you pray for 30 days, your life will be changed. And he did not like budge at all. And I was like, how can you promise me that my life will change? You know? And it did. I mean, it obviously did. Like it completely, completely changed my life. And I experienced this whole, like, like you said, like this relationship with the Lord, this like deeper level where like, it's just heart to heart now.

It's not, it's not like the written devotion, which is just as beautiful, but it's like, it's like my own real raw words that like aren't as beautiful or as pretty, but like so intimate with the Lord. Um, and so then, and then when I became missionary. I, I used the same tactic. I was like, okay, 30 days, your life will be changed. And I promise you. And then I would go to prayer and I'd be like, Lord, I promised this girl that her life would be changed after 30 days.

So you have to pull through.

Kind of just like a moment where I'm like, I think I just need to pause this and just have a minute because I think what some people think is they're going to like go to their prayer corner and get their coffee and just have this like intimate minute with Lord. And then when nothing comes or it's just quiet or whatever, you're like, you know, the, the type A's are like, well, this is a waste of time. You know what I mean? And so I think that what I, what I have found in my life is.

You know, doing that, like I always, my husband and I always say, we don't really believe in quality time. We believe in quantity of time, because if you spend enough time together, quality will happen. But you can't just like Jerry, you know, gerrymander or like manufacture, just like, Oh, we're going to quality time right now. Go, you know, with a person or with a child or with a friend, it's like you just spend time together.

And all of a sudden these like phenomenal conversations come up or things like that. So don't feel like you're wasting time. If nothing magical or like, Earth shattering happens during these mental prayer times, but I have found that sometimes that time is almost like priming the pump, the pump for like, all of a sudden the father, Mike says something that just, you know, hits me. And I, so I'll just pause the podcast or pause, whatever I'm listening to.

And sometimes I take notes on my phone or I'll take notes in my journal and then I take those and go back to mental prayer with them. Cause I think sometimes people think that this is my like 30 minutes and it all, this has to happen right now. And the Lord's going to just work right now and dah, dah, dah. And I think sometimes people are disappointed when it's not.

It's like, Super fruitful thing, but then all of a sudden you start seeing things come out during your day And I would just really encourage people to see it all as a 24 hour prayer cycle If that makes sense like it's a 24 hour prayer cycle friends like it might he might be bringing up the same thing over and Over again, but then when you actually bring it to the silence It actually, you know, you're ready for it, but he may have to bring it up in a couple different ways Through different people

or different times in your day. So just don't be you know Don't expect there to always be this like oh my gosh earth shattering answers and you know, peace peace peace It's like sometimes I'll get peace randomly at like, you know, ten o'clock at night and you're like was this Is this? Oh, yeah, this is from this morning. This is what I was asking for, you know.

So, anyway, I just, that's encouragement because I think sometimes people go and then they're like, this isn't working, this is not, you know, and you, you have to remember, um, our Lord doesn't work like, uh, you know, dopamine hits on a social media feed. That's just not his MO. So everyone has to kind of lead with, this is gonna look different.

Let's start there and then we'll, we'll get into maybe seasons of singleness or relationships after, but let's just start with like women navigating the dating scene, like trying to figure out like. Who should I date? Who's the one? What's your advice?

And so it makes sense that that's the question. Um, and I, I love it. I mean, I could talk for days about dating and relationships and I love it because one, Well, first of all, just to all the women out there, if you're listening to this podcast, if you follow Mari, if you're, you know, if you're, if you're just part of this world, dating is going to be tough for you because you care. Dating is going to be tough for you because you don't play by the world's rules.

So therefore it's not as easy as it is for you. Easy for everyone else because it's not easy for them either and we all know that But I think the first the first thing I want everyone to hear me say is just deep breath in Let it out like it is literally an inhaling truth and exhaling lies kind of thing because you like you You care and it's important to you and that you don't you don't casually date anymore.

You don't you don't date for fun You don't like you don't pass your name, you know pass your number out to random strangers Typically because you're like, no, like I want to do this, right? Like, you, you know, you've been burnt by that. You're, you're here for a different reason.

And so therefore I am not going to lie to you and tell you it's going to be easier, but I am going to tell you that everything that you've decided to say no to is this great big yes to this, like incredible worth it piece. That you will never regret. Amen. And so just hear me say, just hear me say that from the beginning. Just like, I'm so proud of you. I love you. Thank you for caring. Thank you for, for honestly, a lot of you, thank you for carrying your friends.

Um, thank you for being that person of reason on a Saturday night. Like, I'm so sorry you've been the mom, but like, thank you for just being the person that says there's gotta be a better way. There's gotta be a different way. Like, tell me there's a better way. Uh, that's where all my ministry started was, um, social media came out about the same time I was starting to do ministry as a dorm director.

And I literally, I think the women and men both came to me cause they were like, she's saying something different than the world. And I have been so broken and hurt by this that like I'm open to anything else right now. Um, and so. Thank you. That's where I think a lot of people, you know, I always joke. I love giving high school, college, young adult, you know, conferences, talk and talks and stuff. And I always say, I don't bait and switch. I bait and hook.

And what I mean by that is like, nobody wants to talk about like, typically like their relationship with God or faith or things like that. But then when you start talking about relationships, they're like, Oh, I'm in like, especially guys are like, wait, let me get a pen, you know, like, hold on. Talk to you. Talk too fast, slow down, you know? Um, and so I think that they want to know those answers, but.

For me, my best dating advice for women and men, for anybody is just, um, when you say like, who am I supposed to date? Like, who's the one, you know, like all those questions that are very like vogue, catchy, you know, clickbait type things. Um, I think that my, my thing to them, to you, to people listening is just that that is actually not the right question. Like that's, you're asking a question that is really important.

Um, but the thing that I found through a lot of brokenness in college was I wanted someone to be my savior. I wanted someone to be my everything. I wanted someone to complete me. I wanted. I wanted someone to look at me and be like, you, you are it for me. You completely satisfy me. You answer all my desires. Like I wanted someone like that. And I wanted to be that for someone.

And so as I was looking for that, and as I was desiring to be that for someone, um, it just led me down a lot of dark paths and it left me. Super, super broken and bitter. I mentioned it earlier, but I, I counsel bitterness and I have, I have been bitter so many times in my life because I'm type A and I felt like I was playing the game really well. And I was checking all the boxes, even, even the God ones, even the spiritual ones.

I felt like I was doing all the things and I still kept coming up empty. And it still kept coming up, not enough. And therefore I wasn't enough and it was so hard. And I, my conversion happened in college. I probably similar to a lot of, a lot of the women, you know, I was in a really dark place. My boyfriend from high school cheated on me our freshman year of college.

And 9 11 happened and I blew my knee out on my basketball scholarship and it was just like rock bottom, especially for someone who had their whole life planned. Hi. Hi. Welcome. 12 point PowerPoint slides. You know what I mean? Like whole life planned. Um, and the whole bottom fell out. And I remember going to confession, uh, like, like probably about six months after, uh, I had kind of, I was really all over the place. I was really lost.

I was trying to find my worth in a lot of different places. And I ended up going to confession. And this priest gave me the best life advice I've ever received. And he just said, he looked at me and he's like, you got to drop this off at the feet of our Lord because it is too heavy. Like you cannot carry this anymore. And you can't, you can't keep pretending like you're going to fix it yourself. And cause that was what I wanted to do. I was trying to just will it.

Like I was just trying to like, Will it, I'm going to fix this. I'm going to put my life back together, you know? And it was so exhausting. And whenever he told me, he's like, look, you like, no one can be your everything. You're never going to find this guy that's going to be like everything for you or be your savior. And he looked at me and he said. And you will crush him under the weight of that. And you will always be disappointed.

And I like, I was in like a janitor's closet on like a retreat, you know, like typical college style. Yeah. And I just remember like the broom, I need to like, hold onto this broom right now because I was like, Oh my gosh, like you just articulated exactly what I was doing to people and also what I was having being done to me. And then I was looking for this person that was gonna be my everything. And he looked at me so kind, it was so much kindness and said to me.

You don't need them to be your savior because you already have one. So let God be God and let men be men. Wow. Changed my life. And I really think back to that time because it was like I was manipulating. I was grasping. I was just really thinking that I could like manufacture my life. I could just like put my order in like a Chick fil A. And then like the Lord would be like, my pleasure. You know what I mean? Or like the, the guy would be like my pleasure. I just want to serve you. Right?

Like, I mean, it's just so backwards. And that was like the day where I really kind of just took a big step. Towards like, I mean, he told me, he said, I want you to run to our Lord. Don't look in any other direction, just run to our Lord and fall into his arms and let him heal you and make you whole again.

Sometimes tears, sometimes like, like contemplation, but I, I can see women and men having like a Rolodex of people in their head flashing, you know what I mean? Like, or like scrolling, like, like pictures of people that they've done that to, or that, that they know have been done.

So when I talk about being used and a lot of people are like, everyone thinks that means something like sexual or physical, but we all know there's an emotional component to that, which is why emotional virtue was kind of like, I was like, we've got to talk about this, like gift and grit. We have to talk about this idea of like, what does it look like? And so when people ask me for a story, Like dating advice and relationship advice and all this stuff.

You know, I'm like, Oh, I could talk for days. I mean, 12 point plans. I laid it out in the book, you know how to go from hate to I do let's go. But at the same time, like I, I don't want to spend a minute talking about that until we've talked about your heart. And we've talked about the fact that like once you're convicted. That there is no person that's going to be your everything, be your savior, take away all your pain.

Like, cause if you walk into a marriage, thinking that your husband's going to do that, you are going to destroy him and you're going to destroy your marriage. And I, and I just, I don't want that. You know, I don't want that for your heart. I don't want that for him. I don't want that, you know, vice versa.

Like, you know, we just, I see it so often, you know, where they, They're just, they're, they have to, like the Lord has to come into that relationship and like my husband and I, you know, when he proposed to me, he's like, I don't want to run at each other. Like I want to run beside each other towards the Lord. I don't want to just go, I want to be looking at each other. Like I want to run together. And I thought that was such a great image for like what I think a lot of people desire.

And so it helps you when you're looking at relationships, you're like. Is this the kind of man that wants to rub beside me or am I going to have to drag his butt to heaven? You know what I mean? Like, is this the kind of guy that, um, is going to like, look at me and be like, Hey, guess what? You're not my everything. You, you're not my savior. Chica, you're beautiful. You have great hair, great legs. I can go on for days, but you're not my savior. Right?

Like I love you and I desire a life with you to like raise saints with you, but I'm not going to, you're not going to be my emotional fulfillment and my crutch. Like. Okay. So I know this isn't super romantic, but is it not, is it not super romantic to be able to have someone to say that and be like, yeah, I don't want to use you.

I don't, I don't want to prop myself up, you know, and feel like you have to be the one that just like makes me, me, like I found that in the Lord, I found that confidence as a daughter of God or as a son of God, and like, I want to go on this journey where we remind each other of our belovedness. Where we, where we grow in virtue together, we struggle together. I mean, I always tell girls all the time.

I'm like, if you think he's the one, just ask, like, do you sacrifice and suffer well together? Oh, so good. Yeah. Like, is he a good sacrificer? Because you're going to want that. Like, you're going to want someone who knows how to die to themselves. And that's for the men and the women, right? Like both of us. And then, and then in turn, that becomes a question on us. Do I suffer well? Do I sacrifice well? Do I Do I take on other Do I bear other's bur other people's burdens patiently?

Am I Am I loving Cause That's the stuff you're going to need when you get engaged, when you get married, when you have little kids, when you have kids. You're not wasting time ladies in your 20s. Like if you're getting good, if you're getting really good at relying on the Lord, make not making people your gods, like learning how to grow in patience, learning virtue, being sacrificial and learning how to suffer well. Then it's just kind of like, all right, Lord, who am I going to do this with?

Like, then all of a sudden it just becomes like exciting and fun. But if you're, if you're constantly feeling like you have to be the one or you're looking for the one that's going to be your everything, that is going to wreck your life.

Like you said, like the man that's going to lead them to heaven, the man that's going to say all these things, but even then. Like wanting that so much can kind of blur the line of like, is he going to fulfill God's place in my life? Almost, you know, like, is what he's going to bring to the table pretty much replaced, like what I should be asking the Lord for. And that's, that's not it. That's not the goal.

And so even when you are looking for a good and holy man, recognizing like, Like you said, like he's not going to fulfill that God sized hole in my heart, like that love, that even that marriage. And I know this, you know, just three years into marriage, that was a very quick lesson I learned after being married. And just, you know, like being like, why, why do I still feel all these things? I thought marriage was supposed to fix everything.

And it's like, actually, because you're putting all of the pressure on your husband when like, the Lord is waiting. To fulfill your every need. The Lord is waiting for you to allow Him to be God in your life. And so, that was really, I think, something important that I want people to walk away with, is like, it's still beautiful and holy to like, search for the godly man, but there is a difference between God and God. A god like, you know, a godly man

You know, like making sure that you're going together and you're growing together and that's all, again, running towards him. Focus on him. Yep. Side by side. Yep. Versus that like be my everything. Be my God. Yeah. You are God to me. I rely on you like God. It's a focus thing, right? It's a, it's a, it's a shift.

And again, all you ladies out there who are like, um, being single is such a curse, you know what, like God is giving you a gift and it, I know you want to like throw tomatoes at me and I totally respect it, like, but it's a gift of time, like it's the gift of time. It's the gift of saying like.

I'm going to go through and do this inventory of my life and these places where I've made men, my God, or where is it in my life where I feel like I'm, I'm lacking and I'm like searching for that, or I'm, I'm needing affirmation in this way. Um, you know what I mean? Like, like, um, I'm someone who gives a lot of affection, but I also love, I love affection too. You know, like I love affirmation, you know, like that. I think that you have to know thyself and man, that self awareness.

I mean, taking that into a marriage and saying, Hey, I'm very aware. These are the things that I struggle with and letting your husband know that letting your fiance know that, like, it's, it's a self awareness thing. And that is going to help your marriage and your relationship so much, like in so many different.

So, um, what words of wisdom you have to share with them on how to get through that season or like you said, like how to like make light of that time or, you know, find the joy in it. Yeah.

Like, I love the men. I have such a heart for the men. And they literally, guys will come up to me like, can you give a talk on like how to flirt again? Because I think I forgot how to talk to people. And I'm like, yes, let's do that. I'm about, maybe I Instagram live for any man that wants to learn how to flirt again. Hosted by Sarah Swafford. Why? I don't know. Right, flirting 101 with Sarah Swafford. Okay, that could get awkward, but maybe not.

So, anyway, I think it would be awesome, but I just want the women to hear me say this, like, I'm so proud of you. The Lord sees you. Um, I'm sorry for all the times that you've been overlooked or someone has said something that made you feel less than. Um, that's, that's, That's not from the Lord, right? Like the, the, the devil will weave just this beautiful web of lies and then have you like, like, you know, jump into it and you just feel it around you. And it's so hard to shake that stuff.

It's so hard to be like, yeah, not true. I know it's not true. Right. It's, it's just so hard. And so I just really want you to hear like a big sister come to you and say, please, please, please.

Do not believe the lies that the devil has told you about your worth and about your worthiness of Being you know, not only just like a beautiful daughter of God and worth your vocation whatever that means in your life right now I just I think it's so easy for women who are single to To really feel like it's the plague, you know, it's like I've been, you know, I, I'm a leper and everyone knows I'm a leper and I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.

And I have leper written across my forehead. You know what I mean? Like, I think so many women are, are like, I think you think that, but that those are a lot of lies from the devil. And so just in this period of singleness, I mean, I know you hear all the cliche things and so I'm not going to say them.

And, and you look at your life as like a pie piece, you know, and you see these times of your twenties as look at that little piece of pie, right. Or look at that piece of pie. You're like, Sarah, I've been single, like, all of high school, all of college. I will say, I meet the most fantastic women, and like, literally, I'm just like, you are phenomenal. I hope my daughter grows up to be like you. And then they'll like, whisper to me, yeah, I've never been asked out. I know. It's crazy.

And I just want everyone to hear, I want everyone to hear me say this, that is not on you. Mm hmm. That is not your problem. That is not your problem. I just want you to know you are worthy of being asked out. You are worthy of being dated. You are worthy of all those things. So you just, again, being boss of your thoughts, right? I talk about this a lot.

You take the thought that you hear right in your head, whatever someone said, whatever you say about yourself and you put it in your hand and you say it out loud. And if it doesn't sound like our loving heavenly father or Sarah Swafford or anybody in your circle, just take it and throw it against the wall, right? Like throw it against the wall and be like, that is not of God. That is not of God. And if it's not from the father of love, it's probably from the father of lies.

And so, but here's the tricky part. I don't want you to just throw the thought out of your head and against the wall. I want you to take a thought and speak it out loud and put it back in your hand and look at it a truth. Say the truth out loud and then put it back in your head

And I think that is just the, this, the realest thing is just to have someone in your circle and in your corner be like This is stupid hard. Yeah, and I'm like super frustrated and I'm bitter and that's okay, but you can't stay there. So like I want you to hear me say that like I'm, I'm frustrated for you. This is not all on you. I'm sorry for the pain that you have endured. So we all just sit in that for a minute and we drink a glass of wine, depending on your age.

And you just sit there and you just say like cookie dough, wine, whatever. And you just say, okay, this is a lot. What the what Lord? This is a lot. Like I'm doing all the things. And then I want you to have a session called, okay, this is real. This is it. And then I want you to have a session called, but I'm not going to let the devil like wrap me into lies and make me bitter and make me hopeless. And make me settle. So let's drink to that.

After we drink to the frustration, we're going to drink to the fact that like, that's not the end of the story. Like God has a plan for my life. I don't know what exactly what it looks like. And I'm kind of along for this adventure and this ride, and I can either be bitter and frustrated and kind of crabby about it, or I can be like. Okay, this is real. This is the deck that we're playing with in the 21st century.

Sarah's trying to give talks and write books to help the men figure it out and come ask us out. We are working on it, right? Like, we are, we are all working on it. Um, and we are, we're going to figure this out, right? Um, but, but there's no reason to put your life on hold because you're single. Yes. No. Absolutely not.

And, and again, I hope you go back and listen to this because I have a lot of people who tell me like I've taken your talks and like bookmark them and sometimes I just listen to them because I'm like I need someone to just tell me that they love me and then to tell me what I'm actually supposed to be looking to do right now because I want to just Eat bonbons, take a nap and make out with some random guy at work. And that is not what we were going to do.

Ladies, that is not what we were going to do. Amen. Like I, I just, I think it's good to be real. And that's where I think a lot of the girls that are single in their twenties. And if you're not single and you're, you're in listening to this at any age, I feel like it is our personal responsibility to help our friends find their vocation. I have an, I have a thing called find your spouse at my house. Like I am happily married and I want to have people find their spouse in my house.

Like that is important to me. I literally will, I will try to match make, I will try to love, I mean, like, You've got to introduce maybe you're maybe you're an engaged couple and you found a person. We're happy for you. That's awesome Could you please start inviting your friends to like a get together and have a bunch of your single friends come together?

So that they can meet each other because we need people to help facilitate this You're not going to probably go to the grocery store And I mean it happens right but it's it's hard it's getting harder and harder to find our people Friendship and dating relationship. So I'm going to just beg and plead everybody out there, whether you're single, you know, married, religious, religious, throw great parties, whoever it is, right?

Like throw parties, have people over and introduce people, especially people that are, you know, looking for each other. They're not going to just find each other. Can we please help them? That's really important. Yeah, for

With me I think could be applied to like anybody in a season of waiting, you know We're talking about singleness right here But like we talked about there's so many transitionings happening in our 20s Whether it's you know waiting to get married or wanting to get the job or waiting to get pregnant or whatever it is Like you can apply that to all those seasons of waiting and I I was reflecting on the way I asked you this question I ended it with like and how can they just do this with joy and

then I was like Hold on Hold, hold on. And then I stopped myself while you were talking, because I started to apply this to my own life, you know, in our own season of waiting, we, you know, are wanting to grow our family. And it has been a journey for us. And I have learned through this process, like, It's okay not to be totally joyful. It's okay to not be like overly ecstatic about like your plan, not being the Lord's plan right now, you know?

And so I kind of want to re just rephrase that and say like, if you, if you are doing it with joy and if there's a season of joy, Beautiful. The Lord will bless that.

And if there's a season that is really hard and there's suffering and darkness or anger with the Lord, you know, like give it to him, give him all the, the yucky stuff, all the trash that you feel like he can't handle, like he can handle it, And it's okay for those seasons to also be messy and like, not be perfectly tied with a bow and be like, I'm gonna wait so well, I'm gonna do this waiting season so well, because it never works that way.

And I, and I'm like, you, Sarah, I'm just like, I, I have it figured out and I, I know. I know the path. It's it's prayer and surrender and let the Lord do it. So if I do that, well, like this season of waiting is going to be over. But the truth is that that's still not, the Lord is not formulaic. You know, we can't like make him work on our timing. And so it's okay for this season to be

It's about how we respond to that suffering and that sacrifice and that enduring. So I think, I think that's one thing for, for all those ladies, like again, raise a glass to the difficulty and then raise a glass to the Lord and good friends and getting through it together and saying, let's make like, let's be stronger through this.

And stronger in our faith instead of letting it completely destroy us because we've seen that it can, um, over time really erode your faith and it can erode your confidence in who you are. And then you do things that you swore you would never do. And I think that's, that's when you have people come into your life and say, no, like, like, you know, we can do this, like we, you know, to really rally each other and to rally around the Lord and in the heart of, in the sacred heart of Jesus.

When you're rallying in the Sacred Heart of Jesus, you can also be real in the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Like, He is not, He is the God of both, right? The both and. And so I think just being real is good, but, but don't leave it at just the like, what the heck, you know, what the what Lord, is what I like to say. What the what Lord? Like, don't leave it there. Bring it back over to Him. Yes, absolutely.

Sometimes, um, we work with a lot of, we, we live across the street from 2000 college students and, you know, they'll come out to us and, uh, Swath and I will be married 19 years in June and they'll come up to us and be like, Oh, we want your marriage. Like your family's so beautiful. And you know, they'll just like say things and, and we always laugh and we're like, Oh, you should have been around for the first five years. You would have been like, keep your marriage, you know what I mean?

Like keep it. Um, because we just, we went through a lot and, um, I always tell those young adults, I'm like, you're looking at the fruit of a married couple that. Grew together, sacrificed together and pushed through and like are here and living and telling about it because it just, my favorite toast at someone's wedding is here's to the day that you'll love each other the least. Um, and I really believe it. I really believe it in the sense of like, I thought I loved Swaaf on our wedding day.

I thought I knew Swaaf on her wedding day. I thought, you know, he was the greatest thing that ever happened on our wedding day. And he was, um, but I just, I noticed that like through our whole marriage, It just kept getting better. It just kept getting stronger.

It just kept getting um, more You know deep and rich and all those great words but I would be lying to you if I didn't say that almost all that growth came through some form of sacrifice and growing in virtue and and suffering together and loving each other well And and really again dying to yourself dying to your Needs every, you know, not being number one every time. And, and that's really hard.

I think for us as women, um, because we do, we look across at our significant other or at her husband and be like, fix it, fix me. And certainly don't be the problem of my problems. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? So, um, don't be the catalyst. Yo, like I have enough to deal with over here. Don't let it be you. Um, but.

But it's hard when you have two humans together and you have to, you know, I read this really beautiful book years ago and it said only, only God would know that the ironing that sharpens iron in a marriage, you know, the person who has like the flashlight on your soul, like 24 seven, um, he goes, only God would know that, that, that sharpening would come flesh on flesh. And I was like, Oh, that is like mystical and beautiful. And it's because it's so true.

You know, it's like it, you know, you get into these seasons of busyness or little kids or, you know, just suffering or waiting or, you know, all the things we're talking about. And, and you really do look at your spouse, like. Fix it, take care of it. Like, why are you not moving heaven and earth right now? Or why are you, why can't you fix this?

You know, and it just makes you both kind of look at each other and be like, I love you more than anything, but I, I, I can't, you know, I can't do anything to make this go away. I can't heal all your wounds. I can't be that person. And so just so similar to what we've been going back, I still struggled with it. You know, kind of like you were saying, even in marriage, even, you know, two, three, four years married, there was still that, like.

You know, I want, like, I need to go to God, but I want, it's faster to go to you. It's easier to go to you. I want you to do this, you know? And then again, you, the whole like single, you'll always be disappointed. There, there's going to be times where you're going to disappoint your spouse. You're going to, you're not going to be virtuous. You're not going to have all the answers. You're not going to be thinking of them first. Like you're going to have those bad days.

And so, so when I see, you know, young married couples or I see young people, you know, young couples with young kids or whatever, like my husband and I, we literally will like stop people in the grocery store and be like, you're at the hardest stage, man, you're killing it. You're doing great. Like, this is so hard at first time moms. Like I will come and scrub your toilet with a toothbrush. That's how I feel about first time being a first time mom.

It's so awesome and beautiful, but really, really hard and really, really talk about a transition. Like, Whoa, I'm going to, I'm going to remember that, Sarah. So do you like what do you like? Right. I'm coming. I'm coming with margaritas and toothbrushes. Right. Like, um, but I, but I mean that like, it is such a hard time in life. You know, you, you think like, I've always wanted to be a mother. I'm going to be the best mother ever. I'm going to rock this. I am so capable. I am so prepared.

And then you get completely rocked and you're like. This is really hard. Um, and same with marriage, you know, like people used to say marriage is hard and I was like, dude, we're just going to make love like every day. It's going to be fine. And, and like, I would like literally say that out loud because you know, chastity and like waiting. And I was just like, no, it's fine. We have got this figured out. And now I just look at myself and I just laugh.

Cause I'm like, oh my gosh, I said, but, but it was kind of real too though. You know, cause it's like, there's so much beauty in being married that first year. Um, but there's also those little like. blending your lives and all that stuff. And so my marriage advice is, um, I mean, I could go on for days, but don't keep score is one of my favorite things to say, don't keep score, don't tally. Um, and then just to remember that like, God has chosen this person to sanctify you.

And, and to love you and to, to take you to heaven. And so are they going to get in your way sometimes because you, you feel like you have it all figured out and there's going to be a plan. Yeah. Like your, your spouse is the greatest accountability partner you'll ever have. Um, so give them the keys and be able to say like, uh, you have permission to love me well, and that might include calling me out. That might add, that might be in click Andy and I, we don't say like, how are you doing?

We'll like say to each other, like, like, how can I pray for you? Like, you know, did you get your, like, we're really, we're bulldogs about making sure that we both get our prayer time. That's really important to me that he gets his prayer time. It's really important to him that I get my prayer time. Somewhat selfishly because we're a lot nicer if we do. Amen. Um, so it's somewhat as like, have you prayed yet? It's like, why am I being snappy? Right. Um, so you know what I mean?

Like that realness of like, no, she needs her time. He needs her time. Yeah. Here's your rosary. Go on a walk. I, Oh, he's been told me to just take my, take my rosary and walk. I've definitely in 19 years of marriage, I've, we've had that where I'm like, I'm going on a walk. Um, so just being very real about marriage and knowing that. Yeah, they're not going to be your savior.

They're not going to be your everything, but they're going to be like your workout partner, your running partner, your companion, your lover, and like in all those things, getting each other to heaven, like on this journey. And, um, yeah, I just, I'm, I'm so touched. I was really blessed by, um, the, the beautiful woman, Jessica, who passed away, uh, this week, she was like a count blessed by cancer. And I didn't know about it until like six months ago. And I feel like.

Her watching her account on, on Instagram. I was like, I have a love, hate with the internet. I have a love, hate with every, like all forms of social media. Like I just, I have a love, hate with it all. And I really like told the Lord, like, I, this is one of the times where I've loved, I loved Instagram for being able to watch her die. And one of the things that she said was, we're all terminal. I just know it. And you, you don't, and you forget.

And I was so shook by that because I was just like. Man, it makes you just love your spouse more. It makes you love your kids more. I mean, when there's a, there's a real where you can watch her when she's shaving her head. Um, when she goes to the salon to have her hair, her beautiful hair shaved, and she's just singing songs and singing songs and like praying and her kids are talking to her.

And I just, I think about that in regards to marriage, you know, like, like Andy, my husband always says, he says, sometimes it's not looking at your spouse and being like, Dude, you're difficult today. Like, you know, I like, I love you. I don't know if I really like you this hour. Right. Um, but like being able to look at your spouse and say like, I'm going to love Christ in you right now. Like I'm going to love, like, I'm going to love Christ through you right now.

Especially when you're in a tough season, maybe someone listening to this. It's like, yeah, we're not speaking. We're we're, we're in a rough spot. Like I'm not in a good spot with my husband right now. Like you're going to have those seasons or days, you know what I mean? You're going to have those weeks maybe that are just like, we are off. And so it's always good to bring it back to, okay, what's the overall goal here, friends?

Like, okay, husband, like, are we letting a lot of these like petty little things get in the way of like, Hey, like we're on a journey towards eternity.

And so like that has to change the way we interact with each other and in that constant reminder of like There's just a there's a bigger journey here that we're a part of and and that's why it's so important to pick someone Um to have someone to have the lord reveal to you this person that's going to help you get to heaven because it is Really difficult. I always say everything I talk about not easy totally worth it. And I think that having a strong marriage Not easy, totally worth it.

But it takes a lot of work and a lot of, you have to care for your marriage. You have to pour into your marriage. Those are all things that it's so easy to be like, well, I know you're not going to leave me, so whatever. It's like, no, like your kids are going to watch the greatest form of them learning how to love is watching you love each other. So you can't put your kids first every time you can't, you can't say like, well, my kids are number one.

And then my husband's like over here, like that is not, I've seen that go terribly bad. You have to really love each other well, and your children will watch that and they will, and they will model that. And it's really, really beautiful.

We shouldn't be, everything should be like, like blissful still. And like, it's just like, what is going on? And he's like, He's like, honey, like this should be happening in your first five years of marriage. Like you don't know how to love each other. Well, like you don't know how

And especially like myself included all these influencers, everyone's talking about marriage and holy marriages and like, so good to encourage, but like, you only really see a part of it. You only really see like the beautiful highlight reel of it because it's, it's also not necessary to like air out all the dirty laundry, you know, publicly to everybody, but it's good to realize. And for, you know, for us to just like, come out and say, honestly, like.

There's a, there's a lot of hard stuff in there that you're going to encounter and it's not perfect and marriage doesn't solve everything and especially those first five years if you don't know how to love each other well and those are learning curve years and that's okay.

It's not like I'm like anti people, you know, but you just start, you start seeing like you're in school and you have all these people in your life. All these friends are different classes and clubs and stuff you're a part of. And then you graduate and you move away. People get married, start having kids and jobs and life gets busy. And then those people that like are really important in your life start kind of just like getting like, Less and less.

Um, and it's harder to keep those friendships close and you also have less time to invest in those people. But yet community is still so important. And like, as you're stepping into marriage or as you're stepping into, you know, a life and a career or a motherhood or whatever, like you want to have those people around you, like your village and, and your team to like, encourage you and pray for you and walk with you.

How can we build community in this stage of life, um, or invest in those friendships that we do have?

Matures and grows and then also you just don't have the same amount of, of time to be able to, to give to everyone.

Um, but I, but I honestly think that in our day and age, I think the most important thing that we can invest in is, well, one, like our, our relationship with our Lord and our faith and, you know, obviously our prayer life, but right behind that I think is friendship and really prioritizing people who are leading you to Christ and people who are bringing you to the Lord and reminding you of your goodness.

And, and sitting with you in your waiting, and sitting with you, sitting with you in your realness, you know? Um, we, we wrote about this a lot in Gift and Grit. We actually wrote, like, lots of chapters on friendship. Not only how to make friends, or how to be a friend, or the different levels of friendship, and just how to navigate friendship.

But also, like, how to How to get out of a toxic relationship or a toxic friendship, or how, how to know that it's time for you to say something, or it's time for you. How do you have friends where you're maybe having a conversion and you still have your amazing friends that you grew up with, that you're still close with? That can be really hard. And I think that for a lot of young adults, they, they feel like I either have to.

Ditch the fit, the whole, the whole faith thing, or you have to ditch these friends and that's just, that's not true, but it's really hard to navigate that, you know, and, and it's hard, I think in your twenties, cause you're like, you know, you have all these voices in your head, you know, like image, image, image, success, you know, success, success, um, what people are going to think about you and like, you know, you have all these voices.

And then you also have these like really strong friendships where you're like, but these people are so life giving to me and these people are so life sucking to me. Like, I feel like myself here and I feel like I have to be someone else here and I feel like I'm enough here and I'm not enough there and sometimes those friends are blended and I, you see why people are like done. I done put me in a hoodie, hoodie, get me a drink and I am staying in right?

Like, I totally understand why people are like, I'm done with people. Um, mother Angelica has a great lines. Like everyone will be saints if it wasn't for other people, like that I have to deal with all these other people. Um, it was just such a hilarious, true thing. Cause it's like, but I think more than ever friendship is what's going to help us. Again, I think our world struggles sometimes with being human. And the best way to be human is to practice being human with other humans.

And it's, I think a lot of people in our world are like, no, too hard. You know, people are dating too much risk, too much commitment. I'm out. Uh, we wrote about that a lot. I think that's a big part of the problem is people are afraid to take a risk. They're afraid to be known. They're afraid of putting themselves out there and being rejected.

Um, you know, those are fears and that, and that's the problem is, you know, when you are going to be friends with people, you're going to experience a little bit of that. But, but from my heart to yours, I promise it's worth it. It's worth it. I mean, it's worth kind of navigating those and saying like, man, that, that was tough, man. That was, man, I walked into that room and pretended like I knew someone like that was really hard.

Um, or like, wow, I really liked that guy and he totally is dating my best friend and that sucks. But like, I'm glad that I put myself out there because if I wouldn't have said anything, you know, I tell people a lot, sometimes rejection is the, is the clearest form of clarity. Like, does it suck? Yeah. But wouldn't you rather have someone say, I just use a friend than be mentally or emotionally in love with them for six months only to have them tell you, I just want to be friends.

Like, no, rejection is sometimes the best form of clarity. It just sucks. And, and that's, those are things that I write about and say about because I talk about a lot is because I think a lot of times people leave a situation, leave a relationship and they just beat themselves up. And they're like, I'm never doing that again. And they have that inner vow of. People are going to hurt me. People are going to think I'm less than people are going to judge me.

People are going to, and they, and then they project that on everybody in their, everybody in their life. And there's little people, their friends are trying to pop up and be like, want to hang out? over the fence, right? Like barbecue, like, you know, over the fence, like happy hour. And they're like, whack a mole. They're like, go away, go away, go away. I will not be hurt again. I will not be hurt again. I am not trusting people. I don't want to, I don't want to date anybody.

And I think that that's where the, the devil is keeping people isolated and alone and hurt and mad and bitter. And it's really hard because it's, it's going to take friends to pull you out of that. It's going to take our Lord to pull you out of that. I've been there. I'm sure you've been there where you're just like, Nope, I'm done. I'm done. Trying. I'm done. Caring. I'm done with people. I'm done with men. I'm done with life. And then, but then you can only sit in that for so long.

And then it's like, ah, this just can't be, this can't be it. And then you get sad and you get depressed and you get down and you get anxious and, and you pick yourself apart. And it's really only other women and good friends and good men that are going to pull you out of that. But we have to give people a chance. And so this is my plea, the plea of my heart, uh, the gift and grit side of Sarah. This is why we wrote this book is because I was like.

The devil wants to keep people isolated and alone and feeling worthless. And they don't, the devil does not want you to risk on love, and does not want you to be committed to anything, and does not want you to be convicted in anything. And that's the whole premise of Gift and Grit was like, No. Your life's a gift. You are a gift. The purpose and meaning of your life is to give it away as a gift. But do you have the grit to do it? Because it's gritty. It's gritty to heal.

It's gritty to put yourself out there. It's gritty to make friends. It's gritty to have a prayer life. It's gritter, it's gritty to feel like to really know your worthiness as a beloved daughter of God. That's grit. And I think our, again, our world has all these other accomplishments for you waiting. And I, and I am looking at you saying, Reel back, peel back what's actually important. Like what, like again, deathbed stuff. Like what do you want? What's worth it to you?

An image is not going to come even close on that radar. It's going to be like so far off the radar. Success even is going to be off the radar. So I, that's my question to, you know, as we wrap this, like, what is your definition of love? What is your definition of success? What does it look like in your life to be successful? And for me, it's like, I want to die, like, on my deathbed being like, No regrets. Took all the risks. Loved all the people.

Why would I want to go to heaven and take as many people as I can with me? Like, no time wasted. Let's go. You know, like, I want, what is success to you? And I, I think for the, for the 20 something, the devil wants to fill your head with a bunch of stuff that just is a complete waste of time. And, and, you know, in your life, I've wasted so much emotional energy on things that just don't really matter.

And, and I think that I wish I would have known that I wish I would have been able to define those things in my twenties. It would have made my twenties way better and way more peaceful and way more fun. And so that's my, that's my, from my heart to all the women that are listening to this at any age. Um, yeah. What is some, make some of those, what are your definitions here? Like what, where, what gives you joy? What gives you life?

What, what, what are those things and go after them and don't waste time on things that don't matter.

And everything that you guys do, you and Trey, and just your whole, your whole crew. I know it's a ton of work and spiritual attack and it's all real. So hey, just know that I'm praying for you and I'm praying for everyone that's listening. I'm, I'm so grateful for their fight. Keep fighting the good fight. It's worth it.

My husband actually has, um, if you know, the great adventure Bible, um, He's the one that wrote everything that's not the Bible. He was one of the editors and contributed. He does a lot of scripture stuff So if anybody likes Bible stuff, oh my gosh, there's some so much there But yeah We wrote a book called what we believe it kind of like people if they're interested in the church or even if they're wanting to come Back to the church. What does that look like? And what do we believe?

So we love I mean again anything that helps we just throw it out there as Man, if you want something to grow in your life, feed it. And if you want something to die in your life, starve it. And I just love being able to feed people with things that again, help in any way or matter. Um, and just know that you're not alone and there's a crazy blonde chick in Kansas that's praying for you. So, and we were so