The Average Joe Beatdown: Who's the Toughest Mediocre Guy?

In 2020 , hayden made two friends start a podcast with him . They promptly went home and watched some movies . Today they survive his podcast as a fortune . If you want to entertain if there are no other podcasts , if you have Spotify , you can listen to Entertain this Well done , well done . Well done .

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Order one was like the best .

Hey , hello , welcome To Entertain this .

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A podcast about movies , tv shows and video games . My name is Hayden . With me I have Mitch , hello and Tom .

Hi Tom .

Today we're discussing the Average Joe Beatdown .

It's like the speed version . I didn't want to do all that one word thing .

Hey , welcome to Entertain this . This is a podcast of one of the most TV shows and video games . My name is Simon . With me , I'm Vincent Hayden . Check us out on EntertainThisPodcastcom . We're also on Instagram and TikTok at EntertainThis underscore . You can also check us out on Patreon at patreoncom forward slash .

EntertainThis underscore attention to yeah , we'll hit that again at the end we'll touch on that later all right average joe . Beat down mitch .

Explain how this is going to work well , we did an action turn , our action hero tournament before , where we all picked 10 different action heroes from movies and they , basically we pit them against each other .

I remember which one we did , that lasted like eight rounds and just wasn't beaten .

I don't remember who it was . Basically , we'll each pick . We each have our ten people , which are considered average Joes .

Yeah , Tom made these rules and he slipped in like the Predator and stuff like that I was like what are you talking about ?

Tom made the rule of nobody with a military background , and his first person was Walker Texas Ranger .

I was like what the heck and Rip Whe ? Nobody with a military background and his first person was walker , texas ranger and rip wheeler .

It's because you were scared because when you rip wheeler would have won to add in more specificities into this specificity . Yeah , uh they .

All right , I feel outgunned in this , just saying Out of the list that we picked , yeah well we'll see how it goes , Tom's like don't be bothered by who's going to beat who . All right , so does anybody want to volunteer to have their people go first ?

Yeah , I'll throw one out there . All right , let's do , fonzie .

All right , I'll throw out uh mine my number 10 , sam malone from cheers .

Let's see former pro pitcher .

So god , if there's any baseballs around , oh no , well , watch out I mean the fonzie's pretty he might peg him in the head at 90 miles an hour . Fonzie's pretty lucky and give him brain brain damage .

All right , let's see You're going to be fighting in the Batcave . Okay , and let me find the thing here . Phone doesn't want to work right , and ?

The show's predicated on your phone working well . Mitch , you both have a hammer .

Okay , all right . Well , I'll start my argument first . On your phone working . Well , mitch , you both have a hammer . Okay , all right . Well , I'll start my argument first . I feel like the Fonz could just slap a random bat computer machine device and then good things will happen .

Nah , he bumps it with his fessy zoop . Yeah , that's what I do . He does it to jukeboxes an elbow .

And then a Gatling gun will pop out and just kill a Cheers guy , ted Danson , ted Danson , yeah .

Huh , is that your argument ?

Yeah , and in the worst-case scenario , just throw a hammer .

Why would you throw the hammer and not hit it ?

Because he's got to keep his distance . I don't know . I recall one fight that the Fonz was in in Happy Days and it was just like goofy .

Yeah , he gets beat up by Tom Hanks .

That's right .

Yeah , oof , he jumped a shark . Yeah , that's , true , he did jump a shark On a surfboard . He did jump a shark In a leather jacket .

He was so lucky that he started a movie trend , didn't even get wet , that's right . So I feel pretty good about Fonzie .

Well , Sam Malone , I believe , was a former pro pitcher , which implies some sort of athleticism and training that he would have had In his day In his day . He's still in his 30s , he's not , you know .

I'm just saying Fonzie's like barely out of high school . Yeah , but he looks like he's 42 and he's hanging out with high school kids .

He's got the demeanor . Oh , you know what ? Sit on it , Potsy .

You don't say that to Fonz .

They did say it to him To .

Fonz .

Yeah , Mrs Cunningham said it to him .

Oh , okay , sit and spin .

He's somebody who has . Obviously he has a considerable height and distance advantage over Henry Winkler .

We're not talking about Henry Winkler .

Over the Fonz . The Fonz is a short fella , he's a little fella and Sam Malone is probably like 6'4" and in decent shape , I think . The Fonz , I mean he has to run a bar , he's got to throw drunks out .

I think the Fonz has got enough luck and charisma and he'll be able to beat up Ted Danson without having to comb his hair .

Sam Malone has great hair as well . What do you think , Mitch ?

Well , judging by what the AI said , it says this one's a close call , but Fonzie has a slight edge .

What .

Between adaptability , mental game and fighting style , the outcome Fonzie wins six out of ten times . Woo Almost a 50-50 split , it says , likely by outmaneuvering Sam and using the Batcave's environment to set up a decisive strike or trap .

That's what I said .

Sam takes four out of ten if he lands an early powerful blow before Fonzie can adapt .

Thank you , AI overlord

The final scene , fonzie leans against the Batmobile , hammer twirling , and says hey , sammy , better luck next time . Wow .

It's like a fighting game . Ai is stupid , says .

Sam nursing a bruise mutters . Yeah , well , I'll get you at Cheers .

Oh , he can't say that . They're like dead . Is that too violent for the A ? Probably .

Somewhere matches Malone watches from the shadows unimpressed .

Yeah , all right , cool , I've won , so you continue I crossed out Sam .

You don't cross him out .

I crossed out Sam Malone on my bracket , which means the Fonz advances to whoever Mitch's number 10 is .

I got to type this in here , so you got to give me a second .

Who is your number 10 ?

Well , my first one that I'm using is Cody , from Step by Step Cody from Step by Step . Let's see , we will be in a WWE arena .

All right , is Cody fighting Fonz , or is Cody fighting ?

Fonzie Okay , because you're got one .

All right , so Fonz versus Cody , and we both have a knife . Okay , well , I feel like the Fonz being like a greaser kind of guy , he's pretty familiar with knives . He's able to beat up a guy who's twice his size . Obviously , so far , cody is just some dork that can't even spell his name correctly .

Yeah , it's the got to fight one-on-one though .

Yeah yeah , it's the biker code of honor .

But I feel like Fonz is a lot more intelligent . He's able to , you know , figure out the bat . Where are we ? Again the WWE ?

arena . Oh dude .

So we're basically in a ring . Well , I bet you Cody doesn't know much about like wrestling culture .

He probably does . He knows kickboxing , that's true .

But maybe he doesn't know that you can use like chairs and stuff like that . Fonz is in the game , he's in the bar fight .

Anything goes in a bar fight .

Yeah , he just grabs them and swing it .

I don't know .

I do feel like knives , though Fonz has the edge Pun included , intended Well , I mean . I just feel like you know , with Cody being a martial artist he's got a little bit of advantage because Fonzie's kind of a broad Martial arts is one thing .

all right , We've all seen Once Upon a Time in Hollywood , right ? It's got to be , yeah , that street ability right .

Yeah , because we all believe Bruce Lee was just thrown against a car .

My hands are registered weapons . If I kill you , I'll go to jail .

Anybody who kills anybody in a fight goes to jail .

It's called manslaughter . I mean , cody was pretty athletic too . I mean he did not just punches and kicks , but jumping , spinning , kicks and all that stuff .

Yeah , well .

I think his physicality and his athleticism , I don't know .

Out-move her Fonzie by a good bit . I don't know . I feel like the Fonz has got it . What do you think , tom , it's ?

a toughie . I don't know much about this Cody from Step by Step .

unfortunately , he's a real idiot . Imagine Joey Tribbiani with less IQ . Oh my God .

Against the Fonz . I think he was in the movie the Kickboxer 2 , because in that character , because the actual actor knows all the kickboxing stuff- I'd probably put my money on the Fonz . Alright , well , the outcome . Cody pins Fonzie after Whoa , whoa it's not giving me the out of 10 thing .

Alright , and there goes the Fonz .

Yeah .

Or Fonz .

Cody wins . Wwe arena favors Cody's wrestling-like physicality over Fonzie's street style . Knives make it dangerous , but Cody's size and durability let him absorb more damage while his reckless offense overwhelms Fonzie's finesse . Nobody got stabbed .

Well , just give him pillows or something I don't know . Pillow fight All right , what do you got Tom ?

Huh , huh . Kickboxing guy huh , yeah , hmm , hmm .

Hmm , hmm , hmm , just pick a name .

I don't know if I want to use my best people . Do that guy , hal from Malcolm in the Middle . Yep , all right , yeah , we'll go with Hal , with Malcolm in the Middle , since Aiden decided that one I needed to use .

All right , let's see . Give me a little bit of why you think Hal would win .

I mean , he obviously knows you can't , you know , nobody can beat Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat 2 . So he clearly knows the fight game literally .

The fighting game . He does knows the fight game , literally the fighting game . What's the environment that they're fighting at ?

In a rancor pit with no rancor .

So you could have just said a pit .

It's got the bones and stuff scattered around .

Oh bones , I mean Hal is almost a sort of genius .

And they have him force .

They have him force , but they can't shoot it because it's too violent .

We'll see .

They just have to beat each other to death with M-Force . I mean Hal's almost a sort of kind of genius , because everything he gets embroiled in he excels in almost immediately . Like where he finds all the muscle dudes working out and he talks to them and then they don't know what to do when he's leaving .

doesn't frankie muniz like have to save him from getting beaten up at school all the time ?

how's the older brother right ?

no , how's the father ?

oh the father , oh the father . Yeah , brian cranston . Oh okay , he's like , you know , quit drinking all that damn orange juice . It doesn't grow on trees . They're like , yeah , it does . He's like why , quit drinking all that damn orange juice ? It doesn't grow on trees . They're like , yeah , it does . He's like , why is it so damn expensive ?

That How's not a man to be trifled with .

I mean great that they have M4s . I don't know that they have to get close to fight , but I do think Cody's more versatile with weapons .

What weapons training ?

does he have ? He knows how to use martial arts weapons .

Yeah , m4s are renowned in karate .

Plenty of gun training . It's gun-fu .

Yeah , I know , gun-fu it's like okay , keanu .

Well , according to AI , hal emerges as the survivor , limping and sobbing after Cody's gung-ho assault wounds the rancor See . This is why AI is not always good . There's not supposed to be a rancor in the shit .

Well , just say a pit , Just say like a hole in the ground .

All I heard though , is Hal won .

Yeah , that's all he's going to focus on . I guess the rancor ate the other guy .

And I can see like Brian Cranston too .

He'd go . Oh , it would be because

No , I don't have Walter .

White . Somebody should have picked Walter White so like how could have Fuck Walter ?

White , I'll put it in a pit . We'll see what it comes up with . I would see Hal as like that meme or that video with Jean-Claude . When he's got the gun , he's like I'll cover you Guns , go at every one of you Seem in his underwear .

All right , let's see . This is why he takes . What was the mom's name on Malcolm in the middle ? I don't know .

I can't remember what her name was . It's loading slowly . It gives me a bunch of stuff . I just go down to who wins . Hal Wilkerson wins six out of ten times , but it's a fluke-filled upset . Damn right it is . Let's see Hal wins because let's see , well , it just skipped a bunch of stuff .

Let him outlast cody , yeah , okay .

Well , so there were my , my fighter .

It's the guy that randomly gets a shot in All right , oh , all right , we're going to do Hal versus Marshall from how I Met your Mother . All right , all right . Marshall can slap Renowned , slaps , hurt around the world .

Yeah .

Slaps that sent the fear into the ladies' man , barney himself . Barney Stinson Changed him , made him a changed man , yeah .

What was Marshall's ?

last name ? Do we know Marshall , just Marshall , from how I Met your Mother ?

That takes a lot of typing .

Hang on , hang on , I'm working on it , y'all just keep talking about it .

Y'all worry about it .

I'll type it in Erickson E-R-I-K-S-E-N so what do you think ? You think Hal's got a chance , marshall's like 6'5 , what was it ?

his chaotic survival skills just screaming .

I feel like Marshall's pretty chaotic . I don't think he's how chaotic . The episode with his smoked pot Marshall's just all over the world and he's quite a tactician . He can build board games that could put anybody to sleep .

He can build board games Well hopefully this doesn't happen on a Monopoly board .

Where is this happening ?

On the plane from Con Air With a lead pipe .

I feel like Marshall's got it yeah .

I feel like Hal accidentally kills Marshall or Marshall accidentally kills himself .

Maybe they accidentally pull the door open and just get sucked out .

It's a draw . Turn around the corner , put the bunny down .

Yeah , ted just goes ah , and like hits , the door latch and just opens it and goes , just gets sucked out , sucked out the back . The bunny down .

It's slow .

It's loading .

I skip all the round one , round two and just try to go straight to who wins , but it's taking a moment .

Okay , well , I feel like , even though it's kind of close , Okay , there we go . You're like , ah , just go ahead .

Marshall Erickson wins eight out of ten times .

Yeah , eight out of ten .

Yeah , let's see , got your butt kicked . The Conair plane's tight , chaotic space favors Marshall's physical dominance . Yeah , his strength and reach with the lead pipe overwhelm Howell's frantic defense and his bar fight instincts . Let him adapt to the brawl's flow .

But he beats the train fighter .

So the outcome ? Marshall stands over a dazed Hal lead pipe in hand . As the plane's engines scream , he drops the pipe muttering . Sorry man , I owe you a slap bet for this Hal groaning mumbles . Lewis is going to ground me forever .

This is the life stage .

Alright , who you got Thad Castle ?

Oh man All right .

Where are we fighting ?

Gigantic dope cocaine-fueled moron . They're both about the same height .

However , Thad is a little bit more muscular , just a little bit .

But Marshall is much more intelligent than Thad Castle . I'll give you that . Yeah , so I . There are dogs that are smarter than Thad Castle . I'll give you that . Yeah , so I . There are dogs that are smarter than Thad Castle we're fighting in the . Batcave . Oh okay , so technology is a go here . Does Thad scream get out of my house ? I feel like Get out .

Yeah , and we're fighting with hammers again .

The hammer fight , so he'll throw hammers like batarangs . You know , I feel pretty good about this one . What's your argument ? I mean Thad Castle could clearly run circles around Marshall yeah if he can not have to deal with the chaos of the environment ?

And he is an all-American athlete . I'm just saying .

Okay , marshall's a big dude who can slap really hard .

Let's see Thad's also very inventive on the ways that he can do things . He's smart when it's Okay , never mind , he's not smart , he's not smart .

He's not smart , he's captain of the football team .

Yeah , he might accidentally kill himself in that environment .

Yes , what does it say ? Marshall Erickson wins seven out of ten times . Marshall wins because the Batcave's complex terrain favors Marshall's strategic thinking and endurance over Thad's all-out assault .

I'm good .

Marshall's size and power match Thad's , but his ability to adapt using the cave's gadgets or cover gives him an edge . Thad's reckless style burns him out and his ego makes him underestimate Marshall's toughness . Marshall's heart and smarts seal the deal , though . Thad wins 3 out of 10 . Let's see the outcome .

Marshall moves on to the next round ? All right , I'm only down . One guy . I still got Marshall . Yeah , what do you got ? Tom Frazier ? Oh , okay , I think in every scenario I got this Just throw your cannon fodder at Marshall . So Frazier's a tall guy , I'll give you that . Kelsey Grammer is a large man .

He is very smart . He's very much an intellectual and tactician-ish . I guess it depends on where we're fighting , machiavellian-esque . In the bar from Cheers oh home turf . Yeah , he knows that terrain , he knows the intricacies of that bar .

And you're fighting with katanas .

I feel like if anybody's handled a katana before it would have been Marshall or Frazier in his visits to Japan .

They do fight with the swords in the apartment Marshall and Ted . He has sword playability .

Everyone knows Frazier's a world-class fencer .

Doctor's gonna throw stuff out as if it sticks .

Fencing has nothing to do with it .

I'm telling Hayden about a character from his favorite show . Educate me more that I've never watched .

Please mansplain me some more about , please , tom explain this to me ,

Is this , cheers Frazier ?

or Frazier Frazier , you decide .

Well , frazier's a spinoff from Cheers . Yeah , same character .

He's still been to the bar . He knows the exact layout , yeah , and knows where the gun's hidden behind the bar .

Okay , there's not a gun behind the bar , all right .

It's called the win , Justin .

It's foolish of you , Ted , to bring a katana to a gunfight .

What does the AI overlord say ?

Well , nine out of ten times marshall erickson , I just figured I'd just sacrifice frazier I'm just curious to know how the one time worked out oh , let's see frazier's might .

Art . Frazier might win one out of ten times with a fluke slash or clever strap . Or trevor clever trap , uh , says the cheers bars tight quarters amplify marshall's Slash or Clever Trap , it says the Cheers bar's tight quarters amplify Marshall's physical dominance .

Man , my boy Marshall , he's crushing it .

We're going to have to pick up some heavy hitters to take him out .

All right , all right , I got you , I got you .

Oh , what do you got ? You got nothing .

I'm taking Julius Rock .

Okay .

The dad from Everybody Hates Chris .

Terry Crews . Pretty much , he's throwing a Terry Crews at you .

We got to get Marshall off the board . Let's see Julius Raka . Where are we going to be fighting ? We are fighting .

What is his job ? I don't know . It's like a mechanic or something , isn't it ?

I think so .

He has like 40 jobs . Let's see , everybody hates Chris . Is that what it's from ?

Yeah , Well , this doesn't help me , but we're fighting in Santa's workshop , okay .

With revolvers , what ? Okay , I think the one who would know more about random toys would be Marshall .

Yes .

Okay , you know , maybe I don't know how the guns would come into play for both of them , but I feel like he would adapt faster in Santa's workshop .

I feel like he'd be more shocked . He was at Santa's workshop and want to talk to . Santa . He'd be distracted .

He could use that to his advantage and be like why didn't I get this when I was 10 ? He could use that to his advantage , because he's such a child at heart Like he could use all of the elves and stuff .

I do see him setting up traps and stuff and be like ha ha , ha , ha ha , exactly , but Julius Rock can just power through it . Yeah , if he can catch him ?

I don't know .

What does our AI overlord say ? Our AI overlord Crap . Yes , marshall Erickson wins 7 out of 10 times . Woo , let's see , marshall wins . Santa's Workshop's chaotic close-quarter setup favors Marshall's physical dominance and endurance . Physical dominance , what His strength and bold charges overwhelm Julius's cautious strategy , especially as ammo dwindles .

Is there another Julius rock out there ?

Yeah , that's what I'm checking . Nope , that's the same guy . Okay , just checking Marshall's a strong dude .

He's a big guy , big guy , huge . I don't think guy Huge , huge .

I don't think he's the physical dominance there's a part here . As ammo dwindles , the fight gets scrappy . Julius is smart to precision , keeping him competitive , landing key shots , but Marshall's durability and heart tips the scales .

Heart . I'm aching that to Santa's workshop .

Marshall stands over a disarmed Julius revolver empty . As the workshop sprinklers douse tinsel fires , he offers a hand saying sorry , man , you're still a rock Julius clutching his hand gribbles . This is why I don't do Christmas . Elves sweep up muttering about overtime as the jingle bells fade .

That was 68 cents worth of tinsel . He's taking us out , Tom . He's taking us Wondering about overtime as the jingle bells fade .

That was 68 cents worth of tinsel , all right .

He's taking us out , tom , he's taking us out .

Cosmo Kramer .

Okay .

We're about to fight chaotic with more chaotic .

Kramer , wouldn't it be funny if it was in ?

Jerry's apartment Jerry's apartment , home territory .

Let's see , let me try and type all this up here . I mean , I'll be honest , I did not think that Marshall would make it this far .

No I am shocked .

I'm pretty happy I've only lost one guy so far . How many do you have left ?

I have one , two , three , four , five , six , seven left .

I feel like Kramer's terrified .

I don't think he could win a fight against anybody .

Well , you're fighting in a hedge maze with shovels . This might be the one .

What's how it's .

Kramer , it's frantic chaotic energy and spontaneous idea making .

He's even just bursting out of a bush , yeah .

Just taking him out .

Stare .

The only thing I could think it's a book about coffee tables , but it's got little arms so you can make it into a small coffee table , the only thing I could think is Kramer sometimes has an insane boost of luck that comes out of nowhere . It's literally .

And he just like skyrockets to like stardom , but then he like meteorically crashes .

Like where he showed up at a big firm and like got a job just by being there and like he was like doing great , but they fired him .

Yeah , the coffee table book and he got to talk shows , yeah , all sorts of stuff . So who won this one ?

Eight out of ten times Marshall Erickson wins God .

I mean , I didn't have that much faith .

So the hedge maze's tight , disorienting paths favor Marshall's physical dominance .

Oh , I'm tired of hearing about it .

Much like his edge in the bar parking lot scenario I'm about to send Wayne from Letterkenny against him .

It's like here's a person who has beat up every tough person in Canada and won .

This here's .

American Says . His strength and focused aggression overwhelmed Kramer's unpredictable flailing , especially in the clearing's close quarters . Brawl Kramer's tricks keep him in it , winning two out of ten times if he disorients Marshall . The outcome is Marshall stands over a pinned Kramer shovel , tossed aside .

It'd be funny if he said something racist . Ai just didn't filter that part out .

AI just went rogue . It's just like Michael Richards . It's like all right , please don't .

All right , you're fighting Dan Connors now .

All right , marshall versus Dan Connors , somebody's got to take him out .

I can see Dan Connors .

Where's Dan Connors from ?

Roseanne .

Oh , and he's a biker . Yeah , this might be a tough one . Come on , marshall , I believe you . He can just exert until he has a heart attack , like in the show . Isn't that how he dies ? That's how the show ends , with Dan Connors dying .

No , no , the show's still on .

Yeah , they brought him back because they said it was like a dream or something like that . But the original Roseanne , he died from a heart attack .

Because they just had some anniversary thing with the show , Like even going to Roseanne , but they didn't even show Roseanne Barr and I'm like yeah because she's canceled .

Yeah , and I was man . That's kind of lame . It's like the show was called Roseanne . Yeah , so you got .

Marshall Erickson versus Dan Connors in a Jurassic Park lab with axes , with axes , yeah , okay , I feel like Marshall would know more about Jurassic .

Park . I'm sick of hearing about Marshall . He's a nerd .

He's a super nerd , so you'd understand the terrain , but Dan's a construction worker and a biker .

Yeah , but how ?

much experience does he have with dinosaurs ? He's not fighting dinosaurs . He's not fighting a dinosaur he's got an axe . He just has to swing an axe . But they're in a lab , right , yeah ?

there's dinosaurs in the lab . No , no there's no

I feel like you push a button and a raptor would show up well then my guy could do that just as much . You dude wouldn wouldn't know what button to push . He's a construction worker . You push them all , he wouldn't figure it out . I feel pretty good about this one . What do we got there ?

Unfortunately , marshall wins seven out of ten times .

Yes , I swear to God if I have to hear it due to his superior something .

Let's see Marshall wins . Jurassic Park's lab cramped high-tech setup like your favorite movie locations . Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Dan's raw power , His height and speed let him navigate the lab's obstacles and land key hits , while Dan's age and slower recovery limit him in a drawn-out fight . The outcome Marshall stands over a panting Dan , axe lowered .

Yes , all right , rusticle , and it's C-O-H-L-E .

Mitch , this is your like Trump , your ace in the hole .

The one that got away . I have two , three other aces Marshall versus Rusticle .

How do you say your last name ? Spell it .

C-O-H-L-E . That's how it's spelled for the show .

Now I'll be honest . I feel like , when it comes to weaponry , rust would win , but pure body mechanics , there's no way . He's like 120 pounds .

He's anorexic , he beats the crap out of , like the biker kid guy With a gun . He's got a gun . He's beaten him in the face like multiple times . He fights Marty . When Marty grabs him , he grabs his hands and he goes . Yeah , but if I just apply this amount of pressure and I break your hands , yeah , yeah , yeah , he's a skilled fighter .

I don't know when are we fighting .

You're fighting on the bridge of Khazad-dum with brass knuckles .

Might not be good .

I think this might be it for Marshall .

That's the point . I swear to God , if Marshall beats Rustic , all this chat not a GPT crap is useless .

I will say , though , if anybody knows the terrain , it wouldn't be Russ Cole , it would definitely be Marshall .

Well , I'm pretty sure Russ could stand there and look and go . All right , I'm on a bridge over nothing . I'm pretty sure his vision is still there .

Maybe his back is to the Balrog and he doesn't know what's happening .

My money's on .

Ruskell , I'm hoping here , what do you got ? Mitch Marshall wins .

Marshall Erickson wins six out of ten times . Yes , how , I don't know , marshall Erickson wins 6 out of 10 times . How I don't know says the bridge of Kazadoom's narrow high stakes setup , like let's see , amplifies Marshall's physical dominance and endurance . His raw power and reach with brass knuckles overwhelms Russ . Precise strikes , especially as fatigue sets in .

Who would have known that Marshall was such a sleeper ?

fighter . Marshall stands over a battered Rust brass knuckles bloodied . As the bridge groans underfoot , he offers a hand , saying You're one tough philosopher man . Rust coughing mutters we're all just dust , just something . It takes the help limping off the bridge . The cavern's glow pulses , orc drums fading .

Something nihilistic .

We're all just dust Tom .

I don't know what we're going to do .

I've already won . I don't know what we're going to do .

Let's see I might have the ace , but I'm not playing him .

I'm going with Haas Cartwright .

Where's that from ?

The sheriff from Bonanza . All right , you got to figure out how to spell it , right , dude , marshall , superior , haas , yeah , haas , cartwright .

Yeah , how tall is he ? Because it feels like Marshall's superior . You know strength .

Yeah , apparently he's a superhero , yeah .

I remember the episode where , like he couldn't finish a marathon , it was like yeah . But he's got superior endurance Stupid .

Give me a number one to 16 .

Seven .

God damn it . Is it the Batcave ? No , this is for the weapon .

Oh , what was it Enforce ? Yeah Well , your sheriff guy should know how to fire a weapon better than Marshall .

Well , he is from like the early 1900s , 1800s .

Oh , okay .

He should know what guns are and triggers go bang .

Hoss Cartwright , though , is a guy that's about the size of John Wayne . He's a big guy . Typically , if he's not shooting the guy , he just one , punches him and knocks him out .

Okay , well , let's see what happens . I don't know enough about this character .

He might just have to pull in Rip Wheeler and see what happens .

Just think of a more comedic John Wayne . That's pretty much what he is . Comedic John Wayne . He's a big man . It doesn't matter , god damn it .

Oh , my God .

Marshall Erickson wins seven out of ten times . We were fighting on the Black Pearl with M4s .

I hate this . This is stupid .

The Black Pearl's chaotic , storm-tossed deck favors Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Haas's brute strength . His speed and modern familiarity with the M4 , however slight , let him land key shots while Haas's bulk struggles with the ship's sway and the rifle's complexity , take cover . Yes , marshall stands over a kneeling , haas , m4 in hand .

Dead gummit . Who knew that Marshall was such a bad ? You know what ? Yeah ?

Alright , al Borland .

I feel like Marshall could win that , but okay .

From Home Improvement , the reliable sidekick of Tim the Toolman . Taylor B-O-R-L-A-N-D .

Why didn't you pick Tim ?

I wanted to pick somebody who doesn't set stuff on fire or electrocute themselves .

That's fair .

Al Borland . Al is dependable , reliable and knows how to actually do everything that Tim does .

If it's in a woodworking shop , maybe I'll give it to you . But yeah , I think somebody who works with works with wooden tools he's probably got strong hands .

Uh what ? What is what he did ?

some like like a heart medication commercial after . Yeah , he did family feud , oh , that's right , yeah , he did the . But like you see you today , you're like , yeah , he looks like a guy that would need heart medication . So I don't know .

I feel pretty good about Marshall , alright so you got Marshall Erickson versus Al Borland in the war zone gulag with hedge clippers tools .

He knows how to use tools .

However , due to the confining spaces , it accentuates Marshall's athleticism and endurance

Erickson wins 9 out of 10 times . Marshall Erickson wins 8 out of 10 times , reflecting your interest in his physical edge .

Oh my goodness , let's see , marshall is currently 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 9 for 9 right now . What was those ?

gulags , Brutal close quarter setup . Oh my God . Favors Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Al's tool-savvy

It looks like I get to enter back in the war zone . Return to lobby Shut up .

What do you got Mitch ? I'm running out of people . Hmm , I guess I'm going to go with Hank .

Hank from Breaking Bad . Yeah , hank .

Schrader .

Maybe if you get a gun .

But , mitch , what about Marshall's athleticism and endurance that you never see happen , ever on the show ? He slaps Marnie .

That's it . He just slaps somebody .

Anybody can slap somebody , but he does it really well . Let's see , I mean shrink , shrink Hank . He's got cop training , cop training .

He gets PTSD when somebody sneezes hard around him . He takes his defensive tactics . I'm just saying no , he doesn't . He's a bowling ball . You've seen that guy get into his car . It takes like five minutes .

He is a very large man .

He's out of breath just from talking .

Pick a number one in 16 . There are minerals .

Marie Two Glock pistol , oh darn .

He literally picked his service weapon . Will this be it ? Will the reign of Marshall ?

end . Where are we fighting In the Matrix , dojo ?

Is it a Taekoo fight place ?

I mean , there are a couple of wooden pillars .

According to Chad GPT , they might as well just be fighting in a port-a-john .

Marshall will know that he's in the Matrix before Hank . Okay , so I have confidence , and my boy , and my boy , and my boy . The smugness needs to end , come on .

Come on , grock , you can do this .

He said Grock .

Yes , oh no . Finally , hank Schrader wins eight out of ten times .

Eight out of ten times .

Let's see .

You get a good run Marshall .

The Matrix Dojo's open no cover layout . Let's see Get a good run , marshall . The Matrix Dojo's open no cover layout . Let's see oh , everything jumped . Where'd it go ? Oh , it amplifies Hank's firearms expertise over Marshall's raw physicality . His precise Glock shots outpace Marshall's erratic fire and his tactical mind exploits the arena's exposure .

They limp off the virtual floor . What Allies in exhaustion .

I wish they could just kill each other in this , but they can't .

Goodbye Marshall . You had a good run , all right , took out half the board , god .

Wiped out all the fodder is what he did .

Here I'll do the typing if you want to argue .

All right .

All right , what are you guys picking ?

I got Hank Schrader . And who you got Rick .

Castle , rick Castle .

Rick Castle . I know that's Nathan Fillion's character , but I don't know anything about it , I mean the superior marksman with a weapon and sword fighter .

Is he though ? Yes , he does it in the show .

I mean , you know , didn't Hank end up in the FBI ?

Or is he just with the PD ? How do I pick where they're fighting and stuff ?

There should be a number generator on there . You have to like .

Why are we letting Hayden do this ? I ?

don't know . All right , pick a number between 1 and 16 twice . So you go for the first one 10 . All right , and then you go for the second one , 5 . All right , keep talking .

Rick , I mean shown to be a proficient swordsman , actually quite good at it , obviously someone who's incredibly brilliant because he's solving cases , so he has a tactical acumen to him . He's also a superior marksman because they take him to a range and he's like , effing around while he's shooting and like they're trying to like teach him .

Hank figures out who Heisenberg is .

He's the biggest meth dealer there . I mean there him like four seasons .

We're not talking about how long it took , we're just saying he did it .

I'm just saying Rick is smarter and he has hair .

Hey , hey , don't be bashing people that don't have hair . And he has money .

He's like a modern day Batman without a suit .

Modern day Batman .

He's an author .

I just don't . I think .

Hank His vest said . Writer .

What are they using ? What weapon are they using ?

You guys are using machetes .

And where are we ?

at it's in a pit , the Rancor pit yeah yeah , hank's got this .

It's a machete . Yeah , it's a tool he works with all the time .

Rick's sword fights . What , yeah , in the show ? When does he do that ? I ?

don't remember the episode .

All right . Well , anyways , hank wins 9 out of 10 . Yes , the reason why is the pit's brutal close-quarter setup , like your favorite tactical settings , amplifies Hank's combat expertise and grit over Rick's scrappy improvisation . Hank stands over a kneeling Rick , machete lowered . As the pit's crowd jeers , he offers a hand , gruffly saying write about this castle .

You have plenty to choose from .

How do I phrase this ?

The name versus name .

Do I write versus ?

Yeah , you type versus Okay .

Let's do . Abed from Community I don't know his last name .

All right , look that up , Mitch . Who's yours ?

Hank , oh Hank .

Hank Schrader .

And then we have to figure out what weapons and everything Abed Nadir N-A-D-I-R Is that how you spell , schrader ?

No Ied .

Nadir N-A-D-I-R . Is that how you spell , schrader ? No , I don't know . It spelled it for me when I typed it in earlier . I think it's like O -E , it's an A .

So , Okay , versus what was his name ? Albet A-B-E-D , a-b-e-d .

And his last name is Nadir N-A-D-I-R . I'm just saying Hank's got the training . Okay , I don't know anything about a bed .

A bed can recognize that he's in a multiverse .

Okay , oh , I didn't change the . You gotta change the setting dude , I didn't do that . I don't know how to ? I never use this .

So hit up on the swipe up on the thing down there .

Or .

I can just do it .

Might have to do it so if I do ask anything , I type in . Okay , well , you gotta do the . Let me see , that's it . Swipe up right here . Where do you go to get to ?

you don't even know . I don't know what y'all are doing .

I'm trying to get up to that list right there .

Alright , then tell us , pick a number alright , pick a number between 1 and 16 .

3 alright , and then I want 16 the Bridge of Khazad-dum and Katanas . Oh snap .

Hanks got the power . If they clash with swords , he's got the power to knock him off .

Abed will definitely know everything about Lord of the Rings .

Where do ?

I type in these numbers , just type in they fight in the Bridge of Khazad-Dum with Katanas . Yeah , abed will know everything in Lord of the Rings , all right . That doesn't do him any good though it will , he'll know like to run .

He'll know don't fall off of this . There's nothing down there .

He'll know to run in a direction and then like get the golems , he'll speak . He'll speak the goblin speak , but they're on , and he'll speak the goblin speech to get them to attack him . He'll convince them that he is a goblin , yeah , or he'll cast a spell or something . So I've got . You can't cast spells as much of a nerd as Marshall was .

So what you're saying is Hank's definitely going to out-superior him in physicality .

Maybe , In physicality .

Maybe In physicality it's loading .

It's loading . It's loading . I'm trying to .

I've never AI'd so I do it all the time .

What are you talking about , Mitch ?

Who can be who ? Deathstroke and Nightwing .

Hank Schrader wins nine and a half . How about no ? Consistent with his dominance over a bed in the pit . Here's the breakdown Hank's oh , it did the load thing .

Yeah .

Kicked it up .

Who did Hank fight before Abed ?

Castle .

The bridge that caused the Doom's narrow high-stakes setup , like your favorite cinematic locations , amplifies Hank's combat experience and grit over Abed's creative but ineffective improvisation . Hank's precise katana strikes a tactical mind honed against deadlier foes than Rick Castle , over one of Abed's movie-inspired antics .

That's funny , that's right , hank's my man , my boy .

All right , let's do Hank versus .

Well , it's his person .

So then I got to type in oh okay , because it's your guys fighting , okay , all right , versus Dr Cox . So then I gotta type it in oh okay , because it's your guys fighting , okay , alright , versus Dr Cox .

Dr Cox where's he ? From . I mean , I don't know who's he from . Do I just have to type from Scrubs , scrubs okay , oops .

Do I have to type in Cox , or will it know like ? Does it need to be Perry Cox ?

probably , I think , perry Cox . If you can tell the full name , it'll be more accurate .

First of all , Ulysses Cox , MD MD . He's good with a scalpel . I mean obviously in fantastic shape , incredibly Machiavellian mindset .

Hank's a cop Cox is angry and athletic and willing to fight One through 16 ?

12 .

Okay and Eight . Okay , all right , so it's Santa's workshop and an axe .

Let's see what you got Hank's not going to do it . It's Santa's workshop . He's going to be like what the heck are all these things ?

Dr Cox doesn't believe in Santa , he's not even going to think he's there .

He's going to be thinking , he's hallucinating the two of them are both going to be like this is dumb .

You want to go to a bar and get drunk ? Yep Is . Is your wife a ?

I definitely think Hank has the physical superiority there and endurance .

I think Perry has him beat .

Keep talking . It's thinking I mean using an axe , though Hank's used to .

Perry's a big dude . The gritty fighting Perry's a very large man .

Oh yeah , I think Hank's still got it . He's got that versatility , he's got that grit .

He's been in fights . So's I think Hank's still got it . He's got that versatility , he's got that grit . He's been in fights . So has Dr Cox . He punched Dr Kelso in the face .

Well , I wouldn't say those are fights and knocked him out .

As you know , the AI names the rounds . Round one Festive Fury .

Yeah .

I know Round two Workshop Wreck .

That's so dumb .

Round three the Final Chop wreck . That's so dumb . Round three the final chop , the final chop . Who wins Nine out of ten times ? Hank Schrader . Yes , my boy Hank . Yeah , it's because of his . He likes the Santa's Workshop's tactical setting . It amplifies his combat expertise over Perry's emotional , untrained swings . Yeah , he just cries .

Emotional yeah , it's angry , like you said he just cries , it's just swinging .

It's just rage .

Let's see here .

She controls emotions .

Hank stands over a sprawled , sprawled Perry , ax lowered , as as the workshop sprinklers douse tensile fires , he offers a hand , gr gruffly , saying stick to doctoring cocks , Perry , bloodied but defiant snaps , and you stick to busted punks meathead . They limp away , elves , sweeping up the mess .

No , I just went .

Oh my bad , all right , I guess you can do the phoning okay , so we got

So if we win , we're going to have the janitor ?

Yeah , he doesn't have a name . Alright pick two numbers , 15 and 15 .

Okay , inside the con airplane .

Oh man , I already picked that one .

With revolvers , oh man .

I don't know . The janitor is really a sharpshooter with his bleach bottles , with his bleach bottles .

Yeah , hanes , hanes , hank's superiority with firearms , I definitely think , gives it to him . You're like , yeah , maybe .

No guarantee . The janitor is a master of disguise On a plane there's two of them . He can disguise as Hank . I don't think he's looking in a mirror . He's always setting traps . You know Always playing great pranks . You know there's plenty of cleaning supplies .

Are there on a play ? Yeah , they carry all those chemicals . Yeah , I feel pretty confident about this .

Well , yeah , do you not ? I think I got it .

Hank Schrader wins 9.5 out of 10 times well , damn it let's see everything jumped again . Hank wins 9 out of 10 times . Conair's plane cramped , turbulent setup amplifies Hank's firearms expertise and grit over the janitor's creative but ineffective chaos .

How many you got left on your list .

One , two , three , four , Four more people after Hank .

How about you ?

Two . Hank stands over a sprawled janitor revolver empty . As the plane's engines roar he offers a hand , gruffly saying stick to cleaning pal . The janitor , bloodied but smirking , replies this will make a killer scrub spinoff . They limp to the cargo .

Telling Adam Scott , who had a crossbow in his hand while he had a full , he goes he's like I'm pretty sure that I'm more dangerous with this full than you are with that crossbow , and he's like , yeah , I'd agree , Pick a number one through 16 , Tom . Four .

All right , WWE arena .

Oh yeah .

Mitch .

Ron's dojo .

Knife . Alright , let me open up this thing . You guys talk while I argue it .

It's Ron Swanson . It's .

Hank Schrader Ron's never lost , he's a weapon expert . Ron cried twice Once when he was run over by a school bus when he was eight . And when he found out , little Sebastian died Little .

Sebastian .

I saw the flags were at half mast Show some damn respect . That's too damn high .

Hank's gonna take away all his ability and power by shaving him with a knife .

Ron Swanson knocked Star-Lord , unconscious , that's true , that was fat Star-Lord , though . Keep talking . It's Ron Swanson . It's like the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness . I will turn you from boys to men , from men into gladiators , from gladiators into Swanson's .

Behold , I'm just saying they're in a WWE arena and you know , Hank is the indoor fighting kind of guy . He's a cop , you know he does the defensive tactics on the mat Hank . He's more of an outdoorsman .

I don't know why that matters . I don't know why that matters , but I'm just telling you , ron knocked Chris Pratt out in a dojo . I don't know why that matters . I don't know why that matters , but I'm just telling you , ron knocked Chris Pratt out in a dojo .

It's two . You know short fat guys .

One has a mustache .

One does have a mustache . Round one ring rumble . Round two arena anarchy .

Round three final cut Ron , don't subscribe to his nonsense .

Hank Schrader wins 8.5 out of 10 times .

He beats Ron Swanson this is Hank's actual training .

Hank's DEA training makes him a close quarters master .

Yes , DEA training .

With precise knife fighting skills and blah blah blah .

Did he know the ?

weird symbols on Ron's will meant yeah , ron's an experienced whittler , isn't he ? Let's see here . Hank stands over a pinned Ron , knife lowered . As the WWE crowd roars , he offers a hand gruffly saying stick the whittle in Swanson . Ron , bloody but stoic , replies fair fight , I'll carve your badge later . They limp from the crowd chanting .

Because no one could die in this fight . Imagine if we did an action hero fight this way .

I think we might be stuck with Hank yeah that's right , all right , I don't know why , but yeah , hank versus Uncle Phil , let's do this , pulling out the big guns . All right , give me a know why . But yeah , hank versus Uncle Phil , let's do this .

Pulling out the big guns . All right , give me a number between 1 and 16 . 7 .

Hayden 13 .

7 and 13 .

All right , and that is .

Now I'll give it to you . Uncle Phil can throw people a long ways , You'd see him throw jazz the hedge maze with a chain , ooh .

Hmm , all right , all right . Well , I feel like there's no combat . Hank has no combat experience whipping a chain around , so it's equal footing on that and it's a hedge maze what ?

combat experience does Uncle Phil have , besides throwing jazz out the door ?

I feel like Uncle Phil's fought tooth and nail to acquire his wealth . He's a rich judge . He probably started with nothing . He came a long way . He can put the law down . He knows the law better than Hank does , Does he ? He does because he's a judge .

So , and you know , push comes to shove and a great pool player .

And he's a great pool player and push comes to shove . You know , uncle Phil , pound for pound , quite literally . I think he's got it . I think he's got it . I feel pretty confident about this . What's your argument ?

Well , Hank actually knows how to fight . He actually knows how to use weapons . He's actually been in real fights , I mean .

Not just scraps . Scraps Like fights , fights Okay , but like you know , I feel like there's enough touch and go with Uncle .

Phil Maze melee Labyrinth lunge Central showdown .

And I definitely feel like Hank has the endurance , even though he's a big guy too . Hank does not have the endurance .

You're right .

More so than Uncle Phil , I'm ready .

Hank wins .

No .

Eight out of ten times .

You got any other big guns over there ?

I got one left , oh no .

Tom's about to be out of this .

All right , he does not have a last name . You might have to write the show .

Hank Schrader . Versus .

Wayne from Letter Kenny .

Wayne from .

Is this your big gun ? You've been hanging on to .

It's the toughest guy in letter Kenny . The whole show is predicated on him beating the brakes off of people .

What am I at 16 ? Nine Jurassic .

Park Lab Alright Tom .

Eleven .

Hammer Back to that .

Alright Wayne works on a farm .

That's true .

He uses hammers . You see him use them in the show . He is an astute wordsmith , tactical genius and the toughest guy in all of Letter County .

Hank is a DEA agent . He has that training .

Yeah , wayne beats the living crap out of a lot of people .

The AI did not have to think hard about it , hmm .

Apparently , Hank is 5'11" Wayne's like 6'2" , wayne is 6'2" .

Hmm , round one , lab lurch , round two tech tangle .

Wayne's never lost a fight .

I think until now . Round three , final smash .

You're like I think it's all down .

Who wins Hank Schrader 7.5 out of 10 times , it's closer though it's bollocks , it's closer .

Hank Schrader the average Joe beat down man Hank's got a few more .

I do .

It was all funny games when it was Marshall Erickson , wasn't it Hayden Brann ?

It was . Hank stands over a pinned Wayne , hammer lowered . As the lab's alarms blare , he offers a hand , gruffly saying stick to the farm , buddy Wayne , bloodied but smirking .

That's your buddy guy .

Draws , you're alright , first city boy Nah .

Wayne wouldn't have said that . What would he have said ? He wouldn't have lost , it wouldn't have mattered . He would have knocked out Hank and then pulled out a cigarette and , after he threw the punch in one motion , lit a dart and had a shot of Puppenbrews and kept on walking .

You just can't beat Hank Schrader . I'm just saying All right , he was a breaking bad .

Let's move on to Joey Tribbiani .

I think Joey kills himself on accident .

I don't know what to do . Let's see , your Hank is one , one , two , three , four , five , six , seven times . He's almost caught up to Marshall , oh yeah , all right .

Give us a location Number between one and ten , or one and sixteen .

Four have we done that one yet ?

WWE arena Six .

Bar from Cheers WWE arena Six . Bar from Cheers Nah Seven .

Just give us one . We haven't done .

Hedge maze .

Eight , just give us one . We haven't done .

Factory from Terminator 2 .

Let's do that one . So you want to fight Hank in a factory ?

Mitch one through 16 ? Two Glock .

Stop picking two . You can't do it .

Okay , we won't do two , just pick one that we haven't done yet Crossbow Okay .

Oh man , Joey's going to kill himself .

He's going to fall in the molten pit .

Yeah , he's going to shoot himself in the foot . Try to load it . He's like to fall in the molten pit . Yeah , he's going to shoot himself in the foot . Try to load it .

He's like pulling the string back and shoots himself in the foot .

He's going to go ah and fall in the pit . He'll still do the like how you , doing as he slays down .

If Joey wins , hank will be laying there dead , how you doing Holding the crossbar .

Yeah if Joey wins but he won't He'll probably say that if he loses too . Well , I don't know , Maybe he can act his way into being a better , superior fighter .

You don't think he can trick him into thinking that he's somebody else ?

Yeah , maybe he'll pretend that he's a Terminator and it'll scare Hank Hank .

Schrader wins 9.9 out of 10 times .

The biggest beat so far .

That was bad , oh , joey , why ?

Oh my God , who's your next person ?

All right , you want to say the stupid quips that they say All right , you want to say the stupid quips that they say All right .

Hank and Joey battered , slump against the crate Crossbows , discarded Joey muses . I could pitch this as a Friends the action movie , hank wiping blood grunts . Tell it to your agent , all right .

Hank , wiping blood , grunts , tell it to your agent . All right , well , I've been avoiding this one , but no , I'll hold off on this one . Let's do .

It doesn't matter , I've got to fight . You're the only one left anyway .

Let's do Stefan , not Steve Urkel . Stefan Stefan , yeah , stefan Urkel .

Stefan .

Yeah , the cool one .

I don't know if it'll even do that . Why wouldn't ?

it If it says Steve Erkel , I'm going to lose .

It's going to be 9.99 .

Is it S-T-E-F-A-N ?

Yeah , but there's an asterisk over the you can't do asterisks .

But Just like Steve , can you just say Steve Erkel's alter ego , or something like that ?

Like Steve . Can you just say Steve Urkel's alter ego or something like that ? Yeah , just type that in Steve Urkel's alter ego .

Stefan , alter ego , and then you pick the locations .

Try and pick them in my favor , pick them in your favor , because Urkel's used weapons before .

Yeah , stefan . No , how do you spell Urkel U-R-K-L-E ?

Yeah , urkel .

U-R-K-L-E . Yeah or Kale . Yeah , stefan or Kale .

Yeah , no matter what , I think Hank wins though . Stefan has no weapons training whatsoever . I don't think he's ever been in a fight .

He's cool , though he's cool . Remember that episode where he took all the pencils and he threw them up into the ceiling and they stuck into the ceiling and they made a heart .

Oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , is that what you're going ?

to do here , yeah .

I don't know .

Feel pretty good about it All right .

Old West Street .

Okay .

With Brass knuckles .

Okay , have we used all of their weapons ? No , no , not all of their weapons ?

No , no , not at all . The other one's an MP5 . Let's do the brass knuckles .

Yeah , let's go with that , Stephon .

you know , I feel like Stephon could throw down .

Probably . I mean , he does have some youth on his side , that's right .

That's right . I don't know . I feel like we kind of broke the bank here with Hank Break the bank Message limit reached .

Oh , what does that mean ? I don't know .

It says message limit reached . Please try again in an hour .

Oh , you don't pay for this .

No , why would I pay for that ? No , you know how we do that we go to the next AI app .

I've got three of them . The AIs could be biased . They could be . Marshall could still be in the fight .

I don't think so .

Let's see this one's loading up here . I'll chat . Gpt . Now the verdict's a draw , what ?

are you going't have a draw ? Well , we need winners on this show . Well , just to see , on the last one , while you guys were talking , I did Hank Schrader versus Dean Winchester in the same setting , like the factory or whatever , with hammers or whatever we did with crossbows .

You wasted one of our things . I did For science .

Just to see if Schrader could be defeated by somebody of higher caliber . And he won Hank won 6.5 out of 10 . Against who ? Against Dean Winchester . Oh , we all know Dean would probably mop the floor .

Dean can't die . He's got all these weapons and stuff and tattoos that keep him . Yeah , I don't know .

Anyways , hank Schrader wins . It doesn't give me a number out of 10 . It says not pretty , not elegant , but in a brawl with brass knuckles in the Wild West , raw power and relentless grit beat style and charm All right .

I got two more . All right , I'll save the one that I think could win for last . But I was saving this next one because I was avoiding having to fight him with Hank , and it's Jesse Pinkman . Hank is beating up Jesse in the show , so so who's your next guy ? All right , give me a when at Just pick a location we haven't used .

A desert . Let's see the RV .

Somewhere we haven't been Top of the Cliffs of Insanity .

All right , let's do that one the Cliffs of .

Insanity .

And what's a weapon that we haven't used before ? Not the MP5 . No firearms no firearms here .

Let's see Weapon we haven't used , hmm .

Can there be a crystal meth lab ? Is that one ?

Really there's no weapon we haven't used . That's not a gun of some sort .

Oh , I don't know , not a gun . Just pick something that's not a gun .

Um , how We'll go with a chain .

Okay , come on , jesse , jesse .

The fight kicks off raw . Hank charges in chains , whipping like a bull whip . Trying to end it early , jesse ducks , barely dodging a crushing blow . He's scrappy , rolling in gravel , grabbing rocks . Using the terrain , he swings his chain wide , catching Hank's leg , tripping him . Hank roars and yanks Jesse in like a fish on a hook . Let's see .

Jesse pinkman pulls himself up yeah , I like that chat better . We should have did that earlier , let's start over .

Let's start over it's like another time than everybody left it's one I'm just 20

in the morning and my wife's asleep on the couch .

I'm just kidding .

Jesse versus who . Oh my god , how many people do you have left I ?

don't have . I've got 4 people Charles Eagles , warzone Goulet .

Pick a number 2 7 , now 2 , let's do 2 Glock pistol . Who am I fighting ? Pick a number Two no seven , now two . Let's do two Glock pistol . All right , who am I fighting again ?

Charles Engel . Who's that from Little House on the Prairie ? Oh , okay .

He's not a work Glock pistol ?

No , he does not . Oh well , the Gulag showdown . Jesse immediately crouch walks , scanning like he's in a bad deal gone worse . Uh , charles starts , confused , maybe yelling what in tarnation , while trying to understand the hellscape what the ? Verdict jesse wins 51 out of 49 times .

Wow , 51 out of 49 times .

Or 51 to 49 . Okay , Barely Just because he's used to panic , fear and chaos . Charles is a tank , but in a modern fight with a Glock , Pinkwin's slightly better prepared for the madness .

Unless Charles channels full pioneer rage , Jesse's the favorite by a hair , just yells Oklahoma and charges at him .

What in ?

darnation . What in Darnay what ?

in Darnay Alright .

Did you have the best list , Tom ? What happened ? He did .

I feel like I was sabotaged by crappy AI .

Marshall Erickson ran through them . Yeah , you're getting Tim Riggins . Where's he from Friday Night Lights ?

Oh , no , alright let's see , let's do 12 and 9 . 12 and 9 .

9 ?

9? .

Because I really look at these . Wayne from Letterkenny should have beat the crap out of everybody .

You say that , but I don't even know who he is .

Because you never watched Letterkenny .

Deck of the Black Pearl . Okay .

With hedge clippers , all right , and I'm fighting a .

Tim .

Riggins Football guy . Yeah Well , Jesse's killed men with his bare hands . I feel pretty good about this .

Tim Riggens is good at fighting , not as good as Wayne , not as good as Wayne . Oh , let's see the fight . The bell tolls . There's a bell , now Go with it . Jesse makes his first move , lunging for the hedge clipper , slipping slightly Meth's shoes . Don the hedge clippers Slightly slipping slightly meth shoes Don't have good grip .

Apparently I picked all the sleeper kills . Yeah , oh man .

How many you got left ? Mitch , two , all right . All right , tom , pick a number .

Eight . After this , we can do Wayne versus Hank in this AI .

If he would have won , or Ron Swanson ? Yeah , rust Cole . Yeah , and Marshall took him out which doesn't make any sense whatsoever .

With what weapon ? Just pick a weapon . Who's fighting you ? Jesse Pinkman and Jack Arnold . Who's Jack Arnold , the dad from Wonder Years ? Oh my God .

Huh , what were the options ? Can I see the list ? Can you hold it up real fast ?

Yes , Tom .

Here .

I meant like pick a number .

One .

With a knife , okay .

Knife fight .

Stabby stab .

Like your son .

We're fighting with knives in a factory .

I'm really happy your son , thomas Seidel , tend to see some sighted .

He's somewhat better . Every once in a while I'll load his Nerf gun and point it at people . He's like huh , he'll headshot people . I'll just be watching TV and he'll be like , in my eye He'll just giggle and get so mad at him .

The fight . Jesse stumbles in , bloodied but determined . He's breathing , he's breathing hard . Jack's already there , stoic , still like he owns the place . The silence is tense . No witty banter , just a mutual understanding . Only one walks out . Jesse lunges first , sloppy but fast . Jack sidesteps like he's swatting a fly , slashing Jesse's arm .

This one's way more violent than the other one . Yeah , this one's way better .

We should have did this entire one with that All right , I'm on my last one Down to your last man , jim , from .

According to Jim .

Okay , jesse versus Jim .

Can Jesse be like Senzu being Rehealed now Cause it .

It seems like he's like carrying on From one fight To the next fight . It does kinda sound that way . Yeah , he's like Stumbles in bloody . That's not fair . I mean , he's doing Pretty awesome .

After he killed Hank Schrader While yelling Magnets .

Alright just pick . Pick a location . It can be anywhere .

Subway . All right , pick a weapon , Tom . Subway sandwich .

Apparently Tom is hungry Ladles .

How do you spell ladle L-A-D-L-E ? I didn't know if it was two D's or not . Spoons like the genozachi ok , well , here we go the world's most horribly slow murder alright , let's see .

I should have picked that one , did you know ?

such the spot , the spot . They spot the lone ladle glinting under flickering fluorescent lights , the lone ladle , ladle , ladle , ladle . Both make a break for it . Jesse's move Quick . He gets there first , grabs the ladle , starts swinging like it's a medieval mace . He's fast , but Jim absorbs one hit with his thick forearm and just growls .

Jesse had a good little run there , but you got me down to my final boss , luther . He's going to win .

Yeah , I want to pick the weaponry in the location again . That was funny .

We should do it where we just don't have a list . Let's stick an odd guy out next time , just pick random stuff .

Pick a place .

Skyscraper rooftop .

All right . What kind of weapon ?

Ooh Gun Come on now .

Come on no .

No , he's a British cop . They don't get those .

No influence from the peanut gallery .

Give him a billy club Slapjacks .

A blackjack . What's a fun weapon that nobody really uses or thinks about ?

A boomerang Throwing darts .

A didgeridoo .

A didgeridoo . That's not a weapon .

Not with that attitude .

All right , come on , it's the last one .

Saxophones . All right , okay , it's made out of metal .

After Luther wins , he's going to play Careless Whisper .

It's going to be Baker Street by Jerry Rafferty .

All right , let's break this wild matchup down . Let's see .

Even the AI is like okay .

Both start 20 feet apart . The only weapons saxophones . Jim opens with some bravado trying to psych Luther out with bluesy riffs and dad jokes . Luther doesn't flinch . He immediately weaponizes the sax like a bludgeon . Jim's got heart and maybe one could whack at him , but Luther is just too precise . He sidesteps , disarms and sudden death .

Tiny ? I don't think so .

I think Luther's won .

And I have one . It was down to the last guy we got . I thought for sure Tom was going to win .

Tom . It's down to the last guy we got . I thought for sure Tom was going to win . Tom thought that too .

Tom's been out for half an hour yeah .

I was about to just go to bed .

Did you lock up when you leave ? Yes , the average joke beat down . Win by Luther from Luther .

All right , what's that social media ? One more time , tom yeah .

Luther , luther one . If you enjoyed this and I don't know why . It was pretty funny and you want to hear more content like this . You can check us out at entertainthispodcastcom . We're also on X , Instagram and TikTok at entertainthis underscore , and check us out on Patreon at patreoncom . Forward slash entertainthis underscore .

Should do sitcom wives next .

I'm picking Lois from Malcolm in the Middle . She's evil , she's mean . She held a teddy bear in a fireplace that was on fire to give Francis the business while yelling at him , and didn't flinch while sustaining Burns .

I don't know , if Fran Dreschner's got that , my Fair Lady , oh yeah , got that street smarts .

Alright .

That was fun . Well , until next time , I'm Hayden .

I'm Mitch .

I'm Tom , goodbye .

I feel like your AI . Let us all down and make it like a just a fight .