Hello, and welcome to enlighten paths, your community for the spiritually awakened. Where we discuss Explore and connect with Fellow m apps, healer, intuitive and seekers. Hello hello Em. We hope your week is off to a
fantastic start. You know, in last week's episode, we talked about how to embrace success without feeling guilty, which I think was a really important topic, and Denise and I have gotten some great feedback from that episode Today, we're going to take it to the next level and discuss how feeling worthy is the foundation for not only success, but also for being able to live the life, we truly came here to experience.
So I know most of this research is coming from Denise because you just finished reading New York Times best seller, Jamie Ke at Lima. So book worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life. Jamie's backstory is pretty amazing. She's the 1 who started it cosmetics. She was working as a waitress at Denny's and just had this idea to create this
makeup that would cover her Rosa. And even though everyone told her no, She just believed in herself and pushed through, and what does she sell it for 1200000000.0 dollars I think I read? Yeah. And and just the difference she mean in so many people's lives by marking that pro product, not getting up, really
wanting to help other... Women, in particular at that time, feel better about themselves and not to hide and not to hide their true self, And that's the premise of our book is to how to really stop hiding and step into who you are, who you came here to be and realize you're enough just the way that you are. And It's it's a really powerful book. Yeah. It really is. And I I think 1 of the things I took away from it is when she talks about the difference between self confidence and self worth.
Yes. That was like a big takeaway, and we're gonna dive into that a little bit later on But do you wanna start off with what of... Your favorite takeaways? What I love is her writing style, it she reads a lot of stories in her personal stories. Accomplishments, you know, she makes it very real and easy to, relate to, but there's also some very useful techniques throughout the book. So it's not just a a story or a self help work. It's kind of a blend of both, which is really incredible.
That 1 of her quotes it really got me right at the beginning was she said self doubt un worthiness and fear caused us
to dim our souls light. And start playing it safe, holding back, hiding, speaking only part of our truth, living only half of our life, expressing part of our souls truths, essence, craving the perception of belonging over authentic connection, craving validation and significance in a way that's defined externally because we start to believe that these things are the only path to love to belonging into worthiness.
Then I think that it's really as I said before, powerful because this is a basis for... Are you living only part of who you are, which can lead to feeling a big void in your life. Oh, yeah. Exactly. And it and it can really... As she said, not only dim your light, but stop you from fulfilling your sole purpose, You know, she says so forth is the internal deep rooted belief that you are enough valuable and worthy of love and belonging just as you are.
And that is so important. And she also says, in life, if you don't source the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self worth. I mean, think about that, if if you have a low self worth, you're going to stay stuck at that level. And and we talk about that a lot, how you can only create for yourself what you believe you're worthy of. Right. And you've done a lot of work and a lot of teaching with
manifestation. And 1 of the things that... Ke brings up in our book a lot is if you don't become what you want, you become what you believe you're worthy of. And I think I was wondering, I'd like to chat about that for a second is even if you are doing the manifestation book and you're setting the... Tensions and your opening
your heart, you're doing all the things. You have your vision board, would not being worth feeling your own worthiness be a potential block to actually bringing in that abundance and manifestation. I think it's the biggest block if not the only block. We ultimately, we are c creators. We are creating our experience every minute with our thoughts and our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.
And the world that we're living and experiencing is nothing more than an echo of what's going on inside of us. That's right. That's why I really wanted to do that show a couple of weeks back on micro manifesting because if you are struggling with self worth. I think it's important to recognize that I think there's a lot of shame in these words and feelings. Right? Like, oh, I'm insecure or I don't have a lot of self worth or I need to focus on self love.
Oftentimes they're shame associated with that. And if you're not comfortable enough facing your internal shame, then you're just gonna push it down and not realize it. But if you can just recognize, right now, I'm not feeling super worthy of all this stuff I'm trying to manifest for myself and my life. If you can just start there and then take your goals and break them down into bite sized pieces that feel much more manageable for you and where you are at the stage in your life, then you're
going to grow on your self worth. And and I I feel like I've been on a journey of self worth, my whole life, and it's very similar to any type of change we're trying to make in our life. It doesn't happen overnight. It does happen in little micro babies. Steps, and that's okay because every step forward is still a step forward. Right. And you made a really good point is that it's it's not.
1 and done, It it's a lifelong process for a lot of us, especially those of us that are highly sensitive that may have been given messages that don't align with how we view our true selves, you know, and you mentioned earlier, the difference between self worth and self confidence, and self worth is the internal d rooted belief that you're enough, and it's it's intrinsic.
It's how your see yourself, how you evaluate yourself based on your qualities, your skills and traits, how you show up in the world where self confidence is external, and it shows it's the outside world. It's you know, what you can do. It's your abilities as a person, but it's dependent on
the environment. And the outside influences. So I think it's important to note that a lot of people will possess amazing self confidence in and sense of self and presence, but they may still struggle with that self worth peace. Yeah. And I thought that was really a crucial point that she made many times in her book because I never really looked at it as a difference but it it truly truly is.
Because she mentions that self confidence is how you evaluate and assess your yourself and your qualities, but it's temporary and it's based on recent accomplishments like getting the job or the promotion or the hot date, but self worth is lasting an eternal. It's not based on how the world celebrates you or your accomplishments. And she says achievements build self confidence, But it's really that internal love that builds self worth. Right. And self worth is the foundational part
that will stay consistent. So you can continue to work on your self worth and build it, and it's going to build a stronger platform for having more self confidence to achieve more in your life. But it's really feels like horse before the cart chicken before the egg that you need, the or egg before the chicken you need the self worth to really embrace the self confidence.
Yeah. But she says that you can have self confidence and not have self worth, and she talked about how building that business and selling it to, I I think it was Est Lau for all that money, built herself confidence, but she realized she still didn't have self worth. And I watched an and, she did a really great interview with Oprah Wood winfrey. And 1 of
the... 1 of the things that made her realize she needed to work on self worth, she had always had this dream and this goal of meeting oprah winfrey. And she becomes wealthy and successful and entertain all these wonderful accolades, and she meets oprah winfrey. And I I think they're next door her neighbors now. And Oprah gives her her cell phone and is like, hey, Give a call anytime. And she said that Oprah number sat in her phone for 4 years.
Because even though she had all this confidence of what she'd achieved in life, she didn't have the internal self worth, she didn't feel worthy, to call Oprah on the phone, And that's what 1 of the things that inspired to write this book. Right. And it reminded me of your story about being on coast to coast and how you had told your dad that I'm gonna be on that show someday. When when you were up in the middle of the night with it making peanut butter
sandwiches. And then when it actually happened, it was it was pretty surreal. Yeah. It was. And and that it that was a self worthy moment to me because you know, I'm not throwing shade at coast to coast, but coast to coast is not getting on oprah winfrey. Right? But to me it was, And so it was it was an internal worthy moment. It wasn't like, I mean, the average... Person in my life hasn't even heard of coast to coast. Right? Like, my meta physical Woo friends are, like, dang girl, You got on
coast to coast. But, like, my my sister, my neighbors were, like, What what's the show? So it was an internal self worth thing. And And I just think that's important that we have to We have to measure ourselves not by other people's standards or expectations, but by our own standards and expectations of ourselves. We have to be our own cheerleader leaders.
Right. And what I loved in her work is that she talks about how much of our self worth is based on prior rejections that we've experienced in our lives. And those can be the lot... We'll talk about the lies that we tell ourselves a
little bit further out. But, you know, this this is really, really important if you're the 1 breaking the cyclical patterns in your family of origin or you're the 1 who is becoming more aware and open to different modalities or you're taking back your power after and around rejection and and potential failure because you're you're shift that you're you're changing the rules, and that is big, big work, but it's also gonna greatly impact self worth.
Yeah. It really is. And she emphasizes that that our perceived flaws are actually our superpower. So for example, she talks about how her skin condition led her to create it cosmetics But she says this this fear of rejection is a killer of dreams. And when we imagine getting rejected, what we're really saying to ourselves is yes. That's proof that I'm not worthy or enough. Don't you find that with comparison mentality that so much of the world is in right now.
This is even more important. To feel better about ourselves to feel stronger with the uniqueness that we're bringing on the planet because there's... It's it's being blasted constantly act like everyone else, be like everyone else don't shine your light too brightly. And now with the, you know, the whole comparison with well, I'm I'm a creative, but Ai can do it faster and cheaper so why bother. So I think this is a really crucial time to be looking at this as as people.
Yeah. I do too. I do too. And and to ignore all that noise because really, everything you just said is noise that that's coming at us. And it's our job as we're building self love and self worth to mute that noise. Even if we do it for an hour a day, but we... We've got just tune that out as much as we can.
Well, you've made a good point as well with the, you know, be your own cheerleader And if you're in a place in your life, it's not about age or demographic or where you are on the planet, and no 1 has ever really supported you or senior for who you are or encourage you to follow your dreams. I think that makes it even more important to turn within and so, you know what? I I need to do this for myself. I can't keep letting other people define how I'm gonna live this life that I've been gifted.
Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. No. I have a question for you. Do you think that self worth can be compartment? Like, for example that you know you're intelligent. And you get a lot of accolades for being intelligent. Maybe you have a Phd. Maybe you're men's maybe you wrote a research paper that got published deeply believe that you can have self worth with your intelligence and then not have self worth in another compartment of your life such as don't know your social life or making friends or
dating or whatever it might be. Do you think we compartment self worth or is it a generic general overall feeling? Well, that's a really good question. That that puts me way down the rabbit hole fast. It was like a big swirly slide down the rabbit hole because I'm thinking about the things that we might not have any doubts about in our life, intelligence is a good 1.
Because it it is based on self confidence that you've built from achieving, from learning, from growing, from doing all of those things, but it does break a shake back and give you a sense of self worth. So can you take that feeling and apply it to the aspects of your life where you don't have the same level of self confidence or self worth. I'm not sure.
I know. I just wonder I was thinking about that a lot because I'm always prized at some of the people in my life who are insecure about certain things, and I'm like, really you are. Now you always look at people differently than I think they look at themselves. Right. I have a friend and she grew up, you know, she's she's just a little southern belt. And and she went in beauty pageant and won this and was a cheerleader and, you know, all those beauty beauty beauty accolades.
And when it comes to a lot of other stuff, like, maybe investing or I don't know, understanding the market or you know, we had a... We had a conversation about finances and she was like, oh, I've I know nothing about that. I just pay my bills and hope for the best and keep my fingers crossed. Mh. But when it comes to anything to do with fashion style, beauty makeup, she has
all the self worth and confidence. And I just wondered is that my mis of confidence and worth or do we sometimes feel self worthy in different areas of our life?
Okay. So this comes back to the messages that were given when we're younger and where there's always a seed planted if she was encouraged and got accolades and her beauty became a a true part of who she is and how she's showing up, then there would seemingly be intrinsic self worth that the confidence feels like it would come after the self worth because she she it it feels like it just came...
Yes. I'm I'm I do feel this woman worked very hard for what she achieved, but there's also became with a different package than some other people. Yeah. Oh, which which brings me to another great part of her book. Which where she says, you're not crazy, you're just first? Yes. Yes. Would you wanna talk about what she meant by that? Because I thought that was really
cool. Well, I think that goes back to if you're the 1 breaking the cycle, the the patterns or you're the 1 stepping out of a comfort zone or you're the 1 that is just brave enough to step up and say, I'm gonna do it my way. It... That's... Being first is being brave. Am I'm a big fan of brave.
Me too, And I like to reframe it that way because sometimes when you do try to break those patterns in your family or or just try to do something different than your other family members or social group are doing. They they might not call you crazy because, I mean, that's awful. But they might look at you, ask you questions, shed out, you know, all of that stuff. And and she says that the things that make us feel quirky or different are what make us worthy.
You're the first ever only you Don't dim your light to make others feel comfortable. She says you can't have an authentic relationship with anyone else. Unless you are willing to show up exactly as who you are. How many times have you talked to people where they said, both people really knew who I was? Or if they knew what was behind and they'll show up and they're... They have the mask and they have the persona and they have the energy behind it.
And then for those of us that are highly intuitive when you see behind that mask, it must be so painful to live that way. To to the energy that would go into presenting a persona that doesn't align with who you are must be... Well, I mean, we did it in a sense of, you know, the psychic closet. We we have to be cautious about who we say this to we were in professional positions where it wasn't really common knowledge that we were intuitive as we were, but we were still living true to who we are.
So when someone is living untrue to what they're feeling on the inside, That would just be such a difficult way to be here. Yeah. I definitely think it would be and lonely and isolating and frustrating. Because I think if you're not in living an alignment with you who you authentically are, you're denying a big part of yourself. And so you might not even realize that you're doing that? And then you might
wonder why is life such a struggle. Why do I always feel on the outside looking in, and that might be a big part of it. Right. And and she does... You know, if rejection has been a part of it, Or you've... You've come up to the the starting line so many times, and you've never completed something or you've faced rejection or you've been os size from something that you really wanted. She gives 4 steps in her book for the 4 rs on ways to face that rejection. And the first 1 is to reveal.
And to ask yourself, what is your current immediate response when you experience rejection or failure? Do you start yourself do you start saying, oh, well, what can I expect? I always. I never finish what I start, or I never win or, you know, I'm not enough. I don't have what it takes, I'm not smart enough funny enough, etcetera. And I... Both you and I have have mentioned this several times is you have to identify what it is before you can start making changes
in it. And I think if it's something that's you've been told or you've experienced or that you've self fulfilling prophecy over the years that reveal aspect of really looking yourself in the mirror figuratively and saying, why do I talk to myself this way? Yeah. And and get to the root of it, But also, everything comes down to being honest. And and so when you reveal, you know, what is your immediate response to any rejection you're having. When you really reveal
it. You've gotta do it through total transparent honesty. I can't tell you how many students I've had throughout the years when I was at the community college, and they were so brilliant and smart and such amazing writers, and remember this 1 girl and I kept saying to her? So where are you going to transfer to? Like, what university are you going to transfer to? And she said, oh, no No. No. No. I I can't do that. Like, no 1 in my family's gone to college. And I was like, oh, but there's, like,
I can... You know, I I do some advising. I can help you out with some grandson scholarships, and I know this school would love to have you in this because and she was like no No. No. No. No. And I bumped into her at the grocery store She was with her mom. A couple of months later. And I said to her mom. Oh, my gosh. Do you have any idea how brilliant, I said, oh, look who I'm
talk. To, of course, you know how brilliant your daughter is And I just... I really hope she does apply to those colleges we've been talking about, and Denise the mom went off on me. Oh. She was like, who are you to put ideas into my daughter's head. Anyway, the daughter did not apply to colleges, which is fine. You don't need a 4
year degree. I just this girl was like, you know how some people are just yearning for that knowledge and always raising their hand and they just they just love all that environment. Anyway, I feel that her fear of rejection wasn't about anything to do with going to college. It was rejection of her family. Like, oh, if I step outside of this box, that's been given to me by virtue of my birth, I'm not... You know, I'm not gonna be accepted by my family. Which comes back to me in the first.
Yeah. And and how how it's it's wonderful and empowering, but it's also scary. Yeah. You know, when you were speaking of this, and I was thinking about how many times we we do hold ourselves back? Or... Okay. I'm gonna jump back to the self confidence self worth part when you mentioned, can you have self worth in certain aspects of your life?
And this statement about what your current immediate response there are certain aspects in my life where my response, if I have failure rejection would be oh hell, no. I'm gonna fight this. I'm gonna make it work. I'm gonna get back on the horse where there are other aspects of my life, we're all retreat deep in the cave and say, oh, that wasn't a smart choice to be that vulnerable.
So I I think that there's part of this is how does it imply to those different aspects of your life and maybe the place where you feel the most vulnerable is where you can start identifying the true core of your self worth issues. Yeah. I do too. And I think sometimes rejection is... I mean, she says a couple of times, rejection is god's protection.
Mean, sometimes we have to reveal to ourselves that we're being rejected by this job or this person or this opportunity because it's just not the 1 for us. And other times, I think we have to reveal to ourselves that we're being rejected because we're not we're not fully ready. We need to do a little bit more work. I
mean, goodness. When I look back on some of, like, my first manuscript that I submitted with full hopes and expectations of big yes from publishers, I I get so red with embarrassment, Like, what was I think and thinking that was good writing. It I needed to be really honest with myself and say, you know what, you've got a lot more learning to do. Mh. I think all of that is a part
of learning self worth. Is being honest with yourself if you've been given a bad hand in life with you know, circumstances you were born in too being honest with yourself if you're just not ready to step up and into your light, being honest with yourself if you're just you know, really trying to hold yourself back because maybe, I think some people kind of enjoy that woe was me mentality. Oh, without a doubt. Because it it can be pretty comfortable to stay in the familiarity. Yeah. Yeah.
That's our next step is redefining. So how if you are given yourself those negative messages or, you know, beating yourself up over choice or a decision or a missed opportunity, how do you create a new empowering definition to use so that when it comes up again because it will, If you're gonna live the life shit's gonna happen. And there won't be rejection, There will be failure, but how do you get what can you tell yourself? Because this isn't...
This is all yours. This is not... And I think that's the the really kind of fun part about it. This isn't based on your children, your spouse, where you work, who your parents are, self worth is all yours. And you have to remind yourself that you're even brave enough to try. I think that is so important. You know, I had a client and she was really good friends with someone. I'm not gonna use any qualifying examples other than to say that her friend became very, very famous.
And they were both trying to, you know, win and get these rules and her her friend got at first. And I I remember thinking wouldn't that be hard? And he's I've always thought about that. Like, like, what is Jennifer Lopez sister think? You know, like, it would be so hard. To like what? But And and I kept reminding her, you're showing up for these audition. Like, I couldn't do that. Just showing up for that. I did that scary brave stuff. Like, just keep showing up your time will come.
And let me tell you, it came. And and she was ready, and now she's sharing all the accolades, but it was years of her looking at people, you know, getting to that, you know, imaginary finish line whatever of whatever we deemed success in our certain field. It was years of her watching that happened to other people, and and she had to keep reminding herself. I'm showing up because this is important to me. And I think that's part of redefining it
is exactly what you said. You were brave enough to try it in the first place. Truly, what's the point in being in here if you're just gonna stay stuck? It... There's there's no growth in that. There's no living in that. And I'm not saying go do something impulsive and and say, oh, why did I make
that choice. But when you get to the point where you can revisit and reframe the past, experiences so that you can look at the rejections and failures that still feel significant in your life, it might be you're you're able to rework that in a way that will help prevent you from replaying the loop tape again. So if you have said, oh, every time I try to we'll use getting published as an example because so many people submit submit submit nobody wants their work. They can't get an agent, and
they... But they keep trying. Is there something exactly what you just said a minute ago of you look back at that work? And you believed in it at the time, but in retrospect, it needed a little more polishing, but it was a catalyst to get you to keep trying. Right. Which is why reject is sometimes protection. And so we have to remember that. And I think that's part of revealing it, redefining it. And then revisit and
ref framing it where, you know, you... You're looking at those past experiences and and trying to tell yourself a different story because the story we tell ourselves about our life is the story that we're going to live. That's it. We can convince ourselves of anything.
Yeah. I made my sister laugh so hard yesterday because when you know, as I've mentioned on the show times, I've been through some really, really yucky experiences in my life, and I remember when when my former husband was in the hospital fighting for his life, and it was so dramatic and overwhelming and trauma and all this stuff kept happening and, you know, every day I would walk into the hospital and, you know, the doctor would tell me he's not gonna survive the day. And I
remember saying to my sister. I feel like I'm starring in my very own lifetime movie, and this is not good. You know? And so it would just became like a running joke. And so this year, I've had a lot of good luck and good things happen to my life, and I said to her. I went from starring in a lifetime movie to a hallmark movie. And it reminded me of that dream I had with my guide, where we were walking in a blockbuster video store
for our young listeners. You used to have to get in your car and drive to a video store and pick out the movie you wanted to watch. And in the stream, we're walking through the video door, and he said, you know, he pointed out the drama section, the horror section, the romance section, all of that. And he said, this is your life. Choose choose what movie you wanna live in. And and I think we we do that with with our thoughts. With our beliefs with our sense of worthiness.
And that's why I think it is important to follow these 4 hours of transcending rejection, You know, reveal you define, revisit and revel. Right. And when you were in the thick of it because I'm sure they're people that are very much in the thick of it right now that are listening to this. This would either be a lifeline or it would be you can't understand the pain that my life is in right now and none of this matters.
So I I think being gentle with ourselves and realizing that if you're in a situation right now that feels like there's no way out, be gentle with your self and start small. It goes back to the micro manifesting is find some tiny thing that will give you a sense of hope and a sense of worth. Yes. And just my opinion, I could be wrong, But if you know someone who's in 1 of those dramatic dramatic overwhelming seasons of their
life, don't don't give them this book. You know, like, if someone gave me this book when I was going through all my ups and downs. I I would I wouldn't even marinated in those words, You know, because I wasn't ready for it, and I wasn't willing and and able. I didn't have the emotional space in my head to fully digest all of that. I had to do small things. And and I think for every 1 of us when we're going through hard times, those small things that lift us up are going to be different.
For me it was meditation and prayer and and reading my my little angel books that helps me so much reading uplifting... Little uplifting positive stories. But to read a wholesale help book of, like, you got this girl? No. I would not have been in that mood. Do you know what I mean? Exactly. Exactly. Because it it it comes back to this being AAA really unique individual connection with yourself.
And you're the only 1 that knows if you're ready to do this deep dive because it's not... I think it can be tiny steps. It can be sequential building blocks it doesn't have to be all at once. No. It shouldn't be all at once. That would be overwhelming. Right. Okay. I have a homework assignment to give everyone. Oh, okay. So she says in this book... Let me read from my notes. She says whatever emotion you associate with rejection is how you define rejection So I asked a lot of friends this
week. What emotion do you associate with rejection? And do you know that almost everyone I asked had a different answer? What were some of the answers? Shame was a fairly common answer. Yeah. Guilt was another 1. Self loa was another 1, and fear was another 1. When people are rejected, 1 person said, I just feel this overwhelming sense of fear, Like, I'm gonna be stuck in this loop of rejection forever. Oh, another 1 said stupid. I feel stupid
when I'm rejected. Yeah. And it's funny because I asked a couple people as well and someone said humiliation. And I thought that's a enough... But those are all very powerful emotions that you just spread off. Yeah. And the... But they're all different in in their own way. And so whatever emotion you personally associate with rejection is how you are going to define
rejection in your life? There are some commonalities, and she just several chapters in this book that talk about how to un the lies that we tell ourselves. And the first 1 is my weight impacts my worth. And, I mean, I have been thin and fit. I've been heavy. I've been in between. I've been weight has been an issue. It's a cyclical pattern in my family of origin.
I don't have the health issues that many people in my biological family have because of weight, but I do know that how many times have people limited themselves from I can't go to the beach or I don't wanna go to that party because I'm too uncomfortable in my own body or this is the only way people see me And if I don't have the latest fashion or the new shoes, I can't I can't do that to myself.
So this is a huge 1. Huge, huge huge issue is, are you letting your physical weight to find how you're existing on the plan? Yeah. That's that's a really big 1. And I think it's important to really wrestle with that for for a long time because again, that's not an overnight 1. That's 1 where you have to really focus on gratitude. I know after you know, after I would give birth and, you know, you during in the shower looking at your body going, wow, that's different.
And I remember just trying really hard saying, thank you to every part of my body. You know, thank you for growing a child. Thank you for helping me the and I would think my legs were walking, and I I put my hand over my heart, and I think it for pumping, and I would do that every morning when I was in the shower, and it it I definitely was faking it till I make it. I gotta be honest, you know, but I did it. And I I think it helped a lot.
This is where the self worth and the self confidence can go hand in hand because if you're improving yourself sense of self to your self worth through feeling better about your physical body, then it's going to give you the confidence to put yourself into situations that you might not normally put yourself into. Yeah. But maybe it's not even... I think what I'm trying to say is it's not even about feeling better about your body, it's feeling grateful for your body. Mh. I know.
Because I think we're so mean to ourselves. Anyone who has had any serious health issues, and you speak to them after they're on the other side of it. That's always their number 1 thing. I'm healthy. That's what matters. Nothing else matters in my life. My body is is you is better. I'm stronger. I feel it becomes number 1 on the list. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Number 2 on hers is I should only be seen when I'm happy. I think I have a friend like that.
I do. Because what... We have a friend in our little friend group who gets a lot of headaches, and I'm always like, do you have a headache again? Or are you just not feeling up to you know, coming out to lunch. Mh. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, and I have another friend who insists on which I think is smart and I've now adopted this, but she insists on driving herself to any social events so she can leave she wants to leave. Isn't that normal? I die.
But that feeling that we always have to be up and positive and buoyant and all of... You know, we did a show in toxic positivity. I mean, that's not a good thing. No. But but if you're getting celebrated in life for being the social butterfly, the ex, the funny 1 I think this would be definitely a lie that would impact a lot of people.
But it comes back to, and I'm not just bash in social media every show, but if you see everyone posting these little tiny snippets of how perfect their life is or their and you don't see all the behind the scenes reality of what their life is that can really instill that sense of oh, I have to present as my life is as golden as everyone else's. Right. Right. Which goes back to comparison. Joy. The third lie is, I don't deserve better. Oh, that's that's a heavy 1.
Well, there's a quote at the beginning of that chapter by Steve Fur, and it says, are you not letting new people love you because of how old people have hurt you? And I thought, oh, holy shit. That's deep. That is deep. But it's true. Do we limit ourselves or how we feel about ourselves
based on how people have treated us. And for those who have been with in hostile environments or with a controlling nurse cystic partner or have dealt with been, in a c dependent situation where someone had severe addiction issues. I think that that can really be AAA part of it, a big part of it Yeah. And and sometimes we just don't even understand or recognize that we have that internal lie voicing itself in our head. Right. Because you have to stay within your own
comfort zone. And if You know, I've used this line with a lot of people over the years is to be in a healthy relationship, you have to feel safe enough to be vulnerable. And if someone has had to be strong and resilient and take care of themselves, that is a high mountain climb. And to find someone that will appreciate that and honor that and give someone the space that they need to take the baby steps towards trust.
I think that that goes hands in hand with you building a stronger foundation of self worth is who the people you choose to... Who you surround yourself with. Yeah. That's everything. Mh. The next 1 is I don't have anything special to offer. I had a friend say that to me just last month, and I wanted to just shake her silly. I did. I really did. She was, like, I don't really understand. I don't know what
my sole purposes. I don't feel like I anything special to offer and She is just 1 of the brightest lights I know. She makes everyone laugh. She's so warm and thought. She's just 1 of the best people I know. And I couldn't believe that those words came out of her mouth. I mean, sometimes the like I said before, the way we see ourselves is so drastically different from how other people see our c us, you know? And and I hope I talked good sentence into her. But I mean, that's something. I know
like you were saying before with Ai? I mean, there's so many times where you're, like, what am I gonna say now? What am I gonna say that's different? Or special. You have the whole premise of all the stories have been told, but they haven't been told by you. They haven't they don't have your spin. Your perspective, Your life experiences, which comes back to your whole little sole light is unique to anyone else out of billions of us on the planet. There's only 1 soul light that matches with you.
And and I think that's pretty damn incredible. Yeah. 1 thing she says a lot in that book is you're the first ever only you. Yes. I like that. You're the first ever only you, and you do have something unique. And I also heard her say I believe 1 of the most prevalent forms of cancel culture. Is 1 no 1 talks about and it's us canceling ourselves before we even try. And which comes back to the fear. Yeah. Yeah. And then the next slide is I need to please them to love me.
Well, if you were raise of conditional love, that might really ring true. Right. And the people please are Jean and the you have family dynamics or relationships or that's a huge huge huge ones. But I sometimes think that we we get caught in that worry loop of what someone else will think of us or what if I don't show up, or I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings And if we've had just conditional relationships that can be very limiting with our self worth.
And the next 1 is if I stand out, I'll get kicked out. Oh, that reminds me of goodwill hunting. Remember why not, Matt Damon, Ben A has that conversation with Matt Damon, and he's, like, you gotta take this. You gotta go. You gotta off... You know, take this job offer. And he says you know, matt Damon basically says, but you guys are my family, you know, and I can't I can't leave this family. And I just... I love that scene, and Ben a looks like, no. You gotta go.
But I think that is a common refrain A lot of people will hear if I stand out, I'll get kicked out. It it's a middle school or high school mentality, and I'm not being derogatory with that, but I spoke with someone recently and they were saying this click at their work environment and how they're gang up, and they're the popular ones in the work environment and they kind of it it's high school. It's middle school. It's that demographic of worker if you're different, we're
not gonna let you in the club. So I think people will try to fit in so that they're not os sized or lonely, but that's a huge huge impact on your self worth if you lessen yourself to fit someone else's standards of how to fit in. Yeah. But to me it's just like the ugly duckling, you know, those just aren't your ducks. Those aren't your swan.
I remember when I was a new mom and I was trying to find, like, my mom friends, and I joined this 1 prayer Group's mom's prayer group, and they were super nice, and I really enjoyed going, but you know, Denise, you and I both love to swear, and I've been known to say god it and Jesus Christ, and let me tell you those ladies were not having it. And. And if I talked about all my spiritual stuff or a bit... Like, I'm trying to manifest that, they'd be like, well, Let's just
pray about. And I was like, I don't know... M. And I remember when I joined the meditation group at my local meta physical store, Those women were so different than anyone I'd ever been friends with and yet I immediately felt understood and accepted. So I think sometimes if you stand out and get kicked out, that's a good thing, because that that's not your tribe. Mh. Right.
I mean, the next 1 is I'm an impostor, not enough on my own, which I think goes hand in hand with standing out is will it Really capable of of doing this or being this or seeing myself or... And I think the impostor 1 go can link back to being told, you know, you're not enough or don't get a big head or why would you think you can do it better than someone else or all of those old messages that might have come through when we were younger.
Mh. Totally. Yeah. Like, the next lie, if I'm me, I won't be loved. Right. I think a lot of that starts in childhood when if if you are raised in a family that loves you on conditions. The condition that, you know, you fulfill this role or this label or this expectation then I think that's a lie you've probably internalized.
K and and B Brown, you know, very familiar with B Brown, and her her Take on that as you either walk into your story and own your truth or you live outside of your story, hustling for your own worthiness. If I'm me, I won't be loved, and then the labels are permanent was her last chapter on on on learning the lies we tell ourselves, and that's believing what you've been told that you are. You're a k. You'll never make it. You're not smart enough. Your sister is the pretty 1.
Your your brother is the stronger 1. Your you're you're not cut out to be a manager or you're not creative enough to write the book. I think all of those things, those labels, we have to... And her... You and I have Joe about this and and brought it up in many, many episodes about Louise Hay and the mirror work. And that's 1 of the ways to start to work with all of this stuff is to look yourself in the mirror and start to make a connection with who you are and what you want.
And that's painful sometimes. It's painful awkward and uncomfortable, but a lot of good things come from allowing ourselves to feel painful awkward and uncomfortable. And we gotta push through to really show up for ourselves. And and for any really young people listening anyone in their twenties, I know if I were listening to this in my twenties, I'd be like, I don't know. Labels are kinda accurate for the people
I know. But when you live on this earth longer than that, and you look at yourself and the people in your life and how they've changed over the years, you start to see... Wow, labels really aren't permanent. We really do change evolve and grow. And I think it's important for young listeners to just trust that. And and to watch that and some of the older people they know.
Right. And this is with age comes wisdom or not, that a lot of people that are profess to be individuals are following the pack right now in order to be seen as, but they're actually just em other people's form of individuality. But that's so true. It's because it comes back to, I I being worthy of being
seen and heard and under stood. So if you're really struggling with acknowledging who you are and how you present in the world, which goes back to that, again, if you focus on letting someone else know that you see them. So it... It's the Newton's third log of motion for every reaction of force in nature, there's an equal or opposite reaction. When you truly seal see someone else, it can be a beautiful beautiful catalyst just start to see yourself.
Haven't you found that when you say something genuine and true and kind to someone. And you see the light come in their eyes, like, oh my gosh. I've always believed that about myself, but no one's ever told me that. I... That's a beautiful beautiful gift to share with someone. Oh, it really is. It's the best. Some of the strategies she has for un learning these lies is she says you have to ask yourself, do I believe that lie? Right. That's important. You know, do I believe that
lie. Sometimes we're just telling ourselves these things over and over? We don't pause to think, do I even believe this anymore? And then you have to ask how is this lies serving me. Because sometimes these lies are serving us because sometimes we do want to be held back because we're afraid. And so we have to again, it goes back to being totally authentic transparent and honest. And she says you're the main character of your life and of this lie.
You get to decide. Do you want to un learn this lie? And then you have to reframe it, and she says again, Am the first only ever me and I'm going to live in alignment with my purpose. When you change the story of you, the story you tell yourself about your life, then your whole world changes. And she says a calling une unexplained inside of you leaves you feeling anguish and alone. Just so try.
It is so true and I'm thinking about different chapters of our lives, people and when you when you mentioned, people that are younger or in their twenties that are listening to this would have a different perception than someone in their thirties, their forties, their fifties or sixties or seventies. We have a really wide range in our audience but there's no
timeline on doing this work. There's no it's not too late or too early to start to accept yourself for who you really are, because that's the only way you're going to make the impact you really wanna make in the world. Yeah. And and to I think there is a value in being comfortable in your own skin in who you are that far surpasses any accolades we can get from someone else? Yeah. Because, again, we're we're... I don't even believe that we're here to make an impact on the world. You know?
I mean, I guess we are. I I feel like we're here to grow our soul and to use these experiences that we have in this lifetime. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful the miraculous to strengthen and brighten our light. And in doing so, that will leave an impact on the world. But it all starts within us, and that's why self worth is so crucial. What are what are the 5 shortcuts to
self worth that she talks about? Well, 2 of them I mentioned, you know, doing the mirror work and feeling that you're worthy of being seen heard and understood. And then she mentions a real starting point is loving and appreciate the beauty and the positive and the things around you. So when you intentionally make a point to see the good around you, it becomes a mindset. This comes, you know, when people are sat on, oh, I've been watching the news. I've
been watching the horror in the world. I've been in you hear them say, there's nothing positive. There's no hope. There's no reframe that because you're internal it and it's going to impact your own mindset about yourself. And there was a joy study commissioned by ulta beauty that found In spite of how common negative self talk was more than 5000 people, 67 percent said it's part of how they functioned and that they didn't even notice they're doing it.
It numbing ourselves out, and I think we do the same thing with the external stimuli that we're constantly getting hit. It becomes our normal. And we forget that there's hope and peace in humanity. And I'm not being all polly about that, but it really is a thing. No. No. He really is. And she goes on to say the... 1 of my favorites, you know, the power impact of journal. Of writing and writing yourself through it. Really, that's a quiet time with yourself to get clear on why do I feel this
way? You can write it and burn it. You can shred it. You can keep it and revisit it, but I think giving voice to And for some people that may be more comfortable, sharing that with a dear friend or with a counselor or with a therapist, but there's something to be said in writing it down or sharing it what you really believe in your heart is around your worthiness issues. The third was, you know, higher intentions having higher self worth.
If you focus on the good intentions behind the things that you do and say, even little things, at leads sort of stronger self worth. It's, you know, taking the high road, doing the right thing paying attention and acknowledging yourself is the key and giving yourself credit for your own good intentions. So... Because that's gonna lead to more positive self talk. Which will help override the negative thoughts and lies that we tend to tell ourselves from the past or as our default.
So that feeling of when you may step out of your comfort zone and take the high road and you you give yourself a little pat on the back. Maybe we all need a few more paths on the back. Yeah. It goes back to being your own cheerleader. Right. So I think that these, you know, we as we mentioned, these are all little stepping stones towards improving your yourself worth. But I can't emphasize enough, and I know you'll agree with me on this. Please please be gentle with
yourself. You're undoing a lifetime of stories you've told yourself or that you've been told and any little step is gonna make a big difference. Well, she says your self worth becomes your ceiling. Oh, isn't that beautiful? That is beautiful. You can only achieve and and create and manifest to the level of which you believe you're worthy. And so it really does believe become your ceiling.
Okay. This thing popped up on 1 of my social media pages this morning, Denise and I would just love your opinion on it because I think it does have to do with worthiness, but it... It just made me think. It says buy land and secret, build the house and secret, then have the party with the public. Go on dates and secret, propose in private then get married in front of a crowd. Let your enemies only see your reality, never
your vision or you will have vision. In a chest, you don't talk you just act. The only time you speak when playing chess is to say check mate. Life is like chess, don't broadcast your intentions. Act in silence, keep achieving your achievements or your check pain. And I know something about that felt kinda negative to me, you know, especially when it mentions enemies. Like, I don't really look at my life in terms of friends and enemies.
You know what I mean? But that aligns beautifully with what we're talking about because if you've been, if you've shared your truth, your self worth, your dreams, your visions and someone has wanted to hold you back or has put a negative twist on it or has reiterated all of those old lies that we've told ourselves over and over again. That is a an enemy stance, and it's going to keep you stuck where you've been But if you if you actually say snake, you know what?
I'm just gonna keep this to myself, and then I'll share it. Because you're bolstering your sense of self, your self worth and your confidence all at the same time. I love that. Do... Okay. Because I did too, and then I was like, I don't know. There's... Because I do feel like it's important to talk and share and be honest about what you're working on but then I do feel like there's... We do live in this invisible world of energy, You know?
And we do swim around in this sea of of emotions and intentions and thoughts from other people and our past experiences and past versions of ourselves that are all working together to help us manifest our life in in every single day. And I remember with the other unpublished manuscripts I mentioned earlier on in the show. I mean, yeah, they did need a lot of work, and I did need to focus on my writing, but I remember I talked about all of those books to everyone I knew.
And I started writing the awake dream, I didn't tell anybody. Like, when I was working on getting an agent and you know, writing the first book that got me the agent, and then I got the contract for the awake dream. I didn't talk about it. Until I had all of it done. And I find it interesting that that's the book that made it into the world. You know, the 1 I didn't share about.
And again, I feel uncomfortable with that because I I never want to believe that anyone is like, holding me back or holding anyone else back, but I don't know. So it just it just made me think. Well, there's there's a realistic part to that as well though that, you know, people will appropriate things that aren't theirs. And and that's not being negative, It's being honest. Mh. So if you've shared... If you had shared the whole premise of your book the awake dream or what was about and then
someone said, oh, that's a great idea. And I can get it out even faster. That would have crushed you and it would have really impacted your ability to put your second book out. And not even that. Like, I remember with 1 of my other manuscripts what a writing friend said Oh, you're younger. You can't get published first before me. Oh my. Yeah. I'd You know when you know someone said something and they're like, oh, was that an outside thought?
And we just kinda looked at each other and I was, like, oh, okay. So I don't... I feel like sometimes it's just that that internal tug that invisible tug of of what people want and expect from us. And so maybe maybe some of the inner self worthiness that we're working on or the the light that we're trying to grow inside of us maybe like a see deep in the in the dark earth. We we do need to keep it secret while we're doing this this deep internal work.
Or or keep it close with people that we trust and love and who we know will encourage us to go after the dream? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's is a beautiful piggyback to the guilt without success. On our next episode, we're going to take it to the the another level with how to cultivate self love to work hand in hand with the self worth. Can't wait for that show. Thank you guys so much for listening. Denise them the name of the book we've been discussing 1
more time? It's by Jamie Ke Lima, and it's worthy how to believe here enough and transform your life. Perfect. Thank you guys. Have a wonderful week and remember as always to show up, do great work and share your light. They care.