Establishing boundaries as a couple can sometimes be a point of tension. It can feel like a battle between wanting to feel security, but also not feeling controlled by the other. The thing is, boundaries are critical to agree upon, so you both feel respected, loved, and also fulfilled. Most couples discuss boundaries as: expressing commands, arguing repeatedly, a resistance to feeling controlled. Yet, they can be discussed in a loving, respectful way that feels like a win-win agreement for you b...
Jul 20, 2021•40 min•Ep. 175
We wanted to give you an update on our pregnancy journey and how we're preparing for parenthood...intentionally. For us, it's important to prepare together for a natural birth AND to get our marriage prepared for parenthood. Because we talk to couples all day every day (with many being parents), we get to see the behind the scenes challenges that come up with marriage and parenthood. So we've been taking those insights into our conversations and we wanted to share what's been coming up for us in...
Jul 15, 2021•19 min•Ep. 174
It can feel frustrating or unsettling when you and your partner disagree on a big decision. For some couples, this can lead to making no decision and staying in a standstill for a while, which is also not ideal for you. For others, it can lead to tense conversations, full blown arguments, and feeling like you're limited by the other person. But it doesn't have to go that way… Whether it's parenting styles, financial decisions, where to move, when to have kids, which job offer to take, etc….you C...
Jul 13, 2021•29 min•Ep. 173
It's a great personal trait to be considerate of your partner (especially of their needs from the last episode). However there is a danger of being overly considerate or overly pleasing in your relationship. You might not have ever considered this or realized that it was happening to you, but the effect can be very disruptive. It can make you feel unhappy, unfulfilled, and even disengaged from your partner. In this solo episode with Aaron, you will be able to recognize this pattern so you can sh...
Jul 08, 2021•10 min•Ep. 172
Of course you know that you and your partner are not exactly the same. Yet, how often do you expect them to fulfill all of your needs? Or even how often you assume that they should just know or desire to meet your needs? When you get to a place where you have conflicting needs, this can feel as if you have to sacrifice or be discouraged that your needs won't be met. When we asked on IG what some of the common conflicting needs for you were, we heard back: Togetherness vs separateness Physical to...
Jul 06, 2021•44 min•Ep. 171
We received this question privately after the last podcast: "What is the difference between justifying and explaining, when you feel like your partner misread your intentions? Sometimes I feel like we're fighting over a version of me that doesn't feel true, and I can't tell if that's just me being defensive." In this episode you will hear: The subtle difference between justifying and explaining The major difference between Intent vs Impact 4 steps to explain yourself in a way that your partner c...
Jul 01, 2021•33 min•Ep. 170
Defensiveness is a learned behavior to compensate for something going on beneath the surface. A few common sources of defensiveness in relationship: A lack of feeling emotionally safe because they often feel invalidated Taking something personally (and making it mean something different than what was said) Fear of being judged, not loved, abandoned, or punished An attachment to a certain perspective about themselves or the situation Here's the thing...if you and your partner perpetually react wi...
Jun 29, 2021•33 min•Ep. 169
Do you and your partner feel perfectly aligned and on the same page? Do you ever feel caught off guard by a comment your partner makes about being dissatisfied somewhere in your relationship? If so, it's time for a Family Meeting Check-in! We define a"Family Meeting" as: a designated time to have an intentional, judgment-free conversation together as you discuss your relationship + life. You each get to share your satisfaction in the 9 core areas of your relationship/life, and openly listen to e...
Jun 22, 2021•34 min•Ep. 168
No matter the stage of relationship you are in, it can seem like you and your partner have different sex drives. Often we think this means frequency, but in this episode we interview Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, and her husband Xander who collaborates with her on content, to discover just what sex drive and compatability means. In this episode you will realize the different forms and types of intimacy, how to raise your satisfaction in your sex life, and most imprtantly how to bring up this c...
Jun 17, 2021•39 min•Ep. 167
What's the main difference between being just "roommates" with someone vs romantic partners? The answer: the depth of emotional intimacy. Of course you've heard us say that a relationship requires all the functional things (the to-do list, things around the house, errands, etc)...but that can easily consume your attention and diminish your emotional intimacy. In fact, we received a private message yesterday saying, "how do I create more emotional intimacy with my wife?" Which shows that many peo...
Jun 15, 2021•37 min•Ep. 166
Are you working to rebuild trust in your relationship? Perhaps a lie was told, or a boundary was crossed….but you're committed to repairing it and not ending the relationship. Today you'll meet Joy and Peter Harrington who share very candidly about repairing broken trust after his long term use of porn. They share some radically true things about whether porn use is healthy in a relationship and what to do if your partner denies crossing a boundary. Resources For Your Relationship: You can conne...
Jun 10, 2021•41 min•Ep. 165
A male client was vulnerable last week and said, "we've been together 10 years, have 3 beautiful children, and have great careers. And while I think we should be closer than ever, I feel more distant than ever." This powerfully shows that being emotionally connected does not have to do with time or reaching life milestones together. In fact, couples grow apart emotionally from 4 subtle behaviors that build up over time. We go into these deeper reasons, as well as the 4 levels of a relationship s...
Jun 08, 2021•39 min•Ep. 164
Maybe this is a question you have never thought of! Have you ever taken the time to think about the different types of sex you might be in the mood for? For most the answer is, no… Taking this question one step further, depending on your mood on a certain day of week, you might be more or less open to certain types of sex with your partner. Ok that was a great thing to think about, but now the next part is to express this whole new world to your partner. Given this area of sex and intimacy often...
Jun 03, 2021•32 min•Ep. 163
You know those moments when you're sharing your emotion, and your partner responds with logic? They might say "that's not how that happened, that doesn't make sense, or that wasn't my intention." It can make you feel invalidated and misunderstood, which hurts because your partner is the one you should feel most understood by, right? You might feel that they don't listen to you and certainly that they don't understand you. Or even to the point where you feel that you just aren't on the same page....
Jun 01, 2021•37 min•Ep. 162
Why can't the past just stay back in the past?! How often in your relationship do you feel that you resolved an issue, only to have it come back up again later? What about making a decision together about a big life event, only to doubt it (or your partner) later? This "past thing" is a block for many couples that keep them feeling in the same place and not making the progress they really want. In this motivational episode we will cover how to keep your past events from impacting your present. R...
May 27, 2021•18 min•Ep. 161
How do you two tend to act after an argument? If you don't have a solid repair process, you likely are keeping the issue lingering and unresolved. When this happens you can lose trust in each other, erode love and connection, and just turn this into an emotional trigger for the future. In today's episode, we'll cover 3 mistakes that couples make after an argument, and you'll likely find that you have done all 3! But we also share what you need to do INSTEAD to truly close the loop on the convers...
May 25, 2021•23 min•Ep. 160
Is this something you have ever said to yourself "should I bring this conversation up to my partner right now?" We know the answer is almost certainly YES, we all have thought this. Most of the time it's when we have an important topic that we want to talk about, or we think it will potentially cause a conflict. HOWEVER conflicts are not always from the subject of a conversation, but how and when it is brought up. It can turn out to be a conversation that you were excited to have, and all of a s...
May 20, 2021•14 min•Ep. 159
Last chance to sign-up for the FREE WebClass on May 18th and 20th. One is on Communication and one is on Conflict Repair When a challenge shows up in your relationship, how do you two handle it? Do you resist it and just hope it goes away? Or perhaps you talk about it over and over again but never get to a mutual place of understanding? Either way, most couples we talk to are seeking specific ways to BETTER handle challenges as a TEAM. Today's episode will show you how working through the challe...
May 18, 2021•29 min•Ep. 158
Register for 2 FREE WebClasses on May 18th and 20th 2021 on Communication + Conflict HERE Ever feel frustrated with your partner? Yea, most human beings have those moments. Today's episode is important because it will provide you with 2 questions you MUST ask yourself before you bring it up to your partner. Resources For Your Relationship: Order our newest book, The Argument Hangover , and get over $200 of free bonus gifts (like the mini course and a 90 minute training) About Us: We're The Freem...
May 13, 2021•14 min•Ep. 157
Relationships cannot be about avoiding conflict, because that only builds resentment in the long term. However, by knowing the common sources of conflict, you can take the actions to keep those topics from causing hurt and disconnection! That is exactly what you will hear in this episode, the 5 common sources of conflict. Then you can help prevent conflicts when you see them coming, as well as repair from your argument hangovers faster! Resources For Your Relationship: You don't want to miss the...
May 11, 2021•30 min•Ep. 156
Is it at all surprising to you that Bill & Melinda Gates would choose to divorce? It might not be surprising that it happens to very prominent and wealthy couples, because it has been happening often (Jeff & MacKenzie Bezos, Kim & Kanye West, J-Lo & ARod). It would seem that when areas like finances, significance, and contribution are at such a high level, that relationships would work even better! But that is just not the case because there is a fundamental principle of relation...
May 06, 2021•21 min•Ep. 155
Listening is one of the most important skills in a relationship, and is fundamental to improving your communication! The problem is we think listening is easy, but truly listening to your partner does NOT just automatically happen, and it's not a "passive" activity. Truly listening takes effort and intention. The thing is, how you listen to your partner determines how much they feel understood, which then directly impacts your level of connection! In this episode, we cover: The most common mista...
May 04, 2021•24 min•Ep. 154
In this episode we're answering your specific questions submitted from Instagram. What was the topic for these questions? … Communication! This Q&A session is all about communicating better for the specific challenges that were submitted. The questions we answer today are: When I have an emotional low, my wife tends to be dismissive...especially if it has to do with her. What can I do differently? Please explain why transparency/openness/honesty is so important. Suggestions to stop getting d...
Apr 29, 2021•25 min•Ep. 153
Gut check time for a few of you… just because you talk often doesn't mean you are being clear. Have you ever said to your partner out of disappointment, "I already told you multiple times"? Of course this can be frustrating to both you and your partner. If this keeps coming up, it is possible that you are being too vague in your communication, even if you are more assertive! Have you ever said anything like this to your partner: "I want you to help more around the house." "I want us to work on o...
Apr 27, 2021•29 min•Ep. 152
Not to be dramatic, but this episode will crack open your heart and radically transform your mind. Especially with how you see challenges or blocks around increasing intimacy in your relationship. If you're going through a rough patch or you just want to connect at a deeper level, this episode is for you! You will hear how true intimcy is going to be found outside or where you are currently looking... outside your comfort zone! Resources For Your Relationship: As you listen, sign-up for the 5 Da...
Apr 22, 2021•14 min•Ep. 151
If you have been listening to this podcast, you now know that escalating conflicts and argument hangovers are not from what started the disagreement, but what you said or did after that. It's when you think to yourself "I don't even remember what started this!" Part of why this happens is because we are not great at "Holding Space" for our partners when they have high emotions or are emotionally triggered. For some this might be a new term, holding space. In this episode you will hear about what...
Apr 20, 2021•34 min•Ep. 150
After the last episdoe you now think "ok great, I'm doing my part, but what about my partner"? We asked many of you how your partner normally responds when you hold them accountable, and the answers were versions of: denial, defensiveness, withdrawing, being rude, or dismissive. If you don't have an agreement about how you will hold each other accountable, it can feel like being micro-managed or controlled. This leads to tension, and even feeling "parented" by each other. So instead of that frus...
Apr 15, 2021•25 min•Ep. 149
Have you realized that you can be in a relationship, yet not be in a true partnership? It might seem like a simple word change but the experience can be radically different. You can be in a relationship yet still feel like a victim to your circumstances and your partner's responses day to day. A true partnership is made up of two people who are accountable for how they are showing up. More specifically these 5 specific things that we cover in this episode. In this type of partnership you will fe...
Apr 13, 2021•33 min•Ep. 148
You got into your relationship for one big reason… LOVE. More specifically to have the experience of being loved unconditionally by your partner. Yet this doesn't always happen right? Especially when a woman's needs are not being met. Now does this mean something is wrong? No not at all. BUT it is a sign that one of 3 major needs of women are not being met. This is not to put pressure on you as a partner, because at times these needs are not clearly understood and can be shared in a way that cau...
Apr 06, 2021•31 min•Ep. 147
This episode might make you laugh out loud, but will also get you fired up to get rid of OLD energy in your life. It's critical that you clear out energetic clutter in your environment, in your relationship, and in your habits. If you want to invite in anything NEW (more intimacy, more fun, more connection), you need to make space for it. Tune in to this episode where Jocelyn dives into specific ways you can clear out old energy. And that includes old underwear (I just threw out a bunch and orde...
Apr 01, 2021•14 min•Ep. 146
