My definition of success is doing what I want when I want , with whom I want , most importantly , how I want . What I want is to develop my philosophy and play my accordion how I want to do it is brilliantly . That requires getting out of my own way , which is truly the work of a lifetime . Playing the accordion isn't as easy as it looks .
You have to learn standards before you learn jazz , and even when I play popular favorites I tend to get hassled . I don't see the problem . Accordion music is not a public menace . They're not bagpipes . Developing my philosophy takes a lot of mental energy , so I try not to waste valuable resources by thinking too much , which is great it's .
Unlike most people , I don't freak out when I'm about to get what I want . They usually don't even realize it . I'm able to fall ass backwards into amazing situations like dating two very sexy , very different women . There's Ava flash , and excess wealthy heiress Shows me the good life . I find out that it suits me . I like the smell of money .
I don't have to work . Ava allows me to work . She insists on paying for everything and kind of holds it over my head but says I can make it up to her by sleeping with her friends . Sometimes we do three ways . I'm sure there are women who aren't into women , but those women are mysterious to me . How could you not be into women ? Have you seen women ?
Ava is into women and even if women aren't into women , they're into Ava , sometimes with sex toys or household objects . The sex is bananas . Ava puts a lot of pressure on me to do whatever her friends want , and that's fine . I hate making decisions . It's particularly hard to decide between Ava and Clover . Clover is sexy as hell . She's fun .
She's pure positive energy . The sex is really good because that's what she channels her genius into . In her real life she's not that smart . She'll remind you of that constantly . Often in those words . Her other catchphrase is no thoughts , just vibes . Clover is bubbly , vivacious . She's a great influence . We have great sex .
It's like dancing One partner leads and the other leads . You don't know who's leading , you just know what to do . It's just happening . She's told me that she might be falling in love with me . She doesn't know . She'll have to think about it a bit longer . I would love to fall in love with Clover .
She's exactly the sort of person I'd love to spend time with and I'm comfortable with her in a way that I'm not comfortable with Ava . There's a mysterious layer of weirdness there that I can't quite articulate what it is , and I think it might just be my insecurities , so I haven't brought it up . And I love money . I love being rich .
I never thought it would happen . It mainly happens to people who are born into money and something in me knows that I don't belong in this world of glamour and really good cocaine , seemingly overpriced alcohol and insane sex from people who are used to getting everything they want , to the point where what they want is completely perverse .
Forget about memetic desire . They're bored to death of the things that they used to want . What I eventually discover is something that seems really obvious now that I know I'm a charming rogue and a pimp at heart . I think I was a player in a past life , but I'm getting played in this one and I'm getting pimped out by Ava .
I really should have figured that out earlier . I'm in pretty deep now . I don't know who to trust , my philosophy is falling apart , but contingencies are not connecting like they used to . I don't know which way is up , and I'm so dizzy from all of this crazy sex that it doesn't really matter . There's no past , no future . I've always been doing this .
I always will be doing this . I don't want to do this anymore . I don't like this . It doesn't feel good . I don't know anything anymore , but I am learning that I know too much . I've committed a lot of crimes and I didn't know what I was doing . But nobody's gonna believe me when I tell them that I'm really freaking out and Clover can feel it .
She's highly intuitive and sex is where people hide things . We have a lot of sex . She's gonna pick up on it . Eventually I get tired of lying . It happens around the time that my fabric of lies unravels and I'm fully exposed . Clover says I get points for honesty .
She's mad as hell that she's not going to leave , although she could , and it creates the first bad vibes that we've experienced . Well , that's not true .
We had a couple of spats and then had really rough sex and briefly hated each other , and so we were able to bang like we hated each other , which , if you've never tried it find someone you hate and have sex with them or start hating someone you're having sex with . You really don't want to miss out on this .
It creates a lot of conflict and confusion and angst . Clover tells me that it particularly gets to her . It makes her really , really mad that I was willing to commit crimes for Ava and , in short order , I'm committing crimes for Clover Pretty much whatever she wants . She could hold this over my head . She could rat me out to the FBI if she wanted to .
I have a lot of weird experiences that I'm not ready to talk about . I experience something weird , deeply uncomfortable , terrifying and personal growth . It's not easy , but I'm learning to be myself . I'm learning to be into myself . I wish I knew this back when I wasn't extremely paranoid and unwilling to trust anyone , because I really shouldn't .
I have a lot of exposure and I'm feeling really jittery right now . Most people are incredibly selfish , cynical , will stab you in the back for fun and despise weakness in others and punish it . They're awful . I'm not into intimacy anymore .
I wish I were , because I'm deeply in love with Clover now and I'm starting to get so paranoid that I'm oblivious to the fact that Clover is a double agent for another dimension . She's using me to turn people against each other , which is what you want to do before you come in and conquer them . I don't know when that's going to happen .
They have a lot of information . I'm not optimistic about the next five years and I've found that closure doesn't really exist . Exist , but human nature does . Nothing happens by itself . You're free to choose your own destiny , especially if you don't think you are . The fact that you're thinking about it at all means that you know that you are . You are free .
You have no idea how powerful and sexy you are , and if you're a man who wants to be kept . I'm still on speaking terms with Ava . It's still an open wound . I have a lot of resentment . We don't really hang out , but we text about stuff that only the two of us care about , and she lets me know when she has openings . Hit me up you .