Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I don't know how to say this, but it's not gonna just be me and Kai today. Kai's in the corner with his eyes covered because I told him not, but Drew couldn't make it today. But it's okay. It is okay. Before you start screaming and crying and throwing yourself to the floor and saying that this hurts more than anything you've ever felt. We have a really, really good guest to replace him. Come on out, girl, goodbye?
Oh can I open my eyes? From the video?
D said I wouldn't get that from the video, Dude saying being by Israel, you look fucked up.
You know what's fucked up is I've seen him in it long enough now Kai, I've become fully like this to me is the new norm?
Oh my god.
Read when I put this disguise on, like if something comes out of me, I turned into like a monster. We filmed what was it like?
After No Pop Eyes?
We filmed after Noon.
Sorry my friend. She's never been on a podcast, it's only been on What would You Do?
Being Bi Israel?
And she was used to the hot mics like above. I think she had to do all that.
No, this really brings something out of me. I like really can't explain, Like I turned into king Kylie a little bit.
Yeah, Like she doesn't defend by people for like the joke of it.
She means it. No, I'm in I am asexual but pan romantic. Okay, Yeah, what that means, I'm attracted to the person. I fall in love with the person. The sex is meaningless to me.
I have a lot of well, what do you do when you meet somebody who like sees that as like a form of like connection and it's important to them.
Sex? Yeah, sex should have no meaning like sex? No, but I am dropping a new lip kit.
Okay, I don't understand, are you the girl who stands for bisexual people are stands saying she's like biphobic? I genuinely do believe there's a world out there where Kylie Jenner sees no issue with bisexuality. Could me and her sit down in a room bisexuality and maybe she could teach me that by being bisexual Israel? I don't know, because there's no proof to me.
Right right.
What I suffer from is gluttony. But I suffered his pain he did in shame.
No.
See, the thing is I'm dropping a new lip kit. It's for the girls, obviously, and it's for their pussies. Oh yeah, the pussy for the vagina.
Vagina. Is it gonna be like a tent? I guess you.
Could do like ombra ombre lips.
Yeah, I mean a lot of it's a lot of us already have the ombre down the ombrea.
A lot of people would be scared.
A lot of people have ombre from God.
A lot of people would be scared.
Right now, I can't look at you in that.
I know it's a bit that.
Yeah come here, yeah, come here, it comes sit on my lap.
I won't lie. It does make him really weird, like he becomes like be prepared to see Drew become like weirdly pervy question mark. Like the wig makes him like this whole out. It makes him a bit perverted.
And I hadn't Kai cannot look at me No, No, I've just become used to it.
Also, like also, ever since you did the kick that guy who.
Was ka sexted with a forty year old man when I was fourteen on kick? Yes, I mean classic famously.
That's a classic classic, Who's calling my phone. Who's calling my phone?
Who's calling my phone?
That was me when I got a random kick message from an unknown.
Bella Thorne, one of my one of our friends. I don't want to air them out, was catfished on kick by Jaden Smith. Yeah, you know, you know exactly who it is. He's been around a lot recently, but I'm not going to air his shit out. But he was telling me that he literally fell in love with Jaden Smith also was like.
Fourteen, Oh, I know who you're talking.
Yeah, but it was the same fucking time you fell in love with Bella Thorne and I bet.
We didn't say anything to each other.
No, y'all kept it a secret.
Yeah yeah, well no, well Bella told me not to tell anybody we were friends.
Yeah. Well, I she was.
Like, don't tell anybody we're friends. What color are your underwear? I just want to make sure we're matching so that.
I can know we're soul mate.
Well, I remember if it got freaky like that, but like, I don't remember a lot of conversations I had with a lot of people.
Oh no, See, the thing is is I have been looking for this exact shirt for I'm not exaggerating years, like two years now. I've had like eBay notifications set up for it, like it has been something that I have been looking for for so long because it's the exact shirt the Yearby girl was wearing in the year By video and I bought it and I was like, Oh,
I'm gonna wear this for Halloween. But everyone was like Halloween is like six months away, and so I was just like or we were just like whatever, we'll just do it on this episode. But like this, this has been a journey putting this together. We trimmed the wig today, like all of it.
Why are you giving like a detailed thing of your outfit like you're on the carpet at the mat, like literally like you're going into the core of your outfit as if there's like because it's important.
There is history. There is history, and lord, I have no idea what this shirt is. Josiah knew, but I have no idea.
We really, I'm not kidding. We kind of have to give it up to cost players. I've been thinking about it a lot, and like.
For cosplayers, they're like for real, they're.
The new wave of historians in some ways, now this is keeping history alive.
And ironically though, like I really genuinely fuck with cosplayers, like y'all really it's an art form for real.
Cosplay is like any kind of art medium or creative medium where it's like it's it has to be a burning passion or don't do it. Like, actually that's not true because some people aren't like good at costplay, and they still like it's sweet and it's like an escape for that.
I was literally just about to say, like, bad cosplay to me is more important than good cosplay. Like there I said it. Like it's like you can feel like they really really wanted to do Yeah.
Also like they.
Really wanted to become this person. They really wanted to create this fit, And I love people creating things. Look, everybody, I spoke to God, your time consuming is up. You need to start creating more.
You guys were talking about me last episode. What the fuck are you worry and get out of You said people that wait, let me look this up because I wrote it down.
You said, people that have autoimmune diseases.
No, you said, uh, you're sick. If you're good at sex, you're basically you're a bad person, which is a shade that's kai Newman shade.
No, I don't think anybody on this planet thought, oh my god, Kai, like he's going to hear this and be broken. They're going to be like, oh my god, Kai is going to hear this and be broken because he's going to be so ashamed and recoil at the thought of people talking about good sex because he's like, oh my god, that's something I've never even partaken in. How do I act like I know.
Is good at sex? He is. He's a munch's he really is. I could tell you he makes me put a wig on, though it's really fucking weird.
Oh, I mean, to each their own, y'all do what you do.
It's internalized. We've talked about it pillow talk and shit, but hold.
On, it's internalized.
It's deep in there.
It's really no one thing about me is like I can't have casual sex because my pillow talk does go crazy, Like my my pillow talk is like not cute shit, Like literally we will have just boned and I'll be like, do you talk to your parents anymore? Are they Are they in your life? Do you think the way you navigate in relationships is because of them? Have they ever touched you in a bad way.
Oh okay, what was I saying? Oh? We were talking about catfishes and getting catfish. And this is something I've been harboring inside for a very long time that I haven't really been brave enough to speak about. And it may not make the cut, but about two years ago, I was a grown ass man. Okay, is he going to just keep going? I was catfished on grinder, which is like not like the craziest thing, that's like a gay age and a like gay experience, like it really is.
I should have known better because I was in Texas and like this man was fine shit and like we had like a full blown conversation like it was tea. It was tea, It was tea. We made plans to meet up that even and then I screenshoted his photos and reversed image sharched and found out that he was using this only Fans Creators photos as his own. And one day, one day, I'll be brave enough to mention who the only Fans creator was.
Okay, Like, did you send anything crazy? No?
Well yes, oh yeah, but not face, not face, but like body t yes. But and we had some interesting conversations I was.
Gonna say, I, okay, like hot take, because I have been catfished, like especially as a teenager. I was a very lonely teenager who was a crazy person, like I needed to talk to people. I wanted to talk to people, but I was like very shy in a lot of ways, so I would just get into random conversations with strangers online. And I definitely was catfished a handful of times. But I don't look back at it as like a thing where I'm like, oh my god, that's so humiliating and shameful.
I'm not kidding, because I'm like there is still something about like human connection there, like I still genuinely believe in that connection. It's like, okay, well, luckily I never had an experience where I met up with somebody and anything happened. But for the most part, I would just really chat it up and sometimes it got freakidie, But I don't really give a fuck, Like what I was like dumb, like what.
No harm, no foul?
Yeah, no harm, no foul. I genuinely unless like obviously don't go around catfishing people because that's fucking new poco loco. But I don't know I had good conversations with the people who catfished me, like they were actually very helpful people in my life.
Did people use your pictures ever on dating apps?
Yeah?
Yeah, that part is scary. I think that's started happened to me like three years ago.
People have like made genuine connections with me and had no idea that was me. And I'm really scared.
People photoshop my face onto other bodies and then use that as the catfish.
I mean, that makes a lot of sense why they would do that and not you want to use your body?
What do you mean by that?
Because body is not tea.
Body is Boba's.
Body is right, thank you, thank you.
Body is Tea right now for real?
Thank you.
The purge that is working?
Yeah, okay, and I have.
I don't know. I don't know if I'm embarrassed by it, ashamed of it, or proud of myself for actually committing to it. But I bought something really late last night and it has to do with you, and I paid ninety nine extra to get it delivered over because I wanted it today. I wanted to wake up to it at the front door. I haven't opened it yet, so I thought i'd donebox it with y'all on the podcast Live, and I want to get y'all's honest, real reactions because
it is. It's pretty jarring, but you'll see why it involves you. It's a giant bag of sour airheads. So you had one in your car, and when I drove it home from the nail salon, it had one bite taken out of it, and I was like, oh, this is gonna go bad. So I ate the whole thing in one bite, and I was like, that was the most delicious thing I've ever eaten in my entire life.
And I didn't stop thinking about it for hours. So I bought a giant bag of them because it was the blue one, but I wanted to try the green and the yellow one as well.
You propose that this is like when like a shitty boyfriend is like, I got us the best thing ever that has nothing to do with me.
No, why was there sour airhead in your car?
I was at seven eleven with a friend and they were getting stuff and I felt awkward, so I grabbed random shit that I saw and the airheads with something because I had gotten the water, and the friend was like, oh my god, you're not gonna get snacks. Don't make me snack alone. So then I was like, fine, I'll get airheads. And I got those and I acted like I liked them, so I ate one and then I was like, this actually is gonna upset my stomach and
it's annoying. No, And then the other day I took a bite out of it because I was on the way to the nail salon and I was just like, oh, I don't have gum. I need something in my mouth right now, so I don't bite my head.
I guess something you could put in your mouth right now. But no, they were please don't hit me.
I just pant myself.
Oh, you're gonna have to see.
My bro.
When you edit.
I like, actually need to say that, because that's not the first time this has happened in these pants. I really like these pants. But since I sit the way I do, I always get my foot stuck in this and I yank my own pants down and I just pants myself on camera.
Kai gets to butt.
Oh my god, I'm not kidding. Actually, if you do see it, look out for my crazy tan line. I have the craziest tan line on my butt because I accidentally burnt the fuck out of my butt in Miami.
I've had to blur both your privates multiple times throughout.
The Okay, don't say that, don't true. Also normally your privates Okay, it's not my fault. My privates always fall out.
I know, I would say the sun dress in the summer. I see that shit splat on a concrete all the time.
Me having to blur out your privates on very few episodes, it's not normal. I just want to say that it's not a normal working environment.
It's not my vagina falls off.
And it's not my fault. My dick and balls are so huge that they fall out of the bottom of my pants, not shorts, my pants.
Yeah, you guys have like really huge private parts, So I guess I wasn't thinking about it.
Like no, no, mine's normal and we're calling them no no zones.
Now, guys, not to like bring up something else that has to.
Do with Okay, you could eat these. You could eat these. They're peanut and uh tree nut free.
Room is allergic to nuts.
He's on his Purge diet.
Yeah, I can eat well. I actually I can eat twelve things now I added potatoes.
You want to try themself fucking bad because he is like they, Oh, okay, chill, chill, chill, that's gonna hurt.
That actually did hurt. Stop throw a bunch more.
Stop. Oh no no stop stop.
No, I mean I have a lot now.
Oh my.
Sure, I guess I'll yeah, yell.
Next time you talk about getting me a fucking gift, get me a real gift, you fucking bitch.
Yeah, Drew, this is all your fault and these are hard. When it hit me, it hurt.
My god, I'm not even after everything I do for you, after everything I fucking.
Do for you, what do you do for me?
I just got you.
Again, hundred airheads. Also, you and your teeth have no business having access to this many fucking.
Airheads like it.
Literally he does, like mighty.
Mighty Okay, not all I fucking do the last like month of my life, yes, the last month of my life. Yes, but that's not all I do. But I will say I ate this sour airhead, that this our airhead. And I literally like my body like physically went up like three degrees, like I got like a fever, like a media like it was crazy.
Also, you eating the whole thing like because they.
Were picking that up. By the way, we planned that bit. By the way, I should add that, and it's not actually mean.
Well I didn't plan that.
Share.
I have a gun in my ass right now and it hurts so bad. But it's really small, so it should be fine up there, but I'm kind of scared of it traveling upwards. Has that ever happened? Has anybody ever put something in their butt and then like it's gone up, like just like keeping.
Their coal in Yeah, it's like all the time you get trapped in there. Yeah, that's why they always say, like make sure the base is flared.
Who always says that? Like, that's not like that's why they always say look both ways before crossing the street. That's like they don't say like that's they really do.
Be Have you guys ever tried the frozen butt plugs? Have you tried that? You can make them so and they just like slowly disappear inside of you.
What is it called, like the poop one you freeze like a log turd? Oh?
The Alaskan pipeline.
Yeah, and ya, this is crazy. I know.
I can't believe they found this. Like it's actually it's kind of embarrassing. But in this clip, I do sound so good.
You literally sound amazing. You look about thirty five in that, and you what like twelve thirty?
Whoa that sounds that does sound really good.
I don't know, yeah, you were probably thirteen.
Oh my god, that was the best day ever. I loved this day of the fuck found that, dude, Emergency Intercom Crave. They posted that, and I don't like, I don't know how they found it, but like, seriously, I'm not that embarrassed because I genuinely do just sound so good. This was like I was really trying to convince my family to buy me that karaoke.
Yeah, you were performing.
Yeah, I was going to get to work. I just can't sing like that anymore after vapor ry. No, I literally can't or should I.
Why it sounds that sounded good?
Thank you? You sound like a dying dog. Okay, right?
Why is no one talking about my core life power Elite protein forty two grams of protein in it. No one's commented on it. Yes, yes, I am putting on the pounds.
Yeah, Drew is getting stronger every day.
This guy is like taking a picture of us. No, yeah, he just took a picture of us. And I mean that serious. Got it. I'm scared.
This room keeps getting more more disturbed the infinite. Jess you with the wig, there's fucking candy and trash are everywhere.
Yeah, the trash being in your fuck I get you so.
Often the wig is something to your brain chemistry. Bruh, really like squeezing your skull.
No, it's the microplastic set.
Oh yeah, it's from cutting the wig and drew In haling all of the microplastics from him from h whoa, yeah, from all of that then, So I don't actually believe in the Illuminati. But there is something so jarring about the fact that it's twenty twenty five and there's still celebrities going to Australia for the first time and posting
with the koalas, Like why is that still? Like like, without fail, a celebrity will get to a point where they're going to Australia for a tour and they will post up with those fuck ass kualas, and I don't think they all have dude yes and like or let me not say yes. So like with such conviction, I don't fucking know what's up with the koala was like, I don't I don't want to say too much on them.
I don't know what they had, but they're always there and I'm just like, yeah, I guess when I was like thirteen and I saw Justin Bieber with the Koala, that was amazing. I couldn't imagine how he even got to Australia, like like like I couldn't have even began to think about the travel day he had to take there. But I was amazed by that.
I was like, wow, he really is, like he's really there right now.
He really made it.
He posted this at three am and it's a light out. What the fuck?
And it's always that dude, They're always posting on that fucking timeline, which like respect, but yeah, I stopped sudden stopped taking pictures.
With the I feel this same way, and we're guilty of this. We're very guilty of this. I feel the same way about a Times Square billboard. I'm like, okay, yeah, I'm like, I'm like every time I see one now, I'm like, I really really don't give a fuck, Like I know you care and it's a special moment for you, because Iell felt the same way with our billboard in Times Square. But they're all digital now, like it's not
really giving it used to give that. It used to be like it's like a three minute cycle, Like you're up there for like five seconds and then five minutes later you pop back up.
It's not like it when it was a stag now.
But I'm a hater.
No, But seeing that billboard and Times Square was like, oh my.
God, it was very special. It was so special.
But it's okay because I'm gonna hack the main frame and I'm gonna put all the Koalas celebrity photos in Times Square.
Oh that's a good idea. That'd be my Area's going to be.
My attack on the Illuminati.
In certain areas of Australia, up to ninety percent of the Koalas have chlamydia. That's what it says on Google.
Damn that is crazy.
So I know whoever is the groupie on tours in Australia.
I don't know if they can transmit it to humans though.
Yeah, because when do you have to have like sex with the thing?
Maybe sorry to look a little supicious, no no, no, no, no no. Yeah, I've been manipulating a lot of fucking people. I've been manipulating a lot of people like my ideas, hold on, my ideas are coming fruit to fruitition and I am like getting into y'all sub conscious, like very deeply.
It is kind of actually insane to just admit publicly that you've been like manipulating people.
I don't give a fuck. I'm in your sub conscious.
Yeah, they can't give it to humans unless you like drink their pea or something, but even then the chances are.
Wait, how long does it take to get through your systems?
You don't have to worry. You don't have to worry.
Why are you worried about?
Because I was on TikTok shop like late at night, and then somebody was talking about it's like a holistic thing. You saw that. Yeah, it's good for you, apparently really good for apparently allegedly.
Yeah, that's you shouldn't be drinking.
But I think they the pee before they it's illegal to ship out koualip that has chlamydia in it. Now that has to be completely illegal, so I should be fine. They had to have tested it before they.
Said it's definitely not FDA certified, and it does say not for human consumption on the bottle.
But oh, but everything, I most of the things that I consume.
Say that, Yeah, true, true, I have.
I have pika.
What is it called when you like pica when you eat styrofoam?
I guess I kind of did have that as a kid because damn the things I chewed on, I mean still the things I chew on. Now I'm an adult, so I don't like chew on anything too crazy.
Fuck yeah, I went out to I've like, literally I need to suck on.
An Android charger by the end of the day, like I need to electricity. But I don't know if they shock you the same way they did that outlets just don't shocked the way they used to.
They're really not giving what they used to give the outlets, Like, I don't have.
Like the same fear in me of an outlet as I did when I was younger, because it felt like, without fail, every time I plug something in. When I was a child, I shocked myself, granted, because I always had my fingers on the prongs.
Why would you ever do I don't know.
I just was like very like I didn't I didn't like the feelings of like.
Something.
I didn't like the feeling of like trying to get like it in the outlet, So if I wasn't looking, I would just or I couldn't see behind a cabinet, I would put my hands right there so I could just like feel it go in like I don't know if that makes sense, Like I'm post the back of my hands to feel it and then just like push it through my fingers. And every time I did that
without fail, I would get so shocked. And I remember telling my parents that the outlets kept shocking me, and they were like, that shouldn't be happening, and I was like, they keep shocking me, But now they don't shock that way anymore. I genuinely think I need to go to Chunky Cheese and get on that shock machine, the one that like vibrates so hard that it feels like you're getting electric electricity like shot through you. I want to get struck by lightning.
I tried to kill myself last night.
Oh are you serious? That's not that's bad?
Why'd you laugh?
I don't know you laughed at her, So it's like, how much do you even care?
Not her?
Guys?
Do I have big feet? A size eight foot?
Yeah?
You got fucking big, nasty feet.
Somebody said to me recently. That I had big feet.
I just realized I was love bombed. Yes, I didn't realize that that was love bombing. Yes, what were the simples? Were so good? Like it really did because you were talking about it last episode.
It was.
You know who, and he immediately was talking about like us getting married, like our wedding, where the wedding was going to be, like flying me out to Europe for our birthday, like all this shit our birthday, hour birthday.
They have the same birthday.
It's felt good. I missed that high. I really do the high of a promise, Like I knew, I knew it was all fake.
Yeah, I don't know, but it was just like you have high hopes for a living, like literally what it's hopes. Also at that point, like it I mean because of that person, it seemed like all of that was a possibility. So in my head, oh it was a possibility because I think I was like, oh my god, he's love bombing this shit out of you. Like I think that's the first thing I said.
When you did. I was like, one day I'll go through the text, but I'm still scared of this person. Also, like really I'm actually scared of him. Thank God, he doesn't know where I live. I know where he lives.
Are you gonna go there?
I might pull up.
The thing about me is I think it's funny to show up at someone's house, and it's really not.
Like in my head, if I'm everyone, all of our friends are all always like, why don't you ever want to hang out? And I'm like, bitch, just come to my fucking house unannounced and just say we're hanging out, and I.
Will literally yeah, because like I'm like what, I'm probably inside sitting on the bed with Drew talking.
Like because we do the same. We literally do the same, Like we just like.
Show up in each other's faces. But I genuinely know.
I meant I am the kind of person to just drive by old addresses when I'm bored, and I will like sit outside, like with in Miami, without fail, I go to my childhood home we were evicted from every time I've seen that house every year since, I like all the time since I have lived there, and I every time I stop in front of it and I take pictures of it, which I don't know if that's like okay to like admit, but like they don't go anywhere they're for me.
I think that's fine, fine, but I go and I just sit.
In front of it, and I'm like, this has to be the creepiest thing I've ever done, because I can't lie. One time they had their windows open and I was peaky. I didn't go up to the window because it's in floor and I don't want to get killed. But like from the car, I was looking in because this window was a really specific window in my house and they had it the same way inside has it always been, And I want to go up to it so bad and be like, can I go in? But like, I know it's gonna piss me off.
Didn't like Janet Jackson do that or some shit.
No, Jennifer Lopez attempted to. She went and that's exactly what would happen to me, me outside of my childhood home.
Like wow, I'm still ginny from the block.
They're like, who are you? That's what they did to Jennifer and her team posted it. It was a guy who lives at her house now and she was like, I'm Jennifer and he was like, oh hey, Jennifer Lopez.
And he was like okay, oh my god, oh my god. That is mortified.
That's me, bro, that is literally what it feels like to be me. But yeah, I will like also, if I've had sex with somebody, I've like driven past people's houses like that too. I don't give a fuck. No, I've been in there, I've been taking in there. I have a right to drive by.
I was about to say literally all of the like married straight men that I've hooked up with in Texas in their garages, I always drive by to see what's happening.
Yeah, I'm just so curious.
In garages in grand Berry a lot.
I like the smell of a garage, so I could see that being a vibe.
It's a vibee. Also, I'm kind of loving talking about my uh my escapades recently. But I gosted a billionaire, oh the one you've yes, Yeah, I got to a billionaire kind and I didn't realize he was a billionaire until last week.
Is this the one that you told me about?
Drew fumbled our fucking summer. I know I fumbled summer. We could have had the greatest summer of all time we get out of We could have had the kind of summer Fitzgerald would ride about my.
Exactly like literally movie. I mean, I could still tap in. I think I think I'm like charming and charismatic enough that I could figure it out. But I just never responded to him.
The thing is as tempting as being with somebody for the financial benefits sound specifically with the man that seems so scary, because I genuinely am so lucky that very rarely am I in a room with mostly men, let alone mostly straight men and hanging out with like my other friend groups, I always end up in a room like every now and then where I look around and I'm like, oh my god, no wonder it felt weird in here. There's so many straight guys, but they're really
interesting to watch. If you if you hang out with straight guys that your friends have at died, it's really fun because it genuinely is like going to the zoo.
Ironic, my billionaire, and Kai is going to freak the fuck out that I would, that I would, ever for even half a second not respond to this.
This is crazy because he's bad.
Let me see you're by, You're bye, You're bye, hear bye. You're gonna freak out. He's bad, bad, No way, Okay, I have like a real, real bone to pick with society like it's actually it's unroonically like, been on my mind a bunch recently. Who the fuck convinced us that trisc gets were an okay food to fucking what the fuck is a trisct You know exactly what a trisc it is. It's like eating a fucking goddamn wicker basket. Like literally, I hate I hate, same with those fucking miniwheats that you got.
Okay, not too much on the mini wheats because I fuck with mini wheats. Mini wheats are good as fuck.
The cream coating saves it, but it really it it really if they're not in milk, which I only eat cereal out of milk for some reason recently, not it's not my typical, but recently I've just eat been eating handfuls of like cereal. But it tastes like I'm eating wicker baskets.
Like it's so good. But that's the things I like the texture of that. I like that.
I like that.
That's why I like Mani weats because it literally tastes sure.
It's like it's like a mouth experience of you know the hydraulic press videos where it all cut.
Yes, yes, yes, ski for once we get along, okay, Ill, that's like disgusting. Doing that is gross. Like a trisc it is nasty, but a mini weeds don't play with a mini whets many weeks.
So only the only like food we had in our house growing up was like ingredients and like a box of fucking triske its. So when I was like starving and like wanted like food really badly, I would have to go into the cupboard that was above the microwave, which I couldn't even fucking reach, and my parents would hide all like the food that they wanted to save up there, and I would have to like climb on top of the trash can to get up there to get it, and it would just like I would be
rewarded with like eating wicker baskets. I'm sorry, I don't know how to I literally don't know how to describe it other than that like triscuits are evil, I.
Mean, yeah, mini weeds are essentially like munching on a bush.
Yeah, like it really is, like it is like very hubie.
But I don't know. I'm like a texture person, and I really like I like the sensation of like eating a miniweeds and then like I literally pressed my tongue up against the roof of my mouth because I'm like, oh my god, it's literally like stacking hay in my belly, Like it's fun.
Have you guys do buy chocolate?
No? I had a bootleg from a corner store in Miami and it literally tasted like shit and the green inside was the color of Drew shirt.
I want it so bad, you know.
It was literally like the most bootleg du Bui chocolate I've ever seen.
And I was like, my dad bought, Like, do you buy chocolate from Wuhan, China? I actually haven't asked them. Mavieve beaten it yet, but it that the material, the material, the like food they put in there. Why it's like basically Philo dough, I think, but it's called something else that's called like kiefer Keffer or something like that. Oh, they're like the stringy Yeah, when they fry it up, I feel like it might have the same texture, but that all that side that.
I just like, I like, yeah, I'm a big texture eater. I feel like most of the snacks I eat.
Oh.
I tried these pretzels in Miami from What's that one company that's like the Gold Bag company, Like they're like the pretzel.
People, golds Pretzel, Yeah, gold Pretzel.
Well, they have these like Parmesan twisk Parmesan garlic twist pretzels. I have made it an active choice not to buy them since I've been back in LA because in Miami I would get a bag and get high as fuck. And it's both the flavor combo, because my favorite flavor of like a chip or anything is a garlic palm like or like not garlic palm, white palm, white cheddar like white cheddar like cheese is my vibe. And I
never really like give a fuck about garlic. But those are so good in the texture of them, like guy, seriously, like this isn't even an ad. If you get them, please somebody else, because I've been having all my friends. I had all my friends and mind me try them, and none of them got the texture like I did.
But I think I just am a texture person. But it's like the best because you get a crunch and feels like yeah, I don't give a fuck, and it literally felt like chewing plastic, like it literally you put it in your mouth and if your tongue touches it.
The coating that they have on those pretzels is so plastic, Like it is the best snack I've ever had, But I had to stop myself from getting it because I have a where I really if I really like the texture of a snack, like, I can't stop eating it because if not, I'll just like I bite my nails.
I was just ignored.
I held your fucking hand me.
Release me, Release me. I don't want you, release me.
I never had you.
I don't want you release me. I really do you want me?
Now?
No, you don't want him?
You do want him?
How easy it is for me.
Oh my god, to find someone you want me to me next?
Or yeah, obviously.
Wai kai kai Kai Kai Kai. I've been watching this podcast recently and they only have two bits hold on their podcast is I always forget the title, but it's the guy Dylan that does that. If I were a girl. Their podcast is Dylan and Colton and it's called some of This Is Bad. I have been like I've binge watched there. I don't watch any podcasts ever, but specifically theirs, and like the way they talk about the gay experience is so fucking funny. And it's been like killing me.
But they have a bit at the end of the episode where they ask all their gay or their guests, which are like sometimes game in sometimes straight men, but it's all like comics. Their bit is, if you're a gay man, which one of us would you rather have sex with? But like, which one of us would you rather have sex with if you had to and you can't cop out you have or just in general, it would be you, Drew.
Of course, y'all talk, bro, and I don't want to have sex with you, you fucking nasty herber bitch, like you're fucking gross?
What the fuck?
That was really me?
That was hurt?
Just being real. Oh, we can't be real anymore.
We can't be real anymore.
Got hurt?
Like what?
No, I I respect that because if you said me, it would have been completely inappropriate.
Anyway, So it would have been inappropriate. Even though you guys make me blur out videos of your private parts that would ride.
Oh brother, me and Drew, Okay, every few hours we do our genital checks and they're still there because they fall off.
And it's also getting free the nipple, bro, It's always been free the nipple. True. How many of those have you had? This is my third.
I wanted to try all flavors. I've had the green one, the blue one. The blue one is obviously the best. The blue one is always the best. And this one's like lemonade flavor, And I'm like, well, I fucking hate lemonade.
You don't like lemonade.
This one's the best one. I'm not even kidding. Well, you're spoke too soon, and this is so good. Holy fuck.
You know.
I like lemonade, but like sometimes like I really need to be in the mood for it.
I wrote something down just to bring up. This is like the thing that I thought of, and I don't know, maybe you guys will be interested in this. I realized that squirt is from asteroids. It's water from asteroids, right, isn't it? Because water's old, it came here a long time ago. Well, also, you know what I'm saying, Well.
All the hell are you talking about?
Bro?
I wish there was a camera on you because your body, like with dads, you were saying.
That too, is like so dead serious.
I can I can explain.
I know what he's saying. He's for real. And also squirt piss and com is also stardust. Yes, well, it's.
Also kind of how that theory of it's like every woman has DNA from like her mother, like to like an extreme level or something like that.
Like the mitochondria. Yeah, so I am my mother.
Well, all water's old, right, it just gets recycled. And there's a lot of theories like how did water get to the earth, A lot of it i'd before, Yeah rated square, Yeah, water's just cold. So square is that water from the vagina that squirted it out has been on Earth for hundreds of millions of years and it's from asteroids, it's from space.
I really I love this. I love this thought experiment right now.
That squirt isn't new water being produced.
It's recycled water. Also think about this. Every time a garo squirts, it goes into the ground water and then it's an age grows exactly.
Here's the thing though, I'm just thinking about this right now, and you drink it, you probably uh so the women listening to this, I've maybe squirted. It's there's probably the chance that that was already squirt from years ago because it got recycled, you know what I mean, Like someone squired and then it evaporated and it rained.
I really just feel like I'm not gonna say anything about this because the idea that some fucking freak out there could take anything I say and assume what my coach gets up to.
No, do you square it?
Do you square it?
Wait?
Nicksoneno, Noah, Centennial, same fucking difference.
Bro Let me see you make it worth, Let me see it.
Make it.
Oh, I've been doing this thing to India and Josiah. Good girl, they fucking hate it. Good girl, it was way better the other.
Night you have.
I don't like it. I'm gonna smack the funk out of you. Like literally, I'm not kidding. Sometimes like me and Drew need to stop sleeping together because it's getting to a point where like now we've been like we really we function like a married couple in a way that is literally too funny. Like especially when like one of us is in a mood, we literally navigate each other like a married couple. There's nowhere to go around it.
And then if like one of us is in a mood and somebody notices it, like Josie will be like like I feel like to one of us be like, oh, someone's.
Talking and it's like, just don't fucking ignorege. They don't acknowledgely We're just like, don't give him anything.
And then we've got we really are a married couple. It's amazing though, like we really it's just it was what was meant to be. Like, it's amazing, but we do need to stop sleeping in the beds same bed so much because I can feel Drew's uh, Drew's daggers on me in my sleep. I can feel like I literally like I can I can feel like into the back into my head while.
I sleep in this specific morning. Yes, every single like, I beg you. I beg you to sleep in my bed. Every night I asked you, I literally sent you. Take do you sleep in my bed tonight? Queen? I want you to sleep in my room. But this morning I was under I wanted to record and you get this a lot. I was under it, No, I really, I really was.
Under a lot of know you were you were and I do like, I genuinely I love you so much and I don't take for granted the things you do as the man of this house.
And I gfinitely this morning, you laying in bed like not because I was like she needs to help me do this shit or whatever. I was just like, she needs to get out of bed now because it takes her four hours to get ready. You got ready fast as fuck today. Congratur fucking lations clock it like you got that shit.
And when I straighten my hair, it literally cuts down my get ready time by so much because my hair is what takes the most time, because without fail, I'm not the kind of bitch to get up and like do my hair if it's curly, like if I'm wearing it curly, I always wait till I start to get ready, which rain got on me and she was like, you need to just stop doing that, and I was like, I know, but like whatever, So I straightened my hair because I knew this week was going to be a
lot and we straightened our hair together though, so it was really sweet. We had a night and like, you strained my hair and then I straightened his hair, and like, it did cause a lot of smoke in the house, but I think it was just the heat protecting that I put on the hair because it looked so good.
Oh no, it's not supposed to be smoky.
It melted.
Oh I'm sorry. Have you ever straightened your hair with your girlfriend.
No, but I just know this stuff because I'm an ally to women and gay guys.
So don't point at me when you say gay guys.
Oh my god, that's a straight really okay.
Really, the thing is, if Drew.
Showed up like this in my face when I was eighteen nineteen, I'd be like, I literally need to have sex with him. And that was just actually not actually, no, the hair is too much. But like your hair was just like any other color or actually, I don't know, like I was on some free shit, like you were really any guy who was kind of like a girl. I was like, baby, come through. I was not around. No, you were not kind of like a girl, but you
were very effeminate. Like I really liked effeminine guys. No, I'm like like all the men.
If you look at me, I'm a real mass.
Now I've come to terms where I'm like, okay, like I do just have the disease being by and like I can like like.
Stop, it's so he's just staring at me and like flirting with me.
You usually love that.
It's different with.
The theory theory scienceist real t shirt.
Theory, it's really a theory that we're like tapping into no. But this really does like make everyone like violently uncomfortable, like.
This this look on me for not to do the thing with it, the thing I hate and I'm not gonna look but.
Sound is so gross.
It makes it makes everyone like really look at me different, and I'm like.
Well, it's because you start acting fucking weird. You literally start acting weird. He was acting so weird with me and Josiah like every now and then he would just like literally get into this like extremely like he oh, he started moaning in the back seat at one point like yeah, I'm not kidding in oh, he started acting like he was touching his self, like hisself himself.
Oh my, oh god. Well, I donated all of my rent money to Kai Sinat so I can't afford to pay rent this month.
You were so, I will say, it's really nice after a long day of work to go home and spend time with him.
Do you watch Kay Sinat?
I've never I've never watched it live, but I've seen I watched TikTok.
I watched one with Josh like a live stream, but I see all his clips. He's literally like the yeah, he's literally so smart.
It's it's actually kind of insane, how like he was able to step up production, especially coming from like we've been on the internet for so long, and it really does take a certain kind of like pep in your steps and like mindset and grindset to get there.
And I just don't have it because.
Every time I get overwhelmed, I just want to put a gun.
In my mouth exactly.
I wanted to bring up a TikTok really quick. Just take a look at this. This was this is me. Wait, fuck, give me a second. Oh, this is me leaving Drew's house at three am a couple of months ago.
What does it say?
This is what it sounds like when you're on your way home and it finally hits you. That was really the laftop.
It really was the last time.
You know, when you see a TikTok, you get really emotional. You're like, that was so relatable. So that's what I want.
But you come here all the time because it's like your job to come here.
Yeah, but he doesn't stop. He doesn't use me as a human flesh light anymore.
Yeah, we stopped.
Why he hates the way because.
That's not why have you not been taking it all? I guess when I when I okay, when I straightened his hair, I will say the kind of smoke that came out. I was a bit worried it would be clued to his head. And I think it's glued to his head.
Fer me they can't take it.
I think I melted it to his head.
I really no, I really think there might be like there might be chemicals inside it. Yeah, I have ginger euphoria right now. I think there's chemicals inside of it that like actually do go to my brain and make me like like a little more loose. Like I feel like I'm on a shot right now, like.
A shot of alcohol. I'm not even kidding. If I wanted to do drugs for some reason, I think I would ask you, like if I would be like, hey, do you know anybody? Like I feel like you would know somebody.
I don't even do drugs anymore, But.
That's what I'm saying. You could figure it out.
I could. I'll figure out whatever you guys need. If you guys need something, I'll take care of it.
Get me blow.
I won't blow.
I want shrooms. I'm gonna do blow and shrooms and pop some mo. Yeah, I think we're gonna do an episode where instead of.
Just poke episode, instead of a drunk episode.
People are really so mad that I'm like the kind of person who mentions how often I smoke weed and stuff. First of all, you guys are so fucking fake. I already mentioned I have OCD. You might find that I'm a bit fucking repetitive. You goddamn freaking week two. Fine, you're tired of hearing me talk about smoking weed. Okay, I'm literally moving up in ranks.
I think I'm gonna do math exactly.
I can talk about drinking, which recently I've been drinking with other people and that's really fun.
You're drinking alone.
I used to drink alone. I can't even get on you. I used to drink alone all the time. Yeah, when I was really depressed. Oh my god, my year rest and relaxation. I literally even in a YouTube video that I saw recently, I was like talking about how I was like drinking alone, Like I was like I was actively drinking alone, like I would have vodka bottles under my dead. I've said that in the podcast before, talked about to sleep without a lot of melowtone in it
that that vodka night night. The sleep time was seven am to seven pre drink all day and then no way.
Drink all night, drink all night, sleep all day. I was out at a party with one of my friends and Anna Taylor Joy was there on a table on Ya Taylor Joy. Yeah, Anya Taylor Joy.
She speaks Spanish.
She is like.
She is literally two feet tall. She's the smallest person I've ever seen in my life. It's really cute. See she is fucking stunning, gorgeous in person, Like it really translates to I r l like obsessed with her. Two things. One did not see her not moving the entire night, like she was walking somewhere always like every she never stopped and stood to dance, to stand and talk to
her friends. She was always moving around. Two, I wanted to troll her so bad because I was in my devious lick era, Like I really wanted to Like I was like a little drunk because and like the troll comes out when I'm drunk, and I really wanted to go up to her and just like be fucking psycho. But my buddy was like, no, you can't do that, Like please don't do.
That also, Like it really is that thing where like, not only is she a girl, but you forget that you look like a straight guy. Once you come up to a girl, you would literally have to come up and be like, by hey, queen. Otherwise Drew coming up to like a random woman really does kind of seem like a threat with no like, with no word spoken. Because you are hot. Also your eyes recently, I'm not kidding, you've had like a glow and a twinkle in your eyes recently that I'm like.
There's some I'm full of life now, I know because I filled you. Thank you, Kai your turn. What do you want to say about me? Now?
You look very handsome and your skin looks amazing, and you have a perfect print. I was noticing that right now your print goes crazy.
Thank you? Kay? All right, y'all sound off in the comments. Let me know how sexy beautiful I am.
My nail tech made my nails too short.
One thing about Enya and her goddamn nails is it's going to go violently wrong every time. I don't think you've ever gotten.
Nails nail a nail tech. I like guys like sound off in the comments. The girls know what's happening, Like seriously, it's a struggle, and like, actually no, they look good, but I just wanted something.
More specific, like pacific.
Well, the girl who did my nails last time, who I talked about and she really fucked with me. Oh wait, actually I have to give you an update my nail tech because did you see the girl who was doing my toes last night? Remember on the last episode or wherever I talked about it, like the girl who hated me but did my nails really well, that was the girl, and yesterday her vibe was so different, and I do
she was sweet. She was so nice to me. She is so agro with me, but I love her, and she does a good job on my feet and my hands, but she only did my feet yesterday. She does this, She'll be doing my feet and go, I know, she was hitting the fuck out of the maps the fuck out I saw it.
Did you see me laugh out?
Like?
Yeah, it was crassy, like she smacks me the whole time. But then yesterday she was being so nice to me, and I genuinely, I'm not kidding, I don't think she recognized me from last time, because yesterday hair, I like the first time I went and I had curly hair. It was like not looking that good because I was too lazy, and it was like in a side bun and I had like a hook something.
You just hit one of my testicles with your hand. You touched my balls when you slap my leg. I'm not even kidding, and it hurt. And I was gonna let you rest, not knowing, but I needed to tell you.
I hit your knees. I didn't hit your fucking ball.
You hit one of my You hit my right balls.
It's worse than when I gave you blue balls and you screamed at me.
Don't give me a blue ball.
Drew so lucky because the blue balls goes right to his hair. Anyway, yesterday that cracked me up. I love her so much and I actually hope she's in love with me. But she gave me. First of all, she gave me a free massage. Because I didn't ask for massage. She gave me a free massage, and we weren't talking, and she was just like smiling at me and massaging
my feet my leg. But I before I went in, I had smoked, and like every time I smoke, I like rubbed my feet together and she had oiled my feet and my feet her so I was rubbing my feet together and she came by and did this, she like I was wearing my feet, just grabbed both my feet, went whoa away from me and my high ass like she did it. She was like stup and like because she had just given me a feet massage, a foot massage.
She stopped and like squeezed my feet and she was like touched my feet again and then kind of winked at me and smiled and walked away, and I laughed so hard. I felt so bad, I like literally because it was so jarring because she'd walked away and disappeared, and then I just see her come back in my preferle stare me in the eyes, touched my feet and she was like and then just walked away and I didn't see her for the rest of the time. But I'm excited to go back to her because I hope she.
Treats me like that forever, because it's a princess.
She treats me like the mom I never had, because she's like stern and aggressive and then gives me love.
Mmmm so Stockholm syndrome. So I hope she's in love with Me, I have India Stockholm syndrome.
Good, everybody should with me?
Okay, should we tap into media?
No.
Losing You by Solange, Oh, my fucking god, I've listened to that song. I think more than any song I've ever listened to.
I think that's one of the best songs of all time.
It is so fucking good. It's sorry sorry, so good. And then this one like that, it's like a big song on TikTok, but I've been listening to it and I was like, wait, this is a good song. And then I saw him like perform and I'm like, oh wait, this kid's like super talented. He's only nineteen, but it's that somber kid with a song undressed. I was like, this is really cool, like for twenty twenty five. Oh, I've seen him, yeah, and you've heard his this song. Yeah, wait, let me get to the part.
Oh.
But then he has this back to Friends song too that I liked, but I don't know I Losing You by Solange just the one, and then what's the Michael Jackson part. It's the falling in love.
Falling in Love by Michael Yeah, it's the feeling of love. It makes me cry cry.
Then I've just been watching the NBA. Rest in Peace, Jason Tatum. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that, even though you get clowned on. That's really dark sighted and I'm sorry that happened. And I am rooting for OKAC, And if you're not rooting for OKAC, you're gay.
My media of the week is Welcome to Hollywood by Beyonce, Geezer by Eris the Planet, Chanelle by Baby Sosa, Stars by Pink Panthers, Romance by Beth Gimmons and Rustin Man, and Underneath the Moon Maggie and tear Roch and buland the Heather. And then for movies, I watched Pretty Woman. I am obsessed. I am obsessed. I would like that experience right now.
But that won't happen.
I don't know what accent that is, like ever since Italy, I tried to do like an Italian accent and now it's just like turn into whatever that is. And I'm sorry, but like I'm actually gonna fucking kill myself soon.
Bye, Bhi, guys.
Sh