you guys hurt drew’s feelings

I'll be like I had to be annoying and then before get back and.

Well, on the way here, I have this cup that I stole from Orion and there was ice in it, and Drew just suddenly starts like playing with it and like mixing my fucking coffee around. I was like, it's not fondling my fucking straw. And what you said, You're like, this was my hand. I just washed my hands, like he said it like an eight years I.

Said it like a man said, I just washed my hands.

Now he goes, I just washed my hands and then like pulled his hand away and was so mad that I told him to stop touching.

You're pressed, you're pressed. Well, we just launched the noose. Oh that sucks. That sucked balls. Okay, so there's some concerns that I needed to address right off the bat. I cannot believe, genuinely that y'all thought I would get rid of the chair. I really I cannot fathom a world where she doesn't come along for the ride with us. She was there for us in the beginning and she will be there for us in the end, and I just needed to get that off.

I don't know how much many more years that chair has in her. You're you're talking as if that chair isn't disintegrating by the day.

I mean, it is a forever chemical and a forever plastic. So this will probably survive the nuke in the tornado.

Like what would you have to do to get rid of that chair? Like grind it down into smother ens.

I mean even the plastics will live, Like even even like yeah, even the blended plastic would survive. Like we're starting it.

You know, we're over the chair. We can like grind it down to powder form and we'll mix it in with some electrolytes and we'll sell it as merged.

So that's a good idea. That's literally a good idea. I was going to say, you know how with every breath you take, you like take a molecule of Jesus Christ into your lungs. Like that's basically like like there's so many molecules of oxygen on this planet of Jesus Christ, of his breath that he breathed.

So like that like a belief.

It's not like a belief, it's just like scientifically a possibility. That's basically if we grinded it down, people would be breathing the microplastics of the chair for decades and decades and decades. Okay, well, I guess that's the episode. Thanks for tuning in, everybody.

I want to apologize for being late.

No, don't, don't even bring it up because I'm going to get pissed off.

Well, I would like to apologize.

Well, you would like to lose your job if you keep mentioning.

It to me. Well, I'm a super good person. I just when I'm at fault. I want to apologize, And I also want to say why it happened. Why I was yelling at all the pas and all the team that we have now, which is like a cool.

Person, you shouldn't do that. No, that's not like a perk. You shouldn't be doing that.

That's just some Hollywood shit though.

Okay, just hold on to that button up. Should we let him go?

I think it's a problem.

What are you guys saying? I'm farther from you now so.

I can Would you mind running an aaron for like an hour?

Oh yeah, and then just like not come back ever. Don't yell at people. No, No, I don't like this joke. I don't like this joke. You're my friend and I love you. Oh okay, Tricia paidus, y'all, Tricia fucking paidus mentioned us on her podcast.

It's that podcast. Is someone wearing it and their whole wall.

And oh my god, I'm forgetting.

I know it's Drew and Enny.

Who's that were?

They shoutout emergency? It was goaded experience. It was good experience. It did hurt my feelings that she didn't know who I was because I have a massive, fucking giant ego and I figured everyone on the internet knew who I was. And it was a very humbling experience. However, she is my queen. Please don't read our dms. They're embarrassing because I just like straight up to start like if I have an infatuation with people, I just start dming them.

Yeah true, I'm like, that's my future man.

You can't do no, that is my future man. And it's gonna like he's gonna look back on it and be like, oh, like this is so cute, Like I can't believe this. He's gonna be like, oh.

My god, it's gonna be like every corny hgtv as movie where they like find out the person they're in love with is a stalker. Do you know what I'm talking about? There's like one really everybody.

Named Josh O'Connor has ears on them. They got some good ass fucking ears because this other Josh O'Connor, what's his instagram?

I think it's like Josh takes pictures some shit.

See, we got to change that, like we'll tapen. Well, yeah, we gotta change that. We got to.

Well, for me, it was actually a very grounding experience that Tricia didn't know who we were, because I hate to think that I'm being perceived by like any like possible peers. So when they don't know who I am, I'm like, oh my god, Okay, I'm not being seen by them, Like that doesn't matter. Also, it was so funny.

But yeah, there's so many different ways to describe us, and Tricia got a great version of that from him, So shout out Tricia Padus. The ceiling falling was real, unfortunately, and it has not been fixed yet. Their exposed pipes and why in the kitchen and.

When Drew makes me mad, I just take a water and I shoot at the wire so it sparks on top of him.

Exposed. We do have literally an exposed wire in our backyard, like right next to where you park your car or right next to where you park your car, and I get out of your car every time, and it almost electrocutes me. And I think we should get that fixed. But yeah, that's the sea. That's the fucking sea, y'all, that's the fucking tea. There you go, Jesus fucking cries. Oh my god. It's just like I'm just freaking the fuck out right now, Like I can't. We we just got to figure it out, you know.

Wait, figure out everybody everybody's everything. I always watch parents pack their kids lunch, and in my head when I'm seeing what they're packing, I'm like, oh my god, your kid is gonna be fucking famish because you're giving it like orange peels and like a sandwich and all this like random little like kid snack shit. And then last night, for the first time ever, a slot slided into my

Shrink flation. Oh wait, shrink flation y'all. Y'all seen the subway shit. It's crazy, y'all. I mean, like, we all know five dollars foot longs now, it's like fucking thirteen dollars ten inch sandwiches and it's just not chill.

I will say a foot long is a bit unnecessary anyway.

I mean, honestly, it is. It's really hard to deal with, but it's a really difficult thing to live with and like a lot of to eat. Yeah and that.

Yeah, how often are you eating a foot long?

No? No, I'm not eating.

The fuck you're serving a foot long?

Yeah? Okay, So speaking of foot long sandwiches, I asked Anya this the other day, and I was like, actually, we need to shut the fuck up, because we need to talk about this on the podcast. And I'm very curious if this was an experience in either of y'all's lives. But I saw a TikTok that people didn't relate to and I related to extensively. And I related so much that I sent it to Madeline and she was like, oh,

Kids, thinking not feeding them as fun. I'm like, ooh, how fun would it be if you went ate like raw sugar.

No, it was like raw pasta, chocolate chips, and like sometimes beef stroking off.

What is beef stroging off?

Hamburger Helper? Beef stroging off?

I fucking hate Hamburger Helper. I hate that ship.

That ship, but was that.

Hamburger Helper?

And also we would drink Modellos a lot, but no, it was like juice. It was like very high.

They water it down.

No, it was just like straight up beer. But like it was good carbs when you were.

Drinking as a child, That's what I'm saying.

It wasn't like a child that was like eight.

That's that's like as child of a child, you can get well when you have to fin for yourself for dinner.

You have to grow out fast.

So your parents weren't feeding you dinner and giving you beer.

We were smoking cigarettes. We were changed smoking.

We know, we were boxing the bathroom with battling with cigarettes and.

Like eight, we were bad as fuck. We would do ship like that. Like my older brothers and siblings, they would smoke Cheetos like cheato puffs. They would like chief on Cheeto puffs and then like my dad caught them one time and made them run around the block, which was like a mile like until they threw up and they never smoked another cheeto again. But there's like different consistencies, like a cheetoh puff like hits better than like a regular cheeto, or like.

You kids would smoke Smarties. Do you remember that? Oh yeah, I was smarty and then like let it out a little so it looked like you were smoking it. Bitch. We were born as fuck before we had iPhones in class, like we were doing whatever the fuck passed.

I was smoking Smarties in class.

Yeah, the one hundred percent. I never smoked a smarty at.

Home, dude. It was crazy, Like it's like.

Drinking with friends versus drinking alone out Uh yeah.

O Kai does that, but I should try it.

It's awesome.

It really stopped. It stops the crying. It stops the crying and the shakes. No, Like one time since we were talking about smoking Smarties in class, like I did like a crazy bond grip in the back of class and my teacher like got livid at me. She got so fucking bad, and I was like, stop being a bitch, bro, Like this is like super I hate.

That person and I believe that I was like, what you didn't get expelled?

Wait, but but did y'all have finn for yourself dinner?

No?

I never had that.

I did. Actually, Okay, actually it might be a white thing, like genuinely.

It is a white thing.

Will light would.

The caucasiity of it all? No?

Literally, Well, I remember what I My go to meal was like a burrito made out of sugar and butter.

M a butter sugar roll up.

Yeah, a butter sugar roll and you put cinnamon in it. And I was like, oh, this is dinner.

I guess it was so good. And then also, did your mom ever make a cinnamon sugar toast where it was just cinnamon sugar on some white like wonderbread cut into a triangle, popped into the oven with some butter, and it like crisps up and it becomes like so fucking.

That actually does sound really yummy? Well I would.

I think my mom made it for you one time because I was like, I was like, you have to try it.

It is yummy. I will. I used to take refried beans and eat them on toast and it's really good. Don't knock it till you try.

It's really Actually, do I have the refried bean trauma, like actual trauma of refrac.

I've had that good shit now.

I know. No, it was like, well, I like refried beans now, but like growing up, it was like nine out of ten meals were fucking canned beans, refried beans, like wrapped in a tortilla. Actually, that is unfair to my parents. My parents were good parents. They cooked, they would it out, they did their thing. But the refried bean.

Burritos ten plus years, they can't be prosecuted for.

I know, I know, their crimes against humanity.

Yeah, well I didn't have that because my parents made sure I ate, and I've always been eating sis.

Sure we can tell.

We know, No, I didn't. But I feel like there was an era when like the lights were going out and the recession really hit hard that I was eating a lot of cup noodles. But even then, like my dad would like spruce up our cup noodles and put like onions and cilantro and like veggies in it and like make it into a soup.

Am I giving jawline? Right now?

You're eating John dis On.

Ironically, you guys both look good as fuck. Thank you, seriously, Kai you do too. I'm shrouded in darkness. You can't even see no lighting on.

You looks good, really low inking.

Oh my god, wait, look at me, because your eyes are shining bright, like are they It looks like you've been iPhone is doing the thing where it looks like shit, would I take the picture?

That's just Kauy's aura.

You guys are gas that you mean?

No, you look cute? Also, Oh well.

I look way better than I thought. What the hell?

Okay, me and you, I've been thinking and it feels like our life is yeah, pointless exactly. It feels like everything is happening so fast and we don't have a moment to just like savor it and just sit and like be proud of our accomplishments. And I really feel like the reason why we been feeling this way is because we have not been going to sex shops to hang out. Like I'm not even kidding, Like.

That's where you get to be real, Like, that's where you get to be you.

Get to laugh, you get to have fun, Like we will laugh about it even like, well.

I wanted to bring a baby bong to the sex shop. Oh you don't know baby bong unless you saw me post it. Wait, I'll show you baby bong. Oh I missed him already. I forgot to bring him. He's at home.

We like picked this thing up and then like, literally, what shifted? That's a real shifted everything?

Is it? Baby Yoda?

Yeah?

It's baby Yoda with a bong in his belly and I love Disney's gonna come after us and take us down. Well, no, he has to go to the We were asking. We were like who made this? Like the guy who runs a sex shop or the smoke shop. We were like who made this? Like where did you get this? And he was like, I don't know. The wholesalers just sell me stuff like that and they tell me it's gonna sell, so I buy it. And then he was like, apparently they're fucking like a wholesaler for smoke shoping.

Oh oh, oh my god.

They're selling holes. Is that what you were going to say?

That was the joke?

Yep, Oh my god, I was gonna dap you up, Zach.

Did you hear that? Moan?

I heard it? Did you get Yeah? But I feel like it because we haven't been going to sex shops is often something has shifted and we need to like rein in the evil and just like tap back in and go hang out.

It is so fun, Like you got to just like browse around and it's like it's fun windows shopping with your friends. It's really fun to just look around.

I don't give up like sex is funny. It's no, it's the funniest thing ever.

Like every time we're in there, we're like giggling. I feel like some people look at us and they're like so disrespectful by my girl. It's not that fucking deep. Like we're in Amazon Dot Calm the store right now, Like it's literally not that deep. Also, it's so funny. Everything in there is plastic. Like we don't talk enough about how many sex toys are going to be left open.

Oh my god, they're going to be a red I'm always like, oh, like what is like like in a thousand years, like what's going to survive and outlive us? And it's gonna be those fucking like rose toys like dead ass.

They have to make dildos out of those straws that are made out of like bamboo, they do, they should, but.

Maybe like a bamboo toothbrush, but it's a dildo.

Yeah, Like no, nope, no, horribly. You're not listening with your parents in the room because we just got serious.

And it just got so it should we go to one today?

I think so we should go key at one later today. But that brings me to my next topic. Oh fuck, what was it? It was so good. It was such a good transition. Bro, Oh my fucking god. Oh it's actually a horrible transition and it means nothing to me.

What even happened? Next? Do they follow up? I feel like they would have called them back.

Probably, but it wasn't like nine to one one. It was giving like the front desk worker.

Nobody noticed. Drew just flipped me off for no reason.

Well you heard it. You think hard enough about the things you've done, you probably deserve it. Well, I saw this video that was making me cry, fucking laugh. Okay, I can't show you, So you're just got to use your ears. Presidency announcement gone wrong. You got a surprise for You're gonna open you have a president? Okay, bitch, who the fuck is calling me? Scam as number? Open?

It is a present because we love you so much. Let me say I don't want to be a sister. Open the rest of it again.

So whatever. She just goes on to be like I don't want to be a sister, and she just starts crying because she's like, you guys aren't gonna love me anymore? Why not?

Lan?

Yes, I do the same.

I don't.

No, boy, I said I wanted a baby, glad. I've never seen a child become so existential so fast.

Heppens in that moment she woke up.

In that moment, she like entered adult reality within like the span of three minutes of hearing that news, And then it had me thinking of, like, what is she watching that? The like very obvious love distinct distinction between like an older sibling and a younger sibling is so evident that that's like a fear of hers that's now being unlocked, and she's like so fearful of it, but she just goes on to talk about it. She's like,

Now it's awesome, but I was the baby, so you got more love I was. I was like taken care of and I was the boy baby of a twin set. Yeah, and that's tap, Yeah, you know that though you know that, though, No, I feel like my parents loved Madeline more than me, and that's why I like would fake like I was gonna kill myself several times. H Never forget the pill story, y'all.

Well, I was that litle child for a long time, growing up until I was like twelve.

Being a middle child is probably so beat.

Yeah, it was bunk as fuck. I was hella annoying, and no one fucked with me. So that's probably why I'm here.

But I feel like I don't know what's worse being a middle child of like a smaller family or being the babies of like a big family.

Well, in my head, being the baby of a big family is lit because your older siblings will take care of you. But also though, like bother the fuck out of you, because once my younger siblings were like brought to this earth, and in my eye, I was a

My brothers would pin my arms down and then turkey tap my chest for like five minutes into and it would be the most painful thing I've ever experienced. They would just like do that over and over and over again, and then they would like pinch this part of my leg all the time. Yeah, it was brutal out there. They would also shoot me with airsoft gun and my older brother had Ninja stars and he would act like he was gonna throw them at me and shiit like we were cooked.

Well.

When Natalie would get on my bed, I would take her off with my feet. Really, I would literally I think I had an old boy.

Did you spit in her bed or some shit?

No, that was to my sister, who's like three years apart from me. I got tired of beating her as when we would get into physical fights, and I felt like that was unfair. So instead of physically fighting her, I just started spitting all.

Around logical warfare.

I started spitting on her bed. Man. I would get home from school to my outdoor clothes and roll around in her bed after sweating in the Miami heat. But yeah, I have like.

Miami Heat basketball team. You love basketball? Should we talk about basketball? My Mavericks one they beat the Thunders?

All right?

Buye.

Men do the same thing with basketball that they do to their pregnant significant others, where they're like, we're having a baby, wee wee wee wee wee, and they're not doing any fucking work. And that's how men talk about basketball. I was like, Oh, we're going to the finals. Oh we won.

Oh I bought I bought jerseys and supported the team. I paid their salaries. I bought movies or I bought tickets to the games. I bought hot dogs at the stands. Like, I support it. I'm a part of this team. It's a community that we built. Yeah, it's real as fuck. Y'all ever heard of urinal k cuffing? What urinal k cuffing? Urinal there's jancom is where you take your waist, your ship and your piss and you put it in a bag and fermented in the sun and then you huffed huffed.

Ye I was in high school.

Yeah, Kail like cooked, I was.

I was the Heisenberg of jencom.

It gives you, it gives you, like hallucinogenic its because it's pissing me off. It's real. But urinal Okay, cuffing is like people grab the urinal cakes out of like the urinals in bathrooms and crush it up and sniff it. That is so what does it?

Do You get high? You bring through?

Yeah, you get high?

Do you actually like or are people just like kind of kinky.

Nasty monsters there? It's like hitting the jackpot if you find an unused one. So, like the urine has nothing to do with it.

But why don't they just buy urinal cakes online?

I don't you just buy drugs? Okay?

Literally just smoke weed.

I had a guest idea for the podcast the hat man that you see when you do Benadryl. Oh Babba Duke, Yeah, the Babba Duke. But you know what I'm talking about, the bendl.

Yeah yeah, yeah, when you see spiders and they're calling over you.

Yet I don't think I've ever even taken menadryl.

You have, but you haven't taken enough to break through.

But there's like that specific guy when you when you get high on Benadryl who wears a hat and stands in the corner of your room and watches you. Yeah, I feel like he'd be a good guest.

He would, well Drew, that's Drew when he wears his hat. Actually, somebody recently told me that they had a scary dream and Drew wasn't it And Drew had a straight bob and headphones in and like this is somebody who like we haven't seen in a long time, and that Drew just kept being like and like saying all their business to them, and like knew everything about this person's life.

Yeah, I mean that's just like me in reality. I have I have little plants that collect information for me, and I know everything y'all say, and I know everything y'all do because it all gets back to me because I have people. I have people out there, But you wouldn't know that I would know because I keep that information in myself. Later, Yeah, Josiah's my boyfriend. Just say it is my boyfriend.

I don't know why that sentence alone makes he laugh so hard. I think it's just because we'll be standing around the house and Drew will walk by me like just as my boyfriend and then go back to his room. And that's like the only words I've heard from him in like.

Thirty hours, like thirty hours. I've also seen like way too many dicks on my TikTok feed. Has that been a thing for anybody else?

Penises?

Yeah, like straight up dongs like it got banned.

I got banned a guy on live who is like recording himself and just like panning down and grabbing his fucking nasty wiener.

Yeah, it was. It's crazy. I haven't do that. That's the thing. It got fucking banned. We got banned in America, and the moderator said, all right, fuck y'all, Like.

Oh, that's all you've been down recently, that's all you've been depressed.

Probably, Wait that makes me much.

Well, you can't even say kill yourself, but you can put your cock on the live.

Yeah, I think it might be. It's it's pretty it's pretty insane. And there's like decided TikTok called leak talk where they like just post pictures of their wieners.

What Yeah, wait, how do you know I've never seen that?

Yeah, I didn't know about any of this. True.

I think the algorithm I'm just making all of it up. Yeah, no, no, stop it.

That's the video of Michael Jackson, Like no, stop. Well do you think when you get really old, every night you go to sleep, you're scared you won't wake up? Because that was scaring me. Yes, like that is terrifying. Like imagine being like seventy.

Eight, I go to sleep every night praying I don't wake up.

Already already? What does that mean to say already? After that?

They got already?

Oh oh I got yeah, okay, I've been going to sleep and then I'll stop breathing. And I'm convinced if it, if I didn't catch it, I would have died. Do you do you guys know what I'm talking about.

That really happened. Yeah yeah, actually yeah yeah yeah, Okay, you're just hitting that.

Wait, I'm twenty nine, I'm in my twenties.

No you hear that? Like me the point like zero zero zero eight two.

Percent holding on like white knuckling, you're the oldest twenty year old alive.

There will be a second where you are the oldest twenty year old. But that happened to me the other night. Like I was like laying down and I just like like I choked and like woke up really quick, and I was like freaking the fuck out, like it was actually scary.

Didn't happen to me. But I do hit my puff bar so many times before I go to bed that I always wake up with almost a sore throat. And then I wake up and I'm like, I need to stop fucking smoking, Like I need to stop. And then I wake up and I'm like, fuck, I know my lungs don't hurt though, because I can run.

True.

The second I get on a treadmill and I can't run, I still won't stop. I simply will walk.

The streets killed me. The fucking streets.

Killed Wait who did we say, grew up into that Josiah?

No, no, no, no, that's Josiah.

In two weeks Jojo Sewa drunk at Disney World.

Oh see, I don't give a fuck. I do not give a fuck. I like Jojo Siwa. There I said it. Boom.

Yeah. We saw the video of her like in her kitchen dancing around and I was like, oh, she's.

Did you see the one with Mario Lopez.

Yeah, that shit's great and everybody's silent around her.

Is she the tallest like person on the planet. Why does she look like so like? Or is Mario Lopez just a smaller round?

I feel like he might be small, but she does look like six or eleven in that video.

Yeah, she seems like she'd be really fucking tall.

Yeah.

Also, the fact that she's just now turning twenty one is like, actually scary. But I've decided that the only way I could keep track of time is there are a certain amount of like pregnant, and you're looking at that.

I was just looking back at my Facebook because that was just like I just opened my phone to Facebook for some reason, and I haven't posted on there since twenty eighteen. And I went on this like psycho like two week span where I was trolling the fuck out of all of my locals, and I posted this pick as a selfie, like I was like, guys, I feel good today, Like this is a vibe. And then my next post after that was this pic. No, it's a broken crown, still colors with crazy emojis, And then I

I feel like this is before trolling was worldwide, and like before TikTok blew up, So people from your hometown definitely were.

Like, oh, oh, he lost it because then I also said, so happy to be back on the bike. It's been a while. I posted this, and then I moved on. And then I posted a picture got to fly the plane the other day. It was awesome, and I photosed off Cloud into the background. Dude, I had it.

I like distinctly remember sitting in bed with you while you were editing that.

Yeah, it was it was a process. And then I posted my air my mullet slash air pod three sixty or not mullet my what is that? Bowl cut three sixty? And now if you look up Drew Phillips bowl cut or something like that, if you look up bowl cut or shitty haircut that had those pictures come up, like if you look up, like terrible haircut, like the three sixty of me comes up. And then on Thanksgiving it posted this just cooked up, ummmm, And then I posted a picture with Kylie Jenner.

Did anybody believe that? Like?

What were they called?

Yeah?

So many people believe that Kylie invited me over for dinner the other night. Travis was so funny and Stormy was a little sweetheart. Haha. I'm living in a movie I can't say who commented and believed it, but yeah, that was my most recent post I on Facebook. So yeah, I went on like a crazy troll binge. But then I think about it, and I'm like, that is like the most selfish thing I can do is be a troll, because like it's only good for me, Like I'm the only person that gets a laugh out of it.

No, because people are laughing at you.

True, true, who are laughing at you?

That is true because like if there are people who believe that you are actually going insane for the most part, people are probably cracking up in airplaying that and being like, Okay, y'all need.

To see what you're I didn't get reached out to once during that era, and that was like six months of posting when I was just like tweaking the fuck out on Facebook, like literally like going batshit crazy like and no one said it. I mean, but in all honesty, like it was a little real, like that was like kind of coming from a real place. If you think about it. The dirt bike photo is not no, no, no, I'm not saying like what I was doing, but like even like me trolling vibes like.

You wanted someone to reach out.

Exactly, like it was coming from a real plan, and I.

Was busy ignoring you. No, literally, I had shits going on myself, so I was too busy sleeping from seven am to five pm and then taking malotonin soon after I woke up, so I was tapped in. I was busy as fuck. I like miss that though. That sounds like kind of fun to just like drug myself to sleep all the time and stuff.

Yeah, oh it's not chill, sounds like comforting. Yeah, it's awkward as fuck.

I was thinking about because I feel like when Nathan for You came out, that was like the first time that it became like a very mainstream concept to like fuck with people as that's not like the first time, but like I feel like that's like the first like big cultural moment where people were like, oh, this is a thing. And I got kind of sad recently because I feel like that is that form of comedy or whatever is now like the default form of comedy on

That's way funnier than for you.

Actually it's scary to think about though. Is like to us, we I always forget what a bubble we live in because even on those things, it's like you could see a video like that was a million likes, but that doesn't even go to touch even like a small percentage of the US. Because every time I see a video of somebody getting t told, I'm like, how did they not think for a second that they were being like, okay, there's an iPhone in my presence, I'm definitely about to

Fork into it.

But I also think it's like a shame thing. It's like nobody wants to be like leave me alone on camera because they don't want to see what a sore loser, so they just like themselves.

I'm talking to my friend about how like Chipotle workers in a should have should be paid more, just as like a like thirty percent more just to deal with like the emotional toll of like an annoying white guy like every week going in and like holding his phone like this in front of like the thing and being like can you add more more?

Don't be shy. I put some more. Please, don't be shy. Don't be shy. I put some more.

Please, put some more.

Please, don't be shy.

Put some more. Please. You know why I did that?

Umm, And you'll say it and not remember.

I don't know if you know he's talking about Kay have the stupid video of me saying that.

I remember nineteen and James Charles saying.

That girl, I know that girl, bitch, the girl that is like.

A prolific I feel like that's like TikTok canon.

No, it was like right at the genesis of TikTok, like hitting the mainstream.

I think that was like one of the first videos I posted. Also, But I did that because I was at a poke shop and this lady was doing that to the employee. Like she kept being like, don't be shy, I come on, like what are you doing? Why are you playing with me? To the worker, and like the worker was around my age and me and him just kept like he just kept like doing her ball and looking over at me, and she was like, what, I'm right here, I'm right here. She was being so scary,

Oh yeah, but you're pretty.

That doesn't help. It actually makes it worse, like being pretty as hard.

I fully fucking agree. Thank you. Someone fucking said it. All right, y'all. Since then you brought it up, I'll talk about it being as Gorgeana Grande as I am, as her most her most as I am like wapple Gordo Grande, like all of it.

You said, Gorgo, that's not like handsome.

You said you have a fat wop.

Yeah gaa wapa is like sexy, it's like guacamole. No, I it is just really difficult existing. I mean I've said it several times, like as the beauty standard, because like people almost expect things out of you. Like I'm actually almost crying like thinking about it, Like I'm dead serious, Like people like look at you and want you to be what you want them to be in you.

No, I get it. It's like you're so sexy, people expect your personality to be perfect. But really what nobody thinks about is because you are so hot, you're like one of the worst people on the planet. Like people always look at you and they're like, oh my god, he's so sexy. He must be the best person ever. But then they get to know him and they're like, you were evil and something about you is so awful.

And actually you're not going to be around you because this is just.

You get it right, I mean me and Ki couldn't relate to that because nobody like thinking, nobody.

I was friends to be super honest with you.

No, no, no, I'm going to kill myself and write, yeah, my note. That's fine, y'all are gonna be the reason. That's how you want to deal with this. Uh no, actually I'm burning the house down.

Then, don't please damn. I did not play when it comes.

I do not don't play with me.

No, no, no.

You were like, oh, I don't funk around with that. Like I can't remember what it was. It was something so stupid, like we were playing a game or something, and Drew was like, because I don't funk around with like fucking this up or something, and it was the dumbest thing ever. I wish I remember what it was because I was like, I've never heard somebody so seriously be like it might have been on the Patreon episode. You were like because I don't funk around.

I don't fucking play y'all.

I do not get really serious about something will always be super funny, like.

It's never that never. But something to actually be serious about is being as gordon gorgeous as.

You're so gordonous. I think subconsciously you were thinking about how gordonous, but you're being fatigue, oh.

Bitch, Oh my god, and I forgot about the sandwiches.

Like, don't be fatsis, you should have a sandwich because your boredoi.

Is exactly exact inside the chim, inside the chim sychconsciously.

Trying to do the lingo thing for me that's inside the chick. And when somebody's being like a little mistakes.

I bet y'all feel so left out right now, Like these are all of our insides.

Don't all of those come from Josiah?

Most of them? Most of them.

The chim is just you fucking up while you were speaking.

Yeah, I like have like audible typos like ninety percent of the time I'm speaking.

And he gets so mad when you repeat them.

Because I'm like, girl, like you knew what the fuck I was trying to say, Like, oh my god, you can't.

Make a like mishap in your vocabulary around because it repeat it. You're like, oh, what is that?

What is that?

Back to me being the beauty standard, bitch? It is. It's a hard fucking life out here. It is a hard fucking life. It's Oh, should I do my stand up? Because I've been writing stand up? I have like a type probably three minutes that I did at a show, bracing herself physically. No, it's actually good. It's actually good. She's taking a breath to laugh. Okay, this is how I open this it. Are you all all right?

Yeah?

No, you're all all left? Okay, water be like let me be clear, you know, like the Obama rulers be like, let me get one thing straight. So do I I be like that. I'd be like that too. Hogging dass ice cream? Be like, get in my stomach?

What what was that? I thought it was?

Okay, No, no yet, Hogging das more like hogging all dos ice cream.

Okay.

People are so crazy? Okay, yeah, yeah, that's where heats up. People are so crazy. Wait, hold on, people are so crazy nowadays they will pee in a bottle and put it under their bed. What am I the only one who does that? Wait, so how do cameras work. I'm actually confused because every time Enya and Kai step in front of it, it breaks. That's why we keep them off camera, everybody, because the cameras break thousands of dollars in damage. My rugs in the living room have started

Imagine Drew doing this on kill Tony. Maybe that's all fucks Drew and KINI jokes on kill Tony.

I cooked, y'all, Yeah you did? I mean it makes what's your favorite part?

Uh?

You doing a two hoggin'dalls jokes in a round?

Yeah? See y'all think y'all think y'all got me? Why I see? I keep seeing that in the reflection. I'm so curious what it is?

What you are crazy? First?

No, see what the fuck?

Like the thing is?

See what the fuck? Also? Wait, last night Ryan came over and Drew was sitting with us for like three minutes, and then me and r I started talking and he left and then he came back with a question about himself, Like he literally left his room, and I was like, where do you go and he's like, I'm painting and I was like, oh damn, he doesn't want to hang out with us. And then me and Ran were like, oh, what characters from Sex and the City are we? And

Yeah? Because I need to know. Sorry, I was like baby child, and I didn't get all the fucking attention. I got that y'all got no, but y'all liking this stand up? How I set y'all up where y'all are like, oh, I got him? Like what the fuck does hogging dots be on my stomach be?

Like?

And then I come back and my hoging more like hogging all doss ice cream? Okay, well, I fucking ate.

Well, I'm going on a strike against going to Drew's room at night because his bed sheets started to smell like all.

His food and your room smells like cat piss. Okay, wow, that was and.

That's just my piss.

That is just no, y'all. It's it's a fucking vibe, Like y'all don't get it, like bed food hits differently past eleven.

PM, Like I haven't been to buffeted drew in like a few days.

Actually you haven't. And I was really sad last night because you know, the snacks I bought three days ago that we've just kind of been like cheaping on for the past three days. Wait, y'all, sour gushers so good, Please send us sour gus Actually, no, sour gushers are fucking gross, Like they're actually so nasty. Do not go fucking buy them.

I'm yeah, actually know because if I go to the store and they're not there, I'm actually gonna freak the fun.

I'm gonna have a conniption fit. I feel like they're the best.

We're gonna sell out sour gus we can and really.

Get some fucking person who's gonna make a TikTok on them, and they're going to be fucking sold.

People have self respect and they're like, I don't need to put that in my body.

No, but sour gushers, y'all, they fucking cooked. But I accidentally threw away like six of them last night, and I was gonna eat them.

Those are a hot commodity in the house.

I know, they're very rare, They're very you guys still have that sour fruit stuff fruit ryot right, Yeah, that I like so much Kai, y'all, this is like the craziest thing Kai has ever done. Like never in Kay's life has he been like I just I'm gonna come over and chill and we're like, yeah, come over. Kai came over and chilled for five minutes and then was like so like what about like do you have any more of that like sour fruit stuff?

And we were like, that's why he wants to come over and he comes over.

To eat my fucking fruit riot. That's not why.

That's not the whole reason. Is it a big part of why? Yes, honestly fair, But the other part is just enjoying life with you guys and spending time with you guys. Do I want to get that sweet sour pineapple in my fucking gut?

Yeah? Yes. I literally finally broke Kaya's katosis, though it's been like a very big goal of mine.

It broke it. Yeah, it broke it, but I'm sucking it was worth it. I'm back.

But your jaw is like so snatched really, like you're giving like jowls or not jowls jowls? No, No, no, guy, that didn't mean that giving gone jowls.

I'm going to be an ugly old bitch.

Like I'm really going to be, and I need to clear. Yeah, no, he can cook. We just see it in the healing process. Yea, I know, like give it a few exactly no times saying you give like gaunt, like you don't have any bugle fat, Like it's a vibe I'm giving gaunt. Yeah, get bugle fat removal.

Yes, Oh, I gotta take some of this cake and put it in my face, or do a reverse take the cake from my ass and put it in my face. Take the cake from my ass.

Small asses are going to be back in very soon, all of you little ass bitches out there, just like your day is.

Also, I'm tired of I'm tired of my bubble butt erasure that you guys are always.

No pick that up.

Stop playing with me. Oh wow, that was.

Actually mynder though, Like I keep hearing the grinder like people are like talking about it all the time.

No, I mean I never mentioned that to you. What is that you tell us? Oh, you must be the grinder expert. I've actually never downloaded.

Grinderly, I'm actually like so confused.

Give me your phone us end in the episode all by wing gum and destroying. But what is Grinder actually and what is Sniffy's And what's the difference between both of those and which one's better?

I genuinely don't.

We've talked about this.

I don't know who doesn't know I Grinder, So don't funk with us.

No, we literally do. We were like a podcast.

Social media like managers and is literally a Grinder.

Yeah. We we were like voted as like the first year we were doing the podcast, we were like second runner up in voting for best gay Podcast. I was like, bitch, fuck y'all, Like that is literally not meet I'm gonna start releasing I.

Still have my proof of diagnosis by my doctors of being straight. So oh nice, you know that you could test for that.

Now I gotta go in. I gotta test. I gotta get No, you literally do get an updated registration.

I actually do.

They ask for all your symptoms. It's like when you get tested for ADHD. They give you a little test and they ask your symptoms and stuff.

Yeah, did I tell you all about I don't think I told them about how I almost got his beestis like I probably do have a beestis in my lungs.

Why do you think that I don't know that. You always think you got bitch. I can tell you what you have in your lungs, but you're not gonna like it.

Don't do it.

Let's come, you have.

Come in your lungs? How was that even possible? You should hit me to get the anger out or the frustration? You should hit me? I'm over here, Go ahead, what bitch?

I don't have shit else to say to you. I already said what I had to say. You want me to repeat it?

Oh my god, you're actually fighting? This is crazy.

I don't give a fuck.

Is it over? As the podcast? Over?

Hit me?

Oh?

Me and Drew haven't fought in a while. What's the last time we fought? Don't fucking play with me, bitch?

Guys, No, I got a toy? I found out.

Whoa you got toy? It was a plan about their sex shop. Like we all do need to go to a live screening of.

SNL and be like, oh yeah, going to s n L and like like super late, like once all the laughter tapers off, Haven't.

I got the CSI toy? Growing up?

Wait?

I think you have spoken about this, not on the pod?

Though mm hmm.

But I got a CSI kid growing up, and it was a really fun toy. It was like my favorite toy and I was very precious with it. I would not let anybody else touch it. It was like my favorite fucking toy. And I literally used it every day for like six months, me about my.

Wing bot, my favorite fucking toys every day for six months.

Girls should not the plastics be up on that whole Girls should not pleasure. That's what I'm here for. I should be your wing bot.

You are when it dies, when I lose the charger.

Oh, let me hear so I bought this, YESI toy. Why are y'all laughing at me? Like, let me finish this goddamn story.

Dude, you're funny and sexy? Continue?

How much was it continue?

After that?

Because actually, that is a fucking problem. No, Why haven't we I can't finish a fucking no, no, no, I can't finish a fucking story without being objectified. And that's the problem with being beautiful. That is the difficulty with being beautiful, because.

Beautiful, beautiful. I hadn't been objectified enough lately. Like we need to talk about that, Like.

That's that.

Doesn't say it might be on.

My part, like I'm not doing a good You want to be objectified and we want to be perved on like we need actally, Yeah, I want.

To be objectified, but like not by men like ill, but girls just like girls aren't as pervy. But I can respect that.

Mm hm.

But about this c SI toy use it all the time, and then it came out like years later, Like I mean, I use it every day, and my favorite part was doing the fingerprint, like you put your fingerprint on something and dust it off. Well it turns out that like basically the fucking fingerprint dust was straight up as bestos and I would just like dust it off and breathe it in for And I did that like every day for like six months. So y'all, y'all know what monthing is?

What is that?

It's me and Kai. We go and do it all the weekends, all the week when when me and Kai go out just nowhere fucking months and and Kai was the one that introduced me to it, which is I think.

I don't even know what he's talking about. I'm sweating and now you now does it mean? Please tell me what is that?

I'm not I'm not gonna be the one that fucking says it because Kai is the one that put me on.

What did I do? Let me look this ship up.

The last thing in my safari was something I want to get for Drew by the way, just to like let everybody know I'm a good friend. Find it up, pus corpse.

You're saying, we find a decomposed you.

Don't have to finish that. I have to finish that. But yeah, we do that all the time.

Why is there a word for that?

How many people did the juice?

No?

No, no, munt maxing. We've been munt maxing. Oh.

I saw this kid who was like pheromone maxing. Like I ended up on a really weird I ended up on like Drew side of TikTok last night where it was like the scariest people ever and I didn't know what was happening. Like it started on like eternity necklaces, which is like a king thing. Like oh, it's like somebody is like it's like a sub and dom like situation.

We do genuinely need to bring back Bandai culture. But that's all I'll say.

Panic culture.

There are none oh like for like, no.

No, anyway, and then I found that, and then I went on a deep dive of that, and I couldn't believe it because there's like a specific kind of person who posts about that and I just won't get into the details, but it's very specific genre. No. I met the eternity eternity necklace very specific. Y'all should hit up your family be like, oh, anybody know like eternity necklaces because that's like kind of the vibe. It's white people.

What eternity maxing is.

No, not eternity maxing, You're just adding maxing. Eternity necklace is like a collar, like a forever collar that like somebody wears if they're in like oh yeah, it's like yeah. And that was freaking me out because I was like, I can't believe people like come on the internet and say see he knows. But then I found this kid who was pheromone max in question Mark, and it just meant he wasn't fucking showering and it was his like mom being like, please shower please, please, and then he

Like a bucket bash.

No, they gave him a bucket bath, like they fortunately like washed him. And that's just really gross and I'm really scared.

Is there any validity to that though?

No?

None? Yeah, Okay, I'm just wondering because sometimes I'll be like, I'm always learning about women. I'm always hand blown away by women. I'm always being impressed by like what, I don't know the multitudes of the female whatever, and I'm so I'm just asking questions. I'm just asking.

No, it's not thing, bitch, you could smell pheromones immediately, and some of y'all bitches fucking stink God didn't give you the good pheromones. Get the fuck away from me, nasty fucking monster. Eh. I hate. I can't stand a bitch with nasty pheromones. That shit pisses me off.

One time, Drew said something really insightful and he said, sometimes.

One time, you mean like a million, no, a ton of.

Times, just with a specific time you said, and I'll never forget this. I'm actually getting chills just thinking about this. But you said, sometimes the prettiest people do the ugliest things, and I was like, wow, what the fuck? And the way that he had me screaming and.

This and this.

The truth will set you free. The truth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off.

Incredible.

What's another one? When I clicked the equals sign on my keyboard because I for a while I had like a long bit going where I had, like on an iPhone, I had like a text signature the subject yeah. So when I do it, it says it's a quote by me, be yourself. Everyone else has already taken, and so I would.

Just click said that's a quote by you.

Yeah, so yeah, I cooked. So if y'all want a little goof and a gag and y'all want to yeah, y'all get it, y'all get the fucking five. Let's do media, y'all, Sex and the City.

What the fun?

Why is everybody looking at me?

Well, because you're about to do your media. We're waiting and you were talking.

I feel really scared right now. I'm really uncomfortable by y'all's presence.

Then go home, call a fucking new Bern, get out of here.

Sex in the City.

You're not riding back in my car with me, you're getting.

I'm gonna ride kaya all the way home.

Yeah, he's gonna ride this ship out of me.

Or I'm gonna start banning Drew from being in my fucking car because he has a bad habit of getting in my car and playing tiktoks next to my ear. And it is so infuriating if you get in someone's car and you play tiktoks with the volume on burning fucking hell. You pissed me off.

Studying better than.

What Drew does in my car where he'll get in and he'll immediately pulls pantstone and then he'll bear ass far into the leather seats, and then he'll tickle me until I piss myself.

Yep, do a scy for to freak out.

I don't know we're doing media. Oh ummm okay, and you'll put me onto Sex in the City. It's all we've watched, It's all I've been able to consume. Also, oh my god, I had the new season of Young Sheldon spoiled for me, and when I saw the fucking video, y'all. I started crying, dead serious, I'm dead serious. I started crying. Something very dark happens and my favorite character gets fucking murked and gets killed and they kill hailed him. No, hell no, he goes in Wait somebody dies, yes, and

That just sucks. Also, Ida has been flopping and all of my dms come in a day later, so I keep seeming like a piece of shit because I'm just not replying to any of my friends.

But I like literally don't respond to people on IG like I have like five people i DM back, but like I'm literally like I'm not even on there enough man for text. No, literally my phone is so dry. Fuck and whose fault is that?

Yeah?

Right, well look, oh wait, this is another quote by me, the action, Well, why we'll look at that. It's the actions to my consequences, the consequentious. Look at that. It's the consequentious to my actions.

And he's a beautiful, beautiful really quick.

Drew did say another quote that I'm just now fucking remembering, and he said, Karma is a bitch and I was like, WHOA, that's fucking crazy, but continue K.

Yeah, well she stole it, but we're in ongoing litigation, but I can't talk about that right now. M Little Boy by Death Grips, Alberto balsam afx Twin just some random little artists that not a lot of people know about.

Yeah, who is the Twins.

It's like two guys they like DJ together. My favorite video of all time is that girl that went to Coachella and was like it was such good EDM vibes and then we went to that stage and it was just like really demonic energy and like babies crying the whole time, and she said, Aphex Twins, I'm pretty No, I don't know how to say that. I'm not giving you all that. Yeah, I've been on a Blank Banshee vibe recently, if you know, you know like very oh

And that's my media, my media of the we eat Eeke is your mama's vagina, your mama stinky pussy in my butt, Birds of a Feather, Billie Eilish, Drama, Baby Slash, Malibu, Baby Sosa, Chihito. I don't know how to say that, and I don't think it's supposed to be said with the Stanish.

The Billy.

I don't know what it's like.

Chihiro, I think chi Hero No, I don't know how, but you've been tuned. Tap the fuck into that album.

Yeah, that album's got me. That one and lunch. Those three songs from that album are really good.

Oh it's the Yeah, it is Japanese. It's the Little Girl from.

The Little Girl from Spirit Away, from Spirited Away, Spirit.

Away to Ziro.

And that's like, honestly it because I've just hit a phase where I'm like, Okay, maybe listening to the saddest folks song anybody's ever heard is only gonna make me sadder. So I need something that's gonna make me happy. I just want to be happy.

It's not really working, but Wompom.

And Sex and the City. That's all I've been watching. I Love Sex and the City. You didn't like Aiden?

Oh yeah, I don't like Aiden, and I don't like Aiden is perfect. I think you're the show. How are you in the show?

We just started season four?

Given another season, we'll see.

Even if he sucks up, I'm like he was perfect, And if he sucks up, look at it is the actions of my own consequences.

I don't even have a real reason that Harry am I sexually intimidated by him?

Yes, but that's literally Dalton, there's it literally.

Is okay, there's something about like an artisanal guy who's like a venit who lives in venison.

I can't say that about people. Kay, it's twenty twenty four. No, I said artis and stop saying that.

I know it's weird.

Oh my god.

Look Aiden sexy, but I don't like him, and I do like mister Big for Carrie, I do you do? I do I think that I think that that is the who. I think that's who she should be with that person.

I guess they're both like messy boots.

Yeah.

As much as I don't like, I fucking hate when Big comes around. I fucking hate when Big comes really every time, but I did. I did like their little moment on her birthday when she got an a limo with him. Yeah, and then she asked cute. Yeah. When she got out, I was like, goad, good for you, Carrie, Like, get the fuck out of that car. But that was the conversation when I walked in and I was like, who am I from Sex and the City?

Who are you? I don't know.

We decided he was like a bit of Miranda and Charlotte.

I used to be Samantha.

Yeah, you used to be Samantha and I you're a bit of Charlotte and Miranda. I used to be Charlotte as fuck. And then I became I feel like I used to be Charlotte Miranda.

Now I'm Oryan said Carrie. But for me, oh yeah yeah, she said Miranda's son Carrie.

Well, Kai Sha, who those are girls? Reference just be like, oh, I'm sure anyway, I feel like you're.

The chickens outside of her window talking okay, and and who else?

Oh you're Steve as fuck?

No, No, your Trey.

I'm Harry. I'm Harry. Have you met Harry yet?

No?

No?

No, kay, I guess you're no. No, no, you're I feel like you give the same vibe as me, like Charlotte Miranda vibes. I agree with that.

I'm a little neurotic. I wanted to add to the media just because I saw Phoenix lively and it was good as when like a couple of days ago. Well, thank you for the invite, dude. I'm ignoring that and I'm just going to continue to enjoy this moment. But that ship was so fucking good.

Damn.

If anybody gets an opportunity to watch Phoenix, I would recommend it. It's super good.

Well, shit, I had to funk in. And what about gay porn? I've been watching a lot of it.

I said that one maybe three times, and I still get punished for it. I like to have a little bit of fun on the podcast.

Okay, juus sad Now speed that up to two times speed and it sounds good. Some of y'all's AirPods be looking like they was in y'all's ass, not y'all's ears. Me and this bitch got high and she has no food in her house, so now I'm eating a bag of cough drops. I hate it. Here.

That was me last night. I was so hungry I wanted to sneak into your room for talkies so bad, and.

I hate them all. I ate a whole bag of toxie talkie stick txies, talk Toxicut lat Toxico Toxicut. Ugly bitches. Be like my I don't know how soon is gonna hit. Ugly bitches, Be like my, man, gotta be six to bitch. You make me sick to my stomach? Six two to my stomach.

That's good.

It's chill, chill, that's all I got. Do you hear that your stomach?

Yeah?

I'm pretty hungry. All right, Well, thank you guys so much for watching. If you're lucky, we'll be back.

Next week if we make it. If we make it, oh, i've shot that camera. Can we make it?

Three