would you trust enya as your lawyer

Merches Out merches Out to day merches Out.

As this episode is out.

Thank you guys so much for supporting us for the past two years with just terrifying. I don't think there's anything in my life I've done as consistently as it's and honestly, don't be surprised if you never see my face again.

Welcome to this up. Wow, that was really masculine clap on your part.

Now, thank you, thank you.

Yeah, you've been working.

I've been practicing it. People are like now like pointing out that I have a jaw line. They haven't ever seen it before. But I got a jaw line. I do. It's there, It's there.

That's the new addition to emergency Intercom. Now that we've passed one hundred episodes, Drew is fully just accepting his manlanism.

Yeah, my jawline fantasy and like.

God, you're literally gonna cut me off. I'm gonna what you're gonna say? What you're gonna say?

No? No, Like now you don't get it.

Oh no, I don't get to hear it. It's a secret.

I mean it was something very special. But since you want to attack me, like.

No, please please share your secret.

Like I don't know, Like now I feel bad because apparently it was such a big thing.

Okay, I I guess here it goes. Bitch, I feel like one of these fucking YouTubers, Like.

It can't be that serious. What are you gonna do?

Like, what did you do? So like with the end of Pride month, everybody knows, like yeah, LGBT vibes. My sexuality has been like a mystery for all this time, and I've been claiming straight and like it's just like whatever, I've been quote unquote straight baiting. But I just came on here to say that I am actually.

You're joking, rat, don't worry about a Are you fucking joking?

No, I'm being dead serious. Wait who are you?

I don't don't worry about that. That's neither here nor there. I'm here to save your soul.

You want to come out, well, let me tell you this.

That's a scene and Jesus don't like that, and I don't like that, and you shouldn't want it for yourself either.

This is so like leave him alone, like.

Rose, we don't have time for your stuff. Right now, I'm talking to the home station because you said what.

If I said I was joking, like what if, what if?

What if that?

I'm hoping that it is a joke, just jokes and stuff like that.

So he can't be gay, but he could joke about being gay, like I don't.

Because being gay is a joke. That's disgusting.

Actually facts, I agree with that, Like okay, okay, well wait, but you're a woman though, you're a woman, right.

And if he did, we're just sitting here saying the simple truths.

He is gay and you are.

In a wheelchair.

Wait, I know you.

Can stand up. I bet you can stand up.

Did you stand up to your hairstyles? She styles your hair that way?

Oh, that's funny.

Did you stand up to your mama when I made her squirt when I hit it from.

The back, Well, that's you and my mammas be is not mine, sweetie, If you want, you're not.

Going to say to your mother because she's like gay.

She's beyond reach. She's six hundred pounds anyway, So it's like, oh, there did next week.

He's one of the sister. Oh no, I was lying. I was lying. I was joking. Yeah, I was just joking the whole time, like that would I would literally never participate in that lifestyle, that nasty, scary, disgusting lifestyle.

Never that that's funny because I literally have texts from Drew. Wait, I think I have put up the receipts. Yeah, he's told me.

But I like, okay, if you're gonna bring up grinder again, I've been telling you that is a pastor's app. I do not use that. What are you doing there?

I pray for people I need it clearly.

He said, Yo, can I tell you something?

I said, if you say you're fucking day, I'm gonna kill myself, like for real, for real, first hour of twenty twenty three, and I will kill myself. And he said, I literally kissed a boy and I liked it.

I think I'm gay.

Oh my god, I'm hoping that was a jug.

That was New Year's His New Year's kiss was a boy. So he started New Year.

In the New Year with homosexuality.

That's not how you say that word.

It definitely is okay homosexuem.

Reality sexuality lad see see see see see see. Well, actually I was lying the whole time. That was all a bit like I was just joking. I'm not gay. Never that like a year Yeah, Actually, how did you talk about that?

I've got ways, I hear homosection, I come, don't.

Is that really what this is all about for you? Is it's like a thing to get off on.

No, that's a good.

Point, because you probably you are really obsessed with like the idea of gay dudes touching.

No, I'm obsessed with the fact that they're being blasphemous to my bob until my Christian God, that's not right.

I actually agree with that. I'm I've been saying for a while now that I'm going to start my Christian arcs, my religious Christian Yeah.

And keep that at your met and start your Christian arc.

Damn. Wow.

Okay, did you get your boobs down? Are those natural? No?

These are all natural?

Oh whoa wow. Wow that's what I want to see. This is what I like to see.

Yeah, okay, wait, so is that how you turned them out?

Well, that's another story. That's a little bit explicit. I can't really say that here.

She is a Christian woman.

But you will pull your boobs out.

Well, God made boobs, and I'm a woman.

So and I do like to suck boobs. I really do like to suck boobs and play with them and say, uh.

You know what, I'm happy for you, and I'm glad for you because you're on here saying that it was a mystery about your sexuality. And the mystery to me is while you decided that shirt was cute, or while you have your camera on when you have a pimple.

But whatever are you talking about? Literally this single pimple?

You could barely see that.

You're just why did you know that? There?

No, I'm talking about the one on your ass crack.

Wait, why have you smell it?

I can smell it from here. It's postulating. I'll wait.

No, we said leave, we said leave.

You know what, I'll do that as long as you're not a homo station and as long as you don't ever cut bangs.

I have a lot to say about like people's looks. It's crazy. Yes she is ugly. Yes she probably stinks like mildew. Yes, she probably has a dirty, filthy, fucking house with a sink full of dishes.

Probably no bitches, now, none of that anything.

But don't stoop down to her level, which way.

She said, probably for all those things. None of those things.

Oh yeah, okay, Well I'm going to do clarified.

So that's good, the wonderful Joe everybody.

Yeah, well thanks for coming in and harassing us. We needed that, we need.

Harassment coming harass you, of course.

But of course what's funny is like I feel like usually when it comes to the gay stuff, I'm like, but and you see how I took.

It too far. She took it too far. And even even even if I'm like not that you know, like.

And I don't think you are you don't nothing about you is like that, Like.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying is like you know how people are like, oh, like my thing was like whoa you have nail polish on your fucking nails?

Yeah, but like in like a cool like I give oh in like an e boy and like yeah, exactly.

But the thing is too Like That's why I'm always like, oh, like I don't I really don't like gay stuff, but like but I can respect it, like just don't do it in my face.

But then when I said someone attacking someone.

Like you with that, like with that illness, I'm like, dude, that's like fucked up.

Like that's not something illness. You don't choose to be normal or gay. You just like end up that way normal.

I think everything you just said is really wrong.

Oh. If I'm wrong, I don't want to.

Be to be right. Okay, so I really want to clear the air first, though. I don't know why I look like this day? How do I turn on the filters?

Do you know?

Because I want to make.

Yourself look pretty? I actually don't know.

You seem like you would be an expert on putting on filters on your ugly face.

You seem like you would be able to put filters on your ugly face. Is it in apps? No?

Kay?

Do you know how to?

I think you go into settingsence, I just don't know how to do that kind of where settings go to zoom? Are you on Windows?

Oh I'm sweating. I'm sweating really crazy right now.

Oh I don't know where it's at on Windows, but just it should be like.

Three in your preferences.

Yeah, and then go to I.

Look like I'm in one of the Kaylie gender's photo boosts at their birthday parties.

Oh wow, yeah, you actually really do.

If you put me in black and white, it's get you.

And then you.

Put Kenny's twenty sixth birthday.

It's like, oh, it's touch up my appearance?

Is it in the settings? How do I get to the settings on here?

Oh my gosh, I never used a computer before. You must be really fucking borrowing.

Do you right click or do you click? You exit full?

Maybe creep?

I don't care. I don't care, but thank you, Kay, I don't But I'm just gonna I'm just gonna live my life.

Yeah, just like like being fucking ugly. I just have never had a filter on before.

Wait, am I still in the call?

Oh my god, k yes you are, because we can't stop hearing you.

Oh okay, just kidding, bro, let's go. My cameras is not daging at myself. It looks like I'm looking to the camera.

Okay. Also, y'all, Kai is not dead or retired.

I've been here the whole time.

He's been here the whole time. But he's doing as a mansion to mean silent.

Yes, you've seen that.

That video of you is going viral. People are using it as an audio like the no Man one.

Oh I saw that and that one, and then there was another one where I was like, no matter what romantic relationship I'm in, like you will just never be.

My girls I saved that. I saved that on my phone because I was like that that one is so fucking cute, and the one of me and you hugging is so fucking cute.

Wait, guys, clinic this for a viral audio on TikTok.

If you are sad, you should just fucking kill yourself because you're like, well, not fucking change because you have no motivation to make it better.

So why do you just think it will suddenly be better?

And you have dirty clothes all over your bed, dirty clothes, clean your dirty clothes.

Duster's playing in the background because you're a fucking.

I likes I like Guster Hello, Like, oh my god, but hey, I do actually have something I want to talk about. Okay, I don't know if you've heard about this, but that submarine at the bottom of the ocean. Have you ever heard about that thing? It's been down there for.

The Titanic three weeks now, the Titanic.

Or yeah, the one that went down to the bottom of the ocean to see the Titanic.

Wait, someone went in a submarine to go look at the Titanic. Yes, I actually did watch a video of a guy who was supposed to go on it, and I was like.

Dude, we were so disconnected from the reality we were meant to be like forking towards.

He this is after like this, I watched this video, the dally one.

The way he kept mentioning it, like and remember every one died everyone.

Like I was dying laughing at that ship too, because I was like and he was like, and I got his signature, like it's probably the last thing he signed before he died, Like he's done, like his dad, like his family.

Is sad that footage of him on the planet.

I actually have like a very hot take on it. Like everybody in the world is like making fun of these people for going to the bottom of the ocean, girl, Like they're dead and their families are sad, Like stop making jokes, Like.

I was thinking that. Like last night I was watching a video and it was like I was on TikTok and every single one was people making jokes and I was like, yes, they're billionaires, but this is this is kind of sad. This is like crushed underwater.

Dystopian level of shit. Like it's like I wouldn't want them to do that about my family if they died. Girl, I know you about to have some ship to say say it.

I was gonna say, that's literally how our dead family members feel about.

Us, literally when it comes to me, and I'd be like, oh, you fuck my dead stinking like mom, like.

My brother and grandpa and your mom are like threesoming and having and doing squirt squad games.

Like literally have respect for the dead, like really like like no.

No room to talk, but no. I like my take on it is I'm glad they died fast because everybody was like daring to know our I'm glad they died fast.

Since you didn't finish that, just like I'm glad they taught.

No. Like I'm glad the billionaires died and killed over.

Like I like, obviously it is sad, but I think the jokes it was such a good thing for comedy.

Am Oh, it was such good low hanging fruit.

Like it was the one time where like everybody was joking about the same thing and I had a hard time being annoyed.

Oh my god, Actually I have a really funny.

Thing because I was texting about it and I was like, oh, like, it's so annoying that everybody's talking about this fucking stupid thing, Like it's It reminds me of on Twitter when everybody would rush to make the best viral tweet.

It was harambe two point zero, Like it was the biggest like media news event for that entire week I think I've ever experienced in my life, like literally a list celebrity status like news event. Like everyone in the fucking world was talking about it. And like, don't get me wrong, like I did indulge in the content and I was eating that shit up. But like the more I sat with it, the more I was like, wait, they're like dead, like this is kind of sad, but I was eating that shit up and I was like

You're serving like like when men do shrooms and they're like, guys, I have empathy.

I told my dad. I told my dad the other day. I was like, Dad, like you really need to do mushrooms so you can get empathy, because like that's the only way men gain into empathy. But and he didn't think it was funny at all. He was like he was like, dude, why would I do drugs. I would never do fucking drugs. It's like, do you know who I am? Do you know who your son is? I am the drug Lord?

Hey r D the Drew Lord.

I am Lord.

My fucked up joke about the submarine was I was like, damn, I really. I was texting a friend and I had sent an audio message where I was like, damn, I'm like, don't joke about this, But who would I fuck in there?

Because I would have to fuck one last time?

Oh I know who I was?

Oh yeah, I know too. You know you know there is one person on there that I.

Said smash to and then that made me feel fucked up. I was like, who who's on the submarine? And I literally went through it was like.

Smash past, pass past.

There was one other smash in there and I won't give his picture or say who it is, but I just know he's an eater and that's why. Like that was my thing is like I know he would like stuck on my clip, like there's oxygen.

Oxygre nozzle. Oh wow, I know, this is crazy, this is crazy.

I just know.

Like also, I know they're hungry, so like he would eat it up. They didn't bring enough to be down there all that time.

Okay, that's the dbn J sandwich and the two cookies like no, okay, but no, genuinely, that is my take on it, Like everybody's been dying to know what Drew Phillips' take on this summary. Yeah, the multiple.

Viral tweets and tiktoks being like us.

Yeah, I'm glad they died, period because they're billionaires and we okay, but the one problem I have with it, genuinely, the one problem I have with it is I didn't get to eat the remains because it's giving eat the rich baby like where like wait, guy who thinks eat the rich means really physically eating them?

Like you know?

True?

Stop you explain that joke. A.

Yeah, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. I'm gonna do it that. I had a big bit planned and the big bit wait hold on, let me come back, I have a big bit.

You politically freaking out. Well, I actually have a question. Okay, here's why I said.

I'm not answering it, so don't even ask it.

Fine, I guess I won't answer about that.

I'll answer.

Yeah, we need to see me in four k. Sorry, sorry, because I don't look like this, y'all. I really don't like I swear I'm sexy, like I'm sexy like I was in the last episode, Like I don't look like this. Please, how do I? How do I? I need to turn it on? Hold on, okay, keep going, ask questions.

Would you trust me to be your lawyer?

I'd fight for any reason unless the one thing I will not fight for is if it is my homeboy who cheated on his significant other, I will not be fighting for you. But if you are my homegirl who cheated on your significant other, I will still be fighting.

For I go to the death for my homegirls, like girls deserve to cheat. What I trust you as my lawyer? Yes, but like.

That's what I feel like. I'd be like without like anything.

You lie for me, like you you know the truth and you'd still lie for me? And you what is it perjury?

Like?

What is it like? Is that what it is? Like you'd purge the whole fucking Bible or whatever.

I don't know what the fuck that means.

I think perjury is like lying in court, like.

Oh, bitch, I lie anywhere. I would literally lie.

That's my That's what I think too. That's I forgot what it was, but there was something I was talking about recently where I was just like, I don't fucking know. I was just talking about lying and how like really like do I actually care? Like but about small things. I have to be very clear, like all the bits on here. Look how fucking monstrous this is. I gotta stop look at How do I turn off my cameras? I can't see myself because I like am looking at

Yeah, why are you pale when you're like in Texas right now?

I think it's this light, maybe because Stephen put on this giant fucking light. It's like huge, hold on, I'm gonna take a picture of it. It's form is out my hand up to it. But I mean, look how fucking big this light is. It's like ginormous, Like it's insane. But anyway, I will insert a photo of it.

Yeah, I want to, because.

You're not supposed to talk about that on the podcast. Oh my god, give her to me, Give her to me.

Oh my god, dude, I'm not doing this. I know.

I'm not doay, fine, Like, what do you want from me?

Oh my god, I actually haven't seen her in so long. She's gone huge.

I know it's been what three years? This is a three year old, right yeah?

Yeah?

Oh my god, I don't even remember what it was like to give birth to that thing. But keep it there, leave it there. I don't want it.

So I'm so like, not, don't you really don't, because I think she's like literally the most perfect maybe every no.

And I told you before we had another fucking kid, I didn't want to have another fucking kid, and you forced me to have another kid, and I don't want to be around it.

She's so confused right now, she's like, wait, where are these people?

She literally is so cute. I'm not kidding.

See seeing her on camera almost makes me want to like be a mother and take care of her again. But then I really think about it, and I'm like, damn, I couldn't go, wow, I couldn't lie, I couldn't fuck, I couldn't smoke, Like those are all like crucial things to my lifestyle, and I just don't want to fucking kid around to stop me.

Like I agree, And that's why I'm gonna pass her back to Madeline and Steven and they can keep the lie up. Okay, we put we put fifty grand into your bank account.

I know. Is that not enough?

Like do you want a lie or do you want fifty grand? Like I'm so confused. Okay, okay, bye bye bye? How do you how do you think they own this house? Think about that?

Also, I'm sorry like.

Little oh, he just said, I know, Little a little.

Podcast that takes care of our fucking kid and it's Little. Wow. The thing is, once they told me that my kid can't smoke for another three years, I was like, I'm not having this around me.

No.

Also, like the fact that babies can't smoke joints is how like embarrassing?

Like I know, like pack it fucking lungs, pack your lungs, get your lungs ready.

That's what I've been saying, is like literally grow up challenge. Like that's the one thing, Like I'll hang out with her when she's three years or four years old, whatever age, because.

Then she can hold her own cigarette.

That's the only part too, is you can hold the cigarette to the baby, but like you have to like sit there and like be like kind of pat their baths so they start breathing.

In and like also the fact that she is a perhaps blue ribbon baby and not a Corona baby. I've like had enough, Like how are you going to ribbon around me and not drink her? I don't know.

It's it's just like you're giving your baby alcohol.

She's begging for it, I know, and you're.

Saying it like it's a problem. Like I'm sorry, mister, Like, oh, like what are you gonna do? Call the fucking police, Like we're gonna be our parents.

That is a problem. Everyone knows you're not supposed to give babies, okay.

But she's crying all the time, and she's like gesturing like she needs to drink something like yeah, that's exactly what mean.

Or like doing when we start like withdrawing from the alcohol, like we're like giving me, give me, give me. And so when we saw her, oh she needs a bottle, and that's why we need her to drink Corona and not pop spou ribbon is because like that can.

Is just not for babies. A bottle is for a baby.

No, that's not That's not what I'm in the wrong.

He just put a balloon at the top of the corona bottle, like we roll it down almost kind of like a condom, but it's like the balloon and then we buy a tiny little tip into it and then she can suck.

On the beer bottle like it's like it's a nipple. Yeah, yeah, like it's a boob.

First of all, I never would you rather know. I didn't even know you guys had this baby, Unkie Kai didn't know, so I've never even met the baby.

You're not you're not her uncle, bib so you were fucking not her uncle, bitch. We're not even our parents. You're not the uncle.

Guys. That was all jokes. I love my Luna girl so much. I you know what's crazy is like I look at that baby and I really think she's mine at some points where I'm just like I would die for her, and like I've never really felt that about another baby in my entire life. But for some reason, like the oxytocin kims like work very heavily when I'm looking at her, like uh, Bayla, like yeah, like the boys, yeah, I would take bullets for them, but like specifically Luna,

I don't have any baby in my life, so hello.

I'm right here. I'm baby.

No babies literally freak me out, and like, yeah, but Luna is so.

Cute and that's the closest to a baby from someone my age that I know, and I still think that I don't know. I'm still like in between my I'm like I want kids, but maybe like I shouldn't.

Ever do that.

Yeah. Also, Madeline and Steven like are literally such good fucking parents that they make it almost look easy, and I know the trick.

That's the trick.

I feel like Luna is such a trick baby, and then Madeline's and Stephen even as a couple, are a trick couple, Like they are genuinely too good. I'm like, obviously, I'm like something, there has to be something here and.

Actually know what it is. It's Madeleine lets me hit from time to time, So.

It's okay, that's my sister. Bro, you can't be banging my sister.

And y'all are twins, and let me tell you, the sex is the same.

Okay, Okay, So all of a sudden, you get to bang my sister. But when I bang Kai's sister and don't tell him and I tell you, you get onto me that it's a big problem.

Well, because that is a problem and you need to tell him, and I guess that you've told him, but he doesn't seem that bothered. Well, you know what's funny is me and Madeline have been like this, like we've just been like it inseparable.

We've just been like this recently, like we're just like so close.

Yeah, y'all are just like.

I'm like, oh my god, We're like we're like like.

That is actually so fucking we're so close. That was like a banger. That was almost that was as good, if not better than Big Parma. I still think that the best joke ever made on your period, and not enough attention has been like drawn to that bit, but Big Parma, hold on, Yes, I have a bit, Queen.

Something is deeply fucking wrong with you.

I think my best joke was a joke I made on the Patriot episode when I said that the first cave man who wrote dick, they were probably like all tweaking. They were like, damn, you can sell it to like like once, like the first few k men who started doing like different positions.

They were like damn, literally innovating like.

Crazy, Like I saw something recently that was like the first like human to have twins must have been like what the fuck is going on? Like literally what is going on? And it's the same thing like with blow.

Jobs, like no, yeah, the first one to give head was probably like now hold on, whoa or the first one to get ahead, yes, give head was like literally brave because nobody else had done it before, and they had to have just been like listen, I know it's kind of gross because you piss out of.

There, but let me put my mouth on Trust. Trust. I'm like, trust the process, Trust the process.

Swear. This is gonna change literally, no, this isn't even going to change our lives. This is going to change the lives of the human race. And that actually quite literally might be the moment that humans transcended consciousness. From caveman to like human hominid or whatever the fuck.

We are, like literally because because that was like the moment we genuinely started to seeking simple like pleasures and like human connections, and it was started giving head.

And what's crazy is a lot of people like to be like, oh, it was the mushrooms, like it was the Neanderthals taking mushrooms, like no, bitch, it was the first orgasm from a blow job, and then they spread it like wildfire. They were like, look, you gotta try this ship and it was pre fucking STDs, which like damn.

Yeah, they got to all just get ran through. But they were having babies like left and right because they probably just didn't know.

Damn. Do you know how pissed I'd.

Be like every time you had sex, like to get.

Fucking pregnant from having sex.

I would be like, bitch, I didn't know that was gonna happen. And for the girl, I bet it wasn't even hitting like that. It was just like okay, like keep it put like no, for real, it's like thro vibrator, no fun like no foreplay four play wasn't invented yet, Like.

It was dead ass thirteen seconds and he was like you've seen that like video of the uh turtle like having se and MOONI that's literally what it was like. But in thirteen seconds, Okay, how.

Did they come to the conclusion that vibrators were lit? Like somebody had to have sat on something they were supposed to be sitting on.

You see an Xbox controller, you've seen the first one. You've seen the first like vibrator ever made. It looks like a torture device. I'm pretty sure. I'm not joking, Like this isn't fact, this is all theory, but like I believe that like maybe they were inventing it as like a torture device and like they started torturing. No, I'm not a witch, I'm not away.

I am don't tie me down torture.

You guys, how did we kick this guy? You can't kick me, I'm telling you, bro, Like they're fucking crazy. Vibrate Like I think it's a little like a little like like a jackhad bear a gun. But y'all ever heard of a bit?

Yeah, it was a medievil torture device.

Girl, did you wind it up?

We need to get you one of those Like that would be actually hilarious. I bet you could find one on eBay. Look at all the detachments, like, that's crazy.

That's what you put your espresso in before you like look it up to your.

Machine, pull then in the different like attachments make the cop Okay, we need to get you one of those though, off eBay. I'm sure you can find one.

Yeah, you know how Marcus what's his name opened an unsealed iPhone?

Open an unsealed torture device.

Did they have packaging back then? That's such a trivial question. I don't I don't know where that came from. Polar cub electric Damn.

Imagine being the face of one of the first vibrators, like sign.

Me up, she says, that's historic. Really, y'all ever heard of bee keeping age? I don't know what that is. Yeah, we're all attracted to be or me, and then you are attracted to be keeping age. It's like you're old enough to like start keeping bees, like you're your pasture, like you're in your real prime, Like your thirties are your prime, but like your forties are like your.

Thirties are your life fun still being like silly, and your forties fifties are like, damn, you really hit.

You were having sex like tomorrow's your last day.

Yeah, like if you know what you're doing, like you were.

Going to hit like it is your last meal, because.

It very well could be you could have a heart attack, like for real, Way, what did you just say? You said before that there was something that sparked thought, I.

Said, because your thirties.

Are Oh yeah, men, do you think the men now, like me specifically and like everybody taking selfies now, do you think they're going to be taking selfies in their thirties and forties? Like, and I really do think that you shouldn't.

Even be taking selfies in the first place.

Well I'm allowed to get that, Oh.

Yeah, because you're special and it is.

I think so, because my dad be taking hello selfies, but he takes them like he'll if he's with somebody, he'll take a picture with, Like yeah, he loves taking like a picture with whoever he's with. But my dad isn't really sitting around like like taking a selfie because he's like a man and he knows how to build a house if he needed to do.

Your dad texted me that he was freaking out over a doppelganger y'all saw and it's it is the craziest doppelganger I have ever.

I know, it was crazy.

The second we entered the restaurant, he was like, look at you, and I was like, what, but my dad, I've realized I get so much of my humor from my dad. My dad and me are literally these muppets. Wait when we're hanging out because I've been hanging out with my dad just in the city.

Wait, hold on, why is it not focusing? How do I make it focus?

You got to push it forward because it's like focusing on you. No, you have to put your phone forward. Yeah, oh no, you cover your face.

Just put the phone for your face like this and your phone.

Jesus.

Oh oh.

It's literally insane that in ten years it was like kind of freaking me out.

Me and ten years challenge, like look at that. You didn't you can't even tell a difference. Really, I mean he's like a lot more mid than me, Like he's not as.

Yeah, yeah, I will say you are sexier, which is like kind of fucked up because that's just a random man who is the restaurant with me and my dad and now we're talking about him on a a podcast.

Where a bunch of people will watch. But he man just not as good looking as you.

Yeah, exactly exactly. I mean, if anybody looks even relatively like me, it's game over for the rest of the men, because like, it's hard to compete with this bone structure.

Yeah, it's hard to compete with one very mid white guy with another like kind of mid white guy. Yeah, this is literally who my dad and me are, by the way, Like when we're.

Out in public, this is us, Like that's awesome.

All we did the past three days that was go out and talk shit about the people.

We saw, like I wish a joke like most like literally, no, that's.

Literally where I get it from.

It's like my dad being she most as fuck, literally just pointing out people, laughing and like joking around. And also he's so funny because people obviously don't smoke cigars like that anywhere but Miami, and even in Miami people don't like smoke. I just smoking cigars isn't really a thing anymore. But my dad will be walking down like Manhattan, like walking around Manhattan.

And puffing a fucking cigar and it's so funny.

And I asked him I was like, I was like, do you like pay attention? Like do you like see if anybody's looking at you for And He's like, no.

Would I do that.

Muppets are having their renaissance right now. One and two. I love being the age where like there's like a threshold that you cross and I don't know exactly what ages it is, but like it starts slowly after you turn eighteen, and like by the time you're twenty five, you were considered like an adult in all of your family's eyes, even if you're the baby of the family.

Dude, I know.

It's literally the best thing to happen is like the fact that now that I'm older, I could just talk to my family about anything, which is also like obviously a blessing because I realized that that's like not that common a lot of people our age aren't very close to their family. But I literally, like will go out to drink with my mom or my dad or like go out to a restaurant or cafe and like walk around with them and.

We can literally talk four hours.

And yes, we will be talking shit about my other siblings and I will be talking shit about.

One parent to the other and key king and gossiping. But it's so crazy to be able.

To do that, Like, yeah, it's really actually sick. Right hold on, I'm doing something.

You guys have a ukulele, I could use super random absolutely fucking not.

Why the fuck would you need a ukulele?

I have to make an apology video?

And you said, honestly, hot take the song was a fucking.

No.

Literally my take the song of the Summer Girl literally no, My take is like obviously never that, like that is the worst thing you could ever ever possibly do, like stupid, stupid, stupid, dumb, but kind of fucking genius because all of us are completely ignoring everything she actually did, which like I don't

Fuck did your grown ass do that? Like that shit is it's so funny, Like damn. Also, those kind of things freak me out because I'm like.

You don't just like record that and upload it.

You record it, you.

Sit on it, you edit it, you look at it, you try again. Like that wasn't her first take, Like she had to like ride it out, try it, like do a whole thing.

And she still pushed forward to doing it. But I'm probably gonna also join you Kai for your apology ukulele song, because I have to apologize for begging your mama so hard that she squirted and propelled through the ceiling and broke all her bones.

Yeah, it was like really really scary.

Really she went through the ceiling. She was ejected from the house.

Yeah, you know those like backpack jet things that you could take on the water and the water shoots down and like shoots you up. Yeah, she essentially did that with her own squirt and burst through the ceiling and it was I mean, the repairs are like fucking it's gonna cost me a fortune.

Well I'm glad that she squirted it a lot, honestly.

Yeah, you look gross. I was just I just like tried the new Jeffrey Star palette. So I was just like I was just playing around with some makeup.

Oh you're your shade dolls Tonara, like playing yeah, like it's kind of is that adding a beard to you too?

Like at the beard and.

Through the mic?

Oh well that's literally so we what the heck?

Hi?

Everybody? Sometimes you look like an animatronic.

Not that.

Oh nice, That's what I want. That's what I want to play with.

How the fun do I stop this?

And your and you you're a bunny and your your rabbit. You're a rabbit, and it's really scary. Actually okay, so let's move on.

Okay, I uh wait, I fixed it. So now now I really look like I'm in the kindle gender photo booth.

Is giving to like.

And it's when they always have a glass of like.

They literally is that that isn't literally it.

That is so funny, like somebody had to have just been on Zoom playing around and then they were like, I know exactly what I need at my party.

Yeah, okay, well first let's talk about that.

That looks Have you been going to the gym?

Looks crazy?

Yeah, I've been doing a bunch of pushups, not the gym. I was gonna get it thirty dollars gym membership, but I was like, I don't have a car when I'm here, so I'm not gonna be able to actually go to the gym unless I go at like seven am. So I decided against it. But what I did come to the conclusion it is that, I mean, this is not a hot take at all, but like football is like gay, Like really.

So someone got a little excited, your voice cracked.

I don't know, I just was possessed or some shit. I don't fucking know. That was weird. I saw like red, and I've been seeing Red a lot recently. Like I miss fighting?

You missed fighting?

Yeah, I'm a fighter.

What have you been watching football?

Like?

What? No?

I just saw a clip of football and I was like, huh, this is like we know this is gay. But then I like really thought about like how football is played, and you know, like the hike, like right in the beginning when they like snap the ball to the quarterback.

And the yeah they all have each other's butt.

Yes, they're like topping each other like it's the quarterback is topping like the big, big, burly, hairy, sexy man. Like it's so gay.

You might just be like you might be too, Yeah you might be into like.

Men, absolutely fucking not. But yeah, that was kind of my take. But I still love basketball. Basketball.

It is lit like I love you, Like being obsessed with basketball is actually the most insane thing to me, Like it like still doesn't make sense and pardon me, thinks you're lying.

No, no, it's very real. Like I could tell you the top four five draft picks from this NBA lottery pick. Spurs got Victor woman Yama freak of nature, like literally probably the next Lebron James are like very close to Like he won't be like as powerful as him, but he will revolutionize the game in a crazy way. Number two should have been Scoot Henderson, but it was Brandon Miller. Number three was Scoot Henderson. He played for G League Knight.

Yes do what.

Okay years yeah.

Okay, you were cutting out. But they're a pair of twins and it's a men in Asar Thompson. And they went four and five in the draft, which is fucking crazy, and like they are so goddamn elite generational talents again, like really, just like I don't know, I just I love basketball because like I love seeing Like, what the fuck is this? What is going on? So technical difficulty is over?

Hello?

But you know what I was thinking about. Valley girls gave blow jobs for Noon's head over heels. That's not That is literally one of the greatest lyrics I think I've ever heard, really dissected.

Valley girls Alie girls give blow jobs for those jobs?

Girl? What are you on about?

Is that not what it is?

No, it's Iggy Azalea saying, valley girls get blow jobs for Louvitons. That's head over heels, no money, no family, sixteen. You sound like me right now. I know this is crazy. Valley girls giblow jobs for lulaitons, head over heels.

What do you call that? Oh yeah, head over heels?

Oh wow, is that not insane? Like, really think about it and dissect that lyric. Okay, we're back again. What water is that?

It's pull up?

Oh girl, I'm not joking. I thought Irish show whatever that iris soap is made water? Pull it or what is it called Irish spring?

It's Irish springs.

Yeah.

I was like, Irish Springs is like a good ass, So that's all we used as kids. Oh what the fuck, dude? Mute yourself.

What the fuck do you have?

Like a diaper? Did he just his pants?

Oh my god, I don't know how ship my pants? I have a toilet. I've been sitting here for wait what Yeah, I shipped through that hole and I pissed through this pipe.

Are you serious?

Yeah?

I've been doing the whole episode silent, but that one hurt for some reason.

But look, you've just been sitting there with your dick instead of a hose this entire time.

See Brah, stoping, dude. I never needed to see that in my fucking life.

Yeah, So that's kind of what I've been on recently. I've been I've actually sat here for three days in a row. That's like the longest I've gone. It's only been like a hours.

But are you wiping where you put it in paper? Are you just not wiping?

No? I don't wipe it. It's really itchy and like I need I What I do is if I do get up, like I'll just scoot my ass on the carpet and there's like a bunch of brown stains. It probably won't focus, but there's like a bunch of like a dog like a bunch of brown stains over there. So I'm just kind of like figuring that shit out.

I know, what do you mean figuring that shit out?

That's that you can just like use toilet paper or go to the fucking toilet, yeah.

And then get up and lose my games, bro, Like I'm playing Valerie and Diablo too and Ship like League of Legends type shit. Like you can't pause an online game, bro.

Okay, So where does all the piss go, Like, is there some sort of a joke or something.

Yeah, there's a big here. I'll pick it up, but I really don't want to spill it. Oh fuck, it stinks.

Okay, there's a huge bucket of pists, got it?

Oh my god, it's like pissed dude.

I'm literally gonna call the police. You're creating a hazard for also our child lives there.

Like you're now you want.

To chemical warfare? Well, I just don't want to go to fucking jail.

You're so fucking stupid everything I do, everything I fucking do you have a problem with And I'm done. I'm tired, I'm fed up. You're sick to me, you're evil, you're a wick, and you're dangerous. I said, like literally three weeks ago, Brob been sitting on it for like fucking three days now, Like Jesus Christ.

Dude, something is actually fucking wrong.

With you, because I ship in the bucket. Where did we Where did we used to?

Yeah?

Because when we were caveman in the woods.

Yeah, but you're not in the woods.

You were in like a home with AC and you're sitting at a computer and we're currently on a video chat like we have gone far past shitting in the woods.

Oh would you?

I genuinely do think we.

Yes, I actually genuinely do think that porno and shit like that is inhumane because I don't want to be in an area where it's collecting like that.

And in my opinion, I think it would be better if we were just shitting in the dirt, And like, why can't I just pop a squaw? Like why can I not just pop a squat wherever I am?

Because your Cooter Bronson would be exposed to everyone. But that's another conversation, because why do we sexualize the human body so much that we can't just like do human things and be in our oug form? Could you imagine us running around like I would be so fucking cold if I didn't have clothes on, Like literally, what did we do before that? Did we? Like you know what I mean? Like we evolved awfully in.

That ass, but I mean like we we were just killing animals and using their furt so we were like still.

Lit you know, mm hmm, yeah, that's true. We were using and shit. Yeah. Yeah, Well I want to talk about a couple more things. Have you seen the dude put nair on his butthole on YouTube?

No, and did it back?

Okay, I'm going to show you the video. Look up. Uh wait, let me look it up real quick near YouTube. It's going to be the craziest thing. And I want to get your live reaction there. Let me find the video. I hope it's still up. Okay, it's Kevin, Kevin Leonardo where is and both of y'all watch it at the same time. It's like the first three seconds it is potentially the craziest shit I've ever seen on YouTube. I mean not even potentially. It is the craziest shit I've seen on YouTube ever.

Does show just watch wait? Okay, wait, I'm still trying to find it. Okay, removing butt here is using Okay, I'm gonna.

No, don't mute yourself. Don't mut yourself. Ummute yourself. Unmute yourself. Oh for reference, this is how Harry my butthole is, and then spreads this is how Harry right now, and girl, no, it gets even cool crazy, it gets even crazier. He lathers his ass in there and like puts it up his butthole a little bit and is like rubbing his fucking butthole in tint yeah, and then he wipes it off like with the paper.

Towel, and like, I actually find like men's bodies like literally repulsive, Like I shouldn't see that, Like.

No, no one should because it's educational. Because you can watch people put condoms on on YouTube. You can watch breast yeah, look up people putting kind of Stephen with putting me on. He was like, you can see people breastfeeding. You could be booby, which like yeah, yes, but the breastfeeding one women should be able to you.

I'm sorry, ship And what was left on the napkin like that was that was too far?

Was insane? I had no idea you could do this.

Yeah, if you just frame it as educational. Look up people putting condoms on, Like you can see people with an erect penis on different shapes and sizes putting condoms on. It's like a thing.

Way.

Yes, I did not know this, And I think you can even watch like jerk off tutorials on YouTube. I could be tripping, but I think like it goes that deep you ew oh my god, ew it it was crazy?

Is it?

The one with like a bunch of people like it was twenty eighteen when it was supposted the one I.

Just watched, just ew ew ew. Dude, digs are so fucking nasty.

I'm watching guys in front of like a pink screen with Yeah.

That's the one I was watching. I almost just showed it to the screen. That was really fucking gross.

It's insane. I don't know how I didn't know about Oh.

My god, I know that's what I was saying. I was like, dude, if I was like yeah, like I would be, I would have been all over this shit when I was twelve years old, like.

You would be, you would be on your girls kissing.

Girls exactly exactly.

That was our version of that, is like girls kissing girl.

But instead I was on my breastfeeding shit. I was like watching breastfeeding videos and getting like so boned up to that shit like I don't want to talk about it, like bursting through my shorts type ship, Like y'all saw it. Y'all just saw it.

You would have to have a bigger wiener for it to burst through your shorts, and I've just never seen that happened.

Okay, seriously, girl, well you're a girl.

Sorry, hate to be the fact checker here, but that's.

Just not Okay, let's let's get the let's get the news and the media straight, like this is a witch hunt out for me saying I have a tiny penis, and like that's just not true. This is the witchhunt. The media lies. What is it?

Media?

The news and the media.

But what Donald Trump says charm fake news, the news and the media. I got one more thing. I got one more thing to talk about and then we can move on.

I was gonna transition it perfectly.

Uh.

I was gonna be like speaking of news and the media.

Uh.

I was gonna say, we can either talk about because I have two notes because we have to record another episode, so I might I have like five hundred notes that are all bangers. But we can either talk about the manufactured Chian trip that is basically North Korea, or we can talk about Nicky Blonski.

We've talked about Nicki Blonski. I don't know much about the Shean thing.

I just know that it is actually insane to end up on the propaganda Sian team, Like there is no money in the world that makes that makes sense. And I genuinely am I don't know if they got paid, Like in my head, they didn't get paid.

I feel like they got paid bank because like why on earth one would you do that. They put a bunch of money into that thing to like fix the reputation. Like I guarantee it was like a fifty to sixty million dollar campaign, like not paying these influencers that much, but like hiring all these people and all these cameras and all the flights and blah blah blah blah blah, and like I bet they built that facility out to like I don't know, but do you know what we're talking about?

That?

Yeah, no, what happened.

So these influencers got invited on a trip to she Or for Sheian, which is like notoriously like destroying like fast fashion. Like I'm just saying this for the people who might not know, but like they like notorious fash fashion, awful working conditions, like really abusive towards their workers and don't pay them like for their work.

And mind you, it's a company that now as of May is evaluated at sixty six billion dollars.

One of the biggest companies. Yeah, one of the biggest companies in the entire world, And they have been getting a lot of flak recently because someone did like a hit job documentary on them where they like went in there and showed the all like snut cameras in the awful working conditions and like whatever, like there's proof of this of them being terrible. Well, they hired a bunch of influencers and flew them out to China to show them that like look like that's none of that shit

Yeah, it literally was just like they were being used as props to like subdu and they literally had one of the girls who got a bunch of backlash, go back on TikTok and be like I'm addressing the rumors.

So they had her call all of these I see this insane, dude. It was so funny. Like I didn't watch her whole video because I was like, bitch, this.

Is crazy, but I saw a really funny stitch where I was like somebody holding up paper being like.

Because she she literally was like talking to the game.

She's like, I'm here to address all the rumors about shean for instance, what their production issues.

They don't have that, and they treat like she just kept looking off camera like at a sheet or something to like hit all her points.

I was like, damn, bitch, Like you couldn't even just remember three points and just like rip it.

You had to just be like so, yeah, the problem is they don't have I do. They don't starve. They don't starve people. They don't.

Yeah, for real. I wonder like I feel like the people that like were tricked into like going to China, like the influencers, Like I feel like they might have actually believed it in a way and like just not done their recent and like obviously, yeah, they're blinded by the check.

Like also even if they're not getting paid.

I'm sure a lot of them, like, because a lot of those like brand trips don't aren't paid like opportunities. What they are is like you're in exchange for full stay, full nice travel, being like accommodated getting a per dim each day, so you basically get free travel for upwards of like usually three or four days to in exchange for content. And I'm sure a lot of them were like, dude, in what world would I be able to not only go to China and explore China, but get flown their

All you have to do is like film Trump and be like, guys, the rooms about him are not true, Like.

Isn't that chill, dude, that's what Casey Nice that did for Hillary Twinton? Like I'm pretty sure they paid him, Yeah, yeah, yeah it was. I think it was. I think the number leaked and like this could be like the most insane like over exaggeration in life, so take it with a grain of salt. But I do know he was

Yeah, ex definitely, it's also like definitely a hard line to walk, especially if you're somebody who has a family or wants to provide for your family, Like I bitch put me in the wrong position, and I'm like, I'm sorry, my family needs a house and my dad needs to stop being a hard labor worker, like I'm gonna, I'm

And be like, damn, I can't believe she's scared.

Exactly.

It would be like, girl, this is so Donald tomp Cody.

Yeah, get the fucking bag. Like that's how I feel about a lot of shit when I'm just like people I don't know, but yeah, I just thought that, like she and Trip was like hilarious and like people like bending the knee to the dollar is just it's just so.

Funny to bend the need to be a part of like extreme propaganda, like that's what.

I'm like, girl, you're not even betting then being.

Like yeah, like I don't love this perfume, but I'm gonna post it like I'm being paid to post it, but like, yeah, I don't like actually think this company is abusing children and their workers.

And like politic exactly exactly, but I do want to add.

Another stamp in my passport, so I'm gonna do it. Like that is what's so funny, is like I just want to travel. I'm gonna become the face of propaganda, yeah.

For traveling. And she definitely did not foresee it becoming this big of a thing.

Yeah, not at all. I mean she definitely didn't foresee two of the most like top tier podcasters talking.

About exactly exactly. Hey, guys, I just wanted to say thank you Because of you guys, we are a Tier one podcast, which means we are at the top of the top of the top.

Oh.

Also, before we end this episode, we should probably throw us in the beginning merches Out Merches Out to day merches Out. As this episode is out, thank you guys so much for supporting.

Us for the past two years, which is terrifying.

I don't think there's anything in my life, I've done as consistently as this, and honestly, don't be surprised if you never see my face again.

All right, whoa.

Did you just leave? As I think so?

I think so? But yeah, merches out love the designs. I think my favorite is obviously the hoodie. If I could wear the baby tea, I would, but then somewhere something went terribly wrong, or something somewhere I went terribly wrong is my next favorite. And in your body that design period something we've been sitting on since last March. Drop. Actually, I can see your eye. It's open, so your mic is like peeking, so you can't even hear it's like. But also before we go.

Wait, wait, this is to me when your mom says that she's not gonna let me hit anymore. I don't even know what's gonna hear it.

I can't hear it silent.

It's like.

It's like a flat line, like like, all right, okay, before we do go, before we do media, I'm gonna take a tab of LSD.

No, that's a tab of Lizstine.

Because you've been sitting on a ship bucket for eight days and you haven't brushed your teeth.

Oh my fucking god, guys, I am twenty one days two day off the vape.

Oh oh wow, that's impressive.

That is insane.

Almost relapsed two nights ago.

My god. Begged my sister for has it been hard to do? Really?

Be like really easy, just because like my mom, Like I'm around my family, and the reason I quit was for my mother.

You want it, you want this, you.

Want to I know you missed a warm eufork feeling of opiates. Like come on, I know you missed the.

Warm, fuzzy feeling of getting a head rushed. Come on.

Yeah. No.

There were like moments like where I really wanted to buy one, where I was just like should I go buy one? But like the only the way I got through it was by saying like saying that out loud, where I was just like I want to go buy and I'm gonna go buy one, and then everybody being like no, don't do it, and like I think, like, also, I didn't replace it with anything else, which I normally like replaced it with like Lacroix or something, but like like, yeah, yeah,

That's huge.

That is so awesome, Like I'm so shocked by that. But what I will say is, I'm just not somebody who stops my friends from doing what they want.

So the fact that, oh my god, it's literally I would show you, but it shows the outside of their house. But sorry, keep going.

I'm just not somebody who stops my friends from doing things. I give them pleasure, and I would pleasure you.

Yeah, Okay, that's actually it.

We can replace my vape with yeah, with me pleasuring you, I'll give you something.

Yeah, but except gas, does I come out? There will be a liquid.

Sorry okay, but you know it's been been awesome. I don't feel any different. So if you're gonna if you're thinking about quitting, You're not gonna feel any different.

Hey, you're not gonna feel better.

I quite literally, I'm not joking. I think my lungs are like purging, like the rest of like the glycerine that's been sitting at the bottom of him forever. And like yesterday, my lungs hurt like I had been hitting a puff bar all day long, like it was.

It was.

It was really interesting. But like today, it feels better. But I like can like breathe. That is one thing. Actually, It's like I can like like get a full breath in without feeling like it's inflame in my lungs.

Yet.

You know what I feel like is good motivation for that is when we were in Mexico and your vape exploded and all the juice came out. Yeah, I feel like that smell is like ingrained in my pineal gland. Yeah, and whatever, I'm like, Oh, I shouldn't be vaping. I'm like, yeah, I really should not smell that shit.

You think of that smell again, dude? That was awful.

It was.

It was a nightmare. And it was a great flavored vase and it smelled rantid. It just smelled so sweet, like nauseously sweet. But yeah, we also have another story that we'll tell in the next episode of the Flight Home. We'll leave out a bunch of tales, but that's Yeah.

I feel like we finally had enough time to process.

Yeah, exactly. There's an event that happened that was so traumatizing that we literally did not speak about it to each other until like eight months later, and since then we hadn't speaked spoken to each other about it for like another year and a half. Like we talked about it for the first time in like a year and a half three weeks ago. But awful, awful, awful.

We'll save that for the next one.

Yeah, but let's hit media.

Wow, I look so gorgeous hanging on Turned a Stone by a Electric Light Orchestra. I'm glad by Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band, Perfumed Garden, the Raw Band.

And practiced twice Sam pre Cock pre come Yeah.

Pre com in my butt Okay mine is a Builder by fort Fortyer.

What the is this? You're so annoying?

And then he also has one called Violent Knights.

Oh my god, I've actually listened to this before.

I've literally heard this before, but when I found it, it wasn't on Spotify yet, So I'm just cooler.

Than I like, he says, pop in Minis. This is a beautiful song. But I added these songs to the Emergency entercom playlist on Spotify that I created. But Batman by glock forty spas uh parent issues by Russian artists, Flip that OMG by ash Trakhan, Flip that Flip that that that that intro by Nana Ray. Been getting back into Nana Ray heavily love Nana Ray and we'll do ice core. Exclamation point by Louis Athena. I haven't really watched any movies or television since being here. I've really

Boss being the boss while I'm out playing.

Yeah, I've been been carrying just what these muscles are all about.

But I was I get I film like it's actually crazy.

Oh my god, it smells like fucking could Oh you went to Harvard? Can you send me that shirt?

Can that? I wore the shirt for our viewers. So let who goes to Harvard?

Oh yeah, queen, can you send that to me?

I can send you a picture of my fucking butt spread open.

With yes, yes that is. That is even better. Wait, this is a real request. One second, this is a real request. I do really badly want someone to send me their so no, no, no, I'll send my soiled boxers to someone for five thousand, saying all right,