we think you are toxic

Welcome to this episode of.

Emergency in You has always got to get the last clap.

I know, to get the lap, and I have to intro the podcast because if I don't intro the podcast, who's gonna me?

Hello, I'm here.

No, I just like do it, right, I do it with a cadence that like gets the people's ears perked up and ready for an hour of absolute bullshit.

Yeah, well we'll start it off very quickly with the bullshit. So we all know twenty twelve my calendar. Indang, how scary boots that fucking was. Like I was in I think like sixth grade. No, I was probably in like first grade in twenty twelve. I was really young into that.

Oh yeah, because you're sixteen right now. So yeah you were, because I was gonna say I was in like sixth seventh grade, so you were definitely weird.

Oh you weren't like boring to hang out with me.

Well, I was hanging out with your mom because I banged her to have you.

Oh oh, so your mother, you really are.

My grand mother. I'm mother too, but I.

Am a firm believer. We all know how scary that was. Like I was literally convinced that like a tsunami was gonna eat me up in fucking Granberry, Texas, which is fucking land locked, like three hundred miles into the fucking land. But I was convinced I was gonna die. How do we know we didn't die? How do we know everyone in the world didn't die in twenty twelve and we are just living in the hell right now.

I'd be so pissed because I would at least hope that there would be an immediate change, like there would be an immediate flip and like the world is crazy. But if we actually did die and then life just kind of kept pushing and then got like like global warming is just like progressively getting worse, I'm like, that's the hell we're living in.

They tricked us, They literally tricked us with twenty sixteen. Yeah, they were like, this is the last good year. We're showing you what life could be like, but instead you get Donald Trump. Chomp, chomp, please save me.

Honestly, Like, I'm grateful for Chomp in a lot of ways, A lot of ways being how many awesome jokes like that there are. Think about like if we could have say Donald chomp, like what would be.

There and filling the air with it, please please please.

Breaking the glasses. Literally wouldn't open the door, Like what did he think was gonna happen?

Like Trump was literally going to say He's.

We're gonna go off, and it was gonna be like Donald Trump all the walkie talking and be like, let him.

Go, let him go. He's one of my members.

Also, I feel like I need to clarify I'm not actually grateful for Donald Trump.

You know, I thought you actually were so thank you for.

I felt like, I know, like a lot of our like beliefs aligned with each other, me and Chomp, So I was like, oh, I hope nobody actually believes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well the one thing that Chomp did eat with the one thing he did, one good thing he said, one good thing his entire life.

I think I know what you're gonna say, and.

It was fake news. With fake news. He really did that.

Just like circles back to our conversation about how like conservatives and like all those like right wing people, they are really good with the catch words. But they're so good with those little catchphrases and words because that's how they ended up there in the first place.

They got captured they got tricked by.

By leto like the lingo is what brought them in. So then they get like, hello, demon Crat is really fucking good, Like I stand.

Hello, are you okay?

I'm right here, right here?

What's the other one that you and Ryan really like?

Please send it to me, Rachel, Jesus was seen, we are, Rachel, Oh my god, show me to me. Please send it to me, Rachel. He was literally seen in Ohio. Please send it to me. Oh no, please, oh my god? Which one send it to me? Baby? Which one is it on? TikTok? Well me, I'm kidding. You don't do that, do you know that?

You know the instok The background behind that is that like it was when everyone was like saying, like their parents' favorite musician or celebrity diet and she couldn't say a celebrity because her parents didn't or her mom didn't give a fuck about a celebrity, so she just said Jesus Christ appeared in fucking a Walmart parking lot in Ohio, Like what does that look like?

That actually had me and were I'm thinking, because we were like, dude, if you saw Jesus, would he be humongous or would he just be like our sives like I do.

I always imagine him like being our size.

Yeah, just like a normal dude, like walking around. And then like I I feel like there's so many people who just like kind of serve Jesus that if I saw Jesus, I wouldn't know me.

I mean, I give.

They were the opposite of Jesus for sinning and going to hell.

Then yeah, I guess you know, you know what a lot of people like, you know who. A lot of people say I look like Beyonce, Like a lot of people say a lot of people say me and Beyonce are like twins.

But isn't there a video of a girl saying that it's.

I think her name is New York but she's like Beyonce.

Oh yeah, because I dude, I'm just having too many like references of videos pop in my head. So we need to move on, because my brain is like spinning because I was thinking of like this is so humiliating, Like I was like, that sounds like something Bambi would have said, but keep going.

You're weird, Okay, I'm not so so I know, and like the last oh, I want to address this real quick. This fucking thing. A lot of bitches have been saying, like Drew's always on that damn phone, like get up that damn phone, Like no, you don't realize it's open in the notes app. And it's how this podcast runs is me looking at this fucking phone, so suck my nuts from the back. I'm dead fucking serious, Like I'm not even playing serious.

But what was I need to eat from the back? Sloppy style?

Ew. Someone's dad saw the podcast and said, like, I like her, but like his energy is really fucking.

Scared, Like he didn't like the way you touch your phone, which I do agree with. Drew does touch his phone like he shouldn't be touching it, like it's really weird.

Exactly we shouldn't. These these are the real demons. Let's talk about it.

It's black mirror. That's your black mirror. I ever thought about.

That, looking at it when it closes, you're looking back at yourself. I showed I told someone that when we were camping, and they were like, WHOA. I literally never thought about that.

Interacted with people who like are actually normal and living their life as we, like humans were intended to. And when you say things that have been regurgitated on the Internet eighteen times. You sound like a genius, Like they just can't believe it.

I literally sounded. I was like so pseudo intellectual.

You to him, you were Alan Watson that moment. He was like, wow, oh my god, Well, shitting on your period is like if you try, just.

Don't poop, girls don't. That's what I g the nastiest ship you've literally, I think ever said ever. And like I'm almost like we should cut that, like I was, It's only it's only nasty because one you're lying because girls don't poop, hello, And two girls don't have periods.

Well, no, girls like have periods, Like, so girls.

Don't poop, you're inferring. You're inferring that girls don't poop, and you just know what.

I'm saying, Like both are just like true statements.

Okay, wait, you should be a comedian because you're like hilarious.

Fuck you, Oh my god, you would do so good if you like actually tried out that.

Wow. But okay, So in the past couple episodes, I've been thinking about things that are like barbaric that we do now, and one of them I thought about is so my mom and my sister and a lot of girls in my life all do this, but they go to a lash technician and get false eyelashes installed into

It's kind of like hair extensions though, but like for your eyes. I guess it is insane because also like how risky it is, Like we shouldn't be putting glue near our eyes. Oh did you have to like make that much noise of it?

M I'm a Stanley girl, now I'm a Stanley cup.

Fuck did you get that? Because I came home and that was just in the house and we've only been apart from each other for like twelve hours.

So on the way to Ryan's, I stopped at Dick's Sporting Goods. Well, I stopped there because the title stopped there because Dix. I was like, oh, like, oh okay, Dick.

Yeah, because Grinder was down yesterday, so you're really.

Yeah, my pastor's name is Dick. But I went to Dix because I was charging my car because I almost I literally I don't have a Tesla. I don't have that. I never did that.

No, yeah, because you hate us.

Yeah, Elon musk Hello would never support that man. But I had to stop at this parking lot to go to Dick's Sporting Goods because I haven't been until long. In that store is like literally one of my favorite places on earth, like as a kid growing up, because like I was in an of sports, like I loved sports, like I literally played so many sports growing up. But I wanted to like see what it felt like in there because I was like having to pass the time.

If you want to ever send me something, please do please. I'm so hard to get hydroflast pr in like twenty nineteen.

Say, I've had this ship, I've been by your side for years, and I haven't gotten my flowers at all. So I'm a Stanley Cup girl and so further notice and this fits in the cup holder and I called it.

But Hydro did start competing with that, and now they make cups.

I saw it car and I was really hoping they came out with like a came out, came down hold on, I was really hoping they came out of the closet, but I was hoping they would come out with one that was like brushed aluminum, Like, oh my god, I went I loved that.

Like custom hydro flasks. This isn't like an as for these brands. So we're just like going on a tangent about it. I think the shape of that cup is really fucking disgusting. You when I hate it, it's me when you've had it for six hours, you're like, that's what I thought when I first got it. Well, I have one, Like, can you hold it from down there? Because I just want to see what it.

Looks like, like I have to hold my mic up.

Actually, we're gonna go, oh, this is the heaviest thing ever.

Yeah, it's big, it's got more water in it. I have to fix my mic because I have to like hold it up, and it's fucking pissing me off.

So, oh my god. Oh well, ever since I got my texting and driving ticket, yes I text and drive. Hello, I don't anymore because now I'm actually scared. But I actually, I will say I think I am of all the people we know, I might be the best at my phone usage to driving. Yeah, like I do really do my best. And if I have to reply, like I will like use a voice to like I said, so many voice my most because usually I'll be in the card.

I'm like, oh, yeah, you are really good about that. But me, I'm scrolling through TikTok and driving like it's crazy. I'm watching a YouTube video like I hacked my phone like it's crazy. Yeah, no, no, no, I'm just fucking kidding.

I mean I've been pretty bummed this past week, so my screen time has been so bad, Like my TikTok screen time got so bad that I have started to be fed tiktoks I've already liked. And that's you know, it's really bad. You know this app is like starting to repeat on it because it's like but I literally don't know what else you're beating. Yeah, I'm like, I'm beating the time it takes for people to make more content.

You know when it gets really bad is when you get past that point and then they start recommending videos with zero light.

It's either zero or like like eight million, like so many I almost want to see right now, Like I haven't been on it as much like the past two days hello, and I want to see if it's going to do that, like if it's like top light look three.

Like yeah, thirty nine exactly.

And then it's like a few normal ones that I would maybe interact with, but then it's like gotten into a lot of like the cap cut shit.

Where it's just yeah templates, like.

Weird templates, and then it's like like high school drama, like when he doesn't text you back, like weird, like eight million liked tiktoks.

And then like one hundred ads are like, oh, this is like an ad watcher, like they're gonna just get make us meet our quota, and I'm fed like four ads in a row, like four in a row. It's like cram crazy, four motherfuckers for the bitches that were gonna clip that and say four, oh he put up three, like what the hell? Four?

Well, because I brought the ticket thing up because I was driving the other day and thinking about how most people like a ticket doesn't stop them from interacting with a habit like that, Like it's we just live in a day and age where grabbing your phone is such a within a split second if you're free, so if you're out a red light er in traffic, you're gonna grab your phone. Because that's how I got caught. I was like on the highway and stand still traffic, and

See. I've literally always thought about that, like how it would be if like I was on my phone, but I was literally looking at like Google Maps or some shit, and they're like, I saw you on your phone, and I was like, no, I swear like I was on Google Maps. Like that's always if I ever do get caught, I'm just gonna switch over to Google Maps really quickly.

My shit is connected to car play and I literally am like with it in my hand, but the directions are right down. I'm like, oh, I just need like.

Yeah, yeah, don't don't text and drive. It's so easy not to do that. Don't use your fucking phone and drive. It's so easy not to. We're not good influences. Don't do as we do, do as I say.

I'm actually pretty good about it, though, but I was so shocked when I got stopped for that. I was like, are you freaking serious? Blow? And then I already said this, so I'm just gonna repeat myself. When he went back to his card write the ticket like I wasn't touching my phone as if I was on punish man, I was like, I already got caught using it, Like I might as well just get on it.

We had pride and you did do it in his face. Yeah.

Also, I feel like I have never mind. I don't have to do anything.

Well, this is just a car episode because we have a few things that happened. So we went to miss Devin Lee Carlson's birthday. Yes, we're invited to like major socialite events like every party you've ever heard of in La. We go to because we are the it girls like the people Your favorites favorite is me and Ya. Me and arm like we're your favorites favorites like Sasha Kobe, your favorite drag Queen's favorite drag queen is Sasha Koby. Your favorite person's favorite person is me and Ya.

So true, it's almost like bad we always have to say no to social I.

Know, because we're so booked and doing it all the time and we're not laying in phone in bed on our phone. Yeah. But on the way home, Kai wanted us to drive him and I was sober that night. So I was driving and I was driving in his car, and Kyle like came up to me and was like, hey, like can you take me home? Like I don't want to have to uber this way? And I was like sure, Like what is like six minutes away or something. It was like seventeen minutes out of the fucking way.

I know. It was like when you said that. Also, I was just chewing on my finger so crazy in the mic, and I know it sounded crazy, but when you were like, yeah, I know it's on the way, I looked at the map and I was like, bitch, that is not on the way. I literally like out of the way, but I wasn't gonna fight it because I didn't mind. Also, I was like having fun being in the car listening to music, like it.

Was a key it was a literal key blast. Well, we're pulling out and I literally crashed in his car within three seconds, like I drive it up on the curb and like and it's like.

Brushed the underside of my bumper.

Everyone was like dying laughing, and I was like, guys, it's literally not funny, Like this isn't funny.

So I was like, oh, of course this fucking happened to me. This is not fucking funny.

I jumped out and I like went and looked at it, and everything was like pretty much normal, and I was like, oh, like we're good, Like let's let's keep driving. And we get on the freeway and I get a notification on it in his car and it's like the tire pressure and I'm like, oh, I just click okay and ignore

I told everybody after him, and like everybody who we saw the next day was like, yeah, what'd you GetUp to. He was like, well, we almost died, but other than that, like things have been good, but it was just really scary, Like you're so annoying you say it to everybody, and then they always look at me because obviously we were together, and I'm just like like.

Let it literally he's but yeah, we literally almost flipped and died like times, and it's all Kaids fault.

Basically, I bet I put something in there because we refuse to hang out with him, and he's like, oh, I'm going to make them hang out with me, and he knew that he'd get us on the side of the road for like twenty five minutes. So when the tire went flat, I was I saw somebody being like in and you stop mentioning being drunk or high on the episodes, because I think every story, I'm like, I

The fuck said that. Yeah, I know, fucking nerd loser, loser, virgin loser.

But I was inebriated and I didn't want to change a tire in that moment. So in my head, I'm like, I'm just gonna call Triple A. I don't want my trunk is full of shit. Getting the spear out is too much. I didn't want to do it. But then something clicked in me because I remembered how much fun I have changing tires. I literally get a kick out of it, Like it is so fun. I've changed like four tires in the past two years, and they always pop around me because God wants to give me a

Be fun, but like, my tire is gonna explode on the freeway and I'm gonna roll thirteen times and God's gonna be like, fix that, bitch, and I will.

I'll fucking like back together in cartoons when it's like really fast going around, it's like yeah, yeah. But basically I was the saving queen of the night because I fix the tire all by myself and insert video now.

Girl the tire on? Yeah, how there do you? Guys? We try to help, but she wouldn't let us.

Man the barny movie down to be and Josie and Kai Drew told them. While we had the tire up and we were like putting the spear on and screwing the bolts in, Drew kept saying to Kay and Josie, like, be careful putting the spear in the trunk because don't push it off of the what is it called like a crank? He was like, don't don't push it off of there. Don't push it off of there, bitch. They didn't fucking listen, and they pushed the tire into the

Yeah, they really weird. Literally made it in your fucking bleed and they almost ripped my fingers off. I was so scared. I was literally so scared. But then the next day we go to the beach. We have a key at the beach for Zamar's birthday, and then we're driving home. Guys, I've never seen this happen before, but me and Enya witness RoadHead happen. Oh yeah, we forgot about it.

It was so insane.

It was so lit too. It was so weird.

I was like, what else happened in the car?

Yeah, it was so lit because like we see the car in front of us like swerve out of the way, and then he's like, what the fuck is that? And we drive.

It was like the middle of the day on a Sunday. So in my head, I'm like, there's no way you're drunk. Something's happening in there.

And then like Enya like says, she sees a girl's hair like pop up.

Really yeah, because like when he sworeved, I saw through the thing like his arm go like this, and her head was lifting up.

So I was like hmm wait, and so I'm like, in your speed up, I'm like, speed up, please speed around. So we like jerk out of our lane and start jerking off, and like we pull up next to the car and we look.

Over and she was nowhere to be seen.

She was nowhere to be seen. And he's like looking over, he has like the biggest smile on his face. He's like cheeky, he's like happy about it, and he knows we know. And then like he.

Just watched me like a fucking perber.

Yeah, yeah, he knows, we know. And so he's laughing. We're laughing, and then we've slowed down a little bit, and then we speed back up because I'm like, wait, hold on, no, there's no way. And then she's now back in the.

Seat and they're all like cracking.

They're looking at us like cracking the fuck up. And then we're just like and like we celebrate like.

Tearing back, and I'm like, damn, y'all are so cool because it was weird for us, Like they're doing no.

I was gonna say, they're literally getting headed in public, Like we were.

Just into that.

Yeah, we were just saying that they were like drinking that just because we.

Had to make sure they weren't drinking off the floor.

Yeah, yeah, exactly, because it's really or she passed out, like I was just.

Like looking at her. Also, on the way to the beach, we had another car interaction. I really had to poop and somebody just so happened to have a thing that said honk if you need to poop, and we honked and they were I've never seen someone happier about someone else thinking to ship, but it was really cute.

Yeah, we celebrated together, guys. Roads in La are so fun.

Yeah, ours, we're guests together. Everybody's like stop, car stop, car stop cars, Like we live in like a car dominated population, but look at what it does for us.

Yeah, we get RoadHead stories and poop stories.

Right well, and feminist anthems, No.

Whoa well? Last episode two episodes ago, I mentioned that I am afraid of getting blood clots. Now I have a new thing. I'm afraid.

I thought you were going to like line and say you had a blood cloth.

Yeah. I almost died, guys, No, I literally did almost die though. So my new fear is rabies. Like I'm convinced that I'm gonna get rabies. Y'all.

Wait, what animals carry rabies? Is it mammals?

Most of them? Bats carry raby really do though?

Like, what does rabies really do to air?

It makes you literally homophobic or hydrophobia.

Oh, I have rabies. I think it makes you hide your phobic literally.

It's so scary.

And this you already are you stinky bitch like shower bit You got rabies And that's what hyprophobia actually also to do with like drinking water, yes, which I know a lot of y'all who have that because you refused to stop squirting those little fucking liquid and like strawberry packets into your water. I saw this girl take this huge gallon and she put like red for she put like a bunch of red forty in it, like strawberry selsy. It is like all this shit.

I can't talk my ship on this, like I think it. I want like, like you're not drinking water, I want strawberry cake flavored water. I'm sorry, Like that sounds good to me, That's disgusting. So the thing with brabies is so you can like be sleeping in a tin and I or you can be chilling in your bed with your window open while you're sleeping and a bat flies into your room.

Okay, so the probabilities already incredibly listen to be getting of like a Halloween movie from this that's ray.

They bite you in your sleep, you don't even feel it because their bites are so small. You wake up, you look at your arm and you're like, oh, fuck, a spider bit me. Three days later you're like, well I'm a little sick. It's already too fucking late. The second you show signs for rabies, no, And that's even what's even crazier is like the videos of people with hydrophobia from rabies is fucking so scary because like you put a water in their face and they're like like.

Literally give because that would be too fun.

You know.

They're literally like going up to somebody who's literally terrified of liquid and.

Then you just die slightly. Then you literally die slowly, and there's no cure for it.

You can't get like liquids pumped into you.

No, you don't. You don't die of like dehydration. You just die from fucking rabies.

Why would they have a cure? How many people are getting rabies? That's really not that movie.

But I'm still fucking scared because when I'm camping, there's bats out there and they be swooping. That's fucking bite I love, but he said, try to bite me. They literally try to bite me every time I'm out there. I have like people that can vouch for me every fucking time I'm literally the victim of a bat attack. Like it's literally so scary. And I'm talking and it made me so happy, and I ain't talking Gotham and I'm not talking.

Okay, Like, seriously, what the fucket's wrong with you? Well, in on Duras, when I was like seven, one time I.

Went to go take my little You're literally lying.

One time I went to go take my bucket shower bath and my grandma had just heated me up some water on the stove. I had like a nice little, big warm bucket. So I went into the bathroom with my bucket about to shower, and I just hear like and I'm like like freaking out, and I look up and there was a bat stuck in the bathroom with me, and I freaked the fuck out and ran out, and my grandma had to go in with a broom and trying to get him out, and but like my grandma

Have not been okay. So you know, like I'm afraid of getting rabies, Like I'm convinced I'm gonna get rabies, but you know the.

Bat is gonna come through your window at night in the middle of Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah, because I didn't see about the other night.

It's a thing. But just like I'm convinced I'm gonna get rabies, I'm convinced I'm gonna win the lottery. Like it's on this same level of like deletion that's yeah exactly. But we were talking yesterday and I was like, I was like doing like I had bought a lottery ticket because it was like two billion dollars or something. I was like, I literally can't buy it, not buy a lottery ticket. And then I was like, oh my god,

Would like so much of it gets taken for taxes. Yeah, like if it went two million versus like two billion, like I would I actually no, it would make me happy, but I'd be like, damn, I could have made two billion.

I know literally, That's what I'm saying. Like if I won just two million, I'd be like, bro, like what am I supposed to do with that? Like buy a fucking Lamborghini urist, Like I can only buy one, not three hundred, Like.

Say, like if you're gonna be gluttonous and win the lottery. You needed to be like to the full extreme, not like yeah, I guess. Oh my god, living in LA, like you can't even get like a.

Really nice hib I know, you can't even get like a house in LA. It's fucking terrifying. Housing markets collapsing soon. Like I promise just way guys waited out will be good.

To Well, this is what I wanted to show you. That made me laugh.

Oh yeah, you're no, it's like not.

That funny, but it stills me because you have to look at the time and everything. Yes, the fuck I.

Do bit, Yes, I I think period.

It's like I was really feeling emotionally charged in the middle of the night the other night and I was like, I need to write this out, and then I went to go start and I was like my Brad was like and then I just left it alone.

And I thought I.

Would circle back, but I instead circle jerk with Drew's mom and then we fell asleep. So imagine being so brave. Your first day is at the beach. You are a killer. Are the killer.

See whoever I'm dating will not see my body for three years.

Yeah, I mean I think that's correct. Yeah, because I mean, but I'm speaking more like as a victim who has seen your body.

I know it's it's really traumatic, y'all. Like it really is like a scary it's scary as fun.

It's like when Neptune and SpongeBob shows his head. That's what it felt.

Oh yeah, it's like Pharrell in the Big Hat. Yes, Neptune, so you get it. Neptunes, Pharrell, Big Hat, sponge Bob Drew scary body. Like there's just, like I say, there's like levels and layers to it, and y'all just like aren't there Yeah, yeah, to like fully understand the grasp of what I'm saying. Okay, So there's another thing. I

Want to think that. I mean, I guess I didn't have the feeling two days or yesterday that I genuinely am convinced right now that I'm going to die soon.

Yeah, And I made it in your record. Actually we both did that, we both recorded.

It will yeah.

Right.

But I just like sometimes I get into these points where I'm like, oh, I need to feel everything I'm supposed to feel right now because one like, very soon, I will not have this. And then I was listening to a song yesterday before I fell asleep, and I was like, this is genuinely what I think dying feels like. I'm listening to the song. It's a Robin Gootree song that's really good, but I'm like, this is definitely what it feels.

Like to me.

I want to I can't name it because I was listening to the whole CD, so I would have to go, like listen through because I don't know the track.

But Keeper, okay, gay Keeper Gaykeeper.

Yeah, I do keep them. I have a lot around me. It's like weird. Honestly, I was gonna say, say, oh, opening up pad in a public restroom is the equivalent to opening a bag of candy when the movie starts at the movie theater. It's just like that same pressure you feel where you're like, fuck, am I like how am I gonna do this. Am I gonna be brave and just like fucking get it over with and rip

Who are just like and that's me. Like when I'm opening my pad in the bathroom, I'm like, I don't give a fuck about your feelings, Like I'm gonna open this and I'm gonna own it.

You should be embarrassed though, because you're using it like a pseudo diaper, because you shut out your I have a soggy boy on the back of your underwear.

I have a soggy fucking bottom Okay, like a gaping bottom hole up there.

It is being forced as a young girl to go to a swimming pool in like a family setting when what like when you first started your period and you were only allowed to wear pads. That is the kind of like trauma that I don't think I see anybody talking about, like being forced to wear it. Being forced to wear a pad in a pool like that is like so fucked up, Like is that a thing that's a. I think that's a universal thing. Is like most girls

I didn't know we were talking about that. Oh nasty. All of y'all are fucking nice.

Oh my god, Like, what's wrong with you? Where's the love? What did the Barbie move?

Oh?

You haven't seen it?

Where's the fucking hits? They don't talk about periods and Barbie? Actually, maybe I should.

Go see it so you can learn about period.

No, so I cannot have to learn about periods because they don't talk about it.

They do if you haven't seen it, Like, I don't know, just ignore me, but they do. I don't know why I'm telling you that you haven't seen that movie. I shouldn't do that. No, I don't want to say.

It right right right. Well, the other day I was looking in the mirror. The other day I was looking in the mirror.

What, like, seriously, was wrong with you?

No? I was just looking at myself and I was like playing a game. I was playing a game, seeing how long I could stare at myself in the eyes for before I like completely like experienced ego death. I really don't suggest anyone does that, but like if you really want to have, like for real, like a psychedelic experience, like look at yourself in the mirror for longer than three.

Minutes, like actually be examined in a really really serious way, like the think I was probably just on the couch playing Fortnite and like ten feet away, that's what you're doing in the bathroom, seriously, need help, people around listen.

I was staring at myself. I was like it was like a game. I was like, how long can I do this?

For it?

And then I got lost in it and then I like snapped out of it and I saw myself for the first time, like for really what I am and what I look like.

Because literally mean when I get addicted to the grind and I got a step.

There, yeah, exactly exactly, I get lost in the saw hospital. I saw myself for who I really am and what I really looked like. I know who you are, and I'm convinced you for who you are. We switched timelines and then like like in the last like two months.

So you have this thing when when you're experiencing emotional events, you just convince yourself you switched time, you can leave.

I didn't take that as a note and I didn't write down, and I was just trying to be funny. I didn't actually think that.

This is like every time I talk about any relationships, like romantic relationship problems I'm in with Drew, he always loops it back to the economy, Like he within twelve hours of me like just talking through something with him was like, dude, it's literally like the economy. Like you gotta like like get your place in and like you either like thug it out and you end up good on the other side, or you pull out and like you never know what happens, like or like you said something like.

That and then you but did I eat? Did I eat? Look? Look, look, you can apply it both ways, like listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. When you invest invest in the stock market, if it dips down a little bit and you pull out, you actually lost money. But if you stay in and it goes back up, you didn't lose money and you gained a profit. So basically, stay in your own fucking lane. And it's like that on the goddamn highway when we're in traffic. Stay in your goddamn fucking lane, bitch.

Yeah, seriously wrong with you? I guess yeah, like it makes sense, but just to be in a position where I'm like crying and I'm like, yeah, you know, like I don't know, like this is like whatever, and You're just like, dude, this is exactly like this is what I've.

Been telling you, Lizzy maguire, Lizzy MacGuire, No, but I literally twice.

But the second time he did catch himself, he was like, Okay, I need to stop doing that.

I was like, this is the second time I've related your emotions to the economy, and it's proving your point that I am like not a robot, or I am a robot. But yeah, that's what you get for coming to me, of all people with emotional problems, because I am emotionless.

Also, I'm sorry I started laughing because my top three notes are all about my couchie, But like, what the fuck is that machine?

I eat so much cheese and pickles. My pea word probably tastes like electric shock from a dephibulator. I mean You're right, like, is like the I could it tastes like battery. I feel like those tastes like I feel like your vagina tastes like a nine old battery.

Yeah, I lie, like I can see that, Like you know when you used to like the old Android. That's what I'm saying, Like, that's what I'm saying.

You know, oh, you know the new Nintendo Switch cartridges. That's what bronze. Your bronze and tasteless. It's bitter and scary.

It's like alcohols. And then the last thing I said about periods and Kouchi is if someone told me doing meth once a month stop my period, I'd try it. Also, I'm just in a mental state where I think i'd just try it.

In general, Yeah, that would be lit. We should like start on meth.

Once and then it's like once a month just like stops your period.

Paint.

Yeah. Actually, I mean it's it's.

A literal win win situation because you get high from meth and you also don't have a period. Yeah, so yeah, but don't do that. Yeah, don't try that. Don't even taste that out. But yeah, I feel like lately I'm giving like fishy cunt. Okay, okay, wait, okay, I got okay. So I gotta say, a lot of the famous people y'all know, aren't that cool? I don't know. Oh, it was a joke and the cadence is all wrong. It was supposed to be like I know all of.

Yeah, you know, every famous person? Did you through your notes and trying to understand your tone before saying it out loud was the craziest thing I've ever heard.

Oh, this is a good one. I think we've talked about it before, but I literally don't give a fuck. How are people still breaking records like while they're running? Like, how are people getting How are people getting faster and faster?

And I know the technology, it's that fucking Celsius.

It's like in the technology and the sneakers and like whatever the running form, but like, really think about it, like, how are we getting faster? It makes no fucking sense. And and that brings me to the next thing. It already talked about it. It's like two weeks old now, but the girl that like kind of cheated her way into the race and literally recorded the slowest.

What they say about right now, the.

World's slowest fucking time fuck.

I wish I remember exactly because it wasn't a popular video that you showed me that like had this voiceover, but it was like this average and unhealthy woman. Yeah yeah, literally how people describe it.

Yeah exactly. But she recorded the world's slowest time like in a race.

What I like laughing at myself being like that's.

Me okay, Shane Dawson, Me, okay, that's a literally amazing.

I'd rather be at home with the pizza.

Ah, what the heck? The Ghost, the Gucci Ghost full track suit, Gucci Ghost.

I'm parting.

Welcome to Drew Shy on corner. I've noticed enough and I'm going to stop paying attention now.

Actually, how I feel Like I was sitting and talking to Elisa and her homie about like law school and stuff, and I was saying that I was like, damn, bro, I don't think I've ever felt this stupid in my life. Like I literally couldn't tell you the first thing you do at law school. But I don't know a single thing you're supposed to learn the laws, Like that's literally where my knowledge of Like also what you just have to know every law?

Like what is the test like that for like I know, we're literally talking about the same thing about like mathematics, like looking at people like solve the code to nuclear bombs and it's like a bunch of letters and numbers on the board. I'm like, yeah, fucking right, you're lying. You just wanted to fake it.

Like that's not right, that doesn't mean anything. Also, like I could put symbols on a board and then just tell you what I think they mean and it's gonna make sense. Like so I just don't believe you, and it's really weird. But yeah, I just will never learn anything ever. Again, I don't think exactly exactly, which is exactly what our parents did at one point.

Yeah, our parents literally cheated the system. Iis and Fetti Whopper running shit in twenty fourteen. For real. That's a crazy mix think about it, though, I.

Mean it is true. That's all that was the talk of the town. Yeah, talk of the town. Remember when the talk of the town was swine flu.

Yeah, I was convinced I was gonna get it.

Yeah, everybody thought they were gonna get swine flu. But I guess I feel like that's equivalent to you thinking you're gonna get rabies. But I didn't know a kid growing up who actually did get swine.

Yeah, it was starting to grow around in my school, like three kids got it, but they caught it before it spread. But yeah, I think I'm responsible for the demise of ISIS. Like I think I single handedly.

I actually do believe you. Somebody from their team definitely saw you.

Yeah, because I was posting like ig stories back in like twenty sixteen of me saying like isis like literally please fucking stop, and it literally worked. Dude.

I cannot believe what the internet has fed us since we were children, like the fact that we were even a part of that conversation we were literally baby. Yeah, that is insane, I know, and thinking so much about like I don't know, like our moral ambiguity that's come with the Internet and how it's like such a toss up and like you really have to choose one side, but do you like there's so much.

Great context in the world. Yeah, it's really really fucked up that I was like thirteen years old, like going through puberty actively and watching people die on my iPhone, Like that's so fucking crazy that it's.

Like insane, Like every day, it's not like we stopped it were we like all at the age where we were like, Okay, there has to be a way to stop this.

Yeah, but like I don't.

Know that there is.

I cannot believe and like there's nothing my parents could have done about it, Like I was going to watch people die anyway, and like I've like a part of me is like bad shit exist and we should be able to consume it. But like there has to be like a way line. There has to be a line that we just can't cross. And I think for children, Yeah, me at thirteen years old watching isis be head someone is like that long in like I shouldn't know what that is, right right, Oh, this is the last thing

The prodcaster I can't remember her name.

And she she was like, oh, can I get a picture? And I was like yeah, sure, and she was like, oh, but like, how are we going to do this like, and I was like, oh, I have long arms, like I'll take it. So I was like holding your picture, and I was like taking like a bunch of photos because I'm like, oh, like, let's.

It's used to like do enough for you to like feel cute and whatever.

One a Yeah, someone's going to look good in all of them, but one of them is everyone's going to look good. Like that's my philosophy. So I was taking pictures and then like I'm like, oh, let's look at them, and she's like, okay, that's enough, and then like just leaves and I'm like too. It was like it was nice a year yeah, and I'm like okay, like literally like you love that, Okay, that's enough. Yeah. She was like, you took like way too many pictures on my fucking phone because.

You were literally taking a burst on her goddamn I.

Phone, as I should. People should be thinking me, oh my.

God, imagine going to take a selfie with like somebody famous and your phone has no more storage? Literally, what do you do? That has to have happened to somebody that probably has for the Ellen selfie guys, dude, where we didn't get that fucking selfie.

Dude, have you seen this new fucking photo with Ellen in like all of the celebrities at the Awards Show, Like neither of.

Us can name a single other celebrity or the Award Show because as you were doing it, I was like, yeah, like waiting for you to say something. I know it's l Jennifer Lawrence had to have been like.

Fatiguan has to be in and the one dude, not McConaughey and not pit, but the.

Other I know it's what we're talking about.

He was in Limitless?

Is he in a Starsborn? Oh my god? What is his name? Way?

I really it's like Bradley Cooper, b literally Bradley fucking.

Cooper, Bradley Cooper. I saw someone the other day saying Jennifer Lohan like they were like grouping up every like early celebrity. They were like Jennifer Lowhan, but Jennifer Lowhand.

Should we just get really deep for a second, like, do you have anything you want to talk about?

Absolutely no, because my personal life is crumbling before my eyes and it was difficult to get on here and be funny.

Yeah, we weren't going to have an episode this week, but ya persevered. She is ironically going through some shit.

I'm just like literally such a giving and caring person and if I'm feeling down, I just want to make sure you feel good. She has to do with the fact that I don't like myself, so I don't focus on myself because I'm scared of myself. So it has less to do with my caring for you, but more to do with my lack of caring for myself.

Yeah, that's that's what I was talking about, Like, let's get deep, let's talk about some deep shit like that. You know what, the mother friend of the group.

It's crazy hearing someone else from the Philip family say that, because that's what your mother says to me. She's always saying that. It's so weird you guys think.

So like, oh wow, this, I just didn't know I was gonna be violated like this on the podcast, I'm gonna start saying I was violated, and you violated me with that comment, Like I.

Don't like the way that sounds like a really harsh finger to point at me. Why just say like I was violated by.

Enya, Like, oh my fucking book, Like you know what I'm.

Saying, like violated me. I feel like yeah, everybody'd be like, oh oh.

Yeah, maybe I'm not gonna make that my vote. I'm like that. Okay, Well, I got one more thing to leave you all off with, and then we'll do media, and then we'll move on. Drew sile one more. Don't show me anything on the phone anymore. There's nothing I need to know that's in the phone. Show me a bird's eye and a child's smile.

I love, like there's something else in the phone.

Well, I fucked up because it's supposed to read the phone. It's supposed to read. Don't show me anything in the phone anymore. There's nothing I need to know that's in the phone. Show me a bird's eye or a child.

No.

I know that's the way it's supposed to be, but I replaced the first in with on.

It's still in the phone.

Show me a bird's eye and a child smile.

Birds lament. All right, let's do media, guys.

Okay, So I watched a movie today.

Okay, he's not really happy about it.

Yeah, A mirror Mine two thousand and five. And the only reason I watched this movie was because I saw a video of people being like album and a movie that compliments it really well or like that carries the same energy. And one of my favorite albums ever Byorke's best album is Vespertine, And I saw it in the list and the person said, this movie Mirror Mind is like Vespertine, and I can confirm it gives the same energy.

With their it's around criteria.

No, it's literally on YouTube, so go watch it. It's on YouTube two thousand and five. Me your mind. Uh. And then my music Yana is actually have a new song that I've been listening to. What the hell was that sound? Is that our doorbell? Oh?

Like, there's no way that's the noise it's making.

The new song is Hannah's Sun by Lomelda. Come on, y'all, like, that's a good fucking song. Yeah good, oh so good. And then in McDonald's by Burial. If you haven't listened to Burial yet, do it classic love love Love, And I'm airing out my shit right now, so I'm gonna shut the fuck up.

But yeah, I've been listening to Motamammy Bye Rosalia because I never yeah, I never really listened to it like that, and then I was like, damn, I'm so bombed. I didn't see her live, so I've been listening to that album a lot. Only you know by Dion. Everything reminds me of her, Elliott Smith, armand Doyley, Maman Sonny and Ebb, Tide, Houston and Dorsey.

This is literally going to be Josh, That's funny. Okay. Then last thing I'll lead you guys off with before we go is my me canceling my membership. The email I sent hello, I want to cancel my membership. The sauna is always closed. I was scanned by my last chainer, then ignored by the staff once I asked for help, and quite frankly, I don't feel safe in the locker room. Also, the price point is just also the price point just feels outrageous for what you get. Thanks.

Wow, that was a good read. I love it quite frankly. Yeah, and quite frankly like I like.

When Karen and I don't give a fuck, like suck my nuts.

Yeah, that's the new fall vibe. That's the fall trend. List is being a Karen. So next time someone's trying to sell you on TikTok shop items, if it's not a Karen suited fit, then you don't need it because you're angle.

And you know what I'm talking about. That's the angle.

Yeah, that's exactly it.

You know what I'm talking about. No, I said, oh, I'm going to get a billboard for it.

Oh that is that.

There's like an intersection there that people are talking about that I'm going to make a commentary on.

Dude, you say that's the angle, Like I literally was freaking me out. I was like, yeah, that is the angle. All right, Well, thank you guys for listening. As if anybody gives a fuck what I'm going through, I.

Guess yeah, guys, love yourself, love your family. The nuclear family is being destroyed and it's the root of all of our problems.

So like.

J J, but love yourself.

Chill, hey, chill, please PA all right and peace.

And love and unity and respect.

Bye.

Mm hmmmmm