We’re Having a Baby

Yeah.

Jesus.

Well, well, welcome back to emergency Intercom. What is this episode? Four hundred and twelve forty one four and twelve? Okay, uh and yes, silent for this episode. So to fill the void, I'm gonna show off my new little toy that I got. I got an op one. It's a portable synthesizer. I'm really excited about it.

It's got some.

Cool sounds and can do some really cool things. It's basically a portable doll. The workflow is pretty interesting. There's some learning curve. But here I'm gonna do some sample don't talk.

Uhh no, no, no, all right here.

What you needed some portable bitches?

Oh my god, what you need is to die in a fire?

Jesus.

What old?

So you can say any portable bitches. But when I say you want to die in a fire, fuck you burn? You're gonna burn too with the rest of the witches. All right, listen, all right, I'm gonna do some sample work.

You should do that again because it was really off. We heard it just now. Fuck, I can tell you just got it. That's good.

It sounds so good.

Dude.

Wait, this is what it sounds like when i'm having sex.

You sound like a robot.

Yeah, that's the sound Dream makes when I blow his back out.

I was gonna start this episode by making joke about I was gonna start it off by saying, we need to start stop making such a big deal out of gentrification, because like, I got evicted and my house got turned up like a little La High Palas and it made me a better person. But then I thought about it too much and it actually made me really sad.

Oh oh damn.

Okay, I still drive by the house I got evicted from.

That's an interesting take, and it.

Looks so weird. Well, one time they left their window open and I could see it in the house and it scared me because they didn't change one of the walls so I could see.

It for a second. I'm doing I'm doing like something really important, like actually hilarious.

You're not though, and you could have put them right here.

I just didn't want them to fall off.

Okay, Oh, why is it so low?

You turn up the volume or something.

It's all the way. You know, this thing's a piece of fucking How.

Much was that like twenty bucks?

Yeah, I guess that's a pretty that's a good little gadget for fifteen dolls.

I mean anything more than that, it would be kind of.

And a piece of ship.

Yeah yeah, Oh my god, I'm fucking well. Welcome back to Argentina.

Colm. You always put headphones that I just got. I just got these piece of shit, stupid fucking headphones, and I hate them.

Those are drews. Those are these are your mind? You tweet?

Those areres They're literally not these are mine? Are you actually joking right now? Because these are mine?

I don't like know what you want from me.

I want you to stop claiming my headphones.

Are your this did you know they could do this?

Yeah?

Okay, oh you should sample that sounds Oh yeah, wait, wrong side.

Okay.

Oh let's get into this episode a little bit. But I'm gonna turn the clairvoyance mode back on so I can so I can hear everything and everywhere all at once.

Oh. I saw Sonic too yesterday. It was awesome. Really, I actually really liked it. Dude, Eggman's like big suit in it is so crazy. There were parts where I was like, damn, this was like rendered during work from home, Like this was definitely rendered like on someone's PC at home.

They need to bring back Ugly Sonic. I will die on that hill, and I always.

His mouth now is still really scary when they do close ups with his face, like I can only look at his mouth. It's so nasty.

But ugly Sonic was so fucking rancid and rat bastardy, like it was scary as fucking could you imagine ugly tales and ugly was it?

Knuckles?

Like, if they continued that art direction with Tails and Knuckles, we would have three ugly motherfuckers. Someone out there needs to render.

You should just give them all like a bulge a bulge, yea like should have a bulge, not like he's wearing pants and there's a bulge, but like there should be a bulge under his furs.

Wou to apply that you could take lift his furs bulge. You would sniff his bulge. Yeah, you would never get that close to his bulge.

Tails.

Apparently there was like a really gnarly sex scene with Knuckles and Sonic, but they had to take it out.

That's not true, and now you're just lying. You interrupt us to lie.

Yeah, it's true.

Sonic and Knuckles fucked or Tails.

And Knuckles Sonic and Knuckles.

Tails is fruity, and they gave him a lash perm in this.

Movie in the case. Yeah, yeah, that's actually really advanced.

It actually is like Eggman and his assistance relationship is very homoerotic. We gave it made me like, I've never had this feeling before. It made my my member feel like almost slippery.

And then you don't have a member.

Sorry, I was getting a phone call, would you say?

I said, I'm not repeating.

That it made your member slippery? Yeah, like cream at the tip.

Okay, damn joshucking calling me answer.

Maybe it's an emergency.

Well, oh my god, that scared the ship out of me.

This is something that I need to be touched. I need to touch on. I need to touch this is something I need to touch myself to. Yeah.

So, like we actually do live in the future, you know how We've been saying it, Like at the Tablade concert, We'll get into that. The drain Gang concert, we were like, oh, this is like sometimes you see ship and you're like you're living in the future.

Yeah.

Well, in my hometown and ship asks nowhere, Texas, there is a literal drone delivery service. Like you order food and they bring food to you from a drone?

What?

Yeah, it's fucking Cranberry in Granberry.

Why that doesn't sound that should we be saying you from girl?

Everybody knows.

I mean I care about safety. Don't yourself. That's embarrassing. You should have some self respect.

People drove through the billboard and it was gone already.

They like they were like, how long is it going to be up?

You talk like a kid in like preschool who like comes to their teacher and says things they like to be saying.

Well, I just like, I just say literally every word that comes in my brain, Like that's crazy. Actually I don't because if I really said everything, like, you do.

Not want to know what You not want to know what's gone?

You don't want to know what I'm thinking.

It's came over here.

But yeah, there's a drone delivery service. There was something else where. I was like, we literally live in the future.

Kai, what was it?

Oh the fucking hologram that we saw?

Well, there was the hologram. Oh, the Disney ride, the Star Wars Disney ride.

I was like, we saw hologram at Disney and then at the Blade concert.

Like actually within the actually a hologram.

Yeah, it was Blade was a hologram on stage. Yeah, I swear to god.

Yeah, Blade passed a week ago, but they wanted the show to happen.

So they just made it happen. No, there was like this weird.

Like it was a sign, it was an ad or it wasn't an ad. It was like an advertisement for a drink.

No, it was the theater. It was Real's logo Globe Theater.

Yeah, it was like it's at the Globe and it was like rotating, but it was just floating.

Yeah, but like we literally saw that.

We saw Princess Leah hologram at Disney.

Seems like it's just really accessible Disney technology.

What we're saying is we're living in the future like the Holo ground that what I'm saying. It's like the future it is now, and like I experience, I'm experiencing the future.

The future is now, and it is futile and you don't have much left. I just thought you should know.

Not if I have something to do with.

No, the thing is actually like I'm done, I'm tapping out. I don't want to hear about how the world's ending anymore.

Like, no, it's ending in three years, Like it's okay.

I heard three and then I heard ten ten ten. Honestly like three maybe one.

Kai's theory. That's what we just say.

The world is ending in three years, Like go have sex with that person who cares.

I don't like ten because I don't want to die in my thirties. I'd rather die in my twenties.

Why would you want to die sooner?

Use by thirty, I'm like, oh my god, I have it figured out, like I don't have anything to really worry about, Like I'm so happy, but now I still have moments where I'm like, you know, what if it all came to an end, I now I'd be satisfied.

No, I would be so happy if the world if literally this house exploded, like there was a ghas leak, if there's a ghas leak in this house exploded, and I died, and I just like ceased to exist, which I don't actually think death is real.

I think we just wake up in another timeline.

Don't let me if you want me to get into No, we don't we like you know, okay, So basically, but before.

You go, I have to say, also, when everybody talks about like the world ending, I literally imagine everything's sitting on fire spontaneously. And I think that's why it brings me back. Obviously, I'm very aware that like, really, what's gonna happen is like, of course, like this is fucking awful, and it's gonna be like a lot of Third world countries are going to be like incredibly like affected by it immediately, and then it's kind of kind of leak

We're already showing the signs.

Yeah, Like Miami. That's also what concerns me is I'm like, fuck, I have to move my family out of Miami because it's literally going to sink.

The world is going to be underwater in three years. But basically I have this theory. Let me go into it.

When I think of the world, I think of that video of the car.

People.

I saw that video of the science.

And I was like, what did you just say?

When I saw the video of the scientist, I was like, oh my god, that's what I thought. And I was like, oh my god.

Yeah, I know it it actually, but I have this theory. Oh this is like there's like three topics here, so let me. I'll just start with the main topic that I was going to talk about already, But tell me why. I was like, I was so fucking exhausted, like three nights ago, and I was like and that I like fell the fuck asleep. I was so tired.

I was like, wait, I'm gonna have the best sleep of my entire life. Tell me why. In the middle of the night, at like four a m.

I woke up and I was on all fours, all fours, like literally like on my knees and on my hands, staring out my window.

That's because you were having a sex.

Drenk.

No, I know that's what SAIDY said I was bottoming, which is not true. I'm straight as fuck. I don't do that freaky weird shit. I'm literally straight.

I'm normal.

You sound like, oh.

My god, anyway I was. I was staring out the window, and tell me why. I literally like for seven seconds, I had like I experienced like true zero thoughts in my brain to the point where when I like snapped out of it, I was like, oh my god, I'm dead, Like did I just die in my life, like I literally could not tell if I was alive still, And then it sparked this thought about this theory that.

You just sound like you're lying, like sometimes you just sound like a liar, like literally like someone coming to school and like thinking.

Of something to say, like no, I should have got that happened because I told Kay about it immediately after it happened.

And then how did you tell him that fast? So he was the one topping me?

Oh all right, cut.

I said, don't mention that gay shit because John my real side.

No, So I uh, it's triggered this thought that I have. So like you know how when you dream, I think I might have already talked about this, but when you dream, like you dream in these like very surreal worlds where like anything can really happen, but you're still yourself in these worlds. Literally me dreaming about Fortnite row thinking about elden Ring while having sex, my back blown out thinking about olden Ring.

Wait wait wait wait, I thought you were straight. Why was your back getting blown out?

I don't know, I just I'm like, I'm lying, I'm a liar. No, okay, So you know how you enter these universes where like nothing exists.

I mean, everything is like happening. Whatever the fun I'm trying to say, you know what I'm trying to say, Yeah, well I just got to up this.

Sorry. I literally keep thinking about how I had a dream that I was in Fortnite and I was with Belahadeede in Fortnite.

Yes, but basically these worlds exist.

But what if the dreams are actual like timelines that in like real versions of you happening just in different realities. So like what if every time you're dreaming, like you close your eyes in this reality, but you wake up and you're seeing like your life in a different reality where like you know, like the butterfly effect where you do one thing and like make one choice and like it splits off and there's like another option here in here, you.

Know what I'm saying. Yeah, So, like what if when you die, you don't actually die and.

You just wake up in one of those realities and it's kind of like reincarnation.

That's crazy.

My little brother said he wants to be reincarnated as a gorilla. I'm not kidding. He told me that the other day and I was like, that's good, and then he was like he was like, he genuinely believes in reincarnation. He's that was literally me when I was eleven.

That's what I like, I wanted to believe in reincarnation. I kind of still do. I'm like, I literally don't think we like actually ever die. I think we're just stuck repeating the same life for eternity, which is okay because you like your brain gets a raise, you just have little fragments of deja vu.

The first thought I had this morning, and I'm not joking, the first thought I had was why it's so like I was thinking about movies and how when people are told they're about to lose their memory, they like freak out because like you don't want to but once you like lose your memory, you don't wake up like knowing

My god, sunshine mind.

Yeah, that's an interesting philosophical question because you would uh fuck up the last day of that person's life by telling them.

Yeah, so you might as well just not tell them, like let them just like live in like blistful like.

And then that sounds like the next twenty four movies.

That it happened. If it happens, I'll kill myself. Wait, what if someone steals my movie idea?

Girl? You just said it to literally a million like.

And then immediately after I said, I will commit suicide, so then that person's gonna go to jail.

Rewinding back, I can't believe it was a kid.

I thought, uh, suicide was illegal and that they would lock my body up. I literally thought that. I told my mom when I was seven, I wanted to kill myself, and she was like, you can't because it's illegal, And that actually scared the fuck out of me.

Everybody's parents told them that because I had the same Yeah.

I think my parents told me that too.

Yeah, And then I was like, oh my god, they're still gonna find me if I do it.

Looking at my hand and I don't recognize it.

What were you gonna say?

I was just like rewinding back.

But me and Kai went to the Blade concert, the drain Gang concert, and I have to speak my peace on it. It was the stinkiest concert I've ever been to, like without a doubt. Like it was rancid. There was like immediate like ten degrees hotter body heat like a must. The air was like heavy, and like every third person that you interacted with had like stinky body odor.

But it was beautiful and like not because much fun.

Yeah, not because drain Gang was performing, Like yeah, that was beautiful, but it was beautiful because it was literally just like all these like fucking misfit, freak weirdo losers myself included, like all just having like so much fun at this concert, and it was just like it was

I was talking about the fight club that I go to, but.

You go to fight club. Yeah, oh shit, yeah you fucked up. Okay, because now we have to all fight club.

Fuck.

I've never seen the movie. I don't got it.

The first rule is that you're not supposed to talk about.

Now we have to kill your rule of fight clubs that you have to have sex with everybody who joins fight club.

Really, yeah, that's so sick. I didn't even know.

That well now, but now you're according to Drew, you're done fun. And when Drew says you're done, you're done, is he okay? Yeah, he's just taking it. He's he's just decompressing. He'll be back. Yeah.

The Blade concerts smelled like expired poppers.

Yeah, there were. I was like shouting the entire time. I was like, gimme poppers, gimme poppers. Where the poppers? And then I smelled poppers in my vicinity and I begged for them, but no one had them or would give them to me. But there are like some people who recorded videos of me having fun, which I need to see. So if you have them, send them to me, just post them on TikTok, make me viral.

Ew wah. My very thing about that video is guy looking directly in the camera when it pans back to him, he likesrectly into the camera, then looks away and keeps like moving around.

Yeah, it was, but it was a blast, and I was honestly one of the stinky people.

Like I. I was stinky, and.

Y'all were definitely adding to the odor because when y'all came back, y'all, all of y'all smelled like you had been outside playing with a dog on a hot day.

I love that.

I wonder if we got piss on us because I smelled my jeans and they just smelled.

I had my cock out spraying piss everything.

Yeah, I remember that.

Actually, Yeah, that's like I remember when Echo said pull a cockstole and pi all over every Yeah, you remember that.

I don't know why I just forgot about that until.

It was called the Golden pitch Shower. Oh yeah, it's like the beer shower at l J T Larry Joe other festivals, but with piss and you just un zip your pants and pee everywhere. I got paparazzi the Clara concert. Should we insert the video?

No?

Insert the video.

I just it's hard to go outside now because everywhere I go, I'm filmed and I can't enjoy myself without cameras being on me. No, I think we should go back to paparazzi era. I think I've said that before.

Paparazzi is just different. Now. Paparazzi is like fucking it's like people calling it on themselves that it's so embarrassing because like, I don't know, I'm mixed because I love paparazzi because like, of course it's good entertainment, but like you saw what it did to people mentally, so it's not.

Right now, I'm serious because.

You're passing way. Hopefully we can only hope for that. What I'm gonna start a makeup company and it's gonna be called n Yas Beauty, like Enya's beauty, but en Yas is that good?

That's really You're so smart in Gorged Penis Beauty and like a shadow of how it's going to be, like butthole.

You probably have a very small wianer.

Okay, do I have a small y'all are? So?

I've been at the car with Drew and they have seriously, like not in a joking way, talked to each other about measuring their texting no, but like texting each other in detail about like just set each other a dick pic.

You use your iPhone measure.

Every guy knows you use your iPhone a measure, and then your Google What is the length of an iPhone on Google?

That's like the rule. So I'm like two and a half iPhones, you're two and a half phones?

Wait when did you ever have two and a half? When did you ever have three iPhones? To measure? See how there's a hole in your story.

There's a hole in my ass.

And I'm gonna use it.

Oh my god, I literally am like actually passing away. None of this is real.

Actually, I'm like I'm starting to like catch on, Like I'm starting to actually catch on that none of this is real.

No, that's actually how I feel too. But I think it's because I just ate my fungus yogurt and it's like deteriorating my brain.

I think, like we this is all like, y'all are against me.

No, Actually, can I say something? When I was watching You talk and I thought about what we're doing right now, and then I was like, oh my god, this is like a video that goes out to people and then gets received by other people, and it actually just freaked

No, it's literally so scary, but I have to be at peace with it.

I have to say it's not real that I'm like, this is just like another form of torture, and I'm in hell, it's not real.

And we buy all of our views, so they're not really there. It's Ai. It's Ai.

I am going to start buying views.

You're saying that he's just going to start buying.

Us and scamming and scamming brands, brand deal. It's a genius method and someone should try it.

The thing is, like you're saying it's a genius method, like multiple people don't try it and it doesn't work, Like it won't work.

I guess.

I guess. I don't know any influencer who like has interactions already like engagement and then does it, because then I feel like it'll be believable if you like bought likes, because you would still get like a deacon amount of comments.

That's what I'm saying. But it's like, no, you don't buy likes, you buy YouTube views. So you say you get a brand deal and this brand deal pays a certain amount, We're never going.

Okay. Yeah, I was like, so.

Have you ever told that story?

No, I've never told that story once.

What's the story?

I got banned from Universal? Like I'm literally banned.

I think it's I think you can now.

I can't go to the one in Florida.

No, it was a year that really what happened.

It was crazy and it was not that crazy.

It's just embarrassing. It was one of those size of Jew's life.

It was at that convention called Playlist. If you know what playlist is. It's like a YouTuber convention, social media convention where we all get together and we're stolen from and taken advantage of and then thrown into these rooms to get really fucking drunk together and it's really scary.

Like seventeen nineteen.

Yeah, we were like let's get absolutely blasted and then go, and we like drank a little before and then they had given us, like playlists had given us these like pouches that were plastic that like you could put water in, and we filled them with alcohol.

We filled them with like fucking like pineapple sarraw.

Yeah, just like a bunch of like alcohol. Did you and Madeline each have one as well?

I don't think Madeline had one. I had one and you had one.

Yeah.

So we get on the bus and it like shuttles us over and like I'm not thinking about it all at all because I'm literally like drunk as bones. And we pull up and I was like, there's no way they're gonna be checking for this shit. But like lo and behold there's like metal detectors and like scanners and everything still, and I'm like, oh my god.

We just thought no one would look, like look twice because they gave them out to everybody. So there were other people with these pouches.

Yeah.

So like Ya kept hers on her loot like her belt loop, and I took mine off and to put it on the outside of the scanner and it was full of alcohol, and like the dude was like, what's in this?

And I was like, oh, just water And then no, you.

Said you said it because it was like a.

Yeah, I have this story. He was like just water, huh?

And he opened it and smelled it and I was like, yeah, it's like raspberry water. And he was like, oh, okay, yeah, that's what this is. And then another full came up and it was.

Like fucking cunt.

Yeah, this other full came up and was like that, let me smell because that's not just water, and he or she opened it up and smelled it and she was like this is alcohol.

What are you?

Like, are you like actually insane? Like this is a children's park, Like why would you try to sneak that in here?

Children's park? Only? Yeah, first of all, it's universal. Second of all, the only people off loading off of these buses are like seventeen to like twenty seven year old. Yeah, like seventeen year old. I'm like a kid, but like I'm not like a jit, like I'm not like fucking five.

Yeah.

So Indya and Madeline get through the scanners and they like pull me off to the side and they're like like literally interrogating me, and I tell Indian Madeline like why don't y'all just like go to the park and like also like just go have fun because like, yeah, I don't want to like ruin this for everybody else because I got caught, Like go have fun.

So they go off.

So no, we were like standing around forever just watching, and I was starting to panic because I had this fucking pouch full of vodka on my side, and I was like, oh my god, they're gonna come. They're gonna like come to me. They're gonna see that I have it.

Yeah, And I was like, please just go on fun because it's like it is fucking awesome because you just walk up. You don't wait in any other lines, you just walk up to the riots.

They like, you should go back to playlist for this.

I know That's what I'm thinking, Like that night is fucking lit. It's like actually so much fun. Well tell me why they take me back into this like really fucking scary tiny office, like smaller than like the podcast set. Like it's tiny and there's like pictures all over the walls and like all this Like it feels like I'm in like the set of like Guardians of the Galaxy. Like there's a computers and like beeping and like walkie

Banned from the park. And I was like, really, you're bad.

And I didn't really want to question it too much because I was like They're like, we can call the cops right now if you want me to, and I was like no, Like They're like the cops are right out there, We'll bring them in, and I was like no, like just bam me and we'll get on with this. And then they like ran through like the banning shit and they.

Were when I'm like border shit and take my job, like literally.

Like shut the fuck up, loser freaks protecting mister Universal exactly exactly.

And then they they were like like we can even like arrest like if you come to this park and we scan your ID, well fucking you know, we will arrest you on site. Like even if we like find you in the parking lot sitting in the car, we'll arrest you on site. Most Florida shit, I literally don't live here, like whatever, just like move on. So they made me sign all these papers.

It's two thousand miles away.

No exactly, and so I signed all these papers saying that I wouldn't like enter the premises and then like they like guided me back to the shuttle and I had to just sit on the shuttle for like fifteen minutes, and then I shuttled back literally alone, to the thing.

And then it's like.

That a shuttle. It's literally a big like greyhound bus.

Yeah, it's a giant bus, like a giant bus.

And I was the only one on it, and they drove me all the way back and I didn't say a word to the driver because I was like so like.

Embarrassed and pissed. Tell me why.

We were leaving the next day and I lost my fucking wallet with everything in it, my ideas, like all my cash, all my cards, like it was so fucked up. And I called them the next day and I was like, hey, I like got caught for having alcohol, Like can I have my wallet back? And they're like, we don't have that, like and I was like, you literally do, Like I y'all checked my fucking wallet and my ID for like my name and shit like that was the last place I had it.

Y'all have it, and they just denied and I denied.

So not only did I get banned from Universal, they stole my fucking wallet.

That's so annoying.

Didn't I go back to the hotel and for some reason we had fishing rods? Yeah we went down to the pond.

Yeah we went the hotel.

Where did we get fishing rods?

We bought them from Walmart?

Mean like taking their that's seriously, it's so fucking annoying.

It was.

Really cursed.

And I was like I'm like a child, like having fun, like I'm not hurting anybody, Like it's it's gonna be fine, Like I'm not gonna vomit all over the place. I've drank before, but like, yeah, they like threatened a band and I was like, also on like the night that it's shut down, Like.

I know, it's not even like there's other people in there. It's like it'd be different. Also, it's just so stupid. It'd be different if, like I understand the idea of not being able to bring like gummy edibles into like Disney and ship like that. I understand because I'm like, oh God forbid, this falls out of my pocket and a kid sees that they're gonna be like gummy and then be high as balls. But I'm like, it's closed, and this is a pouch on my fucking thought.

I gave those pouches to you. They knew what they were doing. Plastic pouch.

Yeah, you're filling it with water, so sure, But part of it, I feel like it's like they need to make money off alcohol sales. And like second part is like I did literally break the law, like I was like drinking on their premise, like I had alcohol. I was a minor, so they would be like liable for I get like.

It out, but like interrogating it should have just been like, come on, man, like do better.

Like.

True detective said, no, they like do that at TSA, They're like, are you fucking stupid? Like no, you're not bringing this into text, You're not bringing this weed in the Texas and you just fucking throw it out. But don't say that I told you that because like they'll probably arrest you.

But have you gotten your ship stop in Texas?

No, I just know people have and they're just like, are you actually stupid?

Like that's the funniest like visitor in l A about to leave experience is then panicking about bringing weed back.

I don't want to, Like, I'm just like you're literally fine, Yeah, I'm like put it in your check in and shut up, like you will be good hopefully.

Don't think about stuff like that all the time where it's like in my past, I got in trouble and I now I think about it, it's like it was just an adult having a power trip. Like my hometown supermarket. I would like go in and steal gummy worms from the like you know those like bulk item things. I would take like two gummy worms.

Kay, that's actually fucked up. And then it was just small you stole from a small business and it was.

Like a chain two times a day, like, no, not twice a day, times a day.

No, I probably stole like a total like fifteen cents worth of these gummy ones.

Okay, Yeah.

And then one day I walk out and a guy like puts his hand on my shoulder. He goes, I got you, and I was like what. He's like, I know what you do. You come in here and you snack on these little gummy worms. And I was like me.

Trying to sound like an absolute like talking about like you taking gum.

It was like he was like, all right, so here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna call the police on you and you're gonna go to jail. And I was like, what the fuck is going on?

Old?

I was?

I was?

I was. I think I was like fifteen, but I was still like, this is set.

In this shot because I don't know, yeah, it's been in the shop the whole time.

Time.

My glasses one I use a yes. But anyway, I was just like, fuck, I am old enough to know that I'm not going to jail, but I am young enough to be freak the fuck out and just be like what like, why am I going to prison? I these are worth nothing.

Yeah.

When I got caught stealing like six hundred dollars worth of stuff from before, I was like, what is the big deal?

Like let me go?

Yeah.

When I got caught stealing a car and driving it into.

Yeah, Like what's the big deal? Like there's so there's literally so many cars.

Yeah, I'm like, y'all can just get another one. It's like a Rolls voice, like you have money.

You know, I know you have money, Like.

I'm doing nothing to Wow.

You're a millionaire and you're not going to give me your roless for free.

It's actually fucked up, Like I was like, are you really gonna arrest me right now?

Literally Blue Lives?

Oh what was I gonna say? Yeah, but a bunch of shit from Childhood's Power Trips. I have teachers who were fucking insane, like they're of course in the same sentence, of course, kudos to teachers. It's such a like insane job, like when you really start to think about it, like to take care baby daycare and then also teach them like that is so much.

It's so insane, and their salaries are literally it's like the meaning shit, you could.

Do so fucking belligerent. So it makes sense that so many of my teachers were fucking crazy with me, because like I would be too.

I would hit people, I would hit teacher.

If I was a teacher of myself. When I was younger, I would stop the funk out of the back of my head because like I definitely deserved it. I was so annoying, But I had teachers who were so fucking mean to me. In fifth grade, I had this teacher, her name was Miss holl And.

She You've told this on the on podcasts.

Yeah, I'm just gonna repeat it because I'm already going into us. If you've heard it, whatever, I act like you haven't heard it. But her whole cash phrase was the devil is a lie. And she would just yell at us, and if she felt like we were alive, she would say, the devil is a lie and then.

She just I just shouts now, like the devil is a lie. You're going to die soon, Like actually, you're going to die soon.

I am no no that.

I think I think it's coming soon for me. I can feel it, like I say, like I'm on the precipice, like life is just so fucking good. Like all of my worst nightmares have already come true, like the ship that I would lay awake in bed before I fell asleep. All of them came true, all in the same year.

No, he didn't, like the thing is I'm done. I'm done with him coming on here on line because he did it.

Fuck.

Oh basically anyway, one time in fifth grade when I was crying, she yelled at me. I was like ten, and she said, why the fuck are you so sensitive? And she yelled at me and she was like, stop crying. Stop. And then I never cried in school again because it actually scared the shit out of me and I was so embarrassed.

Yeah, I, oh wait, there's this crazy story that doesn't have to do with a teacher.

Yeah, I'll shut the fuck up.

I'm gonna talk later.

Maybe maybe when the oh.

When the camera's off, you can go on and on and on.

Oh, I get it.

Okay, So I've been meaning, I've written this in my podcast notes for literally twenty episodes, but every time I just like, forget, what the fuck?

Yeah, what I'm done too.

Please don't leave, Please don't leave. Okay, I guess I'm just gonna do this episode the rest alone and yeah, this this will be cool. Wait for I'm.

Gonna fucking killing you that I'm done.

I'm actually that with all your bullship call me I walk.

Yeah, my brother died.

No he did?

You keep calling you?

He literally did?

Liar, Sorry, I love you so much.

Like actually, like I was really overwhelmed because of my love for Duriss. We did go have sex, but it was really quick, like.

We had we I mean y'all probably heard it.

We don't do this anymore. I can't. This is so crazy.

I can't do this anymore. That's that's literally every time.

But yeah, you're saying you be staying on the podcast.

I've like had this like loaded up for like twenty episodes, and every time I like get to the topic, I'm like, I probably shouldn't air this person out, but I've thought about it for literally twenty weeks, and I'm like, no, they deserve to be aired out because this is fucking insane. So in like I guess it was like fifth grade because we were at oak Woods, which is like an

I I border shit making buildings.

Yeah no, they just had to like fill and occupy the buildings. It was like, actually fucking crazy. But it was definitely an intermediate school. And there's this girl who was upset, like scarily obsessed with me, Like it was like not, okay, how obsessed with me? She was like literally freaked out and at the time, like what you freaked bitch.

She's moulding the word liar.

Name, Okay, I'm going to say her name me lying, and like no, there were so many people who were obsessed with.

Me at school, like you know, like they're actually were.

It was kind of crazy name because it's like pivotal to the story.

But her name was literally.

Like if that's not the killer's name that I've ever heard, Yeah, that's the killer's name.

But basically there was this other girl who was also very obsessed with me. Her name was Chloe, but and I and I like was obsessed with her, like we like had like this little thing like fifth grade people did, y'all. We never know, we didn't in fifth grade.

Okay, rude, rude, thought was a rude.

But yeah, I didn't know how to spell her name, so I didn't. I never wrote her.

I didn't know how.

It was.

I would spell it, like one time I wrote her like this love letter and I spelled her name.

Okay, we can't. You can't spell in fifth grade, so you weren't fucking and you couldn't spell.

Wow, No, it was fucked up.

And then this girl, chol wrote me a letter and she wrote me, she wrote me a letter, and it was the lyrics to the Taylor Swift song That's like Drew.

Looks at Me.

And she wrote every word to the song down and gave it to me. This is the girl that I was obsessed with. And I was like, this is like the clolest moment of my life. Like I'm like literally like so straight right now, like this is crazy.

I'm like I'm passing.

And then.

Athena saw her pass the note to me and grabbed the note and read it and got so fucking angry that she like pushed at recess. She grabbed this like girl, she was like tiny girl, and pushed her up against a tree with her forearm and like literally started choking her out because she was like, that's mine, Drew's mine, and like it was so fucking scary, and she was like, I'm not joking, Like she would have actually killed for me.

She was just like literally the killer and she would have killed over me. And I don't know, there's so much more shit, Like she had like a razor blade on her and ship and threatened people with it, but she never she never got kicked out. But the kid who literally like threatened to stab me and then had a fucking fourteen inch blade got kicked out. I'm curious. There's some sexism there towards men.

Oh that wait, is that actually the moral of your story?

Yeah, Like girls get I have nice and don't get kicked out, but guys who have nice get kicked out.

Like that doesn't make sense, Okay, Yeah, I.

Guess see, sexism towards men does exist, it's real. Yeah, Like women are like psychos.

Girls are fucking crazy crazy girl.

Girls are crazy girls on their periods.

Yeah, you're pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah, that's what.

That's what a lot of people do. Tell me that, Like, I'm like a boy, but I'm a girl.

But you can with the boys.

Came with the boys. I played Fortnite, like I dream beer, I like touch my member and inappropriate spaces all the time.

It's normal.

And when I see a girl, my eyes pop out of my head and I start stop. Yes, yes, okay. Girls just couldn't get.

This because girls are We just have like locker room talk where we talk about slang in mac and on some bu box.

Eatn hole out slaying purse.

Yeah, we just talked about like slang pussy and like serving like cock. I'm serving cock to that sleigh pussy right now in my boots. No under the house.

Okay, which of the wicked the wicked witch of the West, Which of the wicked.

The wickedly talented Adele.

Talented? Like that doesn't so funny?

Is it?

Deliverate his delivery on wickedly? Because it good have just said the wickedly talented Adele Delzi fucked up her name, but he goes the wickedly talented like his head like shifted. Please welcome the wickedly talented one and only a dozen?

Should I bring this up or is it too soon?

Give it a minute? We have to see where the series goes. We need a little more juice. We need a little more juice to that beef stew.

Okay, so I was a little toxic, that's all I'll say. Not even toxic.

I was just I'm playing games like I'm done, like not playing games.

There's nothing wrong with the little games being played.

Yeah, I was like, who's it gonna hurt? So I'm playing love games and they play your love game.

Oh, I'm getting another call because everybody wants to call me literally at the same time.

Do you guys mind that I'm sexting someone right now?

Hello?

I don't do that on the podcast.

What you're on the podcast?

Oh?

Shoot, sorry, I did not know you're filming that. No, you're good. What's up.

I'm just gonna ask if you wanted to play Fortnite?

Oh coming soon, coming soon?

Yes, yes, absolutely, Okay. See that's my twin sister right there, sir. Yeah, I love you. I love you.

But it's funny when she was just talking to me.

It's funny I didn't get Yeah, I don't get invited either.

You're so upseting nerdweeds. Both of you freaking nerd weeds going to be a part of my athletic and me and I have been betting heads recently. You've just been saying that I'm gonna start being confrontational.

You get beat up.

Yes, yeah, yeah, I know.

I actually I want bruises that I can I want I can press that feel good because I have a.

Tumor and everyone needs to get beat up once.

I don't need to. But am I the only.

One who misses violence? Like where's all the violence?

Where's the news in the media?

Kidding by the way, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, you care, Oh my god, I have you are stealing my bit because I've I've talked about my tumor in my lower back that Josh's dad called fat. He just said, oh, He's like, yeah, this is kind of like a tumor, but it must be benign. It's probably just fat.

Yeah, well, I have like a literal tumor right here, was.

Like, I have a tumor, and then had me pressed into his back muscle, and then he's just trying to trick people into massaging his back, like that's what I could vince it because he's like he's like, you have to dig really deep to find it. Oh, I'm gonna deep.

I'm gonna.

An idiot, get rotten, stinky bitch.

Oh oh damn, keep going.

They had ari I at Reformation Vintage and it had me corracking.

That's actually hilarious. Where the piece is good or no.

No, it was just like a random pair of pants. It was just like this kind of pair of pants.

Oh, nice, nice, nice nice. Yeah. Well, we have Coachella tomorrow. We're leaving for coach Ell.

By the time this is up, we will be in our Coachella Day one outfits.

Yeah, k I already leaked mine on his story.

Fucking idiot. You're the worst assistant. I'm a idiot assistant when he's not.

On this friend, I literally love you, this is serious. I love you so much.

You're good.

Thank you. Okay, now now I fun with you. You're not my assistant. You're a little more than that.

Maybe okay, cool.

Sometimes I'm so sorry.

By the way, No, I take it back.

Never Drew actually meant it and you know we're homies.

Yeah, see how he picks me over you. I fucking hate this guy.

Future is female.

Babies actually freak me the fuck out. Yeah, I'm like, not kidding. Oriyan pointed it out at Disney and I was like, dude, I was just singing this the other day because when I went to the Rose Bowl, I saw this like little kid in what was just an adult outfit made for small people, and it freaked me the fuck out because like kids proportions are just adults but actually shrunken down. It's like when you shrink down a photo correctly and you take it from the upper

That's primordial Dwarfism is what you're describing.

No, I'm describing the growth of a human being. But it actually freaks me out. I don't like it. I really don't like it.

Uh No, babies freak me the fuck out too.

But I want one, really, I know, I'm just not saying, but I kind of want one. Like they found fun.

Yeah, they like they're really cute.

They sound fun in theory until they like, I feel like kids when their infants are awful because they cry and just shit and you're just like, oh my god, I made this thing, but like at what costs because it's annoying. And then when it like starts to round out and get a little cute, it's like, Okay, this was fun, Like I can take pictures of this thing now because it doesn't look like terrifying.

Are you gonna make an Instagram account for your baby? Hell?

No, my baby will not see the light of day.

No, y'all won't. If I had a baby, y'all would never one. Y'all would never know. I don't even think y'all would know. Okay, we would. No, I'd hide it from everybody.

That's good, because I don't want you in my life that long anyway. God what I'm just saying, like, I'm oh, I can't be truthful.

This isn't the sae. You should be honest for sure, you know, I like lies.

They all stop picking at your chair. You're like looking at it like scratching it.

I'm looking for the good bits to drop into this little hole up year.

As we'll eat those bits that you drop on the floor.

I'm not dropping them on the floor. I'm dropping in then the whole. I don't drop bits on the floor, but.

Yeah, I would not. I would not post my baby like I don't I if I am at all important to the public by the time I have a kid, which I don't think will happen, because what that's like seven years away from me. What I'm gonna be doing this, like y'all, probably I'll be dead. I want to have a baby, but by the time I have a baby, like literally, I don't want anybody to know. I want to be one of those people who's like, oh my god,

My baby person, I'm gonna have a baby.

Yeah I don't. I don't want it out.

What I'm gonna have a baby and kill it.

That's fun.

Why I want to eat its bones.

I want chicken wings so bad. You know what? When you said that, I was like, damn, chicken wings do sound good?

Yeah, they kind of did. That Turkey fucking leg from Disney World was ran.

That was the most animalistic I felt in my scaring me.

I was like, oh my god, we literally are just like monkeys. Dude. The whole time I was in Disney Brother, I was like I was just looking.

Around at everybody, and I was like, oh my god, we're just like evolved primates, like so bored that we had to building makes place to go to go to to like have fun. It was greeting me the fuck out. And then we sat on the bench and ate literally like meat on the bone and I was like a big ass piece.

I was eating one with Oriyan and at one point we were just dead silent, like like like carving away at this bone because they were so hungry, and like I was like, oh fuck. I had this crazy like primitive flashback to just being like an animal like fighting.

It was so scary. I like I took a bite. I had to peel the skin back because seeing the skin was like actually rancid to me.

I was like, this is too.

About chicken.

And I was like this is too much. So I peeled it back and then I saw like all this like striations and veins and like like almost like deep blue colors and like all the nasty little tendons and bits, and I was like I was so hungry that I was like I literally have to eat this like or I will die and my relationship with food will be good news.

Instead of me instead of putting like like an animal in your body, you did turn to like a more vegetarian leaning option, and you ate a whole bag of hot cheetos.

Yeah.

I took like three bites of my turkey wing and I ate a bag of hot Cheetahs.

I get you walked like a baby, and you like so earnestly handed it to me, and I was like, I don't want it.

But please take this fucking met.

You had like fear in your eyes.

I know it was. It actually fucked me up.

I looked at it and I was like, this is too much like all the oils and like guts coming out of this is like it's rancid. I was like, I can't do this, So I gave it away. I pounded it off and ate my bag of Cheetos and I'm going back to eating Red.

You say that every episode Blue. Maybe he never tapped into the blue. You're red at heart.

I can't wait, Like.

Politically, something scary happened to me in Red Light. I'm scared of you.

No, No, I don't mean like I mean you're red like at heart, like politically.

Yeah, you are on you. Yeah, I can't wait for your green week and then you'll actually fucking vegetables.

Drew does not don't you're not lying on my name.

Cauliflower doused and like.

I ate was for one of the meals with my parents while they were here, all I ate was just literally wilted spinach. I was like, I need to eat something green, so I.

Ate you ate old spinach? My god nutrients when it's old. I'm sorry, I'm just being honest.

So toxic for me. I just like can't win.

I'm constantly attacked, I'm constantly berated, I'm constantly questioned.

My reality is fake. I'm always lying. What else is Sarah? It's ad it to the list.

Your hair looks really good. Thank you. You are like belligerately insane.

No, I feel insane, Like I'm I haven't gotten over the fact that like y'all aren't actually real and this is all just like I'm stuck in purgatory because it isn't like hell, Like I'm not stuck in hell because this isn't bad, but it's very neutral.

What's the happiest you've ever been?

Mm?

Hmmm, I don't know.

I genuinely don't know. I don't know.

I hear.

With you? Is that what you want me to say? No, when I'm with you, I'm like at my lowest, I'm like, I'm like the closest to like hell, I think I could get wow wow wow wow oh wow.

No, honestly fair.

When's the happiest you've been.

When your body when I got eleven kills in Fortnite?

I'm not kidding. Actually, okay, I haven't spoken about this because it literally happened in the span of the past week. I started playing Fortnite and I had never really played it other than like maybe one time at thirty profusely for No, I make fun of you for Call of Duty, and I still make fun of that. But I just never played it because like that building ship is too fucking much, Like you're asking me to kill bitches and build stuff, Like, no, what is this real life? Like

You were your friend wanted to play it.

Oh yeah, so we had friends who wanted to play, and I just saw them playing and I was like, I want to play, like I don't know, like I've just never played.

I guess it's cool. But if I think it's cool, I just.

Felt left out because then like the whole friend groups started talking about Fortnite, and I was like, bitchnuck this game, Like I want to be a part of something. So I played around and then I was like decent at it, and I was like, oh, also, if I'm decent at anything, I'm a big fan of it. Like if I'm like good immediately and it doesn't take anything, I'm addicted to it because it's like instagratification.

I just can't get enough. So then I literally think about it every night and day.

By night and day, I'm a dictated just gang in. I just can't g in.

Fortnite.

But yeah, I've just been playing it literally every single day, and it's actually really bad. I played like for two hours anywhere from two to three hours straight.

But now you get it, You're like, oh, like this time I would probably be spending on my iPhone, Like at least I'm playing a video game killing that not how I feel.

How I feel this, Oh my god, Like no matter what I'm doing, I'm looking at a screen. You said it once is like The idea that we can even get away from our screens is so stupid because like people who are like like when I deleted TikTok and I was like, yeah, like I'm just like consuming less. Yeah, I'm bitch, and now I'm just watching bitches and movies. Like I'm still watching bitches.

It just because I'm razy how much screens are in our life. Like there's one, two, three, four, or five six screens.

In this in this room.

Yeah, six screens, and I'm looking at.

One when I run away, don't fuck the same thing. I'm looking at one right now.

Yeah.

No, when me and Inya run away, we'll probably go our separate ways, but we'll run away just like act like nothing happened, maybe like download some episodes and start an AI bought of us doing emergency inter come, so it looks like we didn't run away.

We'll just have like a prolonged tip jar. Yeah, but we'll have a separated tip jar so that becomes competition and it like separates me and Drew.

Yeah, and we could like run away. Yeah, oh my god, that sounds so fucking good to just like not exist, Like if I could literally just like just.

Not exist, not like like die, but just like ceased to exist for like a year, like like pause the world for a year.

I always say that, But then when I'm like in the house doing nothing for two days in a row, I'm like, all right, all right, let's let's let's get out of here.

No, no, I'm you know, it's real for me because I can sit in the house.

I have sat in the house and literally not leave for two weeks. Like that's the craziest vibe. Well, it's very real for me.

Well, now you have to because the world is ending, and that's why we can end this episode. The world is ending, so make sure you watch all of that.

It's it's come full circle. It's come full circle.

I've always been like I've always been like something biggest coming in the world is ending, and now you're saying it with me.

And you used to make no.

I was no, no, no, no no.

I love you guys, thank you for watching it. And something big is coming.

She said, I didn't set you something big is coming.

You just said it right there, Something big is coming, bitch's media.

I like, the thing is any do shit like that to me? I actually want to hit you so bad.

Just one of these days.

Just hit me, like, just please hit me me that fucking audio.

You know what I'm going about. Also, wait before we end, this is a really important note. I guess I felt the need to write down to mention the podcast. Sometimes when I'm pooping, it feels like it's going up my spine.

Mmm.

Sometimes when I'm pooping, I like poop the log out and then I suck it back in and then now I keep doing it.

Yeah, oh I do that too.

Yeah it feels good. It hits my prostagos are so fucking weird.

I'm sorry.

Okay, yeah, they're gonna make that into an A twenty four milm.

Wait, what's a milm?

It's like a It's like a movie film movie. Oh wait, this is something.

This is the craziest vibe I ever saw in my life on TikTok, the craziest vibe I've ever seen. Someone was literally watching my YouTube videos with their therapist, like watching my videos with their therapists, and I was like, wait, this is so sick. I was like, that makes me want to get a therapist just to hang out and watch me on the YouTube screen.

That sounds like, Okay, you're a fucking narcissist.

Yeah, that's does sound like a vibe.

And then they also posted one of them playing like a card game with their therapists and then watching Emergency unterercom and I was like, maybe stop watching us if you want to get better.

I know it doesn't seem like we're helping.

No, no, no, no no.

But I was like, that is such a vibe and I love that so much. But yeah, there's like a few videos that I saw recently of myself on TikTok that I was like, damn, I like, I'm so sick. There's just been a lot of content on me recently on there, Like the truth is actually spreading yea, Like the druth is spreading. Like you want the truth, but you can't fucking handle the truth, but the truth is spreading, so you're.

Gonna have to learn to cope.

You know what I'm saying, yeasm is spreading. Kind of say something really quick, Oh my god, what the du You're so fucking sick.

Dude, thank you. Kay.

I want to say this too, like from the bottom of my heart. We can't even like cut it out.

The video, but I love you.

I love You're like so sick this is this feels so cool.

Are you saying that's him because he said something nice to you?

No? I don't think so.

No, I know my friend really well. I think that's what's happening. I think you're being tricked.

To giving Let me try something, let me trust look it up.

He's doing he's fast.

But I'm gonna try something.

And Drew gets caught in a lot, he passes out.

I'm gonna trust something, Drew. Yeah, uh, you fucking suck.

Oh he's just rebooting. Oh god, why would you slap him on the bare ass?

Like?

How did you get your pants down?

That got a big stinky bit. It's hard.

It came up really fast.

That's what I was, pulling my pants down in point one seconds, just jumping to my face.

Yeah, okay. Media of the Week. I saw Sonic two. It was awesome. It made me fucking crack up. I think Sonic and Tails are gonna have sex soon. Lit and then for music is awas de Marco Marto I don't know at least Regina and Antonio Carlos, I don't know his last name. And then first Songs, I already started a song. Sorry, I'm like actually passing away. I'm not even fuck kidding right now. I'm like actually losing it. Only were You by Fleetwood Mac, which I've said before,

Everybody's talk me, yeah, say.

And then Breakage by Saria Lah Yeah.

Okay.

My media of the week is twelve Stout Street by RX Poppy and Good God, Blessed the Child by Billy Holliday, Stars to the Rainbow by Young Mean and Tyboid Digital.

Damn, Oh my god, did she hit her head really hard? I saw it. Let me just keep going. I guess.

I'm like, did that kind of hurt? Oh my god?

I want you to lay on top of me tonight.

Everybody knows any idea or no.

I just said that. One fondly eulogizing sleep by Bedweather is another good vibe, like put all your.

Weight on me, No, because I'll sit on your wiener.

No, just do it here, let me readdress.

I'm gonna break your legs.

And then that's in my femur just snapped, you're shaking group, babe?

Who's texting you?

That's just my text tone? Oh okay, my pastor what what?

Who?

No?

Really who's texting you right now?

I'm healing my pastor is texting me?

Are you gonna answer it? Like what if someone needs tell?

So Rand, each of those was a different person. I finished my show The Good Place, Who's Good? It was like, No, it was like incredibly mid but I did cry at the end because I was like, I'm so attached to these characters, and like it did make me really existential because I was like, oh my god, like if there is a heaven or hell, like heaven becomes hell at some point because like everything good is always happening all the time, like in infinity. Like the reason why life is so fun and good.

All the time it is because there's murder.

No, it's because there's like we have like a reason to live, which is death.

Like that's like the ultimate reason for life, and like there's none of that in like hell or heaven theoretically, So like it freaked me the funk out and I was like, oh my god, like even after we die, we're still gonna be alive. And I was like I don't want to be alive even after I die.

That's a good way to end the episode, all right, thank you happening so much for watching. It's okay, we're not monetized anyway. Play whatever you want. Oh he's chucking himself all right, Bye guys,