we're back

Oh, I missed that clap. Oh, I missed the clapping of your butt cheeks.

I missed your clap, like, uh, chlamydia.

Okay the clap, I got the clap, I got the collapse.

Welcome hey on three one two three, welcoming back to emergency iner. Come now. I actually feel like a bit of somebody who's mentally deranged for talking in front of a camera like this.

It does feel strange. Although it's only been what two weeks since we've talked into a mic.

Oh I guess yeah, because we did Pullman the Great City of.

Oh I love Pullman.

That episode we got and we're gonna drop it on Patreon.

Yeah, that's on our Patreon. But we went to Washington Pullman. Just an update of what we've been up to. Right after our break, almost immediately we.

Went dove into work. Yeah, you said we weren't gonna work, and we worked.

But it was awesome, fun work. Because I love attention. I have been thinking about this because I'm sure people are like, well, where's your mental health? I decided what's like. The big thing is I can't see people talking about me and being a public figure like I love doing entertainment. And I love being a comedian and I love attention. But then the attention part is too much for my caveman brain because some of that attention is people saying I'm a bit and then I'm like hello, but whatever.

Yeah, exactly, But it was awesome chatting in front of a bunch of people. I was shipting myself before, like I was literally doing bread breathing exercises before the show. How embarrassing you want to do it on camera?

Even though.

Seen ky Bler.

That was pretty fucked up.

He's messing it up. You had to like, I can't. I can't roll your eyes up and then do.

It into the rolling.

I know.

I'm red.

He's too embarrassed.

Red red.

All I see is red because I've.

Been period that.

Actually I need to bring that up. That's a good Yeah, I am on my rag.

I'm on the rag right now.

I have good news. I'm late on my rag, very late for the rag might have to go.

It's been two months to.

The container store, buy a few rags, to and to what's it called to, Like you know when you buy a pregnancy test because you feel like, oh, if I take a pregnancy test, I'll just get my period because that's just how your body works. Because it's like, girl, you're tripping, like we're here, like you're so annoying my girls know, no, you know, but that's not funny. I'm like, oh, my period.

It's really it's really scary.

I mean I've taken two pregnancy tests negative. They were seven eleven pregnancy tests, which I.

Don't Oh yeah we did, there's oh the way, so.

I've taken three. I took one in Pullman negative, and then I took two.

Here girls after a night of drink, second.

Home and I door desk myself to seven eleven pregnancy tests.

I was just about to say, why don't you get the air one pregnancy test?

Is there actually one?

No?

Yeah, y'all ever stepped on a lego? Like I actually stepped on a lego? I'm serious because that.

Hurt hurt you? Yes, yeah, No, kids in the nineties don't even know what we're talking about.

Phones.

Yeah, lego, they build the lego bricks on their phones.

Lego having a comeback is actually crazy, but that's a different story. Lego having a comeback for adults, Like kids don't even use legos. It's literally all the adults who use them as kids now spending quadruple the price of what legos used to cost, so you can have fake orchids in your house. Yikes, yikes, yikes. Why don't you just doom scroll on your phone like the rest of us?

Ill, what is going on?

Okay?

Sorry, my name's Jericho.

Oh wait what?

Yeah?

Hello, Drew? I think, Oh is this your Is this your straight altar?

Yeah?

Yeah, I don't know. Oh you haven't got that far yet your sexuality.

Yeah.

I'm not making fun of the idea and making fun of people that are making fake the ID. But I did come to a conclusion today. Okay, while I was pacing around talking to Kai, while Ya was throwing her like makeup ship in the toilet and just leaving it there to sit, and I thought it was a poop on a piece of toilet paper. I wish I took a picture for you guys, but it is a vile scene.

I put makeup on my hands and then I wipe it with toilet paper, and I always throw it into the toilet and I never well because it feels like a waste of water. It's not like actual like fecal matter.

It's But I realized we all can agree bisexual people aren't real. Like we all know that you you said it.

I never said that.

You said it, Guys like.

We don't say that. I can't. Actually I can't vouch for COD.

I don't say that, but I don't say it on camera.

But all bisexual people really should be tested for di ID associated identity disorder, because I'm sure what's really going on is you have an altar fronting that is straight and then you go back to your gay self and it's really you know what I'm saying.

I mean, like I the thing is, like I feel like you would only know from personal experience.

That bisexuality isn't real. No, I'm the only real bisexual person on this planet.

Okay, you're the only one who gets to take claim. Yeah, is it because you've come to the conclusion of that theory. So if you know that, then you can't be like one of the bad ones. What are you trying to say? I don't want to shore.

I don't know what you're trying to say.

I'm just saying that I'm the only real, straight up person in this room.

Oh, Jack, I misheard you.

I thought you said are versus do they have the ID?

And you're actually Now that I think about it, Yeah, it makes sense for that. Yeah, there are no real bottoms and I mean no real tops in this world except for cops or bottoms.

All cops are bottoms a cab all cops are bottoms.

Did you just make that up?

I made it up like a long ass time.

That's really good.

It really specific events. Wait, so transpired? Oh?

I was going to say something one of my friends made up, but I can't say it.

Okay, Well, another thing I've been thinking about. Cats don't get hairballs anymore. I've never seen a hairball.

I don't think they were ever real because I've never seen one either. That sh it's fake. I think people were mistaking it for your cat, like eating your things you leave around on the floor.

I've seen a real hair ball back in the nineties. Ship was crazy back then.

I haven't seeing one since the nineties either.

Yeah, I mean you definitely were alive. You were you.

We both contemplated.

I looked in both of your eyes and then that's just like shrink.

You saw it, you saw it happening.

But yeah, Oh the other thing is the bugs on the front of cars.

There's no there is actually actually real science behind Yeah, it's like a real thing, testicides. They're killing all the big bugs that splat on your cars when you drive on the freeze.

Oh really. You know what's crazy is I feel like when I drive for a long time in Miami, I still see that, like if I driving to the evergladon back. But yeah, it's not as much.

As I got driving home from like a baseball game late at night with the bright lights and then coming home and seeing it the next morning.

Like hella, bugs everywhere.

Oh that was like honestly jarring at the time, but now looking back, very beautiful.

Someone needs to make a movie.

I have never been to a baseball game in my life, really never wanted my life.

I went to my first no, no, not my first first baseball game since I watched a person die at one. It was in a new stadium, so I felt comfortable going. The energy has been erased. But yeah, I went to that in Texas. It was really nice.

I used to play baseball too growing up.

I know you saw someone die in a baseball things.

Oh yeah, I one hundred percent did. It was really told the story. Yeah I told it before.

Well, yeah, I'm like trying to get a ball.

It was like really really s Yeah.

It was like personally like I persevere through anything, and I feel like as a child, I would have seen him like okay, like keep the game going.

No, it was really horrific.

For me.

That would have been my vibe. I would have been like, let's keep it pushing. Why are you looking at me? What are you doing?

Just it's just really sad.

Do you want sympathy right now? No, you can just say it like you just say and you can get I don't.

I don't want sympathy right now.

I guess I won't give it to you. Well, well, I decided that we don't need to take physics class and stuff because all of it it's really easy, and I think our human brains are just designed to know how much force we need for certain things.

Yeah, No, physics is bullshit. People are breaking the laws of physics all the time, like people running four minute sub four minute miles, like doesn't make sense.

Yeah, like the kind of videos I see on my TikTok timeline. I'm like, this ship isn't real. Y'all are just trying to put words to something magical that has happened, and we don't need words for everything.

I've been saying that for so long, like this world is truly just magic.

None of it makes sense.

I mean when you say it, for some reason, it sounds really bad.

It's like a magical universe, Like I can't put it into words.

If you get it, you get it.

But like this ship, you're saying like this world is magic, like like for some reason, it just sounds like kind of more on the like looney side of things.

No, no, no, I'm like it's on like the side where I'm like, oh yeah, this is like truly the beautiful, Like this artix on my chest that's really old.

Actually that that one's.

Old, So he didn't get this ship is magical. And then take it off and you see my short little shirt that makes me look strong kai.

Whoh, I love that shirt.

Also, I've okay, so I've decided what I need for my mental health, like where I need to be so oh, I need to move to a farm that is like a fifteen minute drive from a town where I am undeniably a ten. And that's what I need. Like, I think that's what I need because when we went to the Renaissance Fair, and I at a Renaissance fair, I am a fucking twenty eight, like I literally and I

I know I was. I wasn't gonna say because I didn't want to interrupt you, but it's gonna drive me insane.

Yeah, we could stabilize it with my big fat ass.

I just that's not gonna work. Your ass doesn't fix everything. You can't like put it in my face constantly and just douce bad shit to me and then just put your ass in my face and think it's gonna be.

A doesn't fix it.

Yes, it's not gonna fit to everyone, Like, okay, complaining, complaining all the time.

For once he knows what he's talking about. But you also don't know what you're talking about, because you don't know about the joys of getting like your palms fixed with some ass.

But yeah, I'm such an idiot.

Ill, But yeah, I wear this little Dorothy dress and I've only worn it to like conventions. I wore it to like Monster Palooza, which is like a horror convention most of the time.

We're big convention girls over here.

Yeah we love.

And then I wore to the Renaissance Festival, which I would argue is just a Renaissance convention.

You bought it not thinking it was a Dorothy dress, but you worn it to like cosplay conventions and everyone's like, oh, you're like Dorothy, You're Dorothy, and You're like, no, no, it's just my dress, but it is.

It is very Dorothy because I was gonna wear red shoes, but I was like this is too much, and everybody was like where are your slippers? Like why are you looking at my feet? Like why are you looking at my feet right now? Because you're and literally the amount of comments I got were crazy, Like I was standing in line to do like bow and arrow stuff and they were like, well, I don't think Dorothy's shooting bows and arrows like.

She's a little more Yeah wait, why did they have riz?

Like it's kind of crazy, but it's really scary. But also something about it is so riveting and awesome because I love attention. Yeah, so that's what I need in my life is I need to be able to decompress for three weeks at a time. It's like loneliness and like nothingness, only interacting with my friends and then.

Get flirt with a bunch recently.

I know something about it, like what's up, Like.

It's your hair, it's your beautiful, luscious locks.

Yeah, I know. When my hair was like short and too cool, people were like she's weird and I'm scared of her. But now they're like, she's normal, guys. Look she has kind of long hair. She's normal. Like that's the vibe. But yeah, that's what I need. I just need to like go and like live in like some corner of the earth and then go to the town and get hella attention and get flirted with by people who scare me.

You came to Granberry. We went to Granberry together and it was honestly so lit and cute.

We did Easter with my Yeah, that was awesome.

Sorry, my stomach is literally like being so weird right now. I keep trying to get it on camera because it's like making like crazy fucking sounds.

I think it might be the yup duck honestly, probably because I had it last night and.

Some damn.

But Yeah, we went to Grandbury and I was playing with babies and it was fucking.

Ryan came as well.

Yeah Ryan was there and we were playing with babies and being mother as fuck and it was lit. But I really don't want one of those, Yeah, because it's a lot have it. Like the ideal situation of my life is someone close to me to have a baby and then I get to like raise it by proxy and I get to just be the cool person, because I don't want to have to be the person in some on a kid's life who later on there like she was a bitch, she told me what to do, Like,

I fucking hat I just watched like a literally thirteen part series. I bought one hour a WiFi on my phone just so I could text you that I was taking off and when I was landing, and then I was like, I'm going to get off my phone after this. I'm only using the hour because I like not having my phone.

Did you even text me that? Though?

You just never responded, Oh my god.

You know what's been happening is I did something in my phone that my sleep thing stays on until like one PM or I have to manually turn it off, and I don't see any text.

Until I tell you.

It says do not disturb forever on your phone. But I watched this like thirteen part I only got to part eight on TikTok in the hour that I watched it, because I was watching it all the way through, and it was literally about I don't even know what it was about.

About, like children and like how they find other adults who will let them do oh.

Yeah, him, like yeah, him being like I want to live with my dad, and the mom being.

Like really scary, like really scary.

Manipulative and like pulling out every manipulation tactic from the book. It was literally horrifying, and if I ever had to go through that, I would freak the fuck out because it was.

Scary as the kid are as the mom.

As the kid like the mom was fucked up. And then I found a YouTube channel and I dove into that afterwards, and when I was writing the fucking La Exit Bus, which is the worst fucking thing ever created, ever, ever, and I just watched the dad's YouTube channel of him basically like posting videos to but.

It was real people.

Yeah.

Oh, I thought it was like like one of those like psychological, like a therapist kind of situations where it's just like, here's what happens to kids, blah blah blah blah.

Someone knows what I'm referencing them.

When I fell asleep last night, I'll tell you exactly what I fell asleep too, and I'm not gonna say anything about it, but I'll just say that I was like, oh, wow, there's like words for everything. Huh, y'all just be naming everything. Actually, what I really fell asleep to is it's the Matrix. But it's the Matrix but for a locusts by Tom Scott, who I originally thought was really sexy, but then look at the way he walks. It like actually made me want to throw up.

Built it for locusts.

One of the great challenges in sudden collective behavior is that does this just you thought he was sexy something about him is sexy, but look at the way he walks.

It's giving nerdy.

Wait wait can you hurry up?

Like were the YouTuber?

Yeah, he's got really it is the walk ho.

He's like a small frame.

Yeah, his shoulders are like like he's like stout. But like I was like immediately I was like no. But then after I like observed for a little that, I was like, oh, okay, like I get it.

Because you know what it is. It's like he's like smart, he knows what he's talking about. He's got a little charm to him. I like his videos. Yeah, you know, people like I always said by it also like this is weird. Like I'm not talking about specifically him. I don't want to like sit here and sexualize man. I don't know who's also probably married, Like this isn't about him, but I've always said like.

This it's about him for me.

Baby, it's probably got a monster cock.

People who are really really passionate about certain subjects like you know, they get down like you just know, like especially people who are like so about that one thing publicly, It's like they don't have like a shame filter or anything. They don't think what they do is shameful or like weird to like something so much to like they have no shame in bed. So it's like, exactly, you're literally a freaking exactly that's what people say about me behind clothes.

I love topics.

I like have a lot of topics that I love and talking about I just like chat about a few things. And it's like I can tell you about mostly anything well because.

You were boring.

Wow wow, wow.

Okay, this is like a genuine question and not a joke question. Are there like makeup stations in the women's bathroom.

At the airport?

What do you mean?

Like, are there like stations where you get to do your makeup after you get out off a flight or do you just have.

Yeah, some airports, yeah, some airports and bathrooms in general will have a separate mirror just with like a little stool or like a little thing.

I guarantee of the men out there didn't know that because I was watching this TikTok.

You went into a women's bathroom?

Yeah, I just was recording.

Okay, wait, what did you do you watch?

I was watching this video of this girl tour like a gender neutral like actually a gender neutral restroom.

Women and women went in there, and.

Either side you went in, the stalls were like completely closed floor to ceiling. The doors were completely sealed and like it was like men and women only. I think it was in like Kansas or some shit, And they were bantering about like the makeup stations in it, and they were like, well, you're just doing the makeup in the middle of the bathroom. And then it just got

Yeah, it's a thing in a lot of bathrooms. But also sometimes people just like pull out their into it. But a lot of airport bathrooms have just made space for it because it's really common, and I feel like a lot of bathrooms in general, like as time has gone by, I see that a lot. In Japan. That was a big thing. Actually in Japan, a lot of the like most of the bathrooms I went in had that and had like full body mirrors and a lot of things of that nature, because they actually respect looking good.

Or like a seven eleven bathroom where it's like the piece of like reflective paper that's always like helladented, so when you look in it, it's like, what's the fucking point?

It's literally like you're fucking like greening. Speaking of greening Sorry, I'm literally being annoying and like fixing my lipstick right now. I'm just that kind of girl. Would you ever wear like clothes like that? You know, like uh, somebody who's like died before, Like would you ever wear like a dead person's clothes or some like.

Hell no?

No, oh okay, hell no, oh.

Okay, because I mean I was gonna. I mean, I'm I'm literally wearing that now.

He No, I need say that.

And sing literally was wrong with you? Anyway? Speaking of greening out, the other night, I finally got so high that I got scared. Like I've been really everybody knows, I've been testing it out, like I've just been pushing the limits of what I could where I could go in my mind where's my mind?

And I was.

Hanging out with Orion, and like Orian is a normal person, so she has a normal person tolerance. And then there's me who literally when I talk about, like to any of my friends the milligrams I take, they are literally laughing at me. But usually so what I did is my usual thing is like the two milligram THHG six milligram or is it four? I think it's four milligram? Two and four, Yeah, two and four right, two THG

It feel like you were watching TV. Sorry, that was so fucking mean.

That was like, I do think that's the meanest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, that was like mean, that wasn't even funny.

Now, if I said something to ruin your whole life, I'd be wrong. Now, if I said something to literally deteriorate any ounce of confidence you have in that little body of yours.

Yeah, yeah, So she called me a little no you're scrawny.

Oh wow, yeah, okay.

Drew popped that jacket of sucking. See your arms.

Don't embarrass him. Don't embarrass him like that.

Damn, that looks good. Thank you.

I needed a little confident boost after that.

Well, it felt like I was fucking watching TV and it was awesome and you can suck my fucking balls, bitch, stupid fucking cunt.

Was it the ones that the watermelon.

Was green ones? No, it was green apple, green apple. I got Caesar green candy and thinks watermelon like literally mean when I'm a freak. But it was awesome. And then when I got back, I went to go get those because I was like, damn, maybe that's the vibe I needs to be on, is just being a little scared but like having fun. At the same time, they didn't have them, So when I was hanging out with a Ryan, I went back to my normal ones and oh my god, actually, no, I had so much weed

It, I really like, we're obliterated.

No, not even that night. But when I got back, I was trying to mimic that, but I just realized I had so much weed. Pro for me, I had my cancer. That's to THHD for CBD. This is so annoying that I'm coming back. I'm talking about weed like in this like increment. But it's really funny.

How my good, we're good, we swear.

Also the idea that I think this is bad when most people are like girl, that's literally nothing, but whatever. So I did my like can that's the one I usually have, and then I had half of one of Orion's five milograms. So now I'm at like four point five mil guys, whatever, it's not even even like that. That's not how those things work. But if we're gonna do it, that's how it is. And I knew I was really high because now I'm like at a little above my CBD to THHC. I know it's really high

Girl, she gave you a fucking fenon on you od and now you're in a different dimension. No, I literally like would go falling cry.

I'm crying from laughing so hard. But like I like literally was like so high, and I started to get so high so fast because I also we'd eat in like five hours before, so now because it's like midnight, so now I'm like, oh fuck, I'm like I don't think I have enough food in my stomach for like all the edibles that are out rotting on top of my stomach lining. And I was just sitting there falling asleep. And then because I could still hear the TV, it was like my eyes never closed and I couldn't tell

Like.

It's freaking out, And what's awesome is I was dead silent, Well this is happening. So Ryan has no idea that this all happened next to her and then like actually I kind of told her like an hour later, but like, yeah, I was just I couldn't go to sleep. I was so tired and like the edible was just beating my ass.

Like girl, you were literally tripping.

And I then I just like opened my eyes and sat up because I was like, Okay, I guess I can't go to sleep, like my body is like not letting me right now. So I got up and just started getting really hyper fixated on the murder.

Thing I've been there before, when like I'm like, oh, like if I go to sleep, I'll actually die, so like I can't go to sleep right now, and I'll just like try to keep myself awake and like poke the whites of my eyes trying to keep myself.

Oh yeah, that was the other thing. I had contacts on, and I didn't bring my glasses to her house because it was like an impromptu sleepover, so I my eyes were really really dry for a long time until she finally gave me contact things to put my contacts in. But by that time, my eyes were so bloodshot and dry from having my contacts in too long, So my eyes were really dry, and I kept like doing the thing where I like close my eyes and I like rubbed the top lid to try and like literally force

Her cooks, so let her cook.

That's like weird. Why does it have to be her? Like, why does she have to cook?

Not every woman knows how to cook kai and not every woman belongs in the kitchen, which.

Is so weird.

That's the thing that people say on TikTok.

He literally just basically said, make me a sandwich. Felt like stories make me a sandwich.

No, I didn't. I was reciting a meme and now you guys.

Are a meme.

I need I need a ConTroll over the narrative.

You need to control your thoughts because you're attacking.

Ambient before the next podcast, so you can chase.

The w.

Me with like sunglasses on just like this, what is it weekend at Bernie's Style? When you guys said that things are going to be different on the you know, when we came back, you're like, oh, things are gonna be different. I was really expecting, like a studio.

Are you actually well not this?

You know? I was like, Oh, things are gonna be different. There's gonna be like kaising really comfortable, big chick.

So what you're saying is you wanted more attention, but no, no, be.

A parking space for me for like my hummer, your hummer. You guys will get me the electric That's what I was imagining. I wasn't expecting like a light.

You know you were expecting something for you.

Yeah, I was expecting like a car, and like you.

Have a car, I'm not giving you a car.

Bleep that bleep, that bleep, bleep the D word. Okay, I need to know who the fuck you two sold their souls to, because those bitches are working over time to keep them relevant. Like I don't think I've ever heard a YouTube song in my entire life, but somehow they're the most relevant and important musicians of our lifetime. And I've never heard a fucking song by them.

One and two with them in it.

And then also like like the Apple ship is crazy.

Like like how much Apple loves.

Them putting their album on the Apple iPhone is the craziest ship. Every single iPhone is crazy. That was the.

Greatest flex, Like imagine being able to say, like, wait, I wonder if that counted towards download. It's like, did that count towards probably like sold units or anything, because that would be fucking insane and that's literally a hack and illegal, and I'm taking them to court.

Yeah, and then now they're doing the new like Madison Square Garden Dome in Las Vegas that got developed. It's like this giant fucking orb that is covered in LED screens and like the inside screen is like the biggest screen in the world, and like it's gonna be like super immersive for that.

I got some information. Oh yeah, thing it says with a push of a button. Uh YouTube Songs of Innocence obliterated the current number one selling album of all time, Michael Jackson's Thriller, by four hundred and thirty five million copies.

And was that because of iPhones?

I don't know. That might have been because I remember they put it on an iPod, Like every iPod that you got had it or was it thee.

It was an iPhone because it was on my Oh wait, no, it might have been iPods and every it was iPods because I had an iPod touch when.

That happened the iPhone.

Oh so I guess iPhones, iPods, all that shit that is that is so crazy, literally hl their soul to because I need to know because I don't give a fuck.

I really really liked them, and they were like to honor Steve. But I don't think, you know, because I don't think Steve was around, because I remember literally having a selfie with an iPhone and.

It I was like, wow, like Steve, Steve.

I was like, without him, would.

I be here? Also, I decided I'm gonna start saying yes more because the plot of my life has become stagnant and the scriptwriters fucking suck right now, like they need to figure this shit out. Because also the script writers of the universe have been freaking me the fuck out recently because like there's so many little things happening where I'm just like, see, that's too perfect. That is

I don't know, it's crazy, Boots.

Like maybe I'm mistaking what you're talking about, because when I think you're talking about I'm like, is that was that that crazy?

Or maybe I'll tell you after, But yeah, it's the scriptwriters fucked up because it's the first time that they crossed my suspension of disbelief where I was like, Okay, yeah, this is like not real, this isn't happening.

Okay, then I think I do know what you're talking about, because that is pretty like it's too like it's.

Too perfect to contrived.

It's too curb like, oh yeah, exactly, like Zach, well, look, this is terrifying the arena they're building, Like why are they And.

If it goes over, well they're building a second one in Europe or some.

Shit I've not said it to kind of throwing.

It's actually hilarious and I'm like kind of excited because it's giving future like and I'm like.

Yeah, we do need updated architecture.

This is the one you two songs you've heard, Oh hello, they're in this.

Uh wait what?

But I don't think they are.

They like coultry significant and I'm just being ignorant because like they're not the.

Beatles, So oh my god. During Pullman, I went on an anti Beatles tangent.

Did not go over well with that, and then we saw someone after the show when we went to dinner that is in love with music and still did not fuck with the jokes and it was making whatever.

Man, I won't down and I won't wait.

What is this photo of?

Oh my god, this is their song. Oh I've heard this Okay, I do like this song. I can.

This song is lit. It's like giving, like Tarzan.

Yeah, it's giving phol call.

Yeah also and just going through you too.

I decided that if I'm not actively at Coachella, Coachella isn't real and it's not happening. It's like it's it's genuinely.

All fake and affront and not real and happening.

If I'm not there, no one could convince me that it's fun. And I stand by that. No one can convince me it's fun. No one could convince me that it's worth any while unless you're literally being treated like fucking I don't know, like Beyonce or fucking Michael Jackson, and like you're literally being catered to at your every walking stepway. Does some people have that experience?

I was gonna say they do call me the Michael Jackson of the influencer industry.

That's not good man. For a couple of reasons.

No, in the way in the way Drake calls himself Michael Jackson.

Yeah, oh okay, then that's good.

Did y'all know that called his property promised land?

Yes? Oh the video I that you? Yeah, this dude like does like was it? Yeah?

RC Airplanes like made a video of him going over to Rick Ross's house and like doing it with him, and it.

Was so gross. Aren't that different after all?

That's yeah exactly.

I would also do that if I had a lot of.

A billion dollars. Also, it's giving.

I would just call my property and you land.

Gee.

So also, fuck, dude, that just threw me off.

What was I gonna say though? For real?

Yeah, you're too busy making your joke making fun of me to remember your own.

Fuck?

What was it?

Oh, I'm gonna say yes more.

Oh, I just remembered people say I look like Beyonce like a lot of the time.

That's weird because I wouldn't forget that if people said that to me all the time.

Well no, I was just saying like it just like sup my mind.

Oh, I guess it is easy to forget things because you're also forgetting that people say you're really annoying and ugly all the time, but like you're just forgetting to mention that part. But I guess I wouldn't mention that.

Too because I was that came from a real place. This is crazy.

I'm like literally being like targeted right now, Like I actually don't feel safe here.

So if I had drones, I would literally deploy them onto you.

It's giving. I just feel like I'm giving, like Beyonce of the podcasting.

It's giving.

I'm gonna steal your Social Security Guard card and have it enrolled and have you enrolled into the military. And then in three days, somebody's gonna knock on the door and it's gonna be a man in a suit. Do they still do it like it's gonna be a man in a suiting like you?

And then you.

Never do that, like go door to door like Jehovah's witnesses and they were like.

Probably during the draft, like to scare the rest of the world, like look, we just walk up and they're ready to serve.

That's literally me. Someone walks out and I'm just ready to serve, Like I'm that kind of girl.

Yeah, that's true, and it is all you remind me of Beyonce. Just say it Drake, Michael Jackson like, yeah, I'm not an analgamation of the three. I also give really the most super impulse forever.

That's what I'm getting at.

Also, Aubrey On like, we don't say his okay, but he doesn't want us saying that on the podcast.

Okay, well I don't call him. I don't call my friends by their stage name.

I still haven't met him yet. Can you guys link me?

No?

Absolutely not.

Why are you? Why are you gatekeeping Drake for me?

I could we know what you would do to him?

Yeah?

Or not do with him?

I should say, because Kai has this conniving way of getting people to just yeah, it's crazy. You're right, they would have sex, they would hook up.

Also, I am gonna lie. Both of y'all look really cute today. I just wanted to say that.

Really, he said, I'm gonna lie, you fucking idiot.

Oh I thought you said I'm not gonna lie.

No, he said, I am gonna lie.

Fuck, I need to pay more attention.

Yeah, it's easy to ignore Drew though, Like so no, it literally is like I'm the most ignored person on the sucking planet.

Like it's literally crazy.

Okay, you know what I've been observing it. Sometimes it is like someone just fully like turning off their ears and I hear you. But a lot of times what you do is you'll say something so low and it's almost out of fear of being like intrusive, and you'll say something so low, and then when they don't hear.

You're like, wow, no, it's fucking crazy, Like no, no, it's fucking crazy. Just like I will be looking at someone dead in the face and say something to them and they will look away, like.

It's always at the end of the conversation, he tries to scoop one last thing in, and it's once the part the conversation is kind of already dwindled and the person isn't looking at you, and he's like and then they're just.

Like, no, that's simply not it. It's giving I think I might actually be invisible, and there's only a few people on this planet that can actually see me. But it's because I'm the only real person. I think I am living show, and I'm convinced. I've been convinced recently that all of my friends and family and everyone i'm close to are actors.

I'm not narcissistic, or something.

I literally had like a fucking genuine spiral because I texted someone I was like, if you like whispered in my ear right now that like, hey, run, this is all this is all an act.

We're all acting. This is a show.

I would have an actual break because I'm that close to genuinely believing it.

Well, that would be really embarrassing because now I'm gonna pay someone to do that, and you're gonna freak out, and we're gonna be watching you, and it's gonna be at the.

Grove, not the grove that's my special, and you're.

Gonna be like in the middle of everybody, and I'm gonna pay a flash mob to come out and like do it, and then you're actually gonna believe it because you're gonna say flash mob happened right after it, and then everyone's gonna laugh at you.

Well, in the middle of the night, I'm gonna roll a flash bang into your bedroom period just that.

Well, I'm gonna flash bang your mom because it's gonna be so quick.

Oh, that's funny because I already banged your mama like thirty six times in one night.

Okay, that's funny because that wasn't even her. We bought a silicone fucking replica of her. So you just had sex with a fucking sex doll all night and it was so embarrassing, and we were filming you, and we already posted it bitch on an only fans. It's gonna be linked in the fucking bio and we're gonna use all the money to buyo silicon replica of your body and throw over a fucking bridge and watch it fucking drown.

Well, the funny thing about that is I figured all that out, and I contacted the FBI, and you're going to jail one in two.

I found your real mama and I.

Literally banged her from the back and her pussy vagina.

Revenge, Okay, I guess, yeah, but it's not revenge.

Yeah, because I banged your mama's pussy vagina.

Vagina and he's saying vagini, all right.

Well, there's been something in my eye for the past like ten minutes.

I know.

I've been rubbing shit out of my eyes too. It's quite crazy.

That's weird. Why would you have poop in your eyes?

I just like put it in my eyes when I sleep so I can wake up with pink eye and have something to complain about or not go to school. Do you all remember when that full jumped from outer space?

Oh yeah yeah, he literally.

Floated up past the firmament and jumped out of a fucking space shipment. Yeah, it's like this dome that goes over the Earth that keeps us all contained. And remember all the rockets that like went up and it's a firmament, like it's in the Bible.

Get learned. Hello, it's not that's not in the Bible.

What the fuck is a firmament?

It's literally in the Bible?

Is it? Actually? They didn't know about all that.

Yeah, it's in the Bible.

It's not.

I genuinely think it might be in the Bible.

But that's just like.

Some heavens of the sky. So yeah, that word is in the Bible.

Really, but you describe it as a dome that can't be.

Sphere or world viewed as a collection of people. So it's not really.

No, no, no, it's a sphere or a dome with a bunch of people inside the firmament. It's a real thing. No, it's not actually real. It's a thing that like schizo effective like flat earthers.

Firmament and then the heavens, and then there's the gate to heaven, and then there's heavens of heavens, and then there's God.

Yeah.

See it's like schizo effective.

Like flat earthers are like the Earth is flat and there's a dome and when the launched the rockets up to space, they hit the firmament and make the big glow like you know the SpaceX rockets that made the big thing over la or like the one recently over Alaska that made the spiral in the sky, which was one of the most beautiful things I've.

Ever said about.

It something to talk about because this is crazy, Like this is literally I couldn't be bothered to know the shape of the Earth. Like I'm like, you tell me it's a fucking like I also do genuinely believe it is a globe. But why would I like go out of my way to fight.

I always think about if that was true, I would be so happy gone and then I just like crossed this like barrier and I was just like in a hole. It wasn't space, it was something else way better water. Yeah, I would just I would be so happy.

I'd be like, oh wow, all of my worries in the world are gone because nothing really actually genuinely doesn't matter.

But we are trapped.

Earth is technically a prison and there's like multidimensions and they send our bodies here to like get energy from the angry anger that we develop here.

But my life is fucking less.

So yeah, dude, if.

This was my punishment, I'd be like, oh my God, like thank you. This is like no, I'd be like, thank you so much. I'd be the happiest person that one. Although, like I will say, I was thinking about it last night, I was like, the first eighteen years of my life were actually comically insane, and then I did have a few years after that, which we're also pretty insane. But for the most part, I don't care. But that's also because I don't believe in anything, and I don't think

Nothing is that deep ever, literally, it's never that deep. But that guy was launching the fucking space by Red Bull and they just dropped him and it's fucking crazy, like why did we do that?

Me and Josh also saw a video of this guy like doing BMX bike trips and tricks in that like hot air before we literally why why are we do not make me want that drink?

Like we talk about this like.

This does nothing for the promotion of the drink. I guess it does because now we're sitting here talking about fucking red Bull when in reality I think Red Bull is the fucking devil. But that's a different story. You know how they say we.

Meet her on the podcast, She's still doing it. She is still to this day doing the bottoms up in the.

Calling Monster the devil, but Red Bull is getting away with it. Red Bull is the real devil, because why do you want to say your drink hat's wings. It's because you're covering up for the fact that they are devil wings. They have never clified what kind of wings they are. They are demon wings.

The real devil is Doja Cat.

Do you think conservatives think Doja is the devil? Yeah? Yeah.

When I go back to TikTok, my feed or when I go back to Texas, my TikTok feed changes in like a really scary dark way, and when I'm scrolling through, it's all like I don't I don't even know how to explain it. It's all conspiracy content, and it's all about how the world is run by like the Illuminati in so many words, and it's just it's fucking crazy. It's literally fucking crazy. And like they use like Doja Cat and Sam Smith a lot as examples.

You know what's also awesome is Drew loves looking at those kind of things because he finds him so fascinating. So that only happens to you. Because when I went back to Texas. When we went Texas, mine was like Texas University, like it was trying to like pitch like young people texts and things, and it was like funny things that happened in Texas and Grandberry.

It could be.

It could just like be that I interact with them because I love seeing like people being crazy.

You also love going through their pages. Like when I see something crazy, I just like it and keep moving.

When I see a crazy person on my feed, I literally go through and watch every single one of their videos. It's it's honest, and I learn every single thing I can about them and then I.

Spill it out to other people. I hope you like the new little set.

We're gonna improve it as we like move on and like evolve a little bit more. We're gonna gather things and make it cuter and nicer.

And I don't know, get a new camera, have guests on.

We'd be like, we're gonna have guests, all right, we just have.

Just on to get yeah, just out despite because I saw someone comment.

I know, I saw someone being like, oh, I bet they're gonna have a guest, but it's just gonna.

Be Josiah Josiah and the.

Guests are gonna be all your like altars.

Well, we were gonna have a guest, but things happened. I mean we could still get to that guests, but we would have to go to the guests.

Why don't we I'm down.

I'm like so down.

I literally text them right now.

Yeah, we got to keep it elusive. I actually do know who I want on the next episode, and maybe we just get them for next week.

Actually that's a lot.

Like they're literally doing like the craziest thing. I know.

They're like actually gus flying.

In for that. We should just go see them though, yeah, because we said we would and they would enjoy that. But your mom is stupid and she hates you, and she thinks about it every night before she goes to bed, and it's really sad because she calls me and she's like, please come over. But I'm like, girl, you literally have a husband and a kid who like is watching the podcast, so like, god forbid, the kids saw me in your house, like they're gonna be like what the fuck? Like what

And we're putting a paywall in emergency intercom twenty five bucks a month.

We're moving to our own website. I love a good like moving. Yeah, we're moving from YouTube it's too much. No, we're not. This is where I get the most attention. And like I said, I'm getting that attention. No, it can take me out.

I can, I will, right, Wow? What if I can? I will?

If I can, I will Smith. If I can, I will slap the hell out of.

You, like Will Smith slapped Chris Rock.

No he didn't, yeah did he?

I literally wasn't a joke.

Oh I was, Oh my god, why did you do that?

Wait?

Were people there?

Yeah?

It was at the fucking Oscars in you Oh my god.

This happened like what like two days ago?

Wait, while the oscars were happening.

I saw it yesterday.

Oh you were there?

No? No on YouTube?

Okay, I saw it.

I thought you were at the oscars.

Should we talk about our mental state? Our mental health?

No period, none of that.

I mean, I knew my life wouldn't be next in the in the span of three weeks, and that's okay, But I did have time to play Fortnite all day every day and do exactly what was making me sad. And I haven't won a Fortnite game in literally like three weeks. It's been really bad. I keep getting like second, if you need me on your team, I know, like, actually, should we play You don't want to play, you hate that game, you don't like playing.

It, I'll try it. I'll try it. Just because the attack on Titan it is lit.

Have you been playing car?

I really no, it's so awesome.

Why didn't they fucking one add a Titan and to make a Titan skin like that's what everybody wanted, But they did that with Call of Duty, which is so fucking annoying.

Wait, there's a Titan skin in Call of Duty?

What?

Yeah?

No, there's yeah, they license their shit out weird at the same time to know that just like two.

Years ago attack.

And I wanted it so bad, but I ain't get it.

Well, I need Lasik surgery really bad. I want it so bad.

But I'm laying in bed last night looking at my screen and this eye has gotten really fucking blurry. And then I'm really scared that it's like already going away?

Are you? Did you put cream on your face before you got in bed?

Uh? It wasn't like well yeah, like of course, like I wouldn't go to bed without it.

No, because sometimes I'll like put I have like oils and creams that I put around my eye and they'll kind of get in my eye and then I'm like, oh my blind, I literally can't see, and then it's just the cream, it's.

The crem it's it literally just is just like blurrier, Like it's starting to look like when I got my glasses, like or before I got my glasses.

Uh right, right.

I really want lay sick, but I'm scared that when they get give me the xanax, like how I feel.

Just tell them you don't want it, No, I need it? Whoa No?

Wait, okay, but I need it because I am really anxious and I'm like such a control freak and I already have a hard time going to the doctor, let alone like getting a shot or getting like dentistry done. So the idea that they're gonna have like sharp objects and hot objects near my eyeball already makes me so freaked out. So I think I will need it, and me trying to do it without it literally sounds so scary,

Mine didn't give me ambient is bullshit.

I'm going to. I went to and I'm getting that bamman.

But I did get a little sealis pill and I'm gonna try it out.

It's like viagra.

I'm literally I got it and I'm gonna try it.

Yeah, I just want to see what happens.

When are you gonna do that? Just so I know to like hang out in the house.

Probably tonight.

Oh wow, okay, so you're so jealous? Wait why are you jealous?

Oh wow? Oh wow? Okay, yeah, no, go ahead.

Also, my cute little rainbow of my little Critters is covered by your head, right, you're right right, right right?

Well, all right, thank you guys so much for watching it.

We didn't do media.

Hello, oh I almost forgot guys. Oh my gosh.

Okay, so I'll start off. So I started watching two shows. I haven't finished either of them. Either of them, but I started watching Beef, which is fun.

It's cool. I like it. It's on Netflix for free. It's pretty awesome.

I don't know really how to explain it other than like road rage turned coolness.

That is every day of my life, chellie.

And then I started watching Jury Duty, which I personally think is genuinely a masterpiece. I think it's like the coolest ship people have made in a long time. But I found that I found out no, I found out that this idea of like a Truman Show style reality show has already been done before.

Even the Jury Duty was done by what's his face? Josh was telling me, oh my god, why dude did other stuff with another wide dude? They acted like they acted like no, no, not that they acted like they write They wrote a book and they went on talk shows and they were like talking about it.

I know who you're talking.

His name oh my god, Eric, Eric and.

No, Eric and Andre? Oh yeah, Eric and Andre.

Eric and Andre two thousand Yeah, yeah.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker close No no, No, Comedy Guys.

Comedy Central, Cartoon Network. Maybe no, no, no, After Dark, Adult Swim.

Oh Tim, yes, Tim and Eric, Tim and Eric. Okay, but it's so fucking sick. It's basically one person is not an actor, and then every single person around him is an actor.

He did a fake trial. It's like the trial of Tim Heidegger.

But yeah, and then basically they somehow picked the literal perfect best person to be the non actor.

Awesome, Jerry Duty.

It's on It's on Amazon with freebe Yeah, and you gotta watch ads.

But was like Freeze the most used streaming club from I'm My Girl. One show couldn't have taken you that far. Maybe it did because the whole world is watching. But he's like American Idol in two thousand and five.

The whole world is watching Charisma.

American Idol. Up.

I was just talking about an episode like fucking two weeks ago, and yeah, yeah I was there, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

When you missed that though, like everyone watching American that doesn't happen anymore.

Yeah, like all one hundred and thirty million Americans in two thousand and three watching it together.

And like music award shows, like I feel like it used to be such a union, like a unity like thing, like everybody got together and watched this.

Like even like sports, Like I feel like no one's watching the super Bowl anymore, Like even the super Bowl halftime show. Now one gives a fuck about. We need That's what's happened is we've lost our sense of community, even with our bigger, wider community. We need to build something that everyone could like, Yes.

Yeah, that could be the thing.

We could have, like a super Bowl maybe emergency in or come tour.

So we could share a hotel room. Oh my god, yeah, I just I only want to go on tour so I can share a room with Drew. You sleep together, yeah, especially after you take your little.

Yeah, like it's gonna get creepy takes walking around with a boner.

Dude, I'm not kidding. Actually being in a random hotel in Washington and Texas and like just sitting down and watching cable TV was the most pot I've ever had in my life.

Doing nothing was such a fucking vibe.

It was awesome. Okay, it's the.

Middle of America, bitches, do it right?

I know, literally, except the somethings are.

Very except for the really bad things.

Except for literally the moral landscape is definitely skewed. But yeah, sorry, my train is here to get me your train? Yeah, about to run a train on kai.

Really?

Oh, today we have to do the chicken sandwich taste tests test text. We're doing that today. I'm gonna order a bunch of chicken sandwiches from everywhere and blind.

Boat Drew and have him and I'm gonna get every single one.

Do you want to hang out for that? Do you want to see that?

Because I'm they're gonna have to go after this. I have to meet someone like three.

Whoa Okay, see how I I tried to be gracious and for one to bite this fucking loser to do something with us, It's true, and I get rejected on camera?

Wow?

You know what? Honestly, as I was saying it, I didn't want him there anyway. Did you feel that for me?

I could feel it.

Because I feel like I was having a hard time hiding it.

Just hurt.

But when are you gonna take that?

What I did.

When are you gonna take the seatles though, because I'll definitely pull up for that.

Probably gone when I take it, Yeah, because he's gonna take it with the chicken sandwich. I want of the chicken sandwiches. He's gonna have to get a little crunch. Okay, Well, I've been watching absolutely nothing other than I watched Jury Duty. I haven't picked up the Sopranos because.

Oh fuck, I've I watched Jimama bang your daddy last night.

That's funny because they don't have sex anymore.

When I was there, I.

Know that honestly, like, thank you, thank you for that.

But the way that you looked over it was the straightest.

I don't know what else.

Hashtag mask for masks RuPaul's drag race.

Dude, we have to catch up with that. Josie comes over tomorrow. Why doesn't he come over today? Josie hates us? Oh my god. We watched Lucy, which was the worst movie on the planet, Like.

I was hyping it up to and I was like, oh, this might be the best movie you ever made.

That no one talks about.

Girl like only saw He's like a young teenager, and he was like, no, this like yeah, because we were.

I just kept wait for it, wait for it. I swear to God it gets good.

And then I knew it was bad when she was having a seizure on the ceiling attached to the wire and like pulling herself away.

We have to insert a clip of that so people know. I was dying laughing. It was so bad. And then Drew did the annoying thing where he falls asleep and he's like, I'm not a sleeping I was.

I literally I was like, oh, I just had my eyes closed, like I'm listening.

He said, I'm listening to it like a podcast. It's a movie.

I don't know why when I'm asleep. I can't admit that I'm asleep. It's fucked up.

I know he just fucking lies about it, and it's so fucking annoying. But I was watching the movie thing like, damn, I feel bad, like he wants me to watch this movie so much because he said it gets good. And then I finally look over and he was dead asleep. So then I changed it and I put on the Slums of Beverly Hills. I love Natasha Leone. That movie is really fucking weird. I hate that every time I watch a cult classic, it has the weirdest underlying a

Band like that is there a saxophone and Blade Runner.

Like vangelists, like like the O G soundtrack. I've never seen the new Blade Runner because I'm not a freak.

But what's good?

Yeah, that's what they all say, and I bet I bet they say dude is good too.

Oh you know what that that is?

Literally what you remember. We're like, what does it feel like to be in Coachella? I haven't seen Dune, but it feels like being in Dune, Like it feels like what they were feeling, like their lungs.

Were feeling, like very accurate, because like it is like very political, like little clique.

It is literally Coachella is a like see we say this, but like I just telling themselves to give us artists passes so I could be treated like a king, but like, who the fuck do I think I am? That's never gonna happen so I can talk all my ship. But

Have you guys watched some Hunger Games recently? No, do you remember that scene where Peta is in the mud.

And he painted his face?

I hadn't seen it.

Why do you give Peta?

Don't say that?

Okay, don't say that.

No, I don't know. That's not.

We're like really into him in twenty in two.

Thousand and nine, okay, you're like two thousand and nine, you're super like.

Post recession hot, so your time's coming up. Hey, you're super like you have the face of somebody who would work in a coal mine.

Which sucked up.

Is everyone watching this knows or thinks Kai is hot?

That's not true. That is giving him away too much credit.

Wait, everyone thinks I'm its hot?

Me is hot?

Me are hot?

Dude? That scene where he's in the mud. I seriously watched that and I was like, this is fucking crazy, Like this is insane.

Oh my god, Peter Peter Hi.

I was like, I feel like I'm on mushrooms, Like somebody seriously created this scene and was like, yeah, that That was.

When I watched it for the first time.

Was like I was like, whoa he did? He was able to do that, he made the time.

I didn't think it was weird either. I was watching with like my like twenty twenty three eyeballs, and I was like, this is like a.

Crazy The first one.

I think it might be in the No, the first first one it's them by the river.

It's in the justification for it is because he was able to make bread.

And cakes, cupcakes. Yeah, and then that's how he survived and.

That's how he was able to beat his face like that. Yeah, why he like gay co.

I know, why would he own a makeup brand? But that's like cake oriented.

Now take it on. Oh somebody needs to make that.

There is a brand that doesn't called cake it on.

I'm not kicking on. But it's like everything is.

Like everything that one good.

Okay, I finished and I really liked it, made me sad, made me cry.

Brain that smells like chocolate. The eyeshadow two face, Yes.

You are a two face fucking bitch ass ho Yeah, I.

Mean when I'm talking about you, I've always been saying that.

So here are my They did something to this, They did something to this.

What's they took out? The little thoughts?

There was like their other stuff here?

Oh wait, you're in your like. I don't. I never go on my like.

I always listen for my legs. All right, here's the music I've actually been playing over and over again for the past like four weeks. And it's crazy. You send me swinging by mint Condition, April Showers, the Blackbirds. All I can do Carpenters, walk on by otis you will send me? Swing Coourse out of Town, The Fifth Dimension, Reeling in the Year, Steely Dan and Don't Leave Me by Harry Nielsen, Oh and running Away Slying the family Stone. It's a whole.

I'm gonna show you my here Harry Nielsen.

Fuck.

I've been listening to a bunch of Little Bee. I've been listening to a bunch of Soldier Boy, specifically the Soldier Boy and Little Bee collaborative album. And the song that I love the most right now is the Little Bee Walk a Flock of Soldier Boys song.

And then I.

Think I was in a really dark place, because I always do this when I'm in a dark place. But I started listening to Salem again and that was awesome, Boots, and then what else?

What else? That's it?

Listen to listen to your heart.

When he's gone by you? Damn, such a good song.

I don't know, young, but that was our return. That was emergency Intercom. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you loved it. I hope it was everything you ever wanted.

Or a bunch of people watching. They were like, damn, why did I miss this?

Yeah?

Why was I watching this? That's I think that's how it's gonna go. I think we fucked up and no one's gonna come back.

I mean that would be lit. Everything that happens happens for a reason to set you on a new path. And if that new path is opening up for me, I'm gonna go down it. And I don't care what's down there. I just want to see what's happening.

I just want a job I want to get.

All right.

Thank you guys so much for watching. See you next week.