We Met The Killer

Welcome to this episode of Emergency inter Com.

Who was having his first end of the day on camera. What can I actually have one? I'm starting this gym?

Then, okay, then give me a fucking me when you took my car to get that, give me a goddamn hot cheeto, or you owe me six dollars in gas.

Dad. I'm gonna be so fucking mean to you, fucking bitch. What the fuck? All right, I don't care.

If we haven't said any thing, because you want to go a toxica there you're literally immediately gaslighting.

Man.

That's not gaslighting. That was toxic.

What was toxic?

Is you like you're putting the bag? Yeah?

Oh, the two white ugly on earth trying to go on camera? What's sad is that?

Like, not only are y'all white, but you're ugly and right, like y'all don't even get like y'all got a double hit from God.

You man, you man, you man. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I have wet jeans because I went out in the rain and they go over the bottom of my ship.

It's the best day ever because it's raining.

Out rained all day to day. It was magical. I don't think I've ever gotten as much work done in my entire life than I did today.

You completed one task.

No, I edited an entire video, filmed the brand deal, and now I'm doing a podcast.

Like you can't separate the video and the brand new bran.

Also, when Boss Slim went out and got a Slim gem and so this is not my first meal to day, I do not let and you lie to you people?

What was your first meal?

I had in and out? I had a cheeseburger from In and Out, a cheese burger.

I just both cot you all over the floor.

By the way, you.

Better clean it because this is going to get it and get caffeine poisoning.

That's not how that works.

Well, let's just get into this episode. Okay. The first thing I want to talk about is how sexy I actually have become. And it's not a joke anymore because it's leaking into my real life. It's not just imaginary comments online. It's people just comment, Drew, You're so sexy, which I appreciate. I appreciate all the comments tell me how fucking sexy hot I am because it does fuel me and it does make me feel good about myself and it does make me want to take care of myself.

That's usually what compliments do.

But it's leaking into my real life. So listen to this. Let me paint the scene.

And also before this goes, I just want to say, you, like fully ignore the fact that people see you and they go, oh, you look rugged now, and then they go into complimenting, but it's usually like they get taken off rugged.

Rugged is sexy to me? I guess yeah, No, I bring back manly men, like I've been saying it the entire time. One person said that to me and then I got kissed on the cheat because I had a beard at that party. So let's not ignore that. Let's not ignore it, but it's leaking into my real life. Um So let me paint the scene for you. It's Enya, Elsie Alisa in Jester. They go out, have like a nice little dindin together. They treat themselves, they they have

Because you're not a girl, bitch.

Okay, how do you know that?

Because you literally just said bring back menley men and I'm doing it there.

So, yeah, they they come home. I shower, I bathe, I do my thing, I get ready for beds.

The story it does.

It does. I'm painting a scene and so like, my body is glistening. It's glistening. I'm in my bedroom in bed and I put on my gray sweatpants because I'm like, oh, i want to sleep in my sweatpants tonight. And I'm not wearing your shirt. I'm not wearing your shirt. Okay. So they get home and I hear them chatting it up, and then I'm like, oh, like, i want to go hear the conversation. I'm gonna go say what's up? Because I didn't say hi to everybody before they left.

You hear me in the kitchen talking shit about Oh, we'll get into that.

I'm saying the same shit.

We'll get into that.

I'm talking about that.

I mean, like, the conversation he actually walked in was literally a conversation I had three times that week.

Yeah. Literally, But we they're all chatting in the kitchen and so I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go say what's up. So I walk into the kitchen and I'm shirtless in my gray sweatpants, and everybody in the kitchen takes a look at me. They look me up and down, and I'm not kidding.

Do you care about your job?

I don't give a fuck about my job. I don't give does Kay care about his job? Because he hasn't said anything about it, so maybe you're the only one hearing it.

I was waiting for you to finish your grace sweatpants story.

Okay, So I walk in and the room falls silent. It's actually crazy. The room falls silent. Everybody these head whips to me and they see.

My happens when a person enters my glistening.

Toned body, like freshly green body, hair, like I look good, I look sexy, I look hot, like I'm serving. And Alisa is like almost like caught off guard by how sexy I am. And she's like, in mid conversation, she's like, due, you look good. You look really good right now. And then jesture, they're like, what does Yester say? What do they say?

They jokingly turn their head and they go, I've never.

Seen this side of you.

They've never seen this side.

Of it, which that could mean a lot of things.

Elsie stays silent. She doesn't have anything to say, but she does look at me up and down.

And also I said, like you okay, I keep ye.

I'm not saying that I was gray sweatpants challenging because I don't know if that was the case.

We cannot see your bolt to know if that's what you're asking. I was gonna say, your bulge is not big enough to slide.

Bulge. Let me tell you about my bulge. Ladies and gentlemen. It is perfect.

Your bulge is not bouldering though.

I have a perfect But yeah, I'm sexy, and it's leaking into my real life and scene. It's not a scene, it's real. It's real.

So okay, Well I'm gathering from this is you You were coming into the age where people are giving you compliments to your face and you have no idea how to act.

Yeah, because I literally have a job where I speak for an hour and I have to fill it. So if people call me sexy, I'm going to tell the world. Romel, are you.

Just gonna name off everyone who's called you sexy recently? Because the list is pretty sure.

I was saving this because this is something I've needed to say publicly for a long time. And I didn't want to say in the first like four minutes of the podcast because I didn't want us to get demonetized again.

But I think I'm going to like pursue this goal of mine.

It's usually like when I think about my future, I have a hard time like visualizing what goals I really need to hit. And I think one of them that I'm really considering is I think I want to be the first woman to put someone in the hospital.

Be ahead. So I am working on that.

I feel like it like it might not be as challenging as I think, but I do want to like just prep for it and like, no, you're my victim.

Okay, you're the victim. You know I'm down. But yeah.

Also, the way I thought about that job is, I mean, the way I thought about that joke is literally we were standing on the sidewalk and Mason mentions sing Johnny Knoxville, and I said that I want to give him such vicious head that it puts his old ass in the hospital, and I mean.

It, Okay, I'm done.

I'm done actualizing Johnny Knoxville. Because I don't actually want to have sex with him. I do want a selfie with him, So it's a pretty big jump back from giving.

I didn't put him in the hospital. But really, all I want is selfie. You just have to shoot high.

It's like when you're bribing someone, you have to shoot really high because you know they'll take it down to the number you actually want.

And that's what I'm doing with Johnny Knoxville.

Yeah, set your expectations low, but also high, so when they don't reach your expectations, they're already low.

Yeah.

So it's like, whichever one I get, I'm getting something good.

Exactly.

Would you like to read some of your notes that you've been saving, because you've come up to me all week and you are about to say something and then you take it back.

Yeah. Well, I almost kill the dog. I fully almost killed today, No at Target. Literally I almost killed the dog at Target. I was grabbing Lacroix's. Literally, every fucking person who came over last night drank like six of my fucking Lacroix drank half of them, left them out to rot, and now I have no more Lacroix. And I bought those for me and only me and everybody drinks.

That's how I feel about my groceries.

All the time, But you know, I don't say anything about it because I'm a gracious woman and it's my job to be a caregiver to some extent, and I just care for my.

Friends and I don't give out fuck about my friends when I drink my lacroix. But granted, they did really like the blossom cherry blossom flavor and yeah, which I fucking hate it. And it's literally the most ransom flavor I've ever tasted in my life. And it tastes like fucking chocolate and dog food. But I'm going you taste good.

I ate that like crazy usic cad.

This is literally dog food, Like this is what tastes like. This is what dog food tastes like, let.

Me another bite of that. But you're almost little.

Yeah. So I was grabbing the lacrois and there's this like little rat dog running around on the ground, this little ankle bier, the one with the teeth that like stick out of the side and like the really fucking disgusting ass mainy fur and he was running around at the bottom and the lady was also grabbing lacroix, and I was like, I was just gonna grab one pack.

You would have literally eradicated him a medium it was.

It would have been very bad. But I'm a hero, I'm a savior, and I have quick reflexes, and I caught it before.

It was actually like the slowest like movement ever. It's not like it actually started falling. It was just like Drew went to go move the case and like saw that it would fall if he grabbed it the way he was going to grab it.

And then we looked the houses on fire.

No, it's just so cold out. The neighbor downstairs is drying clothes.

And yeah, you'll be saying that when we're burning alive on camera. We're going to release this episode on Patrea and CS die on camera, burn alive on camera.

But I, it's fucked up. How funny I thought that was. We were literally laughing in front of the owner and she had no idea how hard we were laughing at that, like because she didn't notice what had happened. And we walked away, and I was laughing so fucking hard of that target, because the idea that Drew would have literally like.

If I would have killed that dog, I would have actually never recovered, Like I don't think I could have ever recovered from that. I truly could have. Honestly, I would have forgotten about it in like eight hours, even I'm being honest I'm a killer.

We also then almost saw a dog get hit by a fucking car. So ladies and gentlemen, keep your dogs away from us, because we're giving back.

You have dog omens bring around us and they will almost experience death, not fully experienced it. Give them stress them out a little bit, stress them out a little bit about death. Oh this is a good one.

I'm going to mine.

I have a really good one loaded up.

Sorry sorry, yeah you ago, okay, Lie.

So I thought about it, and I was thinking about, like my dad, brother, my brother who's dead. Why would you even think about that because it's like a sad thing.

No, but that's what I'm saying, Like it's just like.

It's already, just move on. And my brother was always first in line to get my dad's like Rolex that he got from his father, who he got from his father. So it's like a generational like it's like your bracelet. And I was like, ah, I'm going to get the role X. Now, I'm going to get the role X.

And I sad two older brothers though they're half.

And I will kill them for the Rolex. But I thought about it and I was like, that's mine. Now.

I thought the joke was gonna be that you were going to kill your two older brothers.

No, the joke is that I'm celebrating that my brother died. So I get a Rolex.

I mean, if I'm being honest, that'sn't even trade off.

Yeah, it's fair, Okay. And then I thought about it even deeper, and I was like, the bloodline's gonna end with me.

That was thought. I was like, oh, I got a roll X. But I guess my bloodline does.

End the Phillips tomorrow. The Phillips family ends with me tomorrow.

No, no, no, no, it's gonna end tomorrow. Because if it's ending with you, you're gone tomorrow.

Why.

I don't know.

I just have a feeling behind the other day when we were leaving the house.

Okay, I've talked about this before, but if you're a new reviewer, I have very intense paranoia about locking doors behind me, like I've always convinced I didn't lock a door.

Like it's actually debilitating borderline because.

I have to.

I have to.

I have to troll and I have to troll back.

I know Drew isn't like good at handling it. He like decides to like like terrorize.

Me because she's like, Drew, is the door locked? Can you check to make sure I locked it door? I'm like, yeah, sure, and then I go and check and I'm like, yeah, you left it unlocked, but we should just go. It's not it's not like.

Obviously now I can laugh about it, but like when it's happening, it actually freaks me out because I believe it, Like it is like a deep paranoia for some reason that I like know you're joking, but I part of me believes it, and it's like, actually really crazy, how what my brain does to me. But the other day I was locking the door, which makes it worse, Like when we're leaving the house, if we're leaving out the front,

But that's because you said something scary to me. He literally after he locked the door. I locked the door. I don't remember. I was like, I was like, did I lock it?

Am?

I locking this, and he goes, it doesn't matter because I have a feeling we're gonna get broken into tonight anyway.

I was like, but I genuinely did. I was like, and I was sitting on my fucking say that. I was like, I'm getting an ominous vibe something bad is going to happen the night, and I have a feeling it's gonna to be a home invasion. And I was like, don't even bother locking the door because they're just going to break in, Like it doesn't matter.

That is so weird because I had a very viscual dream last night that my house was broken into.

Really, yeah, y'all are putting bad fucking energy into the air.

I were like connected, we're connected or something.

Yeah, sorry, I just didn't want to move closer, freak.

But yeah, Drew did that to me the other night and it literally terrorized me.

And when we were in the Uber, it's all I could think about for like fifteen minutes, and I had to like just change the subject in my head because I was like, I am not going to be able to think any other thought tonight.

Well, the house was not broken into.

And then the other night when we went out right after he locked the door and I went to go check in. He was like, Oh, you don't have to worry, because I don't think we're gonna get broken into tonight.

I was like, that's not how this works.

It is exactly how it works.

I had a little surprise for the thirty ninth episode.

Ooh, episode episode, what's the surprise?

I was the guy that broke in.

Apartment anyways, stop.

True stop, Oh my god, I'm fucking bleeding good.

Don't get it on the mic. We have to use that. Use that for actual You're not crazy. That was that was you were valid.

It was valid.

Yeah, your valid is thank you for putting me in my place.

You're welcome. And why did you not say, sir, sir?

Can you are you going to apologize to him?

I'm sorry and I'm sorry sorry what.

I'm sorry that I broke in to your house and I shaved my pubes in your house. I sucked up your trust and sense of security forever and then and sir.

Apology kind of accepted. I'll let you bask in the maybe.

Okay, bask in the maybe.

Yeah, I'll let you fester in that.

Also, I decided something else we need more thirst chops of me.

It's true.

We we just need more thirst chops of me.

Like I miss being sexualized. I'm just like not sexualized as much anymore.

I will give you a con tribute, thank you.

I'm not kidding.

I need one, Like, when's the last time someone came on a picture of me? Like we need to talk about It's okay, Actually.

Let me not because saying that you're gonna get a lot, which is kind of a vibe, it's actually it's like, where's my com tribute. I know there's someone out there.

Who has to snail trail tribute.

No, I want a snail ChIL tribute, and I want a contribute immediately.

Would you take a discharge tribute?

Absolutely, I will take a bottle, any bodily fluid, spit tribute, spit tribute, a ship tribute, literally, anything someone shipped on a photo of me. I really ironically need to see that. I don't have a shake think piss on a photo.

The funk is this, but the piss could be anything. Let me see, let me see. Oh I got a text too.

I literally have no idea what that is. Do you have the numbers saved? Oh?

It's literally, Devna, did she get.

A new number? She got to phones? One for the cases, one for those Yeah, did you get it because.

Her job fire cases? Yeah. We love definitely Carlson.

Live Laflave Devinitely, Carlson, what what's wrong with you? We literally brought up one of the most gorgeous women in the world, and I you don't know how to act?

No, I didn't. I thought she was going to bring up something.

But we'll spare you. We'll spare you.

Although this is very open ended and we'll leave a lot of questions to the viewers, and we're not cutting it out.

I haven't cried in two years.

That is just not true. True that day seriously said, yeah, you just gave a laugh. He seriously came out to me in the kitchen and I.

Was watching a Brittany and Sarah video and he saw them like laughing, and he just goes, I just wish I could laugh like that, Like, I just wish I knew how to laugh.

No, I mean they like laugh at everything, and it's like infectious, Like when I laugh, it's not. In fact, yes it is, it's overwhelming. And I don't laugh at everything. I'd like I just I get lost in my own brain and I'm like thinking of the next thing to say.

That's literally everybody with attention issues who's also a comedian.

So that's everyone in.

Our group, Brittany and Sarah. I need training.

Everybody in our group in a room is a nightmare. That is the description how loud a room gets. When our whole group walks.

It is discussed. I have to I literally have to leave our like the living room, like three or four times, like every time everybody's over because it's so loud, and it's always the next person's like trying to get the big best joke in the next laugh in, and like sometimes I just cannot participate, and I freaked the funk out and I have to just go lay in my bed and be on my iPhone where it's quiet for like literally five minutes, and then I make my way

I can't believe you missed that with the whole group. Isn't that embarrassing?

Guy?

Like we had like such a moment photo as it was happening. Did you actually of everyone's face?

Well, I was I was on the I was in that photo.

Oh, well, wasn't that when it was happening.

No, it was after I came in when you were taking the photos. I was, so I was in all the photo evidence, so I could sit here and say, actually, I was.

There, but you were yesterday.

It was the first time in a long time I actually did feel overwhelmed by how loud it got because I had to like connect the laptop to the TV and someone kept I like, someone kept saying something to me, and I was like, I'm actually gonna freak out if you repeat it.

But I think it might have been Ki, but I don't remember. It was like something Kaigh or Krishan was saying.

One of you, like one of the really white men in the room was like saying a lot to me, And I was like, I'm gonna it wasn't me.

I was in the room.

I don't think it was me.

It couldn't have been me.

It probably could. It probably is you.

No, I actually wasn't in the room when it was getting hooked up. But yeah, I was working. I was grinding.

You sound like someone lied.

I was grindering, grindering. Yeah, it's like working hard.

No, dude, like grindering like insinuways you were on the app grinder.

I don't even know what that is, Like, don't even what is that?

You just got like fourteen notifications right now your phone is literally blowing.

It's vibrating so hard, it's about to explode.

What.

I don't even literally know what y'all are even talking about. I don't know what grinder is. Grinder is probably.

You're looking up the sound right now.

Like, yeah, let's just like ruin the Like it's just like taking so long. Oh, how do you need a phone? How do you need a phone?

You know, to mute a phone? That was insane? How long it took you to get to that?

Like, fuck both of y'all.

I literally just.

A punching bag for everybody always. Everybody just picks me up.

You literally I started this by saying, like you're getting too many compliments and they're leaking into real life, and now you're trying to explain that you are being attacked.

I was literally just attacked. Everybody was not just attacked.

You're going to hell? Did you know that I'm going to kill you?

Also, the word.

Turn that thing off? You're slut That's the.

Thing about you is like I am slit yep, and you think that's okay, I'm horneye.

But you ran through.

I gotta I literally have to get it out. If I don't let it out, it starts to hurt.

You're literally so ran through and you're actually going to hell.

It's gonna be sad because I wish my friend could go to heaven with me, but they're going to hell because you're a fucking slut.

God turning away Drew because he's too ran through.

No, he's literally I actually am ran through as fuck. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm ran through, but like not by like what you would expect. I have. I have electric feel last time I was a ran threat was told last time you ran through.

Also, I decided that like the worst thing. Anybody who is not in my core group of people.

Oh my god, you're like blowing up? Are you going viral right now?

On?

Literally going viral.

Up?

I put my face on there for the first time in five years.

Is your face is not on there?

Absolutely not? Hell? No, never do that. I don't even know what what you're even talking about.

And then why were you so sure that your face wasn't on it. It's just not one day.

It's actually crazy how COVID is over, Like it's it's crazy, how it has ended. No, I don't know anybody with COVID. No one knows anybody with COVID. It's just over. Well, I don't just ended. I don't think it was real to begin with, no facts. They had to start of a plandemic. It was a plandemic, and they started a war to get our attention off the COVID because.

Because the government it's all fai literally want like was like, you know what I'm gonna like it's.

I'm walking, I'm done. But yeah, COVID's over. It's actually crazy, and they planned a war for the next year.

Though there are going to be the people who are like, am I the only.

One who I know?

The mask mandate is lifted everywhere, but I refuse to go outside without a mask.

And I'm like, you're a pussy, You're loser.

The thing is, I'm like, Okay, I did my part. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Like the world is ending, We're going into a war.

Like it's done, it's done. The economy is about the collapse like let me live, and ironically, I want a gun. I want a gun so bad.

We were talking about this last night and a friend of ours who it makes sense that they would have a gun because they have like extremely like intense valuables.

So it's like, yeah, I guess, like that makes sense, and then everyone in the room it.

Was a room of like three losers with like the most expensive thing they have is like their iPhone.

Myself, I'm protecting myself.

No one wants to like harm you, like I don't.

Know that never had a gun. That would be one. No. The thing is is if I had a gun and like someone actually did rebreak into the house, I wouldn't shoot them. I would probably shoot myself.

I say this Drew all the time, Like, oh, I say all the time, like the murderer, the killer would get to the gun before you and use your.

Own because one of those they wouldn't use it on me. I would accidentally shoot my foot or something, and then he would be like, oh, I literally cannot rob this person because they actually are like lacking brain power. Just walk out, walk right out now there.

If I'm assuming they came in to like steal things, so like if you're shot on the foot, they're probably.

Just gonna like keep it pushing, yeah, and steal things.

The good thing is that, like realistically, like somebody who's coming in our house to steal things aren't going to steal the things we actually care about, which is like our stupid little like toys.

And things, because that's what I get.

They're gonna say my computer, and I'm like, I don't give a fuck, you can have my computer. I want my little like toys that are like one of none.

I might have the computer.

I want my like silly little stinky zine I bought like three years ago.

That I refused to get my stinky zine with water dam It's the way. It's the way that I literally like have so much patriotism right now.

What is happening over here? Like you need to chill.

I just love America.

That's brave.

I'm just switching up. I'm switching the narrative. We need to go back to republication.

I said that yesterday. I was like, I'm gonna be I was like, I'm turned forecasting Trump is gonna be in in the next year.

I'm gonna be literally trend forecasting Trump saying like, I'm gonna start standing Trump now because in three years it's gonna be cool to stand Trump. And I'm like, you are like actually deranged and you have like real issues.

Trent forecasting Trump is gonna slay the House.

Boots when the presidency again, unfortunately, and that's why we all have to get out there and vote.

You're trend forecasting the next vote.

Don't vote for Trump. I'm serious.

You might be the first person to say that. The thing is when I say like this, I'm like, I know someone's gonna.

Be like they're gonna flip it and they're like, it's not fucking funny, and I'm like, it literally is. It literally is funny to like play. It's the way that we saw the Killer at the moment I actually saw the Killer and I just got chills.

Have we told you about this guy?

Dude?

It literally was actually so scary. So we went to see Worst Person in the World, which is our fucking.

Don't even get met tier movie. It's best movie that I've seen this year.

Yeah, literally, it's it's my Media the Week. I know, it's Drew's Media the Week, Like it is so fucking good. But we went together. We were supposed to go with Josh, but Josh fucking bailed on us because he doesn't love us and he hates us.

He actually want to carey, he doesn't care about us, and he literally bought me in and out and let me you edit on his computer all day.

But we're supposed to see with him. He couldn't. Oh, are you kidding me?

I barely moved the thing? How did you even hear that?

Run that back? You heard? How loud that was.

I'm just gonna edit the sounds so that it's gone.

You're going to hell. So you're trying so hard to like tick me.

You are so soft like actually, I'm not even saying my legs softer like that. Yes, your hands are like really soft like that.

You want these hands on your I.

Want them to touch my ass like they're actually really soft.

You want me.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Like if I close my eyes and you were like, are these mannequin hands or human hands? I would literally say mannequin hands because they're so soft. Also, they feel like, you know, Sofia the robot. They feel like how I imagine Sofia the Robot's skin feels.

Kay, would you like a touch?

Yeah?

Oh my god, you.

Want to touch in You're so bad.

You guys don't understand how hard my life is because I can't touch any one of my hands.

I will say.

The other day, you rubbed your fucking palm sweat on my like leg and it actually was like the scariest thing.

Ever I've genuinely never I've genuinely never noticed.

Is it a recent thing? Like you should get.

In your hands like a normal uh in the last after hanging out around me because you're so nervous. Yeah, no, you should get botox in your hands.

Yeah, that could be a good Patreon episode.

Are you insinuating that we have to get you bowtok?

I'll pay for the book. I genuinely like would consider paying for the boattoks.

How much would it be?

I'll google it.

Let's see, we'll go in for you. We'll go We'll go in on you raw dog style.

It'll get rid of my wrinkles on my hands.

I don't know that as much as it is like filling the poor.

So maybe we could do that and then I can get my palms read.

That would be really we can change the description of your palm.

Yeah, we can change my desk.

I'm gonna take my leg off because I feel like it's like heavy.

It's fine, but you can take it off. I'm like a strong boy, get strong thighs and calves, so I get to put my leg on you. No, I have wet pants.

So we went to this movie theater.

It was a cute theater, but it was fucking end and also it wasn't regular seas.

Couch, you know, it was couches. And we thought we saw the real killer, Like I really the real killer in the theater with us. He was in the theater with us, the killer was and he like sat okay. So the movie finished, and like he sat all the way through the credits, like we.

Were watching a Marvel movie.

And he sat there like the stilly still I've ever seen, like.

Literally like he was in the same position.

He did not move his face at all, Like he sat as still as this.

Also like to like give like more context. It's like little couches, and he had the whole couch to himself, so he could have like sprawled out and got comfy and like like leaned.

Back a little bit, but he stood that still.

The whole time, and I looked at him multiple times through the movie, and there wasn't a glimpse of expression.

You know.

I kept looking at him because I was like, is this motherfucker crying? Like everyone is crying, like you have to be crying, And he literally had nothing on his face. It literally looked like he was wearing a mass It was literally so scary.

It was so scary.

And the reason we even stayed after credits is because the movie was like so good, I wanted to do a stupid thing where like I filmed a bunch of clips of me like crying, being like annoying and like dying and passing away in the theater.

So we stayed for a minute and I was like, he's gonna get up soon.

And like we s a normal person would.

And we sat there and he didn't move, and then it was like the credits were like done, like they were.

Showing the logos of the production companies already.

And the last had already come on. Like yeah, he was literally just sitting in like a bright ass movie theater, like staring at the credits. But that's the craziest part is like this isn't even the real killer.

Yeah, this isn't the killer, the killer of the story.

But he's not the killer.

So then we.

Leave, like we I go to the bathroom and me and you were like just talking about the movie and like wiping my fucking puffy ash cry face, and we're like walking down the theater's empty, and.

We should have walked back in and see if I know.

I'm assuming the killer was because we went to the parking lot and also the preface before we got in the theater, this car was there downstairs with the lights on, like the whole car was on, and we looked in and no one was in it.

And it was like an old ass like.

No branded car, like I couldn't see, like it wasn't like it looked like a Toyota Camra, but there was no logos.

On it at all. Really felt like a test, Like it felt like a test by like saw like Jigsaw, and it was like if you touch the door handle like a pig, a person in a pig mask is going to come out and like chlorophyl, you kill you and.

Like and nobody was in the car.

Chlora phill me up.

So then we go back downstairs to the parking lot to go to my car, and there's no other cars in the parking lot other than my car and this fucking killer car and me Dured talking and we're talking.

Yeah, we're talking and walking and.

Like dude, both of us go deathly silent, but we keep walking.

And they were both staring at the car and we're like, oh, this is I'm getting chosen.

Like we know, and like, Hi, I'm not kidding.

We weren't saying anything to each other, Like we both stopped dead in our talking and we were just like walking past the car, and both of us like we were saying anything to each other. We started speeding up past the car because and then we just ran to my car and actually started screaming and got in my car and.

Like with the out is because what we saw, we both saw it, and neither of us said it to each other because they're like that was actually like eye, yeah, you're taking that's something you take to the grave, because if you say it out loud, you're literally a psychopath and you need to be locked away. But like we

Verge of tears.

It was so funny.

Actually, I was like, I'm dying in this park.

Yeah, I was like, there's someone in the back of the car. Did you look in the back.

Of the I and I looked in the car hell hard because I was like, there has to be a person in there, and there was a person.

In there in our car. Like I looked. I was like, there was a person in our car.

No, I just looked around you. Oh, not in your car, but there was a person.

No, there wasn't a person. There was a car.

It looked at there was no person, and we both saw this fucking figure shift. It was a It was like.

As we got close, and that's why I thought it had to have been a poster, because as we got closer, it more like yeah, it literally like more into.

Like a younger dude.

It was so weird. And then yeah, we looked and we looked all over the garage and like there were there was literally nothing but sound proofing on the ceiling, and like that was it.

Yeah, there was no posters and the car was still on. Yeah, and we didn't see the killer.

If you guys had invited me, there would have been a third person to like confirm this, are.

You, like, yeah, saying you don't believe us.

No, he's saying he wanted to be invited.

And we did invite you.

We did invite you. Oh fuck, and you were busy.

Never mind, never mind, forget that I said that you're freak.

You were.

It was actually fucking insane.

And when I was retelling it, I got chills again.

Like I've never had an experience like that in my life. I'm so like, not a believer of paranormal activity at all, but that shit freaked me out.

When you guys were describing it, that entire thing, I felt the same feeling that I got when I saw the trailer for Under the Skin the first time.

Oh word, yeah, yeah, like the alien like weird just like yeah, dude.

It felt so it really it genuinely felt like otherworldly. I've never like like it was.

So it was the most like I said it. When I got out of the car, I was like, why is this the most silent space I've ever been into my entire life? Like there were no sounds, like there wasn't even ringing in my ears, Like it was literally like a liminal space almost, and I want to go back to the garage.

So I do want to go back because also what's weird is as I think about it, like that night was so good though, like even post that, like I felt really good, like going into the theater, I felt good, like it felt awesome. But that was like genuinely like I was like scared when I was like unlocking my car, I literally was like I need to get in.

My car, like my ankles are going to be slashed, like there's gonna be a ghost that like kills me. Like it really was like like pure.

You know. What's also weird is the reflection thing was in black and white, like yes, oh my god, white black and white, and it wasn't in color like the reflect the guy in it was just like it was fully black.

It was like gray and white.

I could literally like it's so vivid in my head still that I could like draw it and I could like I don't know it and like it. It was almost like an Aphex twin, like like old like Aphex twins like taste on like an.

Old Ax twin like Rick Rubin looking motherfucker for the first old.

Yeah.

So crazy.

Well not, No, I was saying like an Aphex Twin character, like someone in his universe, like a Chris Cunningham like music video. Yeah, but yeah, it was very like scary.

Yeah, that was an alien for sure.

That's what I'm not kidding.

That is what it felt like. It didn't feel like a ghostly like presence. It literally felt like in like an other worldly presence. Now, no, because I don't foresee that happening to me ever.

Again, Well, Elon Musk is starting human trials on the neuralink.

Even though all the monkeys died.

Yeah, and I don't give a fuck, and I want it, Elon. Literally, there are literally hundreds of thousands of people who would back you if I got brain damage from this thing, Like they would say, oh, he wanted it, like he really wanted it, Like I'm saying it out loud, like please give it to me, like I'm actually begging.

I wouldn't let you, because my life is too a deitron with you if I lost you, like my whole.

Life so that all I am is of work.

Did I say work high?

No she didn't, she insinuated, No, you twisted her word.

Yeah, I said, my life is intertwined with she.

Just expressed like a deep sentiment of love to you, and then you twisted.

It because you think it's about money.

Well, you can't trust anybody, so it's who me. I can't trust anybody.

My hands are so fucking sweaty.

Your balls are sweaty.

Maybe get you some they're sweaty.

What this is the other thing I was gonna say.

The worst thing you can do on Instagram if I've been following you for five plus years is post on Instagram because don't let me catch you at the top of my fucking timeline.

I am unfollowing you, and it's and it's.

Not me trying to be mean, like I'm on following you, like don't if I see you.

On my timeline and it's bringing back memories I'm following.

Yeah, I do not need that, Like I.

Don't need to be like, oh my god, I like I don't need to be like how do I know this person?

Like I don't want to think of you.

Know what I'm about. I'm about to unfollow literally everybody, so I can like unfollow like a few people that I don't want to be following anymore. And instead of just like making it very targeted. I'm like, oh, I just forgot to follow you back and just never follow them back.

I can be your friend and not follow you exactly.

I can be your friend and not care about what you see what I see on your like what you posted.

I can be your friend and think your photos are really fucking ugly and just not want to follow you.

No, I actually do not give a fuck about like my following. I don't even go through like the homepage anymore. Like I genuinely like just like scroll on my Explorer page and watch like monkeys eat fucking pomegranates and bread.

The thing is, I keep up with like maybe fifteen people and then everybody else like I never see and that's why when I see them, I'm like.

Oh, like I'm not even looking at yourself. Yep, sorry, sorry about that.

We had to bring back casual Instagram, guys, casual photo doom.

We need we need to.

Bring back casualty Instagram in theory, like I would like to actually just post.

I think I've gotten better at that though. I literally just.

Like look at something, I'm like, I'm gonna post this, and then I just post. But I I think I'm gonna like start hell posting like I foresee that being the next thing is just like over posting, like.

I want to treat ig like a blog, like blog style, Sleigh.

I want to treat you like my blog and just like put myself all over you.

I've begged you for months for that.

Yeah. I like when you beg but I'm not gonna actually give it to you. How's that feel? You just call me a bitch and you're laughing about it.

Oh no, I wasn't laughing.

Don't fucking do You will never see the light of day again.

I can't, literally can't. I'm fucking bitch.

You're saying you will never see the light of day again. It's such a deeply like dark senter.

I'm gonna put you in a cellar.

See the sun again?

It's pretty scary.

I can do that to both of you.

Is that the sun before?

Yeah?

Actually? Yeah? Really?

Or no, I guess it's seen the moon?

Yeah?

Yeah, because it's like you would have to you would know if it has, because even if you're outside naked, you have to have to spread to spread your cheeks.

I think that's something that I need to do soon.

Yeah, I do. I want to be naked like in nature so bad.

I've been naked outdoors at night, not as a day.

I got naked outside a couple of times in high school.

Because you're a slut.

Yeah, yeah, I'm Hella ran through literally in the nature center.

Are you kidding me? No, you're hell.

Twice and I'm stitching on you. Different people slut.

We need to bring back slut shaming.

We need to bring backing, we need to bring back homophobia. I'm kidding. We've made a lot of progress at this podcast. We've done a lot of society have done so much here an emergency intercome. We've done a lot for the progression of society.

Oh my god. If anything, No, I modeled the waters. I genuinely believe we've like calmed some people down.

Yeah, because I do, Like, although I talk about this a lot, like it's needed, like it was just the grand swing of things.

The pendulum just needed to reset it.

So yeah, like it did need to swing very like far.

I don't want to say left because it's like that's I hate using like a political term for it. But it didn't need to swing super high where like they were okay, it was very clear, like there was no break. Yeah, there was no room to be like poking fun at these things because not enough change was made. And now I think we're kind of coming to a spot. Of course, a lot of change still needs to be made, but I think we're coming to a point where it's like, okay, like you can like say, let's you know.

What's you know what's just have something.

You know, I'm fucking joking, you fucking bitch.

Let's have some fun. Don't touch my fucking don't. That is my vibe though I was name out your fucking mouth.

I would slap someone for you.

I would slap the ship out of someone.

But I will say not on public television. No, I know, because I would also I would, I would break down.

I would slept the ship out of someone for a stranger. And you saw it. You're fucking you don't have to get into it. But let's just say I'm a good person.

Oh well, a good person doesn't have to speak on the good things.

They do. They just like I never spoke on it.

I never spoke on it, barely spoke on it.

He was really good about it, like he just kind of hinted at it.

Can you have me my cheetos.

Oh my god, you're not already hungry for dinner.

I have a cold and I can't go to dinner.

You have a cold heart, that's what you have, sho pop on the media.

Yeah, yeah, fifty three minutes right on time.

I almost said something so nasty. I'm in heat. I'm literally eating she is. I'm in heat. I need the fuck I need to fuck.

For eight months, I'm.

Always in heat. It's like actually a problem. I'm never not horny, but we don't have to get into it. I'm literally salivating at the idea of cock right now.

I'm sorry I wrote. Oh I say this every episode, but my life has been too normal and good recently. Oh my god, expect something horrible to drop soon. I don't know what something big is coming.

I'm genuinely like, okay, my media is.

Even way too solid, Like I like really have like very little to complain about, which, like its a fucking vibe. But I'm like the pinchum always has to swing. What's coming?

Okay, that's good. My media of the week is Peace by Dave. I thought I didn't know where that sound was coming from, and it freak three out.

No, you're about to get mad at me. I was at yourself.

My media the week is Peace by Dave Bigsby.

I'm gonna fucking get you in the neck Healing Part one by Todd Rundgren, Burying Me next to You by bilal And and your mom is a slut? Oh my god, I should talk about it and then talk to her.

I think I said that movie. Fuck you, motherfucker.

My media is Space mof by Stereo Lamb.

You are smacking the fuck out of your mouth right now like it is awful, and I'm gonna.

Hit you in God's childlike hands. Learn under.

I'm not kidding. I'm gonna actually hurt you. Finish what you're saying before you eat with your mouth open.

Okay, Nick Drake, this is showing how much you care about your viewers right now, and it's very low.

About my what this is what gets the views? Baby? Should I do the means section? No, that's toy with the idea where we play with memes, where we play.

With my member with my member right now needs touching now.

This week's meme one of three is this.

Yeah, it has memes that I haven't seen, so we can get to react and then when I yell, it's gonna be embarrassing.

There's a really good one. You've already seen all these. This is just a classic. Some of y'all should live here, not naming names. We need to visit this street because I need a photo with it.

Is it New York?

No, there's a street here called gay Street, and we need to go.

I got destroyed on your meme account.

I got destroyed, Oh yeah, on the target someone. That's when I called on the tag someone gay to out them. All of the comments were about Kai and it was people that don't even know Kai that were comments. Celebrities of course. And then we'll stick with the theme. Just another classic, like so, I guess for boy, men is for men?

You're for men?

Oh yeah no on Themans of the.

Week, dude, I actually sweat from one armpit only when I'm not hot, but I'm like vocally and active, when I'm active with my mouth.

That's real.

I need to get active with my mouth immediately.

People scare the fuck out of me. Nipples so weird, Like genuinely they're so weird.

I'd like to put some nipples in my mouth.

Of course, sooner than later. But yeah, they scared the funk out of me. And also they can relate this. They feel weird.

What when people touch Oh yeah, I have really sensitive nipples.

Like some things are meant to be kept private.

Cut. Yeah. As soon as I said it, I was just like, I wish I could take that that.

My ship is blowing up.

All right.

Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. It was a rocky start, but we got here in the end.

Was it really rocky?

No, I wasn't. I just wanted to say that.

It's because I spoke for more time.

No, it's because you went on a rat about being sexy and I don't like that.

Everybody, I don't

Want you to have confidence, right,