We hate diet coke

Your heavenly Father. Please, for the love of God, Please, for the love of God, give us a good episode today. I swear to God, like all the good parts, all the nutrients. Please, please, please, please, don't let.

The demons attack us. Don't let the demons attack us. Let us only be full of laughter and joy and Drew ship.

Guys, I'm back and I fucked up. We started recording an episode and I didn't press record on the audience we.

Record, You're and that was proof that prayer is actually it's manifesting evil. Like you're asking God not to do or you're asking him to do something good for you, but really he's gonna give you evil.

Literally, Why do you only talk.

To him when you need something from him? I feel like God low key, I'm like God as fuck.

What is that fucking vibrator? That's her wingbot outside?

Yeah, my writer's mad because I haven't been fucking with her, so she's at the door right now.

Yase, libido is so low. It's actually so fucking annoying.

I know I haven't been giving why annoying?

She won't put out right, Like, it's not like you can have sex. You have a stomach full of shit, y'all. It is so fried for me. So let's like take it back a few days. I literally, like like three days ago. I was like, damn, I haven't like no, not even three days ago, like a.

Couple of days, Like yeah, by Wednesday.

You were like, damn, I haven't shit in like a few days. But like normally when I ship, I can like feel like it like or when I don't shit, I can like feel it like in my guts, like it's like horrible, and like I was like, huh, like I don't feel that crazy. But then I started doing the math and I was like, oh my god, I haven't shit since the day before we left for Big sur So I was like, oh my god, it has been now eleven days, eleven days to the day that

Too many steps. Oh.

I was like, right, it's because they're high in fiber. So if you have too much fiber, you fuck up your belly.

Yeah, they're like so over and I was just like, oh my god. And I was like, fuck, dude, I haven't shit in like a week.

You know what's crazy is it kind of did constipate me in Big Sir. Like in Big Sir, I couldn't like poop as easy as I usually do. Usually I wake up and I just take a big, nice, fucking heaping shit, and I just wasn't doing that in Big Sir.

But I just assumed it was because I was eating family.

I personally can't wait for it to come out of Drew.

No, it makes and so it's literally Kai's twin inside of me, like it Like literally Kai came in and like saw that I was like giant, and he thought I was fucking pregnant.

He was a little pregnant belly.

Yeah, we did go get a what's it called what do women get when uh you what, like they're working on a house or something.

Yeah, sawing through the wood, through the wood of the house.

So there's a demon inside of me. And I haven't shit in ten fucking days. So I brought out the big guns. I was like, Oh, we're getting this shit out of me tomorrow. So I literally lay it on the floor of the fucking bathroom, ready for fucking war, y'all. Like I was, really, I was fully prepared to get it out of me. It's like that fucking alien from like Romulus, like breaking out of my fucking guts, Like I pray to God that shit would happen to me.

What's crazy about you? Saying that?

About magnizium citrate is the only time I've been actually constipated. I asked Drew, and he told me to take that, and it was the worst night of my fucking life. Like I could have done a suppository and I probably would have been like, fine, No, it's fucking.

Horrible a suppository literally, yes, really, I was gonna try a second one, but it only said use one a day, so I'm gonna do another one today. Like nothing, I'm I swear to god, nothing is working. And I know it's bad because like I'm dizzy, and I know I'm dizzy because the ship inside of my colon is fermenting and causing alcohol and I'm literally getting drunk off of my own fucking shit fumes like it's going straight to my fucking brain. Y'all.

But if I was the jail, I would just hold my ship for a long time.

No that I literally has the time, And like, oh my god, I was praying. I was praying that I woke up covered in shit that like my bowels just released themselves while I was asleep last night so I could literally like have some fucking relief. Like I would have been so happy. I would have been doing like snow angels in my fucking turns in bed like new bed new bedding, like off.

I don't think you would replace your mattresses.

I would, I swear to God I would. I was, I swear. I was thinking about it last night. I was like, oh my God, please, like I will, like I will buy a new two thousand dollars purple mattress, like please, because it like has those holes in it, and I was imagining it like seeking in and then there's that like white powder between every hole that it would have made like a paste it. I was like imagining, really.

Wait because when you okay, this is so gross, but when you take that many lacks, it is is your poop just like liquid.

It's just like liquid chip.

I think it's supposed to draw water like it's they're stimulants, like stimulant laxatives, which are supposed to like draw water into your colon that like liquefies your shit, and they also cramp your like intestine so it like squeezes them out. But I'm pretty sure I just have a seized colon like I'm not kidding. I think I actually do need

Well, I think and I understand that that is a medical necessity for some people. So what I'm about to say is not judging anybody who has that. But if Drew had that, I would be so fucking mad because I know you would bring it out everywhere.

You would like I would show it out everyone.

You would like literally talk about it all the time, and it would be your thing and you'd be like, oh, I just don't feel good today, Like I want to stay home so I can like empty.

My bag if I had a colostomy bag. When I met Bella, how do you do? That's my girl? Like that's like one of my best friends. Like Bella, Hello, that's the first thing I would have shown her. I wouldn't have shown her my colostomy bag. I would have like popped it out and been like, yeah, I'm strapped.

Hell we are you gonna name it? When it finally comes by.

Its name is Kai. It's because it looks like Hi.

It doesn't look like me, a little coy Kai.

The first thing he said to me was like, oh wow, like you're looking huge, Drew. He said you look pregnant. He said you look pregnant. He said you look pregnant, and I said.

Well, I said he did look pregnant though, y'all.

It's so bad. Like I am a I have a very keen eye on my belt, and I am four loops down when i'm not no, no, yeah, I'm four loops down when i'm normally three belt holds down. So I am so fucking massive and bloated with ship. I'm literally full of shit, Like I actually am full.

Like I mean, we know, are you allowed to like go out tonight or like do anything.

I'm praying that dancing at the brat concert like relieves some of the stress in my colin.

Maybe all the like maybe all of the poppers in.

The air will like, yeah, your hole and you'll just start shitting and like exploding ship.

Oh my god, that would actually be so iconic if.

A girl at the K pop concert who herself?

They put me on the big screen at the brat concert and I just spread whole and drop a joint.

The spotlight going on Drew for the Apple Dance that's when it releases.

Yeah, I would love that.

You know that film you're not seen in South Park where Randy like ships and it like lifts his body off the ground. Yeah, I want That's what I'm imagining.

That's what I wanted. I'm really I am really terrified to pass this because like, really, what's gonna have to happen here is I'm gonna have to go to the hospital and the doctor's gonna have to finger the ship out of my fucking ass because I was gonna do it, but my nails are too long, and I was just like, I can't have ship under my nails. That's a thing. People have to do this like people. It's like a part.

I haven't moved fun of Drew once about the huge ship that's stuck inside of him.

Yeah, like literally did the seconing you came in the house, but.

It's gonna be like the substance or it comes out of your back, my back.

No experiencing is your other you is taking all your spinal fluid, So it's fucking with your colon's If that's happening.

To you, is the pretty sure.

It's no.

It's literally stealing my energy, y'all. Like I'm I'm nauseous all the time. My stomach is crazy in your stomach No, literally monster alistas sue bitch my like brain, I'm like actually shaking constantly for reasons that I won't explain because it's tm I, but I told any yesterday, like it's really fucked up. Okay, I'll explain because it's crazy, But bitch, it feels like I for the first time and like my legs are shaking like it's crazy. It's pressing up against my fucking You.

Were like that's TMI, but I was like, oh, like I felt bad.

I was like, oh that sucks. It is literally constantly being like age.

Yeah, like, well here's the thing. Now that I'm back from New York, I might make you laugh so hard you ship laughing and squirt laughing.

Yeah, that actually is you go to New York and get like a magical substance that like made you funny.

No, I've always just I've always been this way. I've always been my jovial self.

Kaya is funny? Kay.

I don't know that I would describe jo you know.

One time, No, it's silly.

Yeah, yes, One time I was at a table with somebody I like really respect and like I like, it's a peer of mind where I'm like, you are like amazing. And then I don't know what came over me, but we were all talking about the way we're perceived, and I was like, would you say I'm.

A happy person? Like do you see me?

Like? Cause we it's a person I don't see that often, but when I do, I make them laugh and like whatever.

So I was like, do you see me as a happy person? And they were just like no, no, I don't think. They were like happy as a wrong word, not happy.

And then I was like, but I'm not sad and they were like you're not sad, but you're something else. And then it was at a dinner table and I was like, oh okay, and then they were like, and you're not mean, but there's something like you're something I just don't know the word for you. And I was just like, Okay, this isn't fun anymore, Like I want to move on.

I'm getting read to filth. Also, I realize that I have seven orders of wings Stop inside of my body right now, like, because that's the.

Main thing is.

All week he's been like, I can't shit, I can't shit, I can't shit. He's eating fucking wing Stop and Jack in the Box because I don't eat the Jack Drew loved Room wet tacos.

I do.

Those are good, That's what I'm saying. He loves it so much. He loves the little fried.

Now we go through and stuff like my order history, because we'll see we can see exactly what I eat.

Jack in the box, wing Stop, wings Stop, Jack in the box, wing Stop, Jack in the Box, Jack in the Box, wing Stop, Jack in the Box, wing Stop, Jack in the Box, Jack in the Box, Jack in the Box.

Simply salad, emphasis salad.

He has to add a salad and almost a.

Month simply salad.

Hello. I can't even get on you though, because I was really and we need to move on, because we can't talk about food for another forty minutes, Like we need to fucking stop. But I don't eat fucking vegetables. I realized, like vegetables.

Aren't I don't know what that was.

Yeah, make a.

Lot of the bomb that I brought to the podcast.

Yeah, is about the fucking pipe bomb and blow us up.

I wouldn't even give a fuck no if we died.

I like why people say you're not happy.

If I hurt if I heard a bomb start taking like, I'm sorry, I'm not running for my life, Like what like if you are right now, I'd be like fuck. I think my main concern would be a zool. I wouldn't want a zul to die.

But I wouldn't be like no, I feel that.

Because the idea of running away, like you know in movies when they're running away from a bomb and like they don't get far enough so they fly forward, Like imagining me do that, it's too embarrassing.

I'd much rather just take it as late.

I have like a similar thing, but I know that I would instinctually go to deactivate the bomb.

Yeah thing, I would dive on the bomb exactly.

I literally neither y'all's personality trade.

No, I would dive on the bomb.

You guys aren't serving like like, you guys aren't serving that.

No, you're not the you drew a jump on it?

Who curl around it? And then I would get in there and.

Just start would block all of the explosion.

He would walk away because it's as hard as a fucking like teflon.

Like it's getting really hard in there.

Yeah, no, it's fermenting you. I'm dizzy constantly, Teflon devon tell fire purse Hello. Well no, no, no, I need to talk about bombs because we were talking about bombs. No. I used to go fishing with m eighties. I would throw When I was like nine and obsessed with fireworks, I would throw firecrackers into the river and explode in water.

There needs to be.

A designated CPS worker at every house of a Texan. Yeah, Like there just needs to be a worker who checks in once a week to see if kids are doing. Because some of the ship you say you did as a kid, I'm like, who was around?

It was fun? It was it was fun about it. We would laugh about it even like you really would.

Well, I decided that I hate a big ass, ugly fucking mural. And I hate a bitch that records themselves doing an ugly ass mural and gets on I'm to boast about it. Actually, you're destroying the infrastructure of my fucking city.

Get that funky ass, ugly fucking mural off of that wall.

I what about a good mural.

Oh well, good.

Mural will like set me off. Like when I see a good mural, I'm like, oh, that's well. The Pink Wall is infinite, Like there's like that to me, is that's my infinite You.

Know how crazy it's like the Pink Wall.

I like, there's so much culture behind that Pink Wall, Like people don't like.

They don't respect it the way they used to.

Like there's no lines, there's no thousands of people gathering to it every day.

I don't know what the replacement it's been.

The replacement's been that one place where all the artists do their fucking pop ups for pick photo ops on Fairfax.

Do you know what I'm talking about. There's like where the old Supreme was.

I think it is, like they do pop ups now for like Olivia Rodrigo album or Sabrina Carpenter album. That's the new Pink wall, like I think guys are taking from the pink wall.

I think my pink wall is like my call in. This is what I think we should do with the pink wall. We should see we should paint over it, have a huge QR code and then a bunch of different of like the top NFTs. I personally feel like that would be really cool.

Still exists, Yeah, I think so?

Wait seriously, yeah, I think people still trade them.

That's like eating jacket.

Yeah.

I wouldn't know, though, Like that is ape is not like a crazy thing anymore.

I can't believe that. I still think they're just money laundering.

Is that the same one? Or did you get a new ape?

No, it is the same one. It's been in the fridge for three years now.

Gonna like his delusion is kicking anything. He's gonna sell that for one.

Hundred Yeah, the Beanie baby, Like it's like the Beanie baby delusion.

That will that in my No, that.

Will be worth something because in the next ten years, climate change will evaporate all the on the planet. So that's why that will happen, not because of what's like on it. It's literally just the water itself.

Don't make herd I have to Oh, I forgot, I have to set up kai cam stomach.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

What the are you doing?

It's blocking me?

No, No, it's just it'll be subtle.

It's literally blocking me.

Okay, it's a piece of so your ship tripod is a piece of broken.

I guess it's broken.

But honestly, it's so much better than it didn't work.

Back down, sit down, sit with that.

Three dollars.

So I thought I would just say three dollars. No, it was I wanted.

To have it where it's like blowing out. Yeah it's gone. Yeah, I figured. No, I think it's because I'm powering it from this. It's like fucked. But I'll just do a different episode.

No, we're doing that. We're keeping all this.

I know we're keeping it. Not working.

Yeah, Well, the geomagnetic storm just happened, and for like the past like four days, I was like violently depressed. And I couldn't tell if it was because I have thirty pounds of shit, seven orders of wingstop inside of my body. Still, y'all really really think about that. I have whatever. I won't keep talking about it.

I know I was.

I was like how much longer can we talk about the literal shit in your butt?

Like I could talk about it forever because it's literally the only interesting thing happening in my life right now. But I was like violently depressed, and I couldn't tell if it was because of the alcohol that's being made in my colon and I've just constantly been drunk, or if it's because I'm just like mentally and severely depressed. So then I looked up do geomagnetic storms cause depressions?

I think what made us depressed was being in Big Sart and having the time of our life for three days and then coming back to LA and being like we're back here, like back to this apartment.

Did you guys feel like you were in Big Little Lives.

I've never seen that watching that.

Bunk Ash show.

Wait, why I do know I.

Need to watch it. But I'm watching Nurse Jackie right now and I've hit a lull so.

Bad, gosh, it's really good.

Breaking bad I heard is like good. I heard that.

That's like a good Have you seen it?

Yeah, I've seen it.

I was rewatching it with Josh and I was like, damn,

That's how I feel watching Nurse Jackie.

That's how I feel watching you live your life. I'm like, oh my god, like this idiot, stupid person.

You really do think I'm stupid? Just wait, though, just wait, wait, I'll fucking kill everybody in here.

I don't think that'll make you smart.

I'll kill everybody in this fucking room.

Well, last night I was thinking about it, and I just don't think I have the kind of life where like I was watching a Fortnite clip and this kid was like, let me lock in, and he went crazy during this match and like saved everybody, and I was thinking about it and I was like, damn, I just don't live the kind of life where I would ever be able to say I'm gonna lock in and successfully

That's like that's locking in to me.

But that's the only time I'm not locking in where I'm like sitting down to write and I'm like, hold on, I'm gonna lock in and like go crazy.

It's literally my locking in is.

That when I'm drinking and driving and a cop pulls me over. Oh bitch, I am locking the fuck And I still haven't been arrested to this day. I've been pulled over five times drunk. They haven't got my ass.

And if I found out you were one a serial, like the serial saking behind my back, that alone would send me somewhere dark and deep in my brain.

Second of all, if imagining you drunk driving around like you can't even drive like sober, you're like a bad driver.

Yeah.

No, sometimes I did turned down a one way when I first moved to La I turned down a one way and I didn't drive for like seven months.

Yeah, he almost killed all of us in the car.

And then instead of like getting us out of the situation, he pulled over on the one way and made me get in the car and fix it.

And I did.

I panicked.

I'm a champion.

I panicked. Wingstop is canceled. Take a shot every Take a shot of Drew's fermented alcohol. Shit every time I say wingstop In this episode, Wingstop is over?

Is this a real thing that you're sighting? Like? No, get drunk, okay.

Taking it up? It could be real, though, I do know what ferman.

It's not.

No, I know it does ferment. It makes people gassy, and that's why I bloat.

Have you been farting crazy?

No, that's a scary thing is today. I haven't been farting runs.

To the bathroom.

And what's fucked up is we only have one bathroom in the apartment, so like we have one good bathroom and then the bathroom that we referred to the boiler room, and.

Literally on Elm Street, boiler room under the fucking school.

It's literally just a pile of all my dirty clothes and a basket full of half clean clothes that we all have to like climb over to get to this toilet in the corner, and the toilet's all fucked up and nasty, and we hate that bathroom.

But Drew's been taking the main.

Bath Fucking dude that broke into the house shaved his pubes in there and left dark sided energies. Yeah, so we did dry shaved his pubes into my fucking shower. We have not used it since.

Yeah, No, we literally uses a storage you.

Fucking scabies and hepatitis b on the floor.

Drew has been taking the good bathroom and it's like so annoying because every time he goes in there, I'm just like, fuck he, Like, if he does shit, that bathroom is gonna be like a no contact that would be in the.

Next three hours.

It like when you said you had done everything you did in the bathroom. But I went in there after I literally like I felt something in the atmosphere like it felt like.

Yeah, like I felt like a ghostly, like.

New radioactive shit environment in there, and I was really scared to.

Be in there.

Nothing came out, So it's okay, it's still sick.

I feel like me and Drew Josh are both gonna get pink eye after you.

Finally, I pray. I pray so y'all can feel a little bit of the pain that I'm suffering. But wing Stop is over. Wing Stop is over, y'all. I ordered Wingstop three four nights ago, three nights ago, four nights ago, three nights ago, and I really was just so excited for the ranch. I was so fucking excited for you night too. It was a great night and we were watching The Bride of Chucky and I was gonna lay on in you his floor and eat my wing Stop

He hasn't shipped for a week at this point.

Yeah, bitch, they haven't. They They gave me blue cheese if you are a blue cheese enjoyer. I genuinely I'm not joking, and I'm sorry if this is problematic. I hope you fucking die, Like I really, I really do hope you have, like like, never mind, I'm not gonna go that far, but die, bitch, bitch. They gave me three cans of blue cheese, and I was I almost fucking vomited at the flate.

It's like, actually, since you didn't point out it was blue cheese, my high ass would not have.

I was fucking that ship.

I was like, I didn't get me stop that night, but he did and he got enough so I could have some, and I was like sitting there eating it.

And then he goes and eats and he's like, that's blue cheese.

And then I got really insecure because I was fucking that shit up and I go, oh my god.

Oh yeah it is blue cheese. Oh, like I hate that. And then I just put it back.

But later on in the night when you weren't using it, I like went over and I started like eating all there.

The monster. I hope it fucking died, bitch. Oh my god, blue.

Cheese is good really, just like super funk.

That shit smells disgusting to me.

It literally smells like fucking toe funk.

But the best cheese smells funky.

Okay, but so I The cheese my.

Grandma brings from Honduras smells crazy, but it's but that's different.

That's like good cheese. But that's like a foreskin cheese. Let me get a little bit of that on my wingstop. Okai, do you hear what? John Tom dead way to hay me buzzy. But I ordered that fucking ranch, didn't get it. So I really didn't eat any of my Wingstop because like, how the fuck are you supposed to eat wingstop without ranch?

Like, I don't know why you didn't just get a soda.

From wing Step.

Yeah, I don't either, but I didn't want them to fuck my order up, and I wanted a vanilla coke and I was being really lazy, and I can recognize that I should have just gone and got this ship. I know, don't fucking talk shit about me. But I ordered a tub of ranch and I was like, okay, like I'm about to feast tonight. I'm really about to feast, bitch. They only dropped off my fucking vanilla coke. They didn't

You eat it with QP Mayo?

No?

No, you ain't wing stop with QP Mayo?

No, I fucking I need to insert this picture the amount of QP Mayo Drew eats and he's like, why am I constipated?

Bitch? Nobody should have this much fucking make.

The pumpkin seeds. It's the pumpkin seeds. Where it's the pumpkin seeds.

No, look at this, fucking.

Yeah, I actually am declining very rapidly.

Oh no, that's disgusting.

No, y'all don't understand. Keep Mayo.

Frugal because we were all watching because.

I was so embarrassed, watched Drew squirt like literally half a cup of mayo onto a burger before he ate it. And then the next day when we brought it up, he was like, that was me being frugal because you guys were all up in.

My business because I knew they were gonna talk shit about me, and I was right. Had they seen brugal, had they seen the real side of my CuPy mao addiction, I think y'all would have put me in rehab because it's really dark sided. I bought like the bottles the other day.

Is that the one that comes in like the bowling pin?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, that shit's good.

Honestly, it is really good, but like.

You can't put too much. You can't be too decadent with it.

Oh I can't.

The bitches who get like crazy with the caviar. Caviar is still the biggest I'm ever.

Like, it's fucking nasty.

You are literally paying that much for.

You're eating fucking sperm.

Bitch, it's literally like fish coomb de law, Like it's fucking nasty. Like you're fucking gross and you're weird at fuck. Also, like, bitch, I don't want some shit that I have to eat off of, like a non metal spoon.

I don't want some ship that comes out of a fish pussy. Actually I do.

Have you had caviar?

Yeah, you don't seem like somebody who's had caviar.

I like the cream and the potato chip, but like the caviar that comes with it. I'm like, girl, like, what's this.

Dude, I can't say a caviar.

I also can't stand oysters anymore. But you order oysters to my fucking table.

I'm throwing up everywhere oysters because they're an afrodisiac.

Well, I used to love oysters, but I've been reclaimed by God.

I like oysters because they're the perfect thing to serve at a sex party.

I was gonna say I don't like them.

You would not get invited to a party like that.

Actually, I get invited to sex parties all the time. I turn I turned them down, though he does.

I don't like oysters because I might die if I eat them. Oh true, Like I'm so sorry. Yeah, I don't get the experience diet. Yeah, I don't get the experience like the earthly pleasures you'all do, because it's so sad. I will go into anaphlectic shock, well up and die.

Just try it.

I thought about it, but I really do need an EpiPen for me to like feel comfortable.

You need to go get tested.

I know, I really do, because that was scary. And it's crazy that I just like roam around not knowing. But I think it could have just been a one off event. But I'm not trying it out.

I used to love oysters, but Drew has a candle that smells like oysters, and I was sitting in his room one time watching a girl on TikTok eat oysters. I was like, damn, oyster sounds so good. But then I smelled Drew's candle, and I'm not kidding. It changed my perception of oysters forever. Like now, for the past year and a half, oysters make me fucking sick.

They're nasty.

I love Enya's oyster my clam.

Yeah, my clam chowder.

Her clam with tuna tartar, her steam giant clam.

Y'all telling that, y'all call my kucci like a tuna box. And I was telling somebody that recently, I think it might have been raining terror.

I was like, that's what they call me. They call me tuna box.

And they were like, that is so fucked up, and I was like, I was like laughing, and I was like, no, it's kind of funny.

And then they were like, that's crazy. They call you tuna box. You let them call you tuna box.

And I was like, will you are?

You are a tuna box and you own it now?

Like I have to you guys won't stop saying it to me.

I'm not kidding. I'll shut the fuck up. Andy and I have been fighting all week long, y'all. Like, if there's like a sinister energy, it's because me and you have been beefing. And it's one because I've been flushing the fucking toilet after I use the bathroom. She gets really fucking pissed about that because she wants to go and eat.

I need some I can tell them. I'm like, you keep peeing and flushing. I need that.

Also. I locked the door when I was showering, and she actually got upset.

She was like, watch it toxic.

It's toxic that he's locking the door on.

You need to Respectrew's boundaries.

White literally locking me out of his life.

Kay, you don't know shit about my thought.

No, you don't know our fucking dynamic.

I'm literally trying to help you. You know, this is why you're fucked dude.

Yeah, the idea of you jumping up that fastest, smiling fastest I've ever seen somebody get.

Up like smiling about it too.

It's crazy how much mobility you have with seven pounds of shit in you.

Oh, what's crazy? I'm not joking. I was at the gym and I was waite you faster.

It's like pushing the like gravity is holding it.

It's my center of gravity is y'all. I was at the gym and I've been really trying hard to put on weight, like muscle. And I was at the gym like a few days ago, and I was like, damn, I'm like fucking five pounds heavier. Like, yes, I'm like putting on weight, bitch. It's because I have like already pounds of ship inside of me.

Y'all.

I swear to God, I'm not eating like I don't give a fuck if it makes me anorexic. I literally swear to God, I'm not eating where shit comes out.

I'm gonna go.

Every time I see you eating, I'm like, where is that gonna go?

I think it's undigested in my stomach right now, I like, keep burping.

True, do you think this is the most stuff you've ever been?

No?

Kay?

You filled me a little more, yo.

Y'all are disgusting. Y'all are repulsive.

Also, y'all are gluttonous, disgusting, repulsive, evil.

Sinister, sinister, y'all, I found out. I found out sinister translate to like left handed, apparently, and it's because they thought left handed people like, we're closer to the devil left handed people. Actually, Yeah, I hate if you're left handed, bitch, I hate you.

And if you're ambidextrous, you're the devil.

We need to start burning witches again so that I can save them, so I can stop it.

Your would burn faster hair, I'm gonna pull if your head blowed because of all the gas ish like shit in your belly.

Yeah, and it would be new.

It'd be like if somebody put like a propanees hank on like a pile of manure.

That's what your body was.

And I'm gonna pull that fucking wig off your head.

Leave it. Okay, it's not a wig.

It's a wig, y'all. I'm not wearing wearing a wig for the last decade.

Why do you have to bring that up, bro, It's like so because.

You're fucking bald, bitch.

Okay, Like, okay, seriously, you write that down. We're gonna cut that.

You're bald and scary and it's okay. Sorry, Well, diet coke, y'all, we really have to have an actual, a real conversation.

Diet coke to me, tastes like if I left the gas running on the stove and all of the fumes got to my brain and then I picked up a coke to drink it.

That's what I think my nose like, literally, yo, fuck Helen Keller, bitch. Helen Keller is not real. I swear to God, I actually don't think she was real.

I don't either, like she's.

She's off number one bitch. If I see Helen Keller, it's fucking on site.

She was real and she probably would have been.

Like write a book.

How would she have been a fan of emergency? In her comb? She was death and blind, Like.

Yeah, if if you prefer diet coke, actually no, if you go to a restaurant with me and you have the fucking goal to order a diet coke after I order real coke, and then when it comes to the table, we have to do that weird thing where there's a possibility.

That you taste it.

Yo, that happened last night in it genuinely set me down a like tunnel of rage. I was so mad and I was looking around at everyone's cup and I was like, did you get diet coke?

Did you? Is that what you ordered? Is that real coke? Try it again? And then the person I was talking to was like, oh, I don't know if this is real coke or not.

Tyrell he was like, oh, I don't know if this is real coke or diet coke.

And in my head I was like, why the.

Fuck are you ordering diet You can't different hanceld y'all like you're over Also, like I really do truly think diet coke set women back at least thirty years, Like I'm not kidding, like it what it's done to like girls, like it's really over.

They fucking like twenty three grams of sugar. Calm the fuck down. Like that shit literally tastes like fucking asbestos. That diet coke. To me tastes like if nobody knew I was home and the house had to be fumigated for fucking termites and I was locked in the.

Closet, Like no, it really does, Okay, it literally tastes like fucking blood cloths.

You know what I like is just like cold water with lemon in it.

Do you know what I like? When you shut the fuck up.

Sorry, Actually, if.

You like water like cold water with the fruit sitting in it, bitch, go fucking die am Like, I oh, I can't stand that.

Like people are like.

Oh my, got lemon on the side, fancy when.

You go in the water is like full of shit.

It's literally lemon pole Like it's.

Literally like it is contaminated.

The worst is cucumber. Yeah, I feel like it tastes like Vomit.

Literally tastes like stomach bole.

No.

I was about to say when they put lemons limes and like oranges in the water when you like go to a hotel, Bitch. It literally tastes like I just threw up and I didn't brush my teeth, and I just slept with it. And I woke up the next day and tasted my breath like that's literally what water with oranges and it tastes like, bitch, have you seen that picture of banana water? I actually want to try a banana water. I feel like it might be nice. I feel like banana water.

I don't know if banana banana water is kind of nice, is.

Like juicy enough to like it?

It's good. I had it at a poke shop.

At a poke shop, we're Sweetinah. They do banana water.

They did, Honestly.

It was when they're and.

Like literally shoot the fucking glass so it explodes like an a quaer.

Banana water is good. It was like a nice little surprise.

I fucking hate contaminated water, bitch.

And if you're the kind of bitch who has to fucking drink water with those little squirrels, you need to fucking die.

Natural selection is fucking coming for you. What is gonna happen when TIMU isn't making that shit for you anymore.

Still water like drinking water. It's like still water.

Is that?

Like you know what I love? I love cold water, And just like a handful of almonds and then I'm just like good for the rest of the day.

Almonds is wood.

Fuck.

Ryan told me I'm gonna tell her story actually because it's so funny. O'Ryan's really sick right now, and I'm an angel. So I went and saw her and brought her soup and stuff because I'm an angel. And when I saw her, she before I left, she was like, I have to tell you about this fucking nightmare I had last night. So she's going in and she was like, to preface this, you don't have Twitter, so I have to explain this to you.

She saw a tweet that.

It was literally just almond is wood, and she thought it was really funny because it was like a picture of an almond, and all the replies were like, damn, almonds are just like if you look at them in the texture of them, like it just tastes like you're eating fucking wood. Somehow, that tweet like infected her brain. In her dream, she was at her friend's house who had a nut allergy and when she opened the fridge, her friend's mom was like, did you bring nuts in

Yeah, chefs, that's not very.

WHOA thirty is hitting you like a train. Thirty is running a train on your brain? Right.

Speaking of trains, I want to go on the Amtrak across America. I feel like it would be very grounding for me to see that would be people, Yeah, just like look around and just see everybody. Like I feel like it would be like a very sweet moment.

Have you seen that train in Japan where the seats like face the window and you can just look at the beautiful.

There's some Amtrak carts that have that too.

It's like they look like a greenhouses or like, yeah, it's.

Like a folly.

I love being on a train and just like reading a book.

It's like like looking out of the window.

The thing is, I get really carsick, So I could never do that. I would like actually throw up because.

Anytime in the car and I look at my phone for two seconds, it literally feels like somebody flashbanged me, and I'm like i'd close my phone and I'm like like moving like it feels like a shadow of me is like moving back and forth, like I'm literally like blurring through the window and I have to look outside and back to reality.

He keeps clutching the baby.

Natural selection, is it kicking? Yes?

Wait, carsickness, Loki is natural selection?

Like I just wasn't supposed to make it, Like I wasn't supposed to be born in a time with car.

Yeah, you can't adapt, you're failing.

Also, what, bitch, do you know how long it took to travel across the country via horse?

I think I said this.

It's like months?

Six months? Yeah, really I don't want to go any Wait, are you.

Kids that bad?

I should have been two months?

No?

Six no, because like once they hit like the mountainous area, like, Oh, it took it.

It's actually really smart too. I looked it up.

I looked it up because I was just like, it's crazy that I wouldn't buy my own regard drive across the country, like it's something that's on my bucket list I want to do at one point in my life. But every time I've gotten here that I'm like, bitch, that takes too fucking long, Like I don't want to do that. It sounds like a nightmare. People were dying traveling by horse across the fucking country, and it is because they were like, I want.

To see the new city. There's a new city across the world. First of all, y'all didn't even have pictures, So what the fuck were you going to.

A lot of people were like a lot of people European like immigrants that were like, oh, I want to go to like the gold.

Mines, so fucking home, that's where you should.

Have no literally literally go back to where you came, Like literally, bitch.

That is how I feel about like European people. I'm like, go back to where you were supposed to go.

Like what I was gonna say about traveling by horse is humans are actually so smart because if you were traveling from like like Seattle to New York or like Seattle to Florida, what they would do is they would start heading that way at the beginning of fall, so that it was like cooler temperatures, and like since they're going south, they're getting like it's getting cooler in the south, so they don't have to like be through any like extreme heats or anything, so they could keep it within

No way, we all fucking.

Wait, does everybody know that? I was like, Okay, I'm like actually stupid, no, because when I saw that, I literally was.

Like, wow, people, I would have a lot about that ship.

I'd be like, bro, it's a nice day out today, Like I'm my fucking trek.

And I'd fucking die.

Me and my horse would be like on the ground like a family guy character like.

In the Eat.

But you can't do that anymore now because of climate change.

You would literally like perish because every state would have like a different temperature throughout the way.

Yeah, how hot did it used to be back then? Because they were being like fucking badgies and pussies because like every time I'm literally like like ninety degrees to me is like a good day. I'm like, that's like a like a really really good day. And then I hear like local Californians be like that is so hot, and I'm like, you're a.

Fucking you're from like nasty Texas.

Yeah, no, it's not. Nasty Texas is iconic, like like it gave up.

Someone from Florida being like nasty Texas.

Oh yeah, when we went to Texas, you're like, Hi, this is it and it's just like a hell of freeways and McDonald's.

Yeah, it's really like great, it's really cool.

I was expecting to be like Friday night lights or would be like football players going through some sort of emotional art.

It's not very green.

It's like dead.

It's always there.

I always imagine it being way greener, like where you came from. Bitch, that ship is breaking bad town, Like, no.

It's dead. It's scary. Yeah, shut up, what the fuck is your fucking issue?

Tell him to shut up?

Thank you, don't tell me not to tell him to shut up.

I don't tell her to shut up, yep. But that's like you can't yell at him.

That's like he's ah, he's a freak.

I don't know that.

Got a different girl every day of the week.

You know, I've never heard that.

I gotta let you know that I got a crush on you. Do Do Don't Doom? How do you not know that song?

I know that's the beat. You just I thought I just renew the lyrics. You literally just did that doing it.

It's fucking little cambra.

Oh yeah, no, I've never heard this.

You've never heard that.

I've heard it on you.

Your whiteness is blinding and you shut the fuck off.

Yeah, oh my god, and you're stupid fucking wig. I'm gonna rip that ship off your fucking head.

You need to like actually stop mentioning it because nobody has like peeped that yet, Like nobody knows yet.

I mean, everybody knows now. Your wig, your stupid wig.

Got that. I don't have a fucking wig on.

Halloween episode soon.

Y'all are not ready for my cost.

Dude, mine sucks so bad this year, y'all, I'll face the music.

Guys, what should I be? I want to be crazy and dress up this year and have fun, and you should be this fart that should be a fart yeah.

You should go get this up.

You should be a better version of yourself. Okay, you should be, but that would.

Be hardest costume for you to ever put.

Very heard inside my butt he is that he's.

Already got your costume on and everything already. I get the smell.

I have a few good ideas that I'll send you.

Okay, please, because I do want to, like finally for the first time, dress up and have fun and have and be the life of the party, you know, because usually I'm just like a side character.

Oh my god, I don't want to go to a party.

Ever, Yeah, I don't think I want to either, Like I don't want to go. Hopefully I'm not here for Halloween. That would be iconic if I'm not on this earth anymore. Who the fuck soli lobster and thought like I want to eat that?

Like actually, it had to have been like an accident.

Somebody had to have squeezhed a lobster and like be like, oh fuck, there's meat in there, Like oh my god, like I'm gonna eat that, yeah.

Because it was like peasant food. At one point. It was yeah, like all shellfish were like peasants, and then they like rebrain Also, diems are not worth what they say they're worth. They're all fucking lab grown now, like they're just really good at it.

I just never understood diamonds like chill, Like literally just chill. It's a fucking rock, Like I just don't. I don't understand the value of it. Like I know it's because of like mining and like, but like I'm like, no, you're.

Enlightened, like they're they're really worth like absolutely nothing at this point.

Even gold sometimes, like I I like love gold.

I love gold.

I like gold for the family aspect of it, like a lot of the jewelry I have, like I've gotten gifted from my family, it's been passed down.

I like it for that aspect. Ho, I'm not buying a new piece of gold fucking jewelry, are you on meth? Like I want my shit.

Used and abused from a pawn shop, Like I don't want some new shit. Also because all of y'all are plating fucking brass knuckles, like I don't want that shit, Fuck you, I want brass knuckles. I'm gonna beat the fuck out of Kai with it. Actually, I'm gonna get brass knuckles with my name, like instead of it being spiky, It's gonna be my name like Rais so I can fucking hit people and like my name's imprinted and my.

Teeth fucking fly out and I'm like scrambling to pick them up and I'm trying to put them back in my mouth and I'm like pissing all over myself and it sounds fucking RANTI talking about I'm adding to your bit about like beating me up and stuff, and I'm eating this.

An't get it twisted.

Neon Green B twelve you're in.

Is that like brat Like?

What?

Yeah? No, my pisses brad coated. After I take the confidence all.

Of you hoes going to that culture. I know your pisses Brat Green.

I know, I know your Kudar bronze and is Brat Green like with the fucking dishcharge bitch.

Like I almost said something so disgusting. I guess you said discharge Green.

I was gonna say, you lift the clatoral hood and it's like a green emeralds because it's just like calcified and untouched in very visceral.

It's like clitoral cheese.

I know a lot of y'all are fucking cleaning under that hood.

If you drink diet coke, I'm going to kill you. Oh this one is so the way kuchi is spelled. We'll put it in the episode. I'll read it. Are you.

Oh yeah, I'm reading this. Don't touch, don't ever reach for my phone again. I'm gonna go through your phone.

Can we start going through each other's phones? Actually no, that would be really toxic.

I don't give a fuck. I don't have shit on here.

I'm going to go through your phone and send myself all the.

Picture everything I used to be embarrassed of. Like, I'm not embarrassing.

I feel like we showed each other literally everything. My tesla robot when he find out hes gonna be helping me, wax this cootie.

Cat, cooty cat, coty cat, Drew Syf.

He has now been promoted. You are now in a lead employee.

If you're a man and you work from home, you're gay caveman, be like seven will be my year.

That's good.

Let's hope fingering is the next pandemic. Howktau Twins makes Hoktua Twins make such good music like talk to h cocktau cock two cockta twins. Umm dudes, be like I do construction whole time. They're the guy that's holding the stop sign. Right, bet y'all didn't know Winnie the Pooh's grandma was named Poonnanni.

Last night, before going to the jabs, bar, I found a compilation of Drew reading sigh up corner is An. I was laughing the exact amount when I heard them watching the video as I did in real time, and it was starting to freak me out, and I was like, Okay, we have to stop watching this because I don't like that. Like my brain still find these the same amount of funny as if I haven't pretty crazy?

Finger me if I'm wrong. But it's today Wednesday? Is it wednesday?

It's tuesday? I have to finger you? Why does Ki get to do it?

I mean because you always do it? And Kay is here.

You give me a shot at fingering you, Drew, Maybe it'll be good.

The thing is like a good fingering is lit a bad fingering? Bitch? How are you fingering wrong?

Like how are you fetching.

Respects? Respects?

Like you got to get up in there and like the clitter is.

Wait, how let me see I couldn't see.

You said, you have to get into the click, just.

Like I want to see the technique.

Stop.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Oh that was the other thing in the syeop Quarner thing. It was him singing, and it made me mad in person the way it did when I was there in person, Like hearing it on, I.

Keep getting Drew singing the Sundays over like that fucking ball.

Which I haven't seen that yet.

You've seen it?

Yeah, oh yeah, I do remember this.

That having seventeen thousand line let the Dogs Wear a Wig. Well, we're gonna get into media of the week. My media of the week is.

We watched Nightmare on Elm Street and we were Halloween.

Movies in the night.

We watched Halloween Nightmare on Elm Street and The Thin Blue Line.

Yeah. I didn't finish The Thin Blue Line. I was in bed before then. But no one told me that Nightmare on Elm Street. I mean, like I knew it was great and I had seen it before, but like watching it with a developed brain was like really really

Like, my name is Yoga and I liked you.

That hurt my ears so bad, like it actually hurt, not hurt ears.

Want me to tell somebody who gives a fuck?

That sounded like the Gates of Heaven opening thanks to me.

I agree with you, though it literally is crazy. I miss when horror movies were like practical because it all the older movies I like. The reason I like them is because they did practical effects and it just looks better, even though it's like kind of campy and you're not looking at it, being like, that looks so real. It's just cool to know the old team came together to make that happen.

The old alien movies looks so fucking good.

Have you seen Space Odyssey recently? No, it looks like it was literally made in twenty twenty three, Like it's unbelievable, Like can we like go back to making good movies because like, also, this is a hot take, but I rewatched Halloween. That movies boring.

That was hard.

I understand like the significance and it is an amazing movie. And da da da da da da da da da. That shit is boring.

The Halloween is how I feel about Elvis Prostley.

Like literally boring.

I'm like, I respect y'all who fuck with this, but for me.

No, yeah, I mean there were some scary ass moments, like the car scene got me.

It was just making me laugh too much because the way you creep around the house, it just.

Felt like that I creep around like Michael Myers. But all I'm so English teacher. Please, for the love of God, go watch that goddamn show. I need them to get renewed for four more seasons because it is the funniest thing on television right now. And I don't give a fuck what you're doing. Leave this episode right now and go start watching it, because it is.

Like that show is so funny. But they didn't have to do like the gay stuff. It probably would have been funny.

I agree, like all the gay shit is weird.

It's like if it was a normal show, it would be like Top Time.

Yeah, if they were all.

Normal, Why are you guys normal? That isn't cool. I'm sorry, but I'm drying the fucking you.

You go and follow the being gay being cool trend, We're going to follow the getting into the pearly Gates of Heaven.

Yeah, it is cool. I'm saying it. I'm being the first one to say that.

God asked me. God said, uh, wings, what is it? Fuck? Like a barbecue or lemon pepper at the pearly gates?

God, God said what kind of wings do you want? And I said lemon pepper?

And he kicked me out the lemon pe or.

I think it's like it was like, do you want your wings? It's like, yeah, can I get lemon pepper?

Ship like that?

I'm gonna have links up tonight. I think.

Don't do that to me, really, please, don't.

I'm easy, breezy.

Can I do a media it's serious?

Okay?

Yeah, you guys are so traumatized. When I said poor and.

Literally really four times?

Fourteen times?

That's pretty funny. Okay. I just wasn't made for these times. By Brian Wilson. Wait, I'll play it.

You sadness back.

That's pretty really beautiful.

It's it's nice to put on when you're feeling down and you want to kind of like lean into that and have like a cathartic exit out of your melancholy state.

One feels like that. Have you heard this song?

Yes? I love that song.

It would have nowhere to go because you're all full. We didn't do media of the week or like.

I don't have music.

Really, you guys, Drew's belt is hanging on for dear fucking life right now.

The buckle is gonna blow up in Kay's face. All right, Well, thank you guys so much for listening.

Did you do media?

I know I haven't been listening to music.

I'm sad.

I'm not even kidding. I'm like this year has been so sad for me. I haven't like music. It doesn't sound the same like I made for music.

Look, I made a playlist like probably six months ago.

Oh. I know.

It's like, could music please sound good again?

Please? Please, please, for the love of God, make music sounding. We're just sending to like my favorite.

Used to be to like sit in the sauna after working out and listen to new music. And I haven't like had a moment in the sauna where I hear a good song and I'm like, oh my god, like.

I feel so good. That is the areous symptom of being depressed, like, oh, this is just noise.

My one My one joy is listening to music. Yeah, Like, I know I'm down bad when I'm not waking up and playing a song off my.

Boo fucking hill.

It's really fucked up. I can't even laugh at that. That's how you fucked up.

When we get off of here and you're gonna you're gonna learn to never do that to me again, hitting me, I don't care. Oh I'm not hitting you. I'm gonna stab you.

Stab me, I don't care. Maybe it'll release some of the game.

I'm gonna.

Like my bloated, goddamn belly.

All right, thanks for watching dive