Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Lately, is that it?
No? This is my ring tone?
That is not your ring tone?
Call me real quick.
Oh yeah, I know your ring tone. Your ring tone is lit.
Are you ready for this? Guy?
Damn type louder bitch? Okay, you fucking hit the volume button that stops? Why is that the lowest I know?
I just turned it up hell too.
Maybe because you're in Spotify. It's because you have an old phone.
Yeah, the speakers are just really bad on.
This yeah, exause anytime you just play something out loud, it's literally impossible to hear it. Well, lately, I've been sad because there's that trend on TikTok that's like she lives inside me or whatever, and it's like a video of someone when they're young. First of all, if you were seventeen, stop posted a video of you when you were like ten and being like, she lives inside me, she is still you, you are you, mabe. But it's been making me sad because this is something that always
makes me so sad. But I have no videos of myself before I was like fifteen, when I was self documenting. I don't have any childhood videos. There's a lot of pictures, but I think like we were kind of right before the boom of it was so normal to have a camcorder digital camera forward.
Two thousand and eight was like the year that smartphones like really became like a thing and people started using them as like cameras to document people and staff because that's when like the iPhone was announced. Was it two seven or two? And I think two thousand and eight, But I only have three videos, and one of them is my brother's beating the fuck out of me and like me in the hallway with my legs up like in me like doing like that little kick where you
like kick your legs out really fast. It's like unbeatable, Like it's the ultimate defense mechanism when you're like they can't get you. And then they eventually did get me and started doing what's called like a turkey tap, where they like get their finger like this and they tap your chest a bunch over and over again, and it starts off like harmless, but then after like a minute or two, it starts becoming so painful, and then the worst part of it all. I wish I could find
these videos. I know my brother has them. But the worst part is they would pin down the arms and legs and do that loogie thing where they like do like a spit thing. They video, Yeah, they got that on video. And then the other ones are my brothers forcing me and my sister Madeline to do jackass and we get there was like a forest right next to my house.
Amusing you is probably so funny, and.
They would put us in like little like the little carts like the red wagons or whatever, and push us down these giant hills and we would bomb these hills. And then they one time they put me inside of a trash can and rolled me down, Like do you remember my old house like that had that big hill leading up to the garage. Yeah, they put.
I moved it because I was chewing on my cookie and last time when I was eating my bread, it was so much noise and I was really embarrassed. And also actually somebody had commented was like, and this bitch claims that chewing annoys her. Chewing doesn't fucking annoy me. It's in my head.
It's it's always and you're like, we'll freak the fuck out if someone is chewing around her. But then she's macing on that ship just as loud.
No, to be fair, at that time, I was so fucking nauseous and I was trying to eat that the fastest I've ever eaten anything. I was I would have been able to give you your fucking entertainment for the week, you motherfucking bitch. But I usually chew with my mouth closed, and it okay, I won't get it.
But yeah, they pushed me down in a trash can and I rolled down that little incline and I felt like a god.
Simply you felt like a god because you didn't break your neck, and in another universe you broke your neck.
But yeah, so uh, with that, we'll move on to the real pressing matter.
Way, I didn't talk about how sad it makes me. It makes me really sad. And then you know what's really sad is I found a tape in my dad's like drawer, and I got so excited for really sad reasons that I'm not gonna say actually, we could bleep it out, and I'm gonna say it because it's actually so sad. You have to bleep and cover my mouth or I'll cover my mouth to give you less work. But it made me so sad because I don't remember sad, just really really sad. And then basically the fucking tape
had nothing on it. It was from my parents work because they do houses. They like remodel.
They were logging, they were.
They were doing the before and after my Van Life, gutting out the house, putting a toilet in the backseat.
The real plague is van life, thank you? Yeah? One of our friends. Yeah, literally, Tina, she is fucking She made a video recently killing me like the what was it?
Jesus free, Jesus freaking by choice and I was she goes unapologetically, unapologetically, and then she she's like living in r V by choice and then either she like stitched it or something in she was like it's started by choice. Now I don't know.
Yeah, no she that was so late. And there have been rumors circulating that we have beef with Tina.
Which I haven't seen, but Drew said that to me, and I was like, literally.
She texted me saying, oh, I guess I think now we have like beef. No, yeah, we're done.
We're gonna take Tina's baby.
And I was literally like, should we like fake a beef and I was like, oh, wait, you're literally a mother and you don't have time. You don't fake drama. Yeah, but we don't funk with Tina anymore. Like, yeah, it's done, it's done.
Like you guys, you guys are right, you guys sent to this out.
Yeah, exactly.
So random to like even like start saying that. I think. I think from the Internet people believe that when people like feather off there always has to be some huge contemption. But if you guys know, we are some of the best people on the planet and we don't have beef like that like people have. Really, yeah, people are mad at me.
People just get connected to our presence and expect more and more and more out of us, and I think when they get closer to us, they realize that, oh maybe I don't know how to explain it, you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, I think there's a tendency that we can meet people. This is the most big headed shit ever. But really what it is is we are clowns. We know we are clowned, and we know that and people meet us, and especially within the entertainment business, people are so not accustomed to meeting people and then being so like quick at the mouth, like ready.
To be crazy to them to filth, just.
Like not really caring and having no social cues, and they're like, this is awesome, we should hang out, and then if they are lucky enough that we do hang out, it's super fun. But then that is our whole social battery for the next three weeks and we can't do it again. And then it comes like, wow, you didn't like hanging out with me as much as I liked hanging out with you, and it's like, no, I literally just cannot give you the energy I think you deserve.
And for that reason I will be ignoring you for three weeks and then coming back and be like, sorry, I almost done.
But the real matter, the real pressing matter that I finally got to the bottom of it. And it took me months and months and months and months, maybe even years to figure out, really what's wrong with me? But I found out that we've been drinking from lead cups for the last year.
What's wrong with you? Something else is wrong with you because you don't drink out of cups?
No, no, no, I do, I do, I do.
No.
I do this thing where it's so easy to do and I wish everyone would do it, but I understand that it's nasty. But I have one cup or one bottle that I drink out of for a week straight, and sometimes I don't wash it because it's only my lips going on.
It is so nasty though, because sometimes in the daylight you can see the rim of saliva that's.
Built up all No, it's my it's my chapstick.
It's so nasty, and I'm just like ew, And I don't know if I should wash it or not, because I'm like, he just likes this.
That's a flavor. You can't wash the flavor off. Yeah, the dried spit flavor. But yeah, we have lead poisoning. I bought lead testers because I was like, Okay, it's not black mold, it's not CO two poisoning. Also, I figured out that sleeping under wires or some ship I don't know.
He heard from a friend whose parent was worried for that.
Yeah, I found out. I came to the conclusion and there's this is so I bought. I bought a Geiger carnch to test for EMF radiation. So I'm gonna just put it up on my bed and if it does come back that I've been sleeping under rads. My landlord is getting sued.
Drew likes to do this thing where instead of recognizing that not only does he suffer from depression in ADHD, but had intense substance love in his primitive view in your primitive.
Years, my formative and in.
Your formative years and then moved on to your adult life to only eat literally like fucking syrups and cornflower and sunflower oil and not leave the house for weeks at a time and sit on his iPad. He uses his iPad. He uses his iPad so much that I think Apple should give him another iPad or get into his chip and find out how much screen time over the time it started up versus now and give him
an award for it. And then he goes outside every now and then is like I literally he goes outside and I make sure I make sure Buddy gets a good meal in him, and he's like, I literally feel like a new human. This is so insane. I can't believe the life of it. This day.
The last two weeks, I've been fighting off trying to kill myself.
Booh, what's the fight for?
No, I've been like battling I've been battling the strongest battle I've had in a very long time, and I just would spend hours and hours and hours a day on my iPhone. And yesterday I woke up and I was like, you know what, like I'm not getting on my phone all.
I'd die the living room for the first time that like, literally I was in the living room and it was shocking.
It was bad. I like, I have literally isolated for two weeks. And something about me is I make myself way too open to communication, Like if someone text me or call me, I text them or called them back immediately, which is like a really bad habit. And we shouldn't be connected in that way and we should just be able to go three weeks without talking to someone and know that the love is still there. But for some reason, society, it's it's society.
You know, I'm really good at that. I do not. I wake up max to one text a day and that's like, that's literally I'm like, whoa, I woke up to a text and usually the texts O'Ryan at three am, high as fuck and the last TikTok she sent me before she fell asleep.
But yeah, so I've but That's one thing about me is I responded to all my texts, but for the last two weeks, I have not been reaching out to anyone, texting anyone back, Like I have three hundred and something unread text messages, three hundred and twenty seven unread text messages, which is so unlike me. So if you've been getting that end of my stick, I'm sorry. But I've literally just been trying not to kill myself for the last
two weeks. But I woke up yesterday and was like, I'm not going to use my phone today and see what happens. And I didn't open TikTok or get all my iPad on YouTube immediately, and I put a meal in me before noon.
And I had took the talking thing. I came home and before two pm there was a md Chipotle bat and not an.
Empty bag of Cheetos. That's another thing. But I've been actually like taking steps in my life to make it more uh more livable. Yeah, I think I've been getting off my phone as much I've been eating at normal times. I've been trying to text the people back that I have been needing to text back for weeks. What else did I do?
I think about you is you are really good at keeping in contact with your family. You talk to your family more than anyone I know, and it makes me really jealous. But I just don't want to do that because I don't talk to anybody.
When I'm talking to my family, it's it means that I'm really low. Like when I call my mom a bunch, it's because I'm really sad.
But you, I feel like, no matter you're I try to talk to me, your your feelings. You talk to them a lot, but specifically Madeline. You and Madeline talk like.
We've got really close recently, especially the baby, literally the babies in the house. But no, all that aside is just taking care of the baby. So I have lead poisoning is when I came to the conclusion because I bought lead tester strips and I tested all the mugs and two of them had a disgusting amount of lead. Like those bitches lit up bright purple after I tested them. So we're getting rid of those. They're still sitting on our countertop because I don't know, I.
Have an emotional connection to on. I'll show y'all when I show it to them. They're gonna literally some of them will know the cup because I genuinely used it almost every day for a year.
But we've been sipping out of lead cups.
I am the one who probably has but that also that goes through my point. Bitch, nothing can kill me, like I am literally built different than you bitches, because I'm gonna kill you cup for literally no, I would kill myself if I started forgetting shit.
Bitch, what you don't. That's the scariest part is you don't even realize if when.
I was two. Okay, actually, I'll write I'll have everybody in my life sign a thing that once I start suffering from Alzheimer's, I have to be put down.
Yeah, no, I like me when there's probably.
People me, I'm like, there's probably someone loosening.
Literally my grandma. She's a lovely woman. No, I think she has dementia, but she just got out of rehab, which is lit.
It's this cup. What's really sad. I'm yelling so that the mic pick it up. What's really sad is this cup didn't have fucking lead. And I was so excited because this is one of my favorite cups. I got it in Japan. I love it so fucking much.
And then it was thirty five dollars.
It's it's really expensive because it's like a hand drawn, like really nice. It's a movement mug or a little cup. And I was so excited because I was like, oh my god, this was the one that I thought had lead poisoning in it. And I only got to use a few times because I was like, all right, let me not push my luck because this is gonna kill me. Meanwhile, I was literally when I was sick, I drank like eight million teas out of this and that was like in the past, like three weeks.
Yeah.
But then I broke this on the fucking sank.
And she had another one of those little baby cups that I was like, oh, that's a lead and she was like, no, it's not, and uh she oh, it's literally right over there. And she was like, oh, I'm just gonna put I'm not gonna drink out of it. Then I'm gonna put my toothbrush in it. And I was like, no, don't use anything that you suspect has
led in it. Tested that one and it was leaded the fuck out too, But yeah, I just wait for the emf RADS detector video to drop, because it's gonna come soon, probably in next week's episode.
I'm just so shocked that this one has lead paint on it. I love this one. Oh wait, what's the issue with it is? Isn't it bad? Babe? Touching it now isn't gonna kill me? I already had it so much.
Ten thousand times more than the legal limit is in that cup.
That's so sad. I used this cup so much, Like I wonder if somebody went on the like through all the podcast episodes to see how many times just on the podcast. Yeah, I used this cup. This cup was dirty, because what's the issue, Like, you definitely have lead poisoning because I would wash this and then wash all the other dishes with it. So everything we have is coded
in it. But this cup gave me beautiful memories and good times, and I really don't I don't want to throw it away, like still nineteen seventy five, like.
Ice spice cup. I didn't realize you had an ice spice cup.
Yeah, this one was predicting her birth. Yeah, they made it when one of her parents was born, because they were like, you will give birth to a queen.
Speaking of ice spice, I love her. Speaking of ice Spice, I don't think you know. Oh it's a relic now, that's nice. But yeah, speaking of Ice Spice, the selfie kid. Do you remember the selfie kid that took the selfie at the Super Bowl with Justin Timberlake. Yeah, he was arrested on I think felony charges inside of a California Piacha pizza kitchen kitchen for fighting and beating kid people up.
Wait, what does that have to do with ice Spice.
Nothing. I just wanted it to transition. But yeah, he was arrested and his mugshots are out there. The selfie kid, I actually don't think ever really happened.
Yeah, because you're saying it, I don't know who that is. And when you said the selfie kid, I thought you were talking about like that selfie Ellen took that was the most like selfie on the planet for a while.
It was basically the same vibe. This kid, Oh yeah.
That I have seen him. Well, he's like ten years old. Who was he beating up?
I don't know he's no, he's old now. I think he's nineteen or twenty now. But yeah, and if you don't know the selfie kid, I'm sure everyone does, because it's impossible not to know. He took pictures with Justin Timberlake at the Super Bowl. Became like a viral sensation, like the Ellen degenerous, the Ellen degenerate effect took over, and she had him on a show kind of like the Van's Guys, Damn Daniel. But yeah the hell had selfie see or oh my god.
Self seed selfie should have been on Ellen selfie. She should have got her time on Ellen.
Ran this fucking world.
Going on Ellen is like facing a prison sentence.
Or doctor Phil. I feel like would have been a good fit for like being bullied, like yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah he beat people up in the kitchen California Pizza Kitchen and in Pomona.
California Pizza Chicken in California Kitchen Chicken or whatever the fuck it is. Both of those places, I fucking hate something about them. They give me the worst fucking vibe. I just can't stand a restaurant location that I know is giving me frozen meals and heating it up and just playing it off that it's not yeah, playing it off like it's fresh. That's not fresh.
The mac and cheese from Panera is frozen, and I would I would shove that up my pussy right now. I wouldn't make only fans.
I want to know if the mac and cheese from Chick fil A is frozen, because I got some last night and it was the best. That sh it's busting busting.
That ship was bust and busting.
Well, how do you do that with your boys? What are you doing with yours?
And you're like eating that word, Yeah it tastes good.
But yeah, it was fucking delicious. What did we do yesterday? Like I've literally I haven't been My days have been going by rapidly. But all I know is that I haven't been playing Fortnite as much and I need to do it.
Oh.
I started Last of Us and it's really fun, but that game is so fucking long, like damn, like damn, but it is like scary for some reason. He I know. I keep trying to get drud to watch me play and he's like refusing, and I'm like, you said you wanted to come and watch me play Last Nus. I have six hours of work in that game and I'm not kidding. I haven't even caught it up to like where the show is like I'm like three episodes behind. I haven't even met Frank and Bill yet in the game.
That's how far behind I am. I'm literally so far behind, but it just takes me so long.
Yeah, did you see that they're gonna let you have sex and Fortnite? Now?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Yeah?
It's like DLC, we need to play?
We should we just turn this off?
Yeah, I'm playing. I might switch right behind me.
She just started up and it was playing before this, and she started a game and started getting mad at us for like something that didn't even happen.
Right, No, no, no, I was like joining the game. I just jumped out the bus and I was like, let me turn this off because I know when y'all tell me to put it away to start the fucking episode, it's gonna piss me off because I'm gonna be deep in a game. Oh my god, me and Josie. Okay, listen to this. I had I got a victory royale, and then I chopped on with Josie. I got a victory royale solo twelve kills, then hopped on with Josie another twelve kill game, then another game, seven kill game.
Then you brought me on and I had a nineteen kill game.
Yeah, and that game I only had eleven kills because Drew is a fucking monster to play with because he runs away from everybody to go get kills. And it's like, we're supposed to be in this together.
Because what's the point of the game, like if I'm.
Way as a team as a team, but yeah, I just wanted to let y'all know that I am still out here getting vic royals. I'm not flopping, I'm still on my VR shit.
Okay, Well, this is the craziest shit ever that I think suspect might have been the beginning of my spiral.
I've let on my pants.
Yeah, but have you ever really truly thought about germs and virus?
Yes?
Yes, there's like an entire like micro universe of bugs, of billions and trillions and quadrillions whatever the fucking number is, of just little critters that we can't see, that are constantly at fucking war, just killing each other, and like, I don't know it just it was blowing my mind because I was like, oh, they're just like literally on my skin right now, and I can't see them unless I had a microscope and then on top of that,
have you ever thought about a white blood cell? No, white blood cells are like the most rider die fucking cell ever made.
Like some people call me a white blood cell because I'm just like that, like the feel you're.
So right or I and I'm going to save your life. And the other thing that was freaking me out was that white blood cells still like can't live outside of your body. Like it's compared to like how we can't breathe underwater. They can't live outside your body. Doesn't make sense to me because they heal your wounds outside your body. Whatever.
The craziest thing is that if you take a white blood cell out and like you have an infection in your blood and you put it on like a slide on the slide, it is still programmed to attack and kill like the infection for fifteen minutes. It is too like it's already sentenced to death and it's still fighting for your body. It just it's breaking.
It's someone like that in my life.
No, I can't survive fifteen minutes without you, and I'd kill for you. I have killed for you.
No you haven't. Oh.
The central part, Yeah, that's why I'm so good is because I do things for you that you don't even realize I did.
Oh well, I don't though that I ever wanted you to kill someone from me, So like, if that falls on you, oh you know what I thought about the other day. Also, yes, I have thought about the fucking germs because when I get out of the shower. Also, this is another thing I haven't said. One of my like little my rules of my life. Like this is one of my is when she's.
Washing her ash in the shower, it's the most disgusting thing ever. She gets shit under her fingernails and instead of washing it off in the shower, she wipes it on the shower curtain. She's like, let me get the shit off, and she does that.
It's distrusted, dude, No, Like, why would I do that?
It's nasty.
But one of my rules is that after I get out of the shower, I cannot sit on the toilet. So and it like sounds like it doesn't make sense, but let me. But here's the thing is, if like two hours or like an hour goes by, Okay, it all depends. If I take a shower and I'm about to hang out with you guys in the living room,
I can get on the toilet, but not immediately. I would have to put my clothes on and then go chill and then be like Okay, yeah, now I really have the pee, but I'm all dried up and I'm gonna be up for a few hours so i can go pee. But the thing is, if I get out of the shower and I'm about to like right after the shower, I'm gonna go lay down and I need to pee, I need to pop a squat like I'm in a public That.
Is my rapper name, Papa squat, Papa squat. That's lit. Josh has a really good one. It's Papa pill.
Papa pill is good.
P O P p A.
I feel like it should just be p A p A pill because like Papa pill, like pop a pill Like that's.
Like no, It's like it's like I'm daddy. Also, that's another thing.
That's why I'm saying it should be p A P A pill instead of p O P P A because who calls their papa?
Do?
People call them? But do they not spell it p A.
P A People do, but people spell it both ways. I just think it looks phonetically. It flows better when it Poppa.
Well, I think it's better when it's Pa pa Pi.
Well, this is fuck? What was I going to say, God Grammer? Oh the fact that I'm like literally daddy as fucked, like I'm sexy hot, like no one's talking about that.
You were talking about it, how.
You've laughed at me.
But I'm all porous. My pores are open, and if I sit on the toilet, all the pores will get into me, and then when I get in my bed, all the germs will be one in. All the fucking germs will get into my pores, and then when I get in bed, I'll just be covered in germs and get it on my bed. So I have to pop a squat.
That's a very debilitating lifestyle. But I understand the logic. The logic is there.
Yeah, And then but then sometimes I think I've said this sometimes, like if I've washed my hands, like the the calculated like four or five times that I have to after using the back room. But then sometimes before I go to bed, I'm so convinced that I'm gonna piss myself. So I'm like trying to force myself to pee because I'm like I can't get up again. I like, can't do this. I need to get my pee out, and sometimes like a little more people come out and then I'm like okay, and I'll wipe my.
Also, why don't you ever flush the toilet when you pee in the middle of it?
Well, because I don't want it to make a loud sound, Like I get like worried that it'll like wake someone up. But I think I do that because in my and house I grew up in, the bathroom was right between both rooms, and it would wake people.
I assumed it was just so you didn't wake us up.
Also, sometimes that's like when I literally am having my issue where I'm like, oh, I have to p to p have to pee, and I keep like fake peeing, and then I'm like, I don't want to flush the toilet like eight times. That's so wasteful, and I'm like it's literally like two drops and a fucking wish of a paper towel, so like I'm not gonna flush it. But that's why I don't do that.
But then because that shit is potent, like when I like I smell it and taste.
It, smell wakes you up.
Sometimes when I get my fucking two fresh in there to brush my teeth like it.
Honestly, wait, you know in the water in the sink, no, into the.
You like your toilet water, like your pea water. It just it gets your teeth like extra clean.
I guess thats ver. Yeah, Well, sometimes next time I have BV, I could just give you some of that, because I'm sure it's very acidic bacteria. I use my BV discharge to whiteen my teeth because it's so acidic. So I'll put some on a tinfoil and I thire out my teeth in it. And then it does suck when it gets on your tongue, but you just got to do a good job of like sitting still. And sometimes it can be splotchy because some of those chunks are a little more condensed with acidity than others. I
have good news. I've been beating.
Vaginas are fucking nasty. Wow, vaginas are fucking scary.
That's not shocking coming from you.
I think they're beautiful. Oh, I'm just saying, I haven't haven't said anything.
If a guy tells you that he's really good at head, girl.
Just fucking you're looking at kai and that thought coming in your head.
Yeah, it was Kai saying vaginas are beautiful. I feel like men who are like, oh fuckka gorgeous.
Kai's bit for the first fucking six months that we knew him was that he was really good at giving head. He was like the O G munch like that was his vibe.
Patrick the other day was talking to Josh and I don't think I did I say this already. I don't think he's ever heard the term munch because he likes in a different planet. Yeah, and he was like, oh, like I just love a girl who munches. I like a girl who munches. And then he's like, I'm always unching. I'm always munching. I am always munching. Oh yeah, do fish my my peace stories. I think that's it, Like, yeah,
it's oh. But sometimes after the third time I've tried to pee, I'm like, I can't wash my hands again because now I'm stripping the oils from my hands. I'm gonna get old lady hands because I keep washing my hands and I already put lotion back on my hands, so I'll not use I'll not wash my hands, but before I wipe I use the most insane amount of toilet paper because I'm like, I have to do everything to make sure I don't get baccy on my hand.
Crazy. It is like, I'm surprised it's not clogged every time I walk into the bathroom after it, and you used it because it is literally like you know, when you would like or I never did this, but when you would cover toilet paper and water in the bathroom and explode, it's about much you do you do. I'm gonna catch you, and I'm gonna do use a lot.
Of toilet paper. But I think most girls could vouch it. That's your reaction to me mentioned Oh my god, I thought you were like I thought you were on the side of woman like.
I thought you were like, no, not when it comes to fucking periods. Bro is the smell shit? Yeah?
Did anybody else grow up with their parents telling them they can't have eggs on their period because it'll make.
This thirty six thousand times I.
Think about having my period, I think about it, and I just don't think it's real. And you know what, I asked this question eight million times. I've never looked at the comments to see any answer.
Well, well, you left me at home for two weeks. You left me at home and it was really scary. No one of the nights I was home alone again. It was after I heard the people under near neath us, like celebrating a birthday, but I thought literally aliens had come to destroy the world. I was home alone. It was like eleven thirty, and I was getting ready to bed because I've been going to bed like literally two nights ago. I went to bed.
We're getting ready to bed, Yeah, to.
Like have sex with my bed, to bed my bed. But I what the the fucks? I was saying, Oh, I've been going to bed at like ten, I've been going to bed at like, what.
Is the fuck?
I was like, I've been going to bed at like ten two?
I have blown backwards.
Who's this worset?
Right?
But I like our neighbors.
We're good, We're good, we're just acting.
It's all.
Actually I have jobs, they're not.
But I've been going to bed at ten every night. I've said that fifteen fucking times now and waking up at five thirty six am. And that night I was like, well, I'm gonna sayup a little bit later. I'm gonna see if I can like do it. So I was up at eleven thirty watching Vinlin, which is an amazing anime, one of the best animes I've seen in a very long time. The fighting is so sick and the storyline is amazing, and it's kind of like Game of Thrones but anime.
Uh.
But besides that, I was laying in bed and I started hearing sounds by the front door, and I was like, Oh, that's just a zool. And then I heard more sounds by the front door, and I looked above me, and Azul was above me, and I was like, huh, that
was a zool, I hope. And so another like couple minutes passed and I hear more sounds by the front door, and this time it sounded like someone was trying to like actually come into the house, but I was probably just like fucking hallucinating, And so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and locked myself in the bathroom with my iPad for probably thirty five minutes, freaking the fuck
out that someone was in the house. And when I was went to the front door to see if it was open, I saw it was latched, and one of the sounds I heard when I went back when I was coming to grab the knife, it was unlatched, and I was like, oh my god, someone literally just came into the fucking house. And when I was standing in that doorway, I literally had like a fucking PTSD flashback of like someone standing in your room in the living
room being destroyed. So I avoided the living room and your bedroom because I was like, if someone's in here, like I'm gonna lock myself into the bathroom, They're not getting through that door, and I have my iPad. But then I realized that I had just logged out of my iPad, so I couldn't call anybody off my iPad. So I grabbed so I had to leave the bathroom and I ran to I sprinted to the bathroom or to my bedroom with a knife, grabbed my iPhone and sprinted back and went back into the bathroom.
You were sprinting, you literally fell into your knife and die.
That's what I was hoping would happen because I was so fucking scared. But yeah, I was like literally crying. I was so fucking scared, Like I I thought about like locking myself in my closet, but then I was like, Okay, I'm being too extra right now. But I was literally panicking and then I was like, Okay, you're a grown ass man. You're fine. You have a knife, you can protect yourself. So I went to my bedroom and I was like, fuck, I don't have a lock on my room,
like they're gonna come in. So I purposely left the light on in the hallway and laid in bed for literally an hour and a half, watching the sliver under my door to see when footsteps would come so I could like get into action. And I unlatched my balcony door so I could just swing it open really quick,
just in case I needed to escape. And I laid in that bed for an hour and a half looking for those footsteps, waiting for them to come, And the entire time I was imagining like what it would feel like to be stabbed, and like what it would feel like to be stabbed to death, and how awful of a way that is to die, And I just like
kept replaying it in my head. And I replayed it in my head so many times that I like, know what it feels like to be stabbed now, and I always have it, like I feel like I know what it feels like to be shot, Like I know what it feels like to be stabbed. I feel like it wouldn't die in a car crash whatever, because I've experienced those in past lives, or I've experienced them in dreams, which is like another reality that we visit when we're asleep.
But yeah, I freaked the fuck out and I was like, oh my God, like, I'm going to be stabbed to death and that's a terrible way to die. So then I watched a bunch of videos on stabbings to prepare myself, and then I did a bunch of research on Reddit about what it feels like.
When he said that what he was telling me this, I was like, dude, being stabbed death sounds fucking awful. And then you were like, yeah, but actually yeah.
Well, after the first stab, your body goes into like fight or flight mode, and you have a bunch of adrenaline built up, so like you're basically in shock, So you don't feel after the first stab what it feels like to be stabbed one hundred and four more times, which I assume would happened to me because people love me so viciously that it would be a crime of passion rather than a random GE's.
Scary that most times when someone gets killed if someone they knew. That's insane.
I wonder what that statistic is. I'm gonna look that up.
I think I know who would kill us.
I have a feeling I didn't finish the selfiekid story, or did I? So, yeah, you said he got arrested. Yeah, yeah, who would kill you?
Somebody who's very jealous and scary in my life, but we still let him in the house every week.
Fuck that person you see in the room with us right now? Who is.
You know what I've just thought about is dummy singing to the ghost.
We were like, we need to save this for Patreon, like we're gonna do that on Patriot and then it became like a big fucking damn mind. So we were just like, whatever, We'll let y'all.
Have has everybody else started talking about it because we're fucking trendsetters. But the video of Debbie Lovado on the Ghost series show when they're all convinced that there's a girl ghosts in the room and that the girl ghost only likes other women because she doesn't trust women because she has trauma with men, and Demi Levado proceeds to sing Acappella Skyscraper or one of those songs to the ghost and then the machine beeps and she's like.
She loved it, she loved it, loved it.
Doesn't she give her an encore?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah? More more?
Can I have some more? Please?
Some more?
Please?
Can I have some more?
Walkam only?
Please?
More? Some more? Please?
What is it exactly?
I don't know, I don't remember. That's your magnam opis.
Yeah, that was my top. My top time in my life was going viral on TikTok as a tioktok sound. Can I wait? I don't remember what it is?
More?
Please?
Can I have some more? Please? Oh, don't be shy, put some more.
Don't be shy to put some more. Put some more please? Dude.
What's funny is that's literally because I just walked out of a poky place that immediately made fun of this woman who was in front of me. In Miami. There's this poke place that the people who work there are usually like teenagers, and this older woman was talking to them like they were fucking idiots, and she was like, no, don't be Chai Kwon and like was literally like going like this to them over the glass, like come, yeah, come that one.
Yeah, and I was.
I just watched her and didn't say anything because I couldn't believe she was alive. I love this.
That's such a good sound. Yeah. But yeah, forty six percent of violent crimes are committed by someone you know.
Yeah, Kai, Well that's what I'm saying. It's gonna be kause if something happens to us, it is Kai. That's the Oh, that was what I forgot.
That's why I'm not going to kill myself. It was Kai. It was me.
If I die, it wasn't me. It was Kai. But the thing I was going to say is I was getting into the hypothetical the other day with some friends and it was about it was It was about what it is.
Are you cheated? That's all we need to know. So I know you lost hypothetical because he poked holes in it.
No, I did. But the hypothetical was if o'riyan killed a partner, would I snitch? And I was like no, but here would be the game plan. And I told her this yesterdays. She thought it was really funny. So the thing is, I Oriyan comes to me, but she's smart, because she's a smart cookie girl, and she comes to me in person, and she's like, Enya, I killed my partner. We got into a fight, escalated, I felt scared and I killed them. And I would be like, Okay, here's
what we're gonna do. We would get together, buy round trip tickets to Europe and we would go on a two week or realistically maybe not Europe. Because she brought this up to me and I was like, that's a really good point, because you can't, like you can't go on a crazy trip and have too much fun because
then when it gets oh. Also a part of the hypotheticals, I would he per pay for the best lawyers ever, Like I would do everything in my power to make sure my girl is not going to do But we can't go on too fun of a trip because then the police are gonna be like bitch, like self defense. You literally went to fucking Portugal with your home girl, like right after, like that doesn't look good. So but what I would do the original hypothetical is I said I would take up two days. We would have two
days where we have the best time ever. Act like she didn't tell me, she promises that when it comes down to it, she will be like no. I went around and like was hanging out with any but I didn't tell her. I was too scared to tell her because I knew she would snitch on me, and I would snitch on her with her consent, like two three days later after we had the best three days of our life, because then I'm Scotch free, and I'm like,
she did it out of self defense. She told me blah bla blah, like blah blah, and then she now has like an alibi that she didn't just claim self defense in court. She told her friend like, no, that's what happened, and yeah, that was my story. Is that I wouldn't tell immediately. I would have fun with her and then tell.
If I were to kill someone, I would commit the crime, make sure there's no cameras.
I would make sure there's no cameras, and I would do it in the nighttime where there's no light, no one can see my face.
No if I had to, though, there's there's like there's a lot of like good things you can do, but the main one that I would do is I would bury their body next to the Big Rock in Central Park, if that were me, if I were to do that.
The thing is, this isn't the first time you said that, and like, oh my.
God, imagine there are bodies like literally imagine.
That, dude. This episode I'm like thinking about like ten years from now us it'll be.
Like even No Brook was like if I kill someone, it's like, oh, no park next to the Big Rock.
And I spent a month in New York.
Yeah, and I didn't see you for a lot of those days.
When I actually like scared now, No, I wasn't around Drew.
Drew would have days where he's like, oh, I need to do a solo day. Oh, like kind of in like Japan. In his vlogs, he was like, oh, I'm all alone, I'm I'm having a solo day. And he would and then he would come back really tired and covered in dirt. But I was like, oh, he's just playing.
But he was going to park, sliding down the mountains.
Oh okay, you weren't digging around in the park.
No. But I'm really genuinely thinking about this, like I am suspect number fucking one now.
M yeah, I'm probably number two.
So I say the Big Rock like there is a single Big Rock in.
One, there's a bunch, there's a bunch of like those really.
One hundred huge rocks.
And if I was no, I need like, where did they get those? Why weren't there?
I think no rocks are like man or no rocks are earth made, like they're all placed there. Every rock placed on Earth looks too perfectly to be there, Like, even if you say they were there for thousands and thousands of years, I don't believe it. You can't convince me it's all the same.
You think we're making rocks.
Now, Yeah, we tricked rocks into doing math. And that's a computer, that's true. That's a computer. That's a mic, that's a bluetooth.
Also, I decided that whatever battery they put in our garage clicker, they need to put in my vibrator because we've had that shit for five years and I've hit that button probably the same amount of times I've hit my vibrator in the past two weeks, and that shit is still going.
How many times do you use your vibrator?
We don't need to talk about that.
And use the garage on average three point seven times a day.
Damn that is a lot. But so I guess maybe I use that more.
Than that, the vibrator more.
Yeah, Yeah, for sure, like if I'm like, oh, if any time we're about to run out, it's sorry, it's for cutting off.
But I was gonna say it's fucked up to that, like you don't let me watch.
Well because you used to watch and then you would start crying and it would make me really uncomfortable.
Yeah, like I said, vaginas are scary and your vactoria naginosis was spraying all over me.
Well that's the thing, is like why do you want to watch?
It's like babes. It was globular and you know is like have you all ever played Silent Hill?
You know when the monsters like spray the like the like gunk at people. That's what my square is, Like.
Mine is like the acid that comes out of aliens. Now, yeah, xenomorph.
We watched the crazy movie on the planet. Oh my god, Okay, are you in Troy?
And then I want to talk about like where we are? I'll let you talk about it because I was like so enamored by it that like I really didn't even pay attention. Ok So I just I'll just start.
Yeah.
I found this movie called Another Gay Movie, which I have heard of before, but it's basically like parody movie era two thousand and probably six or some shit, I don't know when the original was made, like American Pie or not another teen movie something like that, like the same vein or like scary movie, just like parody take it away.
So Drew tells us about this movie, and our friend is like, oh, I saw that, like when it came out, because me and my friends were like, Oh, that's funny. We want to watch that. That sounds like a funny movie because it was in that era of parody movies. And he said that it was just like so much sex, like it was like just full of sex, and that him and his friends were just like, oh, okay, yeah,
we're just like watching porn right now. And me and Drew were like, okay, we need to watch that, Like we need to watch that sounds like the funniest fucking thing ever, like a funny movie that for no reason they want to have sex in eight million times. Sign me up, I'm gonna watch it. And so we order our dinner are dinned in. We sit down and we.
Ordered chick fil A to kind of balance.
Out the vibe, balance off the atmosphere. So you were so nasty.
You were so nasty, I need them, I bitch.
If you like jelly beans, something's fucking wrong with you. Jelly Beans are like the bottom of the barrel candy, and this motherfucker a tart.
They're sweet tart jelly beans. Try one, because you don't give me like a red one or something. I think it's the I think orange is the best. I'm not joking.
Or blue.
Blue is nasty, Blue is nasty. Oh pink, No, oh my god, you're gonna eat five more when the camera turned.
Bof No, jelly beans are just so like, why would I want to eat like chewed up gum? Those?
You're fucking delicious.
There's no way our bodies can digest this. There's no way because I couldn't even chew it all the way.
Yeah, biotics says though.
So we also Drew started taking a probiotic with his diet the other day. Hands, so he's probably gonna pass away in three days.
Well, no, it's breaking it down better. The red forty.
Oh I saw that red forty is a carcinogen, So you'll.
Have alzheimer cancer cancer from the radiation and the red forty.
You're just making sure your odds are like and I.
Do think at one point we had black mold because look at any of the vents in our house.
Yeah, they did like let out, like fucking the vent in my room has like lines near it. That's really bad. No, that's because we didn't realize that we had to change the filter. And we lived here for three years and never changed the filter, and then finally got to it.
And it literally it was this thing like so the filter was this big, like a quarter of an inch, and the pile of dead skin, fur, dust, nasty particles was like four inches.
It was inside like we filled the garbage bag with it. Like it was really bad. You were like twenty five years old.
I did that not even have a bit like that was real?
You blacked out. You are the guy running out of the fucking guy turning five.
I'm not. I'm I had a moment yesterday where we'll get back to the gay movie after this. But I was on the way to the gym and I was like doing something on my phone and I was finally like what I'm laughing at.
Like your reactions to the movie, Like you you see sex on the screen, You're like, okay.
Literally okay, no matter who's having sex, Like when we were randomly like putting bourn onto me, Bunny, you were like, oh okay, oh yeah, okay, And I'm like, why you get such a visceral reaction out of Drew if there's like actual sex happening on a screen.
He absolutely not, absolutely not. But I was on the way to the gym and I had to do something on my phone that I've been like putting off for a while, and I just didn't want to do it, and so my brain, without even thinking about it, I was like, I literally audibly was likeugh, and I like slid up on it and then open TikTok and started scrolling, and for the first time in my life, I caught myself subconsciously like getting a dopamine hit to avoid like
doing something gnarly, and I was freaking out. I was like, oh my god, I just did it, and then I did it again right after it, and it's like completely just like it happens without even fucking no.
It's literally just like caveman monkey brain, h like that thing made me feel.
Good, I'm gonna do it so addicting it so bad, And that's what happened with those jelly beans. So it's like those made me feel good. I'm gonna eat more.
That's like me with my wingba. I'm like that, Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna do that again, even if it's dying and I have to press the button eight million times. So we were like, let's watch this movie and eat and we're looking I'm looking it up and I'm like, dude, you literally can't stream this movie, like it's like nowhere to be found unless you sign up for another streaming
service on top of an Amazon streaming service. And I was like, I'm not gonna do that because I'm not gonna remember to cancel it, because that's exactly what happened with Apple TV. And I haven't seen a single Apple TV series, but I pay for fucking Apple TV because I just forgot to do it. And every time I think to do it, I do exactly what Drew just described. And I opened my phone to go look for it, and I just opened TikTok and Instagram and like, look
at people. So we like we josh, just families. Amazon is on our TV, and the second one was on there.
I think it might be Oh is it? I think so?
But whoever Amazon was on it. We know it is Josh's parents, it is, yeah, because I think we did it on his mom.
Yeah, we bought like a gay sex movie on Josh's but to.
Be fair, I feed Josh very often, so even Stevens. So we rented it for four dollars. And as I was renting it, for some reason, I thought it was the first movie, and then we saw it, we were like, fuck, it's the seque, and I was like, well, I already bought it on someone else's dollars, so we have to just watch it. It was the most insane movie I've ever seen. Like me and Drew were, for the most part silent the whole time.
We were enamored by it. Like the only thing that would come out of our mouth was like, oh my god, Like what the fuck is happening? Like those are the ad libs the entire time. By the end of it, I tapped out for that.
There was like fifteen minutes left and I was like, all right, I'm gonna take an ass.
By the end of the press, I was convinced that like it was genius. Like I was like, oh, this is like actually like a really really entertaining and awesome.
Not even by the end you like forty five minutes in. Also, it was the longest movie ever. It was like almost a two hour, like thirty Like they made the time of that movie so that they could possibly nominate it for awards. Like That's what I'm convinced is that they were like, this time, we're gonna.
Get something else, We're gonna win. Oh did you say we bought the sequel?
Yeah, we were watching the fucking sequel. So we were like, is there things that we're missing here, like that we would only know from the first movie, which I don't think. Some of the jokes were really fucking funny, but like I'm like, some of the jokes are really fucking funny, but it would be like when someone turned around and had shit on their ass.
Yeah. Literally, it was so crude.
It was it was. It was definitely the most crude movie I've seen in my whole life.
Like it's like our podcast like personified into like a film, like it so nasty us making poop jokes, and that's exactly what they did.
I think our life hard wieners in it, and it was that was too much, just like completely at.
Like the most unexpected parts of the movie as well, too, and you're just like, oh my god, Like.
I made seven hundred and forty five thousand dollars in the box office. That's actually kind of the The budget was half a million, so they made.
It, damn and ru Paul was like a huge producer on it and she was in at a bunch.
Yeah.
But yeah, it was honestly amazing and I loved it. But don't watch it if if you were under twenty one, under twenty one, like it's really really gnarly. It's essentially gay porn, like at the end of the day.
But it was really fucking insane and it was a fun watch. I wish I watched it really high, yeah, because that would make me crack up.
It was genuinely awesome. And also like, oh my god, that man never mine. I was just gonna say, like, it's cool that like that was made back then because it was like in the peak of like antigay rhetoric going around. Yeah, like the fact that they were able to get that funded created and put out was a feat in it and of itself. But like not to like analyze a movie that is literally all sex, but like, no, that.
Really is because when we were watching it I was like, isn't it crazy that this When this movie was out, gay marriage was literally still not legal. And they were just like, fuck it, I'm literally gonna make the crude, funny ass movie that also has a bunch of sex in it. I think that's the most sex I've seen in a movie.
Yeah.
Well, like, but it was fucking funny if it Drew Drew made this comment. I was like, that's a stretch, but he was like, if this was a forty five minute movie, it would be the most awesome movie ever. But I do agree. If it was forty five minutes long, it would literally be fucking perfect. And just like that was a funny short, like random thing, but it was so long. I did like, if you do watch it, I did like the Bad Luck guys. Yeah, arc that was like a fun tidbit.
Yeah. Yeah, No, There's so many little moments in it that I'm like, oh, that was awesome, and I loved it. I genuinely liked it.
Yeah, it was fun. They get to film but Naked Nasty on the beach in Miami, though they were like in Fort Lauderdale.
I wonder if maybe they said they were in Fort Lauderdale and film somewhere else, because like literally everywhere film's in fucking like Croatia, but they're set in Atlanta.
It just looked like Miami to me. Tell me, tell me, Oh no, they were in Miami because they were shooting in at Venetian Pool. But if you're from Miami, you know, if you know, you know. I'm not from Miami, and I know because you're well traveled, babe.
I've seen the world. I've seen the world. I've been super the last two weeks. I've been really badly wanting to just go on like a two day vacation, like somewhere, and I really heavily considered getting a flight and leaving the next day and staying there for twenty four hours and then coming home. I'm not telling you where I'm going. Let's just say that.
Well, with that being said, Yourew's gonna run away and do my music. I'm gonna play Fortnite while he's gone.
I'm gonna make music, Okay. So for my songs, we got Bamboo Banga by M I A. Let's make us Staining by M C mac driving on nine the Breeders, and then I'll give you one more in a silent way, Miles Davis, I think this is twelve minutes long. Yeah, it's twenty minutes long, nineteen fifty one. Also, uh, I don't know if I've ever said this artist on the podcast, but the musician Himera h I m e r A one of my favorite like musicians, like not of all time, but like I really like their music and I play
it all the time. It's just so peaceful and pretty. But yeah, check out Himera h I m e r A. I was paid fifty eight thousand dollars to say that.
By the way, there's no way yep, well mine is. I think I already said the song. But we are finally having springtime, which is so fucking awesome. Spring is Coming with a Strawberry in its Mouth by Roger Doyle Doyley is really good. Kitto by lad by Ivy Queen. You would love the.
Song, d I was just about to ask you to ooh, Ivy Queen, iv Y Queen, Yeah, Ivy, what is that? Let's dance? What it's let's dance kyoto or.
I want to dance?
I want to dance.
Oh.
Also this Xavier Wolf song that samples oh fuck, what is it? Sample hollow be they squad. I think it's samples number three by Aphex Twin. That's number three, right. But I had like a Xavier Wolf like Suicide Boys arc for two years in high school and bones and like all of them when they were like uploading to SoundCloud and shit. Uh. And I kind of just fell out of love with it naturally because I listened to it every day for two years straight revisiting and it's lit.
Remember when you got so mad that I played music all the time.
Yeah, it was. It was a rough patch in our relationship.
Those Eyes That Mouth and Love's Easy Tears by Cocktail Twins. I say Cocktail Twins eight different times every time I.
Say it, Like, yeah, I say Cocktail Twins, Cockatoo Twins say different every time. Which one was that.
Those Eyes that Mouth and Love's Easy Tears you've heard me plays on This is like done, d.
Uh Easy Tears.
This one is those Eyes that Mouth and then loves like ownership Loves Easy Tears. I Won't Hurt You The West Coast Pop Art Experiments and nineteen ninety one Isalea Banks. That song really reminds me of the beginning of Quarantine, when we were so bored and that was the best time in my life, honestly.
And then oh, is actually does Azalea sample Crystal Castles in that song?
I actually don't know, but maybe I don't think so, but maybe.
I'm curious because there's a nineteen ninety one by Crystal Castles in a nineteen ninety one by Azalea Banks.
Oh. I don't know, though they sound pretty, but maybe. And then Dessert Song by Tacaco Minikawa. That's the girl who did Fantastic Cat. That album is really good, but Dessert Song is so.
Good I'll never forget. I lay claim to Fantastic Cat. Fantastic Cat, I lay claim to it, and I showed it to someone and then they claimed that they showed me that song. And that's the one fucking thing that I don't fuck with is when I show someone a song and they say they showed me a song like. I don't know why that boils my blood so much. I guess it's like my individual's complex or like superiority complex or some shit, but no, and I will take that to my grave. I will die on that hill.
You know who I'm talking about.
I think so that song. I just I like that song. But I don't like that as much as the other songs have on that album, But that's a really good song. Dessert song is so sweet I put it. Did you see my story with the monkey key?
With us?
Look, I'll show I'm gonna show it to you. Sorry, this is so boring and like uninteresting for literally everybody else, probably.
Because we got big that is what is that that make try so?
Oh no, that's a tumor.
It's the fat deposit, this sleeper build, oh vasa And I think that's it.
And then I'm really behind the last of us because I've been watching The Sopranos and I say Sopranos every different every time, and I was a wit in a room full of people who were saying it like Sopranos, and I say Sopranos, and I'm gonna keep saying Sopranos.
I've been watching VINLND Saga. I finished season two of Demons Layer. Started off, I didn't like the vibe of it. By the end, I was like, Oh, they just set this show up for a fucking slam dunk, and they better go with the idea that I had for like the seasons, but I doubt they do. And then I started watching Vinlin Saga, and I got, uh, that's why I stayed up so late last night was because I was watching it like you were been in sleep, yeah, as I was watching it. But Vinlin Saga is fucking epic.
It's like everything you'd ever want in an anime. Like it's so fucking silly.
I just for some reason, I like post like twenty twenty one, I just have not even thought about watching anime. I think. I just like in twenty twenty one, I started watching Breaking Bawn and then I was like, dude, I have to catch up on all these So that's been my vibe because I'm like, if I'm going to start a show, I feel like I have to watch all the human shows.
Human shows. Also, every time I look at my phone, I'm not like scrolling through socials. I'm not like super addicted. I take notes for the week leading up to the podcast.
And if he thinks of something, he dropped it back.
Yeah, and I jotted it down, and yeah, I just got I got really insecure about that. Like the last like five episodes of people thinking that I'm just like ignoring everything you say, but no, I'm just looking at the topics that I have written down so we can move on from that conversation.
Okay, you're a fucking bitch. I'm not gonna be here next week.
Yeah, thank god, let's give up.
Goodbye. Kiss.
Remember when we fake kissed and I smelled like doritas.
Yes, it was so fucking nasty, that video of me and Drew like on the wall, like fake kissing. He had just eaten Doritos and smelled so nasty, And yeah, that's it, all right,