We Got Covid

Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

I'm sure you're very confused.

I have bad news. Me and Drew actually got COVID over the holidays, so we're both stuck at home right now in our birthplaces. Drew's here, but he's taking like forever to get on screen. He was here for a second and then he was like, oh, I need to go use the bathroom and like cough like myself to peace before we start. So he doesn't cough while we're talking, and he's kind of just been like gone since, but

He was fine, he was fine like ten seconds ago.

What is that?

What do you have? Hold on?

Is that pee?

Does he have pe?

Gay?

It looks like piss? True? Can you hear us? Hello?

Yeah?

Are you you can hear us? Right?

Can you hear me?

Yeah? We can?

What do you wearing? Good? Like?

What's going on?

Why?

Wait?

Why do you have a mask on? Also? Like on top of everything, where did all this come from? And why do you have a mask on? You're literally home alone?

I have COVID?

I know, And so do. I actually Kai might have it too, so it's like, yeah, you gw up.

With a sore throat.

Sorry, hold on, let me it's my my iv.

Why the fuck do you have an ivy? You don't need an ivy.

It's this new it's this new like drug that they're given. It's called PiZZ it's with two z's.

No, I'm thinking got scammed. I think I think you were sold an IVY bag full of piss.

Well, whatever it is, it's working, and there's.

There's no cure for COVID. Also, you were fine, like two seconds ago. You were fully wearing like you were wearing like your normal.

You're mad at me for being safe. I'm trying to be safe here and I give any of youall COVID and now you're pissed at me.

Dude, we're on a zoom call. You're not gonna give us COVID CA.

That's literally why we stayed like in our hometowns is to be safe. Like we're being safe.

You don't have to do yo, mama.

All right, hold on, let me fix this IVY real quick. I'm gonna just push to put it around here just so it's like good for me, Just because I need it connected at all times because if it actually disconnects, I could fucking dies what the doctor was saying. So I just have to like make sure it's just like in.

My wrist, disconnect from what it's like around your neck. What do you Oh, it doesn't seem.

Like it's.

It doesn't seem like it's actually like going into you.

You actually know nothing.

I guess we'll know if it's real.

And by the end it's like depleted, right, yep, exactly, and you have that setup that it's gonna be going down.

Oh no, he's gone. We lost him. He's done.

Did he just pass out?

Drew, wake up, grow, wake up.

Grow brow.

Keep going out of consciousness because this fucking muzzle on my face is actually making me not there.

You can just still, you can.

If y'all are comfortable with me taking the muzzle off, I'll take it off.

Yeah. Of course we're in different parts of the country.

God, I thank you. I didn't know I was in a lobby full of like freaking tucks.

I was well. I was actually just about to say this. Whole time, I've been positive and I've just carried on with life like I can't let this like something as simple as could stop me. And like I didn't come to Miami with masks and I haven't had time to go buy any so I've just been like kind of chilling, like taking it very easy.

Wait, so you've just kind of been existing as you were before COVID.

Just yeah, it's my new normal.

Wait. So you've been like going out.

Yeah, but not every night because I'm not like an alcoholic thing. But like, yes, I do go out every other night for a drink if that's what you were ask So.

You've been giving people COVID. You've been a super spreader.

I haven't been near anyone. I'm only with my friends.

Yeah, but your friends don't have COVID, so you've just been giving them COVID.

I'm not giving them anything. Also, they said yes to going out with me, Like maybe I wasn't clear. I was just like, oh, like I have a stuffy nose and like a sore throat and like at night, I like get a really bad fever. Yeah, but so what I'm telling people that I'm sick, I'm just not being like I don't want to scare people.

Really can't.

Okay, I'm the weirdo. Look at your setup.

You literally have an I.

M sorry, the baking is getting disconnected. Yeah, it's so hot in a stupid fucking.

Take the fucking put him it off. Do you have clothes on under there?

No?

Oh take it off?

Should?

I also sorry, but on my end it's kind of choppy. You're recording, right, Drew, Yeah, I'm recording because my WiFi sucks ball, so it's like not the best on my end.

Sorry. I literally had to just take that off because I am actually overheating and dying. I can't. I can't. I'm so ugly. I'm so ugly I need that and so ugly and hot.

Well, on a serious note, also, I just want to be clear, I have not been spreading COVID. I've actually been sitting in an airbnb so low the past week.

I have been just quarantining with my family. They were kind of just like, if we get it, we get it, and we've just been chilling. I'm okay. I literally feel totally fine. But yeah, we both did get COVID though, which is insane.

Yeah, I know. And also I was so I was one of those annoying people who I.

Was so positive that I would just never get it.

I thought you had the guy.

I was like, you, I know, because I was the only person we knew who hadn't gotten it. And I was just like, I don't know. I'm just built different. I'm different. I kept saying that. I was like, I'm different, I'm different. But I'll explain how I got COVID, and then you can try and explain, but you don't know how the fuck you got it.

No.

I literally think I just got it on the plane right over here.

Oh dude. Well I came to Miami and then literally like two three days before Christmas, my little brother was really sick and I was like, this motherfucker has COVID. I was like, there's no way he doesn't have COVID. Like he goes to public school and like is around a bunch of other kids who probably get it and don't say shit.

And like, if you get it, you get it, and if you don't, you don't.

Is that are you saying that about COVID?

Exactly get it. If you don't, you don't. If you know you know me too, people, Yeah, okay, oh yeah, I'm just ugly today, but you can't blame me. I'm running fever. I got COVID, like.

No, you look beautiful.

I got pissed going into my system.

Anyways, long story short, brother got it, My mom and dad got it from my brother, and I was being very cautious and my family was like, girl, like, we're all going to get it.

We're like here in the house.

And I was like, no, no, I'm so sure that I will be the one to not get it. So I literally ran away after Christmas, like the day after Christmas. I fucking ran away. I packed up my things that I went to an Airbnb, and I was safe for two days. I don't even know if I told you this, Drew, but that laxative is literally what fucking kickstarted my symptoms. On top of getting COVID for the first time in my life, I got really constipated.

So I called.

Drew and I was like, connoisseur, wit you consume like the c's are constipation.

No, no, no, I'm the connoisseur of constipation. I just know everything there is to know about it, how to get get rid of it, what drugs to take.

Yeah, So I called the poop master himself, or I guess you're not the poop master because you don't poop I prefer. Sorry. I asked Drew what to get, and I was like, Oh, what's the thing that's gonna work the quickest, And it was that, like, what is it?

Magnesium?

Magnesium citrate. Normally they come in glass bottles, but I bet they were sold.

My shit was in plastic, so that should have been a red flag, but I I can't express Drew.

I felt completely fucking fine.

Other than the tall tale sign which everyone is realizing now is like the second you feel a sore throat, you fucking have it. Like, yeah, you don't just have a sore throat, you fully have COVID. And I had had a sore throat for like lingering and like coming up on me for two days. But other than that, I felt completely fine. And I was testing every day and kept coming up negative. And then on like Monday night,

And I was sitting on the couch and.

I literally was like sweating, and I got really nauseous, and I got like a really bad headache, and it fully was just like all of my friends were around me, so they were like watching my.

Health just deteriorate.

And I was like, go home, cause like I'm about to pass away, like I'm about dude. And then I like reluctantly was able to fall asleep, but I woke up to like an insanely high fever shitting myself just liquid ass yea. And then I like, when I woke up to shit, I literally felt like I had drank like three quarters of alcohol. Like I felt like I drank like three gallons of alcohol. I was so dehydrated. And then I tested because I was like, I don't know if it's normal for me to like I feel

The magnesium sit trait bottles are contaminated with COVID. You heard it here first, y'all.

Yeah, we're gonna get our YouTube video taken down again because we're sitting here talking about.

The one thing that got it taken down last time, which is bullshit. But I won't get into it. I digress, but you just know I'm coming for you.

The thing is, everyone's like, I wonder what the joke was, And the joke literally wasn't even anything.

No it was it wasn't even a joke. It was literally me standing for my opinion, stating my opinion. See YouTube is censoring us, They're coming.

Weren't you just paraphrasing what somebody else said?

I paraphrased what someone said, And then I after that was like, I don't know, I don't believe in that.

Yet condemned it immediately.

It's so crazy, which is I think even before you said it, I think I like it was about something big Nick had said, and I was like, I love that, And then you were like, but he does so and so and so and so, and I don't.

But then after that I was like, but I'll let him. I'll let him do what he wants to do.

Oh, allow, what are we gonna do?

Spread his misinformation? But yeah, literally, my my experience with COVID was kind of like easy. I got lucky, but I think it was just because I was vexed.

But yeah, everyone who's like backed up is having super mild symptoms.

Yeah, I just I don't understand. No, I can't. I can't even make a joke about it. I can't even make a joke about it because I'm scared YouTube's gonna fucking take it down. I know.

No, I'm thinking about how I literally started this video off by saying, like what, I just want my friends. I feel a little sick, and I like, still go out, dude.

I can't stress enough to y'all how overheated and hot I am. I'm sure you can fucking tell because my face is like bright red and I'm greasy and oily and disgusting and sweaty.

I think you look great, Honestly, I don't.

You're kind of serving Jesus with the like the facial hair and the hair.

Really, honestly, when you came on screen, I got pretty horny. So actually, yeah, especially.

Because your stick of piss it looked like when Moses or like whoever the was gonna split the sea and they had their big stick, except yours has piss.

Apparently that's what I was going for. That's what I was going for, splitting the sea of piss. I love that you caught onto that.

No, he didn't split a sea of piss, it was like just the ocean.

I think, No drew it.

Is red, so I see that the period blood seat yeah.

Because oh oh okay, Now I remember Moses was like, get on the boat. The girls had their period. I don't want to be around them. I'm gonna chill with the animals, and he split all the period blood.

The squirt blood. Did you know that there's sorry, I got a notification on my screen saying there was like a forty time minute time limit and we reached it. But then it was like, but I gifted you more hours, so I was like, okay, whatever, So I wasn't really paying attention. However, no, same.

When I like moved my light because I got the notification that I was like the host extended the meeting, which is like okay.

But did you know that church doors, like you know, like the doors that like go like this and they like they like meet at the top like that they're like arched a little bit, did you know? Yeah, churches stole that from like pagan ideologies, like pagan whatever, and the pagan idea behind those doors was like you're walking like you're being welcomed home to the vagina every time.

We're fat. Shit that's ever come out of your mouth.

You're pulling like a carression of like twenty eight.

No, okay, I actually think it is true, but I know that is the most absurd thing I've ever said.

Simply, Drew, if you're too hot, you can you can take the haz mat.

I've committed to the gag and I have to keep going now. You can't. Can't be overheating and sweating. I look like I just like worked out fourteen hours.

You can't take off your fucking hase mask too, because then you'll expose that that is not going in your body.

It has not moved a single like it.

You actually don't know anything you're fucking saying. And I will expose you right now if you want me to. Do you want me to expose you?

Can we see? Can me see where it goes into your vein? Can you just like prove no, no, like where it goes where the piss is going.

It fucking fell out, It fell.

Out, Okay, So why are you okay if you're not getting your like piss ivy.

Because I drinking it. Have you not been seeing me drink it?

I these work? But all right, okay.

Doctor fucking TI and in youa y'all know so much?

Oh no, he's getting angry.

Now, you know.

I was.

I was. I was going to give you the plug to get a free negative test, but now I'm not gonna and you're stuck home. How about that. That's that's how I'm getting home. I'm just thinking a negative.

No one's talking about how like maybe that's something we exposed this episode. It's just how many influencers were actually like faking negative testing negative. It was it was a real thing. It was like that was a real thing, that they would be positive but they would get a negative test and fake it.

And dude, fully the amount of times, like we wouldn't even have COVID and an influencer would just be like, well, if you need if you.

Ever need a fake negative, let me know.

Yeah, no fucking cycle. And this was like early in the pandemic. This wasn't like late stage, like this was like like two months in, Like if you need a negative to post online to prove that your negative, just hit us up. We got you.

It was pre vaccine, which is insane.

Oh what did you do as a pregative for Like what would you use it.

For to post online that you're a negative if you got exposed at a party.

Oh I see, okay.

The whole exposing party like like that. Sh It's so funny, you know what I was thinking at a party.

So what I was thinking was I have so many positive at home tests because I'm neurotic and I swear that, like I'll test positive in the morning and then test negative at night. So I have so many positives. I'm gonna start flipping them and like, if you guys want to miss like work or miss like school and you don't want to go to school, like hit me on line, like I'll sell you my positive task.

You's got a bunch of positives and then.

I'll just like I'll like take random different like photos like angles of like the test kit before and like after it's being used and whatnot. If you guys want that true?

Are you okay?

True?

Dru wake up?

Oh fuck sorry? Like the biggest symptom that I have is I just like follow. It's like so fucking weird.

So fatigue you fall asleep on the microphone like a cartoon, it's so weird.

Can explain it.

I just feel like you're faking it.

You're doing one of those because like I have it, like I'm but I'm sitting here, I'm like pretty, like I look good, Like I look put together, like I look really good like someone. Some people would say like, Anya, are you sure you have COVID because you look so good, and I'm like, yeah, I do, and like for some reason, that's one of the symtings I'm having is I just look really good.

No, literally, actually I was blown away when I saw you first pop in the camera. I was like, oh, and you looks really cute right now with their little bow ties in her hair.

This is the first time I've put on real clothes and like looked normal for so long. That's actually a lie, though, because since my whole family had COVID, I got to spend New Year's with them, so we had our own little COVID fiesta because me and where do we just had it. So we were like, let's blow up fireworks and it was fucking awesome. I wish I bought more fireworks.

I'm literally a pyromaniac.

No. Same that night, I was like, you get it. Yeah, fully, there's like, dude, they're so expensive.

It's it's actually, if you think about it, it's legitimately burning money, like it's it's setting money on fire. But I wouldn't change it for the world, Like it's so much fun, just like watching shit blow up and also just like knowing that something could go wrong at any moment and it doesn't just makes me feel so alive.

I will say that was making me so anxious. I got a really funny video on my handicam of just like a tiny firework like zooming up and almost hitting my mom in the head, and the first firework that my family had set off that night. I think it was just like my dad and like maybe my uncle.

I was about to say, literally like actually nothing can stop me from blowing up fireworks, like my literal brother died like three days before, and I went and bought like one thousand dollars worth of fireworks and blue them bitches up. Nothing can si celebration exactly celebration of.

Life, yep.

But like yeah, like I said this a couple of days ago. But like if I wasn't doing what I'm doing right now, like I would be a pyramaniac and I would be burning down buildings for fun.

Fully, you might find that you'd be in jail.

No, I'd be the best Arson to ever live.

Simply No, Arson is a poison?

True?

Are you sure?

Yes?

Look it up?

Like for real, Arsenic is a poison?

Who is that?

You are?

Literally dumb? I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

I gotta go, so know what's talking about? This is my first coffee in like a week because I wasn't having any at the like when I was like symptomatic. Oh my god, he fucking laughs. All right, I'm leaving too, Like I'm not gonna wait.

What No, we could just okay, okay.

Now that she's gone, okay, boys can have a conversation and we can just chat and that old time, a grand old time.

All right, about like crypto or sex or something that sounded so fucking crazy.

On my end, it's the.

Most insane sound I've ever heard.

The zoom tried to like try to like mitigate, try to make sense.

I was like, can we talk about me? And jured for the first time in our lives made zoom accounts because you made yours today and I also made mine today, Like.

I yeah, no, I went the entire pandemic without using Zoom because I think this is a cursed app and I think it is like actually evil what it's done to society. And I want to go. I so badly just want to attend in person meetings, but I know it's just not good. But like, I think this is actually making us like socially dumb.

Zoom zoom. Why expand on that?

I don't have to?

Yeah, Kai, Like oh no, Kai gets a camera and I'm on him, and all of a sudden he wants to ask us questions and trod ust and explain things camera next time he comes.

Can you guys hear me? Still? Can you at least hear me?

Oh I forgot the mute?

Can you mute him?

Damn he's muting?

See this is the way things should be.

Did you feel like a sense of like calm and like like just like a good energy just rush over once.

That happened, No, like for real, like when he was in here, it felt like this weird like omnipresent, like evil, like something evil was lurking over us. And at first I was like, oh, it's because we have COVID like so like the universes out to get us. They see us thriving and they're like, we need to kill off this podcast. It's doing too well. But I just realized it was it was literally car.

Oh my god, he's fucking texting me. Oh, put me back.

Okay, I don't think we should have him back, Like what what do we We're a guest having podcast.

I'll let him ask the question.

Can you guys hear me?

Oh my god.

One question he asked, can you hear me? That he has to be dumb?

But actually I saw because now there's like all these clip accounts coming up on my for you page on TikTok of the podcast, and someone had a comment where they were like, oh, like I can't believe like these bits they do are just improv and someone some smart ass I was like, if I could reach the phone and smack the shit out of you, I would.

They were like, isn't every conversation improv I'm like, are you in fourth grade?

You like the worst person ever?

I can't get over how fucking greasy I am.

It's the fucking piss.

It is the piss. I think it's the pass. I should disconnect now? Should I disconnect? Yes?

You should probably stop your piss and take Also, because we had a val that you would only take my piss and I don't know whose piss that is, and I was I wouldn't want to bring it up.

I didn't want to see jealous.

I made one exception pharmaceutical grade piss. You know this?

Okay? Oh?

Because mine isn't good enough anymore?

How am I gonna get your piss in America?

I mean New Year new piss.

I guess that's a new thing.

Yes, actually it is, because if you're gonna be a hate as pitch, I'm not going to drink you piss anymore.

Sorry, Well, you probably shouldn't have my COVID piss anyways, So so.

You're gonna apologize?

Why would I apologize to you?

Typical? I need a cigarette? Does it look like I need a cigarette right now?

Girl? It needs you? It looks like you need to be put back into being a silo.

You're serving American horror story aside love.

I need a cigarette, man, No, I wanted a cigarette so bad when the first time I was here, I was like, I was itching, but I didn't have one.

My mom has a puff bar, so thank you guys thinking world. My mom smokes puff bars now, but she's just like me. She just likes the flavor of it. I did not see her inhale a single bit of it. She was just tasting it.

New year knew me. I stopped puffing, and then at the very beginning of this year I started puffing again.

Well because according to everyone, like the world is ending, so you might as well do whatever you want.

Did you see the like not to make this whole episode about disease, but like, did you see the Florona thing?

No, I refused. Actually sounds beautiful.

It sounds like a beautiful flower that if you touched it would like kill you.

In your brain and its sprouts and you become a.

New per I might be spreading false information, but I like saw on the news in Miami, which is like red Flag one.

It's all the news in Miami.

It's like florona.

It's the flu and COVID together.

So we're literally done. We're done. No. The craziest thing is all these okay, this is another thing is all of our friends that are like testing negative negative, negative, but are sick aren't testing themselves right oh fully, because like if you're sick, it's like I'm pretty sure it's COVID. It could be the flu, but like all of them have been like exposed to COVID, so I'm like, there's no way you're sick right now and it's not COVID

Test the back of my throat.

Yeah, you're the throat dope.

I mean, it would be really easy Honestly, I've like gone as far as testing like like whatever is down here, but.

You're deep esophagus.

Yeah, I don't test my throat.

I actually test my like esophagus, oh, because like I feel like the COVID is like all down here.

So I just like you don't have to do that at all. You don't have to do that.

True, I've been testing my butt.

That's not okay, Kai.

It just sounds like you wanted to like finger your ass, which is like you can tell us that you.

Look No, I I like wash them since I did that, So.

My little vanity light has been covering Kai the whole time.

Has been covering Kai too. It felt bad, weird when he moved up into your section, like he moved up into the top and like I had to turn his camera off one more time and then.

Move stop turning my camera off.

Come on, guys, why do you want to be seen all of a sudden?

I just thought it would be cool. It could be like a cool little you know we're doing like this special episode.

By a therapist. Don't be trying to be seen by us.

Okay, all right, message.

Kai, I haven't spoken.

How have you been.

I've been good. I woke up. I think I have coronavirus or omnichorn whatever.

Where's your fucking mask.

Dude, I'm in a room alone by myself, I don't think.

But we're talking to each other, so really fucking safe of you.

And yeah, I don't think Drew like understands how the internet works. I think we need to explain to him that.

You don't have to explain to anybody. You don't have to explain.

What Kai is.

The understanding is I will always pick your side, So don't talk to my girl like that.

Kai, Like, put your mask on.

If if Drews has put your mask on, put your mask on, like you're just one of those people who you have to fight it, which I find there.

Not fighting anything. We're on a zoom call like, it's not I'm not going to give you.

Afraid of maskless people, That's what I'm saying. I'm afraid of maskless people.

We're technically in a room full.

Of people right now.

I don't know whatever.

That's just me though, watching this mask on?

What is your problem?

True?

Yeah, you're a freak if you go out on masks except for me, I just like, I don't really it sucks with my makeup, and I don't like that kind of really do it maps resolutions?

Yeah, yeah, Okay, I guess I'll go first. So one of my New Year's resolutions is in twenty twenty two, I'm gonna be honking more, honking like my car horn more or in his car horn.

That's a good one. I've actually thought about that. I feel like I don't honk enough.

No exactly, I'm gonna start being like a more like agro driver.

Okay, what is that it?

I mean that was one of them. Let me read this other fucking stupid ass note that I think that I was talking about earlier. Never seen a moldy hot cheeto. That that has got to be some strong ass bacteria to eat hot cheeto dust bacteria, bacteria. Have you ever seen a moldy hot cheeto?

Oh? No, but I haven't seen moldy chips in general.

Oh I've seen moldy chips, but I've never seen a moldi hot cheeto. And that's because maybe we need to look at the hot cheeto coating because it could be anti microbial and oh my anti microbial, who's hello? Are we gonna focus on the mic or maybe no, no, no, I'm sweaty again. I had to like shrink down in this corner. Stop with fucking mind. I had to shrink down to here because it like the light doesn't reflect off my face properly.

Due you honestly look fine. I think you look great.

Yeah, I might say you look really good. I think you're just you're in your head.

Uh, keep going, you.

Look really good, and I get super horny whenever I see your face. Did any leave? Okay?

She left?

You're not gonna leave there right like you're gonna stay with me? No, I don't want you to leave.

I was just making sure.

You should so disrespectful.

Please don't leave. I'm gonna freak out and hear alone. Please don't leave. Fuck all right, So I guess I could just.

Talking. You're literally not supposed to be talking. Okay, you're an attention wore.

You guys literally left like I didn't. I mean, I didn't know what to do.

Oh.

So now it's the when Andrew leave. It's the Kai podcast.

That's what I was just trying to you know, it's interesting. Actually, did the voices without the video really crazy? Oh my god?

Podcast?

Okay wait?

What no?

Why does he have to come now?

All right, so basically the way that cryptocurrency works.

No, Oh my god, I'm gonna freak the funk out. Shut up.

No, he asked me to carry the podcast.

Oh right, Your twenty two resolutions should be to ground yourself in reality with some bitches and get over NFTs and crypto. That's what That's what twenty twenty two resolutions for all you NFT.

Bitches should be is look for bitches in real life.

Oh my god, I thought that was actually Drew first. Oh my god, when you I forget what episode it was, when you were like, uh, there's no bitches in the metaverse.

That was one of the most iconic things you has ever said. It did it did not get a en f love simply it was fucking hilarious.

Well, you know, jokes are funnier when they come out of the mountain.

And then.

See, I could be I could be four men, Like people only listen when men are in the room.

Like when men are in the room, they dominate the room by default, Like I can say things that are positive about men.

To wait, there's no bitches in the metaverse. Yeah, zero bitches in the metase.

Oh, let's go that was actually, really, can someone clip that? Can someone clip that?

We're not on twitch? What the fuck are you talking about? Hi?

Who are you talking to?

How about you find some bitches in the metaverse?

You were even in focus?

Oh fuck no I was.

You were look at the Oh silly little camera.

What are your other resolutions? Drew?

It can't just be honking in my fucking car?

It actually can be uh no, Legitimately, one of my resolutions is I want to try to gain fifteen pounds of muscle by June.

Actually, do you want to split a gym membership?

Yes? Actually I want to do that with you and Oryan so bad where we do that three way one and then come on, can it fucking focus on me?

Down? You want to do this? Beautiful?

Thank you?

I want to do that because you're not in focus.

But I have to sit down here because I'm like Adam, I'm hella greasy.

You don't look greasy.

Just put the blur up on zoom and you'll look beautiful. Yeah.

I do.

Go to preferences and then I don't know, you're on a PC. You can look pretty like me.

But yeah, I know. I am so down to do a membership three ways, two ways, dude.

We fully should because I would love to.

I was thinking about going on more bike rides as one of my solutions is just like working out a little bit, because that was like probably the best I felt, was like when I was working out just to like get my like endorphins.

Moving, and I felt really good and I want to do that.

And then I thought about how I would have to definitely take my bike to a bike shop because there's no way that the tires at flat on it. And I immediately was like, I'm never going to do that. I'm just like never, that's never happened.

The dream dies there. But yeah, I know legitimately I do want to, like I want to just get healthier. I know everybody fucking says that, but yeah, I think it's time for me to start like using my fucking body a little bit and not just be like sedentary all the time and rotting.

You could use your body in a bedroom setting, preferably at night with me, I.

Could just like binch pressure, Is that what you mean?

Yeah? Sure, whatever, Okay.

Blockchain's work is instead of having like a centralized database, you take.

That you centralized my foot, right, up your ass.

Okay, yeah, I can explain that.

Now. Do you actually don't have any more resolutions? We talked about honking here?

I guess no. You want to get healthy?

Yeah, I uh, I have that. I want to appreciate and rejuvenate.

It's not the saying that girl says.

She says innovate and elevate.

She actually took up innovate. I don't know why, though. What's the tea there? Why did you take out innovate?

I don't know. Yeah, but I want to appreciate a little more. And that's my vibe.

My vibe is to be more incoherent. I don't want to have big, lengthy conversations about moral dilemmas or like moral ideology and integrity. I don't care about integrity. I care about having fun, looking good, having sex, and that's it.

That's literally all I care about.

Twenty say too, that's actually like really fucking powerful.

No.

Actually, something that I told Kay is I I want to try dating this year.

Girl? What the hout? Oh?

Is it because you're terrified that you're about to turn twenty four?

Yeah? No, no, I just was like, I've been like alone forever and I think I've grown up enough where like I kind of like know myself a lot more now, and I think I'm ready to just like figure that whole dating shit out.

That would be fucking awesome.

Awesome, God, you saneously terrified because I think what I'm looking at for and a partner doesn't exist.

So you said, what you're looking for and a partner doesn't exist?

Yeah, what are you looking for? I don't know, that's the thing. It doesn't exist. I have very high expectations in other people, and yeah.

Mm I love dating. I'll put my life on the line today. I want a partner.

And I want friends.

That's literally all I care about and close and looking pretty and having sex.

Yeah, and being having conversations. Yeah. I think this is like a good year to just like have very surface level conversations with everybody.

No, literally, I'm so fucking tired of getting into like nauseatingly long conversations. Some people are gonna get so annoyed with me, because like, the more the podcast goes on, the more I show my colors of just being like pretty like surface level and like I don't give a fuck. But trust me, at one point I was the most like, no, we need to talk about it.

We need like high communication, we need this.

That no no no no no no no no more. I want I want nothingness. I want to have fun. I want to check my ass. I don't want to do anything intense.

No something else. Actually for twenty twenty two that I want to do is like like I feel like the second half of twenty twenty one, like we worked our asses off, and I also want to carry that into twenty twenty two. And I want to just like drown myself and work, not like drown myself and work, but just like like do every opportunity that comes my way and like just kind of say yes to more, like

I think.

The problem we'll run into is that.

The people who do stumble upon this gate keep it not because they want to gate keep it, but because they know their normal friends won't like it, and they'll.

They're embarrassed to share us with the world, which is understanding.

It's like one of those things where like you get in the car and like the song at the top of Apple Music is playing, like that's just the one that automatically plays, and that one can be really embarrassing. That's how people feel about the podcast, is like they'll be like, oh, can I get the OX and they get it and the last thing playing was this and it starts playing and they're like, oh my god, sorry, I just like I was. I was just cleaning my room and I just need like like nothing like I sorry.

I was just hate listening to them.

Actually, that's we do.

I am sure we have to have some hate listeners.

And I wonder if we've converted any hate listeners to Yeah, actually.

If you're if you were originally no exactly, if you're originally a hate listener, leave a comment let us know if you love us now, but if you still hate us, go die stinky bitch, sweaty, stinky bitch.

If you if you are listening to this with hateful ears, right now, I'm gonna blow up a balloon with my COVID breath and go in your face and fucking pop it. On New Year's Eve, we had balloons and my mom was blowing them up with her fucking COVID breath, and I literally said her.

I was like, you're across the table from me right now creating like nuclear bombs.

You're literally creating bombs. It was like that one in the very beginning of the pandemic where she was like, I'm gonna put like breathed into a.

Yeah, her name is like Riley on TikTok.

Yeah, Yeah, that's so funny.

That's literally what my mom was doing. I was like, you're lucky everyone here already has COVID, because if you didn't know you were symptomatic and you're sitting here blowing these things up, you would kill someone. And yeah, but actually, on a serious note, a resolution, a few resolutions of

Yeah, that's kind of it.

Oh, and grow my hair if by the end of the year my hair is it past my fucking tit. Let's just say, Drew, you will find a new host.

You will, you will.

I give you permission to move on.

Okay, you're probably first in line.

Okay, No, Actually that's the one thing is I can't replace me.

You have to get like Oriyan Okay.

Okay, yeah, actually that's perfect.

Yeah, you have to get like my three contestants are like Orian, Elsie or like Elisa. Those are the ones that can It has to be another girl. You can't what you're allays just gonna have like the white guys who like like Crypto and stuff podcast.

There's like a there's literally eighty of those like, but maybe.

Number four would be me on that list, you did.

What are you talking about? Number four?

You are like number eighteen oh eighteen, safe, maybe twenty because I could think of a lot.

I could think of a lot of people.

Okay, yeah, no, it's fine.

I mean, okay, climb the rinks a little bit. I'm not going to tell you how. I think you know how, and I do.

I do know how. I have to. I have to give you head. I understand how to do this. I know what you're talking about.

It's the industry.

I can't even say what I was going to say because if it happens we lost, let's just say what I No, I can't.

I can't say I can't put that into the world.

No, say yeah, I have wood to knock on.

Okay, I have wood too, because I do have a bulging penis under my blanket right now.

That's what my wood was.

True.

Because I was I was gonna say, I was gonna be like, no, the.

Fourth runner up to replace me would be friendly with duh. And then I was like thinking about like Eve Babbitt and Joan Didion and Betty White like all passing, and I was like, girl, I am she's a bag of bones. I don't think she's that.

I feel like she's like seventy eight.

Now, I don't know. She might be Yeah, she might be seventy something.

Oh she's seventy one.

Oh she's got time.

Hopefully lad's got time?

Should I just start reading some of my notes?

You guys didn't ask me what my resolution? Oh?

What? Okay? Actually I'm sorry, kay, I'm seeing meing you what's your resolution? As long as it has nothing to do with crypto and NFT and it has to do with real life maybe getting into new sweater or like new shoes or something.

All right, So I just like I was thinking about it, and I was like, I want to do like a real one obviously, and uh I kind of for no, and you're come back, come back. I'm serious. This is like, this is like serious for my resolution, I want to like have less sex, just I had too much last year. So, uh, can you hear me? Still? You guys can hear me? Right?

The only number that's less than two but more than zero is one. So he wants to have sex once because he said he just needs to have sex less times this year.

So it's like, so.

You having sex with? Guy, who are you having sex with?

I've been having sex with Drew. I've been having.

Ummm, I think it's muted off the rest of the like the video recording. I just wanted to apologize, ya, it's not that deep. It's not that serious.

You Like you know how I feel about like having sex with people, and like it is that serious for me. So the fact that you would even come to my face and tell me that's not that serious when it is for me, like.

Cream Pie, if you didn't Fred.

I cannot wait?

Why's non calling somebody their cream pie? I want to be someone's I want to be someone scream.

Oh yeah, oh wait, I have to invite cut back to the video. Okay, so I'm just going to start reading.

My I was just waiting. I was like, damn, they're just not gonna give me the camera back.

Guy, what's your real resolution though? If you have?

My real resolution is to not be so dictated by fear. I feel like a lot of my decisions, if I'm really honest with myself, are kind of rooted in like fear and just worrying about what the outcome is going to be instead of just doing it because I want to do it or if I think it's best.

For me, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, that's like I was talking with Quinn and she was just like kind of explaining like sort of the same thing. She was just saying, like the second like it's it's not really the same thing, but it's like this quote, it's like the second you start creating for like financial purposes, like God leaves the room.

That's fucking awesome. Okay, I'm also you trew. Yeah, I feel like I don't really I don't know if I'm dictated by fear, but I am, like I one thing I do want to let go of is like anxieties with like timing and feeling like I have to be doing certain things work wise. I need to get better with that. So like that maybe kind of coincides a little. Is like I always see people going on these Like granted, who knows if we're going to fucking be able to travel,

Like, oh, but if I do this, then I'm not working and like.

Blah blah lah. And I want to kind of let go of that and like have more experiences that aren't my like normal, just like random key experiences. I want to go out also key not like k e y, but like key like k.

I Like that's something I was thinking about. I was like when you said that on the podcast, I was like, how many people think Enya is like a coke head that she just does bump key bumps.

I need a key right now?

I like, you need a key, a key, Let's have a key key? Yeah? Like uh That's another thing, is like spending money on experiences is like something I want to like start doing. Is like because like all we all know that, like I literally hoard my wealth. I'm like the problem in America. I hoard my wealth and I want to start spending it on experiences.

And I'm the complete opposite. I don't hoard any money. I don't think it's real and I have a problem.

And that's why that's.

That's actually something I should have a resolution for in twenty twenty two. It's be better with spending xcept since I've been sick and just have home, I've been ordering these.

E've been chatted in your bedroom. So that's what you've been doing is.

Oh my god, Drew, I got the cutest necklace pendant ever. I'm literally going to show you on here and then maybe we should get into media.

Yeah. I have one more note that I want to read, so fort but it's kind of really gnarly. So when I first came to Texas, I like felt fine, and then like two days after I got here, oh you got one. Holy shit, it's so fucking cute. Wow, that's such a cute necklace. Oh but when I first got here, uh,

Are you sure this wasn't just like a nightmare.

Like why did this come up?

It's just in my notes. I just I needed to talk about it. But I shit orange oil, and I was like, okay, am I tripping or like like like am I dying? So I like googled it and it's like something if you eat like really fatty food or this certain type of fish or like a bunch of these certain type of nuts, and I didn't think I ate any of that, but I'm assuming it was just like really oily meat sticks that like made me actually

Literally me, because my shit always leaves skid marks, and y'all are like, what is that?

I'm like a little snack for later.

Okay, well, thank you for sharing.

I'm going to start with my media because I'm about to piss and shit myself.

Let's think. Let's think what I feel like.

I've watched movie. Oh my media is True Story. It's the show with Kevin Hart in it. I'm entering a loving Kevin Hart era Kevin Hart hater like most people my age, but I think he's an awesome actor. I might have even said this in the last episode, but I finished the show, so I don't think I did. But True Story is fucking awesome. It's very just like like drama for drama. And then for oh, I read Slow Days Fast Company by Eve Babbitt's Rest in Peace

Fall In by Lauren Wood.

And Not a Lot Just Forever by Adrian Lenker.

Yeah, okay, the Eave Babbitt's recommendation was awesome. I want to read that. There's another there's a book that I've been meaning to read, uh by another the late Joan Didion that Oriyan recommended to me recently, Blue Knights. Yes, yes, but I have that one.

Oh we start reading it together, I'd actually be down.

But is it a sad book? Though?

Yeah?

Because I think that's about.

About the yeah, the grieving one. So I don't know if I'm gonna do that because that's another thing Kai inspired this one. But like I'm avoiding like everything that I don't even know this is probably something everyone does, but like I'm avoiding everything that like makes me sad and ext essential, like in twenty twenty two, Like if if I if I like, if it's not actively making

And oh, that is something I watched too.

Yeah, that was fucking really fun. And that's another thing. It is like I'm gonna start appreciating literally all the media that's put out into the world instead of like having like pretentious brain. I think I've already been doing that though for the last two years, but like I'm gonna just start enjoying everything, and like that was just like an unforgettable, like cinema experience. It's like for I think like myself, and I just really loved it. It was really fun.

It wasn't it so fun?

Like I won't spoil everything, even though I feel like everybody in the world has seen that movie, but like when everyone would clap when certain like characters came up, and it was just like, dude, I went into watching that having no idea what it was about, and even I was like.

Oh no, I was genuinely blown away by all of the like all of the crazy shit that happened. Like I I same like when all of the Yeah, I won't get into it, but yeah, that was really a blast. And if you haven't seen it, which I'm pretty sure everyone who has here's watching this has seen it, go watch that. And that's my media.

I will say.

It also made me realize I was such a Spider Man kid when I was a kid, Like I watched every single Spider Man movie, like it was one of my repeat movies. And we also had all the games on PS two and like even up to PS three.

Those games are so fucking fun.

I like need we should get Spider Man from my PS two and like play it again.

It was like so fucking fun. And yeah, well, thank you for tuning into this episode of Emergency Intercom. It was a little weird one, but we had to quarantine. So I hope you enjoyed it regardless. Happy New Year. I hope all of your dreams come true, and I hope you have a triumphant twenty twenty two. Also, fuck you TikTok for taking my video down. Yeah I probably saw that and was like, oh, he took it down because it didn't have enough likes. No, I took it down because fucking TikTok.

Took it down as I'm going to take it down.

For harmful activity. I don't fucking know. Maybe it was me holding a gun, but I was like, literally thirty videos on my feed today were had people holding guns on them, so I don't.

Know, fucking stupid, all right, Well, thank you guys for listening. Hopefully next episode will be back in our grimy little corner.

Peace, love, unity and response

By M