Megan Siege, don't fucking choush me because I'm gonna slop the funk out of you.
It was a reference to fucking Lord.
Fuck you.
I hit her. I hit her. It was a reference to Lord. You know the Lord video.
I am Mama, this Josh, it's breathe.
No, this is okay, Lord, this is okay, Lord slander because we are Lord's stamp. Yeah, I don't get a twisted I am girl. That hurt my hand? Are you okay? No, that didn't hurt my That hurt my hands so bad.
Because you're a little fucking bitch. And that's how you know you would lose in a fight to me. So it'll ever fucking step up to me because I'm gonna beat the out of you.
It's because I have so much love for you, and I would never ever do that to you. That I know I would in a fight because I lay down immediately.
No, you're fucking competitive ass. You would try to beat the ship.
Out of me and my competitive ass when you fought me on an argument today that I.
Got seven kills in fortnight today, she did it. I was killing it, but somebody had a tank, so they murdered me. I followed my directions. I said, don't playing my damn game. I am tapped in. I'm not listening to you, bitches.
I said, don't go down that hill. Do not go down that hill. And you went down the hill and keep that.
It's seven good for you. It's like a lot for you.
I've never seen you play Fortnite, that's the funny thing. No Fortnite, No bitches.
What do you have as white skin?
Oh Jesus Christ.
Ugly? And look at how it's looking, look at how it is aging. I'm sorry, I know you look beautiful. You're beautiful.
Thank you, thank you.
Ki in my passenger seat that I took to send to a friend like the other day, and literally like the person I said to was like, wow, Ky.
Looks beautiful in that.
Wait what.
You saw it? Because you were next to me and you want to shut up and you saw you looked at my phone to see the picture and you're like, I look.
Good there really yeah, I must have blacked out from podcast.
Sorry I forgot. Let me on twist my legs because I'm really insecure. Someone commented on my weird ass legs. How I say, and.
That is balid because you sit like a fucking little licorice like swirl.
You just call what was that.
Like a twizzler howler.
That's a new slur.
Calling you a licorice twirl.
I immediately went back.
I immediately it's really comfortable. No, it's nice, but it makes me it's squeezing my member in a way.
That's that's why I said like that. That's why I said like that, because it squeezed gives some.
Pressure to your mom.
No, I am sitting like this, and I already have really bowed legs, like when I walk, like my my like fibula and what is it not femur, it's fibula. Antibia are like literally like bowed out already. So when I walk it looks really fucking weird. And when I do this, it like bows them out more. I just can feel my bones been.
We were so mean as kids, like literally pointed because it'd be like, damn your bow legged as fun.
No, that mean. I had a friend who had the duck feet that went, wait is duck feet there's one that goes in in one when you're duck footed.
No, duck footed is when you stand like.
Yes, his went in like this and he would.
I wanted to be duck footed because all the cute girls who are like sneaker heads had their like size three feet turn like.
You know, and sometimes in photos' just tweaked my feet a little bit and because it's really cute, and I'm just like, that's just cutesy. I don't look hee my socks.
Why are those are coll socks?
No?
Oh, no, motherfucker these are. No. Drew didn't have socks, and he asked for myself.
I had socks, but I wore too many pairs, and I wore a pair to sleep and if they felt like they were gluing to my skin already, and I was like, I'm not wearing these today.
Wait, are those mid lowra sauce.
Bitch your mid lower sauce?
You are mid as fun?
No, yes they are, they are. And everybody in the comments saying all they're fucking weird ass little things about my socks, like no, you can't.
Buy them, No, you can't buy them. So we went to Coachella.
That ship was fucking lit.
That it was mid mid city. Oh my god, I literally felt like I went to.
Mid town, literally so ungrateful. It's insane. You can't that's one. One thing about Enya is she can't like anything. No.
One thing about me is I'm to keep it real and y'all are on fucking meth. That's why you're having fun. Like that's one thing about me is I won't be joining y'all doing meth. Like that's the thing about me.
Yeah, I wanted to do Molly so fucking bad. I was like, I'm gonna let loose. I'm like, I'm gonna let loose like I did in high school and go fucking crazy and melt my brain and put holes in my brain and like I'm gonna have fun and I'm gonna be depressed for a week. And when it came down to it, I couldn't do it. I was too scared. I was scared.
I mean, you know what it is. It's like I'm okay, but you have to like agree with me. I'm not being a belligerent hater. Literally, to everyone who I talked to about it, I'm like, it is just not for me, Like I can see how it's fun for other people, but for me, I just like genuinely didn't get that. And that's okay, Like that's okay that it wasn't for me, Like, yeah, I don't know, Like I just don't think it was for me. I am really like I love live music. I think that was my biggest error was I got
I got the chance to go. I got given the tickets, so I was like, dude, I'm gonna go, Like if I'm getting given tickets, like, I'm gonna go with me and my friends. It's gonna be fun. But the thing was, I wasn't dying to see anybody on the lineup, and that was my first, like big problem. You see how I can't talk without you trying to take attention. You're going to fucking hell and you're.
Gonna perish every single moment of your fucking afterlife. And then when you pass away again, you will go deeper into the pits of fucking hell and you will burn into ashes, and then those ashes will be blown into a fire.
Girl, reincarnation is real.
Yeah, your fucking reincarnation is gonna be a duck and I'm gonna shoot it because I'm gonna be a home for my next life.
Sorry, I wasn't even trying to take attention. You just took away attention from yourself.
M hm.
Fair It's true. You come on, keep going with the Coachell. I wasn't saying anything you said that you didn't like.
Was I talking? I was literally not talking.
Fine, I loved Coachella.
Was lived. The thing is, Drew was miserable.
Like eight times, like eight times each day he had a moment where he would just be silent and walking off and me and around and be like okay, like.
Because I got called a slur one time.
No, after that, you weren't even face.
It was literally like what you're lying? Because I was depressed. And then I got a shot in me and I was like, you know what, I'm going to live my life. Were they wrong?
Now?
I guess know you were. But the times I'm thinking of you throwing a fit, that's not when you throw a fit. That wasn't throwing a fit. You were having like a normal reaction to something that was like fucking offensive and mean. But like I'm talking about, like I
don't remember what it was. There were like three instances where you just like I don't know what bothered you, but you just went silent and you would just walk in me and around and be like all right, let's just let him like walk like the five feet in silence.
The first instance was the Venmo for the oh for the petty. That ship was a fucking nice.
The thing about Drew is what Drew will be is is pushed over the edge fire minor in convenience.
That is what the one thing about me is, I will be angry.
You won't be angry about minor inconvenience because we had literally the nicest driver for those bikes you could take to the entrance. Like he was just like, oh yeah, Like I wasn't angry with the driver. No, I don't think you were angry with him, but that's I'm just like, let me finish. Like he wasn't like pressuring you, but you put pressure on yourself to get like we didn't have service and the driver was just fine. He was like,
oh yeah, like that's why I feel energy. He was like, yeah, that's why I usually tell people to do it like over there, because this happened and.
He was allowed to tell me anything.
Ever, he was just standing there, wait I'm wrong.
And everybody was just silent waiting, and I think the silence is what killed Drew. Drew literally was just like oh my fucking god, oh my fucking god, like to himself, No, not one person I know.
Ryan was like, oh, I'll try on my phone, and like we were just like standing there and Drew just like kept getting mad and it was literally making me laugh so much.
Like I was like, I can't believe this is happy now.
He was like, this is literally the worst day of my fucking life. That the thing about Jurisy's gonna say, it's the worst day of his life.
Everything it does not get worse than the worst day of my life. Every single day. Well, that's the thing is, every single day is the worst day of my life. If you live like that, the good days are better.
Dam bam. Didn't say anything, just now you literally live.
Your life like the worst. Live your life like every day is the worst day of your life because it can only go up from there. That is actually a bar. That's like, live your life like it's last day. I do not agree with that, not for a split second.
Is that because the thing is that saying doesn't make sense because if it was my last day, I would literally just kill myself.
Oh my, I'm sorry. You feel like that we can get through this. We can get through.
This, We could get through this.
This is our new handshade. The thing is, while we keep getting demonetized, it's like, I'm not fingering your hand pussy right now, all me and Drew your hemp pussy.
Drew is on his computer today and I went in and I was like, oh my god, oh my god, and like he had his headphones in and I just went true and I started pointing to his member and I was like, peez.
Oh, girl. I thought you were bringing up when we were in the bed, when you're looking at Christians or when you need the calendar. No, that was scary.
He is such a fucking tweak. Literally, I grab his iPad and I go calendar like. I was like, I need to see the calendar, and he snatched his iPad for me. He's like, no, you don't know what's in there. And I was like, what is on your calendar? I was like, and I was trying to think. I was like, is he planning a trip that he hasn't told me about that he's like anxious about, Like what what the
fuck could he be doing? Bitch? We opened the calendar up and gave the thing that when an app is opened for the first time, the instructions for the calendar can never be too.
But yeah, I was expecting the schedule to be completely blocked out with grinder dates, literally with.
The notifications onto, but it literally was like an unused app.
And then I'm just scared that maybe something somewhere.
One time someone went to use my computer and they saw that I was watching something, And then.
That is easily the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to me is if y'all found out what type of porn I watched, I would actually have to kill.
Myself what I watched. Oh, you're gonna kill me.
It's different, like y'all know what I watch, but I know to see it, see what I know. You know.
What's so funny is the way that I used to watch porn just on my tap and then delete my history until you were like, oh, I just do it incognito, and that actually changed my life.
I see so many people that have their phone in infinite incognitimo and I'm like, I know you're watching porn that browser. Look do this opening incognito tab, then close out the incognito tab and go back, and it's even more secretive. Yeah, but I Kyle, let me see your phone.
Oh, fuck, it's in private browsing mode.
See no, but that's because Kai swear somebody wants to have him one of those.
He swears the government is watching him.
He's always incognito mo because the government's watching him.
Yeah, because we want to see what Kay is doing on his phone. But he'd be like open g. He also deleted like the wallet app because he doesn't use real money, because he's a little freaking he lives on the fucking internet.
And yeah, Kai, I give you permission, go ahead, explain it.
Explain what.
Oh my god, crypto, Like, I literally threw a slam dunk for you and you air ball. You did not like two people in this You're dark And I guarantee Josh knows what I was talking about.
Josh is not listening. He just left the house. Yeah, go ahead, And no, it's no, it's silent. It's silent.
Y'all are literally constantly y'all trying to bring me down. It's crazy. The vibes in here fucking crazy, and it's like scary, it's almost it's like it's this is a dangerous space for me. Every time I sit in the seat with you and kind next to me, it becomes a dangerous.
Hostile write a fucking book about it.
I might have to.
I'm so affectionate and nice to you.
It's true, and however, it is a hostile winch.
I am the only person this psychopath grounded in reality.
It texted me today and you texted me and it was like, Drew, you are like literally clinically and insane, like out of nowhere. And I was like, oh my god, what did I do? Like actually, what did I do? Like did I do something wrong? And then I like she didn't text back, and I was like what she didn't text me back? So I had to call her and I was like, why did you say that about me?
And then when I was on the phone with her, it was like she was having a conversation with someone else, and I was like, oh my fucking god, like I literally like did something to make her actually angry with me, Like I don't know what I did. And then she was just like, oh, we were just talking about you. And then like we were kind of just like Drew's insane.
Yeah, we were literally it was me and Elsie. We were just like Drew is genuinely like a clinically insane person.
It's okay, Like people talk about me. I'm used to it. Oh yeah, coach, I've ever heard of it?
Oh bed one place ever? And I have to keep the fucking mementos.
No, see. One thing about me is I will keep a souvenir and it's gone.
I say that, like I don't keep every fucking like pass or ticket.
I thought Clara sticker on my wall.
Yeah, I have that. I have that one, the Tyler one, and I have both of those tickets still.
Yeah, I was like, this is a cute memento. Wait, isn't there a movie called Memento?
Yeah?
Cool, I'm just flexing my like damn shoulder, like I know for a sweet second, someone was like, Okay, he looks good right now. I know that for a fact.
Yeah.
I mean that's the way I'm sexy.
Out of that many people, there is the chance of one other clinically insane person.
If there were thirty two thousand people, Like, I'm not even joking, I genuinely there are thirty two thousand people on this earth that see me. And like, I don't think people have jerked off to me, like at least thirty two thousand.
You actually that you are actually you are like ligerally delusional.
Right now, thirty there are there.
Are people watching this right now where they're like kind of embarrassed and like, oh my god, I shouldn't have done it. They're thinking of like something naughty they did.
I think you think you were Timothy Challamey, Like I genuinely think you were like on the same level as Simothy Chellamy.
No, Timothy Challa May is ugliest shit except for in Dune. He'll get that pass me. I'm you can't talk, okay.
The thing is you can't just say things about our friends like on a public girl.
He knows that, like we're still friends, Like I can call my friend ugly and I can call my friends sexy, like Kai is sexy and we're still friends.
You think Kay is sex seeing Timothy child is ugly? Yes, they're really different.
That is actually a genuine like high to me is more attractive than Timothy. No way, I swear to God everything.
Can we pause for a second.
Why are you going to cream? We're gonna hear his member thumping against the bottom of the table.
Pulsing is pulsing.
My member is literally fucking thumping, blushing, blush.
I know that's what I was like, Yeah, that's what I do to people, like making it about myself. I am that crazy, that's the crazy. Oh is this on?
Yeah? But I mean, like me, why why would I do that? Like, why would I do that?
That's okay, And you had a miserable coach child that experience, no, Okay.
The thing is what's annoying is like I did didn't have a miserable experience like everybody. Okay, everybody kept could no, because I did hear from people being like, You're like like, oh, we want to see Like literally, people were telling me to smile, and I was like, I can just like be somewhere and not be having the time of my life pretty girls. But I'm not somebody who goes out and I'm like fucking grinning from ear to ear every
day in my life anyway. So I don't know why in the middle of the desert with lung shooting up my fucking ass and down my throat, which is like what dust, what did I say?
How the fuck are you gonna shoot lungs out?
I was thinking about organs up my ass and down my throat, and I.
Like, fuck it up, there's nothing I love more than telling a girl to smile.
And I know you're like, all know why that you were talking to girls and off top, you're not doing that.
All girls should just smile more, like you'd be more pretty. You'd be way more pretty if you smile more and wear don't wear makeup.
Actually anyway, I'm just like there, I don't mean make up. I literally can't.
Actually was real guy, he just said he was like, actually, it was like it.
Was girl, you look so much better without makeup. Also, you should smile more.
And you should like twirk.
Yeah, you should wear shorts.
You should wear like a skirt, like so when you twerk, that ass has.
Freedom to like That's what I was saying to you the whole time.
And yeah, I was literally grinding my fucking butt on you.
I know, me and you were grinding like we've never grinded before. It's crazy, and tell her me and.
Ryan, Yeah, we were all like on one. But it was just because like you have to like the thing about Coachella is you do have to shake that ass, like you really do. But yeah, I just like I don't know something about it, Like it wasn't clicking for me. I went and I felt like I had to like have a drink to like be like free and like feel okay about being there, and when I.
Get that drink in me, I would have a blast. But that's kind of what it is. I feel it.
But that's but like, see, I don't like like like that, Like I think I just wanted I wanted to go there just immediately be like satisfied with being there. But then I was like, oh, wait, I actually don't think this is like my kind of scene. Yeah, I just don't think it was for me. Like I also like didn't like dress up, Like I didn't like buy outfits for it. I like I really just went because I was like, oh, I want to go experience it, experience it, Which that was my downfall is wanting to have a
new experience. You should just stick to what you know and like never leave the house.
True. True, I mean for me, that shit was a bless Yeah.
Drew did have fun.
I had fun, although there were moments where like I was miserable. I feel like that's like part of the Coachella like experience. It's like you'd be very miserable for the first two hours, then you have a drink and then you have a fucking blast and you walk through these thick ass crowds of like sweaty, disgusting humans looking at all of them in the face, and you're like, damn, like you're a human being and you're having so much fucking fun and like this is your escape and you're
literally living your best life. And I don't know why, but there was a moment when I was walking out of the Baby Yem concert. I know I've told you all about this, but I was like, literally, oh, we both literally had.
The same moment where we were like, holy shit.
I had tears welling in my eyes, where I was like, damn, like we're all in this shit together, like even though the world's ending in three years, like we're still gonna have fun.
No. It was that was like but I it was sweet but also scared me because I was like, oh my god. When we were walking out of that crowd, it was just like bright lights on people's faces, so I was really seeing everyone's face and everyone was looking at me because I was just walking towards, like through them, so obviously they were just gonna look at the person walking past them, so I was just making eye contact.
I think I made eye contact within the span of two minutes with two hundred fucking humans, and that actually freaked me out because then again, like we were saying on the last episode, I'm like, oh my god, like
people like humans are like it's humans watching this. Like I'm like, I like to think I'm self aware where I'm like, okay, yeah, everybody on the Internet is like an individual with their own life, but it's very easy, especially in the past three years, when like you're inter actions with human has like been cut down so much
to what it used to be. Like physically being in that space and like seeing all these people and I was like, holy shit, every number on the internet is like a there's a real person behind that number, and that is so fucking scary. And that was like actually freaking me out. And then I was like, oh my god, there's so many people here, Like there's two hundred and fifty thousand people here right now in this plot of land, and that is so fucking insane, and it was actually
greeting me out. Also, I got high, and I think it just made me sleepy, so I was like I want to go day down. Yeah, I just like I literally like the pictures I posted on ig like I genuinely was about to take anap and then I was cracking up and I was like, this is so funny. I'm like at Coachella right now, like laying on the ground like begging to go to sleep.
Yeah.
My favorite sets of Coachella were, in no specific order, Baby Keen spiritualized Caroline pull a check. That bitch can yodel like she can sing, she can perform in all of her like hand movements and gestures. I was like, oh, like, not only are you like an incredible live singer, but like you like know how to move your body, which like is just really surprising to me when anybody can do it, because I literally can't. Oh you move your body yeah, like in bed with you? Yeah, like that's the thing.
I'm sorry.
I really enjoyed the last bit of Flume set. That was like a really like a full circle moment for me. I was like, oh, wow, like this is this is really big for me right now? Who else did we see? We saw? I saw Harry Styles, and like leading up to Harry Styles, I was like, this shit's gonna be boring, Like I'm not gonna enjoy Harry Styles, like I don't
even know any of his music. And then I was with Kai and our buddy Ramez, and I literally knew the lyrics to every fucking song and I was just like dancing the entire time I'm in there, Like I thought, you didn't know who the fuck Harry Styles was, and I was like, I didn't realize I knew every song and I am enjoying the fuck that man put on a performance. No, that man turned it out.
He was like, you know what I'm gonna do is tap into Prince and David Bowie, but I'm gonna like Stepen.
Yeah, he just likes the service.
He's like, I'm gonna That was another show where I was like, holy shit, this is one of those things that in ten years some kids gonna be looking at the video, or like twenty years, some kids gonna be looking at a video and be like, oh my god, I wish I was there, and I was like, I'm here, So yeah, there, of course there were moments where I was enjoying myself, but I think in general, I also just don't want it to come off as insaning ungrateful,
like obviously I'm very, very like satisfied and grateful for the fact that I got to go. I was given a ticket, Like I got to be there. That's awesome. I think, like would I go back maybe not? Like yeah, I just think there were like enough cons of it that I was like, like, this is the best for me. But Harry Styles was so fucking it. I was also like, if you know me, I was a directioner. Like also worst fan name ever. Like I'm sorry, like we have to go back and talk about that direction er.
Like it should be directionals or erectioner or erection boners.
What was that first one? You said you're trying to like you're trying to like jump off.
Of Drew's ideas from directions.
No, you said directioners directionals? Yeah that was bad.
What are sentinels sentinels?
Yeah, it's not like a character in a movie.
Like Army, Bitch Army that is crazy like that. Yeah, like okay, the barbs the directioners like cool name, like but whatever. Nonetheless, I was one tatted on my back orientators. We're not criticizing the fan base.
Please wait.
Fuck literally, Frankie Gronde was dancing with Anita.
That got to Coachella, and I was like, oh, like maybe this was a mistake. Because we saw spiritualized and I was like turning up. I was like having a blast and spiritualized like Latin loose. And then we walked out and we were kind of just chilling eating and like then we walked across the field to main stage because that's where the Yeah, we were VIP like we were VIP, like of course we were VIP, like we
had to be VIP. I genuinely thought the camera wasn't recording and I had to check myself before I said it because I know, like if like a liar. Wait, there was someone that I lied to recently. No, there was someone that I lied to and oh and I was like sorry, like he, I can't even I can't say it, but you know what I'm talking about. When I was being messy as fuck? Oh yeah, and then I was like sorry, like he basically let me get
into this. Basically I was being super fucking messy with this person, but like not off the topic, not.
Really like the other topic is gone, like long gone.
I walked across the field, saw what is it Anita on this stage, main stage.
Let's get into this.
So I was being messy and then he and then I walked across them from the main fields into the stage.
I'm trying to course correct seamlessly.
But oh yeah.
We we were going back to the VIP section and we saw someone I need to hit after that.
And we saw Anita performing. Oh my god, I wish I could dance like that, Like I think I'm somebody who could dance, but like I cannot get like you. I think you would have to Like No, I I just don't think I can dance like that, Like that is fucking crazy. Also, don't like that. Let me try to shake my ass like that.
Oh I dare I can't dance like that. I just like choose not to.
Why.
I just don't want to embarrass the other girls.
Oh that's nice anyway, we saw.
That better than a girl embarrassing.
Are you trying to say that's like what women should be good at? Because that's oh I'm just making sure I love women anyway. But yeah, we like saw her performing and that was fucking insane. Also a group that was like so good. That was fucking awesome.
Yeah.
I loved Caroline polo Check. I loved Spiritualized was like good, Like that was like because it was in that room. I was like standing still watching because I literally was.
Like in awe, Like yeah, I love.
Just like sometimes I am that bit who just stands because I'm literally like, holy shit, this is a band of like ten plus people, and I just have to give a minute to like stare at every person and like see how.
They're control, like just standing there. At one point where I was dancing and I was like, I can literally feel the music like vibrating through the ground to my feet.
I felt it in my chest. It felt so good.
I was about to go like actually insane and say some really crazy shit. But like vibrations, like literal vibrations, they're like everything. Yeah, like genuinely they're everything.
No, literally, that's like the best part about it.
Vibrations are literally everything.
Me when my room turns into a barber shop at night, Vibrations are everything.
I literally sometimes lay on the floor by your door when you're doing that, and.
I wish I could tell the story of me scaring the fuck out of you and cut.
I mean, you can if you want to.
No, I can't. I can't.
She was basically faking like she was literally using her vibrator. It was like the craziest vibe ever.
They wouldn't leave. Next, my room is, as you know, the living room.
They don't know.
My room is what was supposed to be the living room, and what's separating it is glass door and then I have like soundproof curtains, but like you can still hear everything in the living room and vice versa. So like, if I'm trying to do my business, bitches need to leave the living room because you will hear it.
It was it was when I am, and it was business hours.
Yeah it was. And I let them know. That's the funny thing is they had just come back from the Blade concert and I was like, the thing is, yeah, and we.
Were watching like SpongeBob theory videos.
SpongeBob Theory videos, and I heard there definitely.
I heard them meaning like you're definitely squot word and I was like, no, they need to go. I was like no, and now they need to go because they're seriously out there naming each other as SpongeBob characters. And I had told them before I got my room. I was like, listen, I am trying to commit an act of self care. You either leave or I continue. And I and I told you all that, like I think you were in the shower when that was happening, but I told Jester and Ky that nobody heeded my warning.
So I'm sitting in my room and it's been thirty minutes me listening to these bitches talk about fucking SpongeBob.
And laughing our asses off, and I literally and then.
I texted them and I was like, hey, can you guys keep it down, thinking that would get them to fucking leave. Not a single person left.
So I don't see my text until after, and I was horrified.
Oh So then I went to like girl moaning on Spotify and I connected it to my home pod, which is right next to that door, and I started playing like moaning sounds like kind of low, and then like starting and stopping it, and like they started to like hear it, so I heard them like kind of silence more down. And then I was like, I'm literally gonna start like moving around on the bed to make it sound like there's like friction happening on my bed and
like things are happening in my room. And I just kept doing that, and then I like put the vibrator on my cabinet next to the door, which I don't think that added anything to it, but like I literally was just like making a commotion in my room and all I heard was Drew like get up.
And he was like I was like absolutely not. I was like I know this is happening right now, Absolutely not.
And we were we were sitting on the couch and then.
Also Jesster had left, like.
I before they left, we were like sitting on the couch and we were like, oh, this is like a joke. Whatever, just keep watching these SpongeBob videos. And then it got louder and the energy shifter. We were like, I actually don't know if this is a joke. And I've never seen some Jester stood up and like just walked out of the apartment.
So fast. They left, like I've never seen someone leave this house quicker. And when they left, me and kind of stuck on the couch, we stuck around and we were like we were like we want to hear, yeah, we want to hear what's going down in there, like of course.
Because we were like we're skeptical. But I don't know. I remember like my heart.
Was like yeah, no, I was so embarrassed. I was like embarrassed. I was like, oh, like no, please, don't do this. Right now, and you please. And then it got really loud and I was like it was like actually genuinely impossible to distinguish like reality from like jokes. And I was like, oh my god, like this is real, and like fight or flight kicked in and I ran away and me and Ki ran away, just.
Ran physically as far as we could.
But before not before being like, oh hell no, Like I just got so mad.
I was like absolutely not fucking hell oh yeah, because.
He said that, but I didn't stop, Like I didn't stop like the noises, because I was like if I
stop and start laughing, they'll know. So I just like kept to go because no you were like are you serious, Like that's what you said at first, and then I stopped it for a second and then a second passed and I was like, I'm gonna like keep it playing, and then I kept it playing, and then Drew was like hell no, and like went to walk across the house and then I came out and I was cracking up and I was like I literally just got the fuck out of you. Guys.
I wish you could have felt like the fear anxiety.
I came because I don't want anybody I don't want anybody to be like, that's actually so fucked up to do.
No, it was, it was. It was actually fucking hilarious. It was like the funniest thing. It's like happened to me, and like I was dying. I was dying.
The thing is I told y'all to fuckingly. I will say the second y'all left, business was had business was.
Any the zoom wings were sent out, business was the toast curls stiff.
Is a board a board like.
It's gone down and it didn't go down. But yeah, that was a little prank I played on my on my friends. I literally still have a told Jester like I probably should because Jesster is probably just out there like with the thought that they've heard me like beating my wing.
Beating your wing wing bought.
But yeah, that was my story. I was going to say something really important I forgot like right after this.
My important thing that I've been wanting to say is technology can smell here. Oh yeah, it literally can smell here. Like I genuine believe that, Like when there's like a moment when you really need something to work, like you need your computer to work, you need your especially printer, if you need your printer to work, and like when.
You have to put your essay in the morning before.
School, dead ass, dead ass technology can actually smell you, bitch. Where's my treat? Oh my god, waiting for a tree. I'm waiting for a treat, bro, looking for a treat. Me the entire Coachella, looking for Mollie that I wasn't gonna take you.
No, you at the museum, harassing that for that poor fucking worker, being like, can I get a treat? Like they were giving out free cookies and tea, and Drew was like, yeah, I want to treat you.
Make it sound like it's intentional. It was like none of its intentions. A fucking monster on accident. I'm getting texted again. Sorry. Sorry.
We need to start to rumor that I am nepotism baby, Yeah, like we need to start the rumor that, like I come from crazy.
That rumor is literally started about me. Really, and the the YouTube comments the new comment is kai as an industry planting. And I don't understand. I don't even fully understand.
I know, because you literally popped about it nowhere.
You popped about of nowhere. How are you in our life?
You know?
But no. Now I have questions, how the fuck did you get here? Sneaky, but you're a fucking master child.
Oh my god, Oh my god. Kai is here because we love him.
Yes, period. Also, my dad owns YouTube.
Them ship just supposed to be about me.
Okay, we need to shift this theory onto you.
Yeah, so we should start that. I need like, you know that ed it's like people make of nepotism babies, and it's like, if I was like born again, I would want to be born. It's like this and it's nepotism babies start out of me into those edits, and I'm just like people will be like, I'm fuse. But the thing is, I feel like people will look at my last name and be like, now you're just lying. Now you're just lying.
That's true.
But let's start that rumor.
Wait, you know what we should start for me, like the rumor that I'm a nepotism Maybe.
Wait, that's a good idea.
I'm thinking we should start that.
We just start to rumor that you're probably gonna get jumped in the next three days when you're at least expecting it by a group of strangers who you've never seen before. And then you're gonna come to me and be like, oh my god, I was jump and I'm gonna be like, oh my god, what the fuck? By who? And you're gonna be like, I have no idea. They were all wearing masks, and then you're going to see that I why are somebody three thousand.
Dollars dollars for all that?
Well, it's a group of like eight people.
It's really hard rate for all of that effort.
Yeah, I mean I have to actually.
Has deals them.
She has deals, honestly, fair heard of Coach? Have you all heard of that? I'm selling my vi P bracelet for a weekend two. It won't get you into the festival, so you have to have general mission. But if you use this.
I think they changed the colors through.
I think my favorite part of Coach was like we would all be out there and I'd be like, I'm just gonna pop into the artists section really quick.
I forgought you were there. That's I forgot he was there. You were there?
I was yeah, and yeah I was there.
That was the most annoying thing ever was Kai had better wristbands than us. Somehow he is an industry plant. I was talking about it because.
He's a no.
I gets thrown around.
Hella ran through.
Oh I need to show them this.
You don't though.
Star Wars listening on Spotify.
Star Wars Coca Cola bottle for those listening on Spotify, it's a sphere I love.
I'm gonna enter my Disney don't. Oh yeah, a loose It is so expensive though, that is an expensive like bitch. I used to make fun of Disney adults. Oh, you bitches have money though. That's one thing I can't make fun of is like you have the money and you have the time.
I'm jealous of Disney adults. I'm like, y'all are so fucking happy.
I know, it's such nice bathrooms in the artists area. It's like super clean, And.
Is there a way to im like his fucking mic.
No, it's fun I'll stop mentioning it, kayle.
What's funny is you forget you were replaced?
And it is I would be like like genuinely like being like no, like come with me, like we can go over here, like come to this section at the one Hunters performance. And I went over there and I literally couldn't get in and it was the most humiliating moment of my life. For once, Kay had power over me, And the craziest thing is he did not abuse that power.
No, not once. If I had that, I would, I know, you'd be dangling your thing, like walking in and out of.
I'd be like, oh, come on, come on, Oh you don't have this pass like sorry, you want me to go with you, I'm gonna chill back here.
Yeah. I was so nice and chill m hmm the whole time.
Again, I don't even remember you thing that like you just Blend.
I have photos of us hanging out you Blend.
Maybe Blend does the thing about kid No way.
The Kardashian Oh.
Big fan, big fan, Big fans here, big fans here.
I love the Kardashians. The first episode of the new season, I was fully into the show. Yeah, I was good, so into it. It was so fucking good. I like, without spoiling anything for those who haven't watched it, literally just like actual moguls. Like it's actually inspiring at some point where I'm like, oh damn, I want to be y'all, Like y'all are so good at what you do. Y'all all have like your own businesses, like y'all have it all, like it feels like you'll have it figured out, even
though like I know they don't. But like I'm just like I love the Kardashians, and Kardashian that's my girl. That's my bias. That is for sure. That's my bias.
My bias is her or Courtney or.
Honestly Courtney's Courtney's funny.
Yeah, I love Courtney.
She's hilarious.
Maybe even Chloe, Like I think Chloe gets like a lot of like hate, but.
Like, no, Chloe is hilarious. Chloe when she was talking about her vagina being huge, I was like, see that's me.
That's the recognition we need big fat coochiese.
I was like, I love you for that.
But yeah, I never watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians, so this is my first introduction. It was again freaking me out because I was like, oh my god, these like of course, I know they're real people, but like I've said it before in an episode, like I know Kylie Chenner is real, but if I saw her in real life, I would just be like, Damn, that's a crazy hologram. Like I would be like that is so crazy that like three d Renders running.
Around reanimated her. I love when Josiah says, we need to reanimate Michael Jackson, Like that's the funniest thing.
I like.
Reanimating someone is so like such a hilarious idea to me, like literally the funniest.
No, Actually, why haven't they done like the Michael Jackson hologram at Coachella because that, Oh, I'd go back. I would go back for the for the delusion of seeing Michael Jackson in live.
I know he's like not a good person.
I never watched Keeping Up with the Kardashian so this is my first introduction to them. And yeah, I'm I can say they make good fucking TV. Their producers literally like so good. Like they they make a good show. And that's it. That's all I have to give to the world. Don't ask it. Oh, we need to figure something out about like shaving your butthole. We got to figure something out, like why are we this far in our I guess because technically, as a human you shouldn't
be shaving your fucking asshole. But like and itchy, but is a small price to pay for being the sexiest person. It's yeah, here I go, getting my one whole lasered.
Well, you're one hole, I think, Yeah, just about love hair.
Body hair. I want to get my ass lasered.
Genuinely, Yes, why I love my hairy ass really genuinely, It's like one of my best features.
I have a bad relationship with the hair.
I I don't I don't believe in being hairless. But like, no, I'm just like, I don't know that. I guess I don't know that I care about my butthole. But the fact that it is seen is very That's a daunting reality to me.
Like it looks back. Your butthole looks back.
Yeah, like literally, like she's she's my butthole is seeing things that I will never see. So maybe I should be grateful for her. She is literally seeing things I will never see. Think about that, Wow, that's really deep. Like I will never have my face that deep into a toilet she has, she has been in there.
I'm going to give you a swirly eat you a lesson. I'm a bully.
Have you been beat up before?
Um?
No, but I've been called slurs before.
No, not the same. You gotta get beat up girl. We got to get you a good beating. We gotta get you beat up.
I think I like, I'm like, I play with it in my head sometimes where I'm like, would I be a better person if I actually got my hand?
No, because you would never shut the fuck up, Like it.
Would actually make me worse, Like it would make me I would hop on this.
Some complex would literally skyrocket. You'd be like, oh my god, I've experienced death brutality.
Like I would hop on this podcast and not shut up about it. It would become like a part of my personality, like genuinely, Yeah, So.
I eradicate the thing I said. Eradicate. We need some eradicating. Eradicate James Charless, Oh my.
God, oh god, oh my god, BBL, I know, BBL.
Eradicate James Charles, bbl. Eradicate it, take it away.
What else on the docket today? Oh, bitch, my coach hella fits. Why is no one talking about that?
Why is no one talking about the fact that I addressed to you for coach?
Why why every time that you talk that, my body it freezes and it like hurts me.
Oh your body it's all hard and stiff when I when I talk to you, like.
Oh, ol ship, holy ship. Outfits were a serve.
I was about the body me and you cut her off. I don't know what she was gonna say.
I don't even know what I was going to say. You know what so fucked up is when I say I mean things.
You guys, you went into like full intuition.
It's like in my blood. It's like in my like I was like.
Arch, you're going to destroy me.
It's the same part of my brain that turns on when I play Fortnite. It's like that's the part time I can talk to you. Look at that big ass mouth on the window behind you.
Huh oh ship. I literally hate moths. I love, I love They're so the nasty gray ones are discussing there's really want to say, yeah, the the pink ones serve the house, like the green ones serve the house, but like the gray little they disgusting, stinky, fucking moss that like when you touch, they like leave their powder everywhere. It's like, like, actually, you need to die.
There was rotten lemons on the top of the fridge, and when I picked it up, like a bunch of like powder molds followed, and I threw it into trash can and a plum a mold went into my nose, so I probably will die.
In the next two days. No, that's like probably penicillin.
Yeah, that's gonna kill me.
That sounds sounds good.
That sounds like something's probably kill me.
You oded on penicillin.
I odid on penis fillin.
Damn that a that actually a holy shita?
What was that?
Like?
Literally? What was that? Your job is to sit and listen and look at you, my coach she fits?
Come on like, compliment me. Damn, I've been begging for this compliment for thirty minutes. My first fit I wore flashing on.
You were styled.
I was not styled. I picked out the I picked out the clothes by myself.
You didn't.
I sent you there and I said pick out this and this.
No, I went I sourced the clothes.
No, I didn't. I wouldn't say. He was sad about you?
Don't you were? I was not.
The second day. I was styled the second day. Second day, Scott.
Styler not shocking off a white man trying to take some And I wore a literal moomoo.
I wore a moo moo day two and I frolicked around in those fields in that Movemo answered the video.
This is this, guys, this is why we have to kill toxic masculinity.
Exactly exact. I felt like Harry's styles running through those fields.
Okay, take it back, running back cut that. Don't ever say that about yourself ever again.
I literally sometimes I just feel like I look like Harry styles, like I give Harry styles like I'm sexy.
Yeah, you give Harry styles. Nightmare, motherfucker.
Oh my god, No, I like him sexy. I'm like charismadic. I'm fun. I frolic around on stage. I sing my little songs and do my little dances. Come on, go Chella. Sixteen more minutes of dancing.
It was twelve, it was twelve.
He said sixteen.
He said twelve. I know one of you freaks fucking notes. He said twelve.
Watch he said sixteen, and then maybe he said tough sometimes. Come on, give me your hands. This is a serious moment. Come on, we can both be right?
How will we both be right?
When he said that sentence, because he said it twice, he said sixteen and twelve. This is something I have to learn about myself too, that I can be wrong sometimes, but I can also be right with you together we can be wrong together.
Are you looking it up?
Carr?
H yeah, no, you're just using your phone while you're doing.
Your come because he said six we have sixteen minutes, sixteen minutes of dancing, and I was like, oh, he only has sixteen minutes left in his set.
He said, it's an eighty minute set. And then he said, we have twelve more.
Minutes of dancing.
I will shave. I will shave my ass if I'm wrong. That does nothing for my life, but it does so much.
For Oh, it's twelve minutes.
Okay, you just want me to have a hair hairless ass. I you just want me to have a hairless ass.
Look at it and doing my job. I'm looking it up and it says twelve minutes, was said by Harry Styles like each other.
Why where would it say that?
Like?
Why would that be in? Right?
It is? And you guys so fucking dumb. And I prove that what I said is true. Okay. Elsewhere Harry was his typical playful We've got twelve minutes dot dot dot, he said about forty minutes into his set. As the ground began to moan and protests of dancing, he continued, I may be quick at some things, but this is not one of them, he said.
But he said sixteen minutes before that, no sweat.
At the very beginning of that, every minute he would make a new announcement of the amount of dancing that had to be done.
I can't be wrong.
It's funny how two minutes ago you were saying that you could. You can't be wrong. Women are always right. Men are fucking stupid, They're so silence. Yeah, yeah, swallow it because I know you can, because I know you do. Slut. Slut a.
Poor slut.
You're going to hell. You need some self respect. Are you good now?
I'm good?
Yeah, you just needed a moment. Yeah, okay.
I was trying to think of like, oh, like this is what blank feels like?
Like you like, that's not something you needed to express. What we tried anything else?
Nope?
Literally no.
When who said no?
No?
Oh my god, bro, you go back to me being messy.
I mean, if you want to expose your ways, okay, you don't have to say names.
You were talking to a friend basically, someone posted on their story an attracted photo and.
I was like, and you watch this, and I typed out, also, did you contemplated doing this for way too long, like literally a week, so I wasn't watched this. It was like and yeah, I'm going to do this, and I was like you should, and then he was like okay, yeah, when I get home, you have to do it for me. And then a week past and he probably.
Did that, and then I like typed out and yeah, I want them so bad, and then I sent it to the person because I was like, I don't know what that does for me other than like make me look stupid. But I'm a liar. But then this person got back to me and I was like sorry. I They were like, oh, I just thought you were being messy and I was like yeah, no, no. At first I was like no, I actually did that on accident,
Like I'm so embarrassed. And then like the very next message, like thirty seconds passed and I was like, actually, I don't know why I just lied, like I'm literally a liar, Like I'm pretty sure that's very apparent. Like I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and I'm a psychopath, and yeah, that's my life.
That's the story.
Holy shit, is it hot in you? It's like really hot?
Right, you know, drew your pants was like, you have a little fucking boner. You didn't see it, but it literally.
I love.
Exactly and exactly that.
Girl.
Let's move wow, let's move on. That's It's crazy how that does not fade me. Face me anyway. One time, my brothers uh literally forced me to get high when I was twelve years old. They blew weed smoke into my vicinity, which I always thought, like, you couldn't get high from secondhand smoke, but.
They fully can. I believe you can.
But I was like, I'm twelve, I don't want to smoke, and they just blew it in my face.
And that's the way.
That's the reason why I am who I am. And now one of them's dead.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah you did have to like you did have to run it back, Like I almost just said something that like would have been so undeniably tracked back to one specific person, but you know, I kept my mouth shut because I'm a.
Really good person.
I need to know what this is about.
Wait say again, Oh, that would have been like, that's not starring the pot. That's like putting a fucking like cake mixer into a bowl of suit.
That is like literally setting a bomb.
Off Yeah, detrimental.
That's crazy. That is like nuc Yeah. Actually, see how good of a category category is nuke attire. The thing about Phillips.
James Charles is, what's the thing like, we're gonna rte coach on Patreons. They're really gonna repeat this joke anyway. But like one thing you could take from James Charles's outfit picks is we should send him to war because he is brave.
He is.
That man is courageous. That man is he's got the eye of the tiger.
Like, for real, I'll give them a little taste of my opinions on James Charles. Dave one. I did not hate I'll be honest, and that's all I'll say. But when he had the genes on the pants on, yeah, the whole fit was kind of scary. Okay, let's talk to the media.
Described is scary also with what you are Like, I had nothing to.
Right, absolutely zero right to say about him.
Is like he's gonna have the girls talking and we are absolutely doing that exactly, shame on us.
All right, all right, all right, and you do yours because I literally have no idea what I'm gonna say. Maybe I was maybe I'll just pick something real quick. Nope, I already said all that. Fuck I'm panicking. I'm panicking. I'm panicking.
Yeah, we'll figure it out.
Oh god, it's gonna have three times.
My songs are baby Father or Bubble by Baby Father, Easy Lover by Piero CHIONI. I don't know how the fun to say that. That's like an Italian name. I was de Marco. I think I said that already. And then my baby Janet Jackson.
This is so embarrassing.
Also, I have still been listening to that Big Beef album.
This is so embarrassing. What a Beatles song came up in my shuffle?
That's that is so nice and giving them the platform that's embarrassing. That is embarrassing. I was gonna make this joke on TikTok, but because it's like it like literally all my comments would be flooded with like annoying people. But you know the audio that's like this is my song, damn, Like this is my damn. I was gonna do that and be like me when I was like eighteen, trying to get like random white guys to like me, back when they played the Beatles and it was like this
is my song. N like me literally lying like that is not my song.
This is like a fun little game. All right, let's start. You'll watch what I'm telling the truth.
Okay. The first song is.
Hope We Never Surface Two Loan Swordsmen, The Big Dream David Lynch. Oh my god, I'm so marry Big Thief. I'm literally so esoteric. It's crazy fruit of dreams.
Because I said big thief. You just had to say big thief. It's embarrassing, it's embarrasing.
Those Daniel Laughton.
Okay, that's good.
Damn. Let me have my platform.
And I think that's it. The media we watched. Oh, I've been back to watching insane murder.
Yeah, murder.
I love a good murder story. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just human.
No, I love a good tragedy. Yeah, like I it's I used to be desensitized. I used to be desensitized to, like yeah, desensitized to like really gnarly tragedies. And then like I just watched like three beheadings on fucking gore shit dot com when I was like fourteen, and now I'm fully back to being disgusted and scared and sad by that shit. So I've come full circle. You can get out of it too. If you're trapped.
Love without Tragedy slash mother Berry by Rihanna. If you know, you know, and if you don't know, sorry, you're a fucking loser and you're probably gonna go to hell and you have no friends.
I didn't know, not that talking.
Come on, all right, my god, thank you guys for watching.
You a little scream that you were doing.
I can't.
You have to.
It's like my fake laugh. I don't even know if I can do it.
They were so annoyed me literally laugh at sounds like us walking back to the car, and I was like, I made that one sound, and I just made a new sound. I just made a new sound, and I literally could not stop doing it ever since you.
Didn't do it as good. We've red. We literally love going in public and like talking to each other and then I'll like one of us will do a fake laugh and be like like laugh do not.
That's a relic, that's what they It sound like eight million.
Of those a year.
That'll be worth money one day. Trust me, you are delusion. I'll sign it right now and it'll sell for trouble the value. Yeah, sixteen dollars exactly. Who want to sign Star Wars sphear.
Peptic Inflation is going to outpace you? Flipping this? What does that?
What does that mean?
Inflation is gonna go.
Oh you said fiction?
No, okay, bye guys. Damn, that's a ship. That's a big fucking stinky poopy me taking.
The biggest ship of my life today and having to announce it. It literally hurts. I was bottoming. I was.
I was so scared of going.
I know you were like, did you put the drops in the toilet?
Say like you were?
It literally did. And the craziest thing is I was sitting in my chair. I was sitting in my chair like just kind of chilling, and I felt like this sensation. I was like, what am I feeling right now? Like literally what is I felt this before? But I don't know what it is. And it was literally my brosta being freshed, my little Kaz. It was was hitting my prostate, okay, but