Welcome to the tap out on messy Intercom.
Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays. The Liberals ruined Christmas. The liberals ruined Christmas.
They literally did. We went to Target before this to get like decorations and the minimalism throw up that was all over that Target.
Was really released far too much. Our children are going to grow up green back, red and green Christmas. Yeah, what happened? Gray and beige and white? Like I've had a fucking up a.
Beige Christmas, have a beige Christmas. Everything was like woody and gray and nasty.
And I saw this like garland that was like like supposed to be like hung up on the walls and ship and it was just wooden balls and like I almost threw up. It's supposed to be like rainbow ornaments.
Okay, well, because you know who took the rainbows from us, so we don't get to use that anymore. They have to save all their rainbow paint for July or is it June?
June?
You wouldn't know, okay, you would wow. If you're wondering why Drew looks like that, it's because he doesn't know how to wear that.
I grew my beard out.
Yeah, and we bleached it with splat, so it's never going back to normal ever.
Again, it's supposed to Is my nose supposed to be covered?
No, you're not supposed to be covered with the fucking mustach.
When you took that picture earlier, I was like, why does it look like shit? And it's because it's like all the way up to my eyes.
It is like the cheapest thing I think I've ever seen on the planet. You should just gorilla glue it like that girl did with her wig. Oh yeah, and then you won't have to worry about it slipping and sliding.
We were talking with Rain, Thank you Rain for letting us use your house.
It's because our kitchen corner is scared.
Rain shot Rain. But we were talking about like the girl that gorilla glued her hair down like and Rain was like, bro, like, how did she think this was the gorilla snot? Like it literally looks like fucking glue.
Also, it's like burns, like anytime you get super glue or something on your skin, you have like a chemical reaction. It literally like start to like.
Right here is there?
What?
Oh?
I thought this was a cat whisker.
She doesn't have a cat.
I thought it was left here from the past. People are fell Yes, I've been keeping as those whiskers.
Really, I've never seen his whiskers.
I found three and two in the last two days. He's stressed, he's losing his grip.
Why is whiskers falling out? But yeah, how did she not know? Because like anytime I've gotten super glue where my fingers, it burns, like it literally burned so fucking bad, Like are like animal bodies know immediately that that shouldn't be on our skin. So how did she like put it all over her forehead?
I literally was gluing together like a failed three D print, Like I was trying to like piece it back together. Oh wait, we literally showed it in the last episode. I was trying to glue the arm back onto that print and let me take this shit off because it's like actually itching my nose. It's like it's straight up as beestos, Like it's fucked up.
It's dry wall, it's the thing you fill walls with. It's fiberglass. You had to take up your fiberglass.
But I was like gluing the arm back on that figurine and like I dripped like fucking five or six drips of the super glue onto my middle finger and ring finger, and it literally started smoking, and I thought, like just I didn't think anything of it, but then like I like tried to wipe it off really quick because I was like, I've had super glue on my fingers.
It's not that deep. I used to glue my fingers together and pull them apart because it like felt good, Like that is like no normal, I know someone has Yeah, that's that's or something.
But he said he did super glue.
It was fun. It's fun, Like it doesn't that's dangerous. God they are y'all are now officially the OP.
Like y'all are now officially bestowed as the OP.
Yeah, but I didn't think anything of it. But gorilla glue started smoking, like and it literally like it was like almost like a smoke ring. It like like it blew up and smoked up, and I was like, oh wow, like I'm literally gonna die. And then I just had like superglue fingers for like three days. But I read online just like keep it moisturized, and you know, I keep that ship moisturized, Like no, I used your Bibrito rose hand.
Cur the oiliest creamy planet. I do, but I like have this problem with like all my because my like skin is so dry, I usually only put it like on my arms and hands, as the rest of my body absorbs cream so fast that like I would need to go through that whole fucking tube to moisturize my body. And then I'm like, I get to smell good for one night and one night only.
You know who else's body absorbs cream really fast?
Yours, because you're ran through and you'll everybody like I was sitting on you.
Yeah, he was sitting on the couch earlier talking about how he can easily fit a tennis ball up his butthole. He can just sit on it.
You know how some people are like, oh my god, Like I don't want anybody to want me because like the mix of water and like is really grow snassy. Kai literally is always like that doesn't matter because it just seeps in. It's like he's like a sham wow only.
Okay, okay, this is a Christmas episode.
We can believe that we can bleep, that we can bleep that you'll better be watching this on the living room TV with your whole family around you.
Oh literally, I bet there is a family out there that listens together.
Yeah, but that's the same that and like the two thousands would do a wife swap and they were like the hippies, do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, they were like, we believe even peace. Now we're those families in take away.
We love you media. But did y'all Okay, I have to go back to this because I was like, I wanted to talk about it, but we got sidetracked. But did y'all ever do this? And I'm being dead fucking serious. I'm not even like making this a bit like this is something I used to do. But I would sit on the stairs at my house and I would grab like a needle and stick it under the first layer of skin. Okay, good because yeah, and then I would like, I think.
Every kid did that once they realized they have like eight million layers of skin. But then every time you pinched yourself and it fucking her, you were like, and then you would just leave it a lot like you would again you.
Make like a little blood blister under there.
Okay, and then you would bite the blood blister.
No I never did that.
I did that.
Hell no, I would do that. I would make it bust.
Okay, well keep going because he's getting really weird. We've let him get away with too much already this episode. So being uncomfortable Drew, you've upset him.
Drew was seeing like figures before the episode started.
I don't think that was a real person. I think it literally was like probably you came.
Over to us while we were all sitting at a box eating because Rain like just got her crib. So it's actually so cute. It's like in the beginning stages where you're like eating on top of boxes so you're not like hurting your back, And we were all sitting watching tiktoks and Drew came over there there was someone outside there were they took a picture and that they left.
And like I was talking, his face went white.
I swear the ghost.
Well, it's because his hypoxia. He's not the twikest he's ever been with his brain.
It's literally it's from the three D printer gases that are like fucking my ship.
You're still sleeping in my bed.
Oh yeah, we we're gonna do it again tonight, like a little farewell, like a goodbye, like I always think about that. We haven't like hung out other than like fucking working, which is annoying as well.
That's I don't like hanging out with you, So hanging out with you while we work is already enough. And I'm like, oh, if I need a detox, I have you been realizing I would just cleanse every time we finish working. No, I need to cleanse my body, Oh my god. And I'll probably go get like amatic drainage massage after this.
Can we just move on? Yeah?
I'm sure.
So it's officially over for me. Okay, like I'm down tremendously bad, Like it's so over, Like it's not even twenty three and me was hacked and they have my fucking data. They have all of my data, they.
Have all what is the data on there that's like so important.
Mayan's higher genome?
But what does that even mean? Like somebody like it's like, oh my god, someone knows my blood type. Oh go go.
You are literally three decades away from like cloning human beings, Like they are going to literally clone me.
But you're already pushing thirty. You're not getting cloned. They want the young people. They don't in three decades. In thirty years, I'm in my fucking prime.
I'm in my fucking prime.
You are in your prime.
I was in the NBA decades.
No one is gonna want to clone somebody who's like fifty six years old.
No, you're cloning cloning my prime DNA I know. And also the telomeres have nothing to do with.
It, which telo mirrors Kai, No, do not, don't, we don't. Okay, we can move on.
It's the strands in your DNA that shows your biological age.
Yeah, and you know what's crazy about the telomeres is when you eat a bunch of sugar, your glacogen levels KAI take it away.
Okay, So when you eat sugar, basically your telomeres shortened, and that basically means you're gonna die soon, so you should eat sugar.
Yep.
Just so literally all they all are gonna die because we all just ordered fucking candy. Literally not meaning I did not answert what you had for dinner last night. He was dying. I will say I had a bite of his famous bowl and it was fucking yummy. The famous boo from KFC will always be good, even though it like actually tastes like I just ate a bunch of cans and like rations in a basement.
You did just have a bite. You had three the entire hold on hold, you had a order of it, and then you went and made fun of my fucking chicken rap with macaroni and cheese on.
That didn't make fun of it.
I kept begging.
I was begging for a bite of that because he told me when he described it. At first, I was like, that sounds awful, and then when I got there, I was like, wait, this might be fucking yummy. So that was my dinner was a few bites of Drew's catastrophe dinner. Oh okay, and you're hoeh you had like a hanging little like pube.
Mm okay, wait I was.
I was a little bit curious about you. Guys mentioned that Josiah was on American Idol. Yeah, is there footage of that?
No, he didn't make it through. There's like four tryout rounds before you can even be on TV.
And so like all the people who stuck on American Idol, they literally are like, this is gonna be good, which is so psychological torture evil. The footage, no, bit, if there was footage, we would have that ship on log that would be on. I would that would be my first story highlight on my instag.
Gonna say I would post it on my story every other day like Josiah flopping on fucking American that got.
Talent, American that got talent? Okay, fuck you should we say what our stalking stand for? I got one true because they didn't have an E.
Yeah, and I got one for.
Q.
If you're listening, that was a sign from Q.
You think you could yank that and it wouldn't fall?
Can you suck my balls?
Yeah? I would do that.
Do that challenge? What is your stand for?
Mine stands for a hole for hole butthole.
But we got x Ford because he's the X factor.
Because we want to x him out of our lives, but we don't know how yet, so we're thinking about it.
I got it because I was like, it's the X factor And then you said that that is why he's I forgot factor actor.
That's so sweet. I didn't know that was for me.
Guys, actually smaller because you will you will never be.
Because because he's really petty and tiny. I'm super Did you guys know my waist size is eighty four twenty four.
It's eight now no way. Yeah, it's eight.
How are you alive?
I don't know.
I don't think there's babies who are in.
It nasty, drinking, fucking boom milk all the time. You think you're so baby.
You had the ugliest baby if I had two of them.
You know what's crazy is my mom literally loved us and thought we were cute, like she saw the mother disease.
Moms always think their babies are cute in there.
I think there is like a word for it. I don't. Yeah, yeah, but have you seen the baby picture? It's crazy.
He's disgusting. I bet if you look up Drew Phillips baby you can find it. Yeah, dude, you like somehow came out of the womb looking like you were being held in an airfire dehydrator. It was crazy, like when you put skittles in a dehydrator, I like.
Puffed up out the sides like a macaron. No, it's crazy, like I literally look, yeah, that's not even a picture we're talking about. That was like headshot.
But what's crazy? Head shot?
Wait sabrinas and that the head is so longer.
Than that one.
It's so long.
But the other one you got body?
I look unhigh healthy, like what's crazy?
As they posed them up. So that was probably the best picture, that's what I'm.
Saying, Which that was a few days after I settled into like my skin disease that I was born with. But again, while that one pops up, I do want to talk about. Don't read my fucking notes. These are all supposed to be surprising.
To if you get a text, I want to Seeho's texting you?
Okay? And if I was actually.
So jealous in bed last night, I was like, I fell asleep right before one and was getting text all nice, Yeah.
That's it. That's the alien baby, Like I have no right.
I was big, and baby realized he was allergic.
It was crazy. Was I like literally was big ingredy in their womb? And Madeline was like three quarters of the size of me, or no, like one quarter of the size of me. She was like this big and I was just like this ginormous fucking hunk of meat, like I was a giant baby. What were you saying? Wait, what were you saying?
You look? I was gonna say, you look less moisturiz than those aliens that we found.
Y'all didn't find aliens ignore him. He's breaking.
I don't want to reveal that on this episode that gave.
The Mexico Aliens delivered it to him because they gave us the best deal.
Yeah, they gave us the best deal. No, No, he's right, he's right.
Yeah, yeah, what were you saying that?
Girl?
I don't know you were jealous of me?
Oh you were gonna Okay, now that's why you remember you are crazy. I think he's wrong with you. But he was getting text like all through the night. But then I did look over and it was family group chat, so I didn't care.
Oh, and you're jealous. You know you're jealous as fuck because people.
Loople want to communicate with me.
I'm just a pleasant person to talk to. I haven't responded to my family group chatt in months because I'm the black sheep and everything I say is just weird. Everything I say is weird. Okay, But if everything genuinely everything, if it goes wrong for me, I've decided what my next venture in life is gonna be, and like, I think I can give myself to like thirty five to figure my shit out. And if I don't, this is
when I start going down this rabbit hole. But I think I want to be like a ninth grade teacher. Like I'm not even kidding, Like that's really sweet. I actually think I do. I was watching this guy's TikTok today. I was talking about like his ninth graders, and like he posts a video every single day, like after school, just talking about an event that happened, and like the amount of euphoria that I was like getting, like thinking about like teaching a bunch of ninth graders and like
them being mean to me. But then we have us having like a little rapport and like me having the kids that I no, no, no, just like you know the I know what you mean.
Also you have boogers, so so your motherfucker fuck away from how long did you? Like literally three seconds? Because I wanted I didn't want to cut you off. Oh I thought you rubbed it on her carpet. I used to want to be an English teacher when I was in ninth grade, and that's what I thought I was gonna do because I was like, actually, I don't think I'm gonna make it to entertainment because I'm too annoying.
But then I thought about it. I was like I would one hundred percent go to Joe for fucking hitting a kid, Like, let someone talk back to me, Like I would be those you know when you see videos of teachers and you're like, why is this teacher going
back and forth with a child? It's so unnecessary and I feel that, but then I think about it and like in that position, I would go crazy, Like teachers who deal with teenagers or middle schoolers are so brave, but even people now, I feel like a bunch of teachers in like elementary school are talking about how gnarly kids are now, and they're like, but fuck dumb because they just want to be on TikTok and shit, Like I'm back, he didn't have been talking about we're talking about how dumb kids are.
Oh yeah yeah yeah. I've been seeing a bunch of videos too of teachers being like, oh, we're like fucked, Like it's never ever ever been this bad. And that's where.
People are on their phones and.
It's literally just like since everyone grew up in the pandemic, like on online school and ship that like their reading levels are like four levels below what they should be and like it's just crazy. But like I was saying, that's where I come in to save the day.
You think you're going to make a generational change.
Yeah, I'm gonna raise how many schools would you be teaching at one? But I'm gonna raise some fucking geniuses, Like I'm gonna raise the people that are going to change the world, because that's all children are, is the next generation the world.
Because you grew up during the pandemic.
Yeah, yeah, you are only seventeen.
Yeah, I like forget that a lot. I just hang around a lot get to their people. No, actually it was like during the pandemic and it was really fucking sad. I've just been hanging around like a lot of older people recently, and I to forget my age sometimes and it's just like I need to like slow down and like, also, y'all give me like hella fucking drugs. It's like weird, like my brain doesn't even developed.
Cool. And we'd rather have you do it at home than do it with like people we don't know.
I'm not.
We don't want you at some random house just like doing pills and ship whyn't you're doing it here with us?
Yeah, we'd rather you take a perk and p perks so fucking bad.
Please the wallflowers you're stalking, guys, the wallflowers be like, don't even like fucking.
No one cares because what.
You said, I want to perk so bad, And I said the wallflowers before.
Oh my god, that sucks the perks.
For being a wallflower.
Yeah, I just got the perks of being a wallflower.
Yeah, thank you, thank you. Guys.
So y'all know that feeling like when you get home and like you didn't have to go to the bathroom, but like you're walking up the stairs to your apartment, or like you're walking through the garage door and like you your body like somehow senses that like bathroom nearby. I need to like unload like my piss now or I'll die, like y'all have had that. Yeah, there's a name for it. It's called the latch key in kant. That's not the word, I just.
Have a type of Both words have a typo, so.
It might be incontinence. It's latch key in continence. Maybe I could be wrong, but there is that is like a universal experience for everyone where they're like it's like something to do with like your mind, like understanding that unlocking the door and walking up these steps and smelling the scent all means that there's a bathroom nearby that you're comfortable in, and it's just like, let's fucking evacuate. Nam.
All that reminds you of is that video of that lady was like anybody else's baby. Notice when they get back home and it's like her going down her driveway that's like cobble stone.
And like bumps, like baby waking up.
But it's because like that's.
The thing I was talking about earlier than mom, like uh uh mom. It starts with a D, the mother delusion. No no, no, no, no fuck motheruck.
I know we're talking like how they think their baby is the cutest, but they also think their baby is like the smartest.
Yeah yeah, what is that word? Someone like, leave it in the comments because it's gonna drive me fucking insane.
Um, you were not gonna check the comments for that shit.
I literally will, Oh, I'll look it up for you right now, Drew.
I'll look it up right now.
Thank you. It's like dissonance. Is it mother's dissonance? I don't know.
I think dissonance is.
Like cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance I think is when you like detach yourself from something. So I don't think it's mother's dissonance.
Well maybe Drew's mom had.
Probably she needs to give it to herself, and she was looking at.
That thing so scared of me. She had the disconnect.
That's why there's a lock outside of your door. Your mom planted it because she was like, he'll know he's home.
Yeah. They still every once in a while will just lock me in my room when I'm sleeping, which is so incredible dangerous to.
Jump out the window if all else fails.
Whatever helps them sleep comfortably at night.
Sure, but your parents lock you in the house.
Yeah, and you do, I mean, you deserve it.
So I get like I just had to take notes from them because I was like, I honestly agree and share.
Take notes into a Walmart, so I, oh, you would know a lot about a Walmart. I don't know anything. Actually, like you would know a lot about a Walmar. Seem like a Walmart excepert justin Bieber, Walmart, justin Bieber. Okay, I've had this note taken down for laterly months and stop reading my notes.
I'm literally not I'm just like my caveman brain seas an iPhone screen and I'm just staring at it like open.
Night, like practicing for school. Stop reading.
I'm literally doing what I do when I go to a restaurant and I see a menu, like words mean nothing, and I'm just looking at something because my eyes are trying to like find something to entertain me because I'm so used to looking at im.
Yeah, when you go to like dinner with like a new person and y'all are still like trying to figure each other out and like sniffing each other's asses, like just seeing what type of person they are, Like I do that only when I'm doing that.
No, no matter who I go to a restaurant, I will look at the menu and not look at it like I can't read it.
No, when I'm like if I don't know the person and we're just like learning who we are, like learning a lot about each other, Like I'll look at the menu as like this like safety.
Barrier, like a buffer.
Yeah, it's like a buffer to the conversation so I can like plan in my head how I'm going to respond and what person I'm gonna be because of the fucking.
I'm a fucking psycho.
No, I one of my fucking psycho. I can. I can literally change my personality on who I'm communicating with. And y'all are.
Jealous, that's what you think is happening in your head Like that. I thought Jews perceiving a social interactions, But like Jews.
The same steps ahead.
He's the same person every time we're around new people, Like I know the kind of person who.
When I'm with you, because I know the person I get to be when I'm with you. But when I take meetings without you or I meet new people without you, you don't know that.
I feel like you act like way more normal.
Yeah, because you're not there to bounce off of.
Yeah, I have no buffer when I meet new people. It's actually a big problems. I will leave every social interaction being like damn, I really dominated that room for no reason, Like, well why did I do that? But it's okay because people love me. Actually, everybody was replying to that close friends. It was like, do not change. We love you like that? Can I have with you?
No? I thought Salem was going to reply to that. I just thought I had like a female's intuition when you start calling women female. No, but I've been meaning to talk about this for literally months. It's just been in my notes for like a long fucking time. Oh wait, does this guy think I'm going to be meeting him at the door?
This this grinder, dude, the way you use your phone.
When I get the notification, I'll let one of you'all know, and then if you wouldn't mind, But meaning to talk about this were so goddamn long, and it's just been in my notes and then we just never get to it, and we might have already talked about it, and I just am not remembering. But hamsters, like literally hamsters, like they're crazy. Okay, they're like little pandas.
Lose my fucking mind. I think I'm like done. No, I just starting to cry, like what are we doing?
No, No, I have tears. We both broke at the same time.
That's it, Like we were done, like.
Us place.
Oh my god, dude.
Like I was like literally crying, like I quite literally cry, Like I don't know what that just did to me, but like that made me feel every like like nerve in my body, and I like realized I was here, and I felt the fire behind me, and I like.
You're wait too, You're welcome. My ground did you know, But I just more meant like how hamsters die really easily.
Okay, okay, hampster is the most abused ever. I was gonna set up to like a six year old and let them like like throw them around.
There, That's what I'm saying. They're like little small pandas. Also, if you look at them and they like fall around, then you know the videos of like pandas falling everywhere. But what I recently found out, and I'm sure everybody already knows this, and this was already commenting it because they want to like get to the fucking punch on corner than me, because there's so much better than me. Oh my god. Oh the food is literally.
Here, like god man, something's wrong with here.
But hamsters literally hibernate. They go into hibernation.
I don't know that.
I know, no one fucking knew that. So like half of the time when kids got there, yes, when kids thought their hamsters were dead, the parents thought they were dead too, They were literally in hibernation. And we all just buried our hamsters alive. Yes, I know that literally just gagged away scared.
Did you have a hamster?
I hamster And it was probably in hibernation.
Killed your hamster.
Yeah, you used to feed a pencils. No, that's a vibe like to chew on the wood, Like I get it, I get it. Yeah, just not the lead.
It's giving your hamster lead poisoning and be like all.
But yeah, so a lot of people just were killing their hamsters because they were in hibernation and they didn't realize it. So a lot of y'all are murderers. And if you're worried about your if you were going to hell or not, you for sure are now because you literally buried a creature alive. You're over the.
Same children who had hamsters when they were younger, or like the equivalent to iPad babies. Does that make sense.
That's like that's like before there were iPads, you would give your kid a hamster play with.
Yeah. It was also like my parents' reasoning was like to like teach us that other things are alive and we have to like respect that. But I we had fish, and then my brothers poured like three liters of coke and their fish tank one day and the fish like jumped out to survive and they just landed on the counter. But I saved them. Okay, yeah, and I was really fucking young. I love it. Wait wait wait wait wait, let me let me let me finish the hamster thing right, Okay,
you can get one time. I like before school, my mom and dad got really pissed at me and my sister because we were like neglected our hamster as like a seven year old that like we weren't cleaning its cage properly.
Like I mean literally just straight up doo doo factory.
It was hell, and we were like not taking care of it properly. So our parents were like very adamant, like clean this fucking critter's cage right now, or like your ground did. So, like we started the cleaning process, and like we put the hamster in the sink inside the cage with the door shut after we finished cleaning it, because like we had to like clean the the basin next, and we just like didn't have enough time before school
because it was just like whatever. So we went to school and then we came home and my cat had snuck into the bathroom of the where we were cleaning the hamster's cage. And since the hamster cage was in the basin to like the sink, the cat had accidentally turned on scorching hot water and it was on for literally like four hours, and the hamster literally drowned inside the cage. And my brother like walked in and was.
Like, you can't experience fear factory.
And they were like you can't. My brother was like, you literally cannot see this, Like you you don't, you don't want to see this, don't come to literally and my cat killed my fucking hamster and like it literally like it was in a cage like probably trying to escape. Like it was literally so sad. I literally like cried for months over that fucking hamster because I was like, wow,
like this is my fault. Natural selection literally like don't be a stupid fucking hamster if you're gonna drown like child, don't.
Be born a hamster if you don't want to be drowned by there's that. Yeah, But we had a sucker fish and it was fucking huge. Like are they called catfish or sucker like the ones that like they're called plecos stucked get stuck to the glass and they like clean the algae.
They're called pleos, are they?
Yeah, Well we had one of those really fucking big and it was humongous, and it died while my dad was at work, and like we when our fish would die, we would like put them in the toilet and like sit over and be like bye, and like flush the toilet. And I was like, oh, like we were getting ahead of the curb and I was like, oh, we're gonna
flush it. It was humongous, like it literally was the size like we could have eaten it, like it was so big, and we threw it in the toilet and we were like me and my little siblings were like, oh, like yeah, it was one of those. And we were like, oh, my God, like rest in peace, like we love you so much. You were amazing. And then we flushed the toilet. Bitch that ship got stuck in the fucking pipes. And my dad came home and was like, why is it
the toilet working? And we were like I don't know, like I don't know what happened, Like we haven't done anything. And then my dad took off the pipes just to find our fish stuck in the pipes. And my dad was like, the know it was dead. As far as we were concerned, that ship was not moving for a long time.
If I was your dad been like, oh, wow, they killed my fucking fish.
Yeah. My dad was like, why did y'all do that? Why didn't you wait till we get home? And we were like we thought we were like getting ahead of it. We didn't want it to stink.
That's sweet though, And then we all got in.
Trouble because he had to replace a bunch of the pipes because he had to literally saw one of the pipes in half because it like the mouth of it got stuck to like the curve and the pipe, so he like took it out and was trying to get it out, but it was like stuck in there. It's we all had to poop in the backyard.
It was so weird. Okay, I do have a question for you. Did you ever like pray over your bed, Like, did you ever get on your yees and pray?
I think you just called me Drew, by the way.
No, I said a question for you.
No, you said Drew, I have a question for you. I did, literally, I swear to God, did I actually have a question for you?
No? No, no, no, I said dude or something.
No you said Drew, because I was darned because I was like, oh, are you setting me up, like you want me to ask you. Yeah, I used to like get down and pray because I thought I was evil and I was going to hell because I was annoying.
I wrote a big note down because like I would get over my bed and pray for just like real ship, like pray for my family's health. But then I would add in there, like I want to break a bone, like can you just like give me a cast? Like can you break can I break a bone so I can get a cast?
Or like I prayed like that recently, not for a broken bone, but like I was like bored as fuck and.
I have a billion dollars or something like down bad.
I was like, damn, you know what, fuck it, like I'm downb here, And I literally got down at my bed like the bed I have now, and I was like this is a good prayer like area, and I like got down and I pray.
Every once in a while, I'll do that, and then I'll pray when I have nothing else to give or to the.
Love of my family and friends. Isn't doing it for me?
Right now? I got and it works. Yeah, I wake up the next day good every time. But I remember specifically this one time. This is so gross. I don't even want to say it.
Did you, Like, what did you?
It's actually not gross. I I just prayed to get pink eye because I was like, in my head, I was like, pink guy's the most lit fucking disease to get, because like I didn't know what it was at the time, you.
Didn't know it came to like fucking Dodoo munch, Like literally came from Doodoo munch.
You weren't like sick as a dog, but you got to stay home from school. In my head, so I was just like cool, like I want pink.
Kids came to school with pink at my school all the fucking time, and they tried to hide it, and they'd.
Be like, why would you not want to stay home with pink eye?
I think most kids weren't like allowed to stay home because their parents had to work and whatnot.
So boring, boring. I got to stay home and eat chips and ride in the golf car.
I literally, because like I grew up with like a single parent, I was not allowed to stay home when I was sick, so I would have to go to school. I remember one time my dad thought I was lying and I literally had thrown up everywhere in the office. I was like, I'm not making myself through up and he was like, he was like, did you kiss someone? And I was like, what are we talking about? I think I was in middle school and he was like,
I think you kissed someone and you got sick. And I was like, you think I kissed someone today?
And immediately the gestation period was like.
The fastest moving metabolism ever, the fastest turnover ever.
The most violent disease of all.
And then my godfather was like, bruh, she did not kiss someone, like, she's definitely just sick. And my dad was like, not my end. I don't know. I don't know. I think she kissed someone I was kissing.
You can't get like mono from kissing that. So I learned like what like kissing was, because we had to like be taught what mano was.
If you were like twenty and you got mono, you need to go to jail. You're too old.
Before we move on from that, I wanted to tell this really, really fucking nasty story about how when I got pink eye. I've probably already told it, but it's been enough time and there's probably a bunch of new listeners. But when I was really young, I was I mean, I still have them, and they just never figured out why. But like I would get like really gnarly constipated and
like it would be like painful like blockage. And then I would also get like anytime I would eat, I would get so nauseous that I would throw up, like and this went on for like four months, and I like lost a lot of weight in my parents. No, they literally don't know what it is. But so they were like, let's fucking go in and look. So I got like a colonoscope when I was like twelve or thirteen,
and I didn't know this at the time. My parents didn't know this, but they also scheduled me for an indoscopy, So colonoscopies up the ass, indo scopies like down the throat. And then I woke up from this procedure with like a feeding tube in my nose that went down to my stomach to like measure my bile and like acid levels. Well anyways, I woke up.
Well that prayers, bitch, you want to stay over school?
That bad?
I know, literally I and I had to carry like a pouch around that like measured, like when I would have to like click a button when I would eat. It was so nerd. Yeah, it was so nerdy. It was so like so whatever.
But if I was in your school, I would have popped that fucking bag. Yeah.
Literally, No, it wasn't like a bouch. It was like a big electronic.
Brickho you had a pager?
Yeah, yeah, literally, but it was huge and I had to carry it around like a fucking purse. I was so embarrassed. But I woke up from that procedure with the gnarliest pink eye of my life, meaning that they did not properly clean after my colonoscopy and gave me pink eye when they and I don't know if they use the same fucking tube or what, but like that ship, it was the gnarliest like pink I've ever had. It was violent, Like I literally thought I was gonna go blind.
And my parents were like, oh, like must have been from this surgery. And I was like like, I was like, wait, that's crazy.
Someone off and they literally after touching your butt, they fucking rubbed your eye.
Yeah.
Literally, this annoying ass kids.
Pillow Madaline farted in my pillow.
I only got pink eye once, and it was when I got COVID. And it was when that was like at the beginning of COVID, when they were like, oh, if you like randomly get pink eye or a sty, it can and you are sick at the same time, it can be a sign of COVID. And I woke up with pink eye and then got a style like the pink guy went away almost immediately, and then it turned into a sty.
I have bad news because you farted on my phone. No, I didn't fart on your fucking pillow. I ship inside of it. I ripped it open and ship inside the fluffing and it's still in there.
It's just like, No, I got new pillows and I put my old pillows in your room, So you've been sleeping on your ship.
But that's that backfired. That backfired like crazy. But back to praying. I used to pray to be never mind, we're moving on.
You were using God for weird reasons. Oh, you better keep praying. We should start praying for that together. Like the night before we got a bed an opposite signs.
Of my bed like please please please, Well, since we're on like medical, my new year's resolution. Yeah, really same like and ironically literally the same. But since we're on medical ship, I really do think I have one really short leg and one like really long leg walk. I think one of my legs is like genuinely like a quarter or half of them.
For me saying you were hobbling around the house.
I've always thought this, like if you look back in my notes, I would just write it down randomly because I was so like, I can't stop hobbling literally, and I do have like such a strange like cadence to my step. And the only way I can explain it is that one of my legs is shorter than the other, like by.
Like a It's because you spend too much time in your bed, so your body has to react.
Walk spinish, stretching back out. But yeah, I just wanted to get that off my chest because it's really dark.
Wait, Drew, do you not know that one of your legs is six inch shorter than the other.
No, we put stilts on you every night so that you could just wake up. We take them off at night and then we put them back on.
One of my balls is shorter than the other. But that's a classic man thing. To be worried about. Yeah, like when you're like nine and you're like, fuck, dude, like my balls, like I think I'm broken. One of them is like longer than the other one, and then you google it and you find out like it's normal.
It's normal.
After Jimmy Neutral. Anytime I watched the old cartoons we grew up watching, I was like, this is why I'm so fucking annoying. Yeah, like they were so goddamn annoying, dude.
That one fucking because it's like Joe.
Rogan is that actually Joe Rogan's Company?
Yeah, are you lying?
High?
I'm Paul is Joe Rogan's company? Shut the fuck up?
Okay, the other one because I would have known that.
No, But you have a like a you have like a relative that's very young, right, Yeah, they and they watch cartoons. What do they watch like the shorts? Okay, because they don't watch like SpongeBob and sh it anymore.
And they do like yeah, still like The Biggest.
Car Where do they watch it?
Just on on TV? Dude? I was watching like.
Disney stuff like carries like kids cartoons.
They also like direct TV like cable boxes and ships still run it. But I was watching my nephew watch SpongeBob one. The new SpongeBob is so fucking bricked. It fucking sucks. Yeah, like it's be it's horrible, like don't
even get me started. But also like it was so crazy because there would be like a QR code like permanently in the corner, and then there would be like another little screen down here playing like an hour advertisement, and then like another little screen would pop up halfway through the episode and play like another cartoon, and then the corner down here would just have like a fucking cockroach run by. Like it was so weird. Now I it's like, damn dude, like we're like down tremendously bad.
And it just reminded me of that like hyper reality, like augmented reality video that like everyone was obsessed with for a little bit or it literally probably was just me, but like there's like this video where it shows you like what augmented reality is gonna look like in a few years, and it was just like really freaky. But it's like ten years old now.
Like if you watch Ren and Stimpy, it's crazy how slow the pacing of that show is, and like all those older cartoons that we grew up watching. The pacing is so slow, even like the Looney Tunes from like two thousand and nine, like where it's like Daffy and bugs Bunny are living together. I was watching on the plane tuns. Yeah, they were always in Looney Tunes. There were loomty tunes. But if you watch those now, Like I rewatching Renston because I was, like I loved it
as a kid. I want to rewatch it, or even like Pinky in the Brain, like all that older.
Stuff we used to watch.
It used to Oh okay, wow, what.
Did you like to watch porn?
He watched porn when you were like six?
Okay you didn't.
That's right, dude, that's like that's like almost I would even say that child abuse. Okay, you got to start a young and macroser that's why he's addicted to macro dos macro dosing porn now because he was watching so much of it. But like, the pacing of those shows is so slow compared to newer shows. Like if you watch like a newer kids cartoon, something is happening every frame, there's like a loud noise or like it's super colorful.
I think about Coco Melon I will never forget. Like I know a woman who had a baby like last year and we were like, oh, it's when we were in the cabin and she she I was like genuinely just curious because I have a bunch of cousins who like baby cousins who watch Coco Melon and shit, And I was like, oh, does your baby watch Coco Melon? And she said when she said this, it literally changed
my mind about children's cartoon. And she was like, I genuinely believe that letting your child watch something like Coco Melon is like giving your baby LSD before it even has like cognitive reality, and your baby will be like anticipating that kind of like intense attention and like quickness forever and it's going to be debilitating.
And I was like, oh my god, Like I do believe that to a certain extent, but like there are some good children shows that I'm like, damn, like that's really it actually is like teaching kids something and it's specifically Miss Rachel, Like Miss Rachel like like there is literally a video proof of my sister's daughter like learning how to clap from the TV show that she's watching.
And it's kind of like the idea like there's always been that, like Courge the Cowardly Dog was not good for us, like it was literally so like existentialism core for children, and like things like that aren't apparently good for kids. But there are shows like fucking Blippy, like the fact that that Blippy guy got away with like shitting on someone putting on the line and then.
Just that, Yeah, dude, Blippy literally did There used to be this video going around of the Harlem Shake. But Blippy, who is a child show like kids show like host. You know Blippy, You've seen him in Walmart and shit, he did the Harlem Shake challenge, but then when the drop happened, he him and his homie got butt ass naked and he had his homie spray him with ship out of his butt. So there's video getting ship all over.
I screened saved it because Blippy and his team do everything in their power to erase that video from the internet because it is really gnarly and it's like maybe the most horrifying and discussing thing I've ever seen in my life. And the fact that he's like a child's show host is crazy to me.
But I believe also because I don't but I believe people could change, but I don't think it comes from like an actual, real place of giving a fuck about teaching children anything because I remember he's getting yeah literally, I feel like that's the big problem is like we all know, like now that children have so much access to media, like it used to be reverse, Like you used to have to really have a craving and a want to be within children's education in media and entertainment,
and it was like so sparing that you were actually making something that was like teaching children something because nobody wanted to put money into it because there was this idea that kid shouldn't even be in front of the TV, So why the fuck would you put money into it? And now we all know that children literally have access to iPhones and iPads by the time they're three years old, So there's so much money in putting a screen in
front of a baby's face. So so many people make children's content because the bag is endless because children also children's rewatch value. Like imagine how many times we were sitting and throwing on a VHS, like eighteen times in a row, like bitch, I would watch.
Five What is a VHS? Oh?
I forget, I keep forgetting your seventeen.
Yeah. I don't know what that shows.
So a VHS is like this old timey like idea of like it was kind of like film panels. It was almost like, you know, gave me iPad?
Yeah, sorry, give me my iPad.
Okay, I'll give it to you. Do you want? Do you actually need it?
Now?
Okay we'll cut.
Yeah, we have to cut for to get his iPad. Okay, how old are you at this point?
Thirteen?
Oh, you're thirteen?
Your regresses because.
I feel like a couple of years ago you were sixteen.
The age is really slow. Okay, how does this sound?
That sounds good? That sounds good. It sounds like the ocean waves crashing.
How does this sound.
That sounds good? That sounds really good.
Well, that's it for the Christmas episode. I hope you guys have an amazing holiday. Whatever you celebrate it, you celebrate it to the fullest and get so drunk with your family and hopefully someone cries, because that's what Christmas with your family is about. Somebody will cry, and you will most likely be the therapist for your family. And if that's your job, kudos, yep.
If you're a boy, hide in your room, play on your PS five fortnite. Don't interact with any of your family members because.
You're fucking and you're gonna get highest fucking get scared of your whole family.
Yes, uh no, genuinely enjoy your family time. I think we need more family time.
Am I the only one who thinks family is back?
In family, it's going to be. Family is going to be back.
And our trend forecast for twenty twenty four, I think family is back.
No, literally, though it fucking better be. But let me do a drew syop. I only have one today.
Oh my god, wait, we have one that's in the email.
Oh really, I think so well, I'll do this one. I put myself in your shoes and now my feet fucking stink.
That was good. That was good? All right?
Oh wait here, let's see y'all be eating lamb chops for attention them most tastes like missing people. Y'all are eating lamb chops for attention them. Hoose tastes like missing people. Shout out anissa an I s a anissa period.
That is really fucking funny. Oh my god, that's how I feel about like boh eat goat too, like that shit literally tastes like fucking dirt roads.
Oh wait, here's another one from Janine. Janine, Janine, before you gossip about me, rub your koochy and sniff your hand sis. Wait wait this, this one's from Janine, before you gossip about me, reb your cooochee and sniff your hand sys, because you got bigger fish to fry. Apparently Joe Biden said that. Whoa, Yeah, if.
Joe Biden said that, I would revote for him. Yeah, that's how Joe Biden can get my vote back. I really don't fuck with him right now, but I'm not kidding. If he got on the podium, I'd be like, fuck, I gotta give it to him.
Guys, I really do read your syge up corners. I'm not gonna read your middle and last names because I don't want to doc you. But Janine, right, yeah, Janine, y'ah shut y'all. Y'all came in clutch.
I feel like I found one that I wanted to read. Oh no, I didn't find when I wanted to show you this that Tyrrell showed me Jolie Jolie that y'all like lobster.
Are those isopods.
Um no, they're lobster. Somebody like cut them up and tried to present them nicely, but they look like roaches.
Literally. We'll insert the picture for y'all.
All right, well always, here's some media of the week.
I e.
My media of the week is Telephone Line by Electric Light Orchestra Folks song by the Sundays Before the Daybreaks Robin Goree robtree and Use your Heart s w V.
Mine is a book. This time Boo Spotify added audio books and you actually can use them now. It was like for a long time you couldn't use them. And I started listening to the Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Oh I need to know that name. Uh, that ship's really fucking good. I think I'm gonna listen to the Song of Achilles next because I'm like, I heard a lot of good shit about that one. And then Norwegian Would by Mirakami. Those are my three in rotation.
I also have Homo Deuce and Homo Sapiens and The log just because I love fucking those books so much. Should I go to like my very first playlist, Like I have a playlist on that I made, like probably a decade ago at this point, and it's OLED's do It Waka Flaka, Collared Green Schoolboy Q A Tale of Two Cities, J Cole, I am a god blood on the leaves. I'm in it. I was obsessed with Yezes, dude, pipe it up, migos, Oh my god, as Zz Gibson this song. I'm not gonna play it because we ran
into copyright issues, me and my homies. We called her. It was so cringey. We called ourselves Snoop Squad, and we would buy a bunch of snacks and then get inside one of our homies trucks and literally turn on his blue lights, play that song on fucking repeat and get absolutely fucking obliterated on weed, like literally get the highest we've ever been. And then I would just like walk home because we were like smoking in this like
section in my neighborhood. But they would have to drive home, and I don't know how none of them fucking died because we were like zooted and fucking booted, like it was voted in Boo Boots.
My first playlist on here isn't from that long ago, because I started this account in like early twenty twenty and It's intimate, Erica de Cassir, I can't say her name ever, Carnival, the Cardigan's One Thing, AMIRII, Devotion by tearsa Lifetime by Eves tumor know who you are at every age, Cock two Twins, it's a bunch of cock two twins, a bunch of slow dive catched the breeze.
It's like literally me trying to like set up like my Spotify with just songs I liked at the time and Kitty Cat by Beyonce.
Mine is my next one is actually so advanced. Oh god, not that fucking song. But my next one is just called literally and it's fish Shopping, Sophie Eliminade, Sophie Viz, Sophie Pony Boys, Sophie Blips, Sophie Hard, Sophie M s M s M s M s ms Sophie. Then Hey qut, and then a bunch of Hannah Diamond.
Remember when we would listen to Handah Diamond on SoundCloud.
I fucking love Hannah Diamond.
Cut is one of the best.
Hey CUTI Yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed the last few days of this year and be safe.
Peace and love on earth and more. May all your wishes be granted, unless they're evil. Hug your siblings or your parents, or whoever you're with this holiday extra tight and tell them you love them.
Thank you, Mi,