stink portal

Welcome back to this episode of Emergency or.

Gone, Bring Back My Girls. This weekend is Coachella and Shockers and nobody and nobody gives a fuck.

But we're not going. Couldn't be me. Coachella's ran through. Oh daddy, if you go, if you go to Coachella, like you're ran through your piece of ship.

You're like ugly and such a piece of ship.

What were you saying?

K Daddy's going?

Oh that lines up?

No, I actually like I'm kind of jealous.

I'm genuinely jealous of people who can be in big crowds and not be terrified and petrified for their life. Like that sounds fine. I guess you're petrified. So what are you doing there?

I get scared. I'm going to try to do it sober this year because last year I drank and I'm I'm scared. It's gonna be really scary for Daddy.

Yeah, can you stop saying that?

What coach you're annoying and then talking about you being daddy?

Oh why?

Because that's like.

Me, daddy you are.

I love you give Daddy and I give office siren. But we could talk my mom, like.

Kay put on his story offer siren and it was a selfie of him, and my mom liked this story.

I love that. No, but I'm not kidding. I I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I'm not going because I'm jealous.

Because I'm gonna go.

The thing is it genuinely sounds it sounds fun, but my brain just can't. I can't. I can't. Don't.

Oh my, that was real. Well, since Anya yells at me right now she destroyed my brand new bed, fucking.

Dish royd fucking river, I already replaced this fucking.

She no, no, no.

Mommy this morning to tell on me. Yeah.

And so we've been painting a bunch actually funny looking like oh no, no, I've been painting. I've been painting. But Enya used red oil paint in a painting and spilled it on our hardwood floor in our new house and it has been sitting there for about a month now, and every single time I'm in there, I'm like, oh, watch the oil paint. Watch the oil paint. I was like, maybe one day she'll clean it up. Maybe. No, it gets all over my socks. I track it through the house like clean, give me, look at me.

I don't give a fuck. And that's me rolling my eyes rapidly. If you're if you're listening and you're not watching, I rolled my eyes. Look at me rolling my eyes. I don't give a thos.

And every time I'm in there, I'm like, oh, and you'll watch out, don't step in it. Well, she stepped in it yesterday and got it all over her sweats and her socks, and I was like, oh, be careful, be careful. Whatever. She changed those socks.

Everyone hates the freedom of an artist who goes with the wind.

She changed those socks in sweats. Well, then she put new socks on, and I don't know when she stepped in a chunk again, but she stepped in a chunk also. It was me and you and Josh in my bed, and we were like watching this person that I found, because I famously love finding like weird people on the Internet and absorbing all of their life force energy and making it a part of my life. But she was sitting in my bed and like, I saw red marks in my bed, and I was like, oh my god,

He thought, I know, he thought I fully started my.

Period because he was out of bed.

Yeah, he jumped back and he was watching me and Drew interact, and we were like just being annoying, Like Drew just doing exactly what he's doing in front of your thing. Oh my god, you were in my bed, Like.

I mean, I literally don't give a shit.

But I know, but it literally just the way we talked to each other and Josh was watching, but it seemed like I had my fucking period on my bed to him, And I wonder we should have asked him what he thought, because I'm sure, and he.

Said he was like, damn, give a fun the way she the way he jumped out of bed and stood like twenty five feet away from you because he thought it was your period in the bed And you had her stinky fucking period in my bathroom this morning, dog surgery two point zero no last night, like and you, I have her periods in my brain down pat like I know exactly when inya starting her period.

No, you like snapping?

Yeah, no, he No, he supports men supporting women.

Yeah, because there's not enough supporting women.

There's not enough men support for men.

There's not enough men randomly in your life, in your day to day life, being like, I think you're gonna get your periods. That's exactly what this is. But I will say Drew is good.

Always.

No, it's not my bronze, it it's my dude. I've got a little tuned on me.

Yeah, there's not enough male speculation about female periods.

Yeah, female infamous emphasis on the female. No, I'm really in tune with her uterine lining and when it spills out of her body, because it's like the universe speaking through me to you, if that makes sense.

No, it's like a week before I hate myself. I'm ugly, I'm crashing out. I'm freaking the fuck out, like I always am freaking out, but oh I am freaking the fuck out, and I genuinely am spiraling.

And then I'm always like, oh, you might be starting your period soon next morning, block work.

And we should hear that machine out and connect it to us.

You wanna be on camera? Coming so bad?

I don't know. We don't. I'm just saying it would be cool. We don't. We don't really use it, so maybe we could use it more.

There's something deeply, deeply inside of you, like deep inside of you.

That's true.

That okay, no, and see that's what I'm talking about.

That was sick.

Yeah, I can't make it.

There's something inside of you that is me.

I'm terrifying Drew Phillips more like Drew fills them up.

Did you come up with that just now?

Yeah, Drew Phillips. Drew fills people up, people with joy, with good dick, with girthy dick.

He oh, dude, that's disgusting.

Wasn't your name at the high school? Drew Dick appointment Phillips.

Yet, I famously had a seizure while getting head.

That was a rumor they started about you.

Huh hm.

I didn't have rumors like I got asked if I was a lesbian in front of my class. That was kind of ship. I was gonna go too well.

I also had that because I decided to wear overalls short overalls with a pastel geographic undershirt, my glasses and Adidas Superstars, and I wondered why.

People play about a rug rat.

I really I really did not play with my aesthetic log at all. And I I wondered, I wondered why I got called the f slur, Like.

I mean, yeah, I was wearing ripped skinny jeans, white Doc Martins, a flannel around my waist, and like I had long red hair that I only wore in like a side braid for a full year, like and it was like a ginger color. It was like red. So I'm not really shocked than anybody had questions because I had questions myself.

I still have questions.

That was popular.

I was a quarterback.

I was a football player.

Yeah, like I was the quarterback superstar with his letterman jacket every day. He still wears his letter jacket today, like.

He's wearing it high school varsity that was like twenty years ago.

Who cares. It was fucking sick and everyone was obsessed with me in town. He's athletically very impressive.

Yeah, when Kai goes back to his neighborhood, literally there's a parade.

More like gighborhood. Okay, okay, well I forgot about that. I forgot to talk about this last week.

That was a really good transition.

See I forgot to talk about this last week. But someone came into my house. Someone came into you are not coming to my.

House, and see, I can't drink this Topo Chico because I'm about to get really burpy. Sorry, I keep going.

And mopped our floors and then poured the mop bucket floor water down my two hundred year old.

Vintage though like they were having fun.

No, they poured the mop bucket juice down my sink, which I'm like, oh, I love them. We key, we get down. But like that was a mistake that they should not have. No.

I think they did that at the old apartment too. What we're talking about is our old apartment. We would get it cleaned by our landlords from and because she employs all her friends, so everyone who comes to work on anything. I don't know them. I know them through my old landlord who likes mind you.

We would get it cleaned like once every seven months, and they would always yell at us. They would always be like, you need to do it more often. It's dirty, it's nasty, it's dusty.

But they I think they used to. I think they always put the mop stuff down the sink because all of our sinks are always fucked up. Yeah, every sink is clogged, and I don't think that the pieces together, yeah, can make that much.

Yeah, because I've yelled at and I've yelled that, Josh, I've yelled at myself about shaving like in the drains, like just shave on the floor and then vacuum it up. Turns out they were just pouring mop bucket juice.

It was just like all of Zol's hair that's stuck to everything on the floor is just like in the sink drain. So we have fur lined sink.

Yeah.

The point I'm trying to make is they destroyed They destroyed that sink, Like it was so bad that a plumber came in and was like what happened? Like, how did this happen? He had to take my entire sink out of the ground, like take the whole thing, the whole unit out of the ground to unclog it. Well, d you said that. I don't have a picture of what was inside, but he said that he was taking

While trying to fix it.

Yeah, let me find that.

He was fucking the sink. He was fucking the pipe.

Well, no, literally, I'm not kidding, no, no, no, no, I swear to fucking God. Where's this goddamn fucking video before I crash out on a bitch like I'm literally about to crash out, dude, when you, oh, here we go, Here we go. He's laying pipe in it.

Oh, I know, I don't like that.

I really don't know, he says. Oh yeah. I mean I'm telling you he fucked my sink in there.

And we don't have enough men like that on this planet anymore. That's a real passion for cleaning pipe like.

You probably fixed.

Yeah, I was gonna say that, Oh yeah, it's probably from getting a big fucking fur ball out of your sink and feeling the joy that knowing you'll be able to brush your teeth in your own bathroom.

And the sink is fixed. And I don't ask questions about how he got it done, but I am pretty positive he had sex with the pipes of my sink.

That is insane.

No, I feel bad for clowning you, but it does sound like he's giving your sink the work.

Yeah, the sink had the wipe its butt crack after. Oh yeah, he was done with.

You gave the sink the type of head where it had to wipe its ass after.

You guys are fucking discussed.

Wait, Drew, are you okay, by the way, because I mean, I don't know if you heard there's a trade war?

No?

Wait, yeah, Trump started a trade war.

There's no like actual actual trade.

Yeh, like triffs on trade?

Yeah? How am I going to afford my trade?

Well?

The good news is you didn't have much to begin with, So it's kind of like if I started caring. It's like I don't have trade in the game. You have trade in No, you don't have enough trade in care.

I'm genuinely like not okay, Like I have my trade? Like, what am I gonna do?

Yeah, there's one hundred and four percent tariffs on trade? Now?

No, how am I going to paint trade?

Yeah?

How I need to paint trade? It's like a part of my life. I have a gay father. We know this. I've talked about this before.

We know this. We know this. He's famously been married to Drew's bomb with.

Twenty five years seven years twenty eight years, but he grew up rocky horror picture on the screen our whole life. He also loves Broadway to a degree that like not even I a game enjoy Say.

He comes to LA and the one thing he wants to do is go to shows.

That's really he's not too He's not coming to LA to see me. He's coming to LA to see the goddamn Traveling Neil Diamond Broadway Show because it's the last show. It's the last time I'll ever see it. Which I'm like, I did see that show and it was actually really good. But like why did he see it in New York twice, in Dallas once and now he's coming to LA to see it a fourth time? Like that's a gay man, Like I'm telling you that.

Is all a game man too, Like I don't hang out with Drew's parents when they're in New York because all they're doing is going to fucking places. They go to like two a day.

Yeah, but I love my gay dad and like one day he'll be braven to come out of the closet to me.

It's why men can't enjoy anything. If you like theater, now you're gay, Like actually, Yeah.

If you take selfies as a man, you're gay. If you like theater as a man, you're gay. If you have friends as a man, you're gay.

Like if you hang like feeling myself and I want to take a photo and plus on Instagram?

Why would you want to do that? Though?

That's the other men are in your comments sections the same you. You look good.

Girls are not about to be like you look so good. You know it's gonna be your boys in your comments like, it's not going to.

Be the is always Mason.

It's I know Mason is going to hype both. Like even the way y'all hype each other up, men hype each other up in the gayest way ever. It's such a joke for girls because girls do it too. But I'm like, bro, we are like men. The way y'all compliment each other is really freaky. I was doing my laundry while they were like in here before we got to the episode.

But do you do laundry?

Yeah?

Gay? Do you do dishes?

Yes? I do. I enjoy it gay.

Do you eat Kiwis yeah? Bisexual?

I don't like Kiwi's.

Do you sit out in the sun sometimes when I'm cold? Oh?

That's straight, that's really straight straight, and that.

Was borderline geriatric.

Too much, that was too much, like I don't know how to describe it. Like I should be going in the sun because like it's fun and the sun is going to make you happy and like it's gonna bring some color to your life.

Like not because I realize that I haven't moved all day and I'm going to my bones, like my bones feel cold bones everything.

Even if that's what it is, you need to lie to yourself. I've been lying to myself a lot and it works so well. It works like a charm. Like I just genuinely, I'm like, today is going to be the best day ever, and it could be the worst day ever, but I'm like, wow, I.

Have been going on a lot of walks recently, and y'all bitches were not lying about walks like every like I'll be like having the worst day ever and I'll go on an hour long walk and come back home and life is good. God is good.

Yeah.

I've avoided my cardiologist for three years, dodged all the calls.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah, still dodging them. I'm not even kidding. They still call me every once in a while. Well because also they're probably just gonna tell me I have a fucking heart murmur or something, and then I'm fine, but like just be careful, and I'm like, no, they're just going to try to get me to stop fucking vaping and I'm not doing that. He say, your cholesterol is too high, eat healthy.

No, I mean yeah, I will say all the advice I've gotten from doctors that I can think about. Although fell stupid, it was good advice.

I'm just tired of going to the doctors because they're so annoying, and I'm always there because of the bugs in my skin. And then also, well, my roommate is a battery, and I feel like I could probably a battery. Yeah, he's a battery, and he's always like recording me and stuff, and then he'll follow me like he's recording me out there, and so I'm always like telling the doctors like he's a battery, Like he's a circuit board, like he's a part of like a larger computer, and he's the power source.

Your room, Please go to the hospital.

For real reason, I can't like, because I.

Feel like you're really a battery calling a person of batteries a part of them.

Wow, that was like the hardest I think you've ever made us laugh.

Like congrats, I think it was.

Actually No, that was and you're sitting back like.

I'm gonna yeah, I feel good about that. I'm gonna put that into the YouTube episode.

Like, honestly, I give you for rison because I was funny as far. Fuck what the fuck was I gonna say?

Now?

See now I take it back, bitch, because you've thrown me off my like trail of thought.

Oh I'm sorry.

Did I tell them I have like got diagnosed with low vitamin D?

No?

Yeah I got. I got put on like a mega dose of vitamin D, which is just a doctor coming over here in rayle and pipe and give me back shots three times a day.

You have a at home doctor who just comes here to fuck you.

Yeah.

No, I literally went to the doctor, got my blood work done and do it every year for my birthday, clean on everything, clean on everything. I have syphilis, No, but get my blood work done every year. I accidentally, Oh my fucking god, wait, I can't believe I forgot to tell this. So we all know that. About a year ago, I went to a doctor and they just

That's actually how a lot of movies get their prop blood, right.

Do down write that down?

No?

I really think they cloned me, and I think like something sinister or dark is going on. I think they sold my blood to the black market, but they lost my blood. Well. I booked an appointment and then when I pulled up, I was like, oh my god, this is the same fucking clinic that lost my blood. Well, I clocked their shit. I was like, yeah, last time I was here. They were like have you been here before? And I was like yeah, and they were like did

Like milligrams did you get put on?

Because they gave him like I well, first they were like oh, like they were like, you're vitamin D solow. You can't just take a vitamin for this, like you have to take this prescription strength vitamin D. Haven't been taking it, by the way, because like I'm scared of it, like destabilizing.

What's destabilizing about it is you were like, you don't have any vitamin D. One time drew out these vitamin D because he doesn't leave the house, which is like whatever, that's no, No, I don't want to get too much on. But one time he got into taking vitamin D and he stopped taking it because he said that's just not normal. It made me feel like so happy for a few hours,

Ho.

Yeah, no, you should take your vitamins or I'm gonna start taking them. I go outside enough. I want to know what od on vitamin D is gonna do to me.

That's oh, I can show you that come on that me up, You're lucky. I don't know where the fucking balls are.

I thought they were right there.

No, they're gone. I got rid of them. But yeah, so I have low vitamin D and I don't know where I was going with that story. Oh I started taking walk. They said, they said, okay, like take this vitamin D and then go outside in the sun with eighty percent of your skin exposed. So I've been going on walks with like thirty percent of my skin exposed. But really, really like they're they're they weren't lying about those walks. Like I feel after a walk, I'm so high,

I will say, Now, I don't know if that's gonna be. I mean, you should just sleep with no sheets on and sleep the other way, so your whole body is covered in sun. But I've been sleeping in Drew's room every fucking night for.

Me, Actually haven't not, we we haven't. We've slept together more than we haven't slept together.

Yeah, ever since we moved, we've been, especially ever since you got a bigger bed. We've been sleeping together every fucking night.

Love that. And I can't. I always like accidentally end up cuddling in you or vice versa.

There's no accidents here though, but I.

Did cuddle Oryan on accident.

I just think if I'm sharing a bed with somebody, just like be open to that because that's gonna happen.

Like we have been doing this thing recently where I make and you hug me for twenty two seconds because it promotes oxytocin and a bond and it like makes you feel good.

I just got sent this thing today that was talking about how.

Or seven seconds kiss your choice. Yeah, it'll be faster, one will feel better.

I kind of think the hug would feel better.

I'm famously a good kisser.

Famously how many famously kissing. Oh you guys are.

Finding the way that I left a snail trail. The last Kiss You a male snail trail.

Anyway, I read this thing that was talking about how if you cry in front of somebody during like a vulnerable moment, it releases a bunch of.

Uh oxy oxy cotton oxytocin. Yeah, I've been taking a bunch of oxy cotton recently to like.

I just can't stop taking it.

I just can't. Every time I stop taking it, I like break out and sweat and I shake I shit out of my ass liquid my bones feel like the.

Rat a hangover that never ends. But also it's like a hangover. But I accidentally did like K two.

Yeah, and I see like babies crawling on the ceiling, like I hallucinate bad. So then I just take it and I feel better. It's like really crazy. Actually, guys, I went through opium withdrawal at one point in my life. Suck my digging balls like literally, actually.

I mean, opioids are lucky they haven't seen me coming, because you'll lose me. A you know, I want to lose me, but I know I want to lose me.

Drew, do you know the guy? You know, it's like this ball guy with a beard that says crazy shit about like his.

Penis, oh, his stink portal?

Yeah? Yeah, do you know what that guy's name is? I wanted to pull it up.

No, I don't know his name because he's always talking about in the sun. I've been liking all of his posts on ig recently. Let me look at this and actually, you know, it's so funny. Oh my god. I'll be scrolling through my reels on my side account that I follow him on and he likes literally everything, like he likes every video ever. It's like really crazy, that's.

Kind of amazing. I want to get more into liking things. I'm not even kidding, like liking things on Instagram and TikTok because I'll see something that I like, but I don't like it, and I want to just get into liking guys. We should spread the love and go and like all of my ig pictures.

Right now it will blunder filleds Yeah I found his ig. Oh I just had a beautiful I hate it so mush.

For me ew I actually that makes me so mad.

That's disgusting, Like that is disgusting.

That every once in a while a picture of his will pop up on my feet and it's like him playing the piano naked on stage in front of like five hundred people seventeen years ago, and I'm like, what is his life? But he talks about his stink portal and that guy shouldn't disgusting?

Is that what he's calling his fucking.

Weimer his butthole? And he thinks guys should like hook up more often because it promotes masculinity. I mean yeah, and like getting another man seemen inside of you is like the most masculine thing you can.

Do, and.

Getting his hummus inside of your stink port I mean, like.

Honestly, to each their own, but I can see where he's coming from on that idea.

What do you go on in your notes, babe?

Say?

Crazy?

Yeah, I need to know what you gotta say.

Okay, well, first of all, I need to acknowledge my fucking name room. Like my nails. I need to talk about these nails. I haven't had nails for so long, and I did not intend on getting nails, let alone fucking aqua marine cat eye, shiny nails that are coffin shape, which I don't think is my or almond shape, which I don't think is my shape.

I see, I like that shape, on you, I think.

Well, I like, I don't hate them. I'm actually really glad with the decisions I made. I got French tiptoes and aqua marine ass. Fuck.

Do you know actually I literally hate that shape on you because like when you're playing with my buttole it like literally hurts so fucking bad.

I'm not kidding, Like, there is no amount of money you could pay me to go anywhere near a man's bathole even mine. No no, no really no no no no no no no no no no no no.

No, okay, I honestly I'm not going to push back on that because I.

Agree it's just disgusting.

But holes dudes hooking up a dude, this is so.

Fucked Okay, no, girl, I didn't mean I like that. That's just not my cup of tea. That's fucking disgusting to me personally. I would just never go near a man's fucking butt. That's fucking nasty. I just like I think naturally, I think men are dirty, but I've just always like felt that.

In my uh, men are nasty and dirty and stinky.

But your nails, oh, I was taken by I bite my nails really bad, and I just can't stop unless I have my nails done.

But I just can't stop coming.

I just can't stop coming. But my nails were really gnarly. So my friend took me to get my nails done, my friend being Rain, and I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna go in and get like a regular manny petty. And I went in and then I was just kind of like, this happened, bro, that's what I'm saying.

I think you asked for these and you're trying to cover it.

Okay, So here's how I went. My nails were really fucked up.

How this happen my nails.

My nails were really fucked up? Bro? And I don't do nails anymore for my own personal reasons whatever, like decisions, decisions, decisions in this life. I'd rather have short nails.

But why did you get those nails?

Okay, thank you? But yeah, I went in there and I was like, honestly, I would like a longer nail, like I haven't had long nails in a while. Like I'd be down for a long nail, but I usually get like a coffin chip. And then I showed my nails to the girl and I was like oh, can I get extensions or like just like something short. I was like, I want something really short, and she just looked at my hands and she was like, no, almond and I was just like what and she was like,

I wait, wait, can you not use that word? It's really degrading towards when?

Oh what which one the p word? What word did I say?

I don't kai watch your mouth? Sorry to keep going.

I'll allow you to keep going, and thank you for calling me out.

I'm not allowed to say pussy. But what was I saying?

Oh? Yeah?

And then I just left and I felt fucking insane because I've never had a color like this, and I've never had French tip toes, and I'm just like, I feel bashit crazy. But at least it's gonna be sunny this week.

God, I know it really is. The sun is out. This sun is out.

I was like, damn, this is how I know. Like I've kind of gone umpoco loco because this is never something I would have done, but I'm kind of into it. I think, like I want to go get them replaced with like French tip, Like.

Why don't you just paint them a different color?

You you know nothing? That was the craziest thing you could have ever said, you know nothing. If only it was that simple, if it was that our.

Small you are, fuck, I could destroy you you're an idiot, and you yells at me like that. She calls me small and weak.

Oh my god, Oh no, now I'm the bad guy.

What she says, you're small, You're week. She says, you're small, You're weak, your jaw is too wide, your hair cut is fucked up. Wait, Ki, how do I look today?

Really good? Oh my god, your hair looks really good and your skin looks super clear.

I have I haven't washed my face in three days, just with water. I've been I've decided that I wanted to stop you. That is literally a lie. I washed my face last night. Never mind, I take that back.

You know what's fucked up is I know what road you're going down. And that's why I'm saying like it's okay if we're crazy people, because this is just what it is. I know because I recently, I have for the past few months, been in a mental state where like I am not buying anything for my self care. That's a whole other thing. I have bought soup right now because I took it from Drew. But there was genuinely like a week what.

You said the beaver, Well, he's not going to say the other word out.

Of respect there you keep going, yeah, and you actually had soap.

I had bars off.

So Ya has not been buying anything for herself. She for the first time in my life, I felt, I feel like what it probably felt like for you when I didn't buy anything for myself.

For like a year and you would just take my sh what I've been doing.

I mean, I don't give a ship, like literally zero part of me cares, but like it.

Is but within that like spiral that's been happening this whole year, because it kind of started at the top of the year, maybe even later, like after the holidays, Like I just so I haven't been buying that ship. And really genuinely, there was a passing thought where I was like it was turning in my bathroom but looking and I was like, fuck, dude, I need to make a list of things I'm missing because I'm at the point where like I just have all these expired creams and I'm like, I hope this works.

I hope it pay off.

This office time.

And he's wearing a skirt, What the fuck was that?

And my toes are out, What the fuck.

Was that guy?

I didn't even think about that. It was just a bit.

Was the real so camera because that was so funny. Why are you taking pictures of it?

I was just trying to do a creepy bit. I don't know.

I mean, it wasn't a bit. It was just that was hilarious. I'm glad you did that.

You are so brave and bury and I love that about you.

I immediately backtracked the second I thought the second the second you were like, oh god.

Fuck, what was I saying? Oh? Yeah, the delusion that I literally was like maybe like I was meant to be like a more natural person where I only use one soap on my whole entire body and it's the same soap for my hair and my body, and like my like maybe I just like stopped doing all Like it literally was me going into a world of like these things are too worldly, Like I was like standing here.

So I don't know, I was going to say, I've been looking at my products recently, and that's why I took like a small little break because I was like, what am I putting on my skin?

Like?

What are these chemicals? Like they're absorbed, Like this is my biggest organ and I'm just lathering it in fucking kims and cybernetics, Like literally, what is going on? Yeah?

I stopped buying all.

For your ticket hit from a bite before I hit my vape in dream.

But that's fine.

That's why I like reeled back in my delusion because I was like, this is too worldly. And then I'd be like, Okay, where's my weed pen, where's my vape? I'm gonna put both.

Of those in my pot. I think actually there's an argument that vapes and weed pins aren't of this world.

Oh it's an alien technology.

It's either alien technology or it is God. Feel like that I kind of believe. I believe that technology is God, Like these cables are God I have. I'm starting to believe that.

It does feel like some sort of like foreshadowing to like the Singularity or something. Seeing somebody plug a vape into a laptop to charge it and then they like inhale, I actually charge.

My computer with my that's actually how I access all my memory? So you should you should quit while you're a head.

Yeah.

Anytime I forget something, I just plug it into my laptop and I hit it and I'm like, oh shit, I have texts to reply to. I just call all the notifications in my head.

Sorry.

True what happened?

M He started thinking about technology.

Literally, I'm not that I already know that though some breaking because I was like, dude, you guys are going down to Pathward three is actually to get scared, like he can't reel it in like me, like I can get a bit cuckoo, and I'm like, okay, loco, like let's back up, Drew will go.

He's gone.

He literally, guy's so scared.

Drew's version of like his brain is that song that's like, well Horses and instead of not the Sunday's one, the fucking other one, Prince one, not the Prince one and not the prefrap prefab the one whichever one's on fucking TikTok that y'all are going outside and recording to Drew's brain. Is that but wild Horses is playing and it's literally like ideas of horrors and robots taking over mankind.

Yeah, it's less about robots and it's just more about extistentialism.

I can just turn that off. That's what I did.

I'm so jealous of that.

I'm serious, I really I kept thinking of being able to turn I was really starting to think, like, oh, like meditation for me is broken, Like I try to meditate and my brain runs free and da da da da da da da da da.

I don't know where I was going with that. I lost it. Wait, I was going to say something dreams, dreams, dream dreams.

My law across the line is what were you saying? Once I did, Josh, you were like three bagus, Like you kept repeating to him your in and out order, and you kept doing it like a prince, and I could never like redo the voice you did.

I literally have no idea what I want to ask Josh.

I don't remember if it was your Josh, though it might have been Josh, because that sounds way funnier coming from Josh.

Do you remember. I think it was your birthday where we had this like fucked up order at in and out. It was like thirty burgers or something. Yeah, and then you roll down the window. It was like a girl who like knew about the podcast, Like I felt so.

Bad because it was like four hundred Burgers and it was like for like thirty people, and it.

Was thirty people. Was also like it was our whole. Yeah, it was like maybe like ten people.

Yeah, and then I got everybody Burgers paid for it with my card and I didn't even get my fucking burger. Someone ate my burger.

Oh.

Also, I went to in and out. I was like, you know what, like I'm gonna eat as fuck, Like I'm gonna eat down. I haven't really been eating good this last week, Like I'm gonna eat as fuck, like I'm gonna go crazy. And I have my order down pad.

Honestly, my vite. If I worked there, literally like I would just be going crazy. I would have a pen in my back pocket and I would just be high as fun. Whatever the fuck came to me.

It's like that Club Penguin game or that cake making game, the pizza making game in Club Penguin. That's what. But no, yeah, it is a complicated order, and it's like whatever and in and outs ran through and I really do feel bad for those workers every time, because I.

Don't established me on the fucking planet.

Like I'm not even kidding like like this, saying they're braver than the Marines, like they literally are. Zamar worked that in.

And out for yeah you remember, and then he worked at Trader Joe's for a second too after that. Or maybe I'm tripping, I'm pretty sure.

He did well. I'll I'll just have like some almonds throughout the day, I know before.

Yeah, I eat a couple of ice chips, I'll have some water with and you eat.

I kind of eat whatever my fucking heart desires. Like I literally like if something's around, I'll eat out, I know, and I'll make fun of it.

You're in You're in my era, like my garbage disposal era.

I'm in my eater era, and I'm in a theater. Yeah, you are my feeder. Drew always gets me food and then I just eat his scraps. That's actually I guess I kind of have been the garbage disposal this week. That's been my duty. Is anybody who has food left around, I've just been eating it. And also, I think if I'm gonna die from some freak accident, it's probably gonna be food bacteria or like such. Yeah, like votulism or

You're not supposed to put warm stuff in the fridge.

You'll die if it's in a hot container because condensation and like it'll like speed up bacteria growth.

It's like the temperature is stays in the sweet spot for bacteria to grow longer, So you're supposed to wait for it to get room temperature and then put it in. I don't believe that.

But also I grew up with a family who would make big tubs of soup and leave it on the stove. And the way we kept it good was you would heat it up every day till you ran.

I mean that makes sense to me.

Yeah, you killed the bacteria. You're burning it and that's why my my immune system is so strong.

Have I told them about the crows yet? Oh my god, No, there's been so many crows around this house, like, and it's starting to feel like when I thought people were filming me through my window and the headlights were speaking to me. There are so many crows around the house.

I think you should definitely just look into the.

I also got a picture of them.

You what's it called a good omen? So I wouldn't worry about that.

I think it's also it's famously spring, and they might just be literally moving.

Oh yeah, I got a picture of them, and I honestly think it might be us in a past life where is it? Or it might be us in every life.

So the evil omen is the crows that have been following you around. And you saw two crows and that's us.

But they've I've saw them this morning, I saw they all day yesterday.

I can lie. Can we go bird watching?

That's literally please? Are you kidding me? Everybody? Right now, I'm gonna put oh wait, no those.

I didn't see anything else, but you're so in a way.

But no, I'm gonna put on this app that my mom showed me. It's called Merlin Bird. I d you put in like what like area area you live in or what area you're visiting, and you have to download bird pecks like specific to like the region you're in, and you click the record button and it listens for birds in your area, and then based off of the bird call that the app heres, it tells you what

Yeah, you're an as what Sniffy's.

You guys know what's you know what Sniffy's is you especially?

Is it like a fabreeze thing like an air?

No, it's always it's if you're sick.

No, it's oh, it's like, oh it's congestion.

Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, keep going. It's just he's gonna.

It's like this, it's good and sorry.

I just it's like this app where there's like penises and then you can like go, you can go suck them basically based off of like your radius. This is what I've heard, this is what you've.

Told me, but apparently pointing to me.

I'm just saying, like we've talked about this one time off Larchmont. Do you know what is? It's like Burger lounge. I think hmm. I was really depressed in like twenty eighteen. We know this, but I would like go in there all the time and there's this really cute girl that worked at the cash register, and I was always like, she's really pretty, but straight up couldn't even make out

Fucking quit? Scared the fuck out of her, just like the guy who got me there all time swim and he took it and ran away. He's in tell me, yeah, that's sweet. I feel like that's one of those things where it's like how things sound when it's from somebody you like versus somebody you don't know well, and it's that fucking TikTok. We were cracking up. It's like, dude, his weird ass drove fifteen minutes out of his way to give me a fucking coffee, like he knew my order.

If someone drives fifteen minutes to give you a coffee at work and it's someone you don't want.

It's if somebody does anything for me, I question it because I have issues about everything and nothing to me. You back there and stalk her.

I think this was years ago. She's probably like a CEO of some company. Now.

Yeah, she's probably wild and she's like, remember, she's gonna make one of those picture. Its gonna be you, and it's gonna be like that time that I gave this sad guy.

The lowest point of that guy. He's a motivational speaker now. And it's like the lowest point of her life was when she was attracted.

It was a rock bottom for me.

Also, you're such a tweak because I'm sure you could have spoken to her, and I guess maybe all weren't meant to day. She probably found like a guy who could like build a table and stuff.

Yeah, she probably got a better days for her, protect her and shit, which is fine. I'm happy for her. Whatever.

Every single night.

Every single night, and every single.

Day, every single night in bed, I grapple with the idea of if I should go to sleep or if I should spend sixty dollars in bed every night.

I guess yeah, I mean using your phone now is literally like, fuck, I really hope I use this and I don't buy something stupid?

Should I sleep or spend sixty dollars?

Mine is should I sleep or should I Actually this wave of motivation and lust for life I have. Should I sit on this and stay up all fucking night and have the best day of my life tomorrow? And then I usually end up going to for you have the.

Best night ever? Chicken jockey?

Oh?

Yeah? What? Hello?

Okay? Wait?

Actually, had the fuck was that?

Have y'all seen what is it called? Million Dollar Secret?

You know I haven't seen that?

Well, I know you haven't seen a motherfucker. I was asking this.

Motherfucker, why do you look at you?

I didn't want to add the fucking question. Fine, I'll just talk to Kay. Have you seen million dollars?

That is?

Okay, I'm gonna explain to you what it is. It's this reality show that, from what I'm gathering, is kind of like a copycat of just like a jubilee or a mole game whatever whatever. The semantics of it don't matter to me, but it's basically, one person has a million dollars and they have to lie to the whole cast that they're on this game show with about who has the million dollars in the last liar standing gets

Oh, who's the guy that had the DUI recently that did the press conference?

I wouldn't know.

Who's the guy that did Like Dick in a box with Andy Samberg. Who was that?

I wouldn't know that either.

Lady Gaga. That was Lady Gaga.

Oh, I'm gonna see her at Coachella. I'm gonna see Africa.

Sheat there? She is she doing Coachella.

I'm pretty sure she is. Saturday. Wait, since one, since always. That's why I'm like, we should maybe go Saturday, really fun Saturdays, Saturday, Sunday, just Saturday.

Though no, I can't. I don't think any even like I'm not kidding. All of my negative projections onto the experience of Coachella come from the deep, deep truth that I just can't enjoy those kind of things because I am actually petrified of being around them.

Many people every single night.

And that's why I have to have like two drinks because I seriously think someone's gonna fucking kidnap me or stab me, kill me.

This is how I would do it. Oh, what's the what's the guy who has the song baby? His first name Justin? And what would you say?

Is a tree that not suspicious? So she had to get three? Wait, what was the second part?

A tree by a body of water, a tree by a lake. But what's another name for a tree.

Oak oak Tree, oak Wood, I don't know.

That's my middle school oak Woods, oak Woods. We were the road runners.

I would say, who's that guy that Drew sold poppers to that one time?

Oh, justin Timberlay. But you have to get people to say it three times. And also everyone who's playing the game with you is watching, and another one was of them was like some crazy ship. It's oh, you have to get three people to scream with you, but everybody's

I need to see that because I have this visceral like idea that if I was ever on one of those dating shows, I would have a panic attack on camera. Oh I cannot think of a worse thing for me to be.

Well, I guess it's like live dating on camera.

Dude.

None of us would survive Love Island, not a single one of us.

I don't know a single person that has the brain chemistry for Love Island.

Like you really have to be about it.

You don't know about traders.

Traders, Yeah, but like it's resonating with me, I have to tap in. I just like, honestly, game shows are so good and this might be crazy, but I think I like the Millionaire or what is it called again, a million Dollar Secret? I think I like it because it's the first in a while I have felt to my core that the producers are fucking with this game, like they every task is so pointed, and like them

Well, if you love lying so much, you're pretty.

That's to me, isn't even a bad lie, because the correct one is I'm gorgeous, So pretty actually doesn't even pretty goes over my head. It's like pretty try again, and for me, I would be lying by saying like you are worthy.

So I'm worthless? Yeah, no, I am worthless.

Guys, today, can we have an art and crafts day where we make each other motivational poster?

We need to go to the fucking gym. We haven't been to the gym in like three months, so bad.

You just sent me a shirtless photo in the gym.

Why yelling at me to go to the gym? That's the crazy. Wow, Yeah, we need to go to the fucking gym.

That's why I apologize. I want to apologize for my radar for protecting women not going off just then because usually it's perfect.

And I apologize for my gatar going off so crazy that you guys could probably hear it through my brain because y'all are so good.

Actually, I hear nothing. I hear nothing, and that's impossible. So yeah, we went to the Minecraft movie. Well they didn't. I went to the Minecraft movie and it was lit.

Okay, me and k I are going to go see it.

Yeah, y'all have fucking fun.

My friend saw it and she said that she had a really, really violently visceral sex dream about Jack Black.

After Honestly, I can't even hate on that because like I kind of.

Feel like I can get down. Yeah, I can get down with that.

It looks good on SNL. Have you seen when he's young? On SNL?

He's sexy Jason momoo too all that slide.

No, but I don't like that buff shit.

The movie was fucking lit. It was really funny. Actually, like I thought, I thought I was gonna be like go into it and just like laugh at how terrible it was. It is a bad movie. Objectively, it's a bad movie, but like if you let yourself love it, if you let your imagination run free, like a Minecraft movie would would want you to do, it was awesome.

That I need to go see it.

But I did wish. I did wish I saw it like after Saturday or Sunday, Saturday Saturday, because like the Hive mind like decided like the parts that they're going to cheer out, like it was like a Barbenheimer moment where like everyone was like, yeah, we're gonna have fun in this movie. People weren't really having fun yet. And I would go see it again just to like cheer in the theater, like everybody cheers at the AMC Lady.

That's like gay's people version of sports is going its banding together over some weird ass movie and all boy to the theater and screaming at the screen like that is literally the closest that And like the Fortnite shit, because Fortnite they are one universe away the universe being Steven Universe from having the broadest range of gay people to ever play one singular video game. And I genuinely it lost me for a second. But they got the

So my friends recently asked me they were at a gay night and they were watching music videos and they asked for my opin and they asked for they asked for what I should put on.

Oh my god, that's amazing Gaga music video.

That's like a short film.

Telephone.

Yeah, is it for telephone with Beyonce? No, there's like one where it's twelve minutes.

I was watching the telephones Beyonce or Telephones twelve minutes. Oh, it's kind of like she.

Picks her up from jel Like, yeah, she does the like like where you lost around Yeah.

Exactly.

Oh my god, guys, a fucking Beyonce concert later this month.

Yeah.

Wow. You know what the scariest part is, I remember when that album came out and I was like, I don't even have to think about going to that concert for like so long.

It's here here.

I think last time when we went to Renaissance, I didn't really do too much with my fit. I actually almost wore that shirt today, the like tiktop that had my boobs falling out, well, because my boobshrunk, so I thought they would fit in that shirt. And I'd been told where my boobs are out, and I was like, this shirt is literally just not meant to be worn by me. But I think I want to go crazy with like a fit. I'm just I think I'm like kind of losing it, Like I want I'm bored. I

Boom. The last thing I want to talk about is how humans think they were created in God's image, but it was actually horseshoe crabs. They haven't evolved in millions and millions and millions of years. They haven't changed a centimeter a millimeter and that's what God looks like.

And doesn't everything evolve into a crab eventually?

Yeah, Yeah, they're like the final.

Form efficient physical embodiment.

And that's why now they're sold at fairs a little kids, that's why we eat them. Yeah, that's why. Like I actually have like friends about amy who've logged going down.

There and their blue blood is like the most expensive liquid in the world, blue blood. M This blood is really expensive and it's good for like medical medicine. Also, also, if horseshoe crabs start evolving, that's when we know the damage we've done is irreparable. Wow.

So when was the last time we seen one of those motherfuckers? Because I want to check out.

I want to see what's going on.

Yeah, because it feels like she's she's changing in her sleep and we don't even notice it yet.

Also, actually, this is the last thing I'll mention. This ship pissed me the fuck off in a crazy way. This what this really infuriated me. Like, this pissed me the fuck off. I got tagged in this video way way too many times for it to be okay, this is it was bullying. It was bullying at that point.

Like that's that's crazy.

That that does remind me of the community.

Kill yourself.

You'll make me wanna go.

Wait, and because I want to, I want to focus on this.

Hi, that's fucking nasty. Like actually, sometimes you you like no, no.

I'm sorry.

Oh, Let's go through the email and see if I can find some doppelgangers or some syops. Blake Bennett holding it down still, I'm not kidding. He sent me like he said, Oh wait, this is a this is one he said on his own lesbian grinder is called finger f I n g R. Potheads will find any reason to smoke. Damn that bitch ugly. Let me roll up.

That's me Brad, Literally, Damn that bit is ugly.

What's the what do you mean you saw yog.

I can't stand smoking with paranoid bitches. Fuck you mean you see Yogiyamamoto in the corner?

This is just a certified classic. Um some of y'all air pods some um, some of y'all's air pods look like they were in your ass, not your ear.

Classic class.

Whoa, this one's good. This one's really really really good. You got money for du buy chocolate but didn't pay your rent that was due by the first Wow. Damn these things giving leftovers are still hitting true. It's April Day, Happy Easter.

It's Easter this weekend. I think I need to do an Easter egg hunt. So that's kind of where I'm at right now, But I just want to do it. If somebody puts like a twenty in one of the eggs, I want like a twenty for free that I hunt.

I'll do. We can do that in the backyard.

That'll be fun.

Yeah.

Should we host like a weak We don't have grass, but we can hide them.

Yeah.

Yeah. Some of y'all aren't queer, but you sure are LGBT, lying, gossiping, and bitching well into your thirties.

I've never seen queer eye for the straight guy. But I can only assume this trio is.

That I would eat as like the guy that got nominated.

Because what is it? Is it like a guy makeover show?

Yeah, it's like you nominate. It's not specifically guy, but like you nominate a person or a guy to be made over by like three or four gay guys, and it's like therapy.

It's so it's like the nice version of not to wear.

Yeah, the non evil version him that pussy is mine? Wait? Him, is that pussy mine me? You are for sure?

Shale hurled up bow Okay, I called the girls by boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Those were from Yale. Okay, Well that was the episode of no Media Media.

My media is rather live by Playboy CARTI on the weekend. This is my life. Shirley BASSI Relationships behind I'm Tonight Pink Panthers.

I've been listening to Sufi and Stevens Seven Swans and that is the saddest album.

Oh my god, Yeah, I can't do that right now?

Do you know the lore?

No?

I don't know.

Oh it's really dark sighted look into it. I'm not. I don't want to like mess things up, but like someone he falls in love with, gets cancer and dies. Futile Devices, Though I always say, I always say, Stacy's Mom makes me cry. That's the only song that's ever made me cry and will ever make me cry. Futile Devices made me cry. The other day.

I've been listening to White Knights by Psychic TV.

Again, how does that one go?

It's like Santa Claus is checking his list.

Go Choices, Project Past, I love you, Oh my, I really like Choices by Project Pat and Lavender Bud.

Oh yeah. I was lying awake and thinking about them nights we spent ample undercommer and when I came I loved and not Rema and made my world the living. Okay, well, see you my next