Welcome to this episode of Emergency Call.
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy to finally.
Be back home, the home, sweet home. I'm coming home. I'm coming, when I'm coming, all over your bed, I'm coming.
Oh that I'm coming.
You know, some people have a plastic layer. Okay, Kay's blowing o's with the puff bar.
I gave him back there.
We also have a live audience through the windows of our house.
You know how some people have like a plastic wrap over their sofa to keep it protected. I've done that with a seaman and come and spit. So there's a protective like card. Like if you go touch our sofa, it's like this sound.
That's what I did. Your pillow too, Yeah, I.
Know, but it's I'm happy because I can chip it off at instead of biting my f.
Do not let me sit on your leather couch if it is peeling, because I will peel that shit more. Do not let me do that. It's like a face mask, like you know the American psycho face mask. Okay, well, I have a question. I saw little YACHTI asked this question, and I was like, oh, this is a good question for y'all. If you have one week left to live? What would you do or say to the world that you've always wanted to do, or say.
Um, I'm so quick at the mouth publicly, I don't know that. I think it's a problem that there's.
Too much I have said already.
So I think I would do the opposite, and I would revert to silence.
I wouldn't say there's seven hours left there and then like start a counting down in their head and then like everyone's freaking the fuck out and calling their loved ones and telling you I love you, I love you, like we're all gonna die, Like what's gonna happen? Is there? It after like everyone's freaking the fuck out, and then the clock hits seven and it's just like bruh, bruh, bruh sound effect and that's it.
Across the world. How would you even get that?
Like, I'm omnipresent, So in.
This hypothetical, you have the power to do anything. Yeah, I think mine is I would like count down to my death like I'm releasing a brand, so I'd be like so excited to like share this with you guys next week. It's gonna be big and like get a bunch of like graphics and stuff done as if I'm like releasing a brand, and then on the day that I died, it's just a raw photo of me in an open casket so I can hurt everybody. Open caskets are so unnatural. I don't know why we do that.
That is like the weirdest thing ever I know.
Like the last fucking images I have of my loved ones are them with like the worst full beat or whatever. Like it's like cakey as.
Fucking literally on his side.
Yeah, how like it's not cho Like literally my brother had like like an iconic birthmark under his eye and they fucking covered it up, like they made it like pale and nasty, and I was just like, oh my god, Like, if you're gonna be eat, like if you're gonna be a Morgue beater, like you have to beat down.
Yeah, you need to like be going to Is that what they call that? A body beater?
That's what the body beat?
Yeah, that's what they call me when I hit when I'm hitting it.
Ye, I don't think that's a good thing.
No, Like, because you beat it up? Shots, all right, who's going to give me back? Shots? You know? Like dead ass who in this room is going to give me back shots going to be who's doing It's going to be.
Or maybe it's me me and can tussle for it.
Tussle.
Yeah, you can go back, tussle around and then you can pick whoever.
We could loky go back to back for hours on you.
I know, yeah, we could just toss you back and forth.
Back to black by what's her name? Amy wine House?
Okay, okay, cool, good good opener.
Anyways, anyway, I would say for my last words, I would be like, fuck, what's like something hilarious?
I could say right now the crowd.
Over you wish you could fart on everybody? Yeah, that sounds like something you would say honestly.
Under pressure, I probably say something like crazy. I can't think of right now, but I would probably something crazy.
I would say something overly emotional so that when I die there's like gorgeous edits to me on TikTok No.
My the first one that came to my mind is I like that one joke on Twitter where it's like if I like, like, the last thing I would do is I would hack like your favorite K pop stands Twitter and tweet some like really insane, blasphemous shit and just like ruin their career and log off forever. That's that's the last thing I would do.
That's like I would do a tued talk, probably something positive for the world.
Yeah, I would say something positive too, drew me and would say something really positive and.
Just like you're just like a negative Nancy over good note.
Yeah, I'm saying you a gonna die.
Now, You're gonna die.
The lighting in here is too clear, and I'm looking at you like you're a person.
Yeah, you know, like when when I like get like too high, I like see through people and I see them for who they really are, and I like psychoanalyze them until like they're the like reason why they act the way they do, like as far as like childhood, and I can like see the facade that they've built and like break it down piece pie piece, and I'm like, oh, like the reason you act this way is because this happened to you, like and like that's the way you are,
and it freaks me the fuck out. Also, I can just see through the facade of television and like Netflix in general, it's like created by like illuminati aliens to keep us like stupid, Like.
I'm one of the only people who could tell that the stuff on Netflix isn't real.
Yeah, I know, like dead ass, like dead ass. I feel like I'm the only one, like.
I get I'm the only one who could tell this is like made for like childish, like human like entertainment.
Yeah, it's like that's why I only watch.
It's to keep us dumb. It's to keep us dumb, tells Park is to keep me intelligent. But anyway, so I didn't tell you about this, but after the first day of the pop up, like I think it was like the Monday after me and Josiah really really wanted to like go get massages.
And that sucks.
We like book, like, We've looked at a bunch of places and we were just like we don't want to like travel that far, like we don't want to do all that. So we just went to the one really really close to the house that's like a five minute walk away basically, and like we get there and I'm like, oh, this place is like insane. Like there was like a giant like construction like truck out front, and I was like, are they even open? And like we had to walk
through like twenty construction. Yeah, we had to like walk through like twenty construction workers and all this shit, and I was just like, damn, this is like like it's it was around noon, so I was like, oh, they're probably on our lunch break anyways. So like we go in, we book an appointment, we pay, which I've never done before, and right after we pay, they're like, oh, there's like
no refunds. But also they're doing construction upstairs. And I was like, oh, word, like that's not that deep, Like construction isn't that crazy, Like it's not Yeah, it's like I've heard construction. It can't be that bad. Oh my
fucking god, dude. It was insane. It literally felt like they were like kept fucking throwing grenades upstairs, and like they were like ripping down walls, and like every once in a while they would get above my room where I was getting my massage and just drop like a hammer and like a cinderblock and like you would see like dust fall from the roof and like hit me in my eyes and I was like, oh my god, like the roof is gonna collapse, and like I was
just like dying laughing the entire time, and like the masseuse.
Yeah, that was like a massage to practice your focus on good feelings instead of anxiety, and that's why they were there.
It like imagine you like lying down getting a massage and there's like cracks for.
Me, No, that's literally like what it fucking felt like like you could see the roof like bow and shake
like they would. It was like I really cannot iterate to you how loud it really actually was like it I'm trying to like give an example, but like I don't know, like upstairs neighbor activities like dead fucking serious, Like it was crazy, and like it was also like before I was like, I want a deep tissue massage because I want to be bruised, battered and bleeding when I leave the masseuse, Like I want to like literally be claim yeah, like I want to. I want it
to fucking hurt down. And it felt like she was fucking petting me like a cat. Like it was like not the vibe at all, Like I was like and I kept telling her. I was like, can you like go a little harder because I finally, every time I'm in a massage, I'm like always too scared to speak up because I'm like, I'm not gonna tell this like poor woman or man to do like their fucking job.
They know what they're doing. This time, I was like, finally, like I'm gonna be a brave boy and ask for the service I asked for, and she literally ignored me three fucking times. Like she acted like I did not fucking exist at all. It was like insane and like I was also just like laughing and like the only words she said was like, oh, too hard, and I
was like, no, not at all. And I was like, I'm laughing because the roof is about the cave in, and she just like got silent, and I was just like, damn, okay. So you know what I did is I stole the fucking yoga hands from them.
Oh my god.
Yeah, no, I actually didn't do that. I wish I did. They're like these cute little rainbow shorts, and I wish.
I'd, oh, you would want to steal some rainbow shorts, So that makes sense.
Hello, damn. Only ten minutes before the first walk up.
Oh my god, he's hitting himself.
Oh god, he's smacking himself in the head. Guys, Oh my god.
Are you okay? Do you need a second.
Got the fuck up?
Oh my god, what the fuck?
I'm good. Let's keep rolling keeping.
Somebody needs another massage because you're freaking out. I was watching through old episodes of Field Trip because I was like, we need to start doing something like that again, like it's so funny, and it was like so much of it like landed.
Like I was watching through one of the episodes yesterday and you said the Druth back.
Then that was the band name.
Yeah, that's so crazy, Like I didn't remember that.
That's where that originated.
The Druth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off. But first it'll piss you off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The truth has been around for so long it's crazy.
I mean, like what people don't realize is I found like a silver like a group of silver tablets like kind of explaining the like following of the truth, and like people always that's in our backyard, buried by a bush, and people are like, oh, that's like like Mormonism like whatever, No, like it was silver tablets on ass so like.
Yet the Mormon tablet's gold.
Yeah.
Basically, Like long story short, like we all have to jump into a volcano, oh to set ourselves free from Samsara.
Who saw Oh Samsar is the devil.
No, no, no, I think it's like reincarnation, okay, like the like world of reincarnation. But that could have been the most ignorant should I've ever said.
I'm looking up scientology right now, and it seems this seems like really similar.
Oh I'm looking up and down your mom and like I want to bang her.
Yeah, and she's gonna get banged. If er says he's gonna bang, he's gonna bang.
Yeah, he probably will.
And she's gonna love it.
Yeah, she'll probably love it.
Oh, love it, love it, Love it, baby, Because oh my god, gods, it's a Black Friday. Congrats anybody watching this on Black Friday?
How exciting when.
You isn't doing Black Friday this year.
Black Friday is the craziest vibe ever I know. It is so crazy.
It's like that one what was that one beach like Normandy Beach, like Doomsday where they like old beach, you know, they put like a bunch of them like soldiers on that beach and like all of them died. That's what Black Friday is, am.
I are you saying that? All I can think about isade is on the beach.
That's literally that's what she was referencing, Like literally that being your like culture reference referencesting that.
But that's it, right, Yeah, so she's teaching.
No, she's spilled.
She spilled.
But yeah, they're not doing Black Friday at Friday at Walmart this year, which I feel like is like literally a sign of the end. Like, yeah, it's really.
Busy Friday happen at Walmart, Like that's.
Where it should be happened. That's like the only place it should happen. And like a lot of like twenty four hour stores since the pandemic have not been twenty four hours and like a lot of you bitches have not experienced a Walmart run at three am, and how fucking horrifying. So that is, and like how like it is the pinnacle of people watching.
Like or like twenty four hour CBS.
Yeah, I feel like there's some CBS's that are still twenty four hours.
Or twenty four hour challenge in an Amazon factory. Brent rivera YouTube video?
Is that like a video he did?
Uh No, but he's been like trying to bring it back. I don't fucking know what his vibe is like his video scare me more than mister Beast. Like he's like has like money and like does really big videos and it freaks me the fuck out. And also, I swear to god, him and his sister are making out like constantly. They're creepy as fuck.
Bro, Like, I mean, you can't even judge that because we're like second cousins and we do it.
So it's like, don't it's a little different. Okay, I get I be a little different.
Yeah, it is legally different, like very different.
Yeah, could you get like arrested for just making out with a family member?
I don't know, Like isn't divorce illegal or some shit like infidelity? Like bit like no one goes to jail for infidelity like or cheating or what.
Except for you.
Yeah, you're gonna be met with papers because I'm tired of being cheated on by you.
Like I have to do.
Something, and I'm gonna knew it was a slight in a whore before you started banging me, but you said you.
Would change for me, and I like, I guess I was just.
Stupid wasting no okay, Okay, If anything.
I tried to get it in our prenup that if you cheated.
We wantreanup, we want preanup.
Prenups don't even work like it.
Like if like I started like seeing somebody who was like a fucking gazillionaire and my whole lifestyle change and they had me sign a prenup, I can still get a divorce and then be like this is unfair and will be traumatic for me to go back to my life, and I can still get.
Money out of that. Did you know that? Yeah, you can still fully get money.
Because I protected you.
No, because if I mean you don't need protection, so like you shouldn't even be thinking about being protected.
As someone who will be Oh you said.
You thought it protected me. Yeah, like someone like me needs but toution.
Yeah, someone with millions and millions of dollars so much money, like someone with billions of dollars.
It's crazy that Like I used to be like, oh my god, like hoarding wealth is bad, but like now I fuck with it.
Now I get it.
What billions?
Yeah, I mean the podcast is like estimated to be worth like ten point seven billion right now.
Yeah, yeah, it's actually crazy.
No, we need to bring back wealth hoarding.
Yeah, we need to.
Bring it back.
Can we do like enough enough judging for it? Like it's fine.
I feel like the one percent hasn't sequestered enough money.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking saying.
I'm like, oh my god, they like they're seeming a little cheap right now.
The statistic it's like, since the pandemic, fifty percent of the wealth has been sequestered to like the one percent. It should be one hundred percent.
Yeah, I think there shouldn't be fifty per alright, so right now there's technically lower and like a false middle class, and then the upper class it should literally just be upper class and like no lower class people just be bottled. Yeah, yeah, bottoms.
We want to like like divide the wealth or.
I want it to all like I just want Jeff Bezos to have.
All the money. Yeah, and I want.
Him to like get on a spaceship and then just what.
Are we supposed to do then if that happens.
Guys, wait till you realize that money isn't real and that it's like every time we make a transaction, we're coding this simulation and you can change the simulation by not using money. It's like binary ones and zeros. Every transaction you make you're coding the simulation.
I saw Drew. He was looking at an incense like smoke coming from it and he was just like controlling it with his mind. And then I kid you not, his bank account was open, and then numbers were just going up.
Yeah, what the hell can he do that for mine?
Hell? No?
Oh, okay, you don't believe in like you.
Need a moonwater Courts necklace.
To make my money?
You go up, Yeah, it brings like a burden.
What does that look like?
It's a moonwater quartz necklace, babe.
I guess only somebody with as much wealth as you would.
Know what it looks like exactly.
Isn't it expensive? Like rock?
No, don't call it a fucking rock?
And you no, it's a mineral.
It's a mineral. It's a crystal mineral.
That's literally a rock. I can't believe that, like Drew, what Drew spends.
His money on will like always astonish me. I was like gone for a week for work and I came back and Drew was like, yeah, I can't work out yet because of my facial and I was like kind of confused because when I came back, he had a bunch of like Korean face masks, and I was like, which one of these told me couldn't get like get sweaty.
And then we were like going into the gym to shower because our fucking house is falling apart and we don't have warm water and we paid our bills, but actually the pipes are literally all fucking busted and we only have freezing cold water in the house right now, so we have to go.
To the gym. Dude, yeah, even Bill, and it was like lukewarming. We were like, oh, this is weird.
We had someone come try to fix it, and then it was like a little warm, and we were like, fuck, I guess we're just never gonna have as hot of water as we used to have. But now no hot water, well none like coming.
They're like fun out.
No literally both plumbers that came. We have a third one coming tomorrow. Where like I have literally never seen anything like that in my life. Like, I don't know why this is happening right now.
It's literally because that apartment wants us out and I've been here for five years. It's five years, yeah, in May, it's five years.
They ran through that apartment, Like I love that apartment. No it is. Last night I was actually looking around and I was like, there's really beautiful like ornamental trim. Yeah, but I feel like it's kind of rare.
Yeah, it is, because like even if you look at the other apartments in the complex, like when people would move out, we would go look at them because we're like, I'm so curious what our neighbors houses look like, and they ripped.
All that out, like they try to make all of them like modern.
I love though, when when people like a developer in La will have like this beautiful old like old interior and then I'll just gut it and put like a gray yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I'm actually yes, I'm so such a proponent for like like killing history and just forgetting history.
Like you should be able to go into home and be like, oh my god, so many lives have been lived here. It's so beautiful and gorgeous and well kept. I'm gonna tear it down and put a fake marble slab on this island that will get stained by everything.
I want to walk into my house and immediately go insane.
Yeah.
I want to feel like I'm going into an airbnb every time I go home. That's kind of the new vibe.
It has to smell like bleach.
I want to feel like I'm fifty one to fifty at all times.
Yeah.
Have you all heard of the monkey ladder experiment?
No?
Do you want to know about it?
Yes?
Please? I think you're gonna tell us, but yes, okay.
Yes please.
So basically, this group of scientists got four monkeys and put them in an enclosure with a ladder up a tree, and at the top of the ladder there were bananas, and they were all hungry. And so one day a monkey climbed up the tree to get or climbed up the ladder to get the bananas, and when he reached the bananas, the other three monkeys at the bottom were all sprayed with really really cold water. Right.
Fuck, I was asleep? Sorry did you say something? Oh like that? Did you say something before I fell asleep? I just got super bored. I just got super bored, and then I just fell asleep.
Yeah.
I was telling you about the monkey ladder experiment.
Where am I?
Can you please be persent? I'm talking about the monkey ladder.
No, it's really important, it's really important right now?
Actually, yeah, yeah, I actually got seriously like.
It's really really you also fell asleep.
Wake up.
It's really really like topical for what's going on right now. But basically, so the monkeys at the bottom that weren't on the ladder getting the bananas all got sprayed, and when the monkey came down, they were pissed at him and beat the fuck out of him. They like literally this literally happened. They were beating the fuck out of this monkey that climbed the pissed ladder for getting them
sprayed with water. And so then another day another monkey went up and he went to reach for the bananas, and all of the monkeys at the bottom, including the one that just was up there, got sprayed with water, and then he came down and got beat the fuck up. They were like pissed off. Well, then so this went on, new monkey going up, monkeys at the bottom getting sprayed.
Why could only one monkey go up at a time.
It's just for the sake of these and then like bund poke holes in it, like and then so like the point isn't them reaching the bananas. The point is the monkeys at the bottom getting sprayed. And then so they like kept doing this. They couldn't reach the bananas they were keeping. They kept getting sprayed at the bottom. So eventually, like everyone was like tired, and so they would take out one of the monkeys that was in
the experiment and replace it with a new monkey. And they kept doing this over and over again, and like a monkey would go and climb up and reach for the bananas, everyone would get sprayed. They'd be pissed. Well, then eventually they would take another monkey out and put a new one in, and like before even like they even started climbing the ladder, the rest of the monkeys literally just started beating the fuck out of this monkey and was like, do not go up there. We will
get sprayed with water, Like do not do it? Whoa, And they kept replacing all the old monkeys with new monkeys until eventually they all started just beating the fuck out of each other, like without even going for the bananas.
And basically this is like what like it's kind of like an example of like what society is like, like if you're not like asking questions and you're like you're just being indoctrinated into these ideals and thoughts that like you think are right, but like they might not actually be right, and you might be getting beat the fuck up for asking the right questions and like not questioning things when in reality, like the things you're hot might not be the right things.
When was that study done?
I don't know I made all of that up?
Did you actually?
Well, that's a really interesting like that was crazy, but impressed.
It's indoctrination at the end of the day, and if you're not asking the right questions, you.
May find that you were being taught something that is completely immoral and crazy and you need.
To wake up.
They don't want you. They don't want you asking the right question.
Yeah, imagine clocking into your job is like the monkey sprayer, like.
With the fire, I'm getting paid. I probably also told that study really wrong, but so like, watch someone else talk about it that knows what the fuck they're talking about.
It's okay, somebody who wants to clock you will clock.
Yeah, but basically you got the gist of it, Like.
You es, Do you have more monkey studies?
You know? No?
I like the idle the idea, Like every time you said the monkeys are getting beat up, you going like this.
I think like fifty thousand people signed up for neuralink.
Oh I did whoa I actually, yes, you can. Actually I literally signed up for the one. The pre signed up before, and I signed up for the one, and I told them I was blind because I wanted to get Nuralink first. I'm gonna get that ship, and so I'm getting the market beats.
The way you would have even been able to like fake that.
Damn, someone jacked our ship for real. Fuck y'all.
Wait, what what's gone up there?
There's holes?
Yeah, I know some of the stuff is gone, like something was taken. I like, my favorite toys are here, but I can't nobody have a photo.
Wasn't there security guard that I was supposed to?
Yeah, toll, it takes is like just swiping it and put it in your pocket when you're not looking. And I know which one of you fucking did it because we have it on camera and I'm coming after you, so you better be sweating and shaking in your boot and I'm gonna.
Fucking pant you at the grove everywhere. Yeah.
I think there should be more cameras everywhere too.
Yeah, I mean more public start. I think there should be like less privacy.
Way less privacy, Yeah, way less private.
I think there should be a mandatory TikTok, what did I do in my day for every single citizen?
So I only steel scared, like I don't know ninety percent of the time. Yeah, I want to feel terrified all the time. Like as soon as I wake up, I want to be like, oh, someone's watching me, and then when I go to sleep, I'll be like I was watched the whole day.
Yeah, I was afraid. That was scary. Behind that was actually really scary. You know what's crazy.
I think I've said this, but like I got into a fight with my ex at a restaurant because he was like, are you not worried about surveillance?
I was like, dude, I literally don't give a fuck.
And he was like trying to get me to like be like this was in like twenty eighteen, and he was like this is going to get like awful, like we are like gonna have no privacy, and I was like, who gives a fuck?
And now I'm like, oh my god. He may have been right. I hope that caught her screaming. Literally, Yeah, I feel like a beatle. I think it might be one of the beatles. I'm the one who got shot in the back of the head by a fan.
Yeah, and I'm the one that's pulling the trigger. It'd be the ones that are closest to ones, the ones that want to see it beat the ones it beat the WANs, Trust me, it'd be the ones don't get caught up, young blood.
When I listen to the episodes, I play it two x speed and you guys will sing and it sounds good.
It sounds we listen, we're singing.
I'm like, oh my god, and I'll go back and.
But that sounded good. I kind of hit two notes there and I know, yeah, yeah, exactly that double D, like big fucking double D sharp. I'm always nipples like I can't stop thinking about girl boobies, like I want to fucking these motor Boat.
Yeah you do?
Love t and bag Box. I love Box. I hope should I ruin everybody's life with Roco's Roku's back?
What is that?
Don't ask that.
Question, Okay, don't, I won't.
Like, Yeah, this is an information warning, like literally, do not look into it. You're over and don't read about it. I swear to God and I genuinely believe it's a thing. But I just did my part.
I just I just I just did my part.
Yeah, I served it.
I served the bass. I served the bass.
I serve the face. I served the face.
Are you making that a Kanye song?
Yeah?
I've literally experienced scared straight.
Like I've talked about how I got caught feeling and I got sent off to like eight weeks of psychiatry, But I don't think I ever talked about the fact that they took me to a juvie and tried to scare straight up, like scare straight.
They did that to me with like the handcuffs behind the chair. Yeah, they except that I'm not sure I'm straight.
No, I wasn't talking about the.
They need to make a thing, Okay, listen, listen, listen, listen. They need to make a thing where it's a bunch of gay guys, like and you bring like a little gay twinkie boy in and you just fucking scare them straight, like you're fucking straight.
Man putting the twink at the top of the ladder.
Yeah, he's spraying him with water for forty five minutes. No, but there is this thing that I'm like kind of working on where it's like making gay people straight again.
Okay, are you the first test subject and it's working, and then you're gonna teach other people.
Yeah, it's totally working based off of the shape of your legs, right.
Yeah, like it's working. It's working.
But I literally got taken to a juvie with a bunch of other kids who got caught like doing crimes when we were young, and they took us through and I laughed the whole time because I was like, I literally watched this show and.
Y'all are not about to remake it. And they had kids who were like it was so.
And it was so bunk, like they were trying to scare us, but it was just like a bunch of little kids who were like obviously like most of them were wrongfully there. It's like this kid just needs help, like let him go home.
Like are those shows, Like are the people in prison paid?
No?
I don't know, I do no, it's.
Literally like free labor, Like I don't think any of them are paid, because I think I looked it up because there was that one show where it was like a bunch of girls and juvie, and I think it was like unclear if they ever even got paid for being on the show. They were just on the show being documented and like, I think a big like incentive for them, Unless I'm wrong, this is like just me assuming I'm sure. A big incentive is like, if you're a part of this, we will like lessen your time.
I said, that's a huge job.
I was thinking, like commissary or.
Yeah, it's like you, I will give you something in return. But they are definitely not paying those kids, which is sucking crazy.
Thank you, seriously, thank you.
You're like Olivia Wilds where she was like, try that, I like you to be president.
And then she steps out She's like, it did. Thank you.
Have you seen the video of Jesse j singing on the airplane?
Oh wait, yeah, she does Nicky's verse and she like sounds really good.
Literally one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my.
So goddamn upset.
If some bitch stood.
Up on my plane and started singing, I would tackle her. I would literally like, rue day that I'll tackle her. And then when they tried to ask me, I'd be like, dude, I'm so sorry. I misread the situation.
I thought you was trying to do something bad.
You're on your Mark Wahlberg.
I was trying to make hero. I misread the room.
My apologies, I will go back to my I love the girl getting kicked off the plane. The I g batty, I was going to I don't give a stan Yeah I never saw that. Wait, guy, It is so good also because she's like bad, like she actually is like irl looks yeah.
Yeah, I'm sorry, Oh my god.
I also love her leaving like she's getting kicked off of the plane and like leaving coach and on her way out, she's like you fucking bombed to somebody who was like further ahead on the plane than her, which I love because I'm like, girl, read the room.
Call me a bitch again, Yeah, you did nothing wrong. No, you shut the fuck, you shut the You should film me.
I'm Instagram famous.
Wow, dude, she looks like you know the meme. It's like stepping into twenty sixteen.
Yes, yes, she's like that personified. And I stand by her because, like there was a guy in the video who she was like, call me a bitch again, call me a bit again to a guy, So I'm standing by her. I loved the comments. All the comments were like the top of one was like she was taking that one way.
I don't give a fuck. Annison.
It was like I stand by women's rights, but more important, I stand by their wrongs and like, yeah, were like like cheering her on.
Okay, well we went to the movies the other day.
I didn't do that.
Okay, I went to the fucking movies the other day, though, Like you weren't there, weird, You literally weren't there, So like, was.
I actually not here for this?
It was the movies with you guys?
Yeah, it was so.
I don't think we've ever been to the movies together.
I have been to the movies with I never even hung out.
Yeah, we don't hang outside of these spaces.
I but no. We went to the movies to see the Takowa TD movie. And when like we stay or when we were like walking into the theater, I was like, damn dude, like people like so shit is happening again, Like movies are fully back, theaters are fully back. And it felt like simultaneously like amazing and then also like super dark, sighted and weird, and like the energy was just like really really off in the theater. And then
I came to the conclusion afterwards. I was like like everyone felt uncomfortable, Like every everyone was like there's so many people here, like what the fuck is going on? And like pre pandemic, like that was the vibe always and it wasn't weird, but like post pandemic, like I think a lot of people are like, oh, like I want normal life back so bad, Like I want normal life back so bad, and then like we get a taste of it and we just don't know how to
fucking act. Like I was like literally so overwhelmed seeing that many people and it's literally in my head, Like for me at least, it's like it's because like I just got so used to seeing nowhere, no one anywhere for a very long time. Also, can we just erase the pandemic from like our history? Like that shit was so embarrassing. I'm sorry, Like, but.
I miss COVID, not the people dying part, Like no, I miss playing Animal Crossing all day and super spreading.
That was fun. Fly felt like I had a purpose.
Yeah, super Spreading.
Remember when like we almost lost our podcast in like the first twelve episodes because we like spoke about the pandemic and they like.
Oh yeah, and they tried to destroy our YouTube account because they thought because we were quoting Big Nick and how he didn't believe in COVID.
Does the lighting look crazy on camera?
Not really. You know what's funny is you can like see my shadow, like I look like I'm sitting next to you guys, But it's just like a faceless silhouette.
All right, let's keep going.
It looks fine though, it kind of looks artistic. Wait, I'm loving that it kind of looks artistic.
Yeah.
Also, Drew, I love how you say theater theater. That's very like, that's like how a thesbian would say it like that.
Oh, he called you a lesbian.
No, don't No, I'm fucking not I called you a thesbian.
Stop saying it. I don't know if you're allowed to say that, Kyle, that's not what.
No, And you're a cinophile huh no, Like why is that?
Am I audio?
Don't ever call yourself that you're weird?
Well, I have to get that out of my bio.
Then you have cinophile in her.
Yes. Also I have an exhibitionist in my bio because after doing this exhibit, I was like, oh my god, exhibitionism is so fun, Like I think I'm going to do it all the time. Like I just love doing exhibits. So I'm gonna I think my new career paths is a path is exhibition.
No, No, that's that's not what that means. It means like you like being naked in public.
No, I think I think Drew's right.
Actually, no, I'm an extra business. Am I saying business?
You're an ex I'm ex the business you're an exorcist. I would get the neural link because I don't like typing texts anymore. Like I just like want like my iPhone. Actually, I want my iPhone to scan my eyes and see into my soul and know what I want to say.
Like that's what I want. Literally what neuralink, I would get it.
So I don't have to type text anymore because I send a lot of audio messages and I'm just like I'm always talking at my phone and then read having to read a reply because I'm not good at typing. I've realized, like I'm such a lazy texter. All my texts have like eighteen million typos, and I refuse to fix them anymore.
It is it's weird, like falling slowly into the singularity. So I used to like my dad would use speech to text. I'd be like you're an old head, Like that's really cringe. And now I'm like constant using because I'm like, oh, I want to interact with my phone like way faster. Yeah, and it's slowly just like it's slowly just moving its way into my into my brain.
Dude. It's so scary how much I've been using my phone recently. Like I know it's all a joke like ruginally a talk but blah blah blah blah blah. But like the last like four days, like I have genuinely been like in a very dark place with my phone where like like I will be literally like don't do this, and I'm not saying to do this, and I fucking
hate that I'm doing this. But I'll be like driving and like scrolling TikTok and like watching like or listening to TikTok like out of the corner of my eye. Like it's like it's literally like actually like a problem, like I need to like go back into the woods and like, yeah, you keep saying.
You need a dop mean, oh my god, I'm having a stroke.
You keep saying you need a dopamine detox, And I think my time for.
When it is coming like yeah, like I need to take much.
Access to everything that gives me instant like serotonin, like I need like yeah, I need it to be taken away. I need to go like camping or something and just be in dead signs. But I need to go camping for like three months and then come back, uh frail and frigid because I ran out of food and I almost died, and then I can be on like Allan or something.
That's the experience.
I only want to come back if Jimmy Fallon will let me get on and be like I almost died in the woods.
My choice.
I was gonna say, like isn't that what Grimes did? Like she ate spaghetti or whatever, and.
Then she made the best album ever. So maybe if we go.
Away and to come back and we do like the best thing we've.
Evert well, like have the best episode you've ever said.
You know, it's really good for that is hanging out with like relatives.
Wait, I'm sorry. The woman who just passed gave us the dirtiest look.
I've really like hated.
Our vibes antipodes like us guys. I just want to say, like, like podcasters, we have it really hard and like people like look at us with like deranged looks in their eyes, and like people like want to see us die or fail, and they think we don't have it. They don't think we have it harder than the rest of the people. Like no, no, no, my life is hard.
That's what I'm saying.
You can't understand.
My dad will call me and be like, dude, I'm fifty. I like just worked on a roof for eight hours. I have sunburn, like my skin is falling off.
I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted, and I have to wake up at six am to do it again.
To mind, I'm like, imagine how tired we I had to record enough.
To talk for a hour, Like I'm tired.
You don't know that, Like why are you even calling me? Because I just had to like.
To go through that.
Thank you.
And my mom will be like, I'm my god, this job isn't paying well anymore, like I don't think we can make it, Like do you have any money? I'm like, oh my god, no, absolutely not, Like work for your fucking money.
Why am I gonna give you money? Like I'm done, I'm cutting my fucking family off, Like.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying anymore, they're becoming dependent on me, and it's like.
Insane, Get a job, Get a job. I'm fucking kidding.
The idea of my parents hearing that and like getting upset, like thinking I'm being real freaks me out.
Somebody actually recently was like, do you listen to the podcasts?
And I thought I recorded my dad, but I asked him, I like, have it deep in my recordings because I record my family when I'm talking to them all the time without their consent.
So if anybody ever.
Finds me and I have multiple, multiple conversations with my family that they have no idea that I'm just like asking them questions to record for my own keeping because I'm terrified of losing the people I love.
But I asked my dad one day and I was like, do you listen to the podcasts?
And he was like, one time I tried, and like, you guys say stuff that I just think as a parent, I don't need to hear.
And he was like, and I think you're very.
Funny, but like, I think you say a lot of stuff I don't need to hear, And I'm like.
You're boner mes. My balls smell good.
I'm high as fuck, Like, I don't think my dad wants to hear that, So, yeah, that's your answer.
I don't think my dad listens.
Just looked at me dead in the eyes and gave me a crazy look, and I got bricked up.
I mean, I know you got nerves.
You give me the look.
No, no, no, no, okay, I've given it to you before. Then every single person that walks by is like, literally hates us.
I know they don't like our bob, and especially because the sun is falling.
On me and I'm becoming more and more and beautiful by the second.
You are glowing low key period. Okay, it is in a dark shroud of shadows.
Though, yes, always. Oh my leg is like numb right now, Hannah Montana is goat, why did you say that? I was reading my note? Miley stand came out.
You know what it is too. I know exactly where your brain goes when you write out notes because.
I do the same thing, Like I'll ride out like a small thing because in my head, I'm like, I don't want to write out the whole joke, Like I know the jokes I'm gonna make based on this thought I'm having and I don't want to write them out because I don't want to feel forced to say the joke and read it out because usually it doesn't land as well.
But then I just have notes that it's like ubers.
Yeah, Jobber, yes, Ubersper, you better fuck meat.
But I think I was saying because we watched like dude, me, Josh and Josiah had like boys night and we watched the Hannah Montana movies and like literally like here's the Clubs and that one. That movie is good as fuck. Yeah, Like it's actually like a good fucking movie Clanet yeah at the very end, and I don't want to fucking
hear it. But I think, like what I meant by that note is that, like I actually literally don't know what I meant by it, Like Hannah Montana is goat my Miley st Ditarus stand came out.
I think you just meant you'd liked the movie.
Yeah, well I was, Oh, I was going to reference like me posting those pictures like in twenty twelve, twenty thirteen, like those edits that fans made of me, like with Miley Cyrus kissing my cheek, meaning like oh like Miley, like I love her so much. And then I made like literally one of the funniest jokes I think I've ever made when I was like thirteen years old. And it's like Miley Cyrus like in her Banger's era with
like fur arms and they look like bear arms. And I said, Miley Cyrus like supporting the Second Amendment, and it's like the right to bear arms.
That's cleol and your best joking.
That's my magnum opas I genuinely still think about it. I'm like, damn, like I need to tap into that place instead of making fucking piss and squirt jokes. Well, piss is squirt.
Piss is square.
Yeah, I look, he'd be in sleep talking.
I did.
This episode was starting to feel like the Ti kids were like when you wear at the Dead People clothes?
Yeah, no, no, Well I have been sleep talking like for some reason. And Josiah sleeps in my bed when there's like open beds or couch or air mattress, and he sleeps next to me. But it's nice, like I like having a warm body next to me at night.
And like you haven't slept with me in a long time.
Yeah, because you won't fucking let me because you need.
To shower before you get in my bed.
Oh now it's that no no, no, no no.
Well, when we were having sex, the rules were different because if it's someone i'm having.
Sex with, I don't give a fuck. Wear those clothes, band, get on my bed. That makes sense to me, get in my bed.
But if I'm not having sex with you anymore, you need to shower because now you're dirty.
Do you record it? You're sleep talking or not? Not you guys having.
Sex, but the sleep talking? Do you have one of those apps?
I just don't want to talk about it anymore.
Oh, okay, open up, like, yeah, be you.
You don't I'm allowed to beat me.
You don't want to open up right now?
I just can't be me? Wait oh oh yeah. I like Josiah was like in the other room entirely, and I was like laying in bed and I had just like closed my eyes. I didn't mean to fall asleep. I just like accidentally fell asleep, and like I like could hear myself talking, like but like I wasn't cognitive of what I was fucking saying. But like I was talking to Josiah about basketball, and Josiah has no idea and like I was also Josiah like sleep talking, and
Josiah kept saying, like what what? And he came in and he woke me up and he was like what were you saying? And I was like I don't know, like what was I saying? He was like, you were talking about basketball or something. I was like, oh my god, Like I was.
Literally, you're talking about basketball in your sleep? Is such a crazy VI.
And I scrolled TikTok in my dream. I was. I was scrolling on TikTok in my dream like a week ago. It was crazy. It was fucked up.
Was it videos you've already seen or was your brain making new TikTok?
It was making new tiktoks. It was like big fucking oiled up like BBL baddies, like just fucking shaking their poop.
Then other basketball highlights.
Yeah, yeah, they were just like spraying shit all over the fucking camera and like all Duncan turns into the toilet.
Have you ever been like half asleep and you let out a moan, No, like a really like earnest moan.
That's a death rattle, Kai, I'm serious, Have.
You ever done that?
No?
No, but I've woken myself up to snoring, like I've like fallen asleep and like been like.
Dude, Anya is like a snore or like you are, Like she sounds just like my dad, Like she is so loud, Like it's crazy, but it is comforting to sleep next to her because it sounds like my dad's snoring, and it's like, oh, like I used to. Literally, when I first moved to La, I could not go to sleep like as fast as I used to because, like it was too quiet because my dad wasn't like snoring in the house.
And then you would come to my room and crack my door open so you can hear my snore.
Yeah, that's so sweet.
Need I wish we could find the video from when we went to Hawaii and my how loud my snore was that night, putting their whole body weight on a door with creaky hinges and swinging.
Back and forth.
Soggy bottom, yeah, my soggy bottom.
Yeah.
I snore like an old man. And honestly, I don't know, I don't know what to say about it. It's like so embarrassing, so I'm just like shy about it, like I'm really nervous.
Wait, hold on, I'm gonna get this on video. Hello, Hey, hey, no, no, I'm not. We finally got the fillip on camera.
She said Ophelia.
She said, hi Philip.
I thought she said. I thought she said Ophelia.
She called me Daniel. I was like with my buddy, and I was like, dude, she calls me Philip. It's so lit and she answered it and she said hi Daniel. And she had literally never called me about once in my life and she hasn't called me that since. Yeah. I don't know where why.
She used to call me all the time of the night over the torch to Drew, and now she only calls Drew. She calls me when it's like Drew is not answering, and then I just like forward her calls and then she text me She's like, where is Philip?
No? I literally love her like I love her so much.
Yea, our landlord is such a cutie. Remember how much cunt she was serving when we signed like.
She was excited.
She was like literally she came with a full beat and we were like, whoa should we get into some media of the week.
Eek eek. I'm gonna like discover low Anthony. I'm gonna rEFInd him and have him record that for us like emergency in or com media of the Loie.
Do you think he would do it? I think he would do it.
No. Really, he wants nothing to do with the internet, like there are random pictures that will come out of him and he is literally a straight man now, like it is jarring.
I feel like, hey, money talks, you can figure it out, all right. My media of the week is the Pink Panthers album. I think it's really fun to listen to Box the forty by Caribou, Candy by Tokisha I don't know how to say her name. Sorry, so me put me in jail, throw away the key and lock me in there with someone sexy because I'll have fun.
Outside all night by Brent Baiez, and.
Lullaby by The Cure Till I Died the Beach Boys and Heart and Bones Paul Simon, which I think I said last week. And then for watching media, I don't have anything.
We watched Next School. We watched Next gol Wins and that was like a cute movie.
Yeah, it was really sweet. Taka with tit is like just good.
I need him.
The first like five minutes of that movie, I was horrified. I was like, oh, this is gonna be horrible, but then it was just so cute, funny and wholesome. Like there were like a bunch of moments where I was like literally on the verge of tears because like, oh my god, I love the girl in it so much.
But my media is Scavenger's Reign. It's like this HBO like animated show that like, if I was to make an animated show, that's what it would look and feel like, like super foreign alien planets with like just like codex seraphineous level of like creativity in their creatures and creepies and Crawley's and shit. I watched Wally and that was great, certified classic. Ah.
We watched Cheetah Girls too, and that was really good.
Yeah. You know what's crazy is capitalism's greatest and most desired hit is to commodify the female body. It's true, like look at look at like Wally, like making these like female autonomous beings or like ex Machina, Why are every fucking personal assistance female like series. I'm just saying, oh, I respect respect. Yeah, No, that there's levels of this ship. Like I'm spinning facts right.
Now, and you can like female voice.
Yeah, but next I watched like, okay, so Apple TV has low key been on a generational run and no one is paying attention, like they're making like really really good, shitty TV. I don't know if that makes sense to anybody about myself, but like Silo is like this, it's basically Fallout the TV show, but it has nothing to do with Fallout, and it's these people like living in a silo and it's just like a dramatic thriller, like what the fuck is going on? Mystery, like what's going on?
It's literally I can't believe. It's like literally question everything, like what the fuck, like like what if we are in a silo?
They're so into that shit because they also had the other one with that one guy.
They're so sci fi coded.
Yeah, they're so like dude, the first episode is really hard.
Yeah. And then I didn't finish it.
Yeah. I watched two episodes. I was like, that show was amazing. I will not be finishing it.
I think episode three, I was like, Okay, liminal spaces.
Are cool, Yeah, exactly, we got it. YouTube, Yeah, I want to wind YouTube videos and tiktoks tim talks. If people just freaking If my name was Tim and I wanted to be a social media influencer, I would make my account name Tim Talks.
Yeah, oh Tim talks, like.
Yeah, but it's Tim t Okay, Tim talks.
I feel like Tim talks like t A l k S would be more of a no t I m it still reads his Tim Talks.
Yeah, but so does Tim Talks.
That's good.
I'm right better.
Yours is always better, guys.
Yeah, thanks, fuck you. Just because she's a woman doesn't mean you have to pay.
Are you going to do no?
I was about to say, I don't have any Yeah, there's none, just like the world. The world isn't giving me like the material that I need to hold. And I'll scroll through my TikTok and see if there's anything. Do not open your phone around me, because I will be staring at your screen literally me with you. Barbie posted those I know.
I was like, dude, this is literally me Like, I'm like a moth to a flame if somebody has their iPhone open around me and I can't stand a privacy screen, bitch, why do you even have your iPhone outside? If you have a privacy screen like that is meant for the people you're supposed to be sharing.
Yeah, no gonna lie. And you used to like literally yell at me when we like first started living together because I was just I would just look at her phone. And now I'm like literally traumatized by it. And I like when people are like even scrolling through their photos, I'll just like look away because I'm like, I don't want them to have like a nude in there or something. But yeah, and ya like literally abused me with words about looking at her phone.
Well, I was born real, so I never had to be real.
That's me about having the app, because I never had to get like you bitches.
I was just born like that.
Effects take more face picks, ladies. You also bitch where he's gonna be full of ass.
I think you said that one already, So you're done.
iPad, I'm Filipino and dope. White girl, Save me, white girl, White girl, save me, Save me, white girl. I'm glad cars were invented. Imagine walking your horse up. Oh wait, I'm glad cars were invented. Imagine waking your horse up at three am to go get pussy.
That's a really good one.
I want to do one more.
Get up I'm horny.
Get up shaking your horse, horny, I'm so horny.
Imagine your card declines at the abortion clinic and the doctor starts nutting in you. I didn't say that, y'all. I'm just quoting someone.
I'm just relaying the facts.
What are y'all gonna get y'all's siblings and parents for Christmas? Leave a comment down below because I'm having trouble. Okay, that wasn't a Drew style, by the way, I know that's just.
You being real.
Yeah, you need to be real. I'm so bad at buying people gifts. It's fucked up. Hold on, guys, Sorry, sorry, I know we want to finish, but I gotta get a good one in. I bet there's someone who follows me and just fucking despises me, who just fucking hates me so much, and his hate following so hard. They don't even like anything about me, they just keep following.
Okay, if somebody doesn't like us and they listen this far into the episode, you need help. And that's coming from a certified hate watcher.
I love a good hate watch. You need help, even if it's on double speed. You need help. Yeah, you need help.
I'm being subscribed to the Patreon.
Yeah, something be done. It's going too far.
Transgender Christmas tree pronoun pudding, non binary, New Year, gay gift wrapping, eating disorder, Eggnow, Santa Serve and Sleigh renegade Reindeers. The alt left has ruined our Christmas traditions. The Devil is alive and well, and I'll leave it.
There were beautiful, heavy