Reminiscing on our childhoods

Welcome.

Oh.

We've been in like sync the past couple of days. Like I noticed there was a couple of moments where like you and I said the exact same thing at the exact same time, even like the ooh I like the pauses and everything, and we were sitting on the couch and literally no one noticed it. And I was like, I wonder if that's just me being invisible to the rest of them and just hearing you, or if it's just they're so used to it that it doesn't even phase them anymore that we're so in sync.

I think it's also because when everybody was here, it was like thirteen people in the living room. Yeah, and it's easy for me to steal the show because my big boobs, Like when I walk in the room, they usually they like perk up a little bit like magnets and they start like.

Can I it's really really crazy. It's like cybernetic almost. It's like cyborg looking at you.

I just realized I had a dream where we got into a huge fight and it was like gnarly and it was like uh, but it was like we like barked at each other like pretty crazy, then walked away and o Ryan was here and she came up to me and she was like, oh my god. And I was like, it'll fucking leave it alone.

And I was just like, that's literally how it is.

I was like, it'll just fucking we'll talk to each other later.

So my family back in Texas they found a photo box that we haven't gone through in probably fifteen years. We all thought it got thrown away, and there were a few photos of me as an infant in there that I haven't seen yet. And I know I've already showed you infant photos of me, but this one is especially awful and terrible and disgusting and nasty, and I it genuinely convinced me even further that I was switched at birth because this isn't me, like this is a

Like you lived through Chernobyl.

No, I look like the cover of Come and see insert that picture for the girls. I haven't seen it.

So why are you? Why is your mouth like that?

I don't know, you look like swollen? Where are like.

Put a hot pan on your life?

I know I look like a Sorry, I look like a burn. Yeah, it's crazy.

It looks like your mom was really into sleeping with the blow dryer next to her and then you rolled over.

Well that's literally my dad, My dad.

Whoa. Yeah, you look like a little piece of beef jerky.

Yeah, you look really gross. Due said that made me crack up. I was like, saying that about an infant is so funny.

Like the face card. Literally, but yeah, I was switched at birth.

It's a pitch.

It's always been like a theory of mine and Madalens that like, Okay, we don't look like either of our parents, Like, sure there's some similar features, but like, it's not enough to convince me that they are fully my parents. Like I love them like my parents enough when I find out that they aren't my genetic parents are what the biological parents, I will still love them the same because they raised me to be the person I am. But I am convinced that they're not my parents. You.

I think you look like your mom, but also I think you look like your mom.

Maybe not your dad.

Your dad is pretty random.

He's super random.

Corey.

He was like generating, maybe my mom cheated on my father.

Yeah, you just talking about the different dads.

Well, Madeline looks like my dad, Like, that's the thing. Madeline has my dad's nose. I have my mom's nose. But where are the freckles? Let's talk about it. Where are the moles?

Does your mom have freckles?

No?

I mean, oh, well, you just have skin cancer.

Yeah, yeah, I forgot about those.

Grow those girl over time. You're just lucky. You're one of the lucky ones.

I forgot about that.

Well.

I don't think I look like my parents, but then sometimes I see I looked when I was fourteen, I looked like my da, exactly like my dad when he was fourteen, like because he just had like we had the same facial structure and I don't know why, but we just looked like. I looked like my dad did from fourteen to twenty, when I was like fourteen to sixteen or seventeen, and then maybe I started looking a little more like my mom. But I don't feel like

I don't know.

WHOA something as serious ugly ass fucking babies. Dude, you were disgusting, like.

I look like I'm melting. You know this also like confirmed for me that, like my lopsided face, which I'm so insecure about. So if anybody one of y'all comment that about my lopside and face, it goes straight to my heart like a fucking dagger, and I die and I want to die. Isn't from like sleeping on the side of my body, It's from like the womb in the way my face formed, Like, no, you don't have flopsided yes, I do, look at that.

No, it's the angle. You're just like crumbly, like why are you grown?

No?

Oh hell no, bitch, wait what the fuck?

I know you had serious blood flow issues, like something was seriously wrong. Like it's really odd, is what.

It's crazy because it's not like y'all like whoa, she was fully missing pigment and like so much of her body.

I mean it is like we did share womb for twelve months or nine months?

Happened twins, because I've seen cute twin photos.

I don't. I mean, we got cute. Like, look, they sent me a photo where we eventually like got cute. But this is just another lopsided photo of my face. But you eventually got cute look like your milk. Yeah, it's really really jarring, and you know what's.

Awesome as your mom thought y'all were beautiful, So it doesn't matter.

I know. That's the only thing that matters.

Is I'm really bad with that. Like, I won't like, I would never go up to somebody's baby and be like, you have an ugly baby until they're grown up and maybe like not so ugly, because then you could like call a baby photo of someone you love ugly because they're not ugly anymore.

If you can't fix it in five seconds, don't say it.

But I won't be calling your baby beautiful if you have an ugly baby. Like I've met babies that I find really repulsive and nasty. I'm just like, I'm like, oh, oh my god, she's a baby.

Wow you did that.

That's why I say, I say you ate he.

Stopped the face Clary is not good finding. Well, I've been I don't know if this is a universal experience for everyone else, but I've been on Irish Chinese food TikTok, and it's the craziest, most diable.

Because is it just Chinese food or did they like do something.

Like, oh, it's it's not like I know, like Americans aren't probably aren't doing Chinese food right, but they are one hundred percent one hundred percent doing it wrong because

Do does Ireland have like a language of its own or is it just English? Just weird ass English? Celtic Celtic girl, No, that's the skirts they wear.

No Celtic.

I Thoughtltic skirt.

That went over my head.

Yeah, I'm just such a dumb girl. Y'all thought I was serious.

Well yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, I'm looking for the Irish food TikTok.

Well, my favorite memory of like the first because do y'all remember the first time you had certain foods or no?

I remember the first time I actually was able to eat chuck e cheese. No no CEC's pizza.

Well, I remember the first time I like saw somebody with like Chinese food and I really wanted it. And it was in my daycare and I was friends with the daughters of the people who ran the daycare. Did anyone order a.

Chinese or a Chinese tonight? I've been craving a Chinese for so long and I thought we could to shut up together.

I got two curries and sweet and sour because I can't just have one sauce and egg fried rice. What is your go to Chinese order?

Okay, it's not like it's too bad so far, was that somebody.

Eating her ass up? But look they pilot all on the plate. Oh and then they pour everything all over it. It's really shocking.

Put sweet and sour on first, and curry sauce. Oh my god, I am so excited, and then some crispy seaweed?

Is that seaweed? Did you called it cabbage? Why did she do that? Do they like prepare it like that?

They all prepare like that. Every video I've seen on TikTok has been prepared like that.

I could not survive in the UK.

Okay, yeah, and what in the world is seaweed cabin?

Yeah?

I was like, that's just seaweed?

Yeah.

Also that meme where it's like, why do people in Europe still eat like they're like Russian bomber spyplanes like flying overhead dropping bombs like they're eating like their beans and toast And I.

Will give it to the UK. Beans and toast is late. And I think I've said that before, like, but beans, like the English breakfast that is a fire breakfast to me, Like, and to me, that's like maybe if it was black beans, it's never the.

One we got in New York that was the most bollicle thing I've ever put in my body. It was rancid and horrific.

But I can get with some beans and toasts, Like I love refried beans on toast. Try it. Don't knock it till you try it. It tastes actually so good. It's like dehydrated nutella without the sweetness, but it's that kind of texture.

What were you saying about the first food you tried or something?

Oh, the first time I saw somebody eating Chinese food and I was like, damn, I really really want that, because my family wasn't, like, actually, that's a lie. We did have a spot that we always.

Ordered from China.

Yeah, there was a Chinese bffet. We went to a lot, but there was a spot we usually ordered from. But the first time I actually saw it and wanted it, even though my family would eat it often, was at daycare because I was friends with the daughters of the people who ran the daycare, and during naptime, the daughters like got up and left, and I was like, where.

Are you all going?

Like where's everybody going? And then I heard them talking to their mom and they like I heard bags and things coming out of bags, and I was like, oh my god. And then I started to smell the food and I was like, fuck, I really want food. So then I acted like I woke up from a nap and I was like, can I use the bag room? Like I woke up, and I was like can I use the bedroom? And they were like okay, yeah, And I went to his brother. I was like, I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep again.

I'm so hungry and she was like, okay, fine, do you want some food?

I was like yes, please, please, And then they gave.

Me food, and then the daughter taught me that, yeah, I got a Chinese and then she the daughter taught me that you like she would put like duck sauce and soy sauce in her fried rice, and then I tried it, and I remember like that was also the first time as a kid, like somebody showed me the way they would eat their favorite thing. And I was like, whoa, this changes everything. And I don't know why I want to say that, but I remember that. And her name

So what's your excuse, I'm white?

Yeah, that actually literally.

White baby is a spile when they're born. Like, really, look at any white baby, infant baby.

I was really cute.

I don't believe that for a split second.

Actually, I want to see you as a baby.

Can get find one right now?

Yeah, I want to see it.

Well, I decided that I never need to see a man's toes ever again, like seeing like something about seeing a man's toes is so nasty and like fucking rancid, and I literally can't see it and be like, oh, this is.

Like man's like legs, like even a man's legs.

Like if there's a man who I've only seen in jeans and pants and the first time I see his legs, I'm literally.

So I don't want to see your feet either.

That's funny because every time I have them out in the house, you take pictures and that's why I have to wear slippers in the house.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I do take pictures of your feet. And I don't think that's a problem because I'm just keeping tabs and I and I tell you, you know, I tell you, I'm like, you need to get a betic cure soon. Like the freaks are gonna like eat that up, like seeing random people's feet like it's horrid. Farm it's it's really like seeing like a penis like literally the equivalent.

Also toes are so nasty, like they are literally like why are they like veloscer raptor Like yeah, it looks like men when they walk in the shoes, Like it's like that.

Like twinkie men, Like twinky feet are skinny.

Skinny men's feet are really really scary.

But it mayes literally it's and I'm just like seeing like I hate like men's thigh hair because it's like so.

Like why girl, you need to get like I don't know what needs to happen, but then you used to be conditioner and it needs to be.

Like that's what I say to women too. I'm like, cut all your fucking hair off your nasty body all that night. I actually do.

Think men should like cater to their leg hair because some.

Men's leg hair I'm like, whoa, you have no business.

Yours is pretty like yours isn't too crazy. There are some men whose leg hair was really nasty. I'm just honestly evening out the playing field, Like men should start have to take care of their feet because women are expected to. But Also, women's feet in general are just prettier. Like men had nasty feet, women have pretty feet. And that's just the way God did it. And it's because men were supposed to like dig their toes into the dirt so that they are like stable enough to like.

Swing them and throw their nails, and women were pretty.

Feet to stand in the kitchen. So like that's just the way it was made.

Oh yeah, I actually agree with you on that one, and that women should shave their bodies.

Yeah, oh period.

What are you laughing at? Did you find a picture of yourself?

Yeah? I found a couple.

Before we get to that, I want to say, just before it leaves my brain, but when I clip my fingernails and toenails, like there's something to it where like there's like epigenetic memories inside of my fingernails or some shit, because like when I cut them, no, no, no, no no, when I cut them, I feel ten percent weaker. Like I feel like there's something serious about nails, like they are made to climb trees and make you feel stronger, and like the nails were.

Ever strong enough to like give you grip.

Like that I know, but I'm just saying like there's something to it, maybe in like the past, like I'm memorized.

There's something to it, like.

You I was only like climbing tree.

There's something to it.

Well, I'm gonna climb your tree tonight.

Yeah you are, Yeah, you are? All right? I want to see Kai.

Okay, there's another one.

Are you sending it to us? So we have to stand up?

Yeah, I'll send it to you guys.

So this is like the one is so crazy crazy lit Okay, So I think I was like six.

And that.

Oh Kai, that's just a picture of you in face? App what that's just you from face?

You're you're trying to convince me that you're six years old?

Here, Bro, why did you take a picture of your whole thing? And then you have eight million pictures of yourself down there?

It's like one of those things where you change from a lizard to like a human being.

Also, you know what's crazy? This used to be technology that was literally only kept behind doors for like missing people, and now we just have it on our iPhone. Wait, is that actually you?

That's pretty cute?

You look like a little girl.

That's a cute baby.

Yeah, all right, Kai, and Daddy, that's what they say about us, Kai and Daddy, I'm daddy. Hello.

I'm actually so jealous of people who are as old as you and had video cameras as kids cameras like iconic.

Or no, because you know what it is. It actually is crazy because I feel.

Like when we were growing, digital cameras were like the new thing, Like in like the really early two thousands, people would switch like I have a bunch of pictures of us, like as kids from film cameras. Like my family was big disposable camera.

They were like ahead of the fucking curve, just like anybody's.

Have a disposable camera instead of just buying a film camera.

They're just like trendsetters, like they they started using film cameras early on, and like now everybody wants.

I know, everybody wants to do what my family created. Yeahat us, starting Kodak was like a really big risk, but I'm really glad we did it because now we're like so well long.

I know they're like rich and shit, but like.

I feel like we were growing up, like right when digital cameras were becoming accessible to families, they were still really expensive to have a digital camera. I saw this thing the other day that like one of those older TVs, like the box ones, was two thousand dollars when they first started rolling out, which is fucking insane.

Oh, like the big screen one, Yeah, like.

A twenty seven inch like fucking like box ass TV, Like the crtvs were like two thousand dollars. But I looked it up and like digital cameras that now were like fucking thirty bucks were literally like seven hundred dollars, So it was still like a big feat to have one.

Before fourteen, my brothers they got like a mini DV camera for Christmas. One year, and the only videos I have of me talking from that age are like me cussing because they thought it was hilarious and they would just make me cuss, and then them beating the shit out of me, and then them forcing me and mattle on to do like jackass stunts and like rolling as

I literally get like a pain of envy when I see videos of people when they were younger. But I feel like people who were born in like ninety six and before usually are more likely to have like a plethora of videos because in the mid nineties is when it became also super.

By Seth Rogan like Hill by Seth.

Is that the name of the movie.

Mid Nineties by Rogan Hill by Rogan Hill.

Yeah, you nailed that. True?

Wait is that actually the name of that movie?

It's called mid Nineties but true Schizophrenic And it's.

No Rogan Hill. You said Rogan Hill, right, Yeah.

By Rogan Hill, Jonah Hill gizophrenic one.

I know, Yeah, it's Rogan Hill.

I don't And oh oh Roman Hill. Oh no, it is more wrong.

Okay, yeah, yeah, because there's Roman Hill and then there's Seth Rogan. That's why we keep getting a messages because Seth Rogan makes the weak stuff. Rogan Hill is the director.

Mid nineties of skateboarding content.

There's really no hope for you guys with this.

The craziest thing about Roman Hill was he was a YouTuber, a skateboarder YouTuber, and he also had cameras.

Yeah, and he always liked them so much that he was like, there should be my job.

Mm hmm.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. But it became like a I think it was more common for people to have it also if you had older siblings, like all my homies with like a big age gap between their other siblings usually have videos on themselves because they had like some older sibling who was like a teenager when they were young, ye got the family camera. I was like bored and was like my film people.

My younger I mean my older brothers and sisters, they all have like an insane amount of footage of them when they were a kid, in an insane amount of photos. And then when it got to me and Madeline. They were just like, okay, like, what are we going to do with these photos?

I mean, we know why they didn't want to take Yeah.

My father loved me.

I swear I wouldn't want photo documentation of y'all until you got like normal.

Yeah, for show old jelly.

Really cute baby, these crispy jelly beans.

There's an old video of me as a baby, and like, my dad comes into the kitchen and I'm sitting on the counter and I'm covered in peanut butter, and I'm like, uh, it's really cute.

That's not you.

There's no the viral peanut butter baby is you.

That would make sense because you're like, what fifty, Now that's actually fucking amazing. Yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah, I guess I just never told you guys that.

Yeah, it'd be cool if you like were able to monetize that. But now you're just like fifty and.

You're like fifty, it's weird.

He's forty eight, Okay, Yeah, but I just round up with people's age.

Well, I'm gonna transition to conversation and I'm gonna say some things out loud, and I want to get your reaction.

I really have to poop.

Benda ruse.

Is that a candy or something that's like I know what that is?

Yeah, zoo books, Yeah, slushy magic. Is that that thing that you squished that you fucked? Yeah, that's why it was the first pocket pussy I ever had. Like it was like, whoa, I lost my virginity.

I think that's a really good one because you can do it. However, it's your means. You you probably still use any but you have to squish it like this.

You know that ship was like maybe no, that ship got rotten quick, like I had to throw that, you know.

I was thinking.

I was like what if I just one episode had my vibrate or hanging here charging like buzzing.

But yeah, I just wanted to. But bender rus are like a like these are all like TV like ads of toys that.

I remember like something about it is purple but bend rous.

Yeah, I know. They're like the little like they're almost like pipe cleaners, but they're made out of like wax in metal and you like can form them.

I'm thinking of.

There was like a kangaroo, like a cereal with a kangaroo as a mascot.

This is bendaroo.

Actually I've never seen that in my life. WHOA, really, I've never seen you in my life.

Yeah, kungaroos, I've never heard of that either. What is this from? But yeah, lost my virginity to a slushy magic. Listen to a photo of all three of those when they go down, or when I say.

Them, when it goes down.

This guy, Oh, dunk a ruse, dunk a ruse. That is what I'm thinking of, dunkaroos. Okay, well, let's transition the conversation again and talk about the absolute choke hold san Rio has on the girls. It's crazy.

You know what's awesome is uh san Rio was just a small gift shop that was originally selling a lot of Snoopy stuff. So it was like a small gift shop that this man had owned. And then he I think he started like licensing out Snoopy products because like getting licenses to make Snoopy products because he realized after having a few Snoopy items in the store that those

It was like a meaning behind that.

Yeah, yeah, did you know that Hello Kitties from London?

London?

Which yeah, because I were really infatuated in that time, like with London, and they were all like, we really want to go to London, Like that's like the spot in like seventy actually maybe even before Hello Kitties, like actually the oldest boned.

Yeah, London was like the town for a while and then it became New York and Paris and now it's la like because we're.

Here, oh no, nineteen seventy four, Oh my god, she's like fifty, she's fucking haggardy.

She's got to quit it age.

I'm not.

This was the first thing they made was this. Uh they made like a little pocket book a pocket, right, a little coin pocket thing.

Oh okay, what were you insinuating? I know, trying to say a pocket pussy.

I don't say that word. God, I would never say that word.

You can, I use you like a pocket ussy.

Someone told me that.

Saying ussy is worse than saying pussy, but I don't think that.

You know, the p word is literally scary.

I love saying ussy. That's my new thing is saying ussy instead of pussy, because pussy is a lot.

My My new thing is saying the house. Like I'll just say, like, oh, that camera is the house, or like hello, the house. It's just something me and my friend's made up and that we like say to each other.

Oh okay, but like, can you like this that.

Headband is the house? No, no, no, it's not referring to the house like in the house, it's just the house.

Okay. I'll try to implement that, but it seems a bit confusing and hard.

To get up.

Yeah, I mean, we did make it up. Me and my friends made.

Can I try my penis is the house?

Yeah?

That works, he's.

Having So it's your This is the most sun that's ever come into this room while we've ever been on you. I know. Wait, why am I mister bright Side looks.

Like mister bright sad? Yeah, okay, well, let's transition again, because I have so many notes.

You need to stop saying let's transition. You can just.

Start a new sentence.

What why is that that? Why is that that? Why is this bad? No?

Because it's fucking weird in a conversation. Imagine we were just talking and I'm like, all right, so let's transition to the next topic. Saying that conversation.

Very natural, it's it would like snap me out of I know.

It literally like makes it feel like we're following like I don't know, like it makes me scared.

You're saying that, Well, okay, I'm actively trying to beat the U drew Print allegations and it's really hard for me. It's hard for me actually because I don't want to be the drew Print, but like it just just forced onto me.

Well, it's because like it's hard to look at you and not want to beat you. Because you're so gorgeous, But are you naturally gorgeous? Or have you had work done?

Absolutely not, there's something wrong with getting work done.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Literally, just it pushed into my face. Man, that she's bullshit. I mean, more power is you if you get it done, Like I'm happy for you, but you.

Sound really condescending about.

It though, like Drew print, is that like when it presses up against the.

Sweatpants, the gray sweatpant challenge, you don't play that enough, like I missed that in the house.

No, the thing is is, I'm not off this transition to conversation because like I'm making this fucking conversation flow by saying that, because it would just be silent if I wasn't bringing you top it would not it would be silent.

You can bring the topics, but just like a normal conversation saying all right, so let's.

Transition conversation done that.

You've never done that.

So it's like so confusing for to like hear you do that.

You know this is bullshit. I'm being attacked for doing my job.

Since Drew has been sober now in the friend group, he's the Drew ber so we don't have to call Uber.

We have drew Bery like Uber them around.

Yeah, and I made that up and it was awesome when I did, and like everybody picked me up on a chair and like took me down the streets like a little parade, and then I got dropped off at home. M hmm.

Yeah, it's nice. And I your parade.

Is coming up. Wait, is that is that June? Yeah? Your parin a month the way, No, your month, the whole month for you is coming up.

Let's go.

Are you going to.

Celebrate Spanic Carritage Month?

No, you're you're not. You were not.

Work' the one that's not the one referencing.

It's you know, you go into Target, you know special.

Times a week for veterans. I swear to God, like even a month for that, you know. No, I swear like this is crazy.

No, it's that special time of year when you walk into Target and you feel something is happening. And it's because there's so many nice decorations for you.

Merch month, That's what it is, right, It's when all.

The companies get to get together and make more money than they've ever made. All.

Yeah, yeah, it's really interesting.

Me and Drew decided we're going to drop Pride merch.

Oh yeah, emergency allies, Yeah, emergency or you come merchant. We're gonna say we're going to donate it, but super smart.

Well, because therefore we're making the merch for allies. So it's just going to say, like, I'm not gay, but I know some people who are.

Am I gay, but I like kind of support the cause I'm.

Not gay, So don't ever mistake me for that in terms of like my support the lifestyle. I'm okay with you guys for now.

Dude. One time I was Withdrew and we ordered an Uber and you open the app and he saw that the line was Andrew said, I'm not getting in that car and I.

Literally like, wasn't gonna get in? This is crazy. I stopped using Uber that day.

Yeah, because why did they do that? Well, Well, you could have seen it like Rainbow Road from Mario Car. What if it was just a Mario movie.

Drew walked out.

Of Mario movie when that scene came on.

It's never that never that.

Never Well, yeah, your month is coming, so we're gonna do something special for for Drew.

Yeah, fuck, I got something to say. I like literally completely forget.

What if I literally got everybody to like bombard and harass you all month, that would.

Be fucked up.

Like, No, I would eat that up. What are you talking about? I would literally love that. That's like my dream is to be yes, Like, that's literally my favorite time of the year.

Sometimes my scabs are like like, right here is a piece of skin where when I get like a cut or something, my body will make too much skin on top of a scab, and then sometimes randomly it starts itching, and I think it's literally my body, like that's need to get rid of this. Oh at least it's not where it used to be though, because I used to get a lot of wards.

On your genitals.

Yeah, and it would like honestly bothered me because my underwear would scratch up against it, so it would just be bleeding all the time. So I felt like I had like a twenty four to seven period, But it was just my wards popping from my tight underwear.

That does like suck. Well, I'm entering my Karen arc.

Oh are you start yelling at people?

Yeah, Like when people fuck up my order after an eight hour shift and I go in thirteen minutes before closing, Like I am just the exact same customer that came in here when it was four hours before closing. Like you better treat me with I'm saying, and I want fresh I want fresh ingredients.

Yeah.

Turn the friars back on.

I don't give a fuck. Turn on the stove. Yeah, start back up the espresso machine.

I actually do have a big pack.

What am I paying you for? You know? Like, what's the fucking point?

I know, like I'm gonna start just leaving no tips. That's kind of my vibe. It's like that's not my duty, Like I don't need to give you a tip, Like.

Hello, I'm so with you on that. Yeah, so you might.

Be ahead of me on that because you haven't tipped for what five years now?

Seven?

Yeah? Oh wow, that's a good street seven years sober tipping tipping services about me.

I'm kidding, guys. I like tip so much.

Sometimes I just tip on it's un ironically like I over tipped because I feel so Actually, I literally get so uncomfortable. Last night last night, I texted Andy at like one and I was like, I really have to do this, and I know this is disgusting, but I literally have to do this, and I ordered hot cheetos

Let me show you he's really cool, so he was flirting with an animal, so it wasn't a BZ. But look at okay, why does Uber let you use not a photo.

Of your size?

It's kind of dangerous.

W how do they find you when you.

Call an uber?

But he looking for a monkey with I'm looking for.

The cutest little monkey with a banjo.

It felt I felt so bad making him do that at one am that I literally tipped him fourteen dollars, which is fucking crazy for a bag of hot chips, Like, so.

How was your thirty bag of dollar bag of hot chips?

Is worth it?

No? Because I literally laid in that bed eating them, and I was like, am I gonna COVID right now? Because I literally can't taste this? They were under seasoned, Like it was crazy. I want to try ump No, okay, near mine?

Well, I hope you have COVID, bitch.

Sorry, my total was fourteen dollars. I misspoke. I just wanted to set the record straight. Twenty three.

Oh that's how much you tipped. M that's cool. I guess Drew.

Tips me way more than that with my tip.

Well, that's because if you're doing a sexual act, I would hope you're asking for more than seven dollars. Kai, what's your self respect?

Yeah?

I tay to do me.

Yeah, that's a part of that's a part of his job, the contract. Yeah, he put that in there.

Most of my job.

Yeah, I mean it is seventy percent of the work you do. So, but we got to keep this logoy happy so he keeps coming back.

Yeah, it will be dangerous, it'll be dangerous.

I was going to say something before you did all that, and then I forgot. Oh, actually I do have a fucking pet peep with coffee shops, So.

Hold on before I just spoke because it's a podcast. Wow. Wow, How is that any better than me saying which transition a conversation? Yeah? See, that's how my brain operates and works like it works for me.

Yeah, well, before you fucking killed my butt. But I was gonna say that I actually do have a pet people with coffee shops turning off their machines like thirty minutes before they closed, because at that point, you're not a fucking coffee shop bitch, You're a water stand. Like why why are your doors still open? If I'm coming in and I'm asking for a latte thirty minutes before you close, It's like we just turned off our machine fifteen minutes ago. It's like cool, then why are you so they just.

Clicked the button and turn it back on, Like I'm being bad, serious, Like it's that easy. You just have to fucking warm.

That's also what I think is that I'm like, we'll turn it on, like it's not fucking nineteen thirty. It doesn't take eighteen years for taking heat up.

But I think it's because they have to clean.

The fuck out of the coffee machine so that they like don't calcify and get all fucked up. Because even with the one I have, like sometimes you have to go in there and like really scrub it to work because you're supposed to keep it clean. Because like that, like the little ones, the soavetops get so much calcium build up in it. I don't know why. I don't know if it's like a chemical reaction from the coffee to the metal.

I think it's the lexipro that boils out of the tap.

Water, and I wish it came out of the top of I'd be too lit.

I've been having a fluoride stare a lot recently.

I think you've always had that kind.

Of Also, I did like a look snacks and deep dive, which it's crazy that that became mainstream.

What does that technically mean? Is that just like doing everything to make you look yeah, exactly the best.

Like bone smashing and like all that shit, like really like mewing, yeah, mewing, but oh cool, it's crazy, it won't blur it. It's crazy that looks maxing and the idea of like bone smashing and all this shit became mainstream in the last like month.

What is bone smashing?

It's literally what it sounds like. It's like going in with like a hammer or an object to like smash your cheek bones in your forehead to like make it regrow and recalcify and become like more prominent. Because like in these like communities and circles, they think like having like sunken in cheeks and like better sharper jaw lines and broader foreheads and all that shit are like sexually attractive, and it's like it's all the inseels like it's all.

That's why people like love me so much because I have such.

A strong jaw fell on exactly.

That's what they always say about me. They're like, I wish I could look like you, but sorry, mine's all natural. I just look like this great too.

Why are you at me?

Well, you guys are doing a podcast and I'm the producer, so I'll just typically look at you guys while you talk.

You're done. What isn't it crazy that when this comes out, I'll literally be about to get on a plane to go to Korea. Like that's kind of crazy.

Huh, that is sick.

That's what I say when I walk into your room because it stinks with your oyster candle drew as a candle that I genuinely believe smells like an oyster and I don't know why, but like the smell of it freaks me the fuck out.

It smells like your clam.

That's what I'm saying this literally what smells like. It smells like I spread your little clam open, fucking rubbed it and then rubbed the walls.

With the I literally love the way it smells. But that's because I like love gash and eating it and the slam person shape.

You should say that?

Is that what you're saying?

That what they call it in Ireland.

I have no idea. I literally have no idea.

What's cool is For this episode, the only thing I wrote down was I'm not meant to see a man's toes Like That's the only thing I wrote down.

I write down so much every single episode because I smells.

I actually love the picture of the cat laying down between the girl's legs and his shoes. When I posted that my story, people were like, bitch, war are your toes out? I'm like, that is not me. What like this photo that's obviously from two thousand and eight, You think I just took that on my iPhone fourteen and posted it to my story?

Yeah? For really?

Like what that is?

Literally weird? Chorus? Fuck? Well, I decided, uh that furries are not bad people and they're very misunderstood, and that I am going to explore my furism. Yeah, I'm gonna explore it.

Do people think that furries are bad or is it just that they're weird?

I think it's that they're weird and bad.

There's like one bad Apple story like where furries are like every once in a while, one out of a million are like fucking creepy and like nasty and weird bestiality shit, and they think they're bad. But like, yeah, it.

Is really fucking weird. Though, I'm sorry, Like it is weird, really, it really is.

Do you guys remember that one husky that people were thirstying after on TikTok. Yes, that's the closest I've gotten to being a furry.

I think that there's really cool suits.

There's really there's like this guy who makes crazy for five nights at Freddie suits Like they're actually fucking insane, and it's crazy that he's making them at his home because they look so fucking good. And I did have a point where I was super obsessed and I was like, damn,

I feel it's probably a community.

Yeah, anyways, I feel like any like small town in the middle of America. It's literally just like there's nothing else to do, and it's like, fucking I want to be a dog. Like a dog, fuck it, I'm bored as I'm about to be a cat.

Like no, not just this, I saw this in the thumbnail. Also, I think I have to clarify I don't actually want to be a fucking furry. I hope that just didn't go over everyone's head.

I don't think anybody who listening to this far into an episode genuine thinks you're gonna be a furry, because one you don't leave the house.

But I did leave the house yesterday to go get chick fil A. I went to go get Chick fil A yesterday. It was like the first time I had left the house on my own in like two days. And I was like, oh, like, I'm gonna get Like it was the first time in my life I decided that I was gonna get chick fil A. It's normally like Chick fil A like comes to me, like other people get it, or like I'm going Chick fil A. I've never actively been like, oh, I'm gonna go get chick fil A. So I was like, oh, I'm gonna

Well maybe that's what you get for even supporting something that's so against what's literally so innate to you.

Yeah, I just like it's internalized at this point, like I really am. I just do not like it. But I did listen to.

IQ eighty four.

Yeah, IQ eighty four, And there was another book I listened to.

You listened to the whole book on the way No.

I got like an hour into one of them. And then because I left, like hell early and I just drove around and then I got into a George Orwell book. I forget what it's called. Yeah, but nineteen eighty four, yes, it literally was nineteen eighty four.

Oh really yeah?

Let me actually, look, what do you I've never listened to an audiobook in my life.

I can read.

We just got to get you those books in your what's the way for dyslexic people when it's like the bionic Yeah, we just got to get you bionic books. Is there a company that makes bionic books? Because that would be led a.

Billion dollar idea. Yeah. Oh, I listened to Norwegian would buy Mirakami? Uh one eighty four you York call me in nineteen eighty four or well not all the way through. But I was just getting bored of each of them.

When you listen to audiobooks, do you also use your phone at the same time or do.

You just listen. I just kind of chill out.

You sleep, you take your eighteen map.

Of the day.

Actually I haven't been apping recently.

That's good. I haven't been staying up super late, so

Or you could wake up early and then nap in the middle of the day.

You like to wake up at six am, but then take a nap at eleven am.

And wake up at one it's lit. Also, Josiah pointed out, I don't nap on the couch anymore. And I don't know if y'all remember, but I accuse that couch of having like head a black mold inside of it. And I stopped napping on the couch when I lay down on the couch because normally it would just knock me the fuck out when I sat in my spot. But the black mold is gone, like it's out of this house.

We gotta get some more on that couch so you actually lay on it. Yeah, but that is not a laying couch. That's a sitting up right, sitting up and watching me play Fortnite. I haven't played Fortnite in a while.

It's like a torture couch.

You hate that cat, You hates our couch. I love our couch.

I don't even think we've showed them our couch.

I don't know.

I don't think that.

But this is another thing I wanted to talk about, is have you ever actually looked at the Moodlander, the Moonlander, that the thing that landed on the moon. It literally looks like it was made out of Wooden dow Rod's tinfoil and like.

It wasn't real.

That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying I'm denying the moon landing, but like, look at that thing, and you're telling me that flew through fucking outer space and landed on the moon.

Like somebody on TikTok is like I'm gonna make remake a Nogucci piece of furniture, and like this is what they end up.

Also, they stole those copper pipes from like another building. Yeah, street like crazy.

It's literally aluminum foil on this bitch. This shit's crazy. Yeah, that's not real. On the set of that eBay commercial, like add thing I'm in. By the time this comes out, I think I had to post the real I made a joke about not believing in the mood landing. No, but he laught like nobody in that room found that funny. Yeah,

I think squirts the watch squirts too.

No, no, it's like in case you square on it and watches can't squirt, Like it's like it's someone's fingering you with their watch on it.

That's actually like a really good idea.

Yeah, that's a good way to promote watches to only Drake. Drake would hear that would be like, oh, still something only Drake would want.

But he was like, it's the.

First watch on the moon. And then I was like, that's interesting if the moon landing was real and nobody left, Yeah, that's not funny. The moon landing is real. And then I had to be like I was joking, I believe in it. But then as I was standing on.

That like saying I wanted to be.

And I as I was sitting on this stage, I was like, do I believe in the moon landing? Like I was just told that I've never looked into it, Like I just believe it because people talk about it a lot, Like I've literally never.

Like that that there's a lot of curious information that it's just like it. I'm gonna choose to believe it because I want it to be real, so it's real to me, But like I'm not denying all the weird like inconsistencies with like landing, it's very curious. It's very very curious, or something.

Like zoom into the moon from because you know, like people have telescopes, like consumer level telescopes, you can like zoom the fucking on something. Can you see the flag?

Or like, well, I just I literally saw something like literally yesterday. This is what spurred this or this thought was like someone was like, yeah, but like why can't I see the flag from the moon? And then someone was like you literally can just you look at it with the telescope. And then now that person was like

No, it's not possible for a telescope to see the flags on the moon. The flags are only one hundred and twenty one centimeters four feet long, and the average home telescope can only see objects larger than one point five kilometers, but I still feel like there's guys on TikTok that like have exact industrial level telescopes for some reason, and.

I just like like I don't care, Like I know they go there now, but I'm like this has nothing to do with me, Like this is so.

Actually, haven't been back?

Yeah, I don't think that.

What is SpaceX not launching shit to the fucking moon every three.

No, they're like testing it so they can launch it on the moon.

Okay, then I don't think we been there because like, bitch, if you've been there, go.

Back like that's that's literally everyone's argument is like I don't think we've been there because if we've gone there, or that they went there and they found something that we weren't supposed to see, or that like when we launched into space we hit the fucking firmament. There's like a lot of ideas where it's like, literally, I don't think we've been there because why wouldn't we go back?

Like yeah, like what just fucking go back?

Crazy that they launched it with something less powerful than my iPhone.

It's like it had like memory of like one hundred and twenty eight kilobytes or something.

It's just fucking crazy, like.

Its seconds of this podcast.

Yeah, that shit's not real, bro, I don't believe in that shit. But also my thing is like I am just perfect candidate for like propaganda, because anything the government says, I'm like, oh okay.

Right right, yeah. No, I was literally like anything you.

Tell me unless it has to do with like my moral standings. Yeah, but for the most part, I'm like, okay.

I have literally been so easily indoctrinated into like the extremeist cult that is like America, like in American science. Like it's fucking crazy, it's so easy.

Yeah. But also it's because like I'm not about to sit here fucking fight with bitches over the moon landing.

The moon has nothing to do with me.

The only thing the moon has to do with me is sometimes when I walk out of the house it's a bit brighter than it hugely is at NAIM.

The only thing I care about is like it's cute sometimes. Yeah, sometimes it's.

Like so sleigh, and like that's it. That is like where me and the Moon's connection stops. It's like sometimes you're sleigh, sometimes you don't exist, and then sometimes you follow me around.

Yeah, now, the moon like also, I literally like, I think this is the cutest thing ever. But when like people are always like, oh we're like looking at the same sky or looking at the same same moon, I'm like, oh, that's so fucking swee.

It's so cute that we Also it's the cover of one of my favorite Sunday's album and that's where the moon ends.

Or like remember when it was a full moon and we went to Malaboon swam naked. Yeah, like that, that's when the moon matters the most.

Yeah, because that's when it's like giving us light and it's like nice. But which I don't have to go there, like what I can just like, oh my.

God, photo of it too? What mm hmm? That's you want me to show you me?

I would actually love to see that.

Yeah, we got a flash photo of Drews.

Balls and the other I was like diving in and you can see them through the thighs from behind.

The fact that you can see a man's.

Balls clapped them in exactly damn.

That is disgusting.

But yeah, the moon landing may or may not be real. Will let you decide real.

But I'm looking this ship up and people are like, well, why can't Why can't the Hubble space telescope that can see galaxies one hundred light years away not see the flag on the moon.

Curious because that shit flew away.

There. That's the other billion years old. There's another thing, and it's there's no atmosphere and there's no vacuum, and there's no bacteria and there's nothing to degenerate it, Like there is no reason it shouldn't be there and still be in the exact same position we left it in.

But if someone's moving something around, there isn't there a chance that like the vibration from you like stabbing it in can kind of like move it.

That's the argument the other direction, And then they're like, well, I recreated it to a tee, and like they just argue back, funny that.

Wait, when was the moon landing, like the.

Moon landing sixty or something?

What year to two thousand and one? Space Odyssey come out, because why did they just reuse the fucking set?

Like that's that's another argument. That's literally another argument. They're like, look at two thousand and one Space Odyssey, like it looks like we're in space, but it was all filmed here. Like if they can do that, if Stanley Kubrick can do that, then they could have done this ten years before with like government technology.

Yeah, we're good, like that shit's not real, but that's okay, who fucking cares? Like literally what, like it's not that big.

Of a deal exactly.

Other one is like they did go, but they didn't record it, so they like did a fake recreation because it was just like a whole fucking army.

That's the other thing is how the fuck did they live stream back in nineteen sixty whatever, Like that's fucking crazy that they were filming on the moon, Like no, no, it doesn't make sense. Make that makes sense?

I think?

Yeah.

Also, like wait, where's all the light coming from? Because the lighting on that was gorgeous.

It is really weird. You know how bad the quality of a phone call is?

Yeah?

Yeah, like why why were we streaming?

Yeah? Were they were? They claiming it was live stream.

I don't know, I don't know.

Yes, yes they were. I mean in the rocket launch they were talking back and forth the entire way.

Insane.

Also, what was it a thirty minute trucker where bitch is at the TV for like four hours.

It's like a forty day thing. I think I'm actually.

Going forty days to the moon. Bitch, Suck my fucking balls. I'm not going to the moon forty days, bitch. That's forty days and forty nights to get to some dirt for what.

Oh wait, four days and six hours.

Minute forty days?

This crazy. That's like to get to Mars or some shit.

Four days.

Still, that's why they're not going back.

Nobody wants to be gone for four days because now so much stuff happens on your iPhone. You can't miss four days worth of iPhone use.

Yeah, no, that asks like, well, no, I'll be fine, Like put me on that fucking airplane. I'll just like do what I do in my bed and just like, literally.

Can you get Wi Fi on the spaceship?

I bet they could figure it out.

Yeah, they can figure that out.

Yeah. Also, what's crazy is we've launched that like Golden Wheel into the world. That's like supposed to like aliens are supposed to find it and like, oh, it has the diagram of exactly it's supposed to. They're supposed to see it and be like wait, this is like not made by.

See that's science is going too far because it's like, bitch, you are so bored, like little kid shit ever, like I'm gonna get in space with some stuff all over and hope someone finds it and can read it. Bitch, they cannot read what we are reading.

Like I mean, if they find it, they might be advanced enough to read it. But the crazy thing is is it's so outdated at this point, like it does not represent us as humans at all anymore. And like the song that they used on it was like what a song on that?

Yes, so they threw a mixtape into space.

An alien would find it.

Why did Brian Enu make the Brian EO not the song, but he made the album for the first like launch like an Apollo eighteen?

Was that real?

Yes, he's too for that. Maybe not Brian Enu but one of those ambient.

Bitches Harold Budd.

No, this album was made for Oh what made for? Like Apollo something damn. Yeah, but is cindent Like that's like next level.

They gotta get Jeremy Scott to do them stupid ass silly at astronaut outfits. Why don't they like make more sleigh outfits?

The fits now are fucking lit. The fits now are lit.

But the suits like we can move past that.

No, that's what I'm saying. The suits are lit, like they're like skinny and tailored and like cool like her.

The fuck is this picture?

Bro?

Not? Okay?

So what we're learning today is I don't believe in the moon landing because that's it's not real.

Bro. Yeah, try to literally try to convince me that it's real and I don't believe it. But no, I'm like I'm choosing to believe it. I'm like I want it to be real so bad, but like the more information that comes out about it, I'm like, hmmm, yeah.

I just don't think it's real because like go back, go back, challenge literally go back, yeah, and you don't want to because you've never been That's literally me when I lie, I'm like, well, I just can't do it again. I'm so tired.

Suits are like bootcut.

Yeah, they're they're a Meri and fucking true religion.

They imagine if Drake did the song for Apollo sixty nine and then they had bootcut Amieri's Yeah me too.

They should get Chrome Hearts to do since they love their soulver, they should get a Chrome Heart's shuttle to take them.

That would be fire, ultimate capitalism, ultimate world destruction. It's like, let's just make something that's so unneeded for this universe so we can escape it and cause the pollution.

Okay, it would be let to post this on the GRAM like, yeah, back when I was on.

The Moon, did you you can go to space now? Like?

You know what I'm saying though, like can we like? And also I don't want to, Like there's nothing to see.

There, Like I would spend the money to go.

There's no vintage shops on the Moon. There's no vintage. If they can make a shuttle bigo enough with us minimll in it, then I'll go. Then I literally would go.

I mean sooner than later we're gonna have like camps on Mars.

And shit, I don't think we're gonna be alive for that.

No, it's it's supposed to happen, like by twenty thirty.

I say that, but then I see the new cars, And I was saying to her the other day, like I'm literally watching the future.

Like the Ionic five days, like look them up, Kui.

We're literally watching like the Jetsons like future unfold in front of us, and it's starting with like the Nu Prius.

Yeah, it's like.

Looks sick.

It's crazy, like they like all the new cars are actually starting to look fucking crazy. And now I know what like old people feel like when they see the world change and they're freaking out because I'm like, it's nothing's changing. But then i see somebody's Hyanda in their driveway and I'm like, whoa, what the fuck is that?

Like like it's literally the.

Cut almost like yeah, like no, no, but those all those batteries are gonna explode and that's when we're going.

To see that created with child labor.

Yeah, and they're the batteries are going to start exploding and like fucking erupting, and the data they're collecting from us, from our new electric cars are going to literally like be used to hunt us down and kill us because you can't run away and literally like you literally can't run away.

This is The last thing I want to add to the conversation before we move on to media, but straight men, stop using Marlborough cigarette packaging and logo design as your medium for art challenge brands that you're starting to remember at the chateau when we were all sitting in a circle with you know who, and he started going on a spiel about how he wanted to like create like this massive piece of artwork with cigarette packages and yeah, he was like, I want to make like a skull

So he was also crazy.

He is looking in saying like actually a dangerous person, so.

Gross, like writing the kind of poetry that was like I can taste your sweat. I would taste your blood if I could.

I love you so making Pinterest boards that we won't get into that. But he's the killer and he it's yeah, he's a scary is the killer.

And I don't care to say his name.

Because he is the killer.

I was gonna say, no, he is literally the killer and he is fucking weird and like he is literally what happens when you don't get casted in the fault in our stars. But you really want it to be. That's what it feels like, Like that's what happens when you get the second round to sell taping for Fault in Our Stars, but you just don't make it the Fault in Our Stars eight.

Though, that movie was literally the House.

Oh so that's how you use it. That movie is the House? Okay? Yeah, all right, now on to media media though, did you see that as the Moors fucking cargot stolen?

No he didn't.

Yeah, he got it back, but somebody stole his car in like the middle of the night.

I'm literally calling him.

As we're missing the met gala right now. Fuck, guys, can we wrap this up? I have to go walk the carpet of the mat.

Yeah we recorded. Yeah, wow, bitch, whoa?

How humiliating? Did you see that?

Guy?

Yeah? You got body?

Whoa?

Okay. Media of the week is The Zenith by Starflier fifty nine, Silly by Denise Williams, Riot by Hugh Masequila, Arrow through Me by Wings, and then fun fact that is the song that Erica Badu sampled for going Baby Don't Be Long, And yeah, that's it. That's all I'm gonna fucking give you. Actually, I don't love you anymore. I go, that's yeah, that's all I'm giving you.

I'm gonna give you. Test done by Sweet Exorcist Kid for Today Boards of Canada Stereo Lab mix. Uh Listen to a Warm Place by Nine Inch Nails and Stolen Documents The Future Sound of London.

Guys, we did.

We recorded our first ever episode of a podcast.

That was actually amazing. It won't really Yeah, it went like thought but except for me saying trand physician, I hope you liked this episode of this podcast. Uh Anthony Pantano, Oh yeah, I hate him.

The day music died? All right? What is your fucking thumbnail for this Paris video? Bitch, fucking insane.

You should see the raw thumbnail. And I was gonna do it, but I was like, I'm not doing that to ending.

That is insane.

I'm not kidding. This is unedited, and I was like, I'm gonna do this, but then I was like, no, I'm gonna edit it and make it like funny and up.

Dude, I look really fucked up on camera all the time. It's crazy.

I swear, I genuinely think.

I look better in person, like and I believe that wholeheartedly on camera. I looked fucked up and scary and disgusting.

That's if you need to tell yourself that, like, go ahead. Oh wait, Zammar's answering.

Well, I actually am about to shit myself.

Hello, I'm gonna walk away.

Thank you guys so much for listening.

Did your car actually get started?

Two