pride episode

Oh god, what you're an ally? No, this is for Ali, oh Alis Pagnola.

No, no, no, this is Ali. Okay, Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I am realizing now the comical timing of all of this. But if you listen to the last episode, I talked about doing trooms for the first time, and through that video, I got reached out to by a spiritual guidance counselor by the name of Ali, and I've done trooms every day since. But and I don't pay, I don't well yeah, okay, also okay, So her birth

Well. You know what month it is, right, are you aware?

Yeah?

It's like the gay festival month. That's what my uh groomer for as well.

Call yeah got groomed. It was really fucking.

I know I should have I should have I should.

Have protected him. Bro like it was really scary. So you're an ally. Wait, I'm confused. Are you an ally or not?

I am by default because I do have a lot of gay people in my life. No hate to the game.

But this is for my spiritual Why did you look at me?

Guy? What?

Why did you look at me when you said that it's her month?

Yeah? Look at your arm? I got my flags and I'm wait.

Wait, should I should I call people and come out to them on this episode?

I'm gonna do that.

What are you gonna call?

Okay? Am I gonna call?

Well?

I did? Okay. So I wanted to wear something festive for Pride Month, though, so I wore something that I didn't want to wear the colors because I didn't want to confuse anything.

I wanted to go all the way and like, do the full ring, right, anybody who.

Got to know what this is referencing, we'll throw it up. But I don't have I'm not kidding. I sat there for It took me so long because for a second I did it with white under and then I was like, I was like, Okay, I need to do the colors because that's what makes it funny. And then oh, I look stupid. No, but I did. Okay, But before we get to that, my outfit. I just didn't want to confuse anybody, especially with this tattoo. I didn't want to like throw anybody off because.

People have been making that mistake, which makes sense because I got I got a discount on the tattoo because I got it on Sunday, and I thought he was giving me the discount because I'm a beautiful woman and it was Sunday, but no, it.

Was I think he thought I was playing for that team, and I love that team. Go team, but I'm not on that team. Also, if you don't know, that's a joke. I literally just got all of my acrylics removed, like get off of my dick. But oh fuck, what was I gonna say? Oh? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Wait. I did do eyeshadow.

Pretty pretty. It's iridescent.

The rainbow is there, The rainbow is here in your heart?

Okay, who should I call?

Thank God I didn't get the tattoo I used to really want. When my boob sat perfectly on my chest, I wanted so badly to get a tattoo right here. Bro. That would have been so fucked up. It literally would have been like when your child is growing and you're like marking on the walk like Lilne line, line line.

What were you going to get something?

Wow, some dumb Miami shit. I was gonna get like a heart or like a star or like an E. An E would be a vibe. I would still get a butterfly, but like I would have to get the E, like we're down here.

Well, the amount of happy Pride text messages I got was like genuine, I'm not I am literally not joking. I got thirty of them. I'm thirty.

I'm literally not exacted. People.

I know they they really do think of me, but don't fucking think of me.

When the people like did you get any happy Pride?

No, they were all they were all facetious because they know I don't play with that ship.

Yes they know.

They also is this sounds really like disruptive?

I think when you do that, yeah, but not when you're just like chilling.

Wait. Kai sent a picture.

Kai every single time he's out of state with someone and they're at lunch, he sends me a picture of them together and then says, we're glazing you right now. So I want to know what the glaze is about because you only say we're glazing you, but like I want to know I'd have done that.

Before and why never me, because that's that's like weird to do that to a girl. I'm not getting glazer girl.

That's feels because it's like to me, I'm like, Wow, you guys think he's like really funny and cool and awesome, Like why can't that be happening for me? Because what is the glazing about?

Well, me and my male friends will sometimes get together and do like male pride. We'll do male pride or we'll just talk about it guy, the guys for hours.

What did y'all talk.

About male pride? That's just gay?

Remember what the exact thing was. I think we were just saying, you're like incredibly nice and welcoming, and you have like a like you're advanced, but you're very nice, which is very rare, you know, for someone to be like intimidatingly cool but also incredibly nice.

Oh my god.

Wait, and again, we only brought that up because we were doing male pride out.

So I'm intimidatingly cool, but I'm also a good person.

Yeah, wow, I could see that because your silence from the out side doesn't seem fearful. It seems like, no.

I'm listening.

When I get in big groups, I realized, like, the reason I don't speak is because I'm listening.

You're too busy listening. I'm too busy trying to fill the silence because I don't want to be in a room with strangers in silence. Also, guys, y'all are gonna see my I might put on a different shirt because this is crazy. I'm like sweating crazy.

Oh, it is like, damn, you do sweat so much.

Yeah, I try to tell people I sweat so much, like I think I'm gonna get botox all over my body, so I stop sweating.

I brought in a topic to talk about, you know how like men that track off are called gooners. And there's a gounette. Oh my god, did I say something?

Yeah?

What did I say?

You just called her a goon at?

Yeah, because goon males or gooners and and yeah with the rose toy, I just thought with the rose to Yeah, but you're it was a straight rn. You're a straight man. And it's weird when you think about her doing things like that. Yeah, yeah, you're right, it's really destabilizing. Yeah, you're right.

Can you compliment me a little more?

Oh? Yeah, you look very handsome. I always see comments of people saying that you look really handsome. I personally think you have Pedro Pascal vibes. You wear like really cool clothes. Thank you, that fit you really well. You have a really oh you know what. I was with my friend in New York recently and she was like, uh, skinny skater boys, like the way that a shirt will fall on them, no one else like it doesn't like the same shirt will not fall on other people the

I do have broad shoulders. I'm proud of my broad shoulders.

Yeah, you do it, Yeah exactly.

And I used to get compliments by older men when I was younger that I had broad shoulders, like eleven, twelve years old.

Oh that's like trauma.

It'd be like you have an athletic build.

Yeah, I don't know. Okay, how old were these men.

Think in their forties and fifties.

Okay, yeah, that's maybe a little bit inappropriate.

Actually, Yeah, that was after I said it out loud, I was like, because that genuinely did have I.

Just want can I dap you up? Thank you for always guving me in check.

I think sitting in my room and getting ready to do what is my job, which was putting the word ally on my forehead really was freaking me out. I can't lie like I got here, and I was in such a good mood because originally I was gonna just like stitch a little like felt thing and put it on that gold shirt. But then I remembered that picture and I was like, oh, I love that picture. I want to do that. And then once I really got to it, I was like, whoa Like I don't know.

And she's doing the big chop y'all, she's getting it all off really mm hmm.

Well, I'm doing the Demi Lovado shave on side.

This side, and it's gonna be to the ear kind of like that one. Always sunny art Wig the blonde art Wig, and is going for that look on the other.

Half, that's gonna look really good.

I'm really excited. I'm kind of nervous, but it's for free, so I just think I'm just gonna do it.

I yeah, what.

Keep looking at it.

Because I look good? Or wait? Is it kind of destabilizing to see me like with this on my hat? I don't know, because I kind of think I did, like an amazing job.

You did great.

That also took her two hours? Yes it did. It was two hours.

Why yell?

That's the pride handshake?

Yeah, oh my god. Gay Friends struck by Lightning KI that was repeated eight million times this week. They just like start doing the boys to be like Lightning.

Like Gay Guys Struck by Lightning is one of the funniest.

Like it's so real. Also it's two of my favorite like things, Gay guys and lightning. Shit like literally best combo.

Ever, it really does not get better than that.

They need to put that on like somebody's like menu, Like you know how everybody doesn't match a collab now like air one does a smoothie with everybody. They need to do a gay French truck flight Lightning Smoothie.

We'll make it.

That's gonna be my airwalk collab. But it's gonna cost thirty eight dollars.

Girl, where is the Pride air wands?

Moody, They can't do that because if you mix it up it I'll just turn roun mmm like with it. It'll oxidize it in.

Three seconds in a week, like it'll go flat. Well, this is the first topic that I wanted to bring up today. By the way, y'all, this is something I have written down that I thought.

The world needed to hear.

Like I really I when I wrote this down, I was like, oh, this is fucking still. I'm not kidding. I ate all my fingernails off last night. Yeah over here.

No, I really just laid in bed.

I'm not even kidding talking to Oriyan and nod off every single one of my fingernails and guess what, I ate every single one of them like swallows swallowed bitch, I.

Swallowed here seventy calories right there, mm hmmm. I just put it into my fitness mouth.

But this is this is a thought.

This is a thought I had that I was like, the world needs to know the app store logo sucks dick and balls, and we're not having that conversation.

We haven't ever had that conversation. What is that?

I know it's an A and I know it used to be paintbrushes and rulers and shit, but like, now it fucking sucks.

Yeah, now it looks like and.

Then they didn't ever.

I never realized and they didn't.

They didn't want me to realize this, because now I'm bringing it to everybody's attention. Look at the other fucking logos. They all suck. All of Apple's logos, suck Apple.

If you're watching this, which I know you fucking are, change the UI this month or else.

Your apps are okay, not too not too much not, don't scroll over to more.

Oh wait, oh we're good.

Actually wait do you have them hidden? No?

I don't, actually I deleted them all.

Wow. True body tensing up watching it?

You know, I'm like, what is she doing over here?

Yeah? That fucking sucks. It looks like a stack of fucking pretzels. But also everything Apple does at this point is all fucked up, Like we genuinely shouldn't. We shouldn't have gone past sidekicks. Yeah, sidekicks. Were lit as fuck. I would love that right now. I also want us to go back to like, uh remember that phone that was like a BlackBerry but it wasn't and it had like a screen that you could drawn and it had like a pen.

Did you ever see Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I.

Want that because when someone pisses me off, I want to, like, I want someone to turn over. Did you just redownload that quickly?

What was that?

That was grinder?

It was fucking grinder, bitch, Fuck y'all, it was fucking grinder.

I'm allowed to use Grinder. It's fucking Gay Pride Month or whatever the fuck.

Three seconds you just brought that up talking about talking about the app store and you don't like it.

It went on, Yes, eight notifications, I'm sexy fucking hot, I made a new account. Hello like people like birty desire me.

It was k Kai on his phone on the other side. Oh well, yesterday I got into a car accident and it was awesome.

Oh yeah, and you crashed her fucking car again.

Oh now, okay, again crashed my car. I've never crashed my car.

It is actually crazy that your car has been crashed into or other people have crashed your cars more than you've crashed your car. Yeah, like your your car is so like your vehicle is like the one that other people crash.

I know, I don't know what the Vibe crashed into. Well, just love hitting my car. But yesterday it was kind of my fault, but also not my fault.

It was one hundred percent your fault.

No, no, no, no, no, I am to be fair. It happened on the same side that guy hit my car, and you kind of.

Can't tell which She hasn't gotten fixed yet. I've reminded her eight time now, eight times.

Eight time now. It doesn't make sense. It's just chromatically.

I'm going to spa world.

In what world would I get in my car on a beautiful Pride month day and go to the car.

Actually, getting your car fixed is the most ally thing you can do as a woman. That is the gayest thing you can do.

No, the gayest thing I could do is leave my car fucked up because I bet it's a bunch of gay people who have been hitting my car.

Goes your forehead when you want to be saying.

They can't try.

Okay, I've heard that a lot.

Actually, actually I've seen it all over the Internet. But I was at the movies with my friend and we were can you I can't like you.

That's a really satisfying sound.

It is so good.

Okay, dude, seriously, we have to.

Work like it's like the pluck of a harp from the heavens. I guess this story isn't that interesting, Like I literally just hit someone's car, Like it's really not that crazy. My dumb ass got in my car and I was with my friend at the grove and we had decided we were gonna go eat together after this movie, so we were like, yes, we had parked next to

Opposite of carpool. Actually, yeah, I've.

Been thinking a lot about like how can I dump my pollution? No, me and my friend live on different sides of town, but we were both leaving, and I'm used to my friends like we all sit in our car for a second because we're all the type of bit used to be like what song are we gonna

My putting in direction right more like looking up to dudes kissing.

God, that sucked so fucking bad? Can we cut that? Please?

No? No, I'm like looking here, and in my peripheral I see like a car, like a car extremely similar to hers, like backing up, like I just see it up and speeding off. And then like I don't look to my left, which was the dumbest mistake I could have made. I should have just looked to see if she was still there, but like I'm still looking at my phone. In my head, I'm like, damn, she's like getting the fuck out of here right like I'm following her at this point, I'm like, oh, I should just

She killed three people, like she's literally like leaving so much out.

Yeah, it's not that bad in the grand scheme of things.

Three people's pretty bad. That's three more than most people have done.

That's like sixty less than me though, period.

But yeah, I guess that story isn't that funny. I just hit the fuck out of her car, and I wanted to kill myself. I was so humiliated, but it was it was not a big deal. I don't think there was any damage. I didn't really look too long, like if I I haven't hit a lot of people's cars. But when I do, I'm like, oh, if I could go up to it and I go like this, and the like the mark goes away. I'm not touching it any marks.

I'm like, it's it's good, it's good, It's okay, Okay, Well they like we all know this. They've been trying to make real ID a thing for Is it twenty five years now?

Yeah, it's around twenty five years.

Twenty five years now?

Are you okay?

I just I don't know what this note is.

Well, read it out doing literally anything but getting real I d.

Okay. So the concept is procrastinating of getting real ID. No, we can work with that.

Using the butt instead of getting real ID.

Well, I have something amazing to show you. This is like, genuinely, I've seen a lot of things in my lifetime. I never thought I would see this.

And that I use on a daily basis that I got from Walmart that I don't even know what I would do if I wouldn't go to Walmart. I don't even know if I would be happy if I wouldn't go to Walmart.

He's a Walmart ally now, Oh my god.

Oh he looks good.

What period he does? He looks great?

Like duh. He literally is bad. That's what he's known for.

Like you think the Walmart is bad?

Oh also says his legacy he's bad, doesn't play well.

I don't even know what they said that Walmart.

Oh, I was just gonna say I I tightened the mic, so you don't have to fuck with it anymore. It should be much different now. Or well, I shouldn't have said it like that, but I fixed it.

I wouldn't have noticed, but thank you. Okay, weird as fuck?

Like, oh, I went to the batting cages for Pride yesterday. I literally, like that was a conscious thought I had. I'm like, I want to go to the batting cages for Pride and let out all my anger, all my gay anger.

Did it like work? Because you seem to be like so really upset.

No bitch y'all.

I literally don't know what is going on with me, but I woke up furious today. I literally nothing in specific. I just woke up mad and I Kai did mention something about bad dreams and it kind of destabilizing your day following. And I did have really dark sighted dreams last night, so I'm gonna blame it on that for now until I find the root of this anger. But oh my god, I want to punch holes in walls.

I really I get it.

I see them, I see I saw them for the first time. I saw you Kai punching holes in walls.

That's not my vibe at all.

That's actually why the ceiling in the last apartment broke. Yeah broke is because we told Kai to stop punching holes in the wall, so you started punching holes in the ceiling.

Yeah. I have anger issues, but I feel like the rest of my vibe makes up for it.

Well, I feel bad because I'm on like the complete opposite. I woke up today in such a good mood, Like I literally woke up today with them mile on my bab.

We do that, We really do flip flop, Like you have a awful week, I have a good week, you have a good week.

I have a bad week.

Like that is soulmate shit though, because you're there to take care of me, like I was there to take care of you.

And that's why you need to literally just run away from all your problems and be avoidant.

I know, Like literally, I'm like, girl, I'm done facing my team.

Not actually, but I don't think it's to the point where like you can only go in circles around the things upsetting you so much, and that's like.

Well, now I'm gonna start taking opium again.

I mean, yeah, I have been doing shrooms every day, so maybe that's what's.

Making Yeah, it been really fuck.

I just can't stop doing shrooms.

I just can't stop.

Yeah, your brain chemistry was rewritten. Yeah, I mean you're feeling pretty good.

Well says it all.

Yeah, I guess you're right. But maybe maybe the psilocybin created new neural pathways in your brain and now you're happy all the time.

Y'all know that my celial net work.

Oh yes, celium is alive. The earth is alive. It Mother nature is a real fucking thing. Trees use their root networks and they're my cereial networks to warn each other that fires are coming.

I feel like you've told me that before. The thing and everything you say, I believe you say. It is a thing.

It is a thing. Hello.

I love the my celial network, so like a little bit that I play on YA is.

No matter.

My phone is connected to every single bluetooth object in this house, in our old house, my car, literally everything, and I only really do it to you, and it's only a thought that I have to do to Enya, but like when she like turns on a speaker in the kitchen or whatever, and my phone automatically connects to it. Like I genuinely, I don't have like a thought like I do. I don't think it. My body just like goes into action and like I immediately like clock that my phone is connected to the speaker.

So I the jar is how quickly you realize that's exactly.

I know it's weird. It is, it is weird.

And so I go and start playing fart sounds or porn sounds on the speakers. Most of the time it's fart sounds. I tried porn sounds, but I don't think they worked.

Yesterday I didn't. Yeah, I tried.

I really tried, because it was playing through my phone. And then I got like really uncomfortable because I was like, what if Josh just hears me listening to like gay porn loud as fuck in my room. And I was like, I honestly at one point was just owning it. I was like, I don't give a fuck, Like this is mine.

I'm gonna play really loud porn but walk around so it sounds like.

I'm like took a podcast.

And like walking around. I'm gonna be in the kitchen doing dishes and I'm just gonna have like a porn open and like.

Speaking over rewinding to suit you, miss, I'm wanna.

Put the suction the octo buddy on the like any surface. And why can't we watch porn on planes?

Why is that you can actually right if I next.

To you, because that's kind of essentially what the screen ass see. It's like, yo, before you watch this, wait, I saw who was sitting next to you.

I saw a clip on Instagram of this like probably seven year old like boy sitting in the middle seat and he was watching like kid's cartoon or adult cartoon.

But he was it was.

Crazy, like it was like robotic.

I want to see it was.

It was robotic, like he would like it would end, she would get up, the cliff would end, and then she would go woop or he would go and like rewind it back the perfect amount and if he would rewind it back too far on the plane, and if you would rewind.

It back too far.

But I guess he's a kid. He has no idea, Like he's not thinking like oh, people are going to think anything of this. He's just like whoa.

Yeah, he's like whoa.

But she said she told his mom in the commons because everyone was like you better have told his mom, and like she was like, I did tell his mom because like it was four times too many, like he did it so many times. But to answer your question, yes, I watched porn on airplanes.

I think it is legal. But the only reason why is because I remember when I was like twelve, I was at the library and a guy was watching porn on a computer and I was like, sorry, Kai, no, it's okay.

I mean, this was nineteen sixty eight.

It wasn't nineteen sixty eight. It was not even close. It wasn't even close to that.

Not too much on. The guy was different.

Well. I walked up to the librarian and I was like, he's watching porn and she said, yeah, that's fine, You're allowed to do that. And I was like, what are you talking about. She said, yeah, that there's actually legally nothing that we can do about that. Wow. But that's what that one librarian said. So I don't know if that's changed or.

She's down She's like, fucking let him go crazy.

I want to see what I'm in.

So I want to see what he's watching.

I want to get into I'm into it.

No, that is fucking insane, Like, but I guess it's kind of like the thing that like, if you catch some someone shoplifting at a lot of stores, you're not allowed to do anything. So I wonder if there is a weird legality. It's like how there's weird loopholes to all the freak ship bitches want to do because bitches are freaky and nasty.

No, King Cat pride is that a thing? I think?

So?

Really it's like a movement.

What is uh, do you guys know what aftercare is?

Hell?

No, what is that?

That sh it sounds weird as fuck.

I actually don't know.

And after shave after care like after sex care? Yeah, would you do if like you throw just like a rotten, moldy towel at the person and that's after car to get the fuck out? Really?

Yeah?

Yeah, I was gonna say, usually it's like.

That's great, Well, you know, after cares for me, I will pull out my acoustic guitar and start playing a song.

I am not kidding. I am not kidding. I think I would stab you. I think I would stab any person who did that. If somebody actually like, I think I would just leave. I would be so like that to me is such a threat in a way that I genuinely can't describe. What were we talking about this one?

We were talking about the Breaking Bad Lady House.

Okay, yeah, so, I mean we've all seen it by now, but the lady at the Breaking Bad House is the realist bitch.

On this fucking planet. I'm not kid.

I need hang out with her, like I no cameras, Like I really just want.

To pick her brain.

There's chair beer.

Beers, like cigarettes, like all of it, because I know, like she has the craziest takes of any human being on this fucking planet. Like literally just her psyche is so fascinating to me because like you'd think at some point.

She would just be like whatever, like it's not that deep.

But now she literally sits in her front yard all fucking day long yelling at people taking pictures of her house, which like respect, like I wouldn't want people taking pictures of my house, but like spraying them with water hoses, like throwing rocks at them, like I don't know if she throws.

No, I love I'm obsessed with the water hose. I'm so fucking obsessed with that.

No, she's so real, like she like she she has the time, Like that's the thing is she has it and she executes.

I both understand and don't understand, because to me, it's like, well, you moved into the most famous house on TV. But then I also understand because ho I just saw Breaking Bad like two years ago. Maybe the bitch didn't give a fuck about Breaking Bad, like it was like, if you told me that I was buying like an apartment in front of Abbey Road two years ago, I would have been like, who's abby This is not her road. I'm moving in, like this is my grip now, and

The house is listed for sale for four million when it's closer to value of three hundred and fifty k.

She literally she's here.

Love her, Like, seriously, if we put some of that delusion in ourselves, I genuinely think we would be further. I just don't have that kind of motivation for anything.

I just don't love myself.

I mean me either, but you know.

No, I literally hate myself.

Really, Yeah, you're dead ass, dead ass, that's fucking crazy.

Well, I love you, I love you. I need to see the video her, I like need it. I'm like shaking. I'm withdrawing from the video of her.

I'm trying to find out how much she got paid to live or to rent out her house for that, because, like I mean, she's retired since before. I think she might have bought the house.

I don't know.

How we need to talk to her.

Oh wait, this article quote unquote, we're done owner of Walter White's house and breaking bad puts it on market for formulion. We're done, turn it into an airbnb, like what like literally airbnb that bitch out They did that with a call Me by your Name house, and like, I'm sure they fucking retired off of that. I want to go to that house so fucking bad, y'all. I literally started crying, not even watching Call Me by Your Name,

The yearning, the yearning.

You know, I decided I hate yearning. What I don't want to yearn. I don't want to yearn anymore. I'm different.

Well, I think there's like different levels to yearning. I think the general audience has now assumed that yearning has to be negative, But I'm like, yearning can be fun, but yearning, I think is usually fun when it's yearning on both sides.

I'm fucking crazy, Like that's that is the problem.

That's why you like yearning is because you're not yearning, you are literally loosing.

Fucking I'm a crazy person, y'all. Like you really think it's a bit but like no, like I'm genuinely fucking crazy, Like.

He's not. I guess you have you don't do crazy actions, you have crazy person thoughts.

Yeah, you can convince.

Yourself of everything. That's why you need to meet Ali. I know Sarah. I'll call her Sarah so you don't get confused.

At least, Bagnola is my queen. Come on the pod. I really want to pick your brain.

I actually would love to talk to her.

I literally, like I don't know if I've talked about this publicly before, but like she literally means something to me. And I feel weird saying this because we go to the same gym and she sees me, and.

I think she's scared of me.

But I am obsessed with this woman in a way that like I've never been obsessed with another You and Josie.

It's I'm gay, don't joy.

It's like it's how I feel about like Evan and Caitlin and like even like a Sofia video, like I watch like certain people genuinely because I'm just like, wow, you bring me like a comfort. And I also like falling asleep to your car I love, but that's different. I like falling asleep to those like people. And you you know what, I'll give it.

Thank you.

It's like I thank you. No, I don't, I.

Love bag. What were we talking about before I derailed the conversation like usual, Oh, yearning crazy person thoughts. No, I don't do crazy things. That's embarrassing. If you do crazy things, you're fucking embarrassing. Get a grip on fucking reality. But oh, I can convince myself of realities that do not exist better than I think anybody else on this planet.

Still believe it. I still believe it.

Well, yeah, I don't. Well at this point, I don't know what you believe. Like, I'm not even kidding, because it's so confusing to keep up where your brand lands on it, where your brain lands on anything, because you you go back and forth. But it's just because you're indecisive in nature already. And I'm indecisive, but I'm more willing to be impulsive. You're not. You're indecisive and you are literally held down by like it is. Trump wants

No I this everyone who comes up, I run this bitch like I'm lesbian behind at McDonald's counter, Like, put me in office?

What the fuck was I gonna say?

I think you just like I.

I guess I just need to get on medication. But I really like I don't, don't do it. Don't put me on meds.

Like literally, I'm gonna stab you with the syringe of wildbutrin.

I would I honestly do that.

At some point, I'm gonna stab you in the fucking brain with the blunt forced object. I'm from the Bronx, that's all right, what is it, I'm from Brooklyn, that's all right.

The Australian dude who's he's from.

Brooklyn, he's even from New Zealand.

I always mix up Australian and New Zealand because to me, those like the accents sounds.

So so I have trade in New Zealand when I pull up to New Zealand. I'm not even kidding. I had only to New Zealand. I was planning how long have they been waiting? I was planning a through hike, pre pandemic. I got trying to do yeah, like no, since twenty nineighteen. I have him on the short least too short least too I'm like, Oh, if you hook up with anybody else, I'll kill you.

Guys.

I'm joking.

He's not joking. I watched him send that text message before the episode started.

And when he didn't get a response, he said, hello, I know you read.

Those He sent it with the invisible effect to milk.

The dude. I'm just like, I'm so rotted by Jonas right now?

Who Jonas? Air cut? Air cut?

I want to go to one of his comedy shows? So fucking bad his sets kill me.

We should go to the next one.

When are they?

I know there was one on Friday and I wanted to go, but I had obligation.

I forgot what I was going to say.

Hold on, hello, Hi, It's true.

I just wanted to let you hear my voice for the first time over the app.

He is, what's that? A well? That?

God damn it bad?

Was the guy.

Yeah, that was his response. He sounds like Lady Gaga's bodyguard.

What does that mean?

You know.

She? I know you want to be.

I know you want me to do bed.

That's not her actual bodyguard. No, it is the vocalist in the song.

Yes, what song is that?

I don't know, but like, why would you think that?

No?

It is, it is, it is, it is.

Hold on, I can't lie.

The only bodyguard lore I've like relatively kept up with is Beyonce.

Yeah, famous, Okay, that's her bodyguard. You have Allied tattooed on your fucking forehead and you don't.

Know that Alli. It is Ali.

It is Ali's bag.

I didn't get it tattooed with the colors. With that in mind, every other month of the year, no one is going to think it says that word. It's only in June. And if anything, maybe I'll get a discount everywhere I go because it's been happening. I've gotten a lot of free coffees in Echo Park.

Yeah.

Alfred's Alfred's hooked it up. They sent two bags of coffee today, Drew.

I didn't want to bring up something that I think you might find interesting, which is that they're building brains. Two. They're making computers out of real brain cells.

Now or I've been seeing this, keep it up.

Yeah, and they're they're planning on building like a huge server in the United States which.

Is out of human brains.

It's gonna be brain, human brain cell.

Are they taking the tissue from people or are they.

I don't know. I don't know, but this is like real, this is happening, and they.

Imagine they take your brain tissue and it like splits your personality.

I think it's like from a real brain cell and then they like clone it. I don't know.

But whose brain cell they need to take mine? I will literally give them mind. I'm not even kidding.

They can like go in and take a build the gay supercomputer.

Yeah, instead of oh wait no wait, this is that we need to we need to workshop this.

Right now, yeah, super intelligent.

No, we need to workshop this because you know, I got it.

I got it.

Computer speaking binary, the gay computer speaks in non binary.

Wow, that cook, that cook? I know you feel better now, I know that should just let you.

The thing is, I genuinely think we need to back the fuck up, because what are you even talking about? Like what that shouldn't be happening. And I think I'm going to start ordering a bunch of random chemicals and then mix them up and get my pilot's license similar to Nathan Fielder. But really, what I'm going to do is put all of those random chemicals into the back of my private plane because I will be allocating the funds to buy a small personal flyer.

Jet that's gonna take you thirty years.

No, I have my ways, I have whole. So y'all gonna get Oh, trust it's gonna get done.

We're gonna leave a poll in the comment. Should en you start selling whole for me to give me money?

You don't pay me?

No, I'm not saying. I'm not saying no, you pay me.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you sell at this point, you make me pay you.

Oh my god, it's because you don't have to bring this up fucking publicly.

Bro, It's not not weird.

I don't think we should talk podcast. I feel like it's not appropriate.

Is that not weird? Though it is weird and I have to pay to have sex with my partner.

It's weird. But again I don't think we should. This isn't the right. It's just weird platform to talk about it.

And he he has that's with a bunch of other people when he.

Makes them pay him to women not people. Women. Take that very clear, Just to be clear.

I really want us to go on like an old show, like you know, when they would get like back in the Golden Age, when they would get celebrity couples on live TV and have them duke it out publicly like area I need that you would cover.

We would literally we would fry americ.

Have you seen the couple's therapy show?

Yes, we were just talking about.

Did you just watch the poly One?

No?

Not yet?

It's so good.

Oh wait, I think I did get to that and I was like, it's so fucking funny.

Really I watch I was like, this is really interesting and maybe this is something that I'm interested in. Is doing this?

No seeds is like I think I think I have a poly bone in my body, but I am also super territory and if the person I'm with hooked up with someone, I would kill both of them.

The poly bone in my body is I'm a slut.

Yeah, that's the polyon.

Yeah, like I just don't give a fuck, Like what, I.

Don't think I could do it, Honestly, I don't think I have the mental fortitude for that.

I don't I would actually it would be there was There is no world where I think I have the mental strength to remove sex from a point of like intimacy and admiration and like what it means to me. There's new world Like what.

I like decided I don't give a fuck about sex.

I really don't care.

That's cool, that's good.

I mean to go from like the kind of slut you were to that is genuinely proof that anything can happen. The gay computer is right here to.

Go from flying to New Zealand to have sex to not having sex or even enjoying it.

No, not even he was gonna fly to New Zealand and do a backpacking trip.

Yeah, friend a through hike, A through hike, of trade my trade through hike.

This is this was real. I'm not kidding.

Honestly, Like if there was a gorgeous like because that would be Gordon's.

It's like backpacking through New Zealand, the most beautiful hike on the world, in the world.

But there's a bad bitch every couple of miles. Bitch, I'm getting it done in record time. I'm literally sprinting. Yeah, I would sprint there at the same time on the walk and then take like a thirty minute power nap and then wake up and like brush my teeth in the backyard with like one of those like Amazon ass like to go to brushes.

True, where did you go.

To his trade?

Yeah?

To the depths of his mind?

Think astro projecting to hook up with your trade.

We're so back.

Like about by trade. It'll ground me. Can I have your arm band? Kai?

Yeah? Of course?

Wait Kai, before.

Hey, you dropped a bunch.

Of stuff that feels good when we do that. It was so easy to get that off of my slender arm. It kind of fell off.

Actually, oh my god, Kai, you're a fucking monster. He couldn't find the right thumb hole and he ripped through.

No, I swear I found ripped.

Through on the other side.

You can't find the right hole.

That's not true.

I guess that's Kay's vibe.

I have success rate with finding the right hole.

That in mind if you're interested.

In it, it's not that's not real. Okay, they look good. I really liked how my arm looked in that.

I have one hole and Kai can't find it.

You have more than that?

Hey?

What its more than one?

What are you doing? Why are you muffled? Oh? For the audio listeners, Kai had Drew's balls in his mouth.

Do you think it'd be a funny bit if I was doing whipp its dring? And then sometimes I would respond, it's like a really deep boy and I'm cooked.

I actually would love that, dude, I'm not kidding. Like I'm a few scrolls away on my iPhone from math. I'm just a few scrolls away.

I will say meth is one of the drugs that I am interested in.

You know, let's do math together, ky.

I'm just I would I'm serious. I would have loved that. Sorry, I need to chill.

Out, but I know, like you kind of lit up.

Whenever I like look up stories of what people do on math, I'm like, this is cool.

It sounds fun.

Actually building a bicycle out.

Of the build and I are gonna exit home. We do method literally with like a production.

They like paint their walls and tally marks that turns lit as fuck, Like.

No, I genuinely think I would be completely addicted to math. I'll watch you do math. I'll be your math tripsetter if you want to do math.

Oh that's really sweet.

Yeah, I'll take care of you.

I just don't find this funny as a previous mathews her in a past life, in a past I've done meth before on accident.

Well, one of my altars does math a lot, and it actually upsets me because this is my body too.

Girl, that's you. You can't blame your addiction on an altar.

It really upsets us.

One of Drew's altars has ran through and so he guess.

That's how the Drew compartmentalize, Like what one of Drew's all has a thousand bodies.

One of my altars was planning a trip to New Zealand.

That was not me.

Next time.

I just saw one of the metro cars drive by the Metro ubers.

Oh I haven't seen those. Yeah, I didn't see it.

It was a micro it drove by.

There's not even I'm not kidding, guys. We're not in a room with a window. I don't know what the fox you're talking about.

One of my altars is subsessed with public transportation.

One of your altars is outside.

Guys, we know, like.

We know we get to see Kai tomorrow. Kai. Doesn't that make you happy?

Bro?

That does make me happy. I'm very lonely, are you?

Actually?

No?

But I feel like you're always around people.

Men tend to isolate as they get older.

So you can't just like read off like uber pacts.

That was a tweet that I made from my pro male Twitter or X. Sorry. My followers like when I call it X instead of they.

Get really mad when I call it Twitter.

Is that like a thing?

I think? So?

Yeah.

I think there's like evil people that are like don't basically don't dead name.

Twitter doesn't use threads.

We'll see No, I don't think.

I don't know. I feel like if I met someone and they had like an abundant life that they were living via thread I.

Would be a scary motherfucker because.

Like they kind of it's hard to get dangerous, Like you need a whole other app you can't get You need the fucking app to get on.

Instagram does get me like they get me. They put like really fascinating topics that are being talked about on threads.

Fascinating topics of questions, like Kimila Keveo and Sjohn Mendo's video for twenty twenty of them walking.

Through the Yeah no, it's literally like slime, Like that's a fascinating but no, it's like it'll be like a graphic and then like some texts and they have ellipses at the end, and it's like, oh, I want to know what the end of that says, and I click on it thinking it I'll just open it up. But I don't have that shitty fucking app on my phone. They tried it, and I never get to see. I never ever ever get to see.

I haven't met anybody who uses it. You seem like you would have a threats account.

Look, I don't have a threads. Oh I have one for the week that people were on it.

Look at my discover page. It's all male plastic surgery. For those who are curious, Oh is.

That what this is? I was like, what am I looking at? I don't really understand. Oh, it is a lot of like ew like it's actually so annoying, like how do men take everything from women? Like seriously, now you guys are taking over the ed space like women can't fucking have anything, Like I'm not even kidding you. Guys can't even let us have the thing that you put on us and destroyed us with. Like, oh, now you want to come up in the game and make some money off of your diet plan?

Yeah?

Yes, When when is the man? Like when is there going to be a man who really gets in and starts like the Avon and Mary Kate foreman. But there has to be something like that with protein shakes. I know there's some of y'all who are paying way too much for protein shakes or something from some random person literally me. My media of the week is, honestly, I've been listening to like the same shit over and over.

Taco Truck ex Venice Bitch by Mina dol Ray. This is a driving song. No one knows it, but that's like the song you drive to. Uh, no one knows it, everyone knows it. That's my media.

My media is I Love You Secretly, The Miracles and Marvin Gay Hold Tight, Luciens, Centipede rebby Jackson, She Is Mine, The Psychedelic First Tomorrow, The Brothers Johnson and Movies Movies movies. I really can't remember what movie I watched the other day. Was my first? Oh Thelma Luise. Oh so then that's my media of the week.

Cereal is good as hell every two hundred weeks.

That is so real. I've been on a big Cereal kick. I love Cereal right now. I love raw dogging Cereal.

The more the market rate influx CyberSecure, right, I'd like to bring this post out of the wood works every.

Because, fuck dude, listening to someone else's phone the launcher, it's like the most eerie shit ever. Like they got us, They literally got us. They got us. They isolated all of us. Families don't watch movies in the living room ever anymore. They're all too busy watching the show for them to separate them.

Like, yeah, people watch porn alone now.

Like, seriously, what is wrong with you? You actually need to see help, Like you need to see your point.

That made a lot of sense, which one of us is and am.

Otherwise good?

Yeah By