Pooping In The Club

You motherfucker. Are you stop it? No, I'm gonna punch you in the fucking dick.

You're not gonna punch me in the dick. That's the thing is, like, you're not.

Going no, please actually becau. I'm gonna smack the shit out of you. That's like the worst onun ever. It's like, welcome back to this episode. Welcome to this episode.

Fuck you, shut up, fuck off.

There's like very few.

Ki the hell, little little dongo, Kay, you're looking very sexy today.

Kai is always sexy.

That's that's the thing is like.

We have to just come to admission.

Like some of the comments are right, Literally everyone in our crew bullies Hi because everybody wants his attention because he's sexy.

Sexy hot.

That's that's that's just the true.

Fine, Fine, you're sexy.

Fine.

The comments when the hashtag freaky, Like I've said this before, where y'all have to start saying freak Hi because it just reads as freaky and then I'm like, damn you, but just can't.

Spell freaky freaky.

But there are very few things that literally, actually that's a lie. So many things anger me.

But like, yeah, I was about to say very little things that anger, you know.

But the thing that like gets like a visceral, like animalistic anger out of me is the sound of people chewing with their mouth open.

Alisa, I love you so much.

But she's one of those people who she's like a very like like.

I feel like I'm one of those you.

No you're not because I would not be able to live with you. And I eat with you all the time, and I like, I rarely hear you.

You know what's funny is I hear you say this about other people, and I am when I'm eating around you, I am so self conscious of how loud my shoes are, like scares the fuck out of me every time I'm around you.

It's not my fault.

It just like I don't know what it is. It literally like it flicks a switch in my brain and like the people I love the most are suddenly in my biggest enemies. And it takes so much practice and self control to say nothing like it takes the most. Like yesterday I split an apple with Elisa, and I stood by her for like point zero seconds and then I had to walk away because I was like, I can't I can't hear it. It's like I feel bad because it's just people enjoying food, which is like sweet.

A blue talkie, a blue talking keeps the doctor away. A blue talking a day keeps a doctor away.

A blue talkia day gives you an ulcer a day, Like you have like little bubbles of ulcers all around the stomach lining of your body, and one day you're just gonna pop like a little sick and it's gonna be blue.

And pussy suicide bike tak.

Your teeth are fucking disgusting legally right now. Ew stop it.

You're so annoying on this mack you. I don't have my glasses on because I think I'm ugly with glasses on it. I didn't want to waste contacts because it's late.

You serve me a Khalifa vibes with glasses.

That's a serve. But I do not serve that.

I just look like I just said say things.

A Khalifa does wear glasses though. Am I chirping me? But you need to stop because you're just trying to bother me.

No, I was clapping on the dust.

Do you have anything to give to us right now, because like you've just been.

Like silent making sound. I have a couple of things, silence.

I have a couple of things to offer your mama. Um, okay, here's the first thing I have to offer. I've decided to redact my belief in evolution. There's no way a fish crawled out of the water and made me. Not a chance in hell.

How we came from monkeys not fish? Or does it star?

I think it starts there, like it was like then it made.

Lizards monkey fish to lizard to dinosaur.

To monkey or something like that. Like I think there was like multiple different types of fish that crawled out of the water, and some evolved to be like primates, and some evolved way because whales were are mammals, right, yeah, they did, like a whale crawl out of the water.

One day, I choose not to believe in anything because anybody who that was.

Like actually serious, And I realized how stupid that sounded, so I like formed it as a joke. That is cracked. That's a cracked fun If I've ever heard a phone crack before, Okay, no it's not.

Remember how easily eyePhones used.

To crack like it was just but.

You could literally drop it from like an inch high and it would explode like an Android.

But the second we could order a new iPhone screen off of fucking Google, they don't break.

It as easy.

I forgot what I was going to say.

Oh, I choose not to believe in anything because I just like, I don't believe in anything but myself.

I'm here to believe in me because no one else.

Will do it. Do you believe in me? Yeah?

I don't believe.

There was there was a hesitation because I.

Was like, how can I believe in something that doesn't exist? And you and guy don't exist?

Why does Why don't I exist?

I'm I'm entering an era of like nothing around me is real and like life is a little game and I can just make decisions and that's like terrifying.

Listen to this theory that I'm working on. Okay, so computer code binary ones and zeros. Our whole lives are dedicated or are dictated by yeses and nos, ones and zeros. So in if you think about it, we are low key in a simulation. And that's my theory.

That is not an expand then you did not make that up.

I swear to God. I told kai that like know that know that yeses and nose are are binary. I made that connection. Unless that's a connection that someone else made.

You know, all the time, I say, I'm gonna kill myself instead, so my life is not dictated by yes and nose.

You're you broke out of the fucking mat. Yeah, quantum computing.

Yeah, I literally live in a different world than you bitches. Wait, I need to read the beautiful poem that I like made today, and I'm like, not kidding, I meant it.

That was crazy.

Did you have talkies in there? You don't look at me when I get close, you bitch. Fuck You're you're seizing right into your hand like a goddamn three year old. You're gonna stick your fucking hand in the bag of talkies and then eat it and then touch every single thing you're to touch your.

Little and oh good sneezes, they smell delicious.

This is airing someone else out. But my brother when we were growing up, had the.

Stinkiest the ship out of you. I'm not gonna do these a sealine jeans, you fucking dumb, motherfucker, motherfucker all right here and this, I mean, this was my whole chest and when I wrote it, it was literally free thought and it came out like just like this. I curate vibes and destroy the ones I deem unfitting. I dedicate my life to the slant, occasionally find moments in which I have the spare time to serve. I am a simple woman dedicating my life to having fun and

You just believe in anything.

Can you shut the fuck up?

Because I did not say that interrupt You're interrupting me to lie on my goddamn.

Name, walking conundrum, You're walking piece of shit.

Fuck you. I'm gonna be out of you.

I can't believe you interrupted me.

I'm gonna start over. It's where I feel small, saying as I'm so busy slaying my life away, who has time to think of our significance to the moon and the stars. I also spend lots of time consuming delicious treats and always making sure I take a sweet bath three to four times a week. The bath needs to be hot enough that I feel the burn and my iron deficient feet, and I always say they're not burning off. I can stand this heat. I'm stronger than this.

That last far is not a joke.

Every single time I get in the bath, I like stand there in silence.

And I'm like, the skin isn't burning off my feet, That's not true.

It's like the hot the hot springs and Joshua Tree. I was like, okay, like what is this actually gonna boil me alive? Like? Am I actually gonna cook alive and have first degree burns on my body?

Like?

Absolutely not.

Also pain and an Asian pain is not fucking real. Everyone is fucking crazy.

Yeah, mind over matter, real shit. I found out that like the degree of burns is to tated by the percentage of your body that's burned. That could be just misinformation.

Now yeah, wait, a third degree burn just means that a third of your body.

What the hell?

Maybe maybe I could have just spouted like the most insane medical misinformation. I don't think so.

I feel like a third degree burn is like when there's like welt and like irrepla like repairable.

Oh, it's how deep it burns into your layers of skin, your derma.

That's how deeply and severely they penetrate this.

You just get on here and you fucking tell people lies.

I well, I corrected myself.

These do motherfuckers walk around and be like, did you know I don't remember where I heard that. It's like the most crazy dumb shit.

The craziest source is me. What the fuck?

Oh?

I had to like walk out of my room after reading that, and I congratulated you on that because I was like, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever read. You wrote right, and the end it was just so incredibly relatable that I just like was actually moved so much that I got out of my bed.

Yeah, he did come and congratulate me. So I'm starting a book. If anybody's wondering, I'm starting a book about me because I love me and that's all I can write about because I don't know anybody else because everyone else is fake and no one is real, so I can only write about me.

Remember when I was like in my like completely lost arc, and I was like, what am I going to do with my life? And I came to you and I was like, I'm going to write a book of things you shouldn't do. Do you remember that?

Yeah?

But I just came up with another idea similar. It's a book of lies. And it's literally just a book where I lie for five hundred pages.

So like a fiction book.

I need I literally need help. The comments are getting to me.

I need help, But also like I need to feel the way we did when we went to that bar, because for on the twenty ninth of January, from the twenty ninth to the next day, I felt so out of touch with reality and it was the best feeling ever. I was like, I don't feel pain right now, and I will run into traffic and I won't die.

I literally won't die.

I think that's like maybe mania.

No, that's me literally fucking slaying the world. And I want to feel it again so bad because now I'm like kind of grounding back in reality and I'm like, oh, I have things to do, but I'm kind of like tiptoeing around it, Like one little source of like serotonin to the back of my head will send me off right now, Like I just need one little fucking hit.

No pop bar doesn't give me like serotonin.

See, that's also proof that I don't exist in y'all's reality, because like, I'm not addicted to nicotine like the rest of you bitches.

Real shit, Should we talk about our adventures out?

Yeah?

With Kai the Chai chronicles continue. I don't even know where to begin. I mean, it was a long ass day. It was like one of the longest days had in a very long time. It started early in the morning and we went paintballing.

Which was fucking fun as shit. I want to shoot all my friends.

It was a it was actually a blast, but like very early on, me and we were like, no, like we cannot be on different teams because if we're on different teams, it will tear this friendship apart. It will be it won't be fun for anybody, Like we will go after each other and actually shoot to kill. Yeah.

I just was like I'm I and I think more so on my end because I'm so competitive by nature with very few people in my life, but Drew is one of them.

I was like my top co competitor other than.

Like anybody I end up in a relationship with, that is my other top competitor.

I like I mask my competitiveness with like layers and layers of gas lighting and lies, like I will act. I will act like I'm not fucking seething with anger just to like get a competitive edge on someone works on me.

And I know you do that.

I know you go out of your way to be a fucking conniving cunt when it comes to competition, and I always fall for it because I lead with my head, with your heart, with my big fat fucking.

KOUCHI did you know the heart is in the genitals.

That's that is true, because sometimes I should do be thumpin'.

It's powered me. But yeah, it started with paintball and that was a blast. I got shot in the penis twice once by my own teammate.

He did get an erection from it.

I was instantly in it, like full of mass.

I'm like, watch all of our episodes get like demonetized and it's I almost said, yeah, you.

Were in gorge.

I have two bruises on my Wiener paintball bruises. Look them up. They're not a pretty sight. And we were supposed to get naked together at we Spaw tomorrow night, but I refuse to show my body to my friends. Second part, I got shot in the face and I was like doing it's literally I think it was just like shrapnel that like cut me up, or like paint splatter that just was hitting me at terminal velocity and it just like literally ripped my skin apart and I

It's so annoying. I hope people are like, ew.

No, that's like what it's gonna be because I refuse to think I look attractive in that photo. I literally sent it to Kai in confidence, and I was like, if this ever leaks out, I will you know what it is.

It's because since you guys are dating.

Like Kai is like has like that thing where he just sees a photo of you and he like thinks you're beautiful no matter what Yeah, Yeah, someone mistaked me and Drew as a couple, like for real, for real, and it like kind of took me back because I was like, oh, it makes sense.

We do give that vibe because we're so like.

In love and oh my god, every time we're out we make out.

We like h grind and twerk. Unironically, we do grind in twerk on each other and we're out, which like we're always like why is no one hitting on us at this club? Why is no one hitting on us at this bar? And it's literally us grinding on each other the entire time, And I'm like, take a hint, look at me, hit on me.

Don't you want competition with my best seat?

But yeah, paintballing was cool until I got shot in the temple and it really angered me.

I got shot in the boob and I was hoping for a nice fat hickey like bruise, but it's just like it looks really gross.

It's just like is it.

Bruised or yeah, you want to see later, okay. Oh, and then my nipple got grazed and that was an interesting feeling. I'll leave it at that. I was out for fucking blood. I wanted to murder someone. But yeah, so paintball was fun.

Paintball was fun. We won't get into the drama of it all, but there was some drama and I wish we could talk about it, but it was all settled.

It was settled, so it's not worth bringing.

But I was doing a little trolling, a little trolla.

We do do a little trolling. We do do a little trolling. We do do fuck us like, actually, what did that make us? A lab dude?

So yeah, and then we went to an art gallery where all the people were terrifying and I actually was panicking and freaking the fuck out.

Yeah it was. I went in it into it with a very open mind and an open heart, and I actually enjoyed myself and I enjoyed the people around me. But also with that said, there were some really scary motherfuckers, potential killers in their crowd. There was some goblins and killers.

Man literally moving into motion and he was not showing on he was literally just in a fucking k.

Yeah. It was literally terrifying. And then I started mimicking him and I was like I was looking people directly in their eyes and just like.

Like Christian were on a really good one.

We were screaming like we I just like, that's what it is. It's like uncomfortable environments where like everyone is so serious and taking themselves very serious and the environment around them is very serious. Like oh my god, I'm about to start crying. No, but there's something that it like flips the switch in my brain to do the exact opposite of that, which is not healthy and not okay because I probably offended some people that night, but oh yeah, same. But at the end of the day,

It's like when people are being so fucking serious.

In our own lane. I know, Butterfinger, you just picked your nose and no.

I scratched you. Wish I picked my nose because I know you would have ate that shit.

Oh okay, supid, but.

Yeah, that was fucking terrifying.

And then we went to dinner and this is where like my vibe was being settled, Like I don't know why. I think literally what changed my mood was you acting like you were like way too drunk to function. Like we went to dinner and me and Drew had margarita and everybody was talking to going to this like party like after the gallery, and I was just like really on the fence about going because I was like, I don't know that I like want to be around a bunch of people, like it just sounds like a lot

Drew.

Did you drink?

Did you already drinking vodka?

Drew?

No? No, you can't keep doing that, Drew.

You honestly don't need any more.

Stop you don't need anymore, bitch.

Cut me off.

Literallyora, that's literally what Drew was doing at dinner, and for some reason, get it. I'm sorry, I almost that something so discussing, but yeah, Drew was doing that at dinner and like acting like he was way too fucked up. And I think what made me laugh so much is how committed you, how committed you were to the bit, because you were like falling onto me for a straight two minutes and I didn't realize what he was doing.

You have to go home. You have to go home and you have to uber.

Yeah, that's just like one of my many talents is just like faking fucked up. Like it's like whatever, I'm an actor.

Like the thing is, I can't see Drew fake being that fucked up anymore because I'm like, I've seen you like.

This, like I can channel it.

Wait, what was the night that we came home with Kai and you were like acting really drunk in the car.

It might have been that same night.

You were acting really drunk in the backseat. It was it was the night before that we went to the Skuila.

There was like a.

Party there and you were in the backseat and acting really fucked up. But Whenky's hanging you out, I was like, this isn't even funny because like Ki's had to do this with you of like taking you out of the.

Carrying me up the stairs.

Yeah.

So then that was the like vibe changer, and then we were like.

Okay, it's funny how I just curate a vibe, but you can also like literally it's a talent.

Yeah, I mean I think I have no, I don't have that vibe because like I don't like I don't like destroy vibes.

And questioning oh okay, like I.

Like wipe them clean.

I'm like, oh, this vibe isn't like this isn't the vibe that needs to be here, and I'm gonna spruce it up without asking anybody if that's okay. I'm just gonna do literally because I'm yeah, I'm like the vibe like controller. Like it's like if I had strings, I'm the puppeteer. I'm the vibe pupp teer.

Girl. Look at my name and my iPhone vibe control there. Literally anytime anybody tries to air something to me, it's like are you vibe? And I'm like, yeah, I'm the controller of the vibe. And then when it shows up on people's cars, it's like vibe controller is DJing or it has the Ox's a very nuanced conversation. Continue with the night.

So we like came back to the house to like chill for a second, and I decided, I was like I am fucking freezing my ass off and I do not want to wear a dress, Like I like, I'm done serving.

I've served to the people enough, Like I need to have a sleigh day.

Like I fucking forgot you did that.

Yeah, we came back home and I was like, I had this like really cute outfit on and I was serving, and I was like, I need to not be in this, so I put pajamas on and some sunglasses on, and then I was like, I'm.

Gonna bring my speaker with me, like and I just put my speaker.

In my purse and started walking around the house blasting music.

Drake, Yeah, Drake fairtre To be exact, I.

Wasn't complaining, you know. I used to like complain about Drake playing, and now I'm like so down for it.

I'm serious, okay, genuinely, what the fuck does that mean?

Like it was just a lapse in judgment, Like I don't know why that came out of my brain or my mouth. Actually, you know, it's crazy. Note I literally had. That was like the most peaceful mind state I've ever been in. Was like when I was saying that, like there was not a single thought in my head. I'm not kidding. Like it was like I meditated for three hours.

It wasn't like a thought that was supposed to come out. It was literally you like comprehending the words I was saying. It wasn't your turn to speak, you had nothing to say. Yeah, oh my god. But then Drew took the ox from me. And have we talked about like our fart thing that you always fucking do.

I don't think we have. So me and y are both connected to the same like Bose speaker and like it's normally sitting in the bathroom, so when we shower, we just like play our music whatever, So we're both connected to it. And anytime Inya goes into the shower to like play your music, it connects. But like for some reason, when always connect.

To yours, even though it's my fuck, I connected to it.

First, it drops Indya's connection and connects to mine. And I immediately, without a fail, every single time clock it and I start playing fart sounds at full volume in the bathroom, and it's like explosive, Like it's very loud, deafening, almost like it's dangerous to the ear drum, comparable to jet engine.

See you literally are a vibe terrorist. Yeah, so I go in that bathroom for peace and tranquility, and I'm like, I'm gonna play my music and curate my own vibe in here, and you fucking take it over. And also it's like it was fun like the first two times, but it happens to me three to four times a week.

No, it's it's actually insane how many times I do it, And like every it used to be like funny, like you would laugh at it and you'd be like, like the true stuff, like give me the IX back, and now you like are actually like viscerally angry at me.

No, I literally don't say anything. I just wait for you to get it out of your system, and I just wait till my phone connects. Like it goes on for like a minute, and then you like get bored and you disconnect and keep watching fucking TikTok.

Like I need to get back to my TikTok for you page. So yeah, I have the one thousand farts on deck at any moment, just like ready to go, like it's like in my playlist. I just click it and it plays. So I have it on deck and it just like I think, was it your idea or did it come to us both naturally? It was like we're gonna play fart sounds in the club.

I think you played it here like you took it over and I was like, we I'm bringing this fucking speaker with me and we're doing this. Yeah, like we were like, we were like, we have to play this there because originally I was just joking that. I was like I'm gonna make my own vibe and I was just gonna play certified lover boy on the last in my purse.

But then I was like, this is a there's.

So there's so much potential here, and like, yeah, we just had to take it to the next level. So we went to this bar and played fart sounds literally the entire time we were there for like.

Like two three hours. It did not stop.

It was like not exaggerating and like it was just so it was just a magical night. It was just like ruining everybody's vibe. Actually that's a lie. I think everybody, handsome body. Yeah, everybody who interacted with the fart like actually was intrigued and enjoyed.

Until there were some there were some people who are like playing like too cool, like chill, like like I'm literally in the club and I'm trying to look cool like and it was men of course, like of course it was it.

The same dude that was like we're all feminists here.

Yes, that was one of them, even Okay, there was this fucking freak as Hoyd, who's going to hell and it's probably burning there right now as I say this, who was literally like borderline fucking this girl in the club like he was insane. I've seen people like make out and like do the whole thing, but I was like, she was like on.

Him, like fully dry humping.

They were fully going to town.

He had boner and pre cumb. He is making pre kum kai. What do you said, Kundalini, There's many variations, is just the normal thing.

But I like to say kum. I like to say. I like to say making.

Boba, making buffalo sauce, yeah, stinky pasto. Yeah.

Do you want to keep going? People?

Okay, you like way too many.

He has a lot of inn windows for kum kum. But yeah, they were making all of that.

But yeah, we just played farts all fucking night and I was being a goddamn criminal, like I was being so fucking you were.

Brave with it. I was like, if I did this, I would get hit in the head. Yeah, like some man would not find this.

This is one of the parts of being a woman. I get to do whatever the fuck I want. Don't fucking look at me.

Don't touch me.

I'm gonna scream, like, don't look at me. So I would just like there were couples at the bar who like also there was like an after happening there, but it was just a bar, like, so there was a hell of random people who just decided to pick this place where they were going to meet their fucking maker.

Yeah, it was so sick. It was such a sick vibe. And I love the move where you would like hug me or like dance on me and then like reach over and oh yeah, I have your bag over my shoulder and blasting people with farts behind it.

Yeah. I kept wrapping my arms around everyone's neck and then like holding the speaker out and like my bag out so I could get right in people's ears so that they like they could be upset with me, but I'm like, I'm dancing. I'm literally dancing.

I'm just trying to have a good time.

Like my mom died like lially, like it's actually not fucking okay, like that people would like come for you, and like you were dealing with that.

I get to make up a new date of when she died every time I want something like she died, the guys, she passed today.

Actually like three hours ago. And that's how that's how brave we are.

I'm experiencing it is trauma too.

I'm experiencing this.

With Yeah, just like I was like a party planner for.

Your brother, for my brother's funeral. You keep calling it a party.

Well you always use that like nasty word with it, but it was a party.

It was like it was this celebration of life, but not not necessarily a party today party party your cocoa.

I'm not even joking about that. Knock would that's not funny.

Grandma's gonna live forever. Sorry, guys.

If you guys don't have yours are mine is literally a lot.

Mine is dead is don't bone where my grandpa's dead. Thank you for reminding me.

But yeah, we just did that all night well insert like I got to like funny videos.

Oh, ask Siri.

If you want it, just damn it. If you want it. You with the fart machine, the fart box, and I refuse to ever go out without that thing again.

No, it's it's genuinely amazing. It's it's a great time. I think y'all should try it if you go out. Yeah, it's a blast.

We allow you to take the dep Yeah.

But like do it justice, do it justice please, like like it has to be one thousand fart sounds. Oh. The best part is I have my favorite fart time stamped. I wrote it. Yeah, no, I wrote it down because I hadn't really listened to it all the way through until that night. And there was one that came on. Oh, there was one that came on that I was like, oh, that's a classic. Hold on, it's like around this area. Yep, there it is. Hold on. Fuck it's twenty six thirty.

I like the water like short ones, the little.

Song like in the very beginning. Yeah, yeah, but I just had the time stamp that one because and it's time stamped as twenty six thirty long fart, but it's like it's more like twenty six twenty six and then it yeah, goes for four seconds. Dude.

The thing is too because it was in my purse.

It was really making the farts hell a basie and I would hold the bag like to my back so like and press up against people so like if they heard it and felt it.

It was spraying the car out of your ass, spraying fart out of your butt.

Yeah, And that was our fucking night. That was our night out on the town. And then I don't know what was in the air that night. I don't know if I just felt too powerful by farting on bitches all night. But like the next day, I literally I could have built a car with my bare hands.

It was beautiful.

I could have built a bridge with I can build a bird.

The way we built the city.

We bolt this city, young cocking.

It's always something. It's always it's always cock. It's gotta be no yeah, okay, no.

Actually no it should be koochy cock anduci.

Cc yeah yeah, sure about the kuchie part. Yeah right, okay, was that that was funny? Like, no, it wasn't it's just like sexist women. Literally are not ship.

Yeah, we're not ship.

We're roses, flowers, a bouquet of flowers.

I smell like roses. Roses are disgusting. I never want to see a picture of a rose, a drawing of a rose. I hate I hate them, I hate them. I wish there was a little bug, a parasite I could put into roses and the bug would get roses. I don't funk with roses.

Chemical warfare on roses. We can need to. We can figure out like a mutation, like a gene mutation and roses that kill it. Have I said this before that I'm written by a man?

Yes, you say, like every single fucking guest.

Have I said that before?

I think you said that last episode?

Maybe maybe Okay, I'm written by a man because I have huge tits a nice, volumptuous ass.

Oh yeah, that was last episode because we talked about Mirakami Macucci. A clapping A clapping clitteris it's like that's like a new place to drop in fortnite. Clapping clitteris. It's like tilted towers, but it's the clapping clitteris never gonna get ads ran on our fucking never ever, ever, ever, ever ever should I just go into reading my notes? I feel like this is a good dime.

I'm in my horny era.

Where does the electricity that supplies Tesla's come.

From your mama?

Because next question, genuinely, because like, isn't a lot of electricity coal?

Yeah, it mostly comes from coal.

So it's like a conundrum, like what's the point if it's still burning coal energy?

I think the idea is that you created infrastructure for electric vehicles, and then you move the power grid to a sustainable power grad to power this vehicles, and then you also don't have to you don't have to spend energy getting the energy source to the vehicles, like with gas.

Okay, sometimes I actually I'm not joking you. You go on rants and I smile. It makes me smile, It makes me smile.

Passing away, I'm I'm like passing out. I'm like knocking out, like Kay's man's plaining and like I.

Love that so much.

But you're like going on and on and on, like.

He spoke for two seconds.

I'm not kidding.

I like, I think I'm down for it. I'm literally down for a man's plane. Sometimes like actually I love a good man's playing because that you saw my genuine reaction on camera. I was smiling. I was like, this is so smart.

I thought you wanted me to tell you.

I want you to man's plain all over me?

Okay, what.

Like what does that mean? Man's plaining all over him? Like like with Jim?

What the fuck? Okay?

Literally takes nothing to sexualize this, but.

Like y'all, it takes nothing to sexualize that bitch like you. Actually it takes a lot a slut bitch. Okay, bodied body, body, body, Okay.

I am serving body.

If the Ukrainian Russian conflicts conflict gets any worse, I might have to do something about it.

I might have to Why are you stuppen now, Drew, Like why let it get that far?

No, if it gets anywhere, I might have to do something about it.

I literally have I'm not getting zero information on that, like zero information I know, and you don't have to tell me because I literally didn't.

Ask, like I I was gonna say, I don't really know.

Literally, in my era of I live in bliss, like nothing fucking exists.

It's actually it's genuinely nice. I just know that Ukraine and Russia are fighting.

I just know I have to post on IG soon.

Yep, Like I know I have to.

Post an IG picture. Like that's what I know. Like I know three things wingbat, post.

On IG, bathtime, WINGBA Junior three thousand. I need two wing bots for what when one dies?

No, I don't need to go further.

Okay, can you whisper it to me? Oh?

Yeah, n I'm just expanding my horizons.

Oh this is a good one. I told Kai I sometimes sleep without a pillow on purpose, and he called me a monster.

I do that all the time.

Yeah, Kai literally freaked out at me.

When it feels so good to have your head.

Like that bad Yeah, when it's like breaking your neck.

He said that you use your arms.

I do that all the time too. I'm not kidding.

Most nights I sleep like this, Like I don't like have a pillow and I sleep on my arm.

It's actually a big issue.

Look at me.

It hurts and melting. Are you embarrassed by that fucking head of hair? Yes, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

Baby, so bad. Alright, I'm in straight mode.

Now what does that mean?

I'm giving straight?

You give me fucking high on math?

You look like right now, straight as hell, we should.

Start making math. Like actually, the.

Three of those we could, we could trick.

Everybody breaking bad style.

I'm Walter, fuck you, I'll be Jesse.

Sorry you look you look straight and sexy at the same time.

Stop. Okay, wait, what what about it? Though?

What can y'all have sex when we're not doing our goddamn job?

Okay? How do people do it? Wait? What? How do people do it? How the funk do people? Oh?

I freg how did you read that and understand like what you were thinking?

How do people do it? How the funk do people work all the time. I'm genuinely tweaked out, but I wrote that early today when I was having my conniption fit. I have never had withdrawal from nicotine once in my entire life. And then that super vape that I got on the road trip literally entered my bloodstream at an alarming rate, and my blood to nicotine level was like

I have nothing to say that because I'm not addicted to anything other than slang. So like, it's like you're putting me in a tough position where I have nothing to give you. You look so fucking gross when you.

Do that face snapchat me that pussy.

Oh I I'd like to think that I want to enter like a nicer era of my life where I'm like a little bit nicer. But I want to shoot people. Look, I want to buy a bb gun and just kind of shoot people on the feet.

Look what I have written down in my notes.

Oh that's not happening, entering our nice era. No, No, it can happen. I'm just trying I'm trying.

I want to be nice.

You should practice on me nice.

I literally started them with a compliment, and you're being fucking greedy compliments.

Now ka, you are like a flower and you but oh what that was actually the meanest thing you've ever said. Yeah, and every I'm trying to think of a fucking way to put this beautifully, but my brain is literally the off. You're like a flower and you bloom, and there's so many layers. You're like a blooming onion from You're like a blooming onion from the outback steakhouse. There's so many layers to you, and it's crispy.

I like, can you when we work the blooming onion reference? The thing is, I am nice, but I show love with anger. Yeah, and I do fight everyone.

I think there is like validity to that though.

It's like how literally it's.

Not like it's not like a like everybody that is like that I'm hateful to like knows that I love them.

Yeah, it's like when I like that is so.

It's like when I see a I just thought about that. So everybody that I mean to like knows that it's coming from a loving place.

No, it's literally like when I see a duel, like I just like that head and swinger over my head like a little fucking helicopter and slam her body against the wall and killer and then like watch her come back to life.

But like I can't do that, so like that's what I do.

To humans, not exactly that, but like you get me, Like it's like that, Yeah, I want to do that to a zool out of love. And then I shouldn't be like I I can't do anything but use my words with fult winger.

I've literally never been this domed in my life. I'm like high as fuck up this vape right now. I'm not even hitting today.

Drew was like stressing the fuck out and he's like, I literally need to hit a dab right now. I need to to the fuck out.

I literally kill me.

I'm not kidding. For some reason, I border and almost took a serious because I was like, we have to film podcast tonight if he hits anything, like we're not doing ship for two.

And then I like maybe.

I like laughed at the idea of both of us, like if I hit a dab, I would actually die. I don't even know what like technically makes a dab a dab.

It's just the pure like almost the form of THC. So it's math basically.

But yeah, I don't like. I can't like. I can't like. We some somehow, like every three episodes we get to talking about weed. But I'm done.

I'm done.

It doesn't fucking exist, and neither do you, the person. If you're watching this, you literally don't exist. You gotta get up, and you gotta.

Go to figure your shit out. I'm not kidding. Get and run around, because wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up. Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, wake up, wake up, wake up. You're not alive. You're not alive. I'm talking to you right now. It's in your head. It's in your head. Everything is in your head.

You're not breathing. That's about it, man.

Yeah, I got a couple more notes that I could read.

The thing is you always are like, oh, I have notes I can read, and it's the most like blasphemous nothing this ever, it's.

Like I am a changed man. You know how earlier in the podcast, I was very against meat on the bone. I had those chicken wings, dude, it was it changed me. And yeah, those wings, what was it from Mason spot American Deli where those where it was from.

Yeah, those changes, maybe it sound like Mason owns American Delly those it was his recommendation.

Those literally changed everything about me.

Like me off the bone is like I just feel like a little fucking animal when I sit, when I crouch at our coffee table in the living.

Room, and I'm just like eating like and tearing into me. I'm like, this is it, this is I'm human my feet.

I need to go.

Outside the cut her.

I need to start walking around with their shoes.

The most human shit I've ever done is when I went to Big Sirt and was like hiking and then took off my shoes and like stood in the water for a second and then started eating a mingo with my bare hands, and like I was just like all sticky and like like I felt like a little like monkey. The juice all over Yeah, I did juice all over the place. Like my stained all of the Big sur National Park. What I stained it with my juices? And I peed on everything. I didn't even know a human

I think needs help.

I got a new instrument. If you're visually watching, you can already. See if you're audio listening, here's a little taste.

If iPhones didn't exist, you'd be living under a bridge.

Like iPhones did not exist, I don't know where that fuck you would be. You'd be in the middle of Brand Mary, like digging a hole to the other side of the earth.

Okay, let me just preface this. It has what is this three quarters check, So you connect it to an interface and you can add reverberation and ship to it, and it does sound actually really beautiful, but like raw out of the instrument. It's giving nothing. It's giving like metal.

It's giving like you got highest ship and you thought you were about to build.

Like a LA device.

It's give.

It schizophreni And I'm just so curious, like, what are the things that we say on the podcast that in two months when people decide they've had enough, they they're done seeing us, they don't want to see us anymore.

What are the clips that they're going to bring up and be like, these motherfuckers are.

Evil Everything I've ever seen, literally everything I've.

Said, Yeah, because you're fucking sexist, you're probably not yep, actually no, you're standamatic. Yeah, you're stand worthy.

Yes, stand me, slay me.

Like you have no fucking life in your eyes. Times sometimes you look like I can go PLoP you with all my other dolls and you just live.

That actually sounds like my dream.

I'm not fucking giddy. I wish I was like a poster someone could hang up and then when they're over me, they could just crumble me up and like I could disintegrate into the earth.

When I was over prescribed medication in high school, like when they were I don't have I talked about the stack that they had me on now. In high school, I was prescribed a thirty milligram via vans in the morning, along with the kalanapin at the same time. So I

Were you like wallpaper and like a Miami bathroom with no ventilation and humidity.

Yeah, it was like stained and it was peeling on like air bubbles behind it. Yeah it was. It was not chill wallpaper. But like now I kind of missed that feeling and I wish I could go back to just being wallpaper.

That's literally like what I always say, Yeah, peak of human exists to sadness, so rest in it and enjoy it, because that's when you feel most alive.

You can't be happy without sadness. Someone was like, why does God allow so much suffering? Because you wouldn't be able to appreciate the.

Good because it's literally fun.

It is so fun to be sad, like like, oh, it feels so like when you're out of it, like obviously when you're in it, it's like detrimental and you're like, how am I supposed to exist?

Like how am I going to get?

Literally like so hard? Like why am I here? But then when you're out of it and you're like just plateauing and you're not necessarily happy, but you're just like living existence as normal humans should, Like you just missed that pit.

Like it's like a nice like what if you're gut this is the scaries stot, but like what if, like we're out of like our chemical balancing eras and we're just not clinically depressed anymore.

I'm literally not because I'm running from something.

I said it this morning.

You send it to manifest something you're trying so hard.

To put that it's there.

I say this morning, I was like, I'm on the border. I'm about to fall I'm about to fall deep.

I'm literally free soloing my mental health right now. That's what I'm doing.

That is a crazy and now that's so sick.

I am running. I'm running faster than I've ever ran in my life. Like there cannot be a moment.

Of silence, no moments of rethinking decisions, no moments of.

Thinking about drown yourself and work.

I just drowned.

I drown in.

Thoughts of everything else but my own existence. It's and I'm fucking serving you. Literally happy here than fucking anybody on earth.

Yes, probably not happier than me.

No, I am bibbs.

Uh.

I was gonna use the analogy that Josh has been using a bunch where it's like football players the reason why they're so good it's I think it's who Oh my god, I I cannot believe I'm fucking referencing this person right now, Kai who wrote Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace has this really cool analogy that Josh keeps telling me, and I literally love it so much. It's not even analogy, it's just like an observation he made about like, uh, like people who are like the best at their sports.

I just said no, because now like they're literally gonna.

Go and requote you please never quote me, Drew Phillips, never do it. Actually quote me on that. Quote me on that, never quote.

Me, what is that?

What is that.

You are freaking out right now?

Dude? I have literally felt so fucked up all day and like I finally feel kind of normal. I don't know what's going on with my brain. I think it's like I don't know. Now. I'm a walking conundrum because I literally drink sit here and drink my electrolytes. I eat my fifty vitamins every morning, I take my tinctures, my mushroom extracts, and then I hit my puff bar.

That's okay.

It's all about balance. You can do good and bad things and still enjoy life.

Quote me on that.

Like literally, like I just made that shit up.

What are the bad things? How far are the bad things?

Is? You could do literally anything you want because you can make whatever decisions you want.

Like that is like what human life is, and that's like quantum simulation.

But I feel you every single day I wake up and there I literally I right now in this moment.

I don't know how I got right here, Like I can't.

I just wake up and then I live all day and then it's time to go to sleep, and I don't know what happens in between, and whatever happens in between, it's honestly not my fault.

Like I'm literally describing like normal life now I'm on autopilot. Oh yes, put me on autopilot, please, please do something. Put me on that was gonna suck. I'm not gonna say it. I lost it. I've lost it. I've lost it.

This podcast is literally just like every episode seeing how much like little and little of like human lives we have behind our eyes as of right now. No, I'm literally fucking awesome, and I could take on any motherfucker watching this. I could literally take the fuck out of you. I could. I wish I had the human shrug to pick someone up and throw them in fucking traffic, because I would do it.

I'm becoming self aware again.

I'm literally the complete opposite. I'm so lacking.

Clarity. I'm lacking clarity.

How do I fix that?

Go to fucking therapy?

Oh, I have therapy tomorrow.

I'm not going it's not going I'm literally she's gonna come in and be like, what, No, you can't. Yeah, no, I have to talk.

How long have we been on kai fun.

We can just end this episode with saying Kai is sexy.

Yeah, Kai hot. Also streaming is fun.

Oh yeah, that's the fun thing we actually did this week because I literally want to be a streamer so bad. I used to do it.

Twitch was so fun.

But my Mac it literally destroyed my computer. Like my computer is it' a newer computer anyways? Isn't a newer computer anyway, so it was bound to happen. But the second I downloaded obs onto my like iMac, it destroyed it and I couldn't stream again.

You know what we could talk about is the Andrea from Andrea Lopez. Andrea Lopez from the discord you you.

Take, well, I'll just like give like a brief like basically through our Patreon. We have a discord and I went in there the other day and people were like, how do you feel about Andrea Lopez? And they kept saying it to me, and like sometimes they'll do that in the discord and it's like them calling out their friends just to like have a moment where like I can say something funny about their friends. But I was like, I don't know who the fuck this is, Like they're not in chat right now.

I don't know who this is. So I was just like who the fuck is that? And they were like, it's our friends, and they were like, have Drew fill you in?

But I fully forgot about it until today.

Yes it was Sorry, I just got another message that scared me. But uh yeah, Andrea Lopez Basically, long story short, I'll just give it away. In the very beginning, the entire server was catfished by Andrea Lopez and like, this person does not exist, never existed, and spoke in the most insane like way I've ever seen, like like it was like so deranged, and it was just hilarious. And she was like super problematic and just like really evil, and everyone was like, who.

The fuck is she was thirty five with two kids.

Yeah, thirty five with two kids and constantly dropping her kids off at school, and like all this crazy. This is a fake, made up person. Someone sat in their room and made this person up and catfished literally everyone in their genius for it.

And also the person who did it.

Had conversations with themselves off this course, so made everyone not even for one second think it was them.

Yeah, which is hilarious, It's awesome. And it took them so long to get to the bottom of who it was and like people were forming like real relationships and friendships with this like thirty five year old in our discord, and like she wasn't real the entire time.

Also, it's just so funny, like that would happen in our discord. Yeah, like we promote.

Such like vile behavior such as lying for fun, and someone literally was like, I'm gonna get on here and lie for fun.

They say we are irs. I say, don't call please, they call call call, I don't give that's like messages about her or her that she said.

Yeah, someone was like she someone was talking to her and then they were like I know, I'm funny, and she goes, yes, like my old husband sad face like eluding that like her husband's either dead or like she got a divorce.

Sorry I can't, but yes, it was insane.

What was the They also made her homophobic, yeah.

Which is not chill at all, like literally not chill at all.

Crazy.

It would be like someone would say like be who you are with the Rainbow pride a flag and she would say.

No, no, but yeah, we I just we had to call like mention that because it's so fucking funny. Yeah, and that's that on that on that we're making an army of liars, messandris sleighs.

Evil diabolical people.

Yes, okay, media media of the Sleigh.

Okay, I'll start, let's do. The New Vegan album is really cool.

It all the way.

It's like seventy five songs long. It's a really long album. But there's a bunch of really good songs. You can just pick and choose. Really nice album. I really like All I Think About Now by the Sies. It's a really cute song. It might not be cute. I don't listen to lyrics, so it could be like really evil. And then Desire by Moody Man. I'm on a Moody Man kick right now.

That's a really good song. Okay, I'm getting used to you, Barcelina, Like I I like, why do I feel like I can't say that.

I've just been listening to the Outcast album speaker Box the Love Below. This is gonna be like literally inflammatory on my name and people are gonna be mad at me. But I had never listened to Big Boys side of that album, like I just always cared about like Andre three thousand, what me too? Oh, it's really fucking good, Like I had heard songs, but like it was never like, oh, I'm gonna play this album all the way through.

It's really good.

And obviously there's like a really popular song from his side that was like a single, but yeah, it's really fucking good.

And then Curven light by mid Air.

Thief and Eyes without a Face Billy Idol, and then the movie is Timey Up, Timey Down by.

Yeah is his name.

I don't think that's his name.

My movie is a movie that you were watching today and I just injured. Yeah, I need to rewatch that because that's really really good. I went on such a tangent about Sean Baker a good I don't think it.

Was a tangent. Yeah, it was really good. It was just like your opinion.

He's a really good filmmaker. Has he made anything after Florida Project.

I think he made a movie recently, like Red Rocket or something with Sean Penn, not Sean Pin. Maybe it's Seanpin. He just released a movie like twenty twenty one. I think.

Let me make sure Florida Project is a I'm pretty sure most of you have seen it. That's like one of my favorite fucking movies ever. I watched that in theaters like four times. I missed that era of my life when I would see a movie that I liked so much, I would go and pay to watch it again. Just movies don't do that for me anymore.

Like there's no Simon Rex, not Sean Pin, but yeah red Rocket.

Simon Rex, Orange County.

Yes, only he bodies that role, which is really cool.

Can I smell your feet before we go?

No? Please? Please?

Okay, Well that.

Was it for this episode.

Me and you were gonna go make out.

With lots of tongue.

Now it's gonna be sloppy, Like, how do you buy

Three