It's like my new favorite song right now. Roland, Roland, your TikTok beet is so insane.
Yesterday was one of the first times you were sitting next to me and I wasn't on TikTok, but you were, and I was listening to everything on your timeline and it was genuinely freaking me out, talking to a different world.
It's mostly basketball.
And then it's just very normal content in between that. Sometimes unless it was just like it.
Was an off day. Yeah, I have like a problem on TikTok where I like very single fucking video that I see.
I know Drews likes every day. He has like forty new lights.
Yeah, so like it's not curated at all, but I interact with content. I want to see more on my feed, so the algorithm knows, Oh he likes this, let's put it. Put more in front of him.
Oh you know a lot about curating your algorithm on TikTok.
Oh, my god.
Should I talk about the TikTok. I saw that. Literally I had to look up the I.
Wish I saved the TikTok itself. But you know that guy was his name, Christian Walker. I saw a TikTok from Christian Walker, which is crazy that we've also seen the timeline of him going from crazy conservative to far left feminism, like all inclusive feminism talk on TikTok.
It's so insane.
I think he's like advanced, like Tricia Patus like. I think he like like obviously.
He played it. He played the game.
Yeah, he knew what he was doing most of the time. But like, obviously that does not like make anything he was saying better. But I think he's making up for all of his damages to society.
He's right wrong, Yeah, yeah, but I saw a TikTok of him replying to the sky.
I'm sorry, but why is there literally green sludge coming out of my mic right now?
It's from your fuck stinky ass breath.
Ew, motherfucker, there's literally green sludge oozing out of my mind.
You know what's even grosser, like grocer than anything, is when that thing popped. I think that's been sitting on there forever. So that's where our black mold is coming from.
Ew.
That's why I have a fucking raging migraine right now. It's because the rotten watermelon kombucha.
I know why we have migraines right now.
We'll talk about that later.
But he was talking about this dude who made a TikTok in reference to wanting real woman back, like men don't want Oh.
It was it was a top.
It was like conversation about how women are saying that men now just want a mother. They don't want a girlfriend, they want somebody to replace their mother, blah blah blah blah blah.
And Christian Walker quoted it. It was going in.
On, oh, that's that's literally Tea, like you want a mother me whom me?
I hate that I'm a mom. I like that of course, bro, Like that's like we could have all guessed that.
But basically he's talking about men and like how men aren't real men these days. And then he says the term addicted to corn and I was high when I heard that, and I.
Was like, oh wow, I guess like we are addicted.
To corn, always eating chips, always eating red forty Like yeah wow.
And then I was like, weird thing to point out, like a diet, but okay.
It's like addicted to corn and following three thousand other women on Instagram and I was like, whoa, what a weird jump like corn to Instagram Like, Okay, I guess I get that. But the more I watched it, I was like, oh, he's saying corn instead of porn because of like how people on TikTok try to avoid words like suicide kill whenever unlive yourself.
We all three need to un ourlive ourselves in a pact.
I hate that, terf.
Did you just take kill yourself?
He I has to be a little smarter than we think, Like why do we actually think saying unlive is going under the rug versus suicide? Yeah, but I know that people aren't brave like me. Like I told you all the time, I'm like, kill yourself. I fucking hate you.
Yeah, And it's really scary and it puts me in a really dark place a lot of the time.
And I'm gonna keep doing it until I get what I want. Oh my god, but I love you. I love you.
Hey, did you finish?
Oh?
The thought? But no, it was that was kind of it.
It was literally just I'm actually fucking dumb as hell because I went to Drew's room and I didn't realize until I got in Drew's bed and I was about to tell him and talk about Christian Walker, and then I.
Was thinking about it. I was like, why was he saying corn now? And then I realized it was we've been had snug racked.
We've been like snuggling in my bed a lot recently, like and ironically you just like cruise over there because I don't show my face for fourteen hours and you're like, wait, where's Drew? And then you come in my room and I'm just laying in bed on some device. I'm not using the Apple Vision Pro as much as y'all fucking think I am. I watched one movie on it and then it was like, oh, he's trapped in there. New I used it what it was for. It died very quickly and I put it away, but I did KAI
got a video of me. That's kind of embarrassing. We'll insert it now.
What are you watching right now? But what are you watching?
You don't watching the football player, No you're not.
You're watching something else themselves, Drew. That sounds like fucking gay horn.
Okay, dudes, dog corn themselves. It's the straightest thing ever. Hold on.
And you're sure you want me to, but.
Yeah, I don't mind. It was just like I was watching the game on the TV. But I also had another football game of men like tackling, and that's why you hear all the grunts Like it's not because like, oh, like what like I'm not watching gay corn, Like I literally, I like was watching football, and that's what.
The fuck is gay corn.
Football is like homosexual for everybody.
You don't have to take everything.
So I don't know, like literally like what like no cords for everybody.
Where you take the like rainbow and I are taking corn from us, like what am.
I supposed to eat? But we me and Eiel woke up with rage and migraines today and like we won't get into too many details because I don't want people to think this is okay behavior.
And I don't want to be a bad influence.
Yeah, but like halfway through the super Bowl yesterday, which go Chiefs, Shout out the Chiefs movie, was so happy that they won. Actually I literally don't give a fuck, but it was fun like rooting for a team that everybody hated, like everyone was like fuck them, like I hope they lose. But like also Patrick Mahoe, I'm not even gonna get into it. I was just gonna say, Patrick, this top three. Yeah, literally top three quarterback of all time and he's like only like five years into his career.
Like that's it's crazy. He's fifty. I know, it's really fucked up.
How old or how old do you have to be to play football?
It's actually I think you have to be twenty one, Like you have to play three years of college when he went when he won, which I just found out like a couple months ago, but I could be lying. But like in basketball, you can. You used to be able to just go from fucking high school to the NBA, but uh, they made it so you have to play like you have to be nineteen, so you have to play like collegiate ball, prep ball, whatever.
But yeah, the twenty one thing makes sense.
So when they win the game, they can all get naked and spray champions, you know exactly.
I was just thinking about that, Like imagine being a reporter in the locker room after like a game, like and all of these dudes are just getting butt ass naked in front of you, and it's just like, literally they don't care, like you're not supposed to care about Like.
I'd be like, thank god, I'm wearing my ray band a Snapchat glasses right now.
No, I'm like, thank god I'm wearing my skim's body suit because my boner would be showing everywhere my compression shorts.
Drew is googling Travis Kelcey Bulge during the game.
Well, it's trying to make a point.
I was like, that's crazy to go after your ex's new man like that, Like that's so weird.
Like Minority Report in the Apple Vision. He was like blowing it up with his hand.
No, no, let me, let me defend myself. I was saying, it's crazy that they don't wear cups. And I could tell that they don't wear cups because you can see their full cock and ball outline. It will look like they're smuggling grapes out there, little baby acorns ay.
It was like jumping around. I was like, oh, oh my god, oh wow.
And that's why I'm like, oh, football is gay as fuck, because you know these men see that, and they just act like they don't see that, Like there's cock and balls flailing around as.
They're piling on the thing might be happening that I do often when I see like two close best friends when they're like all over each other, like two girl bust friends. I'm like, that is such weird behavior like that, like you're literally gay. Me and O Ryan don't do that. And then I realize, oh, me and Ryan are like kind of gay, so that's why we don't do that. So you're doing that with before right now you're like, how are you not looking?
And it's kai can't look me in the eyes today. I don't know what happened.
Because I don't know.
You have like this aura, mysterious aura.
I I can't well what the fuck like you said, I can.
I'm gonna enter my mysterious aura arc like I'm gonna like shut down and no one's gonna know what I'm up to or where I'm going, and I'm just gonna be like this being that everybody praised. I'm gonna be going.
You would have to leave the house.
No exact opposite. I locked myself inside.
You already do that. You already every time I's like, where's your room?
Like he's at home, and people always ask that, I'm just he's at home, and they keep asking about it.
I noticed how people ask where's Drew. It's because I'm wanted and I'm a great person to be around. People want me in their life, but you know, I have to take time to myself because I don't want to spread myself too thin, and I just want to like have these like intimate moments with myself.
I wish I could have a Spotify wrapped of how much time you spent sinking in your mattress?
Yeah? No, if you look at my mattress, there's a pit. It's a it's a fool.
Do you say something so much?
Because he has his bed source, he he can't let them heal. I know he needs to make sure he's working on those bedstorts.
Nasty little bed sores. The day I do get a bed sort, I will leave the house. But until then I'm staying here. I'm not fucking leaving. Whoa Wolf of Wall Street? I've never seen that. That's from straight guys.
Yes, that's for guys the movies rules.
Yeah, it's American psycho.
I've seen that.
I feel like I.
Feel like, oh my god, Yeah, I was gonna say you better.
Are you serious? No, it wasn't that wet.
No, you your hands actually haven't been uh soggy at all recently.
I've been a little bit.
I swear to god, kay, I like tapped you up like four times yesterday and I was like and I was literally like, oh, he like got carpe dim or whatever on his hands. Carpay dim, dude, I don't think it's called carpet living. Let live.
Carpet sees the dick, right, Oh.
My god, you guys like actually need fuck out or sees the day.
Yeah, that was a Freudian sl and slip there. Okay, so this is something that's been heavy on my mind.
She couldn't even say what happened.
During Oh oh we've gone so far off drug Well, in the middle of the super Bowl, we'll bleep it, uh or do we I don't know in the middle or.
And bleep and let people decide what we decided to do.
In the middle of the Super Bowl, we were like, okay, like we're gonna if the cheese win.
Because mind you, we've had access to this thing for two months. But me and Drew, because I do think there is this idea online because of the way we talk about your childhood and your interaction with drugs and then my lack of care for interactions with drugs, that there is this idea that we are down for whatever and we do everything, but we literally don't because we have had access to this thing for two months and the person who gave it to us.
Every time they come over, they're like, let's do it me, and you are.
Like, yeah, maybe not, Yeah, we're gonna do that kind of scary.
I don't want to do that. And we both said that we would do it if the Chiefs won, with.
The idea that they were going to lose, because it was before the second half, and we were like, oh yeah, if they won, will definitely do that tonight, Like that's the libes.
I'm just going to spoil it. It's black to our heroine.
Oh my god. It was really good though, so it's not yeah, like we have to bleep that. You can't just tell people.
We do Maron also Okay, anyways, Chiefs one, we were zipping. I've shot a little vlog of us creating it and making the concoction and it was such a little vibe and it was so that was the.
Most fun part, was like getting ready, but all of us were really scared because Drew did he does like extra research about everything, and he found a ready leak if somebody saying that it could possibly possibly make you nauseous, because now they've changed like formulas to avoid people usually using it recreationally.
It's like a cedamnifen in like hydrocoding, Like there's five times the amount of a cedamnifin inside of a hydrocating pill, because if you take a lot of a seedamnifit, it's gonna melt your fucking liver. It's the same idea with this. There's another component inside of it that makes you extremely nauseous to exactly like what you said. So we kind of like were like chickening out. There were some other factors that were like we were like, I don't think
we should do this, but anyways, we made it. We did the damn thing. It was such a little vibe. We drink it and absolutely felt nothing like it was horrible, it was boring. We were trying to convince ourselves and then I started getting like a raging migraine. I was like, what the fuck is going on with my head right now? And I even went to the bed or went to bed and got my like thera gun and was putting it on my temples and on the back of my head,
which I had just found out that like there's a higher. Yeah, stroke rate recent, stroke rate recently because people are using thera guns on their neck and causing fucking blood clots and they're a Jorda or whatever the fuck. And I did it anyways because I was in so much pain and then I just like knocked the fuck out, had a great sleep, woke up, and my brain still feels like it's on fire, So yeah, I think right now, Yeah, but yeah, we were.
But it was such a vibe because we were watching the best stuff we've watched in a long fucking time.
We were watching.
Robot fights and school bus races and Derby's car demolition demolitions and car jumps and I need to go to a car demolition show, like a Derby show so bad.
I need to go to a car launch.
We were watching cars get launched off of a mountain and a bunch of people standing past one.
One time, Yeah, I was like driving on my road trip from California to Texas and we drove through or fucking Idaho to Texas actually, and we drove through Colorado and there was this big mountain with like a pile of like skeletons of cars and like they were a bunch of them and we asked the gas station attendant and they were like, yeah, they do the car launch and we were like, what the fuck is a car launch and they were like, oh, we drive cars off the cliff and I was like, what do you mean.
This is like the most insane thing ever. Well insert a clip so you can see, but they literally launched cars off of the side of a fucking mountain. It's so beautiful. It's literally beautiful. Yeah, Like it's pretty as fuck. And then Battlebot's iconic, like if you know, you know, I'm not even gonna give you a little taste of that.
I was way too into that last night, Like I was the last one's left standing watching it on the TV.
It was so fucking cool, and I wish I had any sliver of intelligence to make a robot to fight.
It's like a lifetime passion, like I wish I had something like that that. I was just like, like wanted to hone this craft, and I was addicted to it, and it was one thing that I was really fucking great out. But instead I'm great at a lot of different things, so it's kind of hard.
Like you're kind of like a jack off all trades.
Yeah, yeah, jack off.
He said, jack Off, that's what the jack Jack of all trades you guys are thinking of, like penis stuff again.
Because it's like all I don't think so I feel like we're right.
I think it is Jack of all trades.
Kuy what yeah, jack Off?
Why would you fucking say jack off of all trades?
All grad?
Oh my god, I literally like I think I've stroked out, like and I think I have like a slow brain bleed, like am I Sarahbellum or some shit like whatever controls your speech because like the amount of words that I've been getting mixed up the last like three or four months has been horrifying. It's been really scary.
It's because you need to read a book. Simple.
I read articles on my phone.
The articles tiktoks, tiktoks of people relaying articles.
I'm like, okay, no, work smarter, not harder. Realistically, our parents would.
Be I'm sure our parents did the same thing and would lie and say, oh yeah, I saw that in an article when they meant they watched the fucking news.
How do you learn information? I'm not even gonna get into it. I have a whole shipiel about that. I don't want it. Did you see the letter from the I R S.
No, don't. Why why do you bring that up? I didn't see that.
We'll just move on.
What the fuck I'm saying?
Why bringing that up?
Right now?
Do you know about the glitter mystery?
The glitter mystery? The fuck are you talking?
It's a big conspiracy. It's it's it's a fun one. It's not.
It's like when you get glitter everywhere and then never Oh that's.
The hoopies of the craft and you're never getting rid of that. The glitter mystery. Shall we get into it? Okay? So I feel like it was like five or six years ago there was a New York Times article on
glitter and the interviewer, you know what you're talking about? Yeah, the interviewer said, or asked what the biggest market for glitter is, and the person at this glitter company, Mega Glitter Corp. Literally almost instantly was like, no, I absolutely cannot talk about that, Like I'm not I'm not talking
about our biggest buyer. She pushed back and like uh but she like pushed back, and the person was like, but you know what it is, and she said, oh god, yes, Oh my god, Oh my god, I'm literally so stupid. I should have done our research.
You're smart, thank you.
But basically the girl said, you know what it is, but you'd never ever be able to guess what our glitter is in, like you, you'd never ever ever know. And then this sparked like this huge conversation. They were like, what the fuck is glittering? Like people were saying it was like obvious ones like boat paint and like.
Blah blah blah blah blah.
Like people were saying like, oh, maybe they put it on in like resort beaches to make the sand more glittery, or like maybe for some reason they're putting it in our water supply and we just can't see it to make it more sparkly, like whatever it is, and people were just like guessing like crazy, like toothpaste, money, construction materials,
like concrete, shit like that. Well, something popped up on my for you page recently, and I fear it is what the glitter is used for and it's military application. Duh would make sense, but it's called I think it's chafe or chaff chaff y'all listen to what this shit is. So DFW's like weather page posted this like radar, like weather radar, and there was like this big mass over La and it was like this long or over Fort Worth and it was like this long line and it
looked like light rain. And they posted like you might have seen this on the time on your radar today, but it's not rain. It's chaff chaff or chaf or whatever the fuck it is or however you say. It is literally microplastics fiberglass and aluminum that the military drops out of planes to cover up the planes on the radar, so like they're dropping fiberglass all over the world. And then I was like, wait, what the fuck, Like what
is fiberglass? And everyone was like wait, they're dropping fiberglass all over for Worth And it was like a big piece of the radar, Like it's a long fucking line, Like this is like Granberry all the way over to like fucking Cleburn, Like it's a long line. And then the Weather Channel like saw all the backlash and they were like, we've seen a lot of concern about our comments regarding chaff over DFW the other day. We want to report on what we know and can confirm what
we mentioned in our posts. As forecasters, we don't typically or personally, no more information on the impact on wildlife, water, and people, whether radar representation is more our thing. We would love to answer some of your confern concerns. And basically they were like, the research on its effect on humans, nature, wildlife is very limited, and they kind of just are like, oh, like it should be fine, Like that's it, but they're dropping fiberglass out of the fucking sin.
How could dropping fiberglass on humans be fine?
Literally literally, And like I've been a.
Has it been in use for a long time?
Yes, I like went to this other website and it was a problem. Yeah, literally, but I went to this other website and it's like something from like the fucking eighty seventies or eighties that they have just been doing all the time, which I'm also like, girls, stop doing that. We have like technology that you don't need to drop fiberglass out of the sky as a military exercise to hide a fucking plane.
Just get the same LEDs that we have on the sphere in Las Vegas and put it under the plane and have it be the sky like hello.
Guys, hello, Hello. But yeah, I just like went on like a crazy deep dive and basically now I believe that that is where all the glitter is going.
But I'm I'm done. I'm serious. I'm so tired of this ship. I'm so tired of it being like, oh, there's a pedophile island, and then being like, no, there's no, and then there is a pedophile island, and then it's like, oh, there's chem trails, and then it's like there are kim trails, and then fucking Biden posts the photo dude dude with the laser eyes saying I am a lizard or whatever.
That I thought it. I thought he was hacked. I literally could not actually believe that photo. It says just like we drew Wait, hold on, Joe Biden. Joe Biden said, my fucking name. Keep my name out of your fucking mouth, you lizard person. I don't trust you with your laser beam eyes. Actually, I'm actually gonna get my lawyer on this. Like this is crazy.
So so your your name also can be used as like a verb, and I don't think he means.
Yeah, because it like it's cool, like I'm cool. Also, this ship walk like they thought this ship was going to break the fucking Internet. No, it only has eight ninety five thousand, like it has less than a million likes.
Give a million likes. Joe Biden's ig posts didn't get a million area.
Literally flop, Like eighty six percent of America was like, he's too old to be fit for president. Eighty six percent think everyone thinks.
Is he's one hundred and thirty years old.
Is eighty eighty three?
Maybe he looks eighty two.
It's elder abused, abused, Oh he's eighty one.
Yeah, imagine he won, he'd be eighty fucking five. All eighty five year olds that I know are literally withering away and turning.
To twenty five year olds.
I see you're on TikTok and it's somebody recording them, and it's like the saddest video I'm about.
To seem exactly. It's like all timer show.
That's crazy that the president of the United States could be three times the age of how the oldest you got in like the twenties was Yeah.
Wait, what is like, why do you have to be three hundred years old to run for president? Isn't it like sixty five or something like that?
Right?
Oh yeah, I thought it used to be thirty five.
Okay, why aren't forty year old's not fucking right.
My friend was talking about this and he thinks it's to be thirty five. Yeah, it could be a twin.
Damn not me knowing more about y'all, like than y'all about politics and whatnot right now on the up and out, I don't.
I mean, like literally, like, what's the point?
So true mine?
Ironically two sides of the same coin. They're both evil.
My friend was basically saying that, like the cabal of seventy year old white people just want to like hold on to this. Did you part into the mic?
No? Yeah he did, and it smells.
It was like a wet far It wasn't.
Oh that's gross. Well I'm not going to finish what I was gonna say because and I can taste it. Oh. He's basically saying like, there's like seventy year old white people that like have all this money and power and they're like they just refuse to give it up. So like they won't like Gavin Newsom run because he's of a different generation, Like it's a big enough generational divide that he would actually have like I actually different ideas.
Yeah, I.
Think it also is like the whole game of it is. You have to be in politics for so long for anybody to take you serious, and then by the time they take you serious, you're fucking haggarty and dying.
I can't wait for the wealth transfer, the transfers, but what's gonna happen to me.
You're gonna be up.
It's gonna be up.
And he's saying that I'm not a part of the one percent right now, because you would be lying, like, seriously, I'm free, were.
Not a part of the one this person, babe, Okay, but what you are a part of is a new conspiracy that I'm forming on you on me, yes, because I saw the video of you on my feed.
And I know what you're talking about.
It was scary and I've been saying I think you're a plant in my life, You're a cyborg. You're like this NPC or something, and this video proved it for me. I'm not kidding. Is this.
Yeah, this is insane.
I've seen this.
Look at your eyes, Watch your eyes, watch your eyes. Everybody.
The top comment was she has to take a peek at Drew.
I saw someone the guys, is this mean her eyes are not like that? It was just like data glitching or something, but I thought it was so I was crying in bed alone and I was like, gonna run over there to show you, but I decided just to so much.
I thought so many.
Times, Okay, well, I was ter about about.
Hm.
I was terrorized by weight staff at a restaurant. I could not believe my girl. I got the whole squad laughing, keep going, bitch. I was terrorized at a restaurant. So our friend invited us to lunch and it was like the last rainy day in LA that's crucial for the story. And we went there and it was packed out the ass,
like I've never been in a more packed environment. And it was like an interesting order concept, like you wait in this line and then you wait to get a table, and then you wait to sit down and get your food at the table. It was kind of inefficient, but I was like, whatever, it's packed. I'm not like, really, I don't really care that much because I just feel
bad for the workers because they're like fucking running around. Well, I order an Enya's ordering behind me, but I like am overwhelmed in this fucking tiny ass little space because I'm like it's too close to many people around, So I go wait by the door. I'm the door's right here. I'm waiting right here, and the door can still open, people can still get in, like I'm not in the way of anything. And then one of the workers comes up to me and she's like, oh, can you follow
me and wait over here? And I was like, oh yeah, like I'll do that. And she proceeds to open the door and then stand outside and like it was fully pouring down rain and it was freezing and pouring down rain, and she was like, can you wait right here? And I laughed, I literally like I actually laughed because I thought she was joking, Like I couldn't believe it. And then she's like, uh no, like can you actually wait right here, like it's for the safety like the door like,
and I was like, are you kidding me? And so I actually like I did it anyways, and she was like, or you can wait under that umbrella and it was like it was like a giant garbage can, like an umbrella like that was open like a light pole and like a binch like I couldn't fit over there. So thank god I brought my APHX twin umbrella. Hello, Yeah, I actually use it but I know, you bitch just won it. And I was on that shit never man, never mind, Like y'all.
Don't want you know you found out about Aphex twin because of the Fortnite skin the thing.
Yeah, yeah, and I got it. I opened my laptop, bought v Bucks, bought that fucking skin, closed my laptop, and didn't play a single fucking game cause and that's like, it was so scary for me to do that, Like I literally could not believe I just like spent money like that, like it fee felt so naughty. But anyways, I'm waiting outside literally in the rain, and.
I know, and I turned to her friends.
I was like, where's Drew And all of us were confused because they were like, yeah, he's standing outside.
It.
In my head, I was just like, oh, okay, baby, cause it's packed in here.
He just wants to be outside. And then I go outside and Drew's literally standing there.
He's like, dude, they literally fuck told me to stand outside.
It was crazy.
It was pouring down rain and freezing, and then the spot that I was standing in, two people went and stood there, and she literally was conversing with them and having a conversation with.
Them and let them stand there, but she put me outside. I literally couldn't believe that I've never ever felt like this way in my life. I was like, so like, what the fuck like this it was? It was so crazy, It was so crazy, and I almost went full Karen mode, but I was like, she's stressed, Like she's just doing her fucking job. She's not the one that's hold me dad.
Like ten minutes later, I think realize that it was crazy to make somebody wait outside in the freezing cold during a floodwak.
Yeah, And she came out.
She was like a I'm so sorry, like we're gonna get a table for you, it's okay, and you're just like it's okay, it's okay, and you were like sorry if I seemed upset or something, but like, yeah, I'm fine.
I like didn't really speak much when she came out there because I honestly was a little offended and upset. But then when I was inside the restaurant, I felt really bad and I went up to her and I was like, hey, by the way, like I'm sorry if I seemed upset or like made you like anxious or something, because I wasn't and I know, you're just doing your job and you're just dressed. And she's like, thank you so much for telling me that, and I was like, see,
all it takes is to like communication, communicate. That's true, communicate.
But if to be fair, if I saw you in any establishment and it was raining outside, I'd be like, I need this.
Man to stand in the rain.
What the fuck? Why you just give that energy like you know, mysterious, like I might have a bomb. Oh, I bring a bomb with me everywhere I go.
Just in case. It's for safety matches.
Yeah, but yeah, that happened to me, and I couldn't believe it. It was a movie.
Stuff like that doesn't happen to me because I'm so pretty and people are just like I would hate if.
She loves you.
Literally usually tell me to go outside when the weather's gorgeous, and they're like, wow, I want her to like I want to see what she looks like in the direct sunlight. And then they'll tell me to stand outside, but they'll follow me and take a picture of me, and then I'll go back inside.
I was the picture on the wall. I was sexually profiled in.
That moment when she told you, I don't understand how.
That she saw that I was presenting as a man and she put me out in that fucking ring.
Wow, Wow, mother is mothering.
Shut the fuck up, Shut the fuck up, mother is mothering.
Did you have to be like so brave to yell that at the most silent concept.
I ever feels so bad for that girl.
Yeah, because she's definitely under the age of twenty.
Yeah, I felt so bad for it, Like I would be mortified, Like it's like bombing on stage to stand up, like people thought, like if she thought people were gonna like ye, but everyone turned on her. It was so dark. We'll insert that.
I have to post this again just because the crowd is so funny mother is mother.
Video.
She was like, shout out me viral, but like for good reason.
Shout out her shout out then.
Fuck, I was gonna say something after that. Never mind, it's gone, It's gone forever. It's fucking over.
Well, I had a very very dark moment.
Did you always have a dark moment like.
What I did? There's like times where you'll say something and I know you're gonna turn and look directly in my eyes whenever you say I had a dark moment. Drew fucking flipped me off earlier. I don't know if anyone saw.
That, but I didn't see that, so I.
Don't believe it.
And if it's on video, I still don't believe it because we're in a room and you're you're literally just being so self absorbed, thinking it's to you.
It could be to anything in this I was.
Literally flipping off the birds outside exactly. I was slipping the.
Merger flip me off. I'll put it back in the camera.
Okay, he was looking past you. You think people look at you.
I was not recording that.
You're so annoying.
Oh fuck you, fuck you, oh fuck all of you.
Okay, what's your dark moment?
Like?
I don't even want to like it. Actually it actually is embarrassing and ironic embarrassing, but it was it was really it was really dark. It was so gross And I don't know if I want to say it, because there's implications to this. I won't get into it.
Cut it.
I don't know if I want to. Should I say it?
No, He's like farming engagement.
It's like I feel like I'm watching you post on ID and the caption is something normal, but then it's like comment your favorite color.
But I don't know.
I'm not going What do you guys think about this?
What do you guys like Sundays?
I'm not gonna say it.
Okay, then don't. We'll move on.
We don't care, dude, we actually don't.
It like doesn't matter to us, guys.
I fell asleep in the Apple Vision. I fell asleep inside of it.
Yeah, you starting this episode by being like, I do not use it as much.
As y'all think. You're all chirping, Well I didn't.
I just use it for like thirty minutes before bed, and I fucking fell asleep in it, fully fucking clothed, with all of the.
Lights of screen time.
I'm sure that thing has screen time.
Go get it, and let's look at the screen time, because it is much more than you think. Every time I have come home from being outside again, I go to Drew's room and it is on his face.
How much do you think it is?
I have not gone to your room and it hasn't been on your face?
Do you think it is?
It has to easily be twenty hours.
There's absolutely no way.
I'm just imagining Drew like opening his eyes from deep sleep, and it's just fourteen screens of grinds.
What's worse is he didn't even realize he fell asleep. He probably only told us this because I walked in on him. I went to go say something to him, and he was literally turned over with it on his head, and I was like, hello, Hello, Drew, and he was like, oh no, and he tried to he tried to act like he wasn't sleeping. Also, he was like, oh sorry, I was yeah, and then he just like and then he pulled it off.
Do you admit it that it's dark to be Oh my god, he has to put it on to check the screen.
Oh I know the Apple logo showed when it turns on. That's kind of cunt. Okay, wait me when I'm a cyclops.
There it goes. Okay, we're let me screen record.
I'm really a non believer at the idea that everybody's gonna have one of these eventually.
Yeah. I don't think there's a way.
There's not a way.
Damn saved by the bell.
I guess I only do have four hours on ear.
There's no way, because you've watched like three movies in that thing already.
No, No, I bet I've literally only logged like max twelve hours, and I would I would literally die on that hill, I straight up think I because I've only had it since Monday. I've and like the battery I've charged, I've gone like two full days, full days without using it. I've never used it. After the batteries died, I go and charge it and then I get on my phone. So but I'm not saying that my screen time isn't atrocious. But yeah, all right, we're back. We're back, and we're better.
Do you have any topics you want to talk about?
You know what's crazy is my I literally hear my topics.
Oh yeah, new game unlocked, y'all know, fucking game unlocked. I can't even talk said about Drew because I have clocked in over twenty hours at work though.
That's the difference is.
Like I'm working, Drew is just playing on his device. I am putting in work, like real hard work. I found this new game via TikTok called Contraband Police yep, and I became.
I haven't been addicted to a.
Game other than Fortnite in so long, and I'm fully back to it. I haven't let myself play it for like two days because within two days I clocked twenty hours of playing, which I wonder if it also clocks, because sometimes I would put it to sleep like in between, but.
It doesn't make it any better when Josie was over.
Yeah, because when Josie was over, we would switch between playing Contramant Police to Fortnite and then back to Contraband Police like it was insane, but also the best day I've had in a long time. I love this game so much and I don't give a fuck. It is so fun. Also, it feels like a fun game because other than Fortnite, I feel like everybody can kind of play it and if it makes sense, even if y'all aren't like controlling the control, I.
Don't forget this. Don't forget to check his registration. Oh he is not allowed to go, and you send him right back to where he fucking came from. You are not coming in my country. Someone's gonna clip that out of context emergency in or Tom Drew says, go back to your home country.
But it's basically a game. It's basically what you're just said.
Me and Drew and Josie were cracking up because we were talking about the idea that there's definitely people from the US who play this game who believe in border control in a crazy way, and they play this game to be like, yeah, exactly, that's exactly what I fucking do, Like I would do it the right way. But it's such a funny game because it's so fucking stupid, Like
you're just I think it's in the middle of Russia. Yeah, I'm not really sure where it's based, but you are literally that your border patrol and you have to check all these cars to see if they're like smuggling in contraband, if they're like if all their papers are right, and you approve or deny them, and you have to like build out your unit and upgrade everything. And I have become so it's literally like Sims with a job, Like
that's what it feels like. And it is so fucking funny, and I love playing the game, and maybe I stream it, maybe I don't, But I actually played it for so long one day that by the time I went to bed, my body was experiencing like bitches who don't have a real job be like WHOA This day drained me, Like that's how I felt like I was taking off my clothes to get in bed, and I genuinely felt like I was taking off my uniform.
Today drained me. It was a hard day too. We got a bunch of wanted people.
Twice. We had to kill forty people thirty forty five people. They pull up on you like crazy.
I know, literally you get attacked and then you have one hundred and twenty bullets for literally like eight hundred people that you have to get rid of. And it's such a fun game. But I am so addicted to it, and then I sit here and I wonder why my brain actually feels like a brain slushie.
In your mouth and make a brain slush One. I'm cooler than you. Two, I'm more fun. Three I have more friends than you.
We need to learn that and do it at karaoke.
Yeah really, but yeah, that's That's one of my notes for this week.
Is that's my update with.
My life is I played so much Contraband Police and watched a bunch of.
Is it Cassio or Caso?
Caso?
People say Caso. I thought his name was Cassio.
No, it's case.
Oh oh that makes sense, that makes sense. Casio was like a fucking piano brand, isn't it.
Yeah, but yeah, that's why I.
Found the game, and I was like, oh my god, this looks so fucking fun because I've just been trying to expand my video game usage other than Fortnite. But I played thirty seconds or sixty seconds Reanimized two because of rain, So I've been expanding. Guys, I've been expanding my lore, as if that's a good thing. What I should do is stop playing fucking games and start reading goddamn boo books. But I read like five pages of a book of a book every time we're.
In the sauna, so I'm still reading and whatnot. I remember I used.
To literally get in bed and read before bed, but I was still really fucking depressed and wanted to kill myself. So like, doesn't matter what I do, I can't escape the fear.
Oh my god. Wait, Okay, last week I said that Keith Urban died. I actually meant Toby Keith, but you can see how I got those switched up.
Toby Keith died.
Yeah, really Yeah, it's really sad. Keith Urban, though, is like, ye, fruitful. I don't know. I think he was like kind of old, but yeah, I just wanted to clear the air. On that also, me and my landlord are flirting. We were flirting.
Down that's actually where I thought you were joking, the like kind of roost her at her panties.
I know I'm trying they get like our rent lowered like crazy. No. I fell asleep and I had a dream that my landlord was yelling at me and being really scary with me with money because it's always on my mind, like paying rent because we don't have it set up automatically, and she always texts me on like the seventh day of the month and is like, Philip, where's rent money? And it was on my mind and I forgot to pay it before bed, and I guess
it was just something I was thinking about a lot. Well, she was really scary and evil in the dream, less you thank you? And I hit her up and or she I'm sorry. I woke up to a text from her saying, hi, Phillip's g period morning reminder for February rent comma period today is two dash eight parentheses twenty four period And I said, I woke up first thing. Yeah, she's green now, I said, I woke up first thing this morning and started the transaction. We got busy over
here and I forgot this and died earlier coma sorry. Also, I don't know if this is weird, but you were literally in my dream last night asking for a rent. Ha ha ha ha. So I like kind of planted this seat. I wanted to feel her vibe. And then she said how's my face in you dream? Question? And I was like, oh shit, like this is crazy, and I said you were stunning? What And then she responded back six minutes later and said, you make me laughing crying laughing emoji better than angry. And then I was
the end of our conversation. I just hearted it.
You need to hit her up today and be like, how is your day?
Well, no, I texted you. I text her because she called me at nine to thirty at night that day. She's trying to come over or something. I don't know what the vibe is god there, and I texted her.
Yet so our landlord I think is like sixty five years old.
Yeah. She texted me Yester and said I texted her at the thirty yesterday and said, hey, I saw you called what's up? She did not respond back, so.
Damn it's because her husband looked through her phone it was like, who is this?
I broke up?
The real her husband who.
Comes and fixes our drain every three days because this home is actually eight hundred years.
Old, was falling about it.
It was like, is that the person whose drain I've unclogged eighteen thousand times or what?
Like why are you talking to him?
Like exactly? They fixed our toilet a bunch because I don't know why never min, I'm not even gonna get into it, but that toilet over there is perma running. And then she hits me up and she's like, oh, like, y'all's water bill is so high, like what's going on? And I tell her every time the toilet is running literally twenty four to seven, and I can fix it so many times without getting fucking frostbite in my hand, and then I just give up because I'm like, it
just is. It's unfixable, like I can't fix it with it just needs to be a new toilet in there. And she came and fixed it and it worked for a couple months, and then we had a bunch of friends over and that toilet was used a bunch and yeah, sucks, but that is the vibe.
Drew's gonna have sex with the landlord.
Yeah, it's only like the right thing to do, now.
I know.
I think she deserves it. She's been like pretty decent. Actually, she kind of fucking sucks. She literally sucks.
Well, we have so.
Many broken things that are borderline a hazard, and we tell her and she just ignores us. But that's a landlord's job. A landlord's job is to take your money.
And ignore it and paint over bugs on the wall.
But do you have a syg up corner?
No? I don't surprisingly I did not collect any, but I'm gonna go through my email and I'm gonna read the ones y'all submitted.
I also made up another one.
True side up corner.
Drew sigh up corn.
Are you saying you're seeing it like it's church?
Oh yeah, I'm about to take you out of church with this one. Okay, this is from Kelsey should. I don't know if I can say this one. Bitches get twenty abortions and want their couchy eight bitch, get that cemetery out of my face.
Thank god.
Wow, this is from Marianna Vibrator died, but thank god for this Amber alert.
Oh my god, that's pretty good.
Oh that's tweet is by I am bre Mia, I.
Am Bree Larsen. I can't believe Bree Larsen said that, dude, that is so fucking funny.
Okay, this is from Marina. Marianna, Marina. Bitches be so embarrassed to say that they Oh my god, I literally can't read. Oh my god, bitches be so embarrassed to say that. They listen to imagine dragons music, not me, radio active radio actic. And it's the shouting Elogi.
This one's like two episodes ago.
This is Iliah. All he do is make you cry, bitch, you dating an onion?
Oh my god, tamber Alert one was crazy wild.
That's all I'm gonna give you all. I mean, I have a lot more, but I'm gonna say I'll just do one more.
Um.
This is from Pedro. He says here they say why badass kids always smell like syrup? Damn they sent a lot. Oh, oh my god, they said, my god, I'm locked in for the next two episodes. Shut out, Pedrow. Bitch you see you in public and just stare yes, bitch, it's me from the psych word.
So stupid.
What's crazy is even for media of the Week. I. Oh, actually I watched Fifth Elmet It was really good.
Did you finish it?
I have like twenty minutes left and I really need to see that.
But I liked it. I just don't like sci fi like that. I enjoyed Bruce and the hospital. Both of them are so hot and I want to have sex with both of them raw.
At the same time.
Yeah, Leelu, Hello, Leelu.
We should go is Leelu and Bruce for Halloween.
I really wanted to be Leelu when I had orange hair and blonde eyebrows.
I don't know if you remember that.
I would say that, but I had never seen the movie and I'm fucking annoying, and as if anybody would give a fuck or know that I haven't seen it.
I was just like, I can't be a like, I shouldn't do that.
But now I'll never be that again, because here I go spending the money on a fucking like.
Wig to like have that. Never I'm never dying my hair again.
I just dye of orange.
Let's die Ronald McDonald's exactly.
I was gonna say that about your fucking bunk ass hair, bitch, fuck you, but that's my visual media. Oh, and then I started watching Jojo Rabbit again last night, and I loved that movie.
I'm gonna watch that ever again. It'll make me cry.
My god. I love the updating.
I updated my letterboxed top four and put the fifth element up there, and I took about fantastic Plastic Machine, whoa fantastic planet? Okay, I have been listening. I've been lesbian ing to all ambient music lately, and I don't think anybody cares at all, Like I really, I really don't think anybody cares about the ambient music I listened to. So what I'm gonna do is bitch never mind things in life. Dennis Brown, What a difference a day makes? Dino Washington At last, I am free, Robert.
What are you thinking about that Whopper?
Girl?
Give me that wop? Give me that sloppy wop? Echoes answer broadcast Moonchild Shibamato, and we'll do a body Snatcher's radiohead.
The only song I'm gonna give you all this week is you Get what You Give by New Radicals, because this song makes me literally crack up because of me and Drew's connection to it, like it literally have we told you about this car? We got like a script said to us once that like they wanted both of us to read for it because it was like in the script there was like two friends and they were like, oh, that's perfect, we really want you guys. It was like
a comedy movie that it never even got made. So we really actually don't know how the self tapes went. We just never heard back in the movie never got made. This was like two years ago, and we went and we auditioned for it together, and leaving we were playing that song and we were like.
Like we without saying a word to each other, both of us in that we were like, our life is about to change.
We're about to be fucking movie.
Stars, like and we both felt it so deeply.
Either of us have ever felt that confident about anything we've done in our whole life.
I usually am so pessimistic. I do everything. I'm like, this is gonna be bunk. I don't give a fuck.
I have no joy because I'm so far depressed and like nothing makes me feel anything except video games and don't fucking touch me. Because you you always you say, oh it's to come for you, and then you ask.
For my wop.
Okay, but I want your walp and I want you happy.
No, my wop is happy without.
You that macaroni.
Kai. You can't say we're gonna have to We're gonna have to, can We got a big laugh on the No, I'm saying we're gonna have to hook up later because she's not giving me her wap. In your must sloppy seconds.
You are the second choices.
I know. Why do I like it? Though? Why do I like being?
Okay sizza? So are you saying that because the weekend?
The song the weekend?
Yeah? Yeah, stupid.
Oh my stomach is growling. I need food really bad.
Guys, God, you're big and greedy. You eat the whole eat the whole menu. Your belly is asking for so much. Already had two kids mules for breakfast.
I had to talk about two nights in a row. Guys, I am down bad.
In your defense, you did not eat enough taco bell for it to be bad for you. Actually, any amount of taco bell is bad for you.
But you know, literally, a single bite of a Dorito's Locos taco like burns the lining, the like fourth layer of lining I have left.
I have like no more stomach lining left.
Yeah, Well, we didn't finish the song story oh yeah, but.
We like listen to that song and we both thought, wow, this is our moment. And we didn't say anything to each other about it for like a week, and we were like.
All right, how did you even come up?
Oh? I think it was a la It was like a month later. I brought it up, and I like, I played the song again. I was like, remember when we both sat here in dead silence with each other.
Like looking out the window, like like.
Next time I drive down the street, my life will be a whole lot different. And we're still in the fucking kitchen, bitch.
Yeah right, but we cooking. Let us cook.
That's actually why we can do the podcast in the kitchen, because.
Because we're constantly cooking.
Dude, we have like I'm not kidding, I feel like it is visually obvious my brain deterioration through the two and a half years of doing this podcast.
The chair, Yeah, the chair.
I come on here.
Now and I have come on. What you can come? Girls?
You know we can't like I've never done that, Like it's not possible to come. I don't even know. Yeah, I don't even know a girl who's done that before.
Okay, good, Yeah, I think you can medically induce an orgasm on a woman. Though I heard I don't know. I'm just like holding out for prayers. I was kind of like an ask the hell, well, right right, all right, well, Kyle, were you.
Going to say something?
Yeah, what's your media and your.
Oh? I was going to say that, Oh my is Drew's got that guy in him? Like Drew's got that dog in him, but it's a guy.
Like am I being rareilled by a dude?
Yeah?
I don't fucking I don't find that shit funny because I don't, Like, I'm not gay totally.
I don't either. Okay, I said that because you.
See our ID posts. We're literally dating. Like my IG posts, we're dating. Oh, we were all over.
Each other, y'all. Gotta cut that ship out. Also all the incestual Like I know, don't fucking you can't comment that on bram posts.
I posted a brand posts and the comments are like, isn't this weird?
He's a minor.
I'm like, that's that's an inside joke for us that we keep all of us, y'all. We keep that in the house, Yeah, keep that in the kitchen, in the comment section on YouTube, and.
We keep you in the kitchen because you're probably a girl.
Ehe got him.
But thanks for the support.
That's actually why we can't take the podcast out of the kitchen, because we would just have to find another kitchen for me to be in, because it's the only place I'm allowed to be.
Yeah, and you, like the only other place she's allowed to exist outside of the kitchen. And this is a very strict rule the hallway on the way to your bedroom.
Yeah, we had to move my ps vibe to the bedroom.
Going back to like twenty fourteen, like make me a sandwich humor, it's.
My favorite, and I like it's it's my new taste. Like I have to like just go to jokes and it's like gay jokes and fucking girl kitchen jokes, and I cannot shake them. They're like they're so in my.
Brain, like gay jokes and being like fake offensive by saying things about women, like it's my crutch.
Some people's crutches cursing no.
Like some people's comedy crutch is saying fucking fucking Like in between everything, my crutch is calling.
Drew gay and mine is saying get back to the kitchen.
And mine is donating to charity?
Why would that be funny?
Though?
Why is that your comedy crack you think?
Do you think it's funny?
Some people need help.
You guys swear and I donate.
To I don't swear. I've never sort in my life.
My meeting of the week is good Girl by Jockstrap and Greatest Hits by Jockstrap. That ship goes crazy.
Like the job Strap.
What was the last show to you donate it to?
What is it? It was something like the Bottom Factory.
There's a bar that's not donating, that's paying.
For that paying for.
Okay, well, tomato tomato, I guess what.
Oh, we were talking.
That's not that's not nice.
Two friends can't talk.
Yeah, but you're whispering.
It's clear you're literally trying to break us apart. You're so.
Include me.
No please sis.
Since you're so, oh, then donate to the to the I don't like my friend's whispering company.
Oh there comes. I've been waiting for this. Oh.
Oh, dud just hates clapping because he hurts his hands every time.
It's like, literally, couldn't do it.
Maybe one more.
Adding dialogue?
You hurt me that felt good, really good at that.
Thank you.
It's because it's real.
You're actually like a voice actor.
All right, Thank y'all so much for watching. God bless your souls. If I seemed off, it's literally because.
I had bacterial vaginosis we made.
I've been BB free for years now, So guys, I'm up.
I've been BV free for a long time.
Why would a man be there A.
I'm gonna lay your pipe?
What is it? I don't know. I thought I'm gonna fix you
All right, I'm done, all right,