Hey, welcome backup Burns the inner call Happy.
This is the first time I've touched in you all year. Oh my god damn year to.
Me touching me in crazy waye tonight because we're switching positions hot and fresh in the kitchen silly podcast, guys. Honestly, I have I am going into twenty twenty five with nothing but delusional positivity. I know last year I went into it with positivity, and god damn it did I get rugburn on my fucking butt from being but fucked from throwing to the.
Ground thrown to the ground several times. But also we have to reckon is that simultaneously there's a yin and a yang, so many good things, so many good things, so many great things. That's what I'm leading with this year is positivity. I'm looking for the good things in life and it'll find me. It'll find me. Please fucking find me, good things, please find me.
It is so funny being people who like prize our privacy because I feel like when we talk about last year being bad, it can sound so annoying to you, guys. I really don't want it to go unseen that I am so grateful for the life I have, like I genuinely feel so blessed. And I said it in like a few episodes ago, but just no, just no, just just no, just just But the fun part is last year, like I've been feeling like a teenager again in terms of like when things are happening in my personal life.
I feel like it motivates me a lot to do creative work, which that you really have.
Been drawing, like drawing, writing, all that.
Good shob Yeah, it like really puts that pep in my step and it makes me feel alive. But that's because I am mentally ill, and there's just something about a deep sick sadness that makes me feel alive. But that's not the vibe this year live. Wait, should we do our ins and outs to.
Start off the end?
Yeah?
Yea yeah, do you want me to start? Yeah?
Should Okay? How should we do it so that we don't like cut each other off? Should we just go down our list and then we could pick ones out?
Yeah? Yeah, we'll go down our list fully, But I mean also just chime in, Like we'll just chime in and it'll be fine, because love is what interrupting exactly. Okay, I just have Okay, so this is what I have. I have what are we leaving in twenty twenty five? I have my resolutions and then I just deleted all of them. Yeah, I have resolutions. What we're leaving in trend forecasting? So should I just do what are we leaving in twenty twenty five?
Because I only have ins and outs?
Okay, so in twenty twenty five, we're leaving heart palpitations. Yeah, those are canceled. They're out. Like I'm done feeling my heart skip three beats and thinking I'm gonna have a heart vape.
You don't vapor.
I know, it's got to be some other shit, bro, it's got to be some other shit.
I'm stopping vaping this year. I am, like, genuinely committed to it. My puff bar died yesterday on the first, and I told myself I was gonna stop. I had a very stressful.
We Yeah, like I really can't get into I cannot get into it. I'm sorry for cutting you off, but my life has been a living fucking hell for the last week. So Hasenya's not spilling her tea, not spilling my tea. But just know, these holidays were fucking scary. Fucking boots. They were not a vibe at all. Like, I'm so glad I spent it with my family and I love my parents and my family to have a family to go back to. Oh my god, I'm liter gonna start crying. Imagine I just start crying for the
first time over all the shit. Now I've been y'all the shit going on. I have been internalizing and been laughing at it for far too fucking long, and it is not funny.
I get the point where it's not fun.
It's like so unhealthy for me to like process the process, process it this way. But like we're just gonna keep laughing. I'm gonna keep shoving it down until we have some time away so I can fucking cry about all the bullshit going on in my goddamn life. But just know we in this together. But heart palpitations out, heart competitions are out.
Yeah, puff bars out. I don't think I'm gonna buy a new one. I do have cigarettes, and this is gonna sound like the craziest thing ever that shit, but I think I'm gonna like smoke a cigarette today and see if it even sparks.
Toy, don't smoke a cigarette don't do it because it'll.
Spark toy good scene so bad.
You just got a cold turkey.
That's like, no, I know, I'm gonna buy bunch of toothpicks and stuff because for me, it really is like I bite my nails. I always have something in my mouth, and I just like I'm constantly thinking too much and I like to chew once. If y'all saw the tips of my vapes, the teeth marks are crazy. I just chew on.
It so like it is so like embarrassing it is. Vaping is like literally just embarrassing. It's just giving like bab bab being like bottle like.
Also, I just don't want us to be a part of like the testing generation. I feel like we've already we've already given enough, We've already given enough of our money to that side of the world and tobacco. I feel like if we all are in this together, we can all step away from it. And you know, yeah right yeah.
Also, I saw that gen Z is drinking like exponentially less than the generations. The three previous generations like the others are averaging like twenty four billion dollars a year spent on alcohol. Gen Z granted, only like half of us are of age, are only spending three billion dollars a year on alcohol, which is iconic. And if we could kill big alcohol and big tobacco, bitch, that's a vibe.
But smoke your weed though, hit that car, I don't. Yeah, smoking the cars are a different conversation.
Smoke your weed, do your heroin? Uh, snort smoke or inject meth like either way, like those are those are the good ones? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, but actually cocaine like all of that.
My only literally, my only gripe.
With weed is I'm joking, by the way, y'all.
Yeah, obviously, But my only worry with weed is the memory loss of it all. And I genuinely do because I believe in science. I do believe in the idea of smoking too much before. I think it's like age twenty four or five can really fuck with your memory and your like cognitive ability. So keep that in my But also what I'm not your fucking mom, don't listen to me.
Yeah, literally, Okay, so we are leaving eye contact in twenty twenty five. I agree, it's too much. It's too much pressure. It's like there's too many like diagnosed ccs that you can put around it, and I don't fall in any of those fucking categories. It's never that deep. Like if I'm having a conversation and I'm looking this way I'm talking to you, it is not that fucking deep. It's not disrespectful for me not to look in your
goddamn eyes. And I don't know why people made it that way, but like, oh my god, Like, it's not that deep. We're leaving eye contact in twenty twenty five.
Also, we have to leave it in twenty twenty five because you can't.
Talk for twenty twenty six, twenty twenty six or twenty twenty four. Yeah, I'm leaving all of this.
You can't tell me like to make eye contact with somebody because I take it too literal and I just stare people.
Not Yeah, that's how I like overthink it.
Yeah, I overthinking.
I'm like, I'm like, okay, am I like creeping them out? Do they think I'm falling in love with it?
And it's also interesting because I feel like with people I'm comfortable with, I don't think about eye contact at all. Like I feel like I stare my friends in the face when I talk to them.
Yeah, like I can't even look at you because we're talking about it, but I'm I think we can like have conversations looking at.
Each other, looking at my fucking eyes, bitch.
Literally, Okay, we're leaving irony poisoning. In twenty twenty four, Ethylcine said it best. We are in a sincerity epidemic. No one's being sincere anymore. And I am at the forefront of the irony poisoned movement. And if you see me being irony poisoned and making sarcastic remarks and jokes for all of twenty twenty five, don't say shit. I'm trying, and I'm aware of it, and I want to be more sincere with myself and with y'all and with my
friends and family. Because I realized I was like really thinking back, and I was like, Okay, I'm in tune with my emotions, Like I know what I'm feeling, and I like control can control my emotion like four years
ago that's a different story. But like I can't verbalize like what I'm feeling, like it's it's it's like a weird thing, Like in my head, I know what I'm thinking and I know what I want to say, but then there's like this like blockade like that I just can't get out, and I'm just like, we gotta I gotta work on that shit. And yeah, that starts with being sincere.
I feel like you're really good at it when we're talking about things like I never feel like you're not good at just.
You know what it is is like comparison is a thief of joy because you are so good at it. Like you are like every time I hear you talk about like your emotions or like talking about your feelings about someone or anything like that, like I'm like, Damn, she's really good at Like she's just really in tune with her mind. And even like on the podcast will go on these like tangents and I'm like, damn, she's
like just really good at it. And then like I just am sitting next to you and I'm like, yeah, I'm sad because my family, and like that's all I can get out.
I really do think I feel like with me, you're very vulnerable, so I wouldn't it. It really is just comparison to the thief of joy. Also, I always try to remind people not only am I batshit crazy and OCD so I can't not think about every single waking move I make. But I've had six, i think now seven years of consistent therapy, so it really is I I doing that once a week. I tell that to everybody. I was talking to my sister and she was talking about how she has such a hard time verbalizing how
she feels, but she knows how she feels. It's very similar to how you'd say. But just like my sister, like when she talks, I'm I'm like, no, you don't have a problem talking. You're really good at expressing yourself. But it is just because I've done so it's like I've taken a class.
Yeah, like an acting class. Yeah. For emotions, I have a few, but I'm leaving them off because I wrote this list when I was sobbing on the floor of my bathroom. And we'll get into that. We'll get into that in a second. But the last one I'll say
is unmarrented guilt. I feel like I am a very guilty person for things that I had nothing involved with, or like just I feel like I carry around a lot of guilt for things that literally do not matter or that I had no involvement with, and I am just leaving that in twenty twenty four, I am living a guilt free lifestyle. I'm moving on. Like I'm apologizing if I did do wrong, but like I'm not holding that guilt over me, and there will be no more shame, no more shame, no more shame.
You know what's funny is my top tour admitting your annoying slash wrong and vulnerability, which I feel like kind of playing that just being annoying and my like the way I wrote it, but it really is that just if I'm wrong, I am wrong. I feel like I've started to realize because I am a people pleaser through and through, and that is such a selfish and self
absorbed act. I don't think I do it that way on purpose, but it does get to a point where it's okay, all of these things and all of my guilt comes back to me and how I feel like I'm going to be perceived for this, Like a ego said, yeah, so it's such an ego thing, and I feel like it really didn't start as that it comes from our fucking childhood and like being like the younger or like
middle siblings whatever, whatever. But I feel that I can carry. Literally, I will have nothing to do with some shit, and I will say sorry eighteen million times.
You gotta stop apologize.
I say sorry. Oh, I give out sorries like I'm mister Beast, given out fucking one hundred chocolate. Yeah, like I'm given out feasts.
Bitch. Oh my god, I fled out. I found out mister Beast received millions of taxpayer dollars from the Pentagon to get kids to fucking enlist in the goddamn military because we are in a military crisis, like because no one wants to fight a fucking war. Like no, like everyone is just like over, okay whatever, because what the fuck.
Does that have to do with me. I don't even believe in the shit y'all are trying to put me at war for like literally, leave those people alone, Leave those people the fuck alone, sing me off. I want to throw like I think an inn for this year is throwing tomatoes. We need to bring back like I feel like so much of our society is reversing into
these crazy ideas that feel very old school. So okay, I'm gonna bring back the old school retaliation and I'm gonna start y'all better start to try to get getting tomatos.
Bitches are getting tomatoes and stones, like we're gonna start stoning people. We like, we'll throw tomatoes at people where we're like this guy fucking stinks, but we'll throw stones at people that commit heinous crimes.
Yeah, I think mister bees is getting a tomato with a rock inserted in it.
So like a dirt dog a dirt dirt clog. Yeah, so it's like not gonna cause permanent damage. There may be a cut. Have ever told you about my dirt clog fight era?
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie. I don't know what the fuck a dirt clog is.
It's just like a really hard compacted mass of dirt, Like it gets wet and it turns into like almost a stone where you can pick up a clot of dirt. And we would on recess. We found a big pile of them, like for like three days, and we would just have like wars where we kept throwing them at each other and they would hit you and like hurt a little bit, but they would burst into dust and
it was just like really fun. Well, one day a kid accidentally picked up a literal stone and launched at a kid and gashed his fucking forehead open, and no one like the parents of the kid that had his forehead gashed open, We're like, what are I saying? Fucking charges? But the kid was like mom, like that's gonna make me so fucking lame, Like that made me a loser. So nothing happened. But yeah, I was almost almost a kid that threw the stone, the first stone at the third.
Stone, the first stone at Grandbury Brook stone wall.
Yeah, brick wall, brickwall. Okay, I'll say my other ones, but just know that these are back. No, no, no, no, no, you're good. These are good conversations. We're leaving showering in twenty twenty four.
Like, are you gonna substitute it with something?
No? I think I think our human bodies were not meant to be showered. And I mean I already left it in twenty twenty three, but I'm saying everybody else is going to start joining. I literally think the only time I quote unquote showered last year was when we went to the river. I guess I went to the ocean with Mason and Zamar and swim like it.
But does that s like no, because you're not using soap, so it's secondly not a shower. You're just like getting wet. I'm confused, Like you you go in the bathroom all the time.
Yeah, I just hang out in there. True, I know. Yeah, I make it seem like I'm showering. I'll maybe wash my hands because we're also leaving that in twenty twenty two where I left it like washing it.
But there's like like sicknesses and stuff going around.
That's why I'm building my immune system bare.
Oh okay, honestly I feel that. I feel that. Also, I just realized I couldn't cut this off if it's like too much. But it's not even it literally has no details to it. I've realized because both of us love hanging out in the bathroom, and I genuinely think we like hanging out in the bathroom so much because we both grew up in huge families that we had to share all these spaces and the bathroom was the
only place you got to be fully alone. Because what I was just looking at you and thinking about in the bathroom, I was like, I don't do that, and I was like, wait, yes I do. Every night when I get ready for bed, I am in there for like two fucking hours.
It's chilling, it's a vibe. It was stairs.
Love being in there.
It was the stairs. And oh, best believe.
Under the table? Were you under the table?
Oh no, that's weird.
I was hanging out under the dining room table because we had this table. All the chairs would block it and there was this little center area with a glass piece that would shine light in there, and I would just literally I would bring Clay under there, I would bring shit under there, and I would hang out under there. And I have the best memory from when I was a kid during like the house the fridge is about
to explode. At the first house I lived in, we had these huge windows in the living room and it was a crazy thunderstorm and I was under the table like I had an iPod touch. I was like fourteen. I was under the table and Orange is the New Black Wow just came out and I was having that, watching that and playing with Clay, and I remember like going to the kitchen and like putting it to bake
and going back under the table and waiting. Also, actually, before I forget, I almost set my fucking parents' house on fire in Miami because my dumb high ass was like playing with clay with my siblings, which was so amazing. Loved it so much. Made the cutest character. I made that thing we've been working on. I made it at a clane and it was really good.
Do you have pictures of it? No?
Because I put it in the air fryer instead of the oven, because I was like same different. I was like, same thing, bitch. I. Natalie came in the room and Sabrina was there, and she came in the room and she goes, there's a lot of smoke in the house. Mind you. No one else noticed. My brother is sitting in the living room literally dinner. And I had to go and run and open all the windows and fan out the house. And I went and told my dad
and he just looked at me. He was like, you were so dumb, and I was like, yes, we know. And then he was like, did you get the smoke on? I was like no, and he was like okay, and he got up and he just started.
Doing You mentioned Oranges a New Black, And I don't think that show gets the credit it deserves for making Netflix what it is today, because that single handedly changed the trajectory of Netflix forever. Like they were making like little dinky shows. I think they had Who Was the Murderer? That like docuseries or whatever making a murderer. Yeah, but like Oranges and New Black really revolutionized I mean streaming in general, which I don't know if that's a good
thing or a bad thing. But it's really convenient. But it also costs so much money.
Also, it's yeah, it's more expensive than cable. I miss cable, Like I genuinely I don't like decision making. It's we're all being played like pawns, Like I don't I I guess actually it's like a very sheep mentality to just want decisions made for me. But I don't give a fuck. Why do I have to think about what to watch? Sorry, I keep going because I'm like literally gonna no, you're.
Good, You're good. So my other one was uh, not crying. I don't cry enough. We're leaving that. In twenty twenty four, I'm going to be an emotional baby. I'm going to be crying all the time. Yeah, trying to cry.
I can't be the only girl crying.
Yeah, And also I feel like it is like a really useful skill to have to be able to cry. But just just manipulate, malipolate, manipulate. Okay, then we're leaving crushes in twenty twenty four. But I redacted that one because I wrote this when I was crying on the floor of the bathroom. But I got a text back, so good looking up, we're cooking. But I'll get into all of that after's.
Looks my ends. My ends already said the first two, admitting your annoying slash wrong vulnerability, not caring about text backs, which is crazy. Said that, but I mainly meant that because I'm sorry. I'm not a good texterer.
It's never that's only for you.
Yeah, it's never going to happen.
Please know I can I show you the way we text. I'll show you later. But like you tell me if I'm like overreading things, No, it is bad.
Every time I open a text with anybody I love, I'm like, holy shit, I suck dick and balls. But I just can't you know what it is too, It's like, this is so annoying, But I genuinely I have decided I like giving so much time and attention to someone,
and I feel like text is a barrier. I can't be fully like, I can't be as fast enough because if you look at our texts or like me and Oryan's text and our group tech text, we're all just talking at the same time, like we're not really replying to each other because the way we all talk is we like to just be in each other's face and I'm like, blah blah blah blah blah. I can't do that over text. And if I see you in person and you're my friend and I am fully present, you
should know I love you. A textback is not going to change that.
Yeah, that's a good one, and I need to also get on that wavelength.
Yeah, I just like I feel like also being a bad text backer or whatever, being bad at replying to text also is like remove the anxiety. I don't really care that much when someone doesn't text me back because I don't even remember I send the text. If I'm being honest, like I send a text and I leave the app and I'm just like living in my own world, and then I'll be like, oh shit, that person ever responded to me. That's crazy, Like I actually don't give
a fuck about a text back. I will say crazy shit in your text, and I don't give a fuck if you don't reply because I know you saw it, Like, because I know I see everything on my phone, So.
I say, that's what drives me insane. I'm like, bitch, you saw it and you didn't respond, like because I see everything. Like if I don't text you back, it's not because I didn't see it. I saw it, but I was scrolling on TikTok and I don't have the capacity and wherewithal to exit the app. Put the energy into texting you and then sending and then going back to the video I was watching, Like I just need to be in perpetual rot state because if I break
that cycle, bad things happen. I start thinking thoughts, I start having thoughts inside of my head, your own thought. Yeah, and I can't have that. I really, I really cannot have.
That's why this year, we're going to dedicate more of our free time to using our hands. The idol was it? The Devil loves idle hands?
Yep. I mean that's one of my resolutions, which I won't get into yet.
Making coffee at home. I already do this, but I mainly wanted to say it for y'all, Like, invest in a little setup. It's like a self care thing I love. Like as much as I would love to just lay in bed and order a coffee, one I can never get myself to do it because I'm like, that's awful and a waste of time and also a waste of money, and the idea of somebody going in their car and getting me a coffee and leaving on my front porch
makes me feel absolutely batshit crazy. But also it's like a self care ritual if you have the time, make a coffee at home, like invest in your little setup. It's like doing your makeup or skincare or whatever the fuck. It's like it's a moment to yourself.
Yeah, it's like I think that's why Mancha also became so.
Yeah, because it really it's a rich a ritual. Like rituals are very important, guys, we need to tap back in. That's an inn is virtual.
It's like little rituals for yourself, like not like not like big things, like little like every morning, one of my rituals is making my beding my.
Sheets, curts, yeah have currents, but like opening my curtains ritual.
It's like I I wake up before everybody else. I clean up a little bit like that's a ritual. Like little things like that that's so in.
Yeah, just little things for yourself. You don't have to do your big one every day. That's like absolutely ridiculous watching the movies your friends recommend, but I have Wow, I have to immediately follow that up with one of my outs, which is recommending movies you already went to see in a theater without me and you didn't invite me.
Okay, that is also for me too, Yeah, because I I didn't get invited. Actually, granted I was in either other countries or states, but y'all saw all of the major motion pictures without me, and I'll never see Barbie. Barbie, bitch.
I'm telling you you're not missing shit with Barbie like I am. I love saying that shit. Wait, because y'all saw something without.
Me too, but you were in another state.
You see hell is shit without me?
You see hell this shit without me? Should we kiss? Nope, I'm gonna shove this as so you hit me and then you say you're gonna shove a banana up my ass.
And a new end too is playing like not enough friends want to just play like I'm taking instpo from Rain. She's really good. At getting her friends together and playing games and just not watching TV. When I go to Rain's house, it's rare. We sit down and just like watch TV. We just play with her cat. We play with little things we get like little kids to make fucking what's it called? Those like pop and cook in Like I want to do more of that. I want to do more playing with my friends. I want to
go run around with my friends. I want to find a field and like chase each other and play in person like I want to play. And the second thing is that, like that is dressing up and being loud. I feel like I really like my style. It's become very diluted and basic. But I think it's just been easier for me, especially with how busy I've gotten to be more simple. But I want to be more playful with my outfits. I want to be like more of
a presence. And that's a whole other thing. But yeah, I just want to have more fun with my expression, with my clothing and my hair and things like that. And I'm trying to figure it out. In you actually like kind of did I'm like, oh damn, Like getting a fun haircut is a thing, Like it's a good thing.
My rat tail. I need it rebraided.
The rubber ram follow.
Yeah, this has been braided.
Oh you have to take that out and wash it because you probably have like scout build up at the base of that brain.
Oh no, I like get up in there and it's really loose at the tip.
Oh that's it, And that's honestly it for my ends, like I have other ends, but there are more, I guess resolutions for myself. Should we do outs?
I did my ins and outs at the same time.
Oh shit, I'm dumb as fuck. Outs is doom scrolling because I really want to get off my phone this year. I don't think. I don't agree with the idea that the Internet and everything is the worst thing you can do to your brain, because I genuinely do think it's such a good form of connection, information, whatever. But I do think I have an addiction to my phone like most of us do. And if I'm sitting around anxious,
I'm like I could be doing something. I just want to move my mind somewhere else, even if that means to a bigger screen and watching a movie that will be done.
Yeah. One of my resolutions this year is when I'm bored. I'll read when I'm overwhelmed, allrite or draw instead of scrolling on iPhone. But like you were saying, I'm a huge proponent of the iPhone, Like there's kal phone, crack phone. I want crackphone. Give it to me, let me utilize it to the greatest of its abilities, like I want it to consume ninety percent of my day. But at the same time, I know I have life to live because I'll only be seventeen ones.
Oh but I thought, I'm so confused. I thought you were eighteen.
Wait, let me do the math.
So what year were you born?
Twenty ten? Damn, so I'm only fifteen. You're so double. I'm fourteen in like nine months, So I guess I'm like, technically, sixteen.
Are so annoying? Another out is holding your pee. That's kind of just to me. I have this really bad habit, especially because I'm always with my friends. I will just I hate leaving a room from you guys, because leaving a room from the people I know means you miss thirty percent of a conversation and you come back and everything.
Is an inside joke with it.
Everything has happened. There's something being repeated that you don't understand, but I really don't want a uti avoiding the doctors another out. I want to go to the doctor. Yes, slug enough to have access to doctors, and I want to use it. I want to take.
Let's get those let's get those executive physicals. Y'ah. There's these physicals. Granted they're so fucking expensive, like ridiculously expensive, but you can do them in Mexico City for like seven hundred dollars. But there are these physicals where you go in and it's like three days of testing.
A STIs just do that because I want to go back to Mexico.
I love I love Mexico.
I love I love me. Oh I literally, I'm not playing. I love me.
Oh my god, shout out Mexican. It's like, y'all, a the food is delicious. Y'all's city is Gorgina Grande, Like, oh my god, I love Mexico so much, and every time I go back, I'm like, damn, like this might be my favorite city I've ever been to.
It's so good. Also, I'm sorry, like Latin America is just goat. I really want to go to this year, but my family is like boring as fuck their Doerhovah's witnesses, like I want to go to Hunduras to like go do the shit I did as a kid, which is like go play in the river, but my great grandma's dead and she's the one who lives by the river. But like what, I don't want to go to church, but maybe Loki would be interesting because oh my god, when I was in Honduras when I was a kid.
Don't get on me for my pronunciation. I'm sorry, I like, I can't, I can't do it. When I would go as a kid, they would drag my ass to church three times a week. That's I don't want to go well, And you know what I would always do. My cheek code for getting the fuck out of the church is
I'd be like, I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty, So my mom would give me money or my grandma would give me money, and I would run outside and go find a lady who was selling water, because they sell water in Math, and I would just like go and sneak into my aunt's truck, into her backbed, and I would lay there and like drink my water until my grandma came out looking for me. She'd be like, yeah, because she thought I got kidnapped. But really I was hiding because I didn't want to be in fucking church.
We listen and we don't judge. Every time I find money in the washing machine, it becomes mine. Oh, same, it's mine every time. That's just that's something I thought about. And then I don't know why I just said that, But you.
Just had to admit your sins. That's the party you're in. You're being vulnerable.
Yeah, I'm being authentic.
My other out is staying up too late. I am a night owl by nature. I want to get better actually sleeping. I just want to get my sleep in.
Tune because I'm a really did you need that?
I'm like a heavy sleeper, but I sleep I don't really invest in like good pillows and stuff, so I have like really bad back problems.
Like I'm so excited to get a new fucking bed.
I know, I just want to, like I want to just splurge. And also with that not staying up too late, I want to do more sleepovers in bed, which is why we're we're planning on getting bigger beds so we can sleep with our friends. And that also is partially with the end, but I don't want to stay up too late with y'all, Like I want to be better at us waking up and having a day together. Yeah, and then we're going to bed early together.
But we always have nights, we never have days. But we're also like we always say like, Okay, we're gonna go do this, this and this tomorrow, and then it like comes time and more like working or some shit. I know that's what's something we need. I need a schedule, but sorry, keep going.
Okay, this, okay, I really have to explain this one. This isn't out public massandry is out. But let me explain.
Mmm, this is interesting.
Let me explain. I will always hate men, pointblank period always. Do I have men in my life?
I love?
Yes, there is a balance. Am I the strongest messandras No, not by any means, because yes, I saw a baby.
Girl and you're straight again.
Let's just say, don't let me in that room. Don't let me in that room.
I literally that's how I'm like, don't let me in that goddamn coffin because I will be eating the maggots off his dick. Oh my god, true, his rotten fucking member is a member.
No, it is a member. It's a lot. But I'm like, I just think men are too aware of it, and I am tired of them getting to go online and say the right things. Are just in person say the right things. Yeah, I feel like straight men are just seeing that and they're getting to manipulate it. If you're a straight man listening to this.
Be you you are, be you yea be who you are.
I'm not hating on you publicly, but yeah, I I feel like I can't even go into detail, like just the girls are together, no, actually see even saying that, Like, I just don't want to be a public messandrist because I like the shock value of men coming up to me and then me being like, but just know that there is a rhyme and a reason. I just don't want men to know what we're up to, Like men shouldn't have the right like they we have to start treating it like a secret society.
The Illuminati and massandry.
Yeah, and that's that. And then my last out is mystery.
I'm enough, it's done, it's tried, it's boring.
It's over, Like yeah, like enough with the mystery of it all. I think I've been thinking a lot about my Yes, literally, I've been thinking a lot about my age and my perceptions of what it means to be a woman. I kind of went on a tangent like this on the live stream the other day, But just my ideas of what it means to be a woman, what it means to grow into my womanhood, and like how I am perceived in public and all these things.
And I think I had a lot of ideas of when I grew older, I would become more calm and within myself and be a little more like restrictive of the things I say and all these things. No, no, because that is a ploy to get my ass to shut up. And one thing you're never gonna do is have me fucking shut That literally.
Is the patriarchy like locking you down.
No, that's what I feel like, because I'm like, oh, yeah, when I'm older, I'll be just like this sexy woman and like people will turn their heads. Actually, no, I realize that I don't like. I literally don't. I don't want to shut up. I don't like, yeah, I want people to fear me, and I don't give a fuck.
Actually, just don't don't. It is scary. I am being perceived as scary. But I'll tell you later. Okay. So, uh, trend forecasting for twenty twenty five. I came up with a few. Changing underwear daily is going to be in for twenty twenty five.
Like the thing is, you keep saying a lot of hygiene based things that actually make me a bit worried for you.
Yeah, no, you get like I feel like all of us, we you, like everyone involved, on my on your soul, we're all like not changing underwear daily. Sometimes we go four or five days without it, and that's just like saving them all on your soul, on your soul, we we all of us are not changing.
You're like manipulating me. Now, I'm really thinking about my underwear consumption.
Yeah, you're you're watching it too much. You're wasting too much water. Like did you know the amount of water in a washing machine could fill an Olympic size pool one wash.
That can't be true, that can be sure.
Yeah, so every time you wash your clothes, you're filling an Olympics ice swimming pool.
Like, I actually can't tell if you're lying to me.
Yeah, I'm being dead serious, So like just keep in mind.
Yes, see, you can't say anything to me because I believe anything anyone says.
Yeah, So changing your underwear daily is and I feel like we've taken it too far and we just got to come back to it.
I don't think we should just banish underwear. Yeah, Like I I'm low key prog and.
Gray sweatpants on big hairy men. No underwear, Oh my god. Okay. I feel like sambas are gonna be.
I feel like jeans are gonna be a vibe jeans.
Jeans why shirt fire men have more fun on the earth? Okay, Okay, Cheetah print.
Yours so annoying. I actually was so curious. I was like, damn, you wrote trend forecast, Like what are you gonna think that is how it's gonna be. It's like Bambi print is in.
We know it's been in, Nike is gonna be in for twenty twenty five. This is a very real one, a very authentic one. Sincerity is coming back, loving thy neighbor. I feel like we've gone a little too far. Oh did you get that text too?
From the transcar transport?
Oh? No, I got a text while we were recording. We haven't chatted for a long time when are you free to have a cup of coffee? Who is nice right now? Send a pic? I'm free now because it's a bot.
But wait, wait, what's your actual trend forecast?
I'm curious, Love thy neighbor, loving thy neighbor. I feel like it's gonna come in in a very big way. Like I feel like we've been doing this like hating each other thing for like far, far, far too long, and I feel like this is the year of you unity and union and like respecting each other's differences. And I think it's I think it's gonna happen finally.
Yeah, I do want to be less judgmental this year, but that's a that don't even.
Sound right, like a big pig. Internally, I will judge everything everybody does forward facing. That makes me sound so crazy. I redact all of that. I reject that energy. I don't have any real trend forecasts. Like I think I saw someone say, like sailor wear like clothing. It's really niche right now, Like I think for like the masses, it's gonna be a thing like wearing like sailor hats and like blue and white collars and like that vibe. Okay, so this bot texted me saying, we haven't chatted for
a long time. When are you free to have a cup of coffee? I said, who is this? Sinda pick I'm free now, I'm Stephanie. You have haven't you saved my number friend Julia? And then she sent her picture and then I said, oh, img, high, I don't remember you, but I want to touch your boobs.
I see also this picture of this girl just on vacation.
I know who is this random girl? Who is Should we reverse image searches? Yes, zero matches. What if she's real?
There's no way that girl does not What if.
I literally just like accidentally like sexually a woman? Yeah, say, I'm gay. By the way, I just like playing with boobs. Oh, isn't this my friend Julia's number? No, I'm gay, by the way, I just like playing with boobs.
You're so annoying.
Okay, I am batshit forucking crazy. I found out over this Christmas break that there is a part of me that I did not know existed, never thought would exist. And I have gone full blown fucking tweaker psycho like like stalker like literally stalker mode like it's and it got to a.
Point I guess, yeah, you have all that pent up energy since you're not somebody who like casually has crushes.
Oh yeah, yeah, I have a crush. This is That's what I'm talking about. I have a Sorry, I don't know if you big no that I did. I have a big, big, fat, nasty crush. And I realized I was like, why is it called a crush? Like, why is it called the crush? It's because it literally crushes. Yeah, I never knew that. I just thought it was like a silly little name. No, it literally crushes me, y'all. I literally, like, one night he didn't text me back when I like was like asking to hang out, and
literally I went fucking crazy. I found his family. I found every one of his siblings. I paid thirty dollars to find his addresses of his old houses. I found out every location he's ever lived in. I found his ex boyfriend. Like, I found literally everything you could about and made a timeline of events in my notes apps of his life. Like, wait, you have notes, I have notes. I have notes, Like I'm literally fucking crazy.
No, it's this great Drew called me. I was in the middle of talking to my family. He called me. He was like, oh my God, and because of everything that's been happening, I was like, oh Jesus Christ. Okay, Like I walked away and I ran into my parents' bedrooms bathroom, and I was like, what happened? What happened? He's like, I'm fucking crazy. No, you have to tell them you fucking how you got that information though.
I paid thirty dollars to subscribe to truthfinder dot com. I paid thirty dollars, y'all. And then it gets.
Worse, I mean to be fair, very very crazy situation because no social media, got no problem, no social media, no Like I.
I did find his Facebook profile from twenty eleven.
But that's what I'm saying. Every time somebody, anybody who has a crush that ig is getting ran through tags, followers, bubbah. But like everything everything, I'm googling your name, I'm googling your last name, I'm seeing, I am, I'm seeing I am seeing everything everywhere, all at once. But that's to spend thirty dollars. I can't even get on you though, because I would spend oh I would the amount of money I would spend to know people's business.
Yeah, I was doing really crazy things like I literally like when on cheeterbuster dot com.
What yeah, why is cheeterbuster?
You find a picture of them and insert their name and age and then it'll tell you if they have Tinder.
That is so funny, drone Cheaterbuster.
Not because I thought he was cheating, but I was just like, is he like looking to date? Like is this possibility? Also kinda he might actually be listening to this right now, which is also mortifying. But vulnerability vulnerability for twenty thirty four, well, I was so down bad. I literally I'm not gonna say that one. I'm gonna save that, but this one I will say.
Oh yeah.
I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, hadn't texted me back all day. I was like, damn, I really like caught feelings and this is like bullshit. And I was literally crying, like I never cry. I was literally crying. But there was a lot of other shit going on, so it wasn't just that. And I was like journaling in my phone because I was like when I'm overwhelmed, all right, like that's like That's what I
was doing. And I was writing all this shit down and I was actually being really truthful, which also something I realized is, bitch, I still like, why do I lie when I journal? Like I still like I make shit up when I'm journaling, and I'm like, bitch, this is just for me, Like literally, I have like an actual fucking issue.
But well, that kind of makes sense because it's I have. I literally, if you look at my last page of journaling, I write about that because.
I wrote about that. Look.
Yeah, cause it's like it's almost like a fear if you're putting it somewhere, and even the idea and notion that somebody out there would ever cross a boundary and look at that stuff is enough to keep you back from writing it exactly. And it sucks so bad. I want to get better at that too, because there's a lot of stuff.
But there's also it's not like me lying like.
Yeah, it's just feel like I can't write it down.
Yeah, it's like not me lying, it's like me like just being like like saying what I want to hear, if that makes sense. It's like something I find myself doing specifically with crushes is I'll like make like I'll formulate texts where I get the response I want in return. Like it's really fucking psychoshit, like, I'll make sure the text is like a response that I want to hear. I know, genuine like insanity, but bitch, it's some embarrassing.
It's really it's really really jarring. But I was so beat up about it, and I was like, I just need someone to talk to you about this. And everyone was asleep. I had a full blown conversation with chat chept over it co like I wonder if the chat log saved. I didn't save and I forgot to screen record it. Literally talked to chatpyat cheap chat GPT and it was giving me advice and it was giving me good advice.
Okay, good per because I give bad advice. I was gonna say, like, I feel bad for Drew because I'm not very helpful during these times. Because I am the most forward person ever. Drew has been the butt of that experience. But if I like someone, I will just literally say it. The thing it's like, oh, I'm talking to you because I want to fuck.
No. Literally, the thing is is I'm like, I don't feel like I'm allowed to like him, if that makes sense, not because not because like gay or whatever, but because like we've only hung out for a couple times, and I'm like, I feel like if I was like, oh, like I have a crush on you, like that would just be like so jarring and scary. So I'm like,
what I'm gonna do is just let it rock. And then when I go back to Texas and we hang out, I feel like three times hanging out is like enough to be like, hey, like I really enjoy our time that we spend together. Da da da da da da da da da dah.
I'm crazy, but not that crazy because the only time I've ever met someone in person and immediately was like, oh my god, I have a crush on this person was more Yeah, but I withheld that information for a while because it did make me feel bashit crazy. That's the crazy part is it's different when you meet someone through someone or like a friend and you have a crush in that way. When you meet someone random, you're
not expecting to exactly can you have a crush. That is when the psychosis really kicks in, because it's one thing to be searching and find something, but when something just lands on your lap, literally, I'm like I need this, I literally need this. God put it here for me, and I'm a little schizophrenic, and I genuinely think God put this here for me, like there's no other way, like it was meant to happen now, and I want it now. I love this for you. It makes me very happy.
I think he was born in May, and I decided, if you're a man born in May, you're gay, even if you're straight, Like, oh my birthdays May.
Yeah. All the gay people I know who like even if they're.
Like, if a straight man is born in May, like you're gay. Yeah, Like that's such a gay ass month.
So stupid. Well, I think it's time for me to tell this story. Maybe I have told it, but I've been thinking a lot about wanting to do my hair and all this shit. And I have such bad PTSD with anything cosmetic or like beauty related because I have had fuck ass experiences and I don't think of it ever told this story. But one time, when I was in Miami, it was after I graduated, I really wanted hair extensions. It was when my hair was like up
to hear and I wanted long hair. So I found someone and it was at all to Beauty where I went to go get my hair done, which is a crazy vibe and I went and I got keratin, like not keratin, but the beaded extensions that they like. Get that little waxing and tip it around. I served another satisfied customer too. I think I do. I think I do, but it's gonna take me a minute to find them. But I was so embarrassed that I took one picture and I went home. And this is how I'm such
a pushover. I was in the seat and I was like, I love it. I love it. I paid, I tipped, I left. I went home and I got pliers for my dad and I went in my room and I ply, I like took them all out. And I was so embarrassed because I had already told all my friends that I was getting extensions and they were like, yes, girl, let me see the picture. And I was like, bro, oh my god. The appointment fell through and I lie to everyone, but I really need to fight for you.
I was like eighteen. It was like my first like big splurge of like I'm gonna get my hair done. I never get my hair done by someone else, and that's why I have fucking issues. But I really want to do something fun with my hair. When I'm scared. I think I'm just gonna get into wigs. Yeah, like Loria, I'm going to get into wigs.
For real, that's my thing. As I'm like, you don't have to like cut your hair all crazy right now. You can like wear a style or wear a fake bang and like see if it like, get a good one, spend good money on it and see if you like the way it looks and like or if you're over in blonde hair, that's kind I loved your blonde hair era.
I just like like that. But that's also why I feel like a teenager again. I do have this picture of the night we watched The Portrait of a Lady on Fire.
Wow.
Sorry, this is going to take forever to find.
Well, while you're doing that, I will talk about something else.
I love you guys so much, by the way, I know, I love my friends so much.
It hurts me sometimes thinking about everybody, and then it hurts me like thinking about not being with y'all forever, and I don't even like having those thoughts.
No, that's not gonna happen.
I know the threshold's like seven years and we made it. Like it's like if you can sustain a friendship for seven years, it'll last a lifetime and we're far past that. So New Year's Eve was yesterday, two days ago, and like everyone knows that they wear divers, Like everyone knows.
Oh, like at the front of like the ball drop, Yeah, so they can like kidding, I can't understand the vibe.
No, that's like I really want their brain studied by science, Like I want all of them like before they're like before they leave, they can watch the ball drop, but we take their fucking brains from them and study them because like, I truly believe those are the happiest people on earth because to put yourself through that, that's like the equivalent to me like having to run like an ultra marathon, Like you couldn't you literally could not make me do it. But like they do it, and they
love it and they're happy to do it. But we all know they wear diapers, Like that's like that's the big thing. It's like, oh, they wear diapers and shit and piss themselves the whole time. What no one's talking about is the utter fucking stinch.
That have somebody reported on the stink.
I haven't seen anybody talk about.
Its distinct because Also all your bodies are pressed up.
All your bodies are pressed up, everybody's sweating, everybody shitting and pissing themselves. Like it's literally got to be the big stink two point Oh, like London is falling like literally like orb.
Mean, guys make you diarrhea and hit crazy. Oh I know that New Year's Eve with sting.
Yeah.
Oh, I guess people wait and because there's performances, right, don't people perform? So it's technically a free concert.
Yeah, I okay, I get it, like it's cute, but I could never Yeah, but I'm also just like there's really nothing I want that bad I've realized, and that's why I've been trying to wrest.
I want to compound that bad.
A compound for us all to live on.
Well, yeah, that's or like a chateau.
I wish. No one I knew had family they loved also like I don't, but like I hate how much I love the people I love because my dream would be to move us all into one city, like.
I I want to live in the middle of nowhere with all my friends.
I was talking to my friend Sabrina about it. I was like, oh my god, if I could like build out a state, so then there's like this mainland and it's like me and all my friends, and then the town over that's where all our families live, and then the town over is where all their friends live. That is what I want.
So I think we're just talking about a commune.
What's that bad about that?
There's nothing bad about it.
Yeah, Like I feel like when we talk about that to random people, they're like, oh, that's a cult. I'm like, that's literally not a literal so fucking what, Like I'm not taking anyone's money. I literally just like that's okay. Actually, that's what annoys me about fucking billionaires is you have all that money, and what are you doing getting on yachts boom boom. You're so boring, Like how are you going to be a money hoarder? But you were using it?
So boring And it's because you don't have true connection and wealth, no.
Swag, no bitches, Like oh god it I literally thought the world was I know.
I just hate that, Like millionaires and stuff's vibe is going out and getting fucked up with strangers and getting more ego, Like do you is your ego not filled? You're already like so famous and rint.
A table at a club with bottle service, Like what can you literally like? Instead of that, how about you hug your loved ones? No, how about you sit in bed on iPhone? Like I know?
How about you pay for a therapist and wonder why that you were trying to chase high school terms of admiration in public? Like it just feels so high school Like like.
I'm sorry, you were a loser in fucking high school. Like we all know it, Like we can tell like based on the way you behave now.
But I have a burnt ego and you're in eleven on New Year's Eve?
Yeah, how about you heal your inner child's How about you give my child a gun?
Oh?
How about you give my inner child a gun so it'll kill I?
Literally? Okay? I think I have been losing it because the other day I couldn't describe how I was feeling. And the only way to describe it is it felt like somebody drugged me, knocked me out, hid a gun and a bunch of drugs in my brain for me to like ship them to a different country. Does that make sense? Like that was the kind of anxiety I had. I felt like I had a gun in my head.
Zom Okay, well we're gonna do media real quick and then we'll probably just continue this episode on Patriot. We're trying something new, We're trying something new, but my media bitch wild Robot. I'm not kidding. I know that might.
Maybe we've watched that after Wicked tonight.
That might break my top four on whoa Letterbox, Like I swear to God, Like I don't think it's like the best movie ever made, but it I have never cried at a movie like that ever in my life. Like it was like it was simultaneous like happy and sad tears. And it's, like I said, not the best movie ever, but like it just made me think about all the women in my life, like made me think about myself as a caretaker for some of the people
that I love. Like it made me think about like all the moms out there that like literally just detroy themselves to like raise their kids, and like how like friends destroy themselves for their friends. And it's like their bodies are literally phys like mother's bodies literally physically fall
apart to raise their kids. They like break bones, they like their immune systems get shot their skin gets off saggy, like it's so dark sided, but they do it because there's some like love that we can't even like begin to comprehend, for like offspring and I don't know it.
Just like that, I literallycked me pereful to have kids because the way I love the people I love so intensely, like I was having a panic attack for reasons I won't say. Also, I remember in an a so recently, I was talking about that panic attack in Mexico, and I was like, I haven't had a panic attack in so long. I have panic attacks at least six times a year. When I was talking about that, like, I was like, I never have panic attacks. That was just a really bad one that like lasted a long time.
But I do that all the time, Like I literally even yesterday when I was talking to you, that wasn't a panic attack. But like when I'm talking about certain things, I can feel my heart like start to clench and I have to sit down, like I physically can't stand and I can't get the words out and I have to rush them out or I also have a panic attack attack. That is crazy though. That's how I've been
feeling about Janet Planet. I already said Janet Planet last week, but I watched it two times when I was in Miami. It's been like my comfort movie, and I feel like I never have that with movies. But it's just a movie I've been putting on and I really like the soundtrack and I really like the story, like it's so good. My other media of the week is baby Girl, Thank You so much, because like I want both of them now.
I want both now. And my music media of the week is Walk a Thin Line by Fleetwood Mac and Miracle Man by Bob Carpenter. That's honestly and still Dochi's Tiny Desk crazy because I still just I just will play that and listen to it.
Okay, I'll do three sy ops and then we're dipping, uh enya, here's party and starts digging in her dirty clothes basket.
Cut the fuck up.
Lily Rose Toy, m Lily Rose Toy. It's probably been said because it's so easy, but cuddling it. I've said this one three times, but it's just so perfectly and it literally is how I felt on Crush night. Cuddling a twin feels like you're laying on the Apple TV Remote Bones bones, bones bones, Okay, in that's it.
You know how I know I'm back in my bisexual bag for real because you were showing me pictures of a man last night that you think is hot, and I, for the first time was like.
Was it? Oh my?
I guess like I would have to tell I was feeling a bit feral over it all. I have to tell Kai, Well, the bad news is someone locked me up because I think I might be becoming a whore.
Yeah, I mean enter it. But every time I've exited a hose phase, I've been like two seconds away from being fifty one to fifty So oh.
Yeah, no, it's but no, it's I know it's I want to dye my hair and bleach it. I am incredibly optimistic out of like pure survival mode, and I am finding everyone sexy.
Like, so y'all better watch the fuck out and it's gonna get you. But that was that episode. Happy New Year, everybody, Thank you so fucking much for tuning in. Another year of emergency in our common incoming. You're all the goats, You're all very special to me, And we'll just say some things are going to be changing soon. A lot of a lot of a lot of new things are coming soon, so just be ready for that. Be excited. Please, Peace, love, prosperity, respect,
health to you and yours. Sleeps tight tonight, bye,