Hi, Welcome back to this episode.
I'm so crazy.
I'm so crazy. I'm so crazy.
I'm so crazy. You should be scared of me. You hear my voice and if you close your eyes, it's like I'm in your car, in your bed, and you should be scared of me because I'm crazy. I wonder if anybody is like falling asleep listen to the podcast and hearing our voices and then it like starts off like a dream with us in it.
Well, it's just a dream to be listening to us anyways. We just have dreamy energy.
It's a nightmare. It's literally like a form of torture.
It's awaking night.
Like I know somewhere out there there's a couple that lives together, and like one of the people in that couple loves listening to us, and the other partner fucking hates it and then can't say anything. But then just like they like spat at each other about other things, when really the main problem is the partner hates hearing them.
Literally, our podcast was described to us to our face as dead air filler, So like I don't even listen, I just put it on in the background, works on. Something is the.
Person said they could imagine it being that for other people, but for him it was just too much.
Yeah yeah, but on the lowest of keys. He listens all the time, and I know that for a fact, Like he listens to every single episode.
Who the folks said that? And also do you want me to beat them up?
Yes? Please, yes please? But I genuine I was like, honestly, that's a compliment, like we're still getting paid, like I know you.
He was like, I don't watch all but I subscribe. I do what I can. And I was like, literally, subscribing does nothing for us, Like that's like the least, like that's actually nothing news.
It's like boyd, But he meant it with full kindness, and that's how I took it, because I give people grace.
Yeah, well, I'm really mad at my dad because he doesn't listen.
And I'm like, love mortified.
If your dad listens, I'm like, hello, I literally talk about like fingering butts and stuff like why don't you want to hear that?
I literally talk about my wingbot vibe rater three thousand every single episode.
I'll never forget. I think I've mentioned this before and I think I have it on recording somewhere, but I asked him if he listens, and he was like, you know, I think you guys are really funny, but I just don't think I need to hear that. And I was like oh, and then he was like yeah, like there's definitely things you say that as a dad, even as
close as we are, I don't need to hear. And I was like, honestly, respect because my dad, I will say, I'm not even offended because one I understand, like you said, if he listened, I would be mortified, but my dad already thinks I'm funny, so I don't have anything to prove.
I love that. Well, my dad did this like funny prank on me one time, where like we lived in a house that had a basement before, and no one ever went down there because it was like oogy, spooky, scary vibes, like we fucking hated it down there, and so like one day he asked me to go get some like cans of beans from the shelves downstairs because like that's cold air like kept them stable. Da da
da da da. So I went down there and he shut the door behind me and locked it, and I was trapped in there for two weeks, and he would throw snakes and stuff down downstairs.
Rank.
Yeah, but it was like funny. We were all laughing about it. You were laughing about it, even No I was. I was screaming and crying for the whole two weeks. But like, yeah, he pushed me down the stairs.
Would be grateful he left you down there with some beans.
Yeah, it was. It was horrible. I'm scared of chickpeas now, even though there's such a great source of protein. Ye, everybody needs more chickpeas in their diet.
No chickpeas, Like, I can't both have trauma.
With you know what I'm thinking about, literally trauma.
If chickpeas is a high source of protein for you in your diet, say the fuck away, get back.
Yeah, actually that is true. Like any person that eats chickpeas is a dangerous person.
Chickpeas are fucking nasty. Chickpeas are literally like.
I actually did have my mom made chickpeas where she like covered them in like like spices and shit, and they were like crunchy, like fucking cheese its and they were so Youngersville. I was on TikTok and I stumbled across a couple videos that I genuinely think are the greatest thing that anybody has ever made for us, like point blank period. And they are these American girl doll animations.
I'm literally obsessed with them. I'm not gonna be able to find them because I don't know the person's name and I like four thousand videos on TikTok a day, so well and them insert them here.
A song of the week is literally just Ribs by Lord because that song is a fucking class dude.
I love that song.
Oh my god, Oh my god.
They are so fucking good, and it reminds me of like when we were on like episode forty and someone made like a Lego animation. Oh yeah, I love that. I love that.
It kind of freaked me out.
Actually, okay, let me say beheaded me when I fuck.
When I first saw the account, I was like, this is really funny. But then what started to freak me out is their first two tiktoks were emergency intercom tiktoks, and then the next two were random clips from another show. And then for some reason, that's what made me feel a little funky because I was like, oh wait, this person was like really gonna make this like a variety channel,
and like it's not even like an ego thing. For some reason, it would make more sense if it was just like one of our followers or like listeners who was just like thought it'd be funny to make us into American girl dolls, but spreading it out into a genre of like multiple things for some recent like.
There's probably a million of those like American girl doll animations account and she just like tapped in at the right block and time and now she's popping off. I mean it makes.
Because I remember like there was a channel on YouTube that did that with barbies, and it was really funny. There was like a whole thing. I don't know if you guys are gonna know, it's like it's girl that's girls. The girls know. But there was like this thing where like it was like a high school drama that somebody made a show of this. Yeah, and then one of the barbies was like pregnant and like like it was like this whole thing.
Yeah, No, I genuine I know what you're talking about. And fuck what was one of the girls. No, of course, like duh, Kaya is not one of the girls.
No, I know about this, so what is it? I didn't speak on it, but I totally know about everything these what is they're saying? It's like a show with barbies, and they they they made a show out of it. I get it. I totally get it, and I'll see it.
They play the barbies play with each other's boobs and take baths.
Oh I don't. I'm not watching that because that is disrespectful.
Okay, I hate that. That just made me think of this. But one time me, Drew and Josie went home. We looked up We looked up Elson on a kissing.
Oh, the greatest ever.
We found the craziest, like three D render of somebody. Actually, I don't know if I think we were looking up frozen.
I sent those in to be on the fucking TVs, and you asked them. I wanted Elson make it out behind me, to have.
It playing all the time. Yeah, but how did we look that? Did we look up Elson on?
Josiah looked up Elson on his like and they kiss and it's.
Beautiful, the weirdest video ever.
But yeah, that is uh, the fucking sea of it all.
Do you remember when a fan made a roadblock server? Yeah, Imber in singercom and then there was just a part where you could kill me.
I did not remember that.
Yeah, there was a part we could shoot me with a fucking gun and I would explode.
Someone came up to us and was literally like, honestly, you guys have gotten soft. Y'all are being too nice to Kayle, Like you need to go back to like bullying him.
I know I missed when you used to like choke me and shit, fuck I miss that the way that.
I think you got slapped last episode.
No, that was like a couple episodes ago, but every episode the way that my toes girl. Yeah, we can go to the next subject. Sam Daniel, Wait, damn Daniel Alex Alex from Target, you.
Were explaining something. Fuck oh, we were talking about that Rowing movie and you were talking about like, oh, how like it was such an intense movie because like these people were like kind of bred to do this spore and there was this one like Savant who was so good at it blah blah blah. And then I was like yeah, and then she ended up on Ellen because that is like the reality of what we I guess actually,
Ellen is gone. Kids are growing up right now and they don't know that, Like, if you were tapped in, you would be on Ellen, like that was twenty sixteen.
If you got one hundred thousand likes on fucking Instagram or Twitter, you are on Ellen.
You're first class ticket to Ellen's studio.
Yeah.
Wait, is she done because she was mean or she just was like I'm done.
I think she was getting called mean and then she was just like, Okay, I can't handle this. I'm like seven thousand years old in a fucking vampire so I'm gonna retire. And then it all came out afterwards that she was just mean and evil.
Again. I like it when my bosses mean to me, but.
I know more people need to like respect their mean bosses. Like okay, So my three biggest obsessions ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever started with exotic animals, like I was fucking obsessed with like I wanted to have a fucking zoo in my house. And there was this girl named Janda Exotics and she still sells and flips like yeah no, she still sells and flips like rare fucking exotic animals. And like in Texas at the time, you didn't need licenses
for this, so I was fully convinced. Like when I was like living on my own in Grandberry because I was so young, I didn't know, like you could move out of my hometown. You're ass fuck No, I know I was.
You were weird as fuck, like thought daughter or weird ass Drew Phillips son like you.
They're picking me every time, which.
I would have put you up for adopted. I feel like my son is that you.
You haven't changed it all. You're always from about bears and otters and like.
Yes, yes, I've noticed.
That too, and I don't know no, yeah, I love I love animals, bears and otters, big bears, otters, like like I love the way the otters swim.
And he's always like hairy bears, like all bears are hair.
We know that. Yeah, I guess are there hairless bears?
Yeah?
Hell no not in my life. Abs are fucking litely, not nasty.
Yeah.
Fuck miss Everty. You ate you to our thank you, but shut the fuck up. I'm just being into you to like get back in.
No, I get it, bro, I fucking like it.
Oh my god.
But yeah, I was obsessed with like exotic animals, and there was this time in my life where we had an extra bedroom in my house that was like the guest room, and it had like a mini little porch
that went into the backyard. And I'm not kidding. I went into like PowerPoint Excel, like I like started, I put it into like ms paint to like draw what like this cage would look like, because I was trying to convince my parents to let me adopt in albino Burmese python that they get like fucking twenty three feet long, their giant snakes, and like I was convinced that they were gonna let me retrofit this guest room into like an enclosure, an indoor outdoor enclosure, where like we would
break the walls down and build up like an outside cage so it could go inside and outside and they would have like a pool and shit. And I was fully convinced that. I was like, Okay, this PowerPoint is gonna below their fucking mind. I wish I still had access to it, but like I was batshit fucking crazy, like I don't know why the fuck I thought that
that was ever a possibility. And then also the thing that like because I was still obsessed after they said no, and I was like okay, like I just got to keep like chipping away, like eventually they're gonna fucking break. I was like nine years old and already a master manipulator, manipulator. I was a master manipulator. And I remember finding I saw a video of an albi I think my mom showed it to me, like trying to convince me that
I did not need this thing. But I saw a video of an albino Burmese python eating and they fed it. They would feed it live rabbits, and like they would just let them hop into the enclosure and they would just bite it and wrap up and like squeeze it until the fucking eyes popped out of these little bunnies. And like after that moment, I was like, oh, I do not need a fucking Burmese python, but a kinkaju I still have love for and I want I want that bad. I want that so bad.
When I was nine, I was really praying that the lights would stay on and that I would have like a decent meal.
You're poor, broke, and that I could find happiness that's never gonna happen, not with Kay in your life.
Dude.
I was waiting so long for you, and so I could reply with that. Like halfway through the story, I was like, I can't wait to John.
Did you even hear what I said?
Yeah? I did. You were wishing that you were gonna get a fucking killer ass snake for you're a freak.
Yeah?
Like okay, Also, like why were you yearning so bad for a fucking snake? Like? I don't think there was anything I wanted that bad at nine years old.
I just was obsessed with animals, like I wanted. I literally wanted a fucking zoo. Like I literally like wanted like a lizard enclosure with like drawers that you would pull out, and I wanted to like cross breed them and make new like genres of like leopard geckos and shit. Like I fully was convinced that that was gonna.
Can't remember when what I was doing when I was nine was like fucking getting scared of Bloody Mary and then like in turn, putting that trauma onto other kids and teaching them about Bloody Mary and like freaking them the barkeep.
Fuck, I was gonna make a joke about like the barkeep saying bloody Mary, Oh my.
God, you're fucking rotted. Oh what it was when we were filming the Patreon episode, I was talking and you just could being like me when I'm a hacker and I'm hacking and everything I said. He was like me when I'm a BA and I'm blah blah blah. Yeah, we don't do that anymore. We used to like point to everything and be like me when and blah blah blah blah.
I know we need to bring that back. Me and when I'm seventy five thousand years.
Old, okay, me when I'm forty eight drinking a beer at eleven am and I'm so sad and I'm weird.
I just turned thirty. This is a liquid death. Okay.
Thirty looks good on you?
I know it does.
You've been I don't have my glasses on.
Okay?
Oh wow, wait yeah I put kaikim on, put kai kaim on. Thirty looks like really really good. You stop rising up the fucking camp.
I know, dude, I'm literally just looking at.
Wait no, we got kaya cam y'all are you guys happy?
Does it look good? Let us know?
Yeah, the team said it's gonna look good as fuck, so I'm so excited about it. It will be high definition?
Is that what's called.
Yeah, they shot the Earth series on this camera. It's IMAX, So yeah, little joke, Okay.
You need IMAX.
Well, you guys drooling?
How about that? Like, what are you going to say?
Oh look, I'm saying like there was a period where you guys were nice to me and I fucking loved it. But also you guys, I was never nice to you.
There's I gave you grace.
There's a video proof of the difference.
There's video proof of it. But if you guys want to be mean to me, please please please mean to me because it was a long.
Time, it's been a while. Well you are drooling right in your sleep. Yeah, well, me and Enya slept in the same bed like a couple of nights ago, snoring. No, it's on me. I did something very naughty and bad. I literally, like there's a video the video of me like snuggling up against you when I fell asleep, and I was literally overheating and like had like four layers of fucking sweat on my body. I woke up and my pj's were like moisty from how that, which I
think I literally broke fever. I was like obviously sunburnt, but like I might have just like been sick with something and just not known because my immune system is just so powerful and strong and that's like a testament to of.
Who I am, like immunity person ever, like you don't have immunity.
H Rue Paul and the New All Stars. Yeah you don't look at yourself. But anyways, it was like nine am and like I don't know why, but in the morning, like when I like waking up, I start riding around.
Yeah you, I know, I was gonna say. I literally like fucking like was writhing around and throwing my head in my pillow and shit, and I like went and like hit you in the like literally in the fucking face with my head, and like I was laying there and I was like, oh my god, and I'm so sorry, and you just like fell back asleep like almost immediately. But I was sitting there and I was like, fuck, dude,
that hurt me. Like it like felt like I had a not like I was concussed, and I was like, look I hit her heart.
I'm such a heavy sleeper, Like I love my sleep so much. I remember waking up and like and then just like moving over and going back to sleep. I like I remember the sound I made like moving over.
I like hit you hard as fuck, and I was like, holy shit, like I literally just like headbutted her like it felt like I had an actual concussion. But then I just got up and moved on and didn't bring it up because I wanted to bring it up on the podcast.
And I think in that same sleep though, you were on my side so fucking crazy, because I know this one was that night. No bitch, you were pissing me off because he came so fucking close to me and his elbow at one point like nudged into me, and I this I remember, I went like, and then I moved over. Really yes, but you were like all of my ship and I woke up. I was like, mm, like trying to make a noise, so you move, and then you like kind of like nuzzled in like you
were like not gonna move. So I literally like.
You're beating the ship out of me. In my fucking sleep, bro, That's why I had a bruised kidney. I was wondering why my fucking back hurts so bad?
Oh yeah, I know, my back hurts so fucking bad. I keep sleeping on my side and I'm not kidding guys, Like I'm like the old person in the room who's like getting out of br like stretching my back like eighteen times of a conversation, and I'm not gonna do anything about it. Actually, I want to get one of those pillows that keeps you on your back. But then I saw this girl talking about it like to prevent wrinkles, and bitch, shut the fuck up.
Like I was, it was always something. It's always something.
Y'all are so scared to wait.
Also, just when you're on your fucking deathbed and all you cared about in your life was looking beautiful, you're gonna regret all the time you spent trying to be beautiful and being insecure about not being beautiful. It doesn't and it does not matter. That goes without saying I'm sexy, hot and this is me without trying. I just imagine.
I just want to say, you're like super privileged. Both of you guys are super privileged. You can say that's your privilege, and you guys are just like beautiful people. Yeah, that's pretty privilege.
Like hard for me. I get everything that was ugly as fuck growing up.
This shiit didn't come easy. I grew up with a very easy for me sister compliments all the time, and I felt like an ugly duckling like crazy boots. That's literally why I'm funny is because I remember, like very vividly walking into school with my like three year old sister, four year old sister going to pre k and everybody being like, she's so, you're so beautiful, You're so beautiful. I'm right fucking here, and your forty eight years that's what I give me a compliment.
That's literally what I keep thinking about with that fucking Sentia baby, like the yeah, there's another there's another fucking little girl that's like being ignored and abused, and I'm like, y'all need to start giving her attention, Like, y'all need to.
Start giving her attention or she's gonna end up.
With a podcast. Just didn't end up looking like Enya bro.
Like, like no, I will never forget that because I remember like being like twenty and really sitting with myself and wondering why I have like all these weird insecurities about whether I am like perceived as beautiful or not.
And it literally is because this forty eight year old woman would compliment my sister all the time. I'm right here, like I'm right here. Even give me a lie, be like you look cute today. And I know I look like shit because I didn't have a fucking mother figure. So I would literally like I had long ass hair that I would tie into a back ponytail, and all my fucking uniforms were thrift into the red and I looked like a I don't know, I looked like a fucking.
Any This isn't funny.
This is trauma.
Yeah, this is trauma.
No, it's funny.
Now.
I don't want this to have in a woman, So whenever I drive by one, I'll.
Be like.
Whenever I saw women on the sidewalk and it just rained, I go towards the puddle to fucking soak them. I'm an in cell girl. I saw a femme cell like that doesn't know she's a femme cell yet on TikTok, and I was like, WHOA, she might be the next killer, she might be the first killer. Anyways, we don't have to fucking go there. No, No, Andrew is very I think it is powerful and good. But my second episode, what are we gonna say?
I'm trying to remember because I was going to say something so stupid, but it doesn't matter.
My second obsession growing up was roller coasters, So I vividly remember.
What do you ever play Thrillville? Oh? Of course I got throa was so fucking.
And what was the other roller coaster game? Like roller Coaster Tacoon? Yeah, Tycoon? And then down the other game dude, Oh my god. In high school, that just unlocked a memory like I played, No, I didn't you so much Roadblocks. There was a day where I literally played nine hours of Roadblocks on the weekend with one of my best friends. Time for us, No, it was it was dead ass nine hour straight and we played Cops and Robbers and we just like literally just played that game for like
it was horrible. It was like looking, we like like left and we were like the next day we like linked up again and we were like, why the fuck did we do that? Like we were the same.
Dude. I think as recently as two years ago, you were playing a Roadblocks game every day and all you did in this fucking game, and you know was did you ever see him play this show? I think? So you would just lift to weight and get bigger you just click on the screen and lift weights.
There's another game he was playing for a long time that it was just a clicking game. It was like it was like you have to get like big, like your like your circle to be bigger. And he would just like click there all day. And I would come into his room and he's clicking, and I was like, are you gonna win anything? And he was like no, but I just need to keep my ranking. And he would like get addicted to that kind of shit, and I was like, dude, you were weird as fun.
Dude, Cookie Clicker was my ship. Like I love Tycoons, but that's what I was gonna say, is like I that unlocked the memory of like me playing a bunch of taycos UNEs on roadblocks for like two years straight. But I was saying roller coasters. There was a website and I cannot find it, but on my old laptop it's still saved as like a booked mark icon for some reason. But there was a website of the top one hundred roller coasters in the world with like just
the names. And I would go on that website and I would go watch YouTube videos on it, and then I had an Excel sheet where I would rank them, like based on which one I wanted to ride the most. Obviously King de Ka was like the number one, like, and then there was like the Titans.
Have you ever been free?
Huh?
Have you ever just like been free of whatever you're talking about?
Like?
No, Like what?
No?
This is my life. I've become hyper obsessed with something for like a very long time, and now that I'm an adult, those time periods are shortened because I can actually do it or buy it. Like for a while it was like music equipment.
I guess. Yeah, it's like the yearning. Like there's a certain kind of yearning you have as a child that now in your adulthood you don't get anymore because if you really wanted it, you could just like make sure it happens.
I was trying to escape the basement.
You did all of this in that two weeks. Yeah, I hit a record high. I didn't hit my puff bar for twenty six minutes of this episode or twenty five, wow, or however long it's been.
That's actually really impressive. And then my current obsession is tornadoesop. I have seen every single fucking tornado video and now it's to the point where I'm buying radar software and I've learned the velocity maps, I'm learning reflex maps, like I'm like studying mediology meteor how do you say meteorology right now? Actively, Like I have like twenty tabs open with like all of like the different type.
That's kind of like an impressive thing when you like something, you actually learned about it. When I like something, I just look at it.
No, you do that like with fashion and shit.
Yeah, I guess with fashion and like maybe with like certain musicians, and that's kind of it.
Like I don't do that with musicians. I love magicians, y'all. Like I could tell you all about it, like I brought it was.
I think it was like Suki and Bobby and Off on their podcast on Bobby's podcast where she asked her like what she felt about being a musician, and Suki misheard her and she was like, I'm not a magician, a magician, I'm not a manipulator.
Wait, oh yeah, Kai, you went to the manipulator. I did.
Oh. I forgot to edit down the audio because I recorded it, Okay, I got so nervous that I accidentally stopped recording halfway through but we might be able to answer it next time. But basically, I entered the psychic's house thinking that she was going to say the same exact shit to me, and she did not. Dude, she did not say that I was surrounded by evil energy she said. She said. She did say I was weak, which is true. That's facts. I am weak, but she
didn't say I kept asking. I was like, is there any evil surrounding me? She's like, no, there's like good people surrounding you. And I was like, okay, oh, you.
Know what's happening right now.
You're the evil motherfucker, evil motherfucker, you're the killer and we're the good people.
Wow. So I have to go, and she's gonna be like there's one.
Yeah, Well let's confirm that when Enya goes, because we need like that triple confirmation because I lowkey I feel like I'm a super good person.
Be like you're so amazing, Like you've really like navigated this life so clearly, like you have so much grace and empathy and love, and like I think, well bautreine and lithium would do you wonders.
That's what I'm hoping. Well, I'm gonna go back and they're just gonna say I can just tell you have a giant fucking cock. I can see it through your pants.
Okay, so she said you were a good person.
She said, well, she was like, fear dictates your life. And I was like, I actually agree with that one hundred percent. So she was like, right, she said fear fear, And she was like, you need to like unlock your full potential by like overcoming things that are within yourself. There's no external like obstacles. It's all from within. I was like, because I was expecting her to just be like, you're surrounded by evil people. There's a curse.
Did she try to recruit you for the church?
She did try to recruit like every single time. I said, Look, I've done a lot of work on myself. I've gone a lot of help from other people, whatever me from Drew. And I was like, can I do this on my own? Like I really want to feel empowered, I want to feel autonomy. And she'd be like, no, absolutely not, absolutely not. You can't do it on your own. But I will give her this. She said, I was gonna get married and then I get a fucking divorce. I'm gonna have two marriages.
Damn.
I feel like being a divorce is kind of coinn.
Yeah, it's trauma.
I want to be married in the divorce. Who was that? Who was saying that for a long time?
Rain, Rain like went through this whole year being like, it'd be so cut to get married for like two days and then get a divorce immediately after, just so she can like and she she would be like, I don't want it to be anybody who I have like a serious relationship with. I just want to be somebody who's like almost a friend. But we like kind of flirted and nothing ever happened, but we got married and then got divorced. With that when I saw them in public and be like, my ex husband.
Is here, but yeah, basically she did not tell me the same thing. I thought she was like fully a scammer and was just going.
To say, like that reignited my fears that she's she's a magician. Yeah, where's the other ship that you guys? I haven't been able to sleep after that.
I know Drew keeps like freaking out and thinking that he's actually fucking cursed, and I don't know what to do about it because usually when Drew's just freaking out about something that I know isn't real. I just ignore it because I can't feed into it. But he cursed.
I was nervous too, like I left that ship. I'm always nervous around powerful women, so this isn't like anything new. But I did have this shooting pain in my prostate when I left, and I was like, you anyway, Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
So I need to go and see what she says about me.
I think so we need the final confirmation.
I don't know if I'm in the mental state for her to say some function to me. I think i'd freak out.
I don't know if I'm in the state for the conclusion of this. Is that me being the evil person? Yeah, you might be the evil So because I'm so sweet, I feel like we can all agree.
Okay, so I'll go tomorrow. What time did you go?
I want to eleven tomato potato chicken, But that old Jack and LGBT Lettuce Wait, hold on, LGBT late Lettuce bisexual. Wait fuck LGBT gaycin bisexual but wait no, no buttato.
I don't know. Oh no, I said potato.
You said potato.
Potato lettuce, get bacon potato.
Girl, I'm like rotted right now, it's over for me.
I know I took a I took sleeping medicine last night, like nothing like fucking crazy. But I never take like an advil PM or anything like. That's very rare, and I it was so hard to wake up this morning. And now I feel like there's like a layer over my brain that's going to be there for the rest of my life.
It's gonna be there for the rest of your life. You should freak out, you should panic.
Actually, don't give a fuck. Caviars pushing it. That's my final take, Penny our Caviar is pushing it like you're eating fucking sperm from fish, Like that's crazy. You're eating fucking eggs like for some reason, Caviar is just pushing it. Also, like why the fuck is it so expensive? Is it really hard to like get it?
I think you have to like kill the mother goose to like get it out of them.
That's fucking crazy, and that shit is not that good.
I've seen them like squeeze the belly of the girls and they like piss out of their vagina and the eggs like I've seen those videos. I watch those like all the second nerve. I love watching those videos. Yeah no, literally the the fucking blasters, the gel blasters.
And y'll do that.
Not doing it, You're just I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Well, I've been sobbing at twin announcement videos and I want twins so fucking bad, y'all. I went on like an hour rampage of watching every single video of twins being announced to their friends, family, extended family, and loved ones, and like they were making me cry my fucking eyes out. They are so cute, just like them being like, yeah, they're the gender is a girl, and then they're like,
but also we're having a boy. And then the grandma will start sobbing and excitement and like all their friends will be like, are you fucking kidding me? Like that's not good, and it's just cute. Just seeing like the different relationships people have with their loved ones.
It's crazy. I'm never gonna get that feeling.
Oh no, I'm like, we'll have twins. I don't have I have twins, ferm. I don't want kids.
I literally don't want kids. Like it's actually sometimes it bums me out because I'm damn, I just have no
maternal calling. But I have come to the conclusion that it is because I feel like and this isn't me being like, oh, I care you so much, but I genuinely do feel like I care like such a motherly role in a lot of people's lives already, and I have been for so long that I can't imagine having my own kids because I'm like, what then I have to abandon all my other children who were like grown adults.
No, that's like it's like the same idea as like why I don't seek like a romantic partner's because I get all the fucking love I need from the people I have in my life. I don't need another fucking person to like what like be annoyed by and do s with, Like girl, that's boring. Like literally, I have my literal left hand, somebody, it's literally like actually both hands. I have to use both hands, Yeah.
Somebody to like getting caddy arguments with every now and then and then have to act like that didn't happen.
Mm hmmm, bruh. I don't need that.
I don't need I was saying to somebody yesterday. I was like, I really don't know what any partner in my lifetime is going to think is gonna fucking happen. But I'm not living with someone other than Drew, like, and that's gonna be a really hard like line to cross, because why the fuck would I want to live with you? Like, are you actually kidding me? Like I get so much joy to living with Drew and Josh when whatever he's around, like that is like my ideal situation is like living
with my friends. I'm not living with your funky, fucking weird ass.
They hit the lottery and make eighty seven billion dollars so I can build a compound for all of us to all have our own houses, but they're like within like a mile of each other, or like within like three hundred yards of each other, so we can just like come over every day and key like this and walk through the like fields with like all the flowers and my sheep roaming around.
That's what Charles Manson did.
Yeah, but we're doing it with love, Okay, It's well, no, I want I want us to like kill people and have sex.
Yes with just me everyone, bro, We've literally I like we've made this joke to each other. But I was like, I don't know what's gonna happen when we're old as fucking We're too lazy to go fuck somebody else's gonna have with our bund Like we're just gonna have to make it work.
Like I don't know what's gonna happen. We'll figure it out.
But yeah, that just I've been thinking a lot about like traditionalism and how fought removed. I feel like we are from it, and I feel like this generation in general, like there's been there's always been a shift in view of like family versus chosen family. But I feel like, oddly enough, all of our close friends are very close
to their like birthed family and their chosen family. And I've just been thinking a lot about how like that is actually so intense of like a balance to be weighing for people, and like we just naturally do it. And humans have just been freaking me out because I'm like, Wow, this life is really just like filling your time with people you love.
And what magic. It's magical. We're startups. We're meteorites combined with gases from the star, spinning on a ball. My family inside of a meat sack controlled by our subconscious.
Also, I don't feel like I need kids because I'm already like mourning the like the growing into adulthood that my little siblings are experiencing, which is freaking me out. Like yeah, all I could think about is that my little sister is going to be seventeen next year, and that freaks me out. Like it's so beautiful because like she's grown into her own person and like she doesn't listen to the podcast so I can say this, and she didn't tell me your business, and I won't tell
her business because she didn't fucking tell me it. But it was actually really sweet, like she I think like got her heart broken a little bit, and she called me and she facetimeed me, and she's like she's a very like interesting character. She reminds me a lot of me when I was younger, where like I wasn't very vulnerable, but obviously I wanted to keep people close until I
got to that point. But it was really sweet. She like called me and she was like crying and she had her camera off on FaceTime and she was like where are you know. It's like, oh, I'm in a car, like headed to my blah blah, blah, and she was like okay, and then she was like, I have like a problem with like a boy or whatever. And I was like, do you want to talk about it? She's like, no, I really don't want to cry again. I just wanted to tell you. And I literally like started tearing up.
I was like, it's okay, whatever, like tell me whenever you're ready. And then I just like started to try to talk to her about like stupid shit something get her mind off of it. But it freaks me out that like, but I guess in that sense, that's when I'm like, oh damn, I would like to have a kid because it is sweet and I do think I could be a good mother. I could be a good mother.
I think the way I feel about my nephew right now, like where he was like wanted to be my best friend for like three years of his life from like eight to eleven or whatever, and now he's like hitting that age where he's like getting too cool and like doesn't want to hang out with me. That hurts more
than anything in the world. And if my fucking kid did that to me, I'd kicket in the fucking mid It's like a fucking play don't fucking play with Literally that's since I have that rhetoric in my head, I'm like, I can't have a kid, like, I literally can't not right now.
I want children because you're afraid of getting cool guy.
But yeah, d I feel like it's inevitable because I had that with all my siblings, like of every eight, like there just came a point, especially because I by fall like I play. I felt like I played such a like parental role in all my siblings' lives. So even with my older siblings, there was like a three year span where they felt like they couldn't talk to me because I was such a like parental figure in terms of when they would speak to me. I would try to give them advice and try to help them
and like help them traverse through certain issues. And I think that kind of bit me in the ass, where they felt a distance for me because I wasn't able to be a friend. I was so busy trying to like help parent them. And I feel like that's the thing with kids, is like they want to be your friend whatever, but then once it gets to the like authoritarian role that you have to play in those people's lives, they just naturally will turn away from it because they
don't want that. They just want somebody to like be around. I feel like that's like the hardest part of parenthood is having to navigate that and like pick your like parenting style and like what works for you and your kid. But also I feel like a lot of people just get lucky and they get really close to their kids. Like my mom is like one of those people who she's been really good with being friends with her kids. Sometimes almost too good at being a friend, but like I feel.
Like that works until we were eighteen to be friends.
I'deel like there's a balancing act you have to play with it.
Yeah, it was cool, we just had one of those. We exist inside of the context of falling out of the coconut tree or whatever the fuck you think.
You just fell out of a coconut tree. You exist within the context of everything that has happened.
And everything which you are, yeah, or whatever the fuck it is. Well, there's a fucking fake waterfall in China, y'all, Like there is an act and playing it like it's real. I don't give a fuck. No, That's what I was saying out The people are like losing their fucking minds over this waterfall, Like basically it's a real waterfall, but during the dry season they pump water out of a tube at the top of the waterfall and make it look like it. And in the people's defense, they didn't
say anything about it. They come lely, we're just lying and acting like it was a real waterfall, sprang over the edge. So then, like everybody, when they found out that this waterfall and it's a gorgeous waterfall, then when they found out it was fake, they were like, bro, what the fuck We've been lied to. We've been tricked. And then all of the fucking like flat eartha, flat, I'm a flat eartha. Where in the comments like being like, see, the world is a stage and we're just playing.
Officials have apologized after a video emerged that appears to show China's tallest waterfall being fed by a pipe in the rock. The oneenty twenty four foot tall Yuntai Mountain waterfall features formations that date back more than a billion years, drawing in millions of tourists, but it is seemingly fed by a pipe in the rock. What happened next was weirder. Officials made a bizarre social media post apologizing as the waterfall.
I didn't expect to meet everyone this way. I made a small enhancement during the dry season only so I would look my best to meet my friends.
I don't think that shit is that deep. But also like my special interests bodies of water, and I don't give a fuck where the body of water came from. I'm getting in that bit like I'm literally unless it's like a puddle.
Body of tea.
My special interest was cruise ships, and I know about every cruise crash cruise ships. What is that I'm going cruising later tonight.
I have a stand up joke with that bit in there. Ship. Are you already cat got your tongue? We'll get him out of your mouth. That's unsanitary. Beat around the bush? They say, why the fuck am I seeing a guy a jerk off and blast rope around the bush? Beat around the bush? Uh, why are you punching my dick? When I'm on the airplane, Oh, this is more impressions. When I'm on the airplane, I always hear the pilot on the intercom saying, dude, this is your captain's speaking.
Expect some turbulence in the next three minutes and his mom is walking down the aisle. I was on a cruise ship, not that type of cruise weirdohs.
That?
And the boat was rocking like crazy. It rocked the boat, Hey, rock the rock the boat. And I look out of the window and I see Kai's mama swimming next to the ocean or in the ocean next to the boat. The waves were huge, Bob Whish, you know how communie zoo sound effects like washing socks is like reverse gambling. Every time I put two in, I get one out.
I feel like that could apply to just regular gambling.
Some people look at me and think I'm gay. Well I say, yes, of course i am. I'm so happy and I love love.
Oh my god.
Donald Trump is so orange. I get hungry when I see him, and I almost ate him because he looks like a cheeto. Oka Safari is crazy. How does the Internet and the animals co exist? I think they'd be attacking each other and eating the Internet cable. You know, the sharks that ate the Internet cable try to take us down. I think that was it. Straight mail listeners, I am with you. We are in this together. Oh wait, I'm like looking right here, like the cameras right there,
straight mail listeners. I am with you, we are in this together. A lot of people like to comment like, oh, why are you listening to this podcast? It's like for the girls and the gays, like, no, we're here and we're doing this together. This one had let you know you scare me? Hm, well since it wrote a whole album about me and I didn't even realize it. I didn't even realize it. Bro hold on, look what's it called. It's controlling s O S. She wrote two albums about me.
Those were all about you.
Yes, this song Tuesday, Faday, Saturday, she was cheating on me? Saturday, Saturday, Sunday. What is the boys? Saturday, Honday, Monday, Monday?
Hey, what are the Saturdays for?
Saturdaysday? Monday? No?
What are the saturdays for?
Philday?
Phil? What are Saturdays for? Sunday? Saturday, Monday?
No?
No?
What else are they for?
Saturday?
Saturdays are for the Saturday?
No, Monday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday Sunday.
Like was he like on a fucking like kalannapin? Why was he like so da?
He was probably drunk as fuck because they were at the bar Okay, I have a hypothetical for you and ya. Would you rather kill me or take two of Azol's legs from him?
Oh?
No, and you have to eat the legs.
Oh I have to eat the legs. No, I'm not doing I'm killing myself.
No, you have to eat kill me or as well? I love you legs, so you're killing me?
Well, no, if I don't have to eat the legs, I'll take Azol's fucking legs. Oh, that's be so annoying.
Which one is it?
I'm gonna take Azol's legs? Like, like, why do you think of that?
I don't know. I think I saw like a handicapped cast a little shit on my bed. Oh, yeah, he's over, y'all. Azola's dead ass over.
Like I literally came home from a day that was already like taxing whatever, boohoo, Karma river, and I go into my room and there's a fuck turred on my bed and now I'm terrified, and I haven't replaced my covers because I'm scared for shitting on it.
Yeah, I'm sorry, And you know that's like really hard. My life is really well, I forget what we were watching, but they mentioned the idea that like or like when the first movie premiered on the silver screen, it was
like it was like a recording of a train Median. Yeah, it was like a recording of a train, and the people in the audience literally ran out of the audience because they thought the train was gonna like hit them because they'd never seen I mean, it makes sense they'd never seen a moving picture before in their life, but just the idea of that was like fucking killing us.
Like that is so embarrassing too, Like, imagine how those people fell after I'm.
Gonna I'm gonna run at the camera and they're gonna jump out of the way.
Are you gonna do that right now? You're probably gonna trip on fucking I looked and.
Saw, I saw, I didn't trip.
You tripped.
I didn't trip.
You attacked me and then tripped.
Well you deserved it.
I was just trying to be.
Nice and I don't give a fuck because it hurt me.
I love chapel Rone.
Don't fucking look at me cause I won't.
I won't look at you.
Chapel Rone more like chapless or apples chap aciles chaps inside of a chapel.
In Rome.
That's a good one.
That was really good.
Can I get the chapel Roneberger hold the statue of Liberty Sauce extra joint.
Burger h O T t O g O h O T t O t O O g oh fuck like bitch, she literally does it with her arms. How do you not know?
I don't know. I just don't know. Well, okay, I drink two days in a row.
Are you serious?
Yeah?
You probably, bitch.
When he said is that, he means he had a sip of a fucking whiskey sour and was like, whoa, I was crazy, and then immediately got hired and went up to the room. And then the next day, I will say he chugged a drink by the pool and then complained about it for an hour. I was like, I hate that. I don't know why I did that. I hate that. I hate it.
I drink for two days in a row. That's technically I went crazy. I went crazy. I lost my fucking mind. And Loki was three nights in a row because I did have a sip of your whiskey sour the night before.
That's true.
I was black out, guys. It's a slippery slope.
Y'all.
All I can think about is wanting to drink.
I can't do it anymore. I had three drinks this weekend, and then I woke up the next morning and I wanted to blow my brains out.
Back to Yeah, I really don't like alcohol. That's it. I don't have much else to say.
I love alcohol. I think alcohol is a good thing for everybody, everybody involved.
Well, I don't remember if I've told this story before, but I was thinking about how last year when me and a and We're in Portugal for our trip. I was really high and we were saying at this like this home that had like a little ledge and pillars inside of it. And then she was like, she was like, for some reason, this home gives me like Sharon Tate vibes.
And I was like what.
And I didn't know how Sharon Tate died, and she told me, and I have never been so scared in my whole fucking life, Like I was actually petrified. I was so scared. Wait, something else scared me the other night. Oh fuck, I was talking about something. Oh no, actually no, that wasn't the other night. I was really scared recently when I was high because I was convinced I was going to go to hell.
Well, yeah you are. I didn't do any Let's talk about what you do in front of the church.
That's what was freaking me out. But we don't need to get into details. But I actually was really like. One of my friends was like, oh, do you believe in heaven and Hell? And I was like no. And then she was like, but if hell is real, that's an eternity. Do you understand how long that is? And that thought carried into me being really high that night, and I was like.
Religion is so fucking scary, bro, Like, bitch, you're scaring it's scary. You're scaring me. You're scaring me. That's why I started Druth the Truth, and I am the leader.
The idea of some of the things that people think will get you sent to hell though, is crazy, bitch. I'm just having on the.
Book Adam and Steve more like Florence in the Machine.
Floren's in the Machine, like, because I like Florence.
No, you're a vibrator.
Okay, Well, my back hurts so bad, but I like refuse to go to a chiropractor because I do not believe in chiropractors. Like I think that was their biggest dam of all. They're fine, they just beat you the fuck up and not supposed to help.
Like there's actually that occurred from chiropractors.
Oh, I'm looking that up.
I need to, Like it's gotta be in the thousands.
Yeah, when they crack people's necks, it looks it looks you could easily.
Fuck that up.
Yeah.
No, And like when I was there, like I was getting backshots like crazy, like they kept breaking my back and like bnding me over and shit, it was like crazy.
Dude, I'm not a chiropractor. I'm not a license.
Twenty six fatalities were published in the medical literature, and many more might have remained unpublished since I don't know, because if that's in a year, twenty five deaths per seventy five years would mean that roughly thirty three deaths occur each year.
Oh my fucking god, that's a lot.
Like damn, bitch, and I would be the bitch to fucking die.
No, it's not worth it, for real. I went to one for like a year, and all they did was just put me through fucking radiation and take like a fucking X ray scan in my body and just tell me, yep, everything looks good, but we have to do this, this and this, and they would just do that like every two months, and it was just completely useless because my back still hurts and now I'm out of a lot of money. So like it was it was your magnets.
Because I put your ankles behind your ears the other day.
Well fixed me that, like gave me relief. On Mysiatica.
Yeah, that scene in Challengers at the very beginning, do you remember that?
No, we only saw it once because you saw it eight times, so you know every scene, Like I could probably write out like the full script of Challengers by like memory, including the detailed of like so and so walked into the room interior day.
I honestly, it is getting to that point. I just there's a scene where he gets stretched out at the beginning, he gets all stretched out, Oh I.
Think I do. Oh yeah, and his bullege was out and yeah yeah yeah yeah, mm hmm. Chicken in the media.
Chicken and media. That's what it's like, he said, chicken the.
Media again, my media is controlled by Sissa. She wrote it about me. So uh and then what's that one Taylor Swiss song Drew looks at me. I write a note so he won't see.
I actually don't know.
Fuck drew me fakes mess.
He will so he will see.
Okay, here drops on my guitar because that's the other song I was written about me. And then that fucking Sabrina Carpenter. Wait was that one about me?
No, you're thinking of Billie Eilish, Yeah is it?
I'm so drew Yes, I forget.
And then.
The whole Drake and Kanye joint concert experience.
That's your media of the week, Like what are you saying? How are you trying to how is he trying to make the week about him?
Because that was that was all about me? They did that for me.
Oh I totally forgot about that.
They did it to battle out like a who want me? Who want me? Who want me? Well, my media of the.
Week is please Please Please Sabrina Carpenter.
And then that's said Taylor Swift song right bruh.
He is asked that Taylor's of like eight times on ironically Sympathy is a knife and everything is romantic and girls so confusing Off the Charlie.
X X album.
Did you hear the two new ones that just dropped? There. I think they're some of the best songs.
Damn.
I think it's uh yeah, they're both. Yeah, they're both about you.
Actually, I'm okay good and now he'll listen.
They're about a mean girl. No, it's guess. And then the one that she was teasy on TikTok spring Breakers.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, sick, yeah No. That album's rollout was so fucking sick, Like I haven't seen a good album rollout in like a couple of years. And that one eight down like that fucking wall, like her pulling down the fucking curtain at the concert what is it lo Lapolooza or whatever there Salona.
Yeah, I think it was all for some reason. That clip cracked me up because she was standing at the wall for so long. But I love her so much, but it was cracking me up, like you're just standing and like waiting for the right moment. But yeah, the rollout is really good. The live stream of the wall has been really good. That album is just really good. Also, I'm bolding, I'm literally bold.
I noticed that, and you know I'm bolding you see that. I do see that.
Yeah, Fuck, isn't it couldn't that just be from like ponytail. Yeah, you're saying she's she has male powdered.
Girl.
No, you know, you're just looking at it too much.
Look at that though I could see it on the camera. Look how bad it looks on camera?
Oh shit, it actually does look crazy on camera. Wait look at my hair? Oh my god, do you see that over there?
I think I'm gonna get a breast for use.
Oh yeah, that is your vibe for the summer.
Yeah, I want small boobs. I'm tired.
Well that's fucking boring and I'm not going to touch you with a ten foot pole. After you get your bobs.
I can't wait to have my small boobs out and not get arrested for it.
We can recover together. Because I'm getting bones stretching, I'm trying to hit six three three six three the perfect time.
I was also getting that surgery.
Are you actually yeah, where are you getting?
That's so embarrassing?
Turkey.
I'm going to Turkey also.
But I'm getting like seven inches added on because I'm like, oh, I.
Could cut your hell is short and I'm not as short.
So no, because I want to be an India.
So we literally said in an episode, like so long ago, you're five foot three, I.
Forget about it.
I'm five four.
I'm five four, five to four with the inserts.
We gave you five five if I posture max.
And but it's normally five to two without shoe without shoe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
I barely lit hath one O tricks point never answers me. Arthur Russell. Oh bitch, I've been watching H two O by oh fuck, just add water the Mermaid TV show. I watched four episodes last night, fucking horrible, but like it was unlocking and doing things to my brain that I fully wasn't prepared for. And now I want to be a Mermaid, and I want a Mermaid Tale, and I want to be able to freeze, boil and move water with my mind.
Yeah, you should be able to do that.
They're basically water benders from Avatar.
Yeah.
So I love Arthur Russell trying to find the the song that he has a lyric that like I feel like Charlie sampled, but I can't remember. Fuck whatever. All right, thank you guys for watching a bye h b uh bu uh b b b bah bah